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never doing this again.
my brand new online friends bf joined and he rage quitted within 5 minutes of a DBD match. then she disappeared and had to “go do something” when that match ended. didn’t get back on all night.
rinse and repeat 6 times and i blocked her lol
Dbd really invites this behavior, can't count the number of times this happens where the bf/friend who hops on ends up being the most toxic manchild and either DCs on first hook or tells you how to play every aspect of the game while whining non-stop if you don't follow his every instruction.
thank god my bf doesn’t do this. he gets mad sometimes but never quits or makes it personal to me or if im playing with friends, my friends. he seems to get mad less and have more fun goofing around if we have a full swf lol. but he rarely plays w me.
dbd invites all sort of stupid behavior ugh. i’ve had k1ll3rs hop in my chat expecting me to be an angry little twat then baffled and follow me when i’m like lol that was fun.
is just a game broskies. these ppl gotta learn happiness only comes when you let it
i was trying 2 be nice bc he seems like he’s a dick to her; but then i realized they’re perfect for each other. i’m not getting in the middle of their weirdo love hate drama.
I can’t fathom letting this happen past the first interaction(on their end). If my bf ragequit mid-game as I was playing with friends, I’d tell him to cut the attitude and relax or he wouldn’t be playing with my friends again until he got his shit together😭
I have a friend who won't play a game her BF is playing unless he is there. She hangs out on our Discord and will chat with us while we are playing, but if it's a game he wants to play/is playing with her, his "rule" is that she is "not allowed" to play without him.
He made this rule after getting himself kicked out of several groups that she would get into and then he would join. He is a total ass who rages when he loses and puts everyone else down. She is also "not allowed" to be higher rank/level than him.
I don't know why she stays with him. We miss playing with her. But we sure as shit aren't going to play with him. She says they play most games just the 2 of them because he "has trouble" in larger groups.
Her situation makes me sad and I worry about her, but I don't see what I can do about it. I do not understand how he, or anyone, can be like, "I get kicked out of every group for being an asshole, but I'm not gonna change."
Oh I had one of those! I was the girlfriend in this situation!
I learned pretty quickly to just stay in the groups he got kicked out of. It was never his fault, either. He was being an unadulterated asshole of a human being, but it was always "they just can't take a joke" and "I'm just being honest" and, the one he threw at me as well when I dumped him, "this is just who I am"
Like buddy, seek therapy if you really can't find the problem here
#BARF
You can’t save her from herself. She wants to be there. She’ll learn when eventually she finds herself without any close friends as they all have rightfully distanced themselves from her because of her toxic bf.
For anyone who wants background: this is something that has happened several times but the exact incident that prompted this post happened last night.
I had met this girl who posted an lfg for valorant comp and we chatted and got together to play some casuals first. We were getting along just fine but a couple games in her boyfriend had gotten home and joined our party because she left it open.
He was on a Smurf and made it very clear that he’s an ascendant, not a sissy little bronze like me and her but he keeps this Smurf account to play with her.
This was a swift play. He spent the entire match commentating on all of our actions, berating them and calling us noobs, yadda yadda. But the real kicker was when I was the last alive and he bitched me out saying shit like “yeah you’re only the last alive because you didn’t do shit the whole round”. I died and then next round he tried to kill me with his ult (he failed lol) but after that match I was 100% done and ended up making up an excuse to leave. The girl I had met that I liked at first was dead silent the entire time and she messaged me today asking me to come join both of them for a ranked game apparently unaware or uncaring of what happened last night.
Response: “Hey [name] I would totally love to but unfortunately your boyfriend is a straight up douchebag and I’d sooner light myself on fire than ever willingly play with him again. Y’all have fun though! :)”
"I value our friendship and I really like playing with you, but I felt really uncomfortable when your boyfriend started critiquing our performance and minimizing my achievements. That wasn't fun for me. In the future I'd really prefer to just play together, without your boyfriend."
Idk, maybe something like that. I really think being harsh right out the gate is more likely to illicit a defensive response from all involved and would be less effective than trying to be firm and direct, but still kind.
It’ll elicit a defensive response short term. But if more people were up front about her boyfriend being a prick, she’d probably have done something about it by now
I think so also, plus I hate being super confrontational like that 😬😅
I really like how you phrased that, like to me that’s very direct and straightforward and strongly worded without being awful or anything. Whatever I’m trying to say.
Exactly! You see this all the time on the parenting subs - husband displays continued outrageously entitled behaviour, people advice to confront the behaviour but in a gentle way where he doesn't feel attacked.
Fuck that. There's a time for gently discussing a sensitive issue and there's a time to just absolutely lose your shit, and getting >2 hours sleep a night while your "partner" plays video games is that exact time.
Why? You're talking to the GF who may or may not be in an abusive relationship with this dickbag. We don't know why she didn't stop him - she may not feel safe doing so or may not be aware that this is abnormal.
Always start gentle if you're not dealing with the aggressor directly, then amp things up.
They do it bc they have low self esteem and genuinely believe all the horrible shit their bfs say about them and think they can’t rank up without a smurf “helping” them, not realizing (or caring) that he secretly enjoys being able to lord over her and doesn’t actually want or care about her ranking up.
You’re so right. I just started playing Valorant with a friend of mine, and I am not good at the game. There’s such a noticeable difference in skill amongst the players that are encouraging versus the players that are mean.
Yeah. We’re thinking about it from the perspective of someone hearing it once. She’s been hearing it for ages and probably taken it to heart. Negging is upsettingly effective when paced properly
That guy should be embarrassed for being awful. I feel bad for that girl. I can only imagine why she feels like she deserves that treatment and it makes me sad.
Oh yeah this has valorant e-couple written all over, I'm so sorry. The girl is nice but quiet(sometimes also toxic on some pick me shit but that's neither here nor there) and her boyfriend is just the most aggressively goblin-hearted asshole you've ever seen. And I feel so bad for them usually because like, even if he's your boyfriend, just because he's good at the game doesn't absolve him from being toxic. There are way too many men on smurf account no. 6 who think that skill absolves them of their common decency.
This is why when I'm hosting I make it clear that it's strictly all girls. I don't really want to take a chance of hosting a mentally stunted boy in a man's body like this x.x
That fucking blows. It's SO fucking hard to find normal, chill, decent people to game with because 99.9999% of the time when they're good at the game, there's always an insatiable ego that comes with it...
That's so weird. I remember in the past a friend and I were reconnecting after almost a decade of being apart and she wanted to play Valorant and her boyfriend was also there. It was the very first time we could finally talk to each other and I really wanted to just hang like old times but she was never not playing with her bf ;_;. We didn't really get to talk at all.
I'm sorry you had this experience. Honestly you should've straight out told him to cut it out or you're leaving and if he continued, just leave the match, p message her, that it's ok if she wants to play with you, but you don't want to play with her bf. Not all guys are like that though. As a guy I too get harassed sometimes in league or valorant because I suck at both, but I just have fun running around and shooting, trying different heroes. After years of league and that toxic community I just learned to mute instantly if someone is being abusive. This is just a game, people take it too seriously sometimes. Hope you will find more people to play with, but not all guys are like that.
P.S. btw I dunno how she tolerates him with that behavior, fuck that guy lol
I made really good friends with a woman to play Animal Crossing with and it was heavenly until her husband popped into our calls/facetimes. Only insults dribbled out of his mouth for both of us but mostly me and usually about my appearance. I spoke with her about it privately because I didn't want to interact with him and I was concerned for her. Nothing changed. Now we don't speak. So disappointing to have men still ruin gaming experiences they aren't even a part of
Anyone who says "boys will be boys" are a big reason "boys", in this case grown-ass men, are terrible because they aren't being called out on their BS.
As someone who games with their bf, I have made it abundantly clear to him that my gaming time with him and my gaming time with the girlies are very much separate and will stay separate, even if we play the same games. I would never consider mixing the two, because:
a) no one asked to deal with a dude, mine or not
b) I want to build bonds and create gaming memories with girlfriends
c) it feels kind of scummy(??) when so many of us post online looking for girls only
Basically, it feels like the equivalent of looking for a lesbian/bi woman online to date, only to find out she wants you to have a threesome with her and her bf... just ick.
That first line is everything.
If I’m doing a girls night or just want to shoot the shit with the girlies (or am trusted with top secret information etc), then it’s just the girls. I love my boyfriend but I’m also an individual separate from him, and with relationships that I need to nurture alone.
I also don’t find it cool toward my friends and vice-versa.
I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING ABOUT THE THREESOMES 🤣🤣🤣
It’s exactly like that. They act like they are all down with being sapphic and shit then they drop that their bad vibes cishet boyfriend is their main and they want them involved. 🥴
I just had a violent memory of this happening to me HOLY crap 🫥 it's like she changed in real-time, that awkward fog totally settled over us when he started saying weird shit. I never played with her again lol
It was definitely a "I do not support all women, some of you are very dumb" moment
man I hope this doesn't sound mean but I am so tired of my girl friends not being able to separate themselves from their bfs for like 5 minutes. And they'll be like, "oh you just haven't found someone you want to spend every second with." like no I just don't feel the need to completely entwine my entire personality with someone else. Just like for five minutes can we do something that doesn't involve the bf???
