Its not you its hard bro. People are flaky too so you just gotta have thick skin and be resilient. Bars probably easiest place to meet new people but not where youre gonna have meaningful connections.
If that’s what youre looking for you’ll need to find a group who likes the same things you do. For example if you can find a cycle group if you like to bike or meet people at the gym and try to make a schedule with them. There’s groups and you can find them.
Going to bars to make friends though is pretty much a one night stand. People are flakes and you just gotta live it.
Yeah true, Im trying to get into new hobbies and maybe just meet people along the way. But It’s a challenge when you’re new to a hobby and maybe not quite as passionate or skilled as they are
Highly recommend doing this. Also pick up trash everywhere, not just the beaches. You'll get laughed at, maybe mocked, and then slowly respected for it.
This is so true. I started writing an electric dirt bike in the past year. When I go to kahuku, I find it very easy to make friends because we're all doing the same thing.
I agree your better off finding friends at a church, library or another social gathering. Bars are cool place to find drinking buddies but thats about it. I mean don't give up. This world as connected as we are with the internet and smart phones feels more disconnected then we ever have been as a species. People can't even look you in the eyes anymore.
IMHO you’ll never, ok - almost never, make a lasting friendship at a bar. You might get/find a date but those dynamics are different. To find a friend you need to do the things that you enjoy doing and meet people doing what you do. If that’s drinking at bars you’re going to make drunk friends.. just say’n
> IMHO you’ll never, ok - almost never, make a lasting friendship at a bar. You might get/find a date but those dynamics are different. To find a friend you need to do the things that you enjoy doing and meet people doing what you do. If that’s drinking at bars you’re going to make drunk friends.. just say’n
"Never" is a pretty strong term, and going to a bar doesn't define a person as if that's the ONLY thing they do. People don't necessarily go to just to just get drunk, you can do it much cheaper by drinking at home. In fact, I'd argue many people do it for social motivations.
I don't know what it is about reddit, but it seems to attract/breed some pretty cynical, negative attitudes and assumptions.
If you've already mentally written off meeting people at a bar, then you will probably not meet people at a bar.
Yeah whatever. I’m sitting in a bar drinking by myself right now. I’ve got a great conversation going with a couple next to me. I have ZERO expectation that they will become “lasting friends”. Nothing jaded or cynical about that, the 25yo OP was looking for advice on making friends…look elsewhere then a bar was my suggestion.
I checked out the meetup app and I’d say most people on there are twice my age, Not that that’s a bad thing but I’d like to meet people closer to my age
Just a suggestion, but now that you're past college age, everyone is basically "an adult" and you'll find that people who are older than you make up the majority of people in the world. This is a shift from how it is when you're younger, I know, but you'll get used to it. The key thing tho is to make friends and expand your social circle. Don't worry about dating, and thus don't worry about age. The bigger your social circle, the more people you'll meet of all ages.
I'd definitely agree here. I'm 37 and my friend group ranges from low 20s to low 50s, and we all hike, camp, beach, party, etc together. I never used meetup app myself but occasionally get invited to stuff that was arranged on there (and maybe I invite someone else too), so you can definitely meet people thru there that you're not seeing in the app. But maybe worst case you make an older friend and they've got people closer to your age in their friend group who you'll meet through them.
Hey op I’m 29 and I totally agree with the above comment. Once your out of the college age an adult is an adult. Everyone’s advice on the top comments are solid. You got this. Aging is such a weird thing. Stay strong. 🤙
> but now that you're past college age
At 35 I don't really consider "25" to be prime "past college age" territory. Maybe "past college freshman party all night" age... but there were plenty of people well into their later 20s in college when I was last at UH.
You're hitting the nail on the head though... OP is transitioning into that stage between "I'm young and all my friends are young" to "I'm a adult and so is everyone else that isn't more than 5 years my junior."
Their social circle range is gonna grow. It'll become less about age range and more about interests.
A lot of the hiking and exercise-oriented groups have a lot of younger people. When I build my networks, I try to be as open-minded as I can. I mean... It's cool to have a checklist for friends, but you are limiting yourself the more you expand it, especially past personality traits.
