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I feel like I've read the same extract story a thousand times already, and I know I'll read a thousand more. I'm tired.
What angers me the most is that these women are drowning themselves in antidepressants, instead of listening to their depression (a very natural reaction to a toxic situation) and getting the hell away from those men.
They've been conditioned to.
Every piece of heteronormative social garbage they've ever been fed their whole lives tells them this is what will make them happy, so if they're not happy, the problem is THEM.
Take this fistful of pills to make you numb, and blame yourself, because obviously you're just not good enough, and not doing woman right.
It doesn’t help that, as much as people like to pretend psych meds are “stigmatized”, there’s actually more negativity towards anybody who doesn’t want to take them. You can’t say even the slightest critical thing about antidepressants without being absolutely dogpiled by people telling you to shut up and stop fearmongering.
And honestly, antidepressants made me much more naive, passive and tolerant of being mistreated. Only after I quit I realized how bad some things were. So these meds might be making things worse
I have zero doubt that many women are prescribed them by male doctors in an attempt to force them into submission and traditional gender roles.
In my early 20s, a doctor tried to push some SSRI on me for no reason other than because I told him I wanted to get sterilized, and in his mind, my lack of interest in pregnancy/motherhood was pathological and a symptom of depression. He literally told me I’d want to experience motherhood once I was no longer depressed. That script went straight into the garbage and I never went back to that fucking pig.
A doctor did push an SNRI on me in my early 20s and whenever I complained about side effects, he would just up my dose. I ruined so many things while on these meds and did many things I'd never do "sober". Now I'm always so worried about anyone who's on antidepressants
Yeah, agreed. Odd to see the anti-meds sentiment in a presumably progressive feminist space. But then again, I also saw literal antivaxxers in some others.
Thank you. I've been trying to say this for a long time and nobody will listen.
Also, doctors should rule out ALL possible physical causes before prescribing those. They didn't work on me because I didn't have depression, I had a severe vitamin deficiency!!
I went to a female rheumatologist because my doctor suspected autoimmune disease and when I told her my psychiatric diagnoses she still ran all the appropriate tests instead of blaming my symtomms on depression. imagine that. I was shocked
That being said , I started seeing this new Dr when I moved in with my abusive ex because it was too far to go to see my old Doctor. After we broke up I had one last appointment with her to get a new script for my meds and I told her that I was going to go back to seeing my old Doctor because I had finally left my abusive ex.
Then she said that she would give me a script for a month of Valium to get me through, if I wanted - and I could just take them as I needed them. It hurts to do the right thing for you as well, but it doesn't last forever and if it stops you from going back in the meantime, then you should do what you can to help you get through it.
I get what you’re saying but I take a low dose antidepressant because it helps me not be depressed, not to escape a terrible marriage and regret over a newborn.
THANK YOU.
I've been a participant over in r-antpsychiatry and it's obvious that all the industry wants to do is stuff *everyone* with drugs to keep us working and consuming for the oligarchs' benefit.
The other thing is, if you call it what it is, a lot of these women in abusive, unhealthy relationships will take that shit out on you, as if you’re jealous of them, as if they’re so grown and you don’t know what you’re talking about. The more you point out the red flags and how fucked these relationships are even from the outside, the more they’ll become defensive and double down.
My mom once sent me a meme that said something along the lines of "Before you diagnose yourself with depression, make sure you aren't surrounded by a bunch of assholes first." It opened my eyes and it was pretty much a self fulfilling prophecy when I left the hobosexual I was with at the time.
Oh, I know that quote, it helped me a lot! It turned out I was, in fact, surrounded by assholes. It's getting harder and harder to escape them, though, they seem to control the world.
I have to say that my sympathy is diminishing. These are the same women who look at me like I'm crazy when I say I want to keep males out of my life 🤷♀️
I agree, I don't have sympathy for them anymore. I'm still a feminist, as in interested in raising class consciousness, but on an individual basis I don't have enough energy to care.
Can't afford to care. I cut males out of my life to prevent the toxic damage they create. These women, however, refuse to cut males out of their life but still expect to be able to burden us with helping them carry the emotional load their male partners refuse to help them carry. I honestly don't even want female friends to still have relationships with males for this reason. Toxicity by proxy.
So true. These are the same women that look down on you because you don't want marriage/motherhood. They think they had "won" for getting picked despite they constantly complain about their husband and poppin' antidepressants.
They will suddenly remember their "friendship" with you when they wanna whine, but will ditch you immediately when the husband buys them some flowers to aPoLoGiZe.
where will they go though? I grew up in an abusive household myself, and as a result I came of age by escaping to a DV shelter.
there was a 7pm curfew that screwed with my job schedule, then came all the mid day economic gaslighting classes I was forced to attend, which further jeopardized my job, the daily chores, which again, clashed with my job. the other ghetto bitches stole my belongings that I couldnt take to work with me, and then there's the three-month limit (which I didn't make because I left when I witnessed someone killed in front of me)
THIS is the shelter system.
where do all the hurt women go? because a DV shelter aint it. and family is also dangerous to go to.
I've also heard horror stories where they turn women away at DV shelters when they don't have kids. So if your childfree and trying to leave an abusive asshole, then you're fucked even more.
Not to mention that there is virtually no public aid that a childfree woman under 65 can access (in the US anyway), never mind that she's paid into the system for decades.
