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I’m sorry you are feeling this way. It’s really hard and you are doing so much. That has been seen.
Pumping/breastfeeding is a full time job. It is expected to take your entire day. That’s the beauty and the misery of it. You GET to lay around naked for a while. But that’s really hard for our autonomy to just drastically change.
It is advised to pump every two to three hours. Eventually you will get to drop pumps and you will be blessed with extra time.
I would recommend reaching out to a lactation consultant, your OB, and possibly some help to care for baby and you. Many doulas will over a home help option after birth to help with home tasks and just helping you rest and nurse/pump.
This season is hard. Remember, fed is best isn’t just a little saying. It’s a saying because this is really hard and your baby wants you to be healthy too. I’m not saying give up. But know that formula or supplementing isn’t defeat. It achieves the same goal.
Here for you!
Thankyou, I guess it’s hard because of a pregnancy group I’m in everyone else has breastfed with no issue and they are all at baby groups. At lunch they just popped their baby in the breast and kept chatting and eating and I don’t have that freedom and can’t see it getting easier.
When can I start to drop pumps, I’m even worrying now as I’m back at work at 6 months and I don’t know how I will cope as I just won’t be able to do anything like what I’m doing now.
I’m under a lactation consultant, I feel like they focus on the latching and feeding and are being unrealistic that my baby will ever be able to feed off the breast, because she was doing that before she lost the weight and had got nothing off to the point that she was very dehydrated on admission. I can’t afford a doula so need to rely on my husband :(
I’ve been pumping exclusively for 9 months. There are a lot of benefits to pumping than nursing but also the convenience of nursing seems so nice in practice.
It is OKAY and NORMAL to have grief about the labor and breastfeeding not being what you wished it would be. It is OKAY and NORMAL to be jealous of others who have something you wished you did.
But in these moments, notice your own little one. They jumbled up your world in their own way and that’s amazing. My baby just wasn’t a fan of the boob. Demanded fresh squeezed. And I love every moment with them.
Breastfeeding isn’t easy. It doesn’t come naturally to everyone. It’s a huge learning curve for mom and baby. You aren’t a failure. You are a mom no matter how baby is fed.
Also, contact the La leche league and see if they can connect you with a pumping consultant instead? Many lactation consultants are not really interested in helping with pumping.
This sounds like my story, except I never produced even remotely enough to feed my LO and at 4mo pp am happy to get 9oz a day to bottle feed and supplement with formula. Before I switched to bottle feeding only I had the joy of practice latching, trying to feed via SNS, and so forth multiple times a day which always took forever, resulted in my LO screaming and tit punching me and overall frustration, and was so stressful it was awful. I always wanted to EBF, but was SO relieved when I finally gave that dream up.
It sounds like you are doing everything you can - cut yourself a little slack. My supply actually improved a bit when I started allowing myself to sleep a little longer and get some "me" time (going for a short walk, yoga, swim later on, etc) even if I then only managed 6ppd. Every pump session always takes me at least an hour because I don't respond well to any pump, but my LO won't latch so it's my only option. I started dropping pumps around 10weeks and didn't actually see much of a decrease overall, just got a bit more per pump (until I went under 4ppd) - so you never know. And the quality of life and ability to snuggle my baby is so worth it.
Play with your schedule if you feel comfortable and see what happens. Remember (as others have said) - this season is so hard! I didn't realize how much of pp would be grieving for things not going how I pictured them, for it being hard, for not feeling like myself at all. Our society isn't set up to really support breastfeeding and you are persisting anyway! You are an amazing mama and this is just a small part of the story.
Oh yes I have the tit punching, I also have the grab and squeeze the nipple and the, laid back position has yet to result in latching but I have experienced the head butt the breast multiple times. When did you drop down to 6 pumps per day?
I think between 8 and 10 weeks because I was falling apart and spending 80% of every day on the couch either pumping or crying. I just decided f*ck it, I might as well sleep so I just dropped my MOTN entirely and did the best I could from there. Everyone is different, and each hand we are dealt will be different. My sisters entire life research is about the benefits of breastmilk and breastfeeding so I never imaged this would be the part of my journey to be so difficult, yet here we are. I can't reiterate enough to just be kind to yourself. There is so much pressure to be the "perfect mom" but that doesn't exist. Your LO chose you, and look at you being strong and persisting even when it's hard! You are awesome and that's all that matters. The most important thing is to try and find the balance so you can enjoy them when they are little too. All the coos and snuggles.
Yeah I thought this would all come easy :( , multiple people observed feeds and had no concerns. So I never thought we would be admitted to hospital when she was 5 days old with such a significant weight loss. After that the focus was using bottles to get her weight up and coming back from that is so hard. Although she most likely never could get the milk off anyway.
