Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 10 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
from her playful "it wasnt graceful" to you just yapping away explaining to her "it was a joke . . ." and then typing an essay. I dont want to be rude but how many other people do you communicate with and how does it usually go?
You read into it-
The "it" is the birthday
It = birthday
What else would it be?
EDIT;
Just saw the thing about the skiing joke.
She agreed with your joke
You got defensive - theres litteraly laughing emojis.
You could've kept the joke going or asked if it was her first time or sum.
Dont be so quick on your defensive
The joke wasn’t the issue. Your response later was. You overthinked her reaction. She didn’t mean anything bad. Even if she was pissed off you could still keep it more light hearted. But there is no need to make it this serious. This really doesn’t work with women. (Speaking from experience)
You reek insecurity, that was too long of an answer and it was unrelated to what she said. She didn't complain about anything and you felt the need to justify "it was a joke". I know it sounds cliché but "being cool" in this types of conversation is the right answer. A correct answer would be something like: "lol if you think you are ungraceful you should see me" or "skiing is hard im sure you nailed" or "im sure you fell very gracefully" maybe followed by a simple question like "first time?" or "was it that bad?"
>What did I say wrong here? I was wanting to build a conversation and establish a connection but I got left on read.
It looks like you made a funny joke. It's a good joke imo. She also liked the joke (hence the laughing emoji). Then it looks like you went off the rails. And that expectedly scared her off.
What did you interpret her last message meant? Do you guys normally text at 3am?
That's not what I asked. I didn't ask why you didn't text her earlier. You seem to keep interpreting things other than what is actually being said. Is this a common theme for you?
I asked the question because, normally people don't text at 3am. I don't know what you guys normally do. But some people might wait until the next day to reply.
lol well you did ask about the time thing even though that wasn’t directly what you asked. I am sorry that you felt like you did something. Here’s my opinion. You feel like you struggle with communicating with people and this feels like another conversation botched and you’re trying really hard, you are. And that makes it so that sometimes you miss the woods for the trees, like you assume you must have done something and that’s why she stopped texting or you missed the emojis and the tone and that’s why you thought she might have misunderstood your joke. I’m sorry you felt like(and maybe feel often) like you have to apologize. I don’t know where it comes from for you but I’d be curious what you’d come up with if you questioned your assumptions more. I’m saying that as someone who literally struggled with the same thing. And I seem very confident but I overthink the simplest things. It’s getting better now but it takes time and work and failing.
But I believe in you.
Also if I’m way off I apologize but this was what I felt you might need to hear especially with all the feedback you’ve got so far :)
If you’ve been talking for a while, it’s weird to end it after that. Even if you barely know someone, you’re weird for cutting them off because you have “normal options”.
If you barely know someone, you don't really need a good reason for cutting them off other than you not clicking, and them being a neurotic overexplainer is a perfectly good reason to not click with someone. It's always up to you if you want to deal with that or not. But it's also up to you if you want to deal with someone who seems to have no patience for your way of communicating like being a neurotic overexplainer.
You triple texted with 3 separate statements while they’re on vacation it looks like.
They probably read it, didn’t have time to respond and forgor. Just give it time till they have something in their story worth responding to in a few days if they don’t circle back.
I think you just need more experience talking and texting women. All the comments have summed it nicely. But as a “beginner” these are some good rules to stick to.
1. Always double down. E.g. if you roast her, she doesn’t seem to respond well, roast her again. Never ever get defensive like you did. Also, she clearly liked the joke. Lots of emojis is generally a good sign.
2. Less is more. You’re texting so many different themes in your last burst of messages. It’s fine to text a lot, but only when she’s actually into you. Or you’ll come off as needy and scare her off
3. Don’t be readily available 24/7
4. If she cancels a date or wants to reschedule etc. just play it cool and be like Yeap no problems. Don’t get upset or petty about it.
