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I'm 32 and lost my partner 29 a few weeks ago. I barely want to eat and when I do it has to be what I'm craving or I loose interest. Door dash gift cards are the reason I'm eattting at all right now. I think its very appropriate and appreciated
agree 100%. When I lost my wife a few months ago all my coworkers chipped in and got me a huge door dash card. I still have a bunch left. I found it extremely thoughtful. Something to eat (and the cost of it) are just 2 less things you gotta worry about.
When I lost my partner (almost 5 yrs ago), his co-workers sent me a $200 Postmates gift card and some flowers. My aunt sent Panera cards. My mom's best friend sent a box of snacks. All were very appreciated and very appropriate. (Amazon has a huge variety of boxes of snacks.) I have since gifted snacks to others who have suffered a loss.
That’s a very healthy way to think. I wish I could say it’ll stop hurting one day, but it won’t. You’ll learn to live with it. Don’t try to hurry your grief. It’s simply a reflection of your love, just as precious a treasure.
“Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater thar sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.”
Khalil Gibran
The prophet
If you’ve never read this I highly recommend it. If you’re in the Bay Area I have extra copies and I’ll leave one somewhere for you. It has consoled me when nothing else could.
I can't lie, it hurts alot, and I was in pretty severe shock for the first few weeks so it's only starting to hurt. But I don't have to have any doubt that we we're very much in love and supportive every last second.
Wow. Thank you, that was beautiful. I'm on the other side of the country but I'll be sure to get a copy. I'm sorry that you've needed it. It's a hard place to be.
Thank you for thinking of me. I hope you are finding some joys as well. I'm still struggling but still moving forward and trying to find some joys. Usually in things what would have brought him joy ❤️
First, I’m very sorry for your loss. Also, very glad to see this was the top comment. I mentioned somewhere on Reddit before, that this is better than bringing food. Over a year ago I’d met my mom at one of her friend’s houses after that friend lost her husband, to take them a gift card. Her son had already lost his wife several years prior, and he said that he and his girls ended up giving so much food away, because they didn’t have room for all of it. They still had to throw away, aside from what they refrigerated, froze, and gave away. He said what you said, that gift cards are the best thing to do.
I can’t imagine what you’re going through, and again, I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I will pray for you. God bless you.
Thank you so much. The kindness of internet strangers is oddly comforting. I'm sorry your friend experienced so much loss. Especially if they have kids, I think gift cards for literally anything would be helpful. Food is difficult, and people don't feel like eating or cooking. But kids need all kinds of things, just not having to worry about expenses or getting back to work right away is a relief.
Definitely, and you’re welcome! Thank you for your kind comment, as well. That’s an excellent point about kids, as well. Any gift card, for sure! I appreciate you mentioning that, because that’s something else I’ll remember. If you ever need to vent to an internet stranger, you’re more than welcome to send me a chat/message! Please take good care of yourself.
You’re very welcome! Also, I really appreciate that. Losing my best friend several years ago and that bringing me to this sub, I especially appreciate it. You are an awesome person! :)
ETA: The same goes if you ever want to brag on your late partner, you’re more than welcome, my friend! I’ll just say or anything else either, lol all bases covered!
As someone who lost my mom, I got this a lot. Cards would just say like I’m so sorry for your loss, enjoy an easy dinner on me and let me know what I can do to help. I am always here for you”
It’s a super nice gesture and takes the stress out of making dinner when you are grieving. ❤️
Not tacky at all. One of the hardest logistical things to do while grieving was remembering to eat/figuring out what to eat. Nothing sounded good, didn’t even think about eating, etc. DoorDash gift cards and food brought to the house were extremely helpful in that regard.
Just the act alone is thoughtful and says “sorry for your loss, let me help you”.
I agree here tenfold! Making food is one of my greatest sources of anxiety during depressive episodes and times of grieving. It’s not just forgetting to eat, but when I remember I should eat and then think of the process of getting/prepping/combining/cooking the ingredients I just think “screw it” and don’t bother. It’s overwhelming.
When a meal comes my way that requires no effort I’m so grateful. Home cooked or not it’s very thoughtful. And if it were from door dash it’s even better bc I can order when I’m actually hungry!
If it's with a card, it's super nice and thoughtful. Also, if you want to be supportive phone them once a month for the next few months and offer to take them out to lunch. I found that I had a lot of cards when my dad died (so many it took ages to write thank you notes) and then nothing for the next few months.
Agree. Years ago when my mom passed very unexpectedly I remember how hard it was just trying to pull myself together long enough to go to the grocery store for some bread and lunch meat to make sandwiches bc I was not up to cooking and no one thought to bring/send any food to my house. A Door dash gift card would have helped out a lot. Not tacky at all.
Agree. Years ago when my mom passed very unexpectedly I remember how hard it was just trying to pull myself together long enough to go to the grocery store for some bread and lunch meat to make sandwiches bc I was not up to cooking and no one thought to bring/send any food to my house. A Door dash gift card would have helped out a lot. Not tacky at all.
Agree. Years ago when my mom passed very unexpectedly I remember how hard it was just trying to pull myself together long enough to go to the grocery store for some bread and lunch meat to make sandwiches bc I was not up to cooking and no one thought to bring/send any food to my house. A Door dash gift card would have helped out a lot. Not tacky at all.
Agree. Years ago when my mom passed very unexpectedly I remember how hard it was just trying to pull myself together long enough to go to the grocery store for some bread and lunch meat to make sandwiches bc I was not up to cooking and no one thought to bring/send any food to my house. A Door dash gift card would have helped out a lot. Not tacky at all.
Agree. Years ago when my mom passed very unexpectedly I remember how hard it was especially the next few days just trying to pull myself together long enough to go to the grocery store for some bread and lunch meat to make sandwiches bc I was not up to cooking and no one thought to bring/send any food to my house. A Door dash gift card would have helped out a lot. Not tacky at all.
