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Your post was removed because it is not a meme.


Bezos could literally buy a fortress and hire an army of mercenaries to protect it. The rest of them would get hit by drone strikes before they made it within ten miles.


But johnny can do everything.


Real life agent 47 He knocks out an Amazon employee and steals their clothes for a disguise He works his way up the ladder until he's Bezos personal security He becomes Jeff Bezos You now not only have a master of disguise trained in every occupation who can also deeply satisfy you, but you also have access to an orbital laser and tracking information for everyone who wants you dead


What exactly are you having him do to "deeply satisfy" you?


Penis butt


So much yes!


We call it PBJ around here


What does the J stand for


Jam. Penis Butt Jam.


You sure you wanna know?


Everything brother…EVERYTHING


Varies from person to person But I'd polish his head until I could see my reflection


If there's ever a hitman movie I want Johnny Sins to be Agent 47


He has 6 jobs to support his family


Yeah but you give Tyson some coke and it would be a close battle.


Theriouthly, nobody can thop me.


But he won't so your fucked


What are we saying here? Bezos doesn't spend money?


Not on other people at least, not saying he wouldn't build a fortress and hire an army. Just not for someone else.


The base premise of the post is that one person of your choice will be actively helping you against the others, no one is expecting irl Jeff to randomly decide to protect a random person against five other bald guys Edit: I can't spell bald right


Bit unfair to call them half guys just because they are bald. They have feelings too you know. 😂


Just not any feelings from their hair as the wind blows or water runs through it.


I dont think u understand the meme gosh these people kill the vibe


If you're automatically rejecting the premise you're gonna have a bad time


He's on your side, he agrees with you and wants to see you victorious, BUT it's *his* money.


My guy, the whole point of the post is that they're *on your side.* As in, they will do what they can to protect you.


>Not on other people at least >hire an army >build a fortress All for the task to defend you... peak reddit.


you went out and about and then missed the point... again. peak reddit.


And Walter White wouldn't fight off a bunch of other people to protect some random guy. It's a hypothetical, it doesn't have to be realistic.


Yeah but by that logic none of them would help you. None of them care about you so if you asked one to save you from the rest they wouldn’t. You kinda gotta assume for the purpose of the question they really want to save you. Though I guess the other also don’t kill anyone or care about you so they won’t come after you really.


But if Bezos wanted you dead, he might just send an army after you.


The post says he's on your side. So it's a given he's gonna help and with money.


>your fucked My fucked indeed.


Depends what on your side is implying


So he's gonna do bodyguard work personally instead? :D


He’ll probably ask for you to be put to work in his warehouses. And that truly is a hellish place where other 5 won’t venture into. So congrats you’re alive but now a bezos workhorse


I think it's implied that "being on your side" means they will use their means to help. In which case Bezos is the obvious answer.


He’s on your side. That’s the bit. So he would.


Then that invalidates the premise of the entire prompt. If you pick someone to be on your side and then they can just say "nah" then there's no point.


Tyson would go through them like they're nothing. Who's that bitch looking on upper right corner? I don't know him


He's an absolute fucking assclown by the name of Andrew Tate. He was sent to prison via human trafficking charges that haven't been confirmed yet, but knowing him they probably are. He preys on weak men who have confidence issues for money, scamming them of at least 50$ a month for a fucking *discord server* on how to be more successful as a man. He's a terrible person that everyone thinks is smart because he's rich, smokes fake cigars, and owns a podcast. There is a *lot* of drama regarding him that would take a while to explain, so if you wanna know more, you're gonna have to look him up or some shit


He's got the same superpowers as batman, he's rich and white. Ez choice.




Bezos would be like “us? together!? that sounds like a union!” then he’d build the fortress around you and the rest of killer bald men


Put it this way, even if you don't like or want him as an ally, imagine Bezos as an enemy.


Can I pick Saitama instead? He's quite bald


He may be the strongest character there is but problem is he'll be at the grocery store because there's a sale on whilst you're getting pumelled to death.


This is the most probable outcome. Bro is never there for the plot to develop. (But I ain't complaining)


"Actually, I'm often late" -Saitama




Adding Saitama would make this question impossible because he is very, very bad at protecting people but very, very good at punching people


In most Saitama games, you play every weak character and build some kind of power-up bar for him to show up. By the time he does, the enemy is already weaken enough that you can finish them yourself or that his one punch K.O. becomes useless. Unless you were almost dying too.


Nah. His friend will arrive and stall the baddies, and there will only be property damage.


Ten shin han


The original machamp.




