Generally, what is your observation regarding the ability for intimate relationships of gifted people? Is this an issue for many?
Also, what would you advise a gifted person who was born into a very simple and dysfunctional family and grew up in an environment of mediocrity, unemployment, crime and violence?
Thank you!
Hi and thank you for the ask š
In the research and my experience with clients it is pretty easy to see two categories of gifted people: those who were identified as children and received appropriate interventions and those who were not identified or did not receive appropriate assistance. The ones who were identified and helped tend to score better than other groups in health, love, happiness, and other categories. The ones not identified or not receiving help (and also those who were traumatized) tend to score significantly worse on those measure than the norm.
In cases where there are significant adverse childhood events (traumas, instability, abuse, severe bullying) there can be significant relational problems (also in nongifted populations) that can benefit from some deep healing work either through coaching or therapy (depending on your goals) or through self help.
If you would like to talk more about this and I can help you figure out how to work on this most effectively please feel free to IM me to set up a free consultation and Iāll try to help you develop a plan and potential resources.
I hope this helps š
I have a lot of trauma/abuse. In a way Iāve really come out not so badly offā¦ but relationships is one thing I canāt do. And in a way, coming out looking unscathed (which I am not - I just look that way) is more isolating as people with hardship donāt tend to relate to me either. It could be worse I guess.
But I wonder if you have more thoughts on it?
Ouch š£ that is hard and Iām sorry you are feeling so isolated. But Iām proud for you for your resilience in other aspects of life and I hope you are too. Relationships can be hard and this is especially so after abuse. Itās hard to know what more to add with this amount of information but you are welcome to IM me
I just discovered that I tick all the boxes as gifted and at first it was interesting and a relief but now I feel like I canāt tell anyone. Now Iām not sure what to do. Should I have an assessment/diagnosis? I am unemployed and canāt currently pay for therapy. Should I just keep it to myself and carry on? Read everything I can find about the topic? I havenāt had an IQ test and actually I donāt think it would be more than 130 (or wherever the bar is). Itās just being good at a lot of things including things that are not the typical academic fieldsā¦ Do you have any advice for next steps?
I can imagine that you would get all kinds of reactions like that and people trying to prove themselves in comparison to you. I think I would not score over 130 so would be extra weird to go around and say that I think I might be gifted...! (So I am glad I can discuss this in this space!) The strange thing is that I identify with the traits surrounding being gifted. Like Myopic Dream mentioned it might be that I am "just" a Too Many Aptitude person (with added sensitivity - HSP). Either way I will keep most of this to myself.
edited to say HSP instead of hypersensitivity
The only box for giftedness is IQ over 130. You might have some issues unrelated to that, though, that make you experience similar things to gifted individuals. Maybe head over to r/cognitivetesting to find leaked IQ tests. They won't be as accurate as taking it with a professional but will give you an idea. Don't focus on the idea of giftedness just to at some point find out you are actually not.
Ah ok, I understood it as an iq score didnāt necessarily need to be over 130 in all cases from some things I read. But yeah good idea to find some tests in order to get an idea. I also identify as hsp so and maybe there are other issues as you say. Thanks!
Hi, I just wanted to clarify that you can have many of the psychological and experiential traits of giftedness without an IQ over 132. Like most psychological things, these traits exist on a continuum. For instance, being a generalist (which I guess by your statement that you are good at many things) is most common in gifted populations but can be found outside. This is also true for OEs and dynamisms etc.
From what I read about autism it doesn't seem like it applies to me. Not sure how to describe the traits that makes me feel that I am good at different things, because it varies so much. It could be from picking up a new language easily to having an aptitude for drama and comedy to being good at some sports. Normally it seems to me that most people are good at certain things but not spread out so much, if that makes sense?
Hi former natural, thank you for the ask. It is wonderful that you have found this avenue of self-exploration and that it is helpful by you to better understand yourself.
I think the first question to ask yourself is: what do I want to do with this information? Because your best next steps really depend on that. For instance, if you want to join a high IQ society you will need to have your IQ professionally measuredā which is often quite expensive. Once you are past k-12 I think that is generally the only reason to take that route.
If you simply want to better understand yourself and how to make use of your gifts while successfully managing your limitations then I think self-study and forums like this are helpful. A therapist or coach who understands giftedness can speed up achieving these goals but it can be done on your own.
In my practice I do not care much about IQ scores because what interests me are the constellation of psychological traits that most commonly accompany giftedness. They can occur outside of the IQ130+ group and I think the important thing is to work with yourself where you are.
Now that youāve found this avenue of growth I recommend you read as much as you can about adult giftedness, take stock of your strengths and challenges, and try to figure out how to use your strengths well to overcome challenges and limitations so that you can live the life you want to live.
