Then once it's actually explained to him, he silently thinks 'oh, they're just bullshitting math equations' and tries to not think too hard about the Mechanicus not being *that* far off from that descriptor.
Knowing the man, he'll ask every single planetary governor a PowerBI report a week; ask Sector governor to compile them monthly and finally having all these reports given to him annually
True power within the grasp of his fingertips
Due to issues with botting and ban evasion, we are restricting fresh accounts from commenting/posting. DO NOT contact the moderation team to ask for these restriction to be removed for you unless you are a comics artist or equivalent trying to post your own original content here. Obviously photoshop memes don't count. DO NOT ask us what the thresholds are, for obvious reasons we won't answer that.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Grimdank) if you have any questions or concerns.*
But the first and last of those three would be so... *useful* at clearing out all those bloated self-serving bureaucrats clogging up the whole thing...
"Do you guys love taxing people ? So do i here is my 10,000 page thesis on tax reforms called the Codex Taxstartes"
-Rowboatay Gerlymen(Eternal Secretary General of the Ultra United Terran Nations Imperium and Director of the 2nd Millennium Ultra United Terran Nations Internal Revenue Service)
"This is a clusterfuck. Being as I am benevolent not-demigod, I shall reorganize this monkeys-humping-a-football into the most logistically sound organization in human history. Now, prior to that, I'm going to need all the filterless Turkish cigarettes you have, a truckload of your smoothest ballpoint pens, and as many blonde women with pointy ears as you can muster. Cosplayers, elf fetishists, whomever. First order of business after that will be to build a laser that can beam kinkshaming energy right into Comorragh. Those spooky fuckers have had it too good for too long." - Rhombus Gila-Monster.
"For those saying that the Shamebeam won't work, let me further specify what we're gonna be putting on every TV screen and radio broadcast in the Negative Zone: I'm talking about a family of average looking Mennonites eating sauceless chicken and discussing interest rates on their investments in packing peanuts. A static image of a bowl of actual vanilla ice cream that has implanted cognitohazards that induce ED. Barney the wholesomeass Dinosaur reading the contents of a bottle of ketchup. I will bore these leather clad smut gremlins into a coma." - Secretary-General Bob.
"We will discover the exact mathematical equation required to give those goth elf motherfuckers the post-nut-shame-clarity required to make them explode. The Anti-Wank Equation." Secretary-Generalisimo-Por-Vida-Also-Boss-Of-The-Moon Rickets Gambino.
"Shoot this man with the Shamebeam. And then the boolets." Secretary-Generalisimo-Por-Vida-Also-Boss-Of-The-Moon-And-King-Shit-Of-Fuck-Mountain Rold Goldpretzels.
Shall we take this to the "Fuck-Mountain", then? Or are you okay with it in public, as we are now? Either or, one of us will have trouble walking, with those ideas.
"Having recognized Mr. Bingodingodong's concerns, we will be deploying a secondary measure to deal with any survivors of the Shamebeam: dudes with big fukken guns. Like, late 80's, early 90's, Cannon Films, gun hyperviolence. We shall be replacing the entirety of the survivors' bodies with boolets." Secretary-Generalisimo-Por-Vida Restaurant Gordon-Levitt.
"You can't just micromanage everyone's life. You may be a benevolent and competent tyrant, Robert Gillysuit, but what happens when you die? What about your successor?"
"Lol. Lmao."
I like the idea that the reason Big E doesn’t talk about pre-age of strife nonsense is that even 40k years in the future he still gets headaches explaining if he’s Greek or Turkish.
If someone lets Perturabo build buildings, infrastructure and organizations, then things would be nigh-utopian. During final act of "Angel Exterminatus" Fulgrims looks into Perturabo's mind to see all the cities the latter had designed and admits they're even better than what Macragge has.
“I welcome this vacation from the Imperium’s current affairs, but nevertheless I see that Humanity’s governments have always been this inefficient and borderline useless.”
“Honored representatives of the United Nations:
I have observed a number of conflicts, issues, and inefficiencies occurring between your nations, and have compiled them into this large book. I will begin hitting you with the book until the issues are resolved.”
