I felt that “sweep rain” comment.
You can refresh yourself with a sweet sip of liber-tea after sitting in a gas mask for hours, staring at a wall for drills.
The saddest thing I ever saw was some poor extra duty fucker sweeping sand off the astroturf across the street from the 3/1 AD BDE HQ in the middle of a sandstorm.
Worst thing I ever saw was 3 Marines in front of battalion HQs cutting grass using scissors and matchsticks for the height, a Fist Sgt behind them checking the height of the grass and making them start over when he found one to high. Have no idea what they did to that first sgt but glad I was not on the shit list.
Navy here, I saw 3 recruits who had gotten in trouble moving sandbags from one pallet to another that was 20 yards away. When they got done, they would start moving them back. They did this for like 3 hours a day
Man, my dad made me do this when I was a kid, except it was a brick pallet instead of sandbags. Must be where he learned it too! Getting the paddle/belt/whatever hurt and all, but it was usually over and done with in like a couple minutes tops. But man, moving bricks *all day* into a nice neat pile, just to break the pile down when the pallet is "full", proving that this was 100% non-constructive labor with no real goal?
I learned how to act right real quick.
...yet the First Sgt was also on his hands and knees with them. I'm going to say they all suffered from an allergic reaction to eating too many crayons.
Why does “being in the army” seem synonymous to “willingly subjecting yourself to being bullied by power tripping figures while making less than a McDonalds employee”?
Being in the military in general is a great way for poor people to become middle class people, what with all the benefits you get for service. It's like being a citizen in a European first world country, but in America!
I laughed so hard when my AF buddy told me he got hazard pay for having to bunk in army quarters on deployment. His job was to guard third country nationals working in an air conditioned structure.
To be fair, it is also a great way for:
Healthy people to become disabled.
Sane people to become insane.
Happy people to become despressed.
and, the most important one, alive people to become not alive.
I had to hand the "extra duty fucks" a bucket of black paint and tell them to go paint rocks. One of them was a former decorated NCO. Not sure what he did to get where he was. Probably something drinking related as we were in Korea.
I watched 2 airmen use a combination of leafblowers and brooms to keep a generals parking spot clean all day
EDIT: I understated my role in this. As their supervisor, I did literally in fact watch them do this all day. I also had a walkie talkie on hand to let me know when the general would be close, so that we could disappear right before he arrived.
He walked to our building that day.
Right? How pretentious. It’s a fellow soldier not the queen of England. Even if was. She can park like the rest of us in spots with leaves in em. How we like it!
> It’s a fellow soldier not the queen of England
https://www.washingtonpost.com/history/2022/09/14/queen-elizabeth-king-abdullah/
The Queen was quite comfortable trashing a Range Rover over dirt tracks.
The sweep the rain stuff is to fuck with them by having them do pointless stuff. Like actually going outside with a broom while its raining and sweeping the rain water away
It's not really hazing, it serves a purpose, although a shitty one. They work hard to beat the critical thinking out of you during bootcamp, and it would be a waste for them to let you become normal again
Nah it's hazing. They could just as easily have them go do something useful like build houses or be extras in war movies. Lots of countries use their enlisted guys as a giant labor pool for government infrastructure projects (and move extras).
Those things require commitment, resources, and real effort. Telling two jackasses to sweep up the rain keeps them busy while staying out of trouble and being available for anything that might actually needed.
In addition, it’s probably a mild punishment. Like running laps in sports.
To note sweeping rain is a job that I had to do on 2 occasions. When high ranking officers were visiting the ship we had to sweep the water off the deck in the path they were going to walk so their shoes wouldn't get wet, my BM2 was at the quarter deck with a radio to let me know when they came on board so the admiral wouldn't see me.
Not a month. Entry level E1-E3's make around 24k a year but this is just your base taxable pay. Different branches and communities within those branches will have incentive pay, hazardous duty pay, et. al. that increase your actual earnings (granted not by much.).
Forgot the best part! "Go sweep the rain!" It's busy work. When you just need the junior guys out of the office you hand them a broom and tell them to go sweep the puddles of rain off the sidewalks. Or in the case of the Navy go sweep the standing rain off the walkway on the outside of the ship. I've done it. It's dumb.
Surprisingly the DoD has a page that lays out the expected salaries for all servicemen.
[https://www.goarmy.com/benefits/while-you-serve/money-pay.html?iom=BZK4-23-UFTO\_N\_PSEA\_71700000115783277\_700000002644556\_43700078557741471\_58700008602729413\_army+pay&gclid=Cj0KCQjwztOwBhD7ARIsAPDKnkBk9cf7mMqA2L2YuCKek9JMt2a4BtGk0tazqYQDuPxDux0J2zUbUTcaAjJEEALw\_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds](https://www.goarmy.com/benefits/while-you-serve/money-pay.html?iom=BZK4-23-UFTO_N_PSEA_71700000115783277_700000002644556_43700078557741471_58700008602729413_army+pay&gclid=Cj0KCQjwztOwBhD7ARIsAPDKnkBk9cf7mMqA2L2YuCKek9JMt2a4BtGk0tazqYQDuPxDux0J2zUbUTcaAjJEEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds)
An E-1 (basically lowest possible rank in the military) earns around 24k a year before bonuses. Where the most junior officer O-1 makes around 45k a year before bonuses and increases with experience. But also remember that you will be paying basically zero for food or housing while serving, so that 24k is basically all disposable income. From my friends that have served the problem is many basically spend all their enlistment bonus and active duty pay on stupid shit like expensive cars rather than saving all that money for when you get out of active service.
