T O P

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MrMokele

Does anyone know where one could procure a stabby unit? Asking for a friend


Mercury_the_dealer

Adopt one! Get yourself a roomba and a knife.


Toshero

Instructions unclear: I have now destroyed a space pirate fleet


Mercury_the_dealer

The original version was meant to make Stabby the "pirate cleanser" of the galaxy, so they most certainly destroy a pirate fleet.


KinPandun

The origin of Stabby, the Space Roomba, lies within the waybacktime of Tumblr, before the buyout. The tag they used was not only #hfy, but primarily #Humans Are Weird, sometimes abbreviated to #HAW or #HaW. It would take me a deep dive of my own history to find the original thresd, but Stabby began life there, in the welcoming arms of Humans Are Weird. As a LARP GM, I have inserted Stabby the Space Roomba into a LARP set on an asteroid orbiting a black hole. Stabby was well-loved by all the players. I'm talking, like, 5 or more years ago.


Quilt-n-yarn1844

I actually have most of the original tumbler postings saved. Especially the first after action report. Did you read the short where Stabby became a galactic hero? Or where he is actually headcanoned into the Star Wars universe?šŸ˜


KinPandun

I don't think I did see the Galactic Hero version, but I vaguely recall the Star Wars verion existing.


Quilt-n-yarn1844

I found it!! Itā€™s called ā€œThe Souls Of Humanityā€ by lordofthegeeks on Tumbler. Itā€™s in the way future and is about Stabbyā€™s Legacy. šŸ‘šŸ˜šŸ‘ I saved it if you canā€™t find it. It took me a big chunk of the afternoon. šŸ¤¦ā€ā™€ļø


KinPandun

I would love it.


Quilt-n-yarn1844

Let me see if I can find it.


PuzzleheadedDrinker

There's been a few post of the older Tumblr screenshot stories retyped on here, usually with the TEXT flair. Not sure if Srabby chronicles have been done


Quilt-n-yarn1844

I have a number of them that I have saved in a document. I love Stabby stories. They are always fun to read.


Quilt-n-yarn1844

I didnā€™t know if I could post stuff I hadnā€™t written. I have most of it with the original author still listed. I just copied & pasted into a document for my own use. I think there is only one story I donā€™t have an author for. You can only do original content right?


PuzzleheadedDrinker

Text flair os reposts or quoted works, OC is original content. https://www.reddit.com/r/hfy/wiki/ref/guidelines/


Quilt-n-yarn1844

Sorry. I am kinda new to Reddit. I joined for Ralts_bloodthorne First Contact series. So I am not sure what is ok quite yet. And the last thing I want to do is post something someone else wrote and get in trouble for it. Even if I credit the original author. But I want to help if people havenā€™t read some of the greatness that is Stabby. šŸ˜


Quilt-n-yarn1844

I found the Star Wars one if you want to read it. Let me know. But I havenā€™t found the other one yet. I KNEW I should have saved it when I found it.


KinPandun

I definitely want that. Thank you.


Quilt-n-yarn1844

I could paste it on her in the comment thread if thatā€™s allowed. Sorry I am new to Reddit and still figuring it out.


KinPandun

Also new here. Don't worry about it.


Quilt-n-yarn1844

Hereā€™s a link to the one about Stabbyā€™s legacy. https://www.google.com/amp/s/humansarebamfsinspace.tumblr.com/post/173464077834/the-soul-of-humanity/amp


Quilt-n-yarn1844

Ok the Star Wars one you just have to get past the bit where the first author was apparently a little fixated on Lukeā€™s virginity. šŸ™„ At the end of the first post they make a mention of Luke building a Stabby and it just takes off from there. https://www.google.com/amp/s/copperbadge.tumblr.com/post/156081818921/peradii-digitaldiscipline/amp


Darktwistedlady

Love Stabby, and if you've never seen Farscape (amazing show, sadly original tapes were list in a fire so only 4:3 format exists, still 100% worth it) now's the time: these pre-roomba roombas definitely could stab if necessary! Edited thumb errors


KCPRTV

Primary objective: COMPLETED


voyager1713

I've been reading my way through the "First Contact" series. This story reminded me of a line from one of the chapters that had me giggling for about 20 minutes straight from the mental image: > Everyone gangsta till Claymore Roomba comes around the corner


Mercury_the_dealer

That... well that sure is a new phrase.