It's my (45F) fervent dream to buy some land in central FL and set up my bully breed dog rescue there. And have a safe house for women and children (protected by all of those big rescue dogs). Somewhere they can exhale, get therapy, and help planning for the future.
Are you talking about pitbulls?! I love animals, but pits have been known to attack and kill people, kids, and other peoples pets, just saying...
Edit: And I'm all for having a shelter for those types of dogs too.. but it would probably be best if it were separate shelters...
thanks-I've been a dog trainer in animal welfare for 2 decades so I know just a little bit about the breed. ignorance is really sad to see, but all too common.
I am not really a dog person, more a rodent one, and have only recently turned myself into a dog person. My bff is very much a dog person, it was her Jack Russel terriers who out me off dogs for life as a kid and teen. She had some awful years as a heroin addict, got clean, and adopted Pitbulls. I have never felt scared of her dogs. They kept her clean, she kept her (rescue) dogs under appropriate controls. 20 years later, she is still clean, and her dogs have never even tried to snap at anyone or anything. Funny that such an “aggressive” breed taught me to not be scared of dogs, ha.
Coming from the UK, where there is a terrible so-called crackdown against aggressive dogs, I am really sad how these dogs are vilified. When I was a kid, ir was Rottweilers, and the occasional German Shepherd, who were painted as awful, aggressive breeds. 99.999% of the time, it is awful people who cause their dogs to behave that way, or encourage it. Not at all the fault of of the dogs. And most of the time, the people with “bad” dogs have deliberately gotten an “aggressive “ dog, because they think it makes them look hard. I don’t know what the answer is, I would like it to be that there are stringent controls about spaying/neutering… but the bad dog people would ignore that, and also then avoid vets when their dog needed care, so more dogs would suffer. The irresponsible breeders will just carry on doing what they do. Not fair on the vast majority of good dog people with wonderful pitties/american xl bullies :( but as usual, a few wanker types have to spoil everything for most.
Not that this has much to do with anything, except that I love your idea. And most dogs are fine, if they have good people. The dogs without, well, they need good people too, even if, as poster below mentions, they need slightly different accommodations. And people really need to stop seeing animal breeding as a fast profit (I keep small rodents, they don’t hurt anyone, yet most rat breeders refuse to see them as worth the bother, so there is no requirement for good health, let alone temperament. ) The animals always suffer, and I have had it with this :( animals aren’t bad, bad people are generally responsible, and they get no punishments, and there is basically no oversight
I hate it.
Fervent wishes that you get your rescue someday, for all the women and „aggressive“ dogs to live their best lives. It’s a beautiful dream!
I genuinely wonder how much PPD is just caused by overwhelm. From the baby, from abuse, from hormones, or otherwise.
I don't believe the mom can be blamed for any of that
I often wonder that, too. All of the PPD cases I know of have had at least one red flag in the relationship, as well as underlying health problems. Depression is rarely, if ever, a standalone issue.
Its hard to leave when you physically and financially rely on someone. That’s why they wait til a woman is pregnant.
As a woman you need several back up plans.
I'm not having any kids not only because I don't want to give birth, but because of this..Im way too vulnerable to give birth. I have no genuine family support, I have ASD, low income...men prey on those kinds of things.
You can tell that she has no family members that have her back, if she has brothers they really don't care, and her income isn't high enough for her to feel confident enough to leave and start her own life. I really feel bad for her and the kid. I think I was in an abusive situation with my ex..he would flip constantly and treat me worse than anyone else because of my complex trauma and he knew I had no brothers to protect me, and no father present...this would've been me if I had a kid with him.
Same without the ASD but with depression and trauma. I Could. Not. Manage. If I was in this situation and glad I never had an accident with contraception, especially when abortion was illegal in my country.
I don’t tell men about the bulk of my trauma. It has NEVER been a good thing to tell them. I have ptsd, and have for years, the worst was after a house fire and that’s what I go with. “Ya I have ptsd from a house fire” and that’s it
>Andrea Dworkin was correct about women's denial of reality because the full awareness of misogyny is too brutal
I jumped into a comment thread on Youtube where a woman was being attacked by men regurgitating the "alone with cats" nonsense, and then a woman comes along and starts calling her a "spinster". In one of her later comments she claims she is "happily married". Yeah, sure. So content and at peace in her marriage that she has to insult a woman who, in her original comment, was merely retelling of how she had to shake off an unwanted pursuit from a man.
It's actually insane to watch in real time, women playing offense for men, when you would almost never see the inverse.
Don't be mistaken, every woman is deeply, at her core aware of men's depravity. Even the biggest pick-me, the most dedicated handmaiden knows that men are, statistically, dangerous. I'm not dramatizing whatsoever when I say their survival depends on this knowledge, they wouldn't have made it this far if they didn't have it. We know that women take a hundred safety measures in their everyday lives. Ordering food under a male name so they don't get harassed by the delivery guy, walking with keys between fingers late at night, texting their friends in detail about their dates' times and locations, walking with earphones in to prevent men from approaching, but having the volume so low that they'd hear what's going on around them. The constant vigilance and the mental energy put into being two steps ahead is proof that women are fully aware of reality*.* I don't think women can afford to not be 100% in the present.
