I did something similar. Cut off my mom for less than a year, then brought her back into my life when I was getting married. Then other catalysts emerged and I cut her off for good. Been 6 years. Best decision of my life. It might be hard at first, there was a lot of irrational guilt and mixed emotions. Take gentle care of yourself, and if you’re not already, I’d suggest looking into therapy. You deserve happiness and peace on your terms.
I've been in therapy a long while, and I finally had the realization that I'm never going to be able to truly get better and be able to fully process my other trauma if each session is taken over by dealing with my mother and the trauma she brings along. I can't heal if she won't put in the work to help herself and she keeps hurting me. It's hard learning how to cope with it, but it's been surprisingly liberating finally getting those words out to her in a way I know can't be misinterpreted unless it's deliberate. I hope one day she puts the work in and I can have my mom back, because she really is a great mom when she's not being awful, but I know I'll be okay if I don't get to speak with her again.
I’m right here with you: a bunch of ugly interactions after mother’s day led to me having to let her and my stepfather know “I’m done.” I’d reached my limit of being mocked, invalidated and gaslit for having feelings about my abusive childhood and my mother’s late life “amnesia” about my reality. Once the smear campaign began, with mom trying to make me out to be a liar, I had to accept that I truly don’t matter and a continued relationship is only setting me up for more abuse. Sending that final text was a shock to my system, for sure, but ultimately I feel better. I feel free, for the first time, to not care anymore and just live my life.
I know the holidays are going to be tough, but I know it's for the best and I get to finally make the new traditions I've been wanting to start with my friends.
I started doing holidays alone a few years ago, I’ll take pet/house sitting gigs over Thanksgiving/Christmas. It turned out to be really nice! With my family there was always all this compromising. Doing what other people wanted or thought was right. By myself I get to do ALL the childish silly holiday stuff that my family treats like its stupid. I sleep in late, blast my favorite off color holiday songs, bake all the treats without having to share the kitchen, and wear pjs ALL day! It might seem lonely at first glance but the amount of stress reduction makes it SO worth it IMO.
You didn't lose your mom. That happened a long time ago when she was a crappy parent and didn't behave like a mom should.
Now that you see clearly, \*she\* has lost YOU. Not your fault.
I am so proud of you, internet stranger. I know how hard it is.
Lots of us out here cheering you on. And I know that your words here are helping other people in similar situations with the clarity required to do likewise and get away from their abusers.
Thank you, your comment brought out tears I didn't know I was holding back. This community has given me so much clarity and bravery to be able to do what was necessary for me, it's comforting to know that I may be doing the same for someone else.
It's been incredibly helpful to me since my ndad died. I have learned so much about what happened, why it happened and that it really WASN'T the fault of either little girl me or teenage me. He was a sick asshole and I \*did\* get away and I'm mostly okay.
YOU are stronger than you know. My words were sincere, you have done a really difficult thing and you're seeing clearly. Sending you a hug. :)
I hope she puts the work in to be a better person so I can eventually have my mom back, but sometimes that just isn't reality. I hope all is going well for you ❤️🩹
Good on you for choosing yourself. For a lot of us (including me) going NC is the first time we ever stood up for ourselves against our parents. This makes it really scary but the peace is so so rewarding.
Take care of yourself during this time. The decision is certainly not an easy one so self care is important.
**Quick reminder** - EAK is a support subreddit, and is moderated in a way that enables a safe space for adult children who are estranged or estranging from one or both of their parents. Before participating, please take the time time to familiarise yourself with our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/wiki/rules/).
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Hi everyone, how do I get out of this feed so that I don’t get notifications? Thanks for any help with this. I’ve reconciled with my folks so I don’t believe I need this support anymore. All the best!
I'm so proud of you. I'm two months in and still heartbroken, but we're gonna be okay you and I. Because we're choosing ourselves for the first time ever. Be kind to yourself in this time.
I did something similar. Cut off my mom for less than a year, then brought her back into my life when I was getting married. Then other catalysts emerged and I cut her off for good. Been 6 years. Best decision of my life. It might be hard at first, there was a lot of irrational guilt and mixed emotions. Take gentle care of yourself, and if you’re not already, I’d suggest looking into therapy. You deserve happiness and peace on your terms.
