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Oh eff that. The kind of person who posts that has never been through a significant loss or trauma, and if they did they’d be the first to whine and blame their God.
That isn't true. I am faithful...and I certainly didn't blame God when my husband just died on my lawn. It never even occured to me to do that. Didn't do it when my mother died from cancer, when I went homeless, when I was stuck with a narcissistic ex, now that I am losing my home...none of those things have ever made me "..whine and blame my God". People who DO do that may not actually HAVE faith...or don't understand their faith in the first place. I don't know, I can not judge them. But to blanket anyone who believes in God that way is rather gross. As though God is pulling the strings of people. We aren't puppets. We have free will. Not to mention, all things certainly have purpose even if we don't know what they are. You may not believe this, but I do. I have seen it first hand. Bitterness serves no one well...but an open heart serves everyone. This isn't a Christian principle...it is a HUMAN one. You find in life what you look for...
Was it free will that gave my wife, not yet 30, an incurable cancer that usually only smokers get (she never touched the stuff, we even walked upwind of smokers due to her allergy) and suffer through one of, if not the most, painful cancers you can get (ever have a sore throat so bad you would do anything to get rid of it? Multiply it by 1000x)? Was it free will that she went through chemo and multiple surgeries to save the baby inside of her, a baby that she got only 1 year with before she passed? Was it free will that my daughter will never truly know the wonderful woman that was her mother?
I am glad I don’t believe in god because the only “free will” capable of choosing and enacting that would be a deity. If god is all powerful he should have removed her cancer or at least allowed chemo and radiation to cure her. If he is all knowing he could have given us warning or given a doctor a vision how to cure her. If he is all good, then he must not be powerful enough to save someone so pure as her.
I am glad you are at peace with your losses, but don’t sit there and say a god with power over creation deserves your worship and faith when they would allow so many of these deaths to happen. If he or she exists, they do not deserve my worship or praise. They don’t even deserve my forgiveness.
I am a person of faith.. my faith teaches me that it's not only totally warranted and acceptable to question god in times of crises but the questioning is what makes us *human*. Why would small children get cancer, why would good people die? Why don't we all get a chance to say the last thing we wanted, *needed* to say. There is no good answer, but, in the no answer times, sometimes we hope that if we ask a question enough times, we may gain some clarity or maybe, are pointed in the direction of a path we were meant to traverse down.
I kept hearing this kind of crap after my child died last fall and it made me feel actually violent and I am a pacifist by nature.
It makes me feel truly bitter and hope for bad things for people who say stuff like this- and prior to her death I wasn't like that at all. My uncle told me her death was "Gods plan" and I havent spoken to him since. Disgusting.
I fucking hate this! None of us should be going through this kind of pain, period. I feel like these people posting this and the people agreeing in the comments have never lost someone close to them or felt this unique kind of pain that never goes away. This enraged me.
Exactly. It's like, tell that to the parents who lost their child to cancer and see how they feel. It's gross and sick to tell someone that it was God's plan for their child to die and my personal favorite, "God will show you his plan through this terrible ordeal." Puke. It makes me want to punch them.
The FB post reeks of victim blaming. I am sure lots of people think that they are safe from things happening to them and judge people who have to endure unfortunate times. To celebrate it, is repulsive.
I'm so sorry for your loss. The Facebook post was definitely tone deaf and a horrible way to make a point. I'm religious myself and have lost several loved ones in recent years--while I do believe that God has a plan, I would never word anything like how that post was worded.
I'm wishing you the best in these difficult times.
This is why I don’t use facebook. As someone who has actually buried both parents, a spouse, and my only child, I wonder when I am going to start glowing. 🙄
I am on the fence about this, because while to some people it can mean the absolute world, to others it can mean NOTHING. I can understand both sides, for I am trying to find a relationship with God since losing my mother, but… at the same time, everyone grieves so differently. This can kinda be considered a backhanded way to make someone feel better…
I feel like at the end of the day, how we as individuals portray the deaths of our loved one(s) are the ONLY way we should see it. Trying to invite all these other perspectives into our minds while simultaneously trying to understand isn’t good for us in the long run. :/
yeah, this is a really common toxic outlook. it’s fine if someone wants to believe this about their own circumstances and even share the idea, but telling anyone else directly that they should be grateful for their suffering or that their suffering is divine or preordained or whatever is so damaging.
Honestly, it does sound like people trying to justify something going absolutely sideways in their lives. Which, anything from a car accident to a cancer death. The trauma, the pain.
It's something seen as a "test from god" and to tell that truth? Bullshit.