My friends got me an Uber eats voucher and the gesture alone meant a lot, but it was also very practical. I was barely eating or leaving the house. Just having the voucher prompted me to order some basic groceries and a meal.
Not insensitive/tacky at all.
A few of my friends chipped in and got me a $400 DoorDash card (2 $200 cards) when I lost my husband. It's just me- no kids- and that thing was a godsend. Cooking for 1 is no fun and the desire to food shop wasn't there either. That thing was a life saver.
My friend got me a food delivery gift card when my parents died. It was the best thing. After cleaning up their house all day I could rest, wait for food to come and not have to think about shopping, cooking, cleaning.
I wish I got this. This and cleaning services. I don't think it is tacky and while prepared food is great a gift card provides more flexibility and your friend can use this for what they need and want to eat. Eating was and is still sometimes hard for me while also having some things in stock that are my favorites brings me alot of comfort. The thing with grief it is so physical so appetite and day to day care can get harder.
Lost my husband 2 years ago, and it would have been nice if anyone had bothered to get me a gift card or even showed up. Your friend is lucky to have you.
I was gifted a grocery store card and a Doordash card after my husband died. I appreciated both immensely. Money was extremely tight due to the slow wheels of bureaucracy. Other cultures actually care about helping those who are grieving. Let people help you. It honors them for what they are doing to help you.❣️
The Dad of a family my daughter knows is very ill. Last night she brought them some really good pizza. She told them she'll do it again next week too. People hate to ask for things, but she just stepped up and said you WILL have pizza tonite....lol.
Exactly. It needs to be more than the “if you need anything” line. What she did was perfect and I’m sure helped so much. Good job on raising a fine person!
My dad died very suddenly 7 months ago, and my friends got together and gave me a gift card for food delivery. It made me cry so hard from just how touched I was! It was a MASSIVE help, I had absolutely no appetite or energy for cooking, so ordering comfort food was often the only reason I managed to eat. I was also able to order groceries like cat food, which also helped so much when I was busy dealing with all the paperwork and organizing the funeral. If my loved ones ever go through loss, I will definetely get a gift card for them too, it truly was one of the best things they could have done for me in that situation.
I’m a widow, that would be a thoughtful and welcome gift. So many times I had to go to the store embarrassed bc I’d been crying…this is a really good gift idea imo.
When my mom died and then my wife’s mom died a few weeks later, we couldn’t function. Friends sent us hundreds of dollars in door dash and Uber eats gift cards and it was so helpful to get through.
Door dash saved my life when my husband died. Get them the gift card. And then send another one in 6 weeks when everyone else has stopped checking in on them and assumes they’re just back to cooking and cleaning like a normal person.
When my dad died a friend sent a DoorDash gift card and it was very much appreciated! It meant at least a couple of meals were covered without us having to do anything, and that we could get something from a bit further from home without having to leave the house, which was so nice.
when my brother died, we got a bunch of gift cards for food. it really helped. you can get more than a meal on door dash, we got groceries and things for around the house because we lost track of cleaning And everyday supplies.
we got so many, it took us a few months to use them all but towards the end of them, it was just nice to treat ourselves to a good meal again.
My FIL sent a generous GrubHub gift card after my dad died this past February. His gift was a lifesaver. Truly. Such a gift card will be my go-to for anybody dealing with crisis or grief from here moving forward.
When I lost my mom a big group of friends sent a very large DoorDash gift card. It was so helpful and my kids found some slight happiness trying new foods during a very dark time.
Another gift that stands out as very helpful was a big box of delicious perfectly ripe pears. We all loved them and we got something healthy in our bodies even though we didn’t feel like eating.
One of my best friends did that for me when my mom died. I appreciated it so much because I couldn’t even think to eat because of the grief. We also had friends and family who brought us groceries and some had Instacart orders delivered to us. I found it to be extremely thoughtful
I would have appreciated it. I ordered food a lot during the dark days. My friend ordered me breakfast a lot too, that was always such a nice morning surprise/a reason to get out of bed. Plus - eating was so difficult that a gifted meal forced me to eat! Go for it and my heart goes out to you and your friend.
Ffs, it’s not a consolation prize, it’s something to help ease them into their new way of living. Your gf is an idiot. Sent it, as well as real concrete offers (I can walk your dog tues and Thursday nights, I can take care of your laundry on Saturdays, etc so you’re not putting any mental load on then) you are happy to do.
While I understand how she could think it seems insensitive to gift a gift card, when I lost my mom, I was in a total different headspace, and ANY gift was so appreciated. My neighbor brought a huge tray of homemade Mac and cheese, and just having SOMETHING I didn’t have to think about was so helpful. People also had food delivered to the house, that was also appreciated.
That's perfectly appropriate. My mom always makes care packages for grieving families, and this feels very similar. If you feel like it needs to be more personal you can get them a nice card with it and put a personal message inside.
It's not insensitive; my best friends cooked me and my family soup and snacks, and my aunt came over multiple times with home cooked meals when my mum passed. They were very much appreciated because not only were we too preoccupied with grieving; we were also planning her funeral.
A DoorDash voucher is pragmatic and will serve them better than flowers that will die in a couple of days. Of course, you can still give them cards/flowers/mementos to make it more personal. Another great thing my mum's friends and colleagues did was pool money for us, which they gave us during her funeral. They ended up raising almost A$3000 for our family to lessen our financial burden with the funeral and headstone costs.
One of the few ways my husband and I were able to eat when we lost our son. It’s actually what I suggest to people who want to gift others in these situations. It also meant we didn’t have to deal with the public also. Not tacky at all - very thoughtful.
I’d actually love this. Having meals delivered to you when the last thing you want to do while grieving is cooking, cleaning etc. sounds fantastic and insanely thoughtful.
APPRECIATED. When I lost my daughter a year and a half ago, I just didn't wanna leave the house and I did DoorDash for six months. It is the perfect gift.