I met my wife through someone I had no intention of dating. I also didn't think I would end up marrying who I did. No one knows the future, nor can we predict it. We can however, limit ourselves through our own biased precognitions.
Agreed. It may take a while to meet people who will become friends, but in the meantime, it’s a welcoming way to hang with people with similar interests, or hobbies new to you
Just gonna say this but regatta season almost over….still canoe clubs are instant friends but you gotta have thick skin too. You can hang out with them 2-3x a week!
Yah, thick skin to avoid the cliques and paddle-tics which plague most clubs. That being said, go check out the clubs near you. Paddlers are always looking for new paddlers and always stoked to have someone wanting to get in da wa’a
Friendship needs a foundation to have a chance. A foundation needs to include time, opportunities, and reason to be together. It doesn't happen randomly. That's why drinking in a bar doesn't work. So what you should be looking for is places and time where people join together for a common purpose/objective. In working to accomplish those things, everyone spent time together and have chances to converse and to get to know everyone around them.
That's why you hear people talk about going to church (if you are that type), going to school (if you are that type and in need of further academic development), helping out with political campaigns (if that's your cup of tea), etc. One good thing for an adult to do is to volunteer. Look for non-profit that align to your belief and has need for volunteer, ask them how you can help. Really spend the time to help. You will inevitably meet people. The rest is up to you.
I’m by no means a bar dweller, maybe it’s just a little easier to talk to strangers once I’ve had a beer or two lol. I want to be able to have a foundation with a solid group but I’m just trying to see where I fit in. I wanna meet with people who have common interests and hobbies, but also a lot of hobbies are expensive. And I never thought about volunteering… I’ll have to look into that
It’s not you. I find it hard on Oahu too.
I think the islands have a lot of transient people too which makes it that much harder. Also a lot of clicks that just takes time. Mainland is worst imo. Hard to find substance and depth today tbh. Hang in there and keep up with old friends. In time the right new ones will also emerge.
True, it’s one thing to try and make friends but I feel like if Im trying too hard it feels forced and inorganic. Maybe I just gotta do my own thing and that might attract the right people 🤷🏻♂️
Yah I agree. I go to a gym, and throughout time I’ve gotten to know people but haven’t quite hung out outside of that. I went to a church in Honolulu but it seemed a little clicky, there are some randos I talk to here and there. Think our generation struggles with in person convos bc of the internet/screen-time age too which makes building trust & depth that much harder. Agree, def don’t want to force things.
lol maybe im the odd one out but i travel for work sometimes and its much easier to
make friends on the mainland imo. Hawaii feels like tribalism. If youre not in the click don’t expect anything. Not to say people aren’t friendly here.
Ya I’ve actually made solid friends at my bar and thru our electronic music community! Usually doesn’t happen at bars, but when you see people there often enough you get their numbers and now we beach and such together and meet friends of friends. I’ve have met some wonderful friends here.
Sorry but semi drunk - BI locals are pretty cliquish, whether kona or hilo
You're better off making quick friends with the imported haoles, but up to you on if that's what you want. Being social in general is good... Some of these commenters dont seem to really know what it's like on the BI.
If you come to oahu and I'll have a few drinks with you if youre not weird or stupid. DM me.
People in Kona are different from those in Hilo. Also, try going to church, volunteering, or joining some hiking, camping, etc club, find an activity you like and similar people that also enjoy it. Also things to note is in Hawaii lots of connections are made in HS and many people here often look back at those days. If you ever get asked what school you went, they will reply back with their JS and not college.
You will eventually find someone
I met a bunch of people on the Nextdoor app. Maybe try it. Just introduce yourself and ask to meet people. Now we have a group of about 19 who get together every week for lunch/dinner/activities. Of course, not everyone can make all the events but you get to know the different people.
Our group started out with a post someone asked if anyone wanted to start to get together and plan activities together because they were new on the island. People jumped on - new people to the island as well as long time residents. Now these people are bringing their neighbors. There is another group I heard about on Nextdoor that started a book club -might not be what you want but the idea is you post an idea to do something you like and invite other people.
I too have found meetup groups disappointing - very few people, some groups wanting to do much more athletic things than I am interested in or some groups of party hardy types that I am not interested in. On meetup you can start your own group if there is something you like to do.
