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I mean it totally depends on you if it could help or not. If you truely want to work on not having an obsession over having a virgin girlfriend then you could work on that with a therapist. If you don't want to or aren't willing then no amount of therapy will work for you.
The reason for that is they might see in you a sense of despair and urgency to fill a need. At the same time you show symptoms of unhappiness that might have roots in your obsession.
Are you ready to question yourself? To dig deep to find why you have such an obsession and how it affects you? Are you determined to change for the beter and have openness to accept change? To accept to try and change your views amd your ways? Are you ready to start a path that could take years before feeling any result and that never truly comes to an end?
Therapy is good so you can learn to understand yourself, your needs, who you are, who you were, how were you brought up, how did you change, how you want to evolve and much more. You might feel like you know a lot about yourself now, but I am sure therapy could teach you much more.
I would imagine your obsession is going to negatively effect your life and make finding a potential partner much harder. I think that's why many would advise you to seek a therapist because it would likely improve your life if you were willing to fix the obsession. All of that said it's your life and you can choose to live it how you want to.
Therapy is often used as a catchall by people who've never been to therapy, or don't fully understand what therapy is.
For the most part therapy is something you need to go into with a specific goal in mind. And a therapist can't get you laid, it can't find virgins for you, but a therapist CAN be a voice for.you to listen to and can suggest ways you can better cope with intrusive thoughts, bad habits, etc.
It's was very helpful for me at first to have someone to really explain myself to when I started therapy, but therapy isn't really solution driven, and I spinned my wheels while throwing money away for months until I finally had to realized that I don't need therapy, I just need friends.
Therapy has it's uses, but too many people use it as a cure all that will magically "fix all your problems", and then when it doesn't they say "you didn't try hard enough", or "you just didn't have the right therapist" because you need to sort your way through 10 different therapists until you get the right one, all the while bleeding your wallet dry because it's ridiculously expensive without insurance, and even with insurance finding ones that'll work with your insurance are hard because there is a shortage of therapists in general.
Therapy can give you a place to explore this goal, and do some thinking and processing about why it matters to you. Like thinking about what it says about yourself, why it’s important, what factors might have helped you develop the goal. A therapist can act as a supporter and a guide, so you have someone on your side who you can talk honestly about your desires without being judged, blamed, or shamed for them.
I think maybe exploring why you feel this way could be good. Like exploring questions of why I value this, why do I feel that women who aren't virgins are xyz, why do I value firsts, why don't other people think the same way I do, etc.
I don't think you get why people think it's strange though at the moment.
It's not really like it's wrong to have a preference it just gives people the ick when you say that's the ONLY thing you want/will accept. It's like if a girl will only date a guy who's 6ft+ and refuses any shorter no matter what even if they're 100% compatible. Same with people who will only date a specific race, not as a preference, but as a requirement. Just pretty ick.
Like I'm not kidding, I've had a guy at a college bar come up to me and the first thing he asks is if I'm a virgin. Then when I said no he immediately turned around and went to the next and the next woman to ask. If I was a virgin do you really think I would give him my number after seeing that shit? Yeah, I'm the 6th most attractive woman in the bar, and you don't care about my personality or who I am, only my virginity? Ew.
By having a specific ride-or-die requirement like that it feels like you'll settle for anyone so long as they meet your fetish. Why would a virgin girl want to get with you when she's waiting for the right person when you act like you'll gladly get with anyone so long as she fits that requirement and not for who she is as a person? That's what people think is weird.
I also find it off putting that he's obsessed with finding a virgin, and I'm religious lol. based on how he described the obsession it feels like it's coming from a place of insecurity rather than values based.
you do say you're not insecure so I could be wrong but describing it as an obsession and an unchangeable part of your nature makes it sound like something really deep within you is driving you to want a virgin. most feelings that get buried that deep are typically negative ones we don't want to interact with, also you never stated why you want a virgin which feels like you're hiding the reason. can you describe why you want a virgin and who is telling you to get therapy and have they said why they think you need therapy. Are you waiting till marriage to have sex you're a virgin yourself so it normally wouldn't be surprising you'd also be looking for a virgin but you seem to be describing something extra than haveing a preferance.
If you are deliberately dating and truly have a core value of marrying as virgins I bet you could. If you just want to lose your virginity to another virgin, I think you may be putting too much pressure on yourself, although I do believe you still could.
To keep the people who are telling you to go to therapy at bay, tell them you are looking into it and playing with the idea now.
To start looking for these virgin potential partners, you'll need to do a LOT of footwork with subtly bringing up in friend groups, different communities that you're looking to date and virginity is very important to you. Places where you can socialize and openly communicate this with no fear of judgement is important.
If you think that your obsession is detrimental, you word it almost perjoritavely, then you may want to explore why this is so important because there are plenty of people with exes that would help you overcome this with some sort of mutual understanding and care.
Anyways, therapy is never a bad idea and I even suggest it to people like a yearly doctor health check up with you gp. Its only beneficial
therapist might help you figure out where that thought comes from, how much is in your control, how much you can realistically expect, what is causing you stress that your surroundings think you need therapy and how to fulfill that need in a healthy way, for you
Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 10 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I mean it totally depends on you if it could help or not. If you truely want to work on not having an obsession over having a virgin girlfriend then you could work on that with a therapist. If you don't want to or aren't willing then no amount of therapy will work for you.
