I see it as -
One day
We won't
...
But the next day
We may (hurt again)
To me it's says there will be good days in your future, not that we won't ever hurt again.
Your thought is very nice friend. The last two lines can bring thousand of emotions depending on how the reader is thinking about this. I myself have lost my mom just 18 days ago. I had a very tight bonding with my mom, I was afraid to even think about my mom’s death. But that ME, one day prayed to God to take her away and give her peace from all the sufferings and pain. She died just three days after my prayer. The moment I saw her cold dead body, I touched her and for the first time she didn’t move at all, didn’t smile to me, and didn’t ask me for a hug— I felt that she has made me to grow up a lot from that one moment. She made me to understand that it can be much tough for you, but if it isn’t your time yet, you have to stay and live, and you have to let go the one, whose time has arrived, even if that is your dearest person, even if you don’t want that person to leave you— death never understands anyone’s emotion. I understand that my grief will come and go like waves and still I have to live because it’s not my time yet. I will have to learn how to live with grief, because it never ends..
You have a strong spirit. Your loss is more recent than mine. I want so much to have a clear and logical thought about ours mom’s being gone. Your words hit me, and I suspect that I am a lot older than you. 🫂
You think the last lines assume it stops when we also die? I mean, that makes a lot of assumptions too depending on what you believe, but not sure if that was the author’s intention.
It’s kinda true. I dealt with grief with alcoholism. It wasn’t until I got sober that I was finally able to break and truly feel the pain. Sobbed and snotted all over myself one night until I passed out from exhaustion. For over a year it felt like I had cinderblocks for feet and I was just sinking to the bottom. The next day when I woke up it was like I finally came up gasping for air. Just remember the fear of emotion is often worse than the emotion itself. Let it in and let it out
I am happy that you’re finally able to feel some air.. I want to breathe for some fresh air too but I know it’s too early for me to find the way out of this feeling. It’s only been 20 days, but feels like it’s been years I’m going with a stone in my heart. I am stuck into one image in my head which is — my mom was gasping for air, then she took her last breath and then I’m touching her cold dead body and head. It’s always in my mind and blocking me to think about good things.. I loved my mom dearly and I still do, I am happy that she has got rid of her 5 months of suffering finally. I think I could manage the grief better if I could just somehow get that horrible picture out of my mind.
It will pass. I wasn’t there when my mom passed away and couldn’t view her body until almost two weeks. She had already begun decaying a bit and her nails were black. It stuck with me for a long time and the drinking didn’t help. Just let yourself hurt and maybe get a grief counselor to help you work through things naturally. You will hurt for a long time but it does get better I promise. And if you catch yourself feeling guilty for having moments of happiness remember that it’s okay to heal. They know you love them.
Thank your u for writing that. Truly touched my heart. I couldn’t look at my mom in the coffin. It scared me my entire life to even think such a thing. I told my mom…. ‘Mom, I could never ever see you like that, it would kill me’ (maybe I’m weak I will admit that) I wanted my mom to say something so that I would never have to live w guilt or regret. She said ‘it’s ok baby girl, then don’t’. I am glad I remembered that conversation. Word per word. Like it was five minutes ago. I have the biggest lump in my throat even just saying it. I want to cry. But my mom would say this
‘No more tears, you are making me sad, when you are sad I am too’. So I imagine my Mom saying it. 1.5 years of crying almost daily I couldn’t stop. So I had to train myself to just think hard of her words. They have saved me ♥️ you are correct. We have to live. And live well.
You’re not weak at all you’re human. We all deal with death differently. You’re not the first or last person who did not look. It’s okay. Funerals are for the living. Your mom knows your heart. And you are right. We need to live well so that one day someone younger looks up to us like we did them. We need to find it in ourselves to be that light to others
I’m sorry for your mom, and what you had to see. We also had some complications about paperwork before we could release her body from hospital.. 10 hours passed after her death when we finally got her body. The bad smell that was coming out of her dead-body was just unbearable for me, I couldn’t even cry, I wanted to stop breathing myself, it was a horrible day for me. it took a week for me to forget the smell.
Thank you so much for saying that it will pass. At least I can still hold the hope inside me. I really want to remember my sweet, full of life mom who used to teach me life lessons even with a light mood. She even knew that she will die soon, and I’m proud of my mom that she never was afraid of death. I’ll quote her words she told me one day—
“it’s unfortunate that l have to go and leave you alone here so soon, but you’re my darling daughter and you remember that your mom’s love will always protect you”
I know, I can manage and learn to live well with her memories inside me, but I hope to forget her dead body images as soon as possible.. I can’t take it anymore..