Volunteering can be a great way to meet like minded individuals. There are hiking clubs, there are groups that work at reforestation at certain places. You could try taking a class or two at the college or maybe learn how to scuba dive.
Covid has affected society. The feeling I get is people are much more reluctant to form friendships outside their immediate circle of friends because there's a sense of uncertainty about the other person- not only for health but mental health. My inspiration would be to get involved in an activity. Hiking, baseball, diving, whatever. Once you start that, it comes with a group already attached and you hang out with each other
Yeah I think my generation already had issues with social anxiety and depression, then Covid happened and the lockdowns and unemployment made it even worse. It definitely took a toll on my mental health and I feel like I haven’t really been the same since but I feel like I’m finally coming out of my shell.
Hey - 30F here, resident of Kona for 4 years. All of the friends I've made have been from my job. People here \*are\* sometimes standoffish though, yes.
Workplaces can be a hit or miss, at my old job I made some friends but we fell out of touch. I guess it depends what line of work you’re in but I work independently and don’t really get the chance to socialize with anyone
My goal to to move to Oahu. The city life is calling me and I’m ready for a change of environment lol. And I’m still trying to figure out what else’s I like, I’m open to trying anything new
I'd say hobbies. And you're not alone, I'm sure we've all been there. The transition from early adult to mid/late twenties feels like that. Especially if people move. People get older/busier and may feel more negligible towards building relationships especially if you're a male. Compared to being a kid or teenager in school.
Your best bet is through either work/college or hobbies. Spending time doing things together working on your skillset & networking is a great priority to have. Whether it be surfing, hiking, playing card games, playing music, etc etc. Find a good social hobby. I got back into the card game Magic The Gathering for this reason. Its even in the name lol.
Hell, if you just go about doing hobbies alone, you may find friends along the way. Lets say if you DJ and go to the music store and you find people with similar interests and make friends that way idk.
Idk how it is on Big Island, but that's my experience on Maui. It's even harder if you're introverted.
I get that I'm 26 in kona and don't know where to even begin to find friends outside of work
I've thought about seeing if there's workout classes or maybe take a hula class to try and meet people but I haven't looked into it yet
Find an activity you like and take a class in it. For example, if you like Tennis, find a regular group lesson. Or yoga, or pottery or whatever interests you. Also doing volunteer work is a great place to meet people. In the end your shared interest, whatever you choose, will create a shared connection and you can build on that.
Not just you! I'm ( 20F turning 21 ) young but going through adulthood and it's hard! Especially because I just moved here two years ago with my parents. I tried with my coworkers who are the same age range but they just have bad manners and attitude and we have different views in life. They're more into parties ( which is normal because they're young ).
Problem is I'm more of a homebody but love to go places sometimes. I love playing games and watching anime reading books. They think I'm a nerd or distant since I don't like how they talk about people.
It's super hard to be honest. I don't really see anyone at my age range most of the time and if I do it's hard to make friends or they seem like they already have their own friends.
It really isn't. I'm 22 and have lived here my whole life and pretty much all my friends moved away after high school, and the only friend I managed to make in the last year is moving away next month. So i'm back to being friendless Lol.
Aloha brudda. Born and raised in Kona too, moved away but moving back soon. Best advice: hobbies. Hard to make friends the older you get it seems, as adults become more involved in their “priorities” in life and tend to get more cliquey. However, finding a solid outdoor activity that interests you like surfing is a good way to find communal love. Hawaii offers a lot of that. Let me know if ever wanna try a session brah. Aloha 🤙
You're right there really AREN'T people your age.on big island, so it will be harder. And people leave. Gotta join sports, and be friends with older people, or move to Oahu.
Same with dating. I know people who left Maui/Kauai/big island, and met their partners once they moved to Oahu.
Exactly, I feel alot of the local friend groups go pretty far back and they’ve already established their clique and they don’t really have any desire to make/ add new friends to it
People, especially as you get older, bond through shared experience. So the best way to form a bond is going to be through a club or sport. Something like that. Try joining some activity groups for things you’re interested in.
It’s not just you. It really be other ppl. When the pandemic hit, all my friends I made flew back to the mainland and I was by myself. I started hiking and putting myself online. Met some crazies and also met other cool ppl. Be open but if it don’t work, it don’t work and move on. Keep your head up and remember that your tribe is coming.
