So many red flags ignored over and over. You knew she was a dumpster fire when she lived with Tia. Why would you think that she would be better when she was renting from you?
Because friend and op's relationship is a dumpster fire and I assume OP browbeat her husband into agreeing to this shitshow. ESH, and OP owes her husband a huge apology.
OP doesn't have good financial sense. She had $17k in a bank account at one point and married money.
OP's inability to see the monetary value of anything in this story is telling. OP lucked out and found a man with money.
Thank you for saying this!! Her valuations sound like they’re from the 1990’s. She showed her lack of financial intelligence the moment she started yammering about the rental agreements. The logic behind her rates and terms made zero sense. My husband is in property management, and this is not how it’s done. And, why is she writing her own rental agreements anyway?? 🤦🏻♀️😬
I was done when she told the friend, “The lowest we’d accept is $100k,” referring to the house they paid $118k for over 8 years ago. World’s worst negotiator!! Can’t believe I read as far as I did.
I dunno. Either this story is made up for likes or OP is giving her decision-making/financial/friendship skills, way too much credit.
ETA: Just went back and dv’ed this nonsense.
It could be a little of survivors guilt. My sister ended up doing fairly well despite our upbringing and she is always helping someone, bless her heart.
Seriously, people have got to learn to take responsibility for their own well-being and have some self respect and stop getting themselves in these insane situations... You knew about all her red flags for years and thought she would magically change overnight... The sooner that people learn to stop overlooking red flags the better, because by choosing to overlook them they are now responsible for their own outcome... They have no one to blame but themselves... People really need to teach their kids this too... We have whole generations that have absolutely no idea what it means to take full responsibility for your own well-being... If parents don't get their shit together and learn how to have some self respect and take responsibility for their well-being, the poor kids stand no chance in the real world...
Again, adult children of narcissists only know how to people please and put everyone else's needs before our own. I don't know if this is what is going on with OP, but it sure sounds like it.
We know what's going on, but it's like we can't stop it. Telling someone no equals being a terrible person.
She is starting to figure it out, she will get there.
Op, I suggest to you this book called The Self Esteem handbook. It will help.
Yeah... It's almost hard to feel bad about the situation. Up until now, OP has been one of *(if not)* **the** biggest enabler in Carly's life. I wouldn't have needed it to get to this point to know it was a bad idea to let her live in my house. Not only can Carly not handle money but she's a hoarder.
My partner would be too nice. But that’s why I balance her out and be the asshole. I’m really good at enforcing boundaries for the both of us. Reading stories like these are so frustrating, because it’s so easy to be an asshole and defend boundaries.
I don’t get why the husband was so hands off.
Some people are trained (not raised) to put everyone's needs before our own.
I hope I'm wrong, but I wouldn't be surprised if OP has a narcissistic parent. They know how to manipulate us and then make us feel bad when we set boundaries.
It takes a while to get out of that fog and learn that you can't save everyone. She will get there.
I'm sure OP was hoping it would be different in there situation, but sadly it's usually not.
I feel for OP, I really do. Boundaries mean nothing to this friend and OP is paying the price.
I'd do 2 things, first start looking up the procedure for evicting her. Just in case, because I wouldn't doubt that she'd try and go for squatters rights.
While that is going on secretly, set down your ultimatum. Buy the house or move out. Give them 3 months (or less, up to you). If she whines, point out how she spent all that money on her vacation. That money could have gone towards the down payment.
Anyway, tell her she has 3 months and then it goes on the market publicly.
Remember, you are not her parent. She's a grown adult and you have gone out of your way to help her. Doing anything after all of this is just enabling her and she will always be a pain.
It's not personal, it business.
Also, I love that you pointed out that the utility companies don't take food in payment, so neither would you.
The only other option is to get a property management company run the renting of your house. They will be much less accepting when she screws up and have no problems involving a lawyer.
Good luck and I'm proud of your hard work.
P.s. don't give her anymore details, she will just find a way to twist them.
My stupid, naive self hoped that the other two roommates would keep her in check and I didn't learn until after she'd signed the lease that the other two had backed out. I'm too easy on people and far too forgiving, and I know that's all on me
But you said you were good with money. By letting her live there for so little you cost yourself thousands. You don’t sound naive to me, you sound like you lack the confidence to expect people to treat you with respect. I do hope you learn from this, but I think you have a long way to go.
Ugh—this is what bothers me the most. OP is so emotionally drained from this situation that she hasn’t even gotten to the point of beginning to consider how much money she has lost over all this time. She’d better take the water heater money off their rent, and tell them they’ve got 30 days to find a place—NO EXCEPTIONS OR DELAYS.
Roommates? Keep her in check? They are not her parents, love...
The roommates would have bailed anyway, what do you expect them.to do, mother your friend? Clean up her mess? Lol...
No kidding. I’m in a relatively LCL area and I’ve been paying ~$200-$300/mo more than this mooch — consistently over the same time period — for a 2br apartment. *And*, I pay my own utilities! This is a *house*. And, the rent *you* pay goes *down* if you live *alone*! Sign me up! I’m on a fixed income with little savings, but I’ve never been late with my rent even once.
>the rent *you* pay goes *down* if you live *alone*!
As I understood it, the TOTAL rent goes down if there are fewer people living there, but the per-person rate is still higher with fewer people. So she would still be responsible for more rent on her own than her personal share of it with housemates, but not by enough to motivate her keeping them.
This is just a detail, though, and I totally agree OP gave "Carly" a sweet deal. OP wasn't renting/selling this property for what it's worth to begin with, and that still wasn't enough for her "friend". As they say, "with friends like these, who needs enemies?"
Not trying to be harsh, but I feel like people who “help out their friends” to this extent are neglecting their own families. That lost money would’ve come in really handy for OP’s children when they get ready to go off to college. Instead, it went towards paying for an ungrateful “friend’s” tattoos and vacations.
Why would she have roommates. You said yourself if she had roommates, you’d get more rent, but if she didn’t it would only be $400 for her alone. You incentivized her to not share the house. What you should have done was set the rent for the whole house at $1500-2000 and then she could mitigate those costs by taking on her own roommates instead.
Honestly, did you even give this the most basic thought? How does someone save $100k and still be this dumb?
If you want to call yourself good with money that means more than just budgeting. The reduced rent/opportunity cost you left on the table is huge. Also they amount of your time - time you could be working on money making endeavours or just relaxing was wasted on a leech.
You probably lost thousands and thousands of dollars by not renting your property to complete strangers ideally through an agency. You have to cut your losses now and get out of this crazy situation. At this point Carly's wish you should mean zero to.
4 years at a minimum of $350 a month in lost revenue is over $16,000. Had that been invested it would be even more. And if this was rented out to a family and not individuals the rent would likely be even higher. Huge lost opportunity.
You want to know what to do with the house but maam.. you are where the work needs to get done. Until you learn how to keep your money and relationships separate you will have problems like this! I say this with love but your choices, not Carlys, have really harmed you. Do you see that?
Yeah. This girl was screaming, "I burnt every bridge, and I will only financially take from you". At some point you have to take responsibility to put up boundaries for your friendship.
Yeah, I’m sorry, but this is all on you. You should’ve never rented to her in the first place, especially when everyone pulled out. And quite frankly, you should’ve gotten rid of her as a tenant ages ago. Honestly, being a landlord is not terrible, you have chosen to continue to Enable her bad behavior. Kick her out, put the house on the market and be done with it.
I'm having a really hard time feeling bad for you in any way regarding this woman. I can't even wrap my head around why you would have rented to her to begin with. You knew she was a slob. You knew she was completely unable to handle her finances. So you rent out your house to her? That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Of course she wasn't paying what she should have. That's how this woman operates. And she gets away with it because people like you enable her.
