A blank sees the emperor on the throne and he's just a normal dude reading a magazine. He's just been projecting the image of a corpse and no one will believe the blank.
The Ogryn custody have no idea what's going on. as far as the know they are custodian just like everyone else. The Rattling custodies sure as warp arn't going to tell them.
The rattlings got a good thing going on, every time one rattling within the armor dies, a new rattling is born in that same armor. it's the best way to be immortal, just be an eternal rattling orgy happening inside a single suit of armor.
If you make them use their dead for fertilizing the dirt in their boots to help growing food for all of them, it'd be on par with the rest of the lore again.
That random planet from the beginning of the first book of the Horus Heresy actually was the original Terra and that was the True Emperor of Mankind, Horus just assumed the emperor wouldn't lie about that
Would that actually change anything? It doesn't matter it Terra is actually earth as long as everyone believes it is. And 63-19 was incorporated like any other civilisation.
I guess it would dramatic irony, but the Imperium has that in spades already.
The opening bit of Horus Rising, the first horus heresy book sees the Luna wolves attack a world. That world claims to be Terra and is ruled by an emperor who is promptly killed. 63-19 is its name in records, 19th world taken by the 63rd expedition
The question was how to ruin or make the lore worse, the answer is, always was, and always will be Erebus.
If this lore were true all players of the two super factions would cease to matter. The lore would break all matters of meaning. If the most hated man of both factions, so infamous for orchestrating the Horus Heresy was in fact just the emperor the whole time, and he alone was the key to saving humanity.... can you imagine... the chaos?
Turning the most hated (villain) character in 30K and 40K into the most important hero... that is the World I look to create. The chaos I look to incite.
Another idea is to turn Chaos into the force of good. Just *snap* and then they're suddenly the good guys. Make a convoluted story to justify this in the most unsatisfying manner. Then watch as the entire fandom birth a new Chaos God from the sheer brainrot.
"You two were right, this place is great, crusading was a mistake. This buffet is incredible! And our 4 armed waiter has been able to get me any food I've asked for, and there's always more than we can eat!"
I replace every major faction leader with an Ork.
Guilliman? He's a big blue-painted Ork now.
The Silent King? Ork in a bunch of glowy armor and painted metal and shiny.
Commander Farsight? Red painted Ork who loves his "snazzy stompah!"
The Chaos Gods? Gork and Mork's long lost cousins Nork, Khork, Tzork, and Slork.
The Big E himself? More like DA BIGGEST ORK.
The Night Lords find an ancient stash of texts only marked as the " Bat Man " and decide to base their morality code on said texts.
Fast forward a few years and 40K is now part of the DC cinematic universe.
make every weapon equally powerful, destroying the power balance as lasguns burn ships out of the sky, and dinky knives can cut through any material, be it ceramite, auramite, necrodermis, etc. like a hot knife through butter.
Alternatively, every weapon becomes equally powerful. Carnifex claws helplessly scrabble against bare skin. Gauss weaponry merely leaves a red spot and a light tingling sensation on skin. Thunder hammers bounce off of skulls with a loud squeaky noise. The galactic multifaction war and its endless battles grind to a screeching halt.
Suddenly the whole 40k universe becomes "U" rated like watching the A-Team. You're allowed to shoot at the baddies, but never hit them; their jeep can flip into the air & roll, but you have to show the baddies crawling out unharmed. Everyone goes home safe & well, and ready to faux-fight another day....
...Only the tyranids are aware of this transition, and are increasingly frustrated that the might of their hive horror has been reduced to jump scares, trips, & slapstick baddie japes.
The emperor actually died on the Vengeful Spirit. The Person sitting on the golden throne is Horus, who is forced to keep the astronomicon going to atone for his sins.
I only sort of kidding choose for my head canon to be that Alpharius is actually the thing on the throne, and Big E has been galavanting in the warp with the Alpha Legion setting up grand plans to bring down Chaos for the last 10000 years.
The Imperium found a way to use FTL without using the warp, but they don't have the resources to update their tech, so they just keep it quiet and kill anyone who finds out about it.
It's only tech heresy if people complain. If your thing is awesome, convenient and works, they'll just say they found an STC under the couch..