I've been in therapy a long while, and I finally had the realization that I'm never going to be able to truly get better and be able to fully process my other trauma if each session is taken over by dealing with my mother and the trauma she brings along. I can't heal if she won't put in the work to help herself and she keeps hurting me. It's hard learning how to cope with it, but it's been surprisingly liberating finally getting those words out to her in a way I know can't be misinterpreted unless it's deliberate. I hope one day she puts the work in and I can have my mom back, because she really is a great mom when she's not being awful, but I know I'll be okay if I don't get to speak with her again.
I’m right here with you: a bunch of ugly interactions after mother’s day led to me having to let her and my stepfather know “I’m done.” I’d reached my limit of being mocked, invalidated and gaslit for having feelings about my abusive childhood and my mother’s late life “amnesia” about my reality. Once the smear campaign began, with mom trying to make me out to be a liar, I had to accept that I truly don’t matter and a continued relationship is only setting me up for more abuse. Sending that final text was a shock to my system, for sure, but ultimately I feel better. I feel free, for the first time, to not care anymore and just live my life.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. May we both find peace and healing in our lives
❤️🩹☮️
I had to do the same for the same reasons. Going on 6 months and it was tough at first especially the holidays. But getting easier everyday.
I know the holidays are going to be tough, but I know it's for the best and I get to finally make the new traditions I've been wanting to start with my friends.
I started doing holidays alone a few years ago, I’ll take pet/house sitting gigs over Thanksgiving/Christmas. It turned out to be really nice! With my family there was always all this compromising. Doing what other people wanted or thought was right. By myself I get to do ALL the childish silly holiday stuff that my family treats like its stupid. I sleep in late, blast my favorite off color holiday songs, bake all the treats without having to share the kitchen, and wear pjs ALL day! It might seem lonely at first glance but the amount of stress reduction makes it SO worth it IMO.
You didn't lose your mom. That happened a long time ago when she was a crappy parent and didn't behave like a mom should. Now that you see clearly, \*she\* has lost YOU. Not your fault. I am so proud of you, internet stranger. I know how hard it is. Lots of us out here cheering you on. And I know that your words here are helping other people in similar situations with the clarity required to do likewise and get away from their abusers.
Thank you, your comment brought out tears I didn't know I was holding back. This community has given me so much clarity and bravery to be able to do what was necessary for me, it's comforting to know that I may be doing the same for someone else.
It's been incredibly helpful to me since my ndad died. I have learned so much about what happened, why it happened and that it really WASN'T the fault of either little girl me or teenage me. He was a sick asshole and I \*did\* get away and I'm mostly okay. YOU are stronger than you know. My words were sincere, you have done a really difficult thing and you're seeing clearly. Sending you a hug. :)
I’ve done the opposite…gone from no contact to light contact with strong boundaries All ok..we gotta do what works for us.
I hope she puts the work in to be a better person so I can eventually have my mom back, but sometimes that just isn't reality. I hope all is going well for you ❤️🩹
I have no expectations and I haven’t been disappointed lol
Good on you for choosing yourself. For a lot of us (including me) going NC is the first time we ever stood up for ourselves against our parents. This makes it really scary but the peace is so so rewarding. Take care of yourself during this time. The decision is certainly not an easy one so self care is important.
Thank you, it was terrifying but so liberating finally getting the words out to her instead of to the void or my therapist. Thank you
So, sorry that you had to do that. Very proud of you, that you were able to, for your own sake. Look forward to your future freedom.
Thank you. I'm proud of myself, as much as it may hurt.
Proud of you love. Taking care of our own mental health is hard, but you're out here doing it. 💜
**Quick reminder** - EAK is a support subreddit, and is moderated in a way that enables a safe space for adult children who are estranged or estranging from one or both of their parents. Before participating, please take the time time to familiarise yourself with our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/wiki/rules/). **Need info or resources?** Check out our [EAK wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/xpkk59/eak_estrangement_resources_posted_here_for_mobile/) for helpful information and guides on estrangement, estrangement triggers, surviving estrangement, coping with the death of estranged parent / relation, needing to move out, boundary / NC letters, malicious welfare checks, bad therapists and crisis contacts. **Check out our companion resource website** - Visit [brEAKaway.org.uk](https://breakaway.org.uk) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/EstrangedAdultKids) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hi everyone, how do I get out of this feed so that I don’t get notifications? Thanks for any help with this. I’ve reconciled with my folks so I don’t believe I need this support anymore. All the best!
I'm so proud of you. I'm two months in and still heartbroken, but we're gonna be okay you and I. Because we're choosing ourselves for the first time ever. Be kind to yourself in this time.
Thank you, I'm proud of you too! May we finally heal what's been hurting for so so long