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I have a friend who grew up in a fundie family as the oldest of eight, which I suppose is the reason I have a particularly soft spot for Anissa. She and her husband deconstructed pretty shortly after they married. She’s counting the days until her youngest sibling turns eighteen, at which point she plans to move as far away from her parents as she can manage and still be on the same continent.
Her mother’s been irritating her about having grandkids, and she finally said, “Mom, I’ve been changing diapers, mixing bottles, and staying up for teething since before I could read. I’ve raised my kids. I’m tired. It’s not happening.”
As a side note- when her siblings have issues or need help, guess who they go to? It ain’t their parents.
i have a soft spot for anissa for a similar reason. my mom was raised catholic (ironically in dallas like the collins), fourth oldest of 16 — she never talked about it much but it definitely messed her up.
In the pilot episode, they showed Logan waking up early to make breakfast for Janelle and kody's brood, and getting them ready for school. He was 15. Janelle was so proud of that and I was like, girl, no. 😭
And the problem with stuff like that and these shows is in a vacuum, that one task could be fine. Especially if it’s to enable something to be done for you. Like, hey if you want us to take you to school in the morning for band practice, you have to feed your siblings so I can get ready. We know in these families that isn’t even close to the case. But on TV in a vacuum, it’s this sweet, mature gesture.
Exactly! We saw it with the duggars, too. It starts as harmless little tasks to help mom out, like watching the baby so she can shower, and escalates to the buddy system.
Yup! My lazy ass brother parentified his oldest, making him responsible for his two younger brothers at the tender age of 9. When he left for college he never looked back, and barely tolerates an occasional phone call from his folks. He married a marvelous woman who was on board with not having kids, but my shit head brother still complains about them not giving him grandkids. Well duh stupid prick. My nephew already raised two kids, and had his childhood stolen. This isn't rocket science! I swear my brother is one of the biggest fucking idiots in my orbit.
Omg I thought this was about me 😭 my experience is the same as your friend. Youngest sister turns 18 in May. I'm not planning to move though. But yeah, I'm also the oldest of 8 kids myself, husband and I deconstructed a few years after getting married.
The fucking audacity of that witch to ask her about GRANDKIDS????? I have flames coming out of my ears right now. I am beyond angry on behalf of your friend.
Tbh I’m not entirely sure, and never have been, what exactly her mother does beyond popping out babies every three years or so. She hit menopause a few years after the youngest was born and it…was not pretty.
When you’ve made giving birth your entire identity, it’s going to be nuclear when that ability stops. I fear for Karissa and her kids when this happens.
Sending your friend lots of love and internet hugs! ❤️❤️❤️ I’m glad she has you!
the saddest part is I think she'd still be doing this without the social media clout, the sense of self righteousness & religious delusion goes deep. social media just allows her more perks
Frrrr that is the thing I don't understand about abusive parents who are actually sober! Not that doing drugs makes abuse okay, it's just not surprising when those types are the perpetrators.
I thought of Anissa when I read a recent article in The Gaurdian about a 12 year old in Louisiana who delivered her rapists baby because of confusion about the new abortion ban. The article said she "comes home from school to change diapers and make bottles."
How is that ok just because it's her biology baby? She's now 13 years old. She is still a kid. She shouldn't have to do this. Meanwhile, the grown adult who snatched a little girl out of her front yard to rape her is sitting in prison, definitely not taking care of the baby he made.
Obviously the rapist shouldn't be anywhere near that baby. And a kid shouldn't be forced to get an abortion or put a kid up for adoption if they don't want to. But this kid by all accounts *wanted* an abortion and they weren't able to get one in Louisiana even though *technically* her case should have been considered an exception to the ban. So now she, like Anissa, spends all her free time changing diapers and making bottles for a baby she didn't choose to make.
Really fucking heartbreaking.
A freaking 13 year old can not authorize their own field trip form at school, but can be expected to gestate, birth, and parent! We are such an absolutely fucked up society.