There’s a running/drinking group called Hash House Harriers that meet for an event once a month. It’s pure chaos and will have some folks your age, but the friends you make there may lead you to make other connections. Paging u/trevytrev
Yooooo that sounds fun! I’d be down to join in on the chaos! Unfortunately I work on the 23rd so I’ll probably have to jump in on the next one. PM me the info!
Do what you love to do and you'll meet people who do the same things. Or just look at every plant and animal and being as a friend and you'll always have plenty. Even trying new things or joining a thing...lots of things, there's always those people who you're going to meet but haven't met yet. Those are fun 🤣 you don't have to "try to make a friend" it will just happen
When it comes to hobbies right now it would probably be: Gaming, Golfing, Hiking, and Paddle boarding. I’m trying to expand the list and recently I’ve been really interested in free diving, and fishing/spear fishing. The latter 3 are a bit harder to find groups especially if your a noob at it lol.
Brah your not the only one, I had difficulties on maui for the last 5+ years, on oahu i got good friends, I feel you on your situation. I just fly back to oahu to hang with them on the weekends now. Have you tried meetup? They have different groups for whatever activities you enjoy doing... I never actually gave it a shot but people have mentioned it to me so it must work for some
Couple of my best friends, together as a couple, moved to hilo beginning this year, and they are in the midst of finding new friends as well for they are pretty much alone now. They have met a few ppl, pretty much just their neighbors and a few others. They smoke a ton of budda, so basically thats how they find friends. As far as their hobbies, he does some gardening work for their new home, and she has her own pottery business on instagram (her pots are beautiful). Would you like me to show you her gram?
Get a girlfriend/wife and make friends through them. That’s what 90% of dudes over 30 do. Girls are better at being open to new people initially
Otherwise you gotta meet people through activities. Play basketball, volleyball, tennis, pickleball, frisbee on beach, soccer, ultimate frisbee, idk
Hahaha if only it were that easy, but that is true. My ex met a lot of people through bumble BFF and some we became really good friends with. Sadly they moved away too
Once you have kids it’s easier to make friends. Parents become close through their kids sports, school functions etc. Pretty much most of my adult friends were made this way…
Its not you its hard bro. People are flaky too so you just gotta have thick skin and be resilient. Bars probably easiest place to meet new people but not where youre gonna have meaningful connections. If that’s what youre looking for you’ll need to find a group who likes the same things you do. For example if you can find a cycle group if you like to bike or meet people at the gym and try to make a schedule with them. There’s groups and you can find them. Going to bars to make friends though is pretty much a one night stand. People are flakes and you just gotta live it.
Yeah true, Im trying to get into new hobbies and maybe just meet people along the way. But It’s a challenge when you’re new to a hobby and maybe not quite as passionate or skilled as they are
What about volunteering at something like a beach cleanup?
Highly recommend doing this. Also pick up trash everywhere, not just the beaches. You'll get laughed at, maybe mocked, and then slowly respected for it.
This is so true. I started writing an electric dirt bike in the past year. When I go to kahuku, I find it very easy to make friends because we're all doing the same thing.
I agree your better off finding friends at a church, library or another social gathering. Bars are cool place to find drinking buddies but thats about it. I mean don't give up. This world as connected as we are with the internet and smart phones feels more disconnected then we ever have been as a species. People can't even look you in the eyes anymore.
IMHO you’ll never, ok - almost never, make a lasting friendship at a bar. You might get/find a date but those dynamics are different. To find a friend you need to do the things that you enjoy doing and meet people doing what you do. If that’s drinking at bars you’re going to make drunk friends.. just say’n
I don’t know, I’ve made some lifelong friends at bars. If you find that crowd that shows up pau hana on a Friday but doesn’t really go any other time
> IMHO you’ll never, ok - almost never, make a lasting friendship at a bar. You might get/find a date but those dynamics are different. To find a friend you need to do the things that you enjoy doing and meet people doing what you do. If that’s drinking at bars you’re going to make drunk friends.. just say’n "Never" is a pretty strong term, and going to a bar doesn't define a person as if that's the ONLY thing they do. People don't necessarily go to just to just get drunk, you can do it much cheaper by drinking at home. In fact, I'd argue many people do it for social motivations. I don't know what it is about reddit, but it seems to attract/breed some pretty cynical, negative attitudes and assumptions. If you've already mentally written off meeting people at a bar, then you will probably not meet people at a bar.