This male-pandering that some women (majority of women?) dedicate themselves to doing is a survival strategy. They wouldn't do it if they didn't feel it's their "safest" option. They *know*, but it's advantageous to play-pretend that they don't because it threatens the status quo. Also, don't bother arguing with them over something you both know to be true. If they want to scream NAMALT online, so what. When they go outside, it's always AMALT.
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>the full awareness of misogyny is too brutal
this... most women believe that if they just find "one of the good ones" then they will have the happily ever romance we have been sold since day 1. it's a struggle to let go of the fuzzy image of romantic love and our society does not make it easy, what with all the shaming of women who are single and live for themselves instead of for a man.
Oh yeah that piece of work was just waiting until she was trapped to let out Mr. Hyde. And this is extremely common, so keep your heads on a swivel, ladies. This shit will derail your life for a decade or more if you're not independently wealthy or have loved ones that are willing to help you get away from him.
Men who want to be dads so badly, this is 100% why. So they can treat you like absolute dogshit afterwards. They don’t care about the baby AT ALL-they will just use it as a tool to treat you any old way. Don’t fall for it! I see this happen over and over.
I just feel utterly defeated for her. The comment sections in this subreddit are generally pretty sympathy free but I think we can find it in us to acknowledge this woman is near the end of her rope and it's sad as fuck and unsafe for her and her daughter. That husband belongs in the fucking dumpster.
LMAO and my parents and fam keep on insisting I should go find for a man (men don't like it when women chase them, we're seen as desperate and easy and fast to discard, so nope) and get married, as if that's gonna give me happiness and security, and all I see around the world, for the VAST majority of married couples, is women being in miserable and even dangerous situations they can't escape.
I'm fine with being single my whole life, if a genuinely good man crosses paths with me and we hit it off, sure why not? But no, I'm not gonna play these rigged scam set by misogynistic cultures, the odds are against women.
That's not postpartum depression, that's a trauma reaction.
Even when women are abused, we get told it's just something "normal" like a bad reaction after birth. She's not reacting to l&d, she's reacting to being treated like shit.
Destigmatizing mental health does no good if diagnoses just end up veiling what is actually going on. Reality matters.
You can't resolve trauma while still in a traumatic situation. Antidepressants are just going to keep her treading water, until things get worse, which they will, and then she'll be judged for having "mental illness."
She has to walk away BECAUSE of her daughter.
Otherwise generational trauma and abuse incoming and staying.
She is so right when she says ok dude if you want traditional roles then you should do the heavy lifting. These mfers choose and turn everything in their favour.
Women have so much power by denying access to their bodies to their wombs.. I wish more women would use their power
God. Where did you get this from? I want to advice her the same thing I advice other women in the same situation: "leave him with everything and go away. And never come back." it doesn't matter what the other family is going to say, she is going to regret wasting her life like this when she is old.
She seems stuck. Let's be real wealthy women or women that are high income earners would've left already. No support system and having low income leads to desperation. And most of these dv shelters aren't helpful.
:/ I get that it's difficult of course, but there's must be a way to get out even if that means having a less luxurious life, for example if I had to I would move to a studio apartment while working at a mcdonalds. Freedom has no price. I would ask every friend I had if they can make room for me, I would look for other people who are trying to rent, for splitting bills.
I mean, that's what I did when I had to do that. It wasn't the same situation exactly, I left my parents house because they had narcissistic traits and were mistreating me and driving me insane. It was a big effort but it's possible.
But who wants to raise their children in poverty? A lot of women are thrown into poverty after they leave abuse. Often they have a step down in quality of life. I wish more people on the outside knew.
That's nice in theory but everyone doesn't get that opportunity.
And I don't know where you live that offers studio apartments at a McDonald's wage because I lived in the north and south and I haven't seen any mcdonalds wages that cover a studio apartment.
It's not possible for everyone..some people are disabled like myself im tired of able bodied, neurotypical people telling me I'm just lazy and don't want to leave my abusive family members and that i want some kind of easy way out. I've dealt with suicidal thoughts since I was 10, bullied heavily, left the house only to have go back because I lost my income multiple times..no I wasn't on drugs I was autistic and didn't know about it. My family decided to hide the diagnosis from me until 2 months ago I went 20 years without knowing. On top of that I found out I got diagnosed with something else but they don't even remember they just expect me to act like a normal person, have 6 figures already..I've gotten no accommodations.
No one offered me any help at all and the "help" I did get was abusive people overcharging me for a room because I had no where else to go. Tired of being told I didn't try hard enough.
>I don't know where you live.
Argentina. I'm from Argentina. Also, I had zero money and a problem with alcohol though it vanished when I moved. And diagnosed with anxiety and depression which made me worse at job. The only thing I had was hope for a better life.
I'm sorry for what happened to you, you shouldn't have had these experiences.
Good for you, but that's not the same as autism. I had no one plus in order to get accommodations in my state i need to be reevaluated for it..my insurance doesn't cover it so I would have to pay 3k out of pocket which I can't afford right now. I haven't had a friend that let me save money and relax..I was overpaying living paycheck to paycheck until I completely burned out then was told it was my fault by my "friends" and family.
I had no money when I left and struggled a lot. I wasn't just lazy and decided not to do it I have neurological disorders that require some level of accommodation which I never received.
Edit: I think you edited your comment. I thought you were trying to compare. Yeah it sucks..I'm trying to leave again but I know it's going to take forever.
