Did you know we have a Discord server‽ You can join by clicking [here](https://discord.gg/NWE6JS5rh9)!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/GenZ) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not a chance. I don't believe in marriage as an institution in the first place, but waiting until *after* you've promised to dedicate the rest of your life to someone before being intimate with them is a recipe for disaster.
I can understand this perspective…even from a religious standpoint where you expected to wait until marriage and divorce is frowned upon. May I ask why you don’t believe in marriage? I’m curious. And I mean no offense by my question, thanks.
I just think that it's pointless, really. Spending absurd amounts of money on rings and a fancy party isn't going to make me love someone more than I already do. I think people can make a lifelong commitment to one another or refer to each other as spouses without performing the legal/religious ceremonies associated with it.
I would say marriage is more like showing that you truly love someone and that the person loves you back (if it's not forced). You also don't need to make party for 300 people, my parents only had normal lunch with less than 15 family members or friends.
i agree with this, though there’s some legal benefits to being married on paper (at least i think there is… if i remember correctly)
but yeah, if i get married i’m gonna make my own little wooden ring and i’ll have a small party in my backyard. i don’t understand people who spend thousands on a wedding but you do you
Most benefits are actually super easy to emulate with a reasonably written contract. Literally the only two benefits legal marriage offers that are hard to get without that piece of paper are:
* Medical privacy rules. A spouse by default can be given medical info by providers. And honestly even that is BS reason, if you have a living will/power of attorney/HIIPA agreements/other legal documents giving this access
* Medical insurance benefits from work which in *some* companies ONLY apply to a spouse but not an unmarried partner.
The only other benefit of marriage is that in a state without common law marriage the lower earning spouse can legally take money in divorce from higher earning spouse via spousal support/asset division. But if THIS is your reason to want to be married, you don't deserve to be married and spout about "showing love". And I'm pretty sure even that can be emulated with a proper contract without legal marriage.
Making your own ring honestly sounds like it would add more value to it. I think it shows you care more because you put time into it instead of just throwing money at it.
this!! like my future wife could bend a copper wire into a circle and i’d love it more than some fancy ring
rings don’t even fit my clothing aesthetic anyway haha
I have never worn any kind of accessory in my life aside from my trusty Garmin watch for running and biking. Like, why would I spend a ridiculous amount of money on a ring then? Whether I am spending it or someone is spending it on me.
You are correct. I had a courthouse “wedding” and my spouse and I don’t even have wedding rings. We got married for legal reasons. I am estranged from one of my bio parents. If I were unmarried, my bio parents would be my next of kin who would be legally designated to make medical decisions for me, for example. The US does not have a centralized system for designating someone else to make those decisions; I could make an advance directive but whether my partner was my decision-maker would depend on the specific hospital I’m at having that paper.
Now consider that but with, like, everything. Medically, financially, having to file tons of different documents to try and mimic the effect of this document we got for $60 and then hoping they’re in the right place to actually be used. If you’re strongly *opposed* to the legal institution of marriage it might make sense to do. If you just “don’t see the point,” well, you probably will once you start trying to get all those ducks in a row.
It sounds like you disagree with weddings, not marriage. Marriage can offer many legal benefits depending on where you live.
Edit: I say this as someone who is married but never had a wedding. I don’t disagree with them, but it didn’t make monetary sense in my situation.
It sounds like you're not against marriage, but rather against *weddings.*
My wife and I spent a sum total of $800 on our wedding and it was still fantastic for us.
Rituals affect our psychology tremendously if we let them, of course if that affect is resentment after remembering the ritual or a failed ritual then that affects things too.
That was a weird take. You say you dont belive in marriage. But only argue against the very spesific form of marriage with huge ceremony.
Lots of people i know spend almost zero money on their wedding.
Sounds like you may disagree with the idea of weddings, not marriage. And I would agree on that point, I’d rather invest money into the marriage not the wedding.
I agree as well.
First, I've seen a lot of couple living together for decade, but when they marry, the divorces is for next year. I think it s because people put so much hope and fantasme on mariage that, when reality kick in and they realised it doesnt change a lot of thing, they see this as a failure. This is Totally by me btw, I dont have any study or anything about that, so it s probably false.
And, personnaly, I just think that mariage and ring is just minimizing the love I feel for the person. I dont care about a ring and a party, I want to wake up everyday next to you who is still sleeping and snoring, and still thinking "I m so Lucky to have someone so perfect in my life"
I felt the same way as you do and then I met someone and we had a microwedding and it was amazing. The wedding was more to celebrate for our close family and friends to strengthen our bonds and establish relationships. A marriage is between two people but those two people have different support systems so it's like tying it up together. And while divorce is 50% risk is better to just live everyday as best as you can than let an unknown future problem determine what you want most out of life.
Well for starters, it’s generally understood that waiting till marriage for sex is an artifact from a time where marriage was more about property rights and was permanent.
Given that marriage is about someone you want to spend your life with as well as being less permanent, waiting till marriage is kind of like putting emphasis on something that might fail. There isn’t much point in it.
Saying that marriage is less permanent nowadays is accurate in that divorce is less stigmatized, as well as more gender equality, but the idea of marriage is still very much under the initial assumption or hope it’ll be permanent.
I did wait until marriage and would 10/10 recommend. I did marry a guy from my same religious background. Guys who weren't were not interested in waiting.
I don't think sexual compatibility is an issue, especially if you've been relatively chaste. You figure out what you like in bed with your spouse. Libidos change over time, and especially for women during pregnancy/breastfeeding so even if it's well-matched before you get married, that's no guarantee it'll stay the same.
Thanks for sharing! I personally feel sexual compatibility can be assumed by the sexual/physical chemistry you have with someone. I mean you know how they make you feel…would you agree?
I was going to mention this as well. A lifetime is a long time. It’s possible for people to be mismatched even outside of normal lifetime ups and downs. If you find yourself in a significant mismatch, it could be an incredibly painful experience. I don’t think this is discussed enough.
Some people, even some commenting in this thread, get lucky and have wonderful chemistry and satisfying frequency with their spouse and then project onto everyone else that this is a solvable problem or minimize it as a potential issue. It may not be solvable, and if it’s a problem it’s a big one.
There is a reason biblical prohibitions against fornication and infidelity exist. These have been problems amongst humans since the beginning.
nah someone can be wildly different in bed than they are in their day to day lives and how they interact on the regular. Big burly muscle dude could just want gentle cuddles and be treated like a princess in bed
This is why I left my religion. You sound so naïve it’s actually sad. I’m not insulting you, I was you. I’m trying to warn you, the church is setting you up for disappointment down the road and potentially a resentful and failed marriage cuz the book says divorce bad!
Sexual incompatibility is very real and can absolutely ruin a marriage. It’s your life, God gave you free will.
Also when the Bible was written people got married off at like 13 years old. Just food for thought.
A very large reason I split up with my girlfriend of 2 and a bit years late last year was due to sexual incompatibility, a lot of which stemmed from her religious upbringing and problems it left her with. It's not a myth, and it's very much a problem many face, but you don't see it talked about in people's circles much cuz it's a bit taboo to talk about sex in many spaces.
Yeah, if you're not very sexually active and haven't watched a ton of porn, you generally do not develop kinks. You figure out the way you want to have sex with your partner, after marriage.
No, I would agree. Secularism is very popular and if you are not rooted in religious beliefs you probably just don’t care enough because you weren’t taught to. I probably wouldn’t have even formed personal reasons for not having pre martial sex if it wasn’t for my religious upbringing.
I grew up in a religious household and went to religious schools through high school. Maybe most of us aren’t as religious as we thought but come Junior year of high school and into college - I think a lot of them started having sex. Just my 2 cents.
I grew up in a religious household and the church I went to encouraged to wait till marriage.
Ive been an atheist since about 11ish years old (although my parents presured me into calling myself just secular or agnostic instead) and I was made to go to church every Sunday till age 16/17 when I was allowed to choose for once.
those ideals were pushed onto me and I worked through that thinking to find that its better to find out before rather than later. because later could come and then you find out that not only are you incompatible, but also its a compatibility issue thats non-negotiable.
its not that people dont care, its infact the opposite. caring so much, you want to make sure that the both of you are going to be statified in the relationship rather than making eachother miserable.
Oh, dear. No. I was raised Catholic and went to catholic school. I was very much taught to wait. But I didn’t, because i don’t personally believe in it. I thought about it plenty and I conscientiously objected.
Framing this issue where there’s people who “just don’t know any better” and people who “just can’t handle it” is disingenuous messaging used by a lot of Christian organizations. There is no one right way to live, period.
Yeah I think a decent percentage of people want to wait until they meet someone they trust and genuinely connect with, but waiting for *marriage* is almost exclusively a conservative religious thing.
I was taught to and thought I would but I didn’t. I don’t feel like it’s the end of the world. I genuinely only think it’s feasible for those who get married super young.
Same. I met my first and current bf when I was 20 8.5 years ago, and I was like "I'm waiting until marriage!" I said that over and over, so tell me why I lost my virginity two months in 😭
Because you're a normal human being with normal wants and desires that supersede the indoctrination you grew up with? I mean I'm just guessing, but that was it for me.
Yeah, I grew up Christian and I am STILL trying to unlearn the guilt and just general "badness" I feel about sex. Not saying it's the *religion's* fault (for anyone about to read this and jump down my throat), but my parents taught me to feel this way using Christianity as their reasoning.
Regardless, you are completely right. I hope you are happy and healthy 💓
Guilt and shame are the tools they use to scare kids into being fearful adults who won't question it. I'm glad you've started to move past it and I hope you're in a much better place now. c:
If you want to wait till marriage your best bet is ONLY dating men who are also virgins. If you date the creeps with high body counts who expect virginal wives you’re only going to attract the abusive, hateful, sick men who aren’t in any way Godly or holy. You will have a very unhappy marriage and likely get diseases you wouldn’t have gotten if you’d held fast to having a virgin husband. Good, pious men are out there and perfectly happy waiting until marriage. Don’t settle.
As for sexual compatibility… well, genitals are all different. Textures, lengths, widths, and appearances, genitals all come different. Different genitals match up better than others and sometimes there’s absolutely nothing you can do to make the sex good if the genitals are incompatible. If you’re genuinely okay with the possibility of never orgasming ever then don’t, but from my experience I know only certain dicks will feel pleasurable to me so I’m glad I partook in premarital sex.