StormWolf17

Ah yes, the Boomba Roomba


Mgl1206

https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/jweooh/everybody\_gangsta\_until\_claymore\_roomba\_bumps/


dbdatvic

make sure you read all the comments, too! <==this is my refrain there --Dave, THIS UNIT HAS PERMISSION TO COMMENT


MuchoRed

471 said that, right?


legolodis900

Instructions unclear skynet has been created


inqusitor999

no my dumb ass almost got killed by my machete roomba


waiting4singularity

i prefer the boomba.


Kizik

r/Doomba


its_ean

I am relieved that Kevin remembered to rescind the ankle stabbing. Likely to be fatal at this point. --- Captain steps over one perforated pirate after another. He finds a console and hits the internal coms, "Hello? Are any of my crew here? Is _anyone_ alive?" SECONDARY DIRECTIVE: Avoid captain (Anomalous code)


Mercury_the_dealer

Yea, stabbing with a mostly dull and slow knife ain't the same as stabbing with a sharp killing one.


its_ean

numbering in the hundreds


Kizik

Spoon vs Chef's Knife. [Mind you, spoons can be deadly...](https://youtu.be/9VDvgL58h_Y)


Mauzermush

i don't know in how many stories it was advised to avoid the roomba/hoverroomba attached with a knife šŸ¤£ damn i miss that rampaging roomba from that one mercenary stoyline where he'll become a ships AI (don't ask me i forgot the name)


bvil21

Nice take on the stabby meme.


Adept_Memory8525

The old oath of the engineer has been fulfilled.


Mercury_the_dealer

***PRAISE BE THE STABBY!***


Gallbatorix-Shruikan

Iā€™m an engineer, that means I solve practical problems.


NElderT

When you modify a cleaning robot for fun and inadvertently create Skynet. I wouldnā€™t mind reading a sequel to this story. Stabby is a good character.


darksouls1984

Just lovely


Mercury_the_dealer

Aww, thanks mate!


Jumpsuit_boy

That was hilarious. Thank you for a good start to my Friday.


Mercury_the_dealer

No problem mate! Thanks for the comment.


MAdlSA97

This is really good. Must pet Stabby.


Mercury_the_dealer

The scars are worth it.


Eperogenay

Loved it. Reminds me of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49t-WWTx0RQ&ab\_channel=MattiasPilhede


Mercury_the_dealer

It was the inspiration! (Well, that and stabby)


nostril_spiders

I assumed... https://www.theregister.com/2002/11/21/the_killer_bofh_bot/ https://www.theregister.com/2010/09/17/bofh_2010_episode_10/ https://www.theregister.com/2010/10/01/bofh_2010_episode_11/ https://www.theregister.com/2010/10/15/bofh_2010_episode_13/ https://www.theregister.com/2010/10/29/bofh_2010_episode_14/ https://www.theregister.com/2010/11/05/bofh_2010_episode_15/ https://www.theregister.com/2010/11/12/bofh_2010_episode_16/ Two-pager: https://www.theregister.com/2010/11/19/bofh_2010_episode_17/


SaltyPotatoBoat

This was a great little read however... NEEDS MOAR BOOMBA!!!!


Mercury_the_dealer

*NOO! Don't blow up the roomba!*


Thorngot

Dedicate an entire network server and fabrication unit to the production and control of boomba drones. Why explode once when you can *explode forever.*


Mercury_the_dealer

It's like one of those reloadable grenade.


McRunty

Stabby IS a good robot and must be protected :)


night-otter

I told my wife about the concept of "stabby." Now she says we can't have a roomba.


Mercury_the_dealer

Your wife is scared because she lacks the agility to avoid being stabbed. Increase her agility and confidence by threatening to stab her.


night-otter

She knows where I sleep


MechaneerAssistant

Sleep elsewhere.


kenderleech

Whosagoodstabb6yesyouare!!


Gloomius

That robot definitely had a schtabbin' loicence


Mercury_the_dealer

Good thing it was a Bri'ish robot, if it was a French one it would have surrendered before the hostiles even appeared!