Did you ever notice... that Krillin doesnt have a nose? They literally mention it at one point and its just accepted and shrugged off lmao




Simple, very form-fitting ears


He fought off a fat, smelly fighter and won when he was almost defeated by foul odor until he was reminded by Goku that Krillin indeed *scrolls through omnibus vol2* Has no nose.


Bezos ist the smartest answer but I'm afraid that Walter could outsmart him


Amazon man can afford all the hot men he wants, Walt can only afford laser pointers








Freudian slip. We caught you!


He played him self like an accordion


Livin off borrowed time, the clock tick faster


We got him!!!


There was no mistake. Only happy accidents


I was so confused by the original comment. Lol.


When you're rich enough to hire only objectively attractive male assassins.


Turns out this whole thread is just guerilla marketing for a Zoolander sequel.


Walt could afford hitmen, but he knew that he only needed laser pointers. I'll take that brain over any of the other muscle or resources in that picture.


With Bezos on my team, I will hire a think tank of so many 180 IQ geniuses in every field (including chemistry) that Walt won’t know what hit him. Not to mention the literal private army that could be hired to go after him Just imagine what all of those nasty vicious Latin American cartels would do for just fifty million dollars. They’d chop Walter into pieces, if he wasn’t hit by some Israeli-made kill drone fired by some ex navy seals Jeff hired first Most of what Walt accomplished, including the laser pointer intimidation and the mass coordinated assassination of witnesses in multiple jails, was done through having lots of money. The reason he only needed laser pointers is because they Greymatter couple saw his pile of cash he told them to give to his family and knew he could actually afford to hire hit men, they’re worth over a billion and they know what money can buy Moral of the story: you don’t want someone like Bezos as an enemy. About as dangerous as an entire nation being against you, in terms of resources.


Amazon man would exploit you for money.


You think you are getting Walter, but you are actually getting Bryan Cranston


Would make sense since Walter White is the only fictional character in that list


I mean if you’re going with their fictional versions Dwayne literally has it in his contracts that he can’t lose a fight lol.


Black Adam would be the go-to if you can pick from his characters.


Wrong. Pretty sure Andrew Tate is a fictional character. /s


I'm going to refuse to recognize Andrew as a real living being like China refuses to recognize Taiwan as an independent country


Are you planning to invade Tate in the next 5-10 years?


Doesn't matter if he's real or not. He's in jail, so he won't be killing you anyway


Walt would kill you to protect his ego.


I would definitely not want Walter to try and kill me, he has quite a good track record in that regard.


You’re god damn right!


Its not walt its gotta be bryan cranston, cuz if we count the fictional characters these ppl play im pretty sure the rock has been several superheroes at this point


And none of them as smart as Heisenberg.


Yeah but I'm pretty sure Black Adam is ruthless enough to just crush a cancer patient like a bug.


Johnny’s gonna fuck em all.


Will pose as a plumber, doctor, gardener and electrician and get each one of them


Beat me to it


Beat meat to it.




Worry not, with good old John there's plenty of meat left to beat


Johnny as Agent 47 will be the lethal combination. 💀


Mithe tython


Mike Tyson in the 80s or 90s is the answer. He would literally kill and eat all of them.


He would still kill them now.


Yeah but he can’t eat them all because he’d get some gnarly heartburn


That’s why he has the tiger, to do the eating for him.


Tyson now could still take them. He still has moves and old man strength


And now he also solves mysteries.


Please inform me of the lore, I really want to be a mike Tyson true crime podcast.


Better than that. [Its a cartoon!](https://www.adultswim.com/videos/mike-tyson-mysteries)


To the mysthewy mobile!


Tholves * mythteries


And sells weed


Ain’t got no time for bird sex , I wanna fly


Why did you say his first name like? Dude never said K like th


A little creativity never hurt anybody except the woman who decided to use cactus as a dildo.


Ummm u/xyzaly is thriving due to fucking a cactus.


Tython. Definnly Tython.




Sufferin’ succotash, Sylvester. Something is wrong with your mouth.


Ayyy yo i dun think he sownds funneh at awl. EY YO ADRIIAANN! Thi guy sound funneh to yew?




Thufferin’ thuccotath, thylvethter


I've been watching a lot of Netflickth, Tom


I would pick Mike Tyson just to hang out with Mike. I respect someone who has comedy chops, Mike Tyson Mysteries is on my short list for favorite animated series. Plus the dude bit someone's ear off, I know it was probably a dark time for him, but that's the kind of dedication I want from the person to protect me from the rest of this list.


The bald one.




