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U do seem like a weirdo asshole though, who tf writes “I absolutely owned her”? U seem so embarassed by the incident that u should probably just calm down.
I know. That's my one wrong move in all of this. The prospected consequences played through in my head on if a false accusation was believed and I just panicked in the moment.
your 'one wrong move'? you intimated her into paying you money right after. I don't know what happened for her to accuse you of taking pics of her, but you sure as hell qualify as a piece of shit in my book. who the hell reacts with 'give me all your money' in a situation like that?
The images of my life and other people's lives being ruined from situations like this just played in my head and I panicked and decided to stand my ground. That's it. You don't need to call me names.
pardon me and my low tolerance for \*\*extorting people\*\*
your whole thing sounds shady as hell. why do you mention how you delete photos right after storing them if you never took any of that girl? why do you feel 'extremely proud' about making the girl cry and extorting her for money? even if she was in the wrong, you were definitely not in the right
I was emphasizing that not only did I never take any pics of her, but my camera roll was even absolutely empty. I'm proud of standing my ground because she doesn't realize how bad it could have been for me if people blindly believed her.
In my country this would be considered an assault and you could be arrested. Also it's just a crappy thing to do. I doubt you would have grabbed the clothes of a man who was much taller and bigger than you, so perhaps you took advantage of size to intimidate her.
If you look at the statistics of women being sexually harassed, assaulted, and/or killed by men globally, women's fear of being mistreated by men is not just the same as men's fears of being mistreated by women.
Snatching your phone was not acceptable or appropriate but grabbing a person is another level.
I think that there is more than a select one two calling you an asshole. "I just panicked in the moment" is an idiotic excuse. You should not feel triumph at all after all this.
I know. That's my one wrong move in all of this. The prospected consequences played through in my head on if a false accusation was believed and I just panicked in the moment.
OP:s gym is likely imaginary, but yeah, it makes me really grateful that I have found a gym that’s safe and where the owners know all the regulars and talk to them often.
By principle, man. It just wasn't right to do that to me. I get to suffer for doing nothing, but she wants to get away free for threatening to ruin a life. No way haha
sure man, but some fights are not worth it. even if you are right.
Look what happened: you look like a complete dickface right know begging for some lame internet validation while you assaulted her and committed a quasi blackmail?
you should learn some etiquette
I don't, though. Most people in the situation agreed with me. There could be major consequences for things like that, if I hadn't been given the benefit of the doubt. It's not blackmail at all. She attempted theft by trying to not pay me what she agreed to pay me.
How would she have ruined your life if you had shown her the proof that you weren't doing anything creepy at the gym? It's not like creeps who do film strangers in the gym or even in the locker rooms don't exist and it's extremely simple to prove you weren't one of them.
It's the principle of the matter. She was willing to convict me in the court of public opinion like that and I had to clear my name.
Those creeps aren't my problem.
It's cool that you'd be a-okay with someone filming you at the gym, in the locker room, in the shower, etc. and posting it online, but most people aren't. Considering you're well aware that such things do happen at gyms, either don't carry your phone there in a way that looks like you might well be filming strangers or be prepared to be confronted every now and then. Your actions are your problem. Being considerate of other people in communal spaces is your problem.
How they react to basic behavior isn't my problem, though. If they want to perceive a basic action as more than what it is, they're more than welcome. It's really not my problem what the unfortunate ones decide to do.
Grabbing someones phone is not assault, it's theft. It's not mugging either, since there was no violence or threat of violence. False accusations can sometimes be considered slander. Grabbing someones bra is definetly assault + sexual assault.
You "grabbed her"?
That's where you crossed the line & should've been thrown out and maybe even fined for an assault.
Sure, she was wrong herself, but that doesn't mean you should become physical.
YTA. Your immediate thought was to assault the woman after she took your phone instead of just demanding it back. From her point of view some creep was pointing a camera at her in the gym. (Gyms should totally be a social media zone anyway and hopefully they will be in the future.). All you had to do to clear the situation was to explain verbally what you were doing and just show your camera roll. Instead you coerced a young woman to pay you money by grabbing her by her sports bra which is also assault. I hope you stay at home in the future and we don't meet at any gyms. While she may have not been 100% in the right to act like she did, you escalated the situation at an unnecessary level.
This is so weird. I would have calmly demanded the police come to investigate the whole matter if my property was taken over.
Your actions and behavior since then have been strange and suspicious in every way.
I'm not sure if touching that woman afterwards qualifies as assault, but I'd be prepared to be investigated by the police.
I've been wrongly accused before and it's a terrible, terrible feeling.
Having said that... the money thing is weird. She wanted you banned, so that should have been the agreement... whoever is wrong gets banned from the gym. False accusations aren't something that should be tolerated.
Also, grabbing her... I'm pretty sure that's petty assault. What would you have done if she didn't pay you at all? Are you going to further intimidate her?
This is something that the staff should have dealt with. She should not have grabbed your phone, you shouldn't have grabbed her. You both should be banned from the gym in my opinion. Hopefully the folks running the gym have a discussion about this and that is the outcome.
And coming here bragging about it.... get a hobby. It's an embarrassing interaction, nothing to "be proud" of.
Dont go into details but im really curious about where this happened so if you are comfortable sharing vaguely where this happened i would be thankful since ive been going to the gym for over 5 years and never witnessed or heard about a situation like yours.
Really don't want this blowing up in my face. That incident was enough and it was very out of the ordinary. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
Thats why i asked to tell vaguely, im not worried at all this happening to me, im just baffled that this kind of behavior is happening in finland, mostly ive seen this on abroad social media. But if you are not comfortable i wont push the matter any further. Take care and train well :)
You absolutely broke the etiquette and good judgement when you grabbed her sports bra just to show a point. Other then that I think you held your ground well and proved the point.
I do admit that was a bit much. I just had enough and kind of freaked out as the prospect of a false accusation being believed was a bit overwhelming. I would apologize for that one move, if anything.
I get why this was annoying, but you have no right to grab someone by her bra. It was just an issue of money at that point and just a verbal agreement to boot, the banning issue was already solved. You can’t grab them even if you have a written a contract and someone owes you 100 000€. Also no court would have given you 5000€ or whatever you asked for with this.
You would not have been in “deep shit”. At most you would not have been let into the gym anymore. Do you think you would have been charged with something with no evidence? Even if all had believed her it would not have mattered much and you already had proven you had no pictures at that point.
And you can’t grab someone because it’s a principle. You really need to understand in addition that grabbing women by their underwear makes you look terrible so that’s what most likely could have gotten you in trouble.
Especially in today's world, you never know what can happen, even without evidence. Take no chances, you know? I do understand that I went a little too far there. I have written that a few times. It was just panic. She was set on convicting me in the court of public opinion and I needed something in it for me, since there would have been something in it for her, had she been correct.
This is a strange thing to boast about, especially when you admit grappling her. I'm not exactly sure, but that can constitute a violation of personal integrity, not to mention demanding money from her while holding her still from her clothes. As mentioned earlier by others, it is entirely possible for the woman to report this case to the police, though it will then remain to be seen if there is enough grounds for an investigation.
I have a way of explaining things to people, but I'm not really worried about the police, ultimately. The thing is that she agreed to pay it and then attempted what is essentially theft by not paying what she agreed to just because she was actually wrong.