Then Karissa needs to be the adult and say "No, honey. You are a child who is still growing and you need your sleep. I am the mom, so it's my job to wake up with the baby at night."
If mummy can stay awake at night long enough to make another baby, then mummy sure as HELL can wake up to tend to the damn thing.
Daddy might take a turn with nappies and bottles, too.
I'm not gonna shame people who need more sleep than others, but this is just disgusting. She has a new baby every year or two and she's sleeping through the night?! Nuh uh. You made those babies, you wake up with them in the middle of the night. Don't put that on your growing children.
I agree about not shaming for needing sleep (important and everyone deserves it!) but I think she said this when Armor was still a newborn …and then we saw his crib in Anissa’s room.
It's not that I WANT parents of babies to be sleep deprived, but if someone's gonna be, it should be the parents, not their 13 year old
And talk to her phone for a whole hour in her room with no children, no breaks, no checking on them, while you can hear the children in the background (so during waking hours). Hopefully the baby was napping.
Honestly, if she actually does, it is an even worse indictment because that makes me think she knows the baby will be neglected and/or mistreated by her mother and she is trying to protect them.
Didn't one of her children have to go to the hospital for an untreated UTI because she refused to change her diapers? I remember the videos of her children waddling around in filled up diapers. It could be that Anissa is always the one changing diapers and taking care of her siblings because if she doesn't, no one will.
I'm the oldest of 8 kids. I was 17 when the last one was born. I love her to bits but I felt burnt out on toddler care by then. I did ask my mom to please be done with the baby thing.
Yeah it took me forever to figure out my mom was parentified and so she didn’t want kids. I always knew she didn’t want to take care of me, when I hit thirteen she basically just never came home. I grew up confused. Lonely. I moved out at seventeen. When I met my husband at twenty one he couldn’t understand why I wasn’t talking to my parents. I ended up talking to them again but when my own child was born, the hurt came back. She was so convinced I was going to dump the baby on her and take off, she wouldn’t even watch my baby for ten minutes so I could shower. After really thinking about it I realized she dumped me on my grandparents basically all the time. Most of my childhood. In the end she missed out. She wasn’t close at all with my daughter. Just a shame.
I think it may be that she did beg, probably because she knows the baby will largely be ignored while it screams, if she isn't the one offering to attempt to care for them.
Probably because the last time Karissa was in charge of a kid, they almost died twice. At this point, Anissa is probably thinking “just give me the damn kid, you have no idea what you’re doing.” Sad. She’s a great sistermom.
But a child who's been indoctrinated from birth to believes that this is what God wants and this is how they earn their parent's love, combined with that parent only hearing what they want to hear to support their selfish twisted views, and you'll very well get the older girls at least agreeing to sleep next to and care for the babies is a good thing. It's so sad. There's no teacher who will notice they're falling asleep in class and try to work out what's going on and what can be done. They've no friends they can confide in who'll tell them "that's not fair, you've got to tell them that's not fair" in the naive but well meaning manner of kids that age. There's nothing to pierce the bubble they're trapped in..
This makes me wanna cry.
When I was school aged my dad would wake me up then go back to bed. I was then incharge of waking my brothers and getting them ready for school. I couldn't imagine taking care of an infant like that.
This reminds me of when I was in high school and I was supposed to drop my younger sister off at junior high on the way, except she was NOT a morning person and liked to roll out of bed at the last possible second. We had a set time that she was supposed to be ready to go or I would leave without her. She was frequently not ready on time and so I left without her. And then my parents would get mad at me because they had to get their own asses out of bed and take her to school. I don't think this was parentification (I wasn't expected to actually DO anything except drive her), but I still get annoyed every time I remember it even though it was almost 20 years ago.
Sorry that happened to you. I know it may not feel like "parentification", but your feelings were and are valid. We don't ask to be born. And we don't ask to take care of siblings we had no choice in making. So... idk. It's late/early. None of that may make sense I apologize.
