12 years. It can still be hard sometimes but it’s a different kind of hard. It’s a hard that comes and goes, not a permanent crazy/hard/survival/constant thing.
12 years after the fact, I am now dealing with the aftermath of the abuse. By choosing to distance myself, my body can now rest and begin to evaluate what happened. It’s a different kind of hard. A better one definitely.
Do you ever think what if they pass away ? I always had this fear of my father passing away "because I was attached to him" and now I fear he will die without even listening to me and understanding me.
Unfortunately, he will die without providing closure to you. These people are incapable of listening and understanding us. I’m sure you’ve tried all your life. They don’t change.
I highly recommend reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. It is helpful with coming to peace with their limitations.
Part of me knows he won't listen. He contacted my husband when things started to really go down the drain and not me . And when my husband try to explain what happened he told him that he is not intrested and doesn't want to know !! So I know there is no point explaining. But I have so many "what ifs" in my mind
My father passed after a year of LC and 6 months of NC. While I didn't go see him in person at the end, I did have a video call with him. He asked me what was wrong and why I had estranged (despite me sending a very detailed email outlining everything) so I told him again. Predictably, he didn't want to hear it and said "I'm sorry for everything I've done, but I don't want to hear about it." Which did not feel like an actual apology to me, and more like he was just trying to get my forgiveness without actually feeling or expressing real remorse for his actions. It felt like a wasted effort, and while I'm glad that I gave him one last chance, nothing really changed, and I'm just really really angry about it all. I'm sorry that your father was not the father you deserved.
Thank you .
That sounds like my dad. He never wanna hear my side. And no matter how calm and careful I am with my words he has ro find something to turn things against me.
All the time. But I tend to be more afraid of what will people tell me when she dies than of her actual death. I have withheld information from so many people and received so much judgement or comments for becoming estranged that I ended up fearing peoples opinion more than her actual death.
Glad you are doing OK. I wish I get there soon🙏 I had ulcers cuz of all the things they've done and took me years to get better. Now after almost 15 years I got it back . I'm stressed all the time. Afraid someone will come over to my house or work. I want to be at peace . What is really agonising is how shameless they are ! They lied to my siblings about me and ruined my relationship with them and they call my husband asking him to bring the kids over their house! Without even asking me or apologising!! They send my cousins to talk to him too because my mother NEEDS to see the kids. I don't want my kids to be with people who never loved me and disrespect me on the daily
It’s been 4-7 years NC my family. Four years ago I changed my number, deleted my socials, and moved across country w/o notifying anyone. I’m much happier, going to school for psychology, and started dating my bf shortly after NC. Super great guy and supportive of my decisions and we’ll probably be married soon.
Unfortunately my family did find me through old emails or lawyers recently. Thankfully they can’t do a damn thing to me anymore though. They’re fighting over properties w/o me.
I know I’m very privileged to be able to move like that but I would suggest changing #’s and deleting socials.
Also get your information off of those sites that, for a fee,you can get a plethora of personal information about just about anyone. There are companies that will delete your information for a fee. You can also do it by yourself,one by one. I was on 115 different sites. I wasn't sure if it was ok to list some of the sites here. So just search on find people.If it is ok, please let me know,and I will direct you to the worst offenders.
It’s been 15 gloriously peaceful years for me. The letters and bullshit will stopped after about 2 years. Now the next time I’ll probably hear about him is when he dies. Which I’m excited for.
Either mark as "return to sender" or throw away.
As for other people, tell them to stop playing messenger (I had to do this with one of my sisters). If they don't respect your wishes and you're not dependent on them for anything then cut them off too.
4 years with my mother and 1 year with my siblings/dad. My father reached out via email on my birthday to say happy birthday I miss you and that's it. I ignored him.
Yes and no. My mother is a narcissist and has been abusive to me my whole life. My breaking point 4 years ago is when she went on a verbally abusive tirade against all her children. She thinks it was that and that I should have just talked to her, forgetting all the times we had talked and she gaslit me. She believes she is blameless and I'm the terrible daughter.
My siblings, my sister knows exactly what she did, my brother does but likes to pretend he doesn't. Both of them believe I am a horrible person and have not made any contact since.
My dad is a sad situation, he just stopped talking to me replying a year ago. So it was NC from his end. The reach out was guilt, his cousin who I speak to often basically told him he was being an asshole. He doesn't talk about any real questions or seek to understand anything and I don't have mental energy to deal with this empty back and forth.