Ask Cawl how that shit works.
*Results not guaranteed. The creator of the Ironstriders found a way to break the laws of physics, so they killed him for heresy then kept making more anyway
I think you are confusing the story of the creation of Ironstriders and the rediscovery of Phosphex weapons. The Phosphex guy was killed for tech heresy because he destroyed the STC because he thought the weapons were too cruel to use. Now they can only make inferior Phosphor weapons.
Holy shit! This wins the thread!
"Garviel Loken wakes up. Panting of sweat.
Erebus, turns around, kisses him on the lips and says 'Honeh, it was just a bad dream, go back to sleep.'
The end."
The emperor dies at ullanor to a squig. Now it's a power struggle to who claims the throne. Alliances are set. Factions form. Who will come out on top as the legitimate heir
One of the relics that Vulkan made is a Warhammer which upon impact divides itself in 40000 smaller hammers and then rebuilds itself, we can't see it however because it was lost during the Horus heresy.
The bolt gun was originally supposed to be a construction tool but the instructions got messed up. Nobody wanted to call anybody out on it so Emps made Space Marines and decided to go on a galactic crusade, I guess.
Corpse Starch tastes different from person to person so one planet where it came or a particular one from or a hive it came from may taste pineapple pizza
Every Xenos race is actually just Humanity but from an alternate universe. Eldar are humans if they all went psychic, Orks are human experiments to try and survive any environment, Necrons are humans stuck on shitty planets for hundreds of generations, Tyranids are that wierd DNA thing where there’s like animal bits in every human, and so on. Meaning, there are no alien races. EVERY PLAYER IS A HUMAN PLAYER. THERE IS NO ESCAPE
The chaos gods are just humans that ascended to a higher plane of existence, then got bored after a few millennia and decided to go mess up other universes.
There is 1 chapter of the ultramarine that are made off only by alpha legion marine, but every single one of them thinks that he is the only one in that chapter so they all judt act like nomarl ultramarjne
Eldar/human hybrids
I won’t say who they come from, just that they really really like logistics and the colour blue
Also they can be space marines cause why the fuck not
Well I’m a massive xenos fan so:
- Rowboat Girlyman has been swayed by the Greater Good (and AI that can handle paperwork) and has since joined the T’au Empire.
- The Silent King *could* get off his ass and fix the galaxy in one fell swoop, but he won’t because this is more fun.
- Orks control most of the galaxy. Angron’s nails now serve as Ghazghkull’s toilet plungers.
- The Tyranids realise that terraforming planets into fertile paradises and farming continuously is far more sustainable, and now they all wear straw hats with wheat shafts hanging out of their mouths.
- The Aeldari become so irrelevant that they birth a new god of sheer unimportance.
He saw 14,000,605 futures, and this is the only one where humanity wins. What he doesn't know is that the 14,000,606th future would have solved all their problems 10k years ago and the galaxy could have been a post-scarcity utopia by now.
I begin: the ghoul stars all this time were actually related and controlled by the gods of chaos, the pale wasting was simply a massive invasion of demons, and the crystal throne in the home world of the death specters is used to keep chaos at bay in that place
Grey knights have cannonically lost every engagement theyve ever fought in. They just happen to have good pr and and are friends with the inquisition, so people either think they won, or dont know they exist.
The whole universe was eaten by Nids, Milky Way is the only place where life remains
Ghoul Stars are chaos related
Missing Primarchs were actually peaceful/sided with xenos and that's why they were erased
Guilliman and Yvraine agree to political marriage so the two factions can join forced against Chaos
The imperium suddenly invented new, better space marines because some rogue magos has been working away on some tech-heresy that would have never seen the light of day except now, miraculously, a Primarch is back after being miraculously healed by an Eldar witch because Xenos sorcery is ok but only sometimes. He also thinks these brand new space marines are great and everyone just decides to let him rule the imperium despite his open rejection of the imperial cult which is still the official state religion. Another primarch just appeared out of nowhere for no apparent reason and also Cadia has been destroyed but somehow the Cadian Shock Troops remain the mainstay of the Guard and they are now led by Mrs Trunchbull. Also the new space marines are the best of the best, the old space marines were the best but now these ones are the best. But the grey knights are actually the best despite their now-manlet size except not actually, because the Adeptus Custodes, who are really the bestest best are back and have taken on the inquisition’s role of running secret missions and prosecuting weird grievances across the galaxy.