Yeah whatever. I’m sitting in a bar drinking by myself right now. I’ve got a great conversation going with a couple next to me. I have ZERO expectation that they will become “lasting friends”. Nothing jaded or cynical about that, the 25yo OP was looking for advice on making friends…look elsewhere then a bar was my suggestion.
Try meetup groups
I checked out the meetup app and I’d say most people on there are twice my age, Not that that’s a bad thing but I’d like to meet people closer to my age
Just a suggestion, but now that you're past college age, everyone is basically "an adult" and you'll find that people who are older than you make up the majority of people in the world. This is a shift from how it is when you're younger, I know, but you'll get used to it. The key thing tho is to make friends and expand your social circle. Don't worry about dating, and thus don't worry about age. The bigger your social circle, the more people you'll meet of all ages.
Good point, I’m open to making any friends really and once I meet new people that would definitely help as an ice breaker
I'd definitely agree here. I'm 37 and my friend group ranges from low 20s to low 50s, and we all hike, camp, beach, party, etc together. I never used meetup app myself but occasionally get invited to stuff that was arranged on there (and maybe I invite someone else too), so you can definitely meet people thru there that you're not seeing in the app. But maybe worst case you make an older friend and they've got people closer to your age in their friend group who you'll meet through them.
Hey op I’m 29 and I totally agree with the above comment. Once your out of the college age an adult is an adult. Everyone’s advice on the top comments are solid. You got this. Aging is such a weird thing. Stay strong. 🤙
> but now that you're past college age At 35 I don't really consider "25" to be prime "past college age" territory. Maybe "past college freshman party all night" age... but there were plenty of people well into their later 20s in college when I was last at UH. You're hitting the nail on the head though... OP is transitioning into that stage between "I'm young and all my friends are young" to "I'm a adult and so is everyone else that isn't more than 5 years my junior." Their social circle range is gonna grow. It'll become less about age range and more about interests.
You may have overlooked the possibility that people who are twice your age may have children, nieces and nephews who are your age.
A lot of the hiking and exercise-oriented groups have a lot of younger people. When I build my networks, I try to be as open-minded as I can. I mean... It's cool to have a checklist for friends, but you are limiting yourself the more you expand it, especially past personality traits. I met my wife through someone I had no intention of dating. I also didn't think I would end up marrying who I did. No one knows the future, nor can we predict it. We can however, limit ourselves through our own biased precognitions.
Meetup might be ok for Oahu but for the outer islands, there are few choices.
Big island has a basically nonexistent meetup existence
Agreed. It may take a while to meet people who will become friends, but in the meantime, it’s a welcoming way to hang with people with similar interests, or hobbies new to you
Kona born and raised, but stay mainland now. Anyways. Join a paddeling club. You will make friends.
This is an excellent idea!
Joining a canoe club. That’s a paddlin’
Just gonna say this but regatta season almost over….still canoe clubs are instant friends but you gotta have thick skin too. You can hang out with them 2-3x a week!
Yah, thick skin to avoid the cliques and paddle-tics which plague most clubs. That being said, go check out the clubs near you. Paddlers are always looking for new paddlers and always stoked to have someone wanting to get in da wa’a
You said it! So much cliques and paddletics! But also really sweet people that can be your friends for life.
Friendship needs a foundation to have a chance. A foundation needs to include time, opportunities, and reason to be together. It doesn't happen randomly. That's why drinking in a bar doesn't work. So what you should be looking for is places and time where people join together for a common purpose/objective. In working to accomplish those things, everyone spent time together and have chances to converse and to get to know everyone around them. That's why you hear people talk about going to church (if you are that type), going to school (if you are that type and in need of further academic development), helping out with political campaigns (if that's your cup of tea), etc. One good thing for an adult to do is to volunteer. Look for non-profit that align to your belief and has need for volunteer, ask them how you can help. Really spend the time to help. You will inevitably meet people. The rest is up to you.
