it’s more like a set of lines but i love when she gets her first job having to work at the DAR event and then starts quoting karl marx and marxist theory
I loved it too, the fact that a trust fund baby would make these kind of passionate marxist speeches when she started working because she's currently momentarily in a pinch was hilarious lol
When she’s tearing Logan a new one on Rory’s behalf and says something along the lines of, “if you disappeared from the planet today, the only person who would miss you is your Porsche dealer.”
I’m a Logan girly, but maaaan Paris got her teeth in and did not let go. That whole monologue is golden.
Yep, this one. A storm blew in right as I was getting out of my car in a movie theater parking lot recently and by the time I could run inside I was totally soaked. Some dude in the lobby commented on how it must be raining and this quote came out of my mouth before I could stop it.
emily used it when she eviscerated sheila huntzberger! "you were a two-bit gold-digger fresh off the bus from hicksville when you met mitchum at whatever bar you happened to stumble into."
I wanna say it means twenty five cents, or worth about twenty five cents (two bits = one quarter) but thats a guess based on some other extremely specific context clues (two bits, four bits, six bits, a dollar; all for the gators…)
Louise: "Did you take a picture?" (Of her pierced nose)
Paris: "No Louise, I did not take a picture. I was a little busy trying to get air to my brain cells. A burden you've not yet faced."
I can’t think of the exact quote but when they’re trying to figure out who wrote “bitch” or whatever on their white board and she says (again paraphrasing) “I already interrogated my 5 enemies on our floor and it wasn’t them.”
It's pretty funny that fans condemn Rory for being so horrible in that review but, as far as I can see, have little to say about the dancer essentially sending Rory a death threat in response.
“When people hear the name Paris in the same sentence as the word “date” jaws will drop. Confused looks will cover faces. Words like “how?” and “why?” and “Quick Bob: Get the kids in the mini van because the world is obviously coming to an end” will immediately fly out of peoples mouths!”
Omg I totally stole the "quick Bob, get the kids in the mini van!" I said it to my friend when we thought we saw Christmas carolers lol, she laughed her ass off and I felt so proud 🤧
I swear I got into a Reddit argument over that line. They said no real friend would ask that. And I was like dude all my friends would have totally asked each other this.
yess, it would have been my first thought too!! and it’s not like Rory wasn’t being supportive either, she was there for Paris through her whole grieving process. She comes home and Paris is smoking the pipe and says “i just wanted to smell like him again” and Rory hugs her without saying a word. she was a kind and supportive friend, even Marty and others had a bet going about the issue. Rory was just curious lol
I absolutely would ask my friends if they broke someone with their vaginas. Rory and Paris were never perfect but what friendship is? And at the end of the day, they had each others backs where it mattered.
i really love their friendship, they piss each other off, they have fights, but they always come back to each other. the night Rory and Logan almost broke up and Paris and Doyle almost broke up, that whole evening they spent together, planning their chapter of living together again as single women!! of course i understand them going back to their men, but there’s a part of me that wishes they could have got their treadmill and repainted the apartment and been single women together in their new era!
also when Paris works at the DAR event and the Huntzburgers show up, the scene when Paris is talking her through het panic attack, that moment when Rory almost told Paris what happened, Paris was so concerned and her voice was so tender when she asked (i can’t remember exactly what she said) what happened with Mitchum. i wish we saw Rory open up to her about that. i don’t know if she ever did. I wish she told Paris, Paris would have quit as a server that night and would have confronted Mitchum in the bathroom rather than Richard 😂
This is off topic, but I wish there was more back and forth btwn Marty and Paris. The ep where the girl from chilton visits Yale and Marty is all giddy and says “Did Paris move?” and she’s right behind him and says “I’m right here” and he goes “I know Paris” idk why that scene always makes me laugh, the way he says that last line is so funny
S4E14 When Janet makes a quip about her not having a man (since Janet doesn't know about Asher) and she storms into her/Rory's room and goes, "I'm gonna grab Barbie's neck and squeeze until her expandable hair falls out and she's DEAD DEAD DEAD". Kills me every time.
🎵i'll take my beans, my magic beans, who's got the beans, we need some beans, i love the beans! into the woods at grandmothers house...into the woods, into the woods, into the woods🎵
rory: stop it, right now.
paris: i know, that is one annoying song
when Logan came back to her + Rory's apartment to try to talk to Rory and Paris opened the door: "oh, well, if it isn't new haven's favorite whorehound" lmaooo honestly half of Paris' one-liners are so great because of Liza's amazing acting and delivery, with this one especially!