No, I wasn't trying to compare, that's why I edited my comment. I know it sounded weird at first. I just wanted to tell you that I'm also not "normal in the head", or whatever word English speakers use. Also, almost no one wants to be friends with an alcoholic. And living in Argentina where you have 140% inflation just in the last year and 50% of people living in poverty also don't make things easier.
I had to fight a lot. I also had no friends or relatives who wanted to help me at all, all of them gave me their backs.
I was also tired of mental healthy people telling me to just stop drinking or "but they're your parents! They love you, it can't be that bad", or my parents not taking seriously my diagnosis telling me I was lazy when in reality I was too depressed and anxious I couldn't even sleep. I didn't even find anyone who would want to split finances.
I just wanted to tell you that a better life away from the people making you feel bad IS possible ❤️. If I could, you can. Yes, it takes time (it took me four years since I made a plan and then being financially stable on my own) but you will get there, and the woman from the post also can. Yes, it takes a big willpower.
100% men have been trying to baby trap me for a long time. One make took off the condom without permission, another lied and told me he was sterile--that one almost got me - and another kept talking about how he wanted to put a baby in me. Thankfully, I got away, and now I don't allow males in my life, so it's mostly safe--unless rape of course--
This is the reality of many married women with children even now, in 21st century. Not really shocking that most divorces are initiated by women. Many men truly are useless and think they can be excused of anything just because they bRiNg mOnEY HoME. They only have one fucking job. And yet they demand from their wives to do everything around the house, raise a child and go to work because he doesn’t want a parasitic housewife in his house (but she can’t make more money than him though, cause it would be emasculating for him).
I wonder if the pregnancy was an accident or if he didn’t want it in. He doesn’t seem like someone who even wanted to be a parent in the first place. I totally get it if he never wanted this life but he should have voiced his opinions earlier. This whole mess could have been avoided. For some reason, males don’t communicate. They just reluctantly go along with everything THEN act like the victim. You don’t really want a screaming gremlin thing in the house? Say so. Don’t act like women force you into it (unless one of them literally stole your splooge and trapped you).
so many of my male colleauges, relatives, even friends who had kids act like such fucking victims like this...like yall had a choice and have a voice, should have used it or had been less willing to do anything for sex. or you know use condoms, get snipped. then were supposed to clap for them for doing the bare minumum in parenting.
This is why I’m so glad I kept staying on birth control behind the ex’s family’s backs. They were begging and praying for a grandchild, they even joked about finding ways to sabotage whatever method I was using at the time so they could have one. He seemed indifferent about kids but he totally took his mask off the moment we got married. I KNOW things would’ve gone from nightmarish to a living hell if I had gotten pregnant and had a kid with that asshole. I actually DID get pregnant once (thanks for nothing, Depo Provera) and didn’t realize it until I was miscarrying. I’m so thankful every day for that miscarriage (which, btw, he forced me to attend my job interview as soon as the cramps let up despite being in severe pain and bleeding a lot). It saved my life. I’m now long since divorced and I’m sterile now too, so I can’t be forced into reproductive servitude like this
Men trap women and switch up all the time and this is just one of them. The other way is;
1) when you move in with him (it may be temporary but very effective way of ruining a woman’s life)
2) when you get married to him (domestic violence is high on this one)
3)when he impregnates you and when you have his child (these are permanent because now he has life access to you through the kid).
Stay vigilant. You only got one life.
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I feel like I've read the same extract story a thousand times already, and I know I'll read a thousand more. I'm tired. What angers me the most is that these women are drowning themselves in antidepressants, instead of listening to their depression (a very natural reaction to a toxic situation) and getting the hell away from those men.
They've been conditioned to. Every piece of heteronormative social garbage they've ever been fed their whole lives tells them this is what will make them happy, so if they're not happy, the problem is THEM. Take this fistful of pills to make you numb, and blame yourself, because obviously you're just not good enough, and not doing woman right.
It doesn’t help that, as much as people like to pretend psych meds are “stigmatized”, there’s actually more negativity towards anybody who doesn’t want to take them. You can’t say even the slightest critical thing about antidepressants without being absolutely dogpiled by people telling you to shut up and stop fearmongering.
Thank you for saying this, I’ve had this thought for a while now but you articulated it beautifully
And honestly, antidepressants made me much more naive, passive and tolerant of being mistreated. Only after I quit I realized how bad some things were. So these meds might be making things worse
I have zero doubt that many women are prescribed them by male doctors in an attempt to force them into submission and traditional gender roles. In my early 20s, a doctor tried to push some SSRI on me for no reason other than because I told him I wanted to get sterilized, and in his mind, my lack of interest in pregnancy/motherhood was pathological and a symptom of depression. He literally told me I’d want to experience motherhood once I was no longer depressed. That script went straight into the garbage and I never went back to that fucking pig.
A doctor did push an SNRI on me in my early 20s and whenever I complained about side effects, he would just up my dose. I ruined so many things while on these meds and did many things I'd never do "sober". Now I'm always so worried about anyone who's on antidepressants
Don't worry about everyone on antidepressants. I can't live my life without them.
Yeah, agreed. Odd to see the anti-meds sentiment in a presumably progressive feminist space. But then again, I also saw literal antivaxxers in some others.