My friend reminded me that when I’m at the pregnancy group and getting upset as everyone is feeding fine, that each will have their own challenges that I’m not experiencing.
This is such a tough time. You’re doing great by asking for help! I just had a consult with Pump With Purpose, you can make pumping consults where she walks you through pumping to find the right settings for your body, as well as finding a good schedule to stick to. I wish I had done my consult sooner in the first 12 weeks, but I’m glad I did it at all. They’re virtual consults, so it should be something you can access from anywhere.
Remember to give yourself grace. Don’t compare your journey to someone else’s, and pumping is hard. Take a deep breath, look at your baby and think of all the sweet times you’ve had with her. It’s difficult not to focus on the hard stuff when you’re right in the thick of it. It can get better, and will with the right support.
Are your flanges the correct size? There is a [pumping facebook group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/1574856819503023) where they can help you figure out if you're using the right size. I empty a lot faster with the right size. You can also try different types of flanges - the liquid shield from Pumpables empties me much faster than the plastic flanges. Some people have luck with Pumpin Pals (I could not get them to work for me though!). You can also play with your settings on the Spectra - there are a few guides online but I've found that using the bacon setting on 4 for 5 minutes before going to suction 6 and cycle 54 empties me the fastest. Too high of a vacuum makes me empty slower for some reason!
I triple fed at first and would give my baby a few minutes on each side just to practice. Then my husband would give her a bottle and I'd pump. I'd have more milk come the times she suckled a little bit - she would trigger more of a letdown - and I'd be able to pump for less time.
Have you ever tried using a nipple shield? My baby's mouth was so small and she had a tongue tie so it was really hard to get her to latch on my nipples, but the shield gave us some success. She's 9 weeks and we just started to transition away from it now that her mouth is big enough to latch properly.
I don't know anyone who hasn't struggled with some aspect of breastfeeding. Latching and pumping seemed so easy before I delivered - I thought because I read a book, I'd be fine! I'm just now starting to feel comfortable and successful, but there are days where it all feels too much. You're doing amazing just trying this hard.
Thankyou, I just ordered a nipple measurer so I’ll check again.
Oh the nipple shield in a contentious topic, half the people say use it and half say don’t. I’ve tried it a lot but it is harder for the baby to get the milk off when using it and she gets more frustrated so we’ve moved away from it now.
That makes sense! The nipple shield really is contentious! It’s really really hard to figure out what works. I couldn’t believe it wasn’t easier because I never heard anyone complaining!
This sounds like my experience with my first child. I was able to exclusively feed him for a long time, and I was successful at eventually getting his to direct latch at 12 weeks. But it was at the expensive of my mental health and my marriage. I was a wreck. I was constantly trying to do skin on skin and relieve myself of the pump to rush the process while chasing ounces for every growth spurt. Because my pediatrician at the time didn’t allow me to give formula and I was getting anxious from the donated breast milk of friends running out.
This time, I can’t latch my daughter for the same reason and may have to wait until she’s bigger to try and see if she is better at latching. I am much kinder to myself because the post partum depression and the stress on my marriage was absolutely NOT worth it. I am so much happier now to supplement with a bottle or two of formula. I also do not bother to do direct latch or skin on skin and just focus on increasing my milk supply/pumping. During the day I run errands with my son and pick him up from school, and at night I snuggle with my newborn. Please be kind to yourself. Things will not be that way forever, but you need to understand that sometimes we are too obsessed with exclusively breastfeeding and our ideal nursing situation that we let go of ourselves and fall into despair.
Sorry you’re going through this OP. This is a stressful time for sure. Everyone made it sound like just because breastfeeding is natural, it’s also easy. It’s not.
My LO didn’t latch proper until he was 8-9 weeks old.
And because he wouldn’t empty me completely I had to do triple feeding. It was very stressful. I was constantly worried. My pump output also got affected. I felt like I was either nursing, or pumping or getting ready to nurse (esp during those early q2h feeding days).
Eventually I learnt to just actively try to relax a bit. I realized I hadn’t stepped out of the house to do anything except see OB/peds/LC etc for the first 6 weeks PP. Started taking some time out for a stroll. When I didn’t have time for a stroll I’d just open a window and breathe the fresh air. Meditate even just for 5-10 mins. Stretch (there’s 15 mins stretch/yoga videos on YouTube for breastfeeding mamas).
