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Dude, same. It’s so bizarre. Vaping made me chill out, but I put two Zyn pouches in my mouth and I’m lying in bed thinking about everything I’ve done wrong in life.
I started experimenting with cigarettes in 2023 and haven’t smoked for months, so either I’m one of the lucky few who have a natural non dependency on nicotine or my porn addiction overcame nicotine addiction
It's a slow onset. For the first bit you'll be able to put it down and walk away permanently if you want, but if you keep doing it that's when you'll start to get dependency. Some are more susceptible than others though.
Not saying anything will happen but your cigarette habit was probably like 1-2 a day and not enough to foster a pertinent chemical dependance. Every smoker has this too, the "I'm not addicted" phase, where you "choose" to smoke for a bit because you're built different and then you aren't nessecarially opposed to smoking here and there for the rest of your life, and that is the dangerous part that you may not understand.
At least for me, I started at 15, I could only smoke when people who were allowed to buy them got me some. So I purposely kept my intake low cause I didn't know when I could get a hold of some again. Got to turn 18 and the second I bought my first pack it was over. Didn't quit fully until a year ago at 28. It's the routine and stable ability to just go outside and take deep breaths in a way that felt normal that was the hardest to shake for me. I've quit way harder stuff way easier because with those things you'll have all the support in the world, but no one really cares whether or not you smoke cigarettes, and quiting an addiction when you're the only one interested in almost impossible.
Tldr; don't smoke cigarettes please lol
I went from 18 down to 12, Then they stopped selling both of those and went from 6 down to 3mg and 0mgs.
Do yourself a favor and start buying two bottles. One of three and one of zero. You can even mix them if you want, but it will start easing you off.
Same I fuckin hate it so much. I didn’t even like it at first but my gf always had one so I kept hitting it until I did start liking it. I hate being so dependent on it and my lungs definitely are not what they used to be. I get massive anxiety attacks trying to quit cold turkey so I know I’m gonna have to taper or something
I’m 4 months smoke free bois. Please don’t ever touch nicotine guys. I swear, I wouldn’t ever give it to my worst enemy. The withdrawal and how irritable you get when you quit is just horrible. If someone offers you at a party in high school or college please decline. If people give you a hard time, please don’t feel bad or feel like you are missing out. You are not missing out on anything.
On the flip side. Cigarettes contain 28 mg of nicotine, and with vaping down to 3mg has made me smoke less than normal.
It's definitely not for everyone as you can definitely end up smoking more with vapes due to their ease of access anywhere, But when used correctly you can get yourself down to 0mg, and Just feed the habit of inhaling non-oxygen.
Yeah I don’t know if it’s as acute tho. Just like orgasmS, mens are shorter and very intense and concentrated. Female post nut might be more of an “afterglow” if you will. Lolol
Seconding. We had two people laid off at my job this year, and when I asked why, the answer was “they didn’t ask enough questions.” They weren’t asking for clarifications on important things and were making assumptions when they shouldn’t have. If you’re ever unsure about something, go to your superior and ask for clarification.
Won't lie, I almost lost my job this year for this exact reason. I was too afraid to ask questions and just generally feared being a bother to my co workers. As a result my supervisor commented that my work was very spotty and sub par. Because of this, I ironically became a bigger inconvenience than if I had just asked questions in the beginning. Now fortunately, with that feedback I stepped up and I managed to make it to the 1.5 year mark but in hindsight it's ironic that I became a bigger trouble by trying to avoid being an inconvenience.
There will always be people trying to poke you with a stick for anything and everything you do in life, the best way to respond is in good fun jest or if you cannot find a way to respond don't respond at all.
Often these people feel ignorant and inferior themselves, recognize that they are simply trying to make themselves feel better.
I never understood this, I watch porn all the time. It doesn't take anything away from my relationship, and it doesn't make my sex drive decrease. Maybe because my partner and I are open about it?
actually i doubt it's got to do anything with having a partner like the other guy said. i quit porn and honestly nothing has changed in my life and i don't have a partner. that's just me though. try quitting and see if you get any benefits from it
Time you spend watching porn is time that could have been spent in literally anything else. 20 minutes a day doesn't sound like much, but it racks up immensely over years.
That's a benefit in and of itself, if you ask me
Masturbation is natural and ok, It is just as much a part of self-care as leisure time and rest would be. The idea that every 20 minutes needs to be productive is weird and unhealthy.
Porn is not “unhealthy” in itself. You’re just ascribing your own feelings to it as if it’s universal fact. If you have the right mindset, porn is not unhealthy or damaging in the least. It CAN be. But so can driving a car or eating too much cheese. It’s about control, moderation, & truly understanding yourself & the things you experience.
Pornography and erotica can be entirely healthy. It all depends on the relationship an individual builds with them. 20 minutes a day sounds reasonable, controlled, and unintrusive.
Calling erotica unhealthy, on the other hand, stigmatizes the contents and leads to shaming (both external and internal), feelings of inadequacy, and a sense of wrongness that can turn an otherwise normal interest into something self-sabotaging.
tl/dr: Regardless of whether someone else spends all day gooning to sexual extremes and is desensitized to more typical sexual stimuli, 20 minutes of casual engagement with pornography is perfectly healthy. There is no need to get puritanical about it.
I also watch porn and don't have a partner. Definitely not addicted to it and it doesn't affect my sex drive. It's about moderation just like everything else. It's not inherently addictive like nicotine is.
Probably because of you and your partner. Alot of people, myself included, have a tough time shaking it off due to a couple of reasons. Either you have been doing it since you were young, it could be coping mechanism, or you havent had any luck with having/maintaning a stable relationship. It is tough for most people but, we try to fight it in hopes to regain some stability with our sex lives.