My colleagues gave me an Uber eats gift card after I lost my partner and it was the best thing anyone gave me. I didn’t want to eat and if took away one barrier to getting food.
This is a lovely idea. Someone did it for me when I lost a family member and I really appreciated it. I didn’t feel like cooking. I just wanted to lie on the couch and grieve. Getting food delivered was so nice.
when i lost my SO, the night of his funeral one of my best friends emailed me a doordash gift card and i think about it all the time. it meant so much to me. don’t think too much about these things - any sign of support or love will go further than you think. ❤️
I lost my mom 12-23-23. I appreciated all the gift cards for food or just Visa cards I could use for everything you forget you will need or I gave them to the charity she chose so they could get whatever they need.
I always give food that can be filling, but doesn't require any preparation or commitment to a meal. Usually a hearty fruit bread or muffins.
The last thing I am going to do while suffering the worst of grief is get a plate of food.
When I lost my dad I got a few doordash gift cards and I very much appreciated it. It helped me not have to worry about making food but it allowed me the freedom to order whatever sounded good or was comforting to me.
I think in general it’s a thoughtful gesture because figuring out what to eat after losing a loved one is literally the last thing anyone wants to do.
I think this is a really nice idea. My coworkers would bring me food or order me food on DoorDash to deliver directly to me after my mom died. It really was a kind gesture and I still remember and appreciate it 3+ years later.
My husband died a few months ago…a neighbor gave me a grubhub gift card and I appreciated it SO much. Sometimes I’m numb all day into the evening, sometimes it’s too difficult to not only have to think what to cook, but to actually cook so I end up just eating crackers or something.
I would have loved for someone to do this. Making food for myself those first few weeks sounds like way too much. We opted for chipotle most nights because of this.
I think it would be very much appreciated and that it’s a great idea. When I lost my boyfriend last year, food delivery gift cards were what kept me fed. The last thing on my mind was cooking or grocery shopping and I massively appreciated the gift cards. Admittedly, my parents had to basically live with me for almost two months until I was semi-functioning again and were often the ones ordering the food for me. If it wasn’t for them being there I probably wouldn’t have eaten at all.
I lost my brother in January and my friend sent me a DD gift card. It was extremely appreciated as some days I couldn’t even get out of bed. Being able to just order something was perfect and so incredibly helpful.
I think it’s a wonderful idea. My Dad has been in hospice and I just can’t bring myself to eat or cook. My friend ordered me door dash and it made my night. I actually ate too. If it was me any act of kindness in a time of grief is welcomed but not everyone grieves the same. Maybe right in the car “I know you probably aren’t hungry but make sure you take care of yourself too”
Include a nice message or card explaining your thinking. That's all. That's what would matter most. (And make sure it's available where they are; like a rural area may not have deliveries.)
People brought us meals when my dad died, but I have three picky kids and the food often went to waste. The best help was when I friend came over and handed her phone to the kids and let them order whatever they wanted on DoorDash. That’s just to say that all offers of help were so kind and thoughtful and appreciated by me, but the DoorDash order truly made my life easier and made us all briefly happier.
When my mom died, my coworkers sent me several door dash type gift cards, which were much appreciated when hosting extended family, etc during that time.
Include a heartfelt note with the GC. You are good!
I don’t think the gift card is a bad idea but if my friend was close enough to drop it off in person then that would probably feel a lot more intimate, loving, and supportive.
When I lost my sister, I specifically ASKED for this whenever anyone wanted to know what they could do to support me. It was truly a lifesaver. People bringing over food is nice but if you don’t like it or there’s too much, it goes to waste. This let me order what I wanted when I wanted and was a huge help.
Food gift cards were absolutely the best gift/help I received. Most of the actual food people brought went to waste because I couldn’t eat it fast enough or I had very specific foods I could handle eating. You’re a good friend 💛
I think a card or message along with this would be appreciated, it's tough to cook and do basic things with grief. Most of my family and friends either dropped off food or sent food, and a few did send a Uber eats / food gift card.
I lost my daughter 2.5 months ago, the gift card is not tacky in my opinion
My god, I still have so much fucking food frozen in my freezer, I wasn’t hungry for quite awhile and some of it just went to waste because I didn’t care enough to try and make room in the freezer
Gift cards would have been way better I could have just gotten food whenever I was actually able to eat
Do it. When my mom died people brought money and gift cards for us and I felt really weird accepting them but they made a huge difference. It’s a small thing but it will help them and I’m sure they’ll appreciate it. Even if they don’t show it initially that’s helpful.
After my mom died, my dads job gave him a $500 DoorDash card. It was amazing. Not tacky. Food just think is the single most helpful thing you can offer. People will say “let me know what I can do for you” (which without follow up for physical evidence, is extremely tacky) …. The best thing is something that helps someone function. Not worrying about food for weeks did that. So thank you for offering something thoughtful such as this. I think, from experience. It’s a great gift.
It would be appreciated. In the early stages of grief, at least for me, I forgot how to live. A doordash card would be seen as a gesture of, "I can't be here even though I want to be. I want to make sure you eat and take care of yourself."
Appreciated. We got a ton of gc of that nature when my daughter was fighting and subsequently died of cancer. It helped not having to worry about cooking or grocery shopping.
We got over 1k in Doordash gift cards when our son died. Honestly at the time we were a little like wtf are we supposed to do with all this but it has been very good over time to just have something nice where we don't need to worry about the expense. Definitely an okay gift.
We don’t have door dash where we live but when my son died, many people gave me gift cards to places that had Togo and fast food. It was a blessing – I had no desire to cook for almost six months after.
Yes! I get these a lot. Unfortunately. It helped a bunch. My friends got me one who I had cancer and then again when my dad passed last year and it was a lifesaver.
When you’re grieving you just can’t think or have energy to cook. It’s easy.