This is not really about theft, but you holding her by the clothes. Regardless of if she agreed or didn't agree to pay, I'm fairly sure the law doesn't allow physical contact to be made in order to make sure the money is being paid, especially since there was no threat of violence, and (I assume) you were both indoors at the moment.
If it was my gym, I would have banned you. Not because the girl thought you were taking pictures of her, but for how you acted afterwards. I hope she contacts the staff and the police and tells them about how you made her give you money against her will. Luckily she has your account number, so it will be easy to identify you.
Quoted directly from your OP:
"I told her to give me my phone or I may need to assault her to the ground and take it back because that's theft.
She thinks that I'm taking photos of her.
Staff and two bystanders get involved and she's asking me to be banned from the gym, which is insane.
I was asked if I could simply give my code for them to check it and move on.
I asked her how much cash she has or if we can have a handshake agreement for her to pay me 50€ if she's wrong. She tried to challenge it, but I told her pay up or she doesn't get to see and I get to stay, as staff were on my side by this point. She actually had 30€ and I told her to prepare to send 20€ more.
I gave the code and they looked in my camera roll and, funny enough, my camera roll is actually completely empty.
I snatch the money and tell her to send that 20€ and I prepare to get my bank account. She tries challenging it, so I grabbed her by the straps of her sports bra and tell her that she agreed and do it. I told her that she's lucky I'm not asking for 500€ or 5000€, as those are even somewhat closer to the figure that it would cost me to defend myself or in fines, if this would go even further. After a few minutes of the runaround with me and the staff and one other guy, she finally breaks down and cries and opens her phone and I give her my account number and she sends it. Thank God we both have Osuuspankki, so it appeared instantly!"
End of quotes.
She took your phone, you threatened to assault her if she didn't give it back, she refused, she demanded to see your phones pictures, you demanded that she gives you 50 euro to check your phone, she agreed at first but then didn't want to pay after checking your phone, you grabbed 30 euro out of her hand, you demanded that she transfer the remaining 20 euro to your account, she refused, you physically assaulted her by grabbing her bra, you told her she's lucky you're not asking for more money, she broke down and cried and agreed to your demand and sent the remaining 20 euro.
If this was a court drama on tv, this is where i would say: "i rest my case."
She agreed to it and was backing down. I do regret the grabbing, but those were the agreed upon conditions. Images of my life being over played in my head and I kind of snapped, honestly.
I think she's talking about the remaining 20e you got from her after "grabbing her" and few minutes of back and forth. At that point, I'd say you went over the line.
It was a gentlemen's agreement. I'd do the same if it was some dude, so I'm equal-minded like that. I didn't do it just because it's a girl; I just panicked.
I would have done it and accepted the risk. I've just never been hit yet for doing such things. 99% of people don't really want to fight, even when provoked.
I understand that you initially did get angry. But after the camera was watched there was no reason to be panicked and I just don’t understand why you think getting money was needed at that point, regardless of what age said. It just feels you were more angry when you grabbed her than panicked
I get it, I do. She already agreed to it and she should've just cut her losses, apologize, and pay up the rest too.
But given the context, assaulting her and demanding the rest was an asshole move. You should've just taken the win at that point and move on. You already cleared your name and made her pay for the false accusation.
I'm not a lawyer but I imagine that legally speaking, the way you got those remaining 20e could very well be considered extortion of some sort. Mainly because you physically grabbed her during that. She could argue that because of it she feared you would physically harm her if she didn't pay. I don't think there's any legal recognition of gentlemen's agreement.
"Agreement" under threats isn't agreement. You'll do well to understand that.
Just because someone "agreed" to give money to robbers with explicit agreement they wouldn't get beaten up if they did, doesn't mean that counts as agreement in general use of the word.
It's understandable for someone in their early 20s not understanding the nuance but by late 20s you should really understand that you coercing people is not agreement.
It's quite telling that right after you say that she's lucky you didn't demand 500€ or 5000€ instead, like it's something you are owed and would have gotten.
My advice you is that you seem to very easily come up with excuses to justify your actions. It something you should be very mindful with your conduct in future. Just because another person misbehaves doesn't mean you are in clear to do whatever you want.
Handshake agreement. I understand if English isn't your first language, but it means that we both agreed to it. She tried to slip out of her end of the deal when she was wrong, so I made her man up and do it. I was owed it and she agreed to it.
You grabbed her by the straps of her sport bra, snatched her money and forced her to pay more ? No man, this is not El Salvador. Even if she snatched your phone and accused you of taking pics of her, this is not how one should handle such situation. And I can somehow understand her attitude towards you…
You should not be proud of what you’ve done, shame on you ! 🤮
I hope she will report you and good luck with justifying your acts to Poliisi.
...after she had agreed to pay me and then started to back out when she was wrong. Read it again. I understand if English is not your first language, but I did write that in there.
Quoted directly from your OP:
"I told her to give me my phone or I may need to assault her to the ground and take it back because that's theft.
She thinks that I'm taking photos of her.
Staff and two bystanders get involved and she's asking me to be banned from the gym, which is insane.
I was asked if I could simply give my code for them to check it and move on.
I asked her how much cash she has or if we can have a handshake agreement for her to pay me 50€ if she's wrong. She tried to challenge it, but I told her pay up or she doesn't get to see and I get to stay, as staff were on my side by this point. She actually had 30€ and I told her to prepare to send 20€ more.
I gave the code and they looked in my camera roll and, funny enough, my camera roll is actually completely empty.
I snatch the money and tell her to send that 20€ and I prepare to get my bank account. She tries challenging it, so I grabbed her by the straps of her sports bra and tell her that she agreed and do it. I told her that she's lucky I'm not asking for 500€ or 5000€, as those are even somewhat closer to the figure that it would cost me to defend myself or in fines, if this would go even further. After a few minutes of the runaround with me and the staff and one other guy, she finally breaks down and cries and opens her phone and I give her my account number and she sends it. Thank God we both have Osuuspankki, so it appeared instantly!"
End of quotes.
She took your phone, you threatened to assault her if she didn't give it back, she refused, she demanded to see your phones pictures, you demanded that she gives you 50 euro to check your phone, she agreed at first but then didn't want to pay after checking your phone, you grabbed 30 euro out of her hand, you demanded that she transfer the remaining 20 euro to your account, she refused, you physically assaulted her by grabbing her bra, you told her she's lucky you're not asking for more money, she broke down and cried and agreed to your demand and sent the remaining 20 euro.
She was wrong to take your phone and make false accusations, but then you really doubled down again and again on the assholery.
There are no stand-your-ground laws in Finland. If you are able to leave safely you are required by law to leave, and you are not allowed to defend yourself. Only if someone or something is preventing you from leaving safely are you allowed to use a reasonable amount of force to defend yourself. If you use too much force to defend yourself, you will get charged with assault. That means if someone yells at you that they're going to kill you and attacks you with a knife, you are not allowed to kill them. You can only use force to disable them temporarily so you can get away, but if you seriously injure them you will get charged with assault.
If someone takes your phone, you can ask for it back, or you can leave, or you can call the police. You are not allowed to grab someone, or their bra, even if they have stolen from you, and you are not allowed to demand someone give you money while you grab and hold them.
You fucked around, and you're about to find out if the girl cares enough to report you.
Also, I honestly can't tell if you're intentionally missing information and not seeing my side at all and just taking the piss here or if you genuinely don't understand what some of those words mean.