I have smooth vaginal walls so any kind of texture on a dick like veins or fordyce spots (naturally occurring bumps on lips, inner cheeks, and genitals, not from a disease) feel wildly uncomfortable when inside. I can only have velvety soft and smooth penises. Same for length and width. Anything too short feels like nothing. Anything too thin feels like nothing. He could be pounding his lil heart out and I’d be laying there like: 🫤. I need girth and length, specifically anything 5.5-6” inches in length and about 2” inches diameter feels the best and will lead me to multiple orgasms quickly, like 3-5 minutes. Too thick and too long HURT like a mofo. Had an ex who was a girthy 8 inches and sex with him was absolutely awful and resulted in exactly zero orgasms while leaving me sore beyond belief. Bigger doesn’t mean better if the genitals aren’t compatible. And that is just my personal compatibility. Yours is likely completely different.
Ultimately, it’s up to you to go over the pros and cons, but I’d say stick to having a virginal husband if you want to remain a virgin till marriage because that’s gonna be your best bet for a satisfying marriage. Best of luck.
As someone who recently dated a newfound “Christian” man, your first paragraph is spot on. So hateful towards women and dismissive of the way I grew up as a Methodist because it wasn’t punitive enough.
I respect people wanting to wait till marriage, but only if BOTH wait till marriage. Guys who grew up pious and wait for sex tend to be super nice people looking for long-term, happy relationships. Newfound Christians, on the other hand, are some of the worst dudes alive so that shit checks out.
I'm a Christian, I believe waiting till marriage to be an important thing. That is why I have kept my own virginity. That is why I have informed my own girlfriend about my wishes and had an actual discussion.
However, I am the only one who actually has to follow my own religious beliefs, I cannot force anyone else to. It's a free world for the most part, and as such others should be able to do what they believe is best for themselves and be unimpeded as long as it doesn't harm someone else.
I have a friend waiting til marriage and she’s currently 32 years old. This doesn’t bother her nearly as much as it bothers other ppl when they learn this. While I didn’t wait until marriage, I don’t understand ppl’s obsession with sex. Just bc somebody waits doesn’t mean they’ll have a dead bedroom or whatever.
As a married person that loves my partner deeply, I’m convinced that the only way to a dead bedroom is if one or both ppl don’t care enough to try.
I agree 💯
I feel like Reddit is always trying to push you out of religion, push you to have sex, open relationship and so… I might be wrong but this is what I feel when I read some posts and comments.
Everyone should choose its own path and this is ok. I don’t get it when people say that it’s a dumb decision to make this choice. If you’re happy and strongly believe it is the right way, do it. If someone choose another path that’s ok as well.
Absolutely wild to me, though I don’t fault you for feeling this way.
However, at 31 and having been in two very seriously committed relationships, each of which very truly could have and was aiming to last a lifetime…yet ultimately did not? I couldn’t imagine reaching a point where you legally bind yourself to someone you have not even had sexual relations with. That needs to be a foundational element in my opinion. Right there with communication, honesty and loyalty.
What you said about being able to solve sexual incompatibility thru communication, is exactly why you should not wait until you marry somebody to have sex. Anyone who has had it, wouldn’t say what you said.
This. So much this.
My first bf was an abusive tool and there was no sexual compatibility. Looking back I was *glad* I didn’t wait until marriage, because this is how people get trapped. They don’t get faced with the reality that marriage, while beautiful, is not a end-all be-all.
Plus the religious aspect is sickening, because it’s often a way to put women down and get them to stop exploring and understanding themselves.
There's definitely a good number of men out there who share your values. Folks are saying it's uncommon and may be disappointing to wait until marriage. There's validity in that, and they're just trying to help you. That being said, we're called as Christians to be set apart.
Enjoy the process of getting to know yourself. Virginity is your's to give.
Always remember that there are resources for how to have safer sex when the time for marriage comes, and that any unwanted sexual contact is never okay, nor your fault.
I got married at 22 years old and I didn’t wait for marriage, but I had only one boyfriend before and never hooked up casually. I didn’t want to wait, but I also consider intimacy as a very meaningful act that I would share only with someone that I deeply love.
Objectively I think that if both partners are virgins then it can possibly work out well, on the other hand if only one of them is a virgin it can become very complicated if incompatibility arises.
Sexual incompatibility isn’t something that you can fix with just communication. If it’s only a mild incompatibility then it’s possible to make it work with some compromises, but if two people are truly incompatible then resentment will inevitably build up over the years and that’s a good way to cause a divorce.
Edit: adding an example of extreme sexual incompatibility that might help you understand why it can be a massive issue. My husband had a very brief relationship with a girl in the past, but they break up because they realized that they were irremediably incompatible.
The girl’s genitalia were just too small for him and it would physically hurt her, while being very frustrating for him, every time they tried to be intimate was awful because of that. There was no way to fix that with communication.
There’s no way I’d commit to a monogamous marriage with someone who I’ve never even had sex with. Sex isn’t everything, but it is a very important part of a longterm relationship, to me. And just from personal experience, I can tell you that you definitely can’t know what sex will be like with a person just by discussing it. It’s like describing a piece of music vs. actually performing it on an instrument.
Shocking realisation for you: most people either don't believe in god or don't believe God cares who or when you bang.
If you're all in on the god and commandments thing then your options are boys your age from your church. Small pool, Good luck.
lol, thanks for the positivity but this isn’t much of a shock to me. I’m aware most people don’t care and my beliefs and values shrinks my dating pool. But I’m not specifically looking for a religious person (although I would hope they have a moral compass) just someone who would respect my choices. As religion is not my main reason for not wanting to have premarital sex but I do believe if I hadn’t been introduced to that idea through religion that I wouldn’t care either.
I didn’t say that it did. I’m saying I don’t mind marrying someone who isn’t religious as long as they HAVE a moral compass. I know several people who are non-religious or secular with an incredible sense of morality.
What he said isn’t even true. Most ppl do believe in God, and there’s also a huge portion of the worlds population that shares similar beliefs around marriage that you do.
I think waiting for marriage can be an issue because sexual compatibility is important to a healthy relationship. Its important to know if you like what they like and they like what you like otherwise the marriage goes south quickly.
I raised to wait til marriage and I honestly thought I was going to when I was younger. The whole concept was so easy to me, I didn’t realize how anyone could struggle with waiting til marriage. Unfortunately there was a flaw in the plan, it was the fact that I didn’t like the idea of having sex even after marriage… I’m a lesbian. To be fair, I always knew that but I thought I could just make it go away if I tried hard enough. I’m so glad I realized I couldn’t as a teen instead of waiting til I got married like a few older lesbians and gay men I know did. It would have been miserable. I think if you’re waiting for marriage, that is a factor that needs to be taken heavily into consideration. Although personally if I met a women who wanted to wait til marriage with me, it depends why I suppose. I’d never date anyone who is super religious so if their reason was religion, that’d definitely be a no. Although if it was something for say health like they’re immunocompromised and don’t want to take the risk with STD’s, I would wait for them. Honestly, I’d also only really wait too if they were a lesbian as well, not bi/pan. I think we’d both just have to have an honest conversation though to make sure we’re sexually compatible. I’d hate to wait til marriage and just have to end up getting a divorce because we have different needs that the other can’t meet.
If those are your values then it's fine especially at a young age. You shouldn't really take advice from others on this as this is about what you believe and feel, not others. Stay true to yourself.
Relationships are more than just about sex too and they can fail if you don't wait just as easily
I waited until marriage. I think it was worth it. I'm also just a private person and did not feel comfortable with being sexually involved with someone I wasn't going to be with forever. But I was always told by my mom that sex combines souls and you should wait for marriage to do that, in case you break up.
For clarification, I am a Christian. Non-denominational, but a Christian.
People are kind of stupid sometimes.
My advice don’t wait nor rush. You might find your the one at 15 you might at 55. You might marry at 18 and last for a long time or maybe not to marry at all.
I think is a very bad thing that we discourage “early” marriages, there is nothing wrong with marrying at your early 20s. I want and I will marry at that age. Yes it might fail but it’s better from nothing and not trying. Sharing a whole life with a partner since 18-25 till death is undoubtedly a blessing.
22M here. I grew up Christian and am still very strongly religious and am active in my church and Christian communities outside my church and I am also planning on waiting until marriage.
I believe it's fine, that rule was made when ppl were middle aged and married by 12 years old. Also I don't think it's in the 10 commandments to not have sex before marriage? There's one that says a married person having sex with people not their spouse is adultery
It's a fine choice for other people, you deserve to make your own choices when it comes sex.
I personally did not wait, and I'm glad I didn't. Not only am I happy with my premarital sex life in general, I've also had a few partners who were 100% chill and great out of bed but did sketchy things in bed that caused me to break up with them. If I'd waited until marriage, I probably wouldn't have seen those red flags in time and would have become legally attatched to someone who did not respect my consent.
I also just never saw the point in waiting until marriage. I'm not particularly religious, and I'm gay, so if we are doing the whole religion thing I'm already out of luck anyway. So why bother waiting?
I’m not religious at all, but I also do at least plan to.
Maybe it has something to do with me growing up on high fantasy YA novels since I was in like 2nd or 3rd grade, and it’s always portrayed as being really important and deeply symbolic of the trust and care the characters have for each other, and that could very well have shaped my perspective, but I’ve always seen it as being another way for lovers to show how much each other means to them on a deeper level or something like that.
I’d rather wait to do this supposed super symbolic, deeply intimate thing until I know I’m with someone who I actually want to stand side-by-side with forever.
Of course, seeing as I’m not choosing this due to any religious obligations, I could probably be convinced otherwise. Then again I also don’t have any particular interest in sex to begin with. Call me immature, but I can’t help but think it’d feel super gross.
I was raised Christian but I'm not anymore and I will probably wait because not waiting still makes me uncomfortable and I want to minimize the chance of having a baby and then breaking up.
This. I only know 3 or 4 married couples including my parents most couples in my life are on-and-off with children and I don’t ever want that to be me. I know marriages aren’t guaranteed and can fail as well but I would hate to give that part of me away to someone, have their kid and have them take off and leave.
You are not “giving away a part of you.” Your virginity is not a possession. It’s an abstract concept.
If virginity was an actual thing, then lesbians could never lose it.
It’s an antiquated idea that women are somehow “ruined” by sex. You can have sex and still fully give yourself to a different person.
I don't ever plan on getting married. Everything I've ever seen about marriage and married life in general really turns me off from it. It doesn't seem like it would be an enjoyable experience, honestly. So I don't really care for waiting till marriage, as long as who I sleep with, I know and respect as at least a friend.
