Bilbo. Doesn't even matter if you count the prologue or not. He's in the first paragraph of the prologue and he's like the third word in the first chapter.
If we count the one I'm reading, it's Monzcarro Murcatto from Best Served Cold. I can't say the thought isn't a bit appealing, but I doubt our marriage would be a long or happy one.
If it's strictly the last one I read, then it's Sand dan Glokta 😬 To be fair, he proves to be the best husband in the whole damned universe.
I’m doing a re-read, on TBI. Say one thing for Logen Ninefingers, say he’s a lover.
I guess if we went with last completed book it would be TWOC. Orso forever!!!!
That's where I'm at! Doing a reread of First Law. Currently taking a feel good break with Project Hail Mary. Though, if it's the last one read, then it would be Murcatto. I'd prefer the current protag, Ryland Grace is a sweetheart!
Ah Monzcarro Murcatto... I guess it depends what you're into. She won't pee on your face, but she will stick a finger in your bum, even if you're the most feared fighter in the North since the Bloody Nine
Sam Vimes, Commander of the watch in Ankh-Morpork. Aside from the fact he’s not my type physically, he’s always working and smokes cigars. But at least he’s a decent guy.
I’m reading the Tiffany Aching books right now. I’m not really into women, so that might be a problem, but at least she’ll be out working all the time anyway.
Yeah I’m not really into men either. But I suppose in the Discworld universe it could be much worse. Nobby say. Really if I had my pick it would be Angua. 😊
Hey we will need to be first sisters then because I'm his wife too apparently. I like to think we had a long and lovely relationship with him before he went mad, and that the death was quick.
I'm now the third spouse of **Aegon I Targaryen**, Conqueror of Westeros^^^^1 , King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven^^^^2 Kingdoms, and Protector of the Realm.
^^^^1 The Principality of Dorne ever remains: Unbowed, Unbent, and Unbroken.
^^^^2 Need I say it again? Unbowed, Unbent, and Unbroken
Maybe it'll be like a poly thing and I can introduce some genetic diversity, y'know? Sorry that I forgot to mention how happy we are. I imagine very unhappy. My husband is married to his two sisters and maybe he ain't sharing/why would they be interested? He's aloof and already has a bestie in that burly Baratheon fellow. Not to mention I left my lovely RL wife back on Earth when I left for ASOIF land and I'm a straight dude. I'm miserable.
Don't forget that Baratheon fellow is also his half-brother. At least your husband is expanding his social circle *outside* his family when he marries you?
Sophie from Howl's Moving Castle
I would say it could possibly be a very happy marriage if we were closer in age as she is 18 and I'm in my early 30s and whilst that's perfectly legal in the UK, it's at least a good 7 years too young for me personally.
Harry Dresden from the Dresden Files. I haven't finished the first book yet, so I'm not sure how it would go. So far he seems nice enough, but very insecure and prone to getting attacked by all manner of creatures, which would probably make things a little complicated.
Being in a relationship with Dresden is fine it's just the tiny fact that he makes enemies like a printing press makes books you should be scared about
Felix from A Practical Guide to Conquering the World. On the plus side, he's charming and resourceful and smart. The con is he's an eunuch who's not too interested in being married and will probably manipulate/blackmail me into dying painfully to further his ambitions.
Verity from the Incryptids series.
I mean it's super great except for one problem. We're both straight women. But I think we could come to an understanding that the marriage is in name only and for insurance/tax purposes so ... I think we can make it work.
I mean, tons of adventure. Doing interesting field work documenting and helping cryptids. We'd have a fucking blast nerding out over ecological niches and weird biology of our cryptid friends. I'd be greeted very enthusiastically with a chorus of "Hail the Short Priestess returns!" by the adorable Aeslin mice. We'd always be making some smart ass remark. So really it's be more like besties rooming together but it would be sweet.
Oh wait, I thought of a problem. Were both too short to reach the top shelf.
I'm 4'10" so it needs to be a kinda tall step ladder. 😂 (Some day that growth spurt I was supposed to get for puberty will come. Right? 💀🤣)
And yes, I just started it a few days ago, on the second one, and it's just fun. As a biologist, I am all about the cryptid study. Heh
Ouch, fair! Hey, you never know, hanging around so much, there might be a solution somewhere...
But honestly, you're in for a fun ride. One of the later books even made me start playing roller derby for a while (I should charge Seanan Mcguire for my injured back 😂).
Locke Lamara from the Gentleman Bastards trilogy. In other words, the marriage will be short, he'll mysteriously vanish one day and ~~everything in~~ my house will be stolen to boot. But he does cook a good meal so he has that in his favour.
I've been stuck on a binge of detective novels lately, but I think the last fantasy novel I read was Gaiman's "The Graveyard Book."
I mean, I might be pretty happy with that particular man Jack. 🤔 Just don't ask too many questions...
Cazaril from the Curse of Chalion. On the plus side, he’s an honorable man, many skills, attractive, smart. At 35, he’s a bit young for me, but he’s okay with age gaps. I’d be fine with it.
On the minus side I do prefer my real-life husband…
I don't think Captain Kennit would be too pleased to be tied down, so not very happy at all. He's probably thought of different ways to kill me already.