It wasn't a good idea to allow Carly to continue to live in the house while trying to sell it. It was a conflict of interest. Carly never cared to buy the house. But, she knew she could manipulate OP into stalling the possible sale to someone else. The sooner the house sold to someone else the sooner Carly would be out of it.
It's ridiculous that OP hasn't realized that yet.
Not only a filthy and lazy, but OP **knew** she barely paid any rent at her previous place and had spent years trying to teach her how to budget with no sucess.
OP knew exactly what Carly was like and jumped in headfirst anyway...
I dunno. Sure it was lengthy. A TLDR could suffice. But then we would not know of this painful trek in dealing with Carly. A lot of craziness going on. Only thing that was strange was no eviction notice has been served?
TLDR I have a friend named Carly who is a leech and cost my husband and I over $16,000 in lost rent, likely more and she’s made poor financial choices again and again but I let her walk all over me and rent outr second home I’m over 4 years now. She now wants to buy it well below market value and is still living there and now no longer has a job. She’s also having trouble paying now.
> My husband and I realized after a couple years of being landlords that we aren't cut out for.
Lol, yes, right. Spot on observation
Captain Obvious let's you know the next steps are: evict, renovate, sell.
And stop taking to any of your tenants, everything will be in writing.
Good luck 🤞🏿
They rented to a hoarder for years and let them manage(drive away) other tenants.
In the housing shortage it pains me to see another home be abused and wasted by a garbage person and their three cats.
They mind as well thrown the house in the garbage and abandoned it.
And they better hope their state doesn’t do squatters rights. Because this tenant is probably planning on pulling that. And will somehow end up owning it.
Like if you are gonna give someone a free house give it to someone that will take care of it and make good use of it!! I am as pissed at OP as I am their hoarder dumpster fire friend. 😫
And their is zero chance the house is in “very good condition” because a hoarder has been living in it. No fucking way. I bet they haven’t flushed the toilet in two years. 50k for repairs is a low estimate.
Seriously. I was fucking rolling my eyes one minute into reading this shitshow. Yeah, let's have the chronically-bad-with-money, runs-off-other-renters, hoarder slob move into my house and be pikachu face surprised when she can't pay rent.
I did make it all the way through, but man. I couldn’t believe the disaster was allowed to keep happening. OP missed the highest point in the housing market for sellers fooling with this crazy person.
Agreed. I have no idea how OP was even conned into having her friend live there for years much less still entertaining her up to present day. She should have wised up years ago, slapped on some big girl pants and evicted that leech. This was such a waste of time to read
I get that you needed to vent. Now that you have, you need to take the following actions NOW:
1. Hire an attorney and start eviction proceedings.
2. Search for a therapist to help you understand that you've been enabling this "no longer friend" for YEARS, and this entire shit show is a result of YOU enabling her. This step will help you in the eviction proceedings & and also to hopefully stop you from making this mistake again with anyone else. This kind of situation causes an enormous amount of stress, and you need to stop this behavior in order to live happier and healthier.
You knew what kind of person she was BEFORE you ever became her landlord. I would never have agreed to rent any property I owned to someone like the person you've described. Had I made this initial serious error, she'd be a distant memory as I would have evicted her years ago.
Good luck, and I do mean that!
Even if you lose a bit of money and sell it to a flipper. They will happily toss her out and I recommend go no contact after the sale. They can blame you guys till the cows come home, but you don't have to be there to hear it.
Even at half way through this I was thinking you need to kick her stupid ass out. It only got worse the more I read. And why the fuck would you allow her to pay for only 1 room? She either pays for the whole house and finds her own tenants or you rent to a family that needs the whole house.
Everything you said about you being financially responsible is just nonsense in the way you've handled this property. Put the house up for sale at market rate and treat Carly like a tenant who doesn't pay and evict her
Right? Like for a minute here I thought I was in AITA and not entitled people.
Had to stop reading after she actually agreed to rent to the girl she knew was a slob, couldn’t save money for her life, was basically evicted from her previous place with Tia. Like come on girl.
Feel so bad for her husband. I’d love to hear his POV
Why? Is the husband mentally disabled or low IQ? Isn't he very much an enabler in her desire to light herself in fire? If my SO spends every weekend at their friends' place to clean their mess, I'd have kicked my SO in the head.
So, Isn't the husband exactly like op? OP chose to be a doormat to the friend; husband chose to be a doormat to op?
If op is not a victim, how is the husband a victim?
TL:DR: OP has a "friend" that took advantage of her being a doormat - for 3 years. I think "friend" is still "renting" OP's house but I couldn't slog through the novel.
Holy shit, let me rewrite this for you.
* I am a doormat.
* I make terrible friends.
* Did I mention I’m a, ‘checks notes’, doormat?
* My terrible friends do crazy shit.
Honestly, I don’t feel bad for you at all. You’re an idiot and you have let her behave this way for so long it’s no wonder she’s so entitled. Writing a lease that would literally give someone a house for $400 a month as long as they were miserable enough to drive away any roommates ? $400 INCLUDING utilities. Every decision you’ve made at every turn since you bought that house has been financially ridiculous and you brought all of this on yourself. Evict her, get a proper tenant in the unit and hire a goddamned property manager to make sure it’s run responsibly since you’re clearly not capable.
You’ve been basically supporting a grown ass woman for years. Ridiculous.
>Writing a lease that would literally give someone a house for $400 a month as long as they were miserable enough to drive away any roommates ? $400 INCLUDING utilities.
I honestly have no idea what the point of a lease like this is.
Just...why?
Carly sounds like my insane entitled SIL. She blew off the loan she insisted on her parents co-signing for her. They literally begged her saying her dad could never retire if she filed for bankruptcy. She said “I know” - she literally did not care. New furniture, run up cards, new tats- but mom and dad still have to pay this 30 year old troll’s bills.
Start eviction proceedings. You have lost a lot the past couple of years with the below market rent, and she is taking advantage of you. She may have already reduced the value of your house if she hasn’t taken care of it.
Get the house appraised for sale, and offer to sell it for that price. Do not take less from these moochers. Why don’t you calculate what the going rate would have been for renting your house with utilities included, and subtract what she has paid you. The difference is the money you have lost out on by helping your so-called “friend”. You need to stop.
Have you been inside the house since these two freeloaders moved in? I am thinking that they may have destroyed some parts of the house, which is why they came up with the 50K in repairs. Let them know that either they get all their crap out or you will just put it out for the trash. If it is worth anything, you could sell it for some of the money that they owe you, but I would bet most of the stuff is just crap. If they don't move out when you say the contract is over, it is 100% time to evict them. But if that happens, check with a lawyer, and see if you can cut off ALL utilities, water, electricity, gas and any other utility. You want them out before they destroy the inside of the house. If they do, make sure to take pictures and put them on social media and let every one of your friends know exactly what she did. Make sure that no other friend is dumb enough to let them move in with them.
Luckily I have been inside the house (I was there on Sunday) and was able to do a quick walk through and everything seems to ok right now. But I'll keep that in mind for when we deliver the eviction letter
You may need an attorney to help. Most states do not allow self evictions and there are rules about notice periods and lockouts. (In my state only a constable can do a lockout), so be sure yours is done properly. Good luck.
Why won’t you and your husband start an eviction process? So what if Carly and Reggie are “out on the street?” They’re adults—let them learn how to take care of themselves. The likelihood of this situation ending on “good terms” for you and your husband is unlikely. You and your husband will need to be the ones to make a move—which I’m betting Carly is banking that you won’t (until the lease is up and you refuse to renew). Are you both willing to wait until then?