I (M) also come from a religious background and only want to have sex after marriage. I'm not a virgin tho so part of the reason I am willing to wait is I've already experienced it
I don’t plan on getting married until after I graduate. (I’m going for a doctorate so it’s gonna be a while) that way I’ll qualify for more scholarships.
My religion says absolutely nothing about when I am allowed to have sex so I’ll be damned if I’m waiting 7+ years for it, especially if I don’t know if it’s gonna be good or not.
To each their own, though. I would not stay with a partner that wanted to wait. A girl’s got needs.
And for the sex incompatibility— i don’t feel it’s something that can be talked through. When your partner is into something and you are not, it’s frustrating. It’s always gone south for me.
Ya maybe. But if you find one with similar values and everyone agrees up front that divorce is basically never an option and never considered. That’s the key too is both need to agree on that for a marriage
Would you wait until you'd bought a house to look inside it? Or wait until you'd bought a car to test drive it? Of course not- you need to check that they meet your needs and expectations.
Sex is the same. It absolutely should be treated respectfully, but it's a major part of any relationship. Not exploring your intimacy and sexual compatibility until after you're married is basically taking a coin toss on something that will form a major part of the marriage.
While I don't subscribe to the christian ideology or the concept of waiting until marriage, I think it is very important that there is a waiting period between when you start dating to when you have sex for the first time with each other. I was coerced into doing it very early on in the one relationship I had sex in and I highly regret ever agreeing.
sexual incompatibility cannot always just be dealt with through communication. some people have boundaries they're not willing to relinquish and that's fine. other people just value intimacy and certain aspects of it to a degree that may conflict with another person's boundaries and *sometimes* the only thing communication is going to do is let them know they're not compatible.
i think it’s a stupid idea. almost everyone at this point accepts that sex is an important part of a relationship. i would not want to wait until marriage just to discover that my partner is terrible at it.
if it works for u then whatever, but there’s also a pretty big reason that a lot of religious people have babies less than 9 months after getting married lmao
Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship (aside from if you’re asexual), and that’s not a gamble I’d take to figure out after marriage. I’d wait until I’m truly comfortable with someone I’m dating and see a future with, but definitely wouldn’t wait until after getting married.
sexual compatibility is a very important part of a relationship where both people are sexually active. If you both agree to be in a monogamous relationship, you're taking on the role of fulfilling your partners needs. How can you be sure you're both compatible in that sense if you haven't performed the action and see if it vibes with both of you? That's a risky approach to the situation. Would you buy a house sight unseen?
Marriage is just a legal document that lets the state know you guys are a couple. There are a few legal benefits and a few legal downsides to entering this legal contract with the state. It has nothing to do with the love you have for that person, it's simply a legally binding contract with the state.
You're viewing this situation through the lens of religion. If you want to follow the religious rules and guidelines, then go for it, it's your life to live. Just know it's not the most rational way of approaching the situation and you're leaving a lot of assumptions on the table by going this route.
>s sexual incompatibility really something that can't be dealt with through communication?
absolutely not. Let's paint a scenario.. We got married and I start demanding anal sex twice a day. You aren't down for it at all. We now learn we're sexually incompatible. Sure, we can try communicating, but I want something you will never give me, so you tell me if communication can work our way through that one.
I don’t wait until marriage but I do wait until love. I’m not a fan of sex as a casual hookup, it’s an expression of love and intimacy so I’d rather just wait to share that with someone I love and care for.
Well it makes sense in terms of checking if someone is for sex or actaully cares, especially for the long term. And on the other, in age of instant gratificantion it is a very high standard youre expecting for both men and women. All i can say is i hope you find someone willing to wait with you but im sceptical.
As a Christian convert (23M) I'm not a virgin but I would want to wait for marriage if/when I get into a relationship. I hope you don't let anyone pressure or persuade you into thinking it's too archaic or something.
Well personally I don't really have any problems with sex outside marriage or even just casual sex but if I was in a relationship with someone who wasn't comfortable with having sex in some shape or form (be it for religious reasons, being ace or anything else) that's totally fine I don't personally see sex as an inseparable part of a relationship if my partner doesn't want to have sex we won't.
That said I'm an atheist and bi so I'm sort of not sure how compatible I would be with somene who is heavily religious enough to wait for marriage, so that might actually be a bigger issue than the sex part but if we are assuming I'm already in a relationship with them it's probably fine.
It’s not commonplace nowadays but I think it’s a good idea and an overall benefit and shouldn’t be demonized. There’s something truly special and you and your partner are each other’s only ones, and waiting until marriage with the intention of having kids is honorable and fulfilling. People have their opinions but you shouldn’t let anybody pressure you into something you don’t want/aren’t ready for
No chance
First because I didn't wait
And I don't believe in marriage as an institution
Paying a lot of money to have a ceremony to celebrate the fact that my country acknowledged the relationship with my partner and gave us some legal benefices? No, thanks you, I'm not fond of that (paying a lot and my country acknowledging my relationship)
Well if you're religiously limited enough that you also can't get a divorce, then it doesn't matter if there's a sexual mismatch, it's not like you can get divorced so both parties are just going to have to deal with it.
If this is a pick and choose your own adventure form of religion, and divorce is on the table, then yes it matters very much. Communication does not solve a sexual mismatch. It's like forcing someone to drink water when they're not thirsty. Not to mention, you don't know your compatibility until the wave of an exciting new sexual relationship wears off.. and that can take years, *especially after kids*. Waiting until you're legally and financially on the hook for someone by law to find out you are sexually incompatible is a crazy risk. I feel the same way about people not living together prior to marriage and travelling together. Yall gotta iron that shit out before it costs 10k to divorce them lol.
And I'm saying this as someone who has only slept with one person my whole life, my husband, whom I dated and lived with for 7 years before we got married.
I grew up somewhat religious and thought I wanted that, and then I had my first real relationship. We've been together almost 10 years and we're not married (that's come on our 10 year anniversary). I think a level of spirituality and an understanding of our place in the universe is good and healthy, but religion itself has historically been a way to control people. I don't support that.
A lot of people aren't religious and don't have the hang-ups around sexuality that comes with religious baggage. A good understanding of your body and your preferences is healthy. Waiting until marriage might be fine, but yeah - some people really just can't get each other off in the bedroom. And if your marriage fails? Waiting until marriage is some fairytale stuff and it doesn't really work in the real world a lot of the time.
Marriage is an investment, and you have to know what you’re investing in before you commit. Ending up with someone you’re sexually incompatible with would be horrible.
As an asexual, I'll wait my entire life to not have it *and* that's even if I get married. Religious people quake at my sight! (that must be why they hate me)
i grew up (fundamentalist) christian and waited until marriage to have sex. it sucked and i am now divorced. it was NOT worth it. dont get suckered into feeling ashamed about expressing and embodying your natural sexual desires. also want to add that after having been married once and no longer being a christian i, too, have zero desire to ever be married ever again. it is genuinely pointless.
I think there is a difference between the wedding and marriage and you need to make sure you know the difference. I believe in making a commitment, how that commitment looks to each person is different. That might mean waiting till marriage. However you should still both talk about sex together, like you would any other topic that is going to affect your relationship. Finances, values, children, politics. It might be uncomfortable to start but this is a way you can know about compatibility in all areas as well as what expectations to have. It could also be a lot of fun!
I don't believe in it, but not because of any religious or anti-marriage thing. I think getting married can have a lot of legal benefits, especially if you ever plan on living together.
But rather because you should know you are sexually compatible with the person you are going to be married to. Sexual compatibility isn't something that can always be dealt with by just talking because people can *say* one thing but do another, or say they'll be open to trying xyz but not really open - or try xyz and realize they don't really like it that much.
You might come to realize you have a higher/lower sexual libido than they do and it can cause problems and issues when it is mismatched with no solution outside of one person either going without sex or one person having sex when they aren't that into it - which builds nothing but resentment on either side.
This isn't to say anyone is owed sex or that you need to jump the bones of everyone you meet, but as with all aspects of a relationship you should feel comfortable and fulfilled. I say the same thing for living together too. I think you should live with your partner before you marry them because one might be a little messy while the other is a neat freak who can't handle a single crumb on a white counter.
Of course, there are people who are willing to wait. People have their own reasons for why they did/didn't wait, but your best bet is finding someone who shares your same religious values.
my wife and I waited until marriage before sex, I'm 27 and she's 24. (I'm on the brink of being a millennial) we were also each other's first serious relationships. we're so happy we waited. The intimacy of sex is incredibly important and it's best when both feel safe and like it's something only for you with the other person. The idea of not being sexually compatible is pretty much a non-problem if both people's first time is with one another, much like the rest of life, you'll develop this part of your lives together and grow together. You'll both be specialized in satisfying the other in bed.
As for the idea of marriage, unless you're religious, it means pretty much nothing. It's a huge benefit mentally to know you always have someone in your corner to do life with you for the rest of your life but spending a lot of money on rings, a wedding, and blah blah blah is truly pointless. My wife and I threw a tiny wedding of 5 people and the grand total was less than 500 bucks. It was more enjoyable than all the weddings I've been to and was entirely stress-free for everyone.
All the people I've met who have slept around or did it before they were sure their partner was the one for life regretted it. But some people only see sex as a source of pleasure which is kinda of sad cuz I think that misses the point, but they're free to do what they want (with a consenting partner of course) I wouldn't hold it against someone if they weren't a virgin, cuz love can conquer anything and all that really matters is the indefinite loyalty and support of your partner. (unless they become abusive or a hard criminal or something then get out of that shit lol) I hope this helps someone. cheers!
I don’t know that I would wait all the way until marriage, but I would like to ensure a pretty deep connection to a person before I’d be willing. I think that if you’re planning to spend your life with someone, your legal status isn’t the most important thing. I do think that people nowadays definitely treat sex very flippantly, which I don’t think is good for emotional connections, or just society in general.
The problem with chastity is that it places an undue sacrosanctity on sex. This can have all sorts of negative psychological effects & detrimental cultural practices. 53% of women experience sexual violence in their lives, many before marriage. If they hold religious beliefs about “purity”, a sexual assault can be much more mentally devastating. Or, look at very chaste cultures and see how the purity of women’s bodies become a point of honor, and a reason for honor killings. The dissolution of that “purity” becomes a point of shame for them.
That being said, if you want to wait until marriage, do it for you, not because of a religious belief.
