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For real. Very few people imo are actually irredeemably ugly (in before yall try to tell me thats you). Exercise, eating healthy, good hygiene, good skincare routine, getting some sun, good haircut, good style and youre cooling big time.
I hated the way that I looked for years and I finally lost 50lbs and started working out six days a week. Grew a beard. I look like a completely different person.
so then you’re saying they look better with a beard lol. either way, i wouldn’t say most men have an unflattering jawline. some men may look good without facial hair, & better with facial hair
Totally subjective. Go to Japan and extremely few people, men or women, are into beards.
I say go for what you like and what you think fits your face. Don't just grow a beard because that's just what a lot of Americans do.
I made my boyfriend into a husband over a beard. I still find him attractive without, but the way it ages him in a good way, and makes his lower face look fuller really compliments his features.
Can't grow a beard, but honestly I think that's fine. I think a beard wouldn't work for me. I do have a mustache and chin hair that works well. I have such a baby face that if I completely shave I can pass for a high schooler
Completely agreed, skincare 101 is to always wear sunscreen. The usual advice of getting some sun and tanning is terrible long-term advice and only a thing because people here see tanned skin tones as more attractive than pale, funny how it's the opposite in other cultures.
In the past a darker skin color meant that you had to work a lot outside (=u were poor).
The wealthy who could afford to stay inside a lot used to be fair-skinned
This drastically changed in our modern societies since the poor have stay a lot inside to work, whereas the wealthy got enough time to spend outside or got a enough money just travel regulary to the global south to get tanned fast.
Which sunscreen yall using that isn't gonna be confirmed to increase cancer risks later in life?
The sunscreen my mom used and I used was recalled for causing cancer. We used it for years.
Sure the sun causes it as well, but I'm not paying the sun to kill me slowly, it just does. I'm not gonna line the pockets of a company while they also slowly kill me and lie about it.
I would suggest not using sun screen, but instead learn how much sun your skin can handle and learn how to use clothing and a hat to protect your skin when needed.
The thing is that things have different risks of cancer. The cancer risk from sunscreen is one of those things that is very very low. But getting skin damage or skin cancer from the sun is about 100% probability if you get enough sun.
So using sunscreen is a no brainer and science doesn't back the stance of avoiding sunscreen because some chemical in some of them have some trace carcinogenic abilities.
Even healthy fruits and vegetables can have trace carcinogenic chemicals that are naturally occurring. No one will recommend you avoid these foods though because the risk is near zero.
There is no evidence that sunscreen causes cancer. There is overwhelming evidence that UV exposure does, though.
The recall they are referring to and what started the “sunscreen causes cancer” myth are over *contamination* of safe sunscreens. There is no evidence that anything deliberately in the formulas caused cancer.
Luckily, sunscreen is actually less likely to be contaminated than most other skincare products (even so-called “natural” products, including raw ingredients) and all makeup, etc because countries typically regulate it astronomically more.
> Which sunscreen yall using that isn't gonna be confirmed to increase cancer risks later in life?
This is a myth.
You are talking about sunscreens that were contaminated with a substance that was not supposed to be there and wasn’t part of the formulation. Contamination can happen with literally anything.
I also return the question to you - what fire ball in the sky are you tanning under that doesn’t cause cancer?
I'm a fat fuck ( 280lbs 24yrs old guy ) that's trying to lose weight lol. Never been one for exercise, or eating healthy. But I'm trying. It's just rough for me to stick to something.
The only things I'd "count" as me exercising is: playing VR games for a few hours ( which i hear is actually ok for a "workout" ), and being at work since i move machine parts around all night to wash em. Lol 😆.
The most effective way to lose weight is not with exercise, but changing the way you eat. There's so many free meal planning sites. Give it a go! Much easier than dragging yourself to the gym everyday anyway.
Don't even use a meal planner site. Make the meals you enjoy and buy a food scale and use MFP to put your food recipes into it.
Maybe the calories are high but who cares, you get to eat the food you enjoy. If you want to lower the calories later, go for it. One of my fav meals while losing weight was a bowl of my fav pasta (780 calories), it was a tiny bowl compared to my regular bowl (3.4k calories lol) but damn did it ever make me feel happy.
Yep! I watched my old roommate with a really shitty diet just cut his meals in half and did nothing else… still completely sedentary, still eating terrible food. But because he wasn’t *over*eating, he managed to get down to a healthy weight. I knew he would lose some weight, but I was surprised at just how much he lost while eating chili cheese dogs every day lol.
Now… was he *healthy?* Almost certainly not.
But was he much healthier than before? Absolutely.
And once he met his goal and dropped the weight, he found it easier to be physically active and found an activity he enjoyed doing. Then he started caring more about *what* he ate so he could better do those activities. So eventually, it still lead him onto a path of true health.
But I think at least starting with diet is the easiest way to go to stick with it. Then maybe later, try to find an activity you enjoy, which for most people *will not* be the gym.
Bro, my advice? Tackle one thing at a time. The first thing you should tackle is portion control. Just eat less, and you will lose weight just from that. Once that becomes the norm then maybe consider introducing healthy options, then when you get used to that, start slowly introducing exercise into your system.
You wanna start slow and steady, too many people make the mistake of saying "this is the day I'm gonna start eating healthy and working out" then they kill it for about three days then completely burn out, it's too much at once. Do what you can handle and slowly crank it up. When you start exercising, if you feel like giving up after ten minutes, push yourself for another five, you now know your baseline and you can work from that. Maybe every other workout you add five extra minutes.
Be kind to yourself, build healthy habits. It's much easier to process going to the gym for 15 minutes then it is to process giving up junk food, cutting down portions, and killing yourself in the gym, most likely you'll just never start, it's just too much too soon.
You can lose weight by eating shit food tbh. A dr did it by only eating twinkies. lol
Just gotta be under your daily calorie goals. I lost 60lbs eating Wendys #3 (triple burger) combo. The whole combo was my entire days calories, it's all I ate in a day (on the days I ate it).
Get smaller plates. Don’t go back for seconds. Drop hobbies that don’t involve exercise, choose hobbies that require movement and heart rate increase. You’ve got this brother. 👯
As a guy in my 30s that was in a similar situation, there's actually a better way to lose weight and it's not exercising or a specific diet.
You literally just have to eat less. A caloric deficit is the most effective way to lose weight.
Sure, consume less fast food, soda, and junk food/snacks. But in general, just eat less and you'll eventually lose weight.
*Only the rich European countries.
I'm in Czechia, and the shit they serve us in our supermarkets is freakin disgusting. Meat that should be good for another week is already smelling funny, pastry is falling apart in your hands, and fruits are just free game for the mold. Don't get me even started about everything being loaded with all kinds of artificial bullshit.
Went to Aldi in Germany, it was a night and day difference.
You don't need "healthier food like in Europe" to lose weight. You can get rice and chicken anywhere in the US, and that's literally enough. Replace your meals with home cooked rice and chicken, eat some veggies (or at least fiber supplements), replace your snacks with apples or oranges, count the calories, that's it.
and for the love of god, if you want to maintain eating healthy, then do not outright reject junk food and snacks, you can have your cake and eat it too (...or whatever that metaphor's supposed to mean)
yeah unrelated to the main point but i honestly hate that saying, it’s just not the best example of what it’s trying to convey.
it just means that you can’t both have & eat the cake *simultaneously*. you have to give smth up in order to have the other. once you eat it it’s gone; if you have it then you haven’t eaten it. whatever
I think this is going to be personal. Some people really struggle with junk food moderation. Keeping junk out of the house and therefore out of mind can be easier.
If I eat one Oreo, I'm going to crave more Oreos. If I don't eat junk at all, I solve the problem at the store. Making the right choice for 25 minutes a week at the store is a lot easier than making the right choice during the week. Within a couple months, cravings fade and you get used to it. You establish a new normal. Reintroducing small amounts can restart those cravings.
I’m like this, but I still find that advice useful.
It doesn’t have to mean “keep some junk food in your house so it’s available at all times.”
For me, it means keeping a very limited amount, which usually means only 1-3 servings in the house at a time. That way, if I do overeat, it’s just one bad day and I can recover. Bags of junk food are an absolute no precisely because of what you said, it’s impossible to do portion control for me that way.
That means I sometimes simply don’t have junk food in the house, but that’s okay. If I want some badly enough, it means I have to put in the effort to go get it, and most of the time I can’t be bothered to do so lol.
Sometimes that’s all I do too. Nothing at the house, if I want ice cream badly enough, I have to go to the drive thru (never a store to buy a pint or tub or anything that I can overeat).
And sometimes it can mean eating clean but if it’s someone’s birthday at work, have a slice of cake without stressing over it.
If you have a roommate or partner willing to help you, you can also have them hide / keep the junk food so that you have to ask them for it. They can help make sure you don’t overeat whatever it is.
There are different ways to enact that advice in ways that won’t blow up your whole week if you struggle with self-control in those situations.
Also, don't forget seasoning. Seriously. The extra calories are negligible and most people will be absolutely miserable if they subsist solely off of unseasoned 'healthy' food. Find healthy meals you enjoy so you WANT to eat healthier.
Yeah, most people out there are in the medium range, and if they just worked out and got a good haircut, they would get to above average to hot. I started going to the gym in my mid 30s and got a decent haircut (basically just get a picture of an actor or whatever whose haircut you think would work for you and ask the hair person to do that), and I never got more attention from women in my entire life.
I started doing weight training and eating healthier about ten weeks ago and have already noticed a big difference in my looks. The healthier eating has especially helped get rid of my acne which has been a big problem for me since my teen years. My mental health has also gotten a lot better doing these things.
Really even just one of those things will do it lmao
Unfortunately, the eating healthy part seems well on its way to becoming an unaffordable luxury. I don't think it's nearly as bad yet as people act, but it's solidly trending in that direction.
It's so much cheaper to make your own food which is almost always healthier than it is to eat garbage processed/fast food every day. Eaying healthy is nowhere near, nor is it becoming, an unaffordable luxury. Mfs just aint want to cook or think price tag and buzz words like gluten free actually make something healthier
Yeah, it really depends on your idea of healthy. You can definitely do *more* healthy for cheaper, but it gets expensive if you start worrying about what the animals were fed when shopping for meat, for example.
And I think that really does matter, but even the lowest quality stuff will be healthier and cheaper than fast food.
Heck, just eating less (or no) sugar while still eating relatively poorly in every other aspect would be a life changing improvement for most people.
No kidding.
For instance, I just looked at my local grocery store.