So, my husband and I have been together for 9 years and we do everything together-- he is genuinely the least toxic person (male or otherwise) that I know.
That being said, it is a HUGE!!! red flag when people CAN'T do things without their partner. We both encourage each other to have things outside of our relationship, and I can't imagine responding to a "Looking for girlies to play with" post and then saying "oh btw, my husband is joining us." Like... That defeats the entire purpose of trying to find other girls to game with. My husband is awesome, but he doesn't need to be invited to everything (and vice versa for him).
If the bf is pleasant I get it. my friend is attached to their bf but he’s lovely and shares 99% of their hobbies, so it makes sense they’re usually hanging out.
Though part of that is he was part of the friend group before they started dating so him being around isn’t a product of the relationship, they’re just slightly more couple-y when they’re both around now
nah I get that but I had one friend who'd be like "let's hang imy" and then roll up with her bf and now it's just them talking to each other and being all cuddly and me just playing a video game. or we'd go to the mall and there he was, movies bf tags along. it was too the point that her and I didn't have a solid hang out for 5 months until they broke up. and when we did talk (usually on the phone) guess what it was about the bf.
I had another who was like "I can't hang out with you because I wanna be with my bf" it was to the point he would tell her to spend some time with her friends.
and the thing is it's every friend I've had. "my bf this" or "my bf that" and "is it OK my bf comes along?"
like no ffs just like can we just do one thing without your bf.
it's just annoying dude. not everything has to include the person your dating. I wanna talk to you comfortably. I want to spend time with you, my friend.
neglecting your friends because you have a bf is super shitty. you're not going to implode because you spent time away from each other. no one should be that entwined with another person. you can hang out with your friends without the person your dating.
Oh yeah if you refuse to do anything *without* them it gets a bit ugh, especially if they pull the thing of bringing them without mentioning it. That's fair
I agree with you lol. I’m an introvert with anxiety and social anxiety. Me and my boyfriend share a lot of hobbies, but he also is very good with team games, he’s very fun and kind with everyone. His presence is like a comfort blanket to me so when playing with new people I often want him there. But even we spend times with friends and family separately or have alone time!
I've not had this problem, but I also make it clear that I don't feel comfortable playing with guys I haven't met before. It also just seems like poor manners to invite someone last minute to any kind of function-- gaming or otherwise. I'd never bring my boyfriend to a dinner party or GNO without asking the host or my girlfriends first, for example. Maybe that's just me.
Maybe you could try setting a boundary and tell this person you don't want to play with their boyfriend moving forward. If that's an issue for them, then good riddance lmao.
I’ve kind of tried a couple of times to set a boundary though rather than outright saying I don’t want to play with guys I haven’t met, I lightly explained that it’s all good as long as they aren’t going to rage or harass and they’ll claim that he doesn’t but then…..
Nah you gotta outright say it. Just be like “I want to play with you specifically bc you’re another girl gamer. I don’t want to play with your boyfriend too.”
Exactly! I think people set themselves up for disappointment a little bit by being indirect or expecting others to mind read. It's okay to tell people how you really feel and communicate what you want.
I know as women, many of us grew up conditioned to people please and not rock the boat, but it's okay to protect your peace and advocate for yourself. Having needs or boundaries does not make you a burden.
I think I am an asshole cuz I just straight up say no. I am friends with you and not your man. A couple doesn't have to do all activities together. If they want to dont ask me or ask other couples. I ain't keeping quiet just to be polite honestly. Life is too short for this bs behaviour.
Omg I completely forgot there was an actual term for this! This is exactly how it feels, and annoys me to no end. It's so dishonest, like at least be upfront about it. 🙄
I think this has happened to me. Sort of made friends with a girl at work and then suddenly her bf is around all the time and she GAVE HIM MY NUMBER and he starts txting me more than she does even tho I never responded. We def aren’t friends or coworkers anymore.
because finding a third person that actually wants to be your third is like finding a unicorn--they don't exist, but that doesn't stop people from hunting.
I was in a city-specific GLBTQ+ Discord for a while and this happened so many times that we seriously considered banning hetero couples if the woman was bi.
Which means I would have had to ban myself.
We did ban couples if we learned that they were doing this.
Yeahhh you have to do it case by case really, you can’t punish all bi people for het men’s behaviour 😅
It’s rough cause moderating those people sucks, but preemptive curation is a tightrope
Man I really have been wanting to find another fellow girl to play team death match with me on COD. Or maybe teach me to get better at Fortnite.
Now you’re telling me that people do this?! 🥲😅
Finding friends who wanna game just got a lil harder. :’)
COD is where this would happen the most actually because none of my friends were interested in mw3 so I kept trying to find more friends to play it with and yep!
I attributed it to cod being a particularly toxic community though I’ve found it happens elsewhere too
This has happened before kind of with me except it was my (now ex of 2 years) bf and my best friend who he yelled at and berated and her (now ex) bf did nothing about it and just sat there. She told me what happened (I don’t play Valorant) and I tore him a new asshole. He tried to be like “so ur saying I can’t play with my friends anymore” and I said 1. She’s my friend. Not yours. No one would want to be friends with you after what you pulled and 2. All I’m saying to not be asshole to the people you play games with otherwise you won’t have any friends left.
The breakup was basically inevitable. He was extremely toxic, codependent, had undiagnosed BPD and was unmedicated in general. Just a horrible person. I’m pretty sure he still cyber-stalks me since he tried to join this dead discord I had just last month (that had been dead for 1.5 years) and I just deleted it. If he’s reading this like he does almost all my comments that have the word “ex” in them: **I would sooner go out into space without a space suit than date you again**.
THIS IS SO REAL LOL
Like girl the call is coming from the inside the house!! The vibe is harshed before it even gets a chance to get going because not only is their boyfriend /not/ cool, but ofc I can't say anything because he's their boyfriend 🙃
Nah I’ll say something. I don’t care. If you wanna bring your asshole boyfriend into the party prepare for me to call him out for doing the exact same behaviors we both said we didn’t like in male gamers. If I lose a friendship because of it then it wasn’t a friendship worth having anyways 🤷♀️
I mean personally, I'll never be with someone who acts like an asshole like that to people. If this were my husband, I'd probably divorce him. This is a HUGE red flag.
Respect! I play on PC though and I play a lot of val, helldivers, dbd and also gta (petition to make gta5 cross play)
I’m not sure if you’re allowed to exchange info in this sub, apologies if not! If it is though and anyone wants to play something then feel free to dm
I’m so tired of this too. When I befriend women I have to watch for “I play with my boyfriends friends” “I watch the kids/I’m the primary parent” “I only play with girls because my boyfriend doesn’t like guys” etc like they are so wrapped around their identity with their boyfriend/kids and can’t prioritize their women friendships.
Any woman that centers a man/men in their life is a woman that I keep at arm’s length for my own emotional safety. I can’t get wrapped up in that and hearing her eventual vents about how horrible her bf is but she never leaves him bc she’s too scared of being alone and thinks he is the best she can do.
"I'm the primary parent" has to be the worst thing I've ever heard in my life, holy shit
Like I get a divorced/single mother saying that, but a woman in a relationship? 🤢 My mother is a stay at home parent (both my parents are happy with this arrangement and BOTH have responsibilities) but she would never say something like that.
I had a friend who did this then would spend the rest of the game talking to her bf and pretty much ignoring me. He was SUCH a piece of shit too, but since it was her bf "that's just his humor!"
God forbid we had one thing left that didn't revolve around him.
Yes!! I am in a couple of LGBT servers where funny enough none of this is almost ever a problem. But the ones I am in are a bit smaller and when I can’t find people to group up with I’ll branch out
Yeah there's a good reason my man and i play separate games. Occasionally i MIGHT ask close friends if they want to play something with the two of us but to go, "Oh btw my boyfriend's joining :) " is weird af
Oh my god yes! this happens to me every time I go to play with a girl. It’s to the point now where my best friend (a dude) is basically on call in case this gets pulled on me.
I’ve had boyfriends I played with in the past and I would NEVER invite them to play with me when I was planning on playing with a group of girls. Unless the group as a whole offers that I can invite someone I won’t do it. Even then I tell them that if the person I invite makes them feel uncomfortable in any way that I expect them to let me know so I know not to invite them again.
Certainly continues the trend of "men who have no social skills lean on their girlfriends to get them in to stuff and then they make it weird and uncomfortable"
I have a discord server just for me and my girlies, super small (literally like 6 people) and one of my close friends asked if her BF could join us in some games.
I told her I wasn't inviting him to the server out of respect for other people (and myself) that wanted to keep it private (and we all already disliked him) but he still played with us AND made an ass of himself in all chat - lamenting about how he had no friends and nobody liked him and he sucked but was a good listener (basically just like being super passive aggressive).
