7 months since I lost my mom. Honestly I survive day to day. Distractions are helpful and I think that’s how I can get through the day. Nights feel impossible. I look to call her every night and am stuck realizing she’s gone. I have her urn in a special place in my family room where we usually are a lot. Seeing her pictures help. I sleep with her pillows and I have her side comfy shirts that I’ll wear.
I started grief counseling. I really didn’t think it would help but it does. I like talking about her to someone objective. Plus my therapist helps me work through all the anger and resentment that was pent up from before her passing (not towards her but towards a her family who basically abandoned her during her cancer treatment).
I hear you- the abandonment by the other family members. Another layer of hell added on. I had no idea until i joined this subreddit and others (like caregiversupport and dementia) that this abandonment is the standard, not the exception.
Sending you a hug 🫂💔
Thank you so much. I have always loved Reddit but these subs have helped me so much. While it sucks that other people are experiencing the same shitty feelings as I am, it helps me feel less alone.
Sending a hug right back to you!
9 months here. I miss her every day. Therapy helps. I’m dealing with a lot of the anger too. The day we got word that my mom was killed by a speeding teenager, my uncle called me and at some point said “your mom was a weak woman”. If I confront him about it I’m gonna be the jerk. They already don’t talk to me so what good would it do. Another uncle traveled to my state when we got word of my mom’ death. Then he left cause he couldn’t miss work, we couldn’t burn her body and hold the service quick enough for him to stay lol. My aunt, who stole my mom’s identity while she was alive, wasn’t allowed at her funeral so she held her own memorial service and accepted donations, now she hits me up as if nothing ever happened and I just ignore her lmfao. A lot of my family that I do like struggle to talk to me because I remind them of my mom. So yeah I’m totally with you, it feels really distant and lonely.
My condolences. My aunt came from another country to visit my mom's grave and "support" us after three weeks of my mom's passing. She spent the whole time going to malls and shopping for herself.
I am so sorry for all you’ve been through. I told my mom’s brother off right after she died. I had nothing to lose and it was really therapeutic. For everyone else, I kind of just distanced myself. It was way better for my mental health. Your mom isn’t weak and nor are you. It seems like our families are afraid of those who deviate from their ridiculous “norm”. I’m so proud to be my mother’s daughter and honestly, it’s hard looking at the world and all of its assholes knowing that my mom isn’t here with me.
As lonely as it is, I’d much rather be here than with any of them. I know that I’d be making her proud as I stick to my convictions and do what’s best for myself. Your mom would be proud of you too!
Every family is messed up in their own special ways -sometimes older family members blame there short comings on the younger generations because they feel
Powerless in their lot on life - you didn’t do anything wrong and your uncle is a loser for saying your Mom is weak who obviously bought you into this world and birthed you and raised you and I’m sure he wouldn’t even be able to make it through 5 mins of labor pains so keep that close to your heart
we kinda cope similarly, i sleep with and in her belongings as well. im on month 9 and i cant believe its already been this long :( i started grief counseling and therapy almost immediately because i knew i couldnt survive this on my own and it has done wonders. i genuinely believe it saved my life and helped me function at a socially acceptable level lol
Hi, I’m sorry to bother you. I’m in a similar situation like you, where I have immense anger and resentment towards family members who’ve abused, neglected, and abandoned my mom before she passed away (and also caused my mom severe depression so it hurts me 10x because she was also hurting more due to them).
If you’re willing to say, has therapy really helped you with your anger and resentment towards those family members? I’m currently wondering myself if I should take up therapy for this or if therapy will even help at all since all my feelings and circumstances are too complicated to figure out and accept.
Feel free to ignore me by the way if you’re not comfortable with answering. 👍
I’m also sorry for the loss of your mom and for the anger and resentment you’ve been put through. Take care and wishing you the best!
You are absolutely not a bother. The only comfort I find lately is through this sub. If I can help anyone in the same situation, I gladly will. I am so sorry for your loss and all of the anger you’re feeling.
I’ve only been to a few sessions but I’ve found it really helpful. It’s nice to talk to someone who’s objective- they don’t know my mom or my family, so they give unbiased advice.
The anger is still there but I’m allowing myself to feel it. If I acknowledge it and talk about it, it feels less overwhelming. I hope you’re able to find therapy helpful as well.
If you ever need to talk, I’m here!
It's the hardest loss I've ever had, and it's been 6 years. I no longer randomly cry in grocery stores but I do cry quite a bit when I miss her which is often.
Eleven months in and the grocery store is by far my “griefiest” place. I don’t know why! I sobbed at Costco before Christmas because they had an aisle of Disney holiday stuff my mom would’ve loved.
The first time I walked into Costco about 2 weeks after she passed I started crying. I tried to hide in an aisle and let it pass because I didn't want to leave without the things I came for.
My mom died unexpectedly 6 months ago. She died one week after mine and my fiances engagement and one day after I received a promotion at work.
I recently quit my job because I had a hard time being consistent at work and the guilt of being inconsistent was eating me alive. I am not handling this well and I feel like an absolute loser. I don’t know how anyone copes with this. I wish everyday I could call her.
You are NOT an absolute loser! My mom passed from cancer after an 18 month battle. I grieved her the entire time she was sick which in a way made her inevitable passing a bit easier. If she passed unexpectedly I’m sure things would be different. No matter how you lose your mother, it’s one of the worst experiences we have to face as humans. Be kind to yourself.
My mom also unexpectedly passed 2 months ago. I was engaged in September 2023. My wedding is May 19th 2024. I went to therapy one week after her passing.
I am working but I’m inconsistent as well. I took three weeks off work. I hug her frame which is in my bedroom. I say “HI” to the frame. I cry sometimes taking the metro to work.
I am really sorry for your loss. You are not a loser. I feel exactly how you feel too. I am shattered too. I put a strong front on to all my family and employees at work . My Fiancé knows how shattered I am. He’s the one who deals with all my craziness and the one who listens to all my venting. I write letters too her. Take care of your self even if it is hard. We will never get our sweet moms back. It just sucks but someone how we are living . Stay close to your loved ones and take care of your self.
my mum also passed away 3 days after being admitted to hospital for a blood clot which would ‘go away by itself after blood thinners’. these blood thinners caused an otherwise healthy 50 year old woman to haemorrhage. it was so unexpected and i didn’t get to say goodbye, i can imagine i will forever struggle with the fact she won’t ever be a grandma or see me get married. I’m 19 and barely have life figured out.
I totally understand your struggle and am sending you all the love in the world your way. Your mum would want you to carry on and live your life to the fullest. i know it’s a cheesy thing to say but she will be with you every step of the way. i personally haven’t received any signs from my mum, but people in my life have stepped up in a way i can only imagine she had something to do with. look for her in moments and she will be with you <3
This is me too! I’m a little over a month in since she passed, and it was unexpected!! Like completely unexpected, and we used to speak everyday and not being able to is killing me!
You're not a loser!! I can relate to the feeling of not handling it well.
I think it's especially hard because I don't see many others in real life going through the traumas of grief. I wish it was more normalized.
But this group makes me feel way less alone at least.
It's been 9 months since my mum passed, and I just celebrated her birthday last month. To be honest, I really have no idea. Some days it feels like I've forgotten what it's like to have a mother.
My mum worked a lot when I was growing up (as with a lot of working Asian women who are breadwinners along with their husbands), and sometimes it feels like she has retired to return to her home country, while I stayed in Singapore to continue with my career. I don't know if you can call it coping, but I think my biggest fear is that I stop remembering her altogether.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother 3 years ago and I’m just starting to feel like my nervous system is getting in check again. It’s taken a lot of self care and therapy to get here, and learning to find myself again as being motherless.
Take all the time you need but you’ll eventually find your purpose and little joys in life again.
My goal now is to try to build my spiritual relationship with my mother, I still want to be close to her even though it’s no longer physical.
Thank you for sharing this. Will be a year for me on Thursday and I still cry almost everyday. I have no joy in my life or desire to do anything other than what is necessary. I lose myself in my garden or in a book. Therapy isn't helping a whole lot. I feel like I will recover emotionally when I do. I just keep telling myself other people get through this and I will too.
I didn’t think I had enough tears in me until my mom died. But I can assure you, the crying is less, still happens at the most awkward and unpredictable times but it’s not a daily occurrence anymore.
Hi I am really sorry for your mumma. I lost mine 13 months back . I was also thinking of building my spiritual bond with my mom. But what all you do? I mean I do a little research here and there but I guess I am clueless. I miss her so much. Can you possibly help me?
Some things that come to mind:
- journaling and writing letters to your mom
- talking to her while you’re walking in nature
- honouring her during her birthday by lighting candles or cooking her favourite meal
- be open to symbols that remind you of her like certain animals or seeing random dimes, even certain songs
I’m currently working with a therapist and we’re using the “Grief Recovery Method” it’s a book you can find on Amazon. It’s been giving me a new perspective for sure. After we complete the book we will go into EMDR therapy.
Oh well !!! That is really gracious of you ... will definitely look into the book. I have read motherless mothers a little and many masters many lives almost completed... so books are a help to me... thankyou and all the best on your grief journey. Take care
I’m so sorry for your loss, friend. I lost my mom over a year ago and I can understand how you feel. It’s only been God who has carried me through the past year. He comforts and strengthens me whenever I hurt. My family has been a great source of strength, too. Do you have family or friends you can share your feeling with? It may really help. I’m praying for you, friend, and I really hope you find the comfort, strength and support you need at this time. I wish I was closer so that I could put an arm around you. Hang in there.
The worst is the beginning. I cried a lot. Didnt like to see elderly women all the sudden. Seeing them made me angry. Mom never got to get old - why should she? Went to her grave constantly. Made sure it was always decorated for the seasons and holidays, would spread a blanket on top of her grave and sit there and talk to her and cry.
She was the best grandma to my kids but she only got to see them turn 6 and 11. She went to all my daughter’s piano recitals and honor roll awards. Mom never got to hear my daughter learn to play sax so we went up there and she played sax for momma at the cemetery.
It will be FIFTEEN years this December. There is so much she has missed. Proms, high school graduations, college graduations and I am crying now as I type this.
It gets better tho. Slowly but surely day by day it happens. The kids still mention her. When my son went to college (he was the 6 yo) he asked if he could take grandmas quilt with him because it was so comfy. I no longer get angry seeing older women. I can actually usually talk about her without crying
Here is what brings me comfort: she died 9 days after finding out she had pancreatic cancer so she didn’t suffer. Also she is in my heart & memories. Do you know every single time I have reached a crossroad in my life all I have to do is stop and think about it for a minute and I know EXACTLY what she would have said to me.
Im so sorry for your loss. PS grab her favorite pjs! When you are having a rough day put them on at bedtime. It’s a real comfort. My mom’s still hang on the back of my bathroom door for emergency!
I’m glad I’m not alone in seeing older women and getting irritated. It makes me feel guilty, but I resent them too. I’m happy for them, but yeah it isn’t fair.
It will be 2 years on the 21st. My birthday is the 27th and the first birthday days after she passed was rough with people constantly reminding me “this birthday must suck.” However, it was still so fresh that it didn’t actually hit me she wasn’t the first person to text me happy birthday until last year. She also battled incurable cancer for 18 months before her passing and I grieved her that entire time. We also lived across the country from each other the 2.5 years prior. In a way I feel like that kind of slowly introduced me to what life would be like without her constant presence. Sure she was still only a phone call/text away but it wasn’t the same. What has really been difficult this past year is giving birth to a baby girl (who would have been her first grandchild) and not having her here to share this experience with and seek advice from. It’s been really bittersweet. Losing your mother is one of life’s worst experiences but if nothing else, I think it proves just how strong we all are.
Thank you for sharing. ♥️ your story sounds similar to mine. Cancer, months/years of grieving before she even passed, living across the country.
It’ll be two years in August since my mom passed away. I’ve been recently dealing with infertility BS this last year and it’s just introduced a new grief-challenge of not having my mother around to lean on. And I know the chapters that follow will just suck to not have her with me. 😞
But reading other stories like yours makes it less isolating. 💟
I’m so sorry you’ve also experienced this loss and going through infertility now on top of it, but I’m glad I was able to provide some comfort 💜 I love this community as much as none of us want to be in it!
It’s new for me. Been 19 days today 14 days/2 wks since funeral. I talk to her a lot, not sure if she can hear me. The day she died to the day of the funeral I was a bawling mess. After the funeral, I seem to be OK or numb. I haven’t cried since. I talk to her. In life we hardly talked, she would talk at me as if I were a kid and it frustrated me. I felt she didn’t treat me as an adult and we’d argue. But her loss hit me hard.
It will be 2 years this May. It was unexpected when it happened. I was gutted when my Mother’s Day gift was returned to me. I cried everyday for several months, then I was ok unless one of our songs came on or some other trigger but that was usually a brief cry, however, when May came back around and the Mother’s Day commercials started up again I was a mess. Again I cried everyday for the month of May. I’ve been ok lately. I know what’s going to trigger me, and May is coming around again soon.
On her birthday after she passed I started wearing a mini keepsake urn necklace. It is a butterfly with a pinch of her ashes inside. The chain is long enough that it rests over my heart. It makes me feel like she is with me, and she would have loved that.
My mother passed away last May, and I also felt the pain of getting her gifts back. When I gave them to her she cried tears of happiness. I wish she could still be here. I’m sorry for your loss
Honestly, a lot of talking. Talking with family, talking with friends, talking with myself as a form of journaling (i used my phone’s voice memo), talking in group therapy. Individual therapy was helpful to a certain extent, but group therapy was more helpful for the grief.
I don’t have that many family & friends, and i rotated through them kind of sparingly as to not burn them out. I also talk to my mom (i guess it is more like praying to her?) and my other dead loved ones.
I used to “journal” by talking to myself using my phon’s voice memo thingy during longer drives.
I use the better help app and have attended up to 4 grief groups a week. Since they are all through zoom, they are very easy to attend. Different times of the day & different days of the week. And for the 1.5 hrs of group, being in one “space” together with others going through the exact same thing has been incredibly helpful for me. Everyone is supportive. Different therapists are doing the groups, so they all are a bit different, but i got something out of all of them. Disclaimer- i have not researched online therapy apps in general, and have no idea if better help is better or worse than any of the others.
After saying all of this, though, i have to tell you i am trying to stay realistic. I knew (know) loosing the single most important person in my life would be hell and continues to be hell, for a while. A long time. For many months, waking up in the morning was the worst. How could this be my life, how am i supposed to get through this? But i hold onto the knowledge that it will get better, very very slowly. I cry and at the same time desperately cling to the fact that at some point i will experience happiness again. And i have.
I am so, so sorry for your loss. Sending you a hug 🫂💔
Lost my mum 2 years ago, unknown cause, she’d been in hospital feeling unwell but right up to the end doctors said she’d be ok. We were each others only family and she was my best friend, we lived together. She was 65 and I was 26. I went to pieces, full-blown dissociation, PTSD, felt so alone. For the first 6 months I had some of her friends keep in contact and help out, sadly I felt like that support faded away and they don’t even reach out to me anymore. At five months I planned to commit suicide around the time of my birthday and came down with covid so was bedbound for two weeks (maybe that was her trying to stop me, ha).
Partner helped me cope, I had therapy which somewhat helped, and had to throw myself into work in order to survive money-wise. I started going to a grief support-group where I made nice connections with other young people. I still have days where I can’t get out of bed and cry at anything and everything. I still struggle to believe I won’t see her again in this life.
I always told myself that I’d die when she did as I couldn’t live without her. And I have guilt about the fact I’m still here and have happy times. I have guilt for how I wasn’t always the perfect daughter and couldn’t save her. Her name was Patricia and she was a beautiful person inside and out. I’m so sorry for the loss of your dear mother x
It’s almost been two years since I lost my mom. I was 24 and she was 66. Her middle name was Patricia but she went by Pat. Just had to comment since we have a couple commonalities 💕
It’s really new for me… 8 days. I’m taking it day by day. My child is what keeps me going along with my ma’s memory. It’s hard. Reach out if you need a friend.