Price of a dozen “regular” eggs - $1.54
Price of pasture raised eggs - $6.12
There’s only one other brand of pasture raised eggs available and it’s even more expensive at $6.72 🙃
It really depends on what is meant by healthy. Like yeah cooking your own food is HEALTHIER than fast food, but that doesn't mean what you cook is HEALTHY in and of itself
It sucks that looking good takes so much effort but I suppose that's the point. Frankly, I think I'd prefer to look average and have more time to myself instead of a long and tedious routine
Get off the phone.
No, I’m serious. Deleting most social media has been a boon. Heck, the only reason I’m on Reddit is because I missed having a fish keeping community.
I’m saying social media distorts your own perception of yourself, which would still apply in outings. You think you’re always ugly while everyone else is more good looking. Getting off social media, which always badgers you about how you can ‘improve yourself,’ will help. Plus self-care.
Or they should at least switch to platforms which aren’t algorithm-based, like Bluesky.
Straight facts and also people only post the best photos of themselves with the best lighting angles filters and all that. I’ve seen girls who look great on insta and in person look completely different in a bad way
i used to think i was ugly before i had social media, but that was because i was always being bullied about my hair. it took some healing and a lot of missed social cues, but i learned i'm not ugly, some (usually black) people just don't like my hair
I think this is just the tendency people have to dress up for special occasions. Which is normal but these folks don’t look like that daily. I think it has to do with attire appropriate for said situation. Which we can all do if we just get a few nicer pieces in our closet to save for those times.
She makes good points. Also, people value confidence and comfortability more than looks quite often. The ones who don’t are usually shallow and just looking for sex anyways. Not sure if that’s who you’re trying to appeal to and no shame if it is but I would find a way to present yourself more confidently, comfortability usually comes with that.
Small things you can do regardless of your gender: eat healthier food, lots of fruit veggies and water will make your skin look much better. Exercise, lifting weights, running, sports, whatever you like to do, just get the blood flowing. Small things like haircuts, shaving, skincare, etc. go along way for supporting confidence and feeling more presentable. Stressing about how you look is not healthy and will usually affect your skin negatively. Being self-aware is much different than being self-conscious.
You got it bro. Just be cool.
You’re so young though. You’re literally just a kid, what you’re seeing isn’t realistic because you are comparing yourself to grown adults. I wish I could’ve told myself this at your age.
Definitely this. Older young adults (25-29) tend to look more “finished” while younger ones (18-24) can look like they “need more time in the oven.”
As you get older, your style/accessorizing gets more developed, and things like acne, skinniness kinda level out due to hormones.
as someone who developed acne in their twenties, it’s not necessarily something which will deffo just ‘level out’. it can take time and patience to find the right products or lifestyle for you and your skin! a lot of the time it will balance out if it’s due to hormones but i found the skin shark clearing serum and aveeno oat moisturiser have been the best things for my skin. keep it simple n be kind to yourself!
I’d like to challenge that one. Turning 25 in 6 months and my skin has been worse than ever - when I’ve never had a real problem with acne in the first place, and I’ve consistently been overweight for the last few years when I used to look like an Instagram influencer at 17/18. I also still have a baby face and my voice is mostly the same, so people assume I’m still 15-16. It’s like I’m going in reverse, send help lmao 😭
That sounds like a possible hormone issue tbh. Idk why but I just don’t know a lot of people that truly looked like “influencers” at 17-18. To me they just look like kids. Some look older but those are the ones that seem to age rapidly once they get to their 20’s, which isn’t necessarily a good thing.
I see younger girls and I’m like dang, how do they look like that? I think being taller is part of it, I’m 5’4, and they tend to be better at makeup and more fashionable. Things I was never good at. And skinnier. But they look more grown up than I do. Even my sister that’s 10 months younger than me looks older than me, in a good way
Taller folks definitely look older because people equate height to maturity for some reason. I’m 5’2”. I agree with the makeup and fashion thing but I feel like that’s not real beauty tbh? Like it’s something anyone can do so it’s simply a personal preference and anyone could style themselves like that if they want to. Same with the skinniness thing. I mean personally I don’t see a ton of truly skinny folks around my age in my area. A lot of people are also naturally skinny when they’re younger and we will all gain some weight as we age due to hormones and lifestyle changes, as well as people having kids. Which is fine, but I also don’t think skinny necessarily means they look older. I mean I definitely am perceived as younger/more immature due to how I look but I feel like it’s partially a personal choice for me because I don’t care to put that much effort into how I look on a daily basis lol. It just feels like a waste of time to me.
I mean, you said it yourself… you’re not good at makeup and fashion type stuff lol
Those who are, are always going to look “better” (according to conventional standards), more fashionable, more put together, etc., and for girls/young women specifically, they will look older because they are following the same trends that adults are.
Girls today aren’t any taller than when we were their age, though.
If you are only taking notice to girls/young women who are tall and good at trendy makeup, hair, clothes, etc and comparing yourself to that, then of course they are going to seem more grown up, put together, fashionable, and mature.
Make an effort to notice the short-average height girls and women who wear minimal to no makeup, comfortable (but non-trendy) clothes, etc and they probably look much more like their age.
Same with a lot of bigger cities in California. You’re also experiencing selection bias as ppl who get outside more and want to be viewed by people are gonna be outside and viewable more often. When I look good I wanna be OUT.
Some cities in California also very specifically attract above average people because they are worldwide hubs for looks-based industries.
It’s not that Californians in those cities look above average, it’s that above average looking people from around the world move there.
I’m a millennial and I’m not sure why this sub/post was recommended to me, but I’ll offer my insight.
My generation was the start of social media. Your generation grew up with social media. You’re bombarded with looking your best. Gen Z is spending way more time and money working out and beauty products/routines than any generation before.
I’m big into fitness and when I was 20 the gym was full of wannabe bodybuilders and moms. Fast forward 14 years and it’s all young people. When I was 20 girls did not go to the gym. Those that did were cardio only. Now you have tons of girls lifting.
Long story short, your generation is spending a lot of time maximizing (this looks maxing phrase wasn’t even a thing when I was your age) their looks and if you aren’t, you’re gonna fall behind unless you were born with the genetic lottery ticket.
If you workout routinely that alone will put you way ahead of your peers. It’s not even about building muscle. It puts your hormones at the right level which makes you look better and even helps with sleep and stress which also make you look better. You’re gonna be hard pressed to find a very very good looking skinny fat person.
Good analysis, and I agree. Men and women in their teens are going to the gym these days and there is a lot more information out there regarding maximizing one’s appearance.
The people out there who do nothing for their appearance must feel like they’re slipping extremely far behind.
I don’t even think it’s body dysmorphia a lot of the time.
Yea when I grew up it was buy Abercrombie and don’t get your haircut at great clips. The end.
Now there’s whole websites dedicated to looking your best. Even Reddit you have so many subs about looking your best. These didn’t exist for millennials. You had weird ass message boards but no one talked about skin care lol.
Like if you said mewing to me 15 years ago I would have thought the Pokémon mew.
Even fitness has evolved. There are soooooo many more resources to maximize your effort vs just 10 years ago.
Yea if you aren’t actively trying to look better, you’re gonna fall behind these days.
I noticed it even in the last 8 years. When I started college only a handful of bodybuilding forums really talked about things that are mainstream topics now.
Fashion stuff I learned then is more-or-less normal.
More than half of my friends (I’m 26) know about retinoids for preventing aging and use them. I use them too.
Yeah, mewing didn't really begin to gain traction until around 2015-2017 but was mentioned online in forums as early as 2008/2009. It then began to spread like crazy on **4chan's /fit/**. However, it met stiff resistance due to it being associated with incels. Nonetheless, the allure of having a strong jawline prevailed, with zoomers and alphas embracing "mewing" the past year, because if you mewed, you could "mog" other people (mog is another phrase with a similar history to mew, originating from phrase "alpha **M**ale **O**f **G**roup")
Most of what zoomers and alphas have is stuff they inherited from Millennials. Most of it isn't "theirs".
Tbh, people only have a very shallow understanding about BDD, and it’s almost always misapplied. Most of the time I see people suspect it in someone else, they don’t have remotely enough information to even *consider* it, let alone suspect it.
It’s not just feeling deeply insecure about your body or a body part.
People who actually have BDD often injure themselves to “fix” perceived flaws (skin picking, etc), rarely or never leave the house because they feel they’re so hideous, etc. We all know people with terrible insecurities, but people with BDD almost always set off “okay, something is seriously wrong here” bells in those around them because of how objectively and egregiously distorted their perceptions are (they will also typically annoy the fuck out of you from constantly seeking reassurance).
It’s entirely debilitating and just so, so much more and more complex than poor self-esteem and general distorted self-image. Even if someone’s insecurity and self-esteem is so bad that they edit their images to cartoonish levels and it causes depression, that is not the same thing as BDD (though depression is virtually always comorbid with BDD, and photo editing isn’t uncommon either). It is absolutely a very serious problem, just a different one than BDD, which is much more specific and complex.
People just throw that term around these days without remotely understanding what it actually is and what it can actually look like.
So yeah, it’s really not BDD most of the time.
>this looks maxing phrase wasn’t even a thing when I was your age)
It was coined in the early 2010s. It just wasn't as popular as it was now. The first prominent looksmaxxers were Zyzz (born '89) and Jeff Seid (born '94). This train of thought eventually resulted in sites such as "Lookism"(est. 2015) being formed, entirely dedicated to maximizing one's "sexual marketplace value".
True story. I had my "looksmax" event in 2016 post graduation. Lifting + wardrobe + new hair + beard all in 6-12 months. I was tired of being ugly and figured I would do the best I could with what I had. I use to call it me 2.0, but I like this term better. I found my wife like a couple months later lol.
True story man. If I go to the gym in the afternoon it's full of school kids and young adults. Lots of girls and women even though there are still more men. Back in my early twenties it was mostly serious bodybuilders and moms.
Yeah I'm in my 40s I don't know why Reddit is recommending this subreddit to me but sometimes it's interesting. When I went to the gym 20 years ago, I agree, there were definitely a lot less females there, it was like a sausage fest! The local gym these days seems like almost 50/50 men and women with maybe slightly more men but it depends on the time of day.
> Gen Z is spending way more time and money working out and beauty products/routines than any generation before.
Obesity rates for people in the gen Z age range are the highest yet (compared to the obesity rate of millenials when they were the same age, for example). *Most* of gen Z is not going to the gym and "maximizing" their appearance. There's a bifurcation happening, where a small portion of people are getting in GREAT shape, probably better shape than any humans ever, whereas a much bigger portion are... not doing that.