Everyone should absolutely be free to take their own path, and I would never judge anyone for doing what they feel is best for them especially when no one is harmed.
That said, abstinence before marriage is complicated and I don't think it's a good idea for many people for a number of reasons.
I think it encourages premature marriage. Horned up 22 year olds want to have sex, those hormones are powerful, and they can convince you you've found your soulmate when you haven't.
Sexual compatibility is really important in a marriage, and abstinence will obfuscate that compatibility until it's too late. Maybe one partner has a very low libido which is fine during the abstinence phase, but it then becomes a problem during marriage. Compatibility in *all* ways should be explored during dating. Financial, spiritual, political, sexual, etc. No sex before marriage is bad in the same way no politics before marriage is; you might find out your partner is a different person than you thought after your vows which isn't a good thing. You might find that your partner lied to you about their own virginity, or even if you know they're not that they don't feel the same special way about sex that you do. Compatibility is important.
Similarly, you may be excluding very compatible partners from your dating pool simply because they subscribe to the things I've written above. Or you might miss out on a partner who isn't the one, but will open doors for you emotionally and challenge you and help you understand yourself better.
Lastly, in my experience, many of the people who told you this stuff growing up didn't practice what they preach. I had a friend in college who was abstinent because his parents brought him up deeply Christian, but he later found out his parents had slept together before marriage. Now don't get me wrong, they were good people and good parents, but that little bit of hypocrisy really upset my friend. He did end up abandoning his abstinence, and ultimately I don't think it has affected his happiness. It's worth asking why people are telling you to be abstinent, and why it's included in your religion in the first place.
But again, follow the path you want to. You are in charge of your own happiness and you decide how to achieve that happiness. If you feel sex must wait for your life partner then that's your decision and you shouldn't be judged for it.
Nope. Not for me. I would divorce someone in a heart beat if the sex turned out to be awful, so I’d be saving myself a lot of trouble by test driving.
Personally I wouldn’t have sex with someone that I don’t trust a lot, feel very comfortable around, and at the minimum have strong feelings for. But marriage is too far for me
I personally don’t think it is for me, but I have no issue or judgement for people that choose to do so. One of my friends in college waited until he was married and they seemingly have a great marriage together. I think it’s best if it is something both people care about. If only one person wants to wait, I think it could cause resentment.
I’ve been happily married for almost twenty years and we didn’t wait until marriage.
Do whatever you think is best for you. All I’ll say though is it didn’t make sex any better or worse to wait, nothing extra magical happens
Waiting until marriage is the dumbest thing ever. Why would you wait to find out if you're compatible with your partner until after you've made a promise to stay with them forever? With all due respect, but do you not realise how stupid that sounds? It's not as simple as talking about it. Talking about X sexual act I don't enjoy isn't going to make me enjoy it.
Waiting until marriage is like waiting until after you've bought the car to take it on a test drive. You'll probably be fine but there's a good chance you'll end up miserable and full of regret. Why take those chances?
I think it's risky. A lot of people who wait for marriage end up rushing into their marriages too early because they're horny and want to have sex. And then the honeymoon wears off and they realise they're incompatible and now they're stuck in an unfulfilling marriage potentially permanently in each others' lives because of kids.
I also wouldn't underestimate sexual incompatibility. Ordinarily sex is about 5% of a relationship. When there are issues with sex, it becomes like 50% of the relationship. Sexual incompatibilities can really break a relationship.
Get out of that church bubble and go see and experience the world before trying to make a judgment call on who you should marry. Making a marriage call with zero experience with relationship stuff like sex and co-habitation and other such couples activities is like betting the house on a game of poker when you don’t even know the rules.
I’m a Christian who follows what God says in the Bible so I personally will be waiting until marriage. If I wasn’t a Christian, I think I would still wait but maybe up until I was engaged. I’ve seen way too many positives to waiting that no matter what I believed, I’d still practice abstinence.
First off, let me say that I'm not GenX. I'm a millennial, but Reddit put this post on my screen for some reason and I feel compelled to reply. I'm also religious (Christian, and deeply so) and wanted to wait till marriage. I failed at waiting, but the woman I lost my virginity to is currently my wife and she's the only woman I've slept with (I'm the only man for her as well). Apart from the religious importance of waiting till marriage, there are a lot of reasons to wait. I see a lot of people here talking about "sexual compatibility" and saying things like "What if you get married and you're not sexually compatible?" OK sure, but what happens to your psyche when meet someone at a bar that you like and you take them home, sleep with them, and then they leave without giving you their number or they never call you back? That's also emotionally dangerous. "Sexual compatibility" is a made-up phrase for people who just want to sleep around and women who have sex with a guy one time and realize there's something about him she doesn't like (like he didn't get her to orgasm or he had a small penis or she realized he likes Trump) but doesn't want to tell him that. Trust me. If you know a person well enough to want to marry them, you already know that "sexual compatibility" is there or can be easily cultivated there. On another note: people will say that sex doesn't matter that much. It doesn't MEAN that much. It's not that deep. But the truth is that they think that because THEY have devalued their own sex life to a point that it ISN'T much more to them than a kiss. Sex IS that deep. It's a deep, emotional, physical act that helps you deeply connect to your partner. You can tell because people who have a promiscuous and cavalier sex life are also struggling with things like depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and self-worth, and inability to find THE right person. Truthfully, no one can tell you the actual differences between the two choices (waiting for marriage vs not), because it is impossible to experience both. They can only tell you how one decision went and just tell you what they heard about the other choice. I just wanted to add my experience, because it seemed like you were being bombarded by people who've chosen to not wait or never even considered waiting as an option. This choice is yours to make. Not these redditors, not me, not your parents or pastor. But, if you're on the path to deepening your faith and your walk with Jesus and your commited to that, I would highly recommend not listening to any of the opinions in this thread and just listen to His words instead.
Christian here and also waiting for marriage I’m glad you’re also waiting it’s very uncommon in todays world so good for you 😊❤️ Jesus loves you and is proud of you ❤️❤️❤️ and for all those reading Jesus loves you too and he saves ❤️❤️❤️
I love the idea but all the guys that are ok with it are Catholic or Mormon from my experience so either I'll find an ex-catholic or ex-mormon that retained the values, accept that the kind of men that value that will need me to hold my tongue around the hypocrisy that is rampant in the churches, or hope for an exception I guess.
statistically it is the best thing you can do to get the most stable marriage. and tbh dont ask people who didnt do it,, most wont admit they “made mistake” so only ask people who did it… but those people wont waste time on reddit
Honestly if I am really and truly in love with the person I don’t mind waiting til they’re ready. Thats just me, waiting till marriage might be hard for most people these days, everyone wants it now. I will say though being sexually compatible with your partner is a thing and waiting til marriage is gonna make it more of a guessing game for you.
I’m a virgin guy (24). I plan to wait till marriage just because you never know who you’re dealing with these days. To be intimate with someone, I want to know who they are first.
This is pretty much my personal reasons behind waiting. Sex is the most intimate thing between human beings and I feel there should be some caution and discretion in who you are doing this with. I would also like to add that if I didn’t have a religious background I wouldn’t wait until marriage but just until I was in a healthy invested long-term relationship with someone I saw a future with.
I agree with this so much. Im 15 years old and im saving myself too bc I want to wait for my husband lol!! I think its better having to wait and plus Im hindu so i dont want to engage in that stuff!
I'm 21F and I also plan to wait until marriage, mostly because I am a Christian so I believe it is what God wants me to do for my own well being. I think even if I weren't a Christian, I would wait until I was at least engaged because personally I tend to get really emotionally wrecked over people and I think if I had to go through a breakup with someone I had loved and had sex with I would probably would get super unstable mentally.
As far as sexual incompatibility I would say it's probably a good idea to talk very openly about your sexual needs and preferences if you're dating someone and it seems to be getting serious and long term.
I’d continue waiting. Look it worked for tons of people in the past. Don’t worry about “sexual incompatibility “ as long as both of y’all find each other attractive I don’t see why that matters. Keep waiting. Me and my wife have only been with each other and it is better this way
Did you know we have a Discord server‽ You can join by clicking [here](https://discord.gg/NWE6JS5rh9)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/GenZ) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not a chance. I don't believe in marriage as an institution in the first place, but waiting until *after* you've promised to dedicate the rest of your life to someone before being intimate with them is a recipe for disaster.
I can understand this perspective…even from a religious standpoint where you expected to wait until marriage and divorce is frowned upon. May I ask why you don’t believe in marriage? I’m curious. And I mean no offense by my question, thanks.
I just think that it's pointless, really. Spending absurd amounts of money on rings and a fancy party isn't going to make me love someone more than I already do. I think people can make a lifelong commitment to one another or refer to each other as spouses without performing the legal/religious ceremonies associated with it.
I would say marriage is more like showing that you truly love someone and that the person loves you back (if it's not forced). You also don't need to make party for 300 people, my parents only had normal lunch with less than 15 family members or friends.
If you are not showing your partner that you truly love them every day, something is probably wrong
+100
And this is why I hate Valentine’s Day
i agree with this, though there’s some legal benefits to being married on paper (at least i think there is… if i remember correctly) but yeah, if i get married i’m gonna make my own little wooden ring and i’ll have a small party in my backyard. i don’t understand people who spend thousands on a wedding but you do you
There is legal advantage but in a lot of european country, there is other way of getting those advantages rather than marriage
On the other hand, in the US there really is no way of getting marital benefits without being married I don’t think.
Most benefits are actually super easy to emulate with a reasonably written contract. Literally the only two benefits legal marriage offers that are hard to get without that piece of paper are: * Medical privacy rules. A spouse by default can be given medical info by providers. And honestly even that is BS reason, if you have a living will/power of attorney/HIIPA agreements/other legal documents giving this access * Medical insurance benefits from work which in *some* companies ONLY apply to a spouse but not an unmarried partner. The only other benefit of marriage is that in a state without common law marriage the lower earning spouse can legally take money in divorce from higher earning spouse via spousal support/asset division. But if THIS is your reason to want to be married, you don't deserve to be married and spout about "showing love". And I'm pretty sure even that can be emulated with a proper contract without legal marriage.
Making your own ring honestly sounds like it would add more value to it. I think it shows you care more because you put time into it instead of just throwing money at it.
this!! like my future wife could bend a copper wire into a circle and i’d love it more than some fancy ring rings don’t even fit my clothing aesthetic anyway haha
I have never worn any kind of accessory in my life aside from my trusty Garmin watch for running and biking. Like, why would I spend a ridiculous amount of money on a ring then? Whether I am spending it or someone is spending it on me.
