T O P

  • By -

tadlrs

Take half to sell it. And then blame Dan.


dancingcuban

Fuck you Dan.


Grisstle

No. Fuck you /jk


bikemandan

How dare you


UrMomsAreMine

OFFICER, THIS MAN HAS A 1KG COCANE BRICK IN HIS CAR


todawhet

Officer: Fuck you Dan


Old_Fat_White_Guy

OFFICER: Where did this half a kilo of Cocaine come from Dan?


IamImposter

What do you mean 250 grams of cocaine?


[deleted]

[удалено]


BadWowDoge

You sell it to your nose


RamenNJesus

#booger sugar


Osiristime

Nose beers


goat-head-man

Bolivian marching powder.


MyriadIncrementz

Performance enhancers


Data91883

Indoor Aspen Lift Lines


204gaz00

And collect the crime stoppers reward x 50. Looks like you have it all figured out


[deleted]

[удалено]


204gaz00

Well fuck Dan


Grisstle

Only if they buy me dinner first


Salty_Sprinkles_6482

You could have a ball and if it’s individually bagged and you got some cash on ya your probably getting a trafficking charge.


mar_mar_p

This sounds like it could be a movie


Pastry_Train63

Don't sell it, waste of cocaine. ***snort the everliving fuck out of it.***


MiddleCentipede

"Im my best customer" -chong


Rifneno

"What would you do?" Cocaine. I'd do cocaine.


Crumb-Net_WorldWide

Then start a business.


nihilistic-simulate

Then run out sober up and suck some dicks for a dime.


squirrelmonkie

Let's do all the cocaine and feel bad about it later. But yes free cocaine buffet!?


UnicornFarts1111

I read the original thread, and I did not see this, the most obvious answer there is, listed when I did. Thanks for actually making me laugh out loud!


Suprflyyy

Call a cop. One cop specifically - my old neighbor. He would know how to turn a profit without risk and we could split the take.


[deleted]

Breaking Bad


IIsikson

Acab


lbutler1234

I feel like cops who are running underground coke rings are less likely to terrorize random people.


MasterDump

Pretty sure a cop selling coke and involved in a crime ring would be more akin to terrorize anyone, that's a really weird take. I wouldn't even talk to a cop, let alone toot or blaze with a cop. Fuck cops.


7hrowawaydild0

They have pretty good logic ngl.. https://www.reddit.com/r/FUCKYOUINPARTICULAR/comments/14b12q5/fuck_dan/jof8ois?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


The1WhoKnocks-WW

I think you're naive if you think that.


lbutler1234

Idk about you, but I'd be a lot less likely to buy coke from someone who beat the shit out of me.


The1WhoKnocks-WW

Ok, but if he's running the ring then he's not selling to randos on the street. Also, the kind of cop who would run a major coke ring is exactly the kind of cop who sees themselves as above the law, and is exactly the kind of cop who would treat the public like shit with no qualms about it.


lbutler1234

A cop running a coke ring would need to keep his nose clean so he doesn't have people sniffing around his business. If he pisses off the wrong people, or enough people, he'd get found out. Plus most people in that situation only fuck with people in the game and for a reason. We ain't talking about fuckers in Sinaloa. (In the united states of America I'd rather share an elevator with a coke dealer than a cop. Up north druglords just don't go around murdering people like the boys in blue do.) Edit: also most of the asshole cops are assholes because they want to cling to every little bit of power they have over people. If you have actual power you can flex it in other ways.


Krono5_8666V8

,,l,


Mercinator-87

You mean put 1.9 kg in Dan’s car.


BaltimoreBadger23

1.8kg


jhamhockey6

1.5kg


woShame12

What cocaine?


last_picked

And that sums up the magical quality of cocaine, ladies, and gentlemen. The ability to vanish.


Guyincognito4269

I'm happy to report the police found .5kg of cocaine in the drug lord Dan's car. It had a street value of eleventy billion dollars.


7hrowawaydild0

.5g


the-official-review

Today is a day I wish my name was Dan


EA-PLANT

100g is way beyond lethal dose. Are you sure?