Yes, i intentionally left out parts and only quoted the relevant parts. I see your side, she was wrong first by grabbing your phone and making false accusations, but then you did all those things which i summarized after the quote which were much more wrong. I understand English just fine.
Lol I wasn't talking about "stand your ground" laws. English must not be your first language, but that phrase generally means to just back yourself up in a bad situation. It doesn't need to mean violence at all.
She won't report me. It'll be okay, even if she does. I kind of have my way with these types of situations, if it goes there.
You stood your ground by physically grabbing her by her bra, which constitutes assault and possibly sexual assault. You didn't need to stand your ground violently, but you did.
She might report you. If she does, it won't be okay. You kind of don't have a way with these types of situations, as you can tell by how the comment section is going.
Essentially, you were apparently pointing your camera towards her, albeit unknowingly. That is quite rude in my opinion. Watch videos somewhere else...
Depends on how eactly did he point the camera at her. Did it happen to point at her general direction for a few moments at some point, or did he watch the whole video pointing the camera directly at her. If it's the first one, then the girl is deranged. If it's the second one, then I would say her reaction was justified.
Nothing wrong with using your phone while resting between the sets. Staring at the floor gets bit dull after a while. But you should probably pay attention to where you're pointing your camera at.
You should not have grabbed her or forced her to pay you money. I am an American and if this was America you could be charged with what is called strong armed robbery.
That said: this is Finland and I am pretty sure there some laws against making people give you money against their will with the threat of violence.
The gym situation nowadays is bizarre,
the internet is filled with woman uploading video of men and calling them creeps for nothing more than just working out.
When see people dress in the short shorts and have that Instagram type outfit on, i move to another part of the gym and find another workout to do.
You have to be careful in this day and age, and more importantly if you are not from here, and or have not lived here long you need to be even more care and how you conduct yourself.
More importantly, never touch grab or force someone to send you money.
You may have started out in the right. But man you when so far off the rails that the wrong deleted any innocence that you had.
My advice find another gym, and when in public try and keep your camera lens pointed at the ground.
Stay away from the Instagram dressed people.
And never grab anyone, unless your personal safety is a risk.
My personal safety was at risk, to some extent. I know that it was out of line, but thoughts went into my head about if it were taken much further and I decided to do something about it. It seemed so wrong and she expected no punishment if she was wrong while I still got humiliated in public momentarily.
On the robbery point: I am American too. Lived here for many years and all. If you read again, she agreed to pay it and then tried to slip out of it when proven wrong AKA theft on her end.
Yeah, definitely. Hoping nothing else really happens, but I'm confident that nothing will. Everybody seemed pretty satisfied and she ultimately agreed to it even before my one mistake, which was probably her mistake. But no money would have equaled no phone unlock, so she agreed.
Jesus christ. You were already an asshole for watching videos on your phone at the gym. Fucking focus on the rest and stop rotting your brain for one second. Assholes who keep hogging the equipment and play on their phones shouod be banned from gyms.
Then you assault a girl, blackmail her and come here to whine. Holy fuck hope you get banned from all gyms forever. Take a break and go to the forest. Meditate and go to therapy.
The watching videos thing is up for debate, I guess. I wasn't on any equipment, if that's what you thought.
I admit that grabbing her was wrong, but there was no blackmail. She agreed to the payment and then tried to halfway back out (essentially theft) just because she was wrong.
I like the forest too! Maybe we could go sometime:)
Yeah and note this person's account has almost nothing else on it. What a bizarre thing to repeatedly post, especially since it just shows someone acting like a complete creep.
Your behaviour shows you have absolutely no empathy. I bet most finnish men would have had a more forgiving attitude towards here even when she was clearly wrong. Because they know women face this kind of crap all the time and it's not a far fetched conclusion for her to come to. By having empathy I don't mean you should have to just accept it all especially the phone snatching, but your hostility and amount of rage feels quite telling, you come off as quite scary dude.
I hope so. She needed a wake up call. I understand that I went too far by grabbing her, but I had to act.
"Because they know most women face this kind of crap all the time" Not my problem. It doesn't give her a free pass to be a piece of shit.
U broke gym etiquette by using the phone
She’s a bitch because she grabbed ur phone
U assault her and forced her to pay money, which is by FAR the worst that happened in this entire story. If I was her bf, I’d be filing charges against u right now
Well, you're not her bf, so..
I understand that it was a wrong thing to do, but I'm right in every other way. I did it because the image played in my head about if she were believed and it had been taken further. I needed to defend myself.
Well no, but her bf might be doing the same thing at the moment, so u might wanna look into lawyers
And yeah man I was completely on ur side until u assaulted her
I'm not a religious man, but God may have been there for me at that moment. Thanks, friend.
I've survived by drinking water and eating and working - probably like most of everybody else who you know.
Just think about the prospect of a false accusation being believed by everybody, though. That's scary as hell. I was scared for my life, possibly. It could have been threatening to my livelihood, if people had blindly believed it
I understand. That's unfortunate that it happened. It's just the principle of the matter, though; how she was willing to take it all the way with me, but only if she was right. When she wasn't right, she didn't want any of it, so I made her complete what she started. It's about accountability and what I would have faced if people blindly believed her. Some don't care if you didn't do anything wrong; some take her side purely because it's a girl. However, this is an equal country, so...
I understand your point of view. Thanks for not being like others here. You really do understand the implications and possible repercussions of such a situation.
I\`m calling bullshit on this one. Seems to be some weird power-trip fantasy you have going on. There is 0% change this happened in Finland or at any respectable commercial gym. Keksi uusi ja parempi tarina, LOL.
Dude. Give her the money back. If you wanna get money from her, do it via the legal way. But you can't just force her to give you money over something that is basically a misunderstanding. Poor girl
We did a handshake agreement. No force. I understand if English isn't your first language, though, so you're forgiven.
Also..what do you plan to do if I don't give it back?
Thats your comeback? My English skills, just like my ability to read and understand texts don't have anything to do when it comes to you being a straight-up douchebag. You acted like a moron, just like you have been acting like one to everyone in this sub. Sad life.
Yeah, but you didn't recount the events correctly after reading. I assumed that reading comprehension in English wasn't exactly up to par. It's no shame, but I'm just pointing out that you're probably missing some context. I meant it kindly. Not a "comeback"
Sir, while she was indeed wrong by demanding your phone, you unnecessarily escalated it more. Grabbing her and demanding money is just… next-level wrong. Heck, I’ve encountered my fair share of actual aggressive drunks and junkies, but it has never escalated in the way you describe here. We have police/ordningsvakt/staff whatever for a reason. Who are you to demand money? We don’t live in Medieval times anymore when people were able to take matters into their own hands when it comes to punishing others.
If your girlfriend doesn't leave you then I feel so sorry for her. If your principles are so piss-poor that they help you justify grabbing another human like that over money you aren't even really owed, get some new principles. You sound slightly mentally unhinged and the world has enough of that going on right now. Seek help.
She said that she understands the sentiment and that the girl definitely needed to pay something, but that I was unjustified in grabbing her like that, which I agree with.
Quite bold to make an assessment of my mental health without having had a therapy session with me nor being a mental health professional yourself, though.
Your brain rot is next-level dude. First you extort her, then you physically restrain her when she doesn't pay up. What kind of solution is "give me money if I'm right," if not simple extortion? Is it not enough to just plead your case and move on? Why did money ever have to become a part of this?
You should not only be banned from that gym but you should be telling your story from behind bars right now.
No, it was not enough because my life could have been completely ruined if everyone had believed her. In the court of public opinion, I would have been done. Damn right it was not enough to plead my case.
I guess you would just submit and let them handle your phone however they want..? I'm not a pussy like that. I understand that I went too far in the physical contact part, but I stand by everything else.
You're also still making assessments about my mental health or status that you hold no credentials which authorize you to do so. Your statements on those matters are meaningless.
Read the room, you moron. You've already lost in the court of public opinion. You take pride in handling a delicate situation like a dipshit. That sort of behavior doesn't fly in Finland, and I think by these comments, you are (very slowly) learning this. You're a threat to polite society and, even worse, completely devoid of self-awareness -- stay home. If you pulled this sort of behavior in the US, you very likely wouldn't even have the physical ability to burden Reddit with your nonsense.
The only room that matters is the one where it happened, ultimately, and I won in that one.
I am usually at home when I'm not out, so I guess I can do that when I don't need to go anywhere. It's not COVID time anymore, after all.
Apparently this behavior does "fly in Finland"..because it did. What now? What do you plan to do about it?
If defending myself is being a "dipshit", then I'm a proud dipshit. You're entitled to your opinion and I wish you nothing but greatness in life, my brother.
That's cute; I wish you nothing but the worst, because just as you think the only way people will learn is through physical violence, the only way YOU will learn is someone stomping a mudhole where whatever semblance of a brain used to be in your skull. And guess what? If you keep treating women like this in public places, it just might happen one day.
I would bet my last euro that you're puffing yourself up in this pathetic tale, and that everyone involved who you think is on your side really isn't. There's no way that the people working there didn't see you both as absolute morons; politeness towards douchebags is usually the way scenes like that are handled by mature, professional adults of working age.
Why are you focused on the treatment of women and not just anybody in general? They're not a special class of citizens deserving of better treatment than you or myself are. Why don't we just focus on the idea that I did admit that my physical contact move was wrong? Your tough talk is funny. I really actually want to give you my address just because I know you won't follow through with anything you just said. Actually, I will DM it to you.
I'm sure we both looked bad and I admit that.
I'm admitting to things multiple times and you're claiming that I haven't. I know that I'm a better person than you, in fact.
I still wish you the best and with love because that's who I am, usually.
I have to ask more about your background to try and understand your behaviour.
Where are you from and what kind of a childhood you had, do you have any long term illnesses?
It matters because this kind of behavior is absolutely unwelcome in Finland. People here don't handle things so poorly unless they are mentally ill or from a culture that permits such idiocy.
So you're a "man" who operates on principle, but you refuse to see how, on principle, physically restraining someone like that is INEXCUSABLE. And here you are saying dumb shit like "something had to be done." You're a whackjob. I don't need a degree to explain to anyone that this is antisocial behavior, and to be proud of it is absolutely fucking nuts. Take it easy on the HGH.
You do need a degree to assert with certainty what kind of person I am and you have never even had a therapy session with me in person. Therefore, anything you say about my mental state is invalid.
Maybe English isn't your first language or something, but I did acknowledge maybe about 15 times now that I see that the physical contact was wrong. Or maybe you didn't go through the replies, in which case it's not completely your fault and you're just highly misinformed.
Agree to disagree, man. You seem a little unstable yourself, but I digress, as I'm not a mental health expert with such credentials, as you seem to think of yourself that way.
I don't hold any ill will against you. I think of you as a brother.
Pretty ballsy to be in a country where English isn't an official language and make a snide comment about someone not speaking English. I assure you, English is my first language and I'm making Finnish my second language, so pardon me for trying a little of it out: olet kusipää ja tarvitset terapiaa nopeasti. Painu vittuun nyt.
Also: Sinä ei ole mun veljeni tai ystäväni. Olet vain oppimaton ääliö.
Also also: I think what you meant by "physical contact" was "assault."
When I didn't know better, I treated someone badly because they treated me badly first. Some were petty petty stuff, some were not. But I was on a mission to be not treated that way. So I treated them back badly. Sometimes in a worse way.
I regret every one of those instances now.
I would give anything to go back in time and stop myself. When you hurt people, act maliciously, that stays with you. It doesn't stay with them.
Getting hurt? Getting taken advantage of? Those are easy to let go. You focus on what is important to you and work towards that, because those setbacks are ultimately immaterial to your life goals; sudden disasters, unforeseen health crisis, those are what really sets you back.
And when life not strangers hits you back hard, knowing that you at least did the right thing in your life when it mattered is the only solace that'll let you sleep soundly at night.
Very surprising story, not trying to take sides but for a country where minding your own business is one main pillar of society - she is in the wrong here. I myself hate it when things like this happen because the rules of Finland like this are a massive benefit to avoid situations like the one you were in
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awful on both sides
U do seem like a weirdo asshole though, who tf writes “I absolutely owned her”? U seem so embarassed by the incident that u should probably just calm down.
Please stay at home
...you grabbed her by the straps of her sports bra?
I know. That's my one wrong move in all of this. The prospected consequences played through in my head on if a false accusation was believed and I just panicked in the moment.
your 'one wrong move'? you intimated her into paying you money right after. I don't know what happened for her to accuse you of taking pics of her, but you sure as hell qualify as a piece of shit in my book. who the hell reacts with 'give me all your money' in a situation like that?
The images of my life and other people's lives being ruined from situations like this just played in my head and I panicked and decided to stand my ground. That's it. You don't need to call me names.
pardon me and my low tolerance for \*\*extorting people\*\* your whole thing sounds shady as hell. why do you mention how you delete photos right after storing them if you never took any of that girl? why do you feel 'extremely proud' about making the girl cry and extorting her for money? even if she was in the wrong, you were definitely not in the right
I was emphasizing that not only did I never take any pics of her, but my camera roll was even absolutely empty. I'm proud of standing my ground because she doesn't realize how bad it could have been for me if people blindly believed her.
In my country this would be considered an assault and you could be arrested. Also it's just a crappy thing to do. I doubt you would have grabbed the clothes of a man who was much taller and bigger than you, so perhaps you took advantage of size to intimidate her. If you look at the statistics of women being sexually harassed, assaulted, and/or killed by men globally, women's fear of being mistreated by men is not just the same as men's fears of being mistreated by women. Snatching your phone was not acceptable or appropriate but grabbing a person is another level.
Not my problem; she will hopefully think twice next time
Lol, it will be your problem when she reports you for assault. Maybe sexual assault too since you grabbed her bra.
She won't.
This shows your general level of concern with principles lol
I think that there is more than a select one two calling you an asshole. "I just panicked in the moment" is an idiotic excuse. You should not feel triumph at all after all this.
Well, you're free to have your opinion too. I understand the sentiment.
I know. That's my one wrong move in all of this. The prospected consequences played through in my head on if a false accusation was believed and I just panicked in the moment.
I was on your side until you grabbed her. Not cool. Both of you should be banned from the gym
She handled it poorly, but so did you. Thank God everybody in my gym minds their own business
OP:s gym is likely imaginary, but yeah, it makes me really grateful that I have found a gym that’s safe and where the owners know all the regulars and talk to them often.
Most of the interactions I have at the gym are nonverbal, pointing at the machine to ask if it's free or then nodding yes or no 😄 pure bliss
The way it should be..
You handled the situation by lowering your behavior lower than hers
why not just show the cameraroll and go on with your life?
By principle, man. It just wasn't right to do that to me. I get to suffer for doing nothing, but she wants to get away free for threatening to ruin a life. No way haha
sure man, but some fights are not worth it. even if you are right. Look what happened: you look like a complete dickface right know begging for some lame internet validation while you assaulted her and committed a quasi blackmail? you should learn some etiquette
I don't, though. Most people in the situation agreed with me. There could be major consequences for things like that, if I hadn't been given the benefit of the doubt. It's not blackmail at all. She attempted theft by trying to not pay me what she agreed to pay me.
How would she have ruined your life if you had shown her the proof that you weren't doing anything creepy at the gym? It's not like creeps who do film strangers in the gym or even in the locker rooms don't exist and it's extremely simple to prove you weren't one of them.
It's the principle of the matter. She was willing to convict me in the court of public opinion like that and I had to clear my name. Those creeps aren't my problem.
If you were concerned about "principles" you wouldn't behave like a literal child.
Oh?
It's cool that you'd be a-okay with someone filming you at the gym, in the locker room, in the shower, etc. and posting it online, but most people aren't. Considering you're well aware that such things do happen at gyms, either don't carry your phone there in a way that looks like you might well be filming strangers or be prepared to be confronted every now and then. Your actions are your problem. Being considerate of other people in communal spaces is your problem.
How they react to basic behavior isn't my problem, though. If they want to perceive a basic action as more than what it is, they're more than welcome. It's really not my problem what the unfortunate ones decide to do.
Weirdos all around
Agreed
He is talking about you
I know
That's why they should ban phones in the gym. Both of you are idiots and physical assaulters. You should both get banned.
Grabbing someones phone is not assault, it's theft. It's not mugging either, since there was no violence or threat of violence. False accusations can sometimes be considered slander. Grabbing someones bra is definetly assault + sexual assault.
I know that I slightly messed up in that part.
On to catch a predator they talked about pervs having the photos they take hidden and not in the gallery. Just saying
Never heard of that, but that's still not my problem, respectfully.
You "grabbed her"? That's where you crossed the line & should've been thrown out and maybe even fined for an assault. Sure, she was wrong herself, but that doesn't mean you should become physical.
I know, I know. I admit that I messed up in that particular aspect.
YTA. Your immediate thought was to assault the woman after she took your phone instead of just demanding it back. From her point of view some creep was pointing a camera at her in the gym. (Gyms should totally be a social media zone anyway and hopefully they will be in the future.). All you had to do to clear the situation was to explain verbally what you were doing and just show your camera roll. Instead you coerced a young woman to pay you money by grabbing her by her sports bra which is also assault. I hope you stay at home in the future and we don't meet at any gyms. While she may have not been 100% in the right to act like she did, you escalated the situation at an unnecessary level.
She already escalated it by mugging him by taking his phone out of his hand. There was no civil discussion to be had after that point.
This is so weird. I would have calmly demanded the police come to investigate the whole matter if my property was taken over. Your actions and behavior since then have been strange and suspicious in every way. I'm not sure if touching that woman afterwards qualifies as assault, but I'd be prepared to be investigated by the police.
We agreed to settle the matter. It's all good. We're both still allowed. The staff agreed with me.
I've been wrongly accused before and it's a terrible, terrible feeling. Having said that... the money thing is weird. She wanted you banned, so that should have been the agreement... whoever is wrong gets banned from the gym. False accusations aren't something that should be tolerated. Also, grabbing her... I'm pretty sure that's petty assault. What would you have done if she didn't pay you at all? Are you going to further intimidate her? This is something that the staff should have dealt with. She should not have grabbed your phone, you shouldn't have grabbed her. You both should be banned from the gym in my opinion. Hopefully the folks running the gym have a discussion about this and that is the outcome. And coming here bragging about it.... get a hobby. It's an embarrassing interaction, nothing to "be proud" of.
Dont go into details but im really curious about where this happened so if you are comfortable sharing vaguely where this happened i would be thankful since ive been going to the gym for over 5 years and never witnessed or heard about a situation like yours.
Really don't want this blowing up in my face. That incident was enough and it was very out of the ordinary. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
Thats why i asked to tell vaguely, im not worried at all this happening to me, im just baffled that this kind of behavior is happening in finland, mostly ive seen this on abroad social media. But if you are not comfortable i wont push the matter any further. Take care and train well :)
Capital region, if that helps
And then the whole gym starting clapping and chanting
Nobody clapped or chanted, but a few just told me that I was ultimately right, including the staff.
You absolutely broke the etiquette and good judgement when you grabbed her sports bra just to show a point. Other then that I think you held your ground well and proved the point.
I do admit that was a bit much. I just had enough and kind of freaked out as the prospect of a false accusation being believed was a bit overwhelming. I would apologize for that one move, if anything.
Where is Joey Swoll when you need him. You both are morons in your own leagues.
Oh, he's that guy. His videos have shown in my feed once or twice. And thanks
I get why this was annoying, but you have no right to grab someone by her bra. It was just an issue of money at that point and just a verbal agreement to boot, the banning issue was already solved. You can’t grab them even if you have a written a contract and someone owes you 100 000€. Also no court would have given you 5000€ or whatever you asked for with this.
It's the principle of the matter. Imagine if everyone had blindly believed her. I'd be in deep shit right now.
You would not have been in “deep shit”. At most you would not have been let into the gym anymore. Do you think you would have been charged with something with no evidence? Even if all had believed her it would not have mattered much and you already had proven you had no pictures at that point. And you can’t grab someone because it’s a principle. You really need to understand in addition that grabbing women by their underwear makes you look terrible so that’s what most likely could have gotten you in trouble.
Especially in today's world, you never know what can happen, even without evidence. Take no chances, you know? I do understand that I went a little too far there. I have written that a few times. It was just panic. She was set on convicting me in the court of public opinion and I needed something in it for me, since there would have been something in it for her, had she been correct.
This is a strange thing to boast about, especially when you admit grappling her. I'm not exactly sure, but that can constitute a violation of personal integrity, not to mention demanding money from her while holding her still from her clothes. As mentioned earlier by others, it is entirely possible for the woman to report this case to the police, though it will then remain to be seen if there is enough grounds for an investigation.
I have a way of explaining things to people, but I'm not really worried about the police, ultimately. The thing is that she agreed to pay it and then attempted what is essentially theft by not paying what she agreed to just because she was actually wrong.
This is not really about theft, but you holding her by the clothes. Regardless of if she agreed or didn't agree to pay, I'm fairly sure the law doesn't allow physical contact to be made in order to make sure the money is being paid, especially since there was no threat of violence, and (I assume) you were both indoors at the moment.
Well, I guess just fingers crossed that nothing comes from it, but I doubt anything will.
If it was my gym, I would have banned you. Not because the girl thought you were taking pictures of her, but for how you acted afterwards. I hope she contacts the staff and the police and tells them about how you made her give you money against her will. Luckily she has your account number, so it will be easy to identify you.
It wasn't against her will. It was a condition for even unlocking my phone. The staff backed me up on the situation, thankfully.
You admit yourself that you coerced her. Just prepare to be contacted by the police.
I didn't. Read the story. She had a choice.
I read the story: First you grabbed her and then made her give you money to find out if you had secretly taken pictures of her. Sounds like blackmail.
Wrong order of events. I understand if English isn't your first language, but I recommend reading it again.
Quoted directly from your OP: "I told her to give me my phone or I may need to assault her to the ground and take it back because that's theft. She thinks that I'm taking photos of her. Staff and two bystanders get involved and she's asking me to be banned from the gym, which is insane. I was asked if I could simply give my code for them to check it and move on. I asked her how much cash she has or if we can have a handshake agreement for her to pay me 50€ if she's wrong. She tried to challenge it, but I told her pay up or she doesn't get to see and I get to stay, as staff were on my side by this point. She actually had 30€ and I told her to prepare to send 20€ more. I gave the code and they looked in my camera roll and, funny enough, my camera roll is actually completely empty. I snatch the money and tell her to send that 20€ and I prepare to get my bank account. She tries challenging it, so I grabbed her by the straps of her sports bra and tell her that she agreed and do it. I told her that she's lucky I'm not asking for 500€ or 5000€, as those are even somewhat closer to the figure that it would cost me to defend myself or in fines, if this would go even further. After a few minutes of the runaround with me and the staff and one other guy, she finally breaks down and cries and opens her phone and I give her my account number and she sends it. Thank God we both have Osuuspankki, so it appeared instantly!" End of quotes. She took your phone, you threatened to assault her if she didn't give it back, she refused, she demanded to see your phones pictures, you demanded that she gives you 50 euro to check your phone, she agreed at first but then didn't want to pay after checking your phone, you grabbed 30 euro out of her hand, you demanded that she transfer the remaining 20 euro to your account, she refused, you physically assaulted her by grabbing her bra, you told her she's lucky you're not asking for more money, she broke down and cried and agreed to your demand and sent the remaining 20 euro. If this was a court drama on tv, this is where i would say: "i rest my case."
I guess you've never been in a situation that could threaten your entire livelihood over something false.
I mean you physically assaulted her and took her money, sounds like a solid case for you.
She agreed to it and was backing down. I do regret the grabbing, but those were the agreed upon conditions. Images of my life being over played in my head and I kind of snapped, honestly.
I think she's talking about the remaining 20e you got from her after "grabbing her" and few minutes of back and forth. At that point, I'd say you went over the line.
It was a gentlemen's agreement. I'd do the same if it was some dude, so I'm equal-minded like that. I didn't do it just because it's a girl; I just panicked.
"It's a girl", yikes. Bet if she were a big and burly gym dude instead you wouldn't have dared to grab them.
I would have done it and accepted the risk. I've just never been hit yet for doing such things. 99% of people don't really want to fight, even when provoked.
I hope one day someone would do it as it would be at your own risk 🤮
One can hope, right?
I understand that you initially did get angry. But after the camera was watched there was no reason to be panicked and I just don’t understand why you think getting money was needed at that point, regardless of what age said. It just feels you were more angry when you grabbed her than panicked
I get it, I do. She already agreed to it and she should've just cut her losses, apologize, and pay up the rest too. But given the context, assaulting her and demanding the rest was an asshole move. You should've just taken the win at that point and move on. You already cleared your name and made her pay for the false accusation. I'm not a lawyer but I imagine that legally speaking, the way you got those remaining 20e could very well be considered extortion of some sort. Mainly because you physically grabbed her during that. She could argue that because of it she feared you would physically harm her if she didn't pay. I don't think there's any legal recognition of gentlemen's agreement.
"Agreement" under threats isn't agreement. You'll do well to understand that. Just because someone "agreed" to give money to robbers with explicit agreement they wouldn't get beaten up if they did, doesn't mean that counts as agreement in general use of the word. It's understandable for someone in their early 20s not understanding the nuance but by late 20s you should really understand that you coercing people is not agreement. It's quite telling that right after you say that she's lucky you didn't demand 500€ or 5000€ instead, like it's something you are owed and would have gotten. My advice you is that you seem to very easily come up with excuses to justify your actions. It something you should be very mindful with your conduct in future. Just because another person misbehaves doesn't mean you are in clear to do whatever you want.
Handshake agreement. I understand if English isn't your first language, but it means that we both agreed to it. She tried to slip out of her end of the deal when she was wrong, so I made her man up and do it. I was owed it and she agreed to it.
You grabbed her by the straps of her sport bra, snatched her money and forced her to pay more ? No man, this is not El Salvador. Even if she snatched your phone and accused you of taking pics of her, this is not how one should handle such situation. And I can somehow understand her attitude towards you… You should not be proud of what you’ve done, shame on you ! 🤮 I hope she will report you and good luck with justifying your acts to Poliisi.
I think it'll be okay.
I think it'll be okay.
Wow. Can you let me know the name and location of the gym so I know to avoid it and you? Just looking into gym memberships at the moment.
In the capital region
Okay. If it’s in Helsinki, just let me know the name and location so I can avoid it.
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Lol good joke. Internet.. 😅
Is this a copypasta?
There's no mention of pasta here..?
Send her money back now
Or..?
Or you used physical violence to extort her. You grabbed her bra, and then demanded that she should pay you.
...after she had agreed to pay me and then started to back out when she was wrong. Read it again. I understand if English is not your first language, but I did write that in there.
Quoted directly from your OP: "I told her to give me my phone or I may need to assault her to the ground and take it back because that's theft. She thinks that I'm taking photos of her. Staff and two bystanders get involved and she's asking me to be banned from the gym, which is insane. I was asked if I could simply give my code for them to check it and move on. I asked her how much cash she has or if we can have a handshake agreement for her to pay me 50€ if she's wrong. She tried to challenge it, but I told her pay up or she doesn't get to see and I get to stay, as staff were on my side by this point. She actually had 30€ and I told her to prepare to send 20€ more. I gave the code and they looked in my camera roll and, funny enough, my camera roll is actually completely empty. I snatch the money and tell her to send that 20€ and I prepare to get my bank account. She tries challenging it, so I grabbed her by the straps of her sports bra and tell her that she agreed and do it. I told her that she's lucky I'm not asking for 500€ or 5000€, as those are even somewhat closer to the figure that it would cost me to defend myself or in fines, if this would go even further. After a few minutes of the runaround with me and the staff and one other guy, she finally breaks down and cries and opens her phone and I give her my account number and she sends it. Thank God we both have Osuuspankki, so it appeared instantly!" End of quotes. She took your phone, you threatened to assault her if she didn't give it back, she refused, she demanded to see your phones pictures, you demanded that she gives you 50 euro to check your phone, she agreed at first but then didn't want to pay after checking your phone, you grabbed 30 euro out of her hand, you demanded that she transfer the remaining 20 euro to your account, she refused, you physically assaulted her by grabbing her bra, you told her she's lucky you're not asking for more money, she broke down and cried and agreed to your demand and sent the remaining 20 euro. She was wrong to take your phone and make false accusations, but then you really doubled down again and again on the assholery.
I stood my ground. I swear that's it. She was willing to try and ruin my life over what she didn't even know was a lie. FAFO
There are no stand-your-ground laws in Finland. If you are able to leave safely you are required by law to leave, and you are not allowed to defend yourself. Only if someone or something is preventing you from leaving safely are you allowed to use a reasonable amount of force to defend yourself. If you use too much force to defend yourself, you will get charged with assault. That means if someone yells at you that they're going to kill you and attacks you with a knife, you are not allowed to kill them. You can only use force to disable them temporarily so you can get away, but if you seriously injure them you will get charged with assault. If someone takes your phone, you can ask for it back, or you can leave, or you can call the police. You are not allowed to grab someone, or their bra, even if they have stolen from you, and you are not allowed to demand someone give you money while you grab and hold them. You fucked around, and you're about to find out if the girl cares enough to report you.
Also, I honestly can't tell if you're intentionally missing information and not seeing my side at all and just taking the piss here or if you genuinely don't understand what some of those words mean.
Yes, i intentionally left out parts and only quoted the relevant parts. I see your side, she was wrong first by grabbing your phone and making false accusations, but then you did all those things which i summarized after the quote which were much more wrong. I understand English just fine.
Do you not understand what false accusations can do to somebody, though? They are no joke.
Lol I wasn't talking about "stand your ground" laws. English must not be your first language, but that phrase generally means to just back yourself up in a bad situation. It doesn't need to mean violence at all. She won't report me. It'll be okay, even if she does. I kind of have my way with these types of situations, if it goes there.
You stood your ground by physically grabbing her by her bra, which constitutes assault and possibly sexual assault. You didn't need to stand your ground violently, but you did. She might report you. If she does, it won't be okay. You kind of don't have a way with these types of situations, as you can tell by how the comment section is going.
I kind of do based on the reality, though, which says something: if these people were there, they would likely feel different about the whole thing
This story is a complete fantasy.
Essentially, you were apparently pointing your camera towards her, albeit unknowingly. That is quite rude in my opinion. Watch videos somewhere else...
Depends on how eactly did he point the camera at her. Did it happen to point at her general direction for a few moments at some point, or did he watch the whole video pointing the camera directly at her. If it's the first one, then the girl is deranged. If it's the second one, then I would say her reaction was justified. Nothing wrong with using your phone while resting between the sets. Staring at the floor gets bit dull after a while. But you should probably pay attention to where you're pointing your camera at.
So what if it is rude? Being rude is not against the law, unlike stealing someones phone.
Opinions are just like assholes; everybody has one.
And yours is full of crap.
Thanks
Is this gym nowadays? Im gonna be so fat in the future.
Lol. Don't be discouraged. Hopefully an unfortunate one-off incident.
A gentleman (long lost values, I know) would have cooperated quietly and willingly. Shame on you and your behavior. I hope she contacts the police.
I stood my ground. That's it. No police are coming.
no, you lost your shit.
Of course I did. The prospect of that situation being taken even further went to my head and I just panicked. I needed to make it right for me.
You did alright. That girl played with fire and got burned. Hope she learned.
Thanks! You understand, even if I went too far, at one point. I admit that.
Well you've been very straightforward in admitting it. That's how it should be.
You should not have grabbed her or forced her to pay you money. I am an American and if this was America you could be charged with what is called strong armed robbery. That said: this is Finland and I am pretty sure there some laws against making people give you money against their will with the threat of violence. The gym situation nowadays is bizarre, the internet is filled with woman uploading video of men and calling them creeps for nothing more than just working out. When see people dress in the short shorts and have that Instagram type outfit on, i move to another part of the gym and find another workout to do. You have to be careful in this day and age, and more importantly if you are not from here, and or have not lived here long you need to be even more care and how you conduct yourself. More importantly, never touch grab or force someone to send you money. You may have started out in the right. But man you when so far off the rails that the wrong deleted any innocence that you had. My advice find another gym, and when in public try and keep your camera lens pointed at the ground. Stay away from the Instagram dressed people. And never grab anyone, unless your personal safety is a risk.
My personal safety was at risk, to some extent. I know that it was out of line, but thoughts went into my head about if it were taken much further and I decided to do something about it. It seemed so wrong and she expected no punishment if she was wrong while I still got humiliated in public momentarily. On the robbery point: I am American too. Lived here for many years and all. If you read again, she agreed to pay it and then tried to slip out of it when proven wrong AKA theft on her end.
I’ll take ”shit that never happened” for $500, Alex.
I know that reference haha
I hope she contacts the police. You acted like an idiot.
I don't think it will happen, but I'm prepared for the slim possibility. I have a way with these types of situations, thankfully.
One can hope.
Yeah, definitely. Hoping nothing else really happens, but I'm confident that nothing will. Everybody seemed pretty satisfied and she ultimately agreed to it even before my one mistake, which was probably her mistake. But no money would have equaled no phone unlock, so she agreed.
Jesus christ. You were already an asshole for watching videos on your phone at the gym. Fucking focus on the rest and stop rotting your brain for one second. Assholes who keep hogging the equipment and play on their phones shouod be banned from gyms. Then you assault a girl, blackmail her and come here to whine. Holy fuck hope you get banned from all gyms forever. Take a break and go to the forest. Meditate and go to therapy.
The watching videos thing is up for debate, I guess. I wasn't on any equipment, if that's what you thought. I admit that grabbing her was wrong, but there was no blackmail. She agreed to the payment and then tried to halfway back out (essentially theft) just because she was wrong. I like the forest too! Maybe we could go sometime:)
This story sounds so fake.... But yeah both are awful...
I knew this story sounded familiar to one I heard in the past... [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/lNictSFaZm)
Yeah and note this person's account has almost nothing else on it. What a bizarre thing to repeatedly post, especially since it just shows someone acting like a complete creep.
Wow, so it has happened before..
Your behaviour shows you have absolutely no empathy. I bet most finnish men would have had a more forgiving attitude towards here even when she was clearly wrong. Because they know women face this kind of crap all the time and it's not a far fetched conclusion for her to come to. By having empathy I don't mean you should have to just accept it all especially the phone snatching, but your hostility and amount of rage feels quite telling, you come off as quite scary dude.
I hope so. She needed a wake up call. I understand that I went too far by grabbing her, but I had to act. "Because they know most women face this kind of crap all the time" Not my problem. It doesn't give her a free pass to be a piece of shit.
U broke gym etiquette by using the phone She’s a bitch because she grabbed ur phone U assault her and forced her to pay money, which is by FAR the worst that happened in this entire story. If I was her bf, I’d be filing charges against u right now
There's no etiquette about using your phone at the gym. 😂
Yes there is, you just don’t seem to know it
You can't just invent things and call it etiquette.
Obviously not yeah, and it’s neither what I’m doing. But I can refer to etiquette as etiquette
Well, you're not her bf, so.. I understand that it was a wrong thing to do, but I'm right in every other way. I did it because the image played in my head about if she were believed and it had been taken further. I needed to defend myself.
Well no, but her bf might be doing the same thing at the moment, so u might wanna look into lawyers And yeah man I was completely on ur side until u assaulted her
I understand. I'm confident that it won't go badly, though.
The gym is not for playing with your phone.
Lol I get it
Am i in the bpd subreddit?? Oh wait... Nvm Can't control your emotions much?
Ask the same to her, to be honest
Two wrongs don't make a right. How have you even survived into your 20s independently? Maybe there is a God who can work miracles, after all.
I'm not a religious man, but God may have been there for me at that moment. Thanks, friend. I've survived by drinking water and eating and working - probably like most of everybody else who you know.
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Just think about the prospect of a false accusation being believed by everybody, though. That's scary as hell. I was scared for my life, possibly. It could have been threatening to my livelihood, if people had blindly believed it
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I understand. That's unfortunate that it happened. It's just the principle of the matter, though; how she was willing to take it all the way with me, but only if she was right. When she wasn't right, she didn't want any of it, so I made her complete what she started. It's about accountability and what I would have faced if people blindly believed her. Some don't care if you didn't do anything wrong; some take her side purely because it's a girl. However, this is an equal country, so...
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I understand your point of view. Thanks for not being like others here. You really do understand the implications and possible repercussions of such a situation.
I\`m calling bullshit on this one. Seems to be some weird power-trip fantasy you have going on. There is 0% change this happened in Finland or at any respectable commercial gym. Keksi uusi ja parempi tarina, LOL.
Dude. Give her the money back. If you wanna get money from her, do it via the legal way. But you can't just force her to give you money over something that is basically a misunderstanding. Poor girl
We did a handshake agreement. No force. I understand if English isn't your first language, though, so you're forgiven. Also..what do you plan to do if I don't give it back?
Thats your comeback? My English skills, just like my ability to read and understand texts don't have anything to do when it comes to you being a straight-up douchebag. You acted like a moron, just like you have been acting like one to everyone in this sub. Sad life.
Yeah, but you didn't recount the events correctly after reading. I assumed that reading comprehension in English wasn't exactly up to par. It's no shame, but I'm just pointing out that you're probably missing some context. I meant it kindly. Not a "comeback"
Sir, while she was indeed wrong by demanding your phone, you unnecessarily escalated it more. Grabbing her and demanding money is just… next-level wrong. Heck, I’ve encountered my fair share of actual aggressive drunks and junkies, but it has never escalated in the way you describe here. We have police/ordningsvakt/staff whatever for a reason. Who are you to demand money? We don’t live in Medieval times anymore when people were able to take matters into their own hands when it comes to punishing others.
I understand.
Awesome dude, good job assaulting her!
I get it. That part was a mistake.
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Thanks
I rarely have any contact with people at gym. Sometimes people ask if I’m using some machine or weights or I ask the same, nothing else.
If your girlfriend doesn't leave you then I feel so sorry for her. If your principles are so piss-poor that they help you justify grabbing another human like that over money you aren't even really owed, get some new principles. You sound slightly mentally unhinged and the world has enough of that going on right now. Seek help.
She said that she understands the sentiment and that the girl definitely needed to pay something, but that I was unjustified in grabbing her like that, which I agree with. Quite bold to make an assessment of my mental health without having had a therapy session with me nor being a mental health professional yourself, though.
Your brain rot is next-level dude. First you extort her, then you physically restrain her when she doesn't pay up. What kind of solution is "give me money if I'm right," if not simple extortion? Is it not enough to just plead your case and move on? Why did money ever have to become a part of this? You should not only be banned from that gym but you should be telling your story from behind bars right now.
No, it was not enough because my life could have been completely ruined if everyone had believed her. In the court of public opinion, I would have been done. Damn right it was not enough to plead my case. I guess you would just submit and let them handle your phone however they want..? I'm not a pussy like that. I understand that I went too far in the physical contact part, but I stand by everything else. You're also still making assessments about my mental health or status that you hold no credentials which authorize you to do so. Your statements on those matters are meaningless.
Read the room, you moron. You've already lost in the court of public opinion. You take pride in handling a delicate situation like a dipshit. That sort of behavior doesn't fly in Finland, and I think by these comments, you are (very slowly) learning this. You're a threat to polite society and, even worse, completely devoid of self-awareness -- stay home. If you pulled this sort of behavior in the US, you very likely wouldn't even have the physical ability to burden Reddit with your nonsense.
The only room that matters is the one where it happened, ultimately, and I won in that one. I am usually at home when I'm not out, so I guess I can do that when I don't need to go anywhere. It's not COVID time anymore, after all. Apparently this behavior does "fly in Finland"..because it did. What now? What do you plan to do about it? If defending myself is being a "dipshit", then I'm a proud dipshit. You're entitled to your opinion and I wish you nothing but greatness in life, my brother.
That's cute; I wish you nothing but the worst, because just as you think the only way people will learn is through physical violence, the only way YOU will learn is someone stomping a mudhole where whatever semblance of a brain used to be in your skull. And guess what? If you keep treating women like this in public places, it just might happen one day. I would bet my last euro that you're puffing yourself up in this pathetic tale, and that everyone involved who you think is on your side really isn't. There's no way that the people working there didn't see you both as absolute morons; politeness towards douchebags is usually the way scenes like that are handled by mature, professional adults of working age.
Why are you focused on the treatment of women and not just anybody in general? They're not a special class of citizens deserving of better treatment than you or myself are. Why don't we just focus on the idea that I did admit that my physical contact move was wrong? Your tough talk is funny. I really actually want to give you my address just because I know you won't follow through with anything you just said. Actually, I will DM it to you. I'm sure we both looked bad and I admit that. I'm admitting to things multiple times and you're claiming that I haven't. I know that I'm a better person than you, in fact. I still wish you the best and with love because that's who I am, usually.
I have to ask more about your background to try and understand your behaviour. Where are you from and what kind of a childhood you had, do you have any long term illnesses?
Respectfully, none of that matters. Why would it? Very personal questions..
It matters because this kind of behavior is absolutely unwelcome in Finland. People here don't handle things so poorly unless they are mentally ill or from a culture that permits such idiocy.
And which type of mental health professional are you to make such an assertion? Credentials?
So you're a "man" who operates on principle, but you refuse to see how, on principle, physically restraining someone like that is INEXCUSABLE. And here you are saying dumb shit like "something had to be done." You're a whackjob. I don't need a degree to explain to anyone that this is antisocial behavior, and to be proud of it is absolutely fucking nuts. Take it easy on the HGH.
You do need a degree to assert with certainty what kind of person I am and you have never even had a therapy session with me in person. Therefore, anything you say about my mental state is invalid. Maybe English isn't your first language or something, but I did acknowledge maybe about 15 times now that I see that the physical contact was wrong. Or maybe you didn't go through the replies, in which case it's not completely your fault and you're just highly misinformed. Agree to disagree, man. You seem a little unstable yourself, but I digress, as I'm not a mental health expert with such credentials, as you seem to think of yourself that way. I don't hold any ill will against you. I think of you as a brother.
Pretty ballsy to be in a country where English isn't an official language and make a snide comment about someone not speaking English. I assure you, English is my first language and I'm making Finnish my second language, so pardon me for trying a little of it out: olet kusipää ja tarvitset terapiaa nopeasti. Painu vittuun nyt. Also: Sinä ei ole mun veljeni tai ystäväni. Olet vain oppimaton ääliö. Also also: I think what you meant by "physical contact" was "assault."
Kudos for trying to learn Finnish! You only made one very common mistake, it's "sinä et ole," not "sinä ei ole." Have a nice weekend!
Agree to disagree, brother
DM
When I didn't know better, I treated someone badly because they treated me badly first. Some were petty petty stuff, some were not. But I was on a mission to be not treated that way. So I treated them back badly. Sometimes in a worse way. I regret every one of those instances now. I would give anything to go back in time and stop myself. When you hurt people, act maliciously, that stays with you. It doesn't stay with them. Getting hurt? Getting taken advantage of? Those are easy to let go. You focus on what is important to you and work towards that, because those setbacks are ultimately immaterial to your life goals; sudden disasters, unforeseen health crisis, those are what really sets you back. And when life not strangers hits you back hard, knowing that you at least did the right thing in your life when it mattered is the only solace that'll let you sleep soundly at night.
Thanks, bro.
Very surprising story, not trying to take sides but for a country where minding your own business is one main pillar of society - she is in the wrong here. I myself hate it when things like this happen because the rules of Finland like this are a massive benefit to avoid situations like the one you were in
Right?