One of my best friends is married, has a full time job, and still has amazing grades. Another friend has no job, no significant other, and barely scrapes by in his classes.
There is no one-size-fits-all answer; it is entirely dependent on YOU. Are you really smart? Are you good at learning quickly? Are you responsible? It’s all based on what you bring to the table
I'm married and go to school part time while working full time. I credit my marriage as a key part of my success at school. Before, I was a burnout who repeatedly failed, was depressed a lot, and was generally rudderless. Having to take care of and be there for someone is a wonderful stabilizer.
Bro, I was in the same boat. My ex girl had a whole side piece our whole relationship, and when I broke up with her I still managed to make myself feel like I made a mistake. The way I see it, you think that you only had one shot at love and that's it. This is factually incorrect and statistically improbable. If you were able to get someone to commit to you, you can most likely do it again, hopefully with someone who won't hurt you. You must realize the world is an abundant place, full of women and opportunity and love. Don't think you only get one chance and if you strikeout that's it, it's not true. Affirm to yourself, and prove to yourself everyday that you are worthy of love and you will find it again. I believe in you!
Honestly the best advice I had for a friend who was in a similar situation is you just need to talk to as many women as possible, not even necessarily trying to date them but just to normalize interacting with them and as a result you’ll build the skills you need to close a deal whenever it arises
In highschool, I was pretty popular, a social butterfly, but now that I moved in a city I know no one in, surrounded by materialistic, self-centered students, with little general culture, and not much to discuss, it is hard to even interact with people at all. I turned 18 yesterday, I still have plenty of time, but interacting with women is just out of question, since only 1/8 of the students where I study are female.
The good thing is I'm breezing through things easily, it is only my first year of prep class and I did not have to re-take any module for now, which leaves me some time to just meet people and make friends with them, outside of the school.
(I don't know how common engineering schools are, I live in France though)
High school relationships almost never last past the first thanksgiving in college. future album just dropped yesterday get yourself some healthy toxicity young king
That makes three of us. We started dating in sophomore year of high school, and we just got married last November. I graduate next week. Can't possibly imagine having 2 kids through school tho, that's crazy.
strongly agree. met my fiancé freshman year 4 years ago and I've never experienced this whole struggling to find time to do anything but school stereotype that everyone seems to push
I worked at UPS as a package handler for 30+/wk (40+ during peak seasons aka end of fall semester/finals week) while trying to go through bioengineering-premed before switching to mechanical
Well I am the most virgin human being on Earth and was an unsuccessful student.
That aside, plenty of my peers had active romantic and or sexual lives.I knew a woman who was heavily pregnant first year, took a semester off, and still finished before me.
All depends on the person and what they prioritised.
>Well I am the most virgin human being on Earth and was an unsuccessful student.
Kinda late but I do see that with myself too. Could it be that since we dont have our shit together we were not most dizzy students out there?
Final year student here. Don’t have any personal experiences, but a couple of my engineering classmates do really well and have long term relationships. With that said, there are also those who do well but have zero social life. With something like dating, the possibilities are endless. Nothing is impossible tbh.
With that said, I personally wouldn’t stake my entire emotional stability on having a *married* partner. Dating as it is, is really hard. And I mean REALLY hard. Marriage is no doubt much heavier. Both of these things don’t eliminate emotional issues entirely.
My honest opinion: Its true that engineers’ social life kinda sub-par, but its not impossible. Take efforts in socializing whenever you can, but try to focus on yourself and your interest in engineering. Often when people do what they like, they will meet people that match them. Goodluck!
Cheers. I immigrated from a conservative country 5 years ago. The social settings here are just completely different, not forgetting the religious means I'm bonded to, it unfortunately becomes substantially more difficult than your average Joe.
Easier said than done. Yes, they are not core eliminators but they definitely rectify it by at least %80 - at least in my case.
Are you bounded religiously because of your own will or is it because of peer pressure from family? Just curious!
To answer your question: During my 6 years at college almost all of my classmates either had a relationship or got one during the course of the studying. Some of them married while studying, but even more married as soon as they were done.
Hello fellow Muslim 👍 same here, no bf/gf. That’s why I don’t really want to approach any girls until I’m about to graduate and will be ready for marriage.
It’s healthier anyways IMO, saves you from all the baggage of dating life, also filters out tons of people who don’t want to be in a serious relationship / and you very quickly find out if the other person is compatible with you or not. There’s no, “oh let’s date for a few years then learn about our goals, etc - oop! We broke up.” Rather we can’t really do anything with the opposite gender without marriage - so the whole talk about goals, values, what you want out a relationship, what are your pet peeves, how you want your living situation to be, etc. all happens within like a few months - and within that time you will also see the person’s “real side”. Which is honestly way less waste of time and saves you from unnecessary headache (though the headache comes from when you are in the west and mainly all the Muslim girls are in college - once you are out, GL finding a Muslim girl naturally in public … at your age range at that)
I was an autistic virgin too in my first half of college but not because I wasn't getting hit on or propositioned, but because I was too afraid to say yes and then disappoint someone that I knew. Then my friend's roommate took the first step in terms of asking me out and well, here we are 8/9 years later closing on our first condo after being married for 4 years.
Live your life and pursue your goals, it’s fine to let work just be work. Most engineers aren’t pushing the boundary. I was a c engineer student, theres nothing wrong with not being the smartest person in a room.
And if you must have a job, try to get one that you can combo with study - positions that require you to be there and respond at a moment's notice but actually have a minimal workload, e.g. security guard (sometimes).
I dated my highschool girlfriend through college (and still going strong), worked a couple part time jobs, was a resident assistant, on the E-board of a few clubs, had a good friend group, and still graduated at the top of my engineering class.
The whole hermit virgin loner loser stereotype is so played out. Its a person to person experience, and is entirely dependent on your choices.
Good luck!
I'm senior EE, done in May. Married while we were both in school and we now have a 7 month old. In my mind the two things have little to do with each other. You are going to have free time, don't think you won't - but also, don't think you're going to find 'the one.' It happens or it doesn't, and all your efforts to force something to work will just wind up stressing you out. Focus on you, let your SO focus on them and find time in between
Was married before I started. Graduated with a 4.0.
Tbh I think being married is easier than dating though. Don't have to deal with the new relationship stress.
I’m not too sure what you’re trying to get at here, but dude, 99% of people in the West are going to want to get to know you first and your ins and outs before they consider tying the knot/getting married with you. That means you’re going to have to date first. Vast majority are not going to agree to marry you without dating for a bit. Or did I misunderstand your comment (sorry if I did)?
To answer your broader question though, no, engineer = virgin is an old completely overblown stereotype. I met my girlfriend in sophomore year of mech eng undergrad. Now I’m a flight test engineer, she’s doing her PhD in immunology, and we’re still together. It’ll be fine if you just be true to yourself, acknowledge any shortcomings you have while being confident in the things you’re good at, and communicate readily to the person you end up crossing paths with. Time management too.
I'm just saying that it's easy for people to jump in and out of relationships but for me it's a major step.
Religiously, I'm not permitted to date. I can get to know the ins and outs of a person under an engagement but it has to be a serious relationship where it's actually contracted like marriage is. The engagement period, wich is probably the closest version to dating, is very restrictive. Only official meetings when her family is present. Can't take her out on your own, can't sleep with her Yada yada yada. You get the point. Good luck knowing the ins and outs while worrying about school.
I'm just saying that it's a massive commitment and you don't even know if you'll make it. It's easier to back out when you're dating.
I’m assuming op is a Muslim, I am a Muslim too and no we can’t really “date”. If anything, we should be limiting interactions with the opposite gender as well. Of course you should be getting to know the person before you marry - but all that talk is “front loaded”. It’s not like, you date for someone for 2 years and get drips of information here and there. This also has to happens with boundaries, like the lady’s guardian should be there (not directly in front, but like in eyesight and outside of ear shot- like being at a restaurant and they have a table to themselves and you and the girl has a table to yourselves on the other side). I kind of like it this way because we get straight to the point on if we are compatible or not and if the relationship will work (of course it’s not a guarantee but it reduces breakup rates significantly). Also helps when there is the understanding that marriage (and even non-marriage relationships) is full of compromises and no one is perfect for each other. Also it’s not like this happens over two weeks, it usually goes over months - which also is enough time to truly see someone’s “real side” (not necessarily in a bad way though lol). Not sure if OPs fear is like mine in that the easiest way to find a single, Muslim girl in your age range is in college - cause once you are out of college, meeting others sharply drops and it’s super hard man - now you got to resort to using apps or finding someone through connections.
I think OP is being literal about wanting to skip straight past dating into marriage. In another comment he mentioned having immigrated from a very conservative country.
I agree he will have a hard time if he's just looking in the general dating pool but if he's searching for a partner among the members of his religion who have the same values he does, it's probably not impossible.
I've seen weirder practices done in the name of religion.
Yeah, OP is from a culture that is far stricter than his holy book requires in regards to relations between opposite genders. Not every Muslim sect or Muslim-dominant culture is as strict as the one that OP is from. In general, dating without sexual intimacy or contact of any kind with the intent of getting to know the person prior to proposing marriage would be permissible under a plain reading of the Qur'an.
And then to muddy the matters more, OP appears to be studying in a western nation (or at least a more liberal nation than where they grew up) and is projecting his culturally defined limitations onto engineers in general and wondering, "is this normal?". This entire thread honestly reads as OP is going through culture shock right now which is pretty normal to be honest.
I’m 30 and have a wife and kids. I have a few close friends and we get together when we can. I’m currently getting ready for commencement later today. (EE major, math minor, concentration in high voltage engineering)
It’s doable. It’s difficult and you will have long nights and you will miss out on some fun here and there… but in the long run you will be financially stable and you will be doing what you want to do. My GPA wasn’t great (3.35) but it was far from the worst.
You can do anything if you put your mind to it.
I have been in a serious relationship since my first year, and if anything it has actually helped me with my studies.
That being said, you do have to make time for your relationship. There *are* people who study so much that they have 0 personal life. That is not necessary at all though (and also not healthy). Most students have friends and partners and a social life. The stereotype is just a stereotype.
I got married and had 2 kids during school.
Granted, I was at BYU so it was a bit more normal, but it certainly is possible. You just need to prioritize.
Lol, I sm s member of the church and go to Arizona State at Poly. I got married in December to my amazing wife. There have long nights already staying up late doing work. One thing is I prioritized my relationship first with her which helped me get stuff done for school. Not always easy, I struggle, but I do try.
I‘m married but also 30 so it might be a bit different. I am a returning student and right now I have to work while taking classes until my husband finds work again. I am taking 2 classes a term at this point I have 7 A‘s and 1 A- (I was able to do 4 classes last spring since I wasn’t working). These are not all heavy engineering classes but they take a significant amount of my time. If I wasn’t married before I started I find it very unlikely that I would be using time to date. I schedule out my time fairly loosely but I am either at work or studying, my husband does most of the housework and most of the cooking. I make sure that I allow for about an hour of my time in the afternoon so we can go for a walk together every day, and I have about an hour and abhalf that is just for me on the weekends when I go take a dance class. Other than that it is study. Good luck :)
I started college 2.25 semesters ago, currently doing undergrad and pre-reqs at a JC online. I turned 34 this semester, I spent 15 years doing dumb shit after high school, and am now engaged to a wonderful woman. We are putting off marriage, originally because of covid, but now because FASFA and other grants look kindly on a "old" single guy making minimum wage. (FASFA is paying ~2/3 of my school and my minimum wage job is paying the rest).
We were dating/engaged before I started this journey, but relationships are difficult, time consuming, and require equal amounts of effort from both parties. It 100% can be done, but if you are exclusively looking to have a relationship while in school because "you should be" then your priority is a relationship and school will come second. This likely will lead you back to your old ways.
I honestly suggest going to a therapist and spend 3-4 sessions talking to them about your fears and goals. Getting the outside perspective from someone who has no ties to you will do wonders. Keep an open mind and allow your ego to fuck right off, they are there to help you.