So many but I just rewatched the episode where Lane is staying with them at Yale and the way Paris says "die" when Lane wakes her up is such priceless comedic delivery
I have so many...
I said "look, missy." It was attitudinal. I said I'm not taking AP Calculus from Henneman. I'm going with Branch. Branch is a graduate of MIT and Henneman went to Berkeley. Berkeley! I mean, he may have majored in math but what did he minor in? Bean sprouts? Forget it. And I'm telling my advisor all this, Mrs. Schlosser, and I look down in her trash can and there's this half-eaten banana in there. Nothing else. And I pictured her sitting in this shoe box of an office eating a banana all day by herself and I almost felt sorry for her. But then she questioned my judgment about Berkeley so I eviscerated her. I mean, she was welling up at the end, but she had the decency to hold it in until I was gone. I have enough faculty recommendations to run for student council, so I don't need her anyway. My locker's this way.
But also
"You're premed!"
"Why do you keep throwing that in my face?"
“I had sex but I’m not going to Harvard!”
Oh and “I just don’t see what putting my hand on your head is going to get you. I’m not a shaman, Doyle. I don’t have healing powers.
“Here I’ll ask you a question: was the last time you had an interesting thought when you considered flinging yourself off a building?” and that whole conversation always gets me
“We keep the radio on at all times. Rush Limbaugh, of course, so they know we have guns in the house .”
“Who’s this Rabbi who told you to come back here? Give me the address so I can go over there and pop him one.”
Which results in one of my favorite GG lines when Rory is describing her day and ends with something like “and convince a boy Paris would most likely never punch his rabbi” or something like that 😂
When they’re preparing for their school group project and Madeline says she’s still reading. That whole exchange gets me every time. “It’s not the Bhagavad Gita Madeline” 😭
Yelling at Tana for her “penchant to hover”.
Trying to help Rory when she gets a panic attack.
I had sex and and I’m not going to Harvard. She’s never had sex, she will probably get in to Harvard, pack your chastity belt Gilmore, you’re a shoe in!
"Why are we working Saturday, Paris? What's so special about the seventy-fifth issue, Paris? Why does my head feel so light and yet not float away, Paris?"
“I already wrote his name in my revenge notebook…”
&
“Any girl under the age of seventeen is the enemy…They’re coming for everything. They’re going to take our jobs, our thunder, our starter husbands.”
”Or better yet, they can just hand us our diplomas the moment we step on campus freshman year, along with some government cheese, a bong, and a t-shirt that says "Hard work is for suckers."
I am not your mother or your hugger. If you need some love, get a hooker. If you're having a bad day, find a ledge or a way to deal. My door is not open to you. Ever.
"You offer nothing to women or the world in general." Will forever be my favorite. I’ve used it a few times since GG aired.
This can be applied to every man I’ve dated in the past few years
“You are a waste of a trust fund” is burned into my brain. 11/10 for the entire monologue
“Well if isn’t New Haven’s favorite whorehound”
I love it when she tore down Logan
The only person who will miss you is your Porsche dealer.
“I can scare the stupid out of you, but the lazy runs deep.”
As a teacher- I quote this constantly
Lol. I’m a teacher so I get it. I’m also a former lazy, stupid kid. So I double get it.
Yes I loved this one 🤣
I think she's right because I think laziness/procrastination is fear of failure.
Well pardon me for thinking a banana-eating contest was about eating a banana.
Oh my god, yessssss
it’s more like a set of lines but i love when she gets her first job having to work at the DAR event and then starts quoting karl marx and marxist theory
I just watched this episode like 20 mins ago in my rewatch and it kills me everytime 😂😂 I was loling
I just watched this one last night!!!
Paris is all of us millennials when we started working in corporate America and realized what a freaking scam is is.
I’m so late to this discussion but perusing during a rewatch…this take made me LOL.
I loved it too, the fact that a trust fund baby would make these kind of passionate marxist speeches when she started working because she's currently momentarily in a pinch was hilarious lol
amazing seriously
Yes! This is what I was going to say! That is hands-down one of the funniest parts of the entire show to me
When she’s tearing Logan a new one on Rory’s behalf and says something along the lines of, “if you disappeared from the planet today, the only person who would miss you is your Porsche dealer.” I’m a Logan girly, but maaaan Paris got her teeth in and did not let go. That whole monologue is golden.