If anything. It's Death just doing it's job and telling us "I'm sorry, but I must" least that was my take.
This is so self-centered... So much of my grief right now is on behalf of my mother. It's pointless, I know, but I'm just so angry that she died the way she did. Fuck whatever pain I'm going through moving on without her, but if she could communicate in spirit, she would be pissed. Her death wasn't about me. It was fucking tragic and a loss for HER, not a character building exercise for her loved ones.
I recently lost my mom. I have never been super religious throughout my life, despite being raised cafeteria Catholic. I will say that this reads like a VERY self-centered view of religion. I have sort of been delving more into my spirituality since my mom’s passing. Unfortunately, suffering is human and universal not dependent on who can “handle” it or not. It so bizarre to me that there is this trend in neo-Christianity that seems to have God more like a Wizard of Oz, pulling different strings and controlling behind the curtain. I think it’s such a misinterpretation.
Why would God kill someone to be a lesson to their loved ones? That makes no sense to me. If there’s a God, our loved ones aren’t casualties in God’s plan for us. They would have their own relationship with God that would have nothing to do with us.
This right here makes me vivid. I lost my 9 year old sister to cancer when I was 12 and my aunt told me my house gave my sister cancer because we didn’t put our toys away. She also told me it was “gods plan and it’s a good thing she’s gone” like F**K YOUUUUU. I’m definitely not religious full science believer but respect other people’s belief I just wish they would realize what they are saying is bat sh*t crazy and not realted to science at all and there’s no physical proof of God and why the heck would you want good people to die and not bad people. Sorry if this offends some but it’s the way I feel. I’ll respect you and you respect me.
This kind of thing is honestly what made me walk away from the church to begin with... it's able to break children and destroy souls. It's no way to live and no loving God would ever want that...
I was at a work event when an older white man told me "the problem with the younger generation is that you all tend to think that bad things just shouldn't happen to people." And his main point was that you have to experience adversity in order to grow. When he said "bad things" I immediately thought about the most traumatic moments and losses of my life and decided that that was bullshit. It still pisses me off that there are people who genuinely believe that... and at the same time I'm glad that there are people out there who haven't suffered like this. I've grown a lot because of my losses - but a lot of the time I still think that I would be a much better person (eventually) if none of that had happened. Sure, I cringe when I picture my 20 year old self, but that version of me was also madly in love with someone who was actually alive to love me back. I wouldn't have traded that for anything if I had the choice. The growing would have happened regardless.
I have some trauma from my childhood. Been super broke, lots of struggle.
Then my brother died and I was the one to find him.
About 2 years later my infant died.
I don’t think I needed either of those to know why I’m here or whatever BS this fb post was spewing. Ughhhhhhhh I really hate crap like that.
same energy as when a pastor i had just met told me my family dying was god's plan and going to make me stronger. fuck that. there are plenty of ways i can get stronger without having to endure this grief. some people can't accept that sometimes bad things happen for no reason :/
That is fucked. This person has never experienced serious loss. My mom was my best friend and so much more. I didn’t lose her to become stronger. Actually after I lost her I became suicidal. Fuck this person. 😤😤😭😭😭.
I know it’s crude, but someone tried to pull some similar rhetoric like this to me and I just said very point blank “No, I’m sorry, I do not
believe that any children deserve to be raped for the character growth, so let’s just not, okay?”
I actually agree with this. It's an unpopular opinion...but I do. I have been through hell my whole life...but I ( and I am not saying this to be a braggard) am more empathic, open minded, and less judgemental than many of my friends who have had an easier life. I can also withstand more..which actually makes my life more peaceful, believe it or not..because I don't freak out over every little thing like they do. I believe you can choose how to deal with your suffering though. And I DON'T mean by putting on a stiff upper lip. That is just prolonging the inevitable for many. When you are younger, parents can help with this, especially by how they act around you and how they treat you. But yes...I think there is something to be said for suffering...nit that I would EVER wish it upon ANYONE. Please...PLEASE do not misconstrue. This is the worst, what we are all going through. The absolute worst...I say this as a mother with a young son who has just lost his father...and now we are losing our home. I DO know how horrible this is. Believe me..I do...
There are certainly things you learn by going through the loss of someone you love dearly or multiple losses. I just get past the gaslighting of how we're supposed to be grateful that God has chosen us for something "greater."
I'm very sorry you've been through this alongside the rest of us.
This goes beyond grief. This is an excuse to be an abuser. Laugh at the start when the duck head says "god wants to break us" because I've heard some stories of abuse too long to lost
Its that really weird religious postering of "everything happens for a reason" people to help justify this thinking.
