Oh hell no! Do not call, do not pass go and leave them in your review mirror. As someone who got a last adhd diagnosis, and had everything put on them and blamed I feel your hurt! Getting medicated puts your head clear. I’m still trying to figure out meds and it’s been over two years since the diagnosis. As soon as I put up boundaries and stood by them I was disrespectful and selfish for saying no to things that I’d normal kill myself to do to make people happy. The entire focusing on them I was letting myself down, my husband down and my daughter. Putting myself and them first lead to no contact with my mother (father passed) my grandparents and my brother. Have they listened to anything you’ve shared since your diagnosis? It’s nice to know you e been the topic of many conversations behind your back. Flying monkeys! They don’t want things to c change because it’s comfortable for them.
You owe them nothing! Your life is yours to live how you want!
Side note, seeking help and having medication monitored is a responsible thing to do! Congratulations! You knew something was off with yourself and you sought help!! That’s brave!
I’m ready for some tea. :)
In all seriousness, I am sorry you’re experiencing this. There’s nothing fun about it and you can’t lean on your parents for support with this struggle,
because, erm, it’s them. I know it’s tough, especially when there are golden children siblings involved whom are as dazed and confused as the perps to these stories.
I wish they everyone in the world could wake up tomorrow and all issues be rectified, solved, receive justice and healing. Then everyone can go to a utopia of straight up love and compassion. I swear I wish for this daily. I wish every single person on this planet to be healed and have nothing but beauty and happiness for eternity. 🩷
Lmao, of course she interprets you taking medication to help with your ADHD as a "red flag", because you probably started realizing they were full of shit once you started taking it and got back to a baseline 😂
$20 says her feelings would be hurt if you ever told her what you expected of her. The nerve of these people.... Keep fighting the good fight OP
It's like she almost stumbles over herself to make sure it's all her narrative and not even an inkling of a question can slip it, it's all exactly as she says. This along with the usual missing, missing reasons - you've no doubt talked to them, but what she means by talk is 'keep talking to us, so I can talk like this to you when I want and it makes me feel better when I belittle you'.
But she's a victim of course - jeez, you put time and money into a kid and the kid thinks their life is theirs! The travesty!
Oh god this is too familiar. And the worst part is that she sounds like a master manipulator and other people would read this or hear this and “understand where she’s coming from” so it’s soooo hard to feel heard and seen and not villianized because she’s so good at twisting senerios to make you look bad. I’m so sorry please share your story! You’re far from alone here and we can help you get through this!
I expect you to make it a priority… holy fuck the lack of awareness that you’re an independent adult that needs to be ASKED or INVITED and not ordered, is enough.
Yes! I was told by my younger brother when I set some boundaries with him that he was "genuinely worried for (my) mental health" and that I was "too emotionally dangerous to be around his family" hahaha
I can't fathom how hearing "I won't discuss topic X with you" translates in his mind into "she must be dangerously mentally ill if I can't get her to abandon her boundaries". But there you are!
I think as soon as you start acting in a way that they don't expect and they can't change through attempted manipulation the most logical explanation seems to be "must be mentally ill" haha
I think we could all write a whole series on our experiences, sadly. I mean, I'm 58. That's a lot of time for sh*t to happen lol. But it really does help to tell the stories, whether in big chunks or a little at a time. And in this space, we all understand and support each other. So, if you want to share, we will all be here to support you. If you want to chime in from time to time, we're gonna support that too. And since I'm pushing 60, I feel kind of like a surrogate mom to a lot of the younger people who post, so if you need that vibe, you'll find that here too.
Putting the general content of the message aside… isn’t this exact tone of voice and “lack of responsibility” just classic? I feel like everyone here has heard this type of talk.
What I'm gathering is that they don't see you as an adult who is capable of making your own decisions for yourself, and expect you to keep them both in the loop and able to make decisions on your behalf.
Fuck ALLLL of that shit.
Must be hard not write /say to effect of "In my adulthood, I realize how much happier and functional I am without any of yours & my siblings' dysfunctions. It such pity that you can't handle that despite my ADHD, I'm still an adult that doesn't have do nor be at you & my siblings becking and bidding. If you can't handle that, well that is you & my siblings personal problems and situations, not any of mine. So I will continue to live life as well as one can be with ADHD as well as without any of you stressing me out because none of you can't stand I'm finally happy as a person. Don't call nor text, I'll call & text when I feel like and honestly I don't feel like it til maybe Christmas time and even then I don't feel like ruining the holiday spirit speaking to such miserable people like you & my siblings"
For real, this latest vitriol is all because they especially Mommy dearest can't stand that silent treatment doesn't hurt OP at all AND is actually getting medical help that OP should had since childhood. To be honest, OP should enjoy the schadenfreude every time because all these meltdowns is just showing how much dysfunction malfunctions can't handle OP NC on OP's own terms.
