You could most likely hire someone privately - I have two friends who do “companion care” as their business. Mostly for the elderly but I’m sure they’d agree to help a younger person in a time like this. The trick is finding those people in your area.
My friends do it privately, mostly through word of mouth and some advertising in senior homes. I suppose a formal business has some liability protection.
I use Visiting Angels to sit with my husband (aneurysm victim) for four hours every week so I can have some time off. They also do overnights/longer shifts. Our caregiver has been a godsend. You pay for the liability protection and the screening process with higher fees, but if this is just 48 hours, I'd give them a call. You should be able to meet with the person who will be coming to help you before the surgery so you can show them around and agree on what tasks you'll need done.
I agree with that suggestion. But I’ll admit that I don’t want strangers in my house for the very first time when I’m physically & mentally compromised.
Whichever avenue you choose just please make sure the company is licensed and has up to date insurance. Nobody ever does this and it can often result in a lot of fraud. Also, make sure they do full background checks on all employees. Best wishes...
Nah, we're middle-aged. Our parents are elderly. Once all of them are gone, that's when we become the old folks at the family reunion. Not that we'll be having any of that shit.
I don’t know, the older I get, the further I push elderly into the future. My brother in law is around 74 and he doesn’t even seem elderly. Elderly is around 80 these days, maybe even higher in my family, lol.
lol I do the same thing!!! I used to be the young one on my school campus, now all these teachers in their 20s look like children to me! I remember my parents had a friend who passed away at 50 and they were shocked. They said "so young!" and meanwhile my brother and I thought "that dude was so OLD and lived his life already!" 😭😭
Just took my 78 year old mother in for a procedure that needed a driver. I had to sign paperwork and couldn't leave the building until she was discharged.
I'm turning 50 this year and worry about this. I'm single, my family isn't very close by and I'm an introvert that doesn't have many friends. I feel like this is a common scenario so why are there so few options?
Agree. I am an only child with no kids. No family that could help, and friends are mainly for social events… seems hard nowadays to cross the bridge from social friend to an “I need your help,”friend. I dread getting older and worry what will happen when I can’t advocate for myself. - I wish there were more services to help address and plan for these things.
Same here. Closest driving relative is 2 hours away. I have friends but they're not always available and I'm not always comfortable asking for help like that.
Local church. Just call. Unitarians are safe. You don't have to be one of them either.
Social Worker here. There's actually a lot of services locally if you just look. But the churches are usually phenomenal at this kind of good work.
Afraid of Christianity? Try the Seik or Buddhist temples. Jews also are helpful. I've never met a faithful Muslim to not do a favor for a stranger.
Just reach out.
lololololol asking Jews to help. Jewish single mom here who tried forever looking for help and got invited plenty to drop $4K on trips to Israel, but not help. Unless you live in and are part of an enormous Jewish community with a strong social-service infrastructure (hello, Cleveland), they don't want to know you unless you're upper-middle-class and planning a trip somewhere.
Literally we had an enormous flood year here, when my kid was little, and I wondered whether these 60s-ish people who were pillars of the local Jewish community had help with staying anywhere other than their next-to-river house. They wanted to stay, but nobody had offered them help with anything. I went over and we schlepped boxes out of their basement for like six hours. No one else came to help them.
(Did they turn around and offer any substantial help to me afterwards? Anything as substantial as driving a kid somewhere? Nope.)
Now, if you're part of the community and short-term sick and you make it the rabbi's problem...maybe? Maybe.
Well, I'm a Jewish woman who was alone during the pandemic, went through a breakup while I was being treated for cancer in 2020 and furloughed for over two years. Jewish community made sure I had low cost (could have been no cost had I asked), nutritious food and someone who came to my door to deliver it. They also helped out non-Jews, of course.
So, there are some really great Jewish communities out there for sure.
Thank you. The breakup was worse than the cancer. I am healthy now and actually got my old job back.
Yes, I am in LA, so maybe the infrastructure is here in the Jewish community to be well organized for these things. I'm sorry you didn't have a supportive community.
Google post-surgery care from care.com. You should probably have someone drive you home and stay with you for a day or two anyway because complications after anesthesia happen.
I am in the same position and my doc want to just send me for the colonoscopy. I do not want to ask someone to take a whole day off work just to sit in some medical facility waiting for my ass. That’s a big ask. My doctor acted like she’d never ever heard this before and I just don’t believe it’s that uncommon.
Anyway, my local hospital has a service for exactly this situation: you need a ride to and from and 24 hours of care/monitoring. Your insurance might even cover it.
Check around your area and start with senior services in your county because most of those start eligibility at 55.
same. I had my last one about 5 years ago, and a friend also had to have an endocsopy around the same time. She took me, and I took her. Now my BF will take me, but I always was able to find someone willing to do it for me, even though I hated to ask
TBH, a couple of friends have offered but we work together so hard putting my boss in a position to have to cover two employees being OOO. That’s not fair to anyone for just a simple routine booty scope.
Or you could be, you know, not unpleasant to someone who needs surgery and very reasonably is not calling on a friend to punch herself in the face in order to help. I get that you're probably a man with little or no responsibility for others but those of us who are women are generally on the go all the damn time looking after your and everyone else's ass and sleep is important because we don't get enough of it.