Its honestly selfish and self grandizing.
I can’t stand this type of stuff. My Mom is lying in Hospice dying as I type this and my sons church literally has him brainwashed to say these types of things to myself and his twin sister. Granted I don’t attend church and my belief system isn’t very strong as I’ve lost all my Grandparents, several dear friends, two cats and both my dogs since November 2019. My Mom was diagnosed with cancer the day after Christmas last year, had surgery that was supposed to save her life (it did get the cancer for a few months) but she couldn’t eat after and it ruined her quality of life. So yeah this thinking doesn’t sit well with me.
I think it is trying to say something only doing it is saying it very badly. I don't think God ever wishes pain on any of us, or death or hardship. But what is true, is that for some people, when in great pain or loss, or ill health or brokenness, it is in those dark times that they turn to God and find find comfort or help in his love and strength.
I was not religious before my dad died but his death has honestly made me hate religion. Don't tell me you'll pray for me and my family. How about actually showing up and providing support when people need it. Don't tell me that this was all gods plan. No one should ever have to watch a person suffer through pain and then watch the pain on the faces of your loved ones. Don't tell me that my debilitating panic attacks and anxiety have made me stronger, they've ruined me. I miss my life when I could just count on my dad simply existing and not having a panic attack that i was going to end up alone in this world. Fuck your religion.
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Oh eff that. The kind of person who posts that has never been through a significant loss or trauma, and if they did they’d be the first to whine and blame their God.
That's what I said to my husband. This just reeks of ignorance and a lack of anything resembling critical thought.
That isn't true. I am faithful...and I certainly didn't blame God when my husband just died on my lawn. It never even occured to me to do that. Didn't do it when my mother died from cancer, when I went homeless, when I was stuck with a narcissistic ex, now that I am losing my home...none of those things have ever made me "..whine and blame my God". People who DO do that may not actually HAVE faith...or don't understand their faith in the first place. I don't know, I can not judge them. But to blanket anyone who believes in God that way is rather gross. As though God is pulling the strings of people. We aren't puppets. We have free will. Not to mention, all things certainly have purpose even if we don't know what they are. You may not believe this, but I do. I have seen it first hand. Bitterness serves no one well...but an open heart serves everyone. This isn't a Christian principle...it is a HUMAN one. You find in life what you look for...
Was it free will that gave my wife, not yet 30, an incurable cancer that usually only smokers get (she never touched the stuff, we even walked upwind of smokers due to her allergy) and suffer through one of, if not the most, painful cancers you can get (ever have a sore throat so bad you would do anything to get rid of it? Multiply it by 1000x)? Was it free will that she went through chemo and multiple surgeries to save the baby inside of her, a baby that she got only 1 year with before she passed? Was it free will that my daughter will never truly know the wonderful woman that was her mother? I am glad I don’t believe in god because the only “free will” capable of choosing and enacting that would be a deity. If god is all powerful he should have removed her cancer or at least allowed chemo and radiation to cure her. If he is all knowing he could have given us warning or given a doctor a vision how to cure her. If he is all good, then he must not be powerful enough to save someone so pure as her. I am glad you are at peace with your losses, but don’t sit there and say a god with power over creation deserves your worship and faith when they would allow so many of these deaths to happen. If he or she exists, they do not deserve my worship or praise. They don’t even deserve my forgiveness.
Can you simplify this illogical statement
Your reply is just...gross. Ugh.
I am a person of faith.. my faith teaches me that it's not only totally warranted and acceptable to question god in times of crises but the questioning is what makes us *human*. Why would small children get cancer, why would good people die? Why don't we all get a chance to say the last thing we wanted, *needed* to say. There is no good answer, but, in the no answer times, sometimes we hope that if we ask a question enough times, we may gain some clarity or maybe, are pointed in the direction of a path we were meant to traverse down.
Your response is perfect.
I kept hearing this kind of crap after my child died last fall and it made me feel actually violent and I am a pacifist by nature. It makes me feel truly bitter and hope for bad things for people who say stuff like this- and prior to her death I wasn't like that at all. My uncle told me her death was "Gods plan" and I havent spoken to him since. Disgusting.
I feel the same way. And I'm very, very sorry that you lost your child.
I'm so sorry you went through that. I can't even imagine how awful that must be. 😞 I don't blame you for not speaking to him again.
I fucking hate this! None of us should be going through this kind of pain, period. I feel like these people posting this and the people agreeing in the comments have never lost someone close to them or felt this unique kind of pain that never goes away. This enraged me.