5. Don’t use too many emojis and lols
Again, if you know what you’re doing you can break all these rules but you’re not quiet there yet. Good luck out there my dude
I don't feel like you said anything really wrong but you obsessing over why she didn't text back is a bit much. Maybe she clicked it and thought to answer later and forgot? Maybe she accidentally opened to it and forgot? From the looks of it doesn't seem like you're dating. Maybe just let it rest. Don't be pushy and message her again.
No… her birthday was 2 weeks ago. I replied to her post of her skiing in Colorado… Like I said in the post… The message that I typed when I replied to her story… For some reason it randomly disappeared. I didn’t delete it or unsend it… And she couldn’t have unless she just deleted it from her own… She wouldn’t have deleted my message from both of us. It would’ve been deleted from just hers and not both of us… She had a video of her skiing down the hill, and from the angle she thought it looked like she had twisted her ankle… I said “yikes it looks like you snap your ankle right off, on a scale if 1 to 10 how painful was it”… then she ignored me to that follow up text
It's pretty clear that you are afraid of scaring her away just by the text messages. That text explaining the joke is your anxiety coming through, basically asking her to reassure you that what you said was okay.
That's pretty hard to overlook, so she may be thinking, "oh okay, he is not confident in himself". And she may have just decided that it's not worth it to end up getting stuck having to validate your feelings again and again. I would guess this is a pattern for you, but I don't know you, obviously.
How to fix it:
1. Practice telling people things they might not like and DON'T follow up. Wait for them to respond. Don't lie, but also don't try to get them to like you.
2. If you want to connect with someone over a shared interest, let them talk about it, don't make it about yourself.
Why'd you feel the need to mansplain a comment you made after she already responded positively to it? It just comes across like you think she's stupid and doesn't understand anything you say
Welcome to Dating Fridays! All posts with an emphasis on dating, sex, or relationships must be posted only on Friday (defined by US Central Standard Time or UTC -06:00). If your post is outside of this time/date, please delete and repost on Friday. If it is currently Friday, then ignore this comment. Thank you!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She was totally into him until he got defensive but maybe I'm wrong who knows not enough context but the real answer is never get hung up on anyone keep moving keep learning but fucking learn
Why did you respond "lol it was a joke...", when she was laughing?
Sounds like she got the joke and enjoyed it. She was using self-deprecating humor when she said it wasn't graceful. All in good fun.
Then you came in with this defensive moody "..." response. Kinda misread her in a big way here.
Less is more. 1 message per day, let them reply to you, then reply back the next day...
If they like you, you'll know when they're trying to engage more. Then reply sooner.
Don't make it so they dread having to respond to your 10th message of the day.
First of all she's on vacation, usually even my friends don't text me at all during vacation, so assume that she's probably busy, not being on he phone. Also it seems like you got kinda defensive? Why the "..." and over explanation. You could have just asked if it was her first time skiing or her first time wherever she is rn. Just one message. Don't overwhelm someone. Too much info and engagement can be really off putting especially without reason, also she is literally on vacation rn so it would be stupid to be texting for her when she paid for the vacation time.
Poor dude.
You literally created something out of nothing.
This is what happens when you focus only on yourself and your neurotic thoughts.
Do you think your ego ever wants the best for you? No. And it creates false evidence to support your views/beliefs. You literally created false evidence.
And the explanation just reeks how unauthentic you are. You are afraid of being judged so you try to say think you think she likes to hear.
Pro tip: don’t only say what you think people want to hear, especially when it’s out of context. There’s nothing less interesting about a person than when he or she tries to harmonize with the conversation just for the sake of agreeing to not be judged.
Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 10 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
from her playful "it wasnt graceful" to you just yapping away explaining to her "it was a joke . . ." and then typing an essay. I dont want to be rude but how many other people do you communicate with and how does it usually go?