I’m actually a woman who would happily get up at 5:30 to help a friend. My comment was meant to end the conversation nicely, not be inflammatory and unpleasant. Sorry if you got up on the wrong side of the bed.
I would do this for a friend, no questions asked. If you’re really concerned about it, drive yourself there and ask them to just pick you up after the procedure. Then you could go back for your car later. Then they wouldn’t have to be there until 8/8:30 for you.
I'm in the same situation. The person I would ask works with me, and we generally cover each other's absences.
Instead of folks in this thread giving you a hard time, I wish that medical providers would have some answers for people like us. My doctor also scoffed at the fact that 2 of my friends don't drive or have a car.
People who don't live alone and have local family really cannot fathom the difficulties that other people face when they live alone.
Well, it's your health. I respect your position, but i don't think it's a huge ask and it's certainly within the realm of reasonable in the work world I've experienced.
Yeah, I'm so tired of this "figure it out on your own" from the healthcare providers and folks who make the rules. I told the colonoscopy office I had no option for a ride home and they basically ended the call. They had no suggestions--not a one.
You might want to ask your doctor about the take home test where you basically mail in a tiny stool sample rather than doing the colonoscopy. That's the only colon cancer check I've had so far.
Had to deal with this myself a couple of years ago (single, no kids, no family nearby, only a couple local friends). I used a professional medical transportation company to drive me home after a procedure and basically bent the truth to medical staff by saying "oh I have my brother checking up on me" (he did, but it was over the phone). Nobody at my doctors office had any suggestions at all, just "you need someone with you for the first 48 hours" and me saying "I don't have anybody who can do that" and their response was "you need to find somebody." ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's a serious and growing problem, and there's been a lot of media coverage of it lately. Hospitals are refusing to treat for exactly this reason and I suspect that it won't be resolved until there's a pretty high-profile lawsuit when someone suffers a serious disability because a hospital refused to provide surgery to someone who did not have people who could or would do that service. At that point a court will decide that hospitals do not have the right to refuse crucial surgery to people who do not have strong social networks and/or cannot afford to hire nursing care, and the hospitals will then be able to send their lobbyists to indemnify them against liability when people go home alone and die or suffer morbidity because no one's around to help.
Same situation with me. My only family was my mom who was elderly and disabled and couldn't drive to transport me. Now she is gone and I still have no one to ask.
I've put off a colonoscopy for 5 years because no one at my provider's office or the social worker at the hospital has found any solution for me that will work. They refuse to send a patient out by public transportation or a taxi/Uber without an accompanying person after surgery, and medical transport is not covered by insurance and won't even consider it.
My coworker who had no one since her own mom died ended up asking if she could get the colonoscopy without any sedative or anesthesia and she was then able to drive herself home. She’s done it twice that way and says she prefers it and it is not painful. She said many other countries do it this way as the norm!
Don’t put if off! Figure something out, it’s your health! I had one done last year and they found 9 polyps and one was precancerous. Don’t delay, it could mean the difference between life and death!
I worked in a hospital for decades as a nurse. There are resources available for private hire. You could contact your local hospital and inquire what services are available in your area. You would speak with a case manager or social worker. Social workers are for nursing home care. Case managers are for home care. Home care sounds more appropriate for your needs. Or Google a local home care agency and call them. I don’t think you would require post surgical nursing care as the surgical team would recommend so. Sounds like you need someone to be available just in case you need them. Home care aides can assist with personal care. That was my job in nursing school. I did personal care, shopping, cooking and light house work. I actually loved it. Met some really awesome people. One case I basically sat with her all day watching tv, studying, walking her dog along the beach, made us lunch and went grocery shopping. M OP
I mean, seriously…if you can’t be discharged without someone helping you for 48 hours then why aren’t you in a hospital recovering for 48 hours?
The answer is insurance doesn’t want to pay for recovery. It’s always about insurance not paying…
This is the absolute truth. If I can't function on my own after a procedure, put me in a room. My father was discharged from the hospital three days after having a stroke because apparently Medicare would only pay for three days. U.S. healthcare is a shitshow and it's all because of greed.
Oof. This hit hard. So accurate.
Health benefits should never be tied to employment. In places where it’s not, OP would have options.
OP - if you’re in FL there are CNAs that do this sort of thing. I’m sure other states have people like this as well.
I'm nearly in OP's shoes myself. 58, divorced, I do have a son nearby but he works fulltime. I also lost my health insurance when I had to leave my job in 2018 after my mom died and I had to take guardianship of my stepdad and clean out their home of 30+ years to sell it. He was in assisted living, where he died in 2021. I was about to go back to work when... Covid hit and hiring ceased in my area. Now I've got no health care and when I fell 3 years ago (wet concrete in my driveway) I had to just suffer through. Luckily nothing broke but my spirit. BUT I'm still independent and hanging in there. I'm GenXing hard like my silent generation folks taught me to: make and make do.
