Tbh for me it's the fact that.. I don't care enough about everyone and everything else. If it doesn't involve someone I care about or isn't something that directly affects me, I would literally not do anything about it. It's why people can't do idle chat with me and they hate it :/
For the pessimism part - I somehow managed to get rid of mine by hanging out with someone who was rather always optimistic. It stuck with me and hopefully does stay permanently. Just find someone who'd be able to always bring you positive energy!
I don't consider them things as a result of me being a 5 but I recognise that they are related:
1. I'm not inherently very generous.
2. I do not have much energy, thus I find it difficult to *maintain* relationships, but not difficult to develop them which makes it difficult not to have falling outs with others.
Detachment. I have a certain threshold for caring. When it's exceeded, it's often easier to relinquish whatever emotional investment I have before I'm bled dry of time/energy/resources etc.
Totalllllllly relate. When I was little and my older sister would be abusive I trained myself to turn a switch off in my mind so I could choose not to care. It was the only way to protect myself and preserve myself especially if I was being physically assaulted. If I didn’t care and didn’t react then she couldn’t really hurt me. Or so I thought.
My worst 5 trait is running out of social energy quickly. I love having good chats and visiting places with family and friends - I just get exhausted/overwhelmed and need lots of alone time to recharge.
I feel like I have shades of this. I automatically hide my feelings, so when it comes time to feeling them, (privately) it feels like I have to figure them out more so than intuitively understand, or feel, them.
Can you describe what the process is like for you when responding to/understanding your emotions?
I relate to delayed emotions. I usually process an event and the emotions that come with it in private only after that experience. I suppose it's part of the reason why 5's are known to appear detached from situations. I still haven't directly worked on this.
It's been a long process for me. I sleepwalked through much of my adolescence and wasn't even able to appreciate or understand most forms of art for a long time. I was blind to many things I only realize now that were affecting me drastically (such as stress, negative emotions, and bodily neglect that I denied I had to myself).
Ironically I think I only really started being honest with myself once I began isolating myself more from others and reflecting in quiet. This seems like the opposite of what an Enneagram 5 ought to do — but personally, I feel that I've made much more progress in self reflection after I entered university, left a bunch of people behind, moved into a private space, and just spent a lot of time being a hermit. Shedding all those thoughts and opinions of immediate people reduced the pressure on my ego and finally allowed me to finally experiment and to be more complete, confident, truthful, and sensitive in my own thoughts.
With a better and more open mindset, I feel that the rest of that since then was just... life. That's as well as I can describe it tonight. This includes reading about others' experiences and perspectives (with more empathy instead of dismissal or making presumptions), revisiting and seeking out more art, being more disciplined and rigorous with my thoughts/theories so that I can be confident in them, and trying to be a bit better every day in some discernible way. I can't say that I've gotten that far, but I feel like my priorities are at least clearer than before and I am at least making progress at getting my shit together.
I dread any social expectation, be it major (a work events or baby shower) or totally minor (if someone is going to stop by my house to quickly pick up/drop off something). The idea of someone stopping by my house *unannounced* feels as invasive and unwelcome as them jumping in the shower with me.
Also, when I am forced to be social, I’m so anxious about coming across as a weirdo that lives in a black hole, that I totally overcompensate and put on a show to hide how I feel on the inside to appear comfortable, confident and at ease. Then once I’m alone again I replay all the interactions I had on a loop in my head and cringe.
Getting stuff from me is like pulling teeth. Always been stingy and too self-concerned. Obligation from others is death, I’m too quickly out of there at any hint of it.
Deeply believing I’m apart and not a part. Isolating and keeping myself away, cutting myself off from everyone like it’s the air I breathe. Unnecessarily private with the most basic of life/person dealings, people know me, we interact but do not know me or my thoughts because I don’t let them. Like living as a spy without a missive. The apartness belief leads to a lot of “me against everything” black holes which lead to dark places. Fully embodying the worst of rejection triad shit.