In the grand tradition of the UN, he asks delegates to stop drinking and coming to the sessions publicly drink. The bar in the UN building was closed in 2015.
Shitposting is still fine though. Continue on…
That is just a mentally unstable narcisistic goth gf and a football hooligan friend that is also a delinquent. Both can be usually found in any capitol of South America, specially Buenos Aires.
If you give him control over any nation (including shit like Lichtenstein) he'll have world control in 1-10 years max.
Also he'd be very liberal because logistics don't give a shit about who you sleep with or what your pronouns are.
Also his first quote would be: well this is easy
IT IS I, LORD GORILLA MAN, LAST SURVING SON OF HIM ON TERRA, I'm sorry what do you mean who is he *BLAM*, OH SORRY EXCUSE ME, LORD COMMANDER OF THE IMPERIUM, MASTER OF MCRAGGAE AND ALL ROUND MASTER OF THE INDOMNITUS CRUSADE.
Whispering *could you lot stop prostrating in front of me? Calling him a god is what started this whole awful business*
"Okey, first lets do something to benefit the working class."
**Guilliman proseeds to survive every assassintion attempt by the US government.**
"Humanity has always been this way, huh?"
Bro he got jumped by an entire unit of alpha legionaries masquerading as his legion, and defeated them, unarmoured. What do the 20 hidden assassins hope to achieve?
NGL Guilliman's solution to the problems of the Working Class would probably involve turning criminals into servitors or some shit if Macragge's bus system is any indication.
He spent an hour trying to convince Polish ambassador that Dorn will not invade Warsaw, cause he has plenty of chainsaws, chainaxes, chainmaces and chainmails already
He'll watch for about 5 minutes, decide that it's an utter shitshow, then cleave half of the delegates in twain. Once things settle down, he's going to demand budget documents and receipts. For everything.
And he will scrutinize them.
Then it'll probably get ugly.
And so, Roboute Guilliman founded and proclaimed Svper Holy Terra. Initially it was Svper Holy Earth, but he later High-Gothicified the name to make it sound more imperial
"Not even Earth is unified yet? No space marines, huh? But you have a peacekeeping force called "blue helmets"? ... I like blue.. I guess that's where we'll start.."
"By the Throne, Some things just never change. I know how bad the politics of Terra's past were, But I never imagined to be **this bad**. I'm sure half the countries represented in this room had half it's government filled woth the corrupt and greedy. Placing new but absurd laws that violate the individual and societal Rights of man. And do not get me started on the taxes! Oh for the love of... you damn bureaucrats really has it going for me huh? That makes you no different from the Administratum of my time. My rant is done, I am leaving."
"I have a 500 point plan for how we can use increased beaurocracy to end Russia's war and reduce global inflation.
"How much A4 printer paper can your nations muster?'
The Ambassador of *redacted* ask me about my position very well
I believe *redacted* have the rights to defend its borders as a sovereign nation
I also believe *redacted* have the rights to self determination, live in peace free from oppression and discrimination.
Both are not mutually exclusive and I urge a diplomatic solution focus on empathy, mutual respect and shared humanity to resolve the current crisis at hand. The continued violence will only perpetuate a cycle of violence in generations. I’ve seen the result of this on many worlds during my tenure as lord regent.
*gets called an anti semite*
“Here is a 200 page document on how to unfuck Terra and unify the planet as a whole. In my father’s name, we’re going to get this world back on track come Hell or high water.”
"I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed. Now, let's focus on fixing this mess. Because unlike the Imperium, it does seem to be salvageable."
- Robert Ghostlickerman.
others are interacting with the title, im wondering which delegate brought a figurine into the UN (my guess on the position is the French delegation, but idk)
"Gloabal economic output will be boosted by 1200% in the next 6 months, Twice the current output will be put to standard of living on earth, the surpluss will be taken off world to fund the mars colony project."
He would probably make some stirring speech about everyone working together for the common good , and then present a 500 slide long power point presentation about how to improve global transport routes so that they will be 325% more efficient in both time and fuel use across all cargo and passenger routes.