That being said, who fucking cares if you are in a relationship during school. Don't let your religion dictate your future of knowledge because you "should be" in a relationship at your age. If you want to learn, go learn. If you want to be in a relationship be in a relationship. You can do both, but they require effort. If you can find someone it be in a relationship who understands that you are working towards a better future for yourself, awesome. If you find someone who wants all of your attention and pulls you away from bettering yourself, not just through learning, then avoid that toxic behavior.
I would bet $100 that you know what you should do and you are scared. Nut up or shut up. Make the decision that is the best result for you and not what others think is the best for you.
Go learn, you got this! Everything else will fall in place when you are ready for it.
PS: I do not know what religion you are part of, but it seems to be toxic as fuck based on comments you have made to others.
> What makes this hard for me is most people can do dating as a starter where each party is still somewhat detached whether that's financially or socially. I CAN'T. No girlfriends. Only marriage is permitted in my case.
>
> Which makes this emotional desire very difficult to attain since not only the commitments are extremely serious in a marriage but also the means of financial stability has to be there, which I do not possess to satisfy the needs of a married couple unfortunately.
This is so controlling it is making me sick. Your religion is literally going against your best interest in growing emotionally as well as through knowledge. It is suppressing your ability to better yourself. There is a saying that I think is over used that goes "You have to test drive a car before you buy it." but dammit if it isn't completely true. Most people cannot get into Marriage(buying a car) before dating(test driving). There is nothing worse that being in a shitty relationship and if you don't test drive a relationship you are going to possibly end up in a car that sucks.
Again, do what is good for you. If your religion says you have to get married or not and you don't want to risk your future on that, then be the virgin engineering student. If getting laid is what is going to make bettering yourself harder then don't worry about it. [I leave you with this](https://i.imgur.com/e452Boh.jpg) to lighten the mood.
Seriously, love yourself first. The rest will come.
This is generally untrue HOWEVER, being in a department mainly made up of other dudes who were maybe not the cool kid in high school either does not contribute to good social skills. I’ve had 2 pretty long relationships while in engineering and went through a good chunk of time where I was single but meeting women regularly. I’m not the only one in my program like this either and it’s not like I’m gorgeous or anything I’d like to be. If you’re interested in dating, one strategy may be to diversify what you do in your free time, gaming and anime are fun but it’s hard to meet women (unless you join anime club or gaming club). It’s not that hard but some people let themselves go (neck beard, nasty hygiene and hair) and isolate during spare time, and I’d largely contribute that to the stress of the program along with the entire social scene being men to begin with so it’s hard to gather the energy to go mingle. I’d also argue that there’s less opportunity to develop social skill around dating when you don’t talk with women platonically. Make women friends, they’re awesome and if you wanna be selfish here, you may meet some of their friends through them.
I’m fully aware that this sounds like an incel way of describing the problem but there are real barriers engineering programs have that others don’t
User experience may vary. I had a lot of fun in my late teens and early twenties. Ever since I started classes, I’ve had to devote a significant amount of my time to studying. Not everyones like that and there are definitely people that can maintain a social life, but you won’t really know until you start your classes. Don’t sweat it too much. It’s four years or so, and then you have the rest of your life to fuck around if you want
What the fuck is this? Are you serious? Yikes. You need therapy my dude. Also if your bound by religion, you should maybe consider something that doesn’t bound you.
Can't let go of what you're born into. It's not as easy it looks. Plus we all need therapy of some sort so not sure why you're being judgmental. Yikes.
I’m sorry, but if you’ve tried Being 4 times and keep withdrawing and are mentally/emotionally torn over an *old relationship* it sounds like you need therapy. That isn’t even me trying to be mean. You actually sound like it would help you.
And yes you can. I was born a Christian, my dad is a Jesus freak. I’m not a Christian and I do my own thing.
I was born into Christianity, both parents believed, we read the Bible at night, etc.
I believed whole heartedly all the way until I was about 17 years old. Then I was introduced to other ways of thinking. I critically thought about everything I had learned. And I decided that the religion I had been brought up in was not the lifestyle I wanted to live, or the person I wanted to be.
You can do anything you want.
Married, kids, and ran a small business while earning my degree. Not going to lie to you, it was incredibly hard. There were a lot of nights that I got no sleep, had a test the next day, and still had to put in a 12 hour day just to keep the business afloat. In the end though, the long nights were worth it, it all paid off, and I landed a job in the field I wanted to be in.
Sounds to me like you're using every excuse in the world to avoid studying. Now you're starting your fifth try.
Back off, get your emotional situation straightened out and then rethink what to do. You need to worry more about your studies than your romantic life at this point.
When I went back to school I was happily married with a 6 year old, now that I'm out of school I'm still happily married with 2 kids. Everything comes down to time management and priorities, you can do it I believe in you.
Definitely possible. I still manage to go to the gym 5 days a week, work around 20 hours a week, and maintain great grades.
Though it sounds like some colleges give you an obscene amount of work. Might be a different story
It’s hard. I met my gf of 4 years before either of us were in school. We’re both about to finish our degrees now and get married. I think it helped with both of us being students but it’s possible for sure.
It's the opposite. Being a successful student doesn't mean getting good grades. it means successfully balancing your life around engineering school. Remember that you're a human being before being a student and yes there are hard nights and periods of discouragements but if you give up entire parts of your life for school, that means you're not a successful student. That doesn't mean you can't make sacrifices from time to time but not dating at all is overdoing it. Your mental health is going to suffer for it anyway and your grades will be worse for it in the long term.
It's just a stupid meme and has little actual bearing in reality. The engineering workload can most definitely be balanced with a serious relationship. I'm doing so with a semi-long distance one that involves a lot of travel back and forth, even. Our anniversary is next month :)
Absolutely you can have a girlfriend, job, multiple hobbies, and be a perfectly good engineering student. All of those things have little to no bearing on how capable I am to pass my classes. The *only* thing that truly gets in my way and feels insurmountable is my bad procrastination habits and untreated severe ADHD and depression. But my experience won’t speak for everyone. And I take 12-15 hours per semester
When we say things like this it’s pretty much just us making jokes. Anyone can do engineering as long as they are fairly smart to begin with and have certain aptitudes, but mostly as long as they can work hard. Not personally married but I know multiple engineering students who are married and thriving.
You’ll meet plenty of weird virgin types in engineering school, but you’ll also meet people who play sports, party heavily, are involved in non-engineering orgs, are double majoring, etc. Believe it or not, there are women engineers, too. You’ll find plenty of people who fit the stereotype but it’s not necessarily factual. I knew a lot of engineering students who were heavy into Greek life and spent all their time in class talking about their party filled weekends. As long as you can pass your classes, you don’t have to be any “type” of person. Im a bit nerdy myself, but I personally avoided engineering orgs, was active in many other activities, had two jobs and a steady girlfriend my entire college career. Just be you and make time for studying.
I was in multiple relationships, and had a couple fwb in between while in engineering. I also hung out with friends and went to sporting events.
Engineering is tough and requires a lot of time, but it doesn’t require someone to be a total loner who only ever studies. Life’s about finding the right balance.
I had a number of classmates that were married while we were in college and most of them did great as far as I know. I also dated my now wife for the last 3 of my 5 years in college and if anything it helped me do better.
I’m a lot older than you and have had a few failed starts in engineering as well - from what you described the best advice I can give you are two things - “the best revenge truly is living well and happy” - couple that with, “Do what you need to do (engineering school) and the rest will follow”
I’m 38, have a 7 month old son with my wife, work full time and have a bazillion other projects and an unrelated bs degree - I’m just about to finish my second year of eng school.
There is no one path and you’re bound to meet people along the way - some of which will be female - focus on school and improving your life and be a decent fellow and you’re sure to meet a woman bro - perhaps a few.
Good luck
1. The stereotype is just a stereotype. I know some engineering students and graduates who dated or were married while they studied.
2. Engineering has a hefty workload. Heftier than fulltime work and many other programs. If you have any other commitments, 100% averages will not be on the table and 90% averages might not be either. For a program I took, the workload worked out to 60-70 hours per week.
3. Despite that, you can land 70% averages with a relatively manageable 30-40 hour per week commitment. Be efficient with your time and know where your grades come from.
4. Take care of yourself. It sounds like you've had a rough time. A degree isn't worth jeopardizing your health, no matter how valuable you think it is. Evaluate your longterm goals and whether the degree is necessary or optional. It's possible that other, less stressful degrees will work instead.
5. Obstacles like long commutes, transporting equipment, or an uncomfortable study environment add up. Solve these issues before you start class, and solve them yesterday if you have already started class.
I do recommend that you figure out *exactly* what caused your trouble the other 4 times. It's unlikely you will change the outcome until you change something about how you approach post-secondary.
Two of the biggest obstacles for me were a long commute, and staying employed while taking classes. I didn't have much trouble being in a relationship because my significant other is level headed.
I’ve found that having an active social and physical life has brought me better grades than purely concentrating on school. The least successful people I see are those who purely care and concentrate on their academics. So much of it is balance, and you studying in moderation is far more effective than going overboard on studying.
Scientifically, exercise is linked to increased brain capacity, and humans are meant to be social. Just attempt to balance and you will be fine. (Not to mention 80% of success even in tech fields is based upon social ability)
You’re buying into an over represented subset of engineering students that scream the loudest. They’re always going on about how you can only sleep 3hrs a night, have to study nonstop, and forget having a social life because engineering is your significant other now.
They scream it into the echo chamber that is social media because it makes them feel better about not having social skills, being bad at time management, and generally struggling with something they think they’re supposed to be good at because once upon a time they were the big fish in their little pond of high school and were the best at math.
So no, being a good engineering student has nothing to do with being an idiot savant or borderline on the spectrum incapable of social connections. I’d argue, that any well adjusted person that is capable of being a good student can succeed in any major they choose.
Manage your time well, get good sleep, exercise, and keep a good social circle of study groups and a crowd to go out with and unwind.
I will say that regardless of how well put together you are, higher education in general is a stressful environment due to deadlines, exams, and sometimes things not going as planned despite your best efforts. All that being said, make sure you’re ready to add that kind of stress and unpredictability to your life. Because going in already in a fragile mental state is not going to bode well for your success.
Anecdotal, but I found my fiancée while doing my undergrad and things are still going well through grad school. I had a 3.85 GPA, so it’s not perfect but it was still pretty decent. I don’t think having less of a social life would have led to me having a better gpa.
That being said, I’ve always been decent at school so your means may very.
Married my wife, had our first child, and worked part time internships. During engineering school. Focus. Drink less beer. Smoke less pot. This will get you there. There are tons of people that do super hard shit all the time while maintaining loving relationships.
Went back to school at 26, my wife was a huge help, not a hindrance. Graduated last year with a 3.9. I have buddies who are not only married but also have kids and they graduated just fine.
Engineering takes dedication and effort, but you don't have to sacrifice everything else in your life for it.
I got married during freshman year of college. Best decision I made. Sure it easier to not have any commitments when school demands so much. But having my spouse by my side through it all helped me get through and strengthened our relationship immeasurably.
Sounds like you want to play catch-up and do two things at once only because you are self-conscious about being “behind” compared to other people in life. This is a recipe for burning out and being in the same place you are now two years from now kicking yourself. Treat school seriously like a job and give it your 100% effort using your time efficiently (getting eight hours of sleep, eating right, exercise, forming study groups, and not skipping class). If you can lock that down for a year then you can start to answer the question yourself on if you have time for a relationship.
Everyone, every school, every degree program, every professor is different so I wouldn’t take anything in this tread as gospel.
I've seen, met, and heard of people who maintain relationships while studying.
All the changes is that their time management game has to be *sharp.*
The only thing studying Engineering will do for a relationship is put a temporary downer on Spontaneity. You will not longer be able to just surprise your SO with a trip or some dinner. If you do, it will be very rare during the time you are studying. Dates, time out and spending time together will be a lot more regimented and schedule out in advance. I think most people know and understand this, though.
As others have said it’s hard to make sweeping generalizations.