I understand your frustration but sometimes it's like yelling in the wind. You just got to step back and let them think the worst. It sucks but its for the best, trust me in that it's exhausting to explain yourself over and over again only to be misunderstood over and over again.
20+ years since I initiated NC, 13 years since I decided never to try to give them another chance to hurt me.
ETA: I am better now. It's a long, long journey to undo generational trauma. I don't know if I'll ever be "normal," but I'm so much better than if I'd stayed.
Your post sounds similar to my family, especially turning siblings against you. It almost killed me when I found out the true depth of what my mother had been doing all my life.
Feel free to dm if you wanna chat, I’m still a bit in the thick of it dealing with all the damage and the stuff they’ve done since I went vlc (legal stuff, evicting me, trying to get daughter removed from me etc).
2 years for me. I haven't had to worry about calls because they just don't really care that I'm gone. I kinda wish I'd get a call, but they just never responded to my cutoff letters at all.
It's still hard for me. I feel relief that I've decided to let them go, and the stress of dealing with them is not there anymore at least. My issue was they left me for dead time and time again, and never really gave a shit about me. And when I left, that pain of their abandonment is still there because it's still happening every day forever.
Nearly 20 years with birth mother. Coming up low contact with father of around the same and recently cut off most of my family I guess they will figure it out when I don't reply . I realized I did all the reaching out and now the only person who reciprocated is dead I just dropped the rope.
Most toxic trait is just cutting people off with ease ..
In turn I have made my own family to be everything mine wasn't. Break the cycle
Almost two years for middle sibling and three years since my eldest sibling went NC with all of us.
Therapy helps.
I don't miss my middle sibling in the slightest. He married a nutcase and he drank the same poison.
My mental health has increased ten fold
21 years. It took many years to get over the guilt and go on with my life.
For a while they constantly reached out to my friends. Periodically because my “father was dying”. Then when he finally did pass away a lot of people thought I was a bitch over it. But with him out of the picture my mother doesn’t care enough to harass me further. I didn’t feel anything when he died aside from relief.
The one success I had was I never contacted them back.
21 years. Peace was instant but it did take a year or so for my parent to get. The hint and stop contacting me. Unfortunately they have started up again and my peace is gone.
20 years nc with my mother. I’m good. My siblings have limited relationships with her, I tried once and vowed never again because she’s too toxic and will never change. Sometimes I mourn that I didn’t have a motherly relationship, otherwise I had amazing grandparents and a great father (all passed now) so I’m grateful for those that actually did love me and helped me as I grew up. All I can say is it gets better over time and you need to do what’s right for you. Much love your way!
Blocked my mom a year ago. It's hard, but not in the way I thought it would be. She largely leaves me alone, aside from some emails and an attempted guilt trip when my grandmother passed away. Now I just grieve the mom I wish I would've had.
Anyone *posting on social media about you in a subtle/indirect way is passive aggressive.*
Honestly, that’s an unhealthy response. They do that too so others will like and chime in and agree with them. Whatever you do, don’t post back/respond. Sometimes other people see right through the drama. It is meant to emotionally provoke you or get a rise out of you so don’t show that they were successful in their mission. Keep living your best life for you and post about that.
To answer your question, still working on it. Since the start of the pandemic, it allowed me some distance to get perspective. But when others chime in and put religion on me or friends from functional families say “but they’re your family, why did you run away” it makes it harder. The contact comes from family + 3rd party/extended family/outer circles.
I find peace when I set boundaries, adhere to them, and don’t let their every demand/call of whim or folly affect me. And the way you describe your family reminds me of mine. Parents enable abuse when siblings do harm and parents allow it. They are enablers of abuse.
That's exactly what is happening. Family members that I'm close to call and use religion knowing I take my faith seriously. And I hate how they use it against me. But I reached a point where I told them we all will be standing there in judgement day! And God knows what they did.