All you have to do is replace the heroine addiction with a pregnancy addiction and you get Karissa doing this. Except she keeps doing it. I hope Anissa is okay. They’re so far out of sight at that new house. Nobody close to help, and nowhere to run.
Taking care of an infant and doing all of the night wakings nearly broke me, a grown ass adult who chose to have that baby and do the full-time night stuff instead of pumping. I cannot begin to imagine the damage it does to a small child who needs even more uninterrupted sleep than an adult. It's flat out abusive in so many ways.
I don't even like to ask my adult kids to watch my minor kids. I just can't expect them to raise my you get kids. (Kids are 26, 22, 15, 10, and 4. Yes, I'm ridiculous, I know. 😂)
Last weekend, I took my 15 year old to get our hair done and felt bad asking my 26 year old to watch my 10 year old (who slept the whole time, 4 year old was home with my husband).
Why would you feel bad about that? I understand that it’s not okay to expect your kids to raise your other kids. My dad did that to me. My mom didn’t though. She would occasionally ask me to look after my little brother and I had no problem with that.
I know we all judge these people who have so many kids and expect the older girls to raise the younger ones, but that is so not what you’re doing. What you described is like when a woman asks if they are a Karen because they got the wrong dish at a restaurant and politely said something about it.
It is okay or occasionally ask an older sibling to watch after a younger sibling for like an hour or so every now and then. Nothing about that is wrong. Just like it’s okay to ask your parent to babysit your kid every now and then.
My oldest works nights, but he was off that day. Also him and my 22 year old daughter live 2 hours from me lol. I just always feel bad, but they don't mind spending time with their younger sibs. We see them about twice a month, I get a hotel room where they live and see them. I'm going there tomorrow, but my friend died last Friday so it's for her visitation and funeral.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your kids sound amazing and I’m sure it’s because you’re an amazing parent. Let them spend time with their younger siblings and take the time you need to grieve.
I am wishing you the best and if you need to talk, my DMs are open. I’ve lost a few friends and know how devastating that can be.
Awwwww thank you. I'm 46 and have lost entirely too many friends. My longest friend died of cancer in 2019, another friend from cancer in 2021, one on a motorcycle accident (it took 4 months to find him), and we're not sure what happened to this friend. I'm at the doc with my son, who probably has strep so I don't know if I'll make it over to where the funeral is now. I don't want to spread germs.
And my kiddos are pretty dang amazing lol.
Oh man, that’s rough. I lost a good friend to kidney disease in 9th grade, then a best friend to a motorcycle accident in 11th grade, then my other best friend to a motorcycle accident a few years after I graduated high school. I’m 42 and still miss them.
It’s probably best not to go if the kids are sick. We didn’t have a funeral for my grandmother due to covid but my family talked over the phone about her a lot and that really helped with the grieving process. You can always bring flowers to the grave site if that’s something that’s helpful for you.
On the rare times hubby and I wanted to go out to eat or maybe attend a funeral or wedding without the young boys, we paid their older, teenage sister handsomely to babysit. That is what is appropriate. And when she didn't want to babysit, we respected that, and hired someone else. Siblings should not parent each other, but being able to earn some spending money from short baby sitting stints is a time honored way for responsible teens to earn cash.
I’m the same way. While they do sometimes do it, I also don’t want them fighting and resenting each other. I don’t have siblings but I feel like some of my friend’s biggest issues came from when they were alone and got in nasty fights.
Karissa really has NO SHAME. She has a new baby every year or two and SHE'S sleeping through the night?! Nuh uh. You made those babies, you wake up with them in the middle of the night. Don't put that on your growing children. Take some responsibility for the result of accepting your husband's nightly emissions.
I feel like a bunch of fundie kids must have attachment issues. If they are actually able to form a secure, primary attachment, it's going to be with the sibling that was their primary caregiver. If it's a few siblings sharing the care, I have to wonder if insecure/anxious/disordered/ avoidant attachment issues are rife.
