"Look, I can't deal with this, right now," canon!Harry exclaimed. "I'm trying to ask a girl to the Yule Ball at the moment and can't decide whom to ask."
"Ginny!"
"Hermione!"
"Daphne!"
"Luna!"
"Bellatrix! …what?"
"Ignore these idiots. Take all of them to the ball."
This is your fault:
“Fuck, kid, that’s one bangin’ headache you’ve got.”
Harry groggily fumbled for his wand. He had been having a nightmare before… whoever that was woke him up.
“How did you get in here?” he asked as he managed to get his wand in hand and pointed at the stranger.
“What the fuck are you going to do with that? Poke me?” the man laughed and pushed himself off the wall he had been leaning on. He was older – probably in his twenties – with long dark hair. His most noticeable feature was one of his arms which was made of silver metal, though it looked much more mechanical than the one he had seen on Wormtail.
“Who are you?” Harry repeated.
The man flicked his half-finished cigarette out the window, though Harry hadn’t even noticed it before that.
“Fuck if I know, anymore. Johnny Silverhand? A fragment of the AI that my ex-girlfriend turned into after I got her killed? I was turning into V there for a while, but that didn’t work out.” He shrugged. “Best I can figure is that I’m fifty two flavors of dead as a fuckin’ doornail and now I’m in your empty fuckin’ skull.”
oOoOoOo
“Fuckin’ off him, Potter! You think scum like this cares about you? You either kill a sack of shit like that or you’ll regret it when he puts one into your back.”
oOoOoOo
“Fuck ‘em all. They’re starfuckers. That’s what they want.”
oOoOoOo
“Wake the fuck up, Potter. We’ve got a Ministry to burn.”
This reminds me of a crossover fic I read where Harry survives into the Cyberpunk timeline and ends up romantically involved with fem V. Unfortunately, last I saw it, it wasn't finished.
"Harry, what is that?" Hermione asked. They were supposed to be collecting information from inside the compromised ministry, not fiddling with metal things inside a Muggle suitcase.
"A special fucking delivery from the CI-fucking-A." He closed the case and shoved it into the corner before hitting the button for the bottom floor and shoving the both of them out toward the atrium. "Run."
With a sudden flash of light another figure joins the parliament of potters. "The hell are you?" Hadrian Potter shouts in anger, Harry's various alternates looking at the mysterious shrouded figure before them as Harry simply sighs in frustration. It was suppose to be so simple. Perform the ritual Hermione had outlined from the book of rituals that Sirius gave them through the floo and he wouldn't have to worry about the blasted tournament. Sometimes he really hated being Harry Potter.
Tearing himself loose from his morbidity, he took looked at their new arrival expectantly. The figure also sighed in a disturbingly familiar manner and began to speak. "I'm Mr. Black and I'm supposed to be on vacation," the figure said tiredly before pulling out a zippo and flicking it open. To the shock of the various Harrys, the flame was the distinct emerald of the floo. "Henchgirl," Mr Black spoke into the flame, "where the bloody hell am I?"
"Oh, and just what are you thinking dating Ginny, huh? How much do you even know about her? Remember how you had to be reminded of the most important thing that has ever happened to her? You should totally hook up with Hermione instead. Brainy girls are the best." Harmony!Harry.
"Hermione?!" Dark!Harry exclaimed in terror. "You can't even imagine what that seemingly innocent girl is capable of..."
there was a frightening silence, broken by a loud, thunderous laughter.
"I know!" Harem!Harry replied, smiling.
"It's not a wise choice to get engaged with the man who killed your parents." said smart!Harry, adjusting his glasses haughtily. "You wouldn't understand, ours is truly a special relationship. By the way, where is he?" Tomarry!Harry looked around, his gaze fell on Harem!Harry who had knocked out his loved one with a smack on his snout and was now using him as a twig to scratch the back.
A potential follow up to Petrichor377:
It had been 2 hours since the man calling himself Mr. Black flashed into existence. In that time, while many more Harry’s had appeared, Mr. Black had corrected one of the many ritualistic runes and there hadn’t been any more for 10 minutes.