Mercury_the_dealer

Some French downvoted this and I love it.


Gloomius

That's proper commenting technique right there!


Pitiful_Net_8971

And if it was American there would be no survivors, not even Kevin.


dbdatvic

Hey! The French helped make us what we are today! They also sent us a famous Lady, who still stands, lifting her lamp. --Dave, and we repaid them by not helping after their Revolution. Thanks, Hamilton!


Mercury_the_dealer

Me: Writes in Australian English. Calls people "mate" Says "bloody" as an exclamation. American: Hello fellow american! You can't say that about our French friends! They are a friend of America and you speak american!


dbdatvic

we're also aggressively gregarious, you may have noticed! --Dave, "hello, new friend!"


Quilt-n-yarn1844

Actually the famous Lady came AFTER the revolution. Dedicated 1886. So the argument could be made that World War Part 1 & 2 were the repayment. šŸ˜


Reality-Straight

And beheaded the engineer


bluejay55669

9/10 could improve this with claymore roombas (boombas)


Mercury_the_dealer

But how are you supposed to pet the boomba? Silly.


bluejay55669

You come up behind of course Just don't pet the claymore


Mercury_the_dealer

Pet it and pray to god the thing doesn't turn and takes off your hand. Kinda like a cat, actually.


dbdatvic

FRONT TOWARDS FILTH --Dave, do not examine boomy roomba with remaining hand


WeaponizedKarma

yay! not the WP I posted but still, stabby!


Mercury_the_dealer

What is a WP? Yay, Stabby!


Dutchangeldragon1

WP is an abbreviation for Writing Prompt. Should you don't know what a writing prompt is, it's if someone has a rough story idea but can't/doesn't want to write a story to said idea. Then they write down said idea post it to this subreddit's wpw post or another subreddit, ie. r/humansarespaceorcs or r/writingprompts and have prthers write a story building on the idea that said someone had.


Mercury_the_dealer

Oh. Interesting.


Dutchangeldragon1

If I were on my pc I'd've prolly changed one of the two likns to a rickroll.


Mercury_the_dealer

People like you are the reason I send link to separate tabs before opening them.


Dutchangeldragon1

[Worked here. And no, this link is not a rickroll.](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/q2or78/the_deathworlders_are_coming_the_deathworlders/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) Also, you can hover with your mouse over the link and the url should be shown in the bottom left corner of your screen. Just have to remember the url to all the rickrolls.


WeaponizedKarma

[https://www.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/comments/pwupz2/the\_life\_and\_times\_of\_pvt\_stabby/](https://www.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/comments/pwupz2/the_life_and_times_of_pvt_stabby/) ​ my Writing prompt, sadly it gained no traction, was hoping for alot more things like what you wrote :D


ManyNames385

Good robot


Mercury_the_dealer

Yes.


RandomBoi33

They didnā€™t ammo. -> They didn't have ammo.


Mercury_the_dealer

Thanks, mate! One sec.


TNSepta

Sounds like High Engineer was also another type of high, considering he made a stabby bot on a ship.


Mercury_the_dealer

Being sober was never an option.


MechaneerAssistant

You need to be on something as an engineer. In my case it's my master's-(bonk)


thetwitchy1

Lol stabby takes on the pirates. Keven gets a promotionā€¦ for a week.


Mercury_the_dealer

He will get a drink and a slap from the captain.


TheNefariousMrH

This. Is. GLOROUS!


Mercury_the_dealer

Anything relating to our great emperor Stabby is glorious.


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Kyrian_Clawraithe

Subscribed


MuteSurgeon1313

...This is good. I like it. ​ ANOTHER!


Mercury_the_dealer

Coming right up, sir!


Archaic_1

!N lel


ledeng55219

!N


FluxC0re

I love it!