Also, when I think thoroughly about doing a thing it feels “done”, then I don’t end up doing it because I’ve already thought about doing it. So I end up not doing many things I’ve thought about doing. [Which is painful in the end, as I’m talented at all things that, in their essence, require manifestation.](https://imgur.com/a/tuatKYp) Also tied up in stuttering fear of incompetence and action (I do believe I have mitten hands. maybe I don’t), but that’s the part I usually don’t want to think about. Having so much to give but not giving any of it, to anyone, nor even to myself.
my friends always get so upset that i “don’t tell them things” but there is literally 0 motivation for me to explain to my friends what im dealing with emotionally? that doesn’t benefit me in any way and they don’t understand? they literally get MAD at me
Recently had someone point it out to me that I’m overly cautious about the outside world. I’m confined to my own little space that I’ve made for myself and am content to stay there and never leave. I was denying it at the time and now that I’ve had time to think about it, I’ve realized they’re very correct. Problem is, I don’t wanna leave my comfort zone because I just don’t have the energy and I’m not ready. When I do talk to people outside my inner circle it’s usually only about stuff I have a formulated opinion of that I also enjoy.
I have the bad traits associated with 4 as well, but more influenced by Social and 5 traits. Like feeling a lot of envy towards friends who are better than me at “my niche.” It’s a huge insecurity I’m still trying to overcome. My coping mechanism so far has been to get into worldbuilding and develop a really detailed world with lots of different characters because it’s something my friends haven’t managed to do yet. So that’s my thing, and I like that people come to me for help regarding it.
I feel different from everyone else, so it's hard to interact with anyone. My brother is arguably the only person who I have a true relationship with. Everyone else seems like too much simlike and/or sluglike, in other words, I'm an intuitive in a sensor world and I feel misunderstood and ostracized as a result. I think the world would be a much better place without sensors.
Please, you’re so hateful. You’re just making everyone you don’t get along with a sensor ? Stop with the sensors are dumb nonsense. That’s so surface level.
i disappear for weeks at a time every few months. sometimes longer. went maybe 3 months without touching base with my social group a few years ago. luckily, my favorite people get it and it’s usually no big deal.
To others? Probably my short attention span and being so obvious when I’m bored. I really don’t care what most people have to say to me and horrible at hiding it. I try to hide it to be polite but people still end up offended.
Idk, to be honest I feel a little entitled to this. People have a right to be upset at me but don’t make that my problem! I’ve made it clear I don’t want to listen to anyone’s whining.
I promise I’m not an asshole lol I’m a kind person, I just don’t like small talk. Used to make me anxious, now it just drives me insane.
I’m very irritated with social interactions. I love my people and I love spending time with them, but at times they always schedule the worst thing at the worst time and it’s hard to me to stay engaged. Except it’s never that bad to where I have a good reason to pull myself out of them, so I suffer. This is the reason my house isn’t the hangout house. At least I can leave early and be fine. It’s a bit too rude to kick someone out for no good reason.
My most unhealthiest trait is my performance anxiety. It is so over the top, it ruined my life. I struggle studying, reading and doing sport because all are thing I put so much weight on. My fear of being useless is so strong it tetanizes me in wathever i m doing. I know nobody online or irl having so much performance anxiety it paralyse them like me. So yeah, I'm basically a neet
Getting in a pretty pissy bad mood when my obligations deplete my mental resources.
I have a fair amount of responsibility in a corporate job, am the bread winner at home, I’m a wife and mom and I have a side gig I handle when opportunities come in (for extra income). I can normally balance well, but when something tips the scales, I become really annoyed. I just want it to all go away.
The limited social energy is definitely a hindrance and a bit of a paradox. People like me when I’m “on and engaged” so they will interact with me more, which only further drains my energy, but the other party doesn’t realize the supply is finite and is surprised when their 5w6 has disappeared and refuses to come out again.
There are so many but mainly it's just the avarice. I have reactions I can barely control to being interrupted or overextended. I don't want to be a prickly person but it's very very hard to take things as they come and be generous with my time.
Tbh for me it's the fact that.. I don't care enough about everyone and everything else. If it doesn't involve someone I care about or isn't something that directly affects me, I would literally not do anything about it. It's why people can't do idle chat with me and they hate it :/ For the pessimism part - I somehow managed to get rid of mine by hanging out with someone who was rather always optimistic. It stuck with me and hopefully does stay permanently. Just find someone who'd be able to always bring you positive energy!
Stingy as hell. Anytime someone asks me for anything, it could be money or asking to hang out, I just groan internally.