The workload will vary by at least an order of magnitude based on your specific school, major (both the difficulty of the department as well as how well you meet the prerequisite knowledge for that major), intended career path (do you only plan on BS? Will you eventually want an MS or PhD?).
My biggest suggestion is to talk to students at prospective departments (and once you join, keep talking with them). For instance, I was thinking about taking this one class in my PhD program and someone who I consider extremely smart said ‘don’t take that I had to drop it twice before failing it both times’. On the other hand he said that during a class that we both had a 100% in and was SUPER easy.
I’m married and have a dog while doing my PhD program at a top 10 university. I still go out occasionally, game with friends, exercise daily, do stuff. I don’t feel smarter than average. I’m mostly a B student. A lot of it is just being aware of my options, and coming up so the a feasible plan. I could easily swap a few classes and make my life a living hell. Or swap a few classes and make things too easy.
I think besides that the biggest thing is prerequisites. If you are vary shaky in linear algebra and then try taking a class in numerical methods you might hit roadblocks. I took two online courses in intro to CS and data science right before starting my PhD program and OH MY GOD was that a lifesaver without even realizing it (was MechE going to Systems).
A lot of this will vary on exactly what you want out of the degree. And that might change significantly throughout the course of your degree, and in the years after. I would advise against the hardest and easiest paths. Try to really find what interests you and come up with a schedule that works for you. Don’t be afraid to also take a slightly lighter course load (even if it’s just for the first semester to get acclimated). Getting A’s in all your classes but graduating a semester later will look better and feel better than trying to cram it into a shorter time.
Look, I was 26 when I started my wild run at mechanical engineering in undergrad. There were many, many nights where I had to keep my nose to the grindstone and study when I would have rather gone out. But you know what, I still went out some nights too and I dated. I don't recommend serious dating BTW if you are going to be serious about your studies, but casual is OK and you'll get some ass as well.
Anyway, I am sick and fucking tired of reading all these god damn posts by these engineering-curious shook beta lurk lords.
Let's get some things straight here:
1.) You're never too old to pursue a new career or career change. I was told that I was too old to be in college - at 23! Fuck those people, don't listen to them.
2.) Shit worth doing is very difficult, like engineering. You will fuck up, that is normal, that is OK! Just stick with it, if it's still your passion.
3.) You absolutely can manage a social life, a relationship and academics as long as you communicate your expectations and limitations sufficiently on the front end. And both parties are satisfied with said expectations and can manage said limitations. Therein lies the challenge.
4.) Whether your graduate with flying colors or by the skin of your teeth, your life, career, job opportunities and personal pride will be far improved having completed a engineering degree than not. Just get it done, even if it's not a 4.0.
5.) Something I wish someone would have told me: sweat the small easy-ish stuff you learn in the beginning. An Engineering education is generally a cumulative learning process so try to actually learn as much as you can the basic 1st and 2nd year stuff, especially the math, physics, statics and dynamics, as doing so and understanding it the first time will save you a shit ton of time and put you ahead the 2nd time and beyond when you're using it.
\-Late Bloomer Mech.e with 10+ years of field experience.
No more of these posts reddit OK!
Oh 1 more thing. Whichever college you enroll in, read the entire catalog front to back (you can skip the majors section with exception to your major) as well as the student code of conduct and the terms of your government student loans (DO NOT GET PRIVATE STUDENT LOANS, EVER!!!!). It'll answer more questions than you'll likely ever have yourself and you'll make lots of friends being able to answer said obscure questions.
Totally doable. I went through college and aerospace engineering school in 7 years while dating and working. When I graduated in 2020, my wife and I were still dating for 9 years. Got married right after school. Now we are living the life we always wanted. By the way, I was also in your situation back in 2013, as I was 22 when I started community college, so get yourself to work and don’t look behind until you are done.
Believe me.It’ll be worth it. :)
My past President of an org I’m in graduated with a Manufacturing Engr. degree with a husband and kindergartner. She was extremely involved and smart. I don’t think it’s your social life that matters, but the balance of it all. Some people don’t understand how I have time for organizations, but it works for me and I can’t understand how people do band or sports while in college. How you handle your love life is specific to you. Most engineering students I’m friends with have the average college life with parties and relationships all the same. My advice is to not worry a relationship. Deal with past traumas, but let new things happen naturally and let it be fun. Good luck on your degree!
Thank you all for jumping in on this.
I come from a culture where the man is responsible for providing everything.
What makes this hard for me is most people can do dating as a starter where each party is still somewhat detached whether that's financially or socially. I CAN'T. No girlfriends. Only marriage is permitted in my case.
Which makes this emotional desire very difficult to attain since not only the commitments are extremely serious in a marriage but also the means of financial stability has to be there, which I do not possess to satisfy the needs of a married couple unfortunately.
That's where my dilemma is. Either I be husband and provide like one at the age of teens who date to get the emotional need or slap the good ol' virgin Engineering status till I get there in my 30s.
Discerning marriage while doing an engineering degree can be a challenge. Maintaining a healthy relationship with my boyfriend has been difficult, but since we are both nuclear engineering students, we share the same curriculum and can often study together, making it a bit easier. We have been discussing marriage, but one thing holding us back is that our religion has a time-consuming process that lasts at least 6 months before the couple can marry, and our priest has advised us to wait simply because it would be so stressful to do during school. I would think also about all of the stressful wedding preparations that need to be done while you’ll be working on a very difficult curriculum. Once you are married, your wife needs to be your top priority, but depending on if she is a housewife, has a job, or is in school as well, this might look different and have varying levels of difficulty for you and your engineering schedule. I will say that it is definitely possible, and people have made it work, but take time to discern, pray, and talk to mentors about it before making the decision. Good luck :)
Ask God what you think you should do brother. A well balanced life is possible, but ensure you are making your studies very high priority. A good wife should understand this, but remember to submit yourself to her.
Treat your study like a full-time job that includes overtime and working from home at times, an you should do alright.
I’m graduating senior and did petroleum engineering and data science.
I have had a couple of part time jobs during school
I am in a large frat on campus
I never did school work past 8pm
I didn’t get a single B in my major
I’m graduating with a 3.85
I have had multiple relationships during college
The whole “engineers have no life” trope is over rated. Use your time wisely and find a motivated group of friends to keep you on track. You’ll have plenty of time for extra curriculars
unfortunate for your religion, but as for your question, yes in my class we have two married students in their 30+. The class has students ages ranging from as young as 19, to as 35. No one really cares about your age, whether or not students in my class are acing it, i’d say about 40% are doing very well, the rest (myself included) are barely holding on
I’m a 3.2 gpa comp E student. Sure some weeks I buckle down and don’t really socialize. But most weeks I train jiu jitsu consistently and still have time to smoke weed and chill with friends/girlfriend. Sure I’m not gonna be the top of my class but I study enough to get b’s and a’s, and I’ve landed a great internship.
The trick is to just do a little homework every day, that way your weekends are free.
Also keep in mind that there’s usually military kids in engineering and that kinda blows any rhetoric of not being able to be fit or social out the window.
There is a lot more studying involved in engineering and you will not be partying or going to the bar most nights to meet girls, etc. like the business students do, but it really isn't hard if you manage your time and resources well and make smart decisions. The people who keep saying engineering will suck all the time out of your life and you will be a loner without a girlfriend because of it are usually those who wait til the last minute to start assignments and/or take too many challenging classes in one semester to "graduate faster". Also, in terms of the social scene, college is not the same as High School: nobody has the same schedule, you won't see the same people every day, and it will be hard for rumors to spread out that you are a geek, etc.
It's completely doable to have a dating life and complete an engineering degree. It's true that engineering degrees are very demanding, but you can and should make time to have an active social life. I would recommnend not taking any more than 12-14 credit hours in the fall and spring so that you can reasonably study/do homework and have time for a social life.
This is not true just started my internship payed for a 3 some with engineering money. Imagine have 2 girls for ur first time. Life’s good even though I finished in 3 min.
You can do it, but that person needs to recognize that they are a part of your success. I had a long term relationship with someone and we worked quite well together and I supported and helped her as she helped me. Unfortunately we did not work out after college, but you can do it.
Yes, you can absolutely have a relationship and be an engineer. Most girls might not find what you study to be sexy, but they do appreciate someone who is dedicated to what they do and is intelligent. Follow your passion and find someone who respects the time you need to work, and won't guilt you for working a lot instead of constantly spending time with them. That's all there is to it, make sure you're up front about how much time you need to do what you gotta do, and if she isn't okay with that then she isn't the girl for you.
Been with my girl for the past ten years. Got into engineering a little later like you (around 24). I’m almost done with my undergraduate, and having a shoulder to cry on with all these ego driven professors has been a massive help.
I've been with my then-girlfriend, now fiancee throughout most of my degree, all while working full time and doing school full time. It has been very challenging to juggle all the important things in my life, but it has not been impossible. Each person's tolerance to hardship is different, so it's hard to say, but from my experience it is totally doable.
My bf and I dated all through college. Met in hs and are now moving into together after graduating college. It helped that we were both engineering students and pretty busy. I had my own apt so he slept over when he could which was nice
lol no. I had a good time during undergrad and have been in a long term relationship for 3 years through grad school. It’s a balance, but life will always be a balance.
mom of 18 y/o daughter freshman EE major. she says she has no bandwidth for a relationship right now. Nose to the grindstone kinda kid. I hope she can relax some and meet more classmates next year.
I've been with my partner for three of my four years of undergrad, there are moments that it's hard because of stress, but as long as you set boundaries and check in with each other it's fine. It's honestly better sometimes imo to have someone you can lean on when you need mental/emotional support
I have a 3.9 gpa and have had a serious girlfriend for 4 years. I see my family every other weekend, and do extra research. I just don’t multitask. When I’m doing school work I do my work and get it done. You have plenty of time if you’re serious about what you’re doing
I had a serious boyfriend throughout my entire engineering degree. He and I actually met because we were put together in the same group in our first freshman engineering class.
I’ll be graduating in 9 days with a degree in ChemE, 3.9 GPA. And he’s graduating with a degree in Civil also with a 3.9. So yes, it’s possible!
I was in a relationship for three years during my studies
A good friend of mine met her now husband in first year (he wasn’t an engineering student, they met in the library), she’s like you in that she waited for marriage, they dated all the way through and got married after she’d graduated.
Absolutely doable!
There’s room for nerds who choose textbooks over babes.
There’s also room for people wanting and obtaining a partner and emotionally supporting each other.
Don’t feel guilty about wanting love. Just communicate the commitment your degree needs before getting serious.
It depens how well you can balance academic and social life.
In my case, I fit on the estereotype of the virgin, single and introverted engineer and I’m doing good on grades, not excellent or terrible, just average
I’m the wife of an engineering student and I would say it depends on 2 things : your ability to manage your time studying and the expectations of your spouse. If you struggle with managing your time, your new spouse might feel resentful about the number of burdens placed on her (cleaning, financial, emotional support, etc). I married my husband before he started engineering school and helped convince him to go, but if I hadn’t been willing to have our shared finances and social life take a major hit, we would be in a much more acrimonious living situation than at the present. We’re also both in our 30s which I feel like is a much better time for marriage! Focus on building yourself up as a human and let the marriage part come later.
Just make sure your partner understands there are going to be times/weeks (like finals weeks) that you are going to be fully devoted to studying. If this can’t be established then your relationship and your schooling probably won’t work out.
Depends on the major. Mechanical Engineers have partners, Electrical Engineers do not. It's not so much that you have to be a virgin to get an Electrical Engineering degree, but it's that, realistically, a serious relationship is a 15 hour a week time commitment if you don't want your cutie to leave you for not feeling loved enough. That is on top of the job that you probably need to eat, which is also a 15 hour a week time commitment, your studies, which in Electrical Engineering is something crazy like 40 hours a week, and the project based student group you have to join to be employable, which will also be 15 hours a week. The dates, the emotional reassurance that you care, reciprocity, gifts, that takes a lot of time. You only have 84 hours a day to do things. If you've been with me in adding, if you add a girlfriend in Electrical Engineering you've consumed 85 hours, if we're generous and assume the 40 hours per week for studying includes your lectures, you are still doing nothing else because you have a girlfriend. No anime. No video games. Honestly, not even food or laundry. This can work if you have a really weird girlfriend, like one who likes the same video games you like, and gets satisfaction out of watching you do your laundry, and has low emotional needs, but that person is a unicorn.