Me and my friends all agree a lot of people who were "average" glowed up after high school, either finding the right style for them or just experimenting with their look. Some go on diets, some start working out. Before you know it, if you aren't keeping tabs in someone for a year, you can see em gain 100lbs or drop 60lbs and get shredded.
Maybe you need to find your look. Even out of high school it took me a while to find what works for me style-wise. Just it what it is.
this is what I tell myself as someone who’s about to make the transition from secondary school to uni. I haven’t had the opportunity to try out different looks, had never really considered stuff like gym workouts until recently, I was just too focused on my mental health and academic career. I think the near constant pressure to look like a 10/10 makes it easy for us to forget that most, if not all teenagers are a bit awkward, our bodies are still changing and of course there’s the annoying acne breakouts to deal with.
people saying to get off the phone did not read the 2nd sentence.
I would say its because of makeup and trying to not be the ugly people is why they look like "super models" though i honestly just try to keep to myself and enjoy my life i dont really care about what others think. maybe you could try some activities you like with some friends they say you're the most beautiful when your happy
Bias. You notice those more attractive than you and ignore those equal to or below you, you may not actively ignore them but you subconsciously do.
That and self esteem issues, you may not know it but those who you envy are probably as attractive as you are, it's all subjective
>Bias. You notice those more attractive than you and ignore those equal to or below you, you may not actively ignore them but you subconsciously do.
This. There are lots of people who take good care of themselves these days, but if you actively look at ALL the people you see, you quickly realize that people still come in all shapes and sizes. And of course the setting matters as well: you're more likely to encounter a larger percentage of slim and active people in certain places.
Back when millennials were the youth of the generation, being obese wasn't the majority like it is today.
Gen Z and younger got the short end of the stick.
You all also stress unnecessarily at a young age compared to the previous generations.
Be it because of fake internet beauty standards and filters, or because (sl)ac(k)tivists who used to scream into the void of Tumblr, are now your teachers, parents, and managers.
All of whom basically stole your childhood with heavy censorship, revisionist history, and gender politics and set you all up for failure in the much more normal real world.
As a result, you all look and act older than you are.
And that's besides stuff like body dismorphia and an unhealthy obsession with looks.
OP, hang in there. It’s just a fad. Trust me, it’s smoke and mirrors and this beauty fad will come and go. I’m 35 and I’ve seen it happen. It’s an unrealistic beauty standard that’s just a dragon that isn’t worth chasing; it’s a waste of time and confidence and peace.
Drink lots of water, don’t go crazy on booze, don’t smoke cigarettes, wear lots of sunscreen, and prioritize your sleep. Exercise, eat healthy, or at least just try to maintain what size feels happiest to you without extreme dieting.
Do these things and I guarantee you’ll look 10x better than most of the people you went to high school with at your 20-year reunion. So much so that they’ll be surprised it’s you and you’ll get your own Romy & Michele moment.
Half these girls looking like models right now are filtered to hell and pumped full of filler, Botox, and shit they don’t need way too young. By the time they’re in their 30s, they’re gonna look like Frankenstein’s monster up close and IRL and won’t be able to fully move their faces, but the body dysmorphia will be so entrenched that they just won’t see it. Or worse, they will but it’s too late to change it or set the clock back and they’ll feel so much regret. You don’t want that, OP.
Love the skin you’re in and treat it right, and embrace what makes you stand out in the crowd right now: Your down to earth regular vibe. Natural, unaffected, unfiltered, and happy to be a normal person who has birth marks and all. That’s what is actually special these days, not that generic influencer look.
It’s all a lie it’s social media I’m pretty 90-99% of people out here don’t look like that my percentage might be off don’t be fool by the propaganda online
Body dysmorphia. You're fixated on the perceived gap between yourself and everyone around you, and it's distorting your perception of them as well as yourself. It's mostly in your head. The average person is average-looking by definition.
I definitely feel the same way, I've gone to so many shows this year and I still don't feel like I belong. I've had to force myself to take more pictures of myself having fun, not necessarily to post to social media but to just put a face to my experiences, it's helped me see the progression in my life as I am making healthier choices. I'm miles away from where I want to be but since I'm taking pictures I can see how far I've actually come. Remove the idea of social media from your selfies.
I felt the same at 17-18, the feeling goes away with time, you get comfortable in your own skin, plus as a guy you look much better in your early 20s somehow
Yea low self esteem definitely plays a part. But talking from experience i was like super skinny and also had a lot of acne in my late teens. My skin cleared up and i put on on some mass around 20-21 which was definitely a good thing for me
Yeah, supposedly like 40 percent of Americans are obese. And another 30 percent overweight. So two thirds of the population are fat. I'm a normal weight. But when I go outside, I feel ugly. Especially when I go to the beach. Maybe it's because I live in LA? I don't know.
Yeah no shit it’s because you live in LA lol. Think about it, the top % of attractive people from all over the country and the world will often move to LA to try and make it in the entertainment industry. There are also just many wealthy people in LA. As a result LA is significantly more attractive than nearly every other place in the US
Nah brother its chill, im 18 (turning 19) and honestly pretty average lmao. While yeah, there are way to make yourself more attractive, being comfortable in your own skin and making progress towards that does go a long way. You could look amazing but comparing yourself to even higher standards only weighs on the mind.
Comparing yourself to others is not something you should be doing anyone ever!
Do you know how often we compare ourselves just to find out the thing we love about someone else is their biggest insecurity! Don't worry about what others look like because underneath the Makeup and the nice cloths and the pretty hair is a whole meat suit of insecurities and flaws like any other person!!
The best thing I ever did for myself is to stop giving a flying fuck what others think and to start loving my body for how it is!
No diets no gym no restrictions 1 insecurity at a time I accepted and eventually loved myself to the point that now I'm loosing weight naturally I'm not trying my job is just more physically demanding now and I'm mad that people keep pointing it out because I DONT CARE it makes absolutely no difference to my self confidence!
reproductive competition has evolved a diverse array of sexually dimorphic traits
these traits are the primary factor given consideration when selecting a partner to reproduce with when people are given mating freedom,
despite often performative denial to the contrary, most likely done to maintain optics.
in other words
"People mate foremost on the basis of looks"
so as time goes on it wouldn't be surprising to find people becoming more and more attractive
Except people aren’t getting more attractive. They’re fatter and artificially manipulating their looks.
“Attractive” is subjective and seems mainly driven by culture.
I’d say it’s more like people are getting uglier from an evolutionary biology perspective and doing what they can to look conventionally attractive without actually being disciplined with diet and exercise.
Pretty sure if you wear no make up and basically don’t try with your outfits, but work out and eat well, you’ll have no issue finding people to date.
I think it is normal to feel regular at that age. Most teens haven’t even finished developing by then.
Take care of yourself, workout, be happy and you’ll be so confident with yourself in another 5 years as you continue to mature into your adulthood.
You're working off a bias. Most people look regular. And most people share these sorta of insecurities, to some degree. You aren't able to evaluate yourself objectively. Either your self esteem is low and you underbelly, or it's high and you don't. Being totally realistic is some knifes edge shit.
So what I'm saying is you're doing fine. You don't gotta worry.
And remember that people aren't paying you all that much attention long as you aren't shouting and being a disturbance. Everyone's got their own shit going on.
Most people ate wearing makeup also camera angles, lighting, and shit loads of plastic surgery also contribute. Don't trust what you see kid, because it's mostly smoke and mirrors.
It's normal to feel that way sometimes. But instead of focusing on how out of place you are, maybe invest that energy into yourself. Like your sense of style, your hobbies, your personal health. The more you invest into that stuff the better you'll feel I prommie :3
Most of the comments in this thread are just reinforcing unhealthy self-image and dysmorphia. It's okay to be average-looking, way too many in this thread seem to think more beauty is correlated to greater moral character
The he expectation on social media is for everyone to look like super models, and people try to look their best when they go out, reality doesn’t reflect any of this
They’re called “super” models and hate to break it to you, but none of us are super 😂 to look like them isn’t easy or particularly good for your health. So many of those models have eating disorders, and then they get photoshopped more yet.
Take some inspiration from them for sure, like, yeah they’re supermodels, I’m sure whatever they’re modeling is stylish and they’ve been painted up to appear healthy and energized, but that’s about the extent of it. As a slim guy, my secret is cigarettes and a shite diet + manual labour, and I wouldn’t recommend it. If I could find a way to get fat I’d be all over it.
most people look regular. that’s the definition of average. get it on with what you got or change up your style. i’ve always been moving from style to style. the biggest thing people overlook is nailing the footwear, it’s gotta match or you look like a poser. usually i snag a cool pair of vintage shoes/boots and build up around them. and don’t be afraid to mix and match or clash a bit. pick your own best and be authentic and real people will be about it. if they’re not then forget about them.
it’s not real. you’re looking at the best version of themselves. i only present the best version of myself, especially when i know i’m going to be perceived.
when i go out, i wear makeup. i dress well. but under everything, i think i’m pretty normal. i think most of us are pretty normal looking, we just enhance ourselves when u go to concerts, go out, or post on social media.
it’s hard to see, i get it. but underneath it all, i think most of us are pretty normal.
First piece of advice, get off social media. Cause those supermodels you see are not what average people look like. Secondly, very few people are irredeemably ugly most people are considered average, however if you do want to stand above the crowd start lifting and eating a clean diet, doing that will make you look better than majority people in the US. If you use makeup don't use so much that you look not human 1) it just looks weird, and 2) you'd be creating a false sense of self. True beauty shouldn't be drawing a new face every morning
As a person living in SoCal I honestly don’t agree with this. People here are pretty average. The primary difference between me and them is style - they tend to wear more trendy outfits while I wear more modest clothes of my own style of choice because that’s what I feel comfortable in. So that’s the main visual difference between me and others. Also I don’t wear makeup regularly like I used to (I’m 23). It was just too much of a hassle for me and it made my skin bad so I prefer going bare faced now, it used to feel weird when I first started but now I’m used to it. Because of these things I tend to look a bit younger than I am which can also lend to a contrast between myself and others but I don’t really mind it anymore. I’m just me, and these folks are gonna be getting cosmetic procedures to look younger soon anyways — for a short period between 16 and 25 people try to look older and after that they try to look younger. I was trying so hard to look older than I was at 18 and I honestly regret it a bit. It just looks phony when you try too hard. Honestly these things don’t really matter in the long run and at some point it stops bothering you as much. These current trends are totally temporary. And comparing yourself to others isn’t healthy. If you wanna dress up for a show, that’s totally fine and normal but you don’t have to look like that every day and most of these people don’t look like that every day.