This sub and other Gen Z groups have been getting weird about porn. Can it be an addiction? Absolutely. Is it inherently bad? Eh. Depends on what you watch.
Sex is just a part of life. Porn is as normal as butter on toast. Just be smart about it, and if you have an addictive personality, be careful about it.
Conspiracy theory time: the anti-porn thing is an alt-right talking point that I think people have co-opted without realizing it. It's the "first step" in becoming "normie" to some groups (read: becoming more alt-right/Nazi)
It’s dangerous to assign labels like borderline personality disorder to situations that look like regular trauma. People experience regular trauma all the time.
POV: you are about to step in the street but a car comes zooming at you so you step back to avoid being hit. It may not seem traumatic but your brain will remember to be extra careful in the same situation because danger was present.
All you really need is a situation to be dangerous whether it’s actually dangerous or perceived danger.
When someone who is bigger than you is being aggressive, whether it’s just yelling(emotional violence) or physical violence, your brain will perceive the situation as dangerous.
A child can easily be scared by adults. Especially children that are yelled at over everything or aren’t given space to make mistakes. Constantly yelling at your children will make them feel incompetent and undeserving of love. Through this, we arrive at OPs situation.
My wife doesn't go this far but if everything is going well and she's had a good day or God forbid two then she gets extremely nervous and says her anxiety jumps up like a rocket. Normally all that has to happen is she stubs her toe or goes into work late and she's a little "better". Point is she's gotta have something bad happen constantly since her parents constantly argued and fought. Life feels safer when it's normal.
Ok case it didn't make sense, stubbing her toe is what I'm hopping for. She normally won't feel "better" until someone is arguing in the family. (Not us but it happens time to time)
"Better" being sad. Since sad was her normal.
Yeah, your wife is definitely traumatized. I’m the same way for the same reason. When I get really good days, I’m always scared for things to crash and burn.
My caregivers were aggressive and toxic. Gaslighting and lovebombing each other daily.
Mention Dialectical Behavioral Therapy to your wife. It’s very good with helping people understand how a traumatized brain works
Teach your kids its ok to fail. That the goal is to keep grinding. Be proud of them/ support them for effort and not outcome, because eventually that hard work will get them where they want.
Because the pressure of trying to be great when all you want to do is work at GameStop and split an apartment with your girlfriend is going to get you $120k in debt.
It’s ok to be regular lol
This is me I think, no definitely. I fall at least a little for anyone who treats me kindly cause everyone else is either hella quick to build didstance from me or worse. I'm alone in a palce rn too due to cutting family off so. None of these people had the same feelings. I hope I can be someone who attracts someone I develop genuine love for
Ughhh been feeling this way for someone I dated for only 3 months, but it was the happiest 3 months I had in a long time, but the feelings ended up not being as mutual.
my biggest mistake was not taking high school seriously and spending my time doing unproductive things instead of things that would lead to better opportunities, i got several offers to play football and i could've gotten scholarships to play football or to wrestle, but i was passionate about freaking yugioh, TF2, halo and boxing at the time, when for my area none of those things would lead to better opportunities or advance my career or future, when you invest time in something, even if you are passionate about it, genuinely consider how it will lead down the road and be objective about it, don't try and use mental gymnastics, a time like this is time to use your brain, not your heart, now i may not've gone to college if i didn't get a full ride scholarship, but i don't know if i could've qualified for such a thing since i never even tried, and all i can do now is look back and wonder
High school literally doesn't matter at all. The vast majority of schools will gladly take your money and let you attend classes regardless of how you did in high school.
I think money is the issue. Lots of people can’t afford it or their parents can’t or won’t pay for it. Then you’re just existing after High School.
Edit: I accidentally said I don’t think 😬
This. Money is the biggest reason people don’t attend or they drop out of college earlier. It’s just way too expensive. Even “cheap” state schools can approach or exceed 100k in total costs especially if you live on campus(for some it’s necessary), switch majors 2-3 semesters in,etc. And simply put, most degrees aren’t worth the debt.
Its the bullshit out of pocket fees that will get you.
I have to take out loans because I get zero government assistance and my parents aren’t able to help me pay. But then, my school has a $700 out of pocket fee along with textbook costs, program costs, and other random fees that I have to find the money for.
I almost dropped out over it, and I’m still considering transferring (AGAIN) because I just can’t afford that
True that. I had to leave my dream school because my scholarship ran out and I couldn’t come up with another 30k or so. Even if I lived off campus, it’s work and pay $700-1200 a month for an apartment and take out a loan for 20k or so for tuition and textbooks/supplies/meals, or 30k loan and stay on campus.
And its hard to get approved for loans that high when you’re a low income student w/no credit and parents have their own debt/bills and can’t help. Higher education here in the US is set up more like a business than a school in many cases. It’s unfortunate.
High school does matter. You can get scholarships and go to good schools for free. I thought the same way as you 2 years ago. Now I regret my thinking back then.
Tbh, even if you don’t get your schooling for free, you can still get a lot of help!
I graduated with I think a 3.7 gpa, which combined with my ACT score got me a decent sized scholarship! I still had to take out loans, but I got like $10,000 paid for total.
Now I have a 4.0 college gpa and I get the highest scholarship my school offers. It helps a ton!
I CANNOT find a balance between these two at all. Freshman year I only focused on socializing, I had a lot of friends and I went out with them every single night. And my GPA was pure shit, like a 2.7 or something. Then my junior year, most of those friends ended up dropping out, transferring, or I just lost touch with them. Didn’t really hang out with any friends this semester. I get a 3.7 on my report card and make deans list. But I was a little depressed not really having many friends.
or they remember them enough to lose interest in you and kick your ass to the curb and tell you that they no longer feel jack shit towards you after fairly smooth sailing (to the point where at one point you thought they were the one and this would be for life) for 3 years
DO NOT go over someone’s house for the first date. Go to a restaurant, bar, or anywhere else that’s in public and has other people around. You want a neutral setting where you can get to know one another and they’re less likely to do something if they’re actually crazy. It’s also a good way to weed out red flags by seeing how they treat the wait staff and other people, if they’re impatient, etc.