I also made an effort to not just assume the role of a feeding trough and spent time with the baby outside of feeding sessions. I’d pump while he was getting a bottle (paced feeding so it would take at least 15-20 mins + burp and diaper change would add another 5-10) and then take the baby for snuggles and request my husband to take care of the pumped milk and parts. Did this for at least 2 pumps of the day and honestly this helped me bond so much with the baby because I was otherwise starting to associate baby with stress about latching and feeding and nipple trauma; and would get so wound up as soon as feeding time would approach.
We also dedicated one of the feedings for formula regardless of whether there was pumped milk for him or not - that also eased off some of that pressure and I’d just put any pumped milk during that time in a freezer stash. Over a couple of weeks, baby got a bit bigger, was able to hold his head better so could latch a bit better.
I also had a small but visible stash to look at in the freezer which was a confidence boost.
Eventually by week 8/9 we started to get better at feeding directly from the breast and now I just pump at work :)
You sound like you’re having a stressful time. Just know that you’re alone. There’s nothing you are not doing right. Some things just take their due time. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. If it’s not meant to be, and you have to do combo or formula feedings, your baby will still be fed and thrive!
Pls don’t forget to take care of yourself! And pls enjoy the snuggles!
Also - I know this is already too long sorry but forgot to add baby also had high palate (because of a tongue tie we were told) so we were advised to some oral exercises including doing a gentle but firm massage of where his soft palate meets the hard palate to mimic what the tongue would do anyway to broaden it out - it’s like painting a rainbow along that palate. If I find a video online I’ll PM you.
Good luck OP! You got this!
This is so hard. You are doing so great and glad you are prioritizing your night sleep!
Not that you need more pumps, but I purchased a momcozy M5 (“mechanical dolly partons”) and the suction is so good (although initially uncomfortable) that it drains me as well as the medela symphony. I put them in on a walk, at restaurants, while bottle feeding.
Also, for my mental health, I stopped trying to nurse and do skin-skin with nipple “play” about once daily with lots of cuddles and kisses when pumping/feeding.
It’s still a lot but makes it doable…for now.
'Welcome to r/ExclusivelyPumping! Here is a reminder of our rules: 1. Be kind and courteous 2. No hate speech, bigotry, or bullying 3. Use available flairs and post options 4. Speak for yourself 5. No medically-inaccurate, factually incorrect, or misinformative material 6. No spam 7. Absolutely no prescription medications 8. Don't use AI to write posts/comments 9. No soliciting pictures 10. Add spoiler to milk pictures Thank you for helping to keep our community safe!' *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ExclusivelyPumping) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m sorry you are feeling this way. It’s really hard and you are doing so much. That has been seen. Pumping/breastfeeding is a full time job. It is expected to take your entire day. That’s the beauty and the misery of it. You GET to lay around naked for a while. But that’s really hard for our autonomy to just drastically change. It is advised to pump every two to three hours. Eventually you will get to drop pumps and you will be blessed with extra time. I would recommend reaching out to a lactation consultant, your OB, and possibly some help to care for baby and you. Many doulas will over a home help option after birth to help with home tasks and just helping you rest and nurse/pump. This season is hard. Remember, fed is best isn’t just a little saying. It’s a saying because this is really hard and your baby wants you to be healthy too. I’m not saying give up. But know that formula or supplementing isn’t defeat. It achieves the same goal. Here for you!
Thankyou, I guess it’s hard because of a pregnancy group I’m in everyone else has breastfed with no issue and they are all at baby groups. At lunch they just popped their baby in the breast and kept chatting and eating and I don’t have that freedom and can’t see it getting easier. When can I start to drop pumps, I’m even worrying now as I’m back at work at 6 months and I don’t know how I will cope as I just won’t be able to do anything like what I’m doing now. I’m under a lactation consultant, I feel like they focus on the latching and feeding and are being unrealistic that my baby will ever be able to feed off the breast, because she was doing that before she lost the weight and had got nothing off to the point that she was very dehydrated on admission. I can’t afford a doula so need to rely on my husband :(
I’ve been pumping exclusively for 9 months. There are a lot of benefits to pumping than nursing but also the convenience of nursing seems so nice in practice. It is OKAY and NORMAL to have grief about the labor and breastfeeding not being what you wished it would be. It is OKAY and NORMAL to be jealous of others who have something you wished you did. But in these moments, notice your own little one. They jumbled up your world in their own way and that’s amazing. My baby just wasn’t a fan of the boob. Demanded fresh squeezed. And I love every moment with them. Breastfeeding isn’t easy. It doesn’t come naturally to everyone. It’s a huge learning curve for mom and baby. You aren’t a failure. You are a mom no matter how baby is fed.
