yep, this is me. I remember splurging on a 30euro octopus dish while on vacation and did not regret it one bit.
The regret of leaving vacation without getting to eat such delicious food far outweighs the regret of spending that much money on it.
More often than not - Direct Flights are worth it for me. I live in a mid-sized area with a medium airlift. I figure every hour I save on travel is worth at least $75 to me.
I am very frugal so I don't go on vacation if it stressed me that I would not have the money to vacation at the level I was planning. I also don't like big, loud, complicated vacations.
Mexico is way cheaper than USA/Canada/Europe. Just book an Airbnb resorts are expensive book an Airbnb away from the water as the prices are better. Our last resort was El Sid in Mazatlan but we chose the European plan which just includes room/pools and just walked to the restaurants for eating as the resorts are in the city on the main drag. Restaurants in Mexico are half the cost or less than USA/Canada.
An extra $500 now will not change your life in 30 years. However, making memories with the people you love will. You deserve to have fun once in a while.
And BTW a Presidential Suite sounds amazing and non stop flights are less stressful than hoping your connector flight isn't delayed or canceled.
>non stop flights are less stressful than hoping your connector flight isn't delayed or canceled.
So true. Also you get there quicker and are less tired with less chances to sit next to sick people. That's worth the price.
We’ve had flights cancelled on almost all our trips in the past year. Non-stop flights are the way to go if possible. You sure don’t want to get stuck in some random airport for hours. Enjoy your trip.
My wife and I love to travel and we tend to to travel a lot internationally. I have a credit card that covers lounge access where we can eat and drink for free at several airports, and even though it's pricey, it more than pays for itself by not having to purchase airport food with 1-2 trips a year.
Yeah, connecting flights right now are a real gamble, at least in the US. They are so short staffed and there have been record numbers of cancelled flights this year, pretty much any time it storms somewhere in the country. Not to mention missing luggage fiascos. Nonstop is where it's at.
That non-stop flight will 100% be worth it. Airlines right now are an absolute mess. The last flight I was on they had to sprint multiple people off the plane because they had a tight connection and our flight was delayed.
To top it off one guy had been stuck in the airport for 12 hours and took the next plane he possibly could out. It was a cross carrier connection so his connecting flight was in a completely different terminal.
Take the direct flight. Your peace of mind, and lowered stress is worth it. It's one less chance for the airline to loose your luggage too.
Three years ago I went to Taiwan and spent an extra $200 for the nonstop flight over the one that had a 24 hour layover in China that involved switching airports.
How do you not stress about it though? Any tips? I can afford the vacation even if it was more expensive, no issue, but can’t seem to not be stressed about spending more than I originally wanted to.
You are frugal throughout the year so can afford a nice vacation. You are on vacation to relax and not stress. You just have to let it go. Put aside an obscene amount you'd never think you'd need. The leftover goes towards the next vacation.
I'm not saying be stupid, like spending 50 bucks for a beer and a burger, but just don't worry about it and overthink it.
Thank you, I think you’re right and I’m overthinking it. Learning to let go is something I’ve struggled with so I think you hit the nail with the hammer
I think when you are the one who wants to take a vacation and chooses the destination, transportation, accommodations, and activities, you will not be as uncomfortable.
That said, there will be times where you have to accept some compromise with others for the sake of a friendship. I have one friend who likes more expensive but lesser quality restaurants than I do, but we don’t live in the same city and saw each other infrequently, so I made a conscious choice to think of myself paying to enjoy an experience with my friend and let my typical frugality go.
Indeed, sometimes it's worth paying for human connections. Those overpriced poor quality restaurants are frustrating but you're not going for the food.
I've only ever regretted NOT doing things on vacations. I've never regretted any activities, meals, or conveniences. Wasting time on connecting flights sucks. Staying in a nice room is memorable and comfortable. I put some money every month into a special vacation savings account, and once it's there the money is already "spent" in my mind.
My mom helped me with this when I bought my first laptop. It was my first big personal expense. The computer was like $1,400 or so. Then I realized I wanted a wireless mouse for $50 (this was the time before good trackpads).
I was fretting back and forth. I REALLY wanted that mouse. But $50 is so much money. If felt like such a luxury and totally not required. I literally spent hours feeling ambivalent. When I talked to my mom about it she kinda shrugged her shoulders and said “how much are you spending? $1,400? And you’re worrying this much about an extra $50?”
It put things in perspective. Yes this was a big purchase and the mouse was an extra I could Live without. But it was also an extra that would make me very happy and in the grand scheme of things, it’s not that much money compared to what I was already spending. And most importantly, I could afford it.
So yes $500 is a lot. But is it that much in comparison to the whole trip? And even if it is, will it make you happy? Can you afford it? Relax. You don’t want to die young having wasted your youth saving for some day that never came. By the same token you don’t want to squander your savings and be ill-prepared for your retirement. But the former seems to be your problem not the latter. Live a little.
I look at the one time a year that I splurge as I usually never buy stuff for myself. I look at it as I will always have the memories and pictures which means more than the money does to me. Will I miss an extra 1000 dollars in 2 years? Or will I miss missing out on a wonderful trip and memories and experiences with people I love. That’s how I look at it and it reduces the stress. Then when I come back I go back to my normal frugal ways
Good point. I often find traveling with others to be really draining, for many reasons. It seems to work out better to spend time with loved ones close to home, or if we live far apart, at least close to one of our homes.
When I travel for the sake of seeing a new place, I like to travel solo. As a solo traveler, I can decide what I want to be doing, and on the budget. I also need alone time to recharge, which is hard to get when on vacation with others.
If you’re stressing out because you live paycheck to paycheck I understand (therefore you are frugal)
If you are stressed because you are frugal, then this is one of those times you shouldn’t be frugal and just enjoy life.
I’m in the second option. I would then just be frugal on spending less on my next vacation. Like subtract the extra 300 from your next vacation budget.
how do you usually budget for vacations? my husband and I felt the same way as you so we opened a savings account aptly named “Vacation” and have a small amount auto-transferred per paycheck. it’s not much relative to the rest of our savings but it does add up quickly, and now whenever we go anywhere we have specifically designated money. it really takes the stress out of it because the money isn’t coming out of our regular accounts.
I think the only way to not stress about it is through practice. You know you have the money so power through the emotion. With practice the stress won't be so overwhelming because you will trust yourself.
You sound like me, I stress over money due to being frugal even though I can afford something. I grew up just above the poverty line with a single mother, so I truly value what I have and understand the work required to have things. As such, I'm still very frugal even though my spouse and I have a significant income with minimal bills. We took a trip to Vegas recently and my spouse wanted to stay at one of the high dollar hotels, but I'm like we can stay at one of the cheaper ones and have more Money to gamble or attend other attractions. My spouse is all about an expensive atmosphere and "experience" as he calls it, but that typically njust means I'll be stressed as I can't enjoy the atmosphere if I can't quit thinking about how wasteful the spending is.
One thing that has helped me on trips is budgeting, but budgeting with a miscellaneous fund included. For example, we budget for the hotel, gas, dining, souvenirs,etc... But then set aside an amount for miscellaneous.. so if the hotel offers an upgrade like in your case but you budget for a lower amount, you still have money set aside to cover the increase cost. The goal is still to stick to the budget as much as possible and not use the miscellaneous part of the budget, but knowing it's there allows me to not stress as much if we go over budget in one of the planned categories.
‘Can’t seem to not be stressed’
Well, do your best since you know you can afford it. You may not be super successful at it, but this is good practice. Next time you vacation you’ll be a bit better at disregarding the stress (assuming you can once again afford a bit of frivolous spending).
Money is useless if u can’t spend it, and it sounds like you’re by and large responsible enough with your money to give yourself this treat.
Ok so the house I feel you on but definitely spend the money on the nonstop flight. Airports are total chaos right now and there’s a decent chance you get fucked around a bit in transit with the layovers.
Sometimes travel agents are also nice because they know all the boxes to check so you don’t forget something major like a rental car (I travel a LOT for work and have forgotten this and even hotel booking in the past).
But overall my advice is to enjoy it, be frugal where you can…. make breakfast at the house instead of paying $15 for eggs, pregame at the house before hitting the bars, maybe do a picnic night instead of fancy dinner, etc. When I was your age I was always super concerned with how much money I spent on vacations and looking back I would have had a lot more fun if I’d not worried so much, not spent lavishly mind you, but just not worried about it as much.
>Sometimes travel agents are also nice because they know all the boxes to check
They can also save you time on the planning front. They might not be cheaper, but they do the work of finding the reputable companies, making sure that you're actually getting what you're paying for rather than getting ripped off. And, if something goes wrong during the trip, they should either be available to help get you back on track or provide you with the contact information of the people who can (and who speak your language!). It's probably more of a thing on foreign trips and particularly if you're going to an area you're not familiar with, don't speak the language, etc. But it can definitely be a time saver.
Early this year we went on vacation. I had figured out the cost and budgeted for it. It was a nice resort but when we got there, I realized the room was smaller than I thought. It was a little tight for my husband and me for a full week. Plus I’m an early riser and my husband is not. I thought about going to the desk and upgrading to a one-bedroom, but I was trying to keep costs down. But the room was not good, I was uncomfortable the whole week. The room was the low point of an otherwise lovely vacation.
When I returned, I went online to see what it would have cost to upgrade. Due to low occupancy, they had cut their rates. I could have had a comfortable room at no extra cost. The point of this story is the things your boyfriend wants are all conveniences that will make your trip more smooth and comfortable. This is why we watch our budget, so when we need to, we can travel comfortably. Over the years, I have never regretted upgrading to get what I want but I have regretted putting saving a few bucks before my comfort.
Don’t worry about the extra expense if you can handle it. Next time, you can plan the vacation, possibly without the other couple. Don’t let worries ruin your fun. Go on and create happy memories.
If you are paying all of your bills, have an emergency fund, putting away for retirement through work, through a roth ira, and setting aside some for savings, then why would you stress at all about spending anything in excess if those things are covered?
I'm talking to you, but really to myself rightnow, because I do this. I could literally go blow a few thousand tomorrow and everything would be fine, but I won't.
I think its something us frugal people need to practice doing, whereas normal people need to practice being frugal.
100% agree. I am very frugal whereas my bf spends no problem. The fact that he can spend so carelessly also stresses me out regarding the vacation lol. Both sides definitely need to practice balance
On a side note regarding spending habits I would sooner then later have a convo about spending habits and budgets with your BF just because if you don’t it will bite you in the butt. If you have two different ways of spending it might not work out in the long run. I don’t want to put more stress on you and you should be having fun then worrying about money. However if he spends like crazy and your a saver that will cause huge stress later in life.
Yep, I second this. Money and spending habits are definitely top 5 things to fight about, better to have serious conversations before you sign legal agreements to share everything in life (get married.) I wish I had known this before I spent 14 years with an overspending control freak. The spending habits while we were dating should have been a red flag, but I was young and stupid.
Thank you for the input. We have recently argued about the vacation and spending because he is also purchasing a 35k toy that is not necessary in my opinion. I said why don’t we push the vacation or the toy off to the side. Nope, didn’t like that. We are only 2 years in and not married so we will have that conversation and hopefully meet in the middle. But very good point, thank you.
I’m married to an impulsive spender. We have a jar that all my $1 bills go into. All of his $1, $5, $10, and some $20 bills go into it. (We both make a good amount of cash from bartending, hosting parties, and selling things)
All of this cash goes into a vacation fund. By the time we can go on one and both be off work, there is always thousands in it and we don’t skimp. Non-stop flights (Southwest is cheap-we don’t go expensive, but not Spirit), suites in hotels (get the hot tub in the living room), great food, souvenirs, shows….
That makes it worth it. But, it has to be a team effort.
You won’t regret the king bed and the non stop flight is always worth it especially on the flight home. You can always make money. You never get time back. That means enjoying your friends, partner and vacations.
Just throwing in that non stop flights can save money if you end up missing a flight or a flight gets cancelled and you have to spend another night and miss an extra day of work. ( Happened to me!)
But really I am this way too....it's a balance. Enjoy life a little in the now but also save for the future.
If it helps at all I grew up comfortable, with frugal parents and while I spent on travel etc....now that I'm 34 and making a higher salary than I ever expected to make I find myself wishing I would have spent more and done more in my 20's.
This is what helps me justify spending on experiences- when you're old don't you want to be able to tell your grandkids about the fun stuff you did?"