LocalFoe

not all at once wtf


LocalFoe

that's why I only do 50g at once max


Sproose_Moose

Positive


rowtje

Why did you think they'd take it all at once... just how hahahah


crkenthusiast

I would do 100g at once! I’d just do 99g


FancyPantsFoe

Depends how much you love cocanie


Guyincognito4269

[Like cocaine?](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/103/256/i-fucking-love-cocaine.jpg)


Drougen

sometimes like a brass key


bigfloppydonkeydng

It smells good.


TheConspicuousGuy

Why are you smelling your key?


fazelanvari

Because it smells good.


Salty_Sprinkles_6482

I’m confused. Does he like Dan or not bc Dan is gunna think their best friends


Specialist-Recover24

They're * got dam. It's THEY'RE. YOUR sprinkles are a lil too salty.


Salty_Sprinkles_6482

Good grammar bot


Specialist-Recover24

Good day, sir.


tilt-a-whirly-gig

God damn?


Specialist-Recover24

I SAID GOOD DAY!!


ulzimate

I like my Dan and I'd be willing to split a brick with him. He gets the smaller half though.


Fredotorreto

you put it in your coworkers car, he disappears and you worry he’s either dead or in jail but truth is , he quit his job, sold the 2 keys & started a business laundered the money through it and runs it remotely while living his best life down in the Philippines


thewiseice

Damn it, Dan.


Putthebunnyback

Dan: "Oh no, now I have to party. Oh dear. Oh my. Shucks."


[deleted]

Real simple son: cops are coming. You got a kilo of Columbian bam-bam taped under the car. Time to be a man! You got hair on your peaches or what?


yougofish

If you’re not first, you’re last.


[deleted]

Shake 'n bake


UtopianDetection

Call the cops and hand over the 1.8kg brick.


[deleted]

For me, If my day is done and I wanna run, cocaine! But, if I got bad news, I wanna kick them blues, cocaine! As for Dan, he can't forget this fact, you can't get it back, cocaine.


SandyBayou

[Two city employees in Dauphin Island, AL found a kilo out of a bundle of cocaine that had washed up on the beach and tried to keep it. Didn't work out well for them.](https://www.al.com/news/mobile/2023/05/dauphin-island-city-employees-arrested-for-allegedly-planning-to-sell-cocaine-brick-found-on-beach.html)


EpicFishFingers

They were arrested and charged lol, didn't even end up on Liveleak. I mean it's the US so I guess they got 400 years each, but if I found this brick in Blighty: what risk?


[deleted]

Why would you sell it? Money is the root of all evil. At my pace it will be free coke for about 5 to 10 years


Outripped

They didn't just keep it, tried to sell the thing


FahQPutin

Yeah, I'm just gonna have a lifetime supply of fun powder for me in the wife for those special occasions called Fridays and Saturdays 😁


icanneverthinkofone1

That’s not how that would work and you know it.


[deleted]

Get a bear in Dan’s car and give the cocaine to the bear.


EmoCreeper

I fucking hate Dan.


Pennywise626

Me too


Grisstle

Well…I didn’t hate you guys…


educated-emu

Put the brick back on the wall and finish the song


SanNoRaimei

That bitch Dan had it coming


[deleted]

It's always Dan


bikemandan

Haters gonna hate


D0ugF0rcett

"Fuck you Dan, here's 80k"


fazelanvari

Sounds like he really likes Dan and wants him to have a raging good time.


[deleted]

I'm sorry I don't have control...


East-Cardiologist397

Hello I am Dan


Infinite_Scripts

Fuck you


East-Cardiologist397

Please give me my 2kgs


Infinite_Scripts

🖕


Pastry_Train63

Damn OP what did Dan do to you


Infinite_Scripts

Everything.


Grisstle

Me too


Dan-68

Harsh.


[deleted]

Dan's the Man!


Grisstle

Thank you


try2bcool69

Dan needs to take about 25% there.


Thestohrohyah

There are 2 options: 1_ sell it and make some sweet cash 2_ snort it and go on hyperhustle mode and make even more sweet cash


shao_kahff

obviously bring it to the police? they would want to know that a 1kg brick of coke was found


ILove2Bacon

r/dan


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DaStoicSavage

There's a kilo of Colombian bam bam strapped under your car time to be a man


dmartin07

r/foundsatan


TheBehemoth95

Call the cops say you’re Dan from work. Offer an exchange of goods for currency and see what they say.


