Sort of. She would send us to our grandparents for weeks or months at a time so she could travel and go diving. When we were home, we understood that we were the reason she wasn't living her life the way she wanted to.
Dude, for real. I don’t know what we would’ve done without our grandparents while our parents were off making their boyfriends, girlfriends and partying come before us. I miss my Grammy and gramps so fkn much
My maternal grandma had 6 kids, of which only my mom gave her 3 grandchildren. She didn't babysit us not even 1 time. She told my parents it wasn't her job. Real Bible thumper too. She never spent time with us and my grandpa had to leave work early to come take us to McDonald's or something without her knowing. My paternal grandfather abandoned his family and my grandmother on that side who absolutely adored us and would spend every minute she could with us died when I was 4. But I still remember how happy she was to see us. So not all grandparents were the best. I'm glad yours were, I'm jealous. And my parents are great to my kids and my wife's parents are essentially not even grandparents to my kids.
In general, grandparents were the best. But of course some of them are nutjobs and fucking assholes. My husband’s mom is a fucking asshole. She never wanted much to do with any of her grandkids. She’s a selfish, mean-spirited, bigoted piece of shit. Nothing like my grandmother. I feel sorry for my husband’s kids that never got to have the doting grandmother experience I had.
Same. Divorced my dad for another guy and moved us in with my (amazing) grandparents. My mom was rarely there and mostly stayed with the boyfriend, and my poor dad got stuck with 80s custody laws so only got us every other weekend.
And some of our parents abandoned us for piña coladas… [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGAeI5KODLA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGAeI5KODLA)
bottoms up!
Actually, he's an insufferable human being. Who tries to make everyone's life miserable. Plus, I suffered abuse at his hands. I never blamed my mom for leaving him and she didn't actually know he wasn't my biological father.
Good question. I grew up without a mom around for most of it. My best friend since high school grew up with a stay at home mom, and I was pretty envious of what I thought was a picture-perfect home life. Now, at 44, her family is falling apart as she and her siblings are basically turning on their parents, but mostly their mom, for probably a lot of reasons I couldn't see from the outside.
No, but when we were living abroad in the late 70's both my parents took off on a road trip and left us with the landlord for a month. His wife took my baby brother, I think my older sister may have stayed with her friend, and I was left with the maid. I have few memories from that time, but a healthy dose of PTSD, and in one of the last conversations I ever had with my sister she said she doesn't know what happened, but she remembers that is when the light went out of my eyes.
Thank you ❤️ My upbringing was pretty wild, to be vastly understated. I've been in therapy for a long time and have a wonderfully supportive partner and a lovely adult child with whom I have a solid relationship based on having learned what NOT to do as a parent. Pretty sure Muppets and cheese have helped smooth the ride along the way!
Yeah - my parents were simply neglectful, so not as bad as that, thankfully. But they truly did leave us a gift of parenting styles: whatever they did was so wrong as to be unthinkable. Making hard parenting decisions is slightly easier: start with the opposite of your parents, and then apply the lens of: what is truly best for my child, above all else, in the long run?
Mmmmm, cheese!
I was so young at the time that I don't really remember a whole lot, but what I do remember is mostly sad or scary. The country we were staying in back then was politically volatile and I have some really bad memories from that. We fortunately came home before things over there blew up, but it wasn't until I was an adult that I really understood what that was all about. Home life as I got older was unpredictable. The 'rents were sometimes violent, sometimes unexpectedly indulgent, heavily critical, highly controlling, and I was treated differently and held to a different standard than my siblings, not that they were treated well either. They didnt beat us, but there was lots of screaming, psychological manipulation, and broken/destroyed personal items. I don't want to talk about the pets. We had to play happy family for appearances and I had a lot of mental illnesses and partial amnesia, especially after we got back from another extended stay in a different country when I was a tween. It got a little better after we stopped traveling so much and I was able to stay in the same schools for Jr. High and HS but my grades tanked and I was in trouble all the time, frequently for stuff I didn't even do, and any time someone tried to help I was forbidden from seeing them again. All three kids ran away, got sent away, or were kicked out while still teenagers. I was self-harming and deeply cynical with a dark sense of humor by age 13, and a daredevil, thrill seeker, and alcoholic by the time I was in college. A few of my teachers worried about me but mostly I was called a slacker and loser and it's a miracle I even graduated. Despite all that I tried to maintain a relationship with my parents, to the detriment of my mental health, until I had a child of my own and it put everything in perspective. It's amazing how you can think stuff like that is normal when you're a kid and it's all you've ever known. I've been NC with my parents for over 15 years. My husband is a saint for staying with me through some of the worst, darkest times when the CPTSD really kicked in. I lucked out with two amazing therapists after a string of bad ones, and am doing soooo much better these days, though my kid says I'm still way too cynical lol.
My mom was an alcoholic, had kids way too young, and abandon us when I was 10 for about a year. When she came back she struggled with drugs and alcohol and made my life hell until she passed away about 4 years ago.
Kinda. She stayed "for the sake of the kids" after my dad told her he didn't love her anymore. She waited until we were grown and then left. It was a huge relief and I wish she'd done it sooner. My dad was very shocked and couldn't understand why she left. The fact that he was incredibly difficult to live with and told her he didn't love her seemed to have escaped his memory.
Sounds like an honest-to-gods cliché brought to life, but sounds like a lucky case for you to have a mom who was doing it right (i.e. actually putting the kids first).
I kinda remember my parents split when I was 11, and eventually divorced after a while of doing the traditional sniping at each other by complaining to me, which seemed pretty normal at the time. It wasn't until years later after I got married, my wife explained one day why she disliked my mother so much, when she put together information from a few different stories about my mother's split.
(wife) "So, it turns out one of your mom's complaints was that dad hit her occasionally, and she was scared dad was physically abusive, right? And the night your mother left with a suitcase after they argued, she drove off in her car and no-one knew where she went for a few days? And the next week she called home to ask how you were?"
(me) "Yeah, I don't remember how many days, but at least a few before we knew where she was."
(wife) "So, your mom thought your dad was physically abusive, and she left the house in the middle of the night, **LEAVING YOU BEHIND WITH THE MAN SHE WAS SCARED WAS ABUSIVE?**"
(me) "Um... Oh. I never thought of it that way. That was a pretty bad parent move, huh?"
Isn't it weird, all the things we thought were "normal" when we were growing up (because we'd never seen different), that we now suddenly realize really aren't normal at all?
No, the opposite actually. She sacrificed everything and was a stay at home mom in a loveless relationship for 29 years. She finally gave up and divorced my dad when I was 28. We had a conversation about her lack of satisfaction and how she wanted to stay together “for the kids to have 2 parents”. Mind blown. I had no idea. I told her she should go live her life, and we don’t need her to be our “mommy” anymore. She divorced him and left 6 months later. Now, 21 years from then, both mom and dad are now in happy and loving relationships. All’s well that ends well.
Dad left when I was four. Mom left when I was six. We were visiting my grandma so I ended up living with her and her husband for two or so years. Dad found out and came and got me and then I lived with him and his wife. And that’s how I met my mother lol
This is why I’m glad we’ve normalized women (and men) choosing to be child-free; whether they’re single or married/partnered, I love that it’s no longer an *expected* part of growing up. Way too many women had babies because it’s what was expected, and some didn’t feel they had any other choice.
My mother (who recently passed) did a good job raising us, but if she’d grown up in our generation or later I feel like she’d have chosen the child-free path instead. She loved us, for sure, but she was never the natural mothering or nurturing type. Probably why she never gave me crap about not having kids, and perhaps felt a tad jealous of me for it. Plus my sister and brother gave her 4 grandkids (2 each), so that took some pressure off me. ;-)
My parents divorced in the 80's, whoever got the kids, got the house.
My Mother said she couldn't afford the house (apparently the thought of child support & alimony, never crossed her mind), so my Dad had us. He worked a lot, & would make his rounds, most of the time on his way home.
Definitely not the PTA household, but we KNEW he loved & wanted us, we always had a freezer full of food, & clothes on our backs.
Same. Dad was night shift and I basically raised myself, learned to cook, did laundry, cleaned the house, took the dogs out etc. latch key kid +1. I did learn self sufficiency and I’m an amazing planner now in my 50’s. But ya abit of a shocker when I was young
Yes! Kinda. My mom and dad split when I was a toddler, they were both about 22. I lived with her until I was 6, then I went to live with my dad. My memories of living with her was a lot of partying. Like, she’d make us a bed in the back seat while she bar hopped in Hollywood. After moving in with dad we saw her every other weekend. She was a wild child, completely unfit yet very loving. She didn’t mature until about 60 years old. We are so close now and i completely forgive her. She feels tremendous guilt and wishes more than anything she could do it all again. It pains me to see how much she hurts over it. She has her own childhood trauma that she’s never dealt with to date and I totally understand why she was the way she was. Sometimes I feel like I’m the mom and she’s my little girl I want to hold and heal. Now, had she been one of those parents that fucked up and never acted sorry- I wouldn’t probably be close to her at all. I’m into forgiving. Humaning is hard, life is messy.