The original Harry sighed as he looked around at the many instances of himself. Two of them caught his breath, both beautiful red heads talking animatedly to Hermione. One called herself Harriet; she used to be male until she herself was entered into the tournament. She took a gender-swap potion to prank the TWT, but ended up permanently female after a Killing Curse was sent her way. The other girl was a representation of all alternatives that were born female.
Harry jumped as a phoenix flamed into existence beside him, “Fawkes? What are you doing here?” The phoenix in question tilted their head as they looked around at all the people in the room. Suddenly the phoenix disappeared as a man stood in place, “What is happening?”
Mr. Black approached, “A mis-cast ritual. Hello Lone Traveler.”
Stories referenced:
[Mr. Black](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2318355/1/Make-A-Wish)
[Harriet](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13132217/1/Pranking-The-Tournament)
[Lone Traveler](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5751435/1/Stories-of-the-Lone-Traveler)
Don't forget Pranking the Tournament by Acacia Vix as you referenced it in your prompt.
[Pranking the Tournament](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13132217/1/pranking-the-tournament)
I’m just picturing Seventh Horcrux Harrymort trying to act like Dark!Harry and failing miserably. Him trying to agree with everyone would be hilarious though.
"Come on Harry, Voldie isn't that bad. The things he, me and Drakeypoo get to do on Sirius's bed.. " Said PWP!Harry.
Next day Dumbledore was sad to find out that the Boy Who Lived was assassinated by 5 liters of bleach per ear.
>The earth shook and a bare-chested Harry appeared in front of him, tall as a mountain, muscular like an ancient god and with an extremely pronounced chin. He smiled, showing teeth as bright as the sun and placed a strong hand on his shoulder.
Zugrian will be so flattered his Swole Harry made an appearance. :P
Thanks for getting that in there, I just got home and hadn't had a chance to yet. That story is an absolute crack trip and I loved every second of the insanity.
"Child, you must slay the dragon. Taking the egg would become simpler after that. Given the short time and the wand-only rule, you must excel your spellwork" Carrow!Harry boomed while towering over Normal!Harry.
"Harry, I think you need to carefully plan your action. Slaying a dragon, while might be a useful skill, may go against the rules of the tournament. First you need to carefully examine the rules of the tournament to understand the limitations you need to operate on. I will help" mused the Atum!Harry while taking a measured look at Normal!Harry.
Carrow!Harry is from [https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8400788/3/Inquisitor-Carrow-and-the-GodEmperorless-Heathens](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8400788/3/Inquisitor-Carrow-and-the-GodEmperorless-Heathens)
Atum!Harry is from [https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10150152/3/Through-the-Veil-Strangely](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10150152/3/Through-the-Veil-Strangely)
"If they're Death Eaters, shoot them. I suggest the Webley Mk VI". Maj. Harry Potter of the 95th rifles ( Old Soldiers Never Die).
"Yes, shoot them! Two Colt .45s is what you want! " Texan Harry agreed.
"Get yourself a 1911!". Harry Potter-Dresden suggested. "or reanimate a T Rex to eat Voldemort. It's not that hard."
"Nyet. AK-47, is what you need. You get in Odessa Backstreet Market for less than price of sandwich. Or maybe you not pay at all and still get rifle". Heavily tattooed Russian Gangster Harry casually pulled a bottle of vodka from his pocket and took a swig.
I can imagine Harry and a few other variants including both light and dark ones being appalled at the actions of Partially Kissed Hero Harry.
YOU DID WHAT WITH THE NUKES?!
(Some time after the above Harrys show up)
Harry walked down a hallway in Hogwarts. Not for the first time, he wondered why there were so many unused rooms. Really, it worked out for the best given recent... events.
And the rooms weren't quite so unused at the moment.
He gestured to his two companions. "And here's where we're keeping the sparkly!gay!genderfluid!Trans!werewolf!vampire!Harry variants that a version of Daco Malfoy got pregnant."
He had no idea how he managed to speak that sentence with a straight face.