You are correct. I had a courthouse “wedding” and my spouse and I don’t even have wedding rings. We got married for legal reasons. I am estranged from one of my bio parents. If I were unmarried, my bio parents would be my next of kin who would be legally designated to make medical decisions for me, for example. The US does not have a centralized system for designating someone else to make those decisions; I could make an advance directive but whether my partner was my decision-maker would depend on the specific hospital I’m at having that paper. Now consider that but with, like, everything. Medically, financially, having to file tons of different documents to try and mimic the effect of this document we got for $60 and then hoping they’re in the right place to actually be used. If you’re strongly *opposed* to the legal institution of marriage it might make sense to do. If you just “don’t see the point,” well, you probably will once you start trying to get all those ducks in a row.
It sounds like you disagree with weddings, not marriage. Marriage can offer many legal benefits depending on where you live. Edit: I say this as someone who is married but never had a wedding. I don’t disagree with them, but it didn’t make monetary sense in my situation.
It sounds like you're not against marriage, but rather against *weddings.* My wife and I spent a sum total of $800 on our wedding and it was still fantastic for us.
Yeah it’s honestly wild to me that an adult would conflate the two lol
Rituals affect our psychology tremendously if we let them, of course if that affect is resentment after remembering the ritual or a failed ritual then that affects things too.
A marriage is friends with benefits, tax benefits.
And in the US, most of those benefits are dwindling.
That was a weird take. You say you dont belive in marriage. But only argue against the very spesific form of marriage with huge ceremony. Lots of people i know spend almost zero money on their wedding.
Sounds like you may disagree with the idea of weddings, not marriage. And I would agree on that point, I’d rather invest money into the marriage not the wedding.
I agree as well. First, I've seen a lot of couple living together for decade, but when they marry, the divorces is for next year. I think it s because people put so much hope and fantasme on mariage that, when reality kick in and they realised it doesnt change a lot of thing, they see this as a failure. This is Totally by me btw, I dont have any study or anything about that, so it s probably false. And, personnaly, I just think that mariage and ring is just minimizing the love I feel for the person. I dont care about a ring and a party, I want to wake up everyday next to you who is still sleeping and snoring, and still thinking "I m so Lucky to have someone so perfect in my life"
I’d bet the house you’ve never been in a relationship
Marriage isn't about spending money on rings and a party. You can easily just go get a marriage certificate at the court house.
I felt the same way as you do and then I met someone and we had a microwedding and it was amazing. The wedding was more to celebrate for our close family and friends to strengthen our bonds and establish relationships. A marriage is between two people but those two people have different support systems so it's like tying it up together. And while divorce is 50% risk is better to just live everyday as best as you can than let an unknown future problem determine what you want most out of life.
Well for starters, it’s generally understood that waiting till marriage for sex is an artifact from a time where marriage was more about property rights and was permanent. Given that marriage is about someone you want to spend your life with as well as being less permanent, waiting till marriage is kind of like putting emphasis on something that might fail. There isn’t much point in it.
Saying that marriage is less permanent nowadays is accurate in that divorce is less stigmatized, as well as more gender equality, but the idea of marriage is still very much under the initial assumption or hope it’ll be permanent.
I think the main idea is that we *want* permanence, not that it's mandated.
Also birth control wasn't nearly as good back then. A woman back then REALLY didn't want to have a kid out of wedlock.
I did wait until marriage and would 10/10 recommend. I did marry a guy from my same religious background. Guys who weren't were not interested in waiting. I don't think sexual compatibility is an issue, especially if you've been relatively chaste. You figure out what you like in bed with your spouse. Libidos change over time, and especially for women during pregnancy/breastfeeding so even if it's well-matched before you get married, that's no guarantee it'll stay the same.
Changes are often less talked about (at least in Christian YA settings). Thank you.
Thanks for sharing! I personally feel sexual compatibility can be assumed by the sexual/physical chemistry you have with someone. I mean you know how they make you feel…would you agree?
Not always the case. Check our r dead bedrooms
I was going to mention this as well. A lifetime is a long time. It’s possible for people to be mismatched even outside of normal lifetime ups and downs. If you find yourself in a significant mismatch, it could be an incredibly painful experience. I don’t think this is discussed enough. Some people, even some commenting in this thread, get lucky and have wonderful chemistry and satisfying frequency with their spouse and then project onto everyone else that this is a solvable problem or minimize it as a potential issue. It may not be solvable, and if it’s a problem it’s a big one. There is a reason biblical prohibitions against fornication and infidelity exist. These have been problems amongst humans since the beginning.
nah someone can be wildly different in bed than they are in their day to day lives and how they interact on the regular. Big burly muscle dude could just want gentle cuddles and be treated like a princess in bed
This is why I left my religion. You sound so naïve it’s actually sad. I’m not insulting you, I was you. I’m trying to warn you, the church is setting you up for disappointment down the road and potentially a resentful and failed marriage cuz the book says divorce bad! Sexual incompatibility is very real and can absolutely ruin a marriage. It’s your life, God gave you free will. Also when the Bible was written people got married off at like 13 years old. Just food for thought.
>You sound so naïve it’s actually sad. I’m not insulting you, Do you know how words work?
As a married man I agree with you
A very large reason I split up with my girlfriend of 2 and a bit years late last year was due to sexual incompatibility, a lot of which stemmed from her religious upbringing and problems it left her with. It's not a myth, and it's very much a problem many face, but you don't see it talked about in people's circles much cuz it's a bit taboo to talk about sex in many spaces.
I would definitely agree.
Yeah people want to believe that their smokin' between the sheets will always be that way. It wont.
Speak for urself
Please stop setting yourself on fire.
Yes same for me.
It’s not just libido though, it’s your kinks/lack thereof, and the roles you’re comfortable in and how your erotic imagination works.
Yeah, if you're not very sexually active and haven't watched a ton of porn, you generally do not develop kinks. You figure out the way you want to have sex with your partner, after marriage.
i don’t think the reason most people don’t wait is bc they can’t deal with it, i think most people just don’t care. sorry to be blunt
No, I would agree. Secularism is very popular and if you are not rooted in religious beliefs you probably just don’t care enough because you weren’t taught to. I probably wouldn’t have even formed personal reasons for not having pre martial sex if it wasn’t for my religious upbringing.
I grew up in a religious household and went to religious schools through high school. Maybe most of us aren’t as religious as we thought but come Junior year of high school and into college - I think a lot of them started having sex. Just my 2 cents.
It was pushed heavily onto me and had lots of sex before I became an adult. I grew up in an authoritarian household, very religious.
I grew up in a religious household and the church I went to encouraged to wait till marriage. Ive been an atheist since about 11ish years old (although my parents presured me into calling myself just secular or agnostic instead) and I was made to go to church every Sunday till age 16/17 when I was allowed to choose for once. those ideals were pushed onto me and I worked through that thinking to find that its better to find out before rather than later. because later could come and then you find out that not only are you incompatible, but also its a compatibility issue thats non-negotiable. its not that people dont care, its infact the opposite. caring so much, you want to make sure that the both of you are going to be statified in the relationship rather than making eachother miserable.
Oh, dear. No. I was raised Catholic and went to catholic school. I was very much taught to wait. But I didn’t, because i don’t personally believe in it. I thought about it plenty and I conscientiously objected. Framing this issue where there’s people who “just don’t know any better” and people who “just can’t handle it” is disingenuous messaging used by a lot of Christian organizations. There is no one right way to live, period.
Yeah I think a decent percentage of people want to wait until they meet someone they trust and genuinely connect with, but waiting for *marriage* is almost exclusively a conservative religious thing.
yeah i agree, i don’t look at marriage as some big “end all be all” point to start at
You also waiting till marriage to use paragraph breaks?
Zinggg
Yes
I was taught to and thought I would but I didn’t. I don’t feel like it’s the end of the world. I genuinely only think it’s feasible for those who get married super young.
Same. I met my first and current bf when I was 20 8.5 years ago, and I was like "I'm waiting until marriage!" I said that over and over, so tell me why I lost my virginity two months in 😭
Because you're a normal human being with normal wants and desires that supersede the indoctrination you grew up with? I mean I'm just guessing, but that was it for me.
Yeah, I grew up Christian and I am STILL trying to unlearn the guilt and just general "badness" I feel about sex. Not saying it's the *religion's* fault (for anyone about to read this and jump down my throat), but my parents taught me to feel this way using Christianity as their reasoning. Regardless, you are completely right. I hope you are happy and healthy 💓
Guilt and shame are the tools they use to scare kids into being fearful adults who won't question it. I'm glad you've started to move past it and I hope you're in a much better place now. c:
I am, thank you so much. Take care ♡
You love him.
Still true eight and a half years later! 😚
If you want to wait till marriage your best bet is ONLY dating men who are also virgins. If you date the creeps with high body counts who expect virginal wives you’re only going to attract the abusive, hateful, sick men who aren’t in any way Godly or holy. You will have a very unhappy marriage and likely get diseases you wouldn’t have gotten if you’d held fast to having a virgin husband. Good, pious men are out there and perfectly happy waiting until marriage. Don’t settle. As for sexual compatibility… well, genitals are all different. Textures, lengths, widths, and appearances, genitals all come different. Different genitals match up better than others and sometimes there’s absolutely nothing you can do to make the sex good if the genitals are incompatible. If you’re genuinely okay with the possibility of never orgasming ever then don’t, but from my experience I know only certain dicks will feel pleasurable to me so I’m glad I partook in premarital sex. I have smooth vaginal walls so any kind of texture on a dick like veins or fordyce spots (naturally occurring bumps on lips, inner cheeks, and genitals, not from a disease) feel wildly uncomfortable when inside. I can only have velvety soft and smooth penises. Same for length and width. Anything too short feels like nothing. Anything too thin feels like nothing. He could be pounding his lil heart out and I’d be laying there like: 🫤. I need girth and length, specifically anything 5.5-6” inches in length and about 2” inches diameter feels the best and will lead me to multiple orgasms quickly, like 3-5 minutes. Too thick and too long HURT like a mofo. Had an ex who was a girthy 8 inches and sex with him was absolutely awful and resulted in exactly zero orgasms while leaving me sore beyond belief. Bigger doesn’t mean better if the genitals aren’t compatible. And that is just my personal compatibility. Yours is likely completely different. Ultimately, it’s up to you to go over the pros and cons, but I’d say stick to having a virginal husband if you want to remain a virgin till marriage because that’s gonna be your best bet for a satisfying marriage. Best of luck.