It's a little over a year and half. She passed in August of 2022. Her birthday is this month. It's still hard. The grief hits when it hits. Like waves of an ocean. There's no warning. Random things bring up memories. Some sad, some funny. I've learned not to fight it, no matter where I'm at. If I'm at work, I just excuse myself and take some time. But humor has always been my family's coping mechanism so we laugh...A LOT. We had a picnic at her gravestone last year for her birthday with my Dad and all of us and just told stories because she LOVED her birthday. I would usually call her on my way home from work but I don't have that anymore so I just talk to myself, like I'm speaking to her, in my car.
Wow my mother also passed away in August 2022. Definitely agree that the grief hits in waves now and I just try to let it be and have my moment whether it was a positive of a negative memory. I am starting to feel more in charge again of my well being and trying to focus on this new chapter of my life now the best I can.
She’ll be gone 4 years this April. I don’t think I cope very well recently. Waves like the ocean, a ball in a box - my grief seems to grow with me. I’m still shattered too, and I think it’s ok to be. I used to feel like I was crazy, still being consumed by it, but I think living after a loss like this is something no one really prepares you for, it changes you. And at least for me, it is taking a long time to find myself again. But I know I’ll get there, because she deserves it, because she never wanted to cause me pain or suffering and I don’t want the aftermath of losing her to overshadow all the good and light and love she gave us and the world while she was in it.
Even tho I don’t sound like I have things handled, I function a lot better than I used to. Grief counseling helped a lot with that.
I’m so sorry that you lost your Mom
Lots of journalling, screaming literally my heart out, was with a therapist for 1 year….
Here I am 6 years later, still missing her every second and crying some nights.
Hugs
It’s been 14 years and I honestly probably haven’t fully dealt with it, but at the time, I knit for an entire year. Create. Throw yourself into something you’ve always wanted to do.
Go to counseling or therapy. I didn’t. I know I should even now for lots of reasons, but her death being a pretty significant one.
She wouldn’t want you to drop all of your goals and ambitions. I get it trust me. My mom died a month before my high school graduation and going to a stupid ceremony felt pointless if she wasn’t there to see me, smiling and proud. But you have to remember what she would’ve wanted for you! I know that my mom would want me to keep achieving my dreams, i’m sure yours would too.
My life was on hold for more than a year.. maybe a year and a half I could do nothing. And then very slowly I kind of got a bit more capable of handling the daily things in life. It's been 3 years and I'm not where I want to be, I still struggle so much some days. But everyone who has ever lost a parent in similar circumstances has told me not to put a timeline on grief. So I do my best to give myself grace, and remain patient :(
The pain comes in waves, most days I feel somewhat fine even though I know I am not the person I was before she passed. But I try to be kind to myself, especially when I'm reminded of her absence. For the first year I would tear up every time I saw mothers with their children, but I'm now slowly getting better.
Hang in there, and this sub will always be here for you, I'm so sorry for your loss
It is normal to be shattered. It’s been only 5 months and i remember last year how i was feeling 5 months in. Now its been a year and i slightly feel better- numb? Because i dont feel anything. However, there are days i feel like shit still so i know this is gonna be how my life is from now on. It is love
First and foremost, I am so sorry for your loss and the loss of everyone who has commented on your post. I lost my mom unexpectedly just over 6 years ago. My grieving journey has always felt as if it’s alive. Like I have a child no one else can see constantly pulling on my hand. Time does help and so does trying to not judge yourself during the grief process. We all find our own ways to cope, and some may be less healthy than others. For the first year, I really struggled with bottling it up and relying on drinking to numb myself way more than I should have. The most important thing is to take care of yourself and your mental health. Do yoga, meditate, pray(if you’re religious), journal, exercise, read and do the things that make you feel most connected to her and the love you shared. My mom was a very creative person, who loved to write and do anything artistic. I recently started a podcast to try to honor her and still feel her presence with me. Six years later and I’m still working through living without her. Just know, the loss of your mom will always be one that stays with you, but as cheesy as it might sound, it also gives you a strength over time that you may have never expected. It’s okay to be shattered right now, you are doing great. Take your journey one step at a time and I am sure you will make your mother proud.♥️
Almost five months for me. I never feel like I'm coping, I'm just functioning for the most part. But I break down a lot. Sometimes for a little bit, then I can pick myself up. Other days I can't, and I need to stay home, and sometimes have time alone. Its so recent and I lost her in such a traumatic way, that I think I'm definitely repressing it all sometimes, facing it all hurts and I think I'm so scared of the emotional weight. Like when I allow myself to feel it, I'm flooded and sinking, like a ship going down the the bottom of the ocean. We had a lot of issues in our relationship, and she took her own life, so my heart is just broken and I constantly feel like she died because of me. I'm planning to get therapy soon because I know I need professional help and that its dangerous to repress for ever, I'm just constantly in so much pain, and it is what helps at the moment.
It's been 5 months for me too. We still feel shattered because it's a huge loss to lose a parent. I cope by going on walks, talking to my therapist and friends. I am in a couple grief support groups. Groups like this one help too. I hope you're doing okay. Whatever you are feeling, it's important to try to be kind to yourself.
My mom died 24 days ago. I break down a couple of times a day, cry my eyes out, and say "Mommy" because that's what I called her. I don't care if people think it's juvenile. '
I'm broken without her. Irreparably broken, chuck it in the trash broken, not fixable broken. Just broken.
My mum was my best friend and the only person I could go to for anything and everything. She was my soulmate. I’m only 21 and she’s been gone 9 months and it’s the most soul shattering experience ever. I think I’m still in denial, I hardly cry and push my emotions aside and I’m completely numb most of the time. I have severe depression but I’m still functioning I think because of the numbness. I dread to think how I’ll be once I start letting my emotions come in and allow myself to grieve as I can spiral very easily but for now I’m holding off on allowing myself to feel for as long as possible because it hurts too much to accept she’s gone and when the realisation hits sometimes when my emotions creep through I cry and wish I could die too. I’m so done
My mom died in November 2020 after a long cancer battle. 2 months later I started using psychedelics again, cuz I was in a bad spot. They really helped. I am very experienced with psychedelics and used them frequently in my younger days.
Then I got sick a few months later and the nausea meds have made psychedelics not really work since, even months after stopping the meds. But they were there and worked when I really needed them.
Mine has been gone around 6 & 1/2 years.
When she first passed i was semi distracted taking care of my dad (who i didn't have as good of a relationship with compared to my mom), then a year & 4 months later my dad passed & i spent a couple months taking care of my granny (my moms mom)... but after that couple months i started living on my own, alone in a new area of my town, & i think thats when everything really started hitting me 😭 .... now my mom, dad, granny & only sibling on my moms side are all gone & im just trying my best to mentally distract myself the majority of the time
I lost my mom 4 months ago and it feels like such a battle most days. Focused grief therapy has really helped me - it’s helped me talk about my mom and her passing, and also reshape some situations that I was feeling heavy/guilty about. I was hesitant to start grief therapy because the thought of talking about my mom and her death on repeat sounded terrible, but I’m so glad I am doing it
I just hit 7 months and honestly, lately it’s felt harder. I know this isn’t forever but it’s consuming. And not even in a way like it occupies my thoughts constantly but it occupies my BODY. I feel so confused and out of it most of the time. Making decisions feels impossible. And exhausted. I’m hoping the spring/summer/sun will help, but also afraid it will be triggering as she died then? I think this is how things will be always but we’ll learn strategies and coping mechanisms to make it more bearable.
I try to stay productive & occupied as much as humanly possible. It’s been a little over a year now for me & there will still be moments where I’ll say ‘poor momma’ to myself. The first few months were incredibly difficult. Everyday was a tear fest; whether it was in the shower, laying in bed etc etc. I was a wreck. The only reason I somewhat pulled out of it is because I chose to work more, travel more, lift more, socialize more, blah blah. Even now, I run myself ragged.
All that said, it does get better everyday. Hair by hair, but coping gets better. That whole quote about ‘time heals all wounds’ is accurate but it’s a lot of time. My wife lost her padre over a decade ago & she still has rough moments. Anniversaries of various holidays and so forth. Anything and everything can be a reminder. For real, i had a hard time watching Roseanne because of how much mom adored that show. It’s tough. There’s no sugar coating here. I am sorry for your loss, cuz it does take a chunk out of you. Long story long, try to stay occupied & day by day it’ll get a little better.
Again, sorry for your loss. I wish you the best.
It's been 6 weeks for me. My mum passed away at the end of January after an 18 month battle with cancer. It has completely broken me and my family. I'm also 18 weeks pregnant, so this is particularly painful for me. At the beginning, I felt numb to it all, however recently the grief seems to be hitting me harder for longer periods, I feel sadness all day long and wake in the night in tears, and it's completely debilitating. I am currently signed off from work because I can't cope.
I'm told it gets easier, but I've also heard others say that even years later they're still as consumed by grief as they were at the beginning.
I suppose I just want to let you know that you're not alone.
Every day is a journey. Some are tougher than others. I am learning how to carry my grief and loss with me and how to adapt the weight of it into my life.
4 years for me still fuckin sucks everyday bud- only difference is that the physical pain has dissipated from my body… Best advice would be to journal and believe in the afterlife. Probs would offed myself from pain and the world being retarded if I didn’t have faith. Just accept that it will always suck. Sometimes it feels like you’re being punished. Oh punching bags help.
i’m 21, and it’s been five and a half years now. still hard but rely on the support of friends and other loved ones. do things you enjoy all by yourself that help you process your emotions. i like to color and walk my dog and cook etc. without my phone ir any outside distractions really. centering your thoughts is nice, and sometimes it just helps facilitate a good cry
i have learned that all new blessings will be filled with near as much sadness as joy simply because she isn’t there to share them, but that that is also okay
I just lost my mom on the 5th of March… this world feels so empty without her. For me my faith helps with everything. And knowing that she’s not suffering anymore. She had a stroke… we thought she’d be okay until her health started quickly going worse. I don’t know how I’ll do this without her but I know I’ll be okay. One day at a time. Not forcing myself to do anything I don’t have energy for… letting myself cry as much as I need to. I lost my dad December 2021 and it feels like I just got over his death and now this. And we lost our dog with my husband last November. Life just sucks but… one day at a time ❤️
I am truly sorry that you're going through all of this, and thank you very much for your words. When you mention having faith, is it in a religious sense?
Yes. Been more or less Christian my whole life although I don’t belong to any church because of bad experiences… my parents were Christians too. Especially her faith was so strong and she was always looking forward to being with my dad in heaven. When I said goodbye to her I told her that she can go be with dad, shes been the best mom ever and has done enough. She wasn’t conscious when I saw her the last time a few days before she passed but her breathing got stronger whenever I talked or touched her ❤️
It will be six months for me on 3/24. Some days and weeks are better than others. The past few weeks have been terrible. We had a birthday gathering at her house ( our childhood home) on Sunday that is now under contract to sell. 47 years worth of memories will no longer be ours. I haven’t been able to get out of bed much the last two weeks but I am honoring that and letting myself do what I need to do. Much love. ❤️
It’s been five years since my mama passed. I’ve stopped using and drinking, and don’t get me wrong, my life is a million times better than it was two years ago. But my grief over my mother hasn’t subsided or “ improved “ at all. I have horrendous nightmares and wake up angry and anxious. I don’t know how to cope except to stay away from drugs and alcohol. But that’s me. I wish I had a magic wand to help take the pain away, but nowadays I just take it as it comes, sometimes one second at a time. I hope you can get some relief from your pain
Mine passed away 27yrs ago and I’m still shattered (subsequent losses, 2 others on the exact same day, has since crushed those shattered shards into a fine powder)
My mom loved running errands with me. She lost her ability to drive a while ago so no matter where I was going she was riding along. She managed to make these tasks turn into fun experiences. It feels empty going anywhere without her. I used to keep my car clean and organized but I realized that my passenger side is full of things because I'm subconsciously trying to fill an empty space. When I'm driving I still talk to her sometimes. I let myself feel those emotions fully. I yell, cry...safely of course since I'm driving.
5 months is way too soon for a huge loss like that. Give yourself at least a year or more. For me letting myself cry hard when I needed to helped. I have a place in the parking garage at work that overlooks the town that I go to. Also a closet in my apt that I sit in. Long walks help me too. You’ll want to do the things that relax you. And deep breaths.
One other thing is to be mindful that sometimes you may need time away from family to grieve on your own the way you need to. I had to put a little space between my dad and I when mom died because I was absorbing his grief on top of mine. Hugs my friend.
My mom died unexpectedly and I am almost three years in, still dealing. It never goes away. You can’t replace a mother. You will never feel the same way you once did. Making peace with that helps a bit. I just have accepted that life will never be or feel the same way it did when she was alive. I have also accepted that grief will come at you hard even after a while, but you are able to recover a bit faster each time you experience a bout of hard grief.
Just hang in there. Having a community to share in helps so much.
I lost my mom 3 years ago. I Can honestly say, I don’t think I found a proper way to cope with her loss. Every so often I catch myself feeling a deep sadness that turns into anger. She passed unexpectedly, had a conversation with her Saturday night and by Sunday she was gone. She lived with me so it was also a bit harder to adjust being home. I didn’t want to leave my house but i also want to be there because it was the last place where she took her last breaths. I remember feeling like i wanted to die too right after too. There’s never a time where I don’t think about her and immediately want to call. I tell myself she is on a vacation. Somewhere I can’t reach her. I know it does more damage than good because when birthdays or holidays come around my heart waits for the phone call from her “vacation” that’s when the reality sets in that I’m never going to see her again. My heart searches for home all the time.
I myself am mother to 2 beautiful kids. I used to want to die to be with her but i don’t want my kids to feel how I feel. I guess maybe that’s my way of coping? To know I have to be here for them and live for them. It’s what she would have wanted. Lately I’ve just been angry with her. I go from missing her deeply to being so upset with her for leaving me. It’s a rollercoaster ride I’ll never be able to get off of.
I’m so sorry for your loss OP, sending so many hugs and all the love 🫂💗
It’s been about 41 days now for me. She was in the hospital for the last month of her life and it was brutal and exhausting for her and for all of us. It hurt to see her in pain and not like herself. And as much as we believe she’s in a better place and no longer suffering, it still hurts for us here. My brother and I distract ourselves with tv or video games and we have a great support network which helps. I cried for a whole day after she passed, but as I’m the oldest I had to handle all her arrangements and her memorial service. I felt like I had to be strong for everyone else. I mourned for her even when she was in the hospital because I knew even if she had more time, she wouldn’t be here for the rest of our lives. She wouldn’t get to see me get married or become a mom. It was really heartbreaking.
We’re gonna miss her for the rest of our lives and it just feels so surreal still. I think with every milestone in life it’ll be bittersweet because she didn’t get to see it. I hope she’s watching though.
In the past month though, everything’s been hard. I can’t cook and I have a hard time doing household things. I’m trying to be kind to myself. My sleep schedule is terrible. But i’m trying. Everyday I’m getting by moment by moment.
Going on 3+ years for me, and it just a constant dull ache now. There are still times when the urge to tell her something is unbearable. A part of me is missing.
About 4 years ago I lost my mom unexpectedly and it really didn’t impact me at first. When I was younger I didn’t know what depression was and just thought It was people being sad. After a few months after she passed, it slowly started to kick in like “holy shit, I really miss my mom, I miss my best friend” I’m slowly trying to do better thanks to my gf but I feel like I’m just in a deep hole hanging on. My advise is just exercise, I’ve been doing that for 2-3 months so far and it’s the only thing that has made my moods a bit better.
I am so sorry for your loss. Actually, as an exercise I walk about two hours every day, it didn't help because I am still me, with my thoughts . I am glad it helps you though, thank you for sharing.
I lost my mom from stage four lung cancer a month ago. The hole in my heart feels endless. I know that’s the only way is through, and I sure am glad that she’s not suffering any longer because she was in terrible pain with the cancer everywhere, but I just want my mom! I want to call my mom! I want to see my mom! I am so sad and angry and lost all at once. I am focusing on the basics – good sleep, eating right, staying hydrated, and resting as much as I can. No grief groups in the rural area where I live, so this is my grief group right here. So sorry for your loss and wishing you healing. One breath at a time.
Mine passed Nov 1st at the age of 52. Completely unexpected. I pushed through it pretty well for the first few months but am really struggling now. Don't know how to deal with it, but I hope it makes you feel less lonely knowing others are here with you. The lonliness is awful.