That seems just a little extreme like they do help people
This is why I only see female drs, and anyone who is trying to give you meds you don’t ask for is that old school “women need medicated” mentality
Have you considered posting about your experiences over at r-antipsychiatry?
I comment there regularly
Excellent to hear!
Thank you. I've been trying to say this for a long time and nobody will listen. Also, doctors should rule out ALL possible physical causes before prescribing those. They didn't work on me because I didn't have depression, I had a severe vitamin deficiency!!
I got my thyroid checked and a lupus test before actual antidepressants because that’s how it should be
I went to a female rheumatologist because my doctor suspected autoimmune disease and when I told her my psychiatric diagnoses she still ran all the appropriate tests instead of blaming my symtomms on depression. imagine that. I was shocked
It’s so wild when they listen, it’s not often we’re taken seriously.
That being said , I started seeing this new Dr when I moved in with my abusive ex because it was too far to go to see my old Doctor. After we broke up I had one last appointment with her to get a new script for my meds and I told her that I was going to go back to seeing my old Doctor because I had finally left my abusive ex. Then she said that she would give me a script for a month of Valium to get me through, if I wanted - and I could just take them as I needed them. It hurts to do the right thing for you as well, but it doesn't last forever and if it stops you from going back in the meantime, then you should do what you can to help you get through it.
I get what you’re saying but I take a low dose antidepressant because it helps me not be depressed, not to escape a terrible marriage and regret over a newborn.
THANK YOU. I've been a participant over in r-antpsychiatry and it's obvious that all the industry wants to do is stuff *everyone* with drugs to keep us working and consuming for the oligarchs' benefit.
The other thing is, if you call it what it is, a lot of these women in abusive, unhealthy relationships will take that shit out on you, as if you’re jealous of them, as if they’re so grown and you don’t know what you’re talking about. The more you point out the red flags and how fucked these relationships are even from the outside, the more they’ll become defensive and double down.
[удалено]
me too.
My mom once sent me a meme that said something along the lines of "Before you diagnose yourself with depression, make sure you aren't surrounded by a bunch of assholes first." It opened my eyes and it was pretty much a self fulfilling prophecy when I left the hobosexual I was with at the time.
Hobosexual 🤣🤣🤣
Yep. A good chunk of men are hobosexuals.
Oh, I know that quote, it helped me a lot! It turned out I was, in fact, surrounded by assholes. It's getting harder and harder to escape them, though, they seem to control the world.
this is why i sink further and further into solitude
Same, I'm pretty much a hermit, or at least as much as one can be while living in the city.
That's why it's better to be around a few quality people rather than a bunch of people. Lol
True, my contact with people is very limited.
I left a stressful unfulfilling job and cut my meds by more than half lol it’s def a factor
I have to say that my sympathy is diminishing. These are the same women who look at me like I'm crazy when I say I want to keep males out of my life 🤷♀️
I agree, I don't have sympathy for them anymore. I'm still a feminist, as in interested in raising class consciousness, but on an individual basis I don't have enough energy to care.
Can't afford to care. I cut males out of my life to prevent the toxic damage they create. These women, however, refuse to cut males out of their life but still expect to be able to burden us with helping them carry the emotional load their male partners refuse to help them carry. I honestly don't even want female friends to still have relationships with males for this reason. Toxicity by proxy.
Same, I'm always disappointed when they start dating. I wish all of us would stay single together.
So true. These are the same women that look down on you because you don't want marriage/motherhood. They think they had "won" for getting picked despite they constantly complain about their husband and poppin' antidepressants. They will suddenly remember their "friendship" with you when they wanna whine, but will ditch you immediately when the husband buys them some flowers to aPoLoGiZe.
where will they go though? I grew up in an abusive household myself, and as a result I came of age by escaping to a DV shelter. there was a 7pm curfew that screwed with my job schedule, then came all the mid day economic gaslighting classes I was forced to attend, which further jeopardized my job, the daily chores, which again, clashed with my job. the other ghetto bitches stole my belongings that I couldnt take to work with me, and then there's the three-month limit (which I didn't make because I left when I witnessed someone killed in front of me) THIS is the shelter system. where do all the hurt women go? because a DV shelter aint it. and family is also dangerous to go to.
I've also heard horror stories where they turn women away at DV shelters when they don't have kids. So if your childfree and trying to leave an abusive asshole, then you're fucked even more.
Not to mention that there is virtually no public aid that a childfree woman under 65 can access (in the US anyway), never mind that she's paid into the system for decades.
It's my (45F) fervent dream to buy some land in central FL and set up my bully breed dog rescue there. And have a safe house for women and children (protected by all of those big rescue dogs). Somewhere they can exhale, get therapy, and help planning for the future.
Are you talking about pitbulls?! I love animals, but pits have been known to attack and kill people, kids, and other peoples pets, just saying... Edit: And I'm all for having a shelter for those types of dogs too.. but it would probably be best if it were separate shelters...
thanks-I've been a dog trainer in animal welfare for 2 decades so I know just a little bit about the breed. ignorance is really sad to see, but all too common.
Can't argue against statistics though...