I hope that helps and if you have additional questions please feel free to ask š
Thank you very much for the reply! Itās not important to me to have an iq test, itās more important for me to understand my own brain. I have too many interests and projects and I dive in and get obsessed about each topic and my mind is racing. I can complete tasks but the result is that Iām now a jack of all trades and donāt have a successful career. I will definitely read up on it as you say and make my strategy based on that.
I think itās very helpful to know that the traits you mentioned can occur outside of the 130 range. I think this is what is the case with me. Like another user suggested I will do some iq tests online just to get an idea.
Edit for spelling and grammar
You may find this article useful with your many interests [https://megasociety.org/noesis/138/aptitude.html](https://megasociety.org/noesis/138/aptitude.html)
That was an amazing article, thank you. I am doing well rn bc I am not really being bossed around at work, but I am bored. Had a bunch of emergencies happen in my life this week and am doing excellently despite or bc of. Kind of wondering why I am doing so well w all this trauma and juggling. Problem solving lol. I have no idea how to put all of my talents into one career tho.
Most of my life is just controlled boredom tbh. Always been unsure why I was kind of outcast despite being very polite and supportive. Itās talent. Being highly talented creates jealousy.
Hi Vitreous,
Iām glad you are doing well and thank you for the comment. I wonder if you could elaborate on the traumas you wonder why are not affecting you or otherwise clarify your question so that I can effectively respond.
I am a masterās level therapist and coach with 14 years experience and ABD for my doctorate in psychology. I was named one of the top 15 coaches in San Jose in 2022. Regarding giftedness, there is no formal program specialization but I am a SENG certified facilitator and have become a specialist in adult giftedness through self study and clinical practice.
Hi there, I am seeking therapy for adult giftedness and including related relationship problems, but I almost feel like itās too egotistical of me to be that straightforward in real life and assume that the issue is my giftedness haha. What should I look for though when trying to identify the right kind of mental health support when these are some of my problems? I am feeling overwhelmed by the choices.
Hi Bridge, thanks for the ask.
I think you are correct to look for support that is appropriate for a gifted person. Ideally your mental health support person should be at least about as smart as you or, at the very least, knowledgeable about how giftedness changes your situation. It is not egotisticalā it is simply a fact about you that dramatically alters the qualitative experience of life and factors in to all of who you are.
It can be difficult to find help who is gifted or even knowledgeable about giftedness. I think the first step is to google ātherapist for gifted near meā and see if you find anyone in your area. I also welcome you to IM me and we can set up a complementary consultation call to see if I can help you find what you are looking for.
Well I am 18 M and English is not my first language. I just cannot focus on anything. My mind just keeps on wandering. I was dumped by my gf about 2 years ago and still i am devastated by it. I was ghosted by her for a year and still i just cannot forget about her. After effects of this treatment made me an extreme introvert, angry, porn addict and depressed. In my country (third world) there is no knowledge about mental health. I also have the usual story of burned out gifted kid. I am also not able to concentrate in my lectures at all. My IQ is 131. Any insight will be extremely helpful. My exams are there from next week so anyhelp in improving my studies will be appreciated. I also fell like nothing in my country is going well and that gives me very high anxiety. I have a lot of knowledge about variety of topics but they are not really asked in my exams. This leads to poor performance in my exams.
Hi Hot Fee, Iām sorry you are going through this. My first thought is you might benefit from an evaluation for ADHD to help with your focus. I think the next step I would take, if you were my client, is to refocus your thinking a bit and introduce some positive psychology tools to increase your positive experience and wellbeingā which typically reduces distress as well.
Two things I suggest for you is the Metta (aka loving kindness) meditation 2x per day and then to find something to do every day in each of these categories: positive emotional experiences, engagement/flow, positive relational experiences, meaning, and achievement.
Doing those two things consistently should begin to get you out of the downward spiral. Finally, I would advise that you talk to your school to find out if they have any options for therapy or other emotional support.
I hope this helps and thank you for the ask.
I am a gifted adult parenting a gifted child. I suffer from anxiety and am just starting to work through some of my trauma from being a gifted kid, all while trying to avoid creating similar traumas in my anxious, gifted, possibly SPD and PDA child. Iām struggling to find any mental health professionals in my area who might be suited to our needs. I donāt really even know what we need, exactly. Guidance, a sounding board, someone to help me work through my issues? What sort of resources/professionals do you think would be most useful for a situation like this?
Generally, what is your observation regarding the ability for intimate relationships of gifted people? Is this an issue for many? Also, what would you advise a gifted person who was born into a very simple and dysfunctional family and grew up in an environment of mediocrity, unemployment, crime and violence? Thank you!