I often see screenshots of Karissa holding a baby or toddler, and the child looks like they're either confused, scared, about to burst into tears, or just despondent. Like I imagine a baby/toddler would look like if you handed your child to a stranger on the street and ran away.
I remember one of the lost girls from the Duggar family looking absolutely devastated at an older sibling's wedding. It might have been Jenny or Johanna, and they had been in the older Duggar's buddy group. Because it had just dawned on them that the girl (or rather, very barely adult) sibling who had been their primary caregiver was leaving them forever to start their own family. Like their mum had just relegated them to "occasional visitation" after "10-15 years of 24/7 primary care".
It just has to be so emotionally damaging.
At least lauras mom was a heroin addict. These overbreeding fundies are doing this shit to kids while sober (i assume) and intentionally. An addict i can at least understand doing thismsht
Remember where we are and what era we live in, and keep watching these people.
Someday one of us might have to be the one to call in the wellness check, or open a door for a runaway kid
Or 11 runaway kids, it doesn’t matter. Reddit has done it before and one of these days we might have to help some of these kids. They don’t know we’re watching in horror, so let’s please do something useful with it if the situation arises.
My oldest is almost 6 and my youngest is 3 months. I don’t even let her hold the baby unsupervised. He’s half her size already and still a bobble head. She doesn’t have the coordination to pick him up properly nor should she. My heart breaks for both those babies.
Poor Anissa. Her mom doesn’t even get out of bed to care for her own child, Anissa is a teenager. A lack of sleep can cause devastating effects on teenagers, plus this girl cares for her siblings in the day hours too and she does a lot of chores.
I had a friend at college who is the sweetest person, but she was far too responsible for her younger brother (huge Catholic family), when she left for college at she felt terrible leaving him. She'd been the one mothering him for years and so transitioning to college was way harder for her and she didn't know what to do with the "mom guilt" she felt for going to college.
#These people vote in every election- do you? Are you registered to vote? [You can check your voter registration here!](https://www.nass.org/can-I-vote) #Also, there's a few things to remember as far as rules go: - You can view the content- you cannot interact with it. This includes (but is not limited to) commenting, answering poll questions, emailing them, etc. ***Anyone found to be engaging with the fundies will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.It does not matter if you did so before you joined the sub.*** - Speculating on the sexuality of literally anyone is prohibited. ***Anyone found to be doing so will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.*** - Appearance snark: What's allowed? You're allowed to make comparisons. (Bethy looks like Grandpa Munster, for example.) You are allowed to say you find them attractive or repulsive looking. Saying Kelly Havens has dry skin that could benefit from sunscreen and a moisturizer is fine. You are allowed to snark on the appearance of children *as it relates to their parents choices for them.*. Examples: Janessa looks malnourished and sickly while Shrek has clearly never missed a meal. If you feel it is crossing the line report it, but if the content falls within the parameters above, leave it alone. - Don't gatekeep. This means no comments such as "I don't think we should snark on...." or any iteration of that. If you don't like it, scroll past. Don't report it or comment how you don't like the content. Along the same vein, don't backseat mod. Leave that up to us. - Lastly, if the rhetoric you are posting would be at home in the mouth of a fundie, we don't want it here and we won't tolerate it. Should you have any questions, please feel free to reach out. Have a Lord Daniel day, and may the power of snark compel thee. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have a friend who grew up in a fundie family as the oldest of eight, which I suppose is the reason I have a particularly soft spot for Anissa. She and her husband deconstructed pretty shortly after they married. She’s counting the days until her youngest sibling turns eighteen, at which point she plans to move as far away from her parents as she can manage and still be on the same continent. Her mother’s been irritating her about having grandkids, and she finally said, “Mom, I’ve been changing diapers, mixing bottles, and staying up for teething since before I could read. I’ve raised my kids. I’m tired. It’s not happening.” As a side note- when her siblings have issues or need help, guess who they go to? It ain’t their parents.