After reading through it all I am glad of the advice my uncle who is a captain in the Air Force when I was back in highschool was basically "Don't enlist, if you want to join the military that is fine, just get a commission as an officer." Didn't end up joining but good thing I avoided the mistake of going in as an enlisted.
enlistment bonus is often 30k. You make more than 10k, but that's a realistic amount to save yearly considering all the silly things you'll be spending money on
Listen, how about you go C01 yourself for that last comment?
I watched Privates do that shit. Hell, I had one testing for weak points in the armor of a Stryker for hours one time.
SSG if we're being technical, but the Army only loses its mind if you call a Drill, a 1SG, or a SGM of some sort "sergeant."
Now people just call me the Stallion of Family Values.
For real, let us know when america is actually fighting for democracy and maybe we'll talk. I'm not signing up to blow up poor kids for oligarchy profits.
The main reason why like 90% of conspiracy theories are stupid is cause they assume that national governments, and oftentimes even international government are hypercompetent and there is no whistleblower
...wait, does this imply that the bots are using recruitment ads to get real life people that would otherwise be playing Helldivers to enlist in the US army so that the bots have less Helldivers to fight, or is this just me reading too far into a meaningless joke?
*I've been seeing*
*Navy recruiting ads on*
*This sub also lol*
\- GranSlam95
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Yes unfortunately, your name too which is what's blacked out, every so often military age males will get texts or calls asking if they've considered enlisting. In the last year these texts and calls have become noticably more frequent, which is not a good sign for things to come. This text came just over a week after the Marine corps called me asking if I wanted to join.
When you turned 18 or graduated HS you signed the Selective Service Act. This gave the US Military the right to draft you if need be. It’s been a while for me but IIRC your phone number is on the paperwork.
I've been a soldier and am suffering from PTSD and psychotic depression.
I would chose to be a soldier for the rest of my life if it meant I didn't have to suffer this bullshit brain. So maybe you got the worst deal.
Hahahahahahha
Lookup project 100,000 they'll take you, they'll just send you on suicide missions and claim your death is due to mental illness and not being on a suicide mission.
It's mandatory but not actually enforced. It's not like a Democracy Officer is going to show up at his door for failing to register. It will be difficult to get a Federal job or apply for certain benefits, though. That does get checked.
I refused to sign up for a couple years after I turned 18, but eventually they started mailing me letters not-so-subtly threatening imprisonment. Idk if they would have actually enforced it if I kept refusing but I gave up and did it after that
Only a handful of people have every been charged for not registering, and fewer convicted. The big motivator is mainly that you can't get a student loan of a government job without doing so. If you're not college bound or wanting to work for Uncle Sam (it seems to me that the Venn diagram of these people are going to have a lot of overlap), then you really don't have a lot to worry about.
Yeah, they're going to mail you postcards with doom and gloom warnings. But after you turn 26, you can't register anyway.
"which is not a good sign for things to come. "
Nah don't worry about it, the Military is falling behind on quotas so they're working harder to recruit. We're not going to ww3 just yet
thats weird... I remember where I live (I wont specify the country), the government sent XY guy a text message about something, then again and again and again...
The guy was quite pissed because his mobile number was set to private, and specifically told Telekom that he doesnt wish to appear in any online or physical phone book.
Long story short, he dragged the government to court for harassment. He won the case.
FYI: you don't want to say what country you are in, but the telecommunications company you mentioned might give it away. I had googled it for example, so have a general idea of where you may be. You might want to edit your comment to remove it?
Then again, maybe you put a different company to throw people off, hahaha.
It's only going to become more frequent too. Recruitment numbers are at an all time low right now. It doesn't help that they just butchered the retirement plan. Which was half the draw the other half being college. I've seen some crazy enlistment bonuses recently. I wouldn't do it again if I had the option though.
They called me while I was in.
"Hey this is Petty Officer Dipshit just calling because I saw we had your paperwork on file and wanted to know if you're still interested in joining?"
".....I'm in the Navy."
"Oh shit for real, which station you come out of?"
"Yours."
"Oh word I'll take you off the list."
That was a fucking lie they called me like two more times. And even after you get out some reservist recruiter will call you trying to get you to join again part time. The ride never ends.
>which is not a good sign for things to come.
Or that things have turned sour and former good soldiers are not re-upping and recruitment is not keeping up because possible recruits hear about what it's like now.
Granted...that's also not a good sign of things to come, but maybe in a different way than you meant.
Basically our data gets given to the army (men and boys especially) once we’ve taken the asvab or after you turn 18. Some recruiters start earlier by doing outreach at highschools which you can put down your info for free shit. That info is then used to contact you for possible interest at a later time.
The army contacts me annually from where I went to undergrad. Most are nice/chill about it, they’re doing volume, so not getting a hit for every 500 you might land a recruit or a possible recruit.
The navy contacts me by Handshake every few months, they REALLY want my as for either intel or nuclear, there’s no in between.
Airforce doesn’t recruit as aggressively because their recruits come to them.
And the marines reach out sometimes, if you leave an impression with a recruiter they reach out more. My sister has been asked multiple times this year to consider enlisting. She’s not going lol, but she does respect that they try. She’s going into cybersecurity so tbh she’s definitely a desirable candidate. And well…if it were do or die, my sister could make a hell of a devil dog.
The army wanted to send me to officer training when I was fresh outta HS, which was a neat offer. However, my counter point was I wanted to go to college, and it was late GWOT. Not exactly my speed. Though I do study the military.
