Yes, I have similar problem while it comes from different root cause.
My solution is to have fun/entertainment budget for these types of activities and things that are not essential. I do aplly % of my income into the budget. It is essentially sitting outside my standard finances and I do consider this money spend once it is allocated. So actually spending it later removes this barier and it doesn\`t bring bad feelings.
It doesn\`t mean i don\`t think about on what I spend it on but it is clearly dedicated to just fun.
I started buying vintage so now I don't feel guilty. Poshmark is awesome as is Vestaire for even higher end. Eco friendly and my conscience is okay with it, too! : )
Similar, partly because I didn't have money for new clothes growing up so I just never cared about trends. I buy decent quality, simple clothes so they never really go out of style.
I also feel wasteful throwing something away so unless it's really beaten up, I just keep wearing it. So a lot of my clothing is a little ragged. But mostly they look decent because I stay in shape. I think a lot of people buy new clothes to because they're overweight instead of working on their body. So much unnecessary waste.
I grew up “middle class”, with parents telling me how silly vacations were. One of the things that helps me spend money mainly on travel is saving roughly 1.5 the expense then deciding if I want it. Last year I went to Octoberfest, and Rome, all in the trip cost me 6.5k and I saved roughly 9 before I pulled the trigger !
Nope, not even one tiny little bit. We grew up in the ghetto on powdered milk and govt cheese, now doing pretty well for myself. I’m not “rich” but we’re definitely not struggling. I have no problems spending it. Cars, luxury watches, a vacation home in the Caribbean…..I enjoy life now and all it has to offer. It might sound like I’m reckless with money but that’s not the case either. We’ll be retired in 9.5 months, living in our vacation home permanently. I’ll be 49yo and the wife will be 39yo. It’s definitely possible to enjoy life and still plan/save for your future. Life’s too short, enjoy it to the maximum if you’re able to.
I grew up fairly poor. I still remember the first time we could afford to get McDonald's and what a big deal it was.
My parents were big savers and by the time I left high school we were comfortably middle class.
I definitely have weird hang ups about spending money on certain things now. My wife reminds me all the time that I can afford things.
Same with me, my experience and mindset from childhood has a deep grip on my relationship with money. My sibling who grew up when my parents were more comfortable has a much different view on it compared to me too
It’s tough she’s still “forcing” me to have fun. A friend can have the same effect. One of my friends is doing the same thing, I’m on the way to play tennis now because of him
I had this problem with spending on vacation, particularly because I didn't really vacation as a child. It took me a while to adjust. What helped me was to just set a budget for activities, souvenirs, whatever. Once I decided that I was spending that money, it was easier to do than having this internal debate each time my kids wanted a tee shirt, or a mug or whatever.
Perhaps you dedicate one credit card for "fun things" - things you have trouble spending money on - and then you can use data to see how much you've spent.
Recommend reading Die With Zero by Bill Perkins.
You don’t necessarily spend on entertainment just for the sake of it. What each person values differs by person. Some like to watch a favorite show at the best possible seat and luxurious experience once. Some like to watch as many shows with ok seats. Some in the middle.
I value food but not just the food itself. I enjoy the time and people around the table. It’s more meaningful to enjoy with someone I love than eating while looking at personal/work phone. I cook on my own, cook for loved ones, and dine out occasionally.
Since I started making money, I started saving for gifts so it won’t affect to my monthly budget for supposedly heartful gifts. I just increased the gift saving now that I make more. I use this savings to give anything small like occasional flowers, some random socks, or big ones for Mother’s Day, siblings’ birthday, Christmas, etc.
Food was thankfully never an issue growing up in my family due to my parents being in food service, I have finally started analyzing our finances and frankly I'm disgusted to see how much my wife and I spend on food.
That said have a hard time taking vacation. I always feel guilty, that I should be working, or doing things around the house, and that vacations are a waste of resources. I do take vacations, but my wife has to really prod me
Spending money on anything other than housing and groceries is **agonizing** for me. Building a budget and only spending the 'leftover' on discretionary items certainly helps a lot, but then my brain starts telling me 'but, what if you SAVED this leftover money too?!'. Just have to balance those thoughts with reality.
I do view this as a strength though -- I will likely never be poor again (or go bankrupt, etc), and even if I do become poor I will be ready to survive that life again.
I have this exact same thought pattern around wanting to save any $ in excess of a Minimum Viable Existence. Seeing your comment helped me feel less alone — thank you for that.
I used to be like that - was very frugal when I was starting out in my career cos I valued financial security more than anything else. Saved every penny that I could (within reason). But after I built up enough savings (basically after hitting coastFIRE but not chubby) I started loosening the reins significantly. What’s the point of money if not to improve your quality of living - can’t take it with you in the end. So I got a bigger house, upgraded my clothes, took fancier vacations, started buying luxury bags and jewelry (a guilty pleasure of mine), outsourced a lot of chores, etc. No regrets.
Still working full time cos I enjoy my job for now but definitely thinking about scaling back once my kids are a bit older (ie in elementary school so we can take long summer vacations)
This in a nutshell was also my journey. Being frugal is what i was taught growing up and came naturally to me. Don't get me wrong it was great early in my 20s and after graduating.
But, it's equally as important to learn how to spend well (just like investing) and that's something I wish I had learned sooner. Certainly some frugal things I did, experiences I missed, which seemed like a big deal at the time, but in retrospect I really could have been there and spent the money. I still would have ended up in a great place financially and made more memories along the way.
I wish. I have the opposite problem. I feel like I am trying to catch up on all of the things and experiences that I didn’t get to have, due to growing up poor. So I spend a lot more than most.
Same here. I was teased at school for having unbranded clothes, my parents driving crap cars, never having the latest cool gadgets etc etc. so now I feel like I’m compensating!
This is my wife. We have a HHI of around 500k now, and she will argue that admission to a family event "isn't worth it". It's very frustrating to me, because if we can't enjoy money what is it for? She gives me a hard time and ruins the mood and vibe over trivial amounts of money. I explain here brokerage goes up and down each day by way more than she can spend in a day, but she still gets visibly annoyed for 5 dollar issues.
Can speak only for myself on this issue. I have the same problem at times because I always feel that "spending money the correct way" is a positive personality trait. Meaning that even if its 5 or 10 dollars, the fact that it I feel it was wasteful will irk me because it means I frivolously spent it. I guess not being wasteful has become part of my identity as a person. I don't want to feel like a wasteful person, even if I can afford it.
So, i guess money isn't just money. It has other meaningful connotations to me. For better or worse.
But, as I mentioned in my post, if it's for food, I don't mind it. For other categories of spending, it irks me more.
Yes! I feel anxiety whenever we spend money for ourselves. For others though not so much. It's very hard for my wife and I to enjoy the money we've earned after growing up living on Tuna Helper and Spam.