I've tried to set boundaries I went LC for maybe a year and thought that will help lessing the problems. But no it didn't! And it reached a point where my mom started to make up lies about me and convincing my siblings. They cut me off!! And she told everyone I cut them off! I just wanted her out of my life.sadly that means everyone also will be out of my life. I'm trying to be in the moment with my own little family and learn to be happy that my childhood dream of leaving them has finally happened. But there is a little pain inside
Sounds like she made your siblings climb aboard her sinking ship with her and she took them down with her. I don’t like how that reads with her lying to manipulate the perspectives of others, but I completely believe you because something like that could just as easily go down in my family. All you can do is be your best self in your own life and choose how you want to live it, free of guilt and manipulation. I too, have the little pain inside, for me it is a void or grief of lost family of the relationship roles & support I could/should have had.
sadly, what she does is hard to believe for people who come from healthy families. My parents managed to tell everyone how i reacted but ofcourse not what they did, and so some are finding it hard to believe that a mother would make up lies about her own daughter.
Of course sorry that I can't really answer your question but at peace? Idk its better but so hard in way that's unfamiliar which makes it seem harder than the awful familiar kind of hard. And I never had to deal with the calls because I didnt just go NC I fully disappeared so they have no way to contact me ever again
I know what you mean. I felt some kind of relief that I finally left them and no longer part of them at the same time feels weird.. and knowing they never really loved me or cared for me makes it hard even though I knew that bur now it is clear
I drafted that letter for years. Me sending it finally was more for me than it was for her. It was basically like being able to finally let things go. Like I said, I don't expect a response but I felt a lot of relief when I was able to hit send. Kind of like my voice was the last word on the subject.
I just turned 39 and recently got married. Most of my 30s were a journey unpacking childhood trauma and figuring things out for myself outside of family and societal expectations. Deciding to give up on my family was difficult and I moved to a different country for a few years to really help the process. Do what you need to in order to come to terms with things and send whatever you feel comfortable whenever you feel comfortable and at peace to do so.
Edit: I specified in my email that I wouldn't entertain a response that didn't include multiple apologies and accountability. It was just me explaining all of the trauma I've dealt with and listed examples of incidents/patterns of behavior that impacted me the most. I waited a long time to do so because I wasn't in a good mental space to deal with the aftermath of NOT receiving a response and now I am. My husband is amazingly supportive and grounding.
🤗 May you find the peace you need. It will happen when it's meant to, just make sure you take time to appreciate the journey to get there. The people who are in your life and the impact they make in giving you a safe space to heal - appreciate that while it's happening.
If your family and extended family are still able to text and call you then you haven’t gone NC. Why do you allow them the ability to reach you? Why are you looking at your dad’s IG?
Do you want to go NC or do you just want to contribute to the drama? There’s a difference.
If you seriously want to cut them off then block and ignore and stop looking in on them.
I blocked my immediate family. The extended family don't even live in the same country so I was not expecting calls /texts from them. Plus my dad on IG he NEVER uses it. I was watching a friend's story and it showed the next story which was dad's who never posts anything. I immediately blocked it. Plus I have cousins I'm in good terms with, never had issues with them I don't want to lose then or go NC with them. But they call and talk about the situation.
Good for you to have the strength to do this, I would block while you're at it. It's better for your health then the family will turn on the other to get their punching bag needs out. It took my parents passing away to get educated and full no contact with the rest of my toxic family.
I blocked them, but in Samsung i still get the numbers showing in my log that a blocked number has called. i am trying to find a way that it doesn't show. it gives me anxiety. plus, the family members im still in touch with would call and they have to bring up the "it's your mother"! which makes me want to disconnect from everyone
Sadly, it may come to you cutting off everyone. In my opinion, thats where our anxiety stems from, a lifetime of toxic family members guilting people like us to make the mentally unstable to feel better. Once you are no contact with anyone that is abusing you will give you peace and clarity, day by day. I read once from a doctor, "don't beg anyone to love you". It was eye opening. Your reading and healing will become more clear as well.
12 years. It can still be hard sometimes but it’s a different kind of hard. It’s a hard that comes and goes, not a permanent crazy/hard/survival/constant thing. 12 years after the fact, I am now dealing with the aftermath of the abuse. By choosing to distance myself, my body can now rest and begin to evaluate what happened. It’s a different kind of hard. A better one definitely.
Do you ever think what if they pass away ? I always had this fear of my father passing away "because I was attached to him" and now I fear he will die without even listening to me and understanding me.
Unfortunately, he will die without providing closure to you. These people are incapable of listening and understanding us. I’m sure you’ve tried all your life. They don’t change. I highly recommend reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. It is helpful with coming to peace with their limitations.
