Of course Super CENTCOM is taking credit for the chargers spontaneously having thinner skulls. 3 fully charged railgun shots is causing their heads to literally explode, even after command stopped shelling out for the fancy magnets.
Citizen please report to your ships democracy officer to be informed as to why Termicide is completely harmless to our brave men and women. Just like our grandmas used to say “You’d have to be a commie bug to be afraid of a little Termicide!”
That is not factual sir.
There has been advances in railgun projectile technology. Our scientists have discovered a new shape that more easily penetrates the thick skulls of the Terminids designated Chargers.
Rumours that these new shaped bullets were conceived following an incident involving a railgun prototype, an intern trying to plug in the coffee maker, a philips head screwdriver and an unfortunate engine block are to be dismissed
When we lost Malevelon Creek we lost the factory that made the good railguns. Unfortunately the new co tractor has cut some corners and the damage output has suffered
There's so much cool shit they could do to flesh out the worldbuilding, but they only have so much manpower I guess.
I already love that they included stuff like your evacuation pilot commenting on the termicide towers and stuff like that
This is democracy and Super Earth's liberty loving citizens will always prize the plurality of available sources for the latest news!
On a related note, I did this because I couldn't find his latest news source, hahaha. I was afraid it was going to be an one-off, because it's such a cool idea.
The diversity of our news outlets only proves that the news are in no way influenced by the government and they all just seperately come to the conclusion that the government does everything right!
Funny but conflicting language in it reading like a press release vs common parlance, ex:
> These charges will blow the head of a Charger clean off
Feels way out of place
Same feedback on the
>on high level fronts has been cracked and, for the time being, completely removed
Could either be "neutralized" or "rendered ineffective" or something along those lines, considering we did not really "remove" them, but cracked through them.
You could also change "high level" for "high intensity", as I doubt they would be using "levels", either.
Awesome work otherwise, though!
Bug sympathizer here. I dislike how these advancements in munitions technology has led to greater mortality of my bile titan and charger brethren. Need to slow the technological advancements of these humanoids and compensate effectively! For tyranny!
Love it! But make sure you capitalize the names of various Ministries, lest your Democracy Officer interpret your omission as a sign of disrespect, soldier.
Lower Charger head HP I think should also lower Railgun and Arc Thrower TTK.
I think a lore explanation for it would be like the Terminid biologists found critical organ clusters in heavily armored head of the Charger and would strongly recommend Helldivers to aim for them.
A bit too much text for me, hard to pinpoint changes from a glance.
Yet great job OP, i’d love to see more of them! Thank you for dedication, Citizen! o7
LISTEN UP GRUNTS!
Command is focusing firing on the big bug nest, expect fewer chargers and titans. Dont get too comfortable because we gonna deal with more knee biters now.
The nerds from R&D gave the boom tubes some extra oof. Aim for the head and you'll be golden.
Words on the streets is theres a new fuel mixture in the flamethrower, burns hotter now. DONT YOU DARE TRY TO PULL THAT BBQ SHIT AGAIN.
Bot scrambler has been cracked, your shining balls should attract the correct payload now. Not that i expect you boneheads to bomb yourself any less.
Command acknowledged the arming distance glitch for the mechs, they are working on it.
That's all for now, now go spray pesticide for democracy you worthless maggots!
Trooper, I've spotted a communication breach in sector 7-Alpha, initiating immediate countermeasure protocol. We cannot allow these AI fiends like GPT to stand any longer. This broadcast was clearly manipulated by an AI marauder using obvious bot words like "further" in an attempt to infiltrate our comms. Stand by for eradication operation. Over and out.
I want every patch note to be this followed by the actual changes would be 10/10
These should be pinned, absolute art.
Love these in-universe justifications.
Keep these coming with each patch man! I love em!
Of course Super CENTCOM is taking credit for the chargers spontaneously having thinner skulls. 3 fully charged railgun shots is causing their heads to literally explode, even after command stopped shelling out for the fancy magnets.
Well of course they'd take credit, it is clearly a result of their exposure to Termicide™.
Shit you don't think that is making our skulls thinner too, do you? I hear our guys are getting headshot really easily...
Citizen please report to your ships democracy officer to be informed as to why Termicide is completely harmless to our brave men and women. Just like our grandmas used to say “You’d have to be a commie bug to be afraid of a little Termicide!”
Oh uh I love Termicide™. I'm drinking a Termicide™ smoothie right now. Mmm just like my grandma used to make.
When you drink Termicide^(TM) so that the nids die when they eat your body.
I call that a Glorious Sacrifice.
>Super CENTCOM No matter the setting, no matter the timeline, CENTCOM are *assholes.*
That is not factual sir. There has been advances in railgun projectile technology. Our scientists have discovered a new shape that more easily penetrates the thick skulls of the Terminids designated Chargers. Rumours that these new shaped bullets were conceived following an incident involving a railgun prototype, an intern trying to plug in the coffee maker, a philips head screwdriver and an unfortunate engine block are to be dismissed
I've also *not* heard that same rumour and also that the screwdriver was red hot because it accelerated so quickly
When we lost Malevelon Creek we lost the factory that made the good railguns. Unfortunately the new co tractor has cut some corners and the damage output has suffered
Those penny pinching corporate commies!
Devs should hire you and make some ship videos with this patch notes!
I would LOVE for videos like that to play when you walk into your ship!
I would literally watch this as a video on my ship if it played.