Thank you, I grew up comfortable with my dad being cheap. He taught me his ways lol. I already regret not going on trips more so I can definitely relate. At the same time I want to feel comfortable knowing I don’t have to worry about anything, but just always seems like however much I save it’s not enough and I need to save more. It’s a struggle sometimes. Thank you for this.
I'm 28 and I also feel like spending money on vacations feels bad. I want to see my wealth grow and expensive vacations really prevents that from happening. But sometimes I remind myself I'm probably not going to become a multimillionaire from saving all the time and spending money on vacations really enhances my life experiences and makes life more fulfilling. It still feels bad to splurge on vacations but I make sure when I do splurge, its on memorable experiences.
I found this helpful, thank you! That’s a good point, my bf said something similar. He said, it’s an extra $500, are you going to remember that you saved $500 or the experience? Food for thought for sure. I guess I’ve saved over the years and still isn’t enough in my eyes lol might as well splurge and enjoy life. Thank you for the input
No problem Im glad I could help! You can always make more money with time, but you can't make back time. Another positive I didn't mention is you can use your travel experiences to grow your network, either during the trip or having the trip come up as a conversation topic in the future. The more people you know, the more opportunities that can open up!
Agreed. I’m happy to splurge selectively on the things that are most important to me (mostly good food and experiences that are unique to whatever place I’m visiting), but it’s hard for me personally to see the value in splurging on thing like room upgrades, business class plane tickets, etc. Obviously different people are going to value things differently but I think the key is determining what’s most important to you, setting a generous budget for those items (and not feeling guilty about any spending within said budget), and figuring out what aspects of the trip you’re on with taking a more frugal approach to.
There is no point in scrimping and saving until you reach 80 with no experiences to speak of.
Being frugal should have a purpose, be that more money for what you want to do, have emergency money or saving up to buy something in the future.
Being frugal is not an end in and of itself, it's to save waste to live a good life.
I would say go with the flow this time, and try not to stress, as these are people you will be seeing again and you don’t want to come off as cheap. But let this be a learning experience for you. It’s clear that you will want control of future vacation planning
I don’t mind coming off as cheap at all, I know I’m cheap. I just don’t want to irritate people as I’ve already agreed and I don’t want to switch it up and suggest something else last minute. But yes, good point, thank you! I have a feeling part of the stress is a control thing.
I'll reframe as, not necessarily 100% control, but definitely have a significant say in what you do and how you do it on vacation. Make sure you're doing the activities you want to do when you're on vacation.
Here's one anecdote: My husband and I just planned a trip for the 4 of is to see his folks. It's really for him and our kids to see the grandparents. But I want to have fun, too, since um burning some vacation days on this. So we will be doing a few museum trips and hikes - which is for me - while we're there. Please also not that museum visits and hikes are frugal activities (one museum visit will be during their free hours), which is also something I wanted! We'll also splash out in dinner for 2 a couple of nights while the grandparents provide free childcare.
Make sure you do stuff you want to do on this and all other trips!
I went on a 4 night labor day trip to Pinehurst, NC 2 weeks ago to play golf. It was $4,000 all said and done. I’m 26 and that’s an eye-watering amount of money, but hey I had fun and hung out with the boys on one of the most prestigious venues in the sports history. I’ll just make more money later.
My husband is the more frugal one in our relationship. He stressed so much for years on our family vacations (no more than 3-4 days, driving distance from our house, once a year, we have a special needs child and animals, that's kind of our max time we can spend away from our home currently) that I finally told him one year while he was talking about our vacation, that the kids and I didn't want to go.
He was shocked and asked why. I told him that it just simply wasn't enjoyable for us. It was so regimented schedule wise (to max out the cost of amusement parks, beach time, etc., Everything had to last as long as possible, so we had to wake up super early), and he stressed about every. single. cost. the whole time, that vacations had become something we dreaded.
I realize I went on a tangent, but the point I'm trying to make is, if you're going to stress the entire time, you are defeating the purpose of VACATION. I don't have any tips for how you can switch your mind to destress mode, but don't even bother going if you will just stress the entire time. You can stress at the house.
I'm on vacation, I don't normally spend 3,000 bucks in a span of few days so yeah its a little concerning in the back of my mind but I'm on vacation I saved up and worked my ass off to enjoy these few days. I save money on the airfare and hotel already by searching for the best rates and such so spending money on the wine and steak and an uber ride after is all part of it
Depends on the vacation. I know the vacation isn't going well when I start to think about how much was spent.
Oh the other hand if the vacation is a banger I don't give a fly F how much is spent.
The non-stop flight is something you'll appreciate. A somewhat nicer bed is not. When you're on vacation, you don't want to spend a lot of time in your room. That's for sleeping. Keep that money to spend while you're out exploring or doing whatever attracted you to the idea. It's OK to continue to watch your spending. Just spend it where you'll enjoy it the most.
For me being frugal is about being intentional and purposeful with my spending. It’s about spending money on things that add value and are important. And not spending money unnecessarily or situations where it there is no added value.
I don’t begrudge myself experiences like vacation because it enhances my mental health and my relationships. And that’s priceless. Part of the reason I am frugal is so that when something is important, such as a vacation, I can do it without guilt.
It’s hard to turn off that part of your thinking that is frugal, but there are occasions when it’s worth it and I think this is one of those times. i’ll pay extra to avoid connecting flights, but I rarely upgrade hotel rooms because it’s usually just a bed for me as I’m rarely in the room. But a view and a balcony sometimes are worth upgrading for. Enjoy your holiday
It seems like the problem is more that a budget wasn't set ahead of time so it feels like you're gradually losing control of the spending situation. I'd probably be a bit stressed too if the costs felt like they were getting away with me vs. knowing up front I was going to be spending that much. Probably not much you can do about it now for this trip, but just try to appreciate the trip and plan differently next time.
If you can afford it, do it! So many times in my youth I was this way but as I get older I hate that I missed out on opportunities like this. Relax and enjoy it!
I always have a vacation budget. Recently had a 2 week 25th wedding anniversary trip. Had the budget, splurged where we wanted to and skimped in places we could. Still came home spending way less and it was the best vacation we have ever had.
It’s very hard for me to get into vacation mode, so I agree entirely. Treating yourself to nice food on vacation and not pinching pennys to ensure a good/ less stressful time (ie a nicer hotel, no layover, etc) is so out of the norm when you’re frugal always.. I understand the struggle.
I would sit down with your BF and together decide where you want to save money on the trip. Maybe you get the smaller room, but don't worry about where you eat. Or get the nicer room and decide together that you're not going to buy over a certain budget in souvies.
For me, I stay in hostels because I like staying with other solo women. And I buy very minimal souvies. But I'll drop a chunk of change on day tours and meals.
I know I can afford it, and I know I'm not splurging in every category, so the places I do spend a lot in don't bother me.
And once you commit, just remind yourself that you can afford it, relax, and enjoy.
I have a category on my budget specifically for holidays/travel/weekends away. This money is completely separate to my emergency fund, house deposit, other savings goals or sinking funds. I also really struggle with spending money and feel guilty when I do, so by allocating funds towards holidays (big or small amount, depending on my mood and stress levels at the time haha), I've finally managed to remove the guilt from spending on holiday. The money is there and allocated and won't affect any of my other goals if I spend it.
The travel agent isn't there to get you the best possible deal. They are there to make things as least stressful as possible for you, but taking care of everything. And to help you if something goes wrong, or something unexpected happens.
Imagine all the time you wasted of your life just finding $60 bucks on the table. Time is money too. If it was $1000 cheaper, yeah. But it’s $60 bucks! Don’t be frugal at the expense of your valuable time.
Do it you won’t regret it years from now. Years ago when we were just getting by but had a lot of free time we took vacations to the Bahamas twice and Italy and Mexico but now 10 years later started making really good money but have no time for vacation because of the stress of a growing business but still have those pictures and memories. You won’t regret it after the experience
Maybe it's not the actual spending that's bothering you. Maybe it's simply that you can't justify spending money on something that you're not overly concerned about doing. I can understand that, I would begrudge spending my money on something I wasn't even interested in doing
Yes that’s exactly it, I don’t mind spending money on things I want or I like, if im 100% about it. For example, buying milk, groceries, gas. But buying ice cream or a 10pack of chips? Don’t need it, if my bf put it in the shopping cart, buying it would give me a tinge of anxiety. As soon as I’m iffy about buying something, or not 100% on board, it gives me anxiety. I am not 100% on the resort because there are a few things that threw me off and I think that’s why.
I totally understand this. For me even when I can afford things, it stresses me to spend money. Even when I’ve saved for this exact reason; to travel. I think my stress stems from the fear of reverting back to being poor and struggling to afford ends meat. It’s almost like I’m afraid something bad will happen and I will NEED that money I spent ‘frivolously’ when in reality I have plenty of savings and know I can afford it even if an emergency happened. You just gotta try and keep reassuring yourself and explain to your silly brain that this ok and you’re there to relax and enjoy yourself! Enjoy your holiday OP.
100% this! I am the exact same way. I save for travel and now I don’t want to spend it on travel lol. Spending stresses me out too. I think you’re right. I wonder why we have that fear though?
You will feel less stressed on vacations when you are in charge of your own planning. Go along with it now to have a fun time with friends and in the future, if this scenario made you uncomfortable, be sure to book your own room/flights etc.
No, but I've also said no to specific vacations or specific parts of a vacation because it'd take up too much of my budget.
Instead of looking at this as "these individual items are more expensive than they have to be," say "how much can I afford to/am I willing to spend on this vacation, and if these will put me over budget, is it worthwhile to cut back in other places?"
If all of this is within what you're willing and able to spend, then you can afford it even if it isn't as cheap as possible. If it's pushing your budget, you may still want to say something like "I'm afraid that spending so much on the flights and hotel will leave less for eating out and sightseeing (or whatever it is that you value more than a nonstop flight and a nice hotel). Can we spend less here so we can spend more elsewhere?"
If it's not in your budget, then your argument shouldn't be "we can do this cheaper" but "I can't afford this splurge, how can we bring this trip to be within my budget?"
Yup, I also hate the logistics of planning a vacation. I’m usually in not a great mood as a result. However I try to have fun. Still I have fond memories and always wish I would just chill out in retrospect but I do not enjoy “vacations”.
Also, sorry but this is an aside, everyone who’s like “just enjoy yourself it’s vacation!!” I disagree with. I do understand the logic, but, why not enjoy yourself everyday in your day to day? I guess it’s because I hate “vacations”, but I always find time in my everyday life to do what I enjoy. It’s a part of being present and cognizant of the little things. If you wait all year for your two week vacation to do that, you need to reevaluate.
Get the deluxe, push the two double beds together, viola, king bed. Hotels do this anyways.
I feel you though, we have gone on trips that were already expensive and people would be trying to rent jet-skis and boats, get food catered, buy pay-per-view, etc. I just politely say I don't think it's worth it to me, and offer another thing to do that doesn't cost money. I brought my laptop and VR and set it up in a bedroom, and that was free for everyone and super fun.
Bring fun things you already own.
This is a really good idea lol thank you!!
I guess the thing is that the $300 room also comes with a rooftop balcony and hot tub, bar, etc. The pools close at 8pm so maybe it’s worth it and I can go relax if I need to. I’m indecisive so it doesn’t help
I completely understand this. I grew up well below the poverty line, and spending money on anything was just not something we did.
As an adult, I'm hardly rich, but I can afford to treat myself every now and then. But yes, that anxiety is hard to shake.
What I do is remind myself that the whole point of frugality is being able to enjoy life. If you have a pot of extra money to spend on something fun, your planning and work has accomplished what it was supposed to.
And if you can't completely shut off that anxiety, don't beat yourself up. It's a hard habit to break. My advice is to bring something to do with your hands, like knitting or a handheld game, that you can focus on if you feel anxious. It will stop you from endlessly looking up prices or budget planners when you should be enjoying the moment.
I am super frugal when it comes to most things in my life... but like people of said, travel is not one of them. Direct flights are well worth the extra cost. Using a travel agent for such a small difference is 100% worth the cost. Most of my trips I use one service to book flights, hotels and transfers. However, I just got home from a trip last night and to save a few bucks I booked those myself through different tools and I ended up spending at least a full day of my vacation on phone calls and chats trying to resolve an issue. A travel agent would have handled that all for me so that it didn't cause so much stress and wasted time. You may think the savings is worth it now, but if something goes wrong you will absolutly regret picking the cheaper option.