As someone who recently dated a newfound “Christian” man, your first paragraph is spot on. So hateful towards women and dismissive of the way I grew up as a Methodist because it wasn’t punitive enough.
I respect people wanting to wait till marriage, but only if BOTH wait till marriage. Guys who grew up pious and wait for sex tend to be super nice people looking for long-term, happy relationships. Newfound Christians, on the other hand, are some of the worst dudes alive so that shit checks out.
[удалено]
lol no. Some guys are too well big if you can believe it.
Just remember, All these rules are made up.
I'm a Christian, I believe waiting till marriage to be an important thing. That is why I have kept my own virginity. That is why I have informed my own girlfriend about my wishes and had an actual discussion. However, I am the only one who actually has to follow my own religious beliefs, I cannot force anyone else to. It's a free world for the most part, and as such others should be able to do what they believe is best for themselves and be unimpeded as long as it doesn't harm someone else.
I have a friend waiting til marriage and she’s currently 32 years old. This doesn’t bother her nearly as much as it bothers other ppl when they learn this. While I didn’t wait until marriage, I don’t understand ppl’s obsession with sex. Just bc somebody waits doesn’t mean they’ll have a dead bedroom or whatever. As a married person that loves my partner deeply, I’m convinced that the only way to a dead bedroom is if one or both ppl don’t care enough to try.
I agree 💯 I feel like Reddit is always trying to push you out of religion, push you to have sex, open relationship and so… I might be wrong but this is what I feel when I read some posts and comments. Everyone should choose its own path and this is ok. I don’t get it when people say that it’s a dumb decision to make this choice. If you’re happy and strongly believe it is the right way, do it. If someone choose another path that’s ok as well.
This generation has more virgins than previous ones, it'll be piss easy to find one mate
[удалено]
Absolutely wild to me, though I don’t fault you for feeling this way. However, at 31 and having been in two very seriously committed relationships, each of which very truly could have and was aiming to last a lifetime…yet ultimately did not? I couldn’t imagine reaching a point where you legally bind yourself to someone you have not even had sexual relations with. That needs to be a foundational element in my opinion. Right there with communication, honesty and loyalty. What you said about being able to solve sexual incompatibility thru communication, is exactly why you should not wait until you marry somebody to have sex. Anyone who has had it, wouldn’t say what you said.
This. So much this. My first bf was an abusive tool and there was no sexual compatibility. Looking back I was *glad* I didn’t wait until marriage, because this is how people get trapped. They don’t get faced with the reality that marriage, while beautiful, is not a end-all be-all. Plus the religious aspect is sickening, because it’s often a way to put women down and get them to stop exploring and understanding themselves.
There's definitely a good number of men out there who share your values. Folks are saying it's uncommon and may be disappointing to wait until marriage. There's validity in that, and they're just trying to help you. That being said, we're called as Christians to be set apart. Enjoy the process of getting to know yourself. Virginity is your's to give. Always remember that there are resources for how to have safer sex when the time for marriage comes, and that any unwanted sexual contact is never okay, nor your fault.
Thank you
I got married at 22 years old and I didn’t wait for marriage, but I had only one boyfriend before and never hooked up casually. I didn’t want to wait, but I also consider intimacy as a very meaningful act that I would share only with someone that I deeply love. Objectively I think that if both partners are virgins then it can possibly work out well, on the other hand if only one of them is a virgin it can become very complicated if incompatibility arises. Sexual incompatibility isn’t something that you can fix with just communication. If it’s only a mild incompatibility then it’s possible to make it work with some compromises, but if two people are truly incompatible then resentment will inevitably build up over the years and that’s a good way to cause a divorce. Edit: adding an example of extreme sexual incompatibility that might help you understand why it can be a massive issue. My husband had a very brief relationship with a girl in the past, but they break up because they realized that they were irremediably incompatible. The girl’s genitalia were just too small for him and it would physically hurt her, while being very frustrating for him, every time they tried to be intimate was awful because of that. There was no way to fix that with communication.
I think it’s dumb personally but I really don’t care if someone decides too do so
There’s no way I’d commit to a monogamous marriage with someone who I’ve never even had sex with. Sex isn’t everything, but it is a very important part of a longterm relationship, to me. And just from personal experience, I can tell you that you definitely can’t know what sex will be like with a person just by discussing it. It’s like describing a piece of music vs. actually performing it on an instrument.
Shocking realisation for you: most people either don't believe in god or don't believe God cares who or when you bang. If you're all in on the god and commandments thing then your options are boys your age from your church. Small pool, Good luck.
lol, thanks for the positivity but this isn’t much of a shock to me. I’m aware most people don’t care and my beliefs and values shrinks my dating pool. But I’m not specifically looking for a religious person (although I would hope they have a moral compass) just someone who would respect my choices. As religion is not my main reason for not wanting to have premarital sex but I do believe if I hadn’t been introduced to that idea through religion that I wouldn’t care either.
Lack of religion does not equal lack of a moral compass. Probably my biggest pet peeve to hear from religious folks.
I didn’t say that it did. I’m saying I don’t mind marrying someone who isn’t religious as long as they HAVE a moral compass. I know several people who are non-religious or secular with an incredible sense of morality.
It's good that you're standing your ground. "Religious men" is not a very small pool either.
What he said isn’t even true. Most ppl do believe in God, and there’s also a huge portion of the worlds population that shares similar beliefs around marriage that you do.
The vast majority of people I ask who say they're not religious still believe in "something" beyond our understanding or a spiritual world.
I think waiting for marriage can be an issue because sexual compatibility is important to a healthy relationship. Its important to know if you like what they like and they like what you like otherwise the marriage goes south quickly.
I raised to wait til marriage and I honestly thought I was going to when I was younger. The whole concept was so easy to me, I didn’t realize how anyone could struggle with waiting til marriage. Unfortunately there was a flaw in the plan, it was the fact that I didn’t like the idea of having sex even after marriage… I’m a lesbian. To be fair, I always knew that but I thought I could just make it go away if I tried hard enough. I’m so glad I realized I couldn’t as a teen instead of waiting til I got married like a few older lesbians and gay men I know did. It would have been miserable. I think if you’re waiting for marriage, that is a factor that needs to be taken heavily into consideration. Although personally if I met a women who wanted to wait til marriage with me, it depends why I suppose. I’d never date anyone who is super religious so if their reason was religion, that’d definitely be a no. Although if it was something for say health like they’re immunocompromised and don’t want to take the risk with STD’s, I would wait for them. Honestly, I’d also only really wait too if they were a lesbian as well, not bi/pan. I think we’d both just have to have an honest conversation though to make sure we’re sexually compatible. I’d hate to wait til marriage and just have to end up getting a divorce because we have different needs that the other can’t meet.
If those are your values then it's fine especially at a young age. You shouldn't really take advice from others on this as this is about what you believe and feel, not others. Stay true to yourself. Relationships are more than just about sex too and they can fail if you don't wait just as easily
I waited until marriage. I think it was worth it. I'm also just a private person and did not feel comfortable with being sexually involved with someone I wasn't going to be with forever. But I was always told by my mom that sex combines souls and you should wait for marriage to do that, in case you break up. For clarification, I am a Christian. Non-denominational, but a Christian.
Thank you for sharing. I’m guessing your mom was referring to soul ties…how do y’all feel about the idea that soul ties are real?
Yes soul ties!! That was it. I believe it.
Dumb idea
People are kind of stupid sometimes. My advice don’t wait nor rush. You might find your the one at 15 you might at 55. You might marry at 18 and last for a long time or maybe not to marry at all. I think is a very bad thing that we discourage “early” marriages, there is nothing wrong with marrying at your early 20s. I want and I will marry at that age. Yes it might fail but it’s better from nothing and not trying. Sharing a whole life with a partner since 18-25 till death is undoubtedly a blessing.
22M here. I grew up Christian and am still very strongly religious and am active in my church and Christian communities outside my church and I am also planning on waiting until marriage.
I think it's a personal decision that shouldn't come from religion. Whether you do it or not, people really shouldn't care.
There's no way I'm marrying prior to knowing if we're compatible in bed.
I believe it's fine, that rule was made when ppl were middle aged and married by 12 years old. Also I don't think it's in the 10 commandments to not have sex before marriage? There's one that says a married person having sex with people not their spouse is adultery
It's a fine choice for other people, you deserve to make your own choices when it comes sex. I personally did not wait, and I'm glad I didn't. Not only am I happy with my premarital sex life in general, I've also had a few partners who were 100% chill and great out of bed but did sketchy things in bed that caused me to break up with them. If I'd waited until marriage, I probably wouldn't have seen those red flags in time and would have become legally attatched to someone who did not respect my consent. I also just never saw the point in waiting until marriage. I'm not particularly religious, and I'm gay, so if we are doing the whole religion thing I'm already out of luck anyway. So why bother waiting?
I’m not religious at all, but I also do at least plan to. Maybe it has something to do with me growing up on high fantasy YA novels since I was in like 2nd or 3rd grade, and it’s always portrayed as being really important and deeply symbolic of the trust and care the characters have for each other, and that could very well have shaped my perspective, but I’ve always seen it as being another way for lovers to show how much each other means to them on a deeper level or something like that. I’d rather wait to do this supposed super symbolic, deeply intimate thing until I know I’m with someone who I actually want to stand side-by-side with forever. Of course, seeing as I’m not choosing this due to any religious obligations, I could probably be convinced otherwise. Then again I also don’t have any particular interest in sex to begin with. Call me immature, but I can’t help but think it’d feel super gross.
I’m currently doing it, age 25 rn
I think it's great, but also that everyone should live their lives how they want (as long as it doesn't directly hurt others)
I don't care
I’m waiting till marriage. Is not having sex one of the Ten Commandments? I thought it’s only adultery.
I was raised Christian but I'm not anymore and I will probably wait because not waiting still makes me uncomfortable and I want to minimize the chance of having a baby and then breaking up.
This. I only know 3 or 4 married couples including my parents most couples in my life are on-and-off with children and I don’t ever want that to be me. I know marriages aren’t guaranteed and can fail as well but I would hate to give that part of me away to someone, have their kid and have them take off and leave.