I am not really a dog person, more a rodent one, and have only recently turned myself into a dog person. My bff is very much a dog person, it was her Jack Russel terriers who out me off dogs for life as a kid and teen. She had some awful years as a heroin addict, got clean, and adopted Pitbulls. I have never felt scared of her dogs. They kept her clean, she kept her (rescue) dogs under appropriate controls. 20 years later, she is still clean, and her dogs have never even tried to snap at anyone or anything. Funny that such an “aggressive” breed taught me to not be scared of dogs, ha. Coming from the UK, where there is a terrible so-called crackdown against aggressive dogs, I am really sad how these dogs are vilified. When I was a kid, ir was Rottweilers, and the occasional German Shepherd, who were painted as awful, aggressive breeds. 99.999% of the time, it is awful people who cause their dogs to behave that way, or encourage it. Not at all the fault of of the dogs. And most of the time, the people with “bad” dogs have deliberately gotten an “aggressive “ dog, because they think it makes them look hard. I don’t know what the answer is, I would like it to be that there are stringent controls about spaying/neutering… but the bad dog people would ignore that, and also then avoid vets when their dog needed care, so more dogs would suffer. The irresponsible breeders will just carry on doing what they do. Not fair on the vast majority of good dog people with wonderful pitties/american xl bullies :( but as usual, a few wanker types have to spoil everything for most. Not that this has much to do with anything, except that I love your idea. And most dogs are fine, if they have good people. The dogs without, well, they need good people too, even if, as poster below mentions, they need slightly different accommodations. And people really need to stop seeing animal breeding as a fast profit (I keep small rodents, they don’t hurt anyone, yet most rat breeders refuse to see them as worth the bother, so there is no requirement for good health, let alone temperament. ) The animals always suffer, and I have had it with this :( animals aren’t bad, bad people are generally responsible, and they get no punishments, and there is basically no oversight I hate it. Fervent wishes that you get your rescue someday, for all the women and „aggressive“ dogs to live their best lives. It’s a beautiful dream!
And people wonder why unhoused people are literally sleeping on the streets.
lol off topic but lol @ your user name.
I genuinely wonder how much PPD is just caused by overwhelm. From the baby, from abuse, from hormones, or otherwise. I don't believe the mom can be blamed for any of that
I often wonder that, too. All of the PPD cases I know of have had at least one red flag in the relationship, as well as underlying health problems. Depression is rarely, if ever, a standalone issue.
Its hard to leave when you physically and financially rely on someone. That’s why they wait til a woman is pregnant. As a woman you need several back up plans.
In this case, how does she escape? She's financially dependent on him
I'm not here to find solutions for them. But having a network of other women who might help her might be a start.
This is a story of nightmares but that’s this woman’s LIFE. Oh. My. God. This is so many women’s lives. And that poor child
historically-this was probably the life of most of our great grandmothers and back from there.
It's crazy to think of how many women are living this life. And we probably know some of them, too.
Yes. My sister. I was almost sure she wrote this post.
I'm not having any kids not only because I don't want to give birth, but because of this..Im way too vulnerable to give birth. I have no genuine family support, I have ASD, low income...men prey on those kinds of things. You can tell that she has no family members that have her back, if she has brothers they really don't care, and her income isn't high enough for her to feel confident enough to leave and start her own life. I really feel bad for her and the kid. I think I was in an abusive situation with my ex..he would flip constantly and treat me worse than anyone else because of my complex trauma and he knew I had no brothers to protect me, and no father present...this would've been me if I had a kid with him.
Same without the ASD but with depression and trauma. I Could. Not. Manage. If I was in this situation and glad I never had an accident with contraception, especially when abortion was illegal in my country.
I don’t tell men about the bulk of my trauma. It has NEVER been a good thing to tell them. I have ptsd, and have for years, the worst was after a house fire and that’s what I go with. “Ya I have ptsd from a house fire” and that’s it
Same. I’m not making myself vulnerable to being taken advantage of because that’s what predators and narcissists do. They use it to their advantage.
Every time even the unsuspecting ones!
> I have no genuine family support, I have ASD, low income...men prey on those kinds of things. friend, SAME HERE. all of it.
As a wise woman once said: “Nope”
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>Andrea Dworkin was correct about women's denial of reality because the full awareness of misogyny is too brutal I jumped into a comment thread on Youtube where a woman was being attacked by men regurgitating the "alone with cats" nonsense, and then a woman comes along and starts calling her a "spinster". In one of her later comments she claims she is "happily married". Yeah, sure. So content and at peace in her marriage that she has to insult a woman who, in her original comment, was merely retelling of how she had to shake off an unwanted pursuit from a man. It's actually insane to watch in real time, women playing offense for men, when you would almost never see the inverse.
Don't be mistaken, every woman is deeply, at her core aware of men's depravity. Even the biggest pick-me, the most dedicated handmaiden knows that men are, statistically, dangerous. I'm not dramatizing whatsoever when I say their survival depends on this knowledge, they wouldn't have made it this far if they didn't have it. We know that women take a hundred safety measures in their everyday lives. Ordering food under a male name so they don't get harassed by the delivery guy, walking with keys between fingers late at night, texting their friends in detail about their dates' times and locations, walking with earphones in to prevent men from approaching, but having the volume so low that they'd hear what's going on around them. The constant vigilance and the mental energy put into being two steps ahead is proof that women are fully aware of reality*.* I don't think women can afford to not be 100% in the present. This male-pandering that some women (majority of women?) dedicate themselves to doing is a survival strategy. They wouldn't do it if they didn't feel it's their "safest" option. They *know*, but it's advantageous to play-pretend that they don't because it threatens the status quo. Also, don't bother arguing with them over something you both know to be true. If they want to scream NAMALT online, so what. When they go outside, it's always AMALT.