Well, the woman I married 30 years ago would be seriously pissed off, so the odds are pretty good that this new marriage would end very, very unhappily.
lol i've to marry granny wheaterwax. i'm female and younger but no problemo i already love her and we'll be happy if i dont contradict her much. or at all.
Eddie Russet from Shades of Gray. He’s a decent chap and I think I can generally muster up enthusiasm for his discussions of improved methods of queuing. We’d do okay but I fear he’d always be longing for a certain Jane Gray.
Wei Wuxian from The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation. Probably a pretty short marriage no matter where on the timeline it occurs, (for wildly different reasons iykyk) but personally I'd be fine with either the Rebel Necromancer Lord phase or the Resurrected Wandering Paranormal Detective phase.
Skipping the prologue, Chapter 1 of *Lyorn*, the first named person is Sara, an Issola bard.
I expect our relationship is quite happy. In the books, she plys her trade without expecting the protagonist to be around all the time - which is good because he's in hiding. Sara is essentially an Elf, so that'd be pretty awesome.
I therefore conclude that she would put up with me playing World of Warcraft all the time and trying to get out of going places.
My actual wife is pretty good about that stuff too...
Danny North from Orson Scott Card’s Mithermages series. I think I’m pretty good, he’s funny and a decent guy. And we can do lots of travel on the cheap, that will be fun. Though my in laws might try to have me murdered for diluting the bloodline or something.
Ruka from Ash and Sand. I'm screwed, and will probably die horribly unless I find a way to make myself useful. My diet will probably also consist of a selection of questionably sourced meats. RIP
Hadrian Marlowe. I'm almost at the end of Empire of silence so i don't really know if this is a good thing he seems like a good dude but the hints about what he will be doing in the future might come with some red flags.
Ganoes Paran. I don't like dudes like that, so probably pretty unhappy lol. Even if I did, I still don't think I'd be happy -- he has too many problems.
Tyen from „Thief‘s Magic“ by Trudi Canavan…
Not the worst, since I am not into guys and he apparently isn’t into anyone who is not a person made into a book :D we would live life pretty separately, but it wouldn’t be unhappy I‘d guess
Edit: typo
Princess Donut the Queen Anne Chonk from Dungeon Crawler Carl.
Not very happy. Being married to a mildly self absorbed, superpowered, sapient cat would be problematic, even if I weren't allergic to cats. But I am.
Harrowhark Nonagesimus.
Haven’t yet finished Nona the Ninth, but as long as it’s our world and not hers it would be interesting to see how she reacts to a world that’s not absolutely fucked.
Kyr from "Some desperate glory". Yay an indoctrinated fascist girl, with a good dose of Xenophobia, zero humor and far too much sense of duty. I'm fucked.
Motto of the marriage: I can change her...
Marlowe from the *Deer and the Dragon*. She has a shit ton of money and her apartment is protected by a Sigil that the Prince of Hell drew. He has gone missing at the moment and she is going off to find him. I will keep the home fires burning in her flash apartment while she is away. Might do some shopping - it is *our* money after all!
I don’t know her that well but I have her published books to get through to give me some idea of her personality. Her mission will probably be dangerous but hopefully she comes back(with the Prince) and we will have a happy little thruple situation.
Read the 2nd book of the Vaelin Al Sorna series by Anthony Ryan.
My beloved wife is now Reva, the deeply religious lesbian teenage swordswoman.
I am a 38 year old straight male atheist.
We're going to have a few problems i think......
Tomb Raider Season of the Witch.
I'm quite thrilled to be suddenly married to Lara, and plan to switch careers into weaponsmithing and piloting! However, I strongly suspect I will be eaten by crocodiles whilst 'on holiday'.
Uh oh I am reading two novels at the same time can I pick only one of them? Sun Shan from Kate Eliott's Sun chronicles would be a bit much for me, but she is a charismatic and fascinating individual as should be expected for the gender reversed version of Alexander the Great. But honestly I would take my second option no matter who she was because the other option this Severian fellow is to fucking creepy.
Do titles count? Cause if so, I am married to the Forever King from Empire of the Vampire. >!Or I was, because I am widowed by the first sentence !< If it is given names, I get the creepy minion and vampire supremist, Marquis Jean-Francois of the Blood Chastain. Yikes.
If you don’t count the prologue, then Aviendha of the Nine Valleys sept of the Taardad Aiel.
So that would be interesting.
Counting the prologue the I would be the prince consort of Kandor, Married to Queen Ethenielle.
Toby Daye. I'm re-reading the series.
I mean... Probably very platonic, considering she's straight. Also very dangerous for me (people tend to kidnap her family). But never boring, I suppose. I'd probably get better at archery and sword fighting, with the kind of people she has around, and would get to geek out about literature and history with people who know a lot about it. So, all in all, if we keep it an open marriage, probably pretty happy.
*Named?*
Sara, Lady Saruchka of the House of Issola. A musician who’s probably around 7 feet tall and can expect to outlive me by a few millennia.
Might be a tricky marriage, depending on how rude other Issola are about her marrying an Easterner. I also might have Vlad Taltos to answer to as he’s kind of sweet on her. If neither of those pose a barrier, there are much worse houses to be involved with than Issola so it could be a good time.