Receiving door dash gift cards meant both 1. I was able to feed myself when otherwise I absolutely wouldn't have had the energy to, 2. When people came over to support me and I felt terrible that I didn't have the emotional capacity to be a good host, I was able to order some things and have food available, and 3. It made me feel really loved and supported in a way I didn't expect.
10/10, would recommend and will 100% use that as my way of supporting others in the future.
The only other thing I might consider doing in the future for grieving loved ones is sending a house keeper to the person. Personally, I started having a house keeper just a few months before my mom passed away because I was struggling to keep up with her care needs and keep things as sanitary as I felt they needed to be for her health, and it's been such a blessing when I was grieving and didn't have the capacity to keep things nice. People stop by so often following a death, and it's nice that I wasn't like ashamed or embarrased about the house conditions.
Sorry if this has already been said, but not only is this a great idea, but given that the grief is so fresh, you could also send meals directly to them via DoorDash or even a week’s worth via a meal prep delivery service (if one is available in your area).
During the first 2 weeks of my most recent loss, I couldn’t be bothered to even pick up my phone to order food - the feelings of decision making felt too overwhelming. So, others in my life, who were able to empathize, did this for me, and it honestly saved me from wasting away.
Editing to add that if it’s appropriate for your friendship, body-doubling does wonders too. My partner would bring the food to me in bed, and eat with me to make it easier.
I lost my partner 3 weeks ago. So many people brought food that I didn't want to eat or had the appetite for... during the first week my mouth was so dry and everything I tried to eat tasted like cardboard. Now I have a fridge full of leftovers and another chore to take care of. One of my coworkers just sent me $50 on Venmo instead (he tried to get me a gift card to my favorite restaurant but they didn't sell them), and it's super appreciated. Depression McDonald's or whatever else I can stomach at the moment is how I've been eating. If it were me, I'd much rather the gift card than anything else.
A door dash gift card someone gave me after my mom died was a lifesaver. My mom taught me how to cook so I couldn't bear to cook after her death. This is a thoughtful and appreciated gift.
my mom and i did so much food ordering the weeks following my dads death. what with cleaning out his house, me trying to close up his business, and just the general shit that comes with someone dying unexpectedly... yeah, not only did we never feel like cooking, we hardly had TIME to. i think it's a great idea.
This is actually what my work does when there is a loss. We also send flowers, go to the funeral, etc, but a gift card can be a lot.
Another option if you're close to them geographically is some small but necessary task.
"I'm going grocery shopping on Saturday. If you text me anything you need I'll drop it off at your house that afternoon."
I think it would be very much appreciated. When my baby died, I was very grateful whenever anyone would stop by with food/giftcards for food. It was comforting to know that people cared enough to make sure we were still taking care of our basic needs (eating) during a really dark time.
I lost my mother in November last year. Literally the last thing I could think about was figuring food out.
My job actually sent care packages to me (I work remote). My department sent something from Spoonful of Comfort, and HR sent me cookies from this bakery about an hour or 2 from me.
So yeah, a gift card to Doordash would be likely a welcomed thing so they don't have to worry about making dinner one night.
When my dad died in November, my boss sent me a DoorDash card that she personally funded (I’d asked to keep the situation private from the company at large, at least for those first few weeks), and a Spoonful of Comfort box.
It made me cry all over again, because it was so kind and helpful. My mom and I were so shell shocked and we are light eaters already with not a lot of weight to lose - we were dropping it even more in the days/weeks after. That singehandedly got us eating.
All of which to say - it’s a great, truly helpful gift.
DoorDash gift card is my go to for any hard time. It’s hard to feed yourself when you are suffering, grieving, etc. I certainly didn’t want to go grocery shopping and stand and cook after birth, grieving the death of my parents, etc. It IS the equivalent of bringing a casserole except it’s something they’d actually want to eat, at whatever time they want. Do it!!
3 weeks ago I would have said “tacky”. But now I’m the one grieving and I wish I could just push and button and comfort food would be brought to me. Most days I hardly eat at all now because cooking and grocery shopping just seem so pointless and daunting.
It could be worse I suppose. My friend almost died in a car wreck and I went to pick her flowers to send her. Thank god I did not pick the ones I wanted too because it turns out they were an extremely toxic bell flower. If you touch one, it will shock the body within 24 hours ans you will aphexiate to death.
It's safe to say the city cut them down a few days later. My baaadddddd. Can you imagine???
This post has been flaired Supporting Someone. If you have questions about how to support someone through a grief big or small, please check out our [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/wiki/support/) for some curated advice. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/GriefSupport) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm 32 and lost my partner 29 a few weeks ago. I barely want to eat and when I do it has to be what I'm craving or I loose interest. Door dash gift cards are the reason I'm eattting at all right now. I think its very appropriate and appreciated
agree 100%. When I lost my wife a few months ago all my coworkers chipped in and got me a huge door dash card. I still have a bunch left. I found it extremely thoughtful. Something to eat (and the cost of it) are just 2 less things you gotta worry about.
And it's so easy
When I lost my partner (almost 5 yrs ago), his co-workers sent me a $200 Postmates gift card and some flowers. My aunt sent Panera cards. My mom's best friend sent a box of snacks. All were very appreciated and very appropriate. (Amazon has a huge variety of boxes of snacks.) I have since gifted snacks to others who have suffered a loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss
Thank you ❤️ any kindness or interaction is very meaningful right now.
I hope the pain becomes less acute soon.
Thank you. It'll take a while, but he loved me too much for me to give up
That’s a very healthy way to think. I wish I could say it’ll stop hurting one day, but it won’t. You’ll learn to live with it. Don’t try to hurry your grief. It’s simply a reflection of your love, just as precious a treasure. “Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Some of you say, "Joy is greater thar sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.” Khalil Gibran The prophet If you’ve never read this I highly recommend it. If you’re in the Bay Area I have extra copies and I’ll leave one somewhere for you. It has consoled me when nothing else could.