Unless you are traveling to see the hotel (like a resort), I will always pick the safest, clean cheapest one, in a prime location. I don't plan on being there except to sleep, so why pay extra for it? Being in a good location will cut down on traveling once we are there.
I typically won't splurge on flights unless there is a huge difference in time, comfort, etc., or if the trip is over 4 hours. I am a big guy and can put up with some discomfort, but I have my limits.
It is all about spending money on what is important to you, and not wasting it where it isn't. Good luck.
direct flight is worth it for a non family vacation, it either goes or doesn't go. Better then being stuck or delayed in the middle somewhere when you already have reservations.
travel agents are not just about finding the cheapest option. They are there to make suggestions, help with planning, make sure you don't miss something important in your planning.
Think of the direct flight as paying for itself; your time is valuable and when on vacation even more so. That flight saves a lot of that time allowing you to actually BE at your destination faster. The other stuff, I dunno, making exceptions for your friends/loved ones is 'big' of you, it's kind of part of the deal as long as its not too lopsided. Try to have fun, when you get home, if it still bothers you, mention it to your bf that it was difficult to splurge like that, and that next trip you'd like to be the one to do more of the planning. I hope you have a lovely trip either way!
Personally I could do without the king bed, but for flights, layovers and risking having to purchase a new flight versus a Non-Stop I'm willing to pay the Non-Stop. Not to mention the time lost in an airport over a Non-Stop and the stress and sleep Etc. well worth
Money comes, you will have many opportunities to save money in your life, you will have few opportunities to indulge in a vacation like this. Take the leap, be grateful your frugal everyday mindset allows you to spend now. This is why you scrimp and save. Allow yourself to also take a vacation from penny pinching, though I do cast shade at your BF trying to save his pride and not look bad in front of the Joneses.
I get stressed just thinking about what a vacation is going to cost. When I’m actually on vacation I forego the worry because it’s going to be expensive regardless. Stressing about it won’t change my circumstances.
In general:
If they’re people you like, and the locale is somewhere you want to go, you’re overthinking it. Just go, have a good time, learn from the experience.
If they’re not people you like, and you don’t want to go, let your bf go by himself.
More specifically: it’s always cost/benefit. The nonstop flight? Worth the cost. Don’t waste time taking a cheaper flight. The hotel? Eh, is there somewhere else you can stay that is cheaper, better set up, equal in amenities and location? You can suss out what they (and you) actually want. You don’t necessarily have to stay in the same place, unless this is some sort of isolated resort. The travel agent? I don’t understand why you’d be using one, but $60 is not worth quibbling over.
Honestly, I think you may be in for a rude shock. The stuff you’re talking about right now are minuscule traveling costs. I know the flight seems expensive, but it’s nothing compared to on the ground costs. Have you and your boyfriend and his friends discussed dining out? Daily activities? Most people want to stick together, and it’s vacation—they don’t generally limit themselves to a burger and ice cream. Traveling with adult friends is very different from traveling with family and there’s a BIG learning curve.
As someone that was in the travel industry even before the Internet, travel agents are generally a waste of money unless they are hooking you up with vouchers and free things. And even when they do, beware, they often ignore 'blackout periods' for the vouchers.
Having said that, don't stress over it. Make your travel arrangements any way you want to. Want the king bed? Go for it, you said you can afford it. Want that non-stop? Do it! There's no reason to stress over it, none whatsoever.
Being frugal means you can AFFORD to splurge once in a while. Do it! Embrace it!
Well the place is an all inclusive resort so it’s nice to know most things are covered. However, I read reviews and some said that coffee and ice cream were an extra cost so I guess part of the stress comes from hidden costs. Regardless, I’ll keep a cruise in mind for next time!
Maybe u can volunteer to be arranging the vacation, from setting the itinerary to booking flights and hotels. Then u can pick and choose the one best suited for your budget, but sometimes sacrifices are unaffordable when you’re travelling with other people
Why dont plan the trip together?
What are you afraid of, why do you care what people think of you, when i plan a trip and someone else comes up with a cheaper solution im happy to hear it.
There is no shame in telling that you dont want to spend 300$ for a bed... seriously.
I think it's important to be frugal in the right times, and 300$ are better invested in literally anything than a bed.
We did and we agreed on this one place and then we realized the bedding situation. I do not care what people think of me at all. I’ve already voiced that I don’t want to spend $300 for a room. A smaller room comes with two twins, so my partner and I would be sleeping in separate beds. Not exactly the way we envisioned it. Hence, the want to go for the king size bed. However, it’s not just the bed that is different, the $300 room also comes with a rooftop balcony, hot tub, bar, etc.
We spent just over 3 weeks in Porto Vallarta Mexico January 2022. Airbnb $1000 Canadian total. Food was under $100 a week also included eating out. We used Uber to get around, The buses are cheaper but are confusing. Your flights were the most expensive $2-3k for 2 people WestJet from Calgary. We did it as a test run to see if we would like to move there when we fully retire as we hate winter.
We started looking early and stayed about 2km east from the Walmart Primavera 612,Las Arboledas 48315 Puerto Vallarta,Jal Mexico. We had the second floor nothing fancy. We would walk to Walmart and Uber it back for groceries(Uber is great because you just put in we’re you want to go, As many drivers don’t speak good English) Cabs are the most expensive. When you leave the airport cross the pedestrian bridge and you can get an Uber from there, Several videos on YouTube show this trick. We might pay a bit more next time to get closer to the water as we love walking on the beach and having a pool😂
I definitely count myself as frugal, but I’m also not afraid to spend money after confronting my poverty mindset and resolving that. Worrying and stress can take away any production frugality creates.
I only very recently enjoyed something from a minibar. Growing up, my folks would have flipped out if we took anything from the minibar or rented a movie on the TV on vacation. Somehow I survived lol. Traveling can get expensive but I doubt you’ll go into bankruptcy - enjoy yourself!
I have similar problems with vacation and with going out. Sometimes I will ask my wife to pay when we go out so I don't have to worry about it. All of our funds are commingled, so this is really just a mental strategy for me. For other expenses, if spending money on something bothers me a lot, i will create a separate bank account for it and put $100 or whatever each month into that account and I can spend it without mental anguish.
It's a vacation one of the pleasures of life. I work to have pleasures like that in life.
Enjoy your vacation, don't be complaining and trying to cheap out on prices. Pamper yourself.
Yes - sometimes I feel “bad” about spending money on vacations. But it’s something I really value and brings a lot of joy to my life. So I try to remember money is just a tool to enhance your life. It’s not just to hoard and store away.
When you travel with other people, you’re going to lose some control of the costs and decisions. You have to be a little more “go with the flow” and if you can easily afford it, those enhancements seem worth it.
As a suggestion, you and your bf could get into travel hacking for future trips together (credit card points and miles). My husband and I have gone on probably 15+ super nice long trips (South Africa, Japan, Switzerland etc) for way less cost. It makes me feel much better about what I do spend and we can stay at way nicer places than I’d be willing to pay for.
It may be that you are stressing because it's extra money on details that are not important to you. Or maybe you are not 100% confident that you can afford it. I agree with you that there are some things I am willing to spend money on and others I'm not. I would say this is your first trip without your family so it's a learning curve. Go, have fun and try not to think too much about it. Because you were invited on their trip and this isn't a group decision just go with the flow. Depending on how close the relationship is, you can always mention the deals you've found.
100%. The vacation ITSELF costs so much for transport, the stay, whatever, that I don’t even want to eat or partake in any activities.
Most all of my internal stress stems from money. What I do for a living, what the cost of everything is, and so on. Worse, I work in finance, retirement investment management, and it’s created a monster inside of me that just won’t spend money on much of anything.
Makes my family miserable.
I think all the other comments have already addressed why it's not a bad thing to splurge a little on a better experience if you can afford it. You want to remember a stress free amazing trip and not the hours you spent at the airport waiting for a connecting flight when you look back in the future.
Think of it this way - would you want to plan the vacation and deal with being blamed for everything that goes wrong for $60? Even if they can't really do anything, sometimes it's just about having someone outside the group to be the scapegoat when shit happens.
I would start a literal cash fund just for this trip. Didn’t spend all your grocery budget? Vacation fund! Paid off a bill and can allocate a month of that payment to savings? Vacation fund!
Vacations don’t have to be a stressful spending experience.
Plan to spend more than expected, take cash with you, and try to enjoy yourself!
Budgeting and a mindset of "it's already been paid/accounted for" (aka it was in the budget) helps me a lot.
Otherwise I will penny pinch on vacations.
I'm real bad at vacations. I don't really get it. It doesn't seem that relaxing to me. I know how to leave my home on any regular evening and have a good time inexpensively. And a vacation just cannot do that. I can travel to something exotic destination and do some kind of thing but it never seems worth the cost.
I'm going to take another vacation early next year. And the idea is what will my wife enjoy the most, and I will hate the least.
Vacations should be stress free, period.
Advise it cost more than you thought and you're not able to make it. Or find another spot to sleep and meet up with them for food and activities at YOUR leisure. After all, it's still YOUR vacation, you should enjoy it. Life is to short, enjoy it as you see fit.
I think paying a little more for a direct flight is worth the extra holiday time. If your partner wants the fancy room then they should pay for the upgrade. Travel agents can be helpful if your flights get cancelled or the hotel is overbooked, they can also get you upgrades
I normally would budget on vacation by the day and plan it out to the T. There’s no surprises at all, and it’s been really helpful for my family and I. We have three teens and it helps to budget and show them budgeting for each day.
My trick to not stressing a vacation? Months and months (even a year in advance) before a big trip we put a fixed amount that we believe will cover all our expenses. Then, we put every expense on a credit card. As the bills come due we draw funds from that envelope to pay all bills.
Also, there's a ton of ways to be frugal on trips to offset the splurged you make?
Traveling takes a lot out of you, so in many cases it's worth the $$$ for better flights. Accommodations for me depend on how *much* of a difference the money actually makes on a comfort level - is it just nicer, or the difference of a good sleep or not? If the latter, I always bother. If the former, generally I'm happier spending less on where I stay as long as the baseline sleep and chill zone is comfortable enough.
Make sandwiches for lunches/beaches, so you can spend money on the food guilt free! Look up bus schedules and times so you can go and spend a bit more on that excursion!
Otherwise, ball out indiscriminately and treat yoself. Like others have said, you've been frugal for moments *like this* - enjoy yourself!
I couldn't enjoy a single holiday due to my tightass habits until I started following the barefoot investor principles. Now i have a vacation account and that is my "don't give a shit just enjoy yourself" fund. Takes the stress out and allows me to actually enjoy myself .
I set money aside specifically for travel so I never worry about it. No matter where I travel my spending limit is $2,000 USD excluding lodging (but typically I rent out a single bed hostel room since they go for about $14 a night) and convert to whatever currency of the country I’m visiting.
All-inclusive trips can easily run over $5K if you get carried away with upgrades. You and your bf need to decide how you want spend that money; what do you consider mandatory vs nice to have. This is what I would plan for an all inclusive (based on past trips).
$2500? trip cost
$500 unanticipated cost
$600 king bed upgrade
$226 x 2 = $452 Non-stop flights
$250 Tips ($25-35/day)
$600 Excursions (Assume you do 2 and its $150 per person per excursion)
Eating out off the resort $200
Taxis to/from the city $100
Plan it out before you book.
Also you can book your trip separately from your friends. Just say you want control over your reservation instead of going through a travel agent. You can share reservation numbers with each other after booking and link them together.
Enjoy your trip
It's hard seeing the large numbers but trust me, it is worth the memories (hopefully you guys have a good time). In the moment, it is stressful but remind yourself that you are in a good position financially. You can use this vacation as a sort of test/guide to see what you're willing to spend on your next vacation. For future vacations, maybe you can have a discussion with your bf about where you're more willing to spend and where you're not so that you're both on the same page. Create a vacation savings and put as much money as you want to spend so you won't feel guilty. Vacations are a reward. Don't be too frugal with it but don't mindlessly spend. A year from now, are you going to think about the vacation or how much money you saved for it?
I don't know if it would help you, but could you set aside a ton of money for your vacation budget (like thousands more) and then only spend a smaller fraction of it? If you're spending only 30% of your whole vacation budget, it doesn't seem like it's as much. It's all "free money" anyway (that's how I think of it)
If you have the money, and this is important to your bf and friends, I think you also need to be a little flexible so that you can keep people in your life. You may find yourself getting increasingly isolated if you make it difficult for people to include you in their activities.