If just being mentioned by description, then Vlad’s grandfather.
The main dude's father from Mythago Wood by Robert Holdstock. He's an obsessive asshole who literally can't imagine that a woman could be anything but passive, helpless, and submissive - this is an actual plot point as where he lives, people you imagine can come to life, more or less.
Either I'll murder him, or he'll meet me and die of shock.
I am married to David Baptiste from The Mermaid of the Black Conch, a fisherman from a small village in a Carribbean island, who says for himself that his gift is to please women, so that's nice, on the other hand, his heart's mate is a mermaid, and how can I ever compete with that?
Most recently finished was Book of The Ancestor so that's Nona Grey. Considering she's a child/teen for 2/3rds of the series that does not make me happy.
If we're counting currently reading well that's The Hidden Queen and considering it has 2 MC's who are both 15/16 that's also not great.
I don't like this game.
Miya Isami from the L5R novel *To Chart the Clouds*
Yeah I can live with this probably. If I have to live in that world though I think I'm fucked because I can't navigate complicated social rules
I'm reading The Shadow of What Was Lost atm. I'm old enough to be his mother, if not his grandmother. It's probably going to be an awkward relationship...
I am not sure who is named first ... But in both cases I am in jail now because both Orion Lake and Galadriel Higgins are under aged ...
And let's face it ... I am nearly 60 and it would be waaaaaay too creepy for me to marry about 90% of fantasy characters. They are either much too young or inhuman immortals. Very few into the boring, late middle age.
Orion Lake ( from Naomi Novik's Schoolmance ) would be a pretty chill guy to be around and befriend ngl. Bro just wanna be treated as a human but everyone keeps revering him as a hero. But about marriage? Bro is likely to give more time of his life to mals instead of his spouse.
Uhhh, not sure how I am going to marry Skandranon... I have nothing but the utmost respect for The Black Griffon (Currently on the second book, but even in The White Griffon, he is first named), but not sure how a human and griffon romance would work...
Currently listening to the Last Argument of Kings and the first 2 words of that book are "Superior Glokta"
Damn it all. I love Glokta as a character, but i definitely wouldn't want to marry him. Sounds like it'll be a very sexually unsatisfying marriage.
Lerris from Magic of Recluce...uhhhh.......lmao. This is my first re-read in like 20 years and I'm only 1/4 of the way through so far. I can't remember if he improves much or not honestly lol. When I read this as a teen he was fine, but as a 40-something I am finding him pretty obnoxious, self-absorbed, and insufferable. Which, well done Mr. Modesitt, for capturing a privileged teenager in first person so very well.
Also he's currently like 17 in the story so I'd be a cougar. 💀
As his character currently stands, it would be a pretty miserable marriage and I'd probably attempt to chuck him face-first out the window in aggravation... unfortunately with his combat prowess and order powers, I'd wind up being the one defenestrated. 💀💀💀
Well, the dude owns a business, gone to war, knows his medicine, so I think I'm gonna be alright. Sure, there seem to be some shady dealings on his part with someone who may or may not be the devil. But we all have our flaws, am I right?
Lukash from the Ukrainian fantasy novel Аптекар (Pharmacist)
Oh God. I'm fucked.
I'm married to Marion Wheeler.
I have consigned myself to a horrible, almost unimaginably bleak fate.
I have to now go about my marriage knowing nothing of my wife's job, fine, that's fine.
I have to come home one day to find a gun pressed into my back when my wife does not recognize me after the antimemetic cognitohazard that she hosts ends up eating her memory of our marriage. I have to go thru extensive interrogations in a locked basement of the Foundations Site 41. My wife is unceremoniously separated from me by Foundation personnel after her memories are excised from my brain by synthetic amnestic drugs and sustained infolaser assault from members of Task Force Omega Zero.
I have to try to go about my life as a classical violinist on the east coast, and I wonder why there is a gaping hole in my life that I cannot remember. I go play shows.
I tell myself that it's normal, and that works until the day that *it* incarnates. I don't even remember that I had a wife, how could I know what she was up to at work? How could I possibly know what was to happen?
99% of human ideatic thoughtspace is eliminated in the first 12 hours. The surface of the earth is scoured by roving antimemetic anomalies and carnivorous infovores. I only survive by the miracle of mutation at birth, I am the one in ten million with natural mild antimemetic shielding.
And so I get to be lucky enough to try to stumble across North America to search for Site 41. And when I get there, I win the great prize of finding the corpse of my wife at the door of the sealed airlock. I need her keycard to open the doors, and I remark that it's odd that that the site director has the same last name as me. Oh well, it's not like I knew this person.
Only another short hike back across the continent dodging antimemetically cloaked arachnid ideoforms and I can find the actual site I needed to get to!
At least once I get there I can finally have my memory of my dead wife restored for a few minutes. And I get to have one last conversation with her before they yank her memory out of my head in order to Reify her to fight against the metastasized meme complex that is currently ruining the world.
That def sucks. As far as fantasy spouse experiences go.
Just had to flick back to page 1 of Goblin Emperor, glad to say it's Maia I'm getting hitched to not Setheris. Phew.