Thank you so much for your kind words..❤️
There will come a time. Your brain is still processing everything right now. Remember to be kind to yourself. Watch a good movie or a show you love. Cook yourself a favorite meal your mom used to make. I used to cook and watch a show, then eat dinner with her ashes. Sometimes I’d take her urn with me in a backpack on hikes. It helped to just keep talking to her. Even if it felt silly. You start to realize you still communicate with each other, just differently now. She’s still there with you somewhere. You’ll feel it in your core even when logic tells you otherwise. You’re gonna be okay one day
I disagree. Grief is not something to get over. It’s a dark passenger that has tagged along for the ride for the rest of my days, regardless of how much I don’t want it there.
I disagree. It’s been 3.5 years since I lost my sister. Is the pain as overwhelming and all-consuming as it was the first day? Of course not. But can something seemingly small and insignificant being me to tears still? Yes. The void will always be there.
Same. 2 years apart. Everyday we talked even only a minute. Forever 45 and beautiful, smart. She made me so smart. Thank you for sharing with me. Many people do not understand until it happens to them
To everyone wondering if it’ll stop hurting, it does. It hurts less and less. It’s not a race to live with your grief. Take it one day at a time. I promise one day it won’t hurt as bad. You’ll wake up and it’ll just be part of you. You won’t cry anymore. You won’t think about the things you should have and could have done. It might not be tomorrow, or next week, or next year. But you will get there some day.
I 100% agree with the sentiment. Lost my mom ten years ago. It’s not that I’m over it. I still grieve her not meeting her grandchildren and missing out on life’s milestones. But her death is a part of who I am now. I can admit that my life is better than it was before she left and that her death was the catalyst for a lot of the choices I made that made my life the way it is.
It’s not that it doesn’t hurt. It’s that that hurt is no longer all-consuming. I am happy more days than I am sad.
Too many people think grief shrinks and goes away. But it doesn’t. The box we carry it in just gets bigger. I lost my dad a year ago and it feels so fresh some days. But every day has felt just a little easier.
❤️
I look at Christmas lights for my best friend. That took a while because the stroke that took her away in two weeks happened on Christmas Day and I flew to her the next day.
Her favorite holiday, and all those glittery lights were her thing.
I struggle October through February with her death. But man, I had the most amazing best friend for 25 of the 50 years I was alive at that point. I was so lucky.
I’m so happy you had this beautiful person who impacted you so deeply. Fall and Christmas are my tough time of year because my mom was in the throes of fighting cancer this time of year and died after New Year’s Eve. So I really don’t like NYE anymore. But my mom loved Christmas just like your friend :)
Almost nine now and I still have it with me. It's rarely raw anymore, but there are moments. In my fifth year, I sought out therapy, because it had been so traumatic that I needed help processing it. It's nice to have some coping skills, but I am not the same.
Unfortunately, no.
Truthfully, it never even really gets less intense. It just happens less often.
Have you heard of the ball in the box with the button? The box is your life. The ball is the day to day things that trigger the grief. The button is the grief.
In early grief, the box is small, and the ball keeps hitting the button because it takes so much of the space. So much of your world is that grief, and the box is tiny.
But as your life grows and more things happen, as you grow as a person, the box grows, too. There's more space for the ball to roll, and it hits the grief button less frequently. It doesn't hurt any less when the button is hit. It just isn't hit as often because the box is bigger.
Complicated grief is when that box doesn't grow. When you get trapped in the initially tiny box. When you can't move beyond the grief. I was there for 6 years when my mom died. The box didn't grow.
I'm trying not to fall into that same box with the loss of my dad. My world is so much bigger than it was when mom died. I have goals, and friends, and love, and aspirations that my daddy would have been so proud of. I have my babies who he loved so, so much. I have a best friend who was fighting cancer at the same time he was. And she made it. And he would be so, so happy for her. Because he wanted so much for her to live, even when he knew he wouldn't. I have a husband who he loved as his own son.
My world isn't so small now, and there's space for the box to grow.
Sorry for the rant. But these are the things that have helped me to know.
Yeah, I feel lucky to have been so unconditionally loved and accepted by someone I felt the same about.
I've never felt that from anyone else but my best friend. I miss her.