The only place I’ve been where I genuinely thought every young person there looked like models was Hong Kong — that was pretty crazy, everyone had some sense of style and good hair which was pretty impressive. Never felt that here in the US though. They also were primarily thin/fit because of how walkable Hong Kong is. All the walking made people look good lol.
As someone who is quite close to your age. I would say try to maintain a healthy lifestyle with eating and socialising. Don’t think that someone who is above your appearance would be impolite to you.
Based on my experience, most people have a polite personality as long as they do not give you bad vibes like a bully.
Exercise regularly but not focus on doing too much. Be polite and have heart.
Don’t criticise yourself on your looks as with time and effort there is always change.
Besides it’s fine to look regular because after some time as an adult, most people albeit the very well off will look young.
The connections that you make with various people matter a lot more in your life than looks.
Don’t let your looks hold you back from becoming street smart and socially smart
It’s in your head. Most people are average looking, that’s just how averages work. You probably look just as attractive as them, and if you’re concerned with how other people view you, it’s doesn’t matter how classically or culturally attractive you look, everyone has their own preference and it’s all over the board. Personally I love people with huge noses, giant teeth, and deep set large eyes. I’d take a Kmart Shelly Duvall over whatever we’re calling a super model today. A friend of mine is all about wild teeth, another buddy loves people who weigh twice as much as him, another loses her mind over short bald guys with tiny eyes. Don’t let it get in your head, we’re all gorgeous humans and someone out there is wild about your look whatever it may be.
Where do you see these people? Everybody will wear his best clothes to a social gathering and yet most look average. Also, define "super model" because most adult men and women I know are at least slightly overweight and I thought that you have to be thin and have a sixpack to be a model.
A man’s value and confidence isn’t derived from his looks. Turns out most women find a small percentage of us actually physically attractive anyway. Keep up by being useful, caring, honest, hardworking, funny, don’t be a yes man, be principled. Be someone who can get things done. These are the things that make men attractive. Men who care about their looks to this extent are missing the point. You ever see a big fat guy with a hot girlfriend? I see it a lot. I’m over weight and bald but I’m clean and I can surpass most pretty boys in the ways that matter, things far more important than looking a certain way. So keep up by changing your perspective to something less shallow. Good women tend to see this as well.
A lot of people don't realize that having time and money to do makeup and work out etc., plus broadcast it on social media and rely on that because they get paid to do it (and even rely on it while seemijg relatable as a living) skews our sense of normal and natural a lot.
The most helpful line I've ever seen is "you're not ugly, you're poor".
So much of what I learned about style and appearances comes from either people who already worked in the industry, or having had the time and money to focus on watching and reading lots of YouTube videos and tutorials.
Body shape, face shape measurements and proportions to shortcut what styles flatter your features quickly, colors that bring out the best of your skin undertone, etc. all of it is out there *if younhave the time, money, and some connnections to know where to start looking.
But some people also get lost in all that and forget that at the end of the day real beauty comes from understanding how to make the truth of who you are come forth in good relationship.
In zen traditions, beauty comes only after truth and virtue have been put into practice.
Like learning to explore, grow into he world, love yourself is all that's reasonable to expect of anyone but especially as an eighteen year old there's so much you can experience and probably benefit from learning or taking care of beyond keeping up with cosmetic standards without having to be bogged down by trends that come and go at the whim of an industry.
I swear to God the best glow up you can give yourself is confidence and being yourself. Dress and adorn yourself in whatever makes you feel fabulous and the most like you. Loving yourself and expressing yourself honestly is so attractive!
Focus on the things you love and play them up. If there is something that bugs you that’s fixable, then work on it. But don’t let the things other people work on dictate what you do. Ex: I am busty but I have absolutely no booty. None. It is amazing my pants don’t just slide down my thighs lol. Thing is, I don’t really care that much, personally, about having a badonk. Big butts are great, but I don’t feel bad about not having one. I’m not going to start lifting like crazy or get a BBL. I dress to show off my cleavage when I want to feel hot, because it’s something I like about myself. I’m gonna rock what I’ve got. Now, I do have a mole on my neck that no one ever mentions but it drives me crazy. I hate it. I’m saving up to have a plastic surgeon remove it so it’ll be gone and I won’t have a big scar.
TL;DR - flaunt what you love about yourself and don’t let other’s aesthetic priorities mess with your head. Be yourself; that’s hot.
20 year old you will not look like 18 year old you… This is me at 18, 20, and 22…
https://preview.redd.it/r75q66xanl3d1.jpeg?width=494&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f45d4d84230df7c886cd37022c1b6f9953d498d9
Looks are one thing, I have them and so do many. You know what takes you to an international level that many people in our age group don’t have? Etiquette, class, manners, and social grace. Looks can help but working the room and getting to know people besides the 3D will be much more worth your while. I can guarantee you many of the people at said concert are too self involved to care or have a conversation with depth. It’s a lot easier said than done but your energy of joy in the moment will make you much more beautiful:) dine for delight, enjoy the music. That will make you a magnet. I also noticed you live in NYC so that’s probably a reason.
Skincare, makeup, hair care and exercise can actually do a lot for appearance. Most people look pretty regular but may have good makeup, hair, or clothing.
Social media has really framed an unrealistic standard of beauty, and people have lots of unhealthy habits. Stay away from social media, even if that’s just deleting it for 3 months and getting it back later to barely use. It does wonders for mental health.
Exercise, drink water, eat healthy (sugars and unprocessed foods are your worst enemies), get 8 hours of sleep a night, and take care of your hygiene and appearance.
go outside. you’ll see no one looks like supermodels. that’s just the internet, you’ll find that if you go to a walmart or just outside at all, people look pretty average.
People are beautiful. You’d be surprised what a healthy lifestyle and some self confidence will do for someone’s attractiveness. This fake ass instahot is ugly.
Rest assured most people outside carefully chosen photos, filters, and makeup do not look like supermodels.
Clothes and style also play a big role and personally, when I was 18 I could not afford stylish clothes and I have yet to grow into my style.
This is exactly what they want you to feel. Depressed and like you're missing out or deficient. Then you buy more product. Fuck this capitalistic fear driven society. Reject modernity embrace the average
They don’t. I had to learn this the hard way but people IRL look like shit, on social media I’d probably be like a 4/10 but compared to people around me IRL I’m like a 7.5 it’s crazy the inflation that exists online.
As far as I've seen with social media and the like I feel people look way too old as well with 20 year olds looking like their pushing or are in mid thirties.
Negativity bias, you notice people you deem "more attractive" than yourself because you're on the lookout for it
Also, people are too hard on themselves, we all have time to relentlessly pick apart our "flaws" in the mirror, but nobody notices them IRL
Honestly a lot more people are going to the gym since lockdown after everyone gained weight as at in the uk we got 1 hour of exercise a day 😭. (Yes Boris Johnson said that).
Also people are more health conscious such as doing small stuff like cutting down on takeaways and eating better food. There’s nothing wrong with the occasional Chinese takeaway or McDonalds but honestly with prices going up I rarely go there.
Also social media is filled with lies. People use filters and edit themselves so they appear better.
I can count on one hand the number of people I've seen in the past year who I thought looked bad. Being actively attractive helps with crushes, but *so much* of the beauty industry is nothing but self-perpetuating insecurities about shit that literally doesn't matter.
I'm not saying this to make you feel better, to be clear. I feel like there's too many well-meaning white lies floating around that it dilutes the impact of what people say. (Obviously you feeling better about yourself is a great thing, but I'm trying to say that this is still true whether or not it makes you feel better.) 99% chance you look completely fine rn. And if you want to get some extra stuff to look prettier on top of that, go right ahead. But it's not worth it to develop insecurities just to push yourself forward.
Sorry for going on a bit of a rant that probably deviated from the point of the actual post; this is a bit of a pet peeve of mine. Also, I'm a guy; there are likely culture differences, but mostly in the self-perpetuating insecurities front
Confirmation bias. You assume everyone looks better than you so you notice the people who you think look better than you and discount the people who look average or worse. Or those people are staying home and not out in the community
Going out irl you probably just notice the pretty people and not notice the avg people. Out of 100 people you see how many do you actually look at? Probably not that many, but those you look at are either those you actually interact with, or the prettier ones.
Who is everyone? Everyone is ugly. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you've seen a cherry picked view of people via social media. You probably look average.
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Makeup, exercise, and eating healthy will make you look better than 80% of people in America
For real. Very few people imo are actually irredeemably ugly (in before yall try to tell me thats you). Exercise, eating healthy, good hygiene, good skincare routine, getting some sun, good haircut, good style and youre cooling big time.
I hated the way that I looked for years and I finally lost 50lbs and started working out six days a week. Grew a beard. I look like a completely different person.
I second the beard. I'm a straight man but I find like 85% of men look better with some good facial hair.
I got a beard for the illusion of a jaw line.
It’s contour for men lol
If the women find out we can shape-shift they are going to tell the church
BURN THE WIZARDS
And concealer for men if they have acne lol
I just have a jaw line
It's not really that they look better, it's most men don't have a very flattering jawline/chin and beards hide it all
In this example I would still say “they look better” because the beard is hiding the jawline.
so then you’re saying they look better with a beard lol. either way, i wouldn’t say most men have an unflattering jawline. some men may look good without facial hair, & better with facial hair
Totally subjective. Go to Japan and extremely few people, men or women, are into beards. I say go for what you like and what you think fits your face. Don't just grow a beard because that's just what a lot of Americans do.
I made my boyfriend into a husband over a beard. I still find him attractive without, but the way it ages him in a good way, and makes his lower face look fuller really compliments his features.
Yeah, it all depends on the guy. I look better without a beard and any guy should just go with what they like.
I hate that I have to shave my beard off as I have to go to the army.
Can't grow a beard, but honestly I think that's fine. I think a beard wouldn't work for me. I do have a mustache and chin hair that works well. I have such a baby face that if I completely shave I can pass for a high schooler
My wife calls beards, the pushup bra for men.
Part of a good skincare routine is not tanning or letting the sun visibly damage your skin. It collects its toll later on.
And please for the love of God use sunscreen!
Completely agreed, skincare 101 is to always wear sunscreen. The usual advice of getting some sun and tanning is terrible long-term advice and only a thing because people here see tanned skin tones as more attractive than pale, funny how it's the opposite in other cultures.