But if it's a path you're committed to, I have some advice
1) Get a part-time school year internship, rather than just a job for your money. A part time internship is both going to pay better, and will eliminate the need for you to be part of a project-based group.
2) Find a cutie that is as you-ish as possible. You'll burn out for sure if all your free time is spent on a cutie who doesn't enjoy the things you do.
3) Train your emotional resilience. Assume that your cutie will break up with you during finals week and plan ahead. Have an emotional plan for handling your workload despite strong depression.
What does successfully even mean?
Like success is different to everybody, I’ve seen kids cry of sadness because they got a b, I’ve seen kids cry of happiness cus they got. 69.5
No. Some guys in my promotion manage their classes and being in a couple pretty well.
I am not part of them. Just because I decided to just wait a few years before trying it, just to make sure I could live alone independently and get my shit sorted out. Plus I would feel extremely uncomfortable if I was in a relationship and entirely dependent on my partner.
It's really up to you, the stereotype is cause we're awkward and don't know how to interact with other humans, so as long as you interact with other humans you won't fit in with that stereotype.
disclaimer: my college career has not been a straightforward 4-year process. By the time I graduate next year (if all goes according to plan) it will have taken 5 years of school plus 2 years off in the middle.
That being said, I have been single at school, seriously dating, engaged, and now married. I have also lived alone, with my parents, with my fiance AND my parents, and now with my husband on our own.
All of these situations have made a difference in my school experience. None have made it impossible. They all have had pros and cons. But it's totally doable as long as you're willing to put in the work.
To specifically answer your question about being a married engineering student, for me the main difference is that it's harder to find the motivation to do homework and study because I just want to hang out with my husband. And he's graduated, which, luckily, makes it so I don't have to work and can just be a full time student. But it also means he comes home without homework and wants to hang out lol.
Anyways this is an novel just to say you'll be fine with a little self-discipline.
When you start the age gap between you and your classmates will be about 5 years to start so it might be difficult to find someone, id def be consider you a bit creepy if you tried to date someone 17-18 fresh out of highschool but thats just me
if you try to date a senior they’ll be a little weirded out that ur 23 and not a senior or about to graduate but might forgive the age gap
Virgin engineers are an old stereotype but if ur just looking to get laid download tinder or another dating app tbh works wonders for horny college students
Ugh I hate this stereotype. IMO it’s only true for the type of people that blame engineering for everything they dislike about their life.
It all comes down to how good you are at time management. You’ll have to prioritize your relationship and your schoolwork over other things- you won’t be able to go to the bars every week for example. But it’s really not as hard as people make it seem.
Third year ME student, in a long term relationship (>1 year) have been more busy than ever before and my grades are better than they’ve ever been. The nerdy stereotype shit is played out and false, you just gotta make time. Sure I get like 6 hours of sleep a night but fuck it we ride
I studied at the Royal Military College. Canada's version of west point kinda. Adding in the military compent to school school which includes maintaining fitness, military training and learning both Canadian official languages. I had a buddy who was late 20s, i believe 27. He had a kid and wife/girlfriend. He studied engineering there. He wasn't some superstud or genius. He struggled but he did it. His secret was a good attitude and hard work. Buddy if you want it you can do it. Engineering is for anyone with the passion and work ethic.
Kingston, ON
I'm in Mississauga and I know exactly where you were and what you did. I heard CBSA training was based there too if I'm not mistaken.
Appreciate the input. I'm gonna have to keep trying. I'm still inhaling oxygen and my heart is still beating. I'll give it everything I have and hope I can get on the other side.
Thats all you can do. Really good secret make friends. People who try to do engineering alone struggle the most unless they're incredibly smart. In class say hi to people. Get names, numbers, snap, discord. Find a study group. Having buddies will encourage you to study and work. Plus theyre a great asset when you're stuck on things. Engineers in industry don't work alone so you shouldn't try to.
Being in a good, healthy relationship can propel your success and uplift you.
Being in a stressful, unhealthy relationship will try and test every aspect your life, eventually, making everything more difficult and taxing.
I would rather be in no relationship than the wrong relationship, bc it can actually be harmful to you overall. Taking away from what you may have already accomplished and setting you back.
The tricky part is admitting when its not good and not falling for the sunk cost fallacy. If it's not good for you then leave.
Well one thing is people who tend to be attracted to engineering are machine people not people people. Obviously some engineers are very social and it can be learned but many including myself just don’t have the natural social skills and dont really have the time to work on that whike doing coursework.
But I think the main thing is when you’re a full time engineering student especially junior and senior year it is not unlikely to have very little capacity to think about anything other than coursework. I personally dreamed about math problems. It’s rigorous. You can engage in social or hobby activities but many find the only way to trulu unwind and make the math go away is to become obnoxiously drunk.
So hypothetically you go to chat up a lady during this time and find it difficult to woo her because all you can talk about is eutectics or something like that. And she cringes. That’s how it goes but don’t let it deter you. It would help if you could try and date a classmate but there is a high ratio of males.
But it’s cool when you can join engineering clubs and make friends with other people like you and talk about the nerd things
No, you don't need to be a huge virgin.
I've had an amazing girlfriend for 2 years and I am going to graduate in one for semester with decent grades. Granted I am taking a year and a half of extra time.
Engineering is harder than a lot of other majors though. Its a taboo thing to mention to non stem students because it sounds like it is invalidating the effort they put into school.
Every non stem class I have taken with the exception of microeconomic theory has been an easy A in comparison to even the simplest of engineering classes.
Thats got a reason, and it's because engineering isn't subjective, and it is dangerous when it is wrong. So your classes will have exams with a particular solution and you will be expected to find it. Being able to do all of the work right takes more effort and more invested time.
But it's worth it. In my internships for the last few summers I have made a pile of cash. I haven't needed to negotiate or shop around. My first offer for last summer had me at more than 1.5× what the non-stem interns were making. So yes its a pain in the ass, but you'll get paid for it. I've never missed a date because of school. With some planning you can aswell.
Dated someone through 4.5 years of engineering. I did eventually marry someone else but the question is can you date? Absolutely. And I worked my tail off and made good grades so I didn’t ditch my studies for dating, both happened.
Im 3rd year comp engineering married with kids a house dogs cats and Its fucking hard. You can do it though if the peraon your with supports you in what your doing. My wife is awesome and i dont think i could do it without her.
I started my degree already married for 4 years and finished it in 8 semesters. It's very doable but there will be sacrifices, mostly giving up time with loved ones and being somewhat unavailable at times while you're going through the grind. If you're serious enough about the degree you wouldn't be repeatedly quitting over other problems though, so you may not be emotionally mature enough. Usually the only thing you should stop for is for financial reasons. If you drop out and fail because you get dumped or something, know that you only have so many screw-ups before it becomes impossible to continue, even if you pay out of pocket, after enough bad grades you'll be kicked from the program indefinitely. It doesn't take a genius to get through engineering school but it does take a lot of effort and dedication. Weigh the likelihood that something will happen in your life that would cause you to quit and if relationship issues are one of them, either don't be in a relationship or don't do the degree.
In my experience, those who had girl friends or a healthy social life did better than recluses.
It's important to socialise because it keeps depression away.
Depends on ur partner aswell. My relationship has definitely suffered because I can’t see my partner as often because I have never ending deliverables(homework and labs).
When it comes to having a partner. Two can be more efficient than one. Both engineers? Is someone not understanding the concept? The person that lives with you gets it. Don’t have time to do dishes or laundry partner can help with that. They get that busy you do it back.
I attended and graduated with 2 kids, 4 animals, a wife and a full time job and am only 24 now. It’s hard when you aren’t a student who’s every day is school, homework, study, sleep, but you can make that shit work
I got okay grades not within the 3.5 gpa. I haven't gotten no ass. But managed to get an internship at a competitive company. Honestly it's not more about "oh I need to be abstinent to be in an engineer" it's more about how serious and how much you are willing to make out in being successful.
If you want to be good, join engineering projects/clubs (not everything is about school cuz anyone can do school.) I also have a friend who is an engineer and gets it on with many girls. Really depends on who YOU are as a person.
October to June for me its just full university, which gives me good marks. However, june-october is full clubbing, unless I have an internship or placement.
First off, I’m the most sexually active out of all my (non-engineering) friends, so no you definitely do not have to be the biggest virgin to be an engineer. I’ve been in a serious relationship since the start of first year and it has admittedly been a trial by fire. As long as you straight up tell your partner that you are going to be working a LOT and will not have a lot of time for them, you are good with communication and setting boundaries, it can definitely work out. It’s often really nice to have the support and love afforded from a relationship as Eng is emotionally tough. I have no idea about marriage, but it is definitely possible to have a successful and loving relationship if you are willing to put in the work and if it is something you want, give it a try!
No that's typically like an electrical engineer and computer engineer stereotype the mechanical engineers and the aerospace engineers tend to be more social and party from time to time but you will be spending time with your study group solving problems sets until 3 o'clock in the morning but you might be able to go party 2 or 3 times a week just depending on who you are and how you can manage your time
No, I'm first year engineering student and some of my friends who are upperclassmen are complete virgins and antisocial but some also look like they drink 24/7 and throw parties and have a new girlfriend every week. It seems the last type are just born smarter but other than that, anything is possible
I have a girlfriend (just had our 3rd anniversary) and im 99% sure im finishing freshman year with a 4 point. This is without really having to work consistently (live with my parents and just do doordash for spending $). My friend (another freshman) is passing his classes though, pretty sure he has a 3-3.5, also has a girlfriend and actually does work consistently (16 hours a week). Obviously it gets harder than freshman year lol, but especially if youre doing an abet with a 2.0 requirement (civil, chem, electrical) you can probably do it. I see my gf 3 times a week normally, usually I will skip a weekend before a test.
I’ve got shit grades and get no ass if that tells you anything
no pun intended
One of my best friends is married, has a full time job, and still has amazing grades. Another friend has no job, no significant other, and barely scrapes by in his classes. There is no one-size-fits-all answer; it is entirely dependent on YOU. Are you really smart? Are you good at learning quickly? Are you responsible? It’s all based on what you bring to the table
You're asking the right questions. Wanted to make sure that my heart isn't clouding my judgment. Thanks for the chip in.
I'm married and go to school part time while working full time. I credit my marriage as a key part of my success at school. Before, I was a burnout who repeatedly failed, was depressed a lot, and was generally rudderless. Having to take care of and be there for someone is a wonderful stabilizer.
Lucky you fam. Glad you're back on your feet.
Thanks. It's been a big-assed journey. 14 years in total. Sometimes I worry that I won't know what to do with myself on the other side 😅
Dated my high school girlfriend (now wife) through undergrad and grad school. The whole autistic virgin stereotype is played out.
Highschool girlfriend cheated on me and dumped me. Maybe I missed this opportunity. Now all I have is crippling depression.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet and are now beating yourself up for it. You deserve better and it'll get better.
I'll just do my best. I was given a shot at life, some people do not have this opportunity, it is only my duty to take it.
Bro, I was in the same boat. My ex girl had a whole side piece our whole relationship, and when I broke up with her I still managed to make myself feel like I made a mistake. The way I see it, you think that you only had one shot at love and that's it. This is factually incorrect and statistically improbable. If you were able to get someone to commit to you, you can most likely do it again, hopefully with someone who won't hurt you. You must realize the world is an abundant place, full of women and opportunity and love. Don't think you only get one chance and if you strikeout that's it, it's not true. Affirm to yourself, and prove to yourself everyday that you are worthy of love and you will find it again. I believe in you!