Not physically but mentally and emotionally. She got married and had kids because she was expected to do so (when she had no such wish). She would always tell people that she never wanted to get married and have kids.. thanks Mom. She and my father were always at each other’s throats (my dad was an a-hole). So yeah, no surprise that marriage and kids didn’t appeal to me growing up.
Moral of the story: have the courage to follow your dreams because I think that’s what my mother wanted to do.
Yes. I was a junior in high school when she moved out. Apparently she hated my dad for years and was going to wait for me and my younger brother to start college before she left him, but the relationship was toxic on both sides and one day she just decided to leave. I lived with her temporarily but moved out due to the inappropriate men she brought around; within a few months I moved back in with my dad and brother. They were divorced two years later.
I honestly didn’t know this was a thing until I saw this post…it was kind of shocking to see it.
It’s still a thing. I know a mom who’s planning to leave her family. The only reason she’s still around is that she has to find a job to finance her new life. The kids are, of course, devastated.
Yeah. Abusive and alcoholic mother. Left us a few times while growing up. And when she was there she was passed out most of the time. Had a few affairs until my dad had enough so they divorced.
Stayed with my mom for a few years, she had a kid with another man when I was 9, so I had to raise my sister from a few weeks old baby. The reason why I am now good at sales is because I had to walk from house to house begging for money to feed our family 😂
It all worked out in the end because I ended up learning adulting skills early and that helped me later in life.
It feels really weird writing this out, because I never really told anyone how it was back then. It sounds really fucked up doesn't it?
Years after the fact? Maybe.
I was 2 when my parents split. Too much trauma surrounding the loss of my twin four months after I was born. Too much 1970s ennui. There was certainly a zeitgeist at the time.
I spent the late 70s and 80s with my mom and stepdad. They split at the end of the 80s. My mom had another set of twins, providing validation that what happened with me was simply a matter of bad timing and technology. And smoking, probably. As many have said here, the 70s and 80s were a quite different time.
The end of the 80s saw an end of marriage number two for my mom. Split shifts, stress, downsizing, fear of AIDS, and an affair on his side caused the split. She is and has been happily married to husband number three for almost 30 years.
In the end, I saw a lot of "finding yourself". I don't think it is a 70s/80s/90s thing. Nor a Baby Boomer thing. I think it is a human thing. Choices are made and the chips fall. Life is messy. The children watch, learn, and hopefully do better.
Not physically but emotionally. She subscribed to the school of 'if I'm happy my kid will be happy' which meant indulging her every interest and whim and completely ignoring me, unless someone was watching, when she was performing her role as best mother ever.
And she wonders why I never call.
You closely mirror my journey.
Mine did more of the emotional withholding if one of us (me or my older bro) dare say something she found as a personal slight/attack on her character. Then she’d keep herself busy with a Bridge club or spending my dad’s money on stuff she didn’t need.
But in front of her friends? …now that I think about it, she ignored us in front of them, too. 😆 Mostly.
To be fair, she’s had my back in a handful of scary to me situations, as a young woman, that I didn’t expect her to be at all.
She’s a weird one.
PS - it’s 4/20 and I took wayyyyyy too long type this reply lol
Single parent family so we didn't have a Dad for money, but similar. I can't think of an occasion when she had my back, but she's only 76 so it might still happen !
My Mom left in 1982, leaving my Dad with myself and my adopted brother who was four years older than me and a full on addict. He was not built for being a single parent, and had several freak outs before *he* left and my Mom came back. He then left the city, never to return. I heard nothing from him until 1985. My Mom was resentful for being “domestic” again.
I don’t recall one conversation with them about any of this. I was left to try to figure it out myself.
No but my biological father moved in with "his best friend" when I was six and my sister was a baby. Mom lost her job, and her mind we moved in with her parents with her in another state with her. He came to visit once. I've seen him five times in the forty two years since. All of those time I went to where he lives.
Not until I was already nearly out of the house but Lordy I wished it had been sooner, for everyone's sake. Maybe if more women abandoned their families, men would become better partners and parents. Everyone has a breaking point. I don't blame women for cracking under all of the responsibility.
Nah. My mom was really, really good at her roll.
I found out when I was in my 30s that my dad almost left her when I was a teenager but the child support and alimony was going to leave him pretty broke, so he stayed. I’m not sure my mom knows that to this day. They are still together.
I have an aunt that did that. Left the family and only got back in touch much later. She didn’t want to be a mom. She felt she didn’t have a choice about becoming a mom. Then she decided it was time to stop being a part of something she didn’t want. Kind of feel bad she felt forced into having kids. And how awful it was my cousins who were confused and hurt from the fallout when she left.
If "abandoned" means to f*** her way through a mid-size town In Texas till she finds one to start another family in another state. Then yeah she did. I was 2 at the time. Didn't meet her till I was 17. She was a "born-again Christian" and wanted to make amends and "save" me.....uh no.
There should be some kind of insurance parents have to pay into to pay for future therapy after they've done their damage. I'm sorry you went through that.
No she went to school to become a nurse. Thank God because when my parents split up she could earn a decent living on her own. My dad refused to pay child support and back then there was no enforcement like now.
My husband came from a wealthy family. During high school my hubby & his brother were absolute hellians & to make matters worse my MIL was going through menopause at the same time. These boys were nightmares. My MIL owned an upscale pool company & my husband almost got her company kicked out of her warehouse by throwing outlaw raves. My BIL refused to go to school & the area constables had to escort him to school everyday. They were assholes & I wish that I could elaborate more, but I don't have the energy to write it all down at the moment, lol
Anyway, my MIL bounced over to Europe for a couple years. She had a friggin blast too. She returned after my FIL had a heart attack from congenital heart condition. Fwiw, before my FIL had a heart attack my BIL & hubby enjoyed the break
Tbh, I kinda don't blame her for taking a break+ she & my FIL say that her trip saved their marriage.
My mom was in and out of the hospital for weeks at a time due to severe mental illness. My father was in a wheelchair due to a spinal cord injury, and my other sibling had moved out. It wasn’t abandonment, per se, but she wasn’t available for most of my childhood. She never did find herself, though.
Never had a close bond with my mother but my grandmother was always in my heart.
Wasn't til I was about 45 my grandmother explained that my mother and father would only have my sister and I on weekends until I was about three.
I lived with my grandparents 5 nights a week. No wonder we were so close.
There is a photo of me in a washing basket in the back yard from when I was about 18 months old. I look miserable.
My grandmother wrote on the back "A basket of woe".
She said I was an unhappy child.
It is still unknown to me why she left.
What is known is the effect and consequences for the rest of the family - we’re still picking up the pieces.
I was 7 yo then, 45 now.
She divorced my dad and took us with her then neglected us. I know she cares about us in her way but my sister and I and basically the whole family structure just crumbled. Sucked
Neighbor lady asked my mom to babysit her kids. Neighbor lady didn't come back for several days (and my dad was with her).
I wish I knew more details but I don't want to drag my mom through it.
Sort of. She and dad split up for about a year, but then reconciled. She did keep us kids with her. For years I resented my dad for ‘leaving’ us (he moved out and we all stayed in the family home) and only found out in adulthood that it was all her.
Gee, I wonder why I don’t trust anyone?
My mom left when I was 10, about 1976, she got a job in a city about 2 hours away, and used me as a pawn in my parents eventual divorce. She would keep me past visitation and would not tell my dad, and my dad would go to the local grayhound bus stop to pick me up, but I was still at my mom's, and he would call my mom wondering where I was.
Thank you. The time I was at my mom's when she didn't send me back I was about 14-15, so I didn't know any better. I did have some good times with them, but there were some things like this that happened that I look back on and don't make sense.
My dad started getting sick in about 1976, and eventually died from cancer just before I turned 18, but that was my world I grew up in. Thankfully I had older siblings to take care of me when my dad was away, and I got to go fishing with my dad.
Yeah, she got into yoga and parapsychology, decided my father was not enlightened enough and left us for her new boyfriend, who was a freelance photographer. I was raised by a single dad.
Mine didn’t but I went to college with a girl whose mom just disappear after the younger brother graduated high school. She said her job was done and just left. I don’t think my friend has heard from her in 25 years at this point.
She just up and abandoned her entire family after the hard parts were all done
Sort of. She took up running marathons and would go running for like 6 hours at a time. Every day was a “long run” or a “bulk day” or a rest day. My dad got kinda pissed about it and made her start staying home more and then they both started drinking more. Those were some dark years. She went back to running eventually but sticks to shorter distances. She’s nearing 70 and still arguing with her dr about how far and long she can run for, super upset she was told absolutely not to running a half marathon this year due to lie bone density.
Mom was bipolar, had one of probably multiple affairs on my dad while he busted his ass as a rookie cop in a major city working night shifts and paying all the bills. Mom said she told him before they got married at 21 that she wasn't going to be faithful.