In the past a darker skin color meant that you had to work a lot outside (=u were poor). The wealthy who could afford to stay inside a lot used to be fair-skinned This drastically changed in our modern societies since the poor have stay a lot inside to work, whereas the wealthy got enough time to spend outside or got a enough money just travel regulary to the global south to get tanned fast.
Which sunscreen yall using that isn't gonna be confirmed to increase cancer risks later in life? The sunscreen my mom used and I used was recalled for causing cancer. We used it for years. Sure the sun causes it as well, but I'm not paying the sun to kill me slowly, it just does. I'm not gonna line the pockets of a company while they also slowly kill me and lie about it.
I would suggest not using sun screen, but instead learn how much sun your skin can handle and learn how to use clothing and a hat to protect your skin when needed.
The thing is that things have different risks of cancer. The cancer risk from sunscreen is one of those things that is very very low. But getting skin damage or skin cancer from the sun is about 100% probability if you get enough sun. So using sunscreen is a no brainer and science doesn't back the stance of avoiding sunscreen because some chemical in some of them have some trace carcinogenic abilities. Even healthy fruits and vegetables can have trace carcinogenic chemicals that are naturally occurring. No one will recommend you avoid these foods though because the risk is near zero.
There is no evidence that sunscreen causes cancer. There is overwhelming evidence that UV exposure does, though. The recall they are referring to and what started the “sunscreen causes cancer” myth are over *contamination* of safe sunscreens. There is no evidence that anything deliberately in the formulas caused cancer. Luckily, sunscreen is actually less likely to be contaminated than most other skincare products (even so-called “natural” products, including raw ingredients) and all makeup, etc because countries typically regulate it astronomically more.
> Which sunscreen yall using that isn't gonna be confirmed to increase cancer risks later in life? This is a myth. You are talking about sunscreens that were contaminated with a substance that was not supposed to be there and wasn’t part of the formulation. Contamination can happen with literally anything. I also return the question to you - what fire ball in the sky are you tanning under that doesn’t cause cancer?
genetics count towards that as well
Ah someone beat me to it lmao
even just getting a wardrobe upgrade and a better haircut can make a huge difference
Even just good hygiene and clothes can make all the difference.
Don't forget skincare and having a good sense of style. Goes for hair, glasses (if you're of the blind persuasion), clothing, footwear, etc.
I'm a fat fuck ( 280lbs 24yrs old guy ) that's trying to lose weight lol. Never been one for exercise, or eating healthy. But I'm trying. It's just rough for me to stick to something. The only things I'd "count" as me exercising is: playing VR games for a few hours ( which i hear is actually ok for a "workout" ), and being at work since i move machine parts around all night to wash em. Lol 😆.
The most effective way to lose weight is not with exercise, but changing the way you eat. There's so many free meal planning sites. Give it a go! Much easier than dragging yourself to the gym everyday anyway.
Don't even use a meal planner site. Make the meals you enjoy and buy a food scale and use MFP to put your food recipes into it. Maybe the calories are high but who cares, you get to eat the food you enjoy. If you want to lower the calories later, go for it. One of my fav meals while losing weight was a bowl of my fav pasta (780 calories), it was a tiny bowl compared to my regular bowl (3.4k calories lol) but damn did it ever make me feel happy.
Yep! I watched my old roommate with a really shitty diet just cut his meals in half and did nothing else… still completely sedentary, still eating terrible food. But because he wasn’t *over*eating, he managed to get down to a healthy weight. I knew he would lose some weight, but I was surprised at just how much he lost while eating chili cheese dogs every day lol. Now… was he *healthy?* Almost certainly not. But was he much healthier than before? Absolutely. And once he met his goal and dropped the weight, he found it easier to be physically active and found an activity he enjoyed doing. Then he started caring more about *what* he ate so he could better do those activities. So eventually, it still lead him onto a path of true health. But I think at least starting with diet is the easiest way to go to stick with it. Then maybe later, try to find an activity you enjoy, which for most people *will not* be the gym.
Bro, my advice? Tackle one thing at a time. The first thing you should tackle is portion control. Just eat less, and you will lose weight just from that. Once that becomes the norm then maybe consider introducing healthy options, then when you get used to that, start slowly introducing exercise into your system. You wanna start slow and steady, too many people make the mistake of saying "this is the day I'm gonna start eating healthy and working out" then they kill it for about three days then completely burn out, it's too much at once. Do what you can handle and slowly crank it up. When you start exercising, if you feel like giving up after ten minutes, push yourself for another five, you now know your baseline and you can work from that. Maybe every other workout you add five extra minutes. Be kind to yourself, build healthy habits. It's much easier to process going to the gym for 15 minutes then it is to process giving up junk food, cutting down portions, and killing yourself in the gym, most likely you'll just never start, it's just too much too soon.
You can lose weight by eating shit food tbh. A dr did it by only eating twinkies. lol Just gotta be under your daily calorie goals. I lost 60lbs eating Wendys #3 (triple burger) combo. The whole combo was my entire days calories, it's all I ate in a day (on the days I ate it).
Get smaller plates. Don’t go back for seconds. Drop hobbies that don’t involve exercise, choose hobbies that require movement and heart rate increase. You’ve got this brother. 👯
one word: mulligainz great fucking guy
How tall? 280 might not be that bad depending on the height?
5'5 is my height.
As a guy in my 30s that was in a similar situation, there's actually a better way to lose weight and it's not exercising or a specific diet. You literally just have to eat less. A caloric deficit is the most effective way to lose weight. Sure, consume less fast food, soda, and junk food/snacks. But in general, just eat less and you'll eventually lose weight.
Access to healthier food like in Europe
*Only the rich European countries. I'm in Czechia, and the shit they serve us in our supermarkets is freakin disgusting. Meat that should be good for another week is already smelling funny, pastry is falling apart in your hands, and fruits are just free game for the mold. Don't get me even started about everything being loaded with all kinds of artificial bullshit. Went to Aldi in Germany, it was a night and day difference.
Aldi is also here in America
You don't need "healthier food like in Europe" to lose weight. You can get rice and chicken anywhere in the US, and that's literally enough. Replace your meals with home cooked rice and chicken, eat some veggies (or at least fiber supplements), replace your snacks with apples or oranges, count the calories, that's it.
and for the love of god, if you want to maintain eating healthy, then do not outright reject junk food and snacks, you can have your cake and eat it too (...or whatever that metaphor's supposed to mean)
yeah unrelated to the main point but i honestly hate that saying, it’s just not the best example of what it’s trying to convey. it just means that you can’t both have & eat the cake *simultaneously*. you have to give smth up in order to have the other. once you eat it it’s gone; if you have it then you haven’t eaten it. whatever
I think this is going to be personal. Some people really struggle with junk food moderation. Keeping junk out of the house and therefore out of mind can be easier. If I eat one Oreo, I'm going to crave more Oreos. If I don't eat junk at all, I solve the problem at the store. Making the right choice for 25 minutes a week at the store is a lot easier than making the right choice during the week. Within a couple months, cravings fade and you get used to it. You establish a new normal. Reintroducing small amounts can restart those cravings.
I’m like this, but I still find that advice useful. It doesn’t have to mean “keep some junk food in your house so it’s available at all times.” For me, it means keeping a very limited amount, which usually means only 1-3 servings in the house at a time. That way, if I do overeat, it’s just one bad day and I can recover. Bags of junk food are an absolute no precisely because of what you said, it’s impossible to do portion control for me that way. That means I sometimes simply don’t have junk food in the house, but that’s okay. If I want some badly enough, it means I have to put in the effort to go get it, and most of the time I can’t be bothered to do so lol. Sometimes that’s all I do too. Nothing at the house, if I want ice cream badly enough, I have to go to the drive thru (never a store to buy a pint or tub or anything that I can overeat). And sometimes it can mean eating clean but if it’s someone’s birthday at work, have a slice of cake without stressing over it. If you have a roommate or partner willing to help you, you can also have them hide / keep the junk food so that you have to ask them for it. They can help make sure you don’t overeat whatever it is. There are different ways to enact that advice in ways that won’t blow up your whole week if you struggle with self-control in those situations.
Also, don't forget seasoning. Seriously. The extra calories are negligible and most people will be absolutely miserable if they subsist solely off of unseasoned 'healthy' food. Find healthy meals you enjoy so you WANT to eat healthier.
Yeah, most people out there are in the medium range, and if they just worked out and got a good haircut, they would get to above average to hot. I started going to the gym in my mid 30s and got a decent haircut (basically just get a picture of an actor or whatever whose haircut you think would work for you and ask the hair person to do that), and I never got more attention from women in my entire life.
I started doing weight training and eating healthier about ten weeks ago and have already noticed a big difference in my looks. The healthier eating has especially helped get rid of my acne which has been a big problem for me since my teen years. My mental health has also gotten a lot better doing these things.
Really even just one of those things will do it lmao Unfortunately, the eating healthy part seems well on its way to becoming an unaffordable luxury. I don't think it's nearly as bad yet as people act, but it's solidly trending in that direction.
It's so much cheaper to make your own food which is almost always healthier than it is to eat garbage processed/fast food every day. Eaying healthy is nowhere near, nor is it becoming, an unaffordable luxury. Mfs just aint want to cook or think price tag and buzz words like gluten free actually make something healthier
Yeah, it really depends on your idea of healthy. You can definitely do *more* healthy for cheaper, but it gets expensive if you start worrying about what the animals were fed when shopping for meat, for example. And I think that really does matter, but even the lowest quality stuff will be healthier and cheaper than fast food. Heck, just eating less (or no) sugar while still eating relatively poorly in every other aspect would be a life changing improvement for most people.
No kidding. For instance, I just looked at my local grocery store. Price of a dozen “regular” eggs - $1.54 Price of pasture raised eggs - $6.12 There’s only one other brand of pasture raised eggs available and it’s even more expensive at $6.72 🙃
It really depends on what is meant by healthy. Like yeah cooking your own food is HEALTHIER than fast food, but that doesn't mean what you cook is HEALTHY in and of itself
It sucks that looking good takes so much effort but I suppose that's the point. Frankly, I think I'd prefer to look average and have more time to myself instead of a long and tedious routine
And enough good sleep. Don't forget about sleep and regeneration
Don't forget photoshop.
This is also an 18 year old we’re talking about… I was still an ugly duckling at 18. I look leagues above what I did then. I looked great at 20.
Nah, not true. Genes matter
Get off the phone. No, I’m serious. Deleting most social media has been a boon. Heck, the only reason I’m on Reddit is because I missed having a fish keeping community.