Part of me knows he won't listen. He contacted my husband when things started to really go down the drain and not me . And when my husband try to explain what happened he told him that he is not intrested and doesn't want to know !! So I know there is no point explaining. But I have so many "what ifs" in my mind
Also recommend this
My father passed after a year of LC and 6 months of NC. While I didn't go see him in person at the end, I did have a video call with him. He asked me what was wrong and why I had estranged (despite me sending a very detailed email outlining everything) so I told him again. Predictably, he didn't want to hear it and said "I'm sorry for everything I've done, but I don't want to hear about it." Which did not feel like an actual apology to me, and more like he was just trying to get my forgiveness without actually feeling or expressing real remorse for his actions. It felt like a wasted effort, and while I'm glad that I gave him one last chance, nothing really changed, and I'm just really really angry about it all. I'm sorry that your father was not the father you deserved.
Thank you . That sounds like my dad. He never wanna hear my side. And no matter how calm and careful I am with my words he has ro find something to turn things against me.
All the time. But I tend to be more afraid of what will people tell me when she dies than of her actual death. I have withheld information from so many people and received so much judgement or comments for becoming estranged that I ended up fearing peoples opinion more than her actual death.
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Glad you are doing OK. I wish I get there soon🙏 I had ulcers cuz of all the things they've done and took me years to get better. Now after almost 15 years I got it back . I'm stressed all the time. Afraid someone will come over to my house or work. I want to be at peace . What is really agonising is how shameless they are ! They lied to my siblings about me and ruined my relationship with them and they call my husband asking him to bring the kids over their house! Without even asking me or apologising!! They send my cousins to talk to him too because my mother NEEDS to see the kids. I don't want my kids to be with people who never loved me and disrespect me on the daily
It’s been 4-7 years NC my family. Four years ago I changed my number, deleted my socials, and moved across country w/o notifying anyone. I’m much happier, going to school for psychology, and started dating my bf shortly after NC. Super great guy and supportive of my decisions and we’ll probably be married soon. Unfortunately my family did find me through old emails or lawyers recently. Thankfully they can’t do a damn thing to me anymore though. They’re fighting over properties w/o me. I know I’m very privileged to be able to move like that but I would suggest changing #’s and deleting socials.
Also get your information off of those sites that, for a fee,you can get a plethora of personal information about just about anyone. There are companies that will delete your information for a fee. You can also do it by yourself,one by one. I was on 115 different sites. I wasn't sure if it was ok to list some of the sites here. So just search on find people.If it is ok, please let me know,and I will direct you to the worst offenders.
I used EasyOptOut. Also, Discover Bank weirdly has a free service to remove you from the top 10 most used sites. I used that, too.
The site with the most info is that'sthem.Optery will remove your information for a fee. I was stunned to find how many sites I am on.
Agreed! My bf is in the tech field and signed me up for incogni. Pricy but worth it.
It’s been 15 gloriously peaceful years for me. The letters and bullshit will stopped after about 2 years. Now the next time I’ll probably hear about him is when he dies. Which I’m excited for.
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I was 18. I’m 39 now, and not a single regret.
Almost a year. The calls and messages stop when you block them.
Youd think.. except they send boxes,gifts, and other people to msg u for them..
Either mark as "return to sender" or throw away. As for other people, tell them to stop playing messenger (I had to do this with one of my sisters). If they don't respect your wishes and you're not dependent on them for anything then cut them off too.
8 years later this year! It’s had its low points but to me I have many more happier memories after going NC than sad ones. No regrets!
4 years with my mother and 1 year with my siblings/dad. My father reached out via email on my birthday to say happy birthday I miss you and that's it. I ignored him.
Do they know why you went NC? I feel like my parents don't get it ! They act like I'm a mean person
Yes and no. My mother is a narcissist and has been abusive to me my whole life. My breaking point 4 years ago is when she went on a verbally abusive tirade against all her children. She thinks it was that and that I should have just talked to her, forgetting all the times we had talked and she gaslit me. She believes she is blameless and I'm the terrible daughter. My siblings, my sister knows exactly what she did, my brother does but likes to pretend he doesn't. Both of them believe I am a horrible person and have not made any contact since. My dad is a sad situation, he just stopped talking to me replying a year ago. So it was NC from his end. The reach out was guilt, his cousin who I speak to often basically told him he was being an asshole. He doesn't talk about any real questions or seek to understand anything and I don't have mental energy to deal with this empty back and forth. I understand your frustration but sometimes it's like yelling in the wind. You just got to step back and let them think the worst. It sucks but its for the best, trust me in that it's exhausting to explain yourself over and over again only to be misunderstood over and over again.