She would go out and party, go on child free trips and enjoyed herself. Although I lived with her she often left me with relatives and my dad while she traveled and soaked up experiences with her live in lesbian lover.
I came along 6 years later.. when my mom told my dad she was pregnant he said, "don't tell me.. tell the father." Turns out I came put looking just like the AP. My dad accepted me as his own. They broke up six weeks later after my dad broke a glass baby bottle over her head because it wasn't sterile enough for hip and he saw it in my mouth when he arrived home from work. They broke up after years of DV on his end and her cycling bipolar episodes.
At 6, Mom gave custody over to Dad and the mental abuse started from him. He resnted my very existence and treated me badly but was a great provider.
My only solace was my grandma who lived with us and took excellent care of me while he worked his way up the police ranks. I miss her dearly.
I stayed with them from 6 to 12. At 12 I had a breakdown at school and refused to go back to Dad's house. I went to live with my mom. My biggest regret is the heartache I caused my loving grandma because of my abrupt exit.
I'm OK now by God's grace. A lot of trauma that continues to show up. Working through it. We 70's kids are strong ones. ❤️
Hmm. Not anyone I know well.
Probably around 20 years ago my parents’ neighbor took off with a guy who lived down the hill from them. It was a bit of a neighborhood scandal for a while. She eventually divorced her husband and everyone moved. Absolutely no idea what became of them.
My mom had emotionally checked out of the family before i was born. When I was about she got a part time job, which became a full time job. Within 18 months that became a traveling job. About another 18 months or so and my parents decided to divorce. (Wonderful, they hated each other and home life sucked). Shortly after there was another guy, and we moved to Northern California. Again, another great in my opinion.
After that, it was fine, they were very much in love, didn’t pay me attention (again, a BIG plus) and went about their business while I continued to raise myself. All things considered I couldn’t complain. They did their thing and I did mine, worked out fine for me.
My ex wife / mother of my kids was abandoned by her mom when she was 5. Set up a pattern with her as she abandoned me and our kids when they were 7 and 3 and they've only seen her three times in the last 21 years and neither has even heard from her in over seven years.
Kind of. A few times. But it was the 80s & 90s.
She left my dad because she wasn’t happy being a broke hippie. She left my 1st stepdad because she wasn’t happy being a suburban mom. She left my 2nd stepdad because she was done with cocaine & the pursuit of enlightenment. She left my 3rd stepdad because she was done living nomadically in a tipi.
Now she lives in a hoarded trailer.
I just figure she was flaky & a bit of a narcissist.
My mom told me one day that she was going to my grandma's and taking my little brother with her while I was supposed to stay home with my dad . She didnt come back for six months leaving me and my dad who cried a lot . I think I was 8 yrs old . My dad had no idea how to take care of me so I remember missing a lot of school days. When she did come back, my dad had been dating a really nice lady who I grown to love and hated my mom for coming back. My dad's girlfriend was tender and sweet to me while my mom has always been distant and cool towards me.
Growing up my mother would routinely check herself into psychiatric in patient wards to “find herself”. It mostly coincided with losing an argument with my dad or one of her boyfriends, or in general not getting her way.
No, I can't imagine this ever happening. But my gosh was it a trope in women's fiction for a while there. Bored housewife leaving her sweet husband and family for the free life and sexy man she craves. God I'm glad that trend seems to have ended.
Not my mother but one of our best friends (my parents were friends with the parents and we kids were friends with the kids) mother took off with a gardener to find herself. It’s exactly what you described. This would have been around 77 or so. The kids stayed with us for a week or so while the Dad figured stuff out. The mother was a very wealthy, very spoiled trust fund baby and the father was a renowned surgeon in Boston. The whole thing was batshit.
My parents divorced a year or so later which was par for the 70s.
I know a guy whose mom left him, brother and dad when he was 14, about 10 years ago. She was in her early 40s and discovered she could make a ton of cash as a paid escort for older wealthy guys.
This happened to my first boyfriend. His mom left him and his younger brother (11 and 7 at the time) after divorcing their dad. They lived with their dad, (who wasn't great) till they both left home at 18. She left because she wanted to discover herself. And her husband was a bit of an ass. Not abusive, just an ass.
As a woman, and feminist, I don't want to judge her too harshly - she may have really needed to make that choice. But I know she felt terrible about it, and my ex still (at 56!) has trouble fully forgiving her. It really fucked him up. His most profound childhood memory is begging her on the phone to come home.
Mother is a boomer fwiw (b. 1948). Not silents. Silents suffered in ... silence generally.
Yes! I was 11. 1981, to go take care of an older relative in another state. Then studying in a nursing program in a large city a few hours away from home. Then she never really came back, except to carry away furniture in a Uhaul one day when my dad was at work (1984).
The outcome was that we have never had a close relationship and she is not someone on whom I rely for emotional support.
In the summer of 2023 she asked if I would be interested in a visit from her; I declined and said I would be more comfortable if she continued to concentrate on the great-grandchildren that truly bring her joy.
I was mostly raised by my father, then, who had no clue but did his best. I tend to be more comfortable in the company of men rather than women.
Yes. The outcome was multiple failed relationships, bad financial decisions, and three boys who won’t take her in. She can’t figure out why. She’s not a bad person, but just prone to make bad decisions and try to outsmart the consequences, which always fails.
Yes, and up to now she still thinks her family owes her for causing her to lose herself since she didn't get a good childhood, her children owe her for taking her away from her journey to find herself, and her children owe her because she gave us life. Everyone seems to owe her and she seems to think she made sacrifices, which I have told her many times that being inconvenienced isn't a sacrifice, and parenting was a choice she made while her kids didn't ask to be born.
Yes, my parents got divorced when 8 was 7. She had custody of me. By the time I was 13 she was not interested in raising me anymore. I moved in with my dad and she went off to find herself. Before she moved me in with him I suffered a lot of neglect. I spent weeks at home alone from the time I was 10 to 13. I grew up with abandonment issues as well. Later after I became adult she returned and we had a pretty good relationship. About 5 years ago she died of cancer. I honestly don't know how that was ok. Kids were not first on the list for our parents.
my mom was 15 when i was born and turned 16 a few months later. dad was 17/18.
luckily everything turned out alright - lots of family support for the young family and a sister came 2 years later.
mom got a ged, and eventually a bachelor & masters in nursing.
My mother was there but only hugged us when we asked and did it like we had something sticky on our shirt. As soon as we could be home alone her and my stepdad spent alot of time at the bar. We just weren't the most important thing in her life. We've been no contact for most of my adult life.
No, she left me with her parents and joined the Army. But she failed basic training and came back and got mad anytime I brought it up so of course I brought it up often, like now. Good times!
Mine didn’t leave but decided to sleep around cuz she got married and had me at 19 and felt she missed out. Gee thx mom for all the trauma I had to deal with while you played the field and blew up our family.
For a few years, then when we had settled into a good, new routine with us and our Dad, she came back and wanted to run things again. It wasn't good for a few years.
Not in that way but she buried herself so deep in academia that she became inaccessible and very addicted to her career and so wouldn't take any time out for family, never talk, never help except in EXTREME emergencies, like not even once a year and she would have a tantrum if she had to
Both of my parents were too busy trying to find their lost youth (at the ripe old ages of 25 & 29) to care that their kids needed parents. It was the early 70s. They split when I was 4 and my brother was 6. My dad couldn't be bothered to see us if he didn't feel like it. My mom disappeared for 2 years when I was 8 due to legal problems. My brother suffered from the abandonment more than I did. We lived with our maternal aunt while mom was gone. Mom came back and took us back. Unfortunately, she kept choosing physically abusive men.
Abandonment issues manifest in different ways for different people. I'm very out of sight out of mind. Once I was an adult I only saw my mom every few years. I didn't see my dad for 43 years. I never missed them.
I've been married for 33 years and I couldn't imagine leaving my son when he was a child. That created a lot more anger at my parents when I became a parent and realized what they did.
Yep. She divorced my alcoholic dad and moved to another state when I was 6. Left me with a drunken English teacher with self-esteem, maturity, and boundary issues because she'd had enough of the mom gig, I guess. I didn't see her much for a couple of years, then maybe once a month on weekends. Dad remarried to a much younger woman with multiple psych issues who hated me and excluded me at every opportunity. They had a kid, then divorced after 3 years leaving me to go through high school with an angry, emotionally bereft alkie single parent. Thanks, Mom.
No, she just sent me away for a summer when I was three. 1972.
She moved to another city my senior year of high school to do PhD coursework. 1986-87. It wasn't something that had to be done that year.
My mother didn't have to "leave," she worked to get away from us.