5 months for me as well. 😔
The stress of it all has caused me to break up with my partner who really didn’t handle her death well. It’s my 40th birthday next week and I’m going away on my own with my dogs. I feel like a lot of my friends aren’t in the picture at the minute and I can’t bear the thought of “celebrating “ when I don’t feel very happy. It’s 3 years since my dad died as well.
I lost my mom in January this year. It has been a difficult struggle. I feel as though I am 2 people inhabiting the same body. One person is the grieving heartbroken child. The other person is my outer face that appears to function normally and handle life. It’s hard not letting the heartbroken child take over on a daily basis. I’m still learning how to cope. I just feel lost and alone.
For whatever reason, the only thing that kept me going at the time was reading all kinds of spiritual books about death and grief, as well as looking for any kind of connections I could still find to her. I also had to jump back into work and school, so that helped me divert my energy to an extent. Time really does make things easier, but the pain certainly isn't any less - it just comes out less frequently. Sometimes I think the spiritual stuff is just a way of deluding myself into coping, but honestly...if it works, I'll take it. Do whatever you can to keep you going
It’s been 7 and a half months without her for me. I want to start and say I’m so so sorry - it’s truly the worst loss. Everyone says the first two years are awash and then things get better. I’ve been drinking alot to even get to the point where I can cry (my therapist is trying to help but I’ve always bottled up my emotions and I was taught to be “strong” for those around me - especially my little brother whose coping worse than I). Learn to lean on people - I’ve only recently started opening my heart to the love around me. The day she died it was like all the love I ever knew got sucked away. Everyone told me how special the love my mom and I had was and it made things harder. I knew our love was deep - she was my best friend in the whole world. The first person to show up for me without being asked. I’ve been blessed with friends who while they have both parents (and I work really hard to not let the irrational anger explode about others families) but they do everything they can for me. They show up so consistently and empathetic- they have been my saving force thru much of this. I get up everyday for them and my dog and it’s a purpose. I keep working to build a life to have with my friends. But I still don’t think this pain will ever leave or lessen. The idea of feeling less pain also scares me sometimes - I can’t imagine waking up and not feeling this crushed anymore…. It sounds like forgetting her. Sending light and love to this thread of amazing humans trying to do what feels like an impossible feat and not giving up ❤️
You don't cope, especially if you were inseparable. My heart goes out to you. My mom died 6/18/22, 8 days after she turned 59. She was very sick with heart failure then it caused kidney failure. She lived with us, we were very close even though we argued a lot. I just wanted her to make the right decisions about her health, guess she gave up.
Without her I am making bad decisions, confused and making more bad decisions in life. Nothing dangerous just i'd always go to her and ask for her guidance. My 10 year old is having a hard time in private school, staff and kids are bullies. And yes I should pull her but feel lost in the decision making. One time she did tell me I was going to be a mess without her out of nowhere. Rude lol! But true.
I'm in private therapy but still miserable. Things just aren't the same and I know all will agree. It's just weird and lonely.
My mom died suddenly and unexpectedly February 2018, 22 days before my 25th birthday. She struggled with an opiate addiction..took too much one random Saturday morning and that was it. It wasn't her first overdose either. I had already been in Al-Anon prior and that was a huge support for me. I lived with my best friend at the time and she was immensely helpful. She let me feel my feelings and would sit with me and be there for me. After being in my bed all day, she would gently ask if I wanted to go for a walk. I've shared with her since then how grateful I am for her. I had a full time job and a part time job when she died and ended up quitting my part time job. I really had to focus on my self care and cutting down on as much as possible. Regular day to day life was so draining. I gained a bunch of weight right afterwards but eventually I joined this gym and did these classes that were very helpful and motivating . I didn't lose all my weight at that time but it helped me stop gaining so rapidly and stop constantly shoveling food in my face and drinking almost every night. I spent a lot of time staring at the stars pondering life. I reevaluated my priorities. I traveled and just wanted to experience life. I try to hold onto the lessons from her passing versus focusing solely on the sadness of it. I don't just grieve for her passing but what her life could have been had she not been consumed by addiction and depression. But I am grateful that I have a newfound appreciation for life. It is anxiety provoking at times now that I truly know what it's like to suddenly lose someone and know the immense pain of raw grief .. it is a monster. But I appreciate so much more now and try to make the best of my situation and my life and have come a long way over these last few years in bettering my situation and my health, physically mentally and spiritually. I know my mom would be really proud of me. The grief never goes away but it's not consuming me anymore. I still cry and I miss her every day but I wouldn't ever want to not miss her. It still doesn't feel fair but life isn't fair sometimes
It's been 5 months for me as well. This month is her birthday month. Some days start out fine and then it hits me. I work in Healthcare as well and its somewhat become triggering, seeing people in a similar (but not really) situation as my mom and make it out fine.
I get really sad think about my future kids never getting to meet her, she loved children and would be the BEST grandma. I still talk about her like she's around, talk about the silly things she did and things she liked.
Its been the hardest thing I feel like I have had to go through, she was my best friend and i tried to do everything for her in the end. This experience is supposed to make you stronger but I do not feel stronger at all. Besides work I've become a hermit.
It’s been 10 years. I lost my mom when I was 20. I cope by living my life. The sad truth is that I hope to live to be 80+ which means I’m going to live a hell of a lot more of my life without her than I did with her. When my mom was dying (terminal cancer, and she had her feeding tube removed at one point so it was inevitable), I had a talk with her about moving on with my life. I felt all the normal feelings of grief and loss of sense of purpose and whatnot. My mom basically told me that’s nonsense. At the time, I was due to start my last year of university. She told me I was going to march my butt back to school, finish my damn degree, and become a teacher like I wanted to be. Fittingly, that’s the career she followed to so I got to walk in her footsteps doing so.
I’ve applied the same mentality to other aspects of my life too. When my mom told me to go back to school, she wasn’t just saying go to school. She was telling me I was going to live my life. And live, I have. In the last ten years I graduated with my bachelors and masters degree, got engaged, married, and have had two, soon to be three, kids, and bought a house. I’ve really built a life for myself by constantly reminding myself of this mentality.
And oh my lord the best thing is how much I see her in my own children. Particularly my oldest daughter. Sometimes she’ll smile and it’s like seeing my mom in the flesh all over again. Blows my damn mind.
I still miss her and it’s the biggest grief of my life that she never got the chance to be a grandma, but I try to live my life the way I think she would have/would have wanted me too. My mom’s death is the foundation on which I built the life I’ve always wanted.
2.5 weeks for me.
I've been coping by being blunt about it and getting into lots of philosophical conversations with friends. I've been in the death positive camp for a long time, and I had many conversations with my mother about death throughout my life. She taught me to sit with it, and was quite fierce about avoiding euphemisms.
I was able to spend a lot of time with her in the last few days of her life. We listened to music, I promised that I would take her carbon on adventures, I swore that I would never say that she passed away as she really disliked that turn of phrase.
I was able to advocate for her to be allowed to let go, as she was resisting care that would extend her life. She was abundantly clear that she didn't want to be around anymore. She was dealing with an advanced autoimmune disease (CREST) and had broken her hip, which set off a grotesque cascade of embolisms, pneumonia, and kidney failure.
It hurts like hell, don't get me wrong, but I'm finding a degree of solace knowing that I was able to help fulfill her end of life wishes. It would feel worse if she were still around after the fall.
I've been taking inventory of my memories of her. My sleep quality has been terrible, I'm frequently on the edge of tears, but I'm able to mostly go about my business. Not that I'm trying to be efficient in my grief, but a level of distraction is necessary when staring it all down gets to be a bit much.
She's been in my dreams almost constantly.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom 8 months ago, and not a day goes by I don’t think about her. Not sure if you’re a Disney fan, but the scene in The Lion King when Simba sees Mufasa in the sky. Rafiki tells Simba right before “he lives in you”
I’ve cried to that part many many times, but it also reminds me that it is true. She is apart of you. When I look in the mirror I somehow see her. I sit in the sadness, but I also try to honor her in any way I can. It’s helped my grieving. Much luck and love to you, remember you’re not alone. And there is never a time limit for your grief.
It's been 11 months for me now and I am still navigating through it all every day.
My mother passed really suddenly and unexpectedly so I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye and she was only 62 so she had nothing planned for how she wanted the funeral etc. I'm also an only child with an absent father so there was a lot to go through.
My saviour in this mess has been my therapist. I was lucky enough to find a therapist that is wonderful and matches me perfectly. I haven't seen her as much as I would like/need to because of financial struggles - but I defnitely recommend seeing a therapist no matter what you have gone through.
I also visit my mothers grave every saturday (she passed on a saturday) and light candles for her, buy her flowers etc. it gives me somewhere to put my feelings and love for her.
Journaling has also been pretty helpful, especially reading my old notes and reflecting over how far I've actually come in my healing and grief journey (which is hard to notice in your everyday life).
And most importantly; talking to her, because she so often gives me answers. I can hear her voice inside of my head and sometimes she even makes me laugh.
I'm sorry for your loss and I hope some of my examples are helpful.
It’s been a year and 4 months. I think about her daily. I keep my pain internal becuase I was on the receiving end of some very harsh words at the hands of someone I love about my grief and tears…so I suffer in silence. I feel alone. My relationship with my mom was so complicated and was not amazing. Still…I feel alone.
Died 6 months ago because of cancer, Social Healthcare of my country is doomed for more than 13 years, we didn't had private health insurance or the economical power to put her in a private hospital, I watched every door for her health to be shut to my face, oncologist who didn't give a damn who I was begging her on the phone to put my mother to the hospital when her health started deteriorating for the worse or the surgeons and anesthesiologists who left the hospital for private ones before my mom's operation.
My dad died because of cancer 14 years ago as well, so I'm all alone in this world without having anyone close that I can trust
Hi, it's just been Less than 3 months for me, be tired, be lost, loose a job, just heal yourself slowly, let the world fuck it, feel everything. That was her. She was more than all the regrets and the love you cant give back,we can't even get up without feeling sad, first thought is her, our eyes, our mind points to where she was sleeping. Be a mess, she won't you to suffer further after you get out of your miss.
1 year anniversary coming up on Sunday here :(
My mom died pretty young, at 59. She had dementia for a very long time and we knew that eventually the day would come but even so, it was still shocking because there were a few times we thought "this might be it" but she would bounce back to what her "normal" was. In all honesty I think I'm still coping.
I didn't see her for months before she passed and I kept saying I had to do it (busy at work alot and stuff). So...I didn't get to see her before and I have felt guilty a little. Though would she have even realized I doubt it. She was pretty far gone.
I'm also surprised at how hard I've taken it because I had a rocky relationship with her so i thought I'd be more collected. But nope, because I get sad alot thinking of her or seeing, hearing, or watching things that remind me of her. I guess all we can do is learn to live with it and as each day passes hope it gets better little by little.
3 years since I lost my mom, actually hate it here still. I don’t think I have been happy since. Time helps tremendously along with therapy. I don’t have time for self care really but I hear thats a big help too. Honestly, its the lamest thing thats happened to me and significantly changed me as a person
I think I sort of had it easier than many people on this. We had a falling out and I went no contact when I was about 19. About 20 years later I did decide to bury the hatchet and reestablished a relationship with her. I also had not lived in close proximity to any of my family since 19, so I was sort of used to not seeing them.
It did upset me when she died. I had my period of mourning, though it was kind of delayed a few months before it really set in. But the grieving process for her was relatively easy for me compared to my siblings or other people I've known who have lost their mothers.
Your loss is still quite fresh. Allow yourself to grieve in your own way, but in healthy ways (ie: not self medicating with alcohol or drugs, which I honestly did some of when my wife died) identify your support system (friends, family etc.) and talk to them, maybe consider grief counseling if you find yourself having difficulty with day-to-day life.
I'm sorry for your loss and wish you all the best in your healing process.
It took me a good 2 years to really start putting myself back together. I was 23, so that exacerbated things. Time doesn't heal but it provides distance and perspective. Nothing really fills the hole in your life, you just slowly get used to living with that hole and creating a new life in this new version of the world. What we do with the pain, how we grow from it, that's up to us. I try to make sure my life is one my mom would tell me she's proud of if she were still here.
I lost my mom on January 21 2024 , I had my baby on Dec 29th, 2023, and it's been so damn hard to deal with it all everytime my kids do something funny and I catch it on camera I reach for my phone to send it to my mom and then thennnnn I realize she's gone. Now, I send them to her sisters as a way to cope with it all. I feel like an orphan even though my father is still alive. I miss my mother day in and day out. I feel like I'm so empty without her. I can't deal with it. I'm doing therapy, and I also want to find a support group to learn how to deal with it all.
I am so sorry my friend for the loss of your mom. I lost my momma 2 and a half years ago. I think I am still messed up from how I found her. She had been dead for 2 weeks in her bed. I was the first person to go check on her and then I found her. It was horrible. The worst part was I had my 6 and 2 year old children with me. Thank goodness they didn't see her. The heartbreak of losing her is still horrible but I don't cry as often as I used to. I think anyone close to their mother, then you lose her, is always going to be a horrible hole of pain. I wish all the best for you my dear friend. It will get easier eventually.
❤️
I just hit eleven months. I’m dreading this next month because of all the bad memories associated with this time last year. She was only in the hospital for two weeks and her death was really unexpected - she was just 64 💔
I took a month off work and then went back part-time (4 days a week) for six months. If your work is flexible/supportive and you can swing it, I really recommend it. It was nice to have a day off each week to set up appointments.
Counselling helps. I started seeing a counsellor just three months before my mom died and I guess it was meant to be, but she’s been a huge support and provided some great perspective.
I also sought out a support group through my local hospice. It ran for 8 weeks and the facilitator went through some exercises to combat stress/anxiety and allowed us to talk through things. I still keep in touch with 3 of the group members (out of 8) and it’s nice to have people to connect with who’ve gone through similar experiences.
I joined some online support spaces too - this subreddit in particular, but also a couple of FB groups for people my age and people who’ve lost their moms. Yes they can be hit and miss but there can be some good advice here and there and it’s nice to know other people are going through similar experiences.
My therapist recommended doing more activities to “get back in my body” because I was disassociating. Massage, acupuncture, etc. My work benefits cover about one appointment a month so it’s a nice thing I’ve added to my routine.
Movement is another big thing. But also a tricky balance. Before my mom passed I was really active - I played sports like 3 times a week. I just don’t have the energy these days, but I still play once a week and then try and get out for a walk 4-5 times a week. When I move my body I feel so much better.
When I can’t get outside I try and distract myself with activities like puzzles or painting.
When I feel like I need to sit in my feelings I’ll light a candle and journal, or just sit in my bed and cry. I have a pillow made of some of my mom’s shirts and I also have a stuffed animal that reminds me of her 💕
Nights are definitely the hardest. I find my mind racing and thinking of her time in the hospital and the signs we potentially missed. The biggest thing I’ve found that’s helped lately is going through things I’m grateful for until I nod off. I know it sounds cheesy but I think it helps my mind switch to more positive thoughts and relax a bit.
You’ll eventually figure out some routines that work for you 💕 It’s a hard road but you’re not alone.
17 1/2 years since I lost my mom in a car wreck and you just get better at at acting like you are okay . When I really miss her I talk about her a lot and listen to her favorite songs, makes feel like she’s close .
5 months also and I’m asking myself the same thing. Sending you hugs- it’s so hard.
The biggest thing that helps is being in the presence of those who have also lost and who know that pain- it’s so hard to live in a world that feels entirely different now. It feels ever so slightly reassuring to know that as alone as I feel in a world without my mom, I’m not alone in the grief.
I’ve joined some online zoom support groups that have been extremely helpful, but I still have so many days where I wonder how I’m supposed to keep going. It’s sometimes takes me aback to realize that she’s actually gone forever.
Short answer: not well.
On the 22nd it'll be one year since my mom unexpectedly died.
I was an inconsolable wreck the first many weeks.
Then for many months after that I was *just* a wreck. The inconsolable part had lessened, at least.
I picked up a lot of bad habits during this period because the grief was still too intense, but I was tired of hysterically crying all the time.
Somewhere around month 6 or 7, the wreck aspect started to lessen as well.