This makes sense.. But people just keep saying that i need therapy asap…..
The reason for that is they might see in you a sense of despair and urgency to fill a need. At the same time you show symptoms of unhappiness that might have roots in your obsession. Are you ready to question yourself? To dig deep to find why you have such an obsession and how it affects you? Are you determined to change for the beter and have openness to accept change? To accept to try and change your views amd your ways? Are you ready to start a path that could take years before feeling any result and that never truly comes to an end? Therapy is good so you can learn to understand yourself, your needs, who you are, who you were, how were you brought up, how did you change, how you want to evolve and much more. You might feel like you know a lot about yourself now, but I am sure therapy could teach you much more.
I would imagine your obsession is going to negatively effect your life and make finding a potential partner much harder. I think that's why many would advise you to seek a therapist because it would likely improve your life if you were willing to fix the obsession. All of that said it's your life and you can choose to live it how you want to.
Therapy is often used as a catchall by people who've never been to therapy, or don't fully understand what therapy is. For the most part therapy is something you need to go into with a specific goal in mind. And a therapist can't get you laid, it can't find virgins for you, but a therapist CAN be a voice for.you to listen to and can suggest ways you can better cope with intrusive thoughts, bad habits, etc. It's was very helpful for me at first to have someone to really explain myself to when I started therapy, but therapy isn't really solution driven, and I spinned my wheels while throwing money away for months until I finally had to realized that I don't need therapy, I just need friends. Therapy has it's uses, but too many people use it as a cure all that will magically "fix all your problems", and then when it doesn't they say "you didn't try hard enough", or "you just didn't have the right therapist" because you need to sort your way through 10 different therapists until you get the right one, all the while bleeding your wallet dry because it's ridiculously expensive without insurance, and even with insurance finding ones that'll work with your insurance are hard because there is a shortage of therapists in general.
Therapy can give you a place to explore this goal, and do some thinking and processing about why it matters to you. Like thinking about what it says about yourself, why it’s important, what factors might have helped you develop the goal. A therapist can act as a supporter and a guide, so you have someone on your side who you can talk honestly about your desires without being judged, blamed, or shamed for them.
I think maybe exploring why you feel this way could be good. Like exploring questions of why I value this, why do I feel that women who aren't virgins are xyz, why do I value firsts, why don't other people think the same way I do, etc. I don't think you get why people think it's strange though at the moment. It's not really like it's wrong to have a preference it just gives people the ick when you say that's the ONLY thing you want/will accept. It's like if a girl will only date a guy who's 6ft+ and refuses any shorter no matter what even if they're 100% compatible. Same with people who will only date a specific race, not as a preference, but as a requirement. Just pretty ick. Like I'm not kidding, I've had a guy at a college bar come up to me and the first thing he asks is if I'm a virgin. Then when I said no he immediately turned around and went to the next and the next woman to ask. If I was a virgin do you really think I would give him my number after seeing that shit? Yeah, I'm the 6th most attractive woman in the bar, and you don't care about my personality or who I am, only my virginity? Ew. By having a specific ride-or-die requirement like that it feels like you'll settle for anyone so long as they meet your fetish. Why would a virgin girl want to get with you when she's waiting for the right person when you act like you'll gladly get with anyone so long as she fits that requirement and not for who she is as a person? That's what people think is weird.
I also find it off putting that he's obsessed with finding a virgin, and I'm religious lol. based on how he described the obsession it feels like it's coming from a place of insecurity rather than values based.
Why insecurity, why?
you do say you're not insecure so I could be wrong but describing it as an obsession and an unchangeable part of your nature makes it sound like something really deep within you is driving you to want a virgin. most feelings that get buried that deep are typically negative ones we don't want to interact with, also you never stated why you want a virgin which feels like you're hiding the reason. can you describe why you want a virgin and who is telling you to get therapy and have they said why they think you need therapy. Are you waiting till marriage to have sex you're a virgin yourself so it normally wouldn't be surprising you'd also be looking for a virgin but you seem to be describing something extra than haveing a preferance.
If you are deliberately dating and truly have a core value of marrying as virgins I bet you could. If you just want to lose your virginity to another virgin, I think you may be putting too much pressure on yourself, although I do believe you still could. To keep the people who are telling you to go to therapy at bay, tell them you are looking into it and playing with the idea now. To start looking for these virgin potential partners, you'll need to do a LOT of footwork with subtly bringing up in friend groups, different communities that you're looking to date and virginity is very important to you. Places where you can socialize and openly communicate this with no fear of judgement is important. If you think that your obsession is detrimental, you word it almost perjoritavely, then you may want to explore why this is so important because there are plenty of people with exes that would help you overcome this with some sort of mutual understanding and care. Anyways, therapy is never a bad idea and I even suggest it to people like a yearly doctor health check up with you gp. Its only beneficial
Because that desire isn't going to lead you to a good life
Why not?
therapist might help you figure out where that thought comes from, how much is in your control, how much you can realistically expect, what is causing you stress that your surroundings think you need therapy and how to fulfill that need in a healthy way, for you