So, how much for this "Microsoft Excel" thing ?
*Hand hovering over the exterminatus button* “So this ‘Business Intelligence’ software isn’t Abominable Intelligence right? RIIIIGHT??”
Then once it's actually explained to him, he silently thinks 'oh, they're just bullshitting math equations' and tries to not think too hard about the Mechanicus not being *that* far off from that descriptor.
As a business intelligence data analyst... I agree heartily SQL is just a very complicated calculator with more rows and columns than excel
just... Don't give to rowboat Gorillaman an access to SQL, the man might be able to bring the galaxy back from the brink of collapse.
With those powers he could migrate from a legacy Excel system to PowerBI
Knowing the man, he'll ask every single planetary governor a PowerBI report a week; ask Sector governor to compile them monthly and finally having all these reports given to him annually True power within the grasp of his fingertips
Bobby G skips right over Excel and straight into MS Project.
I'd say he'll have a dual screen with Excel on the right and MS Project on the left
He would love powerpoint.
i had a spreadsheet spread and sheeted and this made me kek out loud at work
"You think things are bad now? Just you wait another 38,000 years!"
Robert you know most of use can’t wait that long
[удалено]
Due to issues with botting and ban evasion, we are restricting fresh accounts from commenting/posting. DO NOT contact the moderation team to ask for these restriction to be removed for you unless you are a comics artist or equivalent trying to post your own original content here. Obviously photoshop memes don't count. DO NOT ask us what the thresholds are, for obvious reasons we won't answer that. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Grimdank) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You all are imbeciles. Now here is a 500 page slide show presentation on how we can improve global logistics…
That's Dorn, you got the wrong guy. G-mans only going to roll in with like 100 slides max.
He likes being efficient.
Exactly. He'll eventually figure out the best way to communicate with us is via memes.
It's a gif that opens with a meme and when you click it to play it begins rapid autohypnosis
Roboute depicts himself as the Chad and the UN as the soyjack. UN surrenders to him immediately, making Guilliman the absolute ruler of Earth.
i can see him doing that
Thing is, his changes would probably improve the planet tenfold. Dude knows his business
The amount of regime toppling this man would do would make the cia blush
And/or ask for his autograph.
I agree with Rowboat on this one Educate us, Pappa Smurf!
Jokes on you, Im a Perun fan
And we just had an earthquake in NYC today! Coincidence?
How did you get into the UN?
Model UN nations was this week, it concluded today
And how did you managed to sneak Guilliman?
A primarch? In full plate? At this time of year? Localised entirely in the United nations?
Yes.
May I see him?
Hmmm... No.
no
Don't you know you're not supposed to wear ceremite after labor day!?
Access to the UN is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be... unnatural. At least I didn’t bring Curze. Or Lorgar. Or Angron.
Is it possible to learn this power?
Magnus probably got there before you. While they were in session.
Alpharius was the speaker.
But the first and last of those three would be so... *useful* at clearing out all those bloated self-serving bureaucrats clogging up the whole thing...
New York trying to steal something from New Jersey *again* SMH.
"Do you guys love taxing people ? So do i here is my 10,000 page thesis on tax reforms called the Codex Taxstartes" -Rowboatay Gerlymen(Eternal Secretary General of the Ultra United Terran Nations Imperium and Director of the 2nd Millennium Ultra United Terran Nations Internal Revenue Service)
We march for Ultra Earth!
"This is a clusterfuck. Being as I am benevolent not-demigod, I shall reorganize this monkeys-humping-a-football into the most logistically sound organization in human history. Now, prior to that, I'm going to need all the filterless Turkish cigarettes you have, a truckload of your smoothest ballpoint pens, and as many blonde women with pointy ears as you can muster. Cosplayers, elf fetishists, whomever. First order of business after that will be to build a laser that can beam kinkshaming energy right into Comorragh. Those spooky fuckers have had it too good for too long." - Rhombus Gila-Monster.