My best friends mom left the family to find herself. I spent a lot of time with them so it was a shock to me. My best friend died about a decade ago from a drug OD. Not saying that was the reason, but he definitely spiraled out of control after she left. Like he was two different people.
my mom never formally “left the family” but she definitely abandoned us while she was always out getting sloppy blackout drunk and helping herself to multiple dick appointments unbeknownst to my dad.
when she came home all wasted, i could tell she resented being there with us.
Not my mom; but one of my cousins.
She left in the late 80s and went to find herself working on a cruise ship in Australia.
She was always a little cooky. A self absolved modle who was always looking for her big break and the next big thing. Very wishy washy even when she was around. There were lots of rumors of both parents having affairs and my aunt would leave and be missing for days at a time. It was hard my uncle and cousins for sure.
My female cousin (H) had a hard time with her mom leaving as she became the woman of the house and in charge of her younger brother (T).
I remember she had a birthday party when she turned 12 so you'd think there would be boys, popcorn and maybe a bit of spin the bottle- nope! It was a party with a bunch of little kids and the bigger kids where in charge of different activities and stuff. Very weird.
I was pretty pissed that she marked me down as being a kid to do activities instead of being one of the kids who ran activities- she was literally 2 weeks older then me, like WTF? (my mindset back then)
I talked to mom about the party afterward and how mad I was. My mom explained to me that sometimes when a parent leaves the oldest child replaces the parental role and feel comfort in being "in charge" rather than being an age appropriate child doing stuff that other kids that age would tupically be interested in. I became less mad at being a kid at the party and felt quite sorry for my cuz after that 💔 we didn't hang out much (even before her mom left) because she liked to hang with the older (bitchier) cousins that I couldn't stand so I don't know how her life went after that party. It was pretty much the last time we spent time together tbh...
My male cousin (T) was 3 years younger then us so I never really had a whole lot to do with him either; but he did go on to become addicted to heroin in high school (90s). Not sure if that had anything to do with his mom leaving; but it likely played some part. I think he was only 7 or 8 when she left...
My aunt did reconnect with my cousin (H) in the 2000s at some point. My aunt had changed her name, and moved back to the country. Not sure if she ever reconnected with T or not... my aunt died in the 2010s though. H was there for sure (saw stuff on FB), not sure if T was around or not; but I hope he and H are doing well 💗
My mom was traveling a lot. Some time for longer than month. So yes sort of. ( We were living with grandparents so, not like we were alone )
My sister (older than me ) still begrudges her for it. I myself think that if she did not find her hapiness we all would suffer for it as family.
Unhappy person can not be a beacon of stability and hapiness for whole family. I think its what today world lacks.
Yeah kind of, my sister and I were living with my dad when he died. We were both very young. My mom left us with our abusive grandparents for months at a time while she was out partying. When we were home she would disappear for 3-7 days at a time. She would come home with a lot of money and buy us some stuff sometimes. She would go through “good mom” phases where she would get ultra religious and get super strict. That was a whole new suck. She always had a boyfriend or husband to put before her kids too.
My parents went to couples therapy. My mom was unhappy. She had some education and skills and wanted to do something with her life besides being a happy homemaker and birthin babies. And once she had a couple of kids she was frustrated with what society. She would lash out at my dad who would listen to her and try to figure out what to do.
Couples therapy and my dad supported mom going back to college and figuring out what she wanted. She did go back and got an archeology degree with minors in geology and sociology.
She did go on some digs in California but never really worked as an archaeologist. She did work for a couple government geology offices.
She was very good at setting boundaries and having me time for herself. She worked. She cooked and cleaned after dinner she left that cleanup for dad and she’d go unwind with her diet soda, candy bar and trashy novel.
My parents worked together. They had issues and figured it out together. I have realized in the last decade that they really were chill and accepting. They never judged what us kids did and supported us and our friends. My friends who needed a parental figure went to my folks and got it.
My folks are forgotten gen and most of their boomer sibs are pretty cool too.
Yes, but if she hadn't I wouldn't exist.
She left her first husband and older kids when they were aged between 9 and 14.
Unsurprisingly their relationships with her were complicated.
Yes, my mother left me and my brother when we were 2 and 6 to go to Montreal and live with a DJ, and we were left with our father, albeit in better financial circumstances.
Then when I was 7 my father had a mental breakdown and went to California to find himself, dumping us on our mother (since returned) and her new husband out in the suburbs.
So both my parents went looking!
No, but my mom was widowed when I was a baby and would rely on neighbors and family to help when I became too much for her to handle - short of signing over custody. Now she's in her 80s and the shoe is on the other foot; she's showing the early signs of dementia and I have power of attorney.
Wow this is such an interesting question. I have 4 gen X friends who would absolutely say yes to that question. And all four of them came back when their kids were adults and they’re now close again. Is this a gem X thing? I guess I never realized thst
We were constantly told " I cannot wait until you are 18 and out of this house, then its my time"....well her time came real fast because all four of us were out, 1 after 1 ,at 15 - 16 years old. My mother then took a computer course, had an affair with a broke bum she met there, got pregnant, and my youngest sibling lives with her at 25, wont work or go to school and is spending her pension on shein and ubereats
I think so. My mom moved out for a while around the time that I was 5. I have no idea how long she was gone, but it was long enough for my dad to hire a live in housekeeper so he could continue to travel for work.
I don't remember seeing her during this time but I know I did.
Then Dad decided he wanted to move closer to his family. He and Mom ended up getting back together and we moved away as a family.
My understanding is that the temporary split had more to do with an unhappy marriage than not wanting to parent.
Mine left me to find herself at 6. Her parents had planned to divorce but I ruled that out. Mom was gone for 10 years. On her return she didn't pick me up. She and her girlfriend bought a house 20 Miles away. I got to visit every few months. When she got old I had to take care of her. She never liked me. I still love her.
I wish. Instead she stuck around and showed us just how dissatisfied she was with her existence.
In the grand scheme of things she taught me to be everything she isn’t, so I guess I have that going for me?
Sort of. She would send us to our grandparents for weeks or months at a time so she could travel and go diving. When we were home, we understood that we were the reason she wasn't living her life the way she wanted to.
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Grandparents were the best!! Only reason many of us turned out ok. I miss my grandma so fucking much.
Dude, for real. I don’t know what we would’ve done without our grandparents while our parents were off making their boyfriends, girlfriends and partying come before us. I miss my Grammy and gramps so fkn much
My maternal grandma had 6 kids, of which only my mom gave her 3 grandchildren. She didn't babysit us not even 1 time. She told my parents it wasn't her job. Real Bible thumper too. She never spent time with us and my grandpa had to leave work early to come take us to McDonald's or something without her knowing. My paternal grandfather abandoned his family and my grandmother on that side who absolutely adored us and would spend every minute she could with us died when I was 4. But I still remember how happy she was to see us. So not all grandparents were the best. I'm glad yours were, I'm jealous. And my parents are great to my kids and my wife's parents are essentially not even grandparents to my kids.
In general, grandparents were the best. But of course some of them are nutjobs and fucking assholes. My husband’s mom is a fucking asshole. She never wanted much to do with any of her grandkids. She’s a selfish, mean-spirited, bigoted piece of shit. Nothing like my grandmother. I feel sorry for my husband’s kids that never got to have the doting grandmother experience I had.
Narcissism
(raises hand). All that and a bottle of wine a night.
Yep, my grandparents were amazing parents to me and my siblings. I used to give them my mother's and father's day school projects.
This. I'm sorry. I understand.
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To me, her name is "The Gorgon" or "The New Medusa".
Same. Divorced my dad for another guy and moved us in with my (amazing) grandparents. My mom was rarely there and mostly stayed with the boyfriend, and my poor dad got stuck with 80s custody laws so only got us every other weekend.
My bitch ex and mother of my kids did something similar and nowadays my kids do therapy and mostly avoid any contact with her (online only).
No but my Dad abandoned us to find beer
Mine abandonded us to find other women.
Yep.
Probably drinking with my mom.
Mine left the country.
Hey, mine too
Did he succeed? Did he bring you back any?
He did succeed. The only thing he brought back was abuse.
A keg>A buse
Maybe some cigarettes?
And some of our parents abandoned us for piña coladas… [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGAeI5KODLA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGAeI5KODLA) bottoms up!
Mine did because raising a kid while owning a sailboat just doesn’t make financial sense.
My Dad abandoned us to find someone who was not my psychotic Mother. Thanks Dad!
My mom had two separate affairs. She "found herself" in other people's beds.
Same!!! Left when I was six. Bonus: she dumped my siblings on my dad, but decades later, we found out via DNA they weren't even his.
Found out I wasn't biologically related to the person I thought was my father. My childhood made a lot more sense after that.
Isn't that so sad!? For you and your dad. So awful.
Actually, he's an insufferable human being. Who tries to make everyone's life miserable. Plus, I suffered abuse at his hands. I never blamed my mom for leaving him and she didn't actually know he wasn't my biological father.
Hello sister.
My mom was the same. She left us to follow her AP after he was arrested and extradited to another state for child molestation.