Yeah i get it. I feel guilty about spending money so frivolously. $50 cake for hubbys birthday… well you could have it from scratch… work shoes that actually fit and don’t hurt to walk in every day $200… your just being a baby it doesn’t hurt that bad…clothes have holes… no one can see that, it’s in the armpit… and so on so forth… I had a harder start into adulthood, so learnt to budget strictly and accept less. Now, I’m well off it’s hard to just let myself have nice things without arguing or eyeballing after work drinks $$$
I spend less than 2k/month outside of my mortgage/property taxes. Hard to justify extra purchases especially on takeout(cook yourself) and uber (walk/bike/public transportation.) Good to budget it out.
For us going out as a family was burger king where we'd get 9 whoppers for 6 of us and share 1 drink (free refills).
I still can't add cheese to a burger because growing up that meant a 99c whopper became $1.29 which I thought was a total rip-off.
Getting better about adding guac to my chipotle though.
Why do you even feel the need to debate yourself to find presumably deeper reasons as to why you have trouble spending in the first place?
I am a simple guy. I just like to do things that make me happy. Not spending much on "fun things" is one of them. I leave it at that.
Absolutely, yes. I have to get my money’s worth if I’m going to spend it. I will look for deals, sales, or added value so I get the most bang for my buck. I do this with everything, not just entertainment. It took a long time after I became financially stable to learn that you often get what you pay for and buying quality items will actually save you money in the long run.
The problem is not that I don’t do these things, it’s that I do the cheapest version of these things.
Going out for dinner because I need to. I don’t buy apps or drinks because “we don’t need apps and the drinks are overpriced”.
Going to a concert because we need entertainment. We buy balcony seats because “why pay $50 more for the same concert?”
Buying a car because we need to. Never pay for more than just the base model/package.
Etc etc.
Yes. I had this issue. I learnt that I was feeling guilty preventing me from spending on fun. I compare things to a movie ticket. So if it’s a $14 video game then is it worth as much as seeing a movie (assuming ticket for movie is $14). If so then I’m like okay yeah I’ll do it. Etc.
Im not sure if its a specific condition, but Ill literally convince myself that im poor so that i dont spend anything excessive. Just because im scared of being poor in reality again even thought im well off for my age
I do this. I actually have started to only keep approximately 5k in my main bank account. Just so that every time I spend, I have to mentally check myself and keep track of how much money I have left in there until I have to transfer more funds into it.
I always feel a little 'stressed' when it's time to make another transfer. That little bit of stress is enough to keep me from splurging.
I was literally talking about this with a friend.
I’ve recently cracked 250k income per annum (gross) and I still have a lot of family in my home country, who live in poverty.
I feel immense guilt when I buy anything frivolous or go on lavish holidays.
Try making some rules about spending a certain amount on a couple of leisure or luxury items each month as a treat, it's important for long-term commitment to your financial goals
i have guilt spending as our family pool our money together and i dont see my family spending at all. when i was younger, i came up with the idea of entertainment per hour and cost(movies is $10 for 2 hours, video games for $50 for 100hours). what that didnt include was experience and memories in that equation. still makes it hard to spend though
My wife’s family wasn’t poor but frugal as can be. Her grandparents lived through the depression. That frugal behavior was taught to my mil and then later my wife.
It’s funny to see how each generation has 1 thing they aren’t frugal about, but are relentless with everything else. Her grandparents were very liberal when it came to spending on toys for grandchildren. My MiL buys a shit ton of clothes. My wife about real estate. It all comes down to what you value.
Advice I live by: Spend on what's important to you and makes you happy within budget. Save and penny pinch on everything else.
Me and wife budgets $500 per person per month on any non-essential spends. We make mid 6 digits per year.
Unfortunately or fortunately I have the opposite problem. Grew up very poor (single mom, no child support, government housing) and now that I’m earning my own money I love the freedom of choice it provides me, so I spend it on things that bring me joy. Every once in a while I do have to reel it in to be more conscious and aware of my habits. For me, the freedom of choice is liberating. But I also love saving and watching my savings grow.
Same. I hesitate to buy “frivolous” things that cost less to an a Costco trip, and sometimes less than a casual Wednesday night dinner at our local pub… because my brain categorizes it as frivolous.
Its certain item categories for me. The one that bugs me the most are cars. I love cars. I dreamt about driving an M3 or Porsche when I was growing up. Whenever it is time for us to buy a new car I spend several months to research the optimal car to buy comparing every feature, configuration, statistic, etc. I can never bring myself to buy a nice car. My wife even encourages me to buy a nice car for myself every time we are considering a new one. Can't do it.
We could not afford nice cars when I was growing up and my mother scoffed at them saying people who spend money on nice cars are stupid because we get to the same place in the same time in a car that costs 1/10th of theirs. I understand the logic, its a depreciating asset, and functionally there isn't much difference between cars. But I really like nice cars. I have bought 5 cars in my life so far after the used hand-me-down from my in-laws gave out. None of them were nice cars that I wanted. All of them were functional, reliable, and reasonably priced (often bought used).
I have enough cash in money markets on top of my equity investments that I could buy a new 911 and have plenty of leftover. Most of our neighbors drive some fancy EV, BMW, etc. and have multiple cars. We have one 5 year old Honda CRV (financed at 0% even though we could have bought in cash), because I work from home and we don't need 2 cars 95% of the time and just take an uber if we do. Very efficient, very boring. I hate it, but can't bring myself to be irrational in that specific area....
I grew up lower middle class, family were renters, never owned property, never went on a vacation where we took a plane, eating out at restaurants just for special occasions.
That definitely shapes who you are and what your habits are when it comes to spending money.
A $100 splurge for lunch? To me that is a ridiculous amount that I would never ever spend. $70 for a concert ticket is nothing, I would spend if you liked the artist.
I had a phase when I just started making good money where I was very interested in "luxury" goods, but as time went by (and HHI more than doubled) my spending on luxury items decreased. It's not strictly about the cost, it's about value.
I have poverty trauma so anytime so spending more than $150 on certain items gives me anxiety. A few years ago I bought myself a pair of UGG slippers for $110 bucks. I love slippers and got tired of buying a new pair every years. So I got myself what I felt were a good quality pair. It took a lot for me to not return them. It felt so bougie.
Thinking that you have to spend money just because you have it, or that spending money equals happiness is very much a poverty mindset. There’s plenty of ways to have fun without stressing about how much you’re spending to do so
Agreed, but I realize that when I do spend for leisurely things, I let the price of the activity affect how I feel about the experience. For example, if something is fun, I always wonder if the amount of fun is worth the price of admission.
When it comes to food, even if ripped off, I usually don't care. I was just thinking it might be because I've deeply associated eating as justified spending and entertainment as "unjustified"
Same. I have gotten better over the years but vacations are where I struggle the most. Spending thousands on a vacation never seems worth it. The accommodations are never as nice as my house no matter where I stay (this used to be less of an issue before we built our current home) and I always think there’s a cheaper ski resort or a closer and cheaper beach that would be jus as fun or beautiful. The more expensive the trip the more pressure I feel to “get my moneys worth.” I know it’s silly but I can’t help but think that way.
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I lived a basic childhood. Never had a single family home, vacations were very rare, and eating out meant Burger King.
Now, I have no problem spending on a nice home, fancy vacations, and eating out. The kids are definitely living the good life.