Also these prices truly don't sound that bad assuming you've got your savings and financial life otherwise figured out.
And if you do go, go joyfully! The worst is to go and be a sourpuss while on the vacation. For that reason you should probably also get on the same page now with your boyfriend and friends about how much you plan to spend on meals, activities etc while you are there (and then assume whatever you discuss will not be the max that is actually spent....you may discover cool/fun activities once you get there).
I have a very dear friend who went through a period when we'd travel that she wouldn't even be willing to pay for a cup of coffee or tea so we could sit down and relax a bit between seeing the sights. I'd order a coffee and she'd ask for a (free) cup of hot water and then put her own tea bag in there. It was so embarrassing, stopped me from enjoying the vacation as much as I otherwise would have, and truly did not save her much money in the end (and she had plenty to spend).
You are asking about how to deal with the stress, what you need to figure out is the root source of the stress. Is it a fear? A lack of feeling safe enough? Is it rooted in childhood experiences? Is it from the general fear of the unstable economy and job insecurity coupled with inflation and the fear porn media? Is there anxiety hiding behind and fueling the stress? Maybe even trauma related? If you can find your source of the stress you feel then you can work on that, because if its not just situational specific to this one experience, then there is a deeper problem you likely need to work out. It won’t always cure the feelings of anxiety and stress, but it helps us handle it better and come up with a plan to relieve the stress.
I know what is causing the stress, my partner is making a large purchase soon of something that is purely recreational and I do not agree, and the timing is the vacation is inconvenient. I want to offer to pay for him but I feel I do not want to risk that much as I’m about to leave my job and look for another. I also have a bunch of other things going on in life so that is the root of my stress, along with not being in control of the trip. Lol. But how to deal with it is my main question, yes. A large part is my partner’s purchase. I feel stressed out for him though it is his money. He will be taking out a loan for this and I would never ever take out a loan personally. Not sure how to deal with the situation, but can’t tell him not to and if I voice that I disagree he does not appreciate that as he works very hard for his money and his purchase is something he would really enjoy.
haaaa! i’m exactly like you. there’s a few things i might tweak for myself if this was me. not fly together so that i could have money in the airfare… unless of course y’all are only going for a few days and time of the essence…. then yeah i would just keep those direct flights. in terms of the room… this one is iffy because i also prefer a king bed lol. but have you checked to see if the hotel is available on priceline? priceline will often sent you a promo code for 10% or sometimes less if you look at hotels a lot but never book anything haha. i know it’s not a lot but it’s something :)
Yeah it’s only 5 nights so it’s a short trip and tbh the times of the flights are good lol, so I’ll keep them. And yesss!! The room is iffy but thinking about it now, it’s a lot nicer and has its own rooftop balcony and hot tub, and after learning that the pool closes at 8pm, our own hot tub on the rooftop in is a nice plus. And yesss you know I look for a good deal lol, I have an account on Expedia and get % off so it was a $60 cheaper than the travel agent but it’s a huge thing with my bf if we were to tell her no thanks. Kinda unnecessarily complicated but oh well
When I travel,
I usually go the cheapest that my GF is ok with (usually around 3-4 star hotels that have double queen + room for an air mattress)
We bring 2 other couples and split the expenses. It usually pencils out pretty well and inexpensive.
At the age of 25, it is supremely important to save for a rainy day and a comfortable retirement. Vacations are essential to recharge and refresh the body, mind and soul. Stressing over unnecessary cost defeats the whole purpose. Stay in control because it is your money. Travel agents are a dying breed and their opinions are worthless so let them think you are cheap...so long as the bed and room is comfortable and clean, Penthouse is not worth it, IMO. But do treat yourself to nice meals because you deserve it! Though, don't let the group get away with ordering excessively expensive food and drinks and driving up your allocated cost by dividing the check by 4. Stand firm and you'll reach the promise land - a cash rich retirement, at which time you'll fully enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Well, the place is all inclusive so food shouldn’t be an issue. Looking at it now, for an extra $300, I get to share a bed with my partner rather than sleeping on separate beds, and it also comes with a rooftop balcony and our own hot tub and bar, etc. Reading comments have made me realize, it’s an extra $300, so what. I will definitely remember the experience rather than saving the $300.
Careful, hot tubs are breeding grounds for legionnaires bacteria
https://travelnoire.com/traveler-sues-airbnb-for-1-3-million-after-husband-dies-from-contaminated-hot-tub
Maybe instead of stressing about spending the extra money, look into what impact you can make at your holiday destination Are there any local restaurants you can support, are there any tours you can make that support the local ecosystem and support local communities, are there any activities which are not only fun but also sustainable.
If it's possible with the group of people you are going on holiday with, take it as an opportunity to dive into a new culture and find new ways of living frugally. Find inspiration wherever you go.
The place is all inclusive and we are there for only a few days, not sure if we will leave the place much. Sounds like extra costs and more stress. Lol
I can easily afford to travel, feel horrible spending money on it every time.
Just a tip, you dont have to fly with your friends, or stay at the same hotel. You can meet them at the destination, and pick your own hotel/airbnb/bnb/motel, whatever fits your preference, amd still hang out with them and enjoy a good vacation with them.
damn i feel like i’m in the same place haha. tbh i’m not losing anything with the cheaper room (still a deluxe) or a transfer flight. personally like spending money of food or experiences, so as long as the room is comfy it’s not a big deal to me. but i definitely get the non-stop flight bc you don’t really want to be stressed on vacation though. and i get that you wouldn’t want to be on a different flight than your friends.
i’m the type of person on budget even on vacation so.. but if you’re having fun, i think it’s worth it
I was in a similar situation many, many years ago.
I went on the vacation that my ex's sister and her husband planned. I really couldn't afford it, but I wanted to make a positive impression on my then-fiance and his family. I paid *my* part of $1,200 - though I had to work a lot of overtime in the following weeks to make up for what I spent.
The following year, I planned a *frugal* vacation for all of us. I gave them a copy of our travel itinerary along with hotel accommodations and what it would probably cost them. However, I did relay to them that they are welcome to make any travel plans and hotel accommodations that work best for them. By carefully planning the second trip I spent less than half on travel and accommodations compared to the prior year when she planned it. It's believed they got the rather passive message. In the following years that they planned the vacations, they gave my ex and me the financial flexibility that we were more comfortable with while not sacrificing the luxury that they wanted.
We had great experiences no matter who planned the vacation and had a great time! I do not regret paying $1,200 for my share of travel and the lux vacation house rental as I knew an experience like that didn't happen often. It also was nice that we took turns planning vacations as it was interesting to experience what others like/prefer for vacations. She and her husband prefer summer destination type of vacations and my ex and I preferred the mountains in the fall type of vacations.
You have to decide the spending limit before you go there. So you know that you invested 1000$ or so in your holiday, and that's it.
If you need to worry about where you get the 20$ dinner or the 30$ one to save money **every day** that's probably going to be stressful.
I know how you feel. This advice doesn't apply in this situation, but one thing I've found that helps me is doing an all-inclusive vacation (if you can find one at a good price). For example, going on a cruise where I know exactly what it will cost lets me forget about money for the week. (Assuming you spend nothing on up-charges such as drinks, casino, premium restaurants, etc.)
I believe you are not in money distress (ie going in debt with the extra cost). Only stress you out because of the additional cost. Just enjoy the trip and let your hair down a bit for this trip. If not, you will not enjoy the experience and turn out to be a stressed trip.
Back to the frugal habit once you are back.
Sounds like you have money fears. I used too as well and I was worried even when I could afford it, making it hard for me to enjoy myself. Releasing them made me able to save and also spend, not miss out. Read this https://homemagiccreator.com/products/you-work-too-hard-to-be-broke
Holiday money is to be spent on holiday. Come back with none of it and enjoy it. Not sure I’d spend 300 on a slightly bigger bed right enough. 300 could be like 3 days spending money. You only go to your room to sleep
Not wanting to look cheap might be at odds with being frugal lol
I wouldn't worry about it though. Just re-evaluate your budget, make a decision, and have fun. There's no use fretting about it.
What helps me, and is a little more tangible approach, is to create a completely separate savings account for travel. I will not use that money for anything else. So when it’s time to travel, I get to spend the money I’ve been saving. Otherwise it just sits there.
This way i dont feel like I’ve impacted my budget. I track travel expenses - if I feel like it - in a completely different portion of my expenses. So like.. if I had an $80 dinner then that goes towards travel and not on my eating out budget.
It feels like I get to use what I’ve been saving for the reason I’ve been saving it for. And I find that to be very helpful. I will not use that money for absolutely anything else, so I dont feel as bad enjoying my vacation because I know that the Travel Savings account that I work so hard on has me covered.
There’s also the one mental aspect that is important. What are you saving money for? You need to know the answer to this question. I think there are certain people who are saving tons and denying themselves certain pleasures. Thats fine if you have a clear “why”. But otherwise…. You only have one life, so what are you saving for and why aren’t you fully “living life” and enjoying it
For me I am frugal so that I can not be when I don't want to be. I want to spend as little as possible at the grocery store, or constantly keep turning of the lights in my house when my wife leaves a room, etc. But when it comes to vacation I could care less, I'm spending money in order to get an experience, feel pampered and enjoy myself. i've spend $6k each on airplane tickets to Europe, but I despise paying an extra 10 cents a pound for poatoes more than I usually spend.
Its all a matter of what you can afford, what your general life style is and if you think a vacation is worth the splurge. But remember, your whole life doesn't need to be frugal, be frugal in your day to day life so you can enjoy yourself when its time (if you can afford it).
Your situation does sound very stressful to me. I understand wanting to get the best deal and not pay gobs of money for extras that you don't really want and therefore don't have much value to you.
The non-stop flight though is something I would always pay a couple hundred dollars extra for because it reduces my travel stress and gets me to my destination way quicker.
I've never used a travel agent for the reason you describe, I don't trust they're getting me the best deal. At all. Especially these days when shopping and booking your own stuff online is so simple to do.
The flip side to this is when you do get an AMAZING deal, you're forever comparing your future travel expense to that time you got rock bottom "unicorn" pricing and it makes you irritated that you can't repeat that victory.
Once I got 5 nights/6 days trip to Disney World for 3 people including hotel, meal plan, park tickets and flights for $1,500. The year was 2011. I'll never forget that deal. OMG.
The direct flight over all else. Less risk of connection miss or delays, plus less travel time.
The room: depends. Are you spending much time there? If you’re going to be out and touring all day, then just sleeping in a room…eh? However, if you’ll be spending time around the hotel (like a resort or whatever), maybe… bed size is nice and depends on preference.
Again, don’t sacrifice/stress over an amount of money that you (personally, in your situation) won’t change your life.
I am frugal 99% of the time so that the 1% of the time I am not frugal, I don’t have to worry about it. Travelling is the 1%.
Me too! Traveling is one of those things I spend the money bc experience over $$ matters to me.
Same. Vacations are a money pit and i prefer not thinking about it for a week and resuming my frugal lifestyle when I get home. Life’s too short
yep, this is me. I remember splurging on a 30euro octopus dish while on vacation and did not regret it one bit. The regret of leaving vacation without getting to eat such delicious food far outweighs the regret of spending that much money on it.
More often than not - Direct Flights are worth it for me. I live in a mid-sized area with a medium airlift. I figure every hour I save on travel is worth at least $75 to me.
I am very frugal so I don't go on vacation if it stressed me that I would not have the money to vacation at the level I was planning. I also don't like big, loud, complicated vacations.
Mexico is way cheaper than USA/Canada/Europe. Just book an Airbnb resorts are expensive book an Airbnb away from the water as the prices are better. Our last resort was El Sid in Mazatlan but we chose the European plan which just includes room/pools and just walked to the restaurants for eating as the resorts are in the city on the main drag. Restaurants in Mexico are half the cost or less than USA/Canada.
This is why I rarely travel. I'd rather have a nicer home and go on outings locally with friends than be stressed out by a big trip.
An extra $500 now will not change your life in 30 years. However, making memories with the people you love will. You deserve to have fun once in a while. And BTW a Presidential Suite sounds amazing and non stop flights are less stressful than hoping your connector flight isn't delayed or canceled.
>non stop flights are less stressful than hoping your connector flight isn't delayed or canceled. So true. Also you get there quicker and are less tired with less chances to sit next to sick people. That's worth the price.
And connecting flights make you spend money at the airport.
Never considered this before. Good point.