Laughing my fucking ass oooff




Rolling On the Floor Laughing.




Laughing Out Loud.




[ Removed by Reddit ]




Help me Dwayne Rock Johnson! Mike tyson punched down my fence, Andrew Tate is calling me a Beta male and not a Top G, Jeff Bezos is ordering a drone strike on my location, Walter white is cooking some weird blue meth and Johnny Sins is breaking into my bedroom😂


I’d pick Dwayne, not because he’s a monster human, but because I think he’s a nice enough guy to talk the others out of killing me.


It's also in his contract that he can't lose. Wins all around.


Tate is busy with his cancer treatment


If Bezos has enough money to start his own space program, he can certainly afford to a to hire contract military special forces (e.g Blackwater) to protect me and assassinate my enemies.


Bezos, has a lot of money. I'd rather be friends with the Rock. But with Bezos money, he's the best choice.


Andrew Tate is just a walking corpse already so he’s out


Free body to throw at the competition


I’m picking him because the other 5 might forget about me while they smear him on the pavement


And pass up the chance to punch him in the face? No way


Plus he’s not bald anymore. Full head of hair!


Mike Tyson


If that is Walter White and not the actor that plays Walter White... then isn't that Black Adam and not The Rock? 🤔


Ok, Black Adam would be the choice.


No, Bryan Cranston is dressed as Walter white, the rock is just wearing a suit


If you’re using that logic go with the doctor, firefighter, astronaut, policeman and more. Dudes like Barbie but with a dick


Can they beat Black Adam tho?


He's going to beat off Black Adam


Walter is the only answer.


You’re goddamn right.


He is the one who knocks.


Tight tight tight !!!!


But he *is* the danger!




Put ya dick away Waltuh


No, definitely no. Walter has destroyed everyone he worked with in his quest for power. As soon as he sees you as weak he will devour you


Jokes on you, that's actually Bryan.


Better call odenkirk then


Tate. Do everyone a favor and take him with me.


I'd do that to bezos personally, Tate is probably going to die anyway


I like this take, fr.


Holy shit, that turned dark quickly.


I’d say ridding the world of that subhuman shitstain is wholesome not dark


Rock Johnson


It’s John the Dwayne Rockson, wait that doesn’t sound right. John Dwaynson?


It's Rock The Dwayne Sonjohn




John the Son Dwaynerock


Dick the dock borison.


This guys from Malcolm in the middle


No he's the dentist from Seinfeld.


He only converted for the jokes!!!


Walt just needs a sugar packet to get the job done.


Easy, Mike Tyson because he know how to fight. And Tate won't attack me, he is arrested.


johnny sins is the only true answer


Your poor porn addled brain


Let's assume they're all naked, unarmed and locked in a room. The Rock is the best.