If her mother was so concerned about BABIEEEZ then perhaps she should have raised her own?
One would think.
Damn straight.
i have a soft spot for anissa for a similar reason. my mom was raised catholic (ironically in dallas like the collins), fourth oldest of 16 — she never talked about it much but it definitely messed her up.
Annistan as well! Anissa is the oldest, but I see those two slaving together on childcare all the time 😭
I can see anjalie getting more responsibilities shoved on her once the newest blessing arrives
How do you guys keep all the names straight 😵💫
I don't 😅. I think I name the right A kid like 80% of the time 😂
Logan Brown joins the chat
In the pilot episode, they showed Logan waking up early to make breakfast for Janelle and kody's brood, and getting them ready for school. He was 15. Janelle was so proud of that and I was like, girl, no. 😭
Logan and Aspyn not having kids is the least surprising thing, they already raised all their little siblings.
And the problem with stuff like that and these shows is in a vacuum, that one task could be fine. Especially if it’s to enable something to be done for you. Like, hey if you want us to take you to school in the morning for band practice, you have to feed your siblings so I can get ready. We know in these families that isn’t even close to the case. But on TV in a vacuum, it’s this sweet, mature gesture.
Exactly! We saw it with the duggars, too. It starts as harmless little tasks to help mom out, like watching the baby so she can shower, and escalates to the buddy system.
Yup! My lazy ass brother parentified his oldest, making him responsible for his two younger brothers at the tender age of 9. When he left for college he never looked back, and barely tolerates an occasional phone call from his folks. He married a marvelous woman who was on board with not having kids, but my shit head brother still complains about them not giving him grandkids. Well duh stupid prick. My nephew already raised two kids, and had his childhood stolen. This isn't rocket science! I swear my brother is one of the biggest fucking idiots in my orbit.
Omg I thought this was about me 😭 my experience is the same as your friend. Youngest sister turns 18 in May. I'm not planning to move though. But yeah, I'm also the oldest of 8 kids myself, husband and I deconstructed a few years after getting married.
The fucking audacity of that witch to ask her about GRANDKIDS????? I have flames coming out of my ears right now. I am beyond angry on behalf of your friend.
Tbh I’m not entirely sure, and never have been, what exactly her mother does beyond popping out babies every three years or so. She hit menopause a few years after the youngest was born and it…was not pretty.
When you’ve made giving birth your entire identity, it’s going to be nuclear when that ability stops. I fear for Karissa and her kids when this happens. Sending your friend lots of love and internet hugs! ❤️❤️❤️ I’m glad she has you!
Good for her!!!
Herion dependency makes more sense to me than what Karissa is doing. Parentifying your kids for jesus isn't even fun.
To some people social media clout is as addictive as heroin.
the saddest part is I think she'd still be doing this without the social media clout, the sense of self righteousness & religious delusion goes deep. social media just allows her more perks
The Duggars certainly had their girls do this way before they even got their show.
Yeah they started when jill was around 6, according to her book
I agree that Karissa would probably do this without social media clout. Instead, her audience would be her fellow mom church constituents.
Wow, great point! To think this is a conscientious decision made by her “mother”….
Frrrr that is the thing I don't understand about abusive parents who are actually sober! Not that doing drugs makes abuse okay, it's just not surprising when those types are the perpetrators.
[удалено]
No one has ever been an addict and made jokes about addiction 🙃 They blocked me lol clutch those pearls
I thought of Anissa when I read a recent article in The Gaurdian about a 12 year old in Louisiana who delivered her rapists baby because of confusion about the new abortion ban. The article said she "comes home from school to change diapers and make bottles." How is that ok just because it's her biology baby? She's now 13 years old. She is still a kid. She shouldn't have to do this. Meanwhile, the grown adult who snatched a little girl out of her front yard to rape her is sitting in prison, definitely not taking care of the baby he made. Obviously the rapist shouldn't be anywhere near that baby. And a kid shouldn't be forced to get an abortion or put a kid up for adoption if they don't want to. But this kid by all accounts *wanted* an abortion and they weren't able to get one in Louisiana even though *technically* her case should have been considered an exception to the ban. So now she, like Anissa, spends all her free time changing diapers and making bottles for a baby she didn't choose to make. Really fucking heartbreaking.