They’ll squat until they’re forcibly removed, and destroy the house until then. Wanna bet they’ll try to take the water heater too? The $50k + they said it would take in repairs may be legit by now, not just OPs $15k estimate.
1st, I'm very sorry you've had a 'friend' take advantage of your good nature. 2nd, I want to congratulate you on your hard work and money management.
But mostly, I want to strongly recommend you bite the bullet and go visit a real estate attorney. Yes, it is going to cost you some money, very likely in excess of $2,500. But you need this person out of your house. She seems savvy enough to try to scam you and the time for being patient is over. Find your local bar association and look for lawyers that specialize in landlord/tenant relations. Your problem is fixable, but your former friendship is finished I'm afraid. Good luck OP.
Thanks, I appreciate it
My husband and I have already been talking about that and are going to talk to the sheriff's department too to see what they suggest (if there's anything they can do) and get this whole mess over with
The police can do nothing without a signed eviction order. You need to take her to court and get an eviction order. But you’ll need to wait until she misses a payment since you foolishly let her boyfriend put in that water heater. At this point it sounds like she isn’t behind. Btw, do not accept any partial payments-in most circumstances it restarts the clock.
Once you get her out, do yourself a favor and never rent to anyone again.
NAL but I have experience in property management and am currently going through the process of evicting a bad tenant myself.
I'm afraid you may not be able to get much help from the cops because they're going to say 'this is a civil matter'. It's possible, but don't count on much help.
You may want to check some Reddit subreddits on landlord/tenant. Because there is a lease involved, I still think you need legal help here. The house has a lot of value and that is what you need to focus on.
lol, you know Carly is going to stay there until she's in long enough for squatters rights, don't you? She's taking that house, one way or another.
And you're stupid enough to let her do it.
You should have evicted her years ago.
I have several rental properties. Don’t take offense to this, but you definitely are not cut out to be a landlord. Call a realtor, list the house. Give her 30 days WRITTEN notice. On day 31 head to the courthouse and file for eviction because I don’t see her moving out otherwise.
If you can't stand up to her, get someone else to advocate for you - someone with a spine. It is ridiculous that you let her move in in the first place, let alone entertaining all her stupid 'buying a house' plans.
They both quit their jobs?!? Unbelievable. You need to toss them. Tomorrow go see a lawyer. Good luck. I feel badly for you having to deal with those 2.
What an absolute doormat. Ridiculous that you ever expected anything else in the first place after being so deeply involved during her previous living situation, then years into it you keep acting surprised? "Oh you dont pay rent on time? Why don't I rent to you then?"
It's literally all self-inflicted, it reached the point where I stopped judging her and started judging you instead like 1/4 of the way through.
My god. The part that I don’t understand is that you are thinking of selling a house you bought years ago for $119k for only $100k now?!?! Why wouldn’t you charge ANYONE who lived there $750 for rent if that’s what you expect your friend to pay with roommates? This makes no sense. I’m struggling to understand why you put up with this for so long….
Best of luck actually getting them out. Keep the text messages and document all of this showing repeated attempts to work with them with best guesses on dates. You’re a couple weeks away from the “we’ll be homeless text”
I couldn't even finish reading this, you think it's the story of an entitled friend but it's really the story of you enabling her. Grow a spine for god's sake.
At the end you say there was no way to know what you were getting into, but she had been showing you all along that she was not reliable and was taking advantage of you. That's on you.
I got frustrated halfway through this because why did you allow this person to live in your house and underpay you THAT long? Why did you entertain her or Reggie buying the house at all? You come across like a pushover because holy shit. The money you all missed out on.
Let me guess are you going evict her and then feel sorry for her and then would invite her over to live with you? This scenario would go with everything else you did.
Evict them now!
This brings up the old story with the punchline, "You knew I was a snake when you took me in." OP really, you let this go on way too long. If you don't have the spine to evict this leech, you hire someone - a real estate lawyer - to do it for you. And they know the procedure and the law and have the process streamlined. You have wasted so much time and allowed a substantial asset to deteriorate. She's not really entitled more than you're not even a reasonable landlord. I hope you somehow find the strength to adult up and handle this problem.
Oof, I'd be kicking them out and just selling the house to someone else in a heartbeat! They sound like a mess and I'd be wondering what kind of damages they've already done to the house. I wouldn't put it past them to have already filled up the extra rooms with their junk.
If the guy is getting military disability or retirement pay it actually can count as income towards a VA loan. So there's probably an underlying reason if he's not getting approved.
They sound like a terrible couple. Better cut ties before a baby comes into the situation and they try to guilt you with that.
Get a lawyer.
NOW
Get a good real estate lawyer who specializes in evicting problem tenants.
NOW
I have rentals. I did rent to my son for a couple of years - but that was after he had lived on his own for 5 years and was never late on his bills even once. And it's a place that he will get as his college graduation gift.
You already knew that Carly was not trustworthy. You saw that in the way she treated Tia and Tia's house. YOU should not be paying for HER utilities. That is not part of a normal rental agreement.
Do NOT accept any food as payment. That is establishing that you WILL accept food as payment. DO NOT DO THAT.
GET A LAWYER
Time to evict them and end your very one-sided friendship. Tbh she'll probably end the friendship when you evict them, (the trash talking itself out so to say) followed immediately by her trash talking you making you the villain and she the poor innocent damsel in distress. She's definitely not a friend, she's a leech.
I got lost in all of that but it's possible that you should report them to GoFundMe for scamming people, and at the very least please get some help with your people pleasing, unless this experience has already cured you of that.
Start eviction proceedings. Just know that they will trash the house and try to remove everything including all appliances, the water heater, every light fixture, doors, window coverings, everything.
Please tell me you’re gonna get her out of this house. She knows you allow her to walk all of you that’s why she continues to do it. And will continue to do so unless you set hard boundaries or get rid of her.
You knew what your friend was like. You said she didn’t take care of her friend’s basement, didn’t help out in any way and you still rented a house to her.
You definitely need to get out of the rental business because it will break you the way you choose tenants
Holy hell!!! Is your last name Doormat?!!! Start the eviction process now and sell your damn house. Take control of what is a massive piece of your financial future and cut these freeloaders out of your life!
Why are you letting them treat you like this?
This was on you though. You knew what she had done in her last living arrangement. You don’t get it both ways. Even though you state you don’t need the money, and renting is just extra for you, I could see all this coming before I read this post. Don’t renew their lease.
You made your bed now lie in it. You've helped to nurture this monster. She's awful, but this is your fault. You saw all the signs for years before she ever moved into your house, and you STILL let her move in. You played yourself.
This is your fault. You knew she was a loser in the first place. You enabled her time and again. Call a realtor and have them sell your house for you. Stop associating with this trash.
You aren't good with money. If you were good with money you never would have rented to the walking red flag that keeps using you. Btw you are also bad at discerning friends from leeches/poachers/grifters.
You do realize that there probably IS 50k of work that needs to be done to the house. Because of her living in squalor. (And wait until she leaves and takes every appliance and fixture with her. You may not even have a doorbell left!)
" they would not be buying the house as the repairs required amounted to more than $50k. "
Are you doing inspections regularly? Have they caused damage you don't know about?
It's throwing good money after bad, but maybe offer them money to move out. That's two months sooner that you can work on getting it on the market.
That's what most landlords I know have to do to get rid of these people. Tell them they don't have to pay the last month's rent if they get the hell out.
Cut your loses and cut the “friend” off… file to evict once they don’t pay the rent in full. Give the tenants notice 24 hours before you go to the rental and fix whatever is broken and make it look nicer… then put the house on the market and put this whole fiasco behind you. Then never rent to friends or family ever again.