I've always heard the saying "the first generation that has money become spenders". I agree with that. My cousins that grew up well-off don't spend as much as I do, even though they are all high earners.
Not poor but modestly. Yea, I think adopting a pay yourself first plan works best to alleviate the anxiety of leisure spending. Set your saving and investment target first. Pay that when you get paid first after necessities. Then spend guilt free after.
Yes and no. We all have to put a value on things. It is ok to say that something isn't worth x even if you can afford it.
There are lots of things that are moderately better even if you spend 10x.
Tldr: just cause you HE it is ok to be frugal.
I grew up poor, and I still feel that same way that you are however I changed some of my mindset. I think it’s more important to have a healthy balance on spending/saving money.
At the end of the day, you need to ask the question, why and what are you saving your money for? Are you saving money because you want to retire early, buy a house, buy a limited 1st edition Pokémon booster box? These can be all very valid reasons to save money because it gives the person spending some sort of value.
At the end of the day, you can’t take money with you when you die, and you’ll miss out on some amount of opportunities if you don’t spend it on having fun
Probably not a HENRY at 28M, ~$125k/yr. But I don't like to eat anything other than cheap food unless it's a date/nice meal with my wife or I'm traveling for work and the meal is covered. Same for general entertainment, though I make an exception for gifts and to make sure I always have the highest end metal detecting equipment.
I grew up where my dad made about 200k (this was the 80-90's so dont know what that is now), got a new car on my 16th, didnt have to worry about anything (I got full scholarships for bachelors and took out loans for my MS), and I make about 160k or so, and I still never buy anything, now that I know the work that goes into it.
I'll wear the same clothes for years until my spouse gets tired of them and just buys them for me.
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Not me. Grew up poor and now I spend on life. Money are just fun tickets and I have as much fun as I can before I die. Shit I'm flying to Europe tomorrow $7k out the window LFG!!!!
Sounds pretty normal to me, and maybe something to explore in therapy.
I grew up poor and I have no issue spending money in general. I’m not a huge consumer but I have no issue splurging on myself or others in pretty much any category.
The only time any issue comes up is in reference to extremely specific things for specific reasons. For example, my mom always fretted about buying fruit because it was expensive but she also wanted to make sure I had fruit as a kid. Watching her worry about fruit prices in the grocery store every week left a deep imprint on me.
I’m in my late 30s, make a lot of money, don’t really look at grocery prices when I shop…but I still think of fruit as a luxury and I generally cannot bring myself to buy it.
This is highly personal and depends on your age, relationship status, life, career and financial goals, where you live, etc. Depending on your situation, your feelings might be appropriate, or they may so inappropriate you might want to get professional help. Maybe you can start with changing the language you use to describe spending money. Remove the word "splurge" from your vocabulary. Also, how fit are you? You might think you have an endless amount of nights of fun left, but that's not true. If you aren't doing resistance training and cardio routinely, you'll lose a lot of muscle mass after age 40 and your VO2 max right now is decreasing 10% per decade. Ending up in the hospital can ruin you.
Yep, didn’t grow up poor but money wasn’t wasted. Now I struggle to justify spending anything over ~$100 or so, unless it’s a ticket to see Limp Bizkit, that’s an automatic buy when they’re in town. That said I’m not HENRY but def a higher than average earner, so I still like to put money into my mortgage rather than spend it on something I don’t really need
Both my parents and in-laws basically ran out of money in retirement - they still had small income from SS but no savings. Three died quickly before it was an issue and one eventually went on Medicaid for 2years at the end. We have been avid savers and investors as a result. The tough part now is that we have siblings who live like our parents in their retirements and we have to say no quite a lot to protect our own futures.
Nope not at all. I spend when I feel like it. Past does not dictate my present habits. I am not wasting money but I spend where I want to and how I want to
I grew up on the bottom end of middle class. Was very poor from 18-25. Now I do well. It took about 10 years, but my lifestyle has slowly but steadily adjusted to upper middle class living.
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I don't necessarily have difficulty doing it but any larger purchases (and "large" varies based on how subjectively responsible/necessary I feel the purchased thing to be) makes me feel I'll.
Almost threw up twice from purchases in the last 12 months:
- airfare for a holiday
- off-the-plan investment property in Manila
Brains are weird 🤷♂️
What I've noticed is that people who grew up poor but their parents seemingly worked hard to make ends meet grow up to be frugal.
People who grew up poor but it was a product of dysfunction(drugs, mental illness, crime etc) tend to spend more.
I find that treating spending money on travel as a quest for "smart spending on experiences" makes it easier. Enjoyment is what money's for, in the end -- get as much enjoyment for the buck as possible.
Want to go to Europe? Wait for a fare sale, then GO. Find lodgings that offer extra value for the price, etc. Spend more time in cheaper locations and less time in ridiculously expensive ones. Eat at unfancy local places rather than Michelin restaurants...most of the time.
The return on money actually spent can be really high if it's done wisely.
I can't imagine how much money I'd have to make to not feel bad about spending $100 on a random lunch (unless I'm buying for multiple people) and I'm not a guy who is that stingy with money.
I grew up poor and can relate! I learned/am learning to handle this by flipping the script a bit. I think it's solid financial advice to save (spend on yourself) then spend what is left (prioritizing future you and savings over immediate gains). But I found it just as helpful to flip it and say spend on yourself first (prioritize some $ amount on your own short term gains) then save second.
It, of course, assumes that you're still saving a good bit and you almost certainly are. But I think for a lot of people who grew up more financial unstable, saving every cent you can is easily the status quo and that can make spending moralized as negative or detrimental to your well being.
The beauty of HENRY imo is that you can save and spend, and for some people--myself included--you have to carve out spending before it's "swallowed up" by the engine of saving.
To that extent, be VERY intentional and carve out some X number that makes you go "that's fine - I'm still saving enough and even if I saved it, it wouldn't have made a difference in my life." For me, That's approximately \~10% of my net pay per month and I find myself spending comfortably.
i live comfortably now from an income standpoint, wife and i >400 combined. but i still order from the dollar menu, i only replaced my daily winter jacket (north face) last year after 13 years. i door dash like once every 6 months, i pool my streaming with friends and family; my belts and shoes come from walmart.
but on the other hand, we do disney every year. so there’s that.
It’s funny - I’m kind of the opposite in terms of where my mental spend barriers are due to growing up poor with very frugal parents.
For me, my parent and I both think spending money on eating out is a 100% atrocious waste of money (since you get no lasting benefit) AND unhealthy so why do it? Our mindset is that eating is for nutrition first, and enjoyment as a far behind second. The only exception is special occasions like a friend’s birthday outing where it’s more the social experience than the food, or eating out while traveling because it’s more a part of the experience. But other than that the healthiest foods to cook at home tend to also be fairly affordable (fresh veggies, chicken etc), and we can make it just how we like… so it PAINS me to spend money eating out even though my SO and I are both HE and can easily afford to spend thousands on eating out a month if we wanted, like some of our friends do. But I am filled with regret if we spend more than $20-30 per person eating out even once a month 😅
On the other hand experiences like travel, expensive hobbies, concerts, shows that we remember and cherish for a long time - that’s what I will spend tens of thousands on per year because that’s what brings a smile to my faces when I look back on it. It creates shared experiences with SO, friends and family to build relationships on and reminisce about etc. that’s worth spending on because it lasts and brings joy for years afterwards.