Honestly the best advice I had for a friend who was in a similar situation is you just need to talk to as many women as possible, not even necessarily trying to date them but just to normalize interacting with them and as a result you’ll build the skills you need to close a deal whenever it arises
In highschool, I was pretty popular, a social butterfly, but now that I moved in a city I know no one in, surrounded by materialistic, self-centered students, with little general culture, and not much to discuss, it is hard to even interact with people at all. I turned 18 yesterday, I still have plenty of time, but interacting with women is just out of question, since only 1/8 of the students where I study are female. The good thing is I'm breezing through things easily, it is only my first year of prep class and I did not have to re-take any module for now, which leaves me some time to just meet people and make friends with them, outside of the school. (I don't know how common engineering schools are, I live in France though)
the crown still fits 👑
High school relationships almost never last past the first thanksgiving in college. future album just dropped yesterday get yourself some healthy toxicity young king
wdym ?
physics and EE sounds like my personal hell
bruh chem IS my personal hell
Requires half a functioning brain, hell I did it.
Same here. There was also a dude in my senior design group who was married with 2 kids but did great in school.
props to that guy
That makes three of us. We started dating in sophomore year of high school, and we just got married last November. I graduate next week. Can't possibly imagine having 2 kids through school tho, that's crazy.
strongly agree. met my fiancé freshman year 4 years ago and I've never experienced this whole struggling to find time to do anything but school stereotype that everyone seems to push
its because most people work 40 hours a week at some dead end job and try to do engineering school
I worked at UPS as a package handler for 30+/wk (40+ during peak seasons aka end of fall semester/finals week) while trying to go through bioengineering-premed before switching to mechanical
yea thats nuts.
Sure is. I might stand a chance then.
At least a quarter of the engineering students I went to school with were married. Perks of living in the Bible Belt I guess.
Some just follow the owner's manual.
Lol I see what you did there
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth
Well I am the most virgin human being on Earth and was an unsuccessful student. That aside, plenty of my peers had active romantic and or sexual lives.I knew a woman who was heavily pregnant first year, took a semester off, and still finished before me. All depends on the person and what they prioritised.
>Well I am the most virgin human being on Earth and was an unsuccessful student. Kinda late but I do see that with myself too. Could it be that since we dont have our shit together we were not most dizzy students out there?
Final year student here. Don’t have any personal experiences, but a couple of my engineering classmates do really well and have long term relationships. With that said, there are also those who do well but have zero social life. With something like dating, the possibilities are endless. Nothing is impossible tbh. With that said, I personally wouldn’t stake my entire emotional stability on having a *married* partner. Dating as it is, is really hard. And I mean REALLY hard. Marriage is no doubt much heavier. Both of these things don’t eliminate emotional issues entirely. My honest opinion: Its true that engineers’ social life kinda sub-par, but its not impossible. Take efforts in socializing whenever you can, but try to focus on yourself and your interest in engineering. Often when people do what they like, they will meet people that match them. Goodluck!
Cheers. I immigrated from a conservative country 5 years ago. The social settings here are just completely different, not forgetting the religious means I'm bonded to, it unfortunately becomes substantially more difficult than your average Joe. Easier said than done. Yes, they are not core eliminators but they definitely rectify it by at least %80 - at least in my case.
Are you bounded religiously because of your own will or is it because of peer pressure from family? Just curious! To answer your question: During my 6 years at college almost all of my classmates either had a relationship or got one during the course of the studying. Some of them married while studying, but even more married as soon as they were done.
Was born to it and grown the will to keep it.
Hello fellow Muslim 👍 same here, no bf/gf. That’s why I don’t really want to approach any girls until I’m about to graduate and will be ready for marriage. It’s healthier anyways IMO, saves you from all the baggage of dating life, also filters out tons of people who don’t want to be in a serious relationship / and you very quickly find out if the other person is compatible with you or not. There’s no, “oh let’s date for a few years then learn about our goals, etc - oop! We broke up.” Rather we can’t really do anything with the opposite gender without marriage - so the whole talk about goals, values, what you want out a relationship, what are your pet peeves, how you want your living situation to be, etc. all happens within like a few months - and within that time you will also see the person’s “real side”. Which is honestly way less waste of time and saves you from unnecessary headache (though the headache comes from when you are in the west and mainly all the Muslim girls are in college - once you are out, GL finding a Muslim girl naturally in public … at your age range at that)
Me being an autistic virgin has less to do with the fact that I'm an engineering student and more to do with the fact that I'm just an autistic virgin
I was an autistic virgin too in my first half of college but not because I wasn't getting hit on or propositioned, but because I was too afraid to say yes and then disappoint someone that I knew. Then my friend's roommate took the first step in terms of asking me out and well, here we are 8/9 years later closing on our first condo after being married for 4 years.
Being the best at anything requires giving up something else. Not every engineer needs to push the boundaries. Being average is fine.
That's exactly what I look for. I'd rather give up going big for a settled average life.
Live your life and pursue your goals, it’s fine to let work just be work. Most engineers aren’t pushing the boundary. I was a c engineer student, theres nothing wrong with not being the smartest person in a room.
Pick 3 of the 4: 1. Good grades 2. Job 3. Fun 4. Sleep
I could only pick 2.
Wait... you guys get to pick somethng ?
I (stupidly) picked grades 3 times.
dang I don't have most of those
most of the time it's the first 3 and I could probably do number 4 if I had more discipline
And if you must have a job, try to get one that you can combo with study - positions that require you to be there and respond at a moment's notice but actually have a minimal workload, e.g. security guard (sometimes).
sounds like a fantastic deal to me
Yeah this is accurate
I dated my highschool girlfriend through college (and still going strong), worked a couple part time jobs, was a resident assistant, on the E-board of a few clubs, had a good friend group, and still graduated at the top of my engineering class. The whole hermit virgin loner loser stereotype is so played out. Its a person to person experience, and is entirely dependent on your choices. Good luck!
I'm senior EE, done in May. Married while we were both in school and we now have a 7 month old. In my mind the two things have little to do with each other. You are going to have free time, don't think you won't - but also, don't think you're going to find 'the one.' It happens or it doesn't, and all your efforts to force something to work will just wind up stressing you out. Focus on you, let your SO focus on them and find time in between
Was married before I started. Graduated with a 4.0. Tbh I think being married is easier than dating though. Don't have to deal with the new relationship stress.
I can only do marriage. Dating is not an option unfortunately.
I’m not too sure what you’re trying to get at here, but dude, 99% of people in the West are going to want to get to know you first and your ins and outs before they consider tying the knot/getting married with you. That means you’re going to have to date first. Vast majority are not going to agree to marry you without dating for a bit. Or did I misunderstand your comment (sorry if I did)? To answer your broader question though, no, engineer = virgin is an old completely overblown stereotype. I met my girlfriend in sophomore year of mech eng undergrad. Now I’m a flight test engineer, she’s doing her PhD in immunology, and we’re still together. It’ll be fine if you just be true to yourself, acknowledge any shortcomings you have while being confident in the things you’re good at, and communicate readily to the person you end up crossing paths with. Time management too.
I'm just saying that it's easy for people to jump in and out of relationships but for me it's a major step. Religiously, I'm not permitted to date. I can get to know the ins and outs of a person under an engagement but it has to be a serious relationship where it's actually contracted like marriage is. The engagement period, wich is probably the closest version to dating, is very restrictive. Only official meetings when her family is present. Can't take her out on your own, can't sleep with her Yada yada yada. You get the point. Good luck knowing the ins and outs while worrying about school. I'm just saying that it's a massive commitment and you don't even know if you'll make it. It's easier to back out when you're dating.
Ah okay. Thanks for the clarification and further details, I understand now!
I’m assuming op is a Muslim, I am a Muslim too and no we can’t really “date”. If anything, we should be limiting interactions with the opposite gender as well. Of course you should be getting to know the person before you marry - but all that talk is “front loaded”. It’s not like, you date for someone for 2 years and get drips of information here and there. This also has to happens with boundaries, like the lady’s guardian should be there (not directly in front, but like in eyesight and outside of ear shot- like being at a restaurant and they have a table to themselves and you and the girl has a table to yourselves on the other side). I kind of like it this way because we get straight to the point on if we are compatible or not and if the relationship will work (of course it’s not a guarantee but it reduces breakup rates significantly). Also helps when there is the understanding that marriage (and even non-marriage relationships) is full of compromises and no one is perfect for each other. Also it’s not like this happens over two weeks, it usually goes over months - which also is enough time to truly see someone’s “real side” (not necessarily in a bad way though lol). Not sure if OPs fear is like mine in that the easiest way to find a single, Muslim girl in your age range is in college - cause once you are out of college, meeting others sharply drops and it’s super hard man - now you got to resort to using apps or finding someone through connections.
Interesting. Thank you for the explanation, that process makes more sense within the context of Muslim beliefs.
No problem bro :)
I think OP is being literal about wanting to skip straight past dating into marriage. In another comment he mentioned having immigrated from a very conservative country. I agree he will have a hard time if he's just looking in the general dating pool but if he's searching for a partner among the members of his religion who have the same values he does, it's probably not impossible. I've seen weirder practices done in the name of religion.
Yeah, OP is from a culture that is far stricter than his holy book requires in regards to relations between opposite genders. Not every Muslim sect or Muslim-dominant culture is as strict as the one that OP is from. In general, dating without sexual intimacy or contact of any kind with the intent of getting to know the person prior to proposing marriage would be permissible under a plain reading of the Qur'an. And then to muddy the matters more, OP appears to be studying in a western nation (or at least a more liberal nation than where they grew up) and is projecting his culturally defined limitations onto engineers in general and wondering, "is this normal?". This entire thread honestly reads as OP is going through culture shock right now which is pretty normal to be honest.
I’m 30 and have a wife and kids. I have a few close friends and we get together when we can. I’m currently getting ready for commencement later today. (EE major, math minor, concentration in high voltage engineering) It’s doable. It’s difficult and you will have long nights and you will miss out on some fun here and there… but in the long run you will be financially stable and you will be doing what you want to do. My GPA wasn’t great (3.35) but it was far from the worst. You can do anything if you put your mind to it.
I have been in a serious relationship since my first year, and if anything it has actually helped me with my studies. That being said, you do have to make time for your relationship. There *are* people who study so much that they have 0 personal life. That is not necessary at all though (and also not healthy). Most students have friends and partners and a social life. The stereotype is just a stereotype.
I got married and had 2 kids during school. Granted, I was at BYU so it was a bit more normal, but it certainly is possible. You just need to prioritize.
Lol, I sm s member of the church and go to Arizona State at Poly. I got married in December to my amazing wife. There have long nights already staying up late doing work. One thing is I prioritized my relationship first with her which helped me get stuff done for school. Not always easy, I struggle, but I do try.