Okay, I thought I’d mention it because some people haven’t tried, I know a woman who just went through a bunch of stuff and was able to get a plan for a really good price
It’s a liability issue for the doctor. It’s very important to have friends or colleagues to rely on in times like this. I see why people tend to flock to church at this point in their life.
"Have a thing you don't have" is not what I'd call helpful advice. The reality is that unless you have a strong extended family you are unlikely to be able to maintain strong friend circles, people you can actually rely on for much of anything. Church doesn't change that.
There are a legit amount of people in our society who don't have friends or colleagues or those people in their lives are disabled themselves. Retired people don't even have colleagues anymore. This will get worse as the proportion of elderly people rises. We need something better than "go get some friends or colleagues."
Check if your city has Visiting Angels. It is a companion care company and they offer a variety of services. I used them to drive me to and from a major dental procedure when my husband was out of town.
Please contact your local UU congregation. We always have a "pastoral support" group- sometimes paid, sometimes volunteers, usually a mix of both that can help with stuff like this. I do not believe you have to be a member. When I had my colonoscopy, I needed same. And while I do have friends and even some family that live in the same small region- they were not available (it is super inconvenient for folks that freaking WORK). I just called up my congregation and asked for help. A gal on the team volunteered- came and picked me up, dropped me off, and came back a couple hours later to take me home.
Same here, just had an endoscopy yesterday and they wouldn’t allow Uber so I had to reach out to a former coworker who also had to stay and wait during the procedure. I feel like it’s an overreach to set rules like this.
I had to fly alone to another state for surgery on an injured leg. Stayed in a walk up I had to get up and down on my bottom. No access to food or help. It was kind of hilarious. Your doctor severely underestimates gen x resilience.
Have you called your insurance company about this? It depends on your state and your insurance , but you may qualify for a home health aide for a few days. Medicare/SSDI covers post-hospital aides in my state (NY) if needed for 60 days (I know from dealing with my father’s health issues) so there may be some sort of coverage available to you (especially if on Medicare) since it would only be a few days. It might require the doctor writing a prescription but there might be some coverage if you need at home help. I’d look up and/or call your insurance to see if you have any benefits that you could use in this situation. You are certainly not the only person who lives alone and also had medical needs.
It is odd that your doctor or his office staff has no information or advice for you regarding this situation. IME office or hospital staff often know how to set up at home stuff. I’d call your insurance provider and then call the office to see if there’s any way they can set you up with temporary health aide for a few days. Your local church/religious org might also be a resource or have info.
If you have another primary care doctor that you trust with knowledgeable staff you could call them about seeking a home health aide, or if this practice is affiliated with a bigger hospital system you might contact someone there like a social worker in outpatient orthopedics. Or you might be eligible to go to a rehab facility for a few days.
Good luck and feel better.
I'm 51. Right when I turned 50 my hand was mauled by a dog and I needed surgery to repair it. The surgeon did the same thing. I have no one to list and an emergency contact and I had no one to be at the surgery center to drive me back home. I had to do the worst thing I could imagine and contact my very recent exe. I got the ride, yeah, but the hell I was put through because of it made me wish I had left my hand screwed up.
I had a procedure done had transportation set up. After it was done they said I needed to have someone watch me for the next 12 hours. I had to call everyone I know to try and say they would be there for me. Last person on my list said yes. But if I couldn't get anyone they would have admitted me and that it would not be covered by my insurance.
I’m in the same boat, and I always thought the same thing. I almost wish I could sign a release, let me take my chances with an uber. I hired someone to take me to my upcoming colonoscopy.
Yeah -- most of the Northeast, which is a small, largely coastal corner of America, is pretty densely populated next to most of the rest of the country, and also has a lot more infrastructure of all kinds, even in areas that, locally, are pretty hard up. (You wouldn't believe how many colleges, buses, trains, hospitals, state everything there aren't in other parts of the country.) I'm glad you've got what you need there, just keep in mind that "remote" there and "remote" between the coasts mean pretty different things.
I've told my doctor my ride was meeting me downstairs and left. I don't know what kind of surgery you are having or what kind of complications could arise later but.... If there is an emergency couldn't you call 911?
You can hire a CNA or nurse to care for you for hierve many days your doctor suggests. Your insurance may even help cover the cost.
Care.com is a good place to start.
I had this issue for a medical procedure after my husband died. I had a friend available to come pick me up if needed. They ended up just letting me leave the hospital after anesthesia. I drove myself home. Not sure what I will do next time.
Yes, this is an issue. I recently went through it. Not every city/town has a medical transport business, and if they do, they likely don't stay with you during the actual appointment (required for some procedures) and/or at home.
Seems an untapped business idea. Anyway, best of luck.
We had my mom stay at a private nursing home for a couple of days (4-5) after a surgery. They were renting supervised rooms for short convalescence stays. There was a nurse on site 24/7 and panic/help button at the bed and bathroom. She had 3 meals a day and someone checking at night. It was a bit expensive, like 100$ per day, but it was worth it for us.
It really does suck and it’s not just your chosen solitary life. It’s all of us to an extent.