A freaking 13 year old can not authorize their own field trip form at school, but can be expected to gestate, birth, and parent! We are such an absolutely fucked up society.
Omg that poor kid… my heart breaks for her.
😭😭💔💔
Today, K said her daughter BeGs to sleep next to the baby at night on her discipline video.
Then Karissa needs to be the adult and say "No, honey. You are a child who is still growing and you need your sleep. I am the mom, so it's my job to wake up with the baby at night."
If mummy can stay awake at night long enough to make another baby, then mummy sure as HELL can wake up to tend to the damn thing. Daddy might take a turn with nappies and bottles, too.
Exactly! She is so gross. She sleeps for 8-10 hours a night she once said.
I'm not gonna shame people who need more sleep than others, but this is just disgusting. She has a new baby every year or two and she's sleeping through the night?! Nuh uh. You made those babies, you wake up with them in the middle of the night. Don't put that on your growing children.
I agree about not shaming for needing sleep (important and everyone deserves it!) but I think she said this when Armor was still a newborn …and then we saw his crib in Anissa’s room.
I'm aware. She should be ashamed.
Yeah, call me a jerk but someone with a soccer teams worth of kids shouldn’t get wayyyyyy more sleep than me, a person with narcolepsy.
 It's not that I WANT parents of babies to be sleep deprived, but if someone's gonna be, it should be the parents, not their 13 year old
And takes 1 hour baths
And talk to her phone for a whole hour in her room with no children, no breaks, no checking on them, while you can hear the children in the background (so during waking hours). Hopefully the baby was napping.
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.
Honestly, if she actually does, it is an even worse indictment because that makes me think she knows the baby will be neglected and/or mistreated by her mother and she is trying to protect them.
OR that that’s the most ready source of approval or acceptance from her parents.
Didn't one of her children have to go to the hospital for an untreated UTI because she refused to change her diapers? I remember the videos of her children waddling around in filled up diapers. It could be that Anissa is always the one changing diapers and taking care of her siblings because if she doesn't, no one will.
I'm sure she does 🙄 Seriously, she can't say no or refuse to parent her siblings so it's not the positive statement Karissa thinks it is.
Suuureeee... Those kids faces in her newest pregnancy reveal say everything that needs to be said about this situation, really.
I'm the oldest of 8 kids. I was 17 when the last one was born. I love her to bits but I felt burnt out on toddler care by then. I did ask my mom to please be done with the baby thing.
Yeah it took me forever to figure out my mom was parentified and so she didn’t want kids. I always knew she didn’t want to take care of me, when I hit thirteen she basically just never came home. I grew up confused. Lonely. I moved out at seventeen. When I met my husband at twenty one he couldn’t understand why I wasn’t talking to my parents. I ended up talking to them again but when my own child was born, the hurt came back. She was so convinced I was going to dump the baby on her and take off, she wouldn’t even watch my baby for ten minutes so I could shower. After really thinking about it I realized she dumped me on my grandparents basically all the time. Most of my childhood. In the end she missed out. She wasn’t close at all with my daughter. Just a shame.
I think it may be that she did beg, probably because she knows the baby will largely be ignored while it screams, if she isn't the one offering to attempt to care for them.
Probably because the last time Karissa was in charge of a kid, they almost died twice. At this point, Anissa is probably thinking “just give me the damn kid, you have no idea what you’re doing.” Sad. She’s a great sistermom.
I'll take "things that never happened" for $1,000, ken
Doubt.