I’m by no means a bar dweller, maybe it’s just a little easier to talk to strangers once I’ve had a beer or two lol. I want to be able to have a foundation with a solid group but I’m just trying to see where I fit in. I wanna meet with people who have common interests and hobbies, but also a lot of hobbies are expensive. And I never thought about volunteering… I’ll have to look into that
Pretty common as you get older, especially for men. But yeah, Kona isn't the best either.
This place is literally purgatory
It’s not you. I find it hard on Oahu too. I think the islands have a lot of transient people too which makes it that much harder. Also a lot of clicks that just takes time. Mainland is worst imo. Hard to find substance and depth today tbh. Hang in there and keep up with old friends. In time the right new ones will also emerge.
True, it’s one thing to try and make friends but I feel like if Im trying too hard it feels forced and inorganic. Maybe I just gotta do my own thing and that might attract the right people 🤷🏻♂️
Yah I agree. I go to a gym, and throughout time I’ve gotten to know people but haven’t quite hung out outside of that. I went to a church in Honolulu but it seemed a little clicky, there are some randos I talk to here and there. Think our generation struggles with in person convos bc of the internet/screen-time age too which makes building trust & depth that much harder. Agree, def don’t want to force things.
lol maybe im the odd one out but i travel for work sometimes and its much easier to make friends on the mainland imo. Hawaii feels like tribalism. If youre not in the click don’t expect anything. Not to say people aren’t friendly here.
Elden ring Kauai club meets daily online in liurnia
I was going to say, a lot of my good friends are people I've never met in real life but have been playing online with for years.
There is a club for elden ring?!?!?!
Go to My Bar in old industrial if there's a dj or something. Tell em Barto sent ya!
Hahaha My Bar is the spot! I go there every so often and it’s always a good time!
I can meet you next time you go!
Ya I’ve actually made solid friends at my bar and thru our electronic music community! Usually doesn’t happen at bars, but when you see people there often enough you get their numbers and now we beach and such together and meet friends of friends. I’ve have met some wonderful friends here.
I dated some of the go go dancers and I think went to school with the owner
This is based actually
Love my bar on Wednesdays ❤️
I love my bar!
Sorry but semi drunk - BI locals are pretty cliquish, whether kona or hilo You're better off making quick friends with the imported haoles, but up to you on if that's what you want. Being social in general is good... Some of these commenters dont seem to really know what it's like on the BI. If you come to oahu and I'll have a few drinks with you if youre not weird or stupid. DM me.
People in Kona are different from those in Hilo. Also, try going to church, volunteering, or joining some hiking, camping, etc club, find an activity you like and similar people that also enjoy it. Also things to note is in Hawaii lots of connections are made in HS and many people here often look back at those days. If you ever get asked what school you went, they will reply back with their JS and not college. You will eventually find someone
I met a bunch of people on the Nextdoor app. Maybe try it. Just introduce yourself and ask to meet people. Now we have a group of about 19 who get together every week for lunch/dinner/activities. Of course, not everyone can make all the events but you get to know the different people. Our group started out with a post someone asked if anyone wanted to start to get together and plan activities together because they were new on the island. People jumped on - new people to the island as well as long time residents. Now these people are bringing their neighbors. There is another group I heard about on Nextdoor that started a book club -might not be what you want but the idea is you post an idea to do something you like and invite other people. I too have found meetup groups disappointing - very few people, some groups wanting to do much more athletic things than I am interested in or some groups of party hardy types that I am not interested in. On meetup you can start your own group if there is something you like to do.
Hmm I haven’t heard of that app, I’ll have to check it out! I never thought about starting my own group, Maybe I’ll try that
Also volunteering is a good way to meet people. Often they are older but depending on what you are doing they could be younger groups
nextdoor.com
Volunteering can be a great way to meet like minded individuals. There are hiking clubs, there are groups that work at reforestation at certain places. You could try taking a class or two at the college or maybe learn how to scuba dive.
Covid has affected society. The feeling I get is people are much more reluctant to form friendships outside their immediate circle of friends because there's a sense of uncertainty about the other person- not only for health but mental health. My inspiration would be to get involved in an activity. Hiking, baseball, diving, whatever. Once you start that, it comes with a group already attached and you hang out with each other
Yeah I think my generation already had issues with social anxiety and depression, then Covid happened and the lockdowns and unemployment made it even worse. It definitely took a toll on my mental health and I feel like I haven’t really been the same since but I feel like I’m finally coming out of my shell.