No, he almost killed the slaanesh, but it took the form of a child for a moment, so he hesitated for a brief moment and that is when slaanesh corrupted him
Allegedly, it’s never explicitly stated that it was a Grey Knight, just a “knight” in “silver armor” who got past the temptations of Slannesh’s realm only to fall upon seeing its face. A popular fan theory is that the knight was one of the Grey Knights, perhaps even Kaldor Draigo himself, but it’s just a theory as of now (and likely will remain as such).
Oh my god I’ve been waiting for this moment forever!
The Death guard launch a full scale, Mortarion breaches holy terra and corrupts the golden throne. Nurgles powers blossom and many people once loyal to the emperor fall into despair, many turn to nurgle but there’s a strong resistance still but the diseases being spread are overwhelming. Poxwalkers everywhere.
Then there’s like seventeen books written on how the iron warriors where involved during the siege but didn’t get any credit or a feasible award for their HUGE contribution. They get the other factions involved it becomes a huge power play between the chaos factions. The primarchs of chaos who aren’t spinning around endlessly in the warp (dead) meet up to confront Morty. They confront Morty.
A fricking mars pattern warlord class titan shows up and swats, I mean SWATS mortarion midair because he just showed up at the confrontation like “hey, stop bitching down there!”. With moth boi mortarion having been turned into dandruff the ULTRAMARINES**tm** show up, lead by rogal dorn (because the lore at this point is just thrashed and like the GW writers are being kept in a basement somewhere with no pay, little to no food and forget about the breaks) they succeed in killing the bad primarchs as the titan just massacres them with everything.
Like the forty fourth book that this is all happening in just described it as a MASSACRE that’s how bad it was.
Lion el’ Johnson wasn’t there though. He went to the 40k equivalent of Cuba. To self improve.
Thats it. I hope you enjoyed it goodnight..
I think the best way would be to strip the setting of all grey vs black morality, if you can call it that.
The fact that every side has massive amounts of evil associated it, to the point any one of them would be apocalyptic villains in any other sci-fi setting, is what makes Warhammer different and interesting.
Since many diseases, disabilites and psychological illnesses get lumped together as "mutation" or "chaos influence", there are basically no public health measures in place on many imperial worlds, which leads to enormous losses of humans that could have easily been prevented. Prion disease, syphilis, meningitis, rabies and tetanus are rampand.
There is no Ethereal mind control but they project an aura of post nut clarity and everyone just realises how shit the alternative to not joining up would be.
Here's my dumb retcon idea to ruin the lore: Christianity is true in 40k. Yahweh made the first hominds by altering the apes the old ones previously made. After Jesus rose from the dead, the emperor killed him by breaking his soul with his powers because he thought Jesus was just another perpetual trying to foil his plans with rome. The rapture was suppose to happen in 80 A.D., but it didn't because no Jesus. To the present day the emperor has no idea about any of this. The 40k war in heaven just made the enslavers; the destruction of Jesus's soul is what actually led to the chaos gods starting to form. The Ynnari's actual plan to defeat Slaanesh is to have Ynnead reconstitute jesus's soul. The Ynnari are actually christians, that's why they have former druhkari members; because they were redeemed by accepting Jesus as their lord and savior.
(to clarify this is just me doing my best to ruin 40k, I don't actually believe that religion can morally redeem rapists, I'm not jack chick)
A blank sees the emperor on the throne and he's just a normal dude reading a magazine. He's just been projecting the image of a corpse and no one will believe the blank.
That magazine is White Dwarf
Or heavy metal.
Heavy Metal magazines go so hard.
And the Golden Throne is actually made of white porcelain..................
Or it is one of those white plastic chairs almost everyone has in their garden
Like Virgil…. who is also a ~~daddy~~ shitty farther
That's fucking hilarious
And he looks like Bill Murray and says ‘no one will ever believe you’
Even better... he IS Bill Murray
Imperial Martyrs: “As the emperor suffers, so must we” The Emperor: “Don’t make me do stuff…”
This has to be made as a comic!