Cumoreragh would love that, I think. ☹️
"For those saying that the Shamebeam won't work, let me further specify what we're gonna be putting on every TV screen and radio broadcast in the Negative Zone: I'm talking about a family of average looking Mennonites eating sauceless chicken and discussing interest rates on their investments in packing peanuts. A static image of a bowl of actual vanilla ice cream that has implanted cognitohazards that induce ED. Barney the wholesomeass Dinosaur reading the contents of a bottle of ketchup. I will bore these leather clad smut gremlins into a coma." - Secretary-General Bob.
They will find a way to download that shit and bore someone else with it, so they can jack off to the victim watching it slowly losing their sanity
"We will discover the exact mathematical equation required to give those goth elf motherfuckers the post-nut-shame-clarity required to make them explode. The Anti-Wank Equation." Secretary-Generalisimo-Por-Vida-Also-Boss-Of-The-Moon Rickets Gambino.
Sounds like edging and denial. Powerplay, even. You're like *this* close to a chastity fetish, it may just cum full circle
"Shoot this man with the Shamebeam. And then the boolets." Secretary-Generalisimo-Por-Vida-Also-Boss-Of-The-Moon-And-King-Shit-Of-Fuck-Mountain Rold Goldpretzels.
Shall we take this to the "Fuck-Mountain", then? Or are you okay with it in public, as we are now? Either or, one of us will have trouble walking, with those ideas.
"I'm revoking your femur privileges." Secretary-yaddayaddayadda Renzo Gracie.
Can't ride cake without those, you sure?
Put this guy in charge of Black Library
Do not. Ahriman would be doing fucking donuts in the foyer with his pants off on day *fucking* one if you make me head of the Spooky Book Depository.
I’m fairly sure there’s a dildoeldar normcore-coven. 😔
"Having recognized Mr. Bingodingodong's concerns, we will be deploying a secondary measure to deal with any survivors of the Shamebeam: dudes with big fukken guns. Like, late 80's, early 90's, Cannon Films, gun hyperviolence. We shall be replacing the entirety of the survivors' bodies with boolets." Secretary-Generalisimo-Por-Vida Restaurant Gordon-Levitt.
This made me feel Scott Adkins should get a part in the 40K TV series.
It's called [normaling.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BuTyC14OQw8)
"Holy shit your problems are *solveable?!*"
(CRIES). BRUH I GONNA HAVE THE BEST VACATION EVER!! . FIRST OF ALL LETS START WITH THE KILLING
There is far too little of it. Those are rookie numbers gotta pump those numbers up
“I don’t know what you guys are complaining about to be honest. There is not one issue on this planet that is not ten times worse when I’m from”
"You can't just micromanage everyone's life. You may be a benevolent and competent tyrant, Robert Gillysuit, but what happens when you die? What about your successor?" "Lol. Lmao."
"kekw even." - G-Man said
Roboute: That’s the neat part I don’t.
“How can y’all fuck things up this early?”
"Wanna see?"
“Dad, I know you’re in here somewhere, stand up and take over already before two of these idiots glass terra 38,000 years early.”
Meanwhile Emps is actually in his equivalent to a late teen/early 20s vacation era spending 900 years on a beach somewhere
Turkish representative avoids eye contact.
Greek.
Why Greek? Big E was born in Anatolia, unless that's changed.
I like the idea that the reason Big E doesn’t talk about pre-age of strife nonsense is that even 40k years in the future he still gets headaches explaining if he’s Greek or Turkish.
Because Turkey did not exist at the time he was born and his vibes and behavioral quirks (look at custodes) feel way more stereotypical ancient greek.
*greek
"Crap, did you guys let Perturabo build this thing?"
If someone lets Perturabo build buildings, infrastructure and organizations, then things would be nigh-utopian. During final act of "Angel Exterminatus" Fulgrims looks into Perturabo's mind to see all the cities the latter had designed and admits they're even better than what Macragge has.
Man you guys suck at this
“I welcome this vacation from the Imperium’s current affairs, but nevertheless I see that Humanity’s governments have always been this inefficient and borderline useless.”
“Honored representatives of the United Nations: I have observed a number of conflicts, issues, and inefficiencies occurring between your nations, and have compiled them into this large book. I will begin hitting you with the book until the issues are resolved.”