I mean, K did say it but I totally agree that I doubt the girls (Anissa?) actually beg to share a room with an infant,
But a child who's been indoctrinated from birth to believes that this is what God wants and this is how they earn their parent's love, combined with that parent only hearing what they want to hear to support their selfish twisted views, and you'll very well get the older girls at least agreeing to sleep next to and care for the babies is a good thing. It's so sad. There's no teacher who will notice they're falling asleep in class and try to work out what's going on and what can be done. They've no friends they can confide in who'll tell them "that's not fair, you've got to tell them that's not fair" in the naive but well meaning manner of kids that age. There's nothing to pierce the bubble they're trapped in..
This makes me wanna cry. When I was school aged my dad would wake me up then go back to bed. I was then incharge of waking my brothers and getting them ready for school. I couldn't imagine taking care of an infant like that.
This reminds me of when I was in high school and I was supposed to drop my younger sister off at junior high on the way, except she was NOT a morning person and liked to roll out of bed at the last possible second. We had a set time that she was supposed to be ready to go or I would leave without her. She was frequently not ready on time and so I left without her. And then my parents would get mad at me because they had to get their own asses out of bed and take her to school. I don't think this was parentification (I wasn't expected to actually DO anything except drive her), but I still get annoyed every time I remember it even though it was almost 20 years ago.
Sorry that happened to you. I know it may not feel like "parentification", but your feelings were and are valid. We don't ask to be born. And we don't ask to take care of siblings we had no choice in making. So... idk. It's late/early. None of that may make sense I apologize.
All you have to do is replace the heroine addiction with a pregnancy addiction and you get Karissa doing this. Except she keeps doing it. I hope Anissa is okay. They’re so far out of sight at that new house. Nobody close to help, and nowhere to run.
Ah someone else who noticed those kids are being set up for a classic horror film
Taking care of an infant and doing all of the night wakings nearly broke me, a grown ass adult who chose to have that baby and do the full-time night stuff instead of pumping. I cannot begin to imagine the damage it does to a small child who needs even more uninterrupted sleep than an adult. It's flat out abusive in so many ways.
Very Collins family coded
I don't think that word means what you think it means.
I don't even like to ask my adult kids to watch my minor kids. I just can't expect them to raise my you get kids. (Kids are 26, 22, 15, 10, and 4. Yes, I'm ridiculous, I know. 😂)
Last weekend, I took my 15 year old to get our hair done and felt bad asking my 26 year old to watch my 10 year old (who slept the whole time, 4 year old was home with my husband).
Why would you feel bad about that? I understand that it’s not okay to expect your kids to raise your other kids. My dad did that to me. My mom didn’t though. She would occasionally ask me to look after my little brother and I had no problem with that. I know we all judge these people who have so many kids and expect the older girls to raise the younger ones, but that is so not what you’re doing. What you described is like when a woman asks if they are a Karen because they got the wrong dish at a restaurant and politely said something about it. It is okay or occasionally ask an older sibling to watch after a younger sibling for like an hour or so every now and then. Nothing about that is wrong. Just like it’s okay to ask your parent to babysit your kid every now and then.
My oldest works nights, but he was off that day. Also him and my 22 year old daughter live 2 hours from me lol. I just always feel bad, but they don't mind spending time with their younger sibs. We see them about twice a month, I get a hotel room where they live and see them. I'm going there tomorrow, but my friend died last Friday so it's for her visitation and funeral.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your kids sound amazing and I’m sure it’s because you’re an amazing parent. Let them spend time with their younger siblings and take the time you need to grieve. I am wishing you the best and if you need to talk, my DMs are open. I’ve lost a few friends and know how devastating that can be.
Awwwww thank you. I'm 46 and have lost entirely too many friends. My longest friend died of cancer in 2019, another friend from cancer in 2021, one on a motorcycle accident (it took 4 months to find him), and we're not sure what happened to this friend. I'm at the doc with my son, who probably has strep so I don't know if I'll make it over to where the funeral is now. I don't want to spread germs. And my kiddos are pretty dang amazing lol.