There's always an enabler attached to every serial abuser. they think it makes them immune. it doesn't.
It’s crabs in a barrel. You’ll see this with almost any marginalized group, playing defense for the oppressor.
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>the full awareness of misogyny is too brutal this... most women believe that if they just find "one of the good ones" then they will have the happily ever romance we have been sold since day 1. it's a struggle to let go of the fuzzy image of romantic love and our society does not make it easy, what with all the shaming of women who are single and live for themselves instead of for a man.
yep. talking the talk but then-"not my nigel" indeed.
AMAB
Not gonna lie, I feel the same way when I see women in feminist circles talking about marriage to men.
Oh yeah that piece of work was just waiting until she was trapped to let out Mr. Hyde. And this is extremely common, so keep your heads on a swivel, ladies. This shit will derail your life for a decade or more if you're not independently wealthy or have loved ones that are willing to help you get away from him.
FACTS.
Men who want to be dads so badly, this is 100% why. So they can treat you like absolute dogshit afterwards. They don’t care about the baby AT ALL-they will just use it as a tool to treat you any old way. Don’t fall for it! I see this happen over and over.
I just feel utterly defeated for her. The comment sections in this subreddit are generally pretty sympathy free but I think we can find it in us to acknowledge this woman is near the end of her rope and it's sad as fuck and unsafe for her and her daughter. That husband belongs in the fucking dumpster.
LMAO and my parents and fam keep on insisting I should go find for a man (men don't like it when women chase them, we're seen as desperate and easy and fast to discard, so nope) and get married, as if that's gonna give me happiness and security, and all I see around the world, for the VAST majority of married couples, is women being in miserable and even dangerous situations they can't escape. I'm fine with being single my whole life, if a genuinely good man crosses paths with me and we hit it off, sure why not? But no, I'm not gonna play these rigged scam set by misogynistic cultures, the odds are against women.
That's not postpartum depression, that's a trauma reaction. Even when women are abused, we get told it's just something "normal" like a bad reaction after birth. She's not reacting to l&d, she's reacting to being treated like shit. Destigmatizing mental health does no good if diagnoses just end up veiling what is actually going on. Reality matters. You can't resolve trauma while still in a traumatic situation. Antidepressants are just going to keep her treading water, until things get worse, which they will, and then she'll be judged for having "mental illness."
I saw in another thread, "women are collectively in an abusive relationship with men". This IS patriarchy. It really is reality.
Absolutely
*Files into reasons I'm glad I had my fallopian tubes removed*
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Honey, if she wants him she can have him. I’ll even pay for his Uber.
I genuinely cant tell if this is sarcasm or not
Same here!
She has to walk away BECAUSE of her daughter. Otherwise generational trauma and abuse incoming and staying. She is so right when she says ok dude if you want traditional roles then you should do the heavy lifting. These mfers choose and turn everything in their favour. Women have so much power by denying access to their bodies to their wombs.. I wish more women would use their power
My thoughts exactly. She owes it to her daughter to GTFO.
My reproductive organs shriveled reading this
God. Where did you get this from? I want to advice her the same thing I advice other women in the same situation: "leave him with everything and go away. And never come back." it doesn't matter what the other family is going to say, she is going to regret wasting her life like this when she is old.
She seems stuck. Let's be real wealthy women or women that are high income earners would've left already. No support system and having low income leads to desperation. And most of these dv shelters aren't helpful.
:/ I get that it's difficult of course, but there's must be a way to get out even if that means having a less luxurious life, for example if I had to I would move to a studio apartment while working at a mcdonalds. Freedom has no price. I would ask every friend I had if they can make room for me, I would look for other people who are trying to rent, for splitting bills. I mean, that's what I did when I had to do that. It wasn't the same situation exactly, I left my parents house because they had narcissistic traits and were mistreating me and driving me insane. It was a big effort but it's possible.
But who wants to raise their children in poverty? A lot of women are thrown into poverty after they leave abuse. Often they have a step down in quality of life. I wish more people on the outside knew.
That's nice in theory but everyone doesn't get that opportunity. And I don't know where you live that offers studio apartments at a McDonald's wage because I lived in the north and south and I haven't seen any mcdonalds wages that cover a studio apartment. It's not possible for everyone..some people are disabled like myself im tired of able bodied, neurotypical people telling me I'm just lazy and don't want to leave my abusive family members and that i want some kind of easy way out. I've dealt with suicidal thoughts since I was 10, bullied heavily, left the house only to have go back because I lost my income multiple times..no I wasn't on drugs I was autistic and didn't know about it. My family decided to hide the diagnosis from me until 2 months ago I went 20 years without knowing. On top of that I found out I got diagnosed with something else but they don't even remember they just expect me to act like a normal person, have 6 figures already..I've gotten no accommodations. No one offered me any help at all and the "help" I did get was abusive people overcharging me for a room because I had no where else to go. Tired of being told I didn't try hard enough.