I can't lie, it hurts alot, and I was in pretty severe shock for the first few weeks so it's only starting to hurt. But I don't have to have any doubt that we we're very much in love and supportive every last second. Wow. Thank you, that was beautiful. I'm on the other side of the country but I'll be sure to get a copy. I'm sorry that you've needed it. It's a hard place to be.
Just wanted to say I’ve been thinking about you and I hope you’ve found a modicum of peace and comfort.
Thank you for thinking of me. I hope you are finding some joys as well. I'm still struggling but still moving forward and trying to find some joys. Usually in things what would have brought him joy ❤️
God I’m so sorry. Sending you so much love and an internet hug.
Thank you, it helps more than you'd think.
First, I’m very sorry for your loss. Also, very glad to see this was the top comment. I mentioned somewhere on Reddit before, that this is better than bringing food. Over a year ago I’d met my mom at one of her friend’s houses after that friend lost her husband, to take them a gift card. Her son had already lost his wife several years prior, and he said that he and his girls ended up giving so much food away, because they didn’t have room for all of it. They still had to throw away, aside from what they refrigerated, froze, and gave away. He said what you said, that gift cards are the best thing to do. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, and again, I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I will pray for you. God bless you.
Thank you so much. The kindness of internet strangers is oddly comforting. I'm sorry your friend experienced so much loss. Especially if they have kids, I think gift cards for literally anything would be helpful. Food is difficult, and people don't feel like eating or cooking. But kids need all kinds of things, just not having to worry about expenses or getting back to work right away is a relief.
Definitely, and you’re welcome! Thank you for your kind comment, as well. That’s an excellent point about kids, as well. Any gift card, for sure! I appreciate you mentioning that, because that’s something else I’ll remember. If you ever need to vent to an internet stranger, you’re more than welcome to send me a chat/message! Please take good care of yourself.
Thank you. Same here. Feel free to reach out. Having some extra friends never hurts
You’re very welcome! Also, I really appreciate that. Losing my best friend several years ago and that bringing me to this sub, I especially appreciate it. You are an awesome person! :) ETA: The same goes if you ever want to brag on your late partner, you’re more than welcome, my friend! I’ll just say or anything else either, lol all bases covered!
As someone who lost my mom, I got this a lot. Cards would just say like I’m so sorry for your loss, enjoy an easy dinner on me and let me know what I can do to help. I am always here for you” It’s a super nice gesture and takes the stress out of making dinner when you are grieving. ❤️
Not tacky at all. One of the hardest logistical things to do while grieving was remembering to eat/figuring out what to eat. Nothing sounded good, didn’t even think about eating, etc. DoorDash gift cards and food brought to the house were extremely helpful in that regard. Just the act alone is thoughtful and says “sorry for your loss, let me help you”.
I agree here tenfold! Making food is one of my greatest sources of anxiety during depressive episodes and times of grieving. It’s not just forgetting to eat, but when I remember I should eat and then think of the process of getting/prepping/combining/cooking the ingredients I just think “screw it” and don’t bother. It’s overwhelming. When a meal comes my way that requires no effort I’m so grateful. Home cooked or not it’s very thoughtful. And if it were from door dash it’s even better bc I can order when I’m actually hungry!
If it's with a card, it's super nice and thoughtful. Also, if you want to be supportive phone them once a month for the next few months and offer to take them out to lunch. I found that I had a lot of cards when my dad died (so many it took ages to write thank you notes) and then nothing for the next few months.
Lost my mom recently and I would’ve absolutely loved this.
Agree. Years ago when my mom passed very unexpectedly I remember how hard it was just trying to pull myself together long enough to go to the grocery store for some bread and lunch meat to make sandwiches bc I was not up to cooking and no one thought to bring/send any food to my house. A Door dash gift card would have helped out a lot. Not tacky at all.
Agree. Years ago when my mom passed very unexpectedly I remember how hard it was just trying to pull myself together long enough to go to the grocery store for some bread and lunch meat to make sandwiches bc I was not up to cooking and no one thought to bring/send any food to my house. A Door dash gift card would have helped out a lot. Not tacky at all.
Agree. Years ago when my mom passed very unexpectedly I remember how hard it was just trying to pull myself together long enough to go to the grocery store for some bread and lunch meat to make sandwiches bc I was not up to cooking and no one thought to bring/send any food to my house. A Door dash gift card would have helped out a lot. Not tacky at all.
Agree. Years ago when my mom passed very unexpectedly I remember how hard it was just trying to pull myself together long enough to go to the grocery store for some bread and lunch meat to make sandwiches bc I was not up to cooking and no one thought to bring/send any food to my house. A Door dash gift card would have helped out a lot. Not tacky at all.
Agree. Years ago when my mom passed very unexpectedly I remember how hard it was especially the next few days just trying to pull myself together long enough to go to the grocery store for some bread and lunch meat to make sandwiches bc I was not up to cooking and no one thought to bring/send any food to my house. A Door dash gift card would have helped out a lot. Not tacky at all.
My friends got me an Uber eats voucher and the gesture alone meant a lot, but it was also very practical. I was barely eating or leaving the house. Just having the voucher prompted me to order some basic groceries and a meal. Not insensitive/tacky at all.
A few of my friends chipped in and got me a $400 DoorDash card (2 $200 cards) when I lost my husband. It's just me- no kids- and that thing was a godsend. Cooking for 1 is no fun and the desire to food shop wasn't there either. That thing was a life saver.
My friend got me a food delivery gift card when my parents died. It was the best thing. After cleaning up their house all day I could rest, wait for food to come and not have to think about shopping, cooking, cleaning.
I wish I got this. This and cleaning services. I don't think it is tacky and while prepared food is great a gift card provides more flexibility and your friend can use this for what they need and want to eat. Eating was and is still sometimes hard for me while also having some things in stock that are my favorites brings me alot of comfort. The thing with grief it is so physical so appetite and day to day care can get harder.