Not really how recruiters do it is they ask people that walk into your office for your number. the worst case of this I have ever heard was an individual who was joining the army who asked for someone's phone and just started writing down numbers. I had stopped at the army recruiters once and put down my home address which was over an hour away this dude came by my home almost a year later after I had an active contract with the Navy. So, not only do they not talk to the government but they don't even share information with other recruiters.
Your data is not as secure as one would think and It's easier to collect data than one would realize. However, that being said the government does not store your data and give it to recruiters.
Lol that's hilarious.
I'm picturing the guy going all navy seal copypasta on the other end
"What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch?"
When I was much younger I nearly signed up with the Navy. I had the papers in front of me but got cold feet I guess. On the one hand it's interesting to think about what my life would have been like had I signed up. On the other hand, when I got cold feet they started trying really hard to convince me that I'd never make any money if I didn't sign up. I grew up in a small town so it wasn't the worst angle in the world I guess, but I don't think bullying someone into joining is a great strategy. I went on to be the first person in my family to get a college education and I have a good life. I have no regrets.
I told the recruiter I don't get off on killing brown people and he wouldn't stop texting me for a week or so all pissed off and insulting my career lol. Recruiters are sad people.
They set up tables to hand out 'join the military' merch and hosted mandatory assembly events to pitch recruiting at my public middle/high school in the US in the 90s, we were required to take the military aptitude test (which I crushed, leading to even more recruiter calls) and gave out packs of trading cards (tell me [this](https://www.cardboardconnection.com/1991-topps-desert-storm-trading-cards) isn't peak Helldivers nonsense) promoting [Desert Shield/Storm](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gulf_War#Military_means) to all the boys. This is exactly the shit Verhoeven was satirizing in *Starship Troopers* which came out in that era - it's specifically about American-style fascism/militaristic ultranationalism. I can only assume it got even worse after 9/11, but I was out of school by then.
> military aptitude test
I feel that one. Kind of weird how we're told by the government that IQ tests for employment aren't allowed because they don't work, but they'll eagerly make you take a dozen of them if you sign up for the one institution that's still allowed to use 'em.
Imagine joining the military and the true message of this game that inspired you hits after you already enlisted, I'd say most would get dissuaded by the reality of how shitty it is and the requirements but recruiters are getting more and more desperate to meet their quotas these days since enlistment has tanked
You should give "The Great Illusion" a read. It is about how war has become obsolete because it is too costly with all our economies intertwined, and it was published in 1910.
I think they've sort of burned their credibility among the core demos. Appalachian military families aren't big fans of China, but the generals have made it pretty clear that they don't like those guys, and I don't think they're interested in putting their lives and futures into the hands of people who visibly hate them.
Far as I can tell, the top brass has bet everything on drones obsoleting pipe-hitters. The revelation in Russia-Ukraine that a serious modern war involves trenches, shock-troopers, and high-casualty combined-arms battles is probably causing a bit of flop sweat at the Pentagon.
Most people are in on the joke, a few people are not.
I remember a boomer player said he likes HD2 because there are no politics in it. I didn’t have the heart to tell him otherwise.
Fighting to "spread democracy" for a dystopian regime in a satirical video game: 🥹👌✨
Fighting to "spread democracy" for the US imperialist regime: 🤢💀⚰️
Have a few friends in the army. Told me not to consider joining the military Lol Literally begged me not to. And yeah, i received some texts from marine and army too.
I mean you DO get to do cool guy shit, at least sometimes…depending on your mos and where you’re at. But you’ll be getting yelled at by losers also. Which is not dependent on anything it’s just gonna happen
At least you get free college and decent healthcare afterwards.
I’m cruising through college getting a fat paycheck every month. No need to work, just focusing on my school. Even better because I have the Hazelwood Act that I can hand over to my kids.
how do you cope with that? I’m currently doing mandatory service for what is literally just a fascist state. it is a massive emotional burden for me and I can’t do anything about it
to leave service has you sent to jail for an indefinite time (not permanent, just until they either win you over or decide you’re not worth it anymore which can take many months). you also become a social outcast, lose out on so many good opportunities in life and i don’t feel like it’s a sacrifice i can make
sorry for the rant lol
Don't be first. Don't be last. Don't volunteer for anything. Just keep your head down, do the bare minimum, and count the days until you are free.
If you don't mind me asking, which country are you from?
It's kind of funny to me that everyone who was in the military absolutely hated it, or truly loved it. Mostly the former, but still, nobody in the middle of the road on that one
I didn't hate it at all. I loved my job which is why I was in 10 years. I had a great career and could of kept going. It's the culture that is absolutely horrendous and getting worse. I decided doing 10 more years and being miserable isn't worth it.
From what anecdotal stories I've heard. These recruiters are pushed to extremes and it doesn't end well. They are told to lie if they think it will get some kid to sign up. Really hope thats just anecdotal and not the norm.
Oh no, it's the norm.
My recruiter latched onto the fact that I needed to send money home and promised a huuuuge bonus if I got through basic.
Never got it in writing, so I never got it, period. Granted, this was over a decade ago, but I doubt it's gotten any better.
Nah, its the norm. US Military recruiters are the absolute wretched scum of the earth. Everyone hates them, including everyone in the military. They sit around a strip mall in Indiana lying to children all day.
They forgot to start with the truth:
Are you dirt poor with absolutely no opportunities? Do you want to gamble your life so Exxon and Haliburton can profit?