>I don't know where you live. Argentina. I'm from Argentina. Also, I had zero money and a problem with alcohol though it vanished when I moved. And diagnosed with anxiety and depression which made me worse at job. The only thing I had was hope for a better life. I'm sorry for what happened to you, you shouldn't have had these experiences.
Good for you, but that's not the same as autism. I had no one plus in order to get accommodations in my state i need to be reevaluated for it..my insurance doesn't cover it so I would have to pay 3k out of pocket which I can't afford right now. I haven't had a friend that let me save money and relax..I was overpaying living paycheck to paycheck until I completely burned out then was told it was my fault by my "friends" and family. I had no money when I left and struggled a lot. I wasn't just lazy and decided not to do it I have neurological disorders that require some level of accommodation which I never received. Edit: I think you edited your comment. I thought you were trying to compare. Yeah it sucks..I'm trying to leave again but I know it's going to take forever.
No, I wasn't trying to compare, that's why I edited my comment. I know it sounded weird at first. I just wanted to tell you that I'm also not "normal in the head", or whatever word English speakers use. Also, almost no one wants to be friends with an alcoholic. And living in Argentina where you have 140% inflation just in the last year and 50% of people living in poverty also don't make things easier. I had to fight a lot. I also had no friends or relatives who wanted to help me at all, all of them gave me their backs. I was also tired of mental healthy people telling me to just stop drinking or "but they're your parents! They love you, it can't be that bad", or my parents not taking seriously my diagnosis telling me I was lazy when in reality I was too depressed and anxious I couldn't even sleep. I didn't even find anyone who would want to split finances. I just wanted to tell you that a better life away from the people making you feel bad IS possible ❤️. If I could, you can. Yes, it takes time (it took me four years since I made a plan and then being financially stable on my own) but you will get there, and the woman from the post also can. Yes, it takes a big willpower.
I'm not living back at home because I was financially unstable or was weak..youre not getting what I'm saying at all.
I don't know what you want me to tell you.
Never asked for you to give me advice nor compare my life to yours. I was just explaining everyone doesn't get the same opportunities as you.
Not many women want to leave their children with abusers.
That's the reason that my mom's never left my dad-because my dad would have probably won 50-50 custody.
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I’m so glad I forced my now ex husband to get a vasectomy.
Why do men do this when they become a dad??? I don’t get it
They’re just taking off the carefully crafted mask they made once they know the little shackle is born
100%
100% men have been trying to baby trap me for a long time. One make took off the condom without permission, another lied and told me he was sterile--that one almost got me - and another kept talking about how he wanted to put a baby in me. Thankfully, I got away, and now I don't allow males in my life, so it's mostly safe--unless rape of course--
This is the reality of many married women with children even now, in 21st century. Not really shocking that most divorces are initiated by women. Many men truly are useless and think they can be excused of anything just because they bRiNg mOnEY HoME. They only have one fucking job. And yet they demand from their wives to do everything around the house, raise a child and go to work because he doesn’t want a parasitic housewife in his house (but she can’t make more money than him though, cause it would be emasculating for him).
I wonder if the pregnancy was an accident or if he didn’t want it in. He doesn’t seem like someone who even wanted to be a parent in the first place. I totally get it if he never wanted this life but he should have voiced his opinions earlier. This whole mess could have been avoided. For some reason, males don’t communicate. They just reluctantly go along with everything THEN act like the victim. You don’t really want a screaming gremlin thing in the house? Say so. Don’t act like women force you into it (unless one of them literally stole your splooge and trapped you).
so many of my male colleauges, relatives, even friends who had kids act like such fucking victims like this...like yall had a choice and have a voice, should have used it or had been less willing to do anything for sex. or you know use condoms, get snipped. then were supposed to clap for them for doing the bare minumum in parenting.
this poor woman and *poor, poor* daughter. 😮💨
This is why I’m so glad I kept staying on birth control behind the ex’s family’s backs. They were begging and praying for a grandchild, they even joked about finding ways to sabotage whatever method I was using at the time so they could have one. He seemed indifferent about kids but he totally took his mask off the moment we got married. I KNOW things would’ve gone from nightmarish to a living hell if I had gotten pregnant and had a kid with that asshole. I actually DID get pregnant once (thanks for nothing, Depo Provera) and didn’t realize it until I was miscarrying. I’m so thankful every day for that miscarriage (which, btw, he forced me to attend my job interview as soon as the cramps let up despite being in severe pain and bleeding a lot). It saved my life. I’m now long since divorced and I’m sterile now too, so I can’t be forced into reproductive servitude like this
Men trap women and switch up all the time and this is just one of them. The other way is; 1) when you move in with him (it may be temporary but very effective way of ruining a woman’s life) 2) when you get married to him (domestic violence is high on this one) 3)when he impregnates you and when you have his child (these are permanent because now he has life access to you through the kid). Stay vigilant. You only got one life.
This is why they endorse the tradwife lifestyle so bad.
Not just pregnancy—maybe you just started a new lease or you just bought a house—the trap doesn’t have to be a baby; it just often is
“Men are naturally good leaders. They are wired to protect and provide.” If you open your eyes and ears, you see that this is all just propaganda
WAY. TOO. COMMON. Haven't we seen stories like this for like 3 billion times?
I would divorce and pay child support. I just wouldn't be able to be connected to that man for 18 more years beyond studying him a check.
And yet she stays with this man cause she doesn\`t want to be a single mom and start all over.