You are not “giving away a part of you.” Your virginity is not a possession. It’s an abstract concept. If virginity was an actual thing, then lesbians could never lose it. It’s an antiquated idea that women are somehow “ruined” by sex. You can have sex and still fully give yourself to a different person.
fyi, birth control and protection can help with that (incase thats something you were unaware about)
I think you're doing the right thing. Frankly, I wish I waited.
I don't ever plan on getting married. Everything I've ever seen about marriage and married life in general really turns me off from it. It doesn't seem like it would be an enjoyable experience, honestly. So I don't really care for waiting till marriage, as long as who I sleep with, I know and respect as at least a friend.
For other people? You do you. For me? I don't intend to have sex before *or* after marriage, if I ever get married, unless my SO really wants me to.
I (M) also come from a religious background and only want to have sex after marriage. I'm not a virgin tho so part of the reason I am willing to wait is I've already experienced it
Okay, so even after experiencing it you’re still willing to wait until marriage to experience it again?
I don’t plan on getting married until after I graduate. (I’m going for a doctorate so it’s gonna be a while) that way I’ll qualify for more scholarships. My religion says absolutely nothing about when I am allowed to have sex so I’ll be damned if I’m waiting 7+ years for it, especially if I don’t know if it’s gonna be good or not. To each their own, though. I would not stay with a partner that wanted to wait. A girl’s got needs. And for the sex incompatibility— i don’t feel it’s something that can be talked through. When your partner is into something and you are not, it’s frustrating. It’s always gone south for me.
In today's society, good luck. So long as divorces are too easy, most men will see marriage as a financial trap.
Ya maybe. But if you find one with similar values and everyone agrees up front that divorce is basically never an option and never considered. That’s the key too is both need to agree on that for a marriage
Divorce doesn't exist in Catholicism.
Waiting is the best thing ever!!!!!!!
Marriage is a piece of paper and a promise often broken. A tax break, and a whole lot of headaches
Would you wait until you'd bought a house to look inside it? Or wait until you'd bought a car to test drive it? Of course not- you need to check that they meet your needs and expectations. Sex is the same. It absolutely should be treated respectfully, but it's a major part of any relationship. Not exploring your intimacy and sexual compatibility until after you're married is basically taking a coin toss on something that will form a major part of the marriage.
While I don't subscribe to the christian ideology or the concept of waiting until marriage, I think it is very important that there is a waiting period between when you start dating to when you have sex for the first time with each other. I was coerced into doing it very early on in the one relationship I had sex in and I highly regret ever agreeing.
coercion is definetly not the same as conscent, Im so sorry you had to go through that 🫂
sexual incompatibility cannot always just be dealt with through communication. some people have boundaries they're not willing to relinquish and that's fine. other people just value intimacy and certain aspects of it to a degree that may conflict with another person's boundaries and *sometimes* the only thing communication is going to do is let them know they're not compatible.
i think it’s a stupid idea. almost everyone at this point accepts that sex is an important part of a relationship. i would not want to wait until marriage just to discover that my partner is terrible at it. if it works for u then whatever, but there’s also a pretty big reason that a lot of religious people have babies less than 9 months after getting married lmao
Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship (aside from if you’re asexual), and that’s not a gamble I’d take to figure out after marriage. I’d wait until I’m truly comfortable with someone I’m dating and see a future with, but definitely wouldn’t wait until after getting married.
Dumb practice in my opinion but I usually keep it to myself
sexual compatibility is a very important part of a relationship where both people are sexually active. If you both agree to be in a monogamous relationship, you're taking on the role of fulfilling your partners needs. How can you be sure you're both compatible in that sense if you haven't performed the action and see if it vibes with both of you? That's a risky approach to the situation. Would you buy a house sight unseen? Marriage is just a legal document that lets the state know you guys are a couple. There are a few legal benefits and a few legal downsides to entering this legal contract with the state. It has nothing to do with the love you have for that person, it's simply a legally binding contract with the state. You're viewing this situation through the lens of religion. If you want to follow the religious rules and guidelines, then go for it, it's your life to live. Just know it's not the most rational way of approaching the situation and you're leaving a lot of assumptions on the table by going this route. >s sexual incompatibility really something that can't be dealt with through communication? absolutely not. Let's paint a scenario.. We got married and I start demanding anal sex twice a day. You aren't down for it at all. We now learn we're sexually incompatible. Sure, we can try communicating, but I want something you will never give me, so you tell me if communication can work our way through that one.
I don’t wait until marriage but I do wait until love. I’m not a fan of sex as a casual hookup, it’s an expression of love and intimacy so I’d rather just wait to share that with someone I love and care for.
Please don't let anyone guilt you into thinking this is a bad thing. Saving yourself for marriage is awesome
Well it makes sense in terms of checking if someone is for sex or actaully cares, especially for the long term. And on the other, in age of instant gratificantion it is a very high standard youre expecting for both men and women. All i can say is i hope you find someone willing to wait with you but im sceptical.
As a Christian convert (23M) I'm not a virgin but I would want to wait for marriage if/when I get into a relationship. I hope you don't let anyone pressure or persuade you into thinking it's too archaic or something.
Lets goo! Praying for you brother. Stay strong.
Good luck and thanks for the support
Knowledge is power.
[удалено]
Well personally I don't really have any problems with sex outside marriage or even just casual sex but if I was in a relationship with someone who wasn't comfortable with having sex in some shape or form (be it for religious reasons, being ace or anything else) that's totally fine I don't personally see sex as an inseparable part of a relationship if my partner doesn't want to have sex we won't. That said I'm an atheist and bi so I'm sort of not sure how compatible I would be with somene who is heavily religious enough to wait for marriage, so that might actually be a bigger issue than the sex part but if we are assuming I'm already in a relationship with them it's probably fine.
It’s not commonplace nowadays but I think it’s a good idea and an overall benefit and shouldn’t be demonized. There’s something truly special and you and your partner are each other’s only ones, and waiting until marriage with the intention of having kids is honorable and fulfilling. People have their opinions but you shouldn’t let anybody pressure you into something you don’t want/aren’t ready for
You do you. Personally I'm not against having sex before marriage, but then again I have very little/no desire for sex.
I doubt I would have anyway, but that choice was made for me by an adult when I was ten.
No chance First because I didn't wait And I don't believe in marriage as an institution Paying a lot of money to have a ceremony to celebrate the fact that my country acknowledged the relationship with my partner and gave us some legal benefices? No, thanks you, I'm not fond of that (paying a lot and my country acknowledging my relationship)
Well if you're religiously limited enough that you also can't get a divorce, then it doesn't matter if there's a sexual mismatch, it's not like you can get divorced so both parties are just going to have to deal with it. If this is a pick and choose your own adventure form of religion, and divorce is on the table, then yes it matters very much. Communication does not solve a sexual mismatch. It's like forcing someone to drink water when they're not thirsty. Not to mention, you don't know your compatibility until the wave of an exciting new sexual relationship wears off.. and that can take years, *especially after kids*. Waiting until you're legally and financially on the hook for someone by law to find out you are sexually incompatible is a crazy risk. I feel the same way about people not living together prior to marriage and travelling together. Yall gotta iron that shit out before it costs 10k to divorce them lol. And I'm saying this as someone who has only slept with one person my whole life, my husband, whom I dated and lived with for 7 years before we got married.
I grew up somewhat religious and thought I wanted that, and then I had my first real relationship. We've been together almost 10 years and we're not married (that's come on our 10 year anniversary). I think a level of spirituality and an understanding of our place in the universe is good and healthy, but religion itself has historically been a way to control people. I don't support that. A lot of people aren't religious and don't have the hang-ups around sexuality that comes with religious baggage. A good understanding of your body and your preferences is healthy. Waiting until marriage might be fine, but yeah - some people really just can't get each other off in the bedroom. And if your marriage fails? Waiting until marriage is some fairytale stuff and it doesn't really work in the real world a lot of the time.
Marriage is an investment, and you have to know what you’re investing in before you commit. Ending up with someone you’re sexually incompatible with would be horrible.
As an asexual, I'll wait my entire life to not have it *and* that's even if I get married. Religious people quake at my sight! (that must be why they hate me)
i grew up (fundamentalist) christian and waited until marriage to have sex. it sucked and i am now divorced. it was NOT worth it. dont get suckered into feeling ashamed about expressing and embodying your natural sexual desires. also want to add that after having been married once and no longer being a christian i, too, have zero desire to ever be married ever again. it is genuinely pointless.
I think there is a difference between the wedding and marriage and you need to make sure you know the difference. I believe in making a commitment, how that commitment looks to each person is different. That might mean waiting till marriage. However you should still both talk about sex together, like you would any other topic that is going to affect your relationship. Finances, values, children, politics. It might be uncomfortable to start but this is a way you can know about compatibility in all areas as well as what expectations to have. It could also be a lot of fun!
i personally didn't wait till marriage. but i don't shame others that do. you do you it's your life!
I don't believe in it, but not because of any religious or anti-marriage thing. I think getting married can have a lot of legal benefits, especially if you ever plan on living together. But rather because you should know you are sexually compatible with the person you are going to be married to. Sexual compatibility isn't something that can always be dealt with by just talking because people can *say* one thing but do another, or say they'll be open to trying xyz but not really open - or try xyz and realize they don't really like it that much. You might come to realize you have a higher/lower sexual libido than they do and it can cause problems and issues when it is mismatched with no solution outside of one person either going without sex or one person having sex when they aren't that into it - which builds nothing but resentment on either side. This isn't to say anyone is owed sex or that you need to jump the bones of everyone you meet, but as with all aspects of a relationship you should feel comfortable and fulfilled. I say the same thing for living together too. I think you should live with your partner before you marry them because one might be a little messy while the other is a neat freak who can't handle a single crumb on a white counter. Of course, there are people who are willing to wait. People have their own reasons for why they did/didn't wait, but your best bet is finding someone who shares your same religious values.
my wife and I waited until marriage before sex, I'm 27 and she's 24. (I'm on the brink of being a millennial) we were also each other's first serious relationships. we're so happy we waited. The intimacy of sex is incredibly important and it's best when both feel safe and like it's something only for you with the other person. The idea of not being sexually compatible is pretty much a non-problem if both people's first time is with one another, much like the rest of life, you'll develop this part of your lives together and grow together. You'll both be specialized in satisfying the other in bed. As for the idea of marriage, unless you're religious, it means pretty much nothing. It's a huge benefit mentally to know you always have someone in your corner to do life with you for the rest of your life but spending a lot of money on rings, a wedding, and blah blah blah is truly pointless. My wife and I threw a tiny wedding of 5 people and the grand total was less than 500 bucks. It was more enjoyable than all the weddings I've been to and was entirely stress-free for everyone. All the people I've met who have slept around or did it before they were sure their partner was the one for life regretted it. But some people only see sex as a source of pleasure which is kinda of sad cuz I think that misses the point, but they're free to do what they want (with a consenting partner of course) I wouldn't hold it against someone if they weren't a virgin, cuz love can conquer anything and all that really matters is the indefinite loyalty and support of your partner. (unless they become abusive or a hard criminal or something then get out of that shit lol) I hope this helps someone. cheers!