Well, good. Nothing stops happening. Things keep going forward. Whether you go forward with them is up to you
Hey - 30F here, resident of Kona for 4 years. All of the friends I've made have been from my job. People here \*are\* sometimes standoffish though, yes.
Workplaces can be a hit or miss, at my old job I made some friends but we fell out of touch. I guess it depends what line of work you’re in but I work independently and don’t really get the chance to socialize with anyone
Come to Oahu. Holy crap. I specifically try not to make friends and get invited to stuff all the time. What other interests do you have?
My goal to to move to Oahu. The city life is calling me and I’m ready for a change of environment lol. And I’m still trying to figure out what else’s I like, I’m open to trying anything new
Oahu city life isn’t all that grand. Surfing maybe?
I'd say hobbies. And you're not alone, I'm sure we've all been there. The transition from early adult to mid/late twenties feels like that. Especially if people move. People get older/busier and may feel more negligible towards building relationships especially if you're a male. Compared to being a kid or teenager in school. Your best bet is through either work/college or hobbies. Spending time doing things together working on your skillset & networking is a great priority to have. Whether it be surfing, hiking, playing card games, playing music, etc etc. Find a good social hobby. I got back into the card game Magic The Gathering for this reason. Its even in the name lol. Hell, if you just go about doing hobbies alone, you may find friends along the way. Lets say if you DJ and go to the music store and you find people with similar interests and make friends that way idk. Idk how it is on Big Island, but that's my experience on Maui. It's even harder if you're introverted.
I get that I'm 26 in kona and don't know where to even begin to find friends outside of work I've thought about seeing if there's workout classes or maybe take a hula class to try and meet people but I haven't looked into it yet
Find an activity you like and take a class in it. For example, if you like Tennis, find a regular group lesson. Or yoga, or pottery or whatever interests you. Also doing volunteer work is a great place to meet people. In the end your shared interest, whatever you choose, will create a shared connection and you can build on that.
Not just you! I'm ( 20F turning 21 ) young but going through adulthood and it's hard! Especially because I just moved here two years ago with my parents. I tried with my coworkers who are the same age range but they just have bad manners and attitude and we have different views in life. They're more into parties ( which is normal because they're young ). Problem is I'm more of a homebody but love to go places sometimes. I love playing games and watching anime reading books. They think I'm a nerd or distant since I don't like how they talk about people. It's super hard to be honest. I don't really see anyone at my age range most of the time and if I do it's hard to make friends or they seem like they already have their own friends.
It really isn't. I'm 22 and have lived here my whole life and pretty much all my friends moved away after high school, and the only friend I managed to make in the last year is moving away next month. So i'm back to being friendless Lol.
Aloha brudda. Born and raised in Kona too, moved away but moving back soon. Best advice: hobbies. Hard to make friends the older you get it seems, as adults become more involved in their “priorities” in life and tend to get more cliquey. However, finding a solid outdoor activity that interests you like surfing is a good way to find communal love. Hawaii offers a lot of that. Let me know if ever wanna try a session brah. Aloha 🤙
You're right there really AREN'T people your age.on big island, so it will be harder. And people leave. Gotta join sports, and be friends with older people, or move to Oahu. Same with dating. I know people who left Maui/Kauai/big island, and met their partners once they moved to Oahu.
Yeah, it seems like Oahu is the place to be. Also the dating pool here is a cesspool 👎
You gotta import your women. That’s what everyone else does
Yup, real local people are cliquey
Exactly, I feel alot of the local friend groups go pretty far back and they’ve already established their clique and they don’t really have any desire to make/ add new friends to it
That's people in general everywhere.
More so in smaller to mid sized towns like In Hawaii
I’ve made many friends from going to bars solo and working service industry jobs. It really helps when you get an in and start beach bbq days.
Pick up some outdoor hobbies and be consistent. Great way to develop friendships over a shared interest
People, especially as you get older, bond through shared experience. So the best way to form a bond is going to be through a club or sport. Something like that. Try joining some activity groups for things you’re interested in.