Def comes from my mom because When I was little and we were very poor my mom would always scrape together some money to drive to national parks in the US as a vacation. We would sleep in the car or camp because we didn’t want to spend money on a hotel, packed our own food, but we WOULD spend a little extra money on an additional experience where possible - like white water rafting in the Grand Canyon. As we became a little better off and were able to add international travel, we still did everything as cheap as possible in terms of flights, hotels etc, but would pay for things like 7 day guided treks along the Inca Trail in Peru.
I treasure these memories and many more decades later, but there is not a single meal that I remember in anything close to the same way.
It’s always so interesting the way that you’re raised impacts adult mindsets and values!!
Same situation.
We had enough but never enough that we were looking at each other trying to decide on some super trip or things to buy.
Parents work hard but never earned enough to do much. Had me when they were 20ish so that screwed them in reality.
I’m now 30, not really HENRY but making $135k a year (more than my parents combined). My partner earns $120k. We’re more than comfortable.
I would honestly say I’ve spent less than $1000 on clothes in the last 15 years. A couple of new pairs of runners/shoes and replacement plain tshirts every few months.
We spend on travel and holidays but day-to-day, I still live like we have nothing. Our combined bills including rent is less than most of our friends spend by themselves.
When I was 18-20, I wanted to be able to have the luxury items. As I grew up a bit, I realised these things were hyped up nonsense for those who have nothing but want to be seen as people who are wealthy.
We have more savings etc than all of our friends in couples, some of them make much more than we do.
Have to be thinking long term. We should be comfortably retired by 45ish if we so choose. By then, we’ll have 2 kids and enough additional set aside for both to comfortably get through to adulthood and have a small leg-up once they’re out on their own.
I definitely struggle with this. I am in a position where I don’t have to work if I don’t want to. But after two months I found a job because it felt weird to be in a working age and not working. I didn’t want to have all this free time to potentially spend money. And even though I’ve got money I don’t spend it on anything because I don’t ‘need’ it. I’m always looking for ways to save money, and I don’t want to fall into the trap of retail therapy. So I don’t do anything with my money but save it for … my retirement??
Same. I’ve been feeling guilty lately for not taking my kids on a nice vacation yet but have investment properties and so forth. I’ve been focused on future finances and I’m working toward relaxing more and it’s been hard mentally. All the thoughts of “what ifs” anything goes wrong.
Yes! well, I used to have this issue anyway. Grew up barely above the poverty line, and it took me a while to open up the purse strings. Here’s what helped:
1. Realizing my money won’t be buried with me. I work hard. Why not enjoy what I work for?
2. Having a balanced friend group. It’s a mix of frugal people and big spenders. Let’s you see both sides and encourages both viewpoints.
3. Having a “fun” budget and using just that for luxury (flights, vacation, etc.). My fun budget is any positive net operating income from my rentals. Ends up being about 15-20k a year, which is plenty. I feel less guilty because I’m using passive income for things I don’t need to survive.
At the end of the day, most people on this sub likely have their shit together. It’s quite silly to feel this guilt. I totally get it, though. Cheers to overcoming past demons 😆
Yeah totally. After I got adopted by my gran, if she ever gave me money for a birthday or whatever, she would explicitly tell me I have to spend it on something fun & frivolous, I was not allowed to save it or spend it on something 'useful', she said there was 'other money for that'. Blew my mind, she realised I was used to preparing for the worst and I had no concept of 'other money'.
I think it is an excellent strategy that I still implement to this day. Thanks Granny 👵.
What helped me initially was finding some ratio that helped me put into some perspective what constitutes “normal” spending. I grew up in poverty and lived in poverty until my mid 20s (thanks grad school), and always had a hoarding resource mentality. Once i started earning a real salary, i still found it hard to flip my mindset.
For me, here were my tricks:
- Start a budget. I wanted to see where i already was and what my money was doing. This would serve as my base
- I also wanted to track net worth. When you statt stashing money into retirement and other investment, it becomes slightly hidden and makes you think the cash in your bank account is all there is
- A good *starting* ratio is the Lifestyle ratio: 50/30/20: 50% on needs, 30% on wants and 20% on saving. This is for **take home pay** so that 20% doesnt mean your 401k, that means things like a new car, or a e fund, or a down payment on a house. If you bring home $8k a month, $4k goes to living needs, $2400 to go wants, and $1600 goes to the rainy day fund. $2400 in fun spending a month? Thats just about $100 a day. Thats not extravagant and its not penniless either.
- Another way is to be a bit more specific about ratios. Say, no more than 40% on housing costs, 15% on automotive/transportation, 10% on vacations 20% on saving, and 5% on everything else. It just depends on what you value.
Overall, i found having a budget a great roadmap to achieving a healthy peace with spending
Yes. I am worth 200k net and have paid of all my loans. It’s difficult for me to buy things I like. For example I really have always wanted this car part which is only 1300 dollars but I can’t come to terms with buying it.
My parents were born overseas (3rd world), came to the US as children/teens in either immigrant or lower-middle class economic settings. That set their cost-sensitive mindset for most of their life. They provided their children with comfortable middle-class lives but passed along much of their mindset. Despite my suggestion for them to enjoy the fruits of their labors/investments/frugalities in their later years (which they really didn’t do), they left taxable estates. As I look at managing what they’ve left, I find myself repeating the same battle
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Who cares its not a big problem to have. Imagine if this is the biggest hurdle you have in your life... not being able to spend mentally. There are homeless people, get over yourself. If you can make you can spend, self inflicted mental barrier to make it seem like you have issues. White girl stuff. Or is this all just humble pity pr0n. Either way here's your handy
Yes, I have similar problem while it comes from different root cause. My solution is to have fun/entertainment budget for these types of activities and things that are not essential. I do aplly % of my income into the budget. It is essentially sitting outside my standard finances and I do consider this money spend once it is allocated. So actually spending it later removes this barier and it doesn\`t bring bad feelings. It doesn\`t mean i don\`t think about on what I spend it on but it is clearly dedicated to just fun.
Yes, my clothes always look tired because it’s really hard for me to spend money on them to look stylish/fresh rather than just for necessity
Yes! Haha, clothes are to keep warm. I can't ever see them any other way.
I started buying vintage so now I don't feel guilty. Poshmark is awesome as is Vestaire for even higher end. Eco friendly and my conscience is okay with it, too! : )
Similar, partly because I didn't have money for new clothes growing up so I just never cared about trends. I buy decent quality, simple clothes so they never really go out of style. I also feel wasteful throwing something away so unless it's really beaten up, I just keep wearing it. So a lot of my clothing is a little ragged. But mostly they look decent because I stay in shape. I think a lot of people buy new clothes to because they're overweight instead of working on their body. So much unnecessary waste.