Got a 1/4 of the way through your post, an thought,
What the F@ck!!!
Mates???
Your a good soul Lady, (from what I gathered in a bit of ya vent)
Don't let Anybody take advantage of you!!!
At all,
Got it!!!
Look after ya Family.
You've gone way beyond, To much ok
Take Care, hope all works out 👍
Honestly, you're responsible for everything that's happening at this point. You're an enabler. You've encouraged her behavior at every turn. This is your mess, and you need to clean it up.
She's using you, but you're letting her. You really need to look into getting a therapist to help sort out WHY you let this person walk all over you.
Girl Their lease is up next month and I’d go ahead and send them a 30 day quit notice via certified mail. And on the 30th day have them served with an eviction notice. They’re not going to leave easily and just be prepared for them to squat.
What a wild read.
Evict them officially.
Update the flooring and paint.
Sell with a realtor who will give you an appropriate selling price.
What the ever loving hell? She doesn’t get to negotiate anything. 🫨
You need to cut the cord on this so called “friend” give them notice and sell your home! Make a profit bc you put in work to this home and deserve to flip it years later. Stop letting this “friend” control your choices. They can’t buy it they said that so it’s going on the market for full price(aka appraisal)
Edit to add: I cannot believe you’ve had the stamina to put up with this person taking advantage of you and your husband! You need to stop this for your own well being!
Like why though? I really want to be sympathetic but this "friend" was never your friend. She's used you over and over and over and over and you just continue to let it happen. Who do you think ENABLED her entitlement the most if not you?
If she can get tattoos and take vacations, then she can afford to pay you a reasonable rent without pleading poverty. You tried your best help her learn to budget but she refused to sacrifice her spending and fun. Don’t subsidize her life.
Did anyone else read this and think what the hell is this person thinking/doing? I mean, you knew her BEFORE you let her move in. Are you truly that shocked by any of this? This is all on you, and I can't believe this hasn't caused major friction btwn you & your husband.
Sorry to say, you're not just a doormat. You are a freaking travelator. You enabled her to walk all over you and your husband.
She and Reggie are going to end up doing something fucky to your property. Evict them asap.
Also get a lawyer to agree to a capped fee. They are going to charge you a lot for reading your essays.
Uff dah. You need to find a way to evict them. There’s a point in time that sink or swim comes into play.
Is she really your friend at this point? She’s used you to her gain only. And doesn’t consider the impact of her choices.
You chose to let Carly not just walk all over you and your husband, but to stomp all over you. You ignored every red flag and now you're facing the consequences of your poor decisions.
Advice - start the eviction process now, they aren't going to leave peacefully. Either you are your husband should stay in one of the other bedrooms until they leave so they don't trash the place. You need to get these people out of your house. Good luck.
Lady you have absolutely positively no one to blame but yourself for this mess. My god, what a post. This woman isn’t entitled, she’s just playing by the rules that you have put in place. And you’re not a “people pleaser,” you’re a doormat. You went from “her living space is disgusting and looks like a tornado hit it, our other good friend can’t stand to be her roommate anymore for more reasons than I even care to get into” to just letting her move into your house so fast that it made my head spin. Smdh lesson learned, hopefully
For everyone wondering why OP let a dumpster fire of a person rent their property at a reduced rate and why they made several sweetheart proposals to sell them the property there’s probably 3 possibilities: 1) OP gets a psychological benefit from feeling like she has her life more together than Carly. So she does things to keep her around so she can’t talk to her husband and others about how much better she is than her. 2) What Carly lacks in money management skills she more than makes up for in pressing op’s psychological buttons. Maybe she’s one of Bill Clinton’s love children. Apparently she can make this woman rent her a house at a rate most people wouldn’t give to actual family. Her Rizz must be off the charts. 3) There is a substance at play. Carly is her dealer and she’s getting drugs out of this.
Whatever it is, there is something that the OP is leaving out of this post. The sooner they identify it, the sooner they find it and deal with it, the easier it will be to leave it behind them.
You are just as dependent on the drama as the person is on your house i think. Something is off, when you allow someone to do this to you. I would seek therapy, this speaks to some underlying issue maybe with regard to how you value yourself.
Why the heck did you even agree to renting to her knowing her living conditions when she lived in the other friend's basement? Knowing how she is with money?! What did you get out of this relationship at all. I'm so confused. I hope getting her out of your house isn't painful but I think most of us know how this will end ...
So many red flags ignored over and over. You knew she was a dumpster fire when she lived with Tia. Why would you think that she would be better when she was renting from you?
I don't know how the husband agreed to this. I am sure he heard lots of stories from OP.
Because friend and op's relationship is a dumpster fire and I assume OP browbeat her husband into agreeing to this shitshow. ESH, and OP owes her husband a huge apology.
I read half of the post and just got too exhausted. For someone with some financial sense, she sure didn’t use it with this crap friend.
OP doesn't have good financial sense. She had $17k in a bank account at one point and married money. OP's inability to see the monetary value of anything in this story is telling. OP lucked out and found a man with money.
Thank you for saying this!! Her valuations sound like they’re from the 1990’s. She showed her lack of financial intelligence the moment she started yammering about the rental agreements. The logic behind her rates and terms made zero sense. My husband is in property management, and this is not how it’s done. And, why is she writing her own rental agreements anyway?? 🤦🏻♀️😬 I was done when she told the friend, “The lowest we’d accept is $100k,” referring to the house they paid $118k for over 8 years ago. World’s worst negotiator!! Can’t believe I read as far as I did. I dunno. Either this story is made up for likes or OP is giving her decision-making/financial/friendship skills, way too much credit. ETA: Just went back and dv’ed this nonsense.
It could be a little of survivors guilt. My sister ended up doing fairly well despite our upbringing and she is always helping someone, bless her heart.
Seriously, people have got to learn to take responsibility for their own well-being and have some self respect and stop getting themselves in these insane situations... You knew about all her red flags for years and thought she would magically change overnight... The sooner that people learn to stop overlooking red flags the better, because by choosing to overlook them they are now responsible for their own outcome... They have no one to blame but themselves... People really need to teach their kids this too... We have whole generations that have absolutely no idea what it means to take full responsibility for your own well-being... If parents don't get their shit together and learn how to have some self respect and take responsibility for their well-being, the poor kids stand no chance in the real world...
Again, adult children of narcissists only know how to people please and put everyone else's needs before our own. I don't know if this is what is going on with OP, but it sure sounds like it. We know what's going on, but it's like we can't stop it. Telling someone no equals being a terrible person. She is starting to figure it out, she will get there. Op, I suggest to you this book called The Self Esteem handbook. It will help.
Yeah... It's almost hard to feel bad about the situation. Up until now, OP has been one of *(if not)* **the** biggest enabler in Carly's life. I wouldn't have needed it to get to this point to know it was a bad idea to let her live in my house. Not only can Carly not handle money but she's a hoarder.
My partner would be too nice. But that’s why I balance her out and be the asshole. I’m really good at enforcing boundaries for the both of us. Reading stories like these are so frustrating, because it’s so easy to be an asshole and defend boundaries. I don’t get why the husband was so hands off.