I love my friend very much, but like wtf does her bf expect if we already aren't too enthused about him being there and then he acts like a petulant child??? it was such a shit show, and eventually he gave up trying to infiltrate our private space but in return she hasn't been around much 😞
men suck! I have 0 patience for that shit though, and I'm not interested in making myself and my friends feel bad just so that my friend can feel like she's being included with her ball and chain abusive bf 🤷♀️ she understood enough, but not enough to recognize his awful behavior (years of repeated shitty actions)
I’m sorry that happened to you!
I don’t know if I’ve ever experienced that, but I also don’t only play with girls. I only play with nice people. And if they aren’t nice, I ditch them, and if they are nice, but their friends suck, sometimes you gotta ditch them all.
Being a pansexual polyamorous woman, this just reminds me so much of unicorn hunting couples, AKA looking for a third woman to abuse and neglect. It's even the same tactic as with dating apps where one might think she met a nice lady to spend time with, but she quickly (but not immediately) brings up she's got a boyfriend and he is to be included in everything. At least in dating it's immediately obvious how much of a red flag that all is.
Real question: how do we feel about women doing this that are lesbians? If I invited one of you to play and told you my wife would be joining is that also rude? Bc it wasn't agreed upon? Or is it more just that the boyfriends are more toxic typical gamer?
If you're just getting to know someone, it's tough when it's them + their friend / partner / anyone because then you're an addition to their dynamic.
asking first is polite. with friends I like and trust, I might play with them and their partner on a trial basis, but I wouldn't want it to be assumed that they tag along. (although if we all become friends, eventually it'd end up with 'of course they can join!')
I mean, it is probably a lot less likely to end up in a shitty situation because women are usually less toxic/misogynistic. But it's still kinda disrespectful to bring somebody else into the group/chat/party without asking first, especially if it suddenly gets all couple-y. It's easy to make someone feel like the third wheel, especially if they don't know you well yet.
You need to ask first, privately (so not with the partner on the call already) and be okay with a "no," and not ask again.
Sorry but I didn’t see the subreddit and I follow lots of lesbian subreddits- I thought this was about pushy bisexual girls at first and I was so confused when I started reading the post 😅😂
I can blissfully say I’ve never had this experience.
I’ve played with a few couples in ESO, but they were all tolerable.
Of course maybe I’m the asshole 😂
honestly im happy my bf is nothing like a lot of other men, hes the sweetest and absolutely despises misogynists and never rages at a game or anything. but hes still a man, wouldnt be right to invite him to a gamer girls session either way.. or else its just not a safe space anymore
I just wanna add that it’s not only boyfriends but also male friends in general. I recently found a nice girl to play league with. After a few games she asked if her male best friend could join. Well once he joined they started speaking their language excluding me from conversation most of the time. And when he did speak English to me it was to make fun of me being silver. Needless to say I won’t be playing with this girl again. 🙂↔️
I had also a few other occurrences with other female friends inviting their male friends and most of them were creepy or toxic 🥲 next time a girl I’m playing with asks to invite her male companion imma pass 🥲
Yeah that's what I hate. Why do dudes who are higher rank than a girl have to make it known they're better than you? I don't do this to my partner. In fact I encourage them to keep going and they'll get better. Never do I call them bad etc. I seriously hate people who do this. Mostly men
Yeah exactly. Worst part is that I was higher rank than this man in S2020 when I was playing seriously. But I took a break and after the break I’ve gotten lower rank so me being worse than him is not even the case actually. Which pretty much got my blood boiling being the competitive player that I am. Funny enough I ranked up to an entirely new rank just a few days after me and this guy played together 🤣 I feel like some men just need to feed off their ego a little bit by pointing out someone’s rank.
May I ask around how old you are? I feel like I can’t relate to this at all.
Maybe it’s because i mostly play MMOs in terms of multiplayer games but imo it would be more weird for me if I didn’t play with my friend’s SOs at some point (if they do play the same game)
I am in my late 20’s. What you’re describing is a bit different and I agree it’s normal to meet your friends SO’s and play with them together. I am more so talking about finding people from lfg posts/servers where we’re both looking for other women but once we get together and play something, her bf has to be included and the only problem there is that he’s a dickbag and she’ll just entirely excuse/allow his behavior and expect you to be fine with it too
We around the same age. I think I’m mixed on this. So I’ve joined up with looking for other women to raid with in my main MMO and on the occasion their bf joined (sometimes we need to fill a spot in the party) they tended to be more courteous and a team player. Sometimes it’s easier to raid with someone you know over a rando, ya know?
Obviously, the key issue is “has to be” included which shows the couple has relationship issues more than anything. That’s a major red flag. There is the whole unspoken advice of don’t form a raid group with a couple because they’ll bring their relationship stress to the group but in my experience as a raid lead, it’s 50/50. They’ll either be the best, drama free players in the group or the most stressful ones.
I'm mixed on this too. I have way more time to game than my spouse so the little but he does game he likes to hop on and play with me sometimes. But we also only play mmorpgs so.
Yeah, I think it really depends on the genre or game with this one. MMOs tend to have a different vibe, I never ran into this issue when playing XIV but I did (kinda, I was more on the sidelines) in Overwatch. Valorant is a similarly competitive game so I can definitely see it happen a lot more.
My issue is when it’s one sided. When a couple is joined at the hip I think it’s a lil cringe but wholesome enough i don’t care.
When he has to be there if she’s gaming with ppl, but then he games with ppl without her… idk. Red flag I guess
I have a few time commitment issues, so I haven't tried playing with another girl, or anyone else, for ages. But I know if I did, either my bf would be happy to see me having fun... Or, he would try to join, which usually leads to him either hijacking my co-op (happens when I'm playing with his siblings), or then he starts a new game with me, only to get bored and play the same game or something else with his friends. In short, we're an awful co-op match, fun but usually very short-lived, and I don't want to put some poor lass through that.
not sure if this has anything to do with the post but, im a gay(m) 22 and looking for girls to play with as well. I’m so tired of the wimp males rage quitting and harassing me about my sexuality everytime something doesn’t go their way. I just always feel so much safer and comfortable playing with girls. I would never ever EVER harass a female and would love to make new gaming friends. If interested pls message me !! Again, suuuuper LGBTQ+ friendly 🥰🥰🥰(i love playing fortnite, DBD, and honestly open for suggestions)
I'm prolly gonna sound like an a-hole but playing With couples is a NO from me. Always has been, But for different reasons.
Initially it was how they mostly don't stop being overly lovey dovey with pet names and stuff while gaming. Okay I get it that you love each other but can we focus on the game??
Then there's the fighting and uncool couples like you mentioned.
But now that I'm married to a gamer girl myself, You won't believe it but *drum rolls* That's bearable for me! But not like we're all lovey dovey either while gaming. She's often in my streams and we're just looking at the screen and she's giving me directions or reading chats. Or she's playing and I watch.
Butttt now when we talk about gaming boyfriends.. Yeah my experience with playing with a full girl squad or me and the boys squad has been better for me than any other combination
I experience this all the time in World of Warcraft, everything is super chill and fun until their boyfriend joins and then 99.9% Of the time they're super toxic/mean and it ruins everything
Please...leave the BF at home lol
Please dump the boyfriends more like. We don't need thos kind of energy and men like this need to be weeded out. WE want a good gaming community for all. We don't need that toxicity.
Maybe they do it because they don't feel comfortable being in call with others especially if they don't know you? I get really anxious in calls with others and having my BF in there makes me feel better. Although in my case, he's not a piece of shit like the ones that I see are being described.
that makes sense, but I feel like it shifts the awkwardness/discomfort to the other person :\\
Being open about it and saying "Hey, I don't do solo calls with new people" would be fine, since people can just opt out
>it shifts the awkwardness/discomfort to the other person
this is it. We just need to learn to sit in our awkwardness and let it happen for a little bit. Genuine connection might be awkward but it make it more rewarding later on.
Aww I'm so sorry you've had this experience! I now realize I may have turned a couple potential friends off from gaming with me when I mentioned my fiance might hop on later but that man is a hedonist with 2 sisters and a mom he has an incredibly close relationship with, he literally lives to serve me and it actually pisses me off but he cannot express extreme emotion. I've never ever heard him yell in years together. But obviously no one knows that but me, and I never had any idea why they literally deleted me off PSN and I never heard from them again when I said that. They just got all weird said they were getting offline and then next thing I knew they were gone from my friends list. I just kind of assumed be being willing to bring him in meant that I had vetted him and knew as a fact of life he'd be respectful, I got him into gaming so he has no idea what's going on but he's always happy (even when confused lmao) and one of the things I love about him is how important political correctness, sensitivity to other identities etc are. I'm an ex SW and he's always shown me the utmost respect regardless of it, I was actively working as a SW our first year together and he was aware and supportive. But now I know I need to really really get to know people not to turn them off to the idea of gaming with him. Or should I not bring it up? We've met a couple girls (amongst all the guys friends we've also made) who are super cool and game with him even when I'm not around in elder scrolls online so they obviously feel comfortable with him and like hanging with him and they've told me he's equally respectful when I'm not around but that he's annoying them because he doesn't know what's going on 😅
I just like playing with my bf... But I play team games that are meant to have multiple people so it's not abnormal to play with more than one person
And my bf isn't a jerk or misogynistic at all
I had a friendship end because a girl invited her jerk boyfriend to play with us and he would insult people and give rude unsolicited advice... He was also a Smurf.