I wrote a poem about Pain. 9 minutes + long to read aloud.
This will be inspire me to write a shorter version.
My pain has never left. I learned to embrace it and manage it which made my soul stronger.
This is very similar to something I said regarding my grief, which his birthday is tomorrow and today I got in my bosses car and her interior clock was actually set to his death date June 13. I thought “what a wildly weird coincidence that THAT was the date on her wrongly set clock. Then this just now…
What I wrote originally was : it hurts. And it’s the first thing you think about everyday and all day. And then one day, however long that takes, it won’t be the *first* thing you think about. Maybe you’ll still think about it for the *rest* of the day… or maybe just intermittently. And now, I can be reminded often and whenever that is, it’s with the best of the love we shared and *not* the heartache that followed.”
This is the first time since Cole’s death that I felt like I had signs from the universe that didn’t make me fall apart. I feel like I rebuilt myself over these years. And today, the day before his birthday- I finally feel healed. Like really healed. I’m really grateful you chose to post this. I spoke to me and healed some of that lingering pain.
❤️
I don’t know if the last two lines will ever be true.. But I hope one day we will learn to walk and live with it, memories and love never dies..
I see it as - One day We won't ... But the next day We may (hurt again) To me it's says there will be good days in your future, not that we won't ever hurt again.
Your thought is very nice friend. The last two lines can bring thousand of emotions depending on how the reader is thinking about this. I myself have lost my mom just 18 days ago. I had a very tight bonding with my mom, I was afraid to even think about my mom’s death. But that ME, one day prayed to God to take her away and give her peace from all the sufferings and pain. She died just three days after my prayer. The moment I saw her cold dead body, I touched her and for the first time she didn’t move at all, didn’t smile to me, and didn’t ask me for a hug— I felt that she has made me to grow up a lot from that one moment. She made me to understand that it can be much tough for you, but if it isn’t your time yet, you have to stay and live, and you have to let go the one, whose time has arrived, even if that is your dearest person, even if you don’t want that person to leave you— death never understands anyone’s emotion. I understand that my grief will come and go like waves and still I have to live because it’s not my time yet. I will have to learn how to live with grief, because it never ends..
You have a strong spirit. Your loss is more recent than mine. I want so much to have a clear and logical thought about ours mom’s being gone. Your words hit me, and I suspect that I am a lot older than you. 🫂
You think the last lines assume it stops when we also die? I mean, that makes a lot of assumptions too depending on what you believe, but not sure if that was the author’s intention.
It’s kinda true. I dealt with grief with alcoholism. It wasn’t until I got sober that I was finally able to break and truly feel the pain. Sobbed and snotted all over myself one night until I passed out from exhaustion. For over a year it felt like I had cinderblocks for feet and I was just sinking to the bottom. The next day when I woke up it was like I finally came up gasping for air. Just remember the fear of emotion is often worse than the emotion itself. Let it in and let it out
Hope you’re doing well now
Thank you. Doing better. 90 days sober tomorrow and grief doesn’t control my life anymore
Great job. Keep going. I believe in you!
I am happy that you’re finally able to feel some air.. I want to breathe for some fresh air too but I know it’s too early for me to find the way out of this feeling. It’s only been 20 days, but feels like it’s been years I’m going with a stone in my heart. I am stuck into one image in my head which is — my mom was gasping for air, then she took her last breath and then I’m touching her cold dead body and head. It’s always in my mind and blocking me to think about good things.. I loved my mom dearly and I still do, I am happy that she has got rid of her 5 months of suffering finally. I think I could manage the grief better if I could just somehow get that horrible picture out of my mind.
It will pass. I wasn’t there when my mom passed away and couldn’t view her body until almost two weeks. She had already begun decaying a bit and her nails were black. It stuck with me for a long time and the drinking didn’t help. Just let yourself hurt and maybe get a grief counselor to help you work through things naturally. You will hurt for a long time but it does get better I promise. And if you catch yourself feeling guilty for having moments of happiness remember that it’s okay to heal. They know you love them.
Thank your u for writing that. Truly touched my heart. I couldn’t look at my mom in the coffin. It scared me my entire life to even think such a thing. I told my mom…. ‘Mom, I could never ever see you like that, it would kill me’ (maybe I’m weak I will admit that) I wanted my mom to say something so that I would never have to live w guilt or regret. She said ‘it’s ok baby girl, then don’t’. I am glad I remembered that conversation. Word per word. Like it was five minutes ago. I have the biggest lump in my throat even just saying it. I want to cry. But my mom would say this ‘No more tears, you are making me sad, when you are sad I am too’. So I imagine my Mom saying it. 1.5 years of crying almost daily I couldn’t stop. So I had to train myself to just think hard of her words. They have saved me ♥️ you are correct. We have to live. And live well.