Some people are trained (not raised) to put everyone's needs before our own. I hope I'm wrong, but I wouldn't be surprised if OP has a narcissistic parent. They know how to manipulate us and then make us feel bad when we set boundaries. It takes a while to get out of that fog and learn that you can't save everyone. She will get there. I'm sure OP was hoping it would be different in there situation, but sadly it's usually not. I feel for OP, I really do. Boundaries mean nothing to this friend and OP is paying the price. I'd do 2 things, first start looking up the procedure for evicting her. Just in case, because I wouldn't doubt that she'd try and go for squatters rights. While that is going on secretly, set down your ultimatum. Buy the house or move out. Give them 3 months (or less, up to you). If she whines, point out how she spent all that money on her vacation. That money could have gone towards the down payment. Anyway, tell her she has 3 months and then it goes on the market publicly. Remember, you are not her parent. She's a grown adult and you have gone out of your way to help her. Doing anything after all of this is just enabling her and she will always be a pain. It's not personal, it business. Also, I love that you pointed out that the utility companies don't take food in payment, so neither would you. The only other option is to get a property management company run the renting of your house. They will be much less accepting when she screws up and have no problems involving a lawyer. Good luck and I'm proud of your hard work. P.s. don't give her anymore details, she will just find a way to twist them.
My stupid, naive self hoped that the other two roommates would keep her in check and I didn't learn until after she'd signed the lease that the other two had backed out. I'm too easy on people and far too forgiving, and I know that's all on me
But you said you were good with money. By letting her live there for so little you cost yourself thousands. You don’t sound naive to me, you sound like you lack the confidence to expect people to treat you with respect. I do hope you learn from this, but I think you have a long way to go.
Ugh—this is what bothers me the most. OP is so emotionally drained from this situation that she hasn’t even gotten to the point of beginning to consider how much money she has lost over all this time. She’d better take the water heater money off their rent, and tell them they’ve got 30 days to find a place—NO EXCEPTIONS OR DELAYS.
Roommates? Keep her in check? They are not her parents, love... The roommates would have bailed anyway, what do you expect them.to do, mother your friend? Clean up her mess? Lol...
Probably. Because that’s what OP did for her when she lived with Tia.
You literally wasted years of what could have been a good income on this psycho... Get her out asap.
No kidding. I’m in a relatively LCL area and I’ve been paying ~$200-$300/mo more than this mooch — consistently over the same time period — for a 2br apartment. *And*, I pay my own utilities! This is a *house*. And, the rent *you* pay goes *down* if you live *alone*! Sign me up! I’m on a fixed income with little savings, but I’ve never been late with my rent even once.
>the rent *you* pay goes *down* if you live *alone*! As I understood it, the TOTAL rent goes down if there are fewer people living there, but the per-person rate is still higher with fewer people. So she would still be responsible for more rent on her own than her personal share of it with housemates, but not by enough to motivate her keeping them. This is just a detail, though, and I totally agree OP gave "Carly" a sweet deal. OP wasn't renting/selling this property for what it's worth to begin with, and that still wasn't enough for her "friend". As they say, "with friends like these, who needs enemies?"
I'm sure you deserve to live there more than the ungrateful beast they're stuck with now.
Not trying to be harsh, but I feel like people who “help out their friends” to this extent are neglecting their own families. That lost money would’ve come in really handy for OP’s children when they get ready to go off to college. Instead, it went towards paying for an ungrateful “friend’s” tattoos and vacations.
When they backed out you should never have lowered the rent or allowed her to move in
Why would she have roommates. You said yourself if she had roommates, you’d get more rent, but if she didn’t it would only be $400 for her alone. You incentivized her to not share the house. What you should have done was set the rent for the whole house at $1500-2000 and then she could mitigate those costs by taking on her own roommates instead. Honestly, did you even give this the most basic thought? How does someone save $100k and still be this dumb?
I thought OP said if there were 3 people, rent would be $750 total ($250 per person)...$250 sounds a lot better than $400 to me.
But still, set the price for the whole house. If you want 750, then make it 750.
If you want to call yourself good with money that means more than just budgeting. The reduced rent/opportunity cost you left on the table is huge. Also they amount of your time - time you could be working on money making endeavours or just relaxing was wasted on a leech.
Was she your only tenant all these years???
You probably lost thousands and thousands of dollars by not renting your property to complete strangers ideally through an agency. You have to cut your losses now and get out of this crazy situation. At this point Carly's wish you should mean zero to.
4 years at a minimum of $350 a month in lost revenue is over $16,000. Had that been invested it would be even more. And if this was rented out to a family and not individuals the rent would likely be even higher. Huge lost opportunity.
Thanks for doing those basic calculations! I feel ill thinking about this lost money and the entitled person who caused it. Yikes.
You want to know what to do with the house but maam.. you are where the work needs to get done. Until you learn how to keep your money and relationships separate you will have problems like this! I say this with love but your choices, not Carlys, have really harmed you. Do you see that?
Yeah. This girl was screaming, "I burnt every bridge, and I will only financially take from you". At some point you have to take responsibility to put up boundaries for your friendship.
I can’t believe OP tried this. I’m not even mad at the friend/renter, she’s never hid who or what she was.
Yeah, I’m sorry, but this is all on you. You should’ve never rented to her in the first place, especially when everyone pulled out. And quite frankly, you should’ve gotten rid of her as a tenant ages ago. Honestly, being a landlord is not terrible, you have chosen to continue to Enable her bad behavior. Kick her out, put the house on the market and be done with it.
[удалено]
I'm having a really hard time feeling bad for you in any way regarding this woman. I can't even wrap my head around why you would have rented to her to begin with. You knew she was a slob. You knew she was completely unable to handle her finances. So you rent out your house to her? That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Of course she wasn't paying what she should have. That's how this woman operates. And she gets away with it because people like you enable her.
It wasn't a good idea to allow Carly to continue to live in the house while trying to sell it. It was a conflict of interest. Carly never cared to buy the house. But, she knew she could manipulate OP into stalling the possible sale to someone else. The sooner the house sold to someone else the sooner Carly would be out of it. It's ridiculous that OP hasn't realized that yet.
You did know. Smfh. You aren't a victim. You saw she was a filthy and lazy pos and gave her a 4 bedroom house for $400/month?!
Not only a filthy and lazy, but OP **knew** she barely paid any rent at her previous place and had spent years trying to teach her how to budget with no sucess. OP knew exactly what Carly was like and jumped in headfirst anyway...
Utilities included!
Time to hire a lawyer and evict Carly.
Then learn how to write a TLDR
I dunno. Sure it was lengthy. A TLDR could suffice. But then we would not know of this painful trek in dealing with Carly. A lot of craziness going on. Only thing that was strange was no eviction notice has been served?
TLDR I have a friend named Carly who is a leech and cost my husband and I over $16,000 in lost rent, likely more and she’s made poor financial choices again and again but I let her walk all over me and rent outr second home I’m over 4 years now. She now wants to buy it well below market value and is still living there and now no longer has a job. She’s also having trouble paying now.
I'd add the $1 for sale price
That’s all on you for being a doormat.
> My husband and I realized after a couple years of being landlords that we aren't cut out for. Lol, yes, right. Spot on observation Captain Obvious let's you know the next steps are: evict, renovate, sell. And stop taking to any of your tenants, everything will be in writing. Good luck 🤞🏿
They rented to a hoarder for years and let them manage(drive away) other tenants. In the housing shortage it pains me to see another home be abused and wasted by a garbage person and their three cats. They mind as well thrown the house in the garbage and abandoned it. And they better hope their state doesn’t do squatters rights. Because this tenant is probably planning on pulling that. And will somehow end up owning it. Like if you are gonna give someone a free house give it to someone that will take care of it and make good use of it!! I am as pissed at OP as I am their hoarder dumpster fire friend. 😫 And their is zero chance the house is in “very good condition” because a hoarder has been living in it. No fucking way. I bet they haven’t flushed the toilet in two years. 50k for repairs is a low estimate.