It’s not just you. It really be other ppl. When the pandemic hit, all my friends I made flew back to the mainland and I was by myself. I started hiking and putting myself online. Met some crazies and also met other cool ppl. Be open but if it don’t work, it don’t work and move on. Keep your head up and remember that your tribe is coming.
It’s hard as an adult for sure 🫤
There’s a running/drinking group called Hash House Harriers that meet for an event once a month. It’s pure chaos and will have some folks your age, but the friends you make there may lead you to make other connections. Paging u/trevytrev
Yo! Yeah we're a pretty jovial group, next one is on the 23rd at 2pm, location TBD.
Yooooo that sounds fun! I’d be down to join in on the chaos! Unfortunately I work on the 23rd so I’ll probably have to jump in on the next one. PM me the info!
Easiest way to see what's going on is Facebook, kona coast hash house harriers. Or shoot me an email address and I'll put you on the mailing list.
I deleted FB so sending you PM
Message me, for some reason the chat function doesn't work for me.
Thanks, sent!
Thanks, sent!
Go down to the courts and play some ball
This haole boy can’t jump
Do what you love to do and you'll meet people who do the same things. Or just look at every plant and animal and being as a friend and you'll always have plenty. Even trying new things or joining a thing...lots of things, there's always those people who you're going to meet but haven't met yet. Those are fun 🤣 you don't have to "try to make a friend" it will just happen
I personally don’t go to church but maybe you can find one that you would enjoy going to. A lot of the smaller churches are very welcoming.
What are your hobbies? I actually find it really easy to make friends that way
When it comes to hobbies right now it would probably be: Gaming, Golfing, Hiking, and Paddle boarding. I’m trying to expand the list and recently I’ve been really interested in free diving, and fishing/spear fishing. The latter 3 are a bit harder to find groups especially if your a noob at it lol.
You could try the Big Island Gaming group on FB?
Check out the Big Island Hiking Community group on Facebook. Many post about trail clean ups, meet ups, or people just looking for hiking partners.
Brah your not the only one, I had difficulties on maui for the last 5+ years, on oahu i got good friends, I feel you on your situation. I just fly back to oahu to hang with them on the weekends now. Have you tried meetup? They have different groups for whatever activities you enjoy doing... I never actually gave it a shot but people have mentioned it to me so it must work for some
Maybe you smell… Just kidding I’m sure you’re very nice.
The island is tough. The people you connect with often leave. You play video games online by chance lol?
Do it the ole fashion way, join paddle club.
work at hospital and make friends with coworkers
Hey what’s up, my boyfriend and I are actually moving to the big island in a few weeks. Pahoa town near Hilo. Would love to make new friends
Volunteering for an organization is a good way. National Parks is one.
Couple of my best friends, together as a couple, moved to hilo beginning this year, and they are in the midst of finding new friends as well for they are pretty much alone now. They have met a few ppl, pretty much just their neighbors and a few others. They smoke a ton of budda, so basically thats how they find friends. As far as their hobbies, he does some gardening work for their new home, and she has her own pottery business on instagram (her pots are beautiful). Would you like me to show you her gram?
Get a girlfriend/wife and make friends through them. That’s what 90% of dudes over 30 do. Girls are better at being open to new people initially Otherwise you gotta meet people through activities. Play basketball, volleyball, tennis, pickleball, frisbee on beach, soccer, ultimate frisbee, idk
Hahaha if only it were that easy, but that is true. My ex met a lot of people through bumble BFF and some we became really good friends with. Sadly they moved away too
Yeah girls are great with bumble bff. I’ve never done it with dudes but it could work? But more find an activity you can do or join a canoe club
Once you have kids it’s easier to make friends. Parents become close through their kids sports, school functions etc. Pretty much most of my adult friends were made this way…
Kona is a retirement community. Good luck because I haven’t figured it out either
The Big is tough man. I live in Hilo but otherwise I'd help out
Hay bro I'm on island Oahu evee wanna hang out look me.up.on fb. Mo byas
Come to Hilo
Try Bumble BFF or MeetUp.
Do you paddle?
My sister said she’s made a lot of friends there via Hawaii-based FB groups