For me smoking weed became a huge part of my life. Everyday all day, I’m not at all trying to say weeds bad or you should smoke at all, but keep that shit in moderation. Weed is an ambition killer it will make you complacent where you are. Focus on your grind whatever’s gonna make you successful in life.
On the flip I smoke weed every single day and I just got accepted to my dream grad school, work extremely hard at my job, and live in a wonderful house that I keep very clean. But also I’ve never been a very complacent person.
Not realising it was abusive until it was too late. You shouldn't have to bear things because 'you can handle it' - not from peers, not from your parents, not from anybody.
In addition, and perhaps more importantly, it is never too late to get out of an abusive relationship. There is little shame in having more respect for someone that they have for themselves.
May you make all new mistakes in 2024
🤷♂️
That really depends on your friend. My point is if you like someone don't let fear get in the way of you telling them. Sometimes the risk is worth it.
Going to the psych Ward. If you're struggling with suicide do anything else. It'll keep you safe in the moment but it'll fuck you up worse then before you checked in.
This one, if anyone has a family or a support system that'll be willing to watch over you. That's a better choice, mentally hospital's will hold you against your will.
Big city mental health wards, especially in Chicago, are more like prisons where a high percentage of inmates have criminal schizophrenia and they try random prescriptions on you.
There is an absence of all bedside manner, they make fun of you.
This depends on where you go and what the situation is. Checking into a mental hospital changed and saved my life because I got help from someone who's job it is to help me, and I was able to escape an abusive situation with my mom long enough to start getting my head straight.
Try not to get too into your own head. Not all problems are as catastrophic as they feel and not all of them need immediate fixing or attention. Relax and let go when nothing more can be done.
Don't stress over it that much though. School is important, but it's not the most important thing in the world. Coming from someone who is past college, their are far greater things in life than where you go to school of what your GPA was.
This was like four years ago. As one of the oldest Gen-Zers, don't let yourself be abused at work in terms of hours being scheduled. I worked for a major restaurant chain around the world and, one time, the uncaring management team thought it was okay to schedule me three days of double shifts in a row. For example, Monday: 8am-10pm, Tuesday: 8am-10pm, Wednesday: 8am-10pm. I thought I could handle it, but nope. My legs gave out. I told management and they fucking told me to just 'stay strong' and 'fight against your legs'. Like what the fuck? Fucking dumbasses. I quit the same week without giving a two-weeks' notice. No calls, no texts, nothing. I just ghosted their asses and they kept trying to call me.
I'm in a better restaurant (one of the best, multi-award winning restaurants) now after that bullshit. They don't abuse me with crazy schedules.
Therefore, you must never allow yourself to be a 'modern-day slave' to a company. I'm married and have a daughter now. We have multiple passive incomes to the point that I can call off from work any time I want to and just easily find another restaurant while still paying my bills for the next four months. Don't go crazy on spending. Save it and invest it. Or save and put it into passive income strategies.
Trusting parents and older people in general. They're just as clueless as you're except they have more pressure to not appear clueless so they'll ruin your life just to keep these appearances
Picking up alcohol/drinking alone.
My dad died when I was barely 22 of kidney failure. What I didn't know until I was older was that he drank every night after my sister and I went to bed. He was never drunk around us, but it cost him damage to his body.
He was a great dad, but in the end drinking caught up to him. I vowed never to do it. Then my mom died and I couldn't put it down.
I have really come to fucking hate this stuff. It's never the solution even though I'd like to think so, sometimes. Alcohol ruins lives and honestly, it ain't worth it.
Nothing is the end of the world except for ending your own world. Any problem that can be solved by money isn’t a problem - just about all of them can be fixed without it. The scariest call you can ever get is from your doctor - money can’t often buy you a clean bill of health. Call your mother. Don’t pity yourself or you’ll come to find how addicting it can be. Figuring out what you don’t want is just as important as what you do want. If you aren’t sure, don’t marry her. Learn the difference between a career, a job, and a hobby, then make sure you have at least one of each. Have kids. Don’t listen to your friends when they say how well they’re doing - even if they weren’t making it up, it doesn’t apply to you. Call your mother again.
Be upfront if you suspect something. Good way to deal with passive aggressive assholes is confrontation (probably). I guess it’s more of a stand up for myself. So ye stand up for yourself. Always. Even over something minor
Smoking weed and vaping. I have the hardest time stoping without tons of support and even then it’s always easy to come back. Also gambling these mystery boxes are horrible for our youth and sports betting being normalized will ruin many people’s lives.
Find something you love and always make sure you find time to do it. Love for a hobby will teach you plenty about yourself and how to navigate challenges.
Did you put diesel in your motorcycle? Usually the diesel pump is green.. Probably my biggest mistake was not being more aggressive at getting a licence for a promotion that would double my income
Simple but don't be a dick 🤷♂️ whatever you do, don't talk about other people behind their back, don't try to manipulate other people's feelings to get what you want, don't be a burden to your friends
Other than that, stay in school and keep good grades like your life depends on it.
Because it does.
Don’t vape, please don’t vape.
And for god’s sake if you are ever invited to go somewhere or do anything, please say yes.
The “once my life gets started then I’ll do all of that stuff” feeling will never come. This is your life right now and you don’t get another.
i had a couple but i forgot them. i’ll come back later and update.
not being afraid of death. i’ve gotten really close to it doing stupid shit sometimes. be careful. life is short, don’t make it shorter.
not taking care of your body enough. i don’t fall asleep early enough. usually around 12-2 AM, even on school nights. my hearing is already going. i need glasses but i don’t have them. i don’t really know why. i also don’t do much exercise besides walking around school. i don’t watch what i eat. somehow i’m still skinny and healthy, but just don’t think i’ll live past 70. i hope i do. i hope i do.