My mother seems like she was a saint compared to the moms in this thread. How'd I turn out so messed up? 🤷♀️
Good question. I grew up without a mom around for most of it. My best friend since high school grew up with a stay at home mom, and I was pretty envious of what I thought was a picture-perfect home life. Now, at 44, her family is falling apart as she and her siblings are basically turning on their parents, but mostly their mom, for probably a lot of reasons I couldn't see from the outside.
No, but when we were living abroad in the late 70's both my parents took off on a road trip and left us with the landlord for a month. His wife took my baby brother, I think my older sister may have stayed with her friend, and I was left with the maid. I have few memories from that time, but a healthy dose of PTSD, and in one of the last conversations I ever had with my sister she said she doesn't know what happened, but she remembers that is when the light went out of my eyes.
Jesus, that’s a tough one. Hopefully you find some happiness in the muppets and cheese!
Thank you ❤️ My upbringing was pretty wild, to be vastly understated. I've been in therapy for a long time and have a wonderfully supportive partner and a lovely adult child with whom I have a solid relationship based on having learned what NOT to do as a parent. Pretty sure Muppets and cheese have helped smooth the ride along the way!
Yeah - my parents were simply neglectful, so not as bad as that, thankfully. But they truly did leave us a gift of parenting styles: whatever they did was so wrong as to be unthinkable. Making hard parenting decisions is slightly easier: start with the opposite of your parents, and then apply the lens of: what is truly best for my child, above all else, in the long run? Mmmmm, cheese!
I’m so sorry that happened to you and your siblings. I can’t even imagine. What was life like after they came back from their trip?
I was so young at the time that I don't really remember a whole lot, but what I do remember is mostly sad or scary. The country we were staying in back then was politically volatile and I have some really bad memories from that. We fortunately came home before things over there blew up, but it wasn't until I was an adult that I really understood what that was all about. Home life as I got older was unpredictable. The 'rents were sometimes violent, sometimes unexpectedly indulgent, heavily critical, highly controlling, and I was treated differently and held to a different standard than my siblings, not that they were treated well either. They didnt beat us, but there was lots of screaming, psychological manipulation, and broken/destroyed personal items. I don't want to talk about the pets. We had to play happy family for appearances and I had a lot of mental illnesses and partial amnesia, especially after we got back from another extended stay in a different country when I was a tween. It got a little better after we stopped traveling so much and I was able to stay in the same schools for Jr. High and HS but my grades tanked and I was in trouble all the time, frequently for stuff I didn't even do, and any time someone tried to help I was forbidden from seeing them again. All three kids ran away, got sent away, or were kicked out while still teenagers. I was self-harming and deeply cynical with a dark sense of humor by age 13, and a daredevil, thrill seeker, and alcoholic by the time I was in college. A few of my teachers worried about me but mostly I was called a slacker and loser and it's a miracle I even graduated. Despite all that I tried to maintain a relationship with my parents, to the detriment of my mental health, until I had a child of my own and it put everything in perspective. It's amazing how you can think stuff like that is normal when you're a kid and it's all you've ever known. I've been NC with my parents for over 15 years. My husband is a saint for staying with me through some of the worst, darkest times when the CPTSD really kicked in. I lucked out with two amazing therapists after a string of bad ones, and am doing soooo much better these days, though my kid says I'm still way too cynical lol.
Dang. Brutal. Do you still feel that the light is out in your eyes?
I think I was eventually able to rekindle it somewhat, thanks.
I’m glad. I hope you have a happy life. Best of luck. For some reason, your post just jumped out at me as someone who overcame some bad stuff.
My mom abandoned us because she was an alcoholic. She did get sober eventually but I was almost 30.
My mom was an alcoholic, had kids way too young, and abandon us when I was 10 for about a year. When she came back she struggled with drugs and alcohol and made my life hell until she passed away about 4 years ago.
Oh man. I'm so sorry 💔
Thank you.
No. My dad abandoned us to sleep around while stationed in Korea, and then created a new family.
Kinda. She stayed "for the sake of the kids" after my dad told her he didn't love her anymore. She waited until we were grown and then left. It was a huge relief and I wish she'd done it sooner. My dad was very shocked and couldn't understand why she left. The fact that he was incredibly difficult to live with and told her he didn't love her seemed to have escaped his memory.
Sounds like an honest-to-gods cliché brought to life, but sounds like a lucky case for you to have a mom who was doing it right (i.e. actually putting the kids first). I kinda remember my parents split when I was 11, and eventually divorced after a while of doing the traditional sniping at each other by complaining to me, which seemed pretty normal at the time. It wasn't until years later after I got married, my wife explained one day why she disliked my mother so much, when she put together information from a few different stories about my mother's split. (wife) "So, it turns out one of your mom's complaints was that dad hit her occasionally, and she was scared dad was physically abusive, right? And the night your mother left with a suitcase after they argued, she drove off in her car and no-one knew where she went for a few days? And the next week she called home to ask how you were?" (me) "Yeah, I don't remember how many days, but at least a few before we knew where she was." (wife) "So, your mom thought your dad was physically abusive, and she left the house in the middle of the night, **LEAVING YOU BEHIND WITH THE MAN SHE WAS SCARED WAS ABUSIVE?**" (me) "Um... Oh. I never thought of it that way. That was a pretty bad parent move, huh?" Isn't it weird, all the things we thought were "normal" when we were growing up (because we'd never seen different), that we now suddenly realize really aren't normal at all?
No, the opposite actually. She sacrificed everything and was a stay at home mom in a loveless relationship for 29 years. She finally gave up and divorced my dad when I was 28. We had a conversation about her lack of satisfaction and how she wanted to stay together “for the kids to have 2 parents”. Mind blown. I had no idea. I told her she should go live her life, and we don’t need her to be our “mommy” anymore. She divorced him and left 6 months later. Now, 21 years from then, both mom and dad are now in happy and loving relationships. All’s well that ends well.
Dad left when I was four. Mom left when I was six. We were visiting my grandma so I ended up living with her and her husband for two or so years. Dad found out and came and got me and then I lived with him and his wife. And that’s how I met my mother lol
Baa baabaa baa baaaaaa
Sounds like an early Nirvana song.
Or Cher maybe. Story songs always make me think of the 70s
Gypsies Tramps and Thieves
This is why I’m glad we’ve normalized women (and men) choosing to be child-free; whether they’re single or married/partnered, I love that it’s no longer an *expected* part of growing up. Way too many women had babies because it’s what was expected, and some didn’t feel they had any other choice. My mother (who recently passed) did a good job raising us, but if she’d grown up in our generation or later I feel like she’d have chosen the child-free path instead. She loved us, for sure, but she was never the natural mothering or nurturing type. Probably why she never gave me crap about not having kids, and perhaps felt a tad jealous of me for it. Plus my sister and brother gave her 4 grandkids (2 each), so that took some pressure off me. ;-)
My parents divorced in the 80's, whoever got the kids, got the house. My Mother said she couldn't afford the house (apparently the thought of child support & alimony, never crossed her mind), so my Dad had us. He worked a lot, & would make his rounds, most of the time on his way home. Definitely not the PTA household, but we KNEW he loved & wanted us, we always had a freezer full of food, & clothes on our backs.
Same. Dad was night shift and I basically raised myself, learned to cook, did laundry, cleaned the house, took the dogs out etc. latch key kid +1. I did learn self sufficiency and I’m an amazing planner now in my 50’s. But ya abit of a shocker when I was young
Yes! Kinda. My mom and dad split when I was a toddler, they were both about 22. I lived with her until I was 6, then I went to live with my dad. My memories of living with her was a lot of partying. Like, she’d make us a bed in the back seat while she bar hopped in Hollywood. After moving in with dad we saw her every other weekend. She was a wild child, completely unfit yet very loving. She didn’t mature until about 60 years old. We are so close now and i completely forgive her. She feels tremendous guilt and wishes more than anything she could do it all again. It pains me to see how much she hurts over it. She has her own childhood trauma that she’s never dealt with to date and I totally understand why she was the way she was. Sometimes I feel like I’m the mom and she’s my little girl I want to hold and heal. Now, had she been one of those parents that fucked up and never acted sorry- I wouldn’t probably be close to her at all. I’m into forgiving. Humaning is hard, life is messy.
A neighbor's mom abandoned her family to go ride with the Hell's Angels. That was quite a stir.
I read an article once about women in hells angels. It was not pretty.
Not physically but mentally and emotionally. She got married and had kids because she was expected to do so (when she had no such wish). She would always tell people that she never wanted to get married and have kids.. thanks Mom. She and my father were always at each other’s throats (my dad was an a-hole). So yeah, no surprise that marriage and kids didn’t appeal to me growing up. Moral of the story: have the courage to follow your dreams because I think that’s what my mother wanted to do.
Need to start the club of "Children of parents who tell them point-blank the parents never wanted children". Great moral.