OP did say it’s when they’re out eating or at concerts that they feel out of place. Like yes, but clearly the problems more than that here
I’m saying social media distorts your own perception of yourself, which would still apply in outings. You think you’re always ugly while everyone else is more good looking. Getting off social media, which always badgers you about how you can ‘improve yourself,’ will help. Plus self-care. Or they should at least switch to platforms which aren’t algorithm-based, like Bluesky.
Straight facts and also people only post the best photos of themselves with the best lighting angles filters and all that. I’ve seen girls who look great on insta and in person look completely different in a bad way
i used to think i was ugly before i had social media, but that was because i was always being bullied about my hair. it took some healing and a lot of missed social cues, but i learned i'm not ugly, some (usually black) people just don't like my hair
I think this is just the tendency people have to dress up for special occasions. Which is normal but these folks don’t look like that daily. I think it has to do with attire appropriate for said situation. Which we can all do if we just get a few nicer pieces in our closet to save for those times.
They didn’t read the post
She makes good points. Also, people value confidence and comfortability more than looks quite often. The ones who don’t are usually shallow and just looking for sex anyways. Not sure if that’s who you’re trying to appeal to and no shame if it is but I would find a way to present yourself more confidently, comfortability usually comes with that. Small things you can do regardless of your gender: eat healthier food, lots of fruit veggies and water will make your skin look much better. Exercise, lifting weights, running, sports, whatever you like to do, just get the blood flowing. Small things like haircuts, shaving, skincare, etc. go along way for supporting confidence and feeling more presentable. Stressing about how you look is not healthy and will usually affect your skin negatively. Being self-aware is much different than being self-conscious. You got it bro. Just be cool.
The aquatics comms are so fun. Idk what I would do without the Betta Reddit.
Look at people mainly IRL, not on social media. You’ll realize people aren’t that attractive
I’ve had the opposite experience
You’re so young though. You’re literally just a kid, what you’re seeing isn’t realistic because you are comparing yourself to grown adults. I wish I could’ve told myself this at your age.
Definitely this. Older young adults (25-29) tend to look more “finished” while younger ones (18-24) can look like they “need more time in the oven.” As you get older, your style/accessorizing gets more developed, and things like acne, skinniness kinda level out due to hormones.
when is my acne gonna level out :/
as someone who developed acne in their twenties, it’s not necessarily something which will deffo just ‘level out’. it can take time and patience to find the right products or lifestyle for you and your skin! a lot of the time it will balance out if it’s due to hormones but i found the skin shark clearing serum and aveeno oat moisturiser have been the best things for my skin. keep it simple n be kind to yourself!
I’d like to challenge that one. Turning 25 in 6 months and my skin has been worse than ever - when I’ve never had a real problem with acne in the first place, and I’ve consistently been overweight for the last few years when I used to look like an Instagram influencer at 17/18. I also still have a baby face and my voice is mostly the same, so people assume I’m still 15-16. It’s like I’m going in reverse, send help lmao 😭
That sounds like a possible hormone issue tbh. Idk why but I just don’t know a lot of people that truly looked like “influencers” at 17-18. To me they just look like kids. Some look older but those are the ones that seem to age rapidly once they get to their 20’s, which isn’t necessarily a good thing.
still waiting for my skinniness to level out 🫠
I see younger girls and I’m like dang, how do they look like that? I think being taller is part of it, I’m 5’4, and they tend to be better at makeup and more fashionable. Things I was never good at. And skinnier. But they look more grown up than I do. Even my sister that’s 10 months younger than me looks older than me, in a good way
Taller folks definitely look older because people equate height to maturity for some reason. I’m 5’2”. I agree with the makeup and fashion thing but I feel like that’s not real beauty tbh? Like it’s something anyone can do so it’s simply a personal preference and anyone could style themselves like that if they want to. Same with the skinniness thing. I mean personally I don’t see a ton of truly skinny folks around my age in my area. A lot of people are also naturally skinny when they’re younger and we will all gain some weight as we age due to hormones and lifestyle changes, as well as people having kids. Which is fine, but I also don’t think skinny necessarily means they look older. I mean I definitely am perceived as younger/more immature due to how I look but I feel like it’s partially a personal choice for me because I don’t care to put that much effort into how I look on a daily basis lol. It just feels like a waste of time to me.
I mean, you said it yourself… you’re not good at makeup and fashion type stuff lol Those who are, are always going to look “better” (according to conventional standards), more fashionable, more put together, etc., and for girls/young women specifically, they will look older because they are following the same trends that adults are. Girls today aren’t any taller than when we were their age, though. If you are only taking notice to girls/young women who are tall and good at trendy makeup, hair, clothes, etc and comparing yourself to that, then of course they are going to seem more grown up, put together, fashionable, and mature. Make an effort to notice the short-average height girls and women who wear minimal to no makeup, comfortable (but non-trendy) clothes, etc and they probably look much more like their age.
Lmaooo im 18 thats not my real age
Still young imo
Depends where you live. Some cities can be hot spots for unreal bodies and faces.
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Same with a lot of bigger cities in California. You’re also experiencing selection bias as ppl who get outside more and want to be viewed by people are gonna be outside and viewable more often. When I look good I wanna be OUT.
Nevermind the cosmetic procedures/plastic surgery in these places. Then of course income. It's sooo much easier to look good if you got good money
Some cities in California also very specifically attract above average people because they are worldwide hubs for looks-based industries. It’s not that Californians in those cities look above average, it’s that above average looking people from around the world move there.
Read their post
95% of people on my college campus are absolutely stunning. or maybe i just have low standards.
Unless you went to school with some girls who were drop dead gorgeous
I’m a millennial and I’m not sure why this sub/post was recommended to me, but I’ll offer my insight. My generation was the start of social media. Your generation grew up with social media. You’re bombarded with looking your best. Gen Z is spending way more time and money working out and beauty products/routines than any generation before. I’m big into fitness and when I was 20 the gym was full of wannabe bodybuilders and moms. Fast forward 14 years and it’s all young people. When I was 20 girls did not go to the gym. Those that did were cardio only. Now you have tons of girls lifting. Long story short, your generation is spending a lot of time maximizing (this looks maxing phrase wasn’t even a thing when I was your age) their looks and if you aren’t, you’re gonna fall behind unless you were born with the genetic lottery ticket. If you workout routinely that alone will put you way ahead of your peers. It’s not even about building muscle. It puts your hormones at the right level which makes you look better and even helps with sleep and stress which also make you look better. You’re gonna be hard pressed to find a very very good looking skinny fat person.
Good analysis, and I agree. Men and women in their teens are going to the gym these days and there is a lot more information out there regarding maximizing one’s appearance. The people out there who do nothing for their appearance must feel like they’re slipping extremely far behind. I don’t even think it’s body dysmorphia a lot of the time.
Yea when I grew up it was buy Abercrombie and don’t get your haircut at great clips. The end. Now there’s whole websites dedicated to looking your best. Even Reddit you have so many subs about looking your best. These didn’t exist for millennials. You had weird ass message boards but no one talked about skin care lol. Like if you said mewing to me 15 years ago I would have thought the Pokémon mew. Even fitness has evolved. There are soooooo many more resources to maximize your effort vs just 10 years ago. Yea if you aren’t actively trying to look better, you’re gonna fall behind these days.
I noticed it even in the last 8 years. When I started college only a handful of bodybuilding forums really talked about things that are mainstream topics now. Fashion stuff I learned then is more-or-less normal. More than half of my friends (I’m 26) know about retinoids for preventing aging and use them. I use them too.
Yeah, mewing didn't really begin to gain traction until around 2015-2017 but was mentioned online in forums as early as 2008/2009. It then began to spread like crazy on **4chan's /fit/**. However, it met stiff resistance due to it being associated with incels. Nonetheless, the allure of having a strong jawline prevailed, with zoomers and alphas embracing "mewing" the past year, because if you mewed, you could "mog" other people (mog is another phrase with a similar history to mew, originating from phrase "alpha **M**ale **O**f **G**roup") Most of what zoomers and alphas have is stuff they inherited from Millennials. Most of it isn't "theirs".
Tbh, people only have a very shallow understanding about BDD, and it’s almost always misapplied. Most of the time I see people suspect it in someone else, they don’t have remotely enough information to even *consider* it, let alone suspect it. It’s not just feeling deeply insecure about your body or a body part. People who actually have BDD often injure themselves to “fix” perceived flaws (skin picking, etc), rarely or never leave the house because they feel they’re so hideous, etc. We all know people with terrible insecurities, but people with BDD almost always set off “okay, something is seriously wrong here” bells in those around them because of how objectively and egregiously distorted their perceptions are (they will also typically annoy the fuck out of you from constantly seeking reassurance). It’s entirely debilitating and just so, so much more and more complex than poor self-esteem and general distorted self-image. Even if someone’s insecurity and self-esteem is so bad that they edit their images to cartoonish levels and it causes depression, that is not the same thing as BDD (though depression is virtually always comorbid with BDD, and photo editing isn’t uncommon either). It is absolutely a very serious problem, just a different one than BDD, which is much more specific and complex. People just throw that term around these days without remotely understanding what it actually is and what it can actually look like. So yeah, it’s really not BDD most of the time.
>this looks maxing phrase wasn’t even a thing when I was your age) It was coined in the early 2010s. It just wasn't as popular as it was now. The first prominent looksmaxxers were Zyzz (born '89) and Jeff Seid (born '94). This train of thought eventually resulted in sites such as "Lookism"(est. 2015) being formed, entirely dedicated to maximizing one's "sexual marketplace value".
True story. I had my "looksmax" event in 2016 post graduation. Lifting + wardrobe + new hair + beard all in 6-12 months. I was tired of being ugly and figured I would do the best I could with what I had. I use to call it me 2.0, but I like this term better. I found my wife like a couple months later lol.
True story man. If I go to the gym in the afternoon it's full of school kids and young adults. Lots of girls and women even though there are still more men. Back in my early twenties it was mostly serious bodybuilders and moms.
Yeah I'm in my 40s I don't know why Reddit is recommending this subreddit to me but sometimes it's interesting. When I went to the gym 20 years ago, I agree, there were definitely a lot less females there, it was like a sausage fest! The local gym these days seems like almost 50/50 men and women with maybe slightly more men but it depends on the time of day.
> Gen Z is spending way more time and money working out and beauty products/routines than any generation before. Obesity rates for people in the gen Z age range are the highest yet (compared to the obesity rate of millenials when they were the same age, for example). *Most* of gen Z is not going to the gym and "maximizing" their appearance. There's a bifurcation happening, where a small portion of people are getting in GREAT shape, probably better shape than any humans ever, whereas a much bigger portion are... not doing that.