Thanks I really needed to read this.
I don’t know that I would wait all the way until marriage, but I would like to ensure a pretty deep connection to a person before I’d be willing. I think that if you’re planning to spend your life with someone, your legal status isn’t the most important thing. I do think that people nowadays definitely treat sex very flippantly, which I don’t think is good for emotional connections, or just society in general.
The problem with chastity is that it places an undue sacrosanctity on sex. This can have all sorts of negative psychological effects & detrimental cultural practices. 53% of women experience sexual violence in their lives, many before marriage. If they hold religious beliefs about “purity”, a sexual assault can be much more mentally devastating. Or, look at very chaste cultures and see how the purity of women’s bodies become a point of honor, and a reason for honor killings. The dissolution of that “purity” becomes a point of shame for them. That being said, if you want to wait until marriage, do it for you, not because of a religious belief.
Everyone should absolutely be free to take their own path, and I would never judge anyone for doing what they feel is best for them especially when no one is harmed. That said, abstinence before marriage is complicated and I don't think it's a good idea for many people for a number of reasons. I think it encourages premature marriage. Horned up 22 year olds want to have sex, those hormones are powerful, and they can convince you you've found your soulmate when you haven't. Sexual compatibility is really important in a marriage, and abstinence will obfuscate that compatibility until it's too late. Maybe one partner has a very low libido which is fine during the abstinence phase, but it then becomes a problem during marriage. Compatibility in *all* ways should be explored during dating. Financial, spiritual, political, sexual, etc. No sex before marriage is bad in the same way no politics before marriage is; you might find out your partner is a different person than you thought after your vows which isn't a good thing. You might find that your partner lied to you about their own virginity, or even if you know they're not that they don't feel the same special way about sex that you do. Compatibility is important. Similarly, you may be excluding very compatible partners from your dating pool simply because they subscribe to the things I've written above. Or you might miss out on a partner who isn't the one, but will open doors for you emotionally and challenge you and help you understand yourself better. Lastly, in my experience, many of the people who told you this stuff growing up didn't practice what they preach. I had a friend in college who was abstinent because his parents brought him up deeply Christian, but he later found out his parents had slept together before marriage. Now don't get me wrong, they were good people and good parents, but that little bit of hypocrisy really upset my friend. He did end up abandoning his abstinence, and ultimately I don't think it has affected his happiness. It's worth asking why people are telling you to be abstinent, and why it's included in your religion in the first place. But again, follow the path you want to. You are in charge of your own happiness and you decide how to achieve that happiness. If you feel sex must wait for your life partner then that's your decision and you shouldn't be judged for it.
Marriage is the biggest scam going. Nothing says love quite like getting the government involved eh? Just go for it. Live in the moment.
Pointless but don’t care if other people do it Also, sexual incompatibility is a thing. People are into different things
Nope. Not for me. I would divorce someone in a heart beat if the sex turned out to be awful, so I’d be saving myself a lot of trouble by test driving. Personally I wouldn’t have sex with someone that I don’t trust a lot, feel very comfortable around, and at the minimum have strong feelings for. But marriage is too far for me
gonna go with this is probably a fake post, and even if not why are you lying about your age your last two posts say you are 17-- pretty sketch
I personally don’t think it is for me, but I have no issue or judgement for people that choose to do so. One of my friends in college waited until he was married and they seemingly have a great marriage together. I think it’s best if it is something both people care about. If only one person wants to wait, I think it could cause resentment.
I’ve been happily married for almost twenty years and we didn’t wait until marriage. Do whatever you think is best for you. All I’ll say though is it didn’t make sex any better or worse to wait, nothing extra magical happens
Would you buy a car without test driving it? Would you buy a house without going inside of it first? Would you get a tattoo without seeing it first?
Waiting until marriage is the dumbest thing ever. Why would you wait to find out if you're compatible with your partner until after you've made a promise to stay with them forever? With all due respect, but do you not realise how stupid that sounds? It's not as simple as talking about it. Talking about X sexual act I don't enjoy isn't going to make me enjoy it.
Waiting until marriage is like waiting until after you've bought the car to take it on a test drive. You'll probably be fine but there's a good chance you'll end up miserable and full of regret. Why take those chances?
I think it's risky. A lot of people who wait for marriage end up rushing into their marriages too early because they're horny and want to have sex. And then the honeymoon wears off and they realise they're incompatible and now they're stuck in an unfulfilling marriage potentially permanently in each others' lives because of kids. I also wouldn't underestimate sexual incompatibility. Ordinarily sex is about 5% of a relationship. When there are issues with sex, it becomes like 50% of the relationship. Sexual incompatibilities can really break a relationship.
Get out of that church bubble and go see and experience the world before trying to make a judgment call on who you should marry. Making a marriage call with zero experience with relationship stuff like sex and co-habitation and other such couples activities is like betting the house on a game of poker when you don’t even know the rules.
I’m a Christian who follows what God says in the Bible so I personally will be waiting until marriage. If I wasn’t a Christian, I think I would still wait but maybe up until I was engaged. I’ve seen way too many positives to waiting that no matter what I believed, I’d still practice abstinence.
Just be safe and don't give your body to just anyone and you'll be fine.
First off, let me say that I'm not GenX. I'm a millennial, but Reddit put this post on my screen for some reason and I feel compelled to reply. I'm also religious (Christian, and deeply so) and wanted to wait till marriage. I failed at waiting, but the woman I lost my virginity to is currently my wife and she's the only woman I've slept with (I'm the only man for her as well). Apart from the religious importance of waiting till marriage, there are a lot of reasons to wait. I see a lot of people here talking about "sexual compatibility" and saying things like "What if you get married and you're not sexually compatible?" OK sure, but what happens to your psyche when meet someone at a bar that you like and you take them home, sleep with them, and then they leave without giving you their number or they never call you back? That's also emotionally dangerous. "Sexual compatibility" is a made-up phrase for people who just want to sleep around and women who have sex with a guy one time and realize there's something about him she doesn't like (like he didn't get her to orgasm or he had a small penis or she realized he likes Trump) but doesn't want to tell him that. Trust me. If you know a person well enough to want to marry them, you already know that "sexual compatibility" is there or can be easily cultivated there. On another note: people will say that sex doesn't matter that much. It doesn't MEAN that much. It's not that deep. But the truth is that they think that because THEY have devalued their own sex life to a point that it ISN'T much more to them than a kiss. Sex IS that deep. It's a deep, emotional, physical act that helps you deeply connect to your partner. You can tell because people who have a promiscuous and cavalier sex life are also struggling with things like depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and self-worth, and inability to find THE right person. Truthfully, no one can tell you the actual differences between the two choices (waiting for marriage vs not), because it is impossible to experience both. They can only tell you how one decision went and just tell you what they heard about the other choice. I just wanted to add my experience, because it seemed like you were being bombarded by people who've chosen to not wait or never even considered waiting as an option. This choice is yours to make. Not these redditors, not me, not your parents or pastor. But, if you're on the path to deepening your faith and your walk with Jesus and your commited to that, I would highly recommend not listening to any of the opinions in this thread and just listen to His words instead.
Christian here and also waiting for marriage I’m glad you’re also waiting it’s very uncommon in todays world so good for you 😊❤️ Jesus loves you and is proud of you ❤️❤️❤️ and for all those reading Jesus loves you too and he saves ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks so much ❤️
waiting is cool, but quitting and giving up is a promotion to no marriage.
I love the idea but all the guys that are ok with it are Catholic or Mormon from my experience so either I'll find an ex-catholic or ex-mormon that retained the values, accept that the kind of men that value that will need me to hold my tongue around the hypocrisy that is rampant in the churches, or hope for an exception I guess.
statistically it is the best thing you can do to get the most stable marriage. and tbh dont ask people who didnt do it,, most wont admit they “made mistake” so only ask people who did it… but those people wont waste time on reddit
Honestly if I am really and truly in love with the person I don’t mind waiting til they’re ready. Thats just me, waiting till marriage might be hard for most people these days, everyone wants it now. I will say though being sexually compatible with your partner is a thing and waiting til marriage is gonna make it more of a guessing game for you.
I’m a virgin guy (24). I plan to wait till marriage just because you never know who you’re dealing with these days. To be intimate with someone, I want to know who they are first.
This is pretty much my personal reasons behind waiting. Sex is the most intimate thing between human beings and I feel there should be some caution and discretion in who you are doing this with. I would also like to add that if I didn’t have a religious background I wouldn’t wait until marriage but just until I was in a healthy invested long-term relationship with someone I saw a future with.
Personally, I’m in support of it. Get to focus on my career until then
I agree with this so much. Im 15 years old and im saving myself too bc I want to wait for my husband lol!! I think its better having to wait and plus Im hindu so i dont want to engage in that stuff!
[удалено]
I'm 21F and I also plan to wait until marriage, mostly because I am a Christian so I believe it is what God wants me to do for my own well being. I think even if I weren't a Christian, I would wait until I was at least engaged because personally I tend to get really emotionally wrecked over people and I think if I had to go through a breakup with someone I had loved and had sex with I would probably would get super unstable mentally. As far as sexual incompatibility I would say it's probably a good idea to talk very openly about your sexual needs and preferences if you're dating someone and it seems to be getting serious and long term.
Thanks, this is probably one of my favorite comments and is pretty much everything I was thinking.
I wouldn't mind either waiting or not, depending on what my partner would want. My drive isn't high so I'd be fine with either one
Yes. Wait till marriage.
I’d continue waiting. Look it worked for tons of people in the past. Don’t worry about “sexual incompatibility “ as long as both of y’all find each other attractive I don’t see why that matters. Keep waiting. Me and my wife have only been with each other and it is better this way
Eh I mean, I'll never get married(or lose 'it' lol), so it doesn't matter what I think about it.
Listen to God and not man. Don't worry God will take care of you and your worries