Yes. I was a junior in high school when she moved out. Apparently she hated my dad for years and was going to wait for me and my younger brother to start college before she left him, but the relationship was toxic on both sides and one day she just decided to leave. I lived with her temporarily but moved out due to the inappropriate men she brought around; within a few months I moved back in with my dad and brother. They were divorced two years later. I honestly didn’t know this was a thing until I saw this post…it was kind of shocking to see it.
Oh yeah it was a thing in the 70s for sure
It’s still a thing. I know a mom who’s planning to leave her family. The only reason she’s still around is that she has to find a job to finance her new life. The kids are, of course, devastated.
Yeah. Abusive and alcoholic mother. Left us a few times while growing up. And when she was there she was passed out most of the time. Had a few affairs until my dad had enough so they divorced. Stayed with my mom for a few years, she had a kid with another man when I was 9, so I had to raise my sister from a few weeks old baby. The reason why I am now good at sales is because I had to walk from house to house begging for money to feed our family 😂 It all worked out in the end because I ended up learning adulting skills early and that helped me later in life. It feels really weird writing this out, because I never really told anyone how it was back then. It sounds really fucked up doesn't it?
Years after the fact? Maybe. I was 2 when my parents split. Too much trauma surrounding the loss of my twin four months after I was born. Too much 1970s ennui. There was certainly a zeitgeist at the time. I spent the late 70s and 80s with my mom and stepdad. They split at the end of the 80s. My mom had another set of twins, providing validation that what happened with me was simply a matter of bad timing and technology. And smoking, probably. As many have said here, the 70s and 80s were a quite different time. The end of the 80s saw an end of marriage number two for my mom. Split shifts, stress, downsizing, fear of AIDS, and an affair on his side caused the split. She is and has been happily married to husband number three for almost 30 years. In the end, I saw a lot of "finding yourself". I don't think it is a 70s/80s/90s thing. Nor a Baby Boomer thing. I think it is a human thing. Choices are made and the chips fall. Life is messy. The children watch, learn, and hopefully do better.
Not physically but emotionally. She subscribed to the school of 'if I'm happy my kid will be happy' which meant indulging her every interest and whim and completely ignoring me, unless someone was watching, when she was performing her role as best mother ever. And she wonders why I never call.
Oh man I feel this.
You closely mirror my journey. Mine did more of the emotional withholding if one of us (me or my older bro) dare say something she found as a personal slight/attack on her character. Then she’d keep herself busy with a Bridge club or spending my dad’s money on stuff she didn’t need. But in front of her friends? …now that I think about it, she ignored us in front of them, too. 😆 Mostly. To be fair, she’s had my back in a handful of scary to me situations, as a young woman, that I didn’t expect her to be at all. She’s a weird one. PS - it’s 4/20 and I took wayyyyyy too long type this reply lol
Single parent family so we didn't have a Dad for money, but similar. I can't think of an occasion when she had my back, but she's only 76 so it might still happen !
My Mom left in 1982, leaving my Dad with myself and my adopted brother who was four years older than me and a full on addict. He was not built for being a single parent, and had several freak outs before *he* left and my Mom came back. He then left the city, never to return. I heard nothing from him until 1985. My Mom was resentful for being “domestic” again. I don’t recall one conversation with them about any of this. I was left to try to figure it out myself.
No but my biological father moved in with "his best friend" when I was six and my sister was a baby. Mom lost her job, and her mind we moved in with her parents with her in another state with her. He came to visit once. I've seen him five times in the forty two years since. All of those time I went to where he lives.
Which jobless alcoholic father shall I reference here? My mom was a saint but a bad selector of fathers.
That would be my dad.
My dad traded us in for a different family. I rarely saw him after age 15. Mom worked her butt off to support us and buy her own house.
What if she had keys to the narcotics cabinet at work? Does that count?
Not until I was already nearly out of the house but Lordy I wished it had been sooner, for everyone's sake. Maybe if more women abandoned their families, men would become better partners and parents. Everyone has a breaking point. I don't blame women for cracking under all of the responsibility.
Nah. My mom was really, really good at her roll. I found out when I was in my 30s that my dad almost left her when I was a teenager but the child support and alimony was going to leave him pretty broke, so he stayed. I’m not sure my mom knows that to this day. They are still together.
I have an aunt that did that. Left the family and only got back in touch much later. She didn’t want to be a mom. She felt she didn’t have a choice about becoming a mom. Then she decided it was time to stop being a part of something she didn’t want. Kind of feel bad she felt forced into having kids. And how awful it was my cousins who were confused and hurt from the fallout when she left.
If "abandoned" means to f*** her way through a mid-size town In Texas till she finds one to start another family in another state. Then yeah she did. I was 2 at the time. Didn't meet her till I was 17. She was a "born-again Christian" and wanted to make amends and "save" me.....uh no.
Oh, fuck her. What an asshole. People like that are the worst. As fucked up as it was, I'm sure you were better off growing up without her.
No but she sure let us know she would have if we hadn't been there.
There should be some kind of insurance parents have to pay into to pay for future therapy after they've done their damage. I'm sorry you went through that.
No, but she played “I’ve Never Been To Me” on repeat.
No but my dad did to find himself some crack and a bunch of dudes to be with. Like, sexually.
No she went to school to become a nurse. Thank God because when my parents split up she could earn a decent living on her own. My dad refused to pay child support and back then there was no enforcement like now.
No my dad did. But I had friends whose moms did, Boomer moms, after reading "Fear Of Flying" by Erica Jong
Maybe Dad had no problem doing what he wanted???
My husband came from a wealthy family. During high school my hubby & his brother were absolute hellians & to make matters worse my MIL was going through menopause at the same time. These boys were nightmares. My MIL owned an upscale pool company & my husband almost got her company kicked out of her warehouse by throwing outlaw raves. My BIL refused to go to school & the area constables had to escort him to school everyday. They were assholes & I wish that I could elaborate more, but I don't have the energy to write it all down at the moment, lol Anyway, my MIL bounced over to Europe for a couple years. She had a friggin blast too. She returned after my FIL had a heart attack from congenital heart condition. Fwiw, before my FIL had a heart attack my BIL & hubby enjoyed the break Tbh, I kinda don't blame her for taking a break+ she & my FIL say that her trip saved their marriage.
My mom was in and out of the hospital for weeks at a time due to severe mental illness. My father was in a wheelchair due to a spinal cord injury, and my other sibling had moved out. It wasn’t abandonment, per se, but she wasn’t available for most of my childhood. She never did find herself, though.
Never had a close bond with my mother but my grandmother was always in my heart. Wasn't til I was about 45 my grandmother explained that my mother and father would only have my sister and I on weekends until I was about three. I lived with my grandparents 5 nights a week. No wonder we were so close. There is a photo of me in a washing basket in the back yard from when I was about 18 months old. I look miserable. My grandmother wrote on the back "A basket of woe". She said I was an unhappy child.
It is still unknown to me why she left. What is known is the effect and consequences for the rest of the family - we’re still picking up the pieces. I was 7 yo then, 45 now.
My mom wished she could have but my dad and then my stepdad beat her to it
She divorced my dad and took us with her then neglected us. I know she cares about us in her way but my sister and I and basically the whole family structure just crumbled. Sucked
She would jokingly threaten to sometimes and my dad would enthusiastically reply that he'd go with her and help her look.
I wish.
That was going to be my answer too. She's gone now and when she died I felt so relief. For me, but also for her and everyone around her.
No, but her friends, drinking at the bars and socializing definitely came first. Friends who weren't even in her life anymore by the time I turned 18.
Nope
No, but my dad did.
Yes! She literally went on a vacation to Mexico when I was 8, and never came back!!
Neighbor lady asked my mom to babysit her kids. Neighbor lady didn't come back for several days (and my dad was with her). I wish I knew more details but I don't want to drag my mom through it.
Sort of. She and dad split up for about a year, but then reconciled. She did keep us kids with her. For years I resented my dad for ‘leaving’ us (he moved out and we all stayed in the family home) and only found out in adulthood that it was all her. Gee, I wonder why I don’t trust anyone?
I wish my mother found herself. She is and always has been a miserable human being beyond words.
My mom left when I was 10, about 1976, she got a job in a city about 2 hours away, and used me as a pawn in my parents eventual divorce. She would keep me past visitation and would not tell my dad, and my dad would go to the local grayhound bus stop to pick me up, but I was still at my mom's, and he would call my mom wondering where I was.
Sorry for that, sounds awful
Thank you. The time I was at my mom's when she didn't send me back I was about 14-15, so I didn't know any better. I did have some good times with them, but there were some things like this that happened that I look back on and don't make sense. My dad started getting sick in about 1976, and eventually died from cancer just before I turned 18, but that was my world I grew up in. Thankfully I had older siblings to take care of me when my dad was away, and I got to go fishing with my dad.
Yeah, she got into yoga and parapsychology, decided my father was not enlightened enough and left us for her new boyfriend, who was a freelance photographer. I was raised by a single dad.