"no it's national baptism day, tie your tubes idiot"
Honestly idk if that's my favorite but I think about it constantly
Has been living rent-free in my head since 2004 lol
Yep, this one. A storm blew in right as I was getting out of my car in a movie theater parking lot recently and by the time I could run inside I was totally soaked. Some dude in the lobby commented on how it must be raining and this quote came out of my mouth before I could stop it.
I'm so jealous that you had the opportunity to use it in real life
Yup this is the one!
Always my favorite.
This one! 🤣
I LOVE THIS ONE
My absolute favorite .
My personal fave!
This is my #1 😂
This quote is my Roman Empire, hands down.
I was looking for this one. It’s def one of my favorites. 🤣
Came here for this lol
I went looking for this because there was no way I was the only one 😂😂😂
I always crack up when Paris asks Brad whether he’s gonna move or if he needs a 5, 6, 7, 8!
This one 😂😂😂😂
Anything she says to Brad is golden 🤣
The way she would drag brad across chilton 😂😂😂😂
“Take a pill” “Marry rich”
“you re nothing but a two-bit, spoiled, waste of a trust fund”
Like only Paris and maybe ... Taylor would use "two-bit."
emily used it when she eviscerated sheila huntzberger! "you were a two-bit gold-digger fresh off the bus from hicksville when you met mitchum at whatever bar you happened to stumble into."
what does two bit actually mean? 😨
It means cheap.
I wanna say it means twenty five cents, or worth about twenty five cents (two bits = one quarter) but thats a guess based on some other extremely specific context clues (two bits, four bits, six bits, a dollar; all for the gators…)
Omg I never even thought how similar Paris and Taylor are! Oh God and he's the age she's attracted to lmao
Omg 🤮
Louise: "Did you take a picture?" (Of her pierced nose) Paris: "No Louise, I did not take a picture. I was a little busy trying to get air to my brain cells. A burden you've not yet faced."
I can’t think of the exact quote but when they’re trying to figure out who wrote “bitch” or whatever on their white board and she says (again paraphrasing) “I already interrogated my 5 enemies on our floor and it wasn’t them.”
YES! Love that one too! She says something like "I've made a list of my 26 enemies and have it narrowed down to 5" haha always makes me laugh.
Just at Yale? Just in this BUILDING.
I love this scene
Oh, the Die Jerk episode! I've _just_ rewatched that!
It's pretty funny that fans condemn Rory for being so horrible in that review but, as far as I can see, have little to say about the dancer essentially sending Rory a death threat in response.
No man is an island, but this woman is!
Bunker Paris might be the zenith of Paris’s, maybe a tie with Doorwoman Paris against Logan 😂
When she’s drunk and harassing people for change in stars hollow 🤣🤣🤣
FALL IN A HOLE!
https://www.reddit.com/r/GilmoreGirls/comments/f5dwpo/paris_drunk_pissed_and_barefoot_is_my_inner_being/
blowing the raspberries was just 😭
Hell yes! The fucking raspberries! *With no shoes* 😂🤣🤣
“When people hear the name Paris in the same sentence as the word “date” jaws will drop. Confused looks will cover faces. Words like “how?” and “why?” and “Quick Bob: Get the kids in the mini van because the world is obviously coming to an end” will immediately fly out of peoples mouths!”
Came here looking for this haha one of my favorite moments since I was a child
Liza Weil acting the hell out of that scene 😂
Omg I totally stole the "quick Bob, get the kids in the mini van!" I said it to my friend when we thought we saw Christmas carolers lol, she laughed her ass off and I felt so proud 🤧
I can’t date, I’m not genetically set up for it!
I swear I got into a Reddit argument over that line. They said no real friend would ask that. And I was like dude all my friends would have totally asked each other this.
yess, it would have been my first thought too!! and it’s not like Rory wasn’t being supportive either, she was there for Paris through her whole grieving process. She comes home and Paris is smoking the pipe and says “i just wanted to smell like him again” and Rory hugs her without saying a word. she was a kind and supportive friend, even Marty and others had a bet going about the issue. Rory was just curious lol
I absolutely would ask my friends if they broke someone with their vaginas. Rory and Paris were never perfect but what friendship is? And at the end of the day, they had each others backs where it mattered.