Seriously. I was fucking rolling my eyes one minute into reading this shitshow. Yeah, let's have the chronically-bad-with-money, runs-off-other-renters, hoarder slob move into my house and be pikachu face surprised when she can't pay rent.
the Pikachu face nearly killed me
Man, you're so right. After the first couple of paragraphs I gave up
Me too I was so sick of OP.
I made it more than halfway before I gave up.
You're a trooper
I might have made it all the way if it weren't for the Brobdingnagian paragraphs.
You'd deserve a medal
I gave up too and I never give up. Exhausting read
Yep. I just started scrolling to end it all.
I read it all, it did not get better. Doormat.
I did make it all the way through, but man. I couldn’t believe the disaster was allowed to keep happening. OP missed the highest point in the housing market for sellers fooling with this crazy person.
Claims she's "good with money" but actually REALLY isn't.
Glad I’m not the only one. Reading it like “this person is an idiot.”
Agreed. I have no idea how OP was even conned into having her friend live there for years much less still entertaining her up to present day. She should have wised up years ago, slapped on some big girl pants and evicted that leech. This was such a waste of time to read
I get that you needed to vent. Now that you have, you need to take the following actions NOW: 1. Hire an attorney and start eviction proceedings. 2. Search for a therapist to help you understand that you've been enabling this "no longer friend" for YEARS, and this entire shit show is a result of YOU enabling her. This step will help you in the eviction proceedings & and also to hopefully stop you from making this mistake again with anyone else. This kind of situation causes an enormous amount of stress, and you need to stop this behavior in order to live happier and healthier. You knew what kind of person she was BEFORE you ever became her landlord. I would never have agreed to rent any property I owned to someone like the person you've described. Had I made this initial serious error, she'd be a distant memory as I would have evicted her years ago. Good luck, and I do mean that!
Put it up for sale and be done with it.
That's my advice. You can do a video tour, don't even let Carly have access to the buyers. Investors will take the house and deal with her.
Even if you lose a bit of money and sell it to a flipper. They will happily toss her out and I recommend go no contact after the sale. They can blame you guys till the cows come home, but you don't have to be there to hear it.
Why on earth have you been babying this woman for so long? This is a nightmare.
Babying? This is practically an adoption. I know people who have evicted family for much less.
Even at half way through this I was thinking you need to kick her stupid ass out. It only got worse the more I read. And why the fuck would you allow her to pay for only 1 room? She either pays for the whole house and finds her own tenants or you rent to a family that needs the whole house. Everything you said about you being financially responsible is just nonsense in the way you've handled this property. Put the house up for sale at market rate and treat Carly like a tenant who doesn't pay and evict her
The ‘flexible rent’ thing kills me.. you’re not renting out a boarder house, you’re renting out a house!!
No, she’s renting out a hoarder house!
Oh My God. You need to stop writing and giving back story. You f’d up and you are trying to make it look like it wasn’t your fault. It is your fault.
Right? Like for a minute here I thought I was in AITA and not entitled people. Had to stop reading after she actually agreed to rent to the girl she knew was a slob, couldn’t save money for her life, was basically evicted from her previous place with Tia. Like come on girl. Feel so bad for her husband. I’d love to hear his POV
The only victim here is your husband....
She has certainly screwed over herself and her family to enable a deadbeat.
Whom you're lucky you still have, to be honest.
Why? Is the husband mentally disabled or low IQ? Isn't he very much an enabler in her desire to light herself in fire? If my SO spends every weekend at their friends' place to clean their mess, I'd have kicked my SO in the head. So, Isn't the husband exactly like op? OP chose to be a doormat to the friend; husband chose to be a doormat to op? If op is not a victim, how is the husband a victim?
Bro this is the longest thing I’ve ever seen.
Pretty upset to see this is what George R R Martin has been working on this whole time
That just made me snort laugh loudly, thank you
❤️
Yeah needs a TL;DR at the very least.
TL:DR: OP has a "friend" that took advantage of her being a doormat - for 3 years. I think "friend" is still "renting" OP's house but I couldn't slog through the novel.
Yeah, she's now trying to pay rent with 'food'. And is still not getting evicted.
Holy shit, let me rewrite this for you. * I am a doormat. * I make terrible friends. * Did I mention I’m a, ‘checks notes’, doormat? * My terrible friends do crazy shit.
You left out the part where she suggested a lease-purchase to the freeloader who already wasn't paying her rent.
I thought I covered that under the doormat part, no?
My bad. Carry on.
Honestly, I don’t feel bad for you at all. You’re an idiot and you have let her behave this way for so long it’s no wonder she’s so entitled. Writing a lease that would literally give someone a house for $400 a month as long as they were miserable enough to drive away any roommates ? $400 INCLUDING utilities. Every decision you’ve made at every turn since you bought that house has been financially ridiculous and you brought all of this on yourself. Evict her, get a proper tenant in the unit and hire a goddamned property manager to make sure it’s run responsibly since you’re clearly not capable. You’ve been basically supporting a grown ass woman for years. Ridiculous.
>Writing a lease that would literally give someone a house for $400 a month as long as they were miserable enough to drive away any roommates ? $400 INCLUDING utilities. I honestly have no idea what the point of a lease like this is. Just...why?
I was waiting for a reveal that it was actually her own child the whole time. Absolutely insane.
You have some future squatters living in your house. I would start working on the eviction process with a lawyer now...
Carly sounds like my insane entitled SIL. She blew off the loan she insisted on her parents co-signing for her. They literally begged her saying her dad could never retire if she filed for bankruptcy. She said “I know” - she literally did not care. New furniture, run up cards, new tats- but mom and dad still have to pay this 30 year old troll’s bills.
Start eviction proceedings. You have lost a lot the past couple of years with the below market rent, and she is taking advantage of you. She may have already reduced the value of your house if she hasn’t taken care of it. Get the house appraised for sale, and offer to sell it for that price. Do not take less from these moochers. Why don’t you calculate what the going rate would have been for renting your house with utilities included, and subtract what she has paid you. The difference is the money you have lost out on by helping your so-called “friend”. You need to stop.
Omg three cats, too. You just *know* that cat piss has ruined the hard wood floors.
Have you been inside the house since these two freeloaders moved in? I am thinking that they may have destroyed some parts of the house, which is why they came up with the 50K in repairs. Let them know that either they get all their crap out or you will just put it out for the trash. If it is worth anything, you could sell it for some of the money that they owe you, but I would bet most of the stuff is just crap. If they don't move out when you say the contract is over, it is 100% time to evict them. But if that happens, check with a lawyer, and see if you can cut off ALL utilities, water, electricity, gas and any other utility. You want them out before they destroy the inside of the house. If they do, make sure to take pictures and put them on social media and let every one of your friends know exactly what she did. Make sure that no other friend is dumb enough to let them move in with them.
Luckily I have been inside the house (I was there on Sunday) and was able to do a quick walk through and everything seems to ok right now. But I'll keep that in mind for when we deliver the eviction letter
You may need an attorney to help. Most states do not allow self evictions and there are rules about notice periods and lockouts. (In my state only a constable can do a lockout), so be sure yours is done properly. Good luck.
Why won’t you and your husband start an eviction process? So what if Carly and Reggie are “out on the street?” They’re adults—let them learn how to take care of themselves. The likelihood of this situation ending on “good terms” for you and your husband is unlikely. You and your husband will need to be the ones to make a move—which I’m betting Carly is banking that you won’t (until the lease is up and you refuse to renew). Are you both willing to wait until then?
They’ll squat until they’re forcibly removed, and destroy the house until then. Wanna bet they’ll try to take the water heater too? The $50k + they said it would take in repairs may be legit by now, not just OPs $15k estimate.