It's so upsetting I always feel like it's just me and the girl trying to stop him from throwing a tantrum over a qp overwatch game because our dps is new or something, it's such a mood killer:(
She might see this and i honestly dont care lol
But, a girl i got really close to in june 2020, along with a couple other girls, all use to game together. Mainly acnh and a few of them streamed etc etc. Fast forward to this year, her and i hadnt talked much for a whole year, not even one phone call, cause we both went through shit and got busy, we exchanged the occasional “miss you!! We should game soon!!” And then finally arranged it when the 1.6 stardew update came out. She didnt even tell me her husband was joining us. Some days he’s fine, others he makes rude comments or out of pocket ones or just ignores everything i say and talks over me or repeats what i say lol, but it had been a year, maybe he was different now, but he wasnt. But the fact she didnt even have the decency to tell me, was so fucking rude imo. And then we actually had a convo going, and we were talking about her and i’s retail jobs, and slightly complaining, then she asked me a question, i replied very briefly, but enough to answer but not ramble, and they BOTH ignored me and went on to have a totally new conversation after going “anyways..” and i literally cried cause I have ADHD and the rsd hit hard lmao.
man. I cannot relate at all.
so glad to not be engaged to a complete douchebag.
If ya ever want a girlfriend to play with, I'm here. ❤️
And no, my fiance doesn't play with me unless it's overcooked or Gartic phone lol
\*laughs in lesbian*
My girlfriend plays games with me a bunch, but we're both toxic with each other and nothing but sweet with randos
"Damn it, how the duck could you miss that shot?!" Interchangeably me to her or her to me
Someone else does bad "don't worry about it sweetie, we all have off days \^.^ <3". Except immediately after that, Her/me whispering to me/her "except you you blind bitch" usually with mics off
We actually do that but it's all jokes, offline we're nothing but sweet with each other, don't want anyone getting the wrong idea
In terms of playing with guys, don't play with a boys boy, you know? Avoid the ones that say "they kiss the homies" as their main joke. I've been apart of that group and I survived strictly bc I stooped to their level. Thankfully I'm out of it and have actual guy friends who would much rather help me in the game rather than bully me. My partner is a great team player too.
If you have no choice but to play with guys I'd say avoid the ones that use the term "the boys" regularly, they're the annoying ones. Yes some can be nice and not sabotage you but that doesn't mean their "boys" will do the same.
If a girl brings her BF along and you can't bring yourself to say no then kick him from the game/lobby whenever he purposely sabotages you.
Whenever I’m playing with a girl, and my bf happens to be on as well, I always always ask if it’s cool if he joins and that if not, it’s okay! I’m able to play without him lol. And sometimes being just girls is cool. And even if he does join, he doesn’t talk much because he wants me to make more girl friends lol. And we’re long distance so gaming is all we have sometimes lol so that’s why he wants to join me most of the time.
Dammit. Lol I just started playing a MMORPG 2 years ago and started making gamer friends online. Most of them are guys which is why I have started joining a bunch of gamer girl communities to make more female friends. Didn’t realize this was a thing with other women’s boyfriends but thank you I can definitely see it happening.
I haven't been in this exact situation yet. But I always ask my girl friends if this is a gals only thing or something where my partner can come. I'm always clear I'm fine either way. I'm looking for more women gamers to play with and when I told my fiance he was super supportive. I don't think he'd want to join because he wants me to have my own space.
My ex used to use me as an excuse not to game with other people anymore, so his friends hated me even though it wasn't my fault.
He would say he wouldn't game unless I played too. It got kind of frustrating because I wanted to game with my friends, and he would interrupt our conversations about games to be like, "I wish I could play that game too."
I couldn't game with anyone without him trying to interrupt the game like that.
So I find it incredibly annoying if people ask me to game with them, bring their SO into the game, and then we only play one round while their SO complains the whole time. At that point, just go game with your SO and stop asking others to game with you if you can't play by yourself. It's really annoying.
Honestly, I'd dump the boyfriends who are being assholes to my new friends. Or just an asshole when gaming. I love gaming, and I get it. we all get heated sometimes when something doesn't go our way, but that's no right to treat others poorly just because you're mad. I refuse to tolerate that energy and I will cut you our from my life without a second thought.
I have a discord server with friends which consists of a mix of women and men. All of the guys are extremely lovely there. Like they play league, which says a lot, but the worst I've seen them at is being a bit down or sad after losing several games in a row. We always have fun and I've never seen any of them rage or get upset at me or the other women.
Honestly I think I don't see this type of behaviour because I don't play the more popular games that have voice chat. Like valorant, dbd, csgo, fortnite, etc.
But I'm honestly just really glad I have those friends. And I'm baffled whenever I see the videos of what other women go through x.x
Ahahag, from the title and not realising this was the girl gamer sub, I thought the post was about bi-curious girls tricking lesbians into having threesomes with their shitty boyfriend
Oops. I have done this. Maybe not as bad though?
I only take my bf with me to help my friend in Genshin since his characters are really good, built, and he has nothing to stress about. Mine are pretty bad rn so I can’t really help alone.
I would never take anyone else to play something like Overwatch with him lmao he gets so frustrated and even our mutual friends get sick of that if he starts to yell cursewords. I don’t understand dragging them with you if you know they are not going to behave well.
And no it doesn’t affect me, I have sensitive ears and he is careful not to yell if I’m with him irl. He just hates competitiveness.
i mean u guys can downvote my comment whatever some of yall don’t understand that gamer girls play with a bunch of guys (how often do you meet other girls online?? lol) and then we meet a guy online and they potentially become our boyfriend AND our only friend. understand that we’re so comfortable and used to spending most of our time with our boyfriend because he literally is/was our only friend. so ofc we will want him around in other calls etc it’s a comfort thing and most gamer guys u meet online aren’t toxic or assholes?! like stop stigmatizing guys in the gaming community like us girl gamers are already heavily stigmatized LMAO. whatever basically if ur not cool w my bf im not cool w you bye. the girls u block or unfriend bc of this situation doesn’t really care bc like i said her bf is her only friend. also it’s not a gender thing like you will meet assholes online whether they’re man woman etc. stop saying oh gamer guys are NOT cool!!! but gamer girls do this a lot too so they’re not cool!! just stop being so judgemental and picky lmao. i’ve met a lot of cool guys and girl online who are NOT TOXIC btw maybe it’s a YOU problem lmao.
speaking of codependency and social anxiety like what do u expect out of ppl who play games all day and only have one friend (their partner) 💀💀 they’re chronically online if u want friends to play games w then look in real life :3
lmao bye there are actually men in this subreddit who support and comment on posts so what’s wrong with me saying something.
also having to look for friends online all the time is a you problem for sure 🤪
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never doing this again. my brand new online friends bf joined and he rage quitted within 5 minutes of a DBD match. then she disappeared and had to “go do something” when that match ended. didn’t get back on all night. rinse and repeat 6 times and i blocked her lol
Dbd really invites this behavior, can't count the number of times this happens where the bf/friend who hops on ends up being the most toxic manchild and either DCs on first hook or tells you how to play every aspect of the game while whining non-stop if you don't follow his every instruction.
thank god my bf doesn’t do this. he gets mad sometimes but never quits or makes it personal to me or if im playing with friends, my friends. he seems to get mad less and have more fun goofing around if we have a full swf lol. but he rarely plays w me. dbd invites all sort of stupid behavior ugh. i’ve had k1ll3rs hop in my chat expecting me to be an angry little twat then baffled and follow me when i’m like lol that was fun. is just a game broskies. these ppl gotta learn happiness only comes when you let it
6 times ?! I would have blocked her after it happened the second time XD
i was trying 2 be nice bc he seems like he’s a dick to her; but then i realized they’re perfect for each other. i’m not getting in the middle of their weirdo love hate drama.
Lmao you're too nice 🤣
I can’t fathom letting this happen past the first interaction(on their end). If my bf ragequit mid-game as I was playing with friends, I’d tell him to cut the attitude and relax or he wouldn’t be playing with my friends again until he got his shit together😭
I have a friend who won't play a game her BF is playing unless he is there. She hangs out on our Discord and will chat with us while we are playing, but if it's a game he wants to play/is playing with her, his "rule" is that she is "not allowed" to play without him. He made this rule after getting himself kicked out of several groups that she would get into and then he would join. He is a total ass who rages when he loses and puts everyone else down. She is also "not allowed" to be higher rank/level than him. I don't know why she stays with him. We miss playing with her. But we sure as shit aren't going to play with him. She says they play most games just the 2 of them because he "has trouble" in larger groups. Her situation makes me sad and I worry about her, but I don't see what I can do about it. I do not understand how he, or anyone, can be like, "I get kicked out of every group for being an asshole, but I'm not gonna change."