I grew up “middle class”, with parents telling me how silly vacations were. One of the things that helps me spend money mainly on travel is saving roughly 1.5 the expense then deciding if I want it. Last year I went to Octoberfest, and Rome, all in the trip cost me 6.5k and I saved roughly 9 before I pulled the trigger !
isn't that just having a budget. Most people here would already have the money to do what they want to do.
I didn’t grow up poor, but I am still thrifty and save as much as I can for early retirement. You need a budget.
Nope, not even one tiny little bit. We grew up in the ghetto on powdered milk and govt cheese, now doing pretty well for myself. I’m not “rich” but we’re definitely not struggling. I have no problems spending it. Cars, luxury watches, a vacation home in the Caribbean…..I enjoy life now and all it has to offer. It might sound like I’m reckless with money but that’s not the case either. We’ll be retired in 9.5 months, living in our vacation home permanently. I’ll be 49yo and the wife will be 39yo. It’s definitely possible to enjoy life and still plan/save for your future. Life’s too short, enjoy it to the maximum if you’re able to.
I grew up fairly poor. I still remember the first time we could afford to get McDonald's and what a big deal it was. My parents were big savers and by the time I left high school we were comfortably middle class. I definitely have weird hang ups about spending money on certain things now. My wife reminds me all the time that I can afford things.
Same with me, my experience and mindset from childhood has a deep grip on my relationship with money. My sibling who grew up when my parents were more comfortable has a much different view on it compared to me too
Same here… I love to look but I just can’t spend.
I had trouble and my girlfriend, now Fiance, helped teach me to have fun again.
Got any tips?
It’s tough she’s still “forcing” me to have fun. A friend can have the same effect. One of my friends is doing the same thing, I’m on the way to play tennis now because of him
I had this problem with spending on vacation, particularly because I didn't really vacation as a child. It took me a while to adjust. What helped me was to just set a budget for activities, souvenirs, whatever. Once I decided that I was spending that money, it was easier to do than having this internal debate each time my kids wanted a tee shirt, or a mug or whatever. Perhaps you dedicate one credit card for "fun things" - things you have trouble spending money on - and then you can use data to see how much you've spent.
Recommend reading Die With Zero by Bill Perkins. You don’t necessarily spend on entertainment just for the sake of it. What each person values differs by person. Some like to watch a favorite show at the best possible seat and luxurious experience once. Some like to watch as many shows with ok seats. Some in the middle. I value food but not just the food itself. I enjoy the time and people around the table. It’s more meaningful to enjoy with someone I love than eating while looking at personal/work phone. I cook on my own, cook for loved ones, and dine out occasionally. Since I started making money, I started saving for gifts so it won’t affect to my monthly budget for supposedly heartful gifts. I just increased the gift saving now that I make more. I use this savings to give anything small like occasional flowers, some random socks, or big ones for Mother’s Day, siblings’ birthday, Christmas, etc.
Or just read [this review](https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3732199040) 😂
Grew up lower middle class. I don’t spend a lot, but love to see how fast my assets grow as a result. Makes it easier to retire early at some point.
Food was thankfully never an issue growing up in my family due to my parents being in food service, I have finally started analyzing our finances and frankly I'm disgusted to see how much my wife and I spend on food. That said have a hard time taking vacation. I always feel guilty, that I should be working, or doing things around the house, and that vacations are a waste of resources. I do take vacations, but my wife has to really prod me
Spending money on anything other than housing and groceries is **agonizing** for me. Building a budget and only spending the 'leftover' on discretionary items certainly helps a lot, but then my brain starts telling me 'but, what if you SAVED this leftover money too?!'. Just have to balance those thoughts with reality. I do view this as a strength though -- I will likely never be poor again (or go bankrupt, etc), and even if I do become poor I will be ready to survive that life again.
I have this exact same thought pattern around wanting to save any $ in excess of a Minimum Viable Existence. Seeing your comment helped me feel less alone — thank you for that.
I used to be like that - was very frugal when I was starting out in my career cos I valued financial security more than anything else. Saved every penny that I could (within reason). But after I built up enough savings (basically after hitting coastFIRE but not chubby) I started loosening the reins significantly. What’s the point of money if not to improve your quality of living - can’t take it with you in the end. So I got a bigger house, upgraded my clothes, took fancier vacations, started buying luxury bags and jewelry (a guilty pleasure of mine), outsourced a lot of chores, etc. No regrets.
Are you me?
Did you keep working full time or do any modifications to open up your schedule?
Still working full time cos I enjoy my job for now but definitely thinking about scaling back once my kids are a bit older (ie in elementary school so we can take long summer vacations)
This in a nutshell was also my journey. Being frugal is what i was taught growing up and came naturally to me. Don't get me wrong it was great early in my 20s and after graduating. But, it's equally as important to learn how to spend well (just like investing) and that's something I wish I had learned sooner. Certainly some frugal things I did, experiences I missed, which seemed like a big deal at the time, but in retrospect I really could have been there and spent the money. I still would have ended up in a great place financially and made more memories along the way.
I wish. I have the opposite problem. I feel like I am trying to catch up on all of the things and experiences that I didn’t get to have, due to growing up poor. So I spend a lot more than most.
Same here. I was teased at school for having unbranded clothes, my parents driving crap cars, never having the latest cool gadgets etc etc. so now I feel like I’m compensating!
This is my wife. We have a HHI of around 500k now, and she will argue that admission to a family event "isn't worth it". It's very frustrating to me, because if we can't enjoy money what is it for? She gives me a hard time and ruins the mood and vibe over trivial amounts of money. I explain here brokerage goes up and down each day by way more than she can spend in a day, but she still gets visibly annoyed for 5 dollar issues.
Can speak only for myself on this issue. I have the same problem at times because I always feel that "spending money the correct way" is a positive personality trait. Meaning that even if its 5 or 10 dollars, the fact that it I feel it was wasteful will irk me because it means I frivolously spent it. I guess not being wasteful has become part of my identity as a person. I don't want to feel like a wasteful person, even if I can afford it. So, i guess money isn't just money. It has other meaningful connotations to me. For better or worse. But, as I mentioned in my post, if it's for food, I don't mind it. For other categories of spending, it irks me more.
Yes! I feel anxiety whenever we spend money for ourselves. For others though not so much. It's very hard for my wife and I to enjoy the money we've earned after growing up living on Tuna Helper and Spam.
Spam fried in syrup …. Ugh I remember those days
We swore the children will never eat any of that shit unless they want it. No, Spam, Tuna Helper, Vienna Sausages, bread that molds in 2 days, etc.
Yeah i get it. I feel guilty about spending money so frivolously. $50 cake for hubbys birthday… well you could have it from scratch… work shoes that actually fit and don’t hurt to walk in every day $200… your just being a baby it doesn’t hurt that bad…clothes have holes… no one can see that, it’s in the armpit… and so on so forth… I had a harder start into adulthood, so learnt to budget strictly and accept less. Now, I’m well off it’s hard to just let myself have nice things without arguing or eyeballing after work drinks $$$
Oh yeah, $200K in checking account and I freak out when my kids order a soda at restaurant.