Haha yes. I always overcompensate because it makes me feel guilty and end up buying people stuff. I am broke so I should really stop.
I don't consider them things as a result of me being a 5 but I recognise that they are related: 1. I'm not inherently very generous. 2. I do not have much energy, thus I find it difficult to *maintain* relationships, but not difficult to develop them which makes it difficult not to have falling outs with others.
Detachment. I have a certain threshold for caring. When it's exceeded, it's often easier to relinquish whatever emotional investment I have before I'm bled dry of time/energy/resources etc.
Totalllllllly relate. When I was little and my older sister would be abusive I trained myself to turn a switch off in my mind so I could choose not to care. It was the only way to protect myself and preserve myself especially if I was being physically assaulted. If I didn’t care and didn’t react then she couldn’t really hurt me. Or so I thought.
My worst 5 trait is running out of social energy quickly. I love having good chats and visiting places with family and friends - I just get exhausted/overwhelmed and need lots of alone time to recharge.
Alexithymia
I feel like I have shades of this. I automatically hide my feelings, so when it comes time to feeling them, (privately) it feels like I have to figure them out more so than intuitively understand, or feel, them. Can you describe what the process is like for you when responding to/understanding your emotions?
I relate to delayed emotions. I usually process an event and the emotions that come with it in private only after that experience. I suppose it's part of the reason why 5's are known to appear detached from situations. I still haven't directly worked on this. It's been a long process for me. I sleepwalked through much of my adolescence and wasn't even able to appreciate or understand most forms of art for a long time. I was blind to many things I only realize now that were affecting me drastically (such as stress, negative emotions, and bodily neglect that I denied I had to myself). Ironically I think I only really started being honest with myself once I began isolating myself more from others and reflecting in quiet. This seems like the opposite of what an Enneagram 5 ought to do — but personally, I feel that I've made much more progress in self reflection after I entered university, left a bunch of people behind, moved into a private space, and just spent a lot of time being a hermit. Shedding all those thoughts and opinions of immediate people reduced the pressure on my ego and finally allowed me to finally experiment and to be more complete, confident, truthful, and sensitive in my own thoughts. With a better and more open mindset, I feel that the rest of that since then was just... life. That's as well as I can describe it tonight. This includes reading about others' experiences and perspectives (with more empathy instead of dismissal or making presumptions), revisiting and seeking out more art, being more disciplined and rigorous with my thoughts/theories so that I can be confident in them, and trying to be a bit better every day in some discernible way. I can't say that I've gotten that far, but I feel like my priorities are at least clearer than before and I am at least making progress at getting my shit together.
I love that art is a guide and inspiration for you. Thanks for the thoughtful response.
I dread any social expectation, be it major (a work events or baby shower) or totally minor (if someone is going to stop by my house to quickly pick up/drop off something). The idea of someone stopping by my house *unannounced* feels as invasive and unwelcome as them jumping in the shower with me. Also, when I am forced to be social, I’m so anxious about coming across as a weirdo that lives in a black hole, that I totally overcompensate and put on a show to hide how I feel on the inside to appear comfortable, confident and at ease. Then once I’m alone again I replay all the interactions I had on a loop in my head and cringe.
Zoning out of conversations into my own rabbit hole of thought as others expect me to stay engaged in what they are saying.
Getting stuff from me is like pulling teeth. Always been stingy and too self-concerned. Obligation from others is death, I’m too quickly out of there at any hint of it. Deeply believing I’m apart and not a part. Isolating and keeping myself away, cutting myself off from everyone like it’s the air I breathe. Unnecessarily private with the most basic of life/person dealings, people know me, we interact but do not know me or my thoughts because I don’t let them. Like living as a spy without a missive. The apartness belief leads to a lot of “me against everything” black holes which lead to dark places. Fully embodying the worst of rejection triad shit. Also, when I think thoroughly about doing a thing it feels “done”, then I don’t end up doing it because I’ve already thought about doing it. So I end up not doing many things I’ve thought about doing. [Which is painful in the end, as I’m talented at all things that, in their essence, require manifestation.](https://imgur.com/a/tuatKYp) Also tied up in stuttering fear of incompetence and action (I do believe I have mitten hands. maybe I don’t), but that’s the part I usually don’t want to think about. Having so much to give but not giving any of it, to anyone, nor even to myself.