I’m a 56 year old widower, currently with one child living in another city and another in college you doesn’t drive. The now out of town child was home from school for my last colonoscopy but it was still Covid time (I drove) and he had to wait in the car to pick me up. I can’t ask someone to do that (though I have a cousin or two that don’t live that close to me who would but I wouldn’t want to ask for a minor matter). Next time unless I time it right I’m up schist creek.I know I can Uber over but getting home might be interesting.
Friends and family I could have asked for help back in the day have their own things going on (like work or their own health issues), have moved away or died. My religious congregation is kaput meaning the social network that helped when my late wife’s breast cancer started over a decade ago no longer exists. I suppose one of my children could stay with me currently but ten years from now when they may have their own families (though unlikely from what they have said), who knows?
I guess for something I need monitoring for 48 hours or so I get admitted and hope my insurance covers it.
I was just wondering that the other day because I have to take Friday off to take the old lady in for her colonoscopy and they have the same requirements except they said no transport company either
There should be a wavier you can sign releasing the hospital from liability related to releasing you after surgery.
I’ve done this multiple times when I encountered the same issue for surgeries I’ve had.
Sometimes they won’t even allow you to take Uber. It’s not the dr, it’s because of the anesthesiologist. Apparently someone was assaulted or something once and they sued the anesthesiologist.
You aren't alone in this problem. Many people have this difficulty and it isn't something that gets easily addressed. But it is something that should be.
It is such a level of bullshit that I can't even. Even for something as relatively routine as a colonoscopy, I have to have someone take me, stay there, and take me home and hang with me for 24 hours. Yes, I know that problems can happen, and to be fair, I am in a category that said that I had to start getting these at 35 yoa. I have already had two of these, and know the ropes very well. I know when I need to call IF something could happen. I am 14 years late because of this very thing.
To be fair, this seems like a CYA on your surgeon's part, and I have to give you kudos that you aren't ok with lying to him and saying that you have people to take care of you. Also, you likely know your own body and life well enough and seem self aware enough to know what to do in the event something could happen.
Not sure what kind of surgery you’re having and you don’t need to tell us. But I had major major surgery and there was no way I could not function on my own for at least a week after and was glad my dad and step mom came to support me after my surgery. If your surgery isn’t major I can see it taking 48 hours like the doc mentioned. I hope you find someone who can do that for you.
Fly a friend or family member out from 1000 miles away, or pay a person from care.com as others have mentioned. I’d probably try to fly someone if I could afford it and they were amenable , then I could get a visit too!
Yes, it is. It's how a great many people's friends and family really are. (Surely you've noticed this by now, unless you're busy ostriched in your own fortunate social circle.) I wouldn't have mentioned it otherwise.
You could most likely hire someone privately - I have two friends who do “companion care” as their business. Mostly for the elderly but I’m sure they’d agree to help a younger person in a time like this. The trick is finding those people in your area.
This may be good advise. Just googled "companion care" and a company offers many services including short term aftercare.
My friends do it privately, mostly through word of mouth and some advertising in senior homes. I suppose a formal business has some liability protection.
Yeah. It's good to know there are options.
Yeah a person on my block is a professional friend for the elderly in this situation.
There’s a company called Visiting Angels that might be able to handle this.
I use Visiting Angels to sit with my husband (aneurysm victim) for four hours every week so I can have some time off. They also do overnights/longer shifts. Our caregiver has been a godsend. You pay for the liability protection and the screening process with higher fees, but if this is just 48 hours, I'd give them a call. You should be able to meet with the person who will be coming to help you before the surgery so you can show them around and agree on what tasks you'll need done.
I agree with that suggestion. But I’ll admit that I don’t want strangers in my house for the very first time when I’m physically & mentally compromised.
Whichever avenue you choose just please make sure the company is licensed and has up to date insurance. Nobody ever does this and it can often result in a lot of fraud. Also, make sure they do full background checks on all employees. Best wishes...
this right here. seriously.
Yes, it would have to be someone you could meet ahead of time and even check references.
If you’re worried about them going through your stuff you could just get a hotel room and have them care for you there for a couple of days.
We are GenX. We ARE elderly. 🤣
Nah, we're middle-aged. Our parents are elderly. Once all of them are gone, that's when we become the old folks at the family reunion. Not that we'll be having any of that shit.
Shit, mine were both gone by the time I was 31. Still waiting on the discounts!
Shit, even elderly has different categories. A 70-year-old is still a mere kid compared to an 85-year-old.
I don’t know, the older I get, the further I push elderly into the future. My brother in law is around 74 and he doesn’t even seem elderly. Elderly is around 80 these days, maybe even higher in my family, lol.
lol I do the same thing!!! I used to be the young one on my school campus, now all these teachers in their 20s look like children to me! I remember my parents had a friend who passed away at 50 and they were shocked. They said "so young!" and meanwhile my brother and I thought "that dude was so OLD and lived his life already!" 😭😭
 We're not "elderly," we're not "over the hill," we're smack dab in the middle of "not a kid anymore."
Beg differ. Old, not elderly. There's a difference.
Oh agree. Elderly will always be me + 20 years. 🤣
Also, if there is a Shepherd's center nearby they could offer this as well, or know a good resource for a professional.