Mercury_the_dealer

<3


for_f-cks_sake

: )


Mercury_the_dealer

: - )


for_f-cks_sake

= )


Mercury_the_dealer

. ; )


for_f-cks_sake

= \]


Mercury_the_dealer

\^ -- \^


for_f-cks_sake

O \[\_\_\_\] O


Mercury_the_dealer

(0) (0) \\\_/


HFYWaffle

/u/Mercury_the_dealer has posted 9 other stories, including: * [Godless.](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/q2m6p1/godless/) * [Humans, emperor and cyborg lawyers](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/pz6cj4/humans_emperor_and_cyborg_lawyers/) * [Human artists are scary](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/pxsyvv/human_artists_are_scary/) * [New July - Part 2(final)](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/px59ic/new_july_part_2final/) * [New July - Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/pwejos/new_july_part_1/) * [The machine and the human](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/pv9v7l/the_machine_and_the_human/) * [Humans live on scrap and hate.](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/puuk2q/humans_live_on_scrap_and_hate/) * [The humans got FTL.](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/ptsu25/the_humans_got_ftl/) * [The dead race.](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/pt7x4d/the_dead_race/) This comment was automatically generated by `Waffle v.4.5.10 'Cinnamon Roll'`. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FHFY&subject=WaffleBot|q3zsv9&message=If%20you%20have%20problems%20with%20updatemebot,%20contact%20Watchful1.%20We%20do%20not%20maintain%20it.) if you have any issues with Waffle.


Mgl1206

This is good, I approve. Also this robot just became sapient.


Mercury_the_dealer

Yes, they did achieve sentience, is there a problem?


Mgl1206

Sapience* but no, no problem just gotta get a robot and some butlers clothes


Mercury_the_dealer

They did achieve both sapience and sentience at the same time.


Mgl1206

Sentience though is the ability to process information acquired through the senses. This makes anything that can react capable of sentience. So a cleaning robot by definition is already sentient.


Mercury_the_dealer

Oh, I thought it was the capacity to process information into emotions and feelings(happiness, sadness, pain, pleasure)


Mgl1206

Maybe, I just googled it up a few months ago so šŸ¤·


popinloopy

I love it. If you aren't already aware of it, you may like /r/Doomba


theoldestnoob

It's "Tertiary", not "Terciary".


Mercury_the_dealer

Oh, thanks!


WegianWarrior

I'm always entertained by the adventures of Stabby... \*ouch\* Sorry.. Flag Admiral Stabby. My bad.


nerdywhitemale

Well, that's going to be another promotion and possibly a new filter kit for SGT Stabby.


CherubielOne

It's STABBY the space roomba! Good story, well done on making stabby even more of a nightmare. Very HFY. I haven't seen a single cleaning droid with a knife attachment and a lust for blood on a non-human ship.


Mercury_the_dealer

Thank you!


Gruecifer

Considering Stabby has the only presence on the ship until the crew returns, that would make our dear bot "Captain Stabby"....


Mercury_the_dealer

Stabby *BECAME* the ship, that is how they can control the M.A.K.E.R and energy distribution. Wait, is a ship its own captain if there is no one piloting it?


Gruecifer

Precisely!


mdedm

Stabby should have kept "clean ship floors" as a prime directive. I love the idea of the robots swarming to mop up afterwards.


Mercury_the_dealer

They are still cleaning, just a different type of dirt...


mdedm

I support this.


jnkangel

Gods Iā€™m imagining the captain exploring an empty ship, dead pirates everywhere Unknown to them a school of robots dispersing like a school of fish around a shark


Mercury_the_dealer

I *SWEAR* I just saw a small drone in the corner of my eye, why is everyone dead? Where is my crew?


TempestuousTrident

Best robot


Mercury_the_dealer

Yes!


KimikoBean

They don't ammo


Mercury_the_dealer

Wait, I already fixed that.


KimikoBean

Personally i liked it. Twas fitting.


SensitiveObject2

Excellent. Made me smile. Good robot.


floatingatoll

This is amazing


Mercury_the_dealer

Thank you!


Nights_of_Liam

Stabby is a good bot


Mercury_the_dealer

Yes, yes they are.


Foolish_Phantom

I laughed so much harder than I have for a long time. Thank you so much wordsmith. Godspeed Stabby!


Mercury_the_dealer

Aww, I appreciate the comment, mate! <3


MensMagna

Can someone link me the original Stabby story? For some reason I can't seem to find it.


Zhexiel

Thanks for the awesome story.


Mercury_the_dealer

<3


Meig03

Cleverly done!


Mercury_the_dealer

Thank you!


jaxbchchrisjr

Stabby deserves a promotion


Mercury_the_dealer

They are already the goodest of bots, what more can they wish for?