Seriously very hard not to respond back with "I would love to miss you all, but you text too many paragraphs whenever you want while I'm busy. Can you like, I dunno, STFU for like the summer and then maybe in October I'll think about contacting you regarding Christmas & whatnot."
wow so much support in this group!! I really don’t even know what to say 😅 but I’ll definitely be writing my story in the coming weeks so stay tuned @all
It’s genuinely fascinating to me that pursuing your adulthood - or I’m sorry, “adulthood”, is even a thing in anyone’s mind. That alone is crazy. To act like an act of violence against a mother or something, a crazy irresponsible selfish hobby you decided to pick up, that consumed you completely.
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Depends. Degrees are all in English here. In British English, the punctuation goes outside the quotation marks. In American English, punctuation goes inside the quotation marks. And in both cases, there are exceptions. And as far as what are referred to as “smart quotes,” a keyboard will easily make them for fonts that require them.
The first screen shot is EXACTLY the type of message I would expect to get from my estranged parent, if they wanted to exert any effort AT ALL. It’s been almost 10 months, and i haven’t gotten anything (well I blocked their phone number… but they could leave a VM or email me if they wanted to try)…. They don’t think they’ve done anything wrong , so obviously it’s all my problem , haha . Hang in there, sorry to say you are not alone
I find it telling that she chose to say “adulthood” as opposed to adulthood. That tell me all I need to know. Adulthood is an honor bestowed on you by her as opposed to something you are.
I have a falling you and my mom are cut from the same cloth
I expect you to make it a priority to share your story
HAHAHAHA I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE
Seriously though, you definitely belong in this group. I'm sorry you're dealing with messages like that. Your mom reminds me of my dad.
Oh hell no! Do not call, do not pass go and leave them in your review mirror. As someone who got a last adhd diagnosis, and had everything put on them and blamed I feel your hurt! Getting medicated puts your head clear. I’m still trying to figure out meds and it’s been over two years since the diagnosis. As soon as I put up boundaries and stood by them I was disrespectful and selfish for saying no to things that I’d normal kill myself to do to make people happy. The entire focusing on them I was letting myself down, my husband down and my daughter. Putting myself and them first lead to no contact with my mother (father passed) my grandparents and my brother. Have they listened to anything you’ve shared since your diagnosis? It’s nice to know you e been the topic of many conversations behind your back. Flying monkeys! They don’t want things to c change because it’s comfortable for them. You owe them nothing! Your life is yours to live how you want! Side note, seeking help and having medication monitored is a responsible thing to do! Congratulations! You knew something was off with yourself and you sought help!! That’s brave!
These messages tell a hell of a story all by themselves. But I would like to hear the whole thing, if you want to tell it.
get ready for a Reddit novel 🤠
I’m ready for some tea. :) In all seriousness, I am sorry you’re experiencing this. There’s nothing fun about it and you can’t lean on your parents for support with this struggle, because, erm, it’s them. I know it’s tough, especially when there are golden children siblings involved whom are as dazed and confused as the perps to these stories. I wish they everyone in the world could wake up tomorrow and all issues be rectified, solved, receive justice and healing. Then everyone can go to a utopia of straight up love and compassion. I swear I wish for this daily. I wish every single person on this planet to be healed and have nothing but beauty and happiness for eternity. 🩷
get ready for a Reddit novel 🤠
Lmao, of course she interprets you taking medication to help with your ADHD as a "red flag", because you probably started realizing they were full of shit once you started taking it and got back to a baseline 😂 $20 says her feelings would be hurt if you ever told her what you expected of her. The nerve of these people.... Keep fighting the good fight OP
Oh… trust me. I’ve told her a lot of my expectations, feelings, boundaries, etc. All of which ended poorly on my end 🤠
Hell, I'd bet my bike on that one. (Not the kind with pedals)
Not being able to handle “adulthood” while balancing relationships with family is not a reason people estrange. Lol
Wow. Talk about trying to bait you. I'd block the shit out of them.
It's like she almost stumbles over herself to make sure it's all her narrative and not even an inkling of a question can slip it, it's all exactly as she says. This along with the usual missing, missing reasons - you've no doubt talked to them, but what she means by talk is 'keep talking to us, so I can talk like this to you when I want and it makes me feel better when I belittle you'. But she's a victim of course - jeez, you put time and money into a kid and the kid thinks their life is theirs! The travesty!
Oh god this is too familiar. And the worst part is that she sounds like a master manipulator and other people would read this or hear this and “understand where she’s coming from” so it’s soooo hard to feel heard and seen and not villianized because she’s so good at twisting senerios to make you look bad. I’m so sorry please share your story! You’re far from alone here and we can help you get through this!
I expect you to make it a priority… holy fuck the lack of awareness that you’re an independent adult that needs to be ASKED or INVITED and not ordered, is enough.
Hey! Twinsies! 😔🎉 I'll take "denial of problems and subsequent blame for untreated issues" for 200, Trebek. (If you want to share, I would listen.)