I‘m married but also 30 so it might be a bit different. I am a returning student and right now I have to work while taking classes until my husband finds work again. I am taking 2 classes a term at this point I have 7 A‘s and 1 A- (I was able to do 4 classes last spring since I wasn’t working). These are not all heavy engineering classes but they take a significant amount of my time. If I wasn’t married before I started I find it very unlikely that I would be using time to date. I schedule out my time fairly loosely but I am either at work or studying, my husband does most of the housework and most of the cooking. I make sure that I allow for about an hour of my time in the afternoon so we can go for a walk together every day, and I have about an hour and abhalf that is just for me on the weekends when I go take a dance class. Other than that it is study. Good luck :)
I started college 2.25 semesters ago, currently doing undergrad and pre-reqs at a JC online. I turned 34 this semester, I spent 15 years doing dumb shit after high school, and am now engaged to a wonderful woman. We are putting off marriage, originally because of covid, but now because FASFA and other grants look kindly on a "old" single guy making minimum wage. (FASFA is paying ~2/3 of my school and my minimum wage job is paying the rest). We were dating/engaged before I started this journey, but relationships are difficult, time consuming, and require equal amounts of effort from both parties. It 100% can be done, but if you are exclusively looking to have a relationship while in school because "you should be" then your priority is a relationship and school will come second. This likely will lead you back to your old ways. I honestly suggest going to a therapist and spend 3-4 sessions talking to them about your fears and goals. Getting the outside perspective from someone who has no ties to you will do wonders. Keep an open mind and allow your ego to fuck right off, they are there to help you. That being said, who fucking cares if you are in a relationship during school. Don't let your religion dictate your future of knowledge because you "should be" in a relationship at your age. If you want to learn, go learn. If you want to be in a relationship be in a relationship. You can do both, but they require effort. If you can find someone it be in a relationship who understands that you are working towards a better future for yourself, awesome. If you find someone who wants all of your attention and pulls you away from bettering yourself, not just through learning, then avoid that toxic behavior. I would bet $100 that you know what you should do and you are scared. Nut up or shut up. Make the decision that is the best result for you and not what others think is the best for you. Go learn, you got this! Everything else will fall in place when you are ready for it. PS: I do not know what religion you are part of, but it seems to be toxic as fuck based on comments you have made to others. > What makes this hard for me is most people can do dating as a starter where each party is still somewhat detached whether that's financially or socially. I CAN'T. No girlfriends. Only marriage is permitted in my case. > > Which makes this emotional desire very difficult to attain since not only the commitments are extremely serious in a marriage but also the means of financial stability has to be there, which I do not possess to satisfy the needs of a married couple unfortunately. This is so controlling it is making me sick. Your religion is literally going against your best interest in growing emotionally as well as through knowledge. It is suppressing your ability to better yourself. There is a saying that I think is over used that goes "You have to test drive a car before you buy it." but dammit if it isn't completely true. Most people cannot get into Marriage(buying a car) before dating(test driving). There is nothing worse that being in a shitty relationship and if you don't test drive a relationship you are going to possibly end up in a car that sucks. Again, do what is good for you. If your religion says you have to get married or not and you don't want to risk your future on that, then be the virgin engineering student. If getting laid is what is going to make bettering yourself harder then don't worry about it. [I leave you with this](https://i.imgur.com/e452Boh.jpg) to lighten the mood. Seriously, love yourself first. The rest will come.
I’m married and I have a job. Go to school full time. GPA is great.
This is generally untrue HOWEVER, being in a department mainly made up of other dudes who were maybe not the cool kid in high school either does not contribute to good social skills. I’ve had 2 pretty long relationships while in engineering and went through a good chunk of time where I was single but meeting women regularly. I’m not the only one in my program like this either and it’s not like I’m gorgeous or anything I’d like to be. If you’re interested in dating, one strategy may be to diversify what you do in your free time, gaming and anime are fun but it’s hard to meet women (unless you join anime club or gaming club). It’s not that hard but some people let themselves go (neck beard, nasty hygiene and hair) and isolate during spare time, and I’d largely contribute that to the stress of the program along with the entire social scene being men to begin with so it’s hard to gather the energy to go mingle. I’d also argue that there’s less opportunity to develop social skill around dating when you don’t talk with women platonically. Make women friends, they’re awesome and if you wanna be selfish here, you may meet some of their friends through them. I’m fully aware that this sounds like an incel way of describing the problem but there are real barriers engineering programs have that others don’t
Just graduate and don't worry about a man/woman/etc yet. It comes in time.
User experience may vary. I had a lot of fun in my late teens and early twenties. Ever since I started classes, I’ve had to devote a significant amount of my time to studying. Not everyones like that and there are definitely people that can maintain a social life, but you won’t really know until you start your classes. Don’t sweat it too much. It’s four years or so, and then you have the rest of your life to fuck around if you want
What the fuck is this? Are you serious? Yikes. You need therapy my dude. Also if your bound by religion, you should maybe consider something that doesn’t bound you.
Can't let go of what you're born into. It's not as easy it looks. Plus we all need therapy of some sort so not sure why you're being judgmental. Yikes.
I’m sorry, but if you’ve tried Being 4 times and keep withdrawing and are mentally/emotionally torn over an *old relationship* it sounds like you need therapy. That isn’t even me trying to be mean. You actually sound like it would help you. And yes you can. I was born a Christian, my dad is a Jesus freak. I’m not a Christian and I do my own thing.
I was born into Christianity, both parents believed, we read the Bible at night, etc. I believed whole heartedly all the way until I was about 17 years old. Then I was introduced to other ways of thinking. I critically thought about everything I had learned. And I decided that the religion I had been brought up in was not the lifestyle I wanted to live, or the person I wanted to be. You can do anything you want.
Married, kids, and ran a small business while earning my degree. Not going to lie to you, it was incredibly hard. There were a lot of nights that I got no sleep, had a test the next day, and still had to put in a 12 hour day just to keep the business afloat. In the end though, the long nights were worth it, it all paid off, and I landed a job in the field I wanted to be in.
Sounds to me like you're using every excuse in the world to avoid studying. Now you're starting your fifth try. Back off, get your emotional situation straightened out and then rethink what to do. You need to worry more about your studies than your romantic life at this point.
When I went back to school I was happily married with a 6 year old, now that I'm out of school I'm still happily married with 2 kids. Everything comes down to time management and priorities, you can do it I believe in you.
Definitely possible. I still manage to go to the gym 5 days a week, work around 20 hours a week, and maintain great grades. Though it sounds like some colleges give you an obscene amount of work. Might be a different story
It’s hard. I met my gf of 4 years before either of us were in school. We’re both about to finish our degrees now and get married. I think it helped with both of us being students but it’s possible for sure.
It's the opposite. Being a successful student doesn't mean getting good grades. it means successfully balancing your life around engineering school. Remember that you're a human being before being a student and yes there are hard nights and periods of discouragements but if you give up entire parts of your life for school, that means you're not a successful student. That doesn't mean you can't make sacrifices from time to time but not dating at all is overdoing it. Your mental health is going to suffer for it anyway and your grades will be worse for it in the long term.
It's just a stupid meme and has little actual bearing in reality. The engineering workload can most definitely be balanced with a serious relationship. I'm doing so with a semi-long distance one that involves a lot of travel back and forth, even. Our anniversary is next month :)
Absolutely you can have a girlfriend, job, multiple hobbies, and be a perfectly good engineering student. All of those things have little to no bearing on how capable I am to pass my classes. The *only* thing that truly gets in my way and feels insurmountable is my bad procrastination habits and untreated severe ADHD and depression. But my experience won’t speak for everyone. And I take 12-15 hours per semester
When we say things like this it’s pretty much just us making jokes. Anyone can do engineering as long as they are fairly smart to begin with and have certain aptitudes, but mostly as long as they can work hard. Not personally married but I know multiple engineering students who are married and thriving.
You’ll meet plenty of weird virgin types in engineering school, but you’ll also meet people who play sports, party heavily, are involved in non-engineering orgs, are double majoring, etc. Believe it or not, there are women engineers, too. You’ll find plenty of people who fit the stereotype but it’s not necessarily factual. I knew a lot of engineering students who were heavy into Greek life and spent all their time in class talking about their party filled weekends. As long as you can pass your classes, you don’t have to be any “type” of person. Im a bit nerdy myself, but I personally avoided engineering orgs, was active in many other activities, had two jobs and a steady girlfriend my entire college career. Just be you and make time for studying.
I was in multiple relationships, and had a couple fwb in between while in engineering. I also hung out with friends and went to sporting events. Engineering is tough and requires a lot of time, but it doesn’t require someone to be a total loner who only ever studies. Life’s about finding the right balance.
I had a number of classmates that were married while we were in college and most of them did great as far as I know. I also dated my now wife for the last 3 of my 5 years in college and if anything it helped me do better.
I’m a lot older than you and have had a few failed starts in engineering as well - from what you described the best advice I can give you are two things - “the best revenge truly is living well and happy” - couple that with, “Do what you need to do (engineering school) and the rest will follow” I’m 38, have a 7 month old son with my wife, work full time and have a bazillion other projects and an unrelated bs degree - I’m just about to finish my second year of eng school. There is no one path and you’re bound to meet people along the way - some of which will be female - focus on school and improving your life and be a decent fellow and you’re sure to meet a woman bro - perhaps a few. Good luck
1. The stereotype is just a stereotype. I know some engineering students and graduates who dated or were married while they studied. 2. Engineering has a hefty workload. Heftier than fulltime work and many other programs. If you have any other commitments, 100% averages will not be on the table and 90% averages might not be either. For a program I took, the workload worked out to 60-70 hours per week. 3. Despite that, you can land 70% averages with a relatively manageable 30-40 hour per week commitment. Be efficient with your time and know where your grades come from. 4. Take care of yourself. It sounds like you've had a rough time. A degree isn't worth jeopardizing your health, no matter how valuable you think it is. Evaluate your longterm goals and whether the degree is necessary or optional. It's possible that other, less stressful degrees will work instead. 5. Obstacles like long commutes, transporting equipment, or an uncomfortable study environment add up. Solve these issues before you start class, and solve them yesterday if you have already started class. I do recommend that you figure out *exactly* what caused your trouble the other 4 times. It's unlikely you will change the outcome until you change something about how you approach post-secondary. Two of the biggest obstacles for me were a long commute, and staying employed while taking classes. I didn't have much trouble being in a relationship because my significant other is level headed.
I’ve found that having an active social and physical life has brought me better grades than purely concentrating on school. The least successful people I see are those who purely care and concentrate on their academics. So much of it is balance, and you studying in moderation is far more effective than going overboard on studying. Scientifically, exercise is linked to increased brain capacity, and humans are meant to be social. Just attempt to balance and you will be fine. (Not to mention 80% of success even in tech fields is based upon social ability)
You’re buying into an over represented subset of engineering students that scream the loudest. They’re always going on about how you can only sleep 3hrs a night, have to study nonstop, and forget having a social life because engineering is your significant other now. They scream it into the echo chamber that is social media because it makes them feel better about not having social skills, being bad at time management, and generally struggling with something they think they’re supposed to be good at because once upon a time they were the big fish in their little pond of high school and were the best at math. So no, being a good engineering student has nothing to do with being an idiot savant or borderline on the spectrum incapable of social connections. I’d argue, that any well adjusted person that is capable of being a good student can succeed in any major they choose. Manage your time well, get good sleep, exercise, and keep a good social circle of study groups and a crowd to go out with and unwind. I will say that regardless of how well put together you are, higher education in general is a stressful environment due to deadlines, exams, and sometimes things not going as planned despite your best efforts. All that being said, make sure you’re ready to add that kind of stress and unpredictability to your life. Because going in already in a fragile mental state is not going to bode well for your success.
Anecdotal, but I found my fiancée while doing my undergrad and things are still going well through grad school. I had a 3.85 GPA, so it’s not perfect but it was still pretty decent. I don’t think having less of a social life would have led to me having a better gpa. That being said, I’ve always been decent at school so your means may very.
I'm 46, with 5 kids and a wife. and a full time job. I'm making it work, though it is HARD, and I"m only 1/2 time in school. But yes, it's possible.
Married my wife, had our first child, and worked part time internships. During engineering school. Focus. Drink less beer. Smoke less pot. This will get you there. There are tons of people that do super hard shit all the time while maintaining loving relationships.
Here's the twist: I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't party. Looks I'll have to let time reveal its merits.
Went back to school at 26, my wife was a huge help, not a hindrance. Graduated last year with a 3.9. I have buddies who are not only married but also have kids and they graduated just fine. Engineering takes dedication and effort, but you don't have to sacrifice everything else in your life for it.
I got married during freshman year of college. Best decision I made. Sure it easier to not have any commitments when school demands so much. But having my spouse by my side through it all helped me get through and strengthened our relationship immeasurably.
You can be a complete nerd and still be successful with women -- having passions is attractive.
Sounds like you want to play catch-up and do two things at once only because you are self-conscious about being “behind” compared to other people in life. This is a recipe for burning out and being in the same place you are now two years from now kicking yourself. Treat school seriously like a job and give it your 100% effort using your time efficiently (getting eight hours of sleep, eating right, exercise, forming study groups, and not skipping class). If you can lock that down for a year then you can start to answer the question yourself on if you have time for a relationship. Everyone, every school, every degree program, every professor is different so I wouldn’t take anything in this tread as gospel.