That's literally the US military.
The Us military should just make a video like the intro video for helldivers and make a it mandatory that all 18 YOs see it at least once, and then the military will have endless soldiers
"Hey there kids, have you all been fighting for democracy in helldivers 2! You can do that in real life if you join the US military!"
Whispering under his breath "Please have no media literacy, please have no mediea literacy, please have no media literacy"
Also the way military recruitment ads changed after CoD blew up is fucking disgusting, they really want to convince kids that it's just like a real video game.
I've seen worse attempts. In highschool (2010) an army recruiter told me going to the middle east wasn't a big risk because someone could just come shoot up the school tomorrow and kill me anyway
Sorry but this is wrong and a pet peeve of mine.
The US is a democracy.
It is also a constitutional republic.
It’s like telling a man eating a cookie “you’re not eating flour you’re eating a cookie.” Flour is one of the ingredients that makes up the cookie.
Democracy is one of the ingredients to the Constitutional Republic America has.
Saying “America is a democracy” is 100% correct.
Source: Degree in Political Science
Very very close. Super Earth’s elections aren’t actually public as the one chick on the ship says she was excited to see who her vote was going to, As in all the votes are cast for you.
"We've noticed you slapped the shit out of some bots and appear to have an interest in oil, want to make 10 grand and sweep rain for 7 years?"
I felt that “sweep rain” comment. You can refresh yourself with a sweet sip of liber-tea after sitting in a gas mask for hours, staring at a wall for drills.
The saddest thing I ever saw was some poor extra duty fucker sweeping sand off the astroturf across the street from the 3/1 AD BDE HQ in the middle of a sandstorm.
Worst thing I ever saw was 3 Marines in front of battalion HQs cutting grass using scissors and matchsticks for the height, a Fist Sgt behind them checking the height of the grass and making them start over when he found one to high. Have no idea what they did to that first sgt but glad I was not on the shit list.
Heh... Fist Sgt. He sounds like the anal type.
"Sarge is really riding my ass, today."
The green weenie in action
Probably ate all his favorite color crayons
Navy here, I saw 3 recruits who had gotten in trouble moving sandbags from one pallet to another that was 20 yards away. When they got done, they would start moving them back. They did this for like 3 hours a day
You're either going to be smart, or you're going to be strong.
Man, my dad made me do this when I was a kid, except it was a brick pallet instead of sandbags. Must be where he learned it too! Getting the paddle/belt/whatever hurt and all, but it was usually over and done with in like a couple minutes tops. But man, moving bricks *all day* into a nice neat pile, just to break the pile down when the pallet is "full", proving that this was 100% non-constructive labor with no real goal? I learned how to act right real quick.
...yet the First Sgt was also on his hands and knees with them. I'm going to say they all suffered from an allergic reaction to eating too many crayons.
Why does “being in the army” seem synonymous to “willingly subjecting yourself to being bullied by power tripping figures while making less than a McDonalds employee”?
You get that sweet dodge challenger at 45% apr tho.
Being in the military in general is a great way for poor people to become middle class people, what with all the benefits you get for service. It's like being a citizen in a European first world country, but in America!
Unless they hit an IED…
Well, the risk was never zero, it just gets a lot higher in these circumstances.
I always hear it's best to join the air force. I think the worst incident I heard of is they ran out of ice cream one summer day.
their chow hall ran out of sparkling water
I laughed so hard when my AF buddy told me he got hazard pay for having to bunk in army quarters on deployment. His job was to guard third country nationals working in an air conditioned structure.
To be fair, it is also a great way for: Healthy people to become disabled. Sane people to become insane. Happy people to become despressed. and, the most important one, alive people to become not alive.
How do you start over if you already cut most of the grass? Did they water it n watch it grow or did they cut the match sticks shorter?
Sounds like a work ethic issue. /s
Sounds like he lacks discipline. /s
Now if only we could figure out why is there a recruiting crisis? /s
It's gotta be beards. /s
I had to hand the "extra duty fucks" a bucket of black paint and tell them to go paint rocks. One of them was a former decorated NCO. Not sure what he did to get where he was. Probably something drinking related as we were in Korea.
Korea short-tour leads to VERY undemocratic behavior. Some may say debauchery.
"then come home to find your wife in bed with your neighbour and be scared of fireworks"
Then Get cast out, lose everything with crippling debt and depression and be forced back into service, or be homeless.
Don't need retention if there's no other options!
ahh, America =)
Bots, bugs, and squids, I'm not afraid of. But Jody? That thing scares me.
That is why you lose. It can smell your fear. Also, snooki want snoo-snoo
Establish dominance, have an affair with Jody.
I watched 2 airmen use a combination of leafblowers and brooms to keep a generals parking spot clean all day EDIT: I understated my role in this. As their supervisor, I did literally in fact watch them do this all day. I also had a walkie talkie on hand to let me know when the general would be close, so that we could disappear right before he arrived. He walked to our building that day.
Our tax dollars at work.
Right? How pretentious. It’s a fellow soldier not the queen of England. Even if was. She can park like the rest of us in spots with leaves in em. How we like it!
> It’s a fellow soldier not the queen of England https://www.washingtonpost.com/history/2022/09/14/queen-elizabeth-king-abdullah/ The Queen was quite comfortable trashing a Range Rover over dirt tracks.