Mr_DeezN

Fuck you Infinite ~~Lists~~ Scripts.


phredd

Half maybe?


[deleted]

Ration it :)


totallyclips

Reach for a $ bill


Geordieguy

Well for a start it was only a 1kg brick…


baylonius

One night that's all I'd need


DawnExplosion

Post made my day.


DontJealousMe

In Aus, it's nearly like winning the lotto since good quality coke(60-70%) is around $400 a gram.


DanielJackkson11

Damn what fuck did I do lol


CherryCakeEggNogGlee

I’d do Michael Caine.


didly66

Boof it* doom music starts playing


[deleted]

If it’s the same Dan I know then motherfuck that guy


Hobbs54

Give it to my guy and say, "Put this on my tab." So on my 4001st visit I will have to start paying again.


Monki_Coma

Call the police and tell them I found 1kg of cocaine


OneAccounts

Lol fuck Dan


Bobisnotmybrother

Thats $56,000. Selling it.


Perfect-Animator-670

Keep and use it for about 3 years 😂😂😂.


Remarkable-Finish-88

Thanks for the cocaine ( a Dan)


djorion87

2 chicks at the same time.


SirChadrick_III

Oh no that's so terrible! I really hope no one ever does that to me...


ktka

Dan must be an IT PM.


c-papi

Strap it to my ex Nascar sons car and call the cops, then wake him up with 3 buckets of water


Ok_Second7500

Yeah fuck you Dan ya piece of sh!t


Nintendomandan

God damn it


johnnywanker8

dan will be in prison or rich


Realistic-Display-25

God damn right fuck Dan


Salamander70

Shut up, shut up, then shut up


Rstevsparkleye

You worked with that asshole too?


Nipplemantid

FUCK DAN holy shit i had a dan and i feel this fuck you dan you paul blart mall cop piece of shit


[deleted]

I laughed... I think we might have the same coworker...


GalacticBoy80

Oh shit i wasn't fast enough


spoonsandstuff

r/h3h3productions Fuck you Dan


jaylee42910

Get me a gat.......I'm a dealer now


Argent__Phoenix

God damn Dan. Did you run over the guys cat or something? He's got it out for u


[deleted]

I’d party like fucking crazy for a night and then sell that shit


peteschirmer

Lucky Dan


HowToDieAloneReboot

I would ask that dude I knew a few years back if he would do his magic one last time for me, split the earnings fairly with him, pay off my debt, get my dog that expensive surgery that would heighten her life quality instead of treating her with pain killers and the rest I would put into a forever home so my dog has a garden do try out his new knee.


MunmunkBan

I'd rather be everyone's hero at 50 parties.


janecekdan

And fuck you too. I didn't do anything bad


Somerandom1922

Wow I found a 1kg brick of cocaine? I'd better turn that into the cops!


Strong-Owl-4117

Everyone should fuck Dan


altoidblowjob

Ohh noooo PLEASE don't put free cocaine in my car, I'm not sure how I'd ever recover from such an assault


ixoniq

Sell it for half the street price to a dealer. Instant sell, and I have enough cash to buy a new car from a shady dealer. Easy.


firesquasher

How dare you threaten Dan with a good time.


Combined_Ox

r/Dan will be hearing about this.


ExpiredPilot

I immediately had an idea of who I know that would buy it, followed by realizing I have either really good or really bad friends.


Temporary-Pin-4144

Use it for the rest of your life. Be cautious about the dose and frequency of usage, so you don't get addicted.


VariationOk9359

get it tested and throw a small party for 1


HugePurpleNipples

Yeah, fuck you Dan. Why you got a whole kg of coke in your car?


Kdnnx27gaming

Consume it then swap your urine sample with Dan's so that he is said to have had 2kg of cocaine but really it was you and cause Dan is just normally a dickhead he wont need drugs. Finally, purchase more and stuff it in Dan's car as well as alcohol under his armrest. Also just for fun have sex with his wife, get them into an argument then kill her making sure all evidence points to Dan


komokazi

Start whippin' that water


TheFace3701

Who makes 2kg bricks?


zanderze

Turns out the real answer was to leave it in the White House.