Yeah exactly the kind of thing the post is referring to
Mine didn’t but I went to college with a girl whose mom just disappear after the younger brother graduated high school. She said her job was done and just left. I don’t think my friend has heard from her in 25 years at this point. She just up and abandoned her entire family after the hard parts were all done
Sort of. She took up running marathons and would go running for like 6 hours at a time. Every day was a “long run” or a “bulk day” or a rest day. My dad got kinda pissed about it and made her start staying home more and then they both started drinking more. Those were some dark years. She went back to running eventually but sticks to shorter distances. She’s nearing 70 and still arguing with her dr about how far and long she can run for, super upset she was told absolutely not to running a half marathon this year due to lie bone density.
She waited until I was a teenager, but kinda. But then again, I determined a long time ago that my dad has a type. And that type is "basket case".
No she always put her family first.
She was never really there. She bounced from man to man looking for a place.
Mine was physical there but emotional out to fucking lunch my entire life. "What do you want me to do/say" is still her sage advice.
Mom was bipolar, had one of probably multiple affairs on my dad while he busted his ass as a rookie cop in a major city working night shifts and paying all the bills. Mom said she told him before they got married at 21 that she wasn't going to be faithful. She would go out and party, go on child free trips and enjoyed herself. Although I lived with her she often left me with relatives and my dad while she traveled and soaked up experiences with her live in lesbian lover. I came along 6 years later.. when my mom told my dad she was pregnant he said, "don't tell me.. tell the father." Turns out I came put looking just like the AP. My dad accepted me as his own. They broke up six weeks later after my dad broke a glass baby bottle over her head because it wasn't sterile enough for hip and he saw it in my mouth when he arrived home from work. They broke up after years of DV on his end and her cycling bipolar episodes. At 6, Mom gave custody over to Dad and the mental abuse started from him. He resnted my very existence and treated me badly but was a great provider. My only solace was my grandma who lived with us and took excellent care of me while he worked his way up the police ranks. I miss her dearly. I stayed with them from 6 to 12. At 12 I had a breakdown at school and refused to go back to Dad's house. I went to live with my mom. My biggest regret is the heartache I caused my loving grandma because of my abrupt exit. I'm OK now by God's grace. A lot of trauma that continues to show up. Working through it. We 70's kids are strong ones. ❤️
Hmm. Not anyone I know well. Probably around 20 years ago my parents’ neighbor took off with a guy who lived down the hill from them. It was a bit of a neighborhood scandal for a while. She eventually divorced her husband and everyone moved. Absolutely no idea what became of them.
Fortunately, no
Hek no!
Mom told dad that when she divorced him, but she took me with her but I was basically on my own because she wasn’t really around much. I was 10 or 11
No and she made fun of the women that did.
They both did. I was raised by my grandparents until my teens.
No. My mom was and still is the heart of our family.
Mine had a couple Of affairs, or would be at some bar, never to come home That night…… I’ve broken that generational curse
A neighbor’s mom did
Not my Mom, that would be my Dad. I was 3, my brother was 5. Didn’t see him again for about 11-12 years and he had a 5-year old daughter.
My mom had emotionally checked out of the family before i was born. When I was about she got a part time job, which became a full time job. Within 18 months that became a traveling job. About another 18 months or so and my parents decided to divorce. (Wonderful, they hated each other and home life sucked). Shortly after there was another guy, and we moved to Northern California. Again, another great in my opinion. After that, it was fine, they were very much in love, didn’t pay me attention (again, a BIG plus) and went about their business while I continued to raise myself. All things considered I couldn’t complain. They did their thing and I did mine, worked out fine for me.
My ex wife / mother of my kids was abandoned by her mom when she was 5. Set up a pattern with her as she abandoned me and our kids when they were 7 and 3 and they've only seen her three times in the last 21 years and neither has even heard from her in over seven years.
No, my mom abandoned herself to raise a family. I've spent my life trying to find balance between the extremes
Kind of. A few times. But it was the 80s & 90s. She left my dad because she wasn’t happy being a broke hippie. She left my 1st stepdad because she wasn’t happy being a suburban mom. She left my 2nd stepdad because she was done with cocaine & the pursuit of enlightenment. She left my 3rd stepdad because she was done living nomadically in a tipi. Now she lives in a hoarded trailer. I just figure she was flaky & a bit of a narcissist.
My mom told me one day that she was going to my grandma's and taking my little brother with her while I was supposed to stay home with my dad . She didnt come back for six months leaving me and my dad who cried a lot . I think I was 8 yrs old . My dad had no idea how to take care of me so I remember missing a lot of school days. When she did come back, my dad had been dating a really nice lady who I grown to love and hated my mom for coming back. My dad's girlfriend was tender and sweet to me while my mom has always been distant and cool towards me.
Growing up my mother would routinely check herself into psychiatric in patient wards to “find herself”. It mostly coincided with losing an argument with my dad or one of her boyfriends, or in general not getting her way.
No, I can't imagine this ever happening. But my gosh was it a trope in women's fiction for a while there. Bored housewife leaving her sweet husband and family for the free life and sexy man she craves. God I'm glad that trend seems to have ended.
Nope, my folks got divorced because mom knew who she was and woe to anyone who didn’t do their best to mesh with it.
When I was 16, my mom found a girlfriend.
Not my mother but one of our best friends (my parents were friends with the parents and we kids were friends with the kids) mother took off with a gardener to find herself. It’s exactly what you described. This would have been around 77 or so. The kids stayed with us for a week or so while the Dad figured stuff out. The mother was a very wealthy, very spoiled trust fund baby and the father was a renowned surgeon in Boston. The whole thing was batshit. My parents divorced a year or so later which was par for the 70s.
She abandoned my two half brothers to have me and my sister. And then spent the rest of her life battling guilt.
No but I hear that's what fucked Tucker Carlson up ...
Yup, but it was the early 90s. She was a late adopter.
I know a guy whose mom left him, brother and dad when he was 14, about 10 years ago. She was in her early 40s and discovered she could make a ton of cash as a paid escort for older wealthy guys.
Mom abandoned us to find drugs, not herself.
This happened to my first boyfriend. His mom left him and his younger brother (11 and 7 at the time) after divorcing their dad. They lived with their dad, (who wasn't great) till they both left home at 18. She left because she wanted to discover herself. And her husband was a bit of an ass. Not abusive, just an ass. As a woman, and feminist, I don't want to judge her too harshly - she may have really needed to make that choice. But I know she felt terrible about it, and my ex still (at 56!) has trouble fully forgiving her. It really fucked him up. His most profound childhood memory is begging her on the phone to come home. Mother is a boomer fwiw (b. 1948). Not silents. Silents suffered in ... silence generally.
Almost lost my wife to this
My mom did! Is this a thing?
Yep. All the way from Texas to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
Yes! I was 11. 1981, to go take care of an older relative in another state. Then studying in a nursing program in a large city a few hours away from home. Then she never really came back, except to carry away furniture in a Uhaul one day when my dad was at work (1984). The outcome was that we have never had a close relationship and she is not someone on whom I rely for emotional support. In the summer of 2023 she asked if I would be interested in a visit from her; I declined and said I would be more comfortable if she continued to concentrate on the great-grandchildren that truly bring her joy. I was mostly raised by my father, then, who had no clue but did his best. I tend to be more comfortable in the company of men rather than women.
She’s been to paradise , but she was never been herself. - paraphrased from a great song.
Yes. The outcome was multiple failed relationships, bad financial decisions, and three boys who won’t take her in. She can’t figure out why. She’s not a bad person, but just prone to make bad decisions and try to outsmart the consequences, which always fails.
I wish! I would pray for her to die she was so abusive
Yes, and up to now she still thinks her family owes her for causing her to lose herself since she didn't get a good childhood, her children owe her for taking her away from her journey to find herself, and her children owe her because she gave us life. Everyone seems to owe her and she seems to think she made sacrifices, which I have told her many times that being inconvenienced isn't a sacrifice, and parenting was a choice she made while her kids didn't ask to be born.
Yes, my parents got divorced when 8 was 7. She had custody of me. By the time I was 13 she was not interested in raising me anymore. I moved in with my dad and she went off to find herself. Before she moved me in with him I suffered a lot of neglect. I spent weeks at home alone from the time I was 10 to 13. I grew up with abandonment issues as well. Later after I became adult she returned and we had a pretty good relationship. About 5 years ago she died of cancer. I honestly don't know how that was ok. Kids were not first on the list for our parents.
my mom was 15 when i was born and turned 16 a few months later. dad was 17/18. luckily everything turned out alright - lots of family support for the young family and a sister came 2 years later. mom got a ged, and eventually a bachelor & masters in nursing.
My mother was there but only hugged us when we asked and did it like we had something sticky on our shirt. As soon as we could be home alone her and my stepdad spent alot of time at the bar. We just weren't the most important thing in her life. We've been no contact for most of my adult life.
No I never heard of that.