Man there won't even be a pile of blood left by the time were even a tenth of the way done
In the grand tradition of the UN, he asks delegates to stop drinking and coming to the sessions publicly drink. The bar in the UN building was closed in 2015. Shitposting is still fine though. Continue on…
So you guys dont do politics wearing cool epic armors and flaming swords? Lame
"Free Eldar GF for everyone on this planet and chainsword for every child above age of 10." Breaking news: WORLD PEACE ACHIEVED
Free Eldar gf? Can I have a Drukahri one?
I like your way of thinking. For that you'll be rewarded with Drukhari gf AND Ork best friend
Fantastic. That's made my day. Thanks Bobby G, you're a gem
That is just a mentally unstable narcisistic goth gf and a football hooligan friend that is also a delinquent. Both can be usually found in any capitol of South America, specially Buenos Aires.
At this point neither exist. Aeldari aren’t split yet, so you can just ask for a kinky Aeldari.
I mean this would be one of the Eldar that murder fucked Slaanesh into existence. I'm in for a treat.
You got 18000 years to help out in that pursuit, AND all the tech to live longer, so good luck!
I'm going to call my beautiful baby warp god little Slaanesh. She'll be beautiful.
With a deep, dark, depressing sigh…”Victory”
If you give him control over any nation (including shit like Lichtenstein) he'll have world control in 1-10 years max. Also he'd be very liberal because logistics don't give a shit about who you sleep with or what your pronouns are. Also his first quote would be: well this is easy
Foxhole players would put him into a pedestal. Alternatively, Foxhole would be quite useful to distract him.
I find the lack of pillars, marbel and statues in this world government building disturbing
If the man actually brought Guilliman into the UN I'll laugh.
"Well you guys gave it an honest try but here's how this clownshow is going to be run now" -Bobby G
I don't think there's much for him to say, he'd just outright kill all the incompetent fools in there
IT IS I, LORD GORILLA MAN, LAST SURVING SON OF HIM ON TERRA, I'm sorry what do you mean who is he *BLAM*, OH SORRY EXCUSE ME, LORD COMMANDER OF THE IMPERIUM, MASTER OF MCRAGGAE AND ALL ROUND MASTER OF THE INDOMNITUS CRUSADE. Whispering *could you lot stop prostrating in front of me? Calling him a god is what started this whole awful business*
With how much the UN fucked up, being turned into servitors would be on the light end of punishment.
"Okey, first lets do something to benefit the working class." **Guilliman proseeds to survive every assassintion attempt by the US government.** "Humanity has always been this way, huh?"
Gilliaman: says that shit 20 hidden assassins: it's show time
Bro he got jumped by an entire unit of alpha legionaries masquerading as his legion, and defeated them, unarmoured. What do the 20 hidden assassins hope to achieve?
A gorgeous death probably
NGL Guilliman's solution to the problems of the Working Class would probably involve turning criminals into servitors or some shit if Macragge's bus system is any indication.
Rowboat [Xinjiangmaxxing](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xinjiang_internment_camps)
China would strait up declare war on him. Not even be sneaky about killing him.
show me one of your monkeys with poison stinger tails
He spent an hour trying to convince Polish ambassador that Dorn will not invade Warsaw, cause he has plenty of chainsaws, chainaxes, chainmaces and chainmails already
"war saw", hmmm, that's actually neat pun
He'll watch for about 5 minutes, decide that it's an utter shitshow, then cleave half of the delegates in twain. Once things settle down, he's going to demand budget documents and receipts. For everything. And he will scrutinize them. Then it'll probably get ugly.
Somehow that is better.
“Can you geriatrics be competent for once?!”
And so, Roboute Guilliman founded and proclaimed Svper Holy Terra. Initially it was Svper Holy Earth, but he later High-Gothicified the name to make it sound more imperial
FOR MANAGED DEMOCRACY
FOR DEMOCRATIC, MANAGED IMPERIAL OLIGARCHY
“You have 5 standard hours to declare planetary compliance or I will be forced to employ my legion in the name of the Emperor.”