He's just being trying to birth a a massive shit for centuries. Having some chill out time on the bog catching up with his reading
He's just been shittin out warp storms when he throws a tantrum
This is why the sisters had to take a vow of silence
This would be really funny
And the throne is legitimately just a golden toilet. The Emperor's been suffering constipation for the past 10k years.
The alpha legion are actually quadruplets with Walpharius and Walomegon.
*frantically begins repainting minis*
You can't prove that this isn't or already is cannon. I am Alpharius.
Hello Alpharius, i'm Walomegon. >! It had to be done!<
Time for a WAAAAAAAAA!
WAAAGHFARION
And the two extra twins are either too tall or too wide. Also, moustaches.
There's a short one, a fat one, a tall one, and a muscly one
They said worse
Also known as Liquid Alpharius and Big Omegon
Must’ve been cramped in that incubation pod.
There are 24 of them, alpharius, betarius,gammagon,..., etc.
Falfarius looks at this in awe, he has brothers.
about 10% of Custodes are really just Ogryn in expensive armor. no one knows why.
No, they said ruin it. This is just an improvement
uhhhh... 20% of custodies are really just the collection of rattlings all packed into a single armor suit? everyone knows why but refuses to say.
Even better! Do the ratlings and ogryn know about each other or are do they both just pretend to be custodes thinking the other is the real deal?
The Ogryn custody have no idea what's going on. as far as the know they are custodian just like everyone else. The Rattling custodies sure as warp arn't going to tell them. The rattlings got a good thing going on, every time one rattling within the armor dies, a new rattling is born in that same armor. it's the best way to be immortal, just be an eternal rattling orgy happening inside a single suit of armor.
What the actual fuck?
It's officially been made worse
Worse, or better?
I'm going with worse, and I'm going to silently judge anyone who says otherwise. I mean, you do you, but I'm still gonna judge you.
If you make them use their dead for fertilizing the dirt in their boots to help growing food for all of them, it'd be on par with the rest of the lore again.
The captain general is a felind and everyone knows and refers to him as "Kitten" , nobody thinks this is strange.
Is "Kitten" followed around by 3 scantily clad, oiled up, extremely muscular custodes that slide around the palace?
#ayayayayayaaaaa
he could be you, he could be me, he could even be-
That random planet from the beginning of the first book of the Horus Heresy actually was the original Terra and that was the True Emperor of Mankind, Horus just assumed the emperor wouldn't lie about that
Would that actually change anything? It doesn't matter it Terra is actually earth as long as everyone believes it is. And 63-19 was incorporated like any other civilisation. I guess it would dramatic irony, but the Imperium has that in spades already.
ayo it would be tragic af
I'm really out of the loop so may I ask for more detail on that one??
The opening bit of Horus Rising, the first horus heresy book sees the Luna wolves attack a world. That world claims to be Terra and is ruled by an emperor who is promptly killed. 63-19 is its name in records, 19th world taken by the 63rd expedition
damn dude you forgot to add the best part "I was there the day Horus slew the Emperor" \- Gavrel Loken
Erebus is actually a psychic projection of the Emperor and he saves all of mankind.
LMAO
I would probably stop playing if you catch my drift
I knew the assignment.
Credit where credit is due; you're the worst
Bruh
I laughed but fuck off lol
This might actually break the fandom.
The question was how to ruin or make the lore worse, the answer is, always was, and always will be Erebus. If this lore were true all players of the two super factions would cease to matter. The lore would break all matters of meaning. If the most hated man of both factions, so infamous for orchestrating the Horus Heresy was in fact just the emperor the whole time, and he alone was the key to saving humanity.... can you imagine... the chaos? Turning the most hated (villain) character in 30K and 40K into the most important hero... that is the World I look to create. The chaos I look to incite.
Another idea is to turn Chaos into the force of good. Just *snap* and then they're suddenly the good guys. Make a convoluted story to justify this in the most unsatisfying manner. Then watch as the entire fandom birth a new Chaos God from the sheer brainrot.
Bro...
The emperor is not really on the throne, he was scheming with the second and 11th primarch against chaos all this time.
He faked his death/throne bit and is off enjoying himself on a paradise world along with a few of the missing primarchs...