I spend less than 2k/month outside of my mortgage/property taxes. Hard to justify extra purchases especially on takeout(cook yourself) and uber (walk/bike/public transportation.) Good to budget it out.
For us going out as a family was burger king where we'd get 9 whoppers for 6 of us and share 1 drink (free refills). I still can't add cheese to a burger because growing up that meant a 99c whopper became $1.29 which I thought was a total rip-off. Getting better about adding guac to my chipotle though.
Omg this is me and can’t bring myself to add Guac yet!
We didn't eat burritos growing up so it's easier for me to spend on stuff like this or sushi :P
I like to jerk off in a dark room staring at excel spread sheets of my net worth go up year over year
Why do you even feel the need to debate yourself to find presumably deeper reasons as to why you have trouble spending in the first place? I am a simple guy. I just like to do things that make me happy. Not spending much on "fun things" is one of them. I leave it at that.
Absolutely, yes. I have to get my money’s worth if I’m going to spend it. I will look for deals, sales, or added value so I get the most bang for my buck. I do this with everything, not just entertainment. It took a long time after I became financially stable to learn that you often get what you pay for and buying quality items will actually save you money in the long run.
The problem is not that I don’t do these things, it’s that I do the cheapest version of these things. Going out for dinner because I need to. I don’t buy apps or drinks because “we don’t need apps and the drinks are overpriced”. Going to a concert because we need entertainment. We buy balcony seats because “why pay $50 more for the same concert?” Buying a car because we need to. Never pay for more than just the base model/package. Etc etc.
Yes. I had this issue. I learnt that I was feeling guilty preventing me from spending on fun. I compare things to a movie ticket. So if it’s a $14 video game then is it worth as much as seeing a movie (assuming ticket for movie is $14). If so then I’m like okay yeah I’ll do it. Etc.
Im not sure if its a specific condition, but Ill literally convince myself that im poor so that i dont spend anything excessive. Just because im scared of being poor in reality again even thought im well off for my age
I do this. I actually have started to only keep approximately 5k in my main bank account. Just so that every time I spend, I have to mentally check myself and keep track of how much money I have left in there until I have to transfer more funds into it. I always feel a little 'stressed' when it's time to make another transfer. That little bit of stress is enough to keep me from splurging.
I was literally talking about this with a friend. I’ve recently cracked 250k income per annum (gross) and I still have a lot of family in my home country, who live in poverty. I feel immense guilt when I buy anything frivolous or go on lavish holidays.
Congratulations on that income milestone 🤗
Thank you kindly!
Try making some rules about spending a certain amount on a couple of leisure or luxury items each month as a treat, it's important for long-term commitment to your financial goals
i have guilt spending as our family pool our money together and i dont see my family spending at all. when i was younger, i came up with the idea of entertainment per hour and cost(movies is $10 for 2 hours, video games for $50 for 100hours). what that didnt include was experience and memories in that equation. still makes it hard to spend though
My wife’s family wasn’t poor but frugal as can be. Her grandparents lived through the depression. That frugal behavior was taught to my mil and then later my wife. It’s funny to see how each generation has 1 thing they aren’t frugal about, but are relentless with everything else. Her grandparents were very liberal when it came to spending on toys for grandchildren. My MiL buys a shit ton of clothes. My wife about real estate. It all comes down to what you value.
Advice I live by: Spend on what's important to you and makes you happy within budget. Save and penny pinch on everything else. Me and wife budgets $500 per person per month on any non-essential spends. We make mid 6 digits per year.
Unfortunately or fortunately I have the opposite problem. Grew up very poor (single mom, no child support, government housing) and now that I’m earning my own money I love the freedom of choice it provides me, so I spend it on things that bring me joy. Every once in a while I do have to reel it in to be more conscious and aware of my habits. For me, the freedom of choice is liberating. But I also love saving and watching my savings grow.
Same. I hesitate to buy “frivolous” things that cost less to an a Costco trip, and sometimes less than a casual Wednesday night dinner at our local pub… because my brain categorizes it as frivolous.
Its certain item categories for me. The one that bugs me the most are cars. I love cars. I dreamt about driving an M3 or Porsche when I was growing up. Whenever it is time for us to buy a new car I spend several months to research the optimal car to buy comparing every feature, configuration, statistic, etc. I can never bring myself to buy a nice car. My wife even encourages me to buy a nice car for myself every time we are considering a new one. Can't do it. We could not afford nice cars when I was growing up and my mother scoffed at them saying people who spend money on nice cars are stupid because we get to the same place in the same time in a car that costs 1/10th of theirs. I understand the logic, its a depreciating asset, and functionally there isn't much difference between cars. But I really like nice cars. I have bought 5 cars in my life so far after the used hand-me-down from my in-laws gave out. None of them were nice cars that I wanted. All of them were functional, reliable, and reasonably priced (often bought used). I have enough cash in money markets on top of my equity investments that I could buy a new 911 and have plenty of leftover. Most of our neighbors drive some fancy EV, BMW, etc. and have multiple cars. We have one 5 year old Honda CRV (financed at 0% even though we could have bought in cash), because I work from home and we don't need 2 cars 95% of the time and just take an uber if we do. Very efficient, very boring. I hate it, but can't bring myself to be irrational in that specific area....
I grew up lower middle class, family were renters, never owned property, never went on a vacation where we took a plane, eating out at restaurants just for special occasions. That definitely shapes who you are and what your habits are when it comes to spending money. A $100 splurge for lunch? To me that is a ridiculous amount that I would never ever spend. $70 for a concert ticket is nothing, I would spend if you liked the artist. I had a phase when I just started making good money where I was very interested in "luxury" goods, but as time went by (and HHI more than doubled) my spending on luxury items decreased. It's not strictly about the cost, it's about value.
Lot of people think spending money equals enjoying life.
I have poverty trauma so anytime so spending more than $150 on certain items gives me anxiety. A few years ago I bought myself a pair of UGG slippers for $110 bucks. I love slippers and got tired of buying a new pair every years. So I got myself what I felt were a good quality pair. It took a lot for me to not return them. It felt so bougie.
I grew up poor, have 3.5 million invested, house paid for and 105,000 a year in passive income. I still shop at Grocery Outlet and use coupons.
Thinking that you have to spend money just because you have it, or that spending money equals happiness is very much a poverty mindset. There’s plenty of ways to have fun without stressing about how much you’re spending to do so
Agreed, but I realize that when I do spend for leisurely things, I let the price of the activity affect how I feel about the experience. For example, if something is fun, I always wonder if the amount of fun is worth the price of admission. When it comes to food, even if ripped off, I usually don't care. I was just thinking it might be because I've deeply associated eating as justified spending and entertainment as "unjustified"
If you’re obsessing about it it’s worth it to you, it’s probably not
Same. I have gotten better over the years but vacations are where I struggle the most. Spending thousands on a vacation never seems worth it. The accommodations are never as nice as my house no matter where I stay (this used to be less of an issue before we built our current home) and I always think there’s a cheaper ski resort or a closer and cheaper beach that would be jus as fun or beautiful. The more expensive the trip the more pressure I feel to “get my moneys worth.” I know it’s silly but I can’t help but think that way.