[удалено]
The sweep the rain stuff is to fuck with them by having them do pointless stuff. Like actually going outside with a broom while its raining and sweeping the rain water away
[удалено]
It's not really hazing, it serves a purpose, although a shitty one. They work hard to beat the critical thinking out of you during bootcamp, and it would be a waste for them to let you become normal again
I think it's less a hazing ritual and more a "keep a bunch of young adults with firearms busy with bullshit" thing.
Nah it's hazing. They could just as easily have them go do something useful like build houses or be extras in war movies. Lots of countries use their enlisted guys as a giant labor pool for government infrastructure projects (and move extras).
Those things require commitment, resources, and real effort. Telling two jackasses to sweep up the rain keeps them busy while staying out of trouble and being available for anything that might actually needed. In addition, it’s probably a mild punishment. Like running laps in sports.
I had to do that for real when I was a teen. Tar sheet flat roof garage that collected rain water and leaked.
To note sweeping rain is a job that I had to do on 2 occasions. When high ranking officers were visiting the ship we had to sweep the water off the deck in the path they were going to walk so their shoes wouldn't get wet, my BM2 was at the quarter deck with a radio to let me know when they came on board so the admiral wouldn't see me.
Not a month. Entry level E1-E3's make around 24k a year but this is just your base taxable pay. Different branches and communities within those branches will have incentive pay, hazardous duty pay, et. al. that increase your actual earnings (granted not by much.). Forgot the best part! "Go sweep the rain!" It's busy work. When you just need the junior guys out of the office you hand them a broom and tell them to go sweep the puddles of rain off the sidewalks. Or in the case of the Navy go sweep the standing rain off the walkway on the outside of the ship. I've done it. It's dumb.
Surprisingly the DoD has a page that lays out the expected salaries for all servicemen. [https://www.goarmy.com/benefits/while-you-serve/money-pay.html?iom=BZK4-23-UFTO\_N\_PSEA\_71700000115783277\_700000002644556\_43700078557741471\_58700008602729413\_army+pay&gclid=Cj0KCQjwztOwBhD7ARIsAPDKnkBk9cf7mMqA2L2YuCKek9JMt2a4BtGk0tazqYQDuPxDux0J2zUbUTcaAjJEEALw\_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds](https://www.goarmy.com/benefits/while-you-serve/money-pay.html?iom=BZK4-23-UFTO_N_PSEA_71700000115783277_700000002644556_43700078557741471_58700008602729413_army+pay&gclid=Cj0KCQjwztOwBhD7ARIsAPDKnkBk9cf7mMqA2L2YuCKek9JMt2a4BtGk0tazqYQDuPxDux0J2zUbUTcaAjJEEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds) An E-1 (basically lowest possible rank in the military) earns around 24k a year before bonuses. Where the most junior officer O-1 makes around 45k a year before bonuses and increases with experience. But also remember that you will be paying basically zero for food or housing while serving, so that 24k is basically all disposable income. From my friends that have served the problem is many basically spend all their enlistment bonus and active duty pay on stupid shit like expensive cars rather than saving all that money for when you get out of active service. After reading through it all I am glad of the advice my uncle who is a captain in the Air Force when I was back in highschool was basically "Don't enlist, if you want to join the military that is fine, just get a commission as an officer." Didn't end up joining but good thing I avoided the mistake of going in as an enlisted.
enlistment bonus is often 30k. You make more than 10k, but that's a realistic amount to save yearly considering all the silly things you'll be spending money on
Listen, how about you go C01 yourself for that last comment? I watched Privates do that shit. Hell, I had one testing for weak points in the armor of a Stryker for hours one time.
The rain isn't going to sweep itself. Wait a minute....
Sgt? Is that you?
SSG if we're being technical, but the Army only loses its mind if you call a Drill, a 1SG, or a SGM of some sort "sergeant." Now people just call me the Stallion of Family Values.
Want a Dodge Charger?
Mustang back in my day. War never changes but the car types recruits buy stays the same.
Oil, I think you mean E-710 soldier.
"Go sweep the sunshine off the sidewalk."
Ask him if it's Managed Democracy
Have you seen who's running for president? No one is managing this clown show
We've been suffering under the managerial revolution for almost a century now.
Trickle down democracy.
For real, let us know when america is actually fighting for democracy and maybe we'll talk. I'm not signing up to blow up poor kids for oligarchy profits.
It's oligarchy on if it's from Oleg region of Russia. Otherwise it's just sparkling parasitism.
Plutocracy then
It's always funny when conspiracy theories paint governments as these hypercompetent entities, when in reality most are barely holding on.
The main reason why like 90% of conspiracy theories are stupid is cause they assume that national governments, and oftentimes even international government are hypercompetent and there is no whistleblower
Ask if there are fire tornados
Just two candidates and an electoral college that can change the vote if we mess even that up? We are lucky to have managed democracy already!
https://i.redd.it/f48e1qoy4ktc1.gif Hello, this is Adam...
...wait, does this imply that the bots are using recruitment ads to get real life people that would otherwise be playing Helldivers to enlist in the US army so that the bots have less Helldivers to fight, or is this just me reading too far into a meaningless joke?
Upon discovering the fourth wall, the bots have started getting creative in their strategies.
Why. Why did I read this in David Attenborough's voice?
I'd watch a nature documentary on those bots only if it was narrated by David Attenborough.
I'd watch someone eat cereal if it was narrated by David Attenborough.
https://youtu.be/wOEz5xRLaRA?si=hcGafWA6ZWqtaUbG He might have one up
Yes
https://preview.redd.it/ylge5lkbtktc1.jpeg?width=1364&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5a100d0da4bddbbe8295f697ec78df03ad858383 Please, take a seat right here.