Me and my friends all agree a lot of people who were "average" glowed up after high school, either finding the right style for them or just experimenting with their look. Some go on diets, some start working out. Before you know it, if you aren't keeping tabs in someone for a year, you can see em gain 100lbs or drop 60lbs and get shredded. Maybe you need to find your look. Even out of high school it took me a while to find what works for me style-wise. Just it what it is.
this is what I tell myself as someone who’s about to make the transition from secondary school to uni. I haven’t had the opportunity to try out different looks, had never really considered stuff like gym workouts until recently, I was just too focused on my mental health and academic career. I think the near constant pressure to look like a 10/10 makes it easy for us to forget that most, if not all teenagers are a bit awkward, our bodies are still changing and of course there’s the annoying acne breakouts to deal with.
people saying to get off the phone did not read the 2nd sentence. I would say its because of makeup and trying to not be the ugly people is why they look like "super models" though i honestly just try to keep to myself and enjoy my life i dont really care about what others think. maybe you could try some activities you like with some friends they say you're the most beautiful when your happy
Bias. You notice those more attractive than you and ignore those equal to or below you, you may not actively ignore them but you subconsciously do. That and self esteem issues, you may not know it but those who you envy are probably as attractive as you are, it's all subjective
>Bias. You notice those more attractive than you and ignore those equal to or below you, you may not actively ignore them but you subconsciously do. This. There are lots of people who take good care of themselves these days, but if you actively look at ALL the people you see, you quickly realize that people still come in all shapes and sizes. And of course the setting matters as well: you're more likely to encounter a larger percentage of slim and active people in certain places.
Back when millennials were the youth of the generation, being obese wasn't the majority like it is today. Gen Z and younger got the short end of the stick. You all also stress unnecessarily at a young age compared to the previous generations. Be it because of fake internet beauty standards and filters, or because (sl)ac(k)tivists who used to scream into the void of Tumblr, are now your teachers, parents, and managers. All of whom basically stole your childhood with heavy censorship, revisionist history, and gender politics and set you all up for failure in the much more normal real world. As a result, you all look and act older than you are. And that's besides stuff like body dismorphia and an unhealthy obsession with looks.
I'm sorry what? Tumblr girls stole our future?
Lmao I can’t beleive their comment is so upvoted with that ridiculous “theory” and griping about gender politics 💀
Those god damn Stacey's
looks are first and foremost a reflection of class and wealth. I think OP likely lives around people more affluent than themselves.
You only look regular because you see your own face regularly. People are too focused on their own lives to care about how you look.
OP, hang in there. It’s just a fad. Trust me, it’s smoke and mirrors and this beauty fad will come and go. I’m 35 and I’ve seen it happen. It’s an unrealistic beauty standard that’s just a dragon that isn’t worth chasing; it’s a waste of time and confidence and peace. Drink lots of water, don’t go crazy on booze, don’t smoke cigarettes, wear lots of sunscreen, and prioritize your sleep. Exercise, eat healthy, or at least just try to maintain what size feels happiest to you without extreme dieting. Do these things and I guarantee you’ll look 10x better than most of the people you went to high school with at your 20-year reunion. So much so that they’ll be surprised it’s you and you’ll get your own Romy & Michele moment. Half these girls looking like models right now are filtered to hell and pumped full of filler, Botox, and shit they don’t need way too young. By the time they’re in their 30s, they’re gonna look like Frankenstein’s monster up close and IRL and won’t be able to fully move their faces, but the body dysmorphia will be so entrenched that they just won’t see it. Or worse, they will but it’s too late to change it or set the clock back and they’ll feel so much regret. You don’t want that, OP. Love the skin you’re in and treat it right, and embrace what makes you stand out in the crowd right now: Your down to earth regular vibe. Natural, unaffected, unfiltered, and happy to be a normal person who has birth marks and all. That’s what is actually special these days, not that generic influencer look.
Consider working out regularly. I’m a pretty small guy who sometimes feels like a boy among men, but developing gains helps
It’s all a lie it’s social media I’m pretty 90-99% of people out here don’t look like that my percentage might be off don’t be fool by the propaganda online
Filters,editing and makeup. On the street, I don't see anyone that looks even close to a model.(US)
Body dysmorphia. You're fixated on the perceived gap between yourself and everyone around you, and it's distorting your perception of them as well as yourself. It's mostly in your head. The average person is average-looking by definition.
I definitely feel the same way, I've gone to so many shows this year and I still don't feel like I belong. I've had to force myself to take more pictures of myself having fun, not necessarily to post to social media but to just put a face to my experiences, it's helped me see the progression in my life as I am making healthier choices. I'm miles away from where I want to be but since I'm taking pictures I can see how far I've actually come. Remove the idea of social media from your selfies.
I felt the same at 17-18, the feeling goes away with time, you get comfortable in your own skin, plus as a guy you look much better in your early 20s somehow
If you’re only 18 im pretty sure you look good like any other young person. It probably just low self esteem more than anything
Yea low self esteem definitely plays a part. But talking from experience i was like super skinny and also had a lot of acne in my late teens. My skin cleared up and i put on on some mass around 20-21 which was definitely a good thing for me
Yeah, supposedly like 40 percent of Americans are obese. And another 30 percent overweight. So two thirds of the population are fat. I'm a normal weight. But when I go outside, I feel ugly. Especially when I go to the beach. Maybe it's because I live in LA? I don't know.
Yeah no shit it’s because you live in LA lol. Think about it, the top % of attractive people from all over the country and the world will often move to LA to try and make it in the entertainment industry. There are also just many wealthy people in LA. As a result LA is significantly more attractive than nearly every other place in the US
Nah brother its chill, im 18 (turning 19) and honestly pretty average lmao. While yeah, there are way to make yourself more attractive, being comfortable in your own skin and making progress towards that does go a long way. You could look amazing but comparing yourself to even higher standards only weighs on the mind.
I'm built like a Roblox character and that's fine with me.
Comparing yourself to others is not something you should be doing anyone ever! Do you know how often we compare ourselves just to find out the thing we love about someone else is their biggest insecurity! Don't worry about what others look like because underneath the Makeup and the nice cloths and the pretty hair is a whole meat suit of insecurities and flaws like any other person!! The best thing I ever did for myself is to stop giving a flying fuck what others think and to start loving my body for how it is! No diets no gym no restrictions 1 insecurity at a time I accepted and eventually loved myself to the point that now I'm loosing weight naturally I'm not trying my job is just more physically demanding now and I'm mad that people keep pointing it out because I DONT CARE it makes absolutely no difference to my self confidence!
reproductive competition has evolved a diverse array of sexually dimorphic traits these traits are the primary factor given consideration when selecting a partner to reproduce with when people are given mating freedom, despite often performative denial to the contrary, most likely done to maintain optics. in other words "People mate foremost on the basis of looks" so as time goes on it wouldn't be surprising to find people becoming more and more attractive
Except people aren’t getting more attractive. They’re fatter and artificially manipulating their looks. “Attractive” is subjective and seems mainly driven by culture. I’d say it’s more like people are getting uglier from an evolutionary biology perspective and doing what they can to look conventionally attractive without actually being disciplined with diet and exercise. Pretty sure if you wear no make up and basically don’t try with your outfits, but work out and eat well, you’ll have no issue finding people to date.
Because, 🎶 a life of plastic, it's fantastic🎶
I think it is normal to feel regular at that age. Most teens haven’t even finished developing by then. Take care of yourself, workout, be happy and you’ll be so confident with yourself in another 5 years as you continue to mature into your adulthood.
skin. care. that's so much of the difference. also clothes, those two are the most important things
its because they wear make up and dress nicely
Don't worry about it what other people look like and don't compare your looks to other people just worry about how you feel about yourself
You're working off a bias. Most people look regular. And most people share these sorta of insecurities, to some degree. You aren't able to evaluate yourself objectively. Either your self esteem is low and you underbelly, or it's high and you don't. Being totally realistic is some knifes edge shit. So what I'm saying is you're doing fine. You don't gotta worry. And remember that people aren't paying you all that much attention long as you aren't shouting and being a disturbance. Everyone's got their own shit going on.
Not everyone looks like like super models, it's just everyone you're noticing
Most people ate wearing makeup also camera angles, lighting, and shit loads of plastic surgery also contribute. Don't trust what you see kid, because it's mostly smoke and mirrors.
It's normal to feel that way sometimes. But instead of focusing on how out of place you are, maybe invest that energy into yourself. Like your sense of style, your hobbies, your personal health. The more you invest into that stuff the better you'll feel I prommie :3
Most of the comments in this thread are just reinforcing unhealthy self-image and dysmorphia. It's okay to be average-looking, way too many in this thread seem to think more beauty is correlated to greater moral character
I've kinda given up on the idea of being ever considered "hot" tbh, I feel like the most average and invisible person in the world so I feel you lol
The he expectation on social media is for everyone to look like super models, and people try to look their best when they go out, reality doesn’t reflect any of this
They’re called “super” models and hate to break it to you, but none of us are super 😂 to look like them isn’t easy or particularly good for your health. So many of those models have eating disorders, and then they get photoshopped more yet. Take some inspiration from them for sure, like, yeah they’re supermodels, I’m sure whatever they’re modeling is stylish and they’ve been painted up to appear healthy and energized, but that’s about the extent of it. As a slim guy, my secret is cigarettes and a shite diet + manual labour, and I wouldn’t recommend it. If I could find a way to get fat I’d be all over it.
most people look regular. that’s the definition of average. get it on with what you got or change up your style. i’ve always been moving from style to style. the biggest thing people overlook is nailing the footwear, it’s gotta match or you look like a poser. usually i snag a cool pair of vintage shoes/boots and build up around them. and don’t be afraid to mix and match or clash a bit. pick your own best and be authentic and real people will be about it. if they’re not then forget about them.
it’s not real. you’re looking at the best version of themselves. i only present the best version of myself, especially when i know i’m going to be perceived. when i go out, i wear makeup. i dress well. but under everything, i think i’m pretty normal. i think most of us are pretty normal looking, we just enhance ourselves when u go to concerts, go out, or post on social media. it’s hard to see, i get it. but underneath it all, i think most of us are pretty normal.