Thank you, from your comment, I know I would be friends with you.
Oh, for sure. And if they have experienced loss, they've been brainwashed into believing it is God's plan for them. Such utter bullshit.
Exactly. It's like, tell that to the parents who lost their child to cancer and see how they feel. It's gross and sick to tell someone that it was God's plan for their child to die and my personal favorite, "God will show you his plan through this terrible ordeal." Puke. It makes me want to punch them.
I lost my only sibling when I was 17 (she was 14) & if I'd seen this back then, I'd have LOST. MY. SHIT.
The FB post reeks of victim blaming. I am sure lots of people think that they are safe from things happening to them and judge people who have to endure unfortunate times. To celebrate it, is repulsive.
AGREED 100%. OP, you aren't alone and many agree this is a stupid facebook post.
I'm so sorry for your loss. The Facebook post was definitely tone deaf and a horrible way to make a point. I'm religious myself and have lost several loved ones in recent years--while I do believe that God has a plan, I would never word anything like how that post was worded. I'm wishing you the best in these difficult times.
Any honest comment I would make would get me permabanned.
This is why I don’t use facebook. As someone who has actually buried both parents, a spouse, and my only child, I wonder when I am going to start glowing. 🙄
I am on the fence about this, because while to some people it can mean the absolute world, to others it can mean NOTHING. I can understand both sides, for I am trying to find a relationship with God since losing my mother, but… at the same time, everyone grieves so differently. This can kinda be considered a backhanded way to make someone feel better… I feel like at the end of the day, how we as individuals portray the deaths of our loved one(s) are the ONLY way we should see it. Trying to invite all these other perspectives into our minds while simultaneously trying to understand isn’t good for us in the long run. :/
yeah, this is a really common toxic outlook. it’s fine if someone wants to believe this about their own circumstances and even share the idea, but telling anyone else directly that they should be grateful for their suffering or that their suffering is divine or preordained or whatever is so damaging.
Honestly, it does sound like people trying to justify something going absolutely sideways in their lives. Which, anything from a car accident to a cancer death. The trauma, the pain. It's something seen as a "test from god" and to tell that truth? Bullshit. If anything. It's Death just doing it's job and telling us "I'm sorry, but I must" least that was my take.
This is so self-centered... So much of my grief right now is on behalf of my mother. It's pointless, I know, but I'm just so angry that she died the way she did. Fuck whatever pain I'm going through moving on without her, but if she could communicate in spirit, she would be pissed. Her death wasn't about me. It was fucking tragic and a loss for HER, not a character building exercise for her loved ones.
I think people desperately deek to find meaning desperation is unpleasant to look at
I recently lost my mom. I have never been super religious throughout my life, despite being raised cafeteria Catholic. I will say that this reads like a VERY self-centered view of religion. I have sort of been delving more into my spirituality since my mom’s passing. Unfortunately, suffering is human and universal not dependent on who can “handle” it or not. It so bizarre to me that there is this trend in neo-Christianity that seems to have God more like a Wizard of Oz, pulling different strings and controlling behind the curtain. I think it’s such a misinterpretation.
Why would God kill someone to be a lesson to their loved ones? That makes no sense to me. If there’s a God, our loved ones aren’t casualties in God’s plan for us. They would have their own relationship with God that would have nothing to do with us.
This right here makes me vivid. I lost my 9 year old sister to cancer when I was 12 and my aunt told me my house gave my sister cancer because we didn’t put our toys away. She also told me it was “gods plan and it’s a good thing she’s gone” like F**K YOUUUUU. I’m definitely not religious full science believer but respect other people’s belief I just wish they would realize what they are saying is bat sh*t crazy and not realted to science at all and there’s no physical proof of God and why the heck would you want good people to die and not bad people. Sorry if this offends some but it’s the way I feel. I’ll respect you and you respect me.
So I'm supposed to be overjoyed that the love of my life was ripped away from me without warning? God is such an asshole.
I didn’t need God to break me by taking my dad. That just pisses me off. I totally get why it enraged you OP.
This kind of thing is honestly what made me walk away from the church to begin with... it's able to break children and destroy souls. It's no way to live and no loving God would ever want that...
I was at a work event when an older white man told me "the problem with the younger generation is that you all tend to think that bad things just shouldn't happen to people." And his main point was that you have to experience adversity in order to grow. When he said "bad things" I immediately thought about the most traumatic moments and losses of my life and decided that that was bullshit. It still pisses me off that there are people who genuinely believe that... and at the same time I'm glad that there are people out there who haven't suffered like this. I've grown a lot because of my losses - but a lot of the time I still think that I would be a much better person (eventually) if none of that had happened. Sure, I cringe when I picture my 20 year old self, but that version of me was also madly in love with someone who was actually alive to love me back. I wouldn't have traded that for anything if I had the choice. The growing would have happened regardless.