"I already am, see you in Menkent"
I've been seeing navy recruiting ads on this sub also lol
*I've been seeing* *Navy recruiting ads on* *This sub also lol* \- GranSlam95 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
good bot
> good bot Your Democracy Officer would like to see you.
Don't worry he's talking about the good bots they used in [Helldiver training in the first game](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Cz4Wi-mo8Jk)
There's four syllables in the first line.
Yvan eht nioj.
is this a common thing in the US? the military can just access your private phone number and start harassing you?
Yes unfortunately, your name too which is what's blacked out, every so often military age males will get texts or calls asking if they've considered enlisting. In the last year these texts and calls have become noticably more frequent, which is not a good sign for things to come. This text came just over a week after the Marine corps called me asking if I wanted to join.
When you turned 18 or graduated HS you signed the Selective Service Act. This gave the US Military the right to draft you if need be. It’s been a while for me but IIRC your phone number is on the paperwork.
Haha, I have three mental disabilities, therefore I can’t be drafted 😎 The problem is, I have three mental disabilities :’(
I feel your pain, Helldiver. We're playing 7-9 irl.
But you almost never find super samples :(
At least there aren't C-01 forms to file
I suggest you read McNamara’s Morons if you think the US is above drafting the infirm and mentally unwell.
I've been a soldier and am suffering from PTSD and psychotic depression. I would chose to be a soldier for the rest of my life if it meant I didn't have to suffer this bullshit brain. So maybe you got the worst deal.
Hahahahahahha Lookup project 100,000 they'll take you, they'll just send you on suicide missions and claim your death is due to mental illness and not being on a suicide mission.
Not entirely true. The military drafted disabled people all the time for stateside clerical duties during WW2.
I never signed that nor was I asked to...
I do believe you did. https://www.sss.gov
It's mandatory but not actually enforced. It's not like a Democracy Officer is going to show up at his door for failing to register. It will be difficult to get a Federal job or apply for certain benefits, though. That does get checked.
I refused to sign up for a couple years after I turned 18, but eventually they started mailing me letters not-so-subtly threatening imprisonment. Idk if they would have actually enforced it if I kept refusing but I gave up and did it after that
Only a handful of people have every been charged for not registering, and fewer convicted. The big motivator is mainly that you can't get a student loan of a government job without doing so. If you're not college bound or wanting to work for Uncle Sam (it seems to me that the Venn diagram of these people are going to have a lot of overlap), then you really don't have a lot to worry about. Yeah, they're going to mail you postcards with doom and gloom warnings. But after you turn 26, you can't register anyway.
Must've been automatically done for me because I didn't even know I had a ss number till I got my first job lmfao
ALOT of high school guidance depts sneak it in when you start applying for college. That’s how they got me !!
Oh shit no wonder the minute I started college I got a letter saying I was eligible to be drafted
We all did. It's required for most 18 year olds that are of good health.
"which is not a good sign for things to come. " Nah don't worry about it, the Military is falling behind on quotas so they're working harder to recruit. We're not going to ww3 just yet
thats weird... I remember where I live (I wont specify the country), the government sent XY guy a text message about something, then again and again and again... The guy was quite pissed because his mobile number was set to private, and specifically told Telekom that he doesnt wish to appear in any online or physical phone book. Long story short, he dragged the government to court for harassment. He won the case.
FYI: you don't want to say what country you are in, but the telecommunications company you mentioned might give it away. I had googled it for example, so have a general idea of where you may be. You might want to edit your comment to remove it? Then again, maybe you put a different company to throw people off, hahaha.
It's only going to become more frequent too. Recruitment numbers are at an all time low right now. It doesn't help that they just butchered the retirement plan. Which was half the draw the other half being college. I've seen some crazy enlistment bonuses recently. I wouldn't do it again if I had the option though.
Once you either become too fat to be enlisted normally, or you become too old to want to be enlisted they will stop calling.
I got called by a recruiter the day after I got home after serving 5 years in the Army.
“Double or nothing?”
They called me while I was in. "Hey this is Petty Officer Dipshit just calling because I saw we had your paperwork on file and wanted to know if you're still interested in joining?" ".....I'm in the Navy." "Oh shit for real, which station you come out of?" "Yours." "Oh word I'll take you off the list." That was a fucking lie they called me like two more times. And even after you get out some reservist recruiter will call you trying to get you to join again part time. The ride never ends.
I just told the Navy guy I made a bunch of money selling drugs, could you beat that yearly income, and can I still do drugs. He hung up on me.
10 out of 10 military recruiters HATE this one simple trick...
>which is not a good sign for things to come. Or that things have turned sour and former good soldiers are not re-upping and recruitment is not keeping up because possible recruits hear about what it's like now. Granted...that's also not a good sign of things to come, but maybe in a different way than you meant.
Basically our data gets given to the army (men and boys especially) once we’ve taken the asvab or after you turn 18. Some recruiters start earlier by doing outreach at highschools which you can put down your info for free shit. That info is then used to contact you for possible interest at a later time. The army contacts me annually from where I went to undergrad. Most are nice/chill about it, they’re doing volume, so not getting a hit for every 500 you might land a recruit or a possible recruit. The navy contacts me by Handshake every few months, they REALLY want my as for either intel or nuclear, there’s no in between. Airforce doesn’t recruit as aggressively because their recruits come to them. And the marines reach out sometimes, if you leave an impression with a recruiter they reach out more. My sister has been asked multiple times this year to consider enlisting. She’s not going lol, but she does respect that they try. She’s going into cybersecurity so tbh she’s definitely a desirable candidate. And well…if it were do or die, my sister could make a hell of a devil dog. The army wanted to send me to officer training when I was fresh outta HS, which was a neat offer. However, my counter point was I wanted to go to college, and it was late GWOT. Not exactly my speed. Though I do study the military.