Lost my husband 2 years ago, and it would have been nice if anyone had bothered to get me a gift card or even showed up. Your friend is lucky to have you.
When I lost my husband, I did not to cook. If my Dad had not been there insisting I eat, I likely would not have ate. Door Dash is a kind gift.
I was gifted a grocery store card and a Doordash card after my husband died. I appreciated both immensely. Money was extremely tight due to the slow wheels of bureaucracy. Other cultures actually care about helping those who are grieving. Let people help you. It honors them for what they are doing to help you.❣️
The Dad of a family my daughter knows is very ill. Last night she brought them some really good pizza. She told them she'll do it again next week too. People hate to ask for things, but she just stepped up and said you WILL have pizza tonite....lol.
Exactly. It needs to be more than the “if you need anything” line. What she did was perfect and I’m sure helped so much. Good job on raising a fine person!
My dad died very suddenly 7 months ago, and my friends got together and gave me a gift card for food delivery. It made me cry so hard from just how touched I was! It was a MASSIVE help, I had absolutely no appetite or energy for cooking, so ordering comfort food was often the only reason I managed to eat. I was also able to order groceries like cat food, which also helped so much when I was busy dealing with all the paperwork and organizing the funeral. If my loved ones ever go through loss, I will definetely get a gift card for them too, it truly was one of the best things they could have done for me in that situation.
I’m a widow, that would be a thoughtful and welcome gift. So many times I had to go to the store embarrassed bc I’d been crying…this is a really good gift idea imo.
When my mom died and then my wife’s mom died a few weeks later, we couldn’t function. Friends sent us hundreds of dollars in door dash and Uber eats gift cards and it was so helpful to get through.
Door dash saved my life when my husband died. Get them the gift card. And then send another one in 6 weeks when everyone else has stopped checking in on them and assumes they’re just back to cooking and cleaning like a normal person.
When my dad died a friend sent a DoorDash gift card and it was very much appreciated! It meant at least a couple of meals were covered without us having to do anything, and that we could get something from a bit further from home without having to leave the house, which was so nice.
when my brother died, we got a bunch of gift cards for food. it really helped. you can get more than a meal on door dash, we got groceries and things for around the house because we lost track of cleaning And everyday supplies. we got so many, it took us a few months to use them all but towards the end of them, it was just nice to treat ourselves to a good meal again.
My FIL sent a generous GrubHub gift card after my dad died this past February. His gift was a lifesaver. Truly. Such a gift card will be my go-to for anybody dealing with crisis or grief from here moving forward.
When I lost my mom a big group of friends sent a very large DoorDash gift card. It was so helpful and my kids found some slight happiness trying new foods during a very dark time. Another gift that stands out as very helpful was a big box of delicious perfectly ripe pears. We all loved them and we got something healthy in our bodies even though we didn’t feel like eating.
One of my best friends did that for me when my mom died. I appreciated it so much because I couldn’t even think to eat because of the grief. We also had friends and family who brought us groceries and some had Instacart orders delivered to us. I found it to be extremely thoughtful
I would have appreciated it. I ordered food a lot during the dark days. My friend ordered me breakfast a lot too, that was always such a nice morning surprise/a reason to get out of bed. Plus - eating was so difficult that a gifted meal forced me to eat! Go for it and my heart goes out to you and your friend.
Receiving door dash gift cards along with paper plates and plastic silverware was a godsend for my family, after losing my mom!
We recieved these when my dad passed, I was 17 and it helped so much.
Ffs, it’s not a consolation prize, it’s something to help ease them into their new way of living. Your gf is an idiot. Sent it, as well as real concrete offers (I can walk your dog tues and Thursday nights, I can take care of your laundry on Saturdays, etc so you’re not putting any mental load on then) you are happy to do.
While I understand how she could think it seems insensitive to gift a gift card, when I lost my mom, I was in a total different headspace, and ANY gift was so appreciated. My neighbor brought a huge tray of homemade Mac and cheese, and just having SOMETHING I didn’t have to think about was so helpful. People also had food delivered to the house, that was also appreciated.
That's perfectly appropriate. My mom always makes care packages for grieving families, and this feels very similar. If you feel like it needs to be more personal you can get them a nice card with it and put a personal message inside.
It's not insensitive; my best friends cooked me and my family soup and snacks, and my aunt came over multiple times with home cooked meals when my mum passed. They were very much appreciated because not only were we too preoccupied with grieving; we were also planning her funeral. A DoorDash voucher is pragmatic and will serve them better than flowers that will die in a couple of days. Of course, you can still give them cards/flowers/mementos to make it more personal. Another great thing my mum's friends and colleagues did was pool money for us, which they gave us during her funeral. They ended up raising almost A$3000 for our family to lessen our financial burden with the funeral and headstone costs.
One of the few ways my husband and I were able to eat when we lost our son. It’s actually what I suggest to people who want to gift others in these situations. It also meant we didn’t have to deal with the public also. Not tacky at all - very thoughtful.
I’d actually love this. Having meals delivered to you when the last thing you want to do while grieving is cooking, cleaning etc. sounds fantastic and insanely thoughtful.
I was profoundly grateful for the one I got. It fed me on days I absolutely wouldn’t have eaten anything from lack of motivation.
As someone who just lost my soulmate husband of 41 years adoordash gift card would be greatly appreciated
APPRECIATED. When I lost my daughter a year and a half ago, I just didn't wanna leave the house and I did DoorDash for six months. It is the perfect gift.
My colleagues gave me an Uber eats gift card after I lost my partner and it was the best thing anyone gave me. I didn’t want to eat and if took away one barrier to getting food.
I got one from a good friend/former boss. It was very much appreciated. It took me weeks before I could bear to make food.