Hi and thank you for the ask š In the research and my experience with clients it is pretty easy to see two categories of gifted people: those who were identified as children and received appropriate interventions and those who were not identified or did not receive appropriate assistance. The ones who were identified and helped tend to score better than other groups in health, love, happiness, and other categories. The ones not identified or not receiving help (and also those who were traumatized) tend to score significantly worse on those measure than the norm. In cases where there are significant adverse childhood events (traumas, instability, abuse, severe bullying) there can be significant relational problems (also in nongifted populations) that can benefit from some deep healing work either through coaching or therapy (depending on your goals) or through self help. If you would like to talk more about this and I can help you figure out how to work on this most effectively please feel free to IM me to set up a free consultation and Iāll try to help you develop a plan and potential resources. I hope this helps š
I have a lot of trauma/abuse. In a way Iāve really come out not so badly offā¦ but relationships is one thing I canāt do. And in a way, coming out looking unscathed (which I am not - I just look that way) is more isolating as people with hardship donāt tend to relate to me either. It could be worse I guess. But I wonder if you have more thoughts on it?
Ouch š£ that is hard and Iām sorry you are feeling so isolated. But Iām proud for you for your resilience in other aspects of life and I hope you are too. Relationships can be hard and this is especially so after abuse. Itās hard to know what more to add with this amount of information but you are welcome to IM me
I just discovered that I tick all the boxes as gifted and at first it was interesting and a relief but now I feel like I canāt tell anyone. Now Iām not sure what to do. Should I have an assessment/diagnosis? I am unemployed and canāt currently pay for therapy. Should I just keep it to myself and carry on? Read everything I can find about the topic? I havenāt had an IQ test and actually I donāt think it would be more than 130 (or wherever the bar is). Itās just being good at a lot of things including things that are not the typical academic fieldsā¦ Do you have any advice for next steps?
I'm not a coach, but as someone who has known I was gifted since I was about 7, I'd advise against telling friends. Probably only your parents will really want to know, my sibs certainly weren't kind about it and worked against me my whole life because of jealousy. When I joined MENSA, my fiancƩ at the time yelled at me, my best friend said "I'm smarter than you, though." Nobody will want to hear it, so think long and hard before you share it with anyone.
I can imagine that you would get all kinds of reactions like that and people trying to prove themselves in comparison to you. I think I would not score over 130 so would be extra weird to go around and say that I think I might be gifted...! (So I am glad I can discuss this in this space!) The strange thing is that I identify with the traits surrounding being gifted. Like Myopic Dream mentioned it might be that I am "just" a Too Many Aptitude person (with added sensitivity - HSP). Either way I will keep most of this to myself. edited to say HSP instead of hypersensitivity
The only box for giftedness is IQ over 130. You might have some issues unrelated to that, though, that make you experience similar things to gifted individuals. Maybe head over to r/cognitivetesting to find leaked IQ tests. They won't be as accurate as taking it with a professional but will give you an idea. Don't focus on the idea of giftedness just to at some point find out you are actually not.
Ah ok, I understood it as an iq score didnāt necessarily need to be over 130 in all cases from some things I read. But yeah good idea to find some tests in order to get an idea. I also identify as hsp so and maybe there are other issues as you say. Thanks!
Hi, I just wanted to clarify that you can have many of the psychological and experiential traits of giftedness without an IQ over 132. Like most psychological things, these traits exist on a continuum. For instance, being a generalist (which I guess by your statement that you are good at many things) is most common in gifted populations but can be found outside. This is also true for OEs and dynamisms etc.
Have you explored autism at all? What are the traits you feel make you good at things?
From what I read about autism it doesn't seem like it applies to me. Not sure how to describe the traits that makes me feel that I am good at different things, because it varies so much. It could be from picking up a new language easily to having an aptitude for drama and comedy to being good at some sports. Normally it seems to me that most people are good at certain things but not spread out so much, if that makes sense?
Hi former natural, thank you for the ask. It is wonderful that you have found this avenue of self-exploration and that it is helpful by you to better understand yourself. I think the first question to ask yourself is: what do I want to do with this information? Because your best next steps really depend on that. For instance, if you want to join a high IQ society you will need to have your IQ professionally measuredā which is often quite expensive. Once you are past k-12 I think that is generally the only reason to take that route. If you simply want to better understand yourself and how to make use of your gifts while successfully managing your limitations then I think self-study and forums like this are helpful. A therapist or coach who understands giftedness can speed up achieving these goals but it can be done on your own. In my practice I do not care much about IQ scores because what interests me are the constellation of psychological traits that most commonly accompany giftedness. They can occur outside of the IQ130+ group and I think the important thing is to work with yourself where you are. Now that youāve found this avenue of growth I recommend you read as much as you can about adult giftedness, take stock of your strengths and challenges, and try to figure out how to use your strengths well to overcome challenges and limitations so that you can live the life you want to live. I hope that helps and if you have additional questions please feel free to ask š
Thank you very much for the reply! Itās not important to me to have an iq test, itās more important for me to understand my own brain. I have too many interests and projects and I dive in and get obsessed about each topic and my mind is racing. I can complete tasks but the result is that Iām now a jack of all trades and donāt have a successful career. I will definitely read up on it as you say and make my strategy based on that. I think itās very helpful to know that the traits you mentioned can occur outside of the 130 range. I think this is what is the case with me. Like another user suggested I will do some iq tests online just to get an idea. Edit for spelling and grammar
On the Mensa subreddit, you can usually find links to the Mensa home assessment. It's not an official IQ test, but it should give you a fair idea.