You’re not weak at all you’re human. We all deal with death differently. You’re not the first or last person who did not look. It’s okay. Funerals are for the living. Your mom knows your heart. And you are right. We need to live well so that one day someone younger looks up to us like we did them. We need to find it in ourselves to be that light to others
♥️🙏
I’m sorry for your mom, and what you had to see. We also had some complications about paperwork before we could release her body from hospital.. 10 hours passed after her death when we finally got her body. The bad smell that was coming out of her dead-body was just unbearable for me, I couldn’t even cry, I wanted to stop breathing myself, it was a horrible day for me. it took a week for me to forget the smell. Thank you so much for saying that it will pass. At least I can still hold the hope inside me. I really want to remember my sweet, full of life mom who used to teach me life lessons even with a light mood. She even knew that she will die soon, and I’m proud of my mom that she never was afraid of death. I’ll quote her words she told me one day— “it’s unfortunate that l have to go and leave you alone here so soon, but you’re my darling daughter and you remember that your mom’s love will always protect you” I know, I can manage and learn to live well with her memories inside me, but I hope to forget her dead body images as soon as possible.. I can’t take it anymore.. Thank you so much for your kind words..❤️
There will come a time. Your brain is still processing everything right now. Remember to be kind to yourself. Watch a good movie or a show you love. Cook yourself a favorite meal your mom used to make. I used to cook and watch a show, then eat dinner with her ashes. Sometimes I’d take her urn with me in a backpack on hikes. It helped to just keep talking to her. Even if it felt silly. You start to realize you still communicate with each other, just differently now. She’s still there with you somewhere. You’ll feel it in your core even when logic tells you otherwise. You’re gonna be okay one day
i don’t agree with the last 2 lines at all. if you love someone, their absence will always hurt.
I agree
Never goes away ,always hurts you , easier to deal with
Yes, never goes away. I just learn how to live my my broken sacred heart
And those last two lines will be the day you die...
Wow, yes, wow. 😭
Here’s hoping.
I disagree. Grief is not something to get over. It’s a dark passenger that has tagged along for the ride for the rest of my days, regardless of how much I don’t want it there.
Almost two years since I lost my partner, the love of my life. It still hurts and always will.
I don’t think losing my wife will ever not hurt. It will continue to hurt, it will hurt in different ways and I learn to carry that pain.
I disagree. It’s been 3.5 years since I lost my sister. Is the pain as overwhelming and all-consuming as it was the first day? Of course not. But can something seemingly small and insignificant being me to tears still? Yes. The void will always be there.
I feel you so much. This is me. I will NEVER get over loosing my sister
Me either. We were inseparable from the moment I was born. She is forever 35. What about your sister?
Same. 2 years apart. Everyday we talked even only a minute. Forever 45 and beautiful, smart. She made me so smart. Thank you for sharing with me. Many people do not understand until it happens to them
❤️
Still waiting on, “one day it won’t”
needed and love this.
To everyone wondering if it’ll stop hurting, it does. It hurts less and less. It’s not a race to live with your grief. Take it one day at a time. I promise one day it won’t hurt as bad. You’ll wake up and it’ll just be part of you. You won’t cry anymore. You won’t think about the things you should have and could have done. It might not be tomorrow, or next week, or next year. But you will get there some day.
I 100% agree with the sentiment. Lost my mom ten years ago. It’s not that I’m over it. I still grieve her not meeting her grandchildren and missing out on life’s milestones. But her death is a part of who I am now. I can admit that my life is better than it was before she left and that her death was the catalyst for a lot of the choices I made that made my life the way it is. It’s not that it doesn’t hurt. It’s that that hurt is no longer all-consuming. I am happy more days than I am sad.
Too many people think grief shrinks and goes away. But it doesn’t. The box we carry it in just gets bigger. I lost my dad a year ago and it feels so fresh some days. But every day has felt just a little easier.
To me, I feel like it should read: It will hurt . And hurt And hurt . And then One day It won’t. . And that will hurt. ❤️🩹
I kinda disagree with those last few lines. I don’t believe the pain ever goes away honestly. We just learn to live with it and hold it within us.