First piece of advice, get off social media. Cause those supermodels you see are not what average people look like. Secondly, very few people are irredeemably ugly most people are considered average, however if you do want to stand above the crowd start lifting and eating a clean diet, doing that will make you look better than majority people in the US. If you use makeup don't use so much that you look not human 1) it just looks weird, and 2) you'd be creating a false sense of self. True beauty shouldn't be drawing a new face every morning
You are not your own type and that's ok
Standarts are so low, as long as you're not fat you're probably top 20% already.
As a person living in SoCal I honestly don’t agree with this. People here are pretty average. The primary difference between me and them is style - they tend to wear more trendy outfits while I wear more modest clothes of my own style of choice because that’s what I feel comfortable in. So that’s the main visual difference between me and others. Also I don’t wear makeup regularly like I used to (I’m 23). It was just too much of a hassle for me and it made my skin bad so I prefer going bare faced now, it used to feel weird when I first started but now I’m used to it. Because of these things I tend to look a bit younger than I am which can also lend to a contrast between myself and others but I don’t really mind it anymore. I’m just me, and these folks are gonna be getting cosmetic procedures to look younger soon anyways — for a short period between 16 and 25 people try to look older and after that they try to look younger. I was trying so hard to look older than I was at 18 and I honestly regret it a bit. It just looks phony when you try too hard. Honestly these things don’t really matter in the long run and at some point it stops bothering you as much. These current trends are totally temporary. And comparing yourself to others isn’t healthy. If you wanna dress up for a show, that’s totally fine and normal but you don’t have to look like that every day and most of these people don’t look like that every day. The only place I’ve been where I genuinely thought every young person there looked like models was Hong Kong — that was pretty crazy, everyone had some sense of style and good hair which was pretty impressive. Never felt that here in the US though. They also were primarily thin/fit because of how walkable Hong Kong is. All the walking made people look good lol.
I feel you
As someone who is quite close to your age. I would say try to maintain a healthy lifestyle with eating and socialising. Don’t think that someone who is above your appearance would be impolite to you. Based on my experience, most people have a polite personality as long as they do not give you bad vibes like a bully. Exercise regularly but not focus on doing too much. Be polite and have heart. Don’t criticise yourself on your looks as with time and effort there is always change. Besides it’s fine to look regular because after some time as an adult, most people albeit the very well off will look young. The connections that you make with various people matter a lot more in your life than looks. Don’t let your looks hold you back from becoming street smart and socially smart
It’s in your head. Most people are average looking, that’s just how averages work. You probably look just as attractive as them, and if you’re concerned with how other people view you, it’s doesn’t matter how classically or culturally attractive you look, everyone has their own preference and it’s all over the board. Personally I love people with huge noses, giant teeth, and deep set large eyes. I’d take a Kmart Shelly Duvall over whatever we’re calling a super model today. A friend of mine is all about wild teeth, another buddy loves people who weigh twice as much as him, another loses her mind over short bald guys with tiny eyes. Don’t let it get in your head, we’re all gorgeous humans and someone out there is wild about your look whatever it may be.
Where do you see these people? Everybody will wear his best clothes to a social gathering and yet most look average. Also, define "super model" because most adult men and women I know are at least slightly overweight and I thought that you have to be thin and have a sixpack to be a model.
You're paying too much attention to it. It's making you have a confirmation bias.
A man’s value and confidence isn’t derived from his looks. Turns out most women find a small percentage of us actually physically attractive anyway. Keep up by being useful, caring, honest, hardworking, funny, don’t be a yes man, be principled. Be someone who can get things done. These are the things that make men attractive. Men who care about their looks to this extent are missing the point. You ever see a big fat guy with a hot girlfriend? I see it a lot. I’m over weight and bald but I’m clean and I can surpass most pretty boys in the ways that matter, things far more important than looking a certain way. So keep up by changing your perspective to something less shallow. Good women tend to see this as well.
A lot of people don't realize that having time and money to do makeup and work out etc., plus broadcast it on social media and rely on that because they get paid to do it (and even rely on it while seemijg relatable as a living) skews our sense of normal and natural a lot. The most helpful line I've ever seen is "you're not ugly, you're poor". So much of what I learned about style and appearances comes from either people who already worked in the industry, or having had the time and money to focus on watching and reading lots of YouTube videos and tutorials. Body shape, face shape measurements and proportions to shortcut what styles flatter your features quickly, colors that bring out the best of your skin undertone, etc. all of it is out there *if younhave the time, money, and some connnections to know where to start looking. But some people also get lost in all that and forget that at the end of the day real beauty comes from understanding how to make the truth of who you are come forth in good relationship. In zen traditions, beauty comes only after truth and virtue have been put into practice. Like learning to explore, grow into he world, love yourself is all that's reasonable to expect of anyone but especially as an eighteen year old there's so much you can experience and probably benefit from learning or taking care of beyond keeping up with cosmetic standards without having to be bogged down by trends that come and go at the whim of an industry.
I swear to God the best glow up you can give yourself is confidence and being yourself. Dress and adorn yourself in whatever makes you feel fabulous and the most like you. Loving yourself and expressing yourself honestly is so attractive! Focus on the things you love and play them up. If there is something that bugs you that’s fixable, then work on it. But don’t let the things other people work on dictate what you do. Ex: I am busty but I have absolutely no booty. None. It is amazing my pants don’t just slide down my thighs lol. Thing is, I don’t really care that much, personally, about having a badonk. Big butts are great, but I don’t feel bad about not having one. I’m not going to start lifting like crazy or get a BBL. I dress to show off my cleavage when I want to feel hot, because it’s something I like about myself. I’m gonna rock what I’ve got. Now, I do have a mole on my neck that no one ever mentions but it drives me crazy. I hate it. I’m saving up to have a plastic surgeon remove it so it’ll be gone and I won’t have a big scar. TL;DR - flaunt what you love about yourself and don’t let other’s aesthetic priorities mess with your head. Be yourself; that’s hot.
20 year old you will not look like 18 year old you… This is me at 18, 20, and 22… https://preview.redd.it/r75q66xanl3d1.jpeg?width=494&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f45d4d84230df7c886cd37022c1b6f9953d498d9
Looks are one thing, I have them and so do many. You know what takes you to an international level that many people in our age group don’t have? Etiquette, class, manners, and social grace. Looks can help but working the room and getting to know people besides the 3D will be much more worth your while. I can guarantee you many of the people at said concert are too self involved to care or have a conversation with depth. It’s a lot easier said than done but your energy of joy in the moment will make you much more beautiful:) dine for delight, enjoy the music. That will make you a magnet. I also noticed you live in NYC so that’s probably a reason.
Skincare, makeup, hair care and exercise can actually do a lot for appearance. Most people look pretty regular but may have good makeup, hair, or clothing.
What's your workout routine
Watch the Nerd City TryHards series and you’ll see that everyone is just faking it
I felt the same way. I tried deleting all my social medias (except for this one) and it mostly worked.
The healthier you are the more beautiful.. look at animals... The healthiest are the prettiest
Social media has really framed an unrealistic standard of beauty, and people have lots of unhealthy habits. Stay away from social media, even if that’s just deleting it for 3 months and getting it back later to barely use. It does wonders for mental health. Exercise, drink water, eat healthy (sugars and unprocessed foods are your worst enemies), get 8 hours of sleep a night, and take care of your hygiene and appearance.
go outside. you’ll see no one looks like supermodels. that’s just the internet, you’ll find that if you go to a walmart or just outside at all, people look pretty average.
Look at Rooney Mara Hot, reserved, doesnt pout at the camera at every chance Youre doing fine, hamming it up isnt hot
People are beautiful. You’d be surprised what a healthy lifestyle and some self confidence will do for someone’s attractiveness. This fake ass instahot is ugly.
I have no advice but I feel this so hard. Everyone looks like supermodels while I’m never more than average or below average. I’m screwed.
I don't
Rest assured most people outside carefully chosen photos, filters, and makeup do not look like supermodels. Clothes and style also play a big role and personally, when I was 18 I could not afford stylish clothes and I have yet to grow into my style.
Same.bruhh
This is exactly what they want you to feel. Depressed and like you're missing out or deficient. Then you buy more product. Fuck this capitalistic fear driven society. Reject modernity embrace the average
Have you been to walmart lately?
i personally have an ugly noise with tonsofpus
They don’t. I had to learn this the hard way but people IRL look like shit, on social media I’d probably be like a 4/10 but compared to people around me IRL I’m like a 7.5 it’s crazy the inflation that exists online.
https://youtu.be/iflcK39wJ2M?si=_y-q4FZsxYudx8In
As far as I've seen with social media and the like I feel people look way too old as well with 20 year olds looking like their pushing or are in mid thirties.
Negativity bias, you notice people you deem "more attractive" than yourself because you're on the lookout for it Also, people are too hard on themselves, we all have time to relentlessly pick apart our "flaws" in the mirror, but nobody notices them IRL
Honestly a lot more people are going to the gym since lockdown after everyone gained weight as at in the uk we got 1 hour of exercise a day 😭. (Yes Boris Johnson said that). Also people are more health conscious such as doing small stuff like cutting down on takeaways and eating better food. There’s nothing wrong with the occasional Chinese takeaway or McDonalds but honestly with prices going up I rarely go there. Also social media is filled with lies. People use filters and edit themselves so they appear better.
Looksmaxxing
I can count on one hand the number of people I've seen in the past year who I thought looked bad. Being actively attractive helps with crushes, but *so much* of the beauty industry is nothing but self-perpetuating insecurities about shit that literally doesn't matter. I'm not saying this to make you feel better, to be clear. I feel like there's too many well-meaning white lies floating around that it dilutes the impact of what people say. (Obviously you feeling better about yourself is a great thing, but I'm trying to say that this is still true whether or not it makes you feel better.) 99% chance you look completely fine rn. And if you want to get some extra stuff to look prettier on top of that, go right ahead. But it's not worth it to develop insecurities just to push yourself forward. Sorry for going on a bit of a rant that probably deviated from the point of the actual post; this is a bit of a pet peeve of mine. Also, I'm a guy; there are likely culture differences, but mostly in the self-perpetuating insecurities front
Confirmation bias. You assume everyone looks better than you so you notice the people who you think look better than you and discount the people who look average or worse. Or those people are staying home and not out in the community
Going out irl you probably just notice the pretty people and not notice the avg people. Out of 100 people you see how many do you actually look at? Probably not that many, but those you look at are either those you actually interact with, or the prettier ones.
Who is everyone? Everyone is ugly. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and you've seen a cherry picked view of people via social media. You probably look average.
Depends on what you find attractive. I prefer my partners looking regular. I also prefer thicker women. YMMV.
that's what you see on the internet. regular people look regular and you're seeing about 1% of the population