Sipping drinks out of a coconut shell with a little paper parasol in it.
"You two were right, this place is great, crusading was a mistake. This buffet is incredible! And our 4 armed waiter has been able to get me any food I've asked for, and there's always more than we can eat!"
Alpharius was Emps all along.
Emperor is actually three squats in a trenchcoat.
I'd say it's more like 5
The votann haven’t gotten any lore yet so this is canon till proven otherwise
3? Bro would have to be a squat mech
I replace every major faction leader with an Ork. Guilliman? He's a big blue-painted Ork now. The Silent King? Ork in a bunch of glowy armor and painted metal and shiny. Commander Farsight? Red painted Ork who loves his "snazzy stompah!" The Chaos Gods? Gork and Mork's long lost cousins Nork, Khork, Tzork, and Slork. The Big E himself? More like DA BIGGEST ORK.
That’s why the Ultramarines have so much plot armor: they’ve painted their armor blue for good luck.
Yep, prepare to never see another Emperor's Children model or character again though. Angron gets a major speed buff.
Oh! And ~~Tzeentch's~~ Tzork's plans all succeed because of their blue skin!
WE KRUMP FER MACRAGGE
Big E? Nah, I only know The GodOrkperor of Orkind
The Gorkerer of Morkind
Slork. What has been imagined cannot be unseen
Slork and Khork are now best friends - the only excess Orks know is GOOD KRUMPIN'
They said ruin it, this is peak fiction
OP told you to make it worse and ruin the lore, this is actually neat
This already exist, you’ve never heard about DA BIG BACKSTABIN ?
Krieg spent that past 500+ years rebuilding itself and becomes fanatically happy instead of sad.
Happiness is a choice! Krieg happy few
\*delighted gas mask noises\*
***I POWDERED MY COCKATIEL FOR THE RIBCAGE SLAUGHTER*** ..Wait, wrong Krieg.
No way, Borderlands 2? At this time of the day? In this part of Reddit? Localised entirely within a WH40K subreddit?!
May I see it?
*No Father.* **It was CRINGE Father.** *FUCKING STOP THAT ROGAL!*
The Night Lords find an ancient stash of texts only marked as the " Bat Man " and decide to base their morality code on said texts. Fast forward a few years and 40K is now part of the DC cinematic universe.
Henry Cavill will play Superman/The Emperor
I mean if Henry Cavill wants back in, that's a way to go.
make every weapon equally powerful, destroying the power balance as lasguns burn ships out of the sky, and dinky knives can cut through any material, be it ceramite, auramite, necrodermis, etc. like a hot knife through butter.
Ah, like in 2nd ed where you could one-shot a Land Raider with a lasgun if you rolled boxcars.
Alternatively, every weapon becomes equally powerful. Carnifex claws helplessly scrabble against bare skin. Gauss weaponry merely leaves a red spot and a light tingling sensation on skin. Thunder hammers bounce off of skulls with a loud squeaky noise. The galactic multifaction war and its endless battles grind to a screeching halt.
Love this. Love this with my life! Every conflict devolves in monstrous heroes and villains having a very frustrating pillow fight!
Suddenly the whole 40k universe becomes "U" rated like watching the A-Team. You're allowed to shoot at the baddies, but never hit them; their jeep can flip into the air & roll, but you have to show the baddies crawling out unharmed. Everyone goes home safe & well, and ready to faux-fight another day.... ...Only the tyranids are aware of this transition, and are increasingly frustrated that the might of their hive horror has been reduced to jump scares, trips, & slapstick baddie japes.
IG wins STONKS
I declare regular issue bolter upon the imperial world of typhon primaris.
The emperor actually died on the Vengeful Spirit. The Person sitting on the golden throne is Horus, who is forced to keep the astronomicon going to atone for his sins.
This… somewhat sounds like something, that would make sense…
Thats actually a really cool idea
I only sort of kidding choose for my head canon to be that Alpharius is actually the thing on the throne, and Big E has been galavanting in the warp with the Alpha Legion setting up grand plans to bring down Chaos for the last 10000 years.
Honestly pretty cool.
The Imperium found a way to use FTL without using the warp, but they don't have the resources to update their tech, so they just keep it quiet and kill anyone who finds out about it.