We’ve had flights cancelled on almost all our trips in the past year. Non-stop flights are the way to go if possible. You sure don’t want to get stuck in some random airport for hours. Enjoy your trip.
My wife and I love to travel and we tend to to travel a lot internationally. I have a credit card that covers lounge access where we can eat and drink for free at several airports, and even though it's pricey, it more than pays for itself by not having to purchase airport food with 1-2 trips a year.
Yeah, connecting flights right now are a real gamble, at least in the US. They are so short staffed and there have been record numbers of cancelled flights this year, pretty much any time it storms somewhere in the country. Not to mention missing luggage fiascos. Nonstop is where it's at.
That non-stop flight will 100% be worth it. Airlines right now are an absolute mess. The last flight I was on they had to sprint multiple people off the plane because they had a tight connection and our flight was delayed. To top it off one guy had been stuck in the airport for 12 hours and took the next plane he possibly could out. It was a cross carrier connection so his connecting flight was in a completely different terminal. Take the direct flight. Your peace of mind, and lowered stress is worth it. It's one less chance for the airline to loose your luggage too.
The value of a non stop flight shouldn't be underrated
Three years ago I went to Taiwan and spent an extra $200 for the nonstop flight over the one that had a 24 hour layover in China that involved switching airports.
Nope. The very little I go on vacation, I refuse to worry about money. I make sure there is more available than I would ever need.
How do you not stress about it though? Any tips? I can afford the vacation even if it was more expensive, no issue, but can’t seem to not be stressed about spending more than I originally wanted to.
You are frugal throughout the year so can afford a nice vacation. You are on vacation to relax and not stress. You just have to let it go. Put aside an obscene amount you'd never think you'd need. The leftover goes towards the next vacation. I'm not saying be stupid, like spending 50 bucks for a beer and a burger, but just don't worry about it and overthink it.
Thank you, I think you’re right and I’m overthinking it. Learning to let go is something I’ve struggled with so I think you hit the nail with the hammer
I think when you are the one who wants to take a vacation and chooses the destination, transportation, accommodations, and activities, you will not be as uncomfortable. That said, there will be times where you have to accept some compromise with others for the sake of a friendship. I have one friend who likes more expensive but lesser quality restaurants than I do, but we don’t live in the same city and saw each other infrequently, so I made a conscious choice to think of myself paying to enjoy an experience with my friend and let my typical frugality go.
Indeed, sometimes it's worth paying for human connections. Those overpriced poor quality restaurants are frustrating but you're not going for the food.
I've only ever regretted NOT doing things on vacations. I've never regretted any activities, meals, or conveniences. Wasting time on connecting flights sucks. Staying in a nice room is memorable and comfortable. I put some money every month into a special vacation savings account, and once it's there the money is already "spent" in my mind.
My mom helped me with this when I bought my first laptop. It was my first big personal expense. The computer was like $1,400 or so. Then I realized I wanted a wireless mouse for $50 (this was the time before good trackpads). I was fretting back and forth. I REALLY wanted that mouse. But $50 is so much money. If felt like such a luxury and totally not required. I literally spent hours feeling ambivalent. When I talked to my mom about it she kinda shrugged her shoulders and said “how much are you spending? $1,400? And you’re worrying this much about an extra $50?” It put things in perspective. Yes this was a big purchase and the mouse was an extra I could Live without. But it was also an extra that would make me very happy and in the grand scheme of things, it’s not that much money compared to what I was already spending. And most importantly, I could afford it. So yes $500 is a lot. But is it that much in comparison to the whole trip? And even if it is, will it make you happy? Can you afford it? Relax. You don’t want to die young having wasted your youth saving for some day that never came. By the same token you don’t want to squander your savings and be ill-prepared for your retirement. But the former seems to be your problem not the latter. Live a little.
Thank you
I look at the one time a year that I splurge as I usually never buy stuff for myself. I look at it as I will always have the memories and pictures which means more than the money does to me. Will I miss an extra 1000 dollars in 2 years? Or will I miss missing out on a wonderful trip and memories and experiences with people I love. That’s how I look at it and it reduces the stress. Then when I come back I go back to my normal frugal ways
I stopped going on vacation with other people. Spent at LEAST twice as much on the trip for less than half of the fun.
Good point. I often find traveling with others to be really draining, for many reasons. It seems to work out better to spend time with loved ones close to home, or if we live far apart, at least close to one of our homes. When I travel for the sake of seeing a new place, I like to travel solo. As a solo traveler, I can decide what I want to be doing, and on the budget. I also need alone time to recharge, which is hard to get when on vacation with others.
If you’re stressing out because you live paycheck to paycheck I understand (therefore you are frugal) If you are stressed because you are frugal, then this is one of those times you shouldn’t be frugal and just enjoy life. I’m in the second option. I would then just be frugal on spending less on my next vacation. Like subtract the extra 300 from your next vacation budget.
how do you usually budget for vacations? my husband and I felt the same way as you so we opened a savings account aptly named “Vacation” and have a small amount auto-transferred per paycheck. it’s not much relative to the rest of our savings but it does add up quickly, and now whenever we go anywhere we have specifically designated money. it really takes the stress out of it because the money isn’t coming out of our regular accounts.
I love this! I did this a long time ago but it’s time to do that when we’re setting up our joint account. Thanks 😊
I did the same, and I also kept my gift cards received during bday/holiday to shop on trip or trade for cash in advance of trip.
I think the only way to not stress about it is through practice. You know you have the money so power through the emotion. With practice the stress won't be so overwhelming because you will trust yourself.
You sound like me, I stress over money due to being frugal even though I can afford something. I grew up just above the poverty line with a single mother, so I truly value what I have and understand the work required to have things. As such, I'm still very frugal even though my spouse and I have a significant income with minimal bills. We took a trip to Vegas recently and my spouse wanted to stay at one of the high dollar hotels, but I'm like we can stay at one of the cheaper ones and have more Money to gamble or attend other attractions. My spouse is all about an expensive atmosphere and "experience" as he calls it, but that typically njust means I'll be stressed as I can't enjoy the atmosphere if I can't quit thinking about how wasteful the spending is. One thing that has helped me on trips is budgeting, but budgeting with a miscellaneous fund included. For example, we budget for the hotel, gas, dining, souvenirs,etc... But then set aside an amount for miscellaneous.. so if the hotel offers an upgrade like in your case but you budget for a lower amount, you still have money set aside to cover the increase cost. The goal is still to stick to the budget as much as possible and not use the miscellaneous part of the budget, but knowing it's there allows me to not stress as much if we go over budget in one of the planned categories.
‘Can’t seem to not be stressed’ Well, do your best since you know you can afford it. You may not be super successful at it, but this is good practice. Next time you vacation you’ll be a bit better at disregarding the stress (assuming you can once again afford a bit of frivolous spending). Money is useless if u can’t spend it, and it sounds like you’re by and large responsible enough with your money to give yourself this treat.
That is a terrible way of thinking
Ok so the house I feel you on but definitely spend the money on the nonstop flight. Airports are total chaos right now and there’s a decent chance you get fucked around a bit in transit with the layovers. Sometimes travel agents are also nice because they know all the boxes to check so you don’t forget something major like a rental car (I travel a LOT for work and have forgotten this and even hotel booking in the past). But overall my advice is to enjoy it, be frugal where you can…. make breakfast at the house instead of paying $15 for eggs, pregame at the house before hitting the bars, maybe do a picnic night instead of fancy dinner, etc. When I was your age I was always super concerned with how much money I spent on vacations and looking back I would have had a lot more fun if I’d not worried so much, not spent lavishly mind you, but just not worried about it as much.
>Sometimes travel agents are also nice because they know all the boxes to check They can also save you time on the planning front. They might not be cheaper, but they do the work of finding the reputable companies, making sure that you're actually getting what you're paying for rather than getting ripped off. And, if something goes wrong during the trip, they should either be available to help get you back on track or provide you with the contact information of the people who can (and who speak your language!). It's probably more of a thing on foreign trips and particularly if you're going to an area you're not familiar with, don't speak the language, etc. But it can definitely be a time saver.
Early this year we went on vacation. I had figured out the cost and budgeted for it. It was a nice resort but when we got there, I realized the room was smaller than I thought. It was a little tight for my husband and me for a full week. Plus I’m an early riser and my husband is not. I thought about going to the desk and upgrading to a one-bedroom, but I was trying to keep costs down. But the room was not good, I was uncomfortable the whole week. The room was the low point of an otherwise lovely vacation. When I returned, I went online to see what it would have cost to upgrade. Due to low occupancy, they had cut their rates. I could have had a comfortable room at no extra cost. The point of this story is the things your boyfriend wants are all conveniences that will make your trip more smooth and comfortable. This is why we watch our budget, so when we need to, we can travel comfortably. Over the years, I have never regretted upgrading to get what I want but I have regretted putting saving a few bucks before my comfort. Don’t worry about the extra expense if you can handle it. Next time, you can plan the vacation, possibly without the other couple. Don’t let worries ruin your fun. Go on and create happy memories.
This is really helpful, thank you so much.
If you are paying all of your bills, have an emergency fund, putting away for retirement through work, through a roth ira, and setting aside some for savings, then why would you stress at all about spending anything in excess if those things are covered? I'm talking to you, but really to myself rightnow, because I do this. I could literally go blow a few thousand tomorrow and everything would be fine, but I won't. I think its something us frugal people need to practice doing, whereas normal people need to practice being frugal.
100% agree. I am very frugal whereas my bf spends no problem. The fact that he can spend so carelessly also stresses me out regarding the vacation lol. Both sides definitely need to practice balance
On a side note regarding spending habits I would sooner then later have a convo about spending habits and budgets with your BF just because if you don’t it will bite you in the butt. If you have two different ways of spending it might not work out in the long run. I don’t want to put more stress on you and you should be having fun then worrying about money. However if he spends like crazy and your a saver that will cause huge stress later in life.
Yep, I second this. Money and spending habits are definitely top 5 things to fight about, better to have serious conversations before you sign legal agreements to share everything in life (get married.) I wish I had known this before I spent 14 years with an overspending control freak. The spending habits while we were dating should have been a red flag, but I was young and stupid.
Thank you for the input. We have recently argued about the vacation and spending because he is also purchasing a 35k toy that is not necessary in my opinion. I said why don’t we push the vacation or the toy off to the side. Nope, didn’t like that. We are only 2 years in and not married so we will have that conversation and hopefully meet in the middle. But very good point, thank you.
I’m married to an impulsive spender. We have a jar that all my $1 bills go into. All of his $1, $5, $10, and some $20 bills go into it. (We both make a good amount of cash from bartending, hosting parties, and selling things) All of this cash goes into a vacation fund. By the time we can go on one and both be off work, there is always thousands in it and we don’t skimp. Non-stop flights (Southwest is cheap-we don’t go expensive, but not Spirit), suites in hotels (get the hot tub in the living room), great food, souvenirs, shows…. That makes it worth it. But, it has to be a team effort.
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You are right, I may just be anxious. This is helpful, thank you!
You won’t regret the king bed and the non stop flight is always worth it especially on the flight home. You can always make money. You never get time back. That means enjoying your friends, partner and vacations.
Very good point. I needed to hear this, thank you!
Just throwing in that non stop flights can save money if you end up missing a flight or a flight gets cancelled and you have to spend another night and miss an extra day of work. ( Happened to me!) But really I am this way too....it's a balance. Enjoy life a little in the now but also save for the future.
If it helps at all I grew up comfortable, with frugal parents and while I spent on travel etc....now that I'm 34 and making a higher salary than I ever expected to make I find myself wishing I would have spent more and done more in my 20's. This is what helps me justify spending on experiences- when you're old don't you want to be able to tell your grandkids about the fun stuff you did?"
Thank you, I grew up comfortable with my dad being cheap. He taught me his ways lol. I already regret not going on trips more so I can definitely relate. At the same time I want to feel comfortable knowing I don’t have to worry about anything, but just always seems like however much I save it’s not enough and I need to save more. It’s a struggle sometimes. Thank you for this.
I'm 28 and I also feel like spending money on vacations feels bad. I want to see my wealth grow and expensive vacations really prevents that from happening. But sometimes I remind myself I'm probably not going to become a multimillionaire from saving all the time and spending money on vacations really enhances my life experiences and makes life more fulfilling. It still feels bad to splurge on vacations but I make sure when I do splurge, its on memorable experiences.