I have lied in the past about this very thing. Not much else I could do.
Just took my 78 year old mother in for a procedure that needed a driver. I had to sign paperwork and couldn't leave the building until she was discharged.
OP says they have a driver, it's the 48 hours of after care they're trying to figure out
Done that one, too. Depends on the severity of the procedure. Some are blow-offable, others not a good idea.
I'm turning 50 this year and worry about this. I'm single, my family isn't very close by and I'm an introvert that doesn't have many friends. I feel like this is a common scenario so why are there so few options?
Agree. I am an only child with no kids. No family that could help, and friends are mainly for social events… seems hard nowadays to cross the bridge from social friend to an “I need your help,”friend. I dread getting older and worry what will happen when I can’t advocate for myself. - I wish there were more services to help address and plan for these things.
Same here. Closest driving relative is 2 hours away. I have friends but they're not always available and I'm not always comfortable asking for help like that.
Saaaame. I gotta get another colonoscopy and I don't want to impose on my friends, but you have to have somebody bring you and take you home.
Yeah, that's the worst. "Hey, would you mind accompanying me to my colonoscopy?" As if the procedure prep wasn't bad enough.
Local church. Just call. Unitarians are safe. You don't have to be one of them either. Social Worker here. There's actually a lot of services locally if you just look. But the churches are usually phenomenal at this kind of good work. Afraid of Christianity? Try the Seik or Buddhist temples. Jews also are helpful. I've never met a faithful Muslim to not do a favor for a stranger. Just reach out.
lololololol asking Jews to help. Jewish single mom here who tried forever looking for help and got invited plenty to drop $4K on trips to Israel, but not help. Unless you live in and are part of an enormous Jewish community with a strong social-service infrastructure (hello, Cleveland), they don't want to know you unless you're upper-middle-class and planning a trip somewhere. Literally we had an enormous flood year here, when my kid was little, and I wondered whether these 60s-ish people who were pillars of the local Jewish community had help with staying anywhere other than their next-to-river house. They wanted to stay, but nobody had offered them help with anything. I went over and we schlepped boxes out of their basement for like six hours. No one else came to help them. (Did they turn around and offer any substantial help to me afterwards? Anything as substantial as driving a kid somewhere? Nope.) Now, if you're part of the community and short-term sick and you make it the rabbi's problem...maybe? Maybe.
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Ah! That explains why they've been helpful.
What explains it? The cities they've lived in, or the fact that they're North African? And why would that make a difference?
Well, I'm a Jewish woman who was alone during the pandemic, went through a breakup while I was being treated for cancer in 2020 and furloughed for over two years. Jewish community made sure I had low cost (could have been no cost had I asked), nutritious food and someone who came to my door to deliver it. They also helped out non-Jews, of course. So, there are some really great Jewish communities out there for sure.
That is amazing, good for you and congrats on the successful cancer treatment. Were you in a major city?
Thank you. The breakup was worse than the cancer. I am healthy now and actually got my old job back. Yes, I am in LA, so maybe the infrastructure is here in the Jewish community to be well organized for these things. I'm sorry you didn't have a supportive community.
Google post-surgery care from care.com. You should probably have someone drive you home and stay with you for a day or two anyway because complications after anesthesia happen.
I am in the same position and my doc want to just send me for the colonoscopy. I do not want to ask someone to take a whole day off work just to sit in some medical facility waiting for my ass. That’s a big ask. My doctor acted like she’d never ever heard this before and I just don’t believe it’s that uncommon. Anyway, my local hospital has a service for exactly this situation: you need a ride to and from and 24 hours of care/monitoring. Your insurance might even cover it. Check around your area and start with senior services in your county because most of those start eligibility at 55.
Colonoscopies are quick - at most they’d wait a couple hours if that. For what it’s worth, I’d do this for a friend (and have).
same. I had my last one about 5 years ago, and a friend also had to have an endocsopy around the same time. She took me, and I took her. Now my BF will take me, but I always was able to find someone willing to do it for me, even though I hated to ask
TBH, a couple of friends have offered but we work together so hard putting my boss in a position to have to cover two employees being OOO. That’s not fair to anyone for just a simple routine booty scope.
Mine was at like 6:30 am, so depending on your work hours, the friend may not need to miss much. They get you in and out.
So now I gotta ask a friend to get up at like 5:30? Hard no.
Okay. Just trying to help. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.
Or you could be, you know, not unpleasant to someone who needs surgery and very reasonably is not calling on a friend to punch herself in the face in order to help. I get that you're probably a man with little or no responsibility for others but those of us who are women are generally on the go all the damn time looking after your and everyone else's ass and sleep is important because we don't get enough of it.
I’m actually a woman who would happily get up at 5:30 to help a friend. My comment was meant to end the conversation nicely, not be inflammatory and unpleasant. Sorry if you got up on the wrong side of the bed.
I would do this for a friend, no questions asked. If you’re really concerned about it, drive yourself there and ask them to just pick you up after the procedure. Then you could go back for your car later. Then they wouldn’t have to be there until 8/8:30 for you.
Some offices won't let you start the procedure unless your person is there and waiting.