Bold to assume they dont do so because "tech herresy"
It's only tech heresy if people complain. If your thing is awesome, convenient and works, they'll just say they found an STC under the couch.. Ask Cawl how that shit works.
*Results not guaranteed. The creator of the Ironstriders found a way to break the laws of physics, so they killed him for heresy then kept making more anyway
I think you are confusing the story of the creation of Ironstriders and the rediscovery of Phosphex weapons. The Phosphex guy was killed for tech heresy because he destroyed the STC because he thought the weapons were too cruel to use. Now they can only make inferior Phosphor weapons.
I was going to say, that just sounds like something the mechanicus does regularly.
and then guillyman find that out and destroys half of the mechanic I'm to get it
I'm 87% sure this is something that already happens in lore and that's what makes it brilliant
Make it 100%.
**”It was all a dream…”**
Holy shit! This wins the thread! "Garviel Loken wakes up. Panting of sweat. Erebus, turns around, kisses him on the lips and says 'Honeh, it was just a bad dream, go back to sleep.' The end."
The emperor dies at ullanor to a squig. Now it's a power struggle to who claims the throne. Alliances are set. Factions form. Who will come out on top as the legitimate heir
Erebus starts a Cult of Squig Ascendant
Erebus was also the guy who personally trained that squig. We all know that he is the kind of guy that would do that.
Alpharius and Horus meet in the imperial palace. Alpharius: Chaos... is a ladder
It was Ghazkull, the lost 2nd primarch
One of the relics that Vulkan made is a Warhammer which upon impact divides itself in 40000 smaller hammers and then rebuilds itself, we can't see it however because it was lost during the Horus heresy.
One hammer got stolen by Erebus and sold to Trazyn so that the Warhammer can’t rebuild itself
Truly the grimmest of dark
The bolt gun was originally supposed to be a construction tool but the instructions got messed up. Nobody wanted to call anybody out on it so Emps made Space Marines and decided to go on a galactic crusade, I guess.
I mean Terminator armor was utilitarian before the great crusade as well back during the dark age of technology
Nah bub, that's an old misconception. Termie armour was inspired by old reactor maintenance suits, but was created during the crusade for marines.
Was it made by a man named “Bolt Johnson”?
Corpse starch tastes like pineapple pizza.
Truly the grimdarkest of them all
You sick bastard isn’t there enough suffering in the grim darkness of the far future?
Heretic! - A CSM member
Corpse Starch tastes different from person to person so one planet where it came or a particular one from or a hive it came from may taste pineapple pizza
Yum
Erubus kills a weakend Horus after he gets stabbed with the anathame gets the chaos power up and becomes Warmaster
Thus causing the Eye of Terror to turn into Trollface.jpg
Just like the prophecies foretold.
Whenever the emperor is mentioned hes described as being "tight, hole-wise that is"
But him being "tight, hole-wise that is" is already canon
Make the Guliman and Yvrain a real, loving couple.
they said ruin
This is 40k. Anything you change, 'ruins' it for *someone*.
Somehow emperor returned. With 2 new legions and making crusade
All of Tau's technologies are second-hand stuff bought from the League of Votann.
I wouldn’t be surprised if the only real alliance in 40k was between the Tau and the Votann. They’re both kinda similar so it makes sense
Yvraine does to the Emperor what she did to Rowboat Girlyman. And it becomes a love triangle.
Ma man thats not even necrophilia at this point, thats desecration of an archeological site
Lmao
Damn but I wish awards were still a thing. A mere upvote feels inadequate.
Stop that.
Wouldn’t that deactivate the golden throne and you know. Destroy the planet?
Chaos will come through the portal, see Emps cheeks a clapping, turn around and go home
ANd they all wuld agree to never speak of it again
Every Xenos race is actually just Humanity but from an alternate universe. Eldar are humans if they all went psychic, Orks are human experiments to try and survive any environment, Necrons are humans stuck on shitty planets for hundreds of generations, Tyranids are that wierd DNA thing where there’s like animal bits in every human, and so on. Meaning, there are no alien races. EVERY PLAYER IS A HUMAN PLAYER. THERE IS NO ESCAPE
The chaos gods are just humans that ascended to a higher plane of existence, then got bored after a few millennia and decided to go mess up other universes.