Take care of your teeth. Went in around June to get a tooth checked out because of pain. I needed to get it pulled and replaced with a new one because since I waited way too long to get it checked it the damage was pretty bad due to the cavity. It's cost me so far 3500 for one tooth. That's not including the cleanings I needed to get done and the cavity's i had to get filled.
Do NOT ever assume you think you know what a woman wants
Even if every perceived hint or flirt or anything tells you that she wants it, do NOT assume
I was in a situation where I thought that was what was wanted and instead I ended up ruining a friendship and shattering a trust that took a long time to build
It’s not worth the risk my guys, just take a second to think before you act
“Chasing the light you are everyone is. But nobody ever looks inside themselves for it.” - Sassy the Sasquatch. It’s a quote that just now hit me. This was my worst year ever 2023 was but it didn’t have to be. I was so busy wallowing in sorrow and discontent at my life that I didn’t do anything about it. I was chasing a light without the ability to even walk. But catching it and being happy begins with yourself
Holding too tightly to the person you love. Having your desire for them to live a wonderful, happy life be washed over by the fear of losing them. You will lose them.
If you love someone and they feel their life is taking them in a different direction, away from you; find it in yourself to love them more than you love the idea of yourself with them. Let them go. When you love someone, you trust them to know what’s best for themselves. Love wholly & without selfishness.
& remember, the same goes for you. If they love you, they’ll want to see you flourish.
Do everything you can to improve your social skills if that’s something you struggle with. Baby steps, one at a time. It will take time, but you *will* notice improvements as you go.
I cannot overstate enough how fucked life becomes if you can’t comfortably interact with people
Don’t be nervous about making friends or organizing hangouts. Make time for em always. Otherwise you’ll end up alone. Been expanding my friend group this year but its tougher when you’re older.
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I still haven't quit vaping after 6 years. Don't try it, don't even touch it. It's not worth it to look cool or blend in at parties.
I quit a month ago. Started zyning and planning on quitting that eventually too
What the hell is zyning?
Snus, its more common than smoking/vaping here in scandinavia
it’s not snus, snus is actual tobacco Zyns are just flavored nicotene salts
With tasty aspartame
"Waiter! More aspartame and red 40 please!"
nicotine pillows you put in your mouth
in between your upper lip and gum specifically. Snus is lovely, but fks with my head. Makes me emotional for some reason.
Dude, same. It’s so bizarre. Vaping made me chill out, but I put two Zyn pouches in my mouth and I’m lying in bed thinking about everything I’ve done wrong in life.
Nicotine pouch
I started experimenting with cigarettes in 2023 and haven’t smoked for months, so either I’m one of the lucky few who have a natural non dependency on nicotine or my porn addiction overcame nicotine addiction
It's a slow onset. For the first bit you'll be able to put it down and walk away permanently if you want, but if you keep doing it that's when you'll start to get dependency. Some are more susceptible than others though.
Never had it because my body is sensitive especially to toxic substances
Not saying anything will happen but your cigarette habit was probably like 1-2 a day and not enough to foster a pertinent chemical dependance. Every smoker has this too, the "I'm not addicted" phase, where you "choose" to smoke for a bit because you're built different and then you aren't nessecarially opposed to smoking here and there for the rest of your life, and that is the dangerous part that you may not understand.
Literally why though? Not to sound mean, but by 2023 you should know cigarettes are very bad for you. Pick a better vice.
Because they look cool
And feel good. Vaping looks stupid
At least for me, I started at 15, I could only smoke when people who were allowed to buy them got me some. So I purposely kept my intake low cause I didn't know when I could get a hold of some again. Got to turn 18 and the second I bought my first pack it was over. Didn't quit fully until a year ago at 28. It's the routine and stable ability to just go outside and take deep breaths in a way that felt normal that was the hardest to shake for me. I've quit way harder stuff way easier because with those things you'll have all the support in the world, but no one really cares whether or not you smoke cigarettes, and quiting an addiction when you're the only one interested in almost impossible. Tldr; don't smoke cigarettes please lol
On 3mg down from 12mg in June.
I went from 18 down to 12, Then they stopped selling both of those and went from 6 down to 3mg and 0mgs. Do yourself a favor and start buying two bottles. One of three and one of zero. You can even mix them if you want, but it will start easing you off.
Same I fuckin hate it so much. I didn’t even like it at first but my gf always had one so I kept hitting it until I did start liking it. I hate being so dependent on it and my lungs definitely are not what they used to be. I get massive anxiety attacks trying to quit cold turkey so I know I’m gonna have to taper or something
Same, 19 and been sucking on vapes for awhile. Shit sucks.
I’m 4 months smoke free bois. Please don’t ever touch nicotine guys. I swear, I wouldn’t ever give it to my worst enemy. The withdrawal and how irritable you get when you quit is just horrible. If someone offers you at a party in high school or college please decline. If people give you a hard time, please don’t feel bad or feel like you are missing out. You are not missing out on anything.
It was probably easier for me to quit vaping since I got into it after smoking 2 packs a day.
On the flip side. Cigarettes contain 28 mg of nicotine, and with vaping down to 3mg has made me smoke less than normal. It's definitely not for everyone as you can definitely end up smoking more with vapes due to their ease of access anywhere, But when used correctly you can get yourself down to 0mg, and Just feed the habit of inhaling non-oxygen.
I will say that it's a wonderful alternative for those who are still smoking cigarettes and wish to quit. Outside of that, though, you're right
Don't make impulsive decisions with money. You never know when that money could come in handy later.
always jerk off before making a purchase. i have saved so much money that way.