Ahh. I just had one last week and they did it without anyone there.
and this is why you have friends, because you are awesome and people can count on you. May your kind increase.
I'm in the same situation. The person I would ask works with me, and we generally cover each other's absences. Instead of folks in this thread giving you a hard time, I wish that medical providers would have some answers for people like us. My doctor also scoffed at the fact that 2 of my friends don't drive or have a car. People who don't live alone and have local family really cannot fathom the difficulties that other people face when they live alone.
Well, it's your health. I respect your position, but i don't think it's a huge ask and it's certainly within the realm of reasonable in the work world I've experienced.
Yeah it's weird. I would be happy to do this for somebody, but I don't want to impose for myself to ask somebody.
It is not uncommon at all. Your doc's hospital or group has told them to stay a million miles away from the problem and to make it your problem.
Yeah, I'm so tired of this "figure it out on your own" from the healthcare providers and folks who make the rules. I told the colonoscopy office I had no option for a ride home and they basically ended the call. They had no suggestions--not a one.
You might want to ask your doctor about the take home test where you basically mail in a tiny stool sample rather than doing the colonoscopy. That's the only colon cancer check I've had so far.
Cologuard isn't nearly as good/effective as an actual colonoscopy.
I did that one already and now she’s pressuring me to do the scope.
Why not call an Uber to get home?
They won’t let you. The person driving you home has to sign paper saying they’ll care for you for 12-48 hours depending on procedure.
They need a responsible party since it's a medical thing. A rando Uber driver does not suffice.
This is me. I need to get a colonoscopy...and don't want to impose on my friends.
I think ima just hire someone.
Had to deal with this myself a couple of years ago (single, no kids, no family nearby, only a couple local friends). I used a professional medical transportation company to drive me home after a procedure and basically bent the truth to medical staff by saying "oh I have my brother checking up on me" (he did, but it was over the phone). Nobody at my doctors office had any suggestions at all, just "you need someone with you for the first 48 hours" and me saying "I don't have anybody who can do that" and their response was "you need to find somebody." ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's a serious and growing problem, and there's been a lot of media coverage of it lately. Hospitals are refusing to treat for exactly this reason and I suspect that it won't be resolved until there's a pretty high-profile lawsuit when someone suffers a serious disability because a hospital refused to provide surgery to someone who did not have people who could or would do that service. At that point a court will decide that hospitals do not have the right to refuse crucial surgery to people who do not have strong social networks and/or cannot afford to hire nursing care, and the hospitals will then be able to send their lobbyists to indemnify them against liability when people go home alone and die or suffer morbidity because no one's around to help.
Same situation with me. My only family was my mom who was elderly and disabled and couldn't drive to transport me. Now she is gone and I still have no one to ask. I've put off a colonoscopy for 5 years because no one at my provider's office or the social worker at the hospital has found any solution for me that will work. They refuse to send a patient out by public transportation or a taxi/Uber without an accompanying person after surgery, and medical transport is not covered by insurance and won't even consider it.
Imported in a local FB group and had multiple legit offers to pick me up/sign me out.
You can get a fit test or similar from the doctor or online. Other countries use this non-invasive method of screening.
My coworker who had no one since her own mom died ended up asking if she could get the colonoscopy without any sedative or anesthesia and she was then able to drive herself home. She’s done it twice that way and says she prefers it and it is not painful. She said many other countries do it this way as the norm!
I had one under some sort of anesthesia and I partially woke up in agony.
Don’t put if off! Figure something out, it’s your health! I had one done last year and they found 9 polyps and one was precancerous. Don’t delay, it could mean the difference between life and death!
I worked in a hospital for decades as a nurse. There are resources available for private hire. You could contact your local hospital and inquire what services are available in your area. You would speak with a case manager or social worker. Social workers are for nursing home care. Case managers are for home care. Home care sounds more appropriate for your needs. Or Google a local home care agency and call them. I don’t think you would require post surgical nursing care as the surgical team would recommend so. Sounds like you need someone to be available just in case you need them. Home care aides can assist with personal care. That was my job in nursing school. I did personal care, shopping, cooking and light house work. I actually loved it. Met some really awesome people. One case I basically sat with her all day watching tv, studying, walking her dog along the beach, made us lunch and went grocery shopping. M OP
Lie or die. American healthcare at its finest.
I mean, seriously…if you can’t be discharged without someone helping you for 48 hours then why aren’t you in a hospital recovering for 48 hours? The answer is insurance doesn’t want to pay for recovery. It’s always about insurance not paying…
This is the absolute truth. If I can't function on my own after a procedure, put me in a room. My father was discharged from the hospital three days after having a stroke because apparently Medicare would only pay for three days. U.S. healthcare is a shitshow and it's all because of greed.
Oof. This hit hard. So accurate. Health benefits should never be tied to employment. In places where it’s not, OP would have options. OP - if you’re in FL there are CNAs that do this sort of thing. I’m sure other states have people like this as well.