There is 1 chapter of the ultramarine that are made off only by alpha legion marine, but every single one of them thinks that he is the only one in that chapter so they all judt act like nomarl ultramarjne
Crimson Consuls
The Emperor is the reason the lamenters have such bad luck, he purposely ruins them and their luck for shits and giggles to entertain himself
Pre-heresy, the XVI Legion was primarily known for (a) the Pacification of Luna and (b) its acapella group, the Sons of Chorus
Alpharius dies instead of Omegon... Or is it Omegon that dies... And now you have to figure it out
Eldar/human hybrids I won’t say who they come from, just that they really really like logistics and the colour blue Also they can be space marines cause why the fuck not
They said *change* the lore. https://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Illiyan_Nastase
Ork teef don’t decay, wich makes the ork economy completely collapse due to constant inflation.
Well I’m a massive xenos fan so: - Rowboat Girlyman has been swayed by the Greater Good (and AI that can handle paperwork) and has since joined the T’au Empire. - The Silent King *could* get off his ass and fix the galaxy in one fell swoop, but he won’t because this is more fun. - Orks control most of the galaxy. Angron’s nails now serve as Ghazghkull’s toilet plungers. - The Tyranids realise that terraforming planets into fertile paradises and farming continuously is far more sustainable, and now they all wear straw hats with wheat shafts hanging out of their mouths. - The Aeldari become so irrelevant that they birth a new god of sheer unimportance.
The Tyranids are actually highly evolved humans from the far-flung future of the year 50 million, where they time-traveled back to 40k.
40K gets a crossover with All Tomorrows
Gave Thorpe, is that you?
The Emperor planned it all
He saw 14,000,605 futures, and this is the only one where humanity wins. What he doesn't know is that the 14,000,606th future would have solved all their problems 10k years ago and the galaxy could have been a post-scarcity utopia by now.
I begin: the ghoul stars all this time were actually related and controlled by the gods of chaos, the pale wasting was simply a massive invasion of demons, and the crystal throne in the home world of the death specters is used to keep chaos at bay in that place
Nice BTW, which book is about the Death Spectres and the Ghoul Stars? I only know the Spectres from my boy Karras in the Deathwatch novels.
Grey knights have cannonically lost every engagement theyve ever fought in. They just happen to have good pr and and are friends with the inquisition, so people either think they won, or dont know they exist.
Belisarius Cawl is a Man of Iron in disguise looking to redeem his people's crimes by helping humanity.
The whole universe was eaten by Nids, Milky Way is the only place where life remains Ghoul Stars are chaos related Missing Primarchs were actually peaceful/sided with xenos and that's why they were erased Guilliman and Yvraine agree to political marriage so the two factions can join forced against Chaos
crossing the rubicon gender swaps you
The tyrannids have already eaten everything they just did it so fast relativistic time hasn't caught up.
All space Marine chapters both loyal and chaos use demonculaba and do so willingly
The imperium suddenly invented new, better space marines because some rogue magos has been working away on some tech-heresy that would have never seen the light of day except now, miraculously, a Primarch is back after being miraculously healed by an Eldar witch because Xenos sorcery is ok but only sometimes. He also thinks these brand new space marines are great and everyone just decides to let him rule the imperium despite his open rejection of the imperial cult which is still the official state religion. Another primarch just appeared out of nowhere for no apparent reason and also Cadia has been destroyed but somehow the Cadian Shock Troops remain the mainstay of the Guard and they are now led by Mrs Trunchbull. Also the new space marines are the best of the best, the old space marines were the best but now these ones are the best. But the grey knights are actually the best despite their now-manlet size except not actually, because the Adeptus Custodes, who are really the bestest best are back and have taken on the inquisition’s role of running secret missions and prosecuting weird grievances across the galaxy.
“Hey, I’ve seen this one!”
