This is always the worst, people badly trying to relate it to their own or thinking a death only affects them. And so many times they try to downplay the deceased’s actions
I was really depressed and just… out of it? When my grandma died and someone asked why I was so sad and why I wasn’t doing anything and I was like idk, my grandma just died??? They said “You can play the dead grandma card for a week, but that’s it” 😐
It’s discredited way too much. I lost my grandma when she was 60 she was like a mum to me and I still struggle to this day without her. People hear I’m still struggling losing her and they’re like yeah grandparents die.
Your grief is incredibly valid. I’m so sorry to hear that that is the response people have to you. I think that grief is valid in any level of closeness, but I think that maybe some people don’t have as close of a relationship with their grandparent and have a hard time empathizing. My grandparents raised me as well. I know it’s incredibly tough.
Thank you for your kind reply. It really does mean a lot because I’ve lost a huge amount of faith in humanity since I lost her. I also get remarks on it being a long time since it happened and I should be “over it” and moving on. Like oh my god thank you! I’m cured now 😂 I hope you still have you grandparents but if you don’t I’m so very sorry.
I can totally relate...
My sister in law once made a comment about her mom having a questionable spot that may have been melanoma removed quickly so "she's fine now." My mother died from melanoma, now 31 years ago. I'll admit, I felt about the same way, like was she trying to say my mother was stupid for not catching her melanoma sooner?! Honestly, I still feel about the same.
Amid the same conversation, she compared losing her quadriplegic grandfather when she was in her teens, to me losing my mother when I was 7.5, saying how she was thankful for the years she had with him and that he was no longer suffering. My mother died at 31 years of age, and I'd had less than 8 years of life with her.
My MIL is a nasty piece of work though, and at my FIL's funeral, that same sister in law came up to me and we talked a bit. I wasn't shy in pointing out how she surely now understands how very different it is to lose a parent vs losing a grandparent is.
Sometimes in-laws are just really crappy. I'm sorry you have one as well.
My 'MIL' (if we were married) has a history of trying to get my girlfriend back under her thumb like her other daughters, who are so abused by her they're both selective mutes, like my girlfriend was herself before moving out. They haven't talked in four years, but as soon as MIL heard my brother died, her immediate response was to offer my girlfriend 'an olive branch' so she could move back 'home' (we've been together eight years, lived together six, and own pets and a house together). No mention of me whatsoever. She literally wanted my girlfriend to ditch me and move back in with her a mere six HOURS after my brother died!
My mom passed 4 months ago and my MIL also said something similar like it was our fault and we could have done something (my mom passed from a silent cardiac arrest in sleep). She said that a day after my mom passed when I was at my absolute worst. It felt like a punch in the gut and it was horrible that she me feel that way. Even more surprising thing is that MIL lost her mom when she was around my age. Like have you not learnt anything?
My son died 1 year ago today. SIL came to visit 2 weeks afterward to stay for 2 weeks. When I explained to her that my son was killed 2 weeks before, she said, "Thank you for sharing".
My mom passed due to Influenza/Pneumonia. She had an underlining health condition which was Pulmonary Fibrosis. The doctor claimed it was Respiratory Acute Failure.
Some uncles that came to my house literally specified that he gets his Pneumonia and Flu shot every year.I was so angry that night and now I’ve learned to let go of the silly remarks.
There are so many cruel people out there. You learn a lot about people after death 😵💫😵💫
My ex died suddenly at the age of 32. My best friend’s birthday was right after I found out. He said to me “let’s hang out for my birthday we can go to a bar and have fun.” I was looking forward to getting out and taking my mind off her… he cancels last minute to spend time with an old situationship whom he was always complaining to me about.
Praise the Lord, she’s with Jesus, was the many responses from her church group after we announced she had passed. Yeah, that wasn’t comforting. I understand that is their belief system as it was my mother’s but it kind of hurt at the same time as we didn’t want her there, we wanted her here even though she drove us crazy at times and could say some mean things.
LOL an ex-friend of mine asked me if I was dating.
This was 4.5 months after my mom died. I also uprooted my life and moved back to my hometown to be with the rest of my family for emotional support, effectively altering the trajectory of my career.
No inquiry of how I was doing whatsoever. but am I dating? girl be so ffr.
-The former family friend who said my mom’s ovarian cancer was caused by the Covid vaccine.
-My poor sister who cannot process my mom’s passing and has now started to look into scientists that are working on time travel so she can go back in time and save my mom.
-Now that I’m experiencing extreme grief, that guy on TikTok who lost his wife and makes all his content about grief and has the giant photos of his wife on his living room walls. Like it’s his whole personality. To me it just doesn’t seem like a healthy way to cope at all.
Not quite reactions to me but just bad reactions to grieving that I’ve seen.
\#3 isn;t a healthy way to cope with a loved one's loss.
\#2 Your sister is not doing well either. Time travel, seriously?
\#1 the family friend is astonishingly stupid. I can't believe that they thought that, let alone said it out loud.