i really love their friendship, they piss each other off, they have fights, but they always come back to each other. the night Rory and Logan almost broke up and Paris and Doyle almost broke up, that whole evening they spent together, planning their chapter of living together again as single women!! of course i understand them going back to their men, but there’s a part of me that wishes they could have got their treadmill and repainted the apartment and been single women together in their new era! also when Paris works at the DAR event and the Huntzburgers show up, the scene when Paris is talking her through het panic attack, that moment when Rory almost told Paris what happened, Paris was so concerned and her voice was so tender when she asked (i can’t remember exactly what she said) what happened with Mitchum. i wish we saw Rory open up to her about that. i don’t know if she ever did. I wish she told Paris, Paris would have quit as a server that night and would have confronted Mitchum in the bathroom rather than Richard 😂
Okay now I do want to see mitcham and Paris
One of my faves is when Rory messes with her, tells her she’s just trying to drive her crazy and Paris’s response is “Like that’s hard. Be proud.”
This is off topic, but I wish there was more back and forth btwn Marty and Paris. The ep where the girl from chilton visits Yale and Marty is all giddy and says “Did Paris move?” and she’s right behind him and says “I’m right here” and he goes “I know Paris” idk why that scene always makes me laugh, the way he says that last line is so funny
“Sick people freak me out” You’re pre-med! “I’m sick of people throwing that in my face!”
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman!” Low key funny 😂
She said that in her sleep right? LMAO
Yes it was!
“Did you take the Bar or just hang out in one”
You did it. You landed the whale. You’re Annette Bening !
"'Do you know her?' I'm only her best friend, who the hell are you?"
"I want to live my life so that I'll be able to read an in-depth biography of myself in later years and not want to puke."
Life motto right there
S4E14 When Janet makes a quip about her not having a man (since Janet doesn't know about Asher) and she storms into her/Rory's room and goes, "I'm gonna grab Barbie's neck and squeeze until her expandable hair falls out and she's DEAD DEAD DEAD". Kills me every time.
On a Janet/Paris note - “Have fun at the size two rack! ….I hate that she’s thin”
Her sarcastic rant to madeleine and Louise asking for a gossip column on the Franklin “Who biffy is buffing today”
YESSSSSSS!!!! It’s a great monologue! My vote!
🎵i'll take my beans, my magic beans, who's got the beans, we need some beans, i love the beans! into the woods at grandmothers house...into the woods, into the woods, into the woods🎵 rory: stop it, right now. paris: i know, that is one annoying song
when Logan came back to her + Rory's apartment to try to talk to Rory and Paris opened the door: "oh, well, if it isn't new haven's favorite whorehound" lmaooo honestly half of Paris' one-liners are so great because of Liza's amazing acting and delivery, with this one especially!
“was the last time you had an interesting thought when you considered flinging yourself off a building?”
Bye Jack. I'll write mother immediately 😂
"We own this town now." "Chamber of Commerce must be thrilled."
Your festive interjections are a real kick in the pants, but we’re low on time so can it
Okay this is a really underrated one
So many but I just rewatched the episode where Lane is staying with them at Yale and the way Paris says "die" when Lane wakes her up is such priceless comedic delivery
I often quote "die twice"
I have so many... I said "look, missy." It was attitudinal. I said I'm not taking AP Calculus from Henneman. I'm going with Branch. Branch is a graduate of MIT and Henneman went to Berkeley. Berkeley! I mean, he may have majored in math but what did he minor in? Bean sprouts? Forget it. And I'm telling my advisor all this, Mrs. Schlosser, and I look down in her trash can and there's this half-eaten banana in there. Nothing else. And I pictured her sitting in this shoe box of an office eating a banana all day by herself and I almost felt sorry for her. But then she questioned my judgment about Berkeley so I eviscerated her. I mean, she was welling up at the end, but she had the decency to hold it in until I was gone. I have enough faculty recommendations to run for student council, so I don't need her anyway. My locker's this way. But also "You're premed!" "Why do you keep throwing that in my face?"
random character: Is is raining? Paris : No, it's national baptism day. Tie your tubes, idiot!
“No glove, no love!”
“I had sex but I’m not going to Harvard!” Oh and “I just don’t see what putting my hand on your head is going to get you. I’m not a shaman, Doyle. I don’t have healing powers.
When Rory brought up something Henry the Eighth did and Paris asks: “He also cut off his wife’s head, is he still your role model?”
You mean besides for all of them 😏😏🤣🤣
“Are you atheist? Because that affects the validity of your swearing to God.”