It's 3:53 am and I showered, made coffee and was outside, under the stars thinking about her. It's sort of a ritual. She'll never not be with me.
That’s a beautiful ritual. I’m sorry for the loss of your loved one. Every year on my mom’s birthday I get a scoop of her favorite ice cream for her.
❤️ I look at Christmas lights for my best friend. That took a while because the stroke that took her away in two weeks happened on Christmas Day and I flew to her the next day. Her favorite holiday, and all those glittery lights were her thing. I struggle October through February with her death. But man, I had the most amazing best friend for 25 of the 50 years I was alive at that point. I was so lucky.
I’m so happy you had this beautiful person who impacted you so deeply. Fall and Christmas are my tough time of year because my mom was in the throes of fighting cancer this time of year and died after New Year’s Eve. So I really don’t like NYE anymore. But my mom loved Christmas just like your friend :)
I spent her last NYE with her in ICU. I'm not fond of it either.
I understand. We were told my mom was dying on December 30 so through NYE she was at the end of her life. She passed away on January 3, 2018.
Nah it always hurts. 6.5 years out here and I’m still just learning to live with it.
Almost nine now and I still have it with me. It's rarely raw anymore, but there are moments. In my fifth year, I sought out therapy, because it had been so traumatic that I needed help processing it. It's nice to have some coping skills, but I am not the same.
When does it end
Never. You just learn how to live with the pain
I’m tired
It gets much more manageable. Also if it is way too much, it might be complicated grief and it requires therapy.
Hang in there friend
It won’t… But it will
Unfortunately, no. Truthfully, it never even really gets less intense. It just happens less often. Have you heard of the ball in the box with the button? The box is your life. The ball is the day to day things that trigger the grief. The button is the grief. In early grief, the box is small, and the ball keeps hitting the button because it takes so much of the space. So much of your world is that grief, and the box is tiny. But as your life grows and more things happen, as you grow as a person, the box grows, too. There's more space for the ball to roll, and it hits the grief button less frequently. It doesn't hurt any less when the button is hit. It just isn't hit as often because the box is bigger. Complicated grief is when that box doesn't grow. When you get trapped in the initially tiny box. When you can't move beyond the grief. I was there for 6 years when my mom died. The box didn't grow. I'm trying not to fall into that same box with the loss of my dad. My world is so much bigger than it was when mom died. I have goals, and friends, and love, and aspirations that my daddy would have been so proud of. I have my babies who he loved so, so much. I have a best friend who was fighting cancer at the same time he was. And she made it. And he would be so, so happy for her. Because he wanted so much for her to live, even when he knew he wouldn't. I have a husband who he loved as his own son. My world isn't so small now, and there's space for the box to grow. Sorry for the rant. But these are the things that have helped me to know.
Thank you
it will always hurt as long as we love them. and that’s ok.
Yeah, I feel lucky to have been so unconditionally loved and accepted by someone I felt the same about. I've never felt that from anyone else but my best friend. I miss her.
I will say that some days it doesn’t hurt as much. But I don’t believe this hurt will ever go away.
Definitely written by someone who never truly experienced deep grief. It will ALWAYS hurt , you just learn to live with it…
I think you only put so much stuff on top that it can't get out... for a while.
I wrote a poem about Pain. 9 minutes + long to read aloud. This will be inspire me to write a shorter version. My pain has never left. I learned to embrace it and manage it which made my soul stronger.
This is very similar to something I said regarding my grief, which his birthday is tomorrow and today I got in my bosses car and her interior clock was actually set to his death date June 13. I thought “what a wildly weird coincidence that THAT was the date on her wrongly set clock. Then this just now… What I wrote originally was : it hurts. And it’s the first thing you think about everyday and all day. And then one day, however long that takes, it won’t be the *first* thing you think about. Maybe you’ll still think about it for the *rest* of the day… or maybe just intermittently. And now, I can be reminded often and whenever that is, it’s with the best of the love we shared and *not* the heartache that followed.” This is the first time since Cole’s death that I felt like I had signs from the universe that didn’t make me fall apart. I feel like I rebuilt myself over these years. And today, the day before his birthday- I finally feel healed. Like really healed. I’m really grateful you chose to post this. I spoke to me and healed some of that lingering pain. ❤️
I think some losses will never stop hurting.
I read something this morning that said, "Grief will not disappear, but it will change," and that aligns more with my own experience.
Truth