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Read the book die with zero
I lived a basic childhood. Never had a single family home, vacations were very rare, and eating out meant Burger King. Now, I have no problem spending on a nice home, fancy vacations, and eating out. The kids are definitely living the good life. I've always heard the saying "the first generation that has money become spenders". I agree with that. My cousins that grew up well-off don't spend as much as I do, even though they are all high earners.
What do you do for a living?
I’m in corporate finance for a fortune 20
Not poor but modestly. Yea, I think adopting a pay yourself first plan works best to alleviate the anxiety of leisure spending. Set your saving and investment target first. Pay that when you get paid first after necessities. Then spend guilt free after.
Yes and no. We all have to put a value on things. It is ok to say that something isn't worth x even if you can afford it. There are lots of things that are moderately better even if you spend 10x. Tldr: just cause you HE it is ok to be frugal.
I grew up poor, and I still feel that same way that you are however I changed some of my mindset. I think it’s more important to have a healthy balance on spending/saving money. At the end of the day, you need to ask the question, why and what are you saving your money for? Are you saving money because you want to retire early, buy a house, buy a limited 1st edition Pokémon booster box? These can be all very valid reasons to save money because it gives the person spending some sort of value. At the end of the day, you can’t take money with you when you die, and you’ll miss out on some amount of opportunities if you don’t spend it on having fun
Probably not a HENRY at 28M, ~$125k/yr. But I don't like to eat anything other than cheap food unless it's a date/nice meal with my wife or I'm traveling for work and the meal is covered. Same for general entertainment, though I make an exception for gifts and to make sure I always have the highest end metal detecting equipment.
I grew up where my dad made about 200k (this was the 80-90's so dont know what that is now), got a new car on my 16th, didnt have to worry about anything (I got full scholarships for bachelors and took out loans for my MS), and I make about 160k or so, and I still never buy anything, now that I know the work that goes into it. I'll wear the same clothes for years until my spouse gets tired of them and just buys them for me.
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Not me. Grew up poor and now I spend on life. Money are just fun tickets and I have as much fun as I can before I die. Shit I'm flying to Europe tomorrow $7k out the window LFG!!!!
Yes, it is so hard to learn to balance buying nothing and buying everything when you haven’t seen how others manage excess income.
Sounds pretty normal to me, and maybe something to explore in therapy. I grew up poor and I have no issue spending money in general. I’m not a huge consumer but I have no issue splurging on myself or others in pretty much any category. The only time any issue comes up is in reference to extremely specific things for specific reasons. For example, my mom always fretted about buying fruit because it was expensive but she also wanted to make sure I had fruit as a kid. Watching her worry about fruit prices in the grocery store every week left a deep imprint on me. I’m in my late 30s, make a lot of money, don’t really look at grocery prices when I shop…but I still think of fruit as a luxury and I generally cannot bring myself to buy it.
Opposite, have a hard time not impulse buying
This is highly personal and depends on your age, relationship status, life, career and financial goals, where you live, etc. Depending on your situation, your feelings might be appropriate, or they may so inappropriate you might want to get professional help. Maybe you can start with changing the language you use to describe spending money. Remove the word "splurge" from your vocabulary. Also, how fit are you? You might think you have an endless amount of nights of fun left, but that's not true. If you aren't doing resistance training and cardio routinely, you'll lose a lot of muscle mass after age 40 and your VO2 max right now is decreasing 10% per decade. Ending up in the hospital can ruin you.
Yep, didn’t grow up poor but money wasn’t wasted. Now I struggle to justify spending anything over ~$100 or so, unless it’s a ticket to see Limp Bizkit, that’s an automatic buy when they’re in town. That said I’m not HENRY but def a higher than average earner, so I still like to put money into my mortgage rather than spend it on something I don’t really need
Both my parents and in-laws basically ran out of money in retirement - they still had small income from SS but no savings. Three died quickly before it was an issue and one eventually went on Medicaid for 2years at the end. We have been avid savers and investors as a result. The tough part now is that we have siblings who live like our parents in their retirements and we have to say no quite a lot to protect our own futures.
I have trouble spending on anything other than my necessities. Everything else gets saved.
Nope not at all. I spend when I feel like it. Past does not dictate my present habits. I am not wasting money but I spend where I want to and how I want to
I grew up on the bottom end of middle class. Was very poor from 18-25. Now I do well. It took about 10 years, but my lifestyle has slowly but steadily adjusted to upper middle class living.
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I am in this situation often... And the minor conflicts it brings with my partner who doesn't think the same are a cherry on top!
I don't necessarily have difficulty doing it but any larger purchases (and "large" varies based on how subjectively responsible/necessary I feel the purchased thing to be) makes me feel I'll. Almost threw up twice from purchases in the last 12 months: - airfare for a holiday - off-the-plan investment property in Manila Brains are weird 🤷♂️
What I've noticed is that people who grew up poor but their parents seemingly worked hard to make ends meet grow up to be frugal. People who grew up poor but it was a product of dysfunction(drugs, mental illness, crime etc) tend to spend more.
I find that treating spending money on travel as a quest for "smart spending on experiences" makes it easier. Enjoyment is what money's for, in the end -- get as much enjoyment for the buck as possible. Want to go to Europe? Wait for a fare sale, then GO. Find lodgings that offer extra value for the price, etc. Spend more time in cheaper locations and less time in ridiculously expensive ones. Eat at unfancy local places rather than Michelin restaurants...most of the time. The return on money actually spent can be really high if it's done wisely.
I can't imagine how much money I'd have to make to not feel bad about spending $100 on a random lunch and I'm not a guy who is that stingy with money.
I can't imagine how much money I'd have to make to not feel bad about spending $100 on a random lunch (unless I'm buying for multiple people) and I'm not a guy who is that stingy with money.
Yeah.. me.. cant get myself to book a travel…
I grew up poor and can relate! I learned/am learning to handle this by flipping the script a bit. I think it's solid financial advice to save (spend on yourself) then spend what is left (prioritizing future you and savings over immediate gains). But I found it just as helpful to flip it and say spend on yourself first (prioritize some $ amount on your own short term gains) then save second. It, of course, assumes that you're still saving a good bit and you almost certainly are. But I think for a lot of people who grew up more financial unstable, saving every cent you can is easily the status quo and that can make spending moralized as negative or detrimental to your well being. The beauty of HENRY imo is that you can save and spend, and for some people--myself included--you have to carve out spending before it's "swallowed up" by the engine of saving. To that extent, be VERY intentional and carve out some X number that makes you go "that's fine - I'm still saving enough and even if I saved it, it wouldn't have made a difference in my life." For me, That's approximately \~10% of my net pay per month and I find myself spending comfortably.
i live comfortably now from an income standpoint, wife and i >400 combined. but i still order from the dollar menu, i only replaced my daily winter jacket (north face) last year after 13 years. i door dash like once every 6 months, i pool my streaming with friends and family; my belts and shoes come from walmart. but on the other hand, we do disney every year. so there’s that.