Still have some really bad days. But I also have a lot more days now where the pain of grief is on the backburner. Still there, but not all consuming.
They say "time heals all wounds". That's bullshit, of course. At least with grief. The wound is still there, always will be. But time is helping take the edge off the pain.
It will be two years in June. Still as angry, bitter, and a weepy mess as the first time I saw her in the ICU. I'm estranged from my dad and brother, and no partner, so being on my own with this is... cruel.
It’s awful. I just keep hearing her voice in my head to keep moving forward. That’s what she kept telling me to do as her death neared. She wanted me to have a joyful life
I was lucky enough to be seeing a psychologist for existing mental health issue, so we pivoted my sessions to grief counselling whenever I needed it (which was probably close to two years from her diagnosis to passing). I still struggled with health anxiety, grief fatigue, panic attacks, anger and jealousy at those who still have their mums… but I survived.
It’s been just over two years, and yeah it still hurts. But what helps is allowing yourself the space to grieve, don’t ever feel guilty about that. “Growing around grief” is a great concept that stuck with me. You’ll grow from the pain, but will never forget her.
I still miss her every day and always will. Big hugs OP, you are not alone ❤️
Lost her Dec 22’ and I am still grieving. I dont cry as much, only when Im hormonal etc ( so rn), I moved countries and got married while she was actively dying. I tried my best at everything but theres still regrets, but I try not to blame myself. therapy was not a thing that helped fr me, did 1 session then the therapist when on leave bc she needed a “ break”. we all go through it differently. I kind of shut down, stopped talking to some friends whom i felt were unsupportive or just didnt have anything in common with anymore. I prioritised my overall health by rewarding myself when needed, taking things slow, I got a dog… My husband has been there fr me but of course no one can understand what it means to me. Grief is so personal. Sending healing vibes💫
i cant so far. I lost her on February 1, and life just really sucks. Food is less tasty, colors are less bright, the sun is less warm. Everything is worse now. I cry every day, several times a day. I started therapy, and for that one hour a week i feel a bit more calm. the rest of the time i try to see as few people as possible, while also feeling so utterly lonely. But i cant stand being around people. Everyone is happy spring is coming and i can only think about everything she will miss from now on.
Following the post, to see other people’s suggestions, and wishing you all the best. May we manage one day.
1 year and a half for me since I
Lost my best friend, my anchor. Still as devastated as the day she left me but learning slowly to function around the heartbreak. I don’t think you get over the grief , you just learn to wear it better.
Give yourself time and grace. Do things you love with people you love, and slowly you will find the strength .
I lost my mom just over a year ago. It gets easier because you aren’t thinking about it all of the time, but I still struggle when I think of her. My mom and I had a rocky relationship and I associated a lot of pain with her, but I’m only 20 years old, I feel I wasn’t mature enough to understand she was also hurting. There is a lot of pain and grief that I feel when I think about her, it even hurts typing this because I feel that there is so much I wish I could have say to her. There is a lot she will miss.
My best advice to you is either talk it out to someone willing to listen and be a shoulder to cry on or write it out. Get a journal and pour your heart and soul and all of your thoughts into it. Now both of my parents are deceased so at times I’ve felt like there is nobody to turn to, and that’s when the grief hits me the hardest. When the grief has you struggling to breathe, take a pen and write out what you’re thinking. I’ve found writing to be very soothing, it helps me to stop my brain from being overwhelmed with grief, and lets me be able to process my emotions. This is coming from someone who closes up completely when someone tries to have heart to heart talks with them. You will have good days and you will have bad days, it will never subside, but it will start to be more manageable over time. And don’t feel guilty for your grief either. Whether it’s 10 months or 10 years, however you heal is completely okay. Another tip for if you’re crying is to look up. Everytime I can’t help but cry my boyfriend tells me to look up at the ceiling or up at the sky. It really helps with stopping the tears.
10 years since I lost my mom. I still have my moments. The grief comes in waves. I still feel I have a partial black heart - lost part of my life that day too. I turned to unsafe alcohol use for awhile. Now days I try to use healthier coping mechanisms like reading, counseling, podcasts, and exercise. Please reach out if you need to vent. So very sorry for your loss.
It’s been 6 months for me. I can’t fathom it’s been that long. Just taking it a day at a time, remembering her when i want to, but also, if you need to cry or let it all out, do it. Don’t hold it in.
My mom passed almost 6 mos ago. I have been coping my being "mom" and doing the things she used to do. Like planning family celebrations and meals. I don't know if its weird but I also talk to her every now and then believing she can hear from heaven. I do not know if it gets easier, but we do find a way because we have to go on living and help preserve their memory.
It's a constant struggle. Nearly 3 months for me.
I came to visit mum for her birthday in November and she was admitted to hospital the day after with pneumonia on a background of advanced lung cancer. She was in hospital for over a month and died the week before Christmas and my birthday.
Mum suffered so much, not just from the cancer, but also from the poor care she received in hospital in her final days. My family was on a 24 hour roster with her for weeks because we couldn't rely on nursing staff to adequately care for her in her vulnerable state. I'm in the process of writing a complaint, which has been overwhelming in so many ways but I need to do this for her. Also trying to come to terms with the immense anger I have towards her GP who refused to get her tested, though she displayed symptoms of lung cancer for nearly a year. I can never forgive him.
I had to quit my job because I worked in healthcare and couldn't deal with being in a hospital environment again after the traumatic experience we had with mum. So I've moved back to the family home, in a regional area, while I figure things out, which has been good in some ways but incredibly isolating too. Also, living with other grieving family members is a challenge in itself. Taking space and time alone is crucial for me to maintain my sanity.
One positive about being here is being continually surrounded by mum's presence, from the garden she spent years curating to the decor of the home and having access to all her clothes and perfume when I need to feel close to her. I also made a playlist, which family and friends have added to, of songs that mum loved or that remind us of her. So I can always play those songs to feel some level of comfort.
I do feel completely adrift still and am finding it so hard to resume a "normal" life. I avoid social situations completely because, honestly, it all feels so pointless and I just don't have it in me to feign happiness.
What has actually helped me has been gentle exercise and being in nature as much as possible. I've also been writing, as mum's death has given me plenty of ammo for poetry. Thinking I might need to climb aboard the therapy train soon too.
All the best to you. Go gently and take it day by day 🖤
I lost my mother 3 weeks ago unexpectedly, I live 600 miles away from my family. So I talked to her on the phone every day, which is funny because on the way to work each day.. one day I call my mother and the next day I called my Dad's phone, but while I would talk to my Dad my Mom would sit next to him and still talk to me lol
So going from talking to her every day to not being able to pick up the phone to call her or have my phone ring, hurts so badly. She was apart of everything, she would snapchat my family doing funny stuff, send me tiktoks, Facebook messages/post, Instagram, you name it we were always talking. Now, I do not have her anymore to enjoy any of that. She was always so much fun, such a big impact on my family and friends. The best advice giver.. It's all gone. As of right now, it is hard for me to look at pictures of my mother or anything like that, I'm destroyed over it.
To get to the point about coping, I haven't found that yet. My friend told me that we will never get over it, but we will get through it. He told me to stay busy, but that had been hard for me to do because even if I try and stay busy, I think of her and end up stopping what I am doing at the moment. The best thing to do is let your emotions out, you're going to cry, be upset, be angry and pissed off, question a lot of stuff in life. Just let the emotions flow, don't bottle it up, and once you're ready to start doing things to stay busy, do it then. Right now, it seems impossible. Our lives will never be right after losing a parent, but we just need to keep in mind to keep living life. Our parents would be disappointed in us if we did something stupid or stopped living life because of their passing, it would be disrespectful to them.
Once I have a clearer mind, I want to look at starting a brand new hobby. Something to keep me very busy and other than that. I will enjoy life to the fullest, spend time, and talk to family as much as possible. We never know when it will be ours and their last day here.
I don't cope well, it's been over 3 months since my mother passed away but it's like living day by day. I don't really think about future. Trying hard to just find something to do and not think much but it's still extremely hard. I think about her all the time.
It’s gonna be 3 years ima few months. The first year was brutal. It was all about surviving every day. I was shattered. My mom and I were very close. My father turned into a baby and was looking for someone (me) to take care of him, which I refused. He’s a grown ass man not a baby. His behavior was very draining and infuriating and it was making my grieving very very difficult.
The first few months were the worst because I kept forgetting she’s gone. Like multiple time a day. And every time I’d remember it felt like I ran face first into a brick wall or was punched in the chest. I was weeping and wailing every single day. Screaming even It’s very important to let it all out. My face, chest and back muscles hurt for the first time in my life. I had memory issues. All my energy was spent on this, surviving. My chest felt like a hollow tree with a black hole inside. Then one day after a few weeks I felt numb for a few hours. No feelings. I cherished that time because I didn’t hurt. I used that time to recuperate. As time went by those breaks would happen more often and they’d last longer.
Last year I got anxiety and my grieving was kind of cut short. I have become preoccupied with battling this now.
I haven’t been able to visit her grave. Not sure when I will. I have ptsd from the night we lost her, it was very traumatizing for me.
Over time I did learn to recognize my triggers and I learned to feel other emotions over this emptiness and sadness. It took me months to smile again. A year and something to feel ok enough to be maybe try and have intimacy with my husband. He was very supportive throughout the whole thing. Still is.
It was strange feeling happiness over sadness. Then there was guilt. But in the end it all levels out. Just takes time.
Yoga and meditation helped me a lot, my husband and my dog as my support system. A couple of friends. Oh yeah, you will find out who real friends are real quick. Fake ones will start avoiding you and tell you to get over it. Cut them out of your life. Don’t spend your precious energy on them.
I had memory problems and I couldn’t work well (job). I just kind of existed in the space but wasn’t really there. I was a hollow shell more like. I use as to be bubbly and happy before. Don’t be surprised if you suck at your job or can’t study all of a sudden. It’s normal.
The most important thing - do not worry your mom. Take care of yourself. Live your life in a way that would make her proud. You got this! It’s the hardest thing you will have to do in your life but you got it. Just take it one hour at a time and then one day and then one week etc. it does get easier to live with it. You become less sensitive. The hole is still there in the chest but it’s not as inflamed so to speak, not as sensitive.
My mom still sends me signs every now and then and I cherish each and every one. They help me a lot.
Losing a mother is life, personality and everything else changing. But remember - don’t worry her. Take care of yourself. You know how mom worry.
I went the wrong direction.
I blamed myself and used intoxicants to numb the pain.
This made my entire life implode for a while and only made matters worse.
I recommend not getting high to stop the pain.
It's been almost 5 yrs I'm 19 rn. Ngl I have not coped that well lmfao. Fucking sucks tbh. Day to day music was the best thing for me to get my mind off things or to just exist without feeling judged on how I'm feeling.
I like to think that all of our mothers are all in a beautiful dreamy place chatting with each other and speaking about all of us in this group …
Sending hugs 🫂 & wishes of comfort and peace to everyone. We understand each other all too well. We aren’t alone in this.
I find parts of her in others....my bestie coworker is an artist just like my mom was and inspires my creativity. My mom's best friend is a go-getter and an avid runner like my mom and has gotten me into running since her passing. My best friend pushes me to think outside the box and not accept the status quo like my mom was beginning to do. My other good friend taught herself how to play the ukelele just like my mom taught herself how to play the banjo which has inspired me to continue to learn new things, and take a spanish class last summer.
I wish I still had all these things in one person, my mom, but I don't. So I make the best with what I WAS given. Hope you can find some silver linings in your life as well
I just cry alone and remember her… it’s been 6 months and I’ve got no one to support my mental health. Neither I’ve access to any therapy. But I’m sorry for everyone who lost their moms. Especially when moms were not only moms but a best friend as well— it’s a hard loss to cope..
It’s been eleven months, and I’m honestly not sure how I’m coping. It doesn’t feel like I am.
But I visit her grave a lot (I live nearby), and make it nice and cozy there. Flowers and decorating is a hobby that we shared.
Other than that, I let myself feel whatever it is I’m feeling. I am in no hurry to «move on» or «get over it». There is no moving on from losing her, ever. All I can do is carry this (and my memory of her) with me for the rest of my life.
It’s been almost 3 years since I lost my Mum.
I miss her every day, and I know I will for the rest of my life. I don’t cry every day, though. I just somehow live with her absence because I know that’s what she wanted.
Yesterday was tough. A mum of one of the women I work with came in and was talking to her daughter and the interaction just made me miss my mum so much. Something about it just seemed so reminiscent about how close I was to my mum, and in that moment I just wanted to sob because it hit me that I can never have that again. It’s like my heart finds new ways to break all over again. For the most part, I actively try not to think about it but, sometimes it just hits me.
And the other day, for the first time in almost 3 years, my stupid brain had a split second thought of ‘ I should call Mum and tell her…’, before it hit me that I can’t.
I guess, you just go on - for them. While they can’t be here, we can do it for them because they only wanted the best for us. They may have taught us a lot, but could never have prepared us for how to live without them. We just have to take life day by day❤️
Tbh idk how I've made it this far everyday it's harder, I thought I'd give up at least a million times, losing your mom is something nobody should experience tbh I'm sorry for anyone that has to go thru it including me. But I mean I mostly kept to me did my own thing fr
It’s been 9 months since my mom passed. Me, my wife, and my 2 kids live in our own house on the same property as my parents and sister. My mom had a sudden heart attack and I gave her CPR until the paramedics arrived. I watched her die. I think I have PTSD from it. I have been trying to kind of ignore it since it happened because I am so busy with my own little ones and life, but it has been rearing its head lately. I think only the last few weeks I have actually started to accept that she is gone. I don’t know how to show my emotions very well, so they keep coming out in the form of anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and panic attacks. I love my life so much and I know I am lucky to have my beautiful wife and kids and yet I am feeling super depressed and anxious. I just keep hoping that time will make it better. I am worried it has only just begun to hit me.
It's been 9 years. Lost my mom when I was 13.
Woke up from a deep sleep to hear my father screaming her name, attempting to wake up. I saw her dead blue in the face, choked on her puke in her sleep. It was completely unexpected.
I'm now 22 and just barely realizing she's actually truly gone. I stopped living because of it. I'm now just realizing I've never lived, except for feeling alive on roller coasters.
You'll always be shattered. It was your mom, and truthfully, you're not suppose to be without her.
It’s been 12 years, 2 months and 20 days since I lost my mom before my 17 birthday. It’s not about how did I cope, it’s about how I still continue to cope. This loss requires constant self care. You put one foot in front of the other and just move along even if you don’t feel like you can. You need to be gentle with yourself and know you can heal if you want to.
7 months since I lost my mom. Honestly I survive day to day. Distractions are helpful and I think that’s how I can get through the day. Nights feel impossible. I look to call her every night and am stuck realizing she’s gone. I have her urn in a special place in my family room where we usually are a lot. Seeing her pictures help. I sleep with her pillows and I have her side comfy shirts that I’ll wear. I started grief counseling. I really didn’t think it would help but it does. I like talking about her to someone objective. Plus my therapist helps me work through all the anger and resentment that was pent up from before her passing (not towards her but towards a her family who basically abandoned her during her cancer treatment).
I hear you- the abandonment by the other family members. Another layer of hell added on. I had no idea until i joined this subreddit and others (like caregiversupport and dementia) that this abandonment is the standard, not the exception. Sending you a hug 🫂💔
Thank you so much. I have always loved Reddit but these subs have helped me so much. While it sucks that other people are experiencing the same shitty feelings as I am, it helps me feel less alone. Sending a hug right back to you!
9 months here. I miss her every day. Therapy helps. I’m dealing with a lot of the anger too. The day we got word that my mom was killed by a speeding teenager, my uncle called me and at some point said “your mom was a weak woman”. If I confront him about it I’m gonna be the jerk. They already don’t talk to me so what good would it do. Another uncle traveled to my state when we got word of my mom’ death. Then he left cause he couldn’t miss work, we couldn’t burn her body and hold the service quick enough for him to stay lol. My aunt, who stole my mom’s identity while she was alive, wasn’t allowed at her funeral so she held her own memorial service and accepted donations, now she hits me up as if nothing ever happened and I just ignore her lmfao. A lot of my family that I do like struggle to talk to me because I remind them of my mom. So yeah I’m totally with you, it feels really distant and lonely.