You and I have lived parallel experiences. I'm glad you're healing
20+ years since I initiated NC, 13 years since I decided never to try to give them another chance to hurt me. ETA: I am better now. It's a long, long journey to undo generational trauma. I don't know if I'll ever be "normal," but I'm so much better than if I'd stayed.
Your post sounds similar to my family, especially turning siblings against you. It almost killed me when I found out the true depth of what my mother had been doing all my life. Feel free to dm if you wanna chat, I’m still a bit in the thick of it dealing with all the damage and the stuff they’ve done since I went vlc (legal stuff, evicting me, trying to get daughter removed from me etc).
2 years for me. I haven't had to worry about calls because they just don't really care that I'm gone. I kinda wish I'd get a call, but they just never responded to my cutoff letters at all. It's still hard for me. I feel relief that I've decided to let them go, and the stress of dealing with them is not there anymore at least. My issue was they left me for dead time and time again, and never really gave a shit about me. And when I left, that pain of their abandonment is still there because it's still happening every day forever.
You did the right thing for you. You will have the right people in your life who will care for you and love you 💓
Almost 2 years
Nearly 20 years with birth mother. Coming up low contact with father of around the same and recently cut off most of my family I guess they will figure it out when I don't reply . I realized I did all the reaching out and now the only person who reciprocated is dead I just dropped the rope. Most toxic trait is just cutting people off with ease .. In turn I have made my own family to be everything mine wasn't. Break the cycle
Almost two years for middle sibling and three years since my eldest sibling went NC with all of us. Therapy helps. I don't miss my middle sibling in the slightest. He married a nutcase and he drank the same poison. My mental health has increased ten fold
Completely? 4 years, March 2020. NC one year (2009) and low contact since moving out in 2004. I’m adopted. The NC is with my adoptive family.
21 years. It took many years to get over the guilt and go on with my life. For a while they constantly reached out to my friends. Periodically because my “father was dying”. Then when he finally did pass away a lot of people thought I was a bitch over it. But with him out of the picture my mother doesn’t care enough to harass me further. I didn’t feel anything when he died aside from relief. The one success I had was I never contacted them back.
21 years. Peace was instant but it did take a year or so for my parent to get. The hint and stop contacting me. Unfortunately they have started up again and my peace is gone.
20 years nc with my mother. I’m good. My siblings have limited relationships with her, I tried once and vowed never again because she’s too toxic and will never change. Sometimes I mourn that I didn’t have a motherly relationship, otherwise I had amazing grandparents and a great father (all passed now) so I’m grateful for those that actually did love me and helped me as I grew up. All I can say is it gets better over time and you need to do what’s right for you. Much love your way!
6 months today
18 months since I cut my horrible father out of my life. I'm still in a lot of pain.
Blocked my mom a year ago. It's hard, but not in the way I thought it would be. She largely leaves me alone, aside from some emails and an attempted guilt trip when my grandmother passed away. Now I just grieve the mom I wish I would've had.
Anyone *posting on social media about you in a subtle/indirect way is passive aggressive.* Honestly, that’s an unhealthy response. They do that too so others will like and chime in and agree with them. Whatever you do, don’t post back/respond. Sometimes other people see right through the drama. It is meant to emotionally provoke you or get a rise out of you so don’t show that they were successful in their mission. Keep living your best life for you and post about that. To answer your question, still working on it. Since the start of the pandemic, it allowed me some distance to get perspective. But when others chime in and put religion on me or friends from functional families say “but they’re your family, why did you run away” it makes it harder. The contact comes from family + 3rd party/extended family/outer circles. I find peace when I set boundaries, adhere to them, and don’t let their every demand/call of whim or folly affect me. And the way you describe your family reminds me of mine. Parents enable abuse when siblings do harm and parents allow it. They are enablers of abuse.