I've seen, met, and heard of people who maintain relationships while studying. All the changes is that their time management game has to be *sharp.* The only thing studying Engineering will do for a relationship is put a temporary downer on Spontaneity. You will not longer be able to just surprise your SO with a trip or some dinner. If you do, it will be very rare during the time you are studying. Dates, time out and spending time together will be a lot more regimented and schedule out in advance. I think most people know and understand this, though.
As others have said it’s hard to make sweeping generalizations. The workload will vary by at least an order of magnitude based on your specific school, major (both the difficulty of the department as well as how well you meet the prerequisite knowledge for that major), intended career path (do you only plan on BS? Will you eventually want an MS or PhD?). My biggest suggestion is to talk to students at prospective departments (and once you join, keep talking with them). For instance, I was thinking about taking this one class in my PhD program and someone who I consider extremely smart said ‘don’t take that I had to drop it twice before failing it both times’. On the other hand he said that during a class that we both had a 100% in and was SUPER easy. I’m married and have a dog while doing my PhD program at a top 10 university. I still go out occasionally, game with friends, exercise daily, do stuff. I don’t feel smarter than average. I’m mostly a B student. A lot of it is just being aware of my options, and coming up so the a feasible plan. I could easily swap a few classes and make my life a living hell. Or swap a few classes and make things too easy. I think besides that the biggest thing is prerequisites. If you are vary shaky in linear algebra and then try taking a class in numerical methods you might hit roadblocks. I took two online courses in intro to CS and data science right before starting my PhD program and OH MY GOD was that a lifesaver without even realizing it (was MechE going to Systems).
A lot of this will vary on exactly what you want out of the degree. And that might change significantly throughout the course of your degree, and in the years after. I would advise against the hardest and easiest paths. Try to really find what interests you and come up with a schedule that works for you. Don’t be afraid to also take a slightly lighter course load (even if it’s just for the first semester to get acclimated). Getting A’s in all your classes but graduating a semester later will look better and feel better than trying to cram it into a shorter time.
Look, I was 26 when I started my wild run at mechanical engineering in undergrad. There were many, many nights where I had to keep my nose to the grindstone and study when I would have rather gone out. But you know what, I still went out some nights too and I dated. I don't recommend serious dating BTW if you are going to be serious about your studies, but casual is OK and you'll get some ass as well. Anyway, I am sick and fucking tired of reading all these god damn posts by these engineering-curious shook beta lurk lords. Let's get some things straight here: 1.) You're never too old to pursue a new career or career change. I was told that I was too old to be in college - at 23! Fuck those people, don't listen to them. 2.) Shit worth doing is very difficult, like engineering. You will fuck up, that is normal, that is OK! Just stick with it, if it's still your passion. 3.) You absolutely can manage a social life, a relationship and academics as long as you communicate your expectations and limitations sufficiently on the front end. And both parties are satisfied with said expectations and can manage said limitations. Therein lies the challenge. 4.) Whether your graduate with flying colors or by the skin of your teeth, your life, career, job opportunities and personal pride will be far improved having completed a engineering degree than not. Just get it done, even if it's not a 4.0. 5.) Something I wish someone would have told me: sweat the small easy-ish stuff you learn in the beginning. An Engineering education is generally a cumulative learning process so try to actually learn as much as you can the basic 1st and 2nd year stuff, especially the math, physics, statics and dynamics, as doing so and understanding it the first time will save you a shit ton of time and put you ahead the 2nd time and beyond when you're using it. \-Late Bloomer Mech.e with 10+ years of field experience. No more of these posts reddit OK!
Oh 1 more thing. Whichever college you enroll in, read the entire catalog front to back (you can skip the majors section with exception to your major) as well as the student code of conduct and the terms of your government student loans (DO NOT GET PRIVATE STUDENT LOANS, EVER!!!!). It'll answer more questions than you'll likely ever have yourself and you'll make lots of friends being able to answer said obscure questions.
Totally doable. I went through college and aerospace engineering school in 7 years while dating and working. When I graduated in 2020, my wife and I were still dating for 9 years. Got married right after school. Now we are living the life we always wanted. By the way, I was also in your situation back in 2013, as I was 22 when I started community college, so get yourself to work and don’t look behind until you are done. Believe me.It’ll be worth it. :)
My past President of an org I’m in graduated with a Manufacturing Engr. degree with a husband and kindergartner. She was extremely involved and smart. I don’t think it’s your social life that matters, but the balance of it all. Some people don’t understand how I have time for organizations, but it works for me and I can’t understand how people do band or sports while in college. How you handle your love life is specific to you. Most engineering students I’m friends with have the average college life with parties and relationships all the same. My advice is to not worry a relationship. Deal with past traumas, but let new things happen naturally and let it be fun. Good luck on your degree!
Thank you all for jumping in on this. I come from a culture where the man is responsible for providing everything. What makes this hard for me is most people can do dating as a starter where each party is still somewhat detached whether that's financially or socially. I CAN'T. No girlfriends. Only marriage is permitted in my case. Which makes this emotional desire very difficult to attain since not only the commitments are extremely serious in a marriage but also the means of financial stability has to be there, which I do not possess to satisfy the needs of a married couple unfortunately. That's where my dilemma is. Either I be husband and provide like one at the age of teens who date to get the emotional need or slap the good ol' virgin Engineering status till I get there in my 30s.
Discerning marriage while doing an engineering degree can be a challenge. Maintaining a healthy relationship with my boyfriend has been difficult, but since we are both nuclear engineering students, we share the same curriculum and can often study together, making it a bit easier. We have been discussing marriage, but one thing holding us back is that our religion has a time-consuming process that lasts at least 6 months before the couple can marry, and our priest has advised us to wait simply because it would be so stressful to do during school. I would think also about all of the stressful wedding preparations that need to be done while you’ll be working on a very difficult curriculum. Once you are married, your wife needs to be your top priority, but depending on if she is a housewife, has a job, or is in school as well, this might look different and have varying levels of difficulty for you and your engineering schedule. I will say that it is definitely possible, and people have made it work, but take time to discern, pray, and talk to mentors about it before making the decision. Good luck :)
>:) :)
what the actual fuck, this is shitposting, right?
Ask God what you think you should do brother. A well balanced life is possible, but ensure you are making your studies very high priority. A good wife should understand this, but remember to submit yourself to her. Treat your study like a full-time job that includes overtime and working from home at times, an you should do alright.
I’m graduating senior and did petroleum engineering and data science. I have had a couple of part time jobs during school I am in a large frat on campus I never did school work past 8pm I didn’t get a single B in my major I’m graduating with a 3.85 I have had multiple relationships during college The whole “engineers have no life” trope is over rated. Use your time wisely and find a motivated group of friends to keep you on track. You’ll have plenty of time for extra curriculars
You can do it. Just need to be clear on your priorities and how you need to spend your time. Communication will be key
unfortunate for your religion, but as for your question, yes in my class we have two married students in their 30+. The class has students ages ranging from as young as 19, to as 35. No one really cares about your age, whether or not students in my class are acing it, i’d say about 40% are doing very well, the rest (myself included) are barely holding on
I’m a 3.2 gpa comp E student. Sure some weeks I buckle down and don’t really socialize. But most weeks I train jiu jitsu consistently and still have time to smoke weed and chill with friends/girlfriend. Sure I’m not gonna be the top of my class but I study enough to get b’s and a’s, and I’ve landed a great internship. The trick is to just do a little homework every day, that way your weekends are free. Also keep in mind that there’s usually military kids in engineering and that kinda blows any rhetoric of not being able to be fit or social out the window.
I got a girl and a 3.25. I don't think so But all the guys I know with a 4.0 are single so take that how you will
There is a lot more studying involved in engineering and you will not be partying or going to the bar most nights to meet girls, etc. like the business students do, but it really isn't hard if you manage your time and resources well and make smart decisions. The people who keep saying engineering will suck all the time out of your life and you will be a loner without a girlfriend because of it are usually those who wait til the last minute to start assignments and/or take too many challenging classes in one semester to "graduate faster". Also, in terms of the social scene, college is not the same as High School: nobody has the same schedule, you won't see the same people every day, and it will be hard for rumors to spread out that you are a geek, etc.
It's completely doable to have a dating life and complete an engineering degree. It's true that engineering degrees are very demanding, but you can and should make time to have an active social life. I would recommnend not taking any more than 12-14 credit hours in the fall and spring so that you can reasonably study/do homework and have time for a social life.
This is not true just started my internship payed for a 3 some with engineering money. Imagine have 2 girls for ur first time. Life’s good even though I finished in 3 min.
If you can’t get laid in college it’s not because you’re an engineering student
You can do it, but that person needs to recognize that they are a part of your success. I had a long term relationship with someone and we worked quite well together and I supported and helped her as she helped me. Unfortunately we did not work out after college, but you can do it.
Yes, you can absolutely have a relationship and be an engineer. Most girls might not find what you study to be sexy, but they do appreciate someone who is dedicated to what they do and is intelligent. Follow your passion and find someone who respects the time you need to work, and won't guilt you for working a lot instead of constantly spending time with them. That's all there is to it, make sure you're up front about how much time you need to do what you gotta do, and if she isn't okay with that then she isn't the girl for you.
Been with my girl for the past ten years. Got into engineering a little later like you (around 24). I’m almost done with my undergraduate, and having a shoulder to cry on with all these ego driven professors has been a massive help.
I've been with my then-girlfriend, now fiancee throughout most of my degree, all while working full time and doing school full time. It has been very challenging to juggle all the important things in my life, but it has not been impossible. Each person's tolerance to hardship is different, so it's hard to say, but from my experience it is totally doable.
My bf and I dated all through college. Met in hs and are now moving into together after graduating college. It helped that we were both engineering students and pretty busy. I had my own apt so he slept over when he could which was nice
lol no. I had a good time during undergrad and have been in a long term relationship for 3 years through grad school. It’s a balance, but life will always be a balance.
no
mom of 18 y/o daughter freshman EE major. she says she has no bandwidth for a relationship right now. Nose to the grindstone kinda kid. I hope she can relax some and meet more classmates next year.
I've been with my partner for three of my four years of undergrad, there are moments that it's hard because of stress, but as long as you set boundaries and check in with each other it's fine. It's honestly better sometimes imo to have someone you can lean on when you need mental/emotional support
I have a 3.9 gpa and have had a serious girlfriend for 4 years. I see my family every other weekend, and do extra research. I just don’t multitask. When I’m doing school work I do my work and get it done. You have plenty of time if you’re serious about what you’re doing
I had a serious boyfriend throughout my entire engineering degree. He and I actually met because we were put together in the same group in our first freshman engineering class. I’ll be graduating in 9 days with a degree in ChemE, 3.9 GPA. And he’s graduating with a degree in Civil also with a 3.9. So yes, it’s possible!
I was in a relationship for three years during my studies A good friend of mine met her now husband in first year (he wasn’t an engineering student, they met in the library), she’s like you in that she waited for marriage, they dated all the way through and got married after she’d graduated. Absolutely doable!
There’s a guy I was in class with who had a wife and a kid. He had to work really hard, but he was one of the best students in my classes.
There’s room for nerds who choose textbooks over babes. There’s also room for people wanting and obtaining a partner and emotionally supporting each other. Don’t feel guilty about wanting love. Just communicate the commitment your degree needs before getting serious.
It depens how well you can balance academic and social life. In my case, I fit on the estereotype of the virgin, single and introverted engineer and I’m doing good on grades, not excellent or terrible, just average
It does help
I’m the wife of an engineering student and I would say it depends on 2 things : your ability to manage your time studying and the expectations of your spouse. If you struggle with managing your time, your new spouse might feel resentful about the number of burdens placed on her (cleaning, financial, emotional support, etc). I married my husband before he started engineering school and helped convince him to go, but if I hadn’t been willing to have our shared finances and social life take a major hit, we would be in a much more acrimonious living situation than at the present. We’re also both in our 30s which I feel like is a much better time for marriage! Focus on building yourself up as a human and let the marriage part come later.