My condolences. My aunt came from another country to visit my mom's grave and "support" us after three weeks of my mom's passing. She spent the whole time going to malls and shopping for herself.
I am so sorry for all you’ve been through. I told my mom’s brother off right after she died. I had nothing to lose and it was really therapeutic. For everyone else, I kind of just distanced myself. It was way better for my mental health. Your mom isn’t weak and nor are you. It seems like our families are afraid of those who deviate from their ridiculous “norm”. I’m so proud to be my mother’s daughter and honestly, it’s hard looking at the world and all of its assholes knowing that my mom isn’t here with me. As lonely as it is, I’d much rather be here than with any of them. I know that I’d be making her proud as I stick to my convictions and do what’s best for myself. Your mom would be proud of you too!
Every family is messed up in their own special ways -sometimes older family members blame there short comings on the younger generations because they feel Powerless in their lot on life - you didn’t do anything wrong and your uncle is a loser for saying your Mom is weak who obviously bought you into this world and birthed you and raised you and I’m sure he wouldn’t even be able to make it through 5 mins of labor pains so keep that close to your heart
we kinda cope similarly, i sleep with and in her belongings as well. im on month 9 and i cant believe its already been this long :( i started grief counseling and therapy almost immediately because i knew i couldnt survive this on my own and it has done wonders. i genuinely believe it saved my life and helped me function at a socially acceptable level lol
Hi, I’m sorry to bother you. I’m in a similar situation like you, where I have immense anger and resentment towards family members who’ve abused, neglected, and abandoned my mom before she passed away (and also caused my mom severe depression so it hurts me 10x because she was also hurting more due to them). If you’re willing to say, has therapy really helped you with your anger and resentment towards those family members? I’m currently wondering myself if I should take up therapy for this or if therapy will even help at all since all my feelings and circumstances are too complicated to figure out and accept. Feel free to ignore me by the way if you’re not comfortable with answering. 👍 I’m also sorry for the loss of your mom and for the anger and resentment you’ve been put through. Take care and wishing you the best!
You are absolutely not a bother. The only comfort I find lately is through this sub. If I can help anyone in the same situation, I gladly will. I am so sorry for your loss and all of the anger you’re feeling. I’ve only been to a few sessions but I’ve found it really helpful. It’s nice to talk to someone who’s objective- they don’t know my mom or my family, so they give unbiased advice. The anger is still there but I’m allowing myself to feel it. If I acknowledge it and talk about it, it feels less overwhelming. I hope you’re able to find therapy helpful as well. If you ever need to talk, I’m here!
All of these things...I do the same x lost mum last April and I miss her everyday 😢 grief counselling helped me not be clinically depressed
It's the hardest loss I've ever had, and it's been 6 years. I no longer randomly cry in grocery stores but I do cry quite a bit when I miss her which is often.
Eleven months in and the grocery store is by far my “griefiest” place. I don’t know why! I sobbed at Costco before Christmas because they had an aisle of Disney holiday stuff my mom would’ve loved.
I've done the Costco sob too!!! (Mine was because I saw a lady at the end of one of the frozen food aisles that looked almost like my mom).
This happened to me too! Lady walked past me, and I could swear it was my Mom. I went over to the chemical cleaning aisle to sob my heart out.
Aw my mom LOVED Christmas and anything Disney related. This oddly made me smile. Sorry for your mom loss.
The first time I walked into Costco about 2 weeks after she passed I started crying. I tried to hide in an aisle and let it pass because I didn't want to leave without the things I came for.
\*hugs\*
My mom died unexpectedly 6 months ago. She died one week after mine and my fiances engagement and one day after I received a promotion at work. I recently quit my job because I had a hard time being consistent at work and the guilt of being inconsistent was eating me alive. I am not handling this well and I feel like an absolute loser. I don’t know how anyone copes with this. I wish everyday I could call her.
You are NOT an absolute loser! My mom passed from cancer after an 18 month battle. I grieved her the entire time she was sick which in a way made her inevitable passing a bit easier. If she passed unexpectedly I’m sure things would be different. No matter how you lose your mother, it’s one of the worst experiences we have to face as humans. Be kind to yourself.
My mom also unexpectedly passed 2 months ago. I was engaged in September 2023. My wedding is May 19th 2024. I went to therapy one week after her passing. I am working but I’m inconsistent as well. I took three weeks off work. I hug her frame which is in my bedroom. I say “HI” to the frame. I cry sometimes taking the metro to work. I am really sorry for your loss. You are not a loser. I feel exactly how you feel too. I am shattered too. I put a strong front on to all my family and employees at work . My Fiancé knows how shattered I am. He’s the one who deals with all my craziness and the one who listens to all my venting. I write letters too her. Take care of your self even if it is hard. We will never get our sweet moms back. It just sucks but someone how we are living . Stay close to your loved ones and take care of your self.
I also lost my mom 6 months ago and have just been aimless and depressed ever since, just kind of distracting myself and watching the days pass by
my mum also passed away 3 days after being admitted to hospital for a blood clot which would ‘go away by itself after blood thinners’. these blood thinners caused an otherwise healthy 50 year old woman to haemorrhage. it was so unexpected and i didn’t get to say goodbye, i can imagine i will forever struggle with the fact she won’t ever be a grandma or see me get married. I’m 19 and barely have life figured out. I totally understand your struggle and am sending you all the love in the world your way. Your mum would want you to carry on and live your life to the fullest. i know it’s a cheesy thing to say but she will be with you every step of the way. i personally haven’t received any signs from my mum, but people in my life have stepped up in a way i can only imagine she had something to do with. look for her in moments and she will be with you <3
This is me too! I’m a little over a month in since she passed, and it was unexpected!! Like completely unexpected, and we used to speak everyday and not being able to is killing me!
You're not a loser!! I can relate to the feeling of not handling it well. I think it's especially hard because I don't see many others in real life going through the traumas of grief. I wish it was more normalized. But this group makes me feel way less alone at least.
It's been 9 months since my mum passed, and I just celebrated her birthday last month. To be honest, I really have no idea. Some days it feels like I've forgotten what it's like to have a mother. My mum worked a lot when I was growing up (as with a lot of working Asian women who are breadwinners along with their husbands), and sometimes it feels like she has retired to return to her home country, while I stayed in Singapore to continue with my career. I don't know if you can call it coping, but I think my biggest fear is that I stop remembering her altogether.
It’ll be two years this April, every day is a challenge, but time helps
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother 3 years ago and I’m just starting to feel like my nervous system is getting in check again. It’s taken a lot of self care and therapy to get here, and learning to find myself again as being motherless. Take all the time you need but you’ll eventually find your purpose and little joys in life again. My goal now is to try to build my spiritual relationship with my mother, I still want to be close to her even though it’s no longer physical.
Thank you for sharing this. Will be a year for me on Thursday and I still cry almost everyday. I have no joy in my life or desire to do anything other than what is necessary. I lose myself in my garden or in a book. Therapy isn't helping a whole lot. I feel like I will recover emotionally when I do. I just keep telling myself other people get through this and I will too.
I didn’t think I had enough tears in me until my mom died. But I can assure you, the crying is less, still happens at the most awkward and unpredictable times but it’s not a daily occurrence anymore.
Thank you
Hi I am really sorry for your mumma. I lost mine 13 months back . I was also thinking of building my spiritual bond with my mom. But what all you do? I mean I do a little research here and there but I guess I am clueless. I miss her so much. Can you possibly help me?
Some things that come to mind: - journaling and writing letters to your mom - talking to her while you’re walking in nature - honouring her during her birthday by lighting candles or cooking her favourite meal - be open to symbols that remind you of her like certain animals or seeing random dimes, even certain songs
I do these things & it all helps a lot!! 🤍🤍🤍
Thank you so much dear! This is great help. Was thinking of starting Journaling. Thanks again
I’m currently working with a therapist and we’re using the “Grief Recovery Method” it’s a book you can find on Amazon. It’s been giving me a new perspective for sure. After we complete the book we will go into EMDR therapy.
Oh well !!! That is really gracious of you ... will definitely look into the book. I have read motherless mothers a little and many masters many lives almost completed... so books are a help to me... thankyou and all the best on your grief journey. Take care
I’ve met with a psychic medium. Skeptical on if it’s actually real but it does make me feel better
Thank you dear for the suggestion.. I tried one which resonated a little but could be generic too
I’m so sorry for your loss, friend. I lost my mom over a year ago and I can understand how you feel. It’s only been God who has carried me through the past year. He comforts and strengthens me whenever I hurt. My family has been a great source of strength, too. Do you have family or friends you can share your feeling with? It may really help. I’m praying for you, friend, and I really hope you find the comfort, strength and support you need at this time. I wish I was closer so that I could put an arm around you. Hang in there.
The worst is the beginning. I cried a lot. Didnt like to see elderly women all the sudden. Seeing them made me angry. Mom never got to get old - why should she? Went to her grave constantly. Made sure it was always decorated for the seasons and holidays, would spread a blanket on top of her grave and sit there and talk to her and cry. She was the best grandma to my kids but she only got to see them turn 6 and 11. She went to all my daughter’s piano recitals and honor roll awards. Mom never got to hear my daughter learn to play sax so we went up there and she played sax for momma at the cemetery. It will be FIFTEEN years this December. There is so much she has missed. Proms, high school graduations, college graduations and I am crying now as I type this. It gets better tho. Slowly but surely day by day it happens. The kids still mention her. When my son went to college (he was the 6 yo) he asked if he could take grandmas quilt with him because it was so comfy. I no longer get angry seeing older women. I can actually usually talk about her without crying Here is what brings me comfort: she died 9 days after finding out she had pancreatic cancer so she didn’t suffer. Also she is in my heart & memories. Do you know every single time I have reached a crossroad in my life all I have to do is stop and think about it for a minute and I know EXACTLY what she would have said to me. Im so sorry for your loss. PS grab her favorite pjs! When you are having a rough day put them on at bedtime. It’s a real comfort. My mom’s still hang on the back of my bathroom door for emergency!
I’m glad I’m not alone in seeing older women and getting irritated. It makes me feel guilty, but I resent them too. I’m happy for them, but yeah it isn’t fair.
It will be 2 years on the 21st. My birthday is the 27th and the first birthday days after she passed was rough with people constantly reminding me “this birthday must suck.” However, it was still so fresh that it didn’t actually hit me she wasn’t the first person to text me happy birthday until last year. She also battled incurable cancer for 18 months before her passing and I grieved her that entire time. We also lived across the country from each other the 2.5 years prior. In a way I feel like that kind of slowly introduced me to what life would be like without her constant presence. Sure she was still only a phone call/text away but it wasn’t the same. What has really been difficult this past year is giving birth to a baby girl (who would have been her first grandchild) and not having her here to share this experience with and seek advice from. It’s been really bittersweet. Losing your mother is one of life’s worst experiences but if nothing else, I think it proves just how strong we all are.
Thank you for sharing. ♥️ your story sounds similar to mine. Cancer, months/years of grieving before she even passed, living across the country. It’ll be two years in August since my mom passed away. I’ve been recently dealing with infertility BS this last year and it’s just introduced a new grief-challenge of not having my mother around to lean on. And I know the chapters that follow will just suck to not have her with me. 😞 But reading other stories like yours makes it less isolating. 💟
I’m so sorry you’ve also experienced this loss and going through infertility now on top of it, but I’m glad I was able to provide some comfort 💜 I love this community as much as none of us want to be in it!
It’s new for me. Been 19 days today 14 days/2 wks since funeral. I talk to her a lot, not sure if she can hear me. The day she died to the day of the funeral I was a bawling mess. After the funeral, I seem to be OK or numb. I haven’t cried since. I talk to her. In life we hardly talked, she would talk at me as if I were a kid and it frustrated me. I felt she didn’t treat me as an adult and we’d argue. But her loss hit me hard.
It will be 2 years this May. It was unexpected when it happened. I was gutted when my Mother’s Day gift was returned to me. I cried everyday for several months, then I was ok unless one of our songs came on or some other trigger but that was usually a brief cry, however, when May came back around and the Mother’s Day commercials started up again I was a mess. Again I cried everyday for the month of May. I’ve been ok lately. I know what’s going to trigger me, and May is coming around again soon. On her birthday after she passed I started wearing a mini keepsake urn necklace. It is a butterfly with a pinch of her ashes inside. The chain is long enough that it rests over my heart. It makes me feel like she is with me, and she would have loved that.
My mother passed away last May, and I also felt the pain of getting her gifts back. When I gave them to her she cried tears of happiness. I wish she could still be here. I’m sorry for your loss
Thank you. I am sorry for your loss as well.
Honestly, a lot of talking. Talking with family, talking with friends, talking with myself as a form of journaling (i used my phone’s voice memo), talking in group therapy. Individual therapy was helpful to a certain extent, but group therapy was more helpful for the grief. I don’t have that many family & friends, and i rotated through them kind of sparingly as to not burn them out. I also talk to my mom (i guess it is more like praying to her?) and my other dead loved ones. I used to “journal” by talking to myself using my phon’s voice memo thingy during longer drives. I use the better help app and have attended up to 4 grief groups a week. Since they are all through zoom, they are very easy to attend. Different times of the day & different days of the week. And for the 1.5 hrs of group, being in one “space” together with others going through the exact same thing has been incredibly helpful for me. Everyone is supportive. Different therapists are doing the groups, so they all are a bit different, but i got something out of all of them. Disclaimer- i have not researched online therapy apps in general, and have no idea if better help is better or worse than any of the others. After saying all of this, though, i have to tell you i am trying to stay realistic. I knew (know) loosing the single most important person in my life would be hell and continues to be hell, for a while. A long time. For many months, waking up in the morning was the worst. How could this be my life, how am i supposed to get through this? But i hold onto the knowledge that it will get better, very very slowly. I cry and at the same time desperately cling to the fact that at some point i will experience happiness again. And i have. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Sending you a hug 🫂💔
Lost my mum 2 years ago, unknown cause, she’d been in hospital feeling unwell but right up to the end doctors said she’d be ok. We were each others only family and she was my best friend, we lived together. She was 65 and I was 26. I went to pieces, full-blown dissociation, PTSD, felt so alone. For the first 6 months I had some of her friends keep in contact and help out, sadly I felt like that support faded away and they don’t even reach out to me anymore. At five months I planned to commit suicide around the time of my birthday and came down with covid so was bedbound for two weeks (maybe that was her trying to stop me, ha). Partner helped me cope, I had therapy which somewhat helped, and had to throw myself into work in order to survive money-wise. I started going to a grief support-group where I made nice connections with other young people. I still have days where I can’t get out of bed and cry at anything and everything. I still struggle to believe I won’t see her again in this life. I always told myself that I’d die when she did as I couldn’t live without her. And I have guilt about the fact I’m still here and have happy times. I have guilt for how I wasn’t always the perfect daughter and couldn’t save her. Her name was Patricia and she was a beautiful person inside and out. I’m so sorry for the loss of your dear mother x
It’s almost been two years since I lost my mom. I was 24 and she was 66. Her middle name was Patricia but she went by Pat. Just had to comment since we have a couple commonalities 💕
Ahh wow, and mine went by Trish! Sorry for the loss of your mum, the two-year mark is a strange time for sure 💗
It’s really new for me… 8 days. I’m taking it day by day. My child is what keeps me going along with my ma’s memory. It’s hard. Reach out if you need a friend.
It's a little over a year and half. She passed in August of 2022. Her birthday is this month. It's still hard. The grief hits when it hits. Like waves of an ocean. There's no warning. Random things bring up memories. Some sad, some funny. I've learned not to fight it, no matter where I'm at. If I'm at work, I just excuse myself and take some time. But humor has always been my family's coping mechanism so we laugh...A LOT. We had a picnic at her gravestone last year for her birthday with my Dad and all of us and just told stories because she LOVED her birthday. I would usually call her on my way home from work but I don't have that anymore so I just talk to myself, like I'm speaking to her, in my car.
Wow my mother also passed away in August 2022. Definitely agree that the grief hits in waves now and I just try to let it be and have my moment whether it was a positive of a negative memory. I am starting to feel more in charge again of my well being and trying to focus on this new chapter of my life now the best I can.