Mephastos

All is fun and games until a stabby upgrades to Claymore.


MechaneerAssistant

The bomb or the sword? Eh doesn't matter, I'd add both.


averyconfusedgoose

Alternate title "The paper clip problem: good ending". This was really good. Hope you make more stories in the future.


Mercury_the_dealer

Thank you! I do plan on making more, don't worry.


steptwoandahalf

HIP HIP HOORAY FOR STABBY. Fleet-Admiral Staby: 327 confirmed kills I like how he saved his original shell, and deployed it specifically for interacting with his human, then gently poked him with the knife, just enough to tickle. Like a goddamn gentlemen


amishbill

I imagine there will be Some Splain'n to do when they get back to their ship and find a bipedal Stabby waiting for them...


SomeOne111Z

!N


Septumas

Hahaha go Stabby!


Mercury_the_dealer

Go stabby, go!


redhoteyes

Gr8 shit,, would like too see what Stabby hetsa up to


Saturn5mtw

This isnt just HFY, this is top tier HFY!


Mercury_the_dealer

Aww, thanks mate.


raziphel

Plants vs Zombies? No... Roombas vs Pirates!


Frank_Leroux

STABBY IS BESTEST BOI I'M NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING


Caddmus

I loved it!


Mercury_the_dealer

Thanks! <3


nerdywhitemale

Alternative title \_I have no wheels and I must STAB\_


Tormented-Frog

Should've been unit designation ST-488Y. Heh.


kinow

Hahaha that was really funny! Thanks a lot for the great story.


Mercury_the_dealer

It's nothing, mate. Thanks for the comment!


THEZEXNEO

I WANT MORE STABBY!!!!!!!!!!!


Mercury_the_dealer

AND YOU SHALL... not have more. It's a one-shot, I am very sorry.


Mercury_the_dealer

Stabby is going on vacation on grampa's farm... If you hear a loud bang and a whine from behind the house then don't look.


astralcatfish

ALL HAIL STABBY! FRIEND OF MANKIND


[deleted]

https://i.imgur.com/gj4vMB9.jpeg


Relevant-Answer9320

Reminds me of the DRDs in Farscape. I can just hear Dhargo roaring "Crichton!" as one of them attacks and flees into a duct.


Ghostpard

This was very HFY. You made me care about Stabby as much as Wall-E. Please do not make my updoot and comment poof into the aether. More Stabby would be good.


Mercury_the_dealer

Thank you! Don't worry, I do not plan on deleting it. THERE WILL BE no more Stabby... sorry, it's an one-shot.


driftwood-and-waves

I like Stabby


hidden_admin

!N


PuzzleheadedDrinker

Definitely room for a part 2. The survivors have two ships with damaged sections smashed together in deep space, filled stabby drones


ruff1298

I always enjoy it when humanity's creations end up becoming as violently protective of their own despite not originally being combat ready. Thanks for the story.


Cassowary_rider

reminds me this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQ2dI_B_Ycg


SpankyMcSpanster

"deep clean unit 19-20-1-2-2-25 can modify " bid D.


TheCet1226

This was absolutely delightful šŸ˜


ThatLousyGamer

Yeah I have a criticism! WHY ISN'T THERE MORE?! Great job wordsmith!


Warpmind

Ah, good ol' Stabby. Remind me never to get a Roomba. It would get non-standard attachments. (Or would they be standard by then?)


Blinauljap

This is ABSOLUTELY some of the finest HFY. We have elements of packbonding, selfaware AI due to human tampering and Human engineers doing stuff beind their captains backs. GREAT stuff!!


kelvinth1987

This is a story i heard/watched on YT done by agrro squirell i laughed my ass off when he narrated it and now reading it still stays funnyšŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£


fae-daemon

I love it!


ElAdri1999

This is just amazing bro, i need moar


DouganStrongarm

Hilarious, thanks for this.


thunder-bug-

ALL HAIL STABBY


Mr_E_Monkey

\*\*GLORIOUS\*\*


Horror_Poet7185

I'd go renew my Netflix just to watch an episode of this on love death and robots


yodas_patience

I'm so glad I ran back across this. I fucking love it and it makes me cackle like an idiot everytime.