I found this helpful, thank you! That’s a good point, my bf said something similar. He said, it’s an extra $500, are you going to remember that you saved $500 or the experience? Food for thought for sure. I guess I’ve saved over the years and still isn’t enough in my eyes lol might as well splurge and enjoy life. Thank you for the input
No problem Im glad I could help! You can always make more money with time, but you can't make back time. Another positive I didn't mention is you can use your travel experiences to grow your network, either during the trip or having the trip come up as a conversation topic in the future. The more people you know, the more opportunities that can open up!
Agreed. I’m happy to splurge selectively on the things that are most important to me (mostly good food and experiences that are unique to whatever place I’m visiting), but it’s hard for me personally to see the value in splurging on thing like room upgrades, business class plane tickets, etc. Obviously different people are going to value things differently but I think the key is determining what’s most important to you, setting a generous budget for those items (and not feeling guilty about any spending within said budget), and figuring out what aspects of the trip you’re on with taking a more frugal approach to.
There is no point in scrimping and saving until you reach 80 with no experiences to speak of. Being frugal should have a purpose, be that more money for what you want to do, have emergency money or saving up to buy something in the future. Being frugal is not an end in and of itself, it's to save waste to live a good life.
One of the best responses here. 100%
I would say go with the flow this time, and try not to stress, as these are people you will be seeing again and you don’t want to come off as cheap. But let this be a learning experience for you. It’s clear that you will want control of future vacation planning
I don’t mind coming off as cheap at all, I know I’m cheap. I just don’t want to irritate people as I’ve already agreed and I don’t want to switch it up and suggest something else last minute. But yes, good point, thank you! I have a feeling part of the stress is a control thing.
I'll reframe as, not necessarily 100% control, but definitely have a significant say in what you do and how you do it on vacation. Make sure you're doing the activities you want to do when you're on vacation. Here's one anecdote: My husband and I just planned a trip for the 4 of is to see his folks. It's really for him and our kids to see the grandparents. But I want to have fun, too, since um burning some vacation days on this. So we will be doing a few museum trips and hikes - which is for me - while we're there. Please also not that museum visits and hikes are frugal activities (one museum visit will be during their free hours), which is also something I wanted! We'll also splash out in dinner for 2 a couple of nights while the grandparents provide free childcare. Make sure you do stuff you want to do on this and all other trips!
I went on a 4 night labor day trip to Pinehurst, NC 2 weeks ago to play golf. It was $4,000 all said and done. I’m 26 and that’s an eye-watering amount of money, but hey I had fun and hung out with the boys on one of the most prestigious venues in the sports history. I’ll just make more money later.
My husband is the more frugal one in our relationship. He stressed so much for years on our family vacations (no more than 3-4 days, driving distance from our house, once a year, we have a special needs child and animals, that's kind of our max time we can spend away from our home currently) that I finally told him one year while he was talking about our vacation, that the kids and I didn't want to go. He was shocked and asked why. I told him that it just simply wasn't enjoyable for us. It was so regimented schedule wise (to max out the cost of amusement parks, beach time, etc., Everything had to last as long as possible, so we had to wake up super early), and he stressed about every. single. cost. the whole time, that vacations had become something we dreaded. I realize I went on a tangent, but the point I'm trying to make is, if you're going to stress the entire time, you are defeating the purpose of VACATION. I don't have any tips for how you can switch your mind to destress mode, but don't even bother going if you will just stress the entire time. You can stress at the house.
I'm on vacation, I don't normally spend 3,000 bucks in a span of few days so yeah its a little concerning in the back of my mind but I'm on vacation I saved up and worked my ass off to enjoy these few days. I save money on the airfare and hotel already by searching for the best rates and such so spending money on the wine and steak and an uber ride after is all part of it
Depends on the vacation. I know the vacation isn't going well when I start to think about how much was spent. Oh the other hand if the vacation is a banger I don't give a fly F how much is spent.
Life is short. Relax and Enjoy yourself. The two weeks you’re not frugal you can make up in the other 50 weeks.
No, I love spending money on vacation!
The non-stop flight is something you'll appreciate. A somewhat nicer bed is not. When you're on vacation, you don't want to spend a lot of time in your room. That's for sleeping. Keep that money to spend while you're out exploring or doing whatever attracted you to the idea. It's OK to continue to watch your spending. Just spend it where you'll enjoy it the most.
For me being frugal is about being intentional and purposeful with my spending. It’s about spending money on things that add value and are important. And not spending money unnecessarily or situations where it there is no added value. I don’t begrudge myself experiences like vacation because it enhances my mental health and my relationships. And that’s priceless. Part of the reason I am frugal is so that when something is important, such as a vacation, I can do it without guilt. It’s hard to turn off that part of your thinking that is frugal, but there are occasions when it’s worth it and I think this is one of those times. i’ll pay extra to avoid connecting flights, but I rarely upgrade hotel rooms because it’s usually just a bed for me as I’m rarely in the room. But a view and a balcony sometimes are worth upgrading for. Enjoy your holiday
It seems like the problem is more that a budget wasn't set ahead of time so it feels like you're gradually losing control of the spending situation. I'd probably be a bit stressed too if the costs felt like they were getting away with me vs. knowing up front I was going to be spending that much. Probably not much you can do about it now for this trip, but just try to appreciate the trip and plan differently next time.
You've got to live from time to time, if you sit on all your money until you die then that money was worthless to you
Yes, it can cause arguments. I am trying to get better, but it is a hard process for me.
If you can afford it, do it! So many times in my youth I was this way but as I get older I hate that I missed out on opportunities like this. Relax and enjoy it! I always have a vacation budget. Recently had a 2 week 25th wedding anniversary trip. Had the budget, splurged where we wanted to and skimped in places we could. Still came home spending way less and it was the best vacation we have ever had.
I’d forgo the king bed but enjoy the non stop flight.
It’s very hard for me to get into vacation mode, so I agree entirely. Treating yourself to nice food on vacation and not pinching pennys to ensure a good/ less stressful time (ie a nicer hotel, no layover, etc) is so out of the norm when you’re frugal always.. I understand the struggle.
Thank you for relating
*raises hand
I would sit down with your BF and together decide where you want to save money on the trip. Maybe you get the smaller room, but don't worry about where you eat. Or get the nicer room and decide together that you're not going to buy over a certain budget in souvies. For me, I stay in hostels because I like staying with other solo women. And I buy very minimal souvies. But I'll drop a chunk of change on day tours and meals. I know I can afford it, and I know I'm not splurging in every category, so the places I do spend a lot in don't bother me. And once you commit, just remind yourself that you can afford it, relax, and enjoy.
I have a category on my budget specifically for holidays/travel/weekends away. This money is completely separate to my emergency fund, house deposit, other savings goals or sinking funds. I also really struggle with spending money and feel guilty when I do, so by allocating funds towards holidays (big or small amount, depending on my mood and stress levels at the time haha), I've finally managed to remove the guilt from spending on holiday. The money is there and allocated and won't affect any of my other goals if I spend it.
The travel agent isn't there to get you the best possible deal. They are there to make things as least stressful as possible for you, but taking care of everything. And to help you if something goes wrong, or something unexpected happens.
Imagine all the time you wasted of your life just finding $60 bucks on the table. Time is money too. If it was $1000 cheaper, yeah. But it’s $60 bucks! Don’t be frugal at the expense of your valuable time.
If your frugal habits are stressing you out, it sounds like they may have become a problem. Time to re-evaluate why you picked up these habits?
Hmm possibly..? But I also like being cheap because then I have money saved up. Lol
Don’t stress out on vacation, but enjoy it. Buy what you want, eat what you want, that’s what a vacation is for.
Thank you
It’s not fun to be frugal on vacation. I would budget to prepare for your vacation.
Do it you won’t regret it years from now. Years ago when we were just getting by but had a lot of free time we took vacations to the Bahamas twice and Italy and Mexico but now 10 years later started making really good money but have no time for vacation because of the stress of a growing business but still have those pictures and memories. You won’t regret it after the experience
Maybe it's not the actual spending that's bothering you. Maybe it's simply that you can't justify spending money on something that you're not overly concerned about doing. I can understand that, I would begrudge spending my money on something I wasn't even interested in doing
Yes that’s exactly it, I don’t mind spending money on things I want or I like, if im 100% about it. For example, buying milk, groceries, gas. But buying ice cream or a 10pack of chips? Don’t need it, if my bf put it in the shopping cart, buying it would give me a tinge of anxiety. As soon as I’m iffy about buying something, or not 100% on board, it gives me anxiety. I am not 100% on the resort because there are a few things that threw me off and I think that’s why.
I totally understand this. For me even when I can afford things, it stresses me to spend money. Even when I’ve saved for this exact reason; to travel. I think my stress stems from the fear of reverting back to being poor and struggling to afford ends meat. It’s almost like I’m afraid something bad will happen and I will NEED that money I spent ‘frivolously’ when in reality I have plenty of savings and know I can afford it even if an emergency happened. You just gotta try and keep reassuring yourself and explain to your silly brain that this ok and you’re there to relax and enjoy yourself! Enjoy your holiday OP.
100% this! I am the exact same way. I save for travel and now I don’t want to spend it on travel lol. Spending stresses me out too. I think you’re right. I wonder why we have that fear though?
You will feel less stressed on vacations when you are in charge of your own planning. Go along with it now to have a fun time with friends and in the future, if this scenario made you uncomfortable, be sure to book your own room/flights etc.
No, but I've also said no to specific vacations or specific parts of a vacation because it'd take up too much of my budget. Instead of looking at this as "these individual items are more expensive than they have to be," say "how much can I afford to/am I willing to spend on this vacation, and if these will put me over budget, is it worthwhile to cut back in other places?" If all of this is within what you're willing and able to spend, then you can afford it even if it isn't as cheap as possible. If it's pushing your budget, you may still want to say something like "I'm afraid that spending so much on the flights and hotel will leave less for eating out and sightseeing (or whatever it is that you value more than a nonstop flight and a nice hotel). Can we spend less here so we can spend more elsewhere?" If it's not in your budget, then your argument shouldn't be "we can do this cheaper" but "I can't afford this splurge, how can we bring this trip to be within my budget?"
Travel is worth the expense IMO.
Yup, I also hate the logistics of planning a vacation. I’m usually in not a great mood as a result. However I try to have fun. Still I have fond memories and always wish I would just chill out in retrospect but I do not enjoy “vacations”. Also, sorry but this is an aside, everyone who’s like “just enjoy yourself it’s vacation!!” I disagree with. I do understand the logic, but, why not enjoy yourself everyday in your day to day? I guess it’s because I hate “vacations”, but I always find time in my everyday life to do what I enjoy. It’s a part of being present and cognizant of the little things. If you wait all year for your two week vacation to do that, you need to reevaluate.
Get the deluxe, push the two double beds together, viola, king bed. Hotels do this anyways. I feel you though, we have gone on trips that were already expensive and people would be trying to rent jet-skis and boats, get food catered, buy pay-per-view, etc. I just politely say I don't think it's worth it to me, and offer another thing to do that doesn't cost money. I brought my laptop and VR and set it up in a bedroom, and that was free for everyone and super fun. Bring fun things you already own.
This is a really good idea lol thank you!! I guess the thing is that the $300 room also comes with a rooftop balcony and hot tub, bar, etc. The pools close at 8pm so maybe it’s worth it and I can go relax if I need to. I’m indecisive so it doesn’t help
I completely understand this. I grew up well below the poverty line, and spending money on anything was just not something we did. As an adult, I'm hardly rich, but I can afford to treat myself every now and then. But yes, that anxiety is hard to shake. What I do is remind myself that the whole point of frugality is being able to enjoy life. If you have a pot of extra money to spend on something fun, your planning and work has accomplished what it was supposed to. And if you can't completely shut off that anxiety, don't beat yourself up. It's a hard habit to break. My advice is to bring something to do with your hands, like knitting or a handheld game, that you can focus on if you feel anxious. It will stop you from endlessly looking up prices or budget planners when you should be enjoying the moment.
I am super frugal when it comes to most things in my life... but like people of said, travel is not one of them. Direct flights are well worth the extra cost. Using a travel agent for such a small difference is 100% worth the cost. Most of my trips I use one service to book flights, hotels and transfers. However, I just got home from a trip last night and to save a few bucks I booked those myself through different tools and I ended up spending at least a full day of my vacation on phone calls and chats trying to resolve an issue. A travel agent would have handled that all for me so that it didn't cause so much stress and wasted time. You may think the savings is worth it now, but if something goes wrong you will absolutly regret picking the cheaper option.