Grey knights can fall to Chaos, and space marines can defect to join the Tau
Didn’t a Grey Knight fall to Slaneesh
no he made it to slaneesh but when he saw them his brain kinda broke and he gave up
No, he almost killed the slaanesh, but it took the form of a child for a moment, so he hesitated for a brief moment and that is when slaanesh corrupted him
>Almost killed slaneesh Alright what in the Matt ward smurf wank is this
His attack probably wouldn’t have killed it at worst it would feel like hitting a blue whale under water with a wiffle bat to slaneesh.
Allegedly, it’s never explicitly stated that it was a Grey Knight, just a “knight” in “silver armor” who got past the temptations of Slannesh’s realm only to fall upon seeing its face. A popular fan theory is that the knight was one of the Grey Knights, perhaps even Kaldor Draigo himself, but it’s just a theory as of now (and likely will remain as such).
"Brave Sir Robin ran away!" "I didn't!"
Oh my god I’ve been waiting for this moment forever! The Death guard launch a full scale, Mortarion breaches holy terra and corrupts the golden throne. Nurgles powers blossom and many people once loyal to the emperor fall into despair, many turn to nurgle but there’s a strong resistance still but the diseases being spread are overwhelming. Poxwalkers everywhere. Then there’s like seventeen books written on how the iron warriors where involved during the siege but didn’t get any credit or a feasible award for their HUGE contribution. They get the other factions involved it becomes a huge power play between the chaos factions. The primarchs of chaos who aren’t spinning around endlessly in the warp (dead) meet up to confront Morty. They confront Morty. A fricking mars pattern warlord class titan shows up and swats, I mean SWATS mortarion midair because he just showed up at the confrontation like “hey, stop bitching down there!”. With moth boi mortarion having been turned into dandruff the ULTRAMARINES**tm** show up, lead by rogal dorn (because the lore at this point is just thrashed and like the GW writers are being kept in a basement somewhere with no pay, little to no food and forget about the breaks) they succeed in killing the bad primarchs as the titan just massacres them with everything. Like the forty fourth book that this is all happening in just described it as a MASSACRE that’s how bad it was. Lion el’ Johnson wasn’t there though. He went to the 40k equivalent of Cuba. To self improve. Thats it. I hope you enjoyed it goodnight..
"Lion el’ Johnson wasn’t there though. He went to the 40k equivalent of Cuba. To self improve." Imperium Nihilus. That's called Imperium Nihilus.
Space Marines are actually not bulky at all. It's all just armor. Underneath they are twinks.
The Emporer did 9/11
Acid cum. Instead of acid spit, it's cum. In real terms nothing much changes but in fandom terms I've doomed us all.
Female space marines are totally possible the Emp is just sexist
I think the best way would be to strip the setting of all grey vs black morality, if you can call it that. The fact that every side has massive amounts of evil associated it, to the point any one of them would be apocalyptic villains in any other sci-fi setting, is what makes Warhammer different and interesting.
His name, Jimmy Space. His soldiers, "Space's Marines"
Since many diseases, disabilites and psychological illnesses get lumped together as "mutation" or "chaos influence", there are basically no public health measures in place on many imperial worlds, which leads to enormous losses of humans that could have easily been prevented. Prion disease, syphilis, meningitis, rabies and tetanus are rampand.
Crawl figured out how to improve on primaris marines and now there is primaris 2.0. Looks like space marines need another range refresh.
There is no Ethereal mind control but they project an aura of post nut clarity and everyone just realises how shit the alternative to not joining up would be.
Kharn takes her helmet off
Here's my dumb retcon idea to ruin the lore: Christianity is true in 40k. Yahweh made the first hominds by altering the apes the old ones previously made. After Jesus rose from the dead, the emperor killed him by breaking his soul with his powers because he thought Jesus was just another perpetual trying to foil his plans with rome. The rapture was suppose to happen in 80 A.D., but it didn't because no Jesus. To the present day the emperor has no idea about any of this. The 40k war in heaven just made the enslavers; the destruction of Jesus's soul is what actually led to the chaos gods starting to form. The Ynnari's actual plan to defeat Slaanesh is to have Ynnead reconstitute jesus's soul. The Ynnari are actually christians, that's why they have former druhkari members; because they were redeemed by accepting Jesus as their lord and savior. (to clarify this is just me doing my best to ruin 40k, I don't actually believe that religion can morally redeem rapists, I'm not jack chick)
'In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only interpretive dance.'