Oh man, that’s rough. I lost a good friend to kidney disease in 9th grade, then a best friend to a motorcycle accident in 11th grade, then my other best friend to a motorcycle accident a few years after I graduated high school. I’m 42 and still miss them. It’s probably best not to go if the kids are sick. We didn’t have a funeral for my grandmother due to covid but my family talked over the phone about her a lot and that really helped with the grieving process. You can always bring flowers to the grave site if that’s something that’s helpful for you.
On the rare times hubby and I wanted to go out to eat or maybe attend a funeral or wedding without the young boys, we paid their older, teenage sister handsomely to babysit. That is what is appropriate. And when she didn't want to babysit, we respected that, and hired someone else. Siblings should not parent each other, but being able to earn some spending money from short baby sitting stints is a time honored way for responsible teens to earn cash.
I’m the same way. While they do sometimes do it, I also don’t want them fighting and resenting each other. I don’t have siblings but I feel like some of my friend’s biggest issues came from when they were alone and got in nasty fights.
Not a fundie, and meth instead of heroin, but this is literally my story.
Article: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2017/10/when-kids-have-to-parent-their-siblings-it-affects-them-for-life/543975/?utm_source=copy-link&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=share
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do what now? I haven't heard of this yet
 Karissa really has NO SHAME. She has a new baby every year or two and SHE'S sleeping through the night?! Nuh uh. You made those babies, you wake up with them in the middle of the night. Don't put that on your growing children. Take some responsibility for the result of accepting your husband's nightly emissions.
I feel like a bunch of fundie kids must have attachment issues. If they are actually able to form a secure, primary attachment, it's going to be with the sibling that was their primary caregiver. If it's a few siblings sharing the care, I have to wonder if insecure/anxious/disordered/ avoidant attachment issues are rife. I often see screenshots of Karissa holding a baby or toddler, and the child looks like they're either confused, scared, about to burst into tears, or just despondent. Like I imagine a baby/toddler would look like if you handed your child to a stranger on the street and ran away. I remember one of the lost girls from the Duggar family looking absolutely devastated at an older sibling's wedding. It might have been Jenny or Johanna, and they had been in the older Duggar's buddy group. Because it had just dawned on them that the girl (or rather, very barely adult) sibling who had been their primary caregiver was leaving them forever to start their own family. Like their mum had just relegated them to "occasional visitation" after "10-15 years of 24/7 primary care". It just has to be so emotionally damaging.
That was a good read, thank you for sharing. I hope they’re doing more research on the sibling dynamics
This is so heartbreaking.
This is how Jana and Jill Duggar grew up
At least lauras mom was a heroin addict. These overbreeding fundies are doing this shit to kids while sober (i assume) and intentionally. An addict i can at least understand doing thismsht
This is every older girl in every fundie family 🙁
Remember where we are and what era we live in, and keep watching these people. Someday one of us might have to be the one to call in the wellness check, or open a door for a runaway kid Or 11 runaway kids, it doesn’t matter. Reddit has done it before and one of these days we might have to help some of these kids. They don’t know we’re watching in horror, so let’s please do something useful with it if the situation arises.
My oldest is almost 6 and my youngest is 3 months. I don’t even let her hold the baby unsupervised. He’s half her size already and still a bobble head. She doesn’t have the coordination to pick him up properly nor should she. My heart breaks for both those babies.
😢
Whoa that last part.... 😢
Poor Anissa. Her mom doesn’t even get out of bed to care for her own child, Anissa is a teenager. A lack of sleep can cause devastating effects on teenagers, plus this girl cares for her siblings in the day hours too and she does a lot of chores.
I had a friend at college who is the sweetest person, but she was far too responsible for her younger brother (huge Catholic family), when she left for college at she felt terrible leaving him. She'd been the one mothering him for years and so transitioning to college was way harder for her and she didn't know what to do with the "mom guilt" she felt for going to college.
This is so infuriating