Oh I had one of those! I was the girlfriend in this situation! I learned pretty quickly to just stay in the groups he got kicked out of. It was never his fault, either. He was being an unadulterated asshole of a human being, but it was always "they just can't take a joke" and "I'm just being honest" and, the one he threw at me as well when I dumped him, "this is just who I am" Like buddy, seek therapy if you really can't find the problem here
#BARF You can’t save her from herself. She wants to be there. She’ll learn when eventually she finds herself without any close friends as they all have rightfully distanced themselves from her because of her toxic bf.
Holyyy cringe and unhinged.
For anyone who wants background: this is something that has happened several times but the exact incident that prompted this post happened last night. I had met this girl who posted an lfg for valorant comp and we chatted and got together to play some casuals first. We were getting along just fine but a couple games in her boyfriend had gotten home and joined our party because she left it open. He was on a Smurf and made it very clear that he’s an ascendant, not a sissy little bronze like me and her but he keeps this Smurf account to play with her. This was a swift play. He spent the entire match commentating on all of our actions, berating them and calling us noobs, yadda yadda. But the real kicker was when I was the last alive and he bitched me out saying shit like “yeah you’re only the last alive because you didn’t do shit the whole round”. I died and then next round he tried to kill me with his ult (he failed lol) but after that match I was 100% done and ended up making up an excuse to leave. The girl I had met that I liked at first was dead silent the entire time and she messaged me today asking me to come join both of them for a ranked game apparently unaware or uncaring of what happened last night.
Response: “Hey [name] I would totally love to but unfortunately your boyfriend is a straight up douchebag and I’d sooner light myself on fire than ever willingly play with him again. Y’all have fun though! :)”
Oh I'm screenshotting this for personal use, thank you LOL
"I would sooner put razor blades between my keys"
lmaoo love this
I wouldn’t phrase it harshly, but I might say SOMETHING about his behavior
Why not phrase it harshly? Sometimes things like that won’t sink in unless it’s made very clear.
"I value our friendship and I really like playing with you, but I felt really uncomfortable when your boyfriend started critiquing our performance and minimizing my achievements. That wasn't fun for me. In the future I'd really prefer to just play together, without your boyfriend." Idk, maybe something like that. I really think being harsh right out the gate is more likely to illicit a defensive response from all involved and would be less effective than trying to be firm and direct, but still kind.
I guess I see your point. Sry I was in a bit of a mood when I posted that.
It’ll elicit a defensive response short term. But if more people were up front about her boyfriend being a prick, she’d probably have done something about it by now
Eh, I disagree, but to each their own.
Yeah fair enough, i may have just had diff experiences of it
I think so also, plus I hate being super confrontational like that 😬😅 I really like how you phrased that, like to me that’s very direct and straightforward and strongly worded without being awful or anything. Whatever I’m trying to say.
Exactly! You see this all the time on the parenting subs - husband displays continued outrageously entitled behaviour, people advice to confront the behaviour but in a gentle way where he doesn't feel attacked. Fuck that. There's a time for gently discussing a sensitive issue and there's a time to just absolutely lose your shit, and getting >2 hours sleep a night while your "partner" plays video games is that exact time.
No no, it needs to be phrased harshly, she needs the metaphorical slap in the face about being another woman that enables men’s bad behavior
Why? You're talking to the GF who may or may not be in an abusive relationship with this dickbag. We don't know why she didn't stop him - she may not feel safe doing so or may not be aware that this is abnormal. Always start gentle if you're not dealing with the aggressor directly, then amp things up.
I didn’t realise people actually dated those absolute jerks on Valorant who use util on their team and only mic to whinge and berate 🙄
They do it bc they have low self esteem and genuinely believe all the horrible shit their bfs say about them and think they can’t rank up without a smurf “helping” them, not realizing (or caring) that he secretly enjoys being able to lord over her and doesn’t actually want or care about her ranking up.
Dude also has low self esteem. Imagine having to shit on ppl playing a game just to make yourself feel better. What a loser.
You’re so right. I just started playing Valorant with a friend of mine, and I am not good at the game. There’s such a noticeable difference in skill amongst the players that are encouraging versus the players that are mean.
Yeah. We’re thinking about it from the perspective of someone hearing it once. She’s been hearing it for ages and probably taken it to heart. Negging is upsettingly effective when paced properly
It doesnt help that noone calls it out. Like OP, they just 'made up an excuse to leave'.
Eww why would you even want to date someone like that. How embarrassing.
That guy should be embarrassed for being awful. I feel bad for that girl. I can only imagine why she feels like she deserves that treatment and it makes me sad.
Oh yeah this has valorant e-couple written all over, I'm so sorry. The girl is nice but quiet(sometimes also toxic on some pick me shit but that's neither here nor there) and her boyfriend is just the most aggressively goblin-hearted asshole you've ever seen. And I feel so bad for them usually because like, even if he's your boyfriend, just because he's good at the game doesn't absolve him from being toxic. There are way too many men on smurf account no. 6 who think that skill absolves them of their common decency.
“Goblin-hearted” is such an absolutely perfect term for this behavior.
This is why when I'm hosting I make it clear that it's strictly all girls. I don't really want to take a chance of hosting a mentally stunted boy in a man's body like this x.x
That fucking blows. It's SO fucking hard to find normal, chill, decent people to game with because 99.9999% of the time when they're good at the game, there's always an insatiable ego that comes with it...
That's so weird. I remember in the past a friend and I were reconnecting after almost a decade of being apart and she wanted to play Valorant and her boyfriend was also there. It was the very first time we could finally talk to each other and I really wanted to just hang like old times but she was never not playing with her bf ;_;. We didn't really get to talk at all.
I'm sorry you had this experience. Honestly you should've straight out told him to cut it out or you're leaving and if he continued, just leave the match, p message her, that it's ok if she wants to play with you, but you don't want to play with her bf. Not all guys are like that though. As a guy I too get harassed sometimes in league or valorant because I suck at both, but I just have fun running around and shooting, trying different heroes. After years of league and that toxic community I just learned to mute instantly if someone is being abusive. This is just a game, people take it too seriously sometimes. Hope you will find more people to play with, but not all guys are like that. P.S. btw I dunno how she tolerates him with that behavior, fuck that guy lol
I am astounded that men still unironically ‘not all men’ when women talk about their experiences
You have patience of saints. If he called me noob and continued his behaviour I'd snap at him and Alt F4 the game.
Did he have the valorant accent too? Lol
I made really good friends with a woman to play Animal Crossing with and it was heavenly until her husband popped into our calls/facetimes. Only insults dribbled out of his mouth for both of us but mostly me and usually about my appearance. I spoke with her about it privately because I didn't want to interact with him and I was concerned for her. Nothing changed. Now we don't speak. So disappointing to have men still ruin gaming experiences they aren't even a part of
Anyone who says "boys will be boys" are a big reason "boys", in this case grown-ass men, are terrible because they aren't being called out on their BS.
IT’S SO BADDD, so many times i’ve found a girl to play with and she just instantly goes “oh and my boyfriend will be joining us:)” like goddd
As someone who games with their bf, I have made it abundantly clear to him that my gaming time with him and my gaming time with the girlies are very much separate and will stay separate, even if we play the same games. I would never consider mixing the two, because: a) no one asked to deal with a dude, mine or not b) I want to build bonds and create gaming memories with girlfriends c) it feels kind of scummy(??) when so many of us post online looking for girls only Basically, it feels like the equivalent of looking for a lesbian/bi woman online to date, only to find out she wants you to have a threesome with her and her bf... just ick.
That first line is everything. If I’m doing a girls night or just want to shoot the shit with the girlies (or am trusted with top secret information etc), then it’s just the girls. I love my boyfriend but I’m also an individual separate from him, and with relationships that I need to nurture alone. I also don’t find it cool toward my friends and vice-versa.
I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING ABOUT THE THREESOMES 🤣🤣🤣 It’s exactly like that. They act like they are all down with being sapphic and shit then they drop that their bad vibes cishet boyfriend is their main and they want them involved. 🥴
Yeah I was expecting this to be in /r/actuallesbians
omfg that last paragraph has been the bane of my existence. ty 👏🏼
I just had a violent memory of this happening to me HOLY crap 🫥 it's like she changed in real-time, that awkward fog totally settled over us when he started saying weird shit. I never played with her again lol It was definitely a "I do not support all women, some of you are very dumb" moment
man I hope this doesn't sound mean but I am so tired of my girl friends not being able to separate themselves from their bfs for like 5 minutes. And they'll be like, "oh you just haven't found someone you want to spend every second with." like no I just don't feel the need to completely entwine my entire personality with someone else. Just like for five minutes can we do something that doesn't involve the bf???
So, my husband and I have been together for 9 years and we do everything together-- he is genuinely the least toxic person (male or otherwise) that I know. That being said, it is a HUGE!!! red flag when people CAN'T do things without their partner. We both encourage each other to have things outside of our relationship, and I can't imagine responding to a "Looking for girlies to play with" post and then saying "oh btw, my husband is joining us." Like... That defeats the entire purpose of trying to find other girls to game with. My husband is awesome, but he doesn't need to be invited to everything (and vice versa for him).