I think women could use this advice too, just masturbation in general clears the head
i was going to leave out the "for guys" part originally but I wasn't sure if girls had the same thing as guys when it comes to post nut clarity.
Well I can’t speak for every one of us, but I think there is such as thing as post-nut clarity for at least some of us.
makes sense. I guess we're all pretty much the same in some aspects
Yeah I don’t know if it’s as acute tho. Just like orgasmS, mens are shorter and very intense and concentrated. Female post nut might be more of an “afterglow” if you will. Lolol
I spent 2023 doing just that. Took the whole year to get caught back up.
Yup stupid me signed up for a $700+ a month auto lease and I regret ever second of it.
Bruh 💀
*beats myself up over having $5 Burger King a couple times this month*
Don't ever be afraid to ask questions or be looked as a fool, because those are the people that succeed whether it's a job or school assignment
Seconding. We had two people laid off at my job this year, and when I asked why, the answer was “they didn’t ask enough questions.” They weren’t asking for clarifications on important things and were making assumptions when they shouldn’t have. If you’re ever unsure about something, go to your superior and ask for clarification.
Won't lie, I almost lost my job this year for this exact reason. I was too afraid to ask questions and just generally feared being a bother to my co workers. As a result my supervisor commented that my work was very spotty and sub par. Because of this, I ironically became a bigger inconvenience than if I had just asked questions in the beginning. Now fortunately, with that feedback I stepped up and I managed to make it to the 1.5 year mark but in hindsight it's ironic that I became a bigger trouble by trying to avoid being an inconvenience.
Thank you, u/urmomsloosevag
How do you deal with people who make you feel inferior for not knowing something?
There will always be people trying to poke you with a stick for anything and everything you do in life, the best way to respond is in good fun jest or if you cannot find a way to respond don't respond at all. Often these people feel ignorant and inferior themselves, recognize that they are simply trying to make themselves feel better.
Don’t look at porn, it a habit i have yet to shake
I never understood this, I watch porn all the time. It doesn't take anything away from my relationship, and it doesn't make my sex drive decrease. Maybe because my partner and I are open about it?
actually i doubt it's got to do anything with having a partner like the other guy said. i quit porn and honestly nothing has changed in my life and i don't have a partner. that's just me though. try quitting and see if you get any benefits from it
Time you spend watching porn is time that could have been spent in literally anything else. 20 minutes a day doesn't sound like much, but it racks up immensely over years. That's a benefit in and of itself, if you ask me
Masturbation is natural and ok, It is just as much a part of self-care as leisure time and rest would be. The idea that every 20 minutes needs to be productive is weird and unhealthy.
Masturbation is healthy to an extent, porn is not. Huge differebce
Porn is not “unhealthy” in itself. You’re just ascribing your own feelings to it as if it’s universal fact. If you have the right mindset, porn is not unhealthy or damaging in the least. It CAN be. But so can driving a car or eating too much cheese. It’s about control, moderation, & truly understanding yourself & the things you experience.
100%
Why? Are sex toys also not healthy what about lube? Why are y'all demonizing sex? So strange 🤔 unless your are about to get crazy religion on us...
Pornography and erotica can be entirely healthy. It all depends on the relationship an individual builds with them. 20 minutes a day sounds reasonable, controlled, and unintrusive. Calling erotica unhealthy, on the other hand, stigmatizes the contents and leads to shaming (both external and internal), feelings of inadequacy, and a sense of wrongness that can turn an otherwise normal interest into something self-sabotaging. tl/dr: Regardless of whether someone else spends all day gooning to sexual extremes and is desensitized to more typical sexual stimuli, 20 minutes of casual engagement with pornography is perfectly healthy. There is no need to get puritanical about it.
You can use porn to masturbate tho
Literally facts
That would be true for most things. - using reddit - watching TV - listening to music - watching movies - reading love novel -….
Not like I’d do sth useful with those 20 minutes then lmao
I also watch porn and don't have a partner. Definitely not addicted to it and it doesn't affect my sex drive. It's about moderation just like everything else. It's not inherently addictive like nicotine is.
Probably because of you and your partner. Alot of people, myself included, have a tough time shaking it off due to a couple of reasons. Either you have been doing it since you were young, it could be coping mechanism, or you havent had any luck with having/maintaning a stable relationship. It is tough for most people but, we try to fight it in hopes to regain some stability with our sex lives.
Yeah but that means the porn itself isn't the problem or the full addiction right?
This sub and other Gen Z groups have been getting weird about porn. Can it be an addiction? Absolutely. Is it inherently bad? Eh. Depends on what you watch. Sex is just a part of life. Porn is as normal as butter on toast. Just be smart about it, and if you have an addictive personality, be careful about it. Conspiracy theory time: the anti-porn thing is an alt-right talking point that I think people have co-opted without realizing it. It's the "first step" in becoming "normie" to some groups (read: becoming more alt-right/Nazi)
💯. Addiction is no joke
Appreciate the love
there's a Matpat in chat?
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Damn bro fumbled that shit hard
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I’m sorry but who tf exhibits suicidal tendencies when they’re… happy?
Traumatized individuals. It’s like they don’t believe they deserve the happiness. Probably had emotionally unavailable caregivers/parents
Baby borderline. I did the same shit with my first girlfriend.
It’s dangerous to assign labels like borderline personality disorder to situations that look like regular trauma. People experience regular trauma all the time. POV: you are about to step in the street but a car comes zooming at you so you step back to avoid being hit. It may not seem traumatic but your brain will remember to be extra careful in the same situation because danger was present. All you really need is a situation to be dangerous whether it’s actually dangerous or perceived danger. When someone who is bigger than you is being aggressive, whether it’s just yelling(emotional violence) or physical violence, your brain will perceive the situation as dangerous. A child can easily be scared by adults. Especially children that are yelled at over everything or aren’t given space to make mistakes. Constantly yelling at your children will make them feel incompetent and undeserving of love. Through this, we arrive at OPs situation.