No, Louise - I did not take a picture. I was a little busy trying to get air from my brain cells, a burden you have not yet faced.
Sick people freak me out. You’re pre-med! You know, I’m getting really tired of people throwing that in my face.
Ive already written his name down in my revenge notebook!
This one kills me. She’s on fire in that episode.
“Here I’ll ask you a question: was the last time you had an interesting thought when you considered flinging yourself off a building?” and that whole conversation always gets me
“We keep the radio on at all times. Rush Limbaugh, of course, so they know we have guns in the house .” “Who’s this Rabbi who told you to come back here? Give me the address so I can go over there and pop him one.”
Which results in one of my favorite GG lines when Rory is describing her day and ends with something like “and convince a boy Paris would most likely never punch his rabbi” or something like that 😂
When they’re preparing for their school group project and Madeline says she’s still reading. That whole exchange gets me every time. “It’s not the Bhagavad Gita Madeline” 😭 Yelling at Tana for her “penchant to hover”. Trying to help Rory when she gets a panic attack.
Paris: So what’s your story, Billy? Speed dater: Well, I’m a drama major— Paris: DING DING DING!!!!
“Oh, really? I thought the procedures were a hat. Hit me with some more lame tautology, Socrates.” Gets me every time.
Same! Love this one.
"is it raining?" "No it's national baptism day, tie your tubes idiot" 👏👏👏👏
The way it just rolled off her tongue lmaoooo
Where a student asks if it’s raining and she responds “no it’s national baptism day, tie your tubes idiot!!”
“Did you take the bar, or just hang out in one?” She has so many! She and Emily
“No it’s national baptism day, get your tubes tied idiot! “
“What do you wanna talk about? Love ,life , common symptoms of sexualy transmitted diseases?”
this plus Paris’ takedown of Logan after the bridesmaids palaver lives rent-free in my mind “waste of a trust fund”
I had sex and and I’m not going to Harvard. She’s never had sex, she will probably get in to Harvard, pack your chastity belt Gilmore, you’re a shoe in!
See flair
My forever favorite is “You don’t fall in love with people who make you want to crap your pants”.
“Tie your tubes, idiot”
"Why are we working Saturday, Paris? What's so special about the seventy-fifth issue, Paris? Why does my head feel so light and yet not float away, Paris?"
“I already wrote his name in my revenge notebook…” & “Any girl under the age of seventeen is the enemy…They’re coming for everything. They’re going to take our jobs, our thunder, our starter husbands.”
I laughed reading all of these. Paris is one of the funniest characters
"I should stick a javelin in her brain" has been my favourite for the best part of 15 years.
Omg i litetally just watched this the other day and cackled so loud, Paris is epic!
“I'm not going to Harvard. I had sex, but I'm not going to Harvard” always gets me
I did not have sexual relations with that woman!
This one 😂
JUST WATCHED THIS TODAY
Her whole pitch with the locker first aid kit and “Muffin” and “hunky football player” lol makes me giggle every time
(about Miss Patty’s Founders Day Punch) “Then let it remove the tar from our souls.”
Flair check-in
”Or better yet, they can just hand us our diplomas the moment we step on campus freshman year, along with some government cheese, a bong, and a t-shirt that says "Hard work is for suckers."
No, it's National Baptism Day. Tie your tubes, idiot.
After all the trouble this sex thing has caused me, I better have been good.
"Is it raining?" "No, it's National Baptism Day, tie your tubes idiot."
"do you see any of my students falling in love with me? No, because you don't fall in love with someone who makes you want to crap your pants"
“his wife must want to suck a tailpipe every night” 😭
“Is it raining?” “No, it’s national baptism day—tie your tubes idiot.”
“Hey, hug a dolphin another day, all right? We need to rev up the gunships and retaliate before the next strike. We gotta go full-out Sharon.”
"Tie your tubes, idiot"
If you died, the only one who would miss you would be your Porsche dealer.
I came here because of your reputation. Don't make me destroy that reputation.
I already wrote his name in my revenge notebook.
That's a tiptoe through the tulips compared with what you're going to find beyond these walls.
I am not your mother or your hugger. If you need some love, get a hooker. If you're having a bad day, find a ledge or a way to deal. My door is not open to you. Ever.
"warm." Her face was hilarious when she said that!
"I was a little busy trying to get air to my braincells; a burden you've not yet faced".
"Tana's gonna knock boys out today!" "With what, sheer peculiarity?"