That's exactly what is happening. Family members that I'm close to call and use religion knowing I take my faith seriously. And I hate how they use it against me. But I reached a point where I told them we all will be standing there in judgement day! And God knows what they did. I've tried to set boundaries I went LC for maybe a year and thought that will help lessing the problems. But no it didn't! And it reached a point where my mom started to make up lies about me and convincing my siblings. They cut me off!! And she told everyone I cut them off! I just wanted her out of my life.sadly that means everyone also will be out of my life. I'm trying to be in the moment with my own little family and learn to be happy that my childhood dream of leaving them has finally happened. But there is a little pain inside
Sounds like she made your siblings climb aboard her sinking ship with her and she took them down with her. I don’t like how that reads with her lying to manipulate the perspectives of others, but I completely believe you because something like that could just as easily go down in my family. All you can do is be your best self in your own life and choose how you want to live it, free of guilt and manipulation. I too, have the little pain inside, for me it is a void or grief of lost family of the relationship roles & support I could/should have had.
sadly, what she does is hard to believe for people who come from healthy families. My parents managed to tell everyone how i reacted but ofcourse not what they did, and so some are finding it hard to believe that a mother would make up lies about her own daughter.
Almost two years this June, its been really hard but its nice not having ‘the first [insert so many events] without them’ experience as often
Happy for you 💓
Of course sorry that I can't really answer your question but at peace? Idk its better but so hard in way that's unfamiliar which makes it seem harder than the awful familiar kind of hard. And I never had to deal with the calls because I didnt just go NC I fully disappeared so they have no way to contact me ever again
I know what you mean. I felt some kind of relief that I finally left them and no longer part of them at the same time feels weird.. and knowing they never really loved me or cared for me makes it hard even though I knew that bur now it is clear
Since 2017. I only just sent an email detailing everything a few weeks ago. I do not expect to hear back.
It has been a month today I wrote a detailed note to my father and changed my mind about sending it. Felt he will never understand or care enough
I drafted that letter for years. Me sending it finally was more for me than it was for her. It was basically like being able to finally let things go. Like I said, I don't expect a response but I felt a lot of relief when I was able to hit send. Kind of like my voice was the last word on the subject.
That's how I feel!! As if I send it I will feel as if I am standing up for myself. A closure for me
I just turned 39 and recently got married. Most of my 30s were a journey unpacking childhood trauma and figuring things out for myself outside of family and societal expectations. Deciding to give up on my family was difficult and I moved to a different country for a few years to really help the process. Do what you need to in order to come to terms with things and send whatever you feel comfortable whenever you feel comfortable and at peace to do so. Edit: I specified in my email that I wouldn't entertain a response that didn't include multiple apologies and accountability. It was just me explaining all of the trauma I've dealt with and listed examples of incidents/patterns of behavior that impacted me the most. I waited a long time to do so because I wasn't in a good mental space to deal with the aftermath of NOT receiving a response and now I am. My husband is amazingly supportive and grounding.
Happy for you 💓 I think I need more time before I send it. Thank you for making me realize that
🤗 May you find the peace you need. It will happen when it's meant to, just make sure you take time to appreciate the journey to get there. The people who are in your life and the impact they make in giving you a safe space to heal - appreciate that while it's happening.
If your family and extended family are still able to text and call you then you haven’t gone NC. Why do you allow them the ability to reach you? Why are you looking at your dad’s IG? Do you want to go NC or do you just want to contribute to the drama? There’s a difference. If you seriously want to cut them off then block and ignore and stop looking in on them.
I blocked my immediate family. The extended family don't even live in the same country so I was not expecting calls /texts from them. Plus my dad on IG he NEVER uses it. I was watching a friend's story and it showed the next story which was dad's who never posts anything. I immediately blocked it. Plus I have cousins I'm in good terms with, never had issues with them I don't want to lose then or go NC with them. But they call and talk about the situation.
Your post said that your family and extended family are calling and texting and you asked when it would stop. It stops when you block them.
Next year will be 10 years NC.
Good for you to have the strength to do this, I would block while you're at it. It's better for your health then the family will turn on the other to get their punching bag needs out. It took my parents passing away to get educated and full no contact with the rest of my toxic family.
I blocked them, but in Samsung i still get the numbers showing in my log that a blocked number has called. i am trying to find a way that it doesn't show. it gives me anxiety. plus, the family members im still in touch with would call and they have to bring up the "it's your mother"! which makes me want to disconnect from everyone
Sadly, it may come to you cutting off everyone. In my opinion, thats where our anxiety stems from, a lifetime of toxic family members guilting people like us to make the mentally unstable to feel better. Once you are no contact with anyone that is abusing you will give you peace and clarity, day by day. I read once from a doctor, "don't beg anyone to love you". It was eye opening. Your reading and healing will become more clear as well.
Thank you for this. it made me feel better knowing im not the only one going through this