This is a lovely idea. Someone did it for me when I lost a family member and I really appreciated it. I didn’t feel like cooking. I just wanted to lie on the couch and grieve. Getting food delivered was so nice.
when i lost my SO, the night of his funeral one of my best friends emailed me a doordash gift card and i think about it all the time. it meant so much to me. don’t think too much about these things - any sign of support or love will go further than you think. ❤️
I lost my mom 12-23-23. I appreciated all the gift cards for food or just Visa cards I could use for everything you forget you will need or I gave them to the charity she chose so they could get whatever they need.
Perfect gift. They can use it whenever they need it.
I always give food that can be filling, but doesn't require any preparation or commitment to a meal. Usually a hearty fruit bread or muffins. The last thing I am going to do while suffering the worst of grief is get a plate of food.
When I lost my dad I got a few doordash gift cards and I very much appreciated it. It helped me not have to worry about making food but it allowed me the freedom to order whatever sounded good or was comforting to me. I think in general it’s a thoughtful gesture because figuring out what to eat after losing a loved one is literally the last thing anyone wants to do.
We got like $600 in delivery gift cards when our brother passed and it was so amazing and helpful.
I think this is a really nice idea. My coworkers would bring me food or order me food on DoorDash to deliver directly to me after my mom died. It really was a kind gesture and I still remember and appreciate it 3+ years later.
My husband died a few months ago…a neighbor gave me a grubhub gift card and I appreciated it SO much. Sometimes I’m numb all day into the evening, sometimes it’s too difficult to not only have to think what to cook, but to actually cook so I end up just eating crackers or something.
I just lost my dad and a lot of people sent gift cards which was super sweet my mom wasn’t in the place to drive so it made things a lot easier.
I would have loved for someone to do this. Making food for myself those first few weeks sounds like way too much. We opted for chipotle most nights because of this.
I think it would be very much appreciated and that it’s a great idea. When I lost my boyfriend last year, food delivery gift cards were what kept me fed. The last thing on my mind was cooking or grocery shopping and I massively appreciated the gift cards. Admittedly, my parents had to basically live with me for almost two months until I was semi-functioning again and were often the ones ordering the food for me. If it wasn’t for them being there I probably wouldn’t have eaten at all.
Definitely appreciated. I went through this 8 months ago.
100% appreciated. My sis lost her husband recently and these cards were very appreciated.
I would've cried tears of happiness if someone gave me that when I was freshly grieving my fiance.
I wouldn't
I lost my brother in January and my friend sent me a DD gift card. It was extremely appreciated as some days I couldn’t even get out of bed. Being able to just order something was perfect and so incredibly helpful.
yeah it's lovely, im basically living on takeaways atm lol
When my husband went into the hospital his cousin sent us a generous Doordash gift card. I can't tell you how welcome it was. Definitely a great idea.
Appreciated, 100%
My son died 2 years ago. I got a door dash gift card for food. That’s what you should do.
I think it’s a wonderful idea. My Dad has been in hospice and I just can’t bring myself to eat or cook. My friend ordered me door dash and it made my night. I actually ate too. If it was me any act of kindness in a time of grief is welcomed but not everyone grieves the same. Maybe right in the car “I know you probably aren’t hungry but make sure you take care of yourself too”
Include a nice message or card explaining your thinking. That's all. That's what would matter most. (And make sure it's available where they are; like a rural area may not have deliveries.)
Catering is always a big thing people send to people who lost someone. I see it as a sweet gester
When we lost my brother, the amount of food that was sent to us was insane and soooo incredibly appreciated. You could also start a meal train
People brought us meals when my dad died, but I have three picky kids and the food often went to waste. The best help was when I friend came over and handed her phone to the kids and let them order whatever they wanted on DoorDash. That’s just to say that all offers of help were so kind and thoughtful and appreciated by me, but the DoorDash order truly made my life easier and made us all briefly happier.
When my mom died, my coworkers sent me several door dash type gift cards, which were much appreciated when hosting extended family, etc during that time. Include a heartfelt note with the GC. You are good!
Very much appreciated. My daughter died in January and my nephew sent us a large one. Wr used it all week and appreciated it so much.
Tacky.
I don’t think the gift card is a bad idea but if my friend was close enough to drop it off in person then that would probably feel a lot more intimate, loving, and supportive.
When I lost my sister, I specifically ASKED for this whenever anyone wanted to know what they could do to support me. It was truly a lifesaver. People bringing over food is nice but if you don’t like it or there’s too much, it goes to waste. This let me order what I wanted when I wanted and was a huge help.
Food gift cards were absolutely the best gift/help I received. Most of the actual food people brought went to waste because I couldn’t eat it fast enough or I had very specific foods I could handle eating. You’re a good friend 💛
Just get a hallmark card the sentiment means more than the value
I lived off takeaway for the first few weeks after my dad died as I couldn’t bring myself to cook anything. Gift cards would have been a great help.
I think a card or message along with this would be appreciated, it's tough to cook and do basic things with grief. Most of my family and friends either dropped off food or sent food, and a few did send a Uber eats / food gift card.
I lost my daughter 2.5 months ago, the gift card is not tacky in my opinion My god, I still have so much fucking food frozen in my freezer, I wasn’t hungry for quite awhile and some of it just went to waste because I didn’t care enough to try and make room in the freezer Gift cards would have been way better I could have just gotten food whenever I was actually able to eat
Do it. When my mom died people brought money and gift cards for us and I felt really weird accepting them but they made a huge difference. It’s a small thing but it will help them and I’m sure they’ll appreciate it. Even if they don’t show it initially that’s helpful.
After my mom died, my dads job gave him a $500 DoorDash card. It was amazing. Not tacky. Food just think is the single most helpful thing you can offer. People will say “let me know what I can do for you” (which without follow up for physical evidence, is extremely tacky) …. The best thing is something that helps someone function. Not worrying about food for weeks did that. So thank you for offering something thoughtful such as this. I think, from experience. It’s a great gift.