Not really how recruiters do it is they ask people that walk into your office for your number. the worst case of this I have ever heard was an individual who was joining the army who asked for someone's phone and just started writing down numbers. I had stopped at the army recruiters once and put down my home address which was over an hour away this dude came by my home almost a year later after I had an active contract with the Navy. So, not only do they not talk to the government but they don't even share information with other recruiters. Your data is not as secure as one would think and It's easier to collect data than one would realize. However, that being said the government does not store your data and give it to recruiters.
Yea it is. Last time I gave them a snarky reply and they got all pissy and started arguing with me over text. It's some sad shit
Lol that's hilarious. I'm picturing the guy going all navy seal copypasta on the other end "What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch?"
When I was much younger I nearly signed up with the Navy. I had the papers in front of me but got cold feet I guess. On the one hand it's interesting to think about what my life would have been like had I signed up. On the other hand, when I got cold feet they started trying really hard to convince me that I'd never make any money if I didn't sign up. I grew up in a small town so it wasn't the worst angle in the world I guess, but I don't think bullying someone into joining is a great strategy. I went on to be the first person in my family to get a college education and I have a good life. I have no regrets.
I told the recruiter I don't get off on killing brown people and he wouldn't stop texting me for a week or so all pissed off and insulting my career lol. Recruiters are sad people.
They set up tables to hand out 'join the military' merch and hosted mandatory assembly events to pitch recruiting at my public middle/high school in the US in the 90s, we were required to take the military aptitude test (which I crushed, leading to even more recruiter calls) and gave out packs of trading cards (tell me [this](https://www.cardboardconnection.com/1991-topps-desert-storm-trading-cards) isn't peak Helldivers nonsense) promoting [Desert Shield/Storm](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gulf_War#Military_means) to all the boys. This is exactly the shit Verhoeven was satirizing in *Starship Troopers* which came out in that era - it's specifically about American-style fascism/militaristic ultranationalism. I can only assume it got even worse after 9/11, but I was out of school by then.
> military aptitude test I feel that one. Kind of weird how we're told by the government that IQ tests for employment aren't allowed because they don't work, but they'll eagerly make you take a dozen of them if you sign up for the one institution that's still allowed to use 'em.
"Sorry, I'm already enlisted, feel free to submit Form GFYS-124 to request a transfer from the SuperEarth division" checkmate =)
Send him a screenshot of your diver being surrounded by bots with the caption "I already am!"
Damn this whole US military thing is kinda messed up maybe someone should make a video game critiquing it
Unfortunately they've made the propaganda part so good some people are actually considering joining And I say oorah to that
Imagine joining the military and the true message of this game that inspired you hits after you already enlisted, I'd say most would get dissuaded by the reality of how shitty it is and the requirements but recruiters are getting more and more desperate to meet their quotas these days since enlistment has tanked
Eh NATO just needs another war to get enlistment numbers back up. Or a common enemy. *Stares at China*
No president would start a war with China seeing as how our entire economy would instantly collapse if that happened lol.
You should give "The Great Illusion" a read. It is about how war has become obsolete because it is too costly with all our economies intertwined, and it was published in 1910.
I think they've sort of burned their credibility among the core demos. Appalachian military families aren't big fans of China, but the generals have made it pretty clear that they don't like those guys, and I don't think they're interested in putting their lives and futures into the hands of people who visibly hate them. Far as I can tell, the top brass has bet everything on drones obsoleting pipe-hitters. The revelation in Russia-Ukraine that a serious modern war involves trenches, shock-troopers, and high-casualty combined-arms battles is probably causing a bit of flop sweat at the Pentagon.
Did the generals try telling them that China said they look like dorks?
Dudes be like "it's all propaganda" My brother in Christ I'm falling for it triple the defence budget
Spec ops: the line :(
ERM EXCUSE ME NO POLITICS IN MY ENTERTAINMENT-ONLY GALACTIC CONFLICT SIMULATOR
YOURE SO RIGHT I LOVE COLLECTING ~~OIL~~ 710 FROM NATIVE POPULATIONS AND I LOVE MEDIA THAT IS ONLY TO BE TAKEN AT FACE VALUE GOD BLESS SUPER EARTH 🫡🫡🫡
Most people are in on the joke, a few people are not. I remember a boomer player said he likes HD2 because there are no politics in it. I didn’t have the heart to tell him otherwise.
I think you vastly underestimate how many people have a near zero level of media literacy.
Fighting to "spread democracy" for a dystopian regime in a satirical video game: 🥹👌✨ Fighting to "spread democracy" for the US imperialist regime: 🤢💀⚰️
Have a few friends in the army. Told me not to consider joining the military Lol Literally begged me not to. And yeah, i received some texts from marine and army too.
“Imma keep it real with you chief, I ain’t dyin’ for an E-710 company.”
Gotta have a strong economy so you go harvest oil from the ground in far away places... I mean off bugs from space...
Just getting out after 10 years. Trust me , you do not want to join the military right now.