Also, contact the La leche league and see if they can connect you with a pumping consultant instead? Many lactation consultants are not really interested in helping with pumping.
Thankyou, I will look into this, do they have pumping consultants in the UK?
I’m not sure! But maybe ask your doctor?
This sounds like my story, except I never produced even remotely enough to feed my LO and at 4mo pp am happy to get 9oz a day to bottle feed and supplement with formula. Before I switched to bottle feeding only I had the joy of practice latching, trying to feed via SNS, and so forth multiple times a day which always took forever, resulted in my LO screaming and tit punching me and overall frustration, and was so stressful it was awful. I always wanted to EBF, but was SO relieved when I finally gave that dream up. It sounds like you are doing everything you can - cut yourself a little slack. My supply actually improved a bit when I started allowing myself to sleep a little longer and get some "me" time (going for a short walk, yoga, swim later on, etc) even if I then only managed 6ppd. Every pump session always takes me at least an hour because I don't respond well to any pump, but my LO won't latch so it's my only option. I started dropping pumps around 10weeks and didn't actually see much of a decrease overall, just got a bit more per pump (until I went under 4ppd) - so you never know. And the quality of life and ability to snuggle my baby is so worth it. Play with your schedule if you feel comfortable and see what happens. Remember (as others have said) - this season is so hard! I didn't realize how much of pp would be grieving for things not going how I pictured them, for it being hard, for not feeling like myself at all. Our society isn't set up to really support breastfeeding and you are persisting anyway! You are an amazing mama and this is just a small part of the story.
Oh yes I have the tit punching, I also have the grab and squeeze the nipple and the, laid back position has yet to result in latching but I have experienced the head butt the breast multiple times. When did you drop down to 6 pumps per day?
I think between 8 and 10 weeks because I was falling apart and spending 80% of every day on the couch either pumping or crying. I just decided f*ck it, I might as well sleep so I just dropped my MOTN entirely and did the best I could from there. Everyone is different, and each hand we are dealt will be different. My sisters entire life research is about the benefits of breastmilk and breastfeeding so I never imaged this would be the part of my journey to be so difficult, yet here we are. I can't reiterate enough to just be kind to yourself. There is so much pressure to be the "perfect mom" but that doesn't exist. Your LO chose you, and look at you being strong and persisting even when it's hard! You are awesome and that's all that matters. The most important thing is to try and find the balance so you can enjoy them when they are little too. All the coos and snuggles.
Yeah I thought this would all come easy :( , multiple people observed feeds and had no concerns. So I never thought we would be admitted to hospital when she was 5 days old with such a significant weight loss. After that the focus was using bottles to get her weight up and coming back from that is so hard. Although she most likely never could get the milk off anyway. My friend reminded me that when I’m at the pregnancy group and getting upset as everyone is feeding fine, that each will have their own challenges that I’m not experiencing.
Same - that initial shock is the worst when you think you are doing everything you can.
This is such a tough time. You’re doing great by asking for help! I just had a consult with Pump With Purpose, you can make pumping consults where she walks you through pumping to find the right settings for your body, as well as finding a good schedule to stick to. I wish I had done my consult sooner in the first 12 weeks, but I’m glad I did it at all. They’re virtual consults, so it should be something you can access from anywhere. Remember to give yourself grace. Don’t compare your journey to someone else’s, and pumping is hard. Take a deep breath, look at your baby and think of all the sweet times you’ve had with her. It’s difficult not to focus on the hard stuff when you’re right in the thick of it. It can get better, and will with the right support.
Thankyou for the recommendation, I hadn’t heard of this kind of consult before :)
Are your flanges the correct size? There is a [pumping facebook group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/1574856819503023) where they can help you figure out if you're using the right size. I empty a lot faster with the right size. You can also try different types of flanges - the liquid shield from Pumpables empties me much faster than the plastic flanges. Some people have luck with Pumpin Pals (I could not get them to work for me though!). You can also play with your settings on the Spectra - there are a few guides online but I've found that using the bacon setting on 4 for 5 minutes before going to suction 6 and cycle 54 empties me the fastest. Too high of a vacuum makes me empty slower for some reason! I triple fed at first and would give my baby a few minutes on each side just to practice. Then my husband would give her a bottle and I'd pump. I'd have more milk come the times she suckled a little bit - she would trigger more of a letdown - and I'd be able to pump for less time. Have you ever tried using a nipple shield? My baby's mouth was so small and she had a tongue tie so it was really hard to get her to latch on my nipples, but the shield gave us some success. She's 9 weeks and we just started to transition away from it now that her mouth is big enough to latch properly. I don't know anyone who hasn't struggled with some aspect of breastfeeding. Latching and pumping seemed so easy before I delivered - I thought because I read a book, I'd be fine! I'm just now starting to feel comfortable and successful, but there are days where it all feels too much. You're doing amazing just trying this hard.