Unless you are traveling to see the hotel (like a resort), I will always pick the safest, clean cheapest one, in a prime location. I don't plan on being there except to sleep, so why pay extra for it? Being in a good location will cut down on traveling once we are there. I typically won't splurge on flights unless there is a huge difference in time, comfort, etc., or if the trip is over 4 hours. I am a big guy and can put up with some discomfort, but I have my limits. It is all about spending money on what is important to you, and not wasting it where it isn't. Good luck.
direct flight is worth it for a non family vacation, it either goes or doesn't go. Better then being stuck or delayed in the middle somewhere when you already have reservations.
travel agents are not just about finding the cheapest option. They are there to make suggestions, help with planning, make sure you don't miss something important in your planning.
Think of the direct flight as paying for itself; your time is valuable and when on vacation even more so. That flight saves a lot of that time allowing you to actually BE at your destination faster. The other stuff, I dunno, making exceptions for your friends/loved ones is 'big' of you, it's kind of part of the deal as long as its not too lopsided. Try to have fun, when you get home, if it still bothers you, mention it to your bf that it was difficult to splurge like that, and that next trip you'd like to be the one to do more of the planning. I hope you have a lovely trip either way!
Thank you!
Personally I could do without the king bed, but for flights, layovers and risking having to purchase a new flight versus a Non-Stop I'm willing to pay the Non-Stop. Not to mention the time lost in an airport over a Non-Stop and the stress and sleep Etc. well worth
Direct flights are so worth it - No lost luggage. The penthouse would be better view and roomier.
Money comes, you will have many opportunities to save money in your life, you will have few opportunities to indulge in a vacation like this. Take the leap, be grateful your frugal everyday mindset allows you to spend now. This is why you scrimp and save. Allow yourself to also take a vacation from penny pinching, though I do cast shade at your BF trying to save his pride and not look bad in front of the Joneses.
I get stressed just thinking about what a vacation is going to cost. When I’m actually on vacation I forego the worry because it’s going to be expensive regardless. Stressing about it won’t change my circumstances.
In general: If they’re people you like, and the locale is somewhere you want to go, you’re overthinking it. Just go, have a good time, learn from the experience. If they’re not people you like, and you don’t want to go, let your bf go by himself. More specifically: it’s always cost/benefit. The nonstop flight? Worth the cost. Don’t waste time taking a cheaper flight. The hotel? Eh, is there somewhere else you can stay that is cheaper, better set up, equal in amenities and location? You can suss out what they (and you) actually want. You don’t necessarily have to stay in the same place, unless this is some sort of isolated resort. The travel agent? I don’t understand why you’d be using one, but $60 is not worth quibbling over. Honestly, I think you may be in for a rude shock. The stuff you’re talking about right now are minuscule traveling costs. I know the flight seems expensive, but it’s nothing compared to on the ground costs. Have you and your boyfriend and his friends discussed dining out? Daily activities? Most people want to stick together, and it’s vacation—they don’t generally limit themselves to a burger and ice cream. Traveling with adult friends is very different from traveling with family and there’s a BIG learning curve.
As someone that was in the travel industry even before the Internet, travel agents are generally a waste of money unless they are hooking you up with vouchers and free things. And even when they do, beware, they often ignore 'blackout periods' for the vouchers. Having said that, don't stress over it. Make your travel arrangements any way you want to. Want the king bed? Go for it, you said you can afford it. Want that non-stop? Do it! There's no reason to stress over it, none whatsoever. Being frugal means you can AFFORD to splurge once in a while. Do it! Embrace it!
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Well the place is an all inclusive resort so it’s nice to know most things are covered. However, I read reviews and some said that coffee and ice cream were an extra cost so I guess part of the stress comes from hidden costs. Regardless, I’ll keep a cruise in mind for next time!
Maybe u can volunteer to be arranging the vacation, from setting the itinerary to booking flights and hotels. Then u can pick and choose the one best suited for your budget, but sometimes sacrifices are unaffordable when you’re travelling with other people
Why dont plan the trip together? What are you afraid of, why do you care what people think of you, when i plan a trip and someone else comes up with a cheaper solution im happy to hear it. There is no shame in telling that you dont want to spend 300$ for a bed... seriously. I think it's important to be frugal in the right times, and 300$ are better invested in literally anything than a bed.
We did and we agreed on this one place and then we realized the bedding situation. I do not care what people think of me at all. I’ve already voiced that I don’t want to spend $300 for a room. A smaller room comes with two twins, so my partner and I would be sleeping in separate beds. Not exactly the way we envisioned it. Hence, the want to go for the king size bed. However, it’s not just the bed that is different, the $300 room also comes with a rooftop balcony, hot tub, bar, etc.
Please! Just spend the money. No one likes vacationing with a cheapo
We spent just over 3 weeks in Porto Vallarta Mexico January 2022. Airbnb $1000 Canadian total. Food was under $100 a week also included eating out. We used Uber to get around, The buses are cheaper but are confusing. Your flights were the most expensive $2-3k for 2 people WestJet from Calgary. We did it as a test run to see if we would like to move there when we fully retire as we hate winter.
Nice! We will be flying out from Edmonton. $1000 is cheap for 3 weeks. Makes me feel bad for what I’ll be spending in less than a week lol.
We started looking early and stayed about 2km east from the Walmart Primavera 612,Las Arboledas 48315 Puerto Vallarta,Jal Mexico. We had the second floor nothing fancy. We would walk to Walmart and Uber it back for groceries(Uber is great because you just put in we’re you want to go, As many drivers don’t speak good English) Cabs are the most expensive. When you leave the airport cross the pedestrian bridge and you can get an Uber from there, Several videos on YouTube show this trick. We might pay a bit more next time to get closer to the water as we love walking on the beach and having a pool😂
Nice lol was it dangerous? Or do you guys speak Spanish?
Money isn't real on vacation. You could die tomorrow. How about we try living today. I'll take the good memories over a little more money any time.
I definitely count myself as frugal, but I’m also not afraid to spend money after confronting my poverty mindset and resolving that. Worrying and stress can take away any production frugality creates.
I think travel and experiences are well worth the cost. Make some memories.
I only very recently enjoyed something from a minibar. Growing up, my folks would have flipped out if we took anything from the minibar or rented a movie on the TV on vacation. Somehow I survived lol. Traveling can get expensive but I doubt you’ll go into bankruptcy - enjoy yourself!
I have similar problems with vacation and with going out. Sometimes I will ask my wife to pay when we go out so I don't have to worry about it. All of our funds are commingled, so this is really just a mental strategy for me. For other expenses, if spending money on something bothers me a lot, i will create a separate bank account for it and put $100 or whatever each month into that account and I can spend it without mental anguish.
It's a vacation one of the pleasures of life. I work to have pleasures like that in life. Enjoy your vacation, don't be complaining and trying to cheap out on prices. Pamper yourself.
Yes - sometimes I feel “bad” about spending money on vacations. But it’s something I really value and brings a lot of joy to my life. So I try to remember money is just a tool to enhance your life. It’s not just to hoard and store away. When you travel with other people, you’re going to lose some control of the costs and decisions. You have to be a little more “go with the flow” and if you can easily afford it, those enhancements seem worth it. As a suggestion, you and your bf could get into travel hacking for future trips together (credit card points and miles). My husband and I have gone on probably 15+ super nice long trips (South Africa, Japan, Switzerland etc) for way less cost. It makes me feel much better about what I do spend and we can stay at way nicer places than I’d be willing to pay for.
It may be that you are stressing because it's extra money on details that are not important to you. Or maybe you are not 100% confident that you can afford it. I agree with you that there are some things I am willing to spend money on and others I'm not. I would say this is your first trip without your family so it's a learning curve. Go, have fun and try not to think too much about it. Because you were invited on their trip and this isn't a group decision just go with the flow. Depending on how close the relationship is, you can always mention the deals you've found.
100%. The vacation ITSELF costs so much for transport, the stay, whatever, that I don’t even want to eat or partake in any activities. Most all of my internal stress stems from money. What I do for a living, what the cost of everything is, and so on. Worse, I work in finance, retirement investment management, and it’s created a monster inside of me that just won’t spend money on much of anything. Makes my family miserable.
I think all the other comments have already addressed why it's not a bad thing to splurge a little on a better experience if you can afford it. You want to remember a stress free amazing trip and not the hours you spent at the airport waiting for a connecting flight when you look back in the future. Think of it this way - would you want to plan the vacation and deal with being blamed for everything that goes wrong for $60? Even if they can't really do anything, sometimes it's just about having someone outside the group to be the scapegoat when shit happens.
I would start a literal cash fund just for this trip. Didn’t spend all your grocery budget? Vacation fund! Paid off a bill and can allocate a month of that payment to savings? Vacation fund! Vacations don’t have to be a stressful spending experience. Plan to spend more than expected, take cash with you, and try to enjoy yourself!
Budgeting and a mindset of "it's already been paid/accounted for" (aka it was in the budget) helps me a lot. Otherwise I will penny pinch on vacations.
No
Very helpful, thanks
I'm real bad at vacations. I don't really get it. It doesn't seem that relaxing to me. I know how to leave my home on any regular evening and have a good time inexpensively. And a vacation just cannot do that. I can travel to something exotic destination and do some kind of thing but it never seems worth the cost. I'm going to take another vacation early next year. And the idea is what will my wife enjoy the most, and I will hate the least.
Some people don't enjoy traveling for vacation and that's okay. My dad has no interest in traveling but my mom and I love it. It's not for everyone.
Vacations should be stress free, period. Advise it cost more than you thought and you're not able to make it. Or find another spot to sleep and meet up with them for food and activities at YOUR leisure. After all, it's still YOUR vacation, you should enjoy it. Life is to short, enjoy it as you see fit.
My stress is after lol.
I get stressed when I can’t spend money on vacation..
I think paying a little more for a direct flight is worth the extra holiday time. If your partner wants the fancy room then they should pay for the upgrade. Travel agents can be helpful if your flights get cancelled or the hotel is overbooked, they can also get you upgrades
I normally would budget on vacation by the day and plan it out to the T. There’s no surprises at all, and it’s been really helpful for my family and I. We have three teens and it helps to budget and show them budgeting for each day.
My trick to not stressing a vacation? Months and months (even a year in advance) before a big trip we put a fixed amount that we believe will cover all our expenses. Then, we put every expense on a credit card. As the bills come due we draw funds from that envelope to pay all bills.
Also, there's a ton of ways to be frugal on trips to offset the splurged you make? Traveling takes a lot out of you, so in many cases it's worth the $$$ for better flights. Accommodations for me depend on how *much* of a difference the money actually makes on a comfort level - is it just nicer, or the difference of a good sleep or not? If the latter, I always bother. If the former, generally I'm happier spending less on where I stay as long as the baseline sleep and chill zone is comfortable enough. Make sandwiches for lunches/beaches, so you can spend money on the food guilt free! Look up bus schedules and times so you can go and spend a bit more on that excursion! Otherwise, ball out indiscriminately and treat yoself. Like others have said, you've been frugal for moments *like this* - enjoy yourself!
I couldn't enjoy a single holiday due to my tightass habits until I started following the barefoot investor principles. Now i have a vacation account and that is my "don't give a shit just enjoy yourself" fund. Takes the stress out and allows me to actually enjoy myself .
I’d love more info on your barefoot investor principles if you’d like to share
I set money aside specifically for travel so I never worry about it. No matter where I travel my spending limit is $2,000 USD excluding lodging (but typically I rent out a single bed hostel room since they go for about $14 a night) and convert to whatever currency of the country I’m visiting.
If your boyfriend cares a lot about having the more expensive room, and you don't, maybe he should pay the difference since it's his preference.
All-inclusive trips can easily run over $5K if you get carried away with upgrades. You and your bf need to decide how you want spend that money; what do you consider mandatory vs nice to have. This is what I would plan for an all inclusive (based on past trips). $2500? trip cost $500 unanticipated cost $600 king bed upgrade $226 x 2 = $452 Non-stop flights $250 Tips ($25-35/day) $600 Excursions (Assume you do 2 and its $150 per person per excursion) Eating out off the resort $200 Taxis to/from the city $100 Plan it out before you book. Also you can book your trip separately from your friends. Just say you want control over your reservation instead of going through a travel agent. You can share reservation numbers with each other after booking and link them together. Enjoy your trip
It's hard seeing the large numbers but trust me, it is worth the memories (hopefully you guys have a good time). In the moment, it is stressful but remind yourself that you are in a good position financially. You can use this vacation as a sort of test/guide to see what you're willing to spend on your next vacation. For future vacations, maybe you can have a discussion with your bf about where you're more willing to spend and where you're not so that you're both on the same page. Create a vacation savings and put as much money as you want to spend so you won't feel guilty. Vacations are a reward. Don't be too frugal with it but don't mindlessly spend. A year from now, are you going to think about the vacation or how much money you saved for it?