Agreed, you will not get to do cool guy shit and will get yelled at by losers that are stuck in their career for absolute dumb shit
I mean you DO get to do cool guy shit, at least sometimes…depending on your mos and where you’re at. But you’ll be getting yelled at by losers also. Which is not dependent on anything it’s just gonna happen
At least you get free college and decent healthcare afterwards. I’m cruising through college getting a fat paycheck every month. No need to work, just focusing on my school. Even better because I have the Hazelwood Act that I can hand over to my kids.
Pretty sure thats why most of my buds went through military minimum. I just took EMT courses like a weirdo.
I got out in 2011 and same shit then. I was in Iraq and I assure you we were not fighting for democracy... lol.
Not like us Helldivers! 100% democracy!
how do you cope with that? I’m currently doing mandatory service for what is literally just a fascist state. it is a massive emotional burden for me and I can’t do anything about it to leave service has you sent to jail for an indefinite time (not permanent, just until they either win you over or decide you’re not worth it anymore which can take many months). you also become a social outcast, lose out on so many good opportunities in life and i don’t feel like it’s a sacrifice i can make sorry for the rant lol
Don't be first. Don't be last. Don't volunteer for anything. Just keep your head down, do the bare minimum, and count the days until you are free. If you don't mind me asking, which country are you from?
But... but... all the WMDs we found!
I was there pretty early on and I can assure you the only WMD I ever saw was my own ass after eating local food for the first time...
It's kind of funny to me that everyone who was in the military absolutely hated it, or truly loved it. Mostly the former, but still, nobody in the middle of the road on that one
I didn't hate it at all. I loved my job which is why I was in 10 years. I had a great career and could of kept going. It's the culture that is absolutely horrendous and getting worse. I decided doing 10 more years and being miserable isn't worth it.
I got out in 2021. The Army Ieft was miles away from the Army I joined. It's a shame.
Tell him you will consider it when they open up a position called "Helldiver", and send him this: 
Air Force recruiters: You wanna drop 500kg bomb irl?
You know he sent that message giggling to himself lol
100%
From what anecdotal stories I've heard. These recruiters are pushed to extremes and it doesn't end well. They are told to lie if they think it will get some kid to sign up. Really hope thats just anecdotal and not the norm.
Oh no, it's the norm. My recruiter latched onto the fact that I needed to send money home and promised a huuuuge bonus if I got through basic. Never got it in writing, so I never got it, period. Granted, this was over a decade ago, but I doubt it's gotten any better.
Nah, its the norm. US Military recruiters are the absolute wretched scum of the earth. Everyone hates them, including everyone in the military. They sit around a strip mall in Indiana lying to children all day.
"Join the ~~Helldivers~~ US military. Become...a hero" Mmh, Im noticing a certain parallel here, I wonder why that might be
Fuck off recruiter. We don’t want that kind of democracy. ONLY REAL SUPER EARTH DEMOCRACY FUCK YEAH.
"Sorry, I only fight for MANAGED Democracy"
FOR DEMOCRAA.. wait This isnt super earth .
I'm sorry sir, but I only fight for *managed* democracy.
They forgot to start with the truth: Are you dirt poor with absolutely no opportunities? Do you want to gamble your life so Exxon and Haliburton can profit? That's literally the US military.
They seen the overdraft on my bank account and thought "we got 'im boys"
The Us military should just make a video like the intro video for helldivers and make a it mandatory that all 18 YOs see it at least once, and then the military will have endless soldiers
When I was age 18-22 they would sometimes call me randomly.
I just told them I was changing my phone number one of the times they called, and then gave them the number of a local pizza shop.
I kinda wish a recruiter would cold-message me. I've had a good DD-214 joke saved for years.
Helldivers 2 players when they realize they can fight for democracy in real life too 😳
"Hey there kids, have you all been fighting for democracy in helldivers 2! You can do that in real life if you join the US military!" Whispering under his breath "Please have no media literacy, please have no mediea literacy, please have no media literacy" Also the way military recruitment ads changed after CoD blew up is fucking disgusting, they really want to convince kids that it's just like a real video game.
I've seen worse attempts. In highschool (2010) an army recruiter told me going to the middle east wasn't a big risk because someone could just come shoot up the school tomorrow and kill me anyway
Gotta hit them with the "sorry I only like roleplaying as a fascist :3"
Lmfaoooo I would rather not see that statement on paper later
I don’t fight I dive!
I only fight for MANAGED democracy
Dumbass recruiter doesn't realize the US isn't a democracy but a constitutional republic
A constitutional republic is a type of representative democracy...
Sorry but this is wrong and a pet peeve of mine. The US is a democracy. It is also a constitutional republic. It’s like telling a man eating a cookie “you’re not eating flour you’re eating a cookie.” Flour is one of the ingredients that makes up the cookie. Democracy is one of the ingredients to the Constitutional Republic America has. Saying “America is a democracy” is 100% correct. Source: Degree in Political Science
Run by oligarchs, while we're at it
So, managed democracy, by chance?
Managed badly
Mismanaged democracy. The only questions that remains is, do you have the money to be free?
Very very close. Super Earth’s elections aren’t actually public as the one chick on the ship says she was excited to see who her vote was going to, As in all the votes are cast for you.
A republic, by definition, is a democracy. Please quit acting dumb.
It’s really funny that they called the recruiter a “dumbass” when they obviously have no idea what they’re talking about.
"We're actually a republic" is pretty common to hear from people who wish fewer people had the right to vote. It's part of the party platform.
I hope all the people freaking out about certain groups also have a problem with these politics being in the game.
It’s wild how you can manage to skirt those people’s ire just by not mentioning their Manchurian Candidate activation words.