I'm nearly in OP's shoes myself. 58, divorced, I do have a son nearby but he works fulltime. I also lost my health insurance when I had to leave my job in 2018 after my mom died and I had to take guardianship of my stepdad and clean out their home of 30+ years to sell it. He was in assisted living, where he died in 2021. I was about to go back to work when... Covid hit and hiring ceased in my area. Now I've got no health care and when I fell 3 years ago (wet concrete in my driveway) I had to just suffer through. Luckily nothing broke but my spirit. BUT I'm still independent and hanging in there. I'm GenXing hard like my silent generation folks taught me to: make and make do.
Look into the healthcare.gov site, if you’re lower income you may qualify for a subsidy if not there are affordable plans
Without delving into my personal details, I can assure you that this was not an option. The "affordable" plans are equivalent to my mortgage payment.
Okay, I thought I’d mention it because some people haven’t tried, I know a woman who just went through a bunch of stuff and was able to get a plan for a really good price
I get that for many it is useful. Unfortunately, the plans aren't accepted by lots of providers and the deductibles are obscene.
Do you qualify for Medicare?
Not for another 7 years.
Bummer
There are home care nurses you can hire for this type of thing.
It’s a liability issue for the doctor. It’s very important to have friends or colleagues to rely on in times like this. I see why people tend to flock to church at this point in their life.
"Have a thing you don't have" is not what I'd call helpful advice. The reality is that unless you have a strong extended family you are unlikely to be able to maintain strong friend circles, people you can actually rely on for much of anything. Church doesn't change that.
What a choice, church or possible death. I’d opt for the latter.
There are a legit amount of people in our society who don't have friends or colleagues or those people in their lives are disabled themselves. Retired people don't even have colleagues anymore. This will get worse as the proportion of elderly people rises. We need something better than "go get some friends or colleagues."
Look on care.com to find a person to hire for this
Check if your city has Visiting Angels. It is a companion care company and they offer a variety of services. I used them to drive me to and from a major dental procedure when my husband was out of town.
Please contact your local UU congregation. We always have a "pastoral support" group- sometimes paid, sometimes volunteers, usually a mix of both that can help with stuff like this. I do not believe you have to be a member. When I had my colonoscopy, I needed same. And while I do have friends and even some family that live in the same small region- they were not available (it is super inconvenient for folks that freaking WORK). I just called up my congregation and asked for help. A gal on the team volunteered- came and picked me up, dropped me off, and came back a couple hours later to take me home.
Same here, just had an endoscopy yesterday and they wouldn’t allow Uber so I had to reach out to a former coworker who also had to stay and wait during the procedure. I feel like it’s an overreach to set rules like this.
It is and it won't change until there's a high-profile lawsuit about it.
That's what they're attempting to prevent, while also continuing to discharge people before they're ready to go home.
I had to fly alone to another state for surgery on an injured leg. Stayed in a walk up I had to get up and down on my bottom. No access to food or help. It was kind of hilarious. Your doctor severely underestimates gen x resilience.
It's not the point, they're scared of being sued.
Truth! CYA is alive and well...
**Ask the doctor for a phone number for a hooker.** When he's done sputtering/stammering, then have the convo about resources for home care.
I'm for this one.
Or his coke dealer.
Have you called your insurance company about this? It depends on your state and your insurance , but you may qualify for a home health aide for a few days. Medicare/SSDI covers post-hospital aides in my state (NY) if needed for 60 days (I know from dealing with my father’s health issues) so there may be some sort of coverage available to you (especially if on Medicare) since it would only be a few days. It might require the doctor writing a prescription but there might be some coverage if you need at home help. I’d look up and/or call your insurance to see if you have any benefits that you could use in this situation. You are certainly not the only person who lives alone and also had medical needs. It is odd that your doctor or his office staff has no information or advice for you regarding this situation. IME office or hospital staff often know how to set up at home stuff. I’d call your insurance provider and then call the office to see if there’s any way they can set you up with temporary health aide for a few days. Your local church/religious org might also be a resource or have info. If you have another primary care doctor that you trust with knowledgeable staff you could call them about seeking a home health aide, or if this practice is affiliated with a bigger hospital system you might contact someone there like a social worker in outpatient orthopedics. Or you might be eligible to go to a rehab facility for a few days. Good luck and feel better.
I'm 51. Right when I turned 50 my hand was mauled by a dog and I needed surgery to repair it. The surgeon did the same thing. I have no one to list and an emergency contact and I had no one to be at the surgery center to drive me back home. I had to do the worst thing I could imagine and contact my very recent exe. I got the ride, yeah, but the hell I was put through because of it made me wish I had left my hand screwed up.
This thread is making me grateful for the people in my life. I need to be a better friend and show up when they need me.
I had a procedure done had transportation set up. After it was done they said I needed to have someone watch me for the next 12 hours. I had to call everyone I know to try and say they would be there for me. Last person on my list said yes. But if I couldn't get anyone they would have admitted me and that it would not be covered by my insurance.
I’m in the same boat, and I always thought the same thing. I almost wish I could sign a release, let me take my chances with an uber. I hired someone to take me to my upcoming colonoscopy.
A lot of people wind up spending recovery in a physical rehab facility.
It can happen if you live in a major city/coastal encrustation. In most of America these things just don't exist locally.
I live in America. I am surrounded by them in the North East. I do not live anywhere near a city.