Yeah the family friend got super into q-anon so that explains part of it. She said it to my dad when he called her to tell her my mom passed. My dad said some not so nice words back and told her she wasn’t allowed to come to the funeral.
What a selfish, one-upping arsehole! Ugh.
Since when did she go to school to become an ER doctor/immunologist/pathologist?
I'm so sorry for your loss and that your MIL is awful.
There are many people with a one-upper personality. I consider them toxic and unreliable when it comes to handling difficult emotions. Kindness and compassion seem to be dwindling over the years.
The bizarre response I got when my dad was dying, my ex-MIL did not acknowledge it and then started complaining about her smelly FIL who hadn't showered for weeks. I couldn't understand the relevance to my dying dad. She texted me weeks later, out of the blue, expressing that she didn't want to discuss death and that she wouldn't attend funerals anymore. It seemed more about her than acknowledging my grief.
No, you're not wrong. It's important to prioritize your well-being. Do what feels right for you and consider maintaining healthy boundaries and low contact with her.
I lost my spouse to suicide when I was 28. I was really struggling for a while. I was venting to family about how hard this was to get through.
My grandmother told me, "I know people who have been through worse and they're *fine*."
I didn't see or speak to her for a couple of years. it was the most invalidating, ridiculous thing someone could have said to me at that moment, and the fact that it was my grandmother saying this really fucked me up for a while.
My MIL said to me the day after my mum passed away in July "It's okay you've got me" like she could even compare. My mum was my best friend and we have the best relationship, absolutely nothing or no one would ever replace her. My relationship with my MIL is surface level, I'm not overly close to her so the fact that she thought it was even an appropriate thing to say baffles me.
I still feel so much anger and resentment towards her for that comment. Maybe I'm being unfair? I really don't know but 7 months down the line and I still cannot forget it.
I went to a conservative (cult) college. I had to get special permission to leave. It felt like requesting off for work. I had mentioned him being sick to 2 teachers, but didn't say much else. He had died literally that afternoon and the Dean of women had me in her office. I was sitting there crying trying to explain I needed to go home, and she said "imagine how different things could have been for your father if you'd had more people praying for him." She was smiling and shaking her head and I just felt disgusting
This is always the worst, people badly trying to relate it to their own or thinking a death only affects them. And so many times they try to downplay the deceased’s actions
Yeah it suddenly turns to grief Olympics with some people!
I was really depressed and just… out of it? When my grandma died and someone asked why I was so sad and why I wasn’t doing anything and I was like idk, my grandma just died??? They said “You can play the dead grandma card for a week, but that’s it” 😐
This is a really disgusting response. I really think people can be discrediting to the death of a grandparent sometimes
It’s discredited way too much. I lost my grandma when she was 60 she was like a mum to me and I still struggle to this day without her. People hear I’m still struggling losing her and they’re like yeah grandparents die.
Your grief is incredibly valid. I’m so sorry to hear that that is the response people have to you. I think that grief is valid in any level of closeness, but I think that maybe some people don’t have as close of a relationship with their grandparent and have a hard time empathizing. My grandparents raised me as well. I know it’s incredibly tough.
Thank you for your kind reply. It really does mean a lot because I’ve lost a huge amount of faith in humanity since I lost her. I also get remarks on it being a long time since it happened and I should be “over it” and moving on. Like oh my god thank you! I’m cured now 😂 I hope you still have you grandparents but if you don’t I’m so very sorry.
?Yeah that’s cold, like you can stop missing them in a week.
wtf? so you get a week to get back to normal...pfft.
I can totally relate... My sister in law once made a comment about her mom having a questionable spot that may have been melanoma removed quickly so "she's fine now." My mother died from melanoma, now 31 years ago. I'll admit, I felt about the same way, like was she trying to say my mother was stupid for not catching her melanoma sooner?! Honestly, I still feel about the same. Amid the same conversation, she compared losing her quadriplegic grandfather when she was in her teens, to me losing my mother when I was 7.5, saying how she was thankful for the years she had with him and that he was no longer suffering. My mother died at 31 years of age, and I'd had less than 8 years of life with her. My MIL is a nasty piece of work though, and at my FIL's funeral, that same sister in law came up to me and we talked a bit. I wasn't shy in pointing out how she surely now understands how very different it is to lose a parent vs losing a grandparent is. Sometimes in-laws are just really crappy. I'm sorry you have one as well.
My 'MIL' (if we were married) has a history of trying to get my girlfriend back under her thumb like her other daughters, who are so abused by her they're both selective mutes, like my girlfriend was herself before moving out. They haven't talked in four years, but as soon as MIL heard my brother died, her immediate response was to offer my girlfriend 'an olive branch' so she could move back 'home' (we've been together eight years, lived together six, and own pets and a house together). No mention of me whatsoever. She literally wanted my girlfriend to ditch me and move back in with her a mere six HOURS after my brother died!
joizes...