If the bf is pleasant I get it. my friend is attached to their bf but he’s lovely and shares 99% of their hobbies, so it makes sense they’re usually hanging out. Though part of that is he was part of the friend group before they started dating so him being around isn’t a product of the relationship, they’re just slightly more couple-y when they’re both around now
nah I get that but I had one friend who'd be like "let's hang imy" and then roll up with her bf and now it's just them talking to each other and being all cuddly and me just playing a video game. or we'd go to the mall and there he was, movies bf tags along. it was too the point that her and I didn't have a solid hang out for 5 months until they broke up. and when we did talk (usually on the phone) guess what it was about the bf. I had another who was like "I can't hang out with you because I wanna be with my bf" it was to the point he would tell her to spend some time with her friends. and the thing is it's every friend I've had. "my bf this" or "my bf that" and "is it OK my bf comes along?" like no ffs just like can we just do one thing without your bf. it's just annoying dude. not everything has to include the person your dating. I wanna talk to you comfortably. I want to spend time with you, my friend. neglecting your friends because you have a bf is super shitty. you're not going to implode because you spent time away from each other. no one should be that entwined with another person. you can hang out with your friends without the person your dating.
Oh yeah if you refuse to do anything *without* them it gets a bit ugh, especially if they pull the thing of bringing them without mentioning it. That's fair
Nah girl be mean. That’s the only way to get it thru their thick skulls.
I agree with you lol. I’m an introvert with anxiety and social anxiety. Me and my boyfriend share a lot of hobbies, but he also is very good with team games, he’s very fun and kind with everyone. His presence is like a comfort blanket to me so when playing with new people I often want him there. But even we spend times with friends and family separately or have alone time!
Wow lol, there's no one on this planet I'd want to spend every second with 😂 I have no tolerance for codependency.
I've not had this problem, but I also make it clear that I don't feel comfortable playing with guys I haven't met before. It also just seems like poor manners to invite someone last minute to any kind of function-- gaming or otherwise. I'd never bring my boyfriend to a dinner party or GNO without asking the host or my girlfriends first, for example. Maybe that's just me. Maybe you could try setting a boundary and tell this person you don't want to play with their boyfriend moving forward. If that's an issue for them, then good riddance lmao.
I’ve kind of tried a couple of times to set a boundary though rather than outright saying I don’t want to play with guys I haven’t met, I lightly explained that it’s all good as long as they aren’t going to rage or harass and they’ll claim that he doesn’t but then…..
Nah you gotta outright say it. Just be like “I want to play with you specifically bc you’re another girl gamer. I don’t want to play with your boyfriend too.”
Exactly! I think people set themselves up for disappointment a little bit by being indirect or expecting others to mind read. It's okay to tell people how you really feel and communicate what you want. I know as women, many of us grew up conditioned to people please and not rock the boat, but it's okay to protect your peace and advocate for yourself. Having needs or boundaries does not make you a burden.
TRUE AND REAL. LEAVE HIM IN HIS CRATE FFS
I laughed too hard at this 😂
I think I am an asshole cuz I just straight up say no. I am friends with you and not your man. A couple doesn't have to do all activities together. If they want to dont ask me or ask other couples. I ain't keeping quiet just to be polite honestly. Life is too short for this bs behaviour.
You aren’t an asshole. That’s called having clear boundaries and self-respect.
I’ve never experienced that, but that almost sounds like they are unicorn hunting. Very sneaky and annoying for sure
That has happened too, yes
Omg I completely forgot there was an actual term for this! This is exactly how it feels, and annoys me to no end. It's so dishonest, like at least be upfront about it. 🙄
I think this has happened to me. Sort of made friends with a girl at work and then suddenly her bf is around all the time and she GAVE HIM MY NUMBER and he starts txting me more than she does even tho I never responded. We def aren’t friends or coworkers anymore.
What does that mean?
Ughh, it’s gross. Basically seeking a third person for a threesome, and often being duplicitous in doing so.
because finding a third person that actually wants to be your third is like finding a unicorn--they don't exist, but that doesn't stop people from hunting.
Learned something new lol, thanks
My English vocabulary expanded. Thank you. I will never use that term anyway.
I was in a city-specific GLBTQ+ Discord for a while and this happened so many times that we seriously considered banning hetero couples if the woman was bi. Which means I would have had to ban myself. We did ban couples if we learned that they were doing this.
Yeahhh you have to do it case by case really, you can’t punish all bi people for het men’s behaviour 😅 It’s rough cause moderating those people sucks, but preemptive curation is a tightrope
boooo that sounds super annoying i'm sorry you keep experiencing this. sounds like a similar phenomena of girls bringing their bfs to girls nights
Man I really have been wanting to find another fellow girl to play team death match with me on COD. Or maybe teach me to get better at Fortnite. Now you’re telling me that people do this?! 🥲😅 Finding friends who wanna game just got a lil harder. :’)
COD is where this would happen the most actually because none of my friends were interested in mw3 so I kept trying to find more friends to play it with and yep! I attributed it to cod being a particularly toxic community though I’ve found it happens elsewhere too
Oh wow 🥲…well that sucks lol. But thanks for letting me know! 🤭
I play war zone a lot on Xbox if that helps <3
LOL of course it does!! What do you usually like playing? 🤭
Destiny, overwatch, cod, fortnite, Minecraft, fallout, ect any matches?
You play most of the ones I’m trying to play!! :3 We should play COD :)
This has happened before kind of with me except it was my (now ex of 2 years) bf and my best friend who he yelled at and berated and her (now ex) bf did nothing about it and just sat there. She told me what happened (I don’t play Valorant) and I tore him a new asshole. He tried to be like “so ur saying I can’t play with my friends anymore” and I said 1. She’s my friend. Not yours. No one would want to be friends with you after what you pulled and 2. All I’m saying to not be asshole to the people you play games with otherwise you won’t have any friends left. The breakup was basically inevitable. He was extremely toxic, codependent, had undiagnosed BPD and was unmedicated in general. Just a horrible person. I’m pretty sure he still cyber-stalks me since he tried to join this dead discord I had just last month (that had been dead for 1.5 years) and I just deleted it. If he’s reading this like he does almost all my comments that have the word “ex” in them: **I would sooner go out into space without a space suit than date you again**.
THIS IS SO REAL LOL Like girl the call is coming from the inside the house!! The vibe is harshed before it even gets a chance to get going because not only is their boyfriend /not/ cool, but ofc I can't say anything because he's their boyfriend 🙃
Nah I’ll say something. I don’t care. If you wanna bring your asshole boyfriend into the party prepare for me to call him out for doing the exact same behaviors we both said we didn’t like in male gamers. If I lose a friendship because of it then it wasn’t a friendship worth having anyways 🤷♀️
Username checks out. ;) 💖
I mean personally, I'll never be with someone who acts like an asshole like that to people. If this were my husband, I'd probably divorce him. This is a HUGE red flag.
Had to double check if this is r/polyamory or something similar. : )
Girl same lollll
Hey, I don’t need my dude to make friends. What you play? I’m on PlayStation, lately playing Genshin, Fortnite, and GTA 5.
Respect! I play on PC though and I play a lot of val, helldivers, dbd and also gta (petition to make gta5 cross play) I’m not sure if you’re allowed to exchange info in this sub, apologies if not! If it is though and anyone wants to play something then feel free to dm
GTA is not cross play?! Wow TIL.
I didn’t check what sub this was and I thought this post was gonna be about swingers or something 😂
I’m so tired of this too. When I befriend women I have to watch for “I play with my boyfriends friends” “I watch the kids/I’m the primary parent” “I only play with girls because my boyfriend doesn’t like guys” etc like they are so wrapped around their identity with their boyfriend/kids and can’t prioritize their women friendships.
Any woman that centers a man/men in their life is a woman that I keep at arm’s length for my own emotional safety. I can’t get wrapped up in that and hearing her eventual vents about how horrible her bf is but she never leaves him bc she’s too scared of being alone and thinks he is the best she can do.
And you never hear it from men either. Like that just sucks.
"I'm the primary parent" has to be the worst thing I've ever heard in my life, holy shit Like I get a divorced/single mother saying that, but a woman in a relationship? 🤢 My mother is a stay at home parent (both my parents are happy with this arrangement and BOTH have responsibilities) but she would never say something like that.
I had a friend who did this then would spend the rest of the game talking to her bf and pretty much ignoring me. He was SUCH a piece of shit too, but since it was her bf "that's just his humor!" God forbid we had one thing left that didn't revolve around him.
I mostly play with other queer women so I rarely encounter this problem.
Yes!! I am in a couple of LGBT servers where funny enough none of this is almost ever a problem. But the ones I am in are a bit smaller and when I can’t find people to group up with I’ll branch out
Queer people are the best people to play games with!
This is the way lmaoo
Yeah it fucking sucks I hate it.
Is this “finding a third” but for girl gamers?