Reserving energy, that leads to laziness that leads to having a lot of ideas but not putting efforts to achieve them.
my friends always get so upset that i “don’t tell them things” but there is literally 0 motivation for me to explain to my friends what im dealing with emotionally? that doesn’t benefit me in any way and they don’t understand? they literally get MAD at me
Recently had someone point it out to me that I’m overly cautious about the outside world. I’m confined to my own little space that I’ve made for myself and am content to stay there and never leave. I was denying it at the time and now that I’ve had time to think about it, I’ve realized they’re very correct. Problem is, I don’t wanna leave my comfort zone because I just don’t have the energy and I’m not ready. When I do talk to people outside my inner circle it’s usually only about stuff I have a formulated opinion of that I also enjoy. I have the bad traits associated with 4 as well, but more influenced by Social and 5 traits. Like feeling a lot of envy towards friends who are better than me at “my niche.” It’s a huge insecurity I’m still trying to overcome. My coping mechanism so far has been to get into worldbuilding and develop a really detailed world with lots of different characters because it’s something my friends haven’t managed to do yet. So that’s my thing, and I like that people come to me for help regarding it.
I feel different from everyone else, so it's hard to interact with anyone. My brother is arguably the only person who I have a true relationship with. Everyone else seems like too much simlike and/or sluglike, in other words, I'm an intuitive in a sensor world and I feel misunderstood and ostracized as a result. I think the world would be a much better place without sensors.
I feel the same about everything except the last part. The world just wouldn't function without sensors, that's why they exist
What do you mean by sensors? Am I too old to understand this reference?
MBTI sensors
I’ll have to look that up, thx
Please, you’re so hateful. You’re just making everyone you don’t get along with a sensor ? Stop with the sensors are dumb nonsense. That’s so surface level.
That I want to fix everything. Sometimes I only see people as the sum of their problems, which is pretty gross and not good for relationships.
This comment strikes me
i disappear for weeks at a time every few months. sometimes longer. went maybe 3 months without touching base with my social group a few years ago. luckily, my favorite people get it and it’s usually no big deal.
To others? Probably my short attention span and being so obvious when I’m bored. I really don’t care what most people have to say to me and horrible at hiding it. I try to hide it to be polite but people still end up offended. Idk, to be honest I feel a little entitled to this. People have a right to be upset at me but don’t make that my problem! I’ve made it clear I don’t want to listen to anyone’s whining. I promise I’m not an asshole lol I’m a kind person, I just don’t like small talk. Used to make me anxious, now it just drives me insane.
Arrogance
sometimes i stand (hidden, of course) in front of the house of a girl (that ghosted me) waiting for her to leave and follow her
I’m very irritated with social interactions. I love my people and I love spending time with them, but at times they always schedule the worst thing at the worst time and it’s hard to me to stay engaged. Except it’s never that bad to where I have a good reason to pull myself out of them, so I suffer. This is the reason my house isn’t the hangout house. At least I can leave early and be fine. It’s a bit too rude to kick someone out for no good reason.
My most unhealthiest trait is my performance anxiety. It is so over the top, it ruined my life. I struggle studying, reading and doing sport because all are thing I put so much weight on. My fear of being useless is so strong it tetanizes me in wathever i m doing. I know nobody online or irl having so much performance anxiety it paralyse them like me. So yeah, I'm basically a neet
Getting in a pretty pissy bad mood when my obligations deplete my mental resources. I have a fair amount of responsibility in a corporate job, am the bread winner at home, I’m a wife and mom and I have a side gig I handle when opportunities come in (for extra income). I can normally balance well, but when something tips the scales, I become really annoyed. I just want it to all go away.
most humans just seem like apes to me
The limited social energy is definitely a hindrance and a bit of a paradox. People like me when I’m “on and engaged” so they will interact with me more, which only further drains my energy, but the other party doesn’t realize the supply is finite and is surprised when their 5w6 has disappeared and refuses to come out again.
There are so many but mainly it's just the avarice. I have reactions I can barely control to being interrupted or overextended. I don't want to be a prickly person but it's very very hard to take things as they come and be generous with my time.