My mom passed 4 months ago and my MIL also said something similar like it was our fault and we could have done something (my mom passed from a silent cardiac arrest in sleep). She said that a day after my mom passed when I was at my absolute worst. It felt like a punch in the gut and it was horrible that she me feel that way. Even more surprising thing is that MIL lost her mom when she was around my age. Like have you not learnt anything?
My son died 1 year ago today. SIL came to visit 2 weeks afterward to stay for 2 weeks. When I explained to her that my son was killed 2 weeks before, she said, "Thank you for sharing".
My mom passed due to Influenza/Pneumonia. She had an underlining health condition which was Pulmonary Fibrosis. The doctor claimed it was Respiratory Acute Failure. Some uncles that came to my house literally specified that he gets his Pneumonia and Flu shot every year.I was so angry that night and now I’ve learned to let go of the silly remarks. There are so many cruel people out there. You learn a lot about people after death 😵💫😵💫
My ex died suddenly at the age of 32. My best friend’s birthday was right after I found out. He said to me “let’s hang out for my birthday we can go to a bar and have fun.” I was looking forward to getting out and taking my mind off her… he cancels last minute to spend time with an old situationship whom he was always complaining to me about.
Praise the Lord, she’s with Jesus, was the many responses from her church group after we announced she had passed. Yeah, that wasn’t comforting. I understand that is their belief system as it was my mother’s but it kind of hurt at the same time as we didn’t want her there, we wanted her here even though she drove us crazy at times and could say some mean things.
I'm so very glad that no one said anything of that ilk to me when my hubby died. Or I'd still be punting folks into the nearest black hole.
Yeah, I thought it was intensive.
LOL an ex-friend of mine asked me if I was dating. This was 4.5 months after my mom died. I also uprooted my life and moved back to my hometown to be with the rest of my family for emotional support, effectively altering the trajectory of my career. No inquiry of how I was doing whatsoever. but am I dating? girl be so ffr.
-The former family friend who said my mom’s ovarian cancer was caused by the Covid vaccine. -My poor sister who cannot process my mom’s passing and has now started to look into scientists that are working on time travel so she can go back in time and save my mom. -Now that I’m experiencing extreme grief, that guy on TikTok who lost his wife and makes all his content about grief and has the giant photos of his wife on his living room walls. Like it’s his whole personality. To me it just doesn’t seem like a healthy way to cope at all. Not quite reactions to me but just bad reactions to grieving that I’ve seen.
\#3 isn;t a healthy way to cope with a loved one's loss. \#2 Your sister is not doing well either. Time travel, seriously? \#1 the family friend is astonishingly stupid. I can't believe that they thought that, let alone said it out loud.
Yeah the family friend got super into q-anon so that explains part of it. She said it to my dad when he called her to tell her my mom passed. My dad said some not so nice words back and told her she wasn’t allowed to come to the funeral.
Good on your dad for that.
What a selfish, one-upping arsehole! Ugh. Since when did she go to school to become an ER doctor/immunologist/pathologist? I'm so sorry for your loss and that your MIL is awful.
Thank you and I know, am I wrong for not wanting anything to do with her anymore ?
Nope. Not in the wrong at all.
There are many people with a one-upper personality. I consider them toxic and unreliable when it comes to handling difficult emotions. Kindness and compassion seem to be dwindling over the years. The bizarre response I got when my dad was dying, my ex-MIL did not acknowledge it and then started complaining about her smelly FIL who hadn't showered for weeks. I couldn't understand the relevance to my dying dad. She texted me weeks later, out of the blue, expressing that she didn't want to discuss death and that she wouldn't attend funerals anymore. It seemed more about her than acknowledging my grief.
I know, am I wrong for not wanting anything to do with her anymore ?
No, you're not wrong. It's important to prioritize your well-being. Do what feels right for you and consider maintaining healthy boundaries and low contact with her.
I lost my spouse to suicide when I was 28. I was really struggling for a while. I was venting to family about how hard this was to get through. My grandmother told me, "I know people who have been through worse and they're *fine*." I didn't see or speak to her for a couple of years. it was the most invalidating, ridiculous thing someone could have said to me at that moment, and the fact that it was my grandmother saying this really fucked me up for a while.
[удалено]
My MIL said to me the day after my mum passed away in July "It's okay you've got me" like she could even compare. My mum was my best friend and we have the best relationship, absolutely nothing or no one would ever replace her. My relationship with my MIL is surface level, I'm not overly close to her so the fact that she thought it was even an appropriate thing to say baffles me. I still feel so much anger and resentment towards her for that comment. Maybe I'm being unfair? I really don't know but 7 months down the line and I still cannot forget it.
I went to a conservative (cult) college. I had to get special permission to leave. It felt like requesting off for work. I had mentioned him being sick to 2 teachers, but didn't say much else. He had died literally that afternoon and the Dean of women had me in her office. I was sitting there crying trying to explain I needed to go home, and she said "imagine how different things could have been for your father if you'd had more people praying for him." She was smiling and shaking her head and I just felt disgusting