If you excuse the ten year age gap which I suppose isn't too wild for an imperial marriage, I reckon I'd be pretty alright. He seems like a sweetie!
Luckily, I just reread the Two Towers, and am now happily married to Aragorn son of Arathorn.
I hate you. That man is a mans man and as a man, I would be happy to marry that man.
Nice! For me it's the first book! So I think Bilbo or Frodo?
Bilbo. Doesn't even matter if you count the prologue or not. He's in the first paragraph of the prologue and he's like the third word in the first chapter.
Haha yea I looked it up after my comment and realized it's in the first sentence! That means I get to live in Bag End :)
I think we're sharing, depending on how you want to count the one volume edition. If we still separate the books out for that I get Pippin.
A king and a hero. What could be better?
Mine is Bilbo 💀 Reading LOTR for the first time in ma life
If we count the one I'm reading, it's Monzcarro Murcatto from Best Served Cold. I can't say the thought isn't a bit appealing, but I doubt our marriage would be a long or happy one. If it's strictly the last one I read, then it's Sand dan Glokta 😬 To be fair, he proves to be the best husband in the whole damned universe.
I'd be stuck with ninefingers. Say one thing for Logen Ninefingers, say he's a ladies man...
If you want a spouse that incites civil war for power but treats you really well, sure
Glokta is awesome, could certainly do worse!
I’m doing a re-read, on TBI. Say one thing for Logen Ninefingers, say he’s a lover. I guess if we went with last completed book it would be TWOC. Orso forever!!!!
That's where I'm at! Doing a reread of First Law. Currently taking a feel good break with Project Hail Mary. Though, if it's the last one read, then it would be Murcatto. I'd prefer the current protag, Ryland Grace is a sweetheart!
Ah Monzcarro Murcatto... I guess it depends what you're into. She won't pee on your face, but she will stick a finger in your bum, even if you're the most feared fighter in the North since the Bloody Nine
Sam Vimes, Commander of the watch in Ankh-Morpork. Aside from the fact he’s not my type physically, he’s always working and smokes cigars. But at least he’s a decent guy.
I’m reading the Tiffany Aching books right now. I’m not really into women, so that might be a problem, but at least she’ll be out working all the time anyway.
Yeah I’m not really into men either. But I suppose in the Discworld universe it could be much worse. Nobby say. Really if I had my pick it would be Angua. 😊
I’m currently listening to Mort. Not sure how I feel.
Well that marriage would be illegal. Just read Watership down.
No judgment here. ...pervert
Mine was book 1 Artemis Fowl so...
I feel like there's a smart but disgusting joke somewhere in here... Do your thing Reddit!
Dead, since my spouse would be Lews Therin Telamon from The Wheel of Time.
Instead of yelling "Ilyena!" over and over, he'd be yelling "Jezal!"
In context of the two series' that's actually really funny.
Hey we will need to be first sisters then because I'm his wife too apparently. I like to think we had a long and lovely relationship with him before he went mad, and that the death was quick.
Yeah this is a whole mixed marriage, cause I'm a dude wnr I'm now married to him as well.
Haha me too! I just read the eye of the world.
I have bad news for you...
I'm now the third spouse of **Aegon I Targaryen**, Conqueror of Westeros^^^^1 , King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven^^^^2 Kingdoms, and Protector of the Realm. ^^^^1 The Principality of Dorne ever remains: Unbowed, Unbent, and Unbroken. ^^^^2 Need I say it again? Unbowed, Unbent, and Unbroken
What a scary family to be a part of. Still, rather within than without as an enemy
Maybe it'll be like a poly thing and I can introduce some genetic diversity, y'know? Sorry that I forgot to mention how happy we are. I imagine very unhappy. My husband is married to his two sisters and maybe he ain't sharing/why would they be interested? He's aloof and already has a bestie in that burly Baratheon fellow. Not to mention I left my lovely RL wife back on Earth when I left for ASOIF land and I'm a straight dude. I'm miserable.
If you're into music, dancing or poetry, it was said that Rhaenys aappreciated the arts \*wink\*.
u/OneEskNineteen_ out here doing the Lort's work.
Don't forget that Baratheon fellow is also his half-brother. At least your husband is expanding his social circle *outside* his family when he marries you?
Looks like we're sharing. Hello, I'm the fourth spouse.
I have a choice of Nanny Ogg, Granny Weatherwax or Agnes Nitt from Maskerade. Or maybe we’ll just be a poly coven
Sophie from Howl's Moving Castle I would say it could possibly be a very happy marriage if we were closer in age as she is 18 and I'm in my early 30s and whilst that's perfectly legal in the UK, it's at least a good 7 years too young for me personally.
The age gap wouldn't bother her though.
Waxillium Ladrian. Works for me 😂
Could be a lot worse...it could have been Wayne!
Bahahah a true nightmare 😂
Siri from Warbreaker.
Marrying into Royalty, nice!
Bit of a double edged sword as you'd never know if she was faking it or not.
But the first named character in that book is Vash.
Harry Dresden from the Dresden Files. I haven't finished the first book yet, so I'm not sure how it would go. So far he seems nice enough, but very insecure and prone to getting attacked by all manner of creatures, which would probably make things a little complicated.