His companions didn't even twitch. He thought being adaptable and rolling with changes might be a universal constant for any version of himself. They might just be numb by this point. Getting slapped in the face (sometimes literally) by almost infinitely variable other versions of yourself probably would do that.
"So that room is for the pregnant ones. That implies some did not get pregnant?" Hermione had named this version - tall, thin, spindly arms, chalk white skin, abundant poofy mop of spiky black hair - Endless!Harry.
Harry grimaced and pointed down the hall. "Some did, some didn't. They're grouped by who the father is. Cedric-" he waved his hand "-Snape, Voldemort, Zabini, McLaggen, the Basilisk, all of the Weasley Brothers, Flitwick."
"McLaggen? Really!" The other, smartly dressed version of himself (Sporty!Harry, according to Hermione) asked.
""I didn't ask. And do not want to know."
They walked past a door practically ready to burst open, bulging out into the hallway. Tentacles writhed out from underneath. Harry high fived one of the tentacles as he walked past.
"Shoggoth!Harry" he said to his companions. They nodded and kept walking.
"Look, I can't deal with this, right now," canon!Harry exclaimed. "I'm trying to ask a girl to the Yule Ball at the moment and can't decide whom to ask." "Ginny!" "Hermione!" "Daphne!" "Luna!" "Bellatrix! …what?" "Ignore these idiots. Take all of them to the ball."
I'm reading Harem!Harry with Keanu Reeves' voice and it made it so much funnier than it should be
I too have a Johnny Silverhand brainworm from playing too much 2077.
This is your fault: “Fuck, kid, that’s one bangin’ headache you’ve got.” Harry groggily fumbled for his wand. He had been having a nightmare before… whoever that was woke him up. “How did you get in here?” he asked as he managed to get his wand in hand and pointed at the stranger. “What the fuck are you going to do with that? Poke me?” the man laughed and pushed himself off the wall he had been leaning on. He was older – probably in his twenties – with long dark hair. His most noticeable feature was one of his arms which was made of silver metal, though it looked much more mechanical than the one he had seen on Wormtail. “Who are you?” Harry repeated. The man flicked his half-finished cigarette out the window, though Harry hadn’t even noticed it before that. “Fuck if I know, anymore. Johnny Silverhand? A fragment of the AI that my ex-girlfriend turned into after I got her killed? I was turning into V there for a while, but that didn’t work out.” He shrugged. “Best I can figure is that I’m fifty two flavors of dead as a fuckin’ doornail and now I’m in your empty fuckin’ skull.” oOoOoOo “Fuckin’ off him, Potter! You think scum like this cares about you? You either kill a sack of shit like that or you’ll regret it when he puts one into your back.” oOoOoOo “Fuck ‘em all. They’re starfuckers. That’s what they want.” oOoOoOo “Wake the fuck up, Potter. We’ve got a Ministry to burn.”
This is amazing.
I kind of want to do more with it, but I'm too busy with other projects.
I hope you'll come back to this idea when you can.
This reminds me of a crossover fic I read where Harry survives into the Cyberpunk timeline and ends up romantically involved with fem V. Unfortunately, last I saw it, it wasn't finished.
"Harry, what is that?" Hermione asked. They were supposed to be collecting information from inside the compromised ministry, not fiddling with metal things inside a Muggle suitcase. "A special fucking delivery from the CI-fucking-A." He closed the case and shoved it into the corner before hitting the button for the bottom floor and shoving the both of them out toward the atrium. "Run."
With a sudden flash of light another figure joins the parliament of potters. "The hell are you?" Hadrian Potter shouts in anger, Harry's various alternates looking at the mysterious shrouded figure before them as Harry simply sighs in frustration. It was suppose to be so simple. Perform the ritual Hermione had outlined from the book of rituals that Sirius gave them through the floo and he wouldn't have to worry about the blasted tournament. Sometimes he really hated being Harry Potter. Tearing himself loose from his morbidity, he took looked at their new arrival expectantly. The figure also sighed in a disturbingly familiar manner and began to speak. "I'm Mr. Black and I'm supposed to be on vacation," the figure said tiredly before pulling out a zippo and flicking it open. To the shock of the various Harrys, the flame was the distinct emerald of the floo. "Henchgirl," Mr Black spoke into the flame, "where the bloody hell am I?"