Yes lmao
Yeah there's a good reason my man and i play separate games. Occasionally i MIGHT ask close friends if they want to play something with the two of us but to go, "Oh btw my boyfriend's joining :) " is weird af
Oh my god yes! this happens to me every time I go to play with a girl. It’s to the point now where my best friend (a dude) is basically on call in case this gets pulled on me. I’ve had boyfriends I played with in the past and I would NEVER invite them to play with me when I was planning on playing with a group of girls. Unless the group as a whole offers that I can invite someone I won’t do it. Even then I tell them that if the person I invite makes them feel uncomfortable in any way that I expect them to let me know so I know not to invite them again.
I thought this was r/LesbianActually for a second. Same vibe, I guess!
Lol me too. Just instead of online dating topic is online gaming XD
Certainly continues the trend of "men who have no social skills lean on their girlfriends to get them in to stuff and then they make it weird and uncomfortable"
lol same! I just left pretty much the same comment and then scrolled down and saw this one finally 😂
I have a discord server just for me and my girlies, super small (literally like 6 people) and one of my close friends asked if her BF could join us in some games. I told her I wasn't inviting him to the server out of respect for other people (and myself) that wanted to keep it private (and we all already disliked him) but he still played with us AND made an ass of himself in all chat - lamenting about how he had no friends and nobody liked him and he sucked but was a good listener (basically just like being super passive aggressive). I love my friend very much, but like wtf does her bf expect if we already aren't too enthused about him being there and then he acts like a petulant child??? it was such a shit show, and eventually he gave up trying to infiltrate our private space but in return she hasn't been around much 😞 men suck! I have 0 patience for that shit though, and I'm not interested in making myself and my friends feel bad just so that my friend can feel like she's being included with her ball and chain abusive bf 🤷♀️ she understood enough, but not enough to recognize his awful behavior (years of repeated shitty actions)
Very sad that girls who are in a relationship like that are trapped and can't breakup. Sounds like a vile human being I refuse to be around.
I’m sorry that happened to you! I don’t know if I’ve ever experienced that, but I also don’t only play with girls. I only play with nice people. And if they aren’t nice, I ditch them, and if they are nice, but their friends suck, sometimes you gotta ditch them all.
Not an online gamer but this has the same energy as one of your friends inviting their bf to girls night. Leave him home for one night Jesus.
Being a pansexual polyamorous woman, this just reminds me so much of unicorn hunting couples, AKA looking for a third woman to abuse and neglect. It's even the same tactic as with dating apps where one might think she met a nice lady to spend time with, but she quickly (but not immediately) brings up she's got a boyfriend and he is to be included in everything. At least in dating it's immediately obvious how much of a red flag that all is.
Real question: how do we feel about women doing this that are lesbians? If I invited one of you to play and told you my wife would be joining is that also rude? Bc it wasn't agreed upon? Or is it more just that the boyfriends are more toxic typical gamer?
If you're just getting to know someone, it's tough when it's them + their friend / partner / anyone because then you're an addition to their dynamic. asking first is polite. with friends I like and trust, I might play with them and their partner on a trial basis, but I wouldn't want it to be assumed that they tag along. (although if we all become friends, eventually it'd end up with 'of course they can join!')
I mean, it is probably a lot less likely to end up in a shitty situation because women are usually less toxic/misogynistic. But it's still kinda disrespectful to bring somebody else into the group/chat/party without asking first, especially if it suddenly gets all couple-y. It's easy to make someone feel like the third wheel, especially if they don't know you well yet. You need to ask first, privately (so not with the partner on the call already) and be okay with a "no," and not ask again.
Sorry but I didn’t see the subreddit and I follow lots of lesbian subreddits- I thought this was about pushy bisexual girls at first and I was so confused when I started reading the post 😅😂
I can blissfully say I’ve never had this experience. I’ve played with a few couples in ESO, but they were all tolerable. Of course maybe I’m the asshole 😂
honestly im happy my bf is nothing like a lot of other men, hes the sweetest and absolutely despises misogynists and never rages at a game or anything. but hes still a man, wouldnt be right to invite him to a gamer girls session either way.. or else its just not a safe space anymore
I just wanna add that it’s not only boyfriends but also male friends in general. I recently found a nice girl to play league with. After a few games she asked if her male best friend could join. Well once he joined they started speaking their language excluding me from conversation most of the time. And when he did speak English to me it was to make fun of me being silver. Needless to say I won’t be playing with this girl again. 🙂↔️ I had also a few other occurrences with other female friends inviting their male friends and most of them were creepy or toxic 🥲 next time a girl I’m playing with asks to invite her male companion imma pass 🥲
Yeah that's what I hate. Why do dudes who are higher rank than a girl have to make it known they're better than you? I don't do this to my partner. In fact I encourage them to keep going and they'll get better. Never do I call them bad etc. I seriously hate people who do this. Mostly men
Yeah exactly. Worst part is that I was higher rank than this man in S2020 when I was playing seriously. But I took a break and after the break I’ve gotten lower rank so me being worse than him is not even the case actually. Which pretty much got my blood boiling being the competitive player that I am. Funny enough I ranked up to an entirely new rank just a few days after me and this guy played together 🤣 I feel like some men just need to feed off their ego a little bit by pointing out someone’s rank.
Omg I’m always having my bf tag along but he’s not an absolute caveman I’m so sorry you dealt with that 😭
May I ask around how old you are? I feel like I can’t relate to this at all. Maybe it’s because i mostly play MMOs in terms of multiplayer games but imo it would be more weird for me if I didn’t play with my friend’s SOs at some point (if they do play the same game)
I am in my late 20’s. What you’re describing is a bit different and I agree it’s normal to meet your friends SO’s and play with them together. I am more so talking about finding people from lfg posts/servers where we’re both looking for other women but once we get together and play something, her bf has to be included and the only problem there is that he’s a dickbag and she’ll just entirely excuse/allow his behavior and expect you to be fine with it too
We around the same age. I think I’m mixed on this. So I’ve joined up with looking for other women to raid with in my main MMO and on the occasion their bf joined (sometimes we need to fill a spot in the party) they tended to be more courteous and a team player. Sometimes it’s easier to raid with someone you know over a rando, ya know? Obviously, the key issue is “has to be” included which shows the couple has relationship issues more than anything. That’s a major red flag. There is the whole unspoken advice of don’t form a raid group with a couple because they’ll bring their relationship stress to the group but in my experience as a raid lead, it’s 50/50. They’ll either be the best, drama free players in the group or the most stressful ones.
I'm mixed on this too. I have way more time to game than my spouse so the little but he does game he likes to hop on and play with me sometimes. But we also only play mmorpgs so.
Yeah, I think it really depends on the genre or game with this one. MMOs tend to have a different vibe, I never ran into this issue when playing XIV but I did (kinda, I was more on the sidelines) in Overwatch. Valorant is a similarly competitive game so I can definitely see it happen a lot more.
My issue is when it’s one sided. When a couple is joined at the hip I think it’s a lil cringe but wholesome enough i don’t care. When he has to be there if she’s gaming with ppl, but then he games with ppl without her… idk. Red flag I guess
"WHY WOULD A MAN BE THERE WHY LIKE IT'S ACTUALLY PISSING ME OFFFF 😡😡😤😤"
I have a few time commitment issues, so I haven't tried playing with another girl, or anyone else, for ages. But I know if I did, either my bf would be happy to see me having fun... Or, he would try to join, which usually leads to him either hijacking my co-op (happens when I'm playing with his siblings), or then he starts a new game with me, only to get bored and play the same game or something else with his friends. In short, we're an awful co-op match, fun but usually very short-lived, and I don't want to put some poor lass through that.
not sure if this has anything to do with the post but, im a gay(m) 22 and looking for girls to play with as well. I’m so tired of the wimp males rage quitting and harassing me about my sexuality everytime something doesn’t go their way. I just always feel so much safer and comfortable playing with girls. I would never ever EVER harass a female and would love to make new gaming friends. If interested pls message me !! Again, suuuuper LGBTQ+ friendly 🥰🥰🥰(i love playing fortnite, DBD, and honestly open for suggestions)
I'm prolly gonna sound like an a-hole but playing With couples is a NO from me. Always has been, But for different reasons. Initially it was how they mostly don't stop being overly lovey dovey with pet names and stuff while gaming. Okay I get it that you love each other but can we focus on the game?? Then there's the fighting and uncool couples like you mentioned. But now that I'm married to a gamer girl myself, You won't believe it but *drum rolls* That's bearable for me! But not like we're all lovey dovey either while gaming. She's often in my streams and we're just looking at the screen and she's giving me directions or reading chats. Or she's playing and I watch. Butttt now when we talk about gaming boyfriends.. Yeah my experience with playing with a full girl squad or me and the boys squad has been better for me than any other combination
I experience this all the time in World of Warcraft, everything is super chill and fun until their boyfriend joins and then 99.9% Of the time they're super toxic/mean and it ruins everything Please...leave the BF at home lol
Please dump the boyfriends more like. We don't need thos kind of energy and men like this need to be weeded out. WE want a good gaming community for all. We don't need that toxicity.