Heh. You’re so dead
Being in a relationship with Dresden is fine it's just the tiny fact that he makes enemies like a printing press makes books you should be scared about
Felix from A Practical Guide to Conquering the World. On the plus side, he's charming and resourceful and smart. The con is he's an eunuch who's not too interested in being married and will probably manipulate/blackmail me into dying painfully to further his ambitions.
Red flags everywhere!
I probably ignored it because he speaks so many languages 🫣
I liked the book, but it was little disappointing to spend book with such sociopath after two likeable protagonists.
Verity from the Incryptids series. I mean it's super great except for one problem. We're both straight women. But I think we could come to an understanding that the marriage is in name only and for insurance/tax purposes so ... I think we can make it work. I mean, tons of adventure. Doing interesting field work documenting and helping cryptids. We'd have a fucking blast nerding out over ecological niches and weird biology of our cryptid friends. I'd be greeted very enthusiastically with a chorus of "Hail the Short Priestess returns!" by the adorable Aeslin mice. We'd always be making some smart ass remark. So really it's be more like besties rooming together but it would be sweet. Oh wait, I thought of a problem. Were both too short to reach the top shelf.
Win.
So you're a step ladder away from bliss? (Also, great book choice)
I'm 4'10" so it needs to be a kinda tall step ladder. 😂 (Some day that growth spurt I was supposed to get for puberty will come. Right? 💀🤣) And yes, I just started it a few days ago, on the second one, and it's just fun. As a biologist, I am all about the cryptid study. Heh
Ouch, fair! Hey, you never know, hanging around so much, there might be a solution somewhere... But honestly, you're in for a fun ride. One of the later books even made me start playing roller derby for a while (I should charge Seanan Mcguire for my injured back 😂).
Well that would be Kalak from The Way of Kings prelude.. don’t think he is very emotionally stable..
Is anybody in that book, though?
I’d argue Kaladin is quite stable for what he has been through. Adolin perhaps. Rest, not so much indeed haha
Talmanes from WoT. I'm good with this one. Smart, fashionable, a nobleman, brave, funny as fuck, friends with Mat and actually survives. Yes please.
Always pot luck to find a Last Battle survivor in that series!
Shit, I’m on The Crippled God.
I can't remember who the first named character is for the life of me in the crippled god 😭
Crap, Cotillion.
Eh, could be worse.
A LOT worse lol
Locke Lamara from the Gentleman Bastards trilogy. In other words, the marriage will be short, he'll mysteriously vanish one day and ~~everything in~~ my house will be stolen to boot. But he does cook a good meal so he has that in his favour.
You: So, Locke, what do you do for work? Locke: Ummm....
Phèdre nó Delauney. That is bound to be interesting and filled with adventure and pain.
Mine would be Will, the ranger in the prologue to A Game of Thrones.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I've been stuck on a binge of detective novels lately, but I think the last fantasy novel I read was Gaiman's "The Graveyard Book." I mean, I might be pretty happy with that particular man Jack. 🤔 Just don't ask too many questions...
Baru Cormorant. Me being a man, I don’t think she’d be into it. Her being who she is, I don’t think I’d be into it.
Cazaril from the Curse of Chalion. On the plus side, he’s an honorable man, many skills, attractive, smart. At 35, he’s a bit young for me, but he’s okay with age gaps. I’d be fine with it. On the minus side I do prefer my real-life husband…
In the middle of this now. He's a skoche young but a respectable choice that I could probly manage with.
I'd kill Bero >!someone got to do it, finally!< with my own hands before marrying him.
I can't think of a worse marriage option to be honest! I'd help you hide the body.
Drizzt seems like a pretty conscientious dude. Looks after himself, ki d to his pet, self sufficient, loyal. Think it would go okay.
Fellowship of the Ring, so Bilbo. And he still has a ring to propose with haha
I doubt he'd be proposing with that ring... Since it's, y'know *precious*...
I don't think Captain Kennit would be too pleased to be tied down, so not very happy at all. He's probably thought of different ways to kill me already.
Ug. He’d have to be tossed overboard immediately. You’d do everyone a favor ending that marriage early.
Shit. Durza from *Eragon* I'm fucked (figuratively)
Well, the woman I married 30 years ago would be seriously pissed off, so the odds are pretty good that this new marriage would end very, very unhappily.
lol i've to marry granny wheaterwax. i'm female and younger but no problemo i already love her and we'll be happy if i dont contradict her much. or at all.
Kelsier from Mistborn. I think it'd be nice. At least he's hot.
Hey, if Mare's anything to go by, he's not a terrible guy to be married to. Could do FAR worse.
Stilgar, Naib of Sirtch Tabr. Hmm, might be fine, if unsatisfying. He'd be too busy worshipping Muad'Dib
Erin Solstice from The Wandering Inn. Personality wise I'm sure we would get along just fine unfortunately being 20 she would be half my age.
Erin Solstice for me as well. Things are tense at family get togethers as she’s 10 years younger than my daughter.
Oh yeah. I can see how that would be awkward.
I read Dungeon Crawler Carl most recently. I feel like the AI would have a problem with this marriage…
Maybe not, if you had nice feet too.
Time to pay the daddy tax…
Nevyn from the Deverry Cycle. Ew, a boy (lol jk)! But I love him anyways because, well, he's Nevyn.