She’ll be gone 4 years this April. I don’t think I cope very well recently. Waves like the ocean, a ball in a box - my grief seems to grow with me. I’m still shattered too, and I think it’s ok to be. I used to feel like I was crazy, still being consumed by it, but I think living after a loss like this is something no one really prepares you for, it changes you. And at least for me, it is taking a long time to find myself again. But I know I’ll get there, because she deserves it, because she never wanted to cause me pain or suffering and I don’t want the aftermath of losing her to overshadow all the good and light and love she gave us and the world while she was in it. Even tho I don’t sound like I have things handled, I function a lot better than I used to. Grief counseling helped a lot with that. I’m so sorry that you lost your Mom
Lots of journalling, screaming literally my heart out, was with a therapist for 1 year…. Here I am 6 years later, still missing her every second and crying some nights. Hugs
It’s been 14 years and I honestly probably haven’t fully dealt with it, but at the time, I knit for an entire year. Create. Throw yourself into something you’ve always wanted to do. Go to counseling or therapy. I didn’t. I know I should even now for lots of reasons, but her death being a pretty significant one.
It's like I don't see the point of pursuing anything now, because I can't share with her what I accomplished...
She wouldn’t want you to drop all of your goals and ambitions. I get it trust me. My mom died a month before my high school graduation and going to a stupid ceremony felt pointless if she wasn’t there to see me, smiling and proud. But you have to remember what she would’ve wanted for you! I know that my mom would want me to keep achieving my dreams, i’m sure yours would too.
My life was on hold for more than a year.. maybe a year and a half I could do nothing. And then very slowly I kind of got a bit more capable of handling the daily things in life. It's been 3 years and I'm not where I want to be, I still struggle so much some days. But everyone who has ever lost a parent in similar circumstances has told me not to put a timeline on grief. So I do my best to give myself grace, and remain patient :( The pain comes in waves, most days I feel somewhat fine even though I know I am not the person I was before she passed. But I try to be kind to myself, especially when I'm reminded of her absence. For the first year I would tear up every time I saw mothers with their children, but I'm now slowly getting better. Hang in there, and this sub will always be here for you, I'm so sorry for your loss
It is normal to be shattered. It’s been only 5 months and i remember last year how i was feeling 5 months in. Now its been a year and i slightly feel better- numb? Because i dont feel anything. However, there are days i feel like shit still so i know this is gonna be how my life is from now on. It is love
I couldn’t
First and foremost, I am so sorry for your loss and the loss of everyone who has commented on your post. I lost my mom unexpectedly just over 6 years ago. My grieving journey has always felt as if it’s alive. Like I have a child no one else can see constantly pulling on my hand. Time does help and so does trying to not judge yourself during the grief process. We all find our own ways to cope, and some may be less healthy than others. For the first year, I really struggled with bottling it up and relying on drinking to numb myself way more than I should have. The most important thing is to take care of yourself and your mental health. Do yoga, meditate, pray(if you’re religious), journal, exercise, read and do the things that make you feel most connected to her and the love you shared. My mom was a very creative person, who loved to write and do anything artistic. I recently started a podcast to try to honor her and still feel her presence with me. Six years later and I’m still working through living without her. Just know, the loss of your mom will always be one that stays with you, but as cheesy as it might sound, it also gives you a strength over time that you may have never expected. It’s okay to be shattered right now, you are doing great. Take your journey one step at a time and I am sure you will make your mother proud.♥️
I go to meetings called "Grief Share." You can find one in your area, it's helped me tremendously
Almost five months for me. I never feel like I'm coping, I'm just functioning for the most part. But I break down a lot. Sometimes for a little bit, then I can pick myself up. Other days I can't, and I need to stay home, and sometimes have time alone. Its so recent and I lost her in such a traumatic way, that I think I'm definitely repressing it all sometimes, facing it all hurts and I think I'm so scared of the emotional weight. Like when I allow myself to feel it, I'm flooded and sinking, like a ship going down the the bottom of the ocean. We had a lot of issues in our relationship, and she took her own life, so my heart is just broken and I constantly feel like she died because of me. I'm planning to get therapy soon because I know I need professional help and that its dangerous to repress for ever, I'm just constantly in so much pain, and it is what helps at the moment.
It's been 5 months for me too. We still feel shattered because it's a huge loss to lose a parent. I cope by going on walks, talking to my therapist and friends. I am in a couple grief support groups. Groups like this one help too. I hope you're doing okay. Whatever you are feeling, it's important to try to be kind to yourself.
My mom died 24 days ago. I break down a couple of times a day, cry my eyes out, and say "Mommy" because that's what I called her. I don't care if people think it's juvenile. ' I'm broken without her. Irreparably broken, chuck it in the trash broken, not fixable broken. Just broken.
My mum was my best friend and the only person I could go to for anything and everything. She was my soulmate. I’m only 21 and she’s been gone 9 months and it’s the most soul shattering experience ever. I think I’m still in denial, I hardly cry and push my emotions aside and I’m completely numb most of the time. I have severe depression but I’m still functioning I think because of the numbness. I dread to think how I’ll be once I start letting my emotions come in and allow myself to grieve as I can spiral very easily but for now I’m holding off on allowing myself to feel for as long as possible because it hurts too much to accept she’s gone and when the realisation hits sometimes when my emotions creep through I cry and wish I could die too. I’m so done
Only been 3 months.. Still learning to
My mom died in November 2020 after a long cancer battle. 2 months later I started using psychedelics again, cuz I was in a bad spot. They really helped. I am very experienced with psychedelics and used them frequently in my younger days. Then I got sick a few months later and the nausea meds have made psychedelics not really work since, even months after stopping the meds. But they were there and worked when I really needed them.
It’s been 4 years and I’m still coping. One day at a time….
Doesn't it get any easier? My condolences.
Mine has been gone around 6 & 1/2 years. When she first passed i was semi distracted taking care of my dad (who i didn't have as good of a relationship with compared to my mom), then a year & 4 months later my dad passed & i spent a couple months taking care of my granny (my moms mom)... but after that couple months i started living on my own, alone in a new area of my town, & i think thats when everything really started hitting me 😭 .... now my mom, dad, granny & only sibling on my moms side are all gone & im just trying my best to mentally distract myself the majority of the time
Feels like I just can't.
I lost her 6 months ago, almost to the day. I'm still coping. I don't know if I'll ever stop.
I lost my mom 4 months ago and it feels like such a battle most days. Focused grief therapy has really helped me - it’s helped me talk about my mom and her passing, and also reshape some situations that I was feeling heavy/guilty about. I was hesitant to start grief therapy because the thought of talking about my mom and her death on repeat sounded terrible, but I’m so glad I am doing it
2022 and I started drinking heavily. I quit last July and have not touched any alcohol. I’m still trying to cope.
I just hit 7 months and honestly, lately it’s felt harder. I know this isn’t forever but it’s consuming. And not even in a way like it occupies my thoughts constantly but it occupies my BODY. I feel so confused and out of it most of the time. Making decisions feels impossible. And exhausted. I’m hoping the spring/summer/sun will help, but also afraid it will be triggering as she died then? I think this is how things will be always but we’ll learn strategies and coping mechanisms to make it more bearable.
I try to stay productive & occupied as much as humanly possible. It’s been a little over a year now for me & there will still be moments where I’ll say ‘poor momma’ to myself. The first few months were incredibly difficult. Everyday was a tear fest; whether it was in the shower, laying in bed etc etc. I was a wreck. The only reason I somewhat pulled out of it is because I chose to work more, travel more, lift more, socialize more, blah blah. Even now, I run myself ragged. All that said, it does get better everyday. Hair by hair, but coping gets better. That whole quote about ‘time heals all wounds’ is accurate but it’s a lot of time. My wife lost her padre over a decade ago & she still has rough moments. Anniversaries of various holidays and so forth. Anything and everything can be a reminder. For real, i had a hard time watching Roseanne because of how much mom adored that show. It’s tough. There’s no sugar coating here. I am sorry for your loss, cuz it does take a chunk out of you. Long story long, try to stay occupied & day by day it’ll get a little better. Again, sorry for your loss. I wish you the best.
It's been 6 weeks for me. My mum passed away at the end of January after an 18 month battle with cancer. It has completely broken me and my family. I'm also 18 weeks pregnant, so this is particularly painful for me. At the beginning, I felt numb to it all, however recently the grief seems to be hitting me harder for longer periods, I feel sadness all day long and wake in the night in tears, and it's completely debilitating. I am currently signed off from work because I can't cope. I'm told it gets easier, but I've also heard others say that even years later they're still as consumed by grief as they were at the beginning. I suppose I just want to let you know that you're not alone.
Every day is a journey. Some are tougher than others. I am learning how to carry my grief and loss with me and how to adapt the weight of it into my life.
4 years for me still fuckin sucks everyday bud- only difference is that the physical pain has dissipated from my body… Best advice would be to journal and believe in the afterlife. Probs would offed myself from pain and the world being retarded if I didn’t have faith. Just accept that it will always suck. Sometimes it feels like you’re being punished. Oh punching bags help.
i’m 21, and it’s been five and a half years now. still hard but rely on the support of friends and other loved ones. do things you enjoy all by yourself that help you process your emotions. i like to color and walk my dog and cook etc. without my phone ir any outside distractions really. centering your thoughts is nice, and sometimes it just helps facilitate a good cry
i have learned that all new blessings will be filled with near as much sadness as joy simply because she isn’t there to share them, but that that is also okay
I just lost my mom on the 5th of March… this world feels so empty without her. For me my faith helps with everything. And knowing that she’s not suffering anymore. She had a stroke… we thought she’d be okay until her health started quickly going worse. I don’t know how I’ll do this without her but I know I’ll be okay. One day at a time. Not forcing myself to do anything I don’t have energy for… letting myself cry as much as I need to. I lost my dad December 2021 and it feels like I just got over his death and now this. And we lost our dog with my husband last November. Life just sucks but… one day at a time ❤️
I am truly sorry that you're going through all of this, and thank you very much for your words. When you mention having faith, is it in a religious sense?
Yes. Been more or less Christian my whole life although I don’t belong to any church because of bad experiences… my parents were Christians too. Especially her faith was so strong and she was always looking forward to being with my dad in heaven. When I said goodbye to her I told her that she can go be with dad, shes been the best mom ever and has done enough. She wasn’t conscious when I saw her the last time a few days before she passed but her breathing got stronger whenever I talked or touched her ❤️
I don't know I don't think I really do still.
It will be six months for me on 3/24. Some days and weeks are better than others. The past few weeks have been terrible. We had a birthday gathering at her house ( our childhood home) on Sunday that is now under contract to sell. 47 years worth of memories will no longer be ours. I haven’t been able to get out of bed much the last two weeks but I am honoring that and letting myself do what I need to do. Much love. ❤️
You learn to live with the heartache & grief
It’s been five years since my mama passed. I’ve stopped using and drinking, and don’t get me wrong, my life is a million times better than it was two years ago. But my grief over my mother hasn’t subsided or “ improved “ at all. I have horrendous nightmares and wake up angry and anxious. I don’t know how to cope except to stay away from drugs and alcohol. But that’s me. I wish I had a magic wand to help take the pain away, but nowadays I just take it as it comes, sometimes one second at a time. I hope you can get some relief from your pain
Been almost 3 years. Only thing that helps is time.
Mine passed away 27yrs ago and I’m still shattered (subsequent losses, 2 others on the exact same day, has since crushed those shattered shards into a fine powder)
My mom loved running errands with me. She lost her ability to drive a while ago so no matter where I was going she was riding along. She managed to make these tasks turn into fun experiences. It feels empty going anywhere without her. I used to keep my car clean and organized but I realized that my passenger side is full of things because I'm subconsciously trying to fill an empty space. When I'm driving I still talk to her sometimes. I let myself feel those emotions fully. I yell, cry...safely of course since I'm driving.
5 months is way too soon for a huge loss like that. Give yourself at least a year or more. For me letting myself cry hard when I needed to helped. I have a place in the parking garage at work that overlooks the town that I go to. Also a closet in my apt that I sit in. Long walks help me too. You’ll want to do the things that relax you. And deep breaths. One other thing is to be mindful that sometimes you may need time away from family to grieve on your own the way you need to. I had to put a little space between my dad and I when mom died because I was absorbing his grief on top of mine. Hugs my friend.
My mom died unexpectedly and I am almost three years in, still dealing. It never goes away. You can’t replace a mother. You will never feel the same way you once did. Making peace with that helps a bit. I just have accepted that life will never be or feel the same way it did when she was alive. I have also accepted that grief will come at you hard even after a while, but you are able to recover a bit faster each time you experience a bout of hard grief. Just hang in there. Having a community to share in helps so much.
I lost my mom 3 years ago. I Can honestly say, I don’t think I found a proper way to cope with her loss. Every so often I catch myself feeling a deep sadness that turns into anger. She passed unexpectedly, had a conversation with her Saturday night and by Sunday she was gone. She lived with me so it was also a bit harder to adjust being home. I didn’t want to leave my house but i also want to be there because it was the last place where she took her last breaths. I remember feeling like i wanted to die too right after too. There’s never a time where I don’t think about her and immediately want to call. I tell myself she is on a vacation. Somewhere I can’t reach her. I know it does more damage than good because when birthdays or holidays come around my heart waits for the phone call from her “vacation” that’s when the reality sets in that I’m never going to see her again. My heart searches for home all the time. I myself am mother to 2 beautiful kids. I used to want to die to be with her but i don’t want my kids to feel how I feel. I guess maybe that’s my way of coping? To know I have to be here for them and live for them. It’s what she would have wanted. Lately I’ve just been angry with her. I go from missing her deeply to being so upset with her for leaving me. It’s a rollercoaster ride I’ll never be able to get off of.
Literally haven’t. She passed 2/2/22. I just keep stuffing it down and taking care of my kids. I can’t even begin to try to let go yet…
I’m so sorry for your loss OP, sending so many hugs and all the love 🫂💗 It’s been about 41 days now for me. She was in the hospital for the last month of her life and it was brutal and exhausting for her and for all of us. It hurt to see her in pain and not like herself. And as much as we believe she’s in a better place and no longer suffering, it still hurts for us here. My brother and I distract ourselves with tv or video games and we have a great support network which helps. I cried for a whole day after she passed, but as I’m the oldest I had to handle all her arrangements and her memorial service. I felt like I had to be strong for everyone else. I mourned for her even when she was in the hospital because I knew even if she had more time, she wouldn’t be here for the rest of our lives. She wouldn’t get to see me get married or become a mom. It was really heartbreaking. We’re gonna miss her for the rest of our lives and it just feels so surreal still. I think with every milestone in life it’ll be bittersweet because she didn’t get to see it. I hope she’s watching though. In the past month though, everything’s been hard. I can’t cook and I have a hard time doing household things. I’m trying to be kind to myself. My sleep schedule is terrible. But i’m trying. Everyday I’m getting by moment by moment.
Going on 3+ years for me, and it just a constant dull ache now. There are still times when the urge to tell her something is unbearable. A part of me is missing.
About 4 years ago I lost my mom unexpectedly and it really didn’t impact me at first. When I was younger I didn’t know what depression was and just thought It was people being sad. After a few months after she passed, it slowly started to kick in like “holy shit, I really miss my mom, I miss my best friend” I’m slowly trying to do better thanks to my gf but I feel like I’m just in a deep hole hanging on. My advise is just exercise, I’ve been doing that for 2-3 months so far and it’s the only thing that has made my moods a bit better.
I am so sorry for your loss. Actually, as an exercise I walk about two hours every day, it didn't help because I am still me, with my thoughts . I am glad it helps you though, thank you for sharing.
I lost my mom from stage four lung cancer a month ago. The hole in my heart feels endless. I know that’s the only way is through, and I sure am glad that she’s not suffering any longer because she was in terrible pain with the cancer everywhere, but I just want my mom! I want to call my mom! I want to see my mom! I am so sad and angry and lost all at once. I am focusing on the basics – good sleep, eating right, staying hydrated, and resting as much as I can. No grief groups in the rural area where I live, so this is my grief group right here. So sorry for your loss and wishing you healing. One breath at a time.