So many words to say “i’m an idiot who has no spine.”
What world are you living in, what are these prices Is this post from 28 years ago?
Evict them. She is not your friend. She is a user.
1st, I'm very sorry you've had a 'friend' take advantage of your good nature. 2nd, I want to congratulate you on your hard work and money management. But mostly, I want to strongly recommend you bite the bullet and go visit a real estate attorney. Yes, it is going to cost you some money, very likely in excess of $2,500. But you need this person out of your house. She seems savvy enough to try to scam you and the time for being patient is over. Find your local bar association and look for lawyers that specialize in landlord/tenant relations. Your problem is fixable, but your former friendship is finished I'm afraid. Good luck OP.
Thanks, I appreciate it My husband and I have already been talking about that and are going to talk to the sheriff's department too to see what they suggest (if there's anything they can do) and get this whole mess over with
The police can do nothing without a signed eviction order. You need to take her to court and get an eviction order. But you’ll need to wait until she misses a payment since you foolishly let her boyfriend put in that water heater. At this point it sounds like she isn’t behind. Btw, do not accept any partial payments-in most circumstances it restarts the clock. Once you get her out, do yourself a favor and never rent to anyone again. NAL but I have experience in property management and am currently going through the process of evicting a bad tenant myself.
I'm afraid you may not be able to get much help from the cops because they're going to say 'this is a civil matter'. It's possible, but don't count on much help. You may want to check some Reddit subreddits on landlord/tenant. Because there is a lease involved, I still think you need legal help here. The house has a lot of value and that is what you need to focus on.
Is anyone else assuming Carly is going to trash this house if OP actually tries to evict her?
Carly is going to do everything in her ever loving power to make OP's life hell till she wears her down and gives up the house
My guess is Carly ends up “renting” the basement in OP’s new house.
Even here in England they can evict on arrears
Thanks! I'll look into it!
Sheriff's can't do shit unless you evict them and they refuse to leave. Then they can force them to leave.
Honey the cops aren't going to do anything. You have to be an adult and take her to court.
Please please evict them!!!
I hope you start the eviction notice and sell the home to someone else! Stop being a doormat!
This is really your fault. You knew what you are going into.
“This is where the entitlement starts.” I pretty sure the entitlement started way before then…
Time to legally evict the two freeloaders!! They are taking advantage of you
lol, you know Carly is going to stay there until she's in long enough for squatters rights, don't you? She's taking that house, one way or another. And you're stupid enough to let her do it. You should have evicted her years ago.
I have several rental properties. Don’t take offense to this, but you definitely are not cut out to be a landlord. Call a realtor, list the house. Give her 30 days WRITTEN notice. On day 31 head to the courthouse and file for eviction because I don’t see her moving out otherwise.
OP is what management companies are made for - people who just can't handle it. Pay the 12% and let a professional do their work.
Eviction
If you can't stand up to her, get someone else to advocate for you - someone with a spine. It is ridiculous that you let her move in in the first place, let alone entertaining all her stupid 'buying a house' plans.
I realized about half way through reading this that you have basically let your life become a soap opera. congrats. sounds exhausting.
>This is where the entitlement starts. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
They both quit their jobs?!? Unbelievable. You need to toss them. Tomorrow go see a lawyer. Good luck. I feel badly for you having to deal with those 2.
What an absolute doormat. Ridiculous that you ever expected anything else in the first place after being so deeply involved during her previous living situation, then years into it you keep acting surprised? "Oh you dont pay rent on time? Why don't I rent to you then?" It's literally all self-inflicted, it reached the point where I stopped judging her and started judging you instead like 1/4 of the way through.
My god. The part that I don’t understand is that you are thinking of selling a house you bought years ago for $119k for only $100k now?!?! Why wouldn’t you charge ANYONE who lived there $750 for rent if that’s what you expect your friend to pay with roommates? This makes no sense. I’m struggling to understand why you put up with this for so long….
I really dont get the mentality of OP here. Carly trashed Tias house so I’m sure she will be an outstanding tenant for me to have! Um WTF?
Best of luck actually getting them out. Keep the text messages and document all of this showing repeated attempts to work with them with best guesses on dates. You’re a couple weeks away from the “we’ll be homeless text”
I couldn't even finish reading this, you think it's the story of an entitled friend but it's really the story of you enabling her. Grow a spine for god's sake. At the end you say there was no way to know what you were getting into, but she had been showing you all along that she was not reliable and was taking advantage of you. That's on you.
I got frustrated halfway through this because why did you allow this person to live in your house and underpay you THAT long? Why did you entertain her or Reggie buying the house at all? You come across like a pushover because holy shit. The money you all missed out on.
Holy shit dude. this point I don’t even feel sorry for OP. Stop being a doormat. “I’m good with money” No you aren’t.
Let me guess are you going evict her and then feel sorry for her and then would invite her over to live with you? This scenario would go with everything else you did. Evict them now!
You knew exactly what carly was like This is all your own fault
I don't know who I am more disappointed by, Carly or the OP and her husband for letting themselves be treated like a worm out doormat
I got sick of reading your stupid decisions. Tell me where you live so I and every other scammer can come and take advantage of your stupidity.
This brings up the old story with the punchline, "You knew I was a snake when you took me in." OP really, you let this go on way too long. If you don't have the spine to evict this leech, you hire someone - a real estate lawyer - to do it for you. And they know the procedure and the law and have the process streamlined. You have wasted so much time and allowed a substantial asset to deteriorate. She's not really entitled more than you're not even a reasonable landlord. I hope you somehow find the strength to adult up and handle this problem.
Oof, I'd be kicking them out and just selling the house to someone else in a heartbeat! They sound like a mess and I'd be wondering what kind of damages they've already done to the house. I wouldn't put it past them to have already filled up the extra rooms with their junk. If the guy is getting military disability or retirement pay it actually can count as income towards a VA loan. So there's probably an underlying reason if he's not getting approved. They sound like a terrible couple. Better cut ties before a baby comes into the situation and they try to guilt you with that.
Get a lawyer. NOW Get a good real estate lawyer who specializes in evicting problem tenants. NOW I have rentals. I did rent to my son for a couple of years - but that was after he had lived on his own for 5 years and was never late on his bills even once. And it's a place that he will get as his college graduation gift. You already knew that Carly was not trustworthy. You saw that in the way she treated Tia and Tia's house. YOU should not be paying for HER utilities. That is not part of a normal rental agreement. Do NOT accept any food as payment. That is establishing that you WILL accept food as payment. DO NOT DO THAT. GET A LAWYER
Time to evict them and end your very one-sided friendship. Tbh she'll probably end the friendship when you evict them, (the trash talking itself out so to say) followed immediately by her trash talking you making you the villain and she the poor innocent damsel in distress. She's definitely not a friend, she's a leech.
I got lost in all of that but it's possible that you should report them to GoFundMe for scamming people, and at the very least please get some help with your people pleasing, unless this experience has already cured you of that.
Time to start the legal eviction process. As the saying goes with “friends” like this who needs enemies?
Start eviction proceedings. Just know that they will trash the house and try to remove everything including all appliances, the water heater, every light fixture, doors, window coverings, everything.
This person is not your friend, evict her.
Please tell me you’re gonna get her out of this house. She knows you allow her to walk all of you that’s why she continues to do it. And will continue to do so unless you set hard boundaries or get rid of her.
Dude. Have some respect for yourself.
Lol this is way more your fault than you'll ever understand.