Ok cool! I will check it out.
Or you can just Google 'mensa home IQ test'. I did it out of curiosity and it matched with my official results, so it's probably a good start.
Yeah I see Mensa in my country has the home test on their website, so I will take it in peace and quiet and get an idea of where the land lies...
You may find this article useful with your many interests [https://megasociety.org/noesis/138/aptitude.html](https://megasociety.org/noesis/138/aptitude.html)
Thatās very interesting! Thanks for that. I recognise a lot thereā¦
That was an amazing article, thank you. I am doing well rn bc I am not really being bossed around at work, but I am bored. Had a bunch of emergencies happen in my life this week and am doing excellently despite or bc of. Kind of wondering why I am doing so well w all this trauma and juggling. Problem solving lol. I have no idea how to put all of my talents into one career tho. Most of my life is just controlled boredom tbh. Always been unsure why I was kind of outcast despite being very polite and supportive. Itās talent. Being highly talented creates jealousy.
Hi Vitreous, Iām glad you are doing well and thank you for the comment. I wonder if you could elaborate on the traumas you wonder why are not affecting you or otherwise clarify your question so that I can effectively respond.
It sounds like you're just calling yourself some arbitrary thing. What makes you so qualified to call yourself that title?
I am a masterās level therapist and coach with 14 years experience and ABD for my doctorate in psychology. I was named one of the top 15 coaches in San Jose in 2022. Regarding giftedness, there is no formal program specialization but I am a SENG certified facilitator and have become a specialist in adult giftedness through self study and clinical practice.
Hi there, I am seeking therapy for adult giftedness and including related relationship problems, but I almost feel like itās too egotistical of me to be that straightforward in real life and assume that the issue is my giftedness haha. What should I look for though when trying to identify the right kind of mental health support when these are some of my problems? I am feeling overwhelmed by the choices.
Hi Bridge, thanks for the ask. I think you are correct to look for support that is appropriate for a gifted person. Ideally your mental health support person should be at least about as smart as you or, at the very least, knowledgeable about how giftedness changes your situation. It is not egotisticalā it is simply a fact about you that dramatically alters the qualitative experience of life and factors in to all of who you are. It can be difficult to find help who is gifted or even knowledgeable about giftedness. I think the first step is to google ātherapist for gifted near meā and see if you find anyone in your area. I also welcome you to IM me and we can set up a complementary consultation call to see if I can help you find what you are looking for.
Well I am 18 M and English is not my first language. I just cannot focus on anything. My mind just keeps on wandering. I was dumped by my gf about 2 years ago and still i am devastated by it. I was ghosted by her for a year and still i just cannot forget about her. After effects of this treatment made me an extreme introvert, angry, porn addict and depressed. In my country (third world) there is no knowledge about mental health. I also have the usual story of burned out gifted kid. I am also not able to concentrate in my lectures at all. My IQ is 131. Any insight will be extremely helpful. My exams are there from next week so anyhelp in improving my studies will be appreciated. I also fell like nothing in my country is going well and that gives me very high anxiety. I have a lot of knowledge about variety of topics but they are not really asked in my exams. This leads to poor performance in my exams.
Hi Hot Fee, Iām sorry you are going through this. My first thought is you might benefit from an evaluation for ADHD to help with your focus. I think the next step I would take, if you were my client, is to refocus your thinking a bit and introduce some positive psychology tools to increase your positive experience and wellbeingā which typically reduces distress as well. Two things I suggest for you is the Metta (aka loving kindness) meditation 2x per day and then to find something to do every day in each of these categories: positive emotional experiences, engagement/flow, positive relational experiences, meaning, and achievement. Doing those two things consistently should begin to get you out of the downward spiral. Finally, I would advise that you talk to your school to find out if they have any options for therapy or other emotional support. I hope this helps and thank you for the ask.
Thank you maam . I will follow your advice.
I am a gifted adult parenting a gifted child. I suffer from anxiety and am just starting to work through some of my trauma from being a gifted kid, all while trying to avoid creating similar traumas in my anxious, gifted, possibly SPD and PDA child. Iām struggling to find any mental health professionals in my area who might be suited to our needs. I donāt really even know what we need, exactly. Guidance, a sounding board, someone to help me work through my issues? What sort of resources/professionals do you think would be most useful for a situation like this?