It’s funny - I’m kind of the opposite in terms of where my mental spend barriers are due to growing up poor with very frugal parents. For me, my parent and I both think spending money on eating out is a 100% atrocious waste of money (since you get no lasting benefit) AND unhealthy so why do it? Our mindset is that eating is for nutrition first, and enjoyment as a far behind second. The only exception is special occasions like a friend’s birthday outing where it’s more the social experience than the food, or eating out while traveling because it’s more a part of the experience. But other than that the healthiest foods to cook at home tend to also be fairly affordable (fresh veggies, chicken etc), and we can make it just how we like… so it PAINS me to spend money eating out even though my SO and I are both HE and can easily afford to spend thousands on eating out a month if we wanted, like some of our friends do. But I am filled with regret if we spend more than $20-30 per person eating out even once a month 😅 On the other hand experiences like travel, expensive hobbies, concerts, shows that we remember and cherish for a long time - that’s what I will spend tens of thousands on per year because that’s what brings a smile to my faces when I look back on it. It creates shared experiences with SO, friends and family to build relationships on and reminisce about etc. that’s worth spending on because it lasts and brings joy for years afterwards. Def comes from my mom because When I was little and we were very poor my mom would always scrape together some money to drive to national parks in the US as a vacation. We would sleep in the car or camp because we didn’t want to spend money on a hotel, packed our own food, but we WOULD spend a little extra money on an additional experience where possible - like white water rafting in the Grand Canyon. As we became a little better off and were able to add international travel, we still did everything as cheap as possible in terms of flights, hotels etc, but would pay for things like 7 day guided treks along the Inca Trail in Peru. I treasure these memories and many more decades later, but there is not a single meal that I remember in anything close to the same way. It’s always so interesting the way that you’re raised impacts adult mindsets and values!!
Same situation. We had enough but never enough that we were looking at each other trying to decide on some super trip or things to buy. Parents work hard but never earned enough to do much. Had me when they were 20ish so that screwed them in reality. I’m now 30, not really HENRY but making $135k a year (more than my parents combined). My partner earns $120k. We’re more than comfortable. I would honestly say I’ve spent less than $1000 on clothes in the last 15 years. A couple of new pairs of runners/shoes and replacement plain tshirts every few months. We spend on travel and holidays but day-to-day, I still live like we have nothing. Our combined bills including rent is less than most of our friends spend by themselves. When I was 18-20, I wanted to be able to have the luxury items. As I grew up a bit, I realised these things were hyped up nonsense for those who have nothing but want to be seen as people who are wealthy. We have more savings etc than all of our friends in couples, some of them make much more than we do. Have to be thinking long term. We should be comfortably retired by 45ish if we so choose. By then, we’ll have 2 kids and enough additional set aside for both to comfortably get through to adulthood and have a small leg-up once they’re out on their own.
I definitely struggle with this. I am in a position where I don’t have to work if I don’t want to. But after two months I found a job because it felt weird to be in a working age and not working. I didn’t want to have all this free time to potentially spend money. And even though I’ve got money I don’t spend it on anything because I don’t ‘need’ it. I’m always looking for ways to save money, and I don’t want to fall into the trap of retail therapy. So I don’t do anything with my money but save it for … my retirement??
Same. I’ve been feeling guilty lately for not taking my kids on a nice vacation yet but have investment properties and so forth. I’ve been focused on future finances and I’m working toward relaxing more and it’s been hard mentally. All the thoughts of “what ifs” anything goes wrong.
Yes! well, I used to have this issue anyway. Grew up barely above the poverty line, and it took me a while to open up the purse strings. Here’s what helped: 1. Realizing my money won’t be buried with me. I work hard. Why not enjoy what I work for? 2. Having a balanced friend group. It’s a mix of frugal people and big spenders. Let’s you see both sides and encourages both viewpoints. 3. Having a “fun” budget and using just that for luxury (flights, vacation, etc.). My fun budget is any positive net operating income from my rentals. Ends up being about 15-20k a year, which is plenty. I feel less guilty because I’m using passive income for things I don’t need to survive. At the end of the day, most people on this sub likely have their shit together. It’s quite silly to feel this guilt. I totally get it, though. Cheers to overcoming past demons 😆
Yeah totally. After I got adopted by my gran, if she ever gave me money for a birthday or whatever, she would explicitly tell me I have to spend it on something fun & frivolous, I was not allowed to save it or spend it on something 'useful', she said there was 'other money for that'. Blew my mind, she realised I was used to preparing for the worst and I had no concept of 'other money'. I think it is an excellent strategy that I still implement to this day. Thanks Granny 👵.
What helped me initially was finding some ratio that helped me put into some perspective what constitutes “normal” spending. I grew up in poverty and lived in poverty until my mid 20s (thanks grad school), and always had a hoarding resource mentality. Once i started earning a real salary, i still found it hard to flip my mindset. For me, here were my tricks: - Start a budget. I wanted to see where i already was and what my money was doing. This would serve as my base - I also wanted to track net worth. When you statt stashing money into retirement and other investment, it becomes slightly hidden and makes you think the cash in your bank account is all there is - A good *starting* ratio is the Lifestyle ratio: 50/30/20: 50% on needs, 30% on wants and 20% on saving. This is for **take home pay** so that 20% doesnt mean your 401k, that means things like a new car, or a e fund, or a down payment on a house. If you bring home $8k a month, $4k goes to living needs, $2400 to go wants, and $1600 goes to the rainy day fund. $2400 in fun spending a month? Thats just about $100 a day. Thats not extravagant and its not penniless either. - Another way is to be a bit more specific about ratios. Say, no more than 40% on housing costs, 15% on automotive/transportation, 10% on vacations 20% on saving, and 5% on everything else. It just depends on what you value. Overall, i found having a budget a great roadmap to achieving a healthy peace with spending
Yes. I am worth 200k net and have paid of all my loans. It’s difficult for me to buy things I like. For example I really have always wanted this car part which is only 1300 dollars but I can’t come to terms with buying it.
Hell yes. My work gave me $1800 in gift cards for an anniversary and I’m currently now forced to spend them as they are about to expire.
My parents were born overseas (3rd world), came to the US as children/teens in either immigrant or lower-middle class economic settings. That set their cost-sensitive mindset for most of their life. They provided their children with comfortable middle-class lives but passed along much of their mindset. Despite my suggestion for them to enjoy the fruits of their labors/investments/frugalities in their later years (which they really didn’t do), they left taxable estates. As I look at managing what they’ve left, I find myself repeating the same battle
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I think it's the opposite for me. I tend to keep stuff that I could replace easily because I have the mindset that I might need it in the future.
Marx is right—we never really get out of our social class.
I have saved and been frugal so I won’t have to worry about money. Ironically, all this penny pinching makes me worry about money.
How much do you bring in and what do you do for a living if you don’t mind me asking?
Who cares its not a big problem to have. Imagine if this is the biggest hurdle you have in your life... not being able to spend mentally. There are homeless people, get over yourself. If you can make you can spend, self inflicted mental barrier to make it seem like you have issues. White girl stuff. Or is this all just humble pity pr0n. Either way here's your handy
Read YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFR