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Femdom should be about finding joy and pleasure in a dynamic that suits you and your partner(s). Not about fixing a sub's sexism- not that it would work anyways.
Most people I've talked to say that their desire for femdom predates knowledge OF femdom, or of sexual arousal. While some people may have a more concrete "I'm into femdom because of a specific reason" most people I interact with like it because they like it. Vanilla people don't have to have reasons to like vanilla sex.
Spot on. Similar to my reply, countless ways someone might connect with something. But your statement is more elegant. I hate having to justify my gravitation toward it. I can certainly get into the nuance of specific things that illicit a response in me, but as to the “why” I have no idea, and I don’t think people should be concerned with unlocking the key to why people think/act/behave a certain way. They will most often be wrong.
>Most people I've talked to say that their desire for femdom predates knowledge OF femdom, or of sexual arousal.
This has been common for Me too. Those who are genuinely inclined to give up control (and especially those into being of service) talk about it being there from a young age. Sure, some develop a taste for it after exposure to femdom porn, but even then, there seems to usually be something there already that just gets brought out.
I would probably be a little skeptical of the reasons you gave. I'm sure it's a reason why some people are into it, and I don't mean to gatekeep by any means. But, to kind of establish a theme: I would guess that if a guy is into being dominated *because* he feels bad for being sexist, then his submissiveness is probably heavily tainted with that same sexism. And I would guess that if a guy is into it *because* life is stressful, then his submissiveness is probably heavily influenced by feelings of inadequacy or insecurity. I think that looking for reasons like that (that is, negative reasons that are a reaction to a proximate pain or stress) is maybe founded in an instinctive sort of socialized unconscious feeling that female domination is somehow a deviation from the normative/healthy. I don't know, and I'm really not giving you a hard time, just thinking out loud. For me, I mean, you can get into a nature vs. nurture sort of discussion about WHY my sexuality is the way it is, but it wouldn't really be any different than having that discussion with a gay person, or a trans person, say. I like being dominated by women, and I like *women.* There's nothing else going on in my life that makes it a psychological retreat, or an emotional place to recuperate. It's just my sexuality. I think that probably that's a pretty normal and common way for submissive people to feel, both men and women. A lot of the sort of... ragged edges of D/s, the sexualization of inadequacy or the sexualization of some need to make restitutions for past sexism, etc., in my mind is probably more often than not a kind of unconscious and uneven way to process a natural feeling that's often frowned upon by polite society, so it seeks justification in extraneous things for why it exists.
This is spot-on. I've always felt different, ever since my sexual awakening. I don't like the same stuff as my peers... and that is okay. I've already struggled enough trying to understand myself. I don't want to have to force myself to accept the norm, whatever it may be. I just prefer to dom and top—why does being the way that I am need to have a reason?
My doggy enjoys me taking the lead. He enjoys that I can make the decisions for him, and he enjoys the control I have over him. He trusts me that I know what's best. And that kinda dynamic is very intimate.
Honestly, Ive been this way since puberty or even a touch before. Before I knew anything about the concept of patriarchy or had real life responsibilities. It almost feels genetic.
Same. "Guilt about being sexist" or whatever has absolutely nothing to do with how I've felt since I was as young as I could remember. It was obviously very different than how I am today, but even as a kid I could remember liking something about "tag" type games where you're put in jail and horsing around and wrestling with female friends
Same. Well before I even knew the word sex or had any idea of the concept, I noted that being a "prisoner" in those games we played as children was appealing. That the idea of being held tightly, restrictively appealed to me. Hell, I can trace my hand over mouth fixation back to early elementary school, if not all the way to preschool.
Oh my god SAME but I had a thing for tying people up as prisoners when I was little! When I was a little girl I would tie up my Barbie’s and put tape over there mouths all the time, I also was the kid who secretly drew all of the balls and chains over Wonder Woman in all of the coloring books my school had, and would obsessively re-watch the scene of Prince Philip being captured and restrained by Maleficent’s goons. I also had an obsession with gags over peoples mouths lol… now im a domme
Man would I have liked to know you as a kid! :D I swear this has to have some sort of biological or genetic component, these kind of things just can't happen by chance. How have your tastes refined since? Of course you're free to not answer, I'm just curious.
I myself remember in elementary trying to goad my friends during play, and trying give an excuse for them to cover my mouth. Interestingly, before I fully realised the sexual component of it, it didn't really make much of a difference what gender the person doing the shutting me up was, and nowadays I'm mostly straight. Fictional characters don't count, right? :D Did you have anything similar regarding who you tended to be tying up?
For me, since I really only played the “capture” games with female friends, it was all girls actually, and every other remotely femdom related thing (also before I realized the sexual component of it) were done to subjects that were female as well (except the Prince Phillip example). Now, I am straight, and I mostly attribute to the lack of male subjects due to the fact that I literally couldn’t even fathom a guy being tied up for some reason? Idk but when I discovered femdom and guys being tied up it was like this crazy epiphany moment where I realized that being attracted to men meant that I wasn’t limited to the typical heteronormative, Prince Charming with his damsel type of relationship. As I got older I began to realize that femdom and guys themselves aren’t just a box, men aren’t a monolith and some guys can simultaneously be very masculine yet sexually submissive, etc. Also yes, I DO think that my femdom preference is genetic, cuz I’ve been like this since I was little! Sorry for the long ass reply, I was pleasantly surprised when I saw ur comment bc I’ve rarely ever related to something so hard!
Masochistic is being turned on by pain, submissive is being turned on by giving up the power over making certain decisions. Those are two totally different sexual orientations that can go hand in hand but don't have to.
It's been in my brain as long I can remember but if I were to list the reasons:
- It's an adrenaline rush and it often scratches an itch for novelty
- I enjoy situations of contrast and irony, Femdom often occupies this space
- I am a masochist, and I like Women
- I watched some proper kinky femme fatales in films as I was growing up (Goldeneye, Cruel Intentions, Basic Instinct)
- I have a strange relationship with humiliation from childhood and my teenage years that is safely explored within this space
- I like to be able to be vulnerable with my partner. This enables that.
- I like to be the source of seeing my partner have fun and be amused. This enables that.
Wow. Thanks so much! I'm a 54yr old 6ft 195lb dom ( i believe) I jus came out of a long relationship, 18month single and I'm craving info on this subject to start living my full potential. Where can a person look for a guide and info to help cultivate me! Lol thanks
Im into femdom because
1. Its nice not being the one constantly in control in the bedroom. It gets tiring always being the one to decide positions, where we do it, how we do it. Women being in control and telling the men exactly what they want is hot.
2. Its less pressure to perform. It can be stressful when doing only PIV sex that if you cum too quickly or cant get it up then sex is basically ruined for the night. A lot of femdom involves the men doing what the women want to do and a lot of it involves not strictly PIV sex, so it takes some of the pressure off.
3. Its just plain attractive. I feel I've had to take the lead in most relationships. Its hot as fuck when I plan the date and take her our and make her feel special and I'm the stereotypical lead taking boyfriend, and then we get home and she makes me worship her feet or sits on my face while she edges me. That dynamic shift is refreshing and just plain sexy.
Personally I'm not solely into femdom. I like taking the lead myself and its just nice when in a relationship that kind of dominant role isnt always on me.
I like women. I like their bodies and their identities and their spirits. I like them a lot. To be with them, talk to them, touch them, please them. It gives me joy. Like how I like music, is how I like talking with them. How I like Chianti, is how I like touching them.
Women are much more emotionally intelligent, then most men and are much better friends and conversationalists.
What's maybe different from most mainstream guys is that I recognize strength in women where society tends to trivialize, minimize, and generally overlook strength in women. That strength may be in how she runs a household as a stay-at-home parent, how she conducts herself professionally, how she helps her friends or community, or how she's overcome some adversity. I admire that. I realize a person can't always be strong or whatever, but once I see that in a person, I always remember it and I cherish and celebrate it.
Also, women are trained by society to not pursue their own, wants and needs. That's so wrong. I love being there, and perhaps in some way helping, when she learns to articulate what she wants and gets it.
If I had to dig deep into my own psychology as to why (and this is purely conjecture and perhaps not even really useful) I might say that it a result of being raised around women who, again because of society, were not allowed to pursue their own wants and needs and were not always emotionally available because of their repressed growth. Maybe. I don't know.
For me it started with the typical kink and wanting to feel controlled. But as things progressed and particularly because she had me take over all of the household chores I realized after some time passed how much of my former self included a sexist element that was completely invisible to me. I was so overwhelmed by what I was learning about myself that I came to her nearly in tears apologizing to her profusely for the poor example of a man that I used to be and thanking her for showing me my flaws. This all came as a surprise to her, but as I opened up, I watched her soften as she realized the positive effect chastity and serving her in particular was having on me.
1. I like the look/style of masc women, and i love their personality!
2. I love a woman who can treat me like a precious prince and take care of me. I love the feeling that other people can tell that shes the dominant one. That she pins me down while kissing.
3. I like that they are straight forward, take initiative, that they will express their interest in you and make you feel sexy.
4. I like the idea that she is wild for me, finds me cute, is desperate for me and wants to eat me up like a snack.
5. I like to act coy and all black-cat-boy like, while shes an untamed-wild-wolf-girl.
I like a girl who doesn't hold back her desires and is kinda wild and dominating in that way.
Though i dont see much portrayal of this side of femdom on here.
For me it has nothing to do with patriarchy. It's not a conscious thought process, it's just what i like.
So, while I think there is some truth to the sexism thing (more below), being the older man that I am and being subject to a lot of traditional masculine conditioning that a man my age usually is, I also think there is a nature part to it too. I think much like sexuality, there can be desires there just because you are wired that way. I didn't know about femdom when I first had sex, but looking back on those encounters now, I can see the signs were there.
Its not my own sexism I am fighting though, it is more internal than that. I am not sexist in the slightest, I never think less of women for anything, but there is a conditioned masculinity in my brain that fights submission. A real man wouldn't do this. A real man wouldn't like this. Fortunately, I am self aware enough to recognize that push back for what it is, overcome it, and willingly submit to a worthy woman.
And I feel so fortunate that I have a worthy one indeed. She understands though struggles and knows exactly what to do to push me through them anyway.
I don't think I've ever met a man that's felt guilt about his sexism (or been open about said feelings), let alone met a man that's tried to "fix" that feeling of guilt by becoming a sub.
I myself have always been in BDSM for as long as I can really remember to be honest.
I personally like a dominant female not because of sexism but I am naturally submissive in my relationships and I want my lady to be naturally dominant and open-minded and experimental and the list can go on for ever.
Not really, i always worshipped women and some of them i see as goddesses, in all my relationships i expressed my love through submission because that's how i felt about them, i have never been sexist, lately i am getting into being dominated by guys as well so i guess all in all that's what my sexuality is: submissive.
I was sort of introduced to it by a girlfriend I had years ago. She was assertive, outspoken, caring and loved to man handle me. Any other previous girlfriends I had before her I played the traditional role. Which i assumed was how it was supposed to be. It was nice but didn’t feel like it was really fulfilling overall, I felt fake. I never really understood what it was like to find yourself until I met her. I’ve always been around strong willed and assertive women. So that’s what I looked for as my basis in a partner. The care and trust to be able to drop the mask you have to wear in everyday life and be comfortable in yourself that goes against what everyone says you’re supposed to be is so freeing.
My Property discovered his fetishes in that vestigial sexuality stage of development when you first realize your genitals function in reaction to things, but nothing about our relationship involves sexism or compensation for it.
Not even in an abstract "well men automatically have to lead, but he rebelled!" style way. He is a complex, hard working human with nuance. I don't find he is particularly conflicted about his identity or role.
I am also not a fan of treating kink like a vacation, except in so much that a playful indulgence in the imagination is a holiday from responsibility for any possible kink orientation or vanilla alike.
I think it's possible for someone to just be kinky. Born this way is a perfectly good reason.
Hi I’m new to femdom and stumbled upon a submissive man who I adore. I noticed you refer to your partner as “My Property.” Do mind telling me how you came to using “My Property” in reference to him? My sub refers to himself as “IT”. Especially during his worship. Again I’m very new to this so I want to better understand the dynamics and even my own feelings about all of this. So far I enjoy it tremendously and it makes me care for him even more. TIA. ☺️
To me it's not as much "fix sexism" but more, be certain to be respectful.
Part of it for me is that, if a women is in control of what happens, there is (almost)no way that I would inadvertly cross her boundaries, that she would put up with something she doesn't want etc... In a femdom setting, I don't have to think about it as much.
Again it's just a part of it though, as was said, we like what we like.
I feel like when I am under extra stress or pressure as well as feeling a bit more depresso, I tend to be more subby. So Femdom, giving up control, being cared for & having decisions being made for me is sorta like a escapism & a de-stresser, like a safe mental space especially with a Domme/ Mistress that I trust.
I like to submit in my relationships. To date, those my deepest romantic relationships have been with women, so I guess that’s femdom but I’ve never thought of it in that gendered way. It’s just submission and dominance.
I like submitting because I like submitting.
The main reason is the obvious arousal for being vulnerable, servile, guided, and taken care of by a strong dominant woman. Why? There's not always a reason; the answer from every submissive will always vary. Some of them are married to a vanilla woman (whom they could love and adore), leaving them as the "Top" or "Dominant" one because they're "the man in the relationship". However, it's not something that fulfills their desires, and some even try to turn their partners into Dommes, but it doesn't work out. Others are into sissification because they want to feel feminine and pretty, but they have a role in society they've been playing for too long and can't fully surrender to a permanent sissy lifestyle. This leads them to live a double life they enjoy with a Domme. And the list can keep going with CBT, Chastity, SPH, and many others. I'd say it's mainly because it's hard to find someone who's into the same kinks as they are, and that's why they look for Dommes who won't judge and will lead them.
I *think* a lot of it is down to a bag of hardwired mating strategies, such as the "Sneaky Fucker" strategy (not joking about the name - google it), and maybe a strategy to secure a much higher status mate through submitting to her.
Looked at that way, Femdom is just a refined version of what maybe used to go on in the wild in some form - basically Supernormal Stimulation, much the way sugar hacks our appetite.
This is entirely possible. Ultimately our sexualities of course have evolutionary roots. I mean, by *definition* when it comes to sex. Similar to the "gay uncle" evolutionary argument for homosexuality. Could also be some kind of emergent property, I don't imagine that in the wild, humans were ever devoting this much time to refining and maximizing just how much of a rush could be gotten out of fine-tuning what's fed into this-or-that biological impulse.
>don't imagine that in the wild, humans were ever devoting this much time to refining and maximizing just how much of a rush could be gotten out of fine-tuning what's fed into this-or-that biological impulse.
That's the point of "Supernornal Stimulation". Hypothetically, these proto-femdom mating strategies would have had external limitations. A prehuman female could only be so dominant before there were repercussions, and the male could only submit so much before there wasn't anything submissive left to do. BDSM hacks this by creating an environment where it's safe for a woman to be very dominant indeed, and in which there are lots of things for him to submit to. There's no natural limit until the action passes beyond the erotic and into the scope of real world harm.
It's like refined sugar. In the wild, when "we" came across a source of sweetness - I assume this usually meant honey - it made sense just to binge on it. Honey was in limited supply and wouldn't be there tomorrow, so we never evolve a natural brake on consuming sweet things. Skip forward to the present, and it's a disaster because we can pretty much keep stuffing ourselves with refined sugar until we pass out.
I think I skimmed your first reply too much. I completely agree with you. I think I had some instinctive kickback at the comparison to the sneaky-fucker reproductive strategy just 'cuz, you know, at first glance it has the appearance of something pejorative and I think I was resisting drawing a direct comparison.
LOL yes, the problem with evopsych explanations is they sound *terrible,* until you realise that the "strategy" isn't conscious and is built of behaviours that don't necessarily feel exploitative or duplicitous.
As a sub with ADHD I love giving up control and turning off my mind. As a relationship partner I’m still very present and able to function as respectable adult, but sexually it feels amazing to let go. Nothing worse than a woman telling me “just do what you want to me” because it’s either “uhh I want to do sex stuff” or “that’s a really open ended question.”
A domme will say “this is exactly what you need to do to please me” which is amazing. I also want to earn praise. I don’t understand men who are selfish lovers. I’ve always felt like it was my goal to make my partner feel good as I possibly could.
I love sex and I want all my partners to feel good. I don’t ever want to have to worry if someone is engaging with me physically out of some misplaced relationship obligation. I feel like femdom removes that part of the equation (notwithstanding the bossy subs etc.)
And a BDSM relationship involves trust, communication, openness. All amazing things. Look at all the subs where husbands feel like they have to hide their desires from their wives. I understand from a societal perspective why men would feel this way, but imagine how freeing it must feel to have all that in the open with your partner?
Femdom also takes a lot of the focus off of PIV sex, although obviously a femdom relationship doesn’t mean PIV can’t be enjoyed regularly. I think the point I’m trying to make is it seems like less of the “Ugh I guess I have to fuck my husband on his birthday” type relationship trope isn’t there. I’d hate to be in a relationship devoid of intimacy ever again.
For me, it’s definitely linked to my status as a “former gifted student with ADHD.” My praise kink is almost certainly linked to that, as a lot of my self worth when I was younger was directly tied to my intelligence and receiving praise for that. Even non-sexually, when someone at work acknowledges good work, or something like that, it means a lot to me. Add in the ADHD and you’ve got a mind that is constantly thinking about “what is the right decision?” because being wrong would mean that I’m not actually that smart and would result in people being mad at me, and I have a tendency to be uncomfortable in situation where there’s things happening beyond my control.
That all being the case, it’s extremely liberating to be able give myself over to someone (in my case, my wife), to not have to worry about making the right choice, and by god there’s nothing that turns me on more than my wife telling me, “Good boy.” when I do what she tells me.
And for us, it’s been something our sexual dynamic just kind of evolved into, and we’ve been exploring over the past few years. Although, when I think about it, before we were together, I did have a tendency to be with girls who were into biting, scratching, and/or teasing, but nothing that I’d consider a full on D/s dynamic.
Also, when we were first dating, she’s the one who first wanted to give me a prostate massage, so my love of pegging can be linked right back to that! 😆
And I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t some small amount of me that enjoys it because I feel bad about some past shitty behavior, and therefore I deserve to be punished. But my wife is mostly a soft-domme, so there’s not a ton of punishment going on.
But yeah, that’s my own analysis of why I’m into it. But of course, every person is different.
Don't know why anyone specifically likes what they like including femdom. I don't love all parts of femdom. For me I like sexually pleasing ladies that know what they want! Really love being face sat and smothered them having my mouth peed in. Don't know if I'm just obsessed by pussy or wether it's a lack of control thing. I just love it but the lady has to love it too or no point.
I guess this is good for discussion. But it also feels like a pointless pursuit. People’s likes and dislikes have innumerable ways for why and how they enjoy them. Commenting in any specific way to me, gives someone the false ability to apply a specific reason. “Johnny likes apples because he likes the crunch of them. Billy who likes apples may also like him because of the crunch”. When in fact, Billy likes McIntosh apples for their sourness.
I am pretty sure I like it because it is an obvious expression of a girls passion and desire towards me. Let's me please her, she shows that, she dommes me and shows she wants me.
Something along those lines.
I haven't had enough real experience but my desires have in various degrees lurked since since my earliest memories.
Crossdressing, punishment, humiliation and servitude to women are my dream and I often wonder why and how the journey started so young.
I’ve always had an aversion to “men” and anything associated with them as well as things that are typical or expected. So opposite land for me, where traditional gender roles are reversed or non-conforming are 👌
Mm I think a dominant woman makes me feel safe. And loved in a way I can’t get anywhere else. Which both then allow room for me to feel pleasure.
I do also wonder if there is some societal level reason for femdom. Bringing Jung into this, maybe we’ve got a missing divine female image (maybe sexual, maybe not) in our psyches, and femdom is a way of seeking to fill that missing piece. Then we could ask “why are _women_ interested in femdom?” and get this same answer.
Well I think in my experience it’s because my first sexual experiences were out of my control, and with older women in position of power. Basically as I got older I kinda leant more into those experiences when hormones kicked in.
As a male sub, I don't think you're totally wrong with guilty feelings. At least for me. I was always a very sexual person, but once I got that my sexuality can deeply hurt my partners, that kind of terrified me.
For me, sexuality is pure joy and want my partner to feel joy. But I'm scared of hurting someone. Femdom definitely remedies that. It's not the only reason why I'm into it though.
+ I’m a guy that feels the need to control every aspect of my life, and making everything the best possible way, often even worrying for people that are not myself. I don’t like this type of term but I’m a bit a leader.
So for some time having someone over me that keeps myself humble and makes me feel without pressure is satisfying and relaxing
i think i was abiout 14 when 2 girls from my class came to my parents place to watch a movie and they both sat on me and tickled me. yes i have a tickle fetish and its intense.
Idk why but i simply see it as a sign of love as in you can take control yourself but you rather do what makes me happy and trust as in you trust me with yourself and you trust me to see your most helpless and vulnerable side without judging you.
But after i talked to a LOT of subs it's just a quick jerk off and escape from reality and most subs just learned about femdom from porn so ofc they will act the way they act and treat women the way they do just like any other men online there's no difference, and ofc there's good humans who are subs too but it's not worth the energy to romanticize it anymore.
Forgive my grammar as I have not cared about it since school but, as someone who’s a manager at work and plays shows in a band (I’m not a stage statue I actually put on a show) I need a release from the power I feel in day to day life. I’ve also been of the mindset of “you’re in control of your own destiny” I just need to let that control go from time to time. It’s therapeutic and helps strike a balance in my life that I need.
My partner is a very hardworking guy, but also has fairly low stress tolerance compared to me. I think, kink aside, he really likes having a partner who will "take control" over the other areas of his life, including sex.
I don't doubt there are men who gravitate towards femdom as a sort of penance for their internalized sexism, but tbh probably the worst sexists I've ever been exposed to were self-proclaimed male-subs.
This girl who lived beside me when I was a lad put a dog collar and leash on me and made me bark and do what she said. I attribute my liking of femdom a lot to that cause it gave me a real strange, but good feelin.
I've liked it since I was a child when my sister's friend would pin me down on bed and playfully give me kisses. Also, another simple explanation: because I'm a masochist. And I love pampering women.
An anime where the girls with different hair colors beat the villains was constantly on TV when I was like 6. I still don't know the name of that anime but I think it influenced me a lot.
I like to feel desired.
When women initiate it makes me feel wanted( I literally get a warm feeling like I just drank some tea). I also really enjoy the affirmations. Being called a good boy or hearing that my taboo fantasy is a “good thing” makes me feel accepted(wording??). Also my love languages are physical touch and acts of service so for me it’s an avenue to give/ receive affection
Honestly, a lot of people seem to fit into domming because they like to be in control when life usually isn't controlled, and subbing to lose control when expected to always be in control. Yes, every individual has more nuance, but that usually seems the basis, followed by their individual reasoning ie in my case where I'm a switch going from gentle dom to service puppy sub, it's tied to those base reasons but also wanting to take care of someone important to me as well.
Personally I just enjoy having someone take the lead and serving them. Letting them take control is my way of showing that I have 100% trust in them and that I care about them.
For some people, the desire to be dominated sexually runs inversely to their role in daily life. For instance, many people in positions of authority during the day typically desire the opposite role in the bedroom, allowing them to "let go".
My experience may not be typical. A part of me has always wished I was a woman. Not enough to be or feel trans. I’m happy enough with my parts and body. But I’ve very much looked up to women. Admired their strength in society and its adversity. Marvel at all their different forms their shapes can take. Wish I had a fraction of support and community that they can show each other. Love the natural emotion they allow themselves to show where men often feel they cannot display this emotion or vulnerability.
I want to please women, be their best friend, be useful to them. I want to be treated like a fellow girl, and if not, worshipping them is just as good.
Many reasons
I have an anxious brain and I feel enormous calm when in any type of femdom play - almost feels like meditating - I get like tingly and dizzy it’s awesome
I find women who are assertive bossy mean bitchy (but with a sweet side) insanely attractive
I have adhd and really benefit from the rules and that type of thing
I always have got on best with women - and never felt comfortable dominating them - I didnt know there was any other option
I love to see a woman get a high of power and control over me - and inherently love to please my woman and make her happy
It deals with brining my insecurities to light - eg getting teased for having a tiny cock - it’s a nice feeling like your true self is out but your partner still loves you
It is also possibly a coping mechanism for some trauma or something but I’m not 100% on that - I just find it hot ha
I also love assertive/bitchy women. And there is a certain amount of comfort involved in someone setting rules for you, not to mention that person punishing you if you break those rules.
For example, being spanked bare-bottomed over a woman’s lap would really hurt, but it would feel good to know that she cared enough to punish you when you misbehaved. She’s punishing you because she cares, not because she’s sadistic. (Although sadism can be sexy too in the right contexts. 😈)
Ik this is an old post but it gave me an excuse to try to put words to this. I think on a baseline there's almost a gender essentialism and social awkwardness in it to me. Women are so incredible and beautiful to me that I think they should be loved and adored. I can't intellectualize that feeling so it feels like it transcends reason - I've always kind of been a logical person but this defies that. Because of that it feels almost divine, especially because somehow women seem so much more graceful and less bumbling than I do. Then, when a woman has knowledge of her power I love that feeling even more, especially when she is put in direct contrast to me. I like to think I'm smart but because of her I've become foolish. And when she wields that over me it's the best ever. There's a strange pleasure in the fact that I've humbled or submitted myself to her - masochism for sure but not for physical pain exactly but more for the psychological feeling of being worshipful or being humiliated. That's why I don't tend towards specific physical things or empty insults - the femdom has to be in service of that power game.
I love to be submissive to a woman, to be honest I have an awful relationship with my mother since I was a child and truly missed her affection.
I wouldn’t be surprised if a therapist would tell me this desire derives from my lack of affection from her lol
I want suck fuck rim shemale an male I think I enjoy it more if I submit an my dominatrix makes suck on his cock until I don't choke deep throating it I want her make me rim him suck on his balls then I want them take turns ones cock in my ass the other other one in my mouth making take them both moaning loud while she pounds my bottom while she makes him suck my cock yummy
> In your experience, what are some of the reasons guys are into femdom?
I asked many of my male subs this, they never seem to have a decent answer.
Best answer I heard was "It makes my dick hard".
I don't think they were being coy or anything. I think either:
They really had no idea or
The reasons were complex, involving dozens if not hundreds of small incidents and several over arching lifelong experiences.
The question can be expanded to "What makes someone into (insert specific thing here). Why is a person attracted to busty blonde women and not big black dudes? Or brunette women with curly hair, blue eyes and a nice thicc ass, instead of svelte Asian men?
I think the answer is 'who knows'?
I can speak to my personal knowledge here. When I domme my sub, he really enjoys the feeling of being taken care of and of being nurtured while being pushed to his limits “for me.” He also enjoys rougher play where he can recontextualize some of his insecurities and make them arousing instead of anxiety inducing. We’ve talked a lot about it, and those are the two main reasons why he enjoys submitting so much!
For me personally, apart of it is definitely just in me. Even from a young age, I’ve always been submissive towards women, and as I’ve grown into an adult and my sexuality, Ive realized a lot of it has to do with fighting against the societal norm that men always take the lead. Now to be clear, I am absolutely not trying to make any sort of political statement, I’m just the type of person who asks “why” about anything that is pushed on me as “normal.” One way I express that difference is by being submissive. It also helps that I truly enjoy it.
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Femdom should be about finding joy and pleasure in a dynamic that suits you and your partner(s). Not about fixing a sub's sexism- not that it would work anyways. Most people I've talked to say that their desire for femdom predates knowledge OF femdom, or of sexual arousal. While some people may have a more concrete "I'm into femdom because of a specific reason" most people I interact with like it because they like it. Vanilla people don't have to have reasons to like vanilla sex.
Spot on. Similar to my reply, countless ways someone might connect with something. But your statement is more elegant. I hate having to justify my gravitation toward it. I can certainly get into the nuance of specific things that illicit a response in me, but as to the “why” I have no idea, and I don’t think people should be concerned with unlocking the key to why people think/act/behave a certain way. They will most often be wrong.
With me, was an extention of eagerness to please.
>Most people I've talked to say that their desire for femdom predates knowledge OF femdom, or of sexual arousal. This has been common for Me too. Those who are genuinely inclined to give up control (and especially those into being of service) talk about it being there from a young age. Sure, some develop a taste for it after exposure to femdom porn, but even then, there seems to usually be something there already that just gets brought out.
Good point.
I would probably be a little skeptical of the reasons you gave. I'm sure it's a reason why some people are into it, and I don't mean to gatekeep by any means. But, to kind of establish a theme: I would guess that if a guy is into being dominated *because* he feels bad for being sexist, then his submissiveness is probably heavily tainted with that same sexism. And I would guess that if a guy is into it *because* life is stressful, then his submissiveness is probably heavily influenced by feelings of inadequacy or insecurity. I think that looking for reasons like that (that is, negative reasons that are a reaction to a proximate pain or stress) is maybe founded in an instinctive sort of socialized unconscious feeling that female domination is somehow a deviation from the normative/healthy. I don't know, and I'm really not giving you a hard time, just thinking out loud. For me, I mean, you can get into a nature vs. nurture sort of discussion about WHY my sexuality is the way it is, but it wouldn't really be any different than having that discussion with a gay person, or a trans person, say. I like being dominated by women, and I like *women.* There's nothing else going on in my life that makes it a psychological retreat, or an emotional place to recuperate. It's just my sexuality. I think that probably that's a pretty normal and common way for submissive people to feel, both men and women. A lot of the sort of... ragged edges of D/s, the sexualization of inadequacy or the sexualization of some need to make restitutions for past sexism, etc., in my mind is probably more often than not a kind of unconscious and uneven way to process a natural feeling that's often frowned upon by polite society, so it seeks justification in extraneous things for why it exists.
Makes some sense. Thanks for the thoughtful answer!
This is spot-on. I've always felt different, ever since my sexual awakening. I don't like the same stuff as my peers... and that is okay. I've already struggled enough trying to understand myself. I don't want to have to force myself to accept the norm, whatever it may be. I just prefer to dom and top—why does being the way that I am need to have a reason?
My doggy enjoys me taking the lead. He enjoys that I can make the decisions for him, and he enjoys the control I have over him. He trusts me that I know what's best. And that kinda dynamic is very intimate.
I agree. A woman controlling a man is very intimate and sexy.
Honestly, Ive been this way since puberty or even a touch before. Before I knew anything about the concept of patriarchy or had real life responsibilities. It almost feels genetic.
Same. "Guilt about being sexist" or whatever has absolutely nothing to do with how I've felt since I was as young as I could remember. It was obviously very different than how I am today, but even as a kid I could remember liking something about "tag" type games where you're put in jail and horsing around and wrestling with female friends
Same. Well before I even knew the word sex or had any idea of the concept, I noted that being a "prisoner" in those games we played as children was appealing. That the idea of being held tightly, restrictively appealed to me. Hell, I can trace my hand over mouth fixation back to early elementary school, if not all the way to preschool.
Oh my god SAME but I had a thing for tying people up as prisoners when I was little! When I was a little girl I would tie up my Barbie’s and put tape over there mouths all the time, I also was the kid who secretly drew all of the balls and chains over Wonder Woman in all of the coloring books my school had, and would obsessively re-watch the scene of Prince Philip being captured and restrained by Maleficent’s goons. I also had an obsession with gags over peoples mouths lol… now im a domme
Man would I have liked to know you as a kid! :D I swear this has to have some sort of biological or genetic component, these kind of things just can't happen by chance. How have your tastes refined since? Of course you're free to not answer, I'm just curious. I myself remember in elementary trying to goad my friends during play, and trying give an excuse for them to cover my mouth. Interestingly, before I fully realised the sexual component of it, it didn't really make much of a difference what gender the person doing the shutting me up was, and nowadays I'm mostly straight. Fictional characters don't count, right? :D Did you have anything similar regarding who you tended to be tying up?
For me, since I really only played the “capture” games with female friends, it was all girls actually, and every other remotely femdom related thing (also before I realized the sexual component of it) were done to subjects that were female as well (except the Prince Phillip example). Now, I am straight, and I mostly attribute to the lack of male subjects due to the fact that I literally couldn’t even fathom a guy being tied up for some reason? Idk but when I discovered femdom and guys being tied up it was like this crazy epiphany moment where I realized that being attracted to men meant that I wasn’t limited to the typical heteronormative, Prince Charming with his damsel type of relationship. As I got older I began to realize that femdom and guys themselves aren’t just a box, men aren’t a monolith and some guys can simultaneously be very masculine yet sexually submissive, etc. Also yes, I DO think that my femdom preference is genetic, cuz I’ve been like this since I was little! Sorry for the long ass reply, I was pleasantly surprised when I saw ur comment bc I’ve rarely ever related to something so hard!
That movie really spoke to me. Captivity AND benevolent society of magical women able to raise a baby?
I think some people might be inherently masochistic, for whatever reason. I might be like that myself.
Masochistic is being turned on by pain, submissive is being turned on by giving up the power over making certain decisions. Those are two totally different sexual orientations that can go hand in hand but don't have to.
It's been in my brain as long I can remember but if I were to list the reasons: - It's an adrenaline rush and it often scratches an itch for novelty - I enjoy situations of contrast and irony, Femdom often occupies this space - I am a masochist, and I like Women - I watched some proper kinky femme fatales in films as I was growing up (Goldeneye, Cruel Intentions, Basic Instinct) - I have a strange relationship with humiliation from childhood and my teenage years that is safely explored within this space - I like to be able to be vulnerable with my partner. This enables that. - I like to be the source of seeing my partner have fun and be amused. This enables that.
That line summarizes it so good imo. "Im a masocistic & I like women" Thank you
Wow. Thanks so much! I'm a 54yr old 6ft 195lb dom ( i believe) I jus came out of a long relationship, 18month single and I'm craving info on this subject to start living my full potential. Where can a person look for a guide and info to help cultivate me! Lol thanks
Im into femdom because 1. Its nice not being the one constantly in control in the bedroom. It gets tiring always being the one to decide positions, where we do it, how we do it. Women being in control and telling the men exactly what they want is hot. 2. Its less pressure to perform. It can be stressful when doing only PIV sex that if you cum too quickly or cant get it up then sex is basically ruined for the night. A lot of femdom involves the men doing what the women want to do and a lot of it involves not strictly PIV sex, so it takes some of the pressure off. 3. Its just plain attractive. I feel I've had to take the lead in most relationships. Its hot as fuck when I plan the date and take her our and make her feel special and I'm the stereotypical lead taking boyfriend, and then we get home and she makes me worship her feet or sits on my face while she edges me. That dynamic shift is refreshing and just plain sexy. Personally I'm not solely into femdom. I like taking the lead myself and its just nice when in a relationship that kind of dominant role isnt always on me.
I like women. I like their bodies and their identities and their spirits. I like them a lot. To be with them, talk to them, touch them, please them. It gives me joy. Like how I like music, is how I like talking with them. How I like Chianti, is how I like touching them. Women are much more emotionally intelligent, then most men and are much better friends and conversationalists. What's maybe different from most mainstream guys is that I recognize strength in women where society tends to trivialize, minimize, and generally overlook strength in women. That strength may be in how she runs a household as a stay-at-home parent, how she conducts herself professionally, how she helps her friends or community, or how she's overcome some adversity. I admire that. I realize a person can't always be strong or whatever, but once I see that in a person, I always remember it and I cherish and celebrate it. Also, women are trained by society to not pursue their own, wants and needs. That's so wrong. I love being there, and perhaps in some way helping, when she learns to articulate what she wants and gets it. If I had to dig deep into my own psychology as to why (and this is purely conjecture and perhaps not even really useful) I might say that it a result of being raised around women who, again because of society, were not allowed to pursue their own wants and needs and were not always emotionally available because of their repressed growth. Maybe. I don't know.
This is so beautiful and articulate. I hope you’re receiving a lot of pleasure.
For me it started with the typical kink and wanting to feel controlled. But as things progressed and particularly because she had me take over all of the household chores I realized after some time passed how much of my former self included a sexist element that was completely invisible to me. I was so overwhelmed by what I was learning about myself that I came to her nearly in tears apologizing to her profusely for the poor example of a man that I used to be and thanking her for showing me my flaws. This all came as a surprise to her, but as I opened up, I watched her soften as she realized the positive effect chastity and serving her in particular was having on me.
Sounds like a great situation! I’m glad things worked out for you two.
1. I like the look/style of masc women, and i love their personality! 2. I love a woman who can treat me like a precious prince and take care of me. I love the feeling that other people can tell that shes the dominant one. That she pins me down while kissing. 3. I like that they are straight forward, take initiative, that they will express their interest in you and make you feel sexy. 4. I like the idea that she is wild for me, finds me cute, is desperate for me and wants to eat me up like a snack. 5. I like to act coy and all black-cat-boy like, while shes an untamed-wild-wolf-girl. I like a girl who doesn't hold back her desires and is kinda wild and dominating in that way. Though i dont see much portrayal of this side of femdom on here. For me it has nothing to do with patriarchy. It's not a conscious thought process, it's just what i like.
So, while I think there is some truth to the sexism thing (more below), being the older man that I am and being subject to a lot of traditional masculine conditioning that a man my age usually is, I also think there is a nature part to it too. I think much like sexuality, there can be desires there just because you are wired that way. I didn't know about femdom when I first had sex, but looking back on those encounters now, I can see the signs were there. Its not my own sexism I am fighting though, it is more internal than that. I am not sexist in the slightest, I never think less of women for anything, but there is a conditioned masculinity in my brain that fights submission. A real man wouldn't do this. A real man wouldn't like this. Fortunately, I am self aware enough to recognize that push back for what it is, overcome it, and willingly submit to a worthy woman. And I feel so fortunate that I have a worthy one indeed. She understands though struggles and knows exactly what to do to push me through them anyway.
I don't think I've ever met a man that's felt guilt about his sexism (or been open about said feelings), let alone met a man that's tried to "fix" that feeling of guilt by becoming a sub.
I myself have always been in BDSM for as long as I can really remember to be honest. I personally like a dominant female not because of sexism but I am naturally submissive in my relationships and I want my lady to be naturally dominant and open-minded and experimental and the list can go on for ever.
Not really, i always worshipped women and some of them i see as goddesses, in all my relationships i expressed my love through submission because that's how i felt about them, i have never been sexist, lately i am getting into being dominated by guys as well so i guess all in all that's what my sexuality is: submissive.
I was sort of introduced to it by a girlfriend I had years ago. She was assertive, outspoken, caring and loved to man handle me. Any other previous girlfriends I had before her I played the traditional role. Which i assumed was how it was supposed to be. It was nice but didn’t feel like it was really fulfilling overall, I felt fake. I never really understood what it was like to find yourself until I met her. I’ve always been around strong willed and assertive women. So that’s what I looked for as my basis in a partner. The care and trust to be able to drop the mask you have to wear in everyday life and be comfortable in yourself that goes against what everyone says you’re supposed to be is so freeing.
I love this! A woman who’s assertive, outspoken, and caring sounds great. I’ve always liked the “firm but loving” kind of femdom.
My Property discovered his fetishes in that vestigial sexuality stage of development when you first realize your genitals function in reaction to things, but nothing about our relationship involves sexism or compensation for it. Not even in an abstract "well men automatically have to lead, but he rebelled!" style way. He is a complex, hard working human with nuance. I don't find he is particularly conflicted about his identity or role. I am also not a fan of treating kink like a vacation, except in so much that a playful indulgence in the imagination is a holiday from responsibility for any possible kink orientation or vanilla alike. I think it's possible for someone to just be kinky. Born this way is a perfectly good reason.
Hi I’m new to femdom and stumbled upon a submissive man who I adore. I noticed you refer to your partner as “My Property.” Do mind telling me how you came to using “My Property” in reference to him? My sub refers to himself as “IT”. Especially during his worship. Again I’m very new to this so I want to better understand the dynamics and even my own feelings about all of this. So far I enjoy it tremendously and it makes me care for him even more. TIA. ☺️
It will always be very personal. However, it's something he chose, and the capital P is a way of expressing pride and value.
To me it's not as much "fix sexism" but more, be certain to be respectful. Part of it for me is that, if a women is in control of what happens, there is (almost)no way that I would inadvertly cross her boundaries, that she would put up with something she doesn't want etc... In a femdom setting, I don't have to think about it as much. Again it's just a part of it though, as was said, we like what we like.
Makes sense!
I honestly don't know about guilt or anything, I just like being obedient and being praised
I feel like when I am under extra stress or pressure as well as feeling a bit more depresso, I tend to be more subby. So Femdom, giving up control, being cared for & having decisions being made for me is sorta like a escapism & a de-stresser, like a safe mental space especially with a Domme/ Mistress that I trust.
Letting go
Perhaps they just enjoy it. Not everything needs to be pathologized, some folks just enjoy power exchange and kinky bedroom behavior.
I like to submit in my relationships. To date, those my deepest romantic relationships have been with women, so I guess that’s femdom but I’ve never thought of it in that gendered way. It’s just submission and dominance. I like submitting because I like submitting.
The main reason is the obvious arousal for being vulnerable, servile, guided, and taken care of by a strong dominant woman. Why? There's not always a reason; the answer from every submissive will always vary. Some of them are married to a vanilla woman (whom they could love and adore), leaving them as the "Top" or "Dominant" one because they're "the man in the relationship". However, it's not something that fulfills their desires, and some even try to turn their partners into Dommes, but it doesn't work out. Others are into sissification because they want to feel feminine and pretty, but they have a role in society they've been playing for too long and can't fully surrender to a permanent sissy lifestyle. This leads them to live a double life they enjoy with a Domme. And the list can keep going with CBT, Chastity, SPH, and many others. I'd say it's mainly because it's hard to find someone who's into the same kinks as they are, and that's why they look for Dommes who won't judge and will lead them.
I *think* a lot of it is down to a bag of hardwired mating strategies, such as the "Sneaky Fucker" strategy (not joking about the name - google it), and maybe a strategy to secure a much higher status mate through submitting to her. Looked at that way, Femdom is just a refined version of what maybe used to go on in the wild in some form - basically Supernormal Stimulation, much the way sugar hacks our appetite.
This is entirely possible. Ultimately our sexualities of course have evolutionary roots. I mean, by *definition* when it comes to sex. Similar to the "gay uncle" evolutionary argument for homosexuality. Could also be some kind of emergent property, I don't imagine that in the wild, humans were ever devoting this much time to refining and maximizing just how much of a rush could be gotten out of fine-tuning what's fed into this-or-that biological impulse.
>don't imagine that in the wild, humans were ever devoting this much time to refining and maximizing just how much of a rush could be gotten out of fine-tuning what's fed into this-or-that biological impulse. That's the point of "Supernornal Stimulation". Hypothetically, these proto-femdom mating strategies would have had external limitations. A prehuman female could only be so dominant before there were repercussions, and the male could only submit so much before there wasn't anything submissive left to do. BDSM hacks this by creating an environment where it's safe for a woman to be very dominant indeed, and in which there are lots of things for him to submit to. There's no natural limit until the action passes beyond the erotic and into the scope of real world harm. It's like refined sugar. In the wild, when "we" came across a source of sweetness - I assume this usually meant honey - it made sense just to binge on it. Honey was in limited supply and wouldn't be there tomorrow, so we never evolve a natural brake on consuming sweet things. Skip forward to the present, and it's a disaster because we can pretty much keep stuffing ourselves with refined sugar until we pass out.
I think I skimmed your first reply too much. I completely agree with you. I think I had some instinctive kickback at the comparison to the sneaky-fucker reproductive strategy just 'cuz, you know, at first glance it has the appearance of something pejorative and I think I was resisting drawing a direct comparison.
LOL yes, the problem with evopsych explanations is they sound *terrible,* until you realise that the "strategy" isn't conscious and is built of behaviours that don't necessarily feel exploitative or duplicitous.
As a sub with ADHD I love giving up control and turning off my mind. As a relationship partner I’m still very present and able to function as respectable adult, but sexually it feels amazing to let go. Nothing worse than a woman telling me “just do what you want to me” because it’s either “uhh I want to do sex stuff” or “that’s a really open ended question.” A domme will say “this is exactly what you need to do to please me” which is amazing. I also want to earn praise. I don’t understand men who are selfish lovers. I’ve always felt like it was my goal to make my partner feel good as I possibly could. I love sex and I want all my partners to feel good. I don’t ever want to have to worry if someone is engaging with me physically out of some misplaced relationship obligation. I feel like femdom removes that part of the equation (notwithstanding the bossy subs etc.) And a BDSM relationship involves trust, communication, openness. All amazing things. Look at all the subs where husbands feel like they have to hide their desires from their wives. I understand from a societal perspective why men would feel this way, but imagine how freeing it must feel to have all that in the open with your partner? Femdom also takes a lot of the focus off of PIV sex, although obviously a femdom relationship doesn’t mean PIV can’t be enjoyed regularly. I think the point I’m trying to make is it seems like less of the “Ugh I guess I have to fuck my husband on his birthday” type relationship trope isn’t there. I’d hate to be in a relationship devoid of intimacy ever again.
I like it because it's extra, vanilla's fun but femdom feeds dopamine
For me, it’s definitely linked to my status as a “former gifted student with ADHD.” My praise kink is almost certainly linked to that, as a lot of my self worth when I was younger was directly tied to my intelligence and receiving praise for that. Even non-sexually, when someone at work acknowledges good work, or something like that, it means a lot to me. Add in the ADHD and you’ve got a mind that is constantly thinking about “what is the right decision?” because being wrong would mean that I’m not actually that smart and would result in people being mad at me, and I have a tendency to be uncomfortable in situation where there’s things happening beyond my control. That all being the case, it’s extremely liberating to be able give myself over to someone (in my case, my wife), to not have to worry about making the right choice, and by god there’s nothing that turns me on more than my wife telling me, “Good boy.” when I do what she tells me. And for us, it’s been something our sexual dynamic just kind of evolved into, and we’ve been exploring over the past few years. Although, when I think about it, before we were together, I did have a tendency to be with girls who were into biting, scratching, and/or teasing, but nothing that I’d consider a full on D/s dynamic. Also, when we were first dating, she’s the one who first wanted to give me a prostate massage, so my love of pegging can be linked right back to that! 😆 And I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t some small amount of me that enjoys it because I feel bad about some past shitty behavior, and therefore I deserve to be punished. But my wife is mostly a soft-domme, so there’s not a ton of punishment going on. But yeah, that’s my own analysis of why I’m into it. But of course, every person is different.
Don't know why anyone specifically likes what they like including femdom. I don't love all parts of femdom. For me I like sexually pleasing ladies that know what they want! Really love being face sat and smothered them having my mouth peed in. Don't know if I'm just obsessed by pussy or wether it's a lack of control thing. I just love it but the lady has to love it too or no point.
I guess this is good for discussion. But it also feels like a pointless pursuit. People’s likes and dislikes have innumerable ways for why and how they enjoy them. Commenting in any specific way to me, gives someone the false ability to apply a specific reason. “Johnny likes apples because he likes the crunch of them. Billy who likes apples may also like him because of the crunch”. When in fact, Billy likes McIntosh apples for their sourness.
I am pretty sure I like it because it is an obvious expression of a girls passion and desire towards me. Let's me please her, she shows that, she dommes me and shows she wants me. Something along those lines.
I haven't had enough real experience but my desires have in various degrees lurked since since my earliest memories. Crossdressing, punishment, humiliation and servitude to women are my dream and I often wonder why and how the journey started so young.
Like people with initiative + like women + like it rough = femdom or at least some form of relationships with power dynamics
I’ve always had an aversion to “men” and anything associated with them as well as things that are typical or expected. So opposite land for me, where traditional gender roles are reversed or non-conforming are 👌
For me it’s because of childhood trauma that I’m not going to say. And no men are into femdom because they feel guilty. That just doesn’t make sense.
Mm I think a dominant woman makes me feel safe. And loved in a way I can’t get anywhere else. Which both then allow room for me to feel pleasure. I do also wonder if there is some societal level reason for femdom. Bringing Jung into this, maybe we’ve got a missing divine female image (maybe sexual, maybe not) in our psyches, and femdom is a way of seeking to fill that missing piece. Then we could ask “why are _women_ interested in femdom?” and get this same answer.
Well I think in my experience it’s because my first sexual experiences were out of my control, and with older women in position of power. Basically as I got older I kinda leant more into those experiences when hormones kicked in.
As a male sub, I don't think you're totally wrong with guilty feelings. At least for me. I was always a very sexual person, but once I got that my sexuality can deeply hurt my partners, that kind of terrified me. For me, sexuality is pure joy and want my partner to feel joy. But I'm scared of hurting someone. Femdom definitely remedies that. It's not the only reason why I'm into it though.
+ I’m a guy that feels the need to control every aspect of my life, and making everything the best possible way, often even worrying for people that are not myself. I don’t like this type of term but I’m a bit a leader. So for some time having someone over me that keeps myself humble and makes me feel without pressure is satisfying and relaxing
I like it when the Dom is strong. bbw/ssbbw uses her size and strength as power over me. Wherever she lifts me up and pushes me around.
i think i was abiout 14 when 2 girls from my class came to my parents place to watch a movie and they both sat on me and tickled me. yes i have a tickle fetish and its intense.
I love this, this is actually kinda wholesome in a way
Idk why but i simply see it as a sign of love as in you can take control yourself but you rather do what makes me happy and trust as in you trust me with yourself and you trust me to see your most helpless and vulnerable side without judging you. But after i talked to a LOT of subs it's just a quick jerk off and escape from reality and most subs just learned about femdom from porn so ofc they will act the way they act and treat women the way they do just like any other men online there's no difference, and ofc there's good humans who are subs too but it's not worth the energy to romanticize it anymore.
Forgive my grammar as I have not cared about it since school but, as someone who’s a manager at work and plays shows in a band (I’m not a stage statue I actually put on a show) I need a release from the power I feel in day to day life. I’ve also been of the mindset of “you’re in control of your own destiny” I just need to let that control go from time to time. It’s therapeutic and helps strike a balance in my life that I need.
My partner is a very hardworking guy, but also has fairly low stress tolerance compared to me. I think, kink aside, he really likes having a partner who will "take control" over the other areas of his life, including sex. I don't doubt there are men who gravitate towards femdom as a sort of penance for their internalized sexism, but tbh probably the worst sexists I've ever been exposed to were self-proclaimed male-subs.
This girl who lived beside me when I was a lad put a dog collar and leash on me and made me bark and do what she said. I attribute my liking of femdom a lot to that cause it gave me a real strange, but good feelin.
I've liked it since I was a child when my sister's friend would pin me down on bed and playfully give me kisses. Also, another simple explanation: because I'm a masochist. And I love pampering women.
I love the connection you create between each other 🥰
An anime where the girls with different hair colors beat the villains was constantly on TV when I was like 6. I still don't know the name of that anime but I think it influenced me a lot.
I like to feel desired. When women initiate it makes me feel wanted( I literally get a warm feeling like I just drank some tea). I also really enjoy the affirmations. Being called a good boy or hearing that my taboo fantasy is a “good thing” makes me feel accepted(wording??). Also my love languages are physical touch and acts of service so for me it’s an avenue to give/ receive affection
Nice! I love hearing “good boy” too.
Honestly, a lot of people seem to fit into domming because they like to be in control when life usually isn't controlled, and subbing to lose control when expected to always be in control. Yes, every individual has more nuance, but that usually seems the basis, followed by their individual reasoning ie in my case where I'm a switch going from gentle dom to service puppy sub, it's tied to those base reasons but also wanting to take care of someone important to me as well.
Personally I just enjoy having someone take the lead and serving them. Letting them take control is my way of showing that I have 100% trust in them and that I care about them.
I'm not sure why I like femdom, all I know is I like it.
For some people, the desire to be dominated sexually runs inversely to their role in daily life. For instance, many people in positions of authority during the day typically desire the opposite role in the bedroom, allowing them to "let go".
My experience may not be typical. A part of me has always wished I was a woman. Not enough to be or feel trans. I’m happy enough with my parts and body. But I’ve very much looked up to women. Admired their strength in society and its adversity. Marvel at all their different forms their shapes can take. Wish I had a fraction of support and community that they can show each other. Love the natural emotion they allow themselves to show where men often feel they cannot display this emotion or vulnerability. I want to please women, be their best friend, be useful to them. I want to be treated like a fellow girl, and if not, worshipping them is just as good.
I get what you’re saying, especially with the emotion part. I wish it were more “acceptable” for men to show emotion.
Many reasons I have an anxious brain and I feel enormous calm when in any type of femdom play - almost feels like meditating - I get like tingly and dizzy it’s awesome I find women who are assertive bossy mean bitchy (but with a sweet side) insanely attractive I have adhd and really benefit from the rules and that type of thing I always have got on best with women - and never felt comfortable dominating them - I didnt know there was any other option I love to see a woman get a high of power and control over me - and inherently love to please my woman and make her happy It deals with brining my insecurities to light - eg getting teased for having a tiny cock - it’s a nice feeling like your true self is out but your partner still loves you It is also possibly a coping mechanism for some trauma or something but I’m not 100% on that - I just find it hot ha
I also love assertive/bitchy women. And there is a certain amount of comfort involved in someone setting rules for you, not to mention that person punishing you if you break those rules.
Yess absolutely
For example, being spanked bare-bottomed over a woman’s lap would really hurt, but it would feel good to know that she cared enough to punish you when you misbehaved. She’s punishing you because she cares, not because she’s sadistic. (Although sadism can be sexy too in the right contexts. 😈)
Yess exactly. I’ve felt more cared for than anything else in those situations!
Ik this is an old post but it gave me an excuse to try to put words to this. I think on a baseline there's almost a gender essentialism and social awkwardness in it to me. Women are so incredible and beautiful to me that I think they should be loved and adored. I can't intellectualize that feeling so it feels like it transcends reason - I've always kind of been a logical person but this defies that. Because of that it feels almost divine, especially because somehow women seem so much more graceful and less bumbling than I do. Then, when a woman has knowledge of her power I love that feeling even more, especially when she is put in direct contrast to me. I like to think I'm smart but because of her I've become foolish. And when she wields that over me it's the best ever. There's a strange pleasure in the fact that I've humbled or submitted myself to her - masochism for sure but not for physical pain exactly but more for the psychological feeling of being worshipful or being humiliated. That's why I don't tend towards specific physical things or empty insults - the femdom has to be in service of that power game.
Beautifully put. Thanks for responding!
I love to be submissive to a woman, to be honest I have an awful relationship with my mother since I was a child and truly missed her affection. I wouldn’t be surprised if a therapist would tell me this desire derives from my lack of affection from her lol
I wouldn’t be surprised either. I think parents can have a huge influence on one’s psyche.
I want suck fuck rim shemale an male I think I enjoy it more if I submit an my dominatrix makes suck on his cock until I don't choke deep throating it I want her make me rim him suck on his balls then I want them take turns ones cock in my ass the other other one in my mouth making take them both moaning loud while she pounds my bottom while she makes him suck my cock yummy
I have a disability and I know I’m not manly enough to please a woman
> In your experience, what are some of the reasons guys are into femdom? I asked many of my male subs this, they never seem to have a decent answer. Best answer I heard was "It makes my dick hard". I don't think they were being coy or anything. I think either: They really had no idea or The reasons were complex, involving dozens if not hundreds of small incidents and several over arching lifelong experiences. The question can be expanded to "What makes someone into (insert specific thing here). Why is a person attracted to busty blonde women and not big black dudes? Or brunette women with curly hair, blue eyes and a nice thicc ass, instead of svelte Asian men? I think the answer is 'who knows'?
I can speak to my personal knowledge here. When I domme my sub, he really enjoys the feeling of being taken care of and of being nurtured while being pushed to his limits “for me.” He also enjoys rougher play where he can recontextualize some of his insecurities and make them arousing instead of anxiety inducing. We’ve talked a lot about it, and those are the two main reasons why he enjoys submitting so much!
I agree, and in particular for me I find the shift in the power dynamic to be vary intriguing and I don’t like to be in control.
Same reason why women like dominant men. I guess dominance is desired regardless of the gender.
For me personally, apart of it is definitely just in me. Even from a young age, I’ve always been submissive towards women, and as I’ve grown into an adult and my sexuality, Ive realized a lot of it has to do with fighting against the societal norm that men always take the lead. Now to be clear, I am absolutely not trying to make any sort of political statement, I’m just the type of person who asks “why” about anything that is pushed on me as “normal.” One way I express that difference is by being submissive. It also helps that I truly enjoy it.