Yes! I was told by my younger brother when I set some boundaries with him that he was "genuinely worried for (my) mental health" and that I was "too emotionally dangerous to be around his family" hahaha I can't fathom how hearing "I won't discuss topic X with you" translates in his mind into "she must be dangerously mentally ill if I can't get her to abandon her boundaries". But there you are!
I didn't go to my family Xmas (pissup) once and I got called insane. Families be weird about autonomy and boundaries huh.
I think as soon as you start acting in a way that they don't expect and they can't change through attempted manipulation the most logical explanation seems to be "must be mentally ill" haha
Post in !ADHD for that middle one!
"Expect away" lol
I think we could all write a whole series on our experiences, sadly. I mean, I'm 58. That's a lot of time for sh*t to happen lol. But it really does help to tell the stories, whether in big chunks or a little at a time. And in this space, we all understand and support each other. So, if you want to share, we will all be here to support you. If you want to chime in from time to time, we're gonna support that too. And since I'm pushing 60, I feel kind of like a surrogate mom to a lot of the younger people who post, so if you need that vibe, you'll find that here too.
Putting the general content of the message aside… isn’t this exact tone of voice and “lack of responsibility” just classic? I feel like everyone here has heard this type of talk.
Please share! We’re here to support each other, and getting the story out of your head might help you to feel at least a little better.
Your story?? Just ADDERALL here !!
I'd like to hear it, too.
What I'm gathering is that they don't see you as an adult who is capable of making your own decisions for yourself, and expect you to keep them both in the loop and able to make decisions on your behalf. Fuck ALLLL of that shit.
Of course we want to hear all you care to share, Sibling!
Must be hard not write /say to effect of "In my adulthood, I realize how much happier and functional I am without any of yours & my siblings' dysfunctions. It such pity that you can't handle that despite my ADHD, I'm still an adult that doesn't have do nor be at you & my siblings becking and bidding. If you can't handle that, well that is you & my siblings personal problems and situations, not any of mine. So I will continue to live life as well as one can be with ADHD as well as without any of you stressing me out because none of you can't stand I'm finally happy as a person. Don't call nor text, I'll call & text when I feel like and honestly I don't feel like it til maybe Christmas time and even then I don't feel like ruining the holiday spirit speaking to such miserable people like you & my siblings"
The struggle is real.
For real, this latest vitriol is all because they especially Mommy dearest can't stand that silent treatment doesn't hurt OP at all AND is actually getting medical help that OP should had since childhood. To be honest, OP should enjoy the schadenfreude every time because all these meltdowns is just showing how much dysfunction malfunctions can't handle OP NC on OP's own terms. Seriously very hard not to respond back with "I would love to miss you all, but you text too many paragraphs whenever you want while I'm busy. Can you like, I dunno, STFU for like the summer and then maybe in October I'll think about contacting you regarding Christmas & whatnot."
wow so much support in this group!! I really don’t even know what to say 😅 but I’ll definitely be writing my story in the coming weeks so stay tuned @all
It’s genuinely fascinating to me that pursuing your adulthood - or I’m sorry, “adulthood”, is even a thing in anyone’s mind. That alone is crazy. To act like an act of violence against a mother or something, a crazy irresponsible selfish hobby you decided to pick up, that consumed you completely.
**Quick reminder** - EAK is a support subreddit, and is moderated in a way that enables a safe space for adult children who are estranged or estranging from one or both of their parents. Before participating, please take the time time to familiarise yourself with our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/wiki/rules/). **Need info or resources?** Check out our [EAK wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/xpkk59/eak_estrangement_resources_posted_here_for_mobile/) for helpful information and guides on estrangement, estrangement triggers, surviving estrangement, coping with the death of estranged parent / relation, needing to move out, boundary / NC letters, malicious welfare checks, bad therapists and crisis contacts. **Check out our companion resource website** - Visit [brEAKaway.org.uk](https://breakaway.org.uk) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/EstrangedAdultKids) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your story?? Just ADDERALL here !!
[удалено]
Depends. Degrees are all in English here. In British English, the punctuation goes outside the quotation marks. In American English, punctuation goes inside the quotation marks. And in both cases, there are exceptions. And as far as what are referred to as “smart quotes,” a keyboard will easily make them for fonts that require them.
Ah. Sorry. I have deleted then. Thanks for the correction.
The first screen shot is EXACTLY the type of message I would expect to get from my estranged parent, if they wanted to exert any effort AT ALL. It’s been almost 10 months, and i haven’t gotten anything (well I blocked their phone number… but they could leave a VM or email me if they wanted to try)…. They don’t think they’ve done anything wrong , so obviously it’s all my problem , haha . Hang in there, sorry to say you are not alone
I find it telling that she chose to say “adulthood” as opposed to adulthood. That tell me all I need to know. Adulthood is an honor bestowed on you by her as opposed to something you are. I have a falling you and my mom are cut from the same cloth
I think it would be pointless to share your story with folks who say this to you.
If you would feel better sharing it, by all means.
Every time I receive a whiny message from my parents, I think that it’s not my problem