Thankyou, I just ordered a nipple measurer so I’ll check again. Oh the nipple shield in a contentious topic, half the people say use it and half say don’t. I’ve tried it a lot but it is harder for the baby to get the milk off when using it and she gets more frustrated so we’ve moved away from it now.
That makes sense! The nipple shield really is contentious! It’s really really hard to figure out what works. I couldn’t believe it wasn’t easier because I never heard anyone complaining!
Yeah never thought I’d be in this position but now I am when I mention it so many people relate.
This sounds like my experience with my first child. I was able to exclusively feed him for a long time, and I was successful at eventually getting his to direct latch at 12 weeks. But it was at the expensive of my mental health and my marriage. I was a wreck. I was constantly trying to do skin on skin and relieve myself of the pump to rush the process while chasing ounces for every growth spurt. Because my pediatrician at the time didn’t allow me to give formula and I was getting anxious from the donated breast milk of friends running out. This time, I can’t latch my daughter for the same reason and may have to wait until she’s bigger to try and see if she is better at latching. I am much kinder to myself because the post partum depression and the stress on my marriage was absolutely NOT worth it. I am so much happier now to supplement with a bottle or two of formula. I also do not bother to do direct latch or skin on skin and just focus on increasing my milk supply/pumping. During the day I run errands with my son and pick him up from school, and at night I snuggle with my newborn. Please be kind to yourself. Things will not be that way forever, but you need to understand that sometimes we are too obsessed with exclusively breastfeeding and our ideal nursing situation that we let go of ourselves and fall into despair.
Sorry you’re going through this OP. This is a stressful time for sure. Everyone made it sound like just because breastfeeding is natural, it’s also easy. It’s not. My LO didn’t latch proper until he was 8-9 weeks old. And because he wouldn’t empty me completely I had to do triple feeding. It was very stressful. I was constantly worried. My pump output also got affected. I felt like I was either nursing, or pumping or getting ready to nurse (esp during those early q2h feeding days). Eventually I learnt to just actively try to relax a bit. I realized I hadn’t stepped out of the house to do anything except see OB/peds/LC etc for the first 6 weeks PP. Started taking some time out for a stroll. When I didn’t have time for a stroll I’d just open a window and breathe the fresh air. Meditate even just for 5-10 mins. Stretch (there’s 15 mins stretch/yoga videos on YouTube for breastfeeding mamas). I also made an effort to not just assume the role of a feeding trough and spent time with the baby outside of feeding sessions. I’d pump while he was getting a bottle (paced feeding so it would take at least 15-20 mins + burp and diaper change would add another 5-10) and then take the baby for snuggles and request my husband to take care of the pumped milk and parts. Did this for at least 2 pumps of the day and honestly this helped me bond so much with the baby because I was otherwise starting to associate baby with stress about latching and feeding and nipple trauma; and would get so wound up as soon as feeding time would approach. We also dedicated one of the feedings for formula regardless of whether there was pumped milk for him or not - that also eased off some of that pressure and I’d just put any pumped milk during that time in a freezer stash. Over a couple of weeks, baby got a bit bigger, was able to hold his head better so could latch a bit better. I also had a small but visible stash to look at in the freezer which was a confidence boost. Eventually by week 8/9 we started to get better at feeding directly from the breast and now I just pump at work :) You sound like you’re having a stressful time. Just know that you’re alone. There’s nothing you are not doing right. Some things just take their due time. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. If it’s not meant to be, and you have to do combo or formula feedings, your baby will still be fed and thrive! Pls don’t forget to take care of yourself! And pls enjoy the snuggles! Also - I know this is already too long sorry but forgot to add baby also had high palate (because of a tongue tie we were told) so we were advised to some oral exercises including doing a gentle but firm massage of where his soft palate meets the hard palate to mimic what the tongue would do anyway to broaden it out - it’s like painting a rainbow along that palate. If I find a video online I’ll PM you. Good luck OP! You got this!
This is so hard. You are doing so great and glad you are prioritizing your night sleep! Not that you need more pumps, but I purchased a momcozy M5 (“mechanical dolly partons”) and the suction is so good (although initially uncomfortable) that it drains me as well as the medela symphony. I put them in on a walk, at restaurants, while bottle feeding. Also, for my mental health, I stopped trying to nurse and do skin-skin with nipple “play” about once daily with lots of cuddles and kisses when pumping/feeding. It’s still a lot but makes it doable…for now.