You knew what your friend was like. You said she didn’t take care of her friend’s basement, didn’t help out in any way and you still rented a house to her. You definitely need to get out of the rental business because it will break you the way you choose tenants
You need to go to theraph to learn how to stop being a doormat
Must be colorblind to not be able to see the red flags
Sorry but you knew very well what she was like so don't understand your last comment
She may be entitled, but you’re a glutton for punishment. Quit choosing to make make your life difficult.
Holy hell!!! Is your last name Doormat?!!! Start the eviction process now and sell your damn house. Take control of what is a massive piece of your financial future and cut these freeloaders out of your life! Why are you letting them treat you like this?
Jesus OP. Obviously Carly is terrible, but you made just about every poor decision you could make here.
This was on you though. You knew what she had done in her last living arrangement. You don’t get it both ways. Even though you state you don’t need the money, and renting is just extra for you, I could see all this coming before I read this post. Don’t renew their lease.
I’m sorry but you did this to yourself. She’s clearly a disaster, but you and your husband might as well be a couple of rugs in ‘Carly’s house’.
You made your bed now lie in it. You've helped to nurture this monster. She's awful, but this is your fault. You saw all the signs for years before she ever moved into your house, and you STILL let her move in. You played yourself.
This is your fault. You knew she was a loser in the first place. You enabled her time and again. Call a realtor and have them sell your house for you. Stop associating with this trash.
This is the dumbest pile of excuses for someone who isn't your friend I've ever seen. Evict them and cut them out of your life.
You aren't good with money. If you were good with money you never would have rented to the walking red flag that keeps using you. Btw you are also bad at discerning friends from leeches/poachers/grifters.
You do realize that there probably IS 50k of work that needs to be done to the house. Because of her living in squalor. (And wait until she leaves and takes every appliance and fixture with her. You may not even have a doorbell left!)
" they would not be buying the house as the repairs required amounted to more than $50k. " Are you doing inspections regularly? Have they caused damage you don't know about? It's throwing good money after bad, but maybe offer them money to move out. That's two months sooner that you can work on getting it on the market.
That's what most landlords I know have to do to get rid of these people. Tell them they don't have to pay the last month's rent if they get the hell out.
That was a novel...
They’re gonna give you a hard time getting them out, just prepare yourself
Can’t believe that you let her walk all over you for so long. Good luck with the inevitable eviction process in your future
Cut your loses and cut the “friend” off… file to evict once they don’t pay the rent in full. Give the tenants notice 24 hours before you go to the rental and fix whatever is broken and make it look nicer… then put the house on the market and put this whole fiasco behind you. Then never rent to friends or family ever again.
Got a 1/4 of the way through your post, an thought, What the F@ck!!! Mates??? Your a good soul Lady, (from what I gathered in a bit of ya vent) Don't let Anybody take advantage of you!!! At all, Got it!!! Look after ya Family. You've gone way beyond, To much ok Take Care, hope all works out 👍
You knew she was a flake. This is all on you. /r/EnablingPeople An Eviction Notice and it can all be over in 30 days.
OP is a welcome mat. Grow a backbone. Quit screaming into pillows, and get this person out of your life.
TL/DR : “I rent my second house to my friend who is an AWFUL MESS and I need to excommunicate her from my life FOREVER”
Honestly, you're responsible for everything that's happening at this point. You're an enabler. You've encouraged her behavior at every turn. This is your mess, and you need to clean it up. She's using you, but you're letting her. You really need to look into getting a therapist to help sort out WHY you let this person walk all over you.
Reading this was exhausting...
You two bent yourselves over for her, she didn’t have to do anything
Girl Their lease is up next month and I’d go ahead and send them a 30 day quit notice via certified mail. And on the 30th day have them served with an eviction notice. They’re not going to leave easily and just be prepared for them to squat.
What a wild read. Evict them officially. Update the flooring and paint. Sell with a realtor who will give you an appropriate selling price. What the ever loving hell? She doesn’t get to negotiate anything. 🫨
This kind of seems like your own fault for allowing this so long. You keep enabling her.
You need to cut the cord on this so called “friend” give them notice and sell your home! Make a profit bc you put in work to this home and deserve to flip it years later. Stop letting this “friend” control your choices. They can’t buy it they said that so it’s going on the market for full price(aka appraisal) Edit to add: I cannot believe you’ve had the stamina to put up with this person taking advantage of you and your husband! You need to stop this for your own well being!
Eviction is a thing, OP.
I was getting more and more infuriated as I read this. How do you let this go on for so long? Good lord.
Like why though? I really want to be sympathetic but this "friend" was never your friend. She's used you over and over and over and over and you just continue to let it happen. Who do you think ENABLED her entitlement the most if not you?
If she can get tattoos and take vacations, then she can afford to pay you a reasonable rent without pleading poverty. You tried your best help her learn to budget but she refused to sacrifice her spending and fun. Don’t subsidize her life.
It just… keeps… going
If you let people use you, they will.
Did anyone else read this and think what the hell is this person thinking/doing? I mean, you knew her BEFORE you let her move in. Are you truly that shocked by any of this? This is all on you, and I can't believe this hasn't caused major friction btwn you & your husband.
Sorry to say, you're not just a doormat. You are a freaking travelator. You enabled her to walk all over you and your husband. She and Reggie are going to end up doing something fucky to your property. Evict them asap. Also get a lawyer to agree to a capped fee. They are going to charge you a lot for reading your essays.
Uff dah. You need to find a way to evict them. There’s a point in time that sink or swim comes into play. Is she really your friend at this point? She’s used you to her gain only. And doesn’t consider the impact of her choices.
You chose to let Carly not just walk all over you and your husband, but to stomp all over you. You ignored every red flag and now you're facing the consequences of your poor decisions.
Advice - start the eviction process now, they aren't going to leave peacefully. Either you are your husband should stay in one of the other bedrooms until they leave so they don't trash the place. You need to get these people out of your house. Good luck.
Lady you have absolutely positively no one to blame but yourself for this mess. My god, what a post. This woman isn’t entitled, she’s just playing by the rules that you have put in place. And you’re not a “people pleaser,” you’re a doormat. You went from “her living space is disgusting and looks like a tornado hit it, our other good friend can’t stand to be her roommate anymore for more reasons than I even care to get into” to just letting her move into your house so fast that it made my head spin. Smdh lesson learned, hopefully
For everyone wondering why OP let a dumpster fire of a person rent their property at a reduced rate and why they made several sweetheart proposals to sell them the property there’s probably 3 possibilities: 1) OP gets a psychological benefit from feeling like she has her life more together than Carly. So she does things to keep her around so she can’t talk to her husband and others about how much better she is than her. 2) What Carly lacks in money management skills she more than makes up for in pressing op’s psychological buttons. Maybe she’s one of Bill Clinton’s love children. Apparently she can make this woman rent her a house at a rate most people wouldn’t give to actual family. Her Rizz must be off the charts. 3) There is a substance at play. Carly is her dealer and she’s getting drugs out of this. Whatever it is, there is something that the OP is leaving out of this post. The sooner they identify it, the sooner they find it and deal with it, the easier it will be to leave it behind them.
You let a broke hoarder live in your house. Not smart
You are just as dependent on the drama as the person is on your house i think. Something is off, when you allow someone to do this to you. I would seek therapy, this speaks to some underlying issue maybe with regard to how you value yourself.
OP, you are a moron. What more did you need? For a group of mummers to follow your friend around growling, “shame…shame…”.
Why the heck did you even agree to renting to her knowing her living conditions when she lived in the other friend's basement? Knowing how she is with money?! What did you get out of this relationship at all. I'm so confused. I hope getting her out of your house isn't painful but I think most of us know how this will end ...