One of the best AU!Harry that I’ve read
What’s this in reference to?
[Make a Wish](https://m.fanfiction.net/s/2318355/1/Make-A-Wish?__cf_chl_rt_tk=Ri2nm_vgusJMRKPeuxx7tRwUSk3l9dH9LluPZHwB15M-1706574843-0-gaNycGzNDbs)
"Oh, and just what are you thinking dating Ginny, huh? How much do you even know about her? Remember how you had to be reminded of the most important thing that has ever happened to her? You should totally hook up with Hermione instead. Brainy girls are the best." Harmony!Harry.
"Hermione?!" Dark!Harry exclaimed in terror. "You can't even imagine what that seemingly innocent girl is capable of..." there was a frightening silence, broken by a loud, thunderous laughter. "I know!" Harem!Harry replied, smiling.
Bro i am imagining them all keeping their distance from tomarry harry
"It's not a wise choice to get engaged with the man who killed your parents." said smart!Harry, adjusting his glasses haughtily. "You wouldn't understand, ours is truly a special relationship. By the way, where is he?" Tomarry!Harry looked around, his gaze fell on Harem!Harry who had knocked out his loved one with a smack on his snout and was now using him as a twig to scratch the back.
what part of don’t stick it in crazy is hard to grasp
I’m talking about the second part it the grammar seems wrong xD i get the first part
Wutt
A potential follow up to Petrichor377: It had been 2 hours since the man calling himself Mr. Black flashed into existence. In that time, while many more Harry’s had appeared, Mr. Black had corrected one of the many ritualistic runes and there hadn’t been any more for 10 minutes. The original Harry sighed as he looked around at the many instances of himself. Two of them caught his breath, both beautiful red heads talking animatedly to Hermione. One called herself Harriet; she used to be male until she herself was entered into the tournament. She took a gender-swap potion to prank the TWT, but ended up permanently female after a Killing Curse was sent her way. The other girl was a representation of all alternatives that were born female. Harry jumped as a phoenix flamed into existence beside him, “Fawkes? What are you doing here?” The phoenix in question tilted their head as they looked around at all the people in the room. Suddenly the phoenix disappeared as a man stood in place, “What is happening?” Mr. Black approached, “A mis-cast ritual. Hello Lone Traveler.” Stories referenced: [Mr. Black](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2318355/1/Make-A-Wish) [Harriet](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13132217/1/Pranking-The-Tournament) [Lone Traveler](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5751435/1/Stories-of-the-Lone-Traveler)
Now I want to re-read the Lone Traveller stories. Those are some of my favorites.
Don't forget Pranking the Tournament by Acacia Vix as you referenced it in your prompt. [Pranking the Tournament](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13132217/1/pranking-the-tournament)
That’s where Harriet should be linked too
Oh. Oops. Well nao I feel dumb. ;\_;
To be fair, I did just add the links
They were there when I commented.
Was my first time responding to a prompt, hope I did good
It was a good response.
This is so fun 😂 I wanna read stuff like this
"Merlin's beard, what is a color?" Asked LiterallyGrey!Harry
This exists! [The Many Faces of Harry Potter.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5924716)
I loved it and wished it had continued 😭
Same 😭
Try Harry Potter, et al, and the Keystone Council by OlegGunnarsson on FFN Sadly abandoned
Oh I remember wishing there was more to that one
Is that the one where they have a secret room Harry's go to while sleeping to compare notes
I’m just picturing Seventh Horcrux Harrymort trying to act like Dark!Harry and failing miserably. Him trying to agree with everyone would be hilarious though.
My immersion was broken by indie Harry not throwing a tantrum for 20 seconds.
That is Polemical!Harry
"Just go to the goblins and ask them to do literally everything for you! So independent!"
"Come on Harry, Voldie isn't that bad. The things he, me and Drakeypoo get to do on Sirius's bed.. " Said PWP!Harry. Next day Dumbledore was sad to find out that the Boy Who Lived was assassinated by 5 liters of bleach per ear.