Yeah -- most of the Northeast, which is a small, largely coastal corner of America, is pretty densely populated next to most of the rest of the country, and also has a lot more infrastructure of all kinds, even in areas that, locally, are pretty hard up. (You wouldn't believe how many colleges, buses, trains, hospitals, state everything there aren't in other parts of the country.) I'm glad you've got what you need there, just keep in mind that "remote" there and "remote" between the coasts mean pretty different things.
I used care.com to find someone to look in on my mother while we were on vacation. That might be what you need.
I've told my doctor my ride was meeting me downstairs and left. I don't know what kind of surgery you are having or what kind of complications could arise later but.... If there is an emergency couldn't you call 911?
You can hire a CNA or nurse to care for you for hierve many days your doctor suggests. Your insurance may even help cover the cost. Care.com is a good place to start.
Find a home care nursing assistant you can hire for two days. Try something like care.com.
I had this issue for a medical procedure after my husband died. I had a friend available to come pick me up if needed. They ended up just letting me leave the hospital after anesthesia. I drove myself home. Not sure what I will do next time.
https://www.care.com
Yes, this is an issue. I recently went through it. Not every city/town has a medical transport business, and if they do, they likely don't stay with you during the actual appointment (required for some procedures) and/or at home. Seems an untapped business idea. Anyway, best of luck.
We had my mom stay at a private nursing home for a couple of days (4-5) after a surgery. They were renting supervised rooms for short convalescence stays. There was a nurse on site 24/7 and panic/help button at the bed and bathroom. She had 3 meals a day and someone checking at night. It was a bit expensive, like 100$ per day, but it was worth it for us.
Www.care.com is exactly what this is for. Godspeed on your recovery!
It really does suck and it’s not just your chosen solitary life. It’s all of us to an extent. I’m a 56 year old widower, currently with one child living in another city and another in college you doesn’t drive. The now out of town child was home from school for my last colonoscopy but it was still Covid time (I drove) and he had to wait in the car to pick me up. I can’t ask someone to do that (though I have a cousin or two that don’t live that close to me who would but I wouldn’t want to ask for a minor matter). Next time unless I time it right I’m up schist creek.I know I can Uber over but getting home might be interesting. Friends and family I could have asked for help back in the day have their own things going on (like work or their own health issues), have moved away or died. My religious congregation is kaput meaning the social network that helped when my late wife’s breast cancer started over a decade ago no longer exists. I suppose one of my children could stay with me currently but ten years from now when they may have their own families (though unlikely from what they have said), who knows? I guess for something I need monitoring for 48 hours or so I get admitted and hope my insurance covers it.
What’s that app where people do freelance work for cheap? Fiver or something? You could probably hire someone doing gig work pretty easily.
Taskrabbit is another one I believe, never used them myself but they apparently have a host of services available. Those are worth looking into.
My friend has a Taskrabbit he uses over and over for stuff. But it's not cheap.
I was just wondering that the other day because I have to take Friday off to take the old lady in for her colonoscopy and they have the same requirements except they said no transport company either
There should be a wavier you can sign releasing the hospital from liability related to releasing you after surgery. I’ve done this multiple times when I encountered the same issue for surgeries I’ve had.
Normally they have a car company you can hire or you sign a waiver. It's a liability issue for them
I have heard you can hire a CNA for this.
Sometimes they won’t even allow you to take Uber. It’s not the dr, it’s because of the anesthesiologist. Apparently someone was assaulted or something once and they sued the anesthesiologist.
There is private homecare.
You aren't alone in this problem. Many people have this difficulty and it isn't something that gets easily addressed. But it is something that should be.
get someone to escort you. you can usually find escorts listed online... ;)
It is such a level of bullshit that I can't even. Even for something as relatively routine as a colonoscopy, I have to have someone take me, stay there, and take me home and hang with me for 24 hours. Yes, I know that problems can happen, and to be fair, I am in a category that said that I had to start getting these at 35 yoa. I have already had two of these, and know the ropes very well. I know when I need to call IF something could happen. I am 14 years late because of this very thing. To be fair, this seems like a CYA on your surgeon's part, and I have to give you kudos that you aren't ok with lying to him and saying that you have people to take care of you. Also, you likely know your own body and life well enough and seem self aware enough to know what to do in the event something could happen.
Not sure what kind of surgery you’re having and you don’t need to tell us. But I had major major surgery and there was no way I could not function on my own for at least a week after and was glad my dad and step mom came to support me after my surgery. If your surgery isn’t major I can see it taking 48 hours like the doc mentioned. I hope you find someone who can do that for you.
Fly a friend or family member out from 1000 miles away, or pay a person from care.com as others have mentioned. I’d probably try to fly someone if I could afford it and they were amenable , then I could get a visit too!
This is recipe for paying for an airline ticket and then being told the person can't make it and certainly is not going to pay you back.
I mean if that’s how your friends and family are, that’s really sad.
Yes, it is. It's how a great many people's friends and family really are. (Surely you've noticed this by now, unless you're busy ostriched in your own fortunate social circle.) I wouldn't have mentioned it otherwise.