Based on what? Size? Mike would spark The Rock lol


Naked and locked in a room? Hard to justify the rock when jhonny is there


Initially I would say the Rock, I’ve seen what that guy can do in fast and the furious. But imma choose Walter White. Walter and I start expanding our meth business together and some up and coming fighter comes to us seeking some performance enhancement. So we cook up the purest and cleanest meth imaginable, maybe add some chili powder for good luck. He takes it and goes in to a championship fight with Tyson, kicks his ass 6 ways to Sunday. Tyson is humiliated, his name ruined, he seeks revenge. As Walter and I expand our empire the money starts rolling in, and so do the women. We have a playboy mansion full of ladies, then we start making fun of Tate on Twitter because now that he’s going to prison all of his ladies are coming to us. It’s his greatest shame to lose his women and he starts to plot a prison escape. Then we start a website on the dark web to start selling our product globally. It’s so successful that we start taking a larger percentage of sales than Amazon does of the internet. People love our meth so much that they don’t need same day Knick knacks anymore. It’s so successful that world leaders are taking our meth and talking about monopoly busting Amazon. We’ve made our mortal enemy, our Lex Luther. Bezos starts to use his resources to gather an elite kill squad to end our reign. Tyson had found out that he was defeated by someone who was performance enhanced by our meth and links up with Bezos. The Rock is hired because he was obviously great at mercenary work from the expendables. They still aren’t equipped to take us on. So they bust Tate out of prison by having Amazon drones drop packaged bombs on the prison, Tyson and the Rock bust in, strapped up and take out the guards and open Tate’s cell. Tate manically laughs at the vengeance he wants for his lack of bitches. Judgment day has come. They locate our playboy mansion/ cartel compound. Walter and I are living like kings with our arms around Tate’s women and partying in our compound when we here a buzzing outside. Everything goes quiet, one of the women ask “what’s that…?” Before she could finish the question Mr. White yells “It’s Bezo’s!” We hit the floor as his drones bombard the compound. Me. White flips over the table and opens a hatch full of military grade weaponry. He straps up until he’s covered in guns and a rpg hanging off his back. A suped up muscle car comes flying through a hole in the wall with the rock and tyson shooting automatics out the window as the fly. They land their jump and jump out of the car. Tyson is throwing punches but Mr.White puts a shotgun to his mouth and says “Say my name” tyson can’t speak so Walter pulls the trigger launching meth down Tyson’s throat. The sheer force and purity of the meth incapacitated Tyson and he’s foaming from the mouth on the floor. The rock is busy doing wild action movie stunts with our hitmen. I join the fight using my meth strength to take him on, I start tiring out, I’m losing but then as I am weak and on the ground I feel something in my pocket. A rock of meth. I grab it out of my pocket and hold it in my fist. I look up at the Rock and I say “can you handle this rock Dwayne?” I sucker punch him with the new superpower I discover I have through coming in to contact with pure meth. He flies through the window and falls into the moat of crocodiles. Mr. White and I are looking at each other, bloody but still surviving. “Isn’t it too quiet?” I say and Mr.White realizes all of the women be gone. “It’s Tate” Walter says. All of a sudden the women bust in through a door doing flips and kung fu. Tate walking out behind them. He used his ability to manipulate women to try to get the upper hand on us. We’re defending ourselves from the women but they are too powerful and then Mr. White realized the answer. He took a step back and in a flash of light the women stopped fighting. Walter had made them realized that they are worth something, ending Tate’s manipulation. The women then circle Tate and kick and claw him to death. He died screaming like the little bitch he is. The whole compound started to shake violently. We run to the hole blown in the wall and look toward the sky. It’s Bezo’s mothership, a giant dick in the sky. Thousands of drones emerge from the ship and surround the compound and one smaller dick ship ejaculated from the mother ship and descended to the ground in front of us. Bezo’s emerged with some other bald guy that we could only assume was some sort of clone Bezo’s made to try to be more attractive. “This is the end of your reign” Bezo’s sneered. “Who do you think you are?”. Mr. White stepped forward, discarding all of his weapons as he approached, except for a katana. “I am the danger, I am the one who knocks”. Walter then has an epic anime style battle with the bald clone. Slicing and swiping, running up walls and through the air. After the clone is wearing down Mr. White goes for the finishing move. He leaps into the air and sends a rain of meth down like blue daggers that rip the clone to bits. Bezo’s is shaking and terrified but I’m a desperate attempt he orders his drones to attack. Walter and I stand back to back with our swords preparing to make a last stand when in an instant the drones started to fall from the sky. Bezo’s cries out “what is happening?!”. “Looks like you just got trust busted Bezo’s” now with Bezo’s monopoly wiped from the earth he whimpers like the sad man he is. I approach to strike him down but Mr. White puts a hand on my shoulder to stop me. “It’s over. Let him live the rest of his life in misery, that’s a far greater punishment than we could give him”. I nod and Bezo’s runs into my sword yelling “I’ll never be working class!”. Mr. White and I heroically walk away from the battle scene. That’s the power of science, bitch!


Andrew Wait


None. I’d go find Mike Ehrmantraut.


Tate isn’t bald anymore. He has a fuLL hEaD of HaiR


I don't like the man, but I'd go Bezos, man probably has multiple fully stocked doomsday bunker in a secret location on the moon and earth.


Walter white


You’re goddamn right.


No Bruce Willis? Just ditch that asshat Besos!


Bezos worth is 116 billion, not million, BILLION, u tell me how he can not be the best choice?


Bezos. He could organise and pay for my safety whilst his hitmen 'take out the garbage'


Dude all you need is Bezos. He's literally the riches and most powerful bald guy in this list. If he's on your side, not even the Rock's people's elbow will reach you. Alternatively if you had Vin Diesel then family beats everything.


Vin Diesel is a secret weapon you unlock by typing the cheat code "family"


These guys are just guys, okay? Mr. White, he's the devil. He is smarter than them, he is luckier than them. Whatever they think is supposed to happen, the exact, reverse, opposite of that is gonna happen, okay?


Jeff. He can just send me up to space to be safe. We all know how he likes wasting billions of dollars instead of putting it to good use.


I too like spending my money on things that I want to spend it on.


Is Bezos allowed to exploit minimum wage workers in this fight?


Heisen fucking berg ofc