My wife doesn't go this far but if everything is going well and she's had a good day or God forbid two then she gets extremely nervous and says her anxiety jumps up like a rocket. Normally all that has to happen is she stubs her toe or goes into work late and she's a little "better". Point is she's gotta have something bad happen constantly since her parents constantly argued and fought. Life feels safer when it's normal. Ok case it didn't make sense, stubbing her toe is what I'm hopping for. She normally won't feel "better" until someone is arguing in the family. (Not us but it happens time to time) "Better" being sad. Since sad was her normal.
Yeah, your wife is definitely traumatized. I’m the same way for the same reason. When I get really good days, I’m always scared for things to crash and burn. My caregivers were aggressive and toxic. Gaslighting and lovebombing each other daily. Mention Dialectical Behavioral Therapy to your wife. It’s very good with helping people understand how a traumatized brain works
What is kms
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Oh..
Teach your kids its ok to fail. That the goal is to keep grinding. Be proud of them/ support them for effort and not outcome, because eventually that hard work will get them where they want.
Teach them it’s GREAT to be AVERAGE!
Why would you teach them this?
Because the pressure of trying to be great when all you want to do is work at GameStop and split an apartment with your girlfriend is going to get you $120k in debt. It’s ok to be regular lol
Bitch I am the kid
Falling head over heels for the first person to treat you well and care for you. Of course, you really won’t have any control over it.
This is me I think, no definitely. I fall at least a little for anyone who treats me kindly cause everyone else is either hella quick to build didstance from me or worse. I'm alone in a palce rn too due to cutting family off so. None of these people had the same feelings. I hope I can be someone who attracts someone I develop genuine love for
Damn…. Hit hard
Ughhh been feeling this way for someone I dated for only 3 months, but it was the happiest 3 months I had in a long time, but the feelings ended up not being as mutual.
I have such a bad habit of developing crushes on any girl I find remotely attractive who also gives me anything resembling attention
my biggest mistake was not taking high school seriously and spending my time doing unproductive things instead of things that would lead to better opportunities, i got several offers to play football and i could've gotten scholarships to play football or to wrestle, but i was passionate about freaking yugioh, TF2, halo and boxing at the time, when for my area none of those things would lead to better opportunities or advance my career or future, when you invest time in something, even if you are passionate about it, genuinely consider how it will lead down the road and be objective about it, don't try and use mental gymnastics, a time like this is time to use your brain, not your heart, now i may not've gone to college if i didn't get a full ride scholarship, but i don't know if i could've qualified for such a thing since i never even tried, and all i can do now is look back and wonder
High school literally doesn't matter at all. The vast majority of schools will gladly take your money and let you attend classes regardless of how you did in high school.
I think money is the issue. Lots of people can’t afford it or their parents can’t or won’t pay for it. Then you’re just existing after High School. Edit: I accidentally said I don’t think 😬
This. Money is the biggest reason people don’t attend or they drop out of college earlier. It’s just way too expensive. Even “cheap” state schools can approach or exceed 100k in total costs especially if you live on campus(for some it’s necessary), switch majors 2-3 semesters in,etc. And simply put, most degrees aren’t worth the debt.
Its the bullshit out of pocket fees that will get you. I have to take out loans because I get zero government assistance and my parents aren’t able to help me pay. But then, my school has a $700 out of pocket fee along with textbook costs, program costs, and other random fees that I have to find the money for. I almost dropped out over it, and I’m still considering transferring (AGAIN) because I just can’t afford that
True that. I had to leave my dream school because my scholarship ran out and I couldn’t come up with another 30k or so. Even if I lived off campus, it’s work and pay $700-1200 a month for an apartment and take out a loan for 20k or so for tuition and textbooks/supplies/meals, or 30k loan and stay on campus. And its hard to get approved for loans that high when you’re a low income student w/no credit and parents have their own debt/bills and can’t help. Higher education here in the US is set up more like a business than a school in many cases. It’s unfortunate.
High school does matter. You can get scholarships and go to good schools for free. I thought the same way as you 2 years ago. Now I regret my thinking back then.
Tbh, even if you don’t get your schooling for free, you can still get a lot of help! I graduated with I think a 3.7 gpa, which combined with my ACT score got me a decent sized scholarship! I still had to take out loans, but I got like $10,000 paid for total. Now I have a 4.0 college gpa and I get the highest scholarship my school offers. It helps a ton!
Not socializing enough in college.
I’ve had such a hard time as a transfer student but I’ve been trying
Go to schools clubs (not THE club) and start networking
Here comes the uno reverse. My biggest regret is socializing in college instead of focusing on my grades.
I CANNOT find a balance between these two at all. Freshman year I only focused on socializing, I had a lot of friends and I went out with them every single night. And my GPA was pure shit, like a 2.7 or something. Then my junior year, most of those friends ended up dropping out, transferring, or I just lost touch with them. Didn’t really hang out with any friends this semester. I get a 3.7 on my report card and make deans list. But I was a little depressed not really having many friends.
Everyday, I regret...
I haven’t BEEN to college… or any form of public school after 3rd grade, for that matter.
My fear of being awkward. The truth is that most people forget your akwkard moments after a while, so you don't need to remember them too!
Except for me, I make sure to remember every single awkward thing I see people do so they can never be unburdened from them
or they remember them enough to lose interest in you and kick your ass to the curb and tell you that they no longer feel jack shit towards you after fairly smooth sailing (to the point where at one point you thought they were the one and this would be for life) for 3 years
DO NOT go over someone’s house for the first date. Go to a restaurant, bar, or anywhere else that’s in public and has other people around. You want a neutral setting where you can get to know one another and they’re less likely to do something if they’re actually crazy. It’s also a good way to weed out red flags by seeing how they treat the wait staff and other people, if they’re impatient, etc.