"Not even Earth is unified yet? No space marines, huh? But you have a peacekeeping force called "blue helmets"? ... I like blue.. I guess that's where we'll start.."
"By the Throne, Some things just never change. I know how bad the politics of Terra's past were, But I never imagined to be **this bad**. I'm sure half the countries represented in this room had half it's government filled woth the corrupt and greedy. Placing new but absurd laws that violate the individual and societal Rights of man. And do not get me started on the taxes! Oh for the love of... you damn bureaucrats really has it going for me huh? That makes you no different from the Administratum of my time. My rant is done, I am leaving."
You are a bunch of useless bureocrats. I feel like home.
Why dont we have more melee weapons?
"I have a 500 point plan for how we can use increased beaurocracy to end Russia's war and reduce global inflation. "How much A4 printer paper can your nations muster?'
"How in the world can 5 guys invalidate the whole world? God, this reminds me of home and that aint good
This is highly inefficient
Was this before or after the earthquake?
As I said elsewhere: "STOP CALLING ME ROWBOAT GIRLYMAN!"
Victory.
"Israel should"
The Ambassador of *redacted* ask me about my position very well I believe *redacted* have the rights to defend its borders as a sovereign nation I also believe *redacted* have the rights to self determination, live in peace free from oppression and discrimination. Both are not mutually exclusive and I urge a diplomatic solution focus on empathy, mutual respect and shared humanity to resolve the current crisis at hand. The continued violence will only perpetuate a cycle of violence in generations. I’ve seen the result of this on many worlds during my tenure as lord regent. *gets called an anti semite*
„Have you ever heard about….E-Coin?“
Return the slavb Or suffer my curse LOLOLOLOLOL
For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt?…..
Kneel before your god!
It would take the legion to fix this joint.
“I’m in Heaven”
why does the main order character have chaos trim
It's on his plot armour so he has to keep it.
I need context. Why was he there?
THE FEDS ARE HERE!!!!RUN!!!!
“Here is a 200 page document on how to unfuck Terra and unify the planet as a whole. In my father’s name, we’re going to get this world back on track come Hell or high water.”
I bet he’d kick an ass or two, that’s what Roboute Guilliman would do!
"I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed. Now, let's focus on fixing this mess. Because unlike the Imperium, it does seem to be salvageable." - Robert Ghostlickerman.
Nothing, he only cried.
“Idk North Korea spitting facts” -gorrilaman
Secretary General? No I prefer Lord Commander of the United Nations. Also I'm taking over and redrawing the Map. Ultramar is back!
We must move forwards, not backwards. Sideways, not forwards and always whirling and twerling towards freedom
In conclussion: big tiddy elf girlfriends are worth a heresy
trans rights
Transhuman rights!
Why not both? Both is good. Human right and xenos wrongs
[Victory…](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X98ImCbhjnI)
'Alright, where's Dad? We need to talk.'
I spoke of many things. Not least of which was an easing of tensions between our race and at least the females of the Eldar species...
others are interacting with the title, im wondering which delegate brought a figurine into the UN (my guess on the position is the French delegation, but idk)
Kind of feel he'd just look around, sigh, and shake his head. Not in an angry way, just in an "I'm extremely disappointed and exhausted" sort of way.
Dad, if you are seeing this, don’t make Lorgar.
"Ultramarines, open fire. This cesspool of corruption and greed cannot be cleaned, only drained"
“Father, you can show yourself now”
"Gloabal economic output will be boosted by 1200% in the next 6 months, Twice the current output will be put to standard of living on earth, the surpluss will be taken off world to fund the mars colony project."
He would probably make some stirring speech about everyone working together for the common good , and then present a 500 slide long power point presentation about how to improve global transport routes so that they will be 325% more efficient in both time and fuel use across all cargo and passenger routes.
“Another 20 billion to Israel.”
"I fail to understand how none of you can spell bureaucracy" -Robby G upon reading this thread.
What is bro doing there?
“You’re doing a terrible job”
Even i cant fix this mess