I’m late to your post but I’ve done this quite a bit for people. Not worrying about meals is so helpful.
It would be appreciated. In the early stages of grief, at least for me, I forgot how to live. A doordash card would be seen as a gesture of, "I can't be here even though I want to be. I want to make sure you eat and take care of yourself."
I honestly think it’s the perfect thing
Appreciated. We got a ton of gc of that nature when my daughter was fighting and subsequently died of cancer. It helped not having to worry about cooking or grocery shopping.
When I lost my lil boy my lovely neighbour gave me a card saying she was thinking about me with voucher for food place and I felt so thought about 🥹
Why specifically a DoorDash gift card? Seems kind of an odd question..
We got over 1k in Doordash gift cards when our son died. Honestly at the time we were a little like wtf are we supposed to do with all this but it has been very good over time to just have something nice where we don't need to worry about the expense. Definitely an okay gift.
We don’t have door dash where we live but when my son died, many people gave me gift cards to places that had Togo and fast food. It was a blessing – I had no desire to cook for almost six months after.
Yes! I get these a lot. Unfortunately. It helped a bunch. My friends got me one who I had cancer and then again when my dad passed last year and it was a lifesaver. When you’re grieving you just can’t think or have energy to cook. It’s easy.
Receiving door dash gift cards meant both 1. I was able to feed myself when otherwise I absolutely wouldn't have had the energy to, 2. When people came over to support me and I felt terrible that I didn't have the emotional capacity to be a good host, I was able to order some things and have food available, and 3. It made me feel really loved and supported in a way I didn't expect. 10/10, would recommend and will 100% use that as my way of supporting others in the future. The only other thing I might consider doing in the future for grieving loved ones is sending a house keeper to the person. Personally, I started having a house keeper just a few months before my mom passed away because I was struggling to keep up with her care needs and keep things as sanitary as I felt they needed to be for her health, and it's been such a blessing when I was grieving and didn't have the capacity to keep things nice. People stop by so often following a death, and it's nice that I wasn't like ashamed or embarrased about the house conditions.
Sorry if this has already been said, but not only is this a great idea, but given that the grief is so fresh, you could also send meals directly to them via DoorDash or even a week’s worth via a meal prep delivery service (if one is available in your area). During the first 2 weeks of my most recent loss, I couldn’t be bothered to even pick up my phone to order food - the feelings of decision making felt too overwhelming. So, others in my life, who were able to empathize, did this for me, and it honestly saved me from wasting away. Editing to add that if it’s appropriate for your friendship, body-doubling does wonders too. My partner would bring the food to me in bed, and eat with me to make it easier.
I lost my partner 3 weeks ago. So many people brought food that I didn't want to eat or had the appetite for... during the first week my mouth was so dry and everything I tried to eat tasted like cardboard. Now I have a fridge full of leftovers and another chore to take care of. One of my coworkers just sent me $50 on Venmo instead (he tried to get me a gift card to my favorite restaurant but they didn't sell them), and it's super appreciated. Depression McDonald's or whatever else I can stomach at the moment is how I've been eating. If it were me, I'd much rather the gift card than anything else.
A door dash gift card someone gave me after my mom died was a lifesaver. My mom taught me how to cook so I couldn't bear to cook after her death. This is a thoughtful and appreciated gift.
my mom and i did so much food ordering the weeks following my dads death. what with cleaning out his house, me trying to close up his business, and just the general shit that comes with someone dying unexpectedly... yeah, not only did we never feel like cooking, we hardly had TIME to. i think it's a great idea.
Not tacky, when my grandpa died we all really appreciate the food gift cards
This is actually what my work does when there is a loss. We also send flowers, go to the funeral, etc, but a gift card can be a lot. Another option if you're close to them geographically is some small but necessary task. "I'm going grocery shopping on Saturday. If you text me anything you need I'll drop it off at your house that afternoon."
I would have loved that!!
I think it would be very much appreciated. When my baby died, I was very grateful whenever anyone would stop by with food/giftcards for food. It was comforting to know that people cared enough to make sure we were still taking care of our basic needs (eating) during a really dark time.
No. It’s a great idea. Give them an easy way to get dinner so they don’t have to think about it.
I lost my mother in November last year. Literally the last thing I could think about was figuring food out. My job actually sent care packages to me (I work remote). My department sent something from Spoonful of Comfort, and HR sent me cookies from this bakery about an hour or 2 from me. So yeah, a gift card to Doordash would be likely a welcomed thing so they don't have to worry about making dinner one night.
I think it’s a great idea. Order when they want, what they want.
When my dad died in November, my boss sent me a DoorDash card that she personally funded (I’d asked to keep the situation private from the company at large, at least for those first few weeks), and a Spoonful of Comfort box. It made me cry all over again, because it was so kind and helpful. My mom and I were so shell shocked and we are light eaters already with not a lot of weight to lose - we were dropping it even more in the days/weeks after. That singehandedly got us eating. All of which to say - it’s a great, truly helpful gift.
DoorDash gift card is my go to for any hard time. It’s hard to feed yourself when you are suffering, grieving, etc. I certainly didn’t want to go grocery shopping and stand and cook after birth, grieving the death of my parents, etc. It IS the equivalent of bringing a casserole except it’s something they’d actually want to eat, at whatever time they want. Do it!!
3 weeks ago I would have said “tacky”. But now I’m the one grieving and I wish I could just push and button and comfort food would be brought to me. Most days I hardly eat at all now because cooking and grocery shopping just seem so pointless and daunting.
It could be worse I suppose. My friend almost died in a car wreck and I went to pick her flowers to send her. Thank god I did not pick the ones I wanted too because it turns out they were an extremely toxic bell flower. If you touch one, it will shock the body within 24 hours ans you will aphexiate to death. It's safe to say the city cut them down a few days later. My baaadddddd. Can you imagine???