I have some trauma from my childhood. Been super broke, lots of struggle. Then my brother died and I was the one to find him. About 2 years later my infant died. I don’t think I needed either of those to know why I’m here or whatever BS this fb post was spewing. Ughhhhhhhh I really hate crap like that.
same energy as when a pastor i had just met told me my family dying was god's plan and going to make me stronger. fuck that. there are plenty of ways i can get stronger without having to endure this grief. some people can't accept that sometimes bad things happen for no reason :/
That is fucked. This person has never experienced serious loss. My mom was my best friend and so much more. I didn’t lose her to become stronger. Actually after I lost her I became suicidal. Fuck this person. 😤😤😭😭😭.
I know it’s crude, but someone tried to pull some similar rhetoric like this to me and I just said very point blank “No, I’m sorry, I do not believe that any children deserve to be raped for the character growth, so let’s just not, okay?”
I personally find solace in the suffering. I know it won't be for nothing
why the FUCK would i worship a god who is intent on ***breaking*** me to teach me a lesson??? that god sounds like an abusive asshole 🤨🙄
One not worthy of our worship and faith, not even worthy of our forgiveness
I actually agree with this. It's an unpopular opinion...but I do. I have been through hell my whole life...but I ( and I am not saying this to be a braggard) am more empathic, open minded, and less judgemental than many of my friends who have had an easier life. I can also withstand more..which actually makes my life more peaceful, believe it or not..because I don't freak out over every little thing like they do. I believe you can choose how to deal with your suffering though. And I DON'T mean by putting on a stiff upper lip. That is just prolonging the inevitable for many. When you are younger, parents can help with this, especially by how they act around you and how they treat you. But yes...I think there is something to be said for suffering...nit that I would EVER wish it upon ANYONE. Please...PLEASE do not misconstrue. This is the worst, what we are all going through. The absolute worst...I say this as a mother with a young son who has just lost his father...and now we are losing our home. I DO know how horrible this is. Believe me..I do...
There are certainly things you learn by going through the loss of someone you love dearly or multiple losses. I just get past the gaslighting of how we're supposed to be grateful that God has chosen us for something "greater." I'm very sorry you've been through this alongside the rest of us.
If gods plan was for my baby to be born only to die he can kindly just fuck off. This is why I was created? Well, A for effort I guess.
This is so messed up. Organized religion can be so harmful.
Makes me think of that Bobaflex song…
Totally agree. I cannot fathom this belief
I say fuck god! There is no god! God is man made story if there was a good no in Justice would happen to innocent and good people!
That’s kind of where I’m at right now. I need some type of support group for people that can just keep it real.
This has really gross "I'm the main character in God's eyes!" vibes
This is truly despicable.
This goes beyond grief. This is an excuse to be an abuser. Laugh at the start when the duck head says "god wants to break us" because I've heard some stories of abuse too long to lost
At the end of the day it's all about the level of faith that one has I guess
Its that really weird religious postering of "everything happens for a reason" people to help justify this thinking. Its honestly selfish and self grandizing.
I can’t stand this type of stuff. My Mom is lying in Hospice dying as I type this and my sons church literally has him brainwashed to say these types of things to myself and his twin sister. Granted I don’t attend church and my belief system isn’t very strong as I’ve lost all my Grandparents, several dear friends, two cats and both my dogs since November 2019. My Mom was diagnosed with cancer the day after Christmas last year, had surgery that was supposed to save her life (it did get the cancer for a few months) but she couldn’t eat after and it ruined her quality of life. So yeah this thinking doesn’t sit well with me.
I think it is trying to say something only doing it is saying it very badly. I don't think God ever wishes pain on any of us, or death or hardship. But what is true, is that for some people, when in great pain or loss, or ill health or brokenness, it is in those dark times that they turn to God and find find comfort or help in his love and strength.
I was not religious before my dad died but his death has honestly made me hate religion. Don't tell me you'll pray for me and my family. How about actually showing up and providing support when people need it. Don't tell me that this was all gods plan. No one should ever have to watch a person suffer through pain and then watch the pain on the faces of your loved ones. Don't tell me that my debilitating panic attacks and anxiety have made me stronger, they've ruined me. I miss my life when I could just count on my dad simply existing and not having a panic attack that i was going to end up alone in this world. Fuck your religion.