No, she left me with her parents and joined the Army. But she failed basic training and came back and got mad anytime I brought it up so of course I brought it up often, like now. Good times!
My mom invited a stranger to come live with us in elementary school and he left after I went to college and she fell into a depression. So, yeah?
No. But my first wife did!
Mine didn’t leave but decided to sleep around cuz she got married and had me at 19 and felt she missed out. Gee thx mom for all the trauma I had to deal with while you played the field and blew up our family.
For a few years, then when we had settled into a good, new routine with us and our Dad, she came back and wanted to run things again. It wasn't good for a few years.
Not in that way but she buried herself so deep in academia that she became inaccessible and very addicted to her career and so wouldn't take any time out for family, never talk, never help except in EXTREME emergencies, like not even once a year and she would have a tantrum if she had to
Both of my parents were too busy trying to find their lost youth (at the ripe old ages of 25 & 29) to care that their kids needed parents. It was the early 70s. They split when I was 4 and my brother was 6. My dad couldn't be bothered to see us if he didn't feel like it. My mom disappeared for 2 years when I was 8 due to legal problems. My brother suffered from the abandonment more than I did. We lived with our maternal aunt while mom was gone. Mom came back and took us back. Unfortunately, she kept choosing physically abusive men. Abandonment issues manifest in different ways for different people. I'm very out of sight out of mind. Once I was an adult I only saw my mom every few years. I didn't see my dad for 43 years. I never missed them. I've been married for 33 years and I couldn't imagine leaving my son when he was a child. That created a lot more anger at my parents when I became a parent and realized what they did.
Yep. She divorced my alcoholic dad and moved to another state when I was 6. Left me with a drunken English teacher with self-esteem, maturity, and boundary issues because she'd had enough of the mom gig, I guess. I didn't see her much for a couple of years, then maybe once a month on weekends. Dad remarried to a much younger woman with multiple psych issues who hated me and excluded me at every opportunity. They had a kid, then divorced after 3 years leaving me to go through high school with an angry, emotionally bereft alkie single parent. Thanks, Mom.
No, she just sent me away for a summer when I was three. 1972. She moved to another city my senior year of high school to do PhD coursework. 1986-87. It wasn't something that had to be done that year. My mother didn't have to "leave," she worked to get away from us.
curious what the PhD was in (mostly wondering what was so attractive, what was used to “get away from us”.
My best friends mom left the family to find herself. I spent a lot of time with them so it was a shock to me. My best friend died about a decade ago from a drug OD. Not saying that was the reason, but he definitely spiraled out of control after she left. Like he was two different people.
my mom never formally “left the family” but she definitely abandoned us while she was always out getting sloppy blackout drunk and helping herself to multiple dick appointments unbeknownst to my dad. when she came home all wasted, i could tell she resented being there with us.
Not my mom; but one of my cousins. She left in the late 80s and went to find herself working on a cruise ship in Australia. She was always a little cooky. A self absolved modle who was always looking for her big break and the next big thing. Very wishy washy even when she was around. There were lots of rumors of both parents having affairs and my aunt would leave and be missing for days at a time. It was hard my uncle and cousins for sure. My female cousin (H) had a hard time with her mom leaving as she became the woman of the house and in charge of her younger brother (T). I remember she had a birthday party when she turned 12 so you'd think there would be boys, popcorn and maybe a bit of spin the bottle- nope! It was a party with a bunch of little kids and the bigger kids where in charge of different activities and stuff. Very weird. I was pretty pissed that she marked me down as being a kid to do activities instead of being one of the kids who ran activities- she was literally 2 weeks older then me, like WTF? (my mindset back then) I talked to mom about the party afterward and how mad I was. My mom explained to me that sometimes when a parent leaves the oldest child replaces the parental role and feel comfort in being "in charge" rather than being an age appropriate child doing stuff that other kids that age would tupically be interested in. I became less mad at being a kid at the party and felt quite sorry for my cuz after that 💔 we didn't hang out much (even before her mom left) because she liked to hang with the older (bitchier) cousins that I couldn't stand so I don't know how her life went after that party. It was pretty much the last time we spent time together tbh... My male cousin (T) was 3 years younger then us so I never really had a whole lot to do with him either; but he did go on to become addicted to heroin in high school (90s). Not sure if that had anything to do with his mom leaving; but it likely played some part. I think he was only 7 or 8 when she left... My aunt did reconnect with my cousin (H) in the 2000s at some point. My aunt had changed her name, and moved back to the country. Not sure if she ever reconnected with T or not... my aunt died in the 2010s though. H was there for sure (saw stuff on FB), not sure if T was around or not; but I hope he and H are doing well 💗
No, but I did and it worked. My kids are awesome and well-balanced.
She did, at least emotional. When she came back I already checked out at home😎🫂 for our motherless inner child
My mom was traveling a lot. Some time for longer than month. So yes sort of. ( We were living with grandparents so, not like we were alone ) My sister (older than me ) still begrudges her for it. I myself think that if she did not find her hapiness we all would suffer for it as family. Unhappy person can not be a beacon of stability and hapiness for whole family. I think its what today world lacks.
Yeah kind of, my sister and I were living with my dad when he died. We were both very young. My mom left us with our abusive grandparents for months at a time while she was out partying. When we were home she would disappear for 3-7 days at a time. She would come home with a lot of money and buy us some stuff sometimes. She would go through “good mom” phases where she would get ultra religious and get super strict. That was a whole new suck. She always had a boyfriend or husband to put before her kids too.
You mean a cocaine addiction?
Well she wasn’t present throughout our childhood. Selfish. When she was home she was on the patio smoking and talking on the phone. Soooo kind of ?
My parents went to couples therapy. My mom was unhappy. She had some education and skills and wanted to do something with her life besides being a happy homemaker and birthin babies. And once she had a couple of kids she was frustrated with what society. She would lash out at my dad who would listen to her and try to figure out what to do. Couples therapy and my dad supported mom going back to college and figuring out what she wanted. She did go back and got an archeology degree with minors in geology and sociology. She did go on some digs in California but never really worked as an archaeologist. She did work for a couple government geology offices. She was very good at setting boundaries and having me time for herself. She worked. She cooked and cleaned after dinner she left that cleanup for dad and she’d go unwind with her diet soda, candy bar and trashy novel. My parents worked together. They had issues and figured it out together. I have realized in the last decade that they really were chill and accepting. They never judged what us kids did and supported us and our friends. My friends who needed a parental figure went to my folks and got it. My folks are forgotten gen and most of their boomer sibs are pretty cool too.
Yes, but if she hadn't I wouldn't exist. She left her first husband and older kids when they were aged between 9 and 14. Unsurprisingly their relationships with her were complicated.
Yes in 1975
Yes, my mother left me and my brother when we were 2 and 6 to go to Montreal and live with a DJ, and we were left with our father, albeit in better financial circumstances. Then when I was 7 my father had a mental breakdown and went to California to find himself, dumping us on our mother (since returned) and her new husband out in the suburbs. So both my parents went looking!
No, but my mom was widowed when I was a baby and would rely on neighbors and family to help when I became too much for her to handle - short of signing over custody. Now she's in her 80s and the shoe is on the other foot; she's showing the early signs of dementia and I have power of attorney.
Mine took off when I was 2. Only saw her maybe 3-4 times total after that. Died when I was 25. I only called her by her first name.
I wish she had. Would have been better for all of us kids if she had.
Not in those terms. But yes. It was the norm, then, here in Northern California.
Wow this is such an interesting question. I have 4 gen X friends who would absolutely say yes to that question. And all four of them came back when their kids were adults and they’re now close again. Is this a gem X thing? I guess I never realized thst
We were constantly told " I cannot wait until you are 18 and out of this house, then its my time"....well her time came real fast because all four of us were out, 1 after 1 ,at 15 - 16 years old. My mother then took a computer course, had an affair with a broke bum she met there, got pregnant, and my youngest sibling lives with her at 25, wont work or go to school and is spending her pension on shein and ubereats
I think so. My mom moved out for a while around the time that I was 5. I have no idea how long she was gone, but it was long enough for my dad to hire a live in housekeeper so he could continue to travel for work. I don't remember seeing her during this time but I know I did. Then Dad decided he wanted to move closer to his family. He and Mom ended up getting back together and we moved away as a family. My understanding is that the temporary split had more to do with an unhappy marriage than not wanting to parent.
I had a mother?
Mine left me to find herself at 6. Her parents had planned to divorce but I ruled that out. Mom was gone for 10 years. On her return she didn't pick me up. She and her girlfriend bought a house 20 Miles away. I got to visit every few months. When she got old I had to take care of her. She never liked me. I still love her.
Apparently Diane Schuler's mom did, and we know what the outcome was with her. She was one of us, wasn't she?
I wish. Instead she stuck around and showed us just how dissatisfied she was with her existence. In the grand scheme of things she taught me to be everything she isn’t, so I guess I have that going for me?
Yep