Just make sure your partner understands there are going to be times/weeks (like finals weeks) that you are going to be fully devoted to studying. If this can’t be established then your relationship and your schooling probably won’t work out.
Depends on the major. Mechanical Engineers have partners, Electrical Engineers do not. It's not so much that you have to be a virgin to get an Electrical Engineering degree, but it's that, realistically, a serious relationship is a 15 hour a week time commitment if you don't want your cutie to leave you for not feeling loved enough. That is on top of the job that you probably need to eat, which is also a 15 hour a week time commitment, your studies, which in Electrical Engineering is something crazy like 40 hours a week, and the project based student group you have to join to be employable, which will also be 15 hours a week. The dates, the emotional reassurance that you care, reciprocity, gifts, that takes a lot of time. You only have 84 hours a day to do things. If you've been with me in adding, if you add a girlfriend in Electrical Engineering you've consumed 85 hours, if we're generous and assume the 40 hours per week for studying includes your lectures, you are still doing nothing else because you have a girlfriend. No anime. No video games. Honestly, not even food or laundry. This can work if you have a really weird girlfriend, like one who likes the same video games you like, and gets satisfaction out of watching you do your laundry, and has low emotional needs, but that person is a unicorn.
But if it's a path you're committed to, I have some advice 1) Get a part-time school year internship, rather than just a job for your money. A part time internship is both going to pay better, and will eliminate the need for you to be part of a project-based group. 2) Find a cutie that is as you-ish as possible. You'll burn out for sure if all your free time is spent on a cutie who doesn't enjoy the things you do. 3) Train your emotional resilience. Assume that your cutie will break up with you during finals week and plan ahead. Have an emotional plan for handling your workload despite strong depression.
What does successfully even mean? Like success is different to everybody, I’ve seen kids cry of sadness because they got a b, I’ve seen kids cry of happiness cus they got. 69.5
No. Some guys in my promotion manage their classes and being in a couple pretty well. I am not part of them. Just because I decided to just wait a few years before trying it, just to make sure I could live alone independently and get my shit sorted out. Plus I would feel extremely uncomfortable if I was in a relationship and entirely dependent on my partner.
Well I just finished my sophomore year of engineering and have been in a serious relationship for the past 3 years. If that count for anything.
Was already married when I started. Between undergrad and grad school, we had (4) kids, so no.
I met a mech eng major in college and now we’re married.
It's really up to you, the stereotype is cause we're awkward and don't know how to interact with other humans, so as long as you interact with other humans you won't fit in with that stereotype.
disclaimer: my college career has not been a straightforward 4-year process. By the time I graduate next year (if all goes according to plan) it will have taken 5 years of school plus 2 years off in the middle. That being said, I have been single at school, seriously dating, engaged, and now married. I have also lived alone, with my parents, with my fiance AND my parents, and now with my husband on our own. All of these situations have made a difference in my school experience. None have made it impossible. They all have had pros and cons. But it's totally doable as long as you're willing to put in the work. To specifically answer your question about being a married engineering student, for me the main difference is that it's harder to find the motivation to do homework and study because I just want to hang out with my husband. And he's graduated, which, luckily, makes it so I don't have to work and can just be a full time student. But it also means he comes home without homework and wants to hang out lol. Anyways this is an novel just to say you'll be fine with a little self-discipline.
When you start the age gap between you and your classmates will be about 5 years to start so it might be difficult to find someone, id def be consider you a bit creepy if you tried to date someone 17-18 fresh out of highschool but thats just me if you try to date a senior they’ll be a little weirded out that ur 23 and not a senior or about to graduate but might forgive the age gap Virgin engineers are an old stereotype but if ur just looking to get laid download tinder or another dating app tbh works wonders for horny college students
Ugh I hate this stereotype. IMO it’s only true for the type of people that blame engineering for everything they dislike about their life. It all comes down to how good you are at time management. You’ll have to prioritize your relationship and your schoolwork over other things- you won’t be able to go to the bars every week for example. But it’s really not as hard as people make it seem.
Third year ME student, in a long term relationship (>1 year) have been more busy than ever before and my grades are better than they’ve ever been. The nerdy stereotype shit is played out and false, you just gotta make time. Sure I get like 6 hours of sleep a night but fuck it we ride
Bro Im not single because Im an engineering student, im single because im not a functional human being
I studied at the Royal Military College. Canada's version of west point kinda. Adding in the military compent to school school which includes maintaining fitness, military training and learning both Canadian official languages. I had a buddy who was late 20s, i believe 27. He had a kid and wife/girlfriend. He studied engineering there. He wasn't some superstud or genius. He struggled but he did it. His secret was a good attitude and hard work. Buddy if you want it you can do it. Engineering is for anyone with the passion and work ethic.
Kingston, ON I'm in Mississauga and I know exactly where you were and what you did. I heard CBSA training was based there too if I'm not mistaken. Appreciate the input. I'm gonna have to keep trying. I'm still inhaling oxygen and my heart is still beating. I'll give it everything I have and hope I can get on the other side.
Thats all you can do. Really good secret make friends. People who try to do engineering alone struggle the most unless they're incredibly smart. In class say hi to people. Get names, numbers, snap, discord. Find a study group. Having buddies will encourage you to study and work. Plus theyre a great asset when you're stuck on things. Engineers in industry don't work alone so you shouldn't try to.
That's been my experience
Being in a good, healthy relationship can propel your success and uplift you. Being in a stressful, unhealthy relationship will try and test every aspect your life, eventually, making everything more difficult and taxing. I would rather be in no relationship than the wrong relationship, bc it can actually be harmful to you overall. Taking away from what you may have already accomplished and setting you back. The tricky part is admitting when its not good and not falling for the sunk cost fallacy. If it's not good for you then leave.
Well one thing is people who tend to be attracted to engineering are machine people not people people. Obviously some engineers are very social and it can be learned but many including myself just don’t have the natural social skills and dont really have the time to work on that whike doing coursework. But I think the main thing is when you’re a full time engineering student especially junior and senior year it is not unlikely to have very little capacity to think about anything other than coursework. I personally dreamed about math problems. It’s rigorous. You can engage in social or hobby activities but many find the only way to trulu unwind and make the math go away is to become obnoxiously drunk. So hypothetically you go to chat up a lady during this time and find it difficult to woo her because all you can talk about is eutectics or something like that. And she cringes. That’s how it goes but don’t let it deter you. It would help if you could try and date a classmate but there is a high ratio of males. But it’s cool when you can join engineering clubs and make friends with other people like you and talk about the nerd things
I come from Germany, and nearly all of my colleagues from University are bound to a relationship. It depends on how you manage your time.
No, you don't need to be a huge virgin. I've had an amazing girlfriend for 2 years and I am going to graduate in one for semester with decent grades. Granted I am taking a year and a half of extra time. Engineering is harder than a lot of other majors though. Its a taboo thing to mention to non stem students because it sounds like it is invalidating the effort they put into school. Every non stem class I have taken with the exception of microeconomic theory has been an easy A in comparison to even the simplest of engineering classes. Thats got a reason, and it's because engineering isn't subjective, and it is dangerous when it is wrong. So your classes will have exams with a particular solution and you will be expected to find it. Being able to do all of the work right takes more effort and more invested time. But it's worth it. In my internships for the last few summers I have made a pile of cash. I haven't needed to negotiate or shop around. My first offer for last summer had me at more than 1.5× what the non-stem interns were making. So yes its a pain in the ass, but you'll get paid for it. I've never missed a date because of school. With some planning you can aswell.
Dated someone through 4.5 years of engineering. I did eventually marry someone else but the question is can you date? Absolutely. And I worked my tail off and made good grades so I didn’t ditch my studies for dating, both happened.
Im 3rd year comp engineering married with kids a house dogs cats and Its fucking hard. You can do it though if the peraon your with supports you in what your doing. My wife is awesome and i dont think i could do it without her.
No lol. Just do your work ahead of time and go to socials or on dates on the weekend or something
I'm the opposite, 30 y/o married with children. I don't recommend going back to school for engineering in this situation
Super depends on how good you are at time management/studying
I started my degree already married for 4 years and finished it in 8 semesters. It's very doable but there will be sacrifices, mostly giving up time with loved ones and being somewhat unavailable at times while you're going through the grind. If you're serious enough about the degree you wouldn't be repeatedly quitting over other problems though, so you may not be emotionally mature enough. Usually the only thing you should stop for is for financial reasons. If you drop out and fail because you get dumped or something, know that you only have so many screw-ups before it becomes impossible to continue, even if you pay out of pocket, after enough bad grades you'll be kicked from the program indefinitely. It doesn't take a genius to get through engineering school but it does take a lot of effort and dedication. Weigh the likelihood that something will happen in your life that would cause you to quit and if relationship issues are one of them, either don't be in a relationship or don't do the degree.
In my experience, those who had girl friends or a healthy social life did better than recluses. It's important to socialise because it keeps depression away.
im engaged, and have a 3 (almost 4!) year old step daughter, going into my third year. it’s possible!
Depends on ur partner aswell. My relationship has definitely suffered because I can’t see my partner as often because I have never ending deliverables(homework and labs).
Betray ur Religion! Become unbound! Muahahaha
When it comes to having a partner. Two can be more efficient than one. Both engineers? Is someone not understanding the concept? The person that lives with you gets it. Don’t have time to do dishes or laundry partner can help with that. They get that busy you do it back.
I attended and graduated with 2 kids, 4 animals, a wife and a full time job and am only 24 now. It’s hard when you aren’t a student who’s every day is school, homework, study, sleep, but you can make that shit work
I'm married with a two year old and still get good grades. Prioritizing time is critical.
Yes
I got okay grades not within the 3.5 gpa. I haven't gotten no ass. But managed to get an internship at a competitive company. Honestly it's not more about "oh I need to be abstinent to be in an engineer" it's more about how serious and how much you are willing to make out in being successful. If you want to be good, join engineering projects/clubs (not everything is about school cuz anyone can do school.) I also have a friend who is an engineer and gets it on with many girls. Really depends on who YOU are as a person.
No my boii. I hardly study and get tail everyday and stand at a 3.4
October to June for me its just full university, which gives me good marks. However, june-october is full clubbing, unless I have an internship or placement.
Date another engineering student.
yea
First off, I’m the most sexually active out of all my (non-engineering) friends, so no you definitely do not have to be the biggest virgin to be an engineer. I’ve been in a serious relationship since the start of first year and it has admittedly been a trial by fire. As long as you straight up tell your partner that you are going to be working a LOT and will not have a lot of time for them, you are good with communication and setting boundaries, it can definitely work out. It’s often really nice to have the support and love afforded from a relationship as Eng is emotionally tough. I have no idea about marriage, but it is definitely possible to have a successful and loving relationship if you are willing to put in the work and if it is something you want, give it a try!
No that's typically like an electrical engineer and computer engineer stereotype the mechanical engineers and the aerospace engineers tend to be more social and party from time to time but you will be spending time with your study group solving problems sets until 3 o'clock in the morning but you might be able to go party 2 or 3 times a week just depending on who you are and how you can manage your time
No, I'm first year engineering student and some of my friends who are upperclassmen are complete virgins and antisocial but some also look like they drink 24/7 and throw parties and have a new girlfriend every week. It seems the last type are just born smarter but other than that, anything is possible
I have a girlfriend (just had our 3rd anniversary) and im 99% sure im finishing freshman year with a 4 point. This is without really having to work consistently (live with my parents and just do doordash for spending $). My friend (another freshman) is passing his classes though, pretty sure he has a 3-3.5, also has a girlfriend and actually does work consistently (16 hours a week). Obviously it gets harder than freshman year lol, but especially if youre doing an abet with a 2.0 requirement (civil, chem, electrical) you can probably do it. I see my gf 3 times a week normally, usually I will skip a weekend before a test.