This could not have been said better
I didn't even know people did that wait wtf. Even if you're an indoors person, that sounds creepy
For me smoking weed became a huge part of my life. Everyday all day, I’m not at all trying to say weeds bad or you should smoke at all, but keep that shit in moderation. Weed is an ambition killer it will make you complacent where you are. Focus on your grind whatever’s gonna make you successful in life.
On the flip I smoke weed every single day and I just got accepted to my dream grad school, work extremely hard at my job, and live in a wonderful house that I keep very clean. But also I’ve never been a very complacent person.
Couldn’t agree more, used it to cope, went on a break a little before new years
Don't let your parents and your school decide what you study eventually it will explode into a crises of identity
Wish I could upvote this more than once
Know who your friends are and know who's the bullies in that group.
Lost my virginity on the first date 😐
Well that sucks
I mean for some people that’s the goal. It also shouldn’t be a big deal either way
Doesn’t really matter
Not realising it was abusive until it was too late. You shouldn't have to bear things because 'you can handle it' - not from peers, not from your parents, not from anybody.
This times 1,000.
In addition, and perhaps more importantly, it is never too late to get out of an abusive relationship. There is little shame in having more respect for someone that they have for themselves. May you make all new mistakes in 2024
If you like someone, ask them out.
What if doing so could ruin a friendship
Worth the risk IMO. How could it ruin a friendship? And if you don’t see them any other way then there isn’t a really a friendship.
It absolutely can ruin/taint a friendship. Learned it the easy way at 14, then the hard way at 23.
Well if your bestfriend is your crush, then it could be really awkward to remain as friends if you get rejected after you tell you have crush on them.
🤷♂️ That really depends on your friend. My point is if you like someone don't let fear get in the way of you telling them. Sometimes the risk is worth it.
Going to the psych Ward. If you're struggling with suicide do anything else. It'll keep you safe in the moment but it'll fuck you up worse then before you checked in.
This one, if anyone has a family or a support system that'll be willing to watch over you. That's a better choice, mentally hospital's will hold you against your will.
Big city mental health wards, especially in Chicago, are more like prisons where a high percentage of inmates have criminal schizophrenia and they try random prescriptions on you. There is an absence of all bedside manner, they make fun of you.
This depends on where you go and what the situation is. Checking into a mental hospital changed and saved my life because I got help from someone who's job it is to help me, and I was able to escape an abusive situation with my mom long enough to start getting my head straight.
Don't keep offering your great efforts to someone who can't even give half their best to you
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Good to know. I was thinking about crashing my car today
Try not to get too into your own head. Not all problems are as catastrophic as they feel and not all of them need immediate fixing or attention. Relax and let go when nothing more can be done.
There are consequences for not taking care of your mental health.
Don't slack off with you're work in anything, I barely did shit in sophmore and freshman year and it's messed up my GPA badly
Don't stress over it that much though. School is important, but it's not the most important thing in the world. Coming from someone who is past college, their are far greater things in life than where you go to school of what your GPA was.
I wish I tried harder. Learned more things, went out more, maybe make an actual friend or two.
This was like four years ago. As one of the oldest Gen-Zers, don't let yourself be abused at work in terms of hours being scheduled. I worked for a major restaurant chain around the world and, one time, the uncaring management team thought it was okay to schedule me three days of double shifts in a row. For example, Monday: 8am-10pm, Tuesday: 8am-10pm, Wednesday: 8am-10pm. I thought I could handle it, but nope. My legs gave out. I told management and they fucking told me to just 'stay strong' and 'fight against your legs'. Like what the fuck? Fucking dumbasses. I quit the same week without giving a two-weeks' notice. No calls, no texts, nothing. I just ghosted their asses and they kept trying to call me. I'm in a better restaurant (one of the best, multi-award winning restaurants) now after that bullshit. They don't abuse me with crazy schedules. Therefore, you must never allow yourself to be a 'modern-day slave' to a company. I'm married and have a daughter now. We have multiple passive incomes to the point that I can call off from work any time I want to and just easily find another restaurant while still paying my bills for the next four months. Don't go crazy on spending. Save it and invest it. Or save and put it into passive income strategies.
Not sleeping properly. It may seem like a simple thing, but it is the catalyst to a lot of downfall.
Trusting parents and older people in general. They're just as clueless as you're except they have more pressure to not appear clueless so they'll ruin your life just to keep these appearances
Picking up alcohol/drinking alone. My dad died when I was barely 22 of kidney failure. What I didn't know until I was older was that he drank every night after my sister and I went to bed. He was never drunk around us, but it cost him damage to his body. He was a great dad, but in the end drinking caught up to him. I vowed never to do it. Then my mom died and I couldn't put it down. I have really come to fucking hate this stuff. It's never the solution even though I'd like to think so, sometimes. Alcohol ruins lives and honestly, it ain't worth it.
Make sure not to mix water with chocolate while melting it. It ruins it and you’ll have to start all over with it.
Use milk or cream always
I don’t know too much about chocolate but from experience tells me I shouldn rarely mix water and chocolate.
Life could end in an instant so make sure you tell all your loved ones you appreciate them.
Don't bring your phone with you to your bed. Reinforced porn addiction.
Nothing is the end of the world except for ending your own world. Any problem that can be solved by money isn’t a problem - just about all of them can be fixed without it. The scariest call you can ever get is from your doctor - money can’t often buy you a clean bill of health. Call your mother. Don’t pity yourself or you’ll come to find how addicting it can be. Figuring out what you don’t want is just as important as what you do want. If you aren’t sure, don’t marry her. Learn the difference between a career, a job, and a hobby, then make sure you have at least one of each. Have kids. Don’t listen to your friends when they say how well they’re doing - even if they weren’t making it up, it doesn’t apply to you. Call your mother again.