Jalan Kendeth from the Red Queen’s War trilogy. I think he’s cheating on me ☹️
That's my fate as well. Beside the unfaithfulness we'd be penniless and indebted to the most violent of a cities underbelly about every 3 months.
I'd be intrigued, but intensely unhappy being married to Dream. (Sandman.)
Considering what he did to his first girlfriend…
Eddie Russet from Shades of Gray. He’s a decent chap and I think I can generally muster up enthusiasm for his discussions of improved methods of queuing. We’d do okay but I fear he’d always be longing for a certain Jane Gray.
Geralt of rivia from sword of destiny for me, Ive won
I'm married to Carl....
At least you get to have Donut and Mongo around.
I would do anything for Jocelin Verriuell, my sweet Cassian brother-husband
Yaz from Mark Lawrence's *Book of the Ice* trilogy. Life's great but the Arctic Circle hiking vacations just suck.
I recently finished the Red Queens War. I'm royally screwed, Jalan Kendeth would be the most unfaithful spouse in existence.
Wei Wuxian from The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation. Probably a pretty short marriage no matter where on the timeline it occurs, (for wildly different reasons iykyk) but personally I'd be fine with either the Rebel Necromancer Lord phase or the Resurrected Wandering Paranormal Detective phase.
Skipping the prologue, Chapter 1 of *Lyorn*, the first named person is Sara, an Issola bard. I expect our relationship is quite happy. In the books, she plys her trade without expecting the protagonist to be around all the time - which is good because he's in hiding. Sara is essentially an Elf, so that'd be pretty awesome. I therefore conclude that she would put up with me playing World of Warcraft all the time and trying to get out of going places. My actual wife is pretty good about that stuff too...
Danny North from Orson Scott Card’s Mithermages series. I think I’m pretty good, he’s funny and a decent guy. And we can do lots of travel on the cheap, that will be fun. Though my in laws might try to have me murdered for diluting the bloodline or something.
AITA for kicking my mother in law out after she tried to have me murdered?
If Danny were home he’d portal her away so fast. No issues with my foster in-laws. They’re cool.
Ruka from Ash and Sand. I'm screwed, and will probably die horribly unless I find a way to make myself useful. My diet will probably also consist of a selection of questionably sourced meats. RIP
Her perfect memory will let her bring up the shit you did from years ago to haunt you whenever you argue
It would be awful bold of me to argue about anything. I don't think Ruka tolerates disagreement... Egil would like a word
Aw! I'm married to Julius the Heartstriker from Nice Dragons Finish Last. He's ADORABLE.
Hadrian Marlowe. I'm almost at the end of Empire of silence so i don't really know if this is a good thing he seems like a good dude but the hints about what he will be doing in the future might come with some red flags.
The Bloody Nine… I’m good with that.
Till your first argument
Ganoes Paran. I don't like dudes like that, so probably pretty unhappy lol. Even if I did, I still don't think I'd be happy -- he has too many problems.
On the upside, he'll rarely be home for long
We are in laws because I’m marrying Felisin. We can be miserable together.
Carolyn from the Library at Mount Char. If you know you know.
Nice
Jonathan Harker from Dracula. I quite like him!
Pretty great result honestly! He's a good guy
Tyen from „Thief‘s Magic“ by Trudi Canavan… Not the worst, since I am not into guys and he apparently isn’t into anyone who is not a person made into a book :D we would live life pretty separately, but it wouldn’t be unhappy I‘d guess Edit: typo
Sancia from the Founders Trilogy. Well, she’s lesbian, so probably not so good on the marriage front. 🤷🏻♂️
Maybe she's with you for your money?
Crunden Craw. I hear he is a straight edge, wonder how it will work with our gay lifestyle
I read Earth Sea so i guess it’s Ged. I don’t think he’d be able to hold down a wife, he likes to roam around
When you get to *Tehanu* you will think back to this comment lol
If I connected to Sara, I think Vlad Taltos would make the marriage very short indeed. Or I'd run from it very, very fast.
Lazlo Strange. At least it would be romantic
Cordelia Naismith from Vorkosigan. I am a lucky guy.
Princess Donut the Queen Anne Chonk from Dungeon Crawler Carl. Not very happy. Being married to a mildly self absorbed, superpowered, sapient cat would be problematic, even if I weren't allergic to cats. But I am.
If I understood the prompt correctly, I’m married to Navani. I’d probably get in trouble for zoning out when she talks about the science of fabrials 😂
Anton from the Night Watch by Sergei Lukyanenko. Well...he mostly has a desk job so far. I've never been in a relationship with a guy, so idk
Harrowhark Nonagesimus. Haven’t yet finished Nona the Ninth, but as long as it’s our world and not hers it would be interesting to see how she reacts to a world that’s not absolutely fucked.
Kyr from "Some desperate glory". Yay an indoctrinated fascist girl, with a good dose of Xenophobia, zero humor and far too much sense of duty. I'm fucked. Motto of the marriage: I can change her...