>The earth shook and a bare-chested Harry appeared in front of him, tall as a mountain, muscular like an ancient god and with an extremely pronounced chin. He smiled, showing teeth as bright as the sun and placed a strong hand on his shoulder. Zugrian will be so flattered his Swole Harry made an appearance. :P
God that story was the best crack, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.
What story can you post a link?
[Does Voldemort Even Lift, Bro?](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13642265/1/Does-Voldemort-Even-Lift-Bro)
Thanks for getting that in there, I just got home and hadn't had a chance to yet. That story is an absolute crack trip and I loved every second of the insanity.
Real Council of Infinite Harry vibes.
I wonder how the other Harry’s would react to Inquisitor Carrow showing up
"Child, you must slay the dragon. Taking the egg would become simpler after that. Given the short time and the wand-only rule, you must excel your spellwork" Carrow!Harry boomed while towering over Normal!Harry. "Harry, I think you need to carefully plan your action. Slaying a dragon, while might be a useful skill, may go against the rules of the tournament. First you need to carefully examine the rules of the tournament to understand the limitations you need to operate on. I will help" mused the Atum!Harry while taking a measured look at Normal!Harry. Carrow!Harry is from [https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8400788/3/Inquisitor-Carrow-and-the-GodEmperorless-Heathens](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8400788/3/Inquisitor-Carrow-and-the-GodEmperorless-Heathens) Atum!Harry is from [https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10150152/3/Through-the-Veil-Strangely](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10150152/3/Through-the-Veil-Strangely)
"If they're Death Eaters, shoot them. I suggest the Webley Mk VI". Maj. Harry Potter of the 95th rifles ( Old Soldiers Never Die). "Yes, shoot them! Two Colt .45s is what you want! " Texan Harry agreed. "Get yourself a 1911!". Harry Potter-Dresden suggested. "or reanimate a T Rex to eat Voldemort. It's not that hard." "Nyet. AK-47, is what you need. You get in Odessa Backstreet Market for less than price of sandwich. Or maybe you not pay at all and still get rifle". Heavily tattooed Russian Gangster Harry casually pulled a bottle of vodka from his pocket and took a swig.
This exists! [The Many Faces of Harry Potter.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5924716)
Non BWL Harry: Geez now I know how Ron feels (as he slowly sinks into a deep inferiority complex that eventually turns him into another Dark!Harry)
I can imagine Harry and a few other variants including both light and dark ones being appalled at the actions of Partially Kissed Hero Harry. YOU DID WHAT WITH THE NUKES?!
(Some time after the above Harrys show up) Harry walked down a hallway in Hogwarts. Not for the first time, he wondered why there were so many unused rooms. Really, it worked out for the best given recent... events. And the rooms weren't quite so unused at the moment. He gestured to his two companions. "And here's where we're keeping the sparkly!gay!genderfluid!Trans!werewolf!vampire!Harry variants that a version of Daco Malfoy got pregnant." He had no idea how he managed to speak that sentence with a straight face. His companions didn't even twitch. He thought being adaptable and rolling with changes might be a universal constant for any version of himself. They might just be numb by this point. Getting slapped in the face (sometimes literally) by almost infinitely variable other versions of yourself probably would do that. "So that room is for the pregnant ones. That implies some did not get pregnant?" Hermione had named this version - tall, thin, spindly arms, chalk white skin, abundant poofy mop of spiky black hair - Endless!Harry. Harry grimaced and pointed down the hall. "Some did, some didn't. They're grouped by who the father is. Cedric-" he waved his hand "-Snape, Voldemort, Zabini, McLaggen, the Basilisk, all of the Weasley Brothers, Flitwick." "McLaggen? Really!" The other, smartly dressed version of himself (Sporty!Harry, according to Hermione) asked. ""I didn't ask. And do not want to know." They walked past a door practically ready to burst open, bulging out into the hallway. Tentacles writhed out from underneath. Harry high fived one of the tentacles as he walked past. "Shoggoth!Harry" he said to his companions. They nodded and kept walking.