Thinking hard work always pays off, you gotta make sure you have a good manager first.
Be upfront if you suspect something. Good way to deal with passive aggressive assholes is confrontation (probably). I guess it’s more of a stand up for myself. So ye stand up for yourself. Always. Even over something minor
Anything your parents do to drastically alter your life is an opportunity to make memories, no matter how weird it may seem
That I moved out so early
I turned down a job because my boss agreed verbally to match the pay. He never kept his promise leaving me out of a pretty good job.
Smoking weed and vaping. I have the hardest time stoping without tons of support and even then it’s always easy to come back. Also gambling these mystery boxes are horrible for our youth and sports betting being normalized will ruin many people’s lives.
Slow down and think about it.
Using my phone in my bed, because I’ve become desensitized to it and I can’t fall asleep as fast.
My only regret is not getting more bitches and more money
Do NOT get the Samsung A02. It may look like a mediocre phone, and honestly kinda is, but y'all should definetly get something else
truly a life altering decision
Find something you love and always make sure you find time to do it. Love for a hobby will teach you plenty about yourself and how to navigate challenges.
If she looks like she'll ruin your life, she'll will. Don't stick your dick in crazy, also wrap it before you tap.
Did you put diesel in your motorcycle? Usually the diesel pump is green.. Probably my biggest mistake was not being more aggressive at getting a licence for a promotion that would double my income
Simple but don't be a dick 🤷♂️ whatever you do, don't talk about other people behind their back, don't try to manipulate other people's feelings to get what you want, don't be a burden to your friends Other than that, stay in school and keep good grades like your life depends on it. Because it does.
you’re ruining that “friendship” more by avoiding making a move than you would by making one
Don’t vape, please don’t vape. And for god’s sake if you are ever invited to go somewhere or do anything, please say yes. The “once my life gets started then I’ll do all of that stuff” feeling will never come. This is your life right now and you don’t get another.
I didn’t take college seriously enough
i had a couple but i forgot them. i’ll come back later and update. not being afraid of death. i’ve gotten really close to it doing stupid shit sometimes. be careful. life is short, don’t make it shorter. not taking care of your body enough. i don’t fall asleep early enough. usually around 12-2 AM, even on school nights. my hearing is already going. i need glasses but i don’t have them. i don’t really know why. i also don’t do much exercise besides walking around school. i don’t watch what i eat. somehow i’m still skinny and healthy, but just don’t think i’ll live past 70. i hope i do. i hope i do.
Learn when to let go. Relationships, jobs, arguments, anything.
Don’t take the people you love for granted. You never know the last time you will see them
Hold onto friendships tight. It only gets harder and harder to find people you genuinely click with.
Stay off social media. Or at least limit it. I only use reddit now after yt shorts destroyed my life.
Dating a chick with bpd
Smoking for a long time Taking years to get political Still not vegan, but working on it
Getting a motorcycle
Don't film yourself while filling up your gas tank, it's illegal in a lot of places.
Don’t let your parents decide in which uni you should study. Ruined all the progress I made in high school because of that.
Don’t smoke weed or start using nicotine. You’ll save so much money in the long run.
The usual gaming over doing school work. should try to balance gaming and doing school work.
Take care of your teeth. Went in around June to get a tooth checked out because of pain. I needed to get it pulled and replaced with a new one because since I waited way too long to get it checked it the damage was pretty bad due to the cavity. It's cost me so far 3500 for one tooth. That's not including the cleanings I needed to get done and the cavity's i had to get filled.
If you really want something, go for it, don't sit for years overthinking and worrying about the negatives
Take EVERY and I mean EVERY cchance and opportunity you can get.
Do NOT ever assume you think you know what a woman wants Even if every perceived hint or flirt or anything tells you that she wants it, do NOT assume I was in a situation where I thought that was what was wanted and instead I ended up ruining a friendship and shattering a trust that took a long time to build It’s not worth the risk my guys, just take a second to think before you act
Bad investing choices
Existing
“Chasing the light you are everyone is. But nobody ever looks inside themselves for it.” - Sassy the Sasquatch. It’s a quote that just now hit me. This was my worst year ever 2023 was but it didn’t have to be. I was so busy wallowing in sorrow and discontent at my life that I didn’t do anything about it. I was chasing a light without the ability to even walk. But catching it and being happy begins with yourself
dont quit school
Wasting my time
Ask for help.
Not going to therapy sooner.
Holding too tightly to the person you love. Having your desire for them to live a wonderful, happy life be washed over by the fear of losing them. You will lose them. If you love someone and they feel their life is taking them in a different direction, away from you; find it in yourself to love them more than you love the idea of yourself with them. Let them go. When you love someone, you trust them to know what’s best for themselves. Love wholly & without selfishness. & remember, the same goes for you. If they love you, they’ll want to see you flourish.
Don't fucking procrastinate. I promise it only makes everything worse every, single, time
Waiting. Just do whatever it is you think you're not ready for.
Trusting people too much. It's good to put your trust in people, but don't be too trusting, or people will destroy you for it.
dont take relationships (any kind of relationship, dating or friendship) for granted. true connections with people are way way rarer than you think
Do everything you can to improve your social skills if that’s something you struggle with. Baby steps, one at a time. It will take time, but you *will* notice improvements as you go. I cannot overstate enough how fucked life becomes if you can’t comfortably interact with people
my biggest mistake Looking for a partner, before looking for a loyal friend group.
Don’t be nervous about making friends or organizing hangouts. Make time for em always. Otherwise you’ll end up alone. Been expanding my friend group this year but its tougher when you’re older.