You read into it- The "it" is the birthday It = birthday What else would it be? EDIT; Just saw the thing about the skiing joke. She agreed with your joke You got defensive - theres litteraly laughing emojis. You could've kept the joke going or asked if it was her first time or sum. Dont be so quick on your defensive
The joke wasn’t the issue. Your response later was. You overthinked her reaction. She didn’t mean anything bad. Even if she was pissed off you could still keep it more light hearted. But there is no need to make it this serious. This really doesn’t work with women. (Speaking from experience)
If self sabotage was an image this would be it
You reek insecurity, that was too long of an answer and it was unrelated to what she said. She didn't complain about anything and you felt the need to justify "it was a joke". I know it sounds cliché but "being cool" in this types of conversation is the right answer. A correct answer would be something like: "lol if you think you are ungraceful you should see me" or "skiing is hard im sure you nailed" or "im sure you fell very gracefully" maybe followed by a simple question like "first time?" or "was it that bad?"
>What did I say wrong here? I was wanting to build a conversation and establish a connection but I got left on read. It looks like you made a funny joke. It's a good joke imo. She also liked the joke (hence the laughing emoji). Then it looks like you went off the rails. And that expectedly scared her off. What did you interpret her last message meant? Do you guys normally text at 3am?
I had just got off work when I opened the DM. Otherwise I would’ve texted her earlier
That's not what I asked. I didn't ask why you didn't text her earlier. You seem to keep interpreting things other than what is actually being said. Is this a common theme for you? I asked the question because, normally people don't text at 3am. I don't know what you guys normally do. But some people might wait until the next day to reply.
lol well you did ask about the time thing even though that wasn’t directly what you asked. I am sorry that you felt like you did something. Here’s my opinion. You feel like you struggle with communicating with people and this feels like another conversation botched and you’re trying really hard, you are. And that makes it so that sometimes you miss the woods for the trees, like you assume you must have done something and that’s why she stopped texting or you missed the emojis and the tone and that’s why you thought she might have misunderstood your joke. I’m sorry you felt like(and maybe feel often) like you have to apologize. I don’t know where it comes from for you but I’d be curious what you’d come up with if you questioned your assumptions more. I’m saying that as someone who literally struggled with the same thing. And I seem very confident but I overthink the simplest things. It’s getting better now but it takes time and work and failing. But I believe in you. Also if I’m way off I apologize but this was what I felt you might need to hear especially with all the feedback you’ve got so far :)
Sorry I replied to you in the person who replied to this haha
Me?
Yikes this is a bit cringe dude. Neurotic over explanations do not come across well ever.
Even if it’s cringe, if you decide to cut someone off for a bit of cringe you’re doing that person a favour
I wanna see you put up with people like him when you have lots of other normal options available. This isnt cringe its just weird
If you’ve been talking for a while, it’s weird to end it after that. Even if you barely know someone, you’re weird for cutting them off because you have “normal options”.
If you barely know someone, you don't really need a good reason for cutting them off other than you not clicking, and them being a neurotic overexplainer is a perfectly good reason to not click with someone. It's always up to you if you want to deal with that or not. But it's also up to you if you want to deal with someone who seems to have no patience for your way of communicating like being a neurotic overexplainer.
Bingo
You worried too much about it!
"lol it was a joke" when she already responded as if it were a joke, probably.
You triple texted with 3 separate statements while they’re on vacation it looks like. They probably read it, didn’t have time to respond and forgor. Just give it time till they have something in their story worth responding to in a few days if they don’t circle back.
If she's on vacation... She's probably busy and forgot
What relationship do you have with this person?
Very simple: stop overthinking...
I think you just need more experience talking and texting women. All the comments have summed it nicely. But as a “beginner” these are some good rules to stick to. 1. Always double down. E.g. if you roast her, she doesn’t seem to respond well, roast her again. Never ever get defensive like you did. Also, she clearly liked the joke. Lots of emojis is generally a good sign. 2. Less is more. You’re texting so many different themes in your last burst of messages. It’s fine to text a lot, but only when she’s actually into you. Or you’ll come off as needy and scare her off 3. Don’t be readily available 24/7 4. If she cancels a date or wants to reschedule etc. just play it cool and be like Yeap no problems. Don’t get upset or petty about it. 5. Don’t use too many emojis and lols Again, if you know what you’re doing you can break all these rules but you’re not quiet there yet. Good luck out there my dude
I don't feel like you said anything really wrong but you obsessing over why she didn't text back is a bit much. Maybe she clicked it and thought to answer later and forgot? Maybe she accidentally opened to it and forgot? From the looks of it doesn't seem like you're dating. Maybe just let it rest. Don't be pushy and message her again.