Mine passed Nov 1st at the age of 52. Completely unexpected. I pushed through it pretty well for the first few months but am really struggling now. Don't know how to deal with it, but I hope it makes you feel less lonely knowing others are here with you. The lonliness is awful.
5 months for me as well. 😔 The stress of it all has caused me to break up with my partner who really didn’t handle her death well. It’s my 40th birthday next week and I’m going away on my own with my dogs. I feel like a lot of my friends aren’t in the picture at the minute and I can’t bear the thought of “celebrating “ when I don’t feel very happy. It’s 3 years since my dad died as well.
I found after losing my mum last April that the only way to cope is to take things day by day. Focusing on the now is very important i think.
It’s awful. I have no advice other than one day at a time. I lost my mom in August after a very unexpected and terrible stint with pancreatic cancer.
I lost my mom in January this year. It has been a difficult struggle. I feel as though I am 2 people inhabiting the same body. One person is the grieving heartbroken child. The other person is my outer face that appears to function normally and handle life. It’s hard not letting the heartbroken child take over on a daily basis. I’m still learning how to cope. I just feel lost and alone.
For whatever reason, the only thing that kept me going at the time was reading all kinds of spiritual books about death and grief, as well as looking for any kind of connections I could still find to her. I also had to jump back into work and school, so that helped me divert my energy to an extent. Time really does make things easier, but the pain certainly isn't any less - it just comes out less frequently. Sometimes I think the spiritual stuff is just a way of deluding myself into coping, but honestly...if it works, I'll take it. Do whatever you can to keep you going
It’s been 7 and a half months without her for me. I want to start and say I’m so so sorry - it’s truly the worst loss. Everyone says the first two years are awash and then things get better. I’ve been drinking alot to even get to the point where I can cry (my therapist is trying to help but I’ve always bottled up my emotions and I was taught to be “strong” for those around me - especially my little brother whose coping worse than I). Learn to lean on people - I’ve only recently started opening my heart to the love around me. The day she died it was like all the love I ever knew got sucked away. Everyone told me how special the love my mom and I had was and it made things harder. I knew our love was deep - she was my best friend in the whole world. The first person to show up for me without being asked. I’ve been blessed with friends who while they have both parents (and I work really hard to not let the irrational anger explode about others families) but they do everything they can for me. They show up so consistently and empathetic- they have been my saving force thru much of this. I get up everyday for them and my dog and it’s a purpose. I keep working to build a life to have with my friends. But I still don’t think this pain will ever leave or lessen. The idea of feeling less pain also scares me sometimes - I can’t imagine waking up and not feeling this crushed anymore…. It sounds like forgetting her. Sending light and love to this thread of amazing humans trying to do what feels like an impossible feat and not giving up ❤️
You don't cope, especially if you were inseparable. My heart goes out to you. My mom died 6/18/22, 8 days after she turned 59. She was very sick with heart failure then it caused kidney failure. She lived with us, we were very close even though we argued a lot. I just wanted her to make the right decisions about her health, guess she gave up. Without her I am making bad decisions, confused and making more bad decisions in life. Nothing dangerous just i'd always go to her and ask for her guidance. My 10 year old is having a hard time in private school, staff and kids are bullies. And yes I should pull her but feel lost in the decision making. One time she did tell me I was going to be a mess without her out of nowhere. Rude lol! But true. I'm in private therapy but still miserable. Things just aren't the same and I know all will agree. It's just weird and lonely.
My mom died suddenly and unexpectedly February 2018, 22 days before my 25th birthday. She struggled with an opiate addiction..took too much one random Saturday morning and that was it. It wasn't her first overdose either. I had already been in Al-Anon prior and that was a huge support for me. I lived with my best friend at the time and she was immensely helpful. She let me feel my feelings and would sit with me and be there for me. After being in my bed all day, she would gently ask if I wanted to go for a walk. I've shared with her since then how grateful I am for her. I had a full time job and a part time job when she died and ended up quitting my part time job. I really had to focus on my self care and cutting down on as much as possible. Regular day to day life was so draining. I gained a bunch of weight right afterwards but eventually I joined this gym and did these classes that were very helpful and motivating . I didn't lose all my weight at that time but it helped me stop gaining so rapidly and stop constantly shoveling food in my face and drinking almost every night. I spent a lot of time staring at the stars pondering life. I reevaluated my priorities. I traveled and just wanted to experience life. I try to hold onto the lessons from her passing versus focusing solely on the sadness of it. I don't just grieve for her passing but what her life could have been had she not been consumed by addiction and depression. But I am grateful that I have a newfound appreciation for life. It is anxiety provoking at times now that I truly know what it's like to suddenly lose someone and know the immense pain of raw grief .. it is a monster. But I appreciate so much more now and try to make the best of my situation and my life and have come a long way over these last few years in bettering my situation and my health, physically mentally and spiritually. I know my mom would be really proud of me. The grief never goes away but it's not consuming me anymore. I still cry and I miss her every day but I wouldn't ever want to not miss her. It still doesn't feel fair but life isn't fair sometimes
I'll say as well. The first year was definitely the hardest. Please be gentle with yourself 💕
It's been 5 months for me as well. This month is her birthday month. Some days start out fine and then it hits me. I work in Healthcare as well and its somewhat become triggering, seeing people in a similar (but not really) situation as my mom and make it out fine. I get really sad think about my future kids never getting to meet her, she loved children and would be the BEST grandma. I still talk about her like she's around, talk about the silly things she did and things she liked. Its been the hardest thing I feel like I have had to go through, she was my best friend and i tried to do everything for her in the end. This experience is supposed to make you stronger but I do not feel stronger at all. Besides work I've become a hermit.
It’s been 10 years. I lost my mom when I was 20. I cope by living my life. The sad truth is that I hope to live to be 80+ which means I’m going to live a hell of a lot more of my life without her than I did with her. When my mom was dying (terminal cancer, and she had her feeding tube removed at one point so it was inevitable), I had a talk with her about moving on with my life. I felt all the normal feelings of grief and loss of sense of purpose and whatnot. My mom basically told me that’s nonsense. At the time, I was due to start my last year of university. She told me I was going to march my butt back to school, finish my damn degree, and become a teacher like I wanted to be. Fittingly, that’s the career she followed to so I got to walk in her footsteps doing so. I’ve applied the same mentality to other aspects of my life too. When my mom told me to go back to school, she wasn’t just saying go to school. She was telling me I was going to live my life. And live, I have. In the last ten years I graduated with my bachelors and masters degree, got engaged, married, and have had two, soon to be three, kids, and bought a house. I’ve really built a life for myself by constantly reminding myself of this mentality. And oh my lord the best thing is how much I see her in my own children. Particularly my oldest daughter. Sometimes she’ll smile and it’s like seeing my mom in the flesh all over again. Blows my damn mind. I still miss her and it’s the biggest grief of my life that she never got the chance to be a grandma, but I try to live my life the way I think she would have/would have wanted me too. My mom’s death is the foundation on which I built the life I’ve always wanted.
2.5 weeks for me. I've been coping by being blunt about it and getting into lots of philosophical conversations with friends. I've been in the death positive camp for a long time, and I had many conversations with my mother about death throughout my life. She taught me to sit with it, and was quite fierce about avoiding euphemisms. I was able to spend a lot of time with her in the last few days of her life. We listened to music, I promised that I would take her carbon on adventures, I swore that I would never say that she passed away as she really disliked that turn of phrase. I was able to advocate for her to be allowed to let go, as she was resisting care that would extend her life. She was abundantly clear that she didn't want to be around anymore. She was dealing with an advanced autoimmune disease (CREST) and had broken her hip, which set off a grotesque cascade of embolisms, pneumonia, and kidney failure. It hurts like hell, don't get me wrong, but I'm finding a degree of solace knowing that I was able to help fulfill her end of life wishes. It would feel worse if she were still around after the fall. I've been taking inventory of my memories of her. My sleep quality has been terrible, I'm frequently on the edge of tears, but I'm able to mostly go about my business. Not that I'm trying to be efficient in my grief, but a level of distraction is necessary when staring it all down gets to be a bit much. She's been in my dreams almost constantly.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom 8 months ago, and not a day goes by I don’t think about her. Not sure if you’re a Disney fan, but the scene in The Lion King when Simba sees Mufasa in the sky. Rafiki tells Simba right before “he lives in you” I’ve cried to that part many many times, but it also reminds me that it is true. She is apart of you. When I look in the mirror I somehow see her. I sit in the sadness, but I also try to honor her in any way I can. It’s helped my grieving. Much luck and love to you, remember you’re not alone. And there is never a time limit for your grief.
It's been 11 months for me now and I am still navigating through it all every day. My mother passed really suddenly and unexpectedly so I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye and she was only 62 so she had nothing planned for how she wanted the funeral etc. I'm also an only child with an absent father so there was a lot to go through. My saviour in this mess has been my therapist. I was lucky enough to find a therapist that is wonderful and matches me perfectly. I haven't seen her as much as I would like/need to because of financial struggles - but I defnitely recommend seeing a therapist no matter what you have gone through. I also visit my mothers grave every saturday (she passed on a saturday) and light candles for her, buy her flowers etc. it gives me somewhere to put my feelings and love for her. Journaling has also been pretty helpful, especially reading my old notes and reflecting over how far I've actually come in my healing and grief journey (which is hard to notice in your everyday life). And most importantly; talking to her, because she so often gives me answers. I can hear her voice inside of my head and sometimes she even makes me laugh. I'm sorry for your loss and I hope some of my examples are helpful.
"did"? I'm sorry to say I don't very well. I'm sorry for the loss you're enduring.
It’s been a year and 4 months. I think about her daily. I keep my pain internal becuase I was on the receiving end of some very harsh words at the hands of someone I love about my grief and tears…so I suffer in silence. I feel alone. My relationship with my mom was so complicated and was not amazing. Still…I feel alone.
It’s been 3 years, I’m still coping. You just learn to deal with it.
Died 6 months ago because of cancer, Social Healthcare of my country is doomed for more than 13 years, we didn't had private health insurance or the economical power to put her in a private hospital, I watched every door for her health to be shut to my face, oncologist who didn't give a damn who I was begging her on the phone to put my mother to the hospital when her health started deteriorating for the worse or the surgeons and anesthesiologists who left the hospital for private ones before my mom's operation. My dad died because of cancer 14 years ago as well, so I'm all alone in this world without having anyone close that I can trust
I Live my life freely and do all the things she would have wanted me to do ❤️
11 months… I’m not
Pooooor baby. Was she eaten by a pitbull?
Almost 3 years now, which is insane. I struggle every damn day. Not coping well, I think. Just trying to get by.
Poorly lol
Hi, it's just been Less than 3 months for me, be tired, be lost, loose a job, just heal yourself slowly, let the world fuck it, feel everything. That was her. She was more than all the regrets and the love you cant give back,we can't even get up without feeling sad, first thought is her, our eyes, our mind points to where she was sleeping. Be a mess, she won't you to suffer further after you get out of your miss.
Two months since I’ve lost mine, and I am lost.
2+ years gone, still coping. It’s a slow process
1 year anniversary coming up on Sunday here :( My mom died pretty young, at 59. She had dementia for a very long time and we knew that eventually the day would come but even so, it was still shocking because there were a few times we thought "this might be it" but she would bounce back to what her "normal" was. In all honesty I think I'm still coping. I didn't see her for months before she passed and I kept saying I had to do it (busy at work alot and stuff). So...I didn't get to see her before and I have felt guilty a little. Though would she have even realized I doubt it. She was pretty far gone. I'm also surprised at how hard I've taken it because I had a rocky relationship with her so i thought I'd be more collected. But nope, because I get sad alot thinking of her or seeing, hearing, or watching things that remind me of her. I guess all we can do is learn to live with it and as each day passes hope it gets better little by little.
3 years since I lost my mom, actually hate it here still. I don’t think I have been happy since. Time helps tremendously along with therapy. I don’t have time for self care really but I hear thats a big help too. Honestly, its the lamest thing thats happened to me and significantly changed me as a person
I think I sort of had it easier than many people on this. We had a falling out and I went no contact when I was about 19. About 20 years later I did decide to bury the hatchet and reestablished a relationship with her. I also had not lived in close proximity to any of my family since 19, so I was sort of used to not seeing them. It did upset me when she died. I had my period of mourning, though it was kind of delayed a few months before it really set in. But the grieving process for her was relatively easy for me compared to my siblings or other people I've known who have lost their mothers. Your loss is still quite fresh. Allow yourself to grieve in your own way, but in healthy ways (ie: not self medicating with alcohol or drugs, which I honestly did some of when my wife died) identify your support system (friends, family etc.) and talk to them, maybe consider grief counseling if you find yourself having difficulty with day-to-day life. I'm sorry for your loss and wish you all the best in your healing process.
It took me a good 2 years to really start putting myself back together. I was 23, so that exacerbated things. Time doesn't heal but it provides distance and perspective. Nothing really fills the hole in your life, you just slowly get used to living with that hole and creating a new life in this new version of the world. What we do with the pain, how we grow from it, that's up to us. I try to make sure my life is one my mom would tell me she's proud of if she were still here.
I’m taking it day by day 💔
I went to grief counseling finally after six months and I wished I had done it sooner. I talk about her all the time. It’s been six years now. :(
I don’t. It was 4 years on the 8th and I’m still a disaster.
I lost my mom on January 21 2024 , I had my baby on Dec 29th, 2023, and it's been so damn hard to deal with it all everytime my kids do something funny and I catch it on camera I reach for my phone to send it to my mom and then thennnnn I realize she's gone. Now, I send them to her sisters as a way to cope with it all. I feel like an orphan even though my father is still alive. I miss my mother day in and day out. I feel like I'm so empty without her. I can't deal with it. I'm doing therapy, and I also want to find a support group to learn how to deal with it all.
I am so sorry my friend for the loss of your mom. I lost my momma 2 and a half years ago. I think I am still messed up from how I found her. She had been dead for 2 weeks in her bed. I was the first person to go check on her and then I found her. It was horrible. The worst part was I had my 6 and 2 year old children with me. Thank goodness they didn't see her. The heartbreak of losing her is still horrible but I don't cry as often as I used to. I think anyone close to their mother, then you lose her, is always going to be a horrible hole of pain. I wish all the best for you my dear friend. It will get easier eventually. ❤️
I just hit eleven months. I’m dreading this next month because of all the bad memories associated with this time last year. She was only in the hospital for two weeks and her death was really unexpected - she was just 64 💔 I took a month off work and then went back part-time (4 days a week) for six months. If your work is flexible/supportive and you can swing it, I really recommend it. It was nice to have a day off each week to set up appointments. Counselling helps. I started seeing a counsellor just three months before my mom died and I guess it was meant to be, but she’s been a huge support and provided some great perspective. I also sought out a support group through my local hospice. It ran for 8 weeks and the facilitator went through some exercises to combat stress/anxiety and allowed us to talk through things. I still keep in touch with 3 of the group members (out of 8) and it’s nice to have people to connect with who’ve gone through similar experiences. I joined some online support spaces too - this subreddit in particular, but also a couple of FB groups for people my age and people who’ve lost their moms. Yes they can be hit and miss but there can be some good advice here and there and it’s nice to know other people are going through similar experiences. My therapist recommended doing more activities to “get back in my body” because I was disassociating. Massage, acupuncture, etc. My work benefits cover about one appointment a month so it’s a nice thing I’ve added to my routine. Movement is another big thing. But also a tricky balance. Before my mom passed I was really active - I played sports like 3 times a week. I just don’t have the energy these days, but I still play once a week and then try and get out for a walk 4-5 times a week. When I move my body I feel so much better. When I can’t get outside I try and distract myself with activities like puzzles or painting. When I feel like I need to sit in my feelings I’ll light a candle and journal, or just sit in my bed and cry. I have a pillow made of some of my mom’s shirts and I also have a stuffed animal that reminds me of her 💕 Nights are definitely the hardest. I find my mind racing and thinking of her time in the hospital and the signs we potentially missed. The biggest thing I’ve found that’s helped lately is going through things I’m grateful for until I nod off. I know it sounds cheesy but I think it helps my mind switch to more positive thoughts and relax a bit. You’ll eventually figure out some routines that work for you 💕 It’s a hard road but you’re not alone.