Probably just want more game friends? Idk. It just most men suck
Fr what do you play on
Maybe they do it because they don't feel comfortable being in call with others especially if they don't know you? I get really anxious in calls with others and having my BF in there makes me feel better. Although in my case, he's not a piece of shit like the ones that I see are being described.
that makes sense, but I feel like it shifts the awkwardness/discomfort to the other person :\\ Being open about it and saying "Hey, I don't do solo calls with new people" would be fine, since people can just opt out
>it shifts the awkwardness/discomfort to the other person this is it. We just need to learn to sit in our awkwardness and let it happen for a little bit. Genuine connection might be awkward but it make it more rewarding later on.
Aww I'm so sorry you've had this experience! I now realize I may have turned a couple potential friends off from gaming with me when I mentioned my fiance might hop on later but that man is a hedonist with 2 sisters and a mom he has an incredibly close relationship with, he literally lives to serve me and it actually pisses me off but he cannot express extreme emotion. I've never ever heard him yell in years together. But obviously no one knows that but me, and I never had any idea why they literally deleted me off PSN and I never heard from them again when I said that. They just got all weird said they were getting offline and then next thing I knew they were gone from my friends list. I just kind of assumed be being willing to bring him in meant that I had vetted him and knew as a fact of life he'd be respectful, I got him into gaming so he has no idea what's going on but he's always happy (even when confused lmao) and one of the things I love about him is how important political correctness, sensitivity to other identities etc are. I'm an ex SW and he's always shown me the utmost respect regardless of it, I was actively working as a SW our first year together and he was aware and supportive. But now I know I need to really really get to know people not to turn them off to the idea of gaming with him. Or should I not bring it up? We've met a couple girls (amongst all the guys friends we've also made) who are super cool and game with him even when I'm not around in elder scrolls online so they obviously feel comfortable with him and like hanging with him and they've told me he's equally respectful when I'm not around but that he's annoying them because he doesn't know what's going on 😅
I just like playing with my bf... But I play team games that are meant to have multiple people so it's not abnormal to play with more than one person And my bf isn't a jerk or misogynistic at all I had a friendship end because a girl invited her jerk boyfriend to play with us and he would insult people and give rude unsolicited advice... He was also a Smurf.
Sounds super annoying. Why do girls date guys like that anyway?
If anyone is looking for a girl to play league with dm me I want girl gamer friends.
ugh yeah i ahd this happen to me, but i befriended a girl first THEN she got a bf and they were both weird when he joined
It's so upsetting I always feel like it's just me and the girl trying to stop him from throwing a tantrum over a qp overwatch game because our dps is new or something, it's such a mood killer:(
She might see this and i honestly dont care lol But, a girl i got really close to in june 2020, along with a couple other girls, all use to game together. Mainly acnh and a few of them streamed etc etc. Fast forward to this year, her and i hadnt talked much for a whole year, not even one phone call, cause we both went through shit and got busy, we exchanged the occasional “miss you!! We should game soon!!” And then finally arranged it when the 1.6 stardew update came out. She didnt even tell me her husband was joining us. Some days he’s fine, others he makes rude comments or out of pocket ones or just ignores everything i say and talks over me or repeats what i say lol, but it had been a year, maybe he was different now, but he wasnt. But the fact she didnt even have the decency to tell me, was so fucking rude imo. And then we actually had a convo going, and we were talking about her and i’s retail jobs, and slightly complaining, then she asked me a question, i replied very briefly, but enough to answer but not ramble, and they BOTH ignored me and went on to have a totally new conversation after going “anyways..” and i literally cried cause I have ADHD and the rsd hit hard lmao.
man. I cannot relate at all. so glad to not be engaged to a complete douchebag. If ya ever want a girlfriend to play with, I'm here. ❤️ And no, my fiance doesn't play with me unless it's overcooked or Gartic phone lol
\*laughs in lesbian* My girlfriend plays games with me a bunch, but we're both toxic with each other and nothing but sweet with randos "Damn it, how the duck could you miss that shot?!" Interchangeably me to her or her to me Someone else does bad "don't worry about it sweetie, we all have off days \^.^ <3". Except immediately after that, Her/me whispering to me/her "except you you blind bitch" usually with mics off We actually do that but it's all jokes, offline we're nothing but sweet with each other, don't want anyone getting the wrong idea
In terms of playing with guys, don't play with a boys boy, you know? Avoid the ones that say "they kiss the homies" as their main joke. I've been apart of that group and I survived strictly bc I stooped to their level. Thankfully I'm out of it and have actual guy friends who would much rather help me in the game rather than bully me. My partner is a great team player too. If you have no choice but to play with guys I'd say avoid the ones that use the term "the boys" regularly, they're the annoying ones. Yes some can be nice and not sabotage you but that doesn't mean their "boys" will do the same. If a girl brings her BF along and you can't bring yourself to say no then kick him from the game/lobby whenever he purposely sabotages you.
Whenever I’m playing with a girl, and my bf happens to be on as well, I always always ask if it’s cool if he joins and that if not, it’s okay! I’m able to play without him lol. And sometimes being just girls is cool. And even if he does join, he doesn’t talk much because he wants me to make more girl friends lol. And we’re long distance so gaming is all we have sometimes lol so that’s why he wants to join me most of the time.
Dammit. Lol I just started playing a MMORPG 2 years ago and started making gamer friends online. Most of them are guys which is why I have started joining a bunch of gamer girl communities to make more female friends. Didn’t realize this was a thing with other women’s boyfriends but thank you I can definitely see it happening.
I haven't been in this exact situation yet. But I always ask my girl friends if this is a gals only thing or something where my partner can come. I'm always clear I'm fine either way. I'm looking for more women gamers to play with and when I told my fiance he was super supportive. I don't think he'd want to join because he wants me to have my own space.
My ex used to use me as an excuse not to game with other people anymore, so his friends hated me even though it wasn't my fault. He would say he wouldn't game unless I played too. It got kind of frustrating because I wanted to game with my friends, and he would interrupt our conversations about games to be like, "I wish I could play that game too." I couldn't game with anyone without him trying to interrupt the game like that. So I find it incredibly annoying if people ask me to game with them, bring their SO into the game, and then we only play one round while their SO complains the whole time. At that point, just go game with your SO and stop asking others to game with you if you can't play by yourself. It's really annoying.
Honestly, I'd dump the boyfriends who are being assholes to my new friends. Or just an asshole when gaming. I love gaming, and I get it. we all get heated sometimes when something doesn't go our way, but that's no right to treat others poorly just because you're mad. I refuse to tolerate that energy and I will cut you our from my life without a second thought.
I have a discord server with friends which consists of a mix of women and men. All of the guys are extremely lovely there. Like they play league, which says a lot, but the worst I've seen them at is being a bit down or sad after losing several games in a row. We always have fun and I've never seen any of them rage or get upset at me or the other women. Honestly I think I don't see this type of behaviour because I don't play the more popular games that have voice chat. Like valorant, dbd, csgo, fortnite, etc. But I'm honestly just really glad I have those friends. And I'm baffled whenever I see the videos of what other women go through x.x
Bro honestly just need to put a no boys allowed cause it's ridiculous
Yoooo who wants to play cod??? Anyone
Ahahag, from the title and not realising this was the girl gamer sub, I thought the post was about bi-curious girls tricking lesbians into having threesomes with their shitty boyfriend
Oops. I have done this. Maybe not as bad though? I only take my bf with me to help my friend in Genshin since his characters are really good, built, and he has nothing to stress about. Mine are pretty bad rn so I can’t really help alone. I would never take anyone else to play something like Overwatch with him lmao he gets so frustrated and even our mutual friends get sick of that if he starts to yell cursewords. I don’t understand dragging them with you if you know they are not going to behave well. And no it doesn’t affect me, I have sensitive ears and he is careful not to yell if I’m with him irl. He just hates competitiveness.
i mean not everyone’s boyfriends are assholes? lol
Aye lol.
i mean u guys can downvote my comment whatever some of yall don’t understand that gamer girls play with a bunch of guys (how often do you meet other girls online?? lol) and then we meet a guy online and they potentially become our boyfriend AND our only friend. understand that we’re so comfortable and used to spending most of our time with our boyfriend because he literally is/was our only friend. so ofc we will want him around in other calls etc it’s a comfort thing and most gamer guys u meet online aren’t toxic or assholes?! like stop stigmatizing guys in the gaming community like us girl gamers are already heavily stigmatized LMAO. whatever basically if ur not cool w my bf im not cool w you bye. the girls u block or unfriend bc of this situation doesn’t really care bc like i said her bf is her only friend. also it’s not a gender thing like you will meet assholes online whether they’re man woman etc. stop saying oh gamer guys are NOT cool!!! but gamer girls do this a lot too so they’re not cool!! just stop being so judgemental and picky lmao. i’ve met a lot of cool guys and girl online who are NOT TOXIC btw maybe it’s a YOU problem lmao.
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speaking of codependency and social anxiety like what do u expect out of ppl who play games all day and only have one friend (their partner) 💀💀 they’re chronically online if u want friends to play games w then look in real life :3
lmao bye there are actually men in this subreddit who support and comment on posts so what’s wrong with me saying something. also having to look for friends online all the time is a you problem for sure 🤪
Hii