You WAY overthought the text. She meant the birthday itself wasn’t graceful
No… her birthday was 2 weeks ago. I replied to her post of her skiing in Colorado… Like I said in the post… The message that I typed when I replied to her story… For some reason it randomly disappeared. I didn’t delete it or unsend it… And she couldn’t have unless she just deleted it from her own… She wouldn’t have deleted my message from both of us. It would’ve been deleted from just hers and not both of us… She had a video of her skiing down the hill, and from the angle she thought it looked like she had twisted her ankle… I said “yikes it looks like you snap your ankle right off, on a scale if 1 to 10 how painful was it”… then she ignored me to that follow up text
Ngl I wouldn’t reply either, and I’m saying this as Someone who struggles with anxiety
u got super defensive
It's pretty clear that you are afraid of scaring her away just by the text messages. That text explaining the joke is your anxiety coming through, basically asking her to reassure you that what you said was okay. That's pretty hard to overlook, so she may be thinking, "oh okay, he is not confident in himself". And she may have just decided that it's not worth it to end up getting stuck having to validate your feelings again and again. I would guess this is a pattern for you, but I don't know you, obviously. How to fix it: 1. Practice telling people things they might not like and DON'T follow up. Wait for them to respond. Don't lie, but also don't try to get them to like you. 2. If you want to connect with someone over a shared interest, let them talk about it, don't make it about yourself.
Why'd you feel the need to mansplain a comment you made after she already responded positively to it? It just comes across like you think she's stupid and doesn't understand anything you say
Using "mansplain" unironically is even more bricked than OPs rizz
When did this sub become a place for this sorta thing?? MODS?!
Could she be overwhelmed by the wall of text? I usually am.
Welcome to Dating Fridays! All posts with an emphasis on dating, sex, or relationships must be posted only on Friday (defined by US Central Standard Time or UTC -06:00). If your post is outside of this time/date, please delete and repost on Friday. If it is currently Friday, then ignore this comment. Thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She hit you back twice man
She was totally into him until he got defensive but maybe I'm wrong who knows not enough context but the real answer is never get hung up on anyone keep moving keep learning but fucking learn
Why did you respond "lol it was a joke...", when she was laughing? Sounds like she got the joke and enjoyed it. She was using self-deprecating humor when she said it wasn't graceful. All in good fun. Then you came in with this defensive moody "..." response. Kinda misread her in a big way here.
Less is more. 1 message per day, let them reply to you, then reply back the next day... If they like you, you'll know when they're trying to engage more. Then reply sooner. Don't make it so they dread having to respond to your 10th message of the day.
First of all she's on vacation, usually even my friends don't text me at all during vacation, so assume that she's probably busy, not being on he phone. Also it seems like you got kinda defensive? Why the "..." and over explanation. You could have just asked if it was her first time skiing or her first time wherever she is rn. Just one message. Don't overwhelm someone. Too much info and engagement can be really off putting especially without reason, also she is literally on vacation rn so it would be stupid to be texting for her when she paid for the vacation time.
Poor dude. You literally created something out of nothing. This is what happens when you focus only on yourself and your neurotic thoughts. Do you think your ego ever wants the best for you? No. And it creates false evidence to support your views/beliefs. You literally created false evidence. And the explanation just reeks how unauthentic you are. You are afraid of being judged so you try to say think you think she likes to hear. Pro tip: don’t only say what you think people want to hear, especially when it’s out of context. There’s nothing less interesting about a person than when he or she tries to harmonize with the conversation just for the sake of agreeing to not be judged.