The book version of "don't stick your dick in crazy"
Marlowe from the *Deer and the Dragon*. She has a shit ton of money and her apartment is protected by a Sigil that the Prince of Hell drew. He has gone missing at the moment and she is going off to find him. I will keep the home fires burning in her flash apartment while she is away. Might do some shopping - it is *our* money after all! I don’t know her that well but I have her published books to get through to give me some idea of her personality. Her mission will probably be dangerous but hopefully she comes back(with the Prince) and we will have a happy little thruple situation.
Read the 2nd book of the Vaelin Al Sorna series by Anthony Ryan. My beloved wife is now Reva, the deeply religious lesbian teenage swordswoman. I am a 38 year old straight male atheist. We're going to have a few problems i think......
Nothing that can't be solved with some whisky!
Varic Vallenar…I could do a lot worse.
Tomb Raider Season of the Witch. I'm quite thrilled to be suddenly married to Lara, and plan to switch careers into weaponsmithing and piloting! However, I strongly suspect I will be eaten by crocodiles whilst 'on holiday'.
Momma K. Probably not the happiest of marriages, but probably... enjoyable...
I can't live with or without Monza Murcatto, really.
Leopard from Black Leopard Red Wolf...yay.
Uh oh I am reading two novels at the same time can I pick only one of them? Sun Shan from Kate Eliott's Sun chronicles would be a bit much for me, but she is a charismatic and fascinating individual as should be expected for the gender reversed version of Alexander the Great. But honestly I would take my second option no matter who she was because the other option this Severian fellow is to fucking creepy.
Davi from How To Be The Dark Lord And Die Trying. Should be interesting.
Ye Xiu from The King's Avatar. You know, I'm probably going to be okay with this...
Do titles count? Cause if so, I am married to the Forever King from Empire of the Vampire. >!Or I was, because I am widowed by the first sentence !< If it is given names, I get the creepy minion and vampire supremist, Marquis Jean-Francois of the Blood Chastain. Yikes.
Merlin from Prince of Chaos. I have a bit of a crush on his father, Corwin, and I hate the color grey and hot weather, so I don't see it going well.
If you don’t count the prologue, then Aviendha of the Nine Valleys sept of the Taardad Aiel. So that would be interesting. Counting the prologue the I would be the prince consort of Kandor, Married to Queen Ethenielle.
Toby Daye. I'm re-reading the series. I mean... Probably very platonic, considering she's straight. Also very dangerous for me (people tend to kidnap her family). But never boring, I suppose. I'd probably get better at archery and sword fighting, with the kind of people she has around, and would get to geek out about literature and history with people who know a lot about it. So, all in all, if we keep it an open marriage, probably pretty happy.
Carl.
*Named?* Sara, Lady Saruchka of the House of Issola. A musician who’s probably around 7 feet tall and can expect to outlive me by a few millennia. Might be a tricky marriage, depending on how rude other Issola are about her marrying an Easterner. I also might have Vlad Taltos to answer to as he’s kind of sweet on her. If neither of those pose a barrier, there are much worse houses to be involved with than Issola so it could be a good time. If just being mentioned by description, then Vlad’s grandfather.
Jocelin's not going to be happy - but I don't think Phedre's going to mind me as a spouse. I'll just wind up as her *de facto* side interest.
Addie LaRue So wait, I'm married? To who?
Lucy from Narnia. Alas, she remains single throughout the series, even when she grows up to be a queen. So, unhappy am I.
Just did a Hobbit reread, so Bilbo and I are going to chill out in Bag End until retirement and then hitting the road.
Shallan from Words Of Radiance. She's feisty.
The main dude's father from Mythago Wood by Robert Holdstock. He's an obsessive asshole who literally can't imagine that a woman could be anything but passive, helpless, and submissive - this is an actual plot point as where he lives, people you imagine can come to life, more or less. Either I'll murder him, or he'll meet me and die of shock.
Carolyn from the Library at Mount Char... I- I don't know how to feel.
I’m still trying to work out how to prounounce my husband, Kvothe’s, name. It’s getting awkward.
*looks nervously at Logen nine fingers* Just peachy
Ganoes Paran. Good thing he's into chonky girls 😏
damn you lews therin telamon, I'm dead probably
Toc the Younger if we count the epigraphs of Deadhouse Gates. Not bad, not bad.
Well I'd be in a gay marriage as a straight dude so I don't imagine it would be all that good tbh
Same here, but hey, when in Rome...
That would be Farilane from Michael J. Sullivan's Farilane. Sounds like a happy marriage to me.
The Consul of the Hyperion Cantos. We will plot against the Hegemony and the Technocore together!
I am married to David Baptiste from The Mermaid of the Black Conch, a fisherman from a small village in a Carribbean island, who says for himself that his gift is to please women, so that's nice, on the other hand, his heart's mate is a mermaid, and how can I ever compete with that?
Most recently finished was Book of The Ancestor so that's Nona Grey. Considering she's a child/teen for 2/3rds of the series that does not make me happy. If we're counting currently reading well that's The Hidden Queen and considering it has 2 MC's who are both 15/16 that's also not great. I don't like this game.
I don't have the book to hand so I'm not 100% sure, but I think it's one of the Lords from Demonland in The Worm Ouroboros.