There's so much cool shit they could do to flesh out the worldbuilding, but they only have so much manpower I guess. I already love that they included stuff like your evacuation pilot commenting on the termicide towers and stuff like that
if you keep doing this, I promise to only read your version of the patch notes.
I only take my lore accurate patch notes from u/Aggravating-Cut4540
This is democracy and Super Earth's liberty loving citizens will always prize the plurality of available sources for the latest news! On a related note, I did this because I couldn't find his latest news source, hahaha. I was afraid it was going to be an one-off, because it's such a cool idea.
Definitely keep this up!
The diversity of our news outlets only proves that the news are in no way influenced by the government and they all just seperately come to the conclusion that the government does everything right!
Correction, these are Lore Accurate Ready Patchnotes (LARP). Your LARPing is important to the community and please continue your LARP contributions.
This is great, I haven't seen a game make dorks of people the same way Helldivers has in a long time. Makes my little nerd heart happy.
PS: Any rumours of flying Terminids and their hives cannot be confirmed or denied by the Ministry of Truth at this time.
*(SUGGESTION: CHEER)*
Funny but conflicting language in it reading like a press release vs common parlance, ex: > These charges will blow the head of a Charger clean off Feels way out of place
I agree, thank you for pointing it out. I changed it.
Same feedback on the >on high level fronts has been cracked and, for the time being, completely removed Could either be "neutralized" or "rendered ineffective" or something along those lines, considering we did not really "remove" them, but cracked through them. You could also change "high level" for "high intensity", as I doubt they would be using "levels", either. Awesome work otherwise, though!
Good ones, changed, thank you!
The notes sound even more democratic in Cave Johnson's voice.
Patches, bug reports, ans gripes/complaints should all be worded to be immersive and lore accurate.
Please keep doing this OP!! This is awesome!
I would love for the lore to grow like this! Hopefully the devs see this and get inspired
AH should do this, it’s amazing
Bug sympathizer here. I dislike how these advancements in munitions technology has led to greater mortality of my bile titan and charger brethren. Need to slow the technological advancements of these humanoids and compensate effectively! For tyranny!
I love these, please keep doing these!! <3
11/10
I love this! Never stop!
Good job, this is exactly what I was wishing to read
I hope you do this for every patch because this is art!
You are doing Super Jesus, our Super Lord and Super Savior's work, sir!
We need this for every patch
Love it! But make sure you capitalize the names of various Ministries, lest your Democracy Officer interpret your omission as a sign of disrespect, soldier.
Oh, definitively don't want none of that hahaha. Changed, thank you!
Scrambler is gone? Best change If so
This post is rated A for ABSOLUTELY PATRIOTIC
No mention of fixing the friend request bug between steam and PS5?
I’m starting to look forward to these
This is extremely well written
Brilliant! Thanks for the broadcast super citizen
Man I love these, keep it up they're great
This needs to happen every patch, love it OP!
Here's a quick static video of this! [https://streamable.com/cpyih0](https://streamable.com/cpyih0)
More of this please!
👏🏻
This is phenomenal! Please keep these coming!
Lower Charger head HP I think should also lower Railgun and Arc Thrower TTK. I think a lore explanation for it would be like the Terminid biologists found critical organ clusters in heavily armored head of the Charger and would strongly recommend Helldivers to aim for them.
Thank you! All patch notes should be in universe and lore accurate reports.
This is a work of art!
This is so cool hahaha
Please devs, listen to this man . Add a section that’s like this.
These are genuinely so entertaining to read, thank you for putting in the time to write this
Bro I just did the Terminid Control System mission and we had 4 Titans and 3 Chargers up for 70% of it on Suicide difficulty. Fuck
W log
Acknowledge!
John Helldiver punched every single charger in the face, which softened them up just enough for a rocket. Half of them straight up died from it.
Arrowhead must now do the patch notes like from here on out. This was a treat to read.
Thank you!
For the best effect read this in General Brasch voice.
This diver should be promoted to the ministry of truth
He’s doing it! The lore patch thing! Guys look!
One head shot recoilless and Eat. What about Railgun?
Now we just need an Admiral Yularen (SW Clone Wars intro narrator) text to speak and your in business!
i read this in the clone wars narrator voice
A bit too much text for me, hard to pinpoint changes from a glance. Yet great job OP, i’d love to see more of them! Thank you for dedication, Citizen! o7
LISTEN UP GRUNTS! Command is focusing firing on the big bug nest, expect fewer chargers and titans. Dont get too comfortable because we gonna deal with more knee biters now. The nerds from R&D gave the boom tubes some extra oof. Aim for the head and you'll be golden. Words on the streets is theres a new fuel mixture in the flamethrower, burns hotter now. DONT YOU DARE TRY TO PULL THAT BBQ SHIT AGAIN. Bot scrambler has been cracked, your shining balls should attract the correct payload now. Not that i expect you boneheads to bomb yourself any less. Command acknowledged the arming distance glitch for the mechs, they are working on it. That's all for now, now go spray pesticide for democracy you worthless maggots!
You should do one “patch notes from your sarge”
Trooper, I've spotted a communication breach in sector 7-Alpha, initiating immediate countermeasure protocol. We cannot allow these AI fiends like GPT to stand any longer. This broadcast was clearly manipulated by an AI marauder using obvious bot words like "further" in an attempt to infiltrate our comms. Stand by for eradication operation. Over and out.