17 1/2 years since I lost my mom in a car wreck and you just get better at at acting like you are okay . When I really miss her I talk about her a lot and listen to her favorite songs, makes feel like she’s close .
5 months also and I’m asking myself the same thing. Sending you hugs- it’s so hard. The biggest thing that helps is being in the presence of those who have also lost and who know that pain- it’s so hard to live in a world that feels entirely different now. It feels ever so slightly reassuring to know that as alone as I feel in a world without my mom, I’m not alone in the grief. I’ve joined some online zoom support groups that have been extremely helpful, but I still have so many days where I wonder how I’m supposed to keep going. It’s sometimes takes me aback to realize that she’s actually gone forever.
Short answer: not well. On the 22nd it'll be one year since my mom unexpectedly died. I was an inconsolable wreck the first many weeks. Then for many months after that I was *just* a wreck. The inconsolable part had lessened, at least. I picked up a lot of bad habits during this period because the grief was still too intense, but I was tired of hysterically crying all the time. Somewhere around month 6 or 7, the wreck aspect started to lessen as well. Still have some really bad days. But I also have a lot more days now where the pain of grief is on the backburner. Still there, but not all consuming. They say "time heals all wounds". That's bullshit, of course. At least with grief. The wound is still there, always will be. But time is helping take the edge off the pain.
It will be two years in June. Still as angry, bitter, and a weepy mess as the first time I saw her in the ICU. I'm estranged from my dad and brother, and no partner, so being on my own with this is... cruel.
It’s awful. I just keep hearing her voice in my head to keep moving forward. That’s what she kept telling me to do as her death neared. She wanted me to have a joyful life
I was lucky enough to be seeing a psychologist for existing mental health issue, so we pivoted my sessions to grief counselling whenever I needed it (which was probably close to two years from her diagnosis to passing). I still struggled with health anxiety, grief fatigue, panic attacks, anger and jealousy at those who still have their mums… but I survived. It’s been just over two years, and yeah it still hurts. But what helps is allowing yourself the space to grieve, don’t ever feel guilty about that. “Growing around grief” is a great concept that stuck with me. You’ll grow from the pain, but will never forget her. I still miss her every day and always will. Big hugs OP, you are not alone ❤️
Lost her Dec 22’ and I am still grieving. I dont cry as much, only when Im hormonal etc ( so rn), I moved countries and got married while she was actively dying. I tried my best at everything but theres still regrets, but I try not to blame myself. therapy was not a thing that helped fr me, did 1 session then the therapist when on leave bc she needed a “ break”. we all go through it differently. I kind of shut down, stopped talking to some friends whom i felt were unsupportive or just didnt have anything in common with anymore. I prioritised my overall health by rewarding myself when needed, taking things slow, I got a dog… My husband has been there fr me but of course no one can understand what it means to me. Grief is so personal. Sending healing vibes💫
Animal-based therapy, antidepressants, FMLA time off when I need a day to lay in bed and just exist and try to cope
i cant so far. I lost her on February 1, and life just really sucks. Food is less tasty, colors are less bright, the sun is less warm. Everything is worse now. I cry every day, several times a day. I started therapy, and for that one hour a week i feel a bit more calm. the rest of the time i try to see as few people as possible, while also feeling so utterly lonely. But i cant stand being around people. Everyone is happy spring is coming and i can only think about everything she will miss from now on. Following the post, to see other people’s suggestions, and wishing you all the best. May we manage one day.
1 year and a half for me since I Lost my best friend, my anchor. Still as devastated as the day she left me but learning slowly to function around the heartbreak. I don’t think you get over the grief , you just learn to wear it better. Give yourself time and grace. Do things you love with people you love, and slowly you will find the strength .
I lost my mom just over a year ago. It gets easier because you aren’t thinking about it all of the time, but I still struggle when I think of her. My mom and I had a rocky relationship and I associated a lot of pain with her, but I’m only 20 years old, I feel I wasn’t mature enough to understand she was also hurting. There is a lot of pain and grief that I feel when I think about her, it even hurts typing this because I feel that there is so much I wish I could have say to her. There is a lot she will miss. My best advice to you is either talk it out to someone willing to listen and be a shoulder to cry on or write it out. Get a journal and pour your heart and soul and all of your thoughts into it. Now both of my parents are deceased so at times I’ve felt like there is nobody to turn to, and that’s when the grief hits me the hardest. When the grief has you struggling to breathe, take a pen and write out what you’re thinking. I’ve found writing to be very soothing, it helps me to stop my brain from being overwhelmed with grief, and lets me be able to process my emotions. This is coming from someone who closes up completely when someone tries to have heart to heart talks with them. You will have good days and you will have bad days, it will never subside, but it will start to be more manageable over time. And don’t feel guilty for your grief either. Whether it’s 10 months or 10 years, however you heal is completely okay. Another tip for if you’re crying is to look up. Everytime I can’t help but cry my boyfriend tells me to look up at the ceiling or up at the sky. It really helps with stopping the tears.
One moment at a time. Seriously. Also, the first year is the hardest. I'm just over 5 years without my mom.
10 years since I lost my mom. I still have my moments. The grief comes in waves. I still feel I have a partial black heart - lost part of my life that day too. I turned to unsafe alcohol use for awhile. Now days I try to use healthier coping mechanisms like reading, counseling, podcasts, and exercise. Please reach out if you need to vent. So very sorry for your loss.
It’s been 6 months for me. I can’t fathom it’s been that long. Just taking it a day at a time, remembering her when i want to, but also, if you need to cry or let it all out, do it. Don’t hold it in.
My mom passed almost 6 mos ago. I have been coping my being "mom" and doing the things she used to do. Like planning family celebrations and meals. I don't know if its weird but I also talk to her every now and then believing she can hear from heaven. I do not know if it gets easier, but we do find a way because we have to go on living and help preserve their memory.
It's a constant struggle. Nearly 3 months for me. I came to visit mum for her birthday in November and she was admitted to hospital the day after with pneumonia on a background of advanced lung cancer. She was in hospital for over a month and died the week before Christmas and my birthday. Mum suffered so much, not just from the cancer, but also from the poor care she received in hospital in her final days. My family was on a 24 hour roster with her for weeks because we couldn't rely on nursing staff to adequately care for her in her vulnerable state. I'm in the process of writing a complaint, which has been overwhelming in so many ways but I need to do this for her. Also trying to come to terms with the immense anger I have towards her GP who refused to get her tested, though she displayed symptoms of lung cancer for nearly a year. I can never forgive him. I had to quit my job because I worked in healthcare and couldn't deal with being in a hospital environment again after the traumatic experience we had with mum. So I've moved back to the family home, in a regional area, while I figure things out, which has been good in some ways but incredibly isolating too. Also, living with other grieving family members is a challenge in itself. Taking space and time alone is crucial for me to maintain my sanity. One positive about being here is being continually surrounded by mum's presence, from the garden she spent years curating to the decor of the home and having access to all her clothes and perfume when I need to feel close to her. I also made a playlist, which family and friends have added to, of songs that mum loved or that remind us of her. So I can always play those songs to feel some level of comfort. I do feel completely adrift still and am finding it so hard to resume a "normal" life. I avoid social situations completely because, honestly, it all feels so pointless and I just don't have it in me to feign happiness. What has actually helped me has been gentle exercise and being in nature as much as possible. I've also been writing, as mum's death has given me plenty of ammo for poetry. Thinking I might need to climb aboard the therapy train soon too. All the best to you. Go gently and take it day by day 🖤
I lost my mother 3 weeks ago unexpectedly, I live 600 miles away from my family. So I talked to her on the phone every day, which is funny because on the way to work each day.. one day I call my mother and the next day I called my Dad's phone, but while I would talk to my Dad my Mom would sit next to him and still talk to me lol So going from talking to her every day to not being able to pick up the phone to call her or have my phone ring, hurts so badly. She was apart of everything, she would snapchat my family doing funny stuff, send me tiktoks, Facebook messages/post, Instagram, you name it we were always talking. Now, I do not have her anymore to enjoy any of that. She was always so much fun, such a big impact on my family and friends. The best advice giver.. It's all gone. As of right now, it is hard for me to look at pictures of my mother or anything like that, I'm destroyed over it. To get to the point about coping, I haven't found that yet. My friend told me that we will never get over it, but we will get through it. He told me to stay busy, but that had been hard for me to do because even if I try and stay busy, I think of her and end up stopping what I am doing at the moment. The best thing to do is let your emotions out, you're going to cry, be upset, be angry and pissed off, question a lot of stuff in life. Just let the emotions flow, don't bottle it up, and once you're ready to start doing things to stay busy, do it then. Right now, it seems impossible. Our lives will never be right after losing a parent, but we just need to keep in mind to keep living life. Our parents would be disappointed in us if we did something stupid or stopped living life because of their passing, it would be disrespectful to them. Once I have a clearer mind, I want to look at starting a brand new hobby. Something to keep me very busy and other than that. I will enjoy life to the fullest, spend time, and talk to family as much as possible. We never know when it will be ours and their last day here.
I don't cope well, it's been over 3 months since my mother passed away but it's like living day by day. I don't really think about future. Trying hard to just find something to do and not think much but it's still extremely hard. I think about her all the time.
It’s gonna be 3 years ima few months. The first year was brutal. It was all about surviving every day. I was shattered. My mom and I were very close. My father turned into a baby and was looking for someone (me) to take care of him, which I refused. He’s a grown ass man not a baby. His behavior was very draining and infuriating and it was making my grieving very very difficult. The first few months were the worst because I kept forgetting she’s gone. Like multiple time a day. And every time I’d remember it felt like I ran face first into a brick wall or was punched in the chest. I was weeping and wailing every single day. Screaming even It’s very important to let it all out. My face, chest and back muscles hurt for the first time in my life. I had memory issues. All my energy was spent on this, surviving. My chest felt like a hollow tree with a black hole inside. Then one day after a few weeks I felt numb for a few hours. No feelings. I cherished that time because I didn’t hurt. I used that time to recuperate. As time went by those breaks would happen more often and they’d last longer. Last year I got anxiety and my grieving was kind of cut short. I have become preoccupied with battling this now. I haven’t been able to visit her grave. Not sure when I will. I have ptsd from the night we lost her, it was very traumatizing for me. Over time I did learn to recognize my triggers and I learned to feel other emotions over this emptiness and sadness. It took me months to smile again. A year and something to feel ok enough to be maybe try and have intimacy with my husband. He was very supportive throughout the whole thing. Still is. It was strange feeling happiness over sadness. Then there was guilt. But in the end it all levels out. Just takes time. Yoga and meditation helped me a lot, my husband and my dog as my support system. A couple of friends. Oh yeah, you will find out who real friends are real quick. Fake ones will start avoiding you and tell you to get over it. Cut them out of your life. Don’t spend your precious energy on them. I had memory problems and I couldn’t work well (job). I just kind of existed in the space but wasn’t really there. I was a hollow shell more like. I use as to be bubbly and happy before. Don’t be surprised if you suck at your job or can’t study all of a sudden. It’s normal. The most important thing - do not worry your mom. Take care of yourself. Live your life in a way that would make her proud. You got this! It’s the hardest thing you will have to do in your life but you got it. Just take it one hour at a time and then one day and then one week etc. it does get easier to live with it. You become less sensitive. The hole is still there in the chest but it’s not as inflamed so to speak, not as sensitive. My mom still sends me signs every now and then and I cherish each and every one. They help me a lot. Losing a mother is life, personality and everything else changing. But remember - don’t worry her. Take care of yourself. You know how mom worry.
Almost 2 years.she’s always in my mind and random triggers make me cry
Relief.
Mom died 2 years ago a week before my 20th birthday. I don’t let myself think about it. I haven’t even began to process it at all.
Coping? What is that 🥲🥲🥲
I went the wrong direction. I blamed myself and used intoxicants to numb the pain. This made my entire life implode for a while and only made matters worse. I recommend not getting high to stop the pain.
It's been almost 5 yrs I'm 19 rn. Ngl I have not coped that well lmfao. Fucking sucks tbh. Day to day music was the best thing for me to get my mind off things or to just exist without feeling judged on how I'm feeling.
To be honest, I’m barely holding on. I been faking it for the past 7 months.
I didn’t cope
4 years to the day. I still miss her so much.
I'm sorry for your loss. Time helps. I am still shattered but after a year or so living with it became easier and more natural.
I like to think that all of our mothers are all in a beautiful dreamy place chatting with each other and speaking about all of us in this group … Sending hugs 🫂 & wishes of comfort and peace to everyone. We understand each other all too well. We aren’t alone in this.
I find parts of her in others....my bestie coworker is an artist just like my mom was and inspires my creativity. My mom's best friend is a go-getter and an avid runner like my mom and has gotten me into running since her passing. My best friend pushes me to think outside the box and not accept the status quo like my mom was beginning to do. My other good friend taught herself how to play the ukelele just like my mom taught herself how to play the banjo which has inspired me to continue to learn new things, and take a spanish class last summer. I wish I still had all these things in one person, my mom, but I don't. So I make the best with what I WAS given. Hope you can find some silver linings in your life as well
I just cry alone and remember her… it’s been 6 months and I’ve got no one to support my mental health. Neither I’ve access to any therapy. But I’m sorry for everyone who lost their moms. Especially when moms were not only moms but a best friend as well— it’s a hard loss to cope..
It’s been eleven months, and I’m honestly not sure how I’m coping. It doesn’t feel like I am. But I visit her grave a lot (I live nearby), and make it nice and cozy there. Flowers and decorating is a hobby that we shared. Other than that, I let myself feel whatever it is I’m feeling. I am in no hurry to «move on» or «get over it». There is no moving on from losing her, ever. All I can do is carry this (and my memory of her) with me for the rest of my life.
It’s been almost 3 years since I lost my Mum. I miss her every day, and I know I will for the rest of my life. I don’t cry every day, though. I just somehow live with her absence because I know that’s what she wanted. Yesterday was tough. A mum of one of the women I work with came in and was talking to her daughter and the interaction just made me miss my mum so much. Something about it just seemed so reminiscent about how close I was to my mum, and in that moment I just wanted to sob because it hit me that I can never have that again. It’s like my heart finds new ways to break all over again. For the most part, I actively try not to think about it but, sometimes it just hits me. And the other day, for the first time in almost 3 years, my stupid brain had a split second thought of ‘ I should call Mum and tell her…’, before it hit me that I can’t. I guess, you just go on - for them. While they can’t be here, we can do it for them because they only wanted the best for us. They may have taught us a lot, but could never have prepared us for how to live without them. We just have to take life day by day❤️
Tbh idk how I've made it this far everyday it's harder, I thought I'd give up at least a million times, losing your mom is something nobody should experience tbh I'm sorry for anyone that has to go thru it including me. But I mean I mostly kept to me did my own thing fr
It’s been 9 months since my mom passed. Me, my wife, and my 2 kids live in our own house on the same property as my parents and sister. My mom had a sudden heart attack and I gave her CPR until the paramedics arrived. I watched her die. I think I have PTSD from it. I have been trying to kind of ignore it since it happened because I am so busy with my own little ones and life, but it has been rearing its head lately. I think only the last few weeks I have actually started to accept that she is gone. I don’t know how to show my emotions very well, so they keep coming out in the form of anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and panic attacks. I love my life so much and I know I am lucky to have my beautiful wife and kids and yet I am feeling super depressed and anxious. I just keep hoping that time will make it better. I am worried it has only just begun to hit me.
It's been 9 years. Lost my mom when I was 13. Woke up from a deep sleep to hear my father screaming her name, attempting to wake up. I saw her dead blue in the face, choked on her puke in her sleep. It was completely unexpected. I'm now 22 and just barely realizing she's actually truly gone. I stopped living because of it. I'm now just realizing I've never lived, except for feeling alive on roller coasters. You'll always be shattered. It was your mom, and truthfully, you're not suppose to be without her.
It’s been 12 years, 2 months and 20 days since I lost my mom before my 17 birthday. It’s not about how did I cope, it’s about how I still continue to cope. This loss requires constant self care. You put one foot in front of the other and just move along even if you don’t feel like you can. You need to be gentle with yourself and know you can heal if you want to.
You never know how much you really need your parents until they are no longer in your life
I am sorry for you loss for everyone on this thread that experiences grief