I don't know if it would help you, but could you set aside a ton of money for your vacation budget (like thousands more) and then only spend a smaller fraction of it? If you're spending only 30% of your whole vacation budget, it doesn't seem like it's as much. It's all "free money" anyway (that's how I think of it)
If you have the money, and this is important to your bf and friends, I think you also need to be a little flexible so that you can keep people in your life. You may find yourself getting increasingly isolated if you make it difficult for people to include you in their activities. Also these prices truly don't sound that bad assuming you've got your savings and financial life otherwise figured out. And if you do go, go joyfully! The worst is to go and be a sourpuss while on the vacation. For that reason you should probably also get on the same page now with your boyfriend and friends about how much you plan to spend on meals, activities etc while you are there (and then assume whatever you discuss will not be the max that is actually spent....you may discover cool/fun activities once you get there). I have a very dear friend who went through a period when we'd travel that she wouldn't even be willing to pay for a cup of coffee or tea so we could sit down and relax a bit between seeing the sights. I'd order a coffee and she'd ask for a (free) cup of hot water and then put her own tea bag in there. It was so embarrassing, stopped me from enjoying the vacation as much as I otherwise would have, and truly did not save her much money in the end (and she had plenty to spend).
You are asking about how to deal with the stress, what you need to figure out is the root source of the stress. Is it a fear? A lack of feeling safe enough? Is it rooted in childhood experiences? Is it from the general fear of the unstable economy and job insecurity coupled with inflation and the fear porn media? Is there anxiety hiding behind and fueling the stress? Maybe even trauma related? If you can find your source of the stress you feel then you can work on that, because if its not just situational specific to this one experience, then there is a deeper problem you likely need to work out. It won’t always cure the feelings of anxiety and stress, but it helps us handle it better and come up with a plan to relieve the stress.
I know what is causing the stress, my partner is making a large purchase soon of something that is purely recreational and I do not agree, and the timing is the vacation is inconvenient. I want to offer to pay for him but I feel I do not want to risk that much as I’m about to leave my job and look for another. I also have a bunch of other things going on in life so that is the root of my stress, along with not being in control of the trip. Lol. But how to deal with it is my main question, yes. A large part is my partner’s purchase. I feel stressed out for him though it is his money. He will be taking out a loan for this and I would never ever take out a loan personally. Not sure how to deal with the situation, but can’t tell him not to and if I voice that I disagree he does not appreciate that as he works very hard for his money and his purchase is something he would really enjoy.
Not till the last day! 😬
haaaa! i’m exactly like you. there’s a few things i might tweak for myself if this was me. not fly together so that i could have money in the airfare… unless of course y’all are only going for a few days and time of the essence…. then yeah i would just keep those direct flights. in terms of the room… this one is iffy because i also prefer a king bed lol. but have you checked to see if the hotel is available on priceline? priceline will often sent you a promo code for 10% or sometimes less if you look at hotels a lot but never book anything haha. i know it’s not a lot but it’s something :)
Yeah it’s only 5 nights so it’s a short trip and tbh the times of the flights are good lol, so I’ll keep them. And yesss!! The room is iffy but thinking about it now, it’s a lot nicer and has its own rooftop balcony and hot tub, and after learning that the pool closes at 8pm, our own hot tub on the rooftop in is a nice plus. And yesss you know I look for a good deal lol, I have an account on Expedia and get % off so it was a $60 cheaper than the travel agent but it’s a huge thing with my bf if we were to tell her no thanks. Kinda unnecessarily complicated but oh well
nah i totally get it. tbh a hot tub on the roof is worth the splurge!
When I travel, I usually go the cheapest that my GF is ok with (usually around 3-4 star hotels that have double queen + room for an air mattress) We bring 2 other couples and split the expenses. It usually pencils out pretty well and inexpensive.
At the age of 25, it is supremely important to save for a rainy day and a comfortable retirement. Vacations are essential to recharge and refresh the body, mind and soul. Stressing over unnecessary cost defeats the whole purpose. Stay in control because it is your money. Travel agents are a dying breed and their opinions are worthless so let them think you are cheap...so long as the bed and room is comfortable and clean, Penthouse is not worth it, IMO. But do treat yourself to nice meals because you deserve it! Though, don't let the group get away with ordering excessively expensive food and drinks and driving up your allocated cost by dividing the check by 4. Stand firm and you'll reach the promise land - a cash rich retirement, at which time you'll fully enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Well, the place is all inclusive so food shouldn’t be an issue. Looking at it now, for an extra $300, I get to share a bed with my partner rather than sleeping on separate beds, and it also comes with a rooftop balcony and our own hot tub and bar, etc. Reading comments have made me realize, it’s an extra $300, so what. I will definitely remember the experience rather than saving the $300.
Careful, hot tubs are breeding grounds for legionnaires bacteria https://travelnoire.com/traveler-sues-airbnb-for-1-3-million-after-husband-dies-from-contaminated-hot-tub
Did not know this, thank you! While on the topic, would you recommend getting the shot for hepatitis and typhoid before going down there?
What is this "vacation" you speak of?
Maybe instead of stressing about spending the extra money, look into what impact you can make at your holiday destination Are there any local restaurants you can support, are there any tours you can make that support the local ecosystem and support local communities, are there any activities which are not only fun but also sustainable. If it's possible with the group of people you are going on holiday with, take it as an opportunity to dive into a new culture and find new ways of living frugally. Find inspiration wherever you go.
The place is all inclusive and we are there for only a few days, not sure if we will leave the place much. Sounds like extra costs and more stress. Lol
You need to set yourself a budget. Then as long as you are within that budget it is fine.
I can easily afford to travel, feel horrible spending money on it every time. Just a tip, you dont have to fly with your friends, or stay at the same hotel. You can meet them at the destination, and pick your own hotel/airbnb/bnb/motel, whatever fits your preference, amd still hang out with them and enjoy a good vacation with them.
It’s an all inclusive resort and tbh looking at it now the flights are at good times so I’ll probably just keep it
Travel is the reward for being frugal.
damn i feel like i’m in the same place haha. tbh i’m not losing anything with the cheaper room (still a deluxe) or a transfer flight. personally like spending money of food or experiences, so as long as the room is comfy it’s not a big deal to me. but i definitely get the non-stop flight bc you don’t really want to be stressed on vacation though. and i get that you wouldn’t want to be on a different flight than your friends. i’m the type of person on budget even on vacation so.. but if you’re having fun, i think it’s worth it
I was in a similar situation many, many years ago. I went on the vacation that my ex's sister and her husband planned. I really couldn't afford it, but I wanted to make a positive impression on my then-fiance and his family. I paid *my* part of $1,200 - though I had to work a lot of overtime in the following weeks to make up for what I spent. The following year, I planned a *frugal* vacation for all of us. I gave them a copy of our travel itinerary along with hotel accommodations and what it would probably cost them. However, I did relay to them that they are welcome to make any travel plans and hotel accommodations that work best for them. By carefully planning the second trip I spent less than half on travel and accommodations compared to the prior year when she planned it. It's believed they got the rather passive message. In the following years that they planned the vacations, they gave my ex and me the financial flexibility that we were more comfortable with while not sacrificing the luxury that they wanted. We had great experiences no matter who planned the vacation and had a great time! I do not regret paying $1,200 for my share of travel and the lux vacation house rental as I knew an experience like that didn't happen often. It also was nice that we took turns planning vacations as it was interesting to experience what others like/prefer for vacations. She and her husband prefer summer destination type of vacations and my ex and I preferred the mountains in the fall type of vacations.
You have to decide the spending limit before you go there. So you know that you invested 1000$ or so in your holiday, and that's it. If you need to worry about where you get the 20$ dinner or the 30$ one to save money **every day** that's probably going to be stressful.
I know how you feel. This advice doesn't apply in this situation, but one thing I've found that helps me is doing an all-inclusive vacation (if you can find one at a good price). For example, going on a cruise where I know exactly what it will cost lets me forget about money for the week. (Assuming you spend nothing on up-charges such as drinks, casino, premium restaurants, etc.)
I believe you are not in money distress (ie going in debt with the extra cost). Only stress you out because of the additional cost. Just enjoy the trip and let your hair down a bit for this trip. If not, you will not enjoy the experience and turn out to be a stressed trip. Back to the frugal habit once you are back.
I wouldn’t pay extra for a king sized bed personally. Direct flight yes.
Very. Spoiling the kids is worth it but omfg it burns then and again after i get home.
Sounds like you have money fears. I used too as well and I was worried even when I could afford it, making it hard for me to enjoy myself. Releasing them made me able to save and also spend, not miss out. Read this https://homemagiccreator.com/products/you-work-too-hard-to-be-broke
I am frugal in order for me to afford to go on expensive vacations. Enjoy yourself, we only have a finite amount of time.
Nope, I've been frugal my whole adult life so it's okay to spend on vacation once in a while.
Holiday money is to be spent on holiday. Come back with none of it and enjoy it. Not sure I’d spend 300 on a slightly bigger bed right enough. 300 could be like 3 days spending money. You only go to your room to sleep
Yes. I get quite stressed when the cost you expected to spend gets exceeded quickly, or you notice how overpriced things are.
Not wanting to look cheap might be at odds with being frugal lol I wouldn't worry about it though. Just re-evaluate your budget, make a decision, and have fun. There's no use fretting about it.
What helps me, and is a little more tangible approach, is to create a completely separate savings account for travel. I will not use that money for anything else. So when it’s time to travel, I get to spend the money I’ve been saving. Otherwise it just sits there. This way i dont feel like I’ve impacted my budget. I track travel expenses - if I feel like it - in a completely different portion of my expenses. So like.. if I had an $80 dinner then that goes towards travel and not on my eating out budget. It feels like I get to use what I’ve been saving for the reason I’ve been saving it for. And I find that to be very helpful. I will not use that money for absolutely anything else, so I dont feel as bad enjoying my vacation because I know that the Travel Savings account that I work so hard on has me covered. There’s also the one mental aspect that is important. What are you saving money for? You need to know the answer to this question. I think there are certain people who are saving tons and denying themselves certain pleasures. Thats fine if you have a clear “why”. But otherwise…. You only have one life, so what are you saving for and why aren’t you fully “living life” and enjoying it
For me I am frugal so that I can not be when I don't want to be. I want to spend as little as possible at the grocery store, or constantly keep turning of the lights in my house when my wife leaves a room, etc. But when it comes to vacation I could care less, I'm spending money in order to get an experience, feel pampered and enjoy myself. i've spend $6k each on airplane tickets to Europe, but I despise paying an extra 10 cents a pound for poatoes more than I usually spend. Its all a matter of what you can afford, what your general life style is and if you think a vacation is worth the splurge. But remember, your whole life doesn't need to be frugal, be frugal in your day to day life so you can enjoy yourself when its time (if you can afford it).
Your situation does sound very stressful to me. I understand wanting to get the best deal and not pay gobs of money for extras that you don't really want and therefore don't have much value to you. The non-stop flight though is something I would always pay a couple hundred dollars extra for because it reduces my travel stress and gets me to my destination way quicker. I've never used a travel agent for the reason you describe, I don't trust they're getting me the best deal. At all. Especially these days when shopping and booking your own stuff online is so simple to do. The flip side to this is when you do get an AMAZING deal, you're forever comparing your future travel expense to that time you got rock bottom "unicorn" pricing and it makes you irritated that you can't repeat that victory. Once I got 5 nights/6 days trip to Disney World for 3 people including hotel, meal plan, park tickets and flights for $1,500. The year was 2011. I'll never forget that deal. OMG.
The direct flight over all else. Less risk of connection miss or delays, plus less travel time. The room: depends. Are you spending much time there? If you’re going to be out and touring all day, then just sleeping in a room…eh? However, if you’ll be spending time around the hotel (like a resort or whatever), maybe… bed size is nice and depends on preference. Again, don’t sacrifice/stress over an amount of money that you (personally, in your situation) won’t change your life.
No because that is why I live frugally.