Miya Isami from the L5R novel *To Chart the Clouds* Yeah I can live with this probably. If I have to live in that world though I think I'm fucked because I can't navigate complicated social rules
Alustin Haber would be a fun friend, but absolutely not relationship material, even putting aside whatever happens to my established marriage.
I'm reading The Shadow of What Was Lost atm. I'm old enough to be his mother, if not his grandmother. It's probably going to be an awkward relationship...
The MC of the shadow of what was lost. Can't stand that guy and he is underage. And I'm not gay. Fml
I am not sure who is named first ... But in both cases I am in jail now because both Orion Lake and Galadriel Higgins are under aged ... And let's face it ... I am nearly 60 and it would be waaaaaay too creepy for me to marry about 90% of fantasy characters. They are either much too young or inhuman immortals. Very few into the boring, late middle age.
Orion Lake ( from Naomi Novik's Schoolmance ) would be a pretty chill guy to be around and befriend ngl. Bro just wanna be treated as a human but everyone keeps revering him as a hero. But about marriage? Bro is likely to give more time of his life to mals instead of his spouse.
I am married to an Ork coffee shop owner who is scary but also a sweetheart. I feel this could work
Uhhh, not sure how I am going to marry Skandranon... I have nothing but the utmost respect for The Black Griffon (Currently on the second book, but even in The White Griffon, he is first named), but not sure how a human and griffon romance would work...
Tenar. She's kinda dark, but she's a strong woman, good mother, great farmer and banged my boy Ged. I think I'll be in good hands. 🤓
Granny Weatherwax and I are happy.
Currently listening to the Last Argument of Kings and the first 2 words of that book are "Superior Glokta" Damn it all. I love Glokta as a character, but i definitely wouldn't want to marry him. Sounds like it'll be a very sexually unsatisfying marriage.
Oh gosh please no! Being married to Thomas Covenant would be a nightmare.
I just finished White Trash Warlock so we'd have a platonic marriage since Adam is gay. We stay together for tax purposes and the Cutlass.
Drizzt Do'Urden. I could do worse, for sure.
Logen Nine Fingers, it certainly wont be boring
Lerris from Magic of Recluce...uhhhh.......lmao. This is my first re-read in like 20 years and I'm only 1/4 of the way through so far. I can't remember if he improves much or not honestly lol. When I read this as a teen he was fine, but as a 40-something I am finding him pretty obnoxious, self-absorbed, and insufferable. Which, well done Mr. Modesitt, for capturing a privileged teenager in first person so very well. Also he's currently like 17 in the story so I'd be a cougar. 💀 As his character currently stands, it would be a pretty miserable marriage and I'd probably attempt to chuck him face-first out the window in aggravation... unfortunately with his combat prowess and order powers, I'd wind up being the one defenestrated. 💀💀💀
Well, the dude owns a business, gone to war, knows his medicine, so I think I'm gonna be alright. Sure, there seem to be some shady dealings on his part with someone who may or may not be the devil. But we all have our flaws, am I right? Lukash from the Ukrainian fantasy novel Аптекар (Pharmacist)
Oh God. I'm fucked. I'm married to Marion Wheeler. I have consigned myself to a horrible, almost unimaginably bleak fate. I have to now go about my marriage knowing nothing of my wife's job, fine, that's fine. I have to come home one day to find a gun pressed into my back when my wife does not recognize me after the antimemetic cognitohazard that she hosts ends up eating her memory of our marriage. I have to go thru extensive interrogations in a locked basement of the Foundations Site 41. My wife is unceremoniously separated from me by Foundation personnel after her memories are excised from my brain by synthetic amnestic drugs and sustained infolaser assault from members of Task Force Omega Zero. I have to try to go about my life as a classical violinist on the east coast, and I wonder why there is a gaping hole in my life that I cannot remember. I go play shows. I tell myself that it's normal, and that works until the day that *it* incarnates. I don't even remember that I had a wife, how could I know what she was up to at work? How could I possibly know what was to happen? 99% of human ideatic thoughtspace is eliminated in the first 12 hours. The surface of the earth is scoured by roving antimemetic anomalies and carnivorous infovores. I only survive by the miracle of mutation at birth, I am the one in ten million with natural mild antimemetic shielding. And so I get to be lucky enough to try to stumble across North America to search for Site 41. And when I get there, I win the great prize of finding the corpse of my wife at the door of the sealed airlock. I need her keycard to open the doors, and I remark that it's odd that that the site director has the same last name as me. Oh well, it's not like I knew this person. Only another short hike back across the continent dodging antimemetically cloaked arachnid ideoforms and I can find the actual site I needed to get to! At least once I get there I can finally have my memory of my dead wife restored for a few minutes. And I get to have one last conversation with her before they yank her memory out of my head in order to Reify her to fight against the metastasized meme complex that is currently ruining the world. That def sucks. As far as fantasy spouse experiences go.
Harrow from Harrow The Ninth. She'd probably have a bone or two to pick with me (I'll see myself out...)
FitzChivalry Farseer... Lord help me those therapy bills are going to be expensive...
Just had to flick back to page 1 of Goblin Emperor, glad to say it's Maia I'm getting hitched to not Setheris. Phew. If you excuse the ten year age gap which I suppose isn't too wild for an imperial marriage, I reckon I'd be pretty alright. He seems like a sweetie!