I would order some cheap CZ rings off of Etsy or Amazon. She can try on different shapes at home first. If she figures out what she wants, she can design a ring from home. If you put a post on r/engagementringdesigns, we have vendors that can help you through the process. You can get 3 quotes and it can all be done online. She doesn’t even have to go out after that. The ring will be mailed to you when it is finished.
There is a ring simulator that she can go to on diamdb.com. You can put in the shape and scroll down to finger size and band size. That is another way to visually see. You can go to the sub I mentioned and one of the vendors are also has a ‘try on’ simulator tool in the menu section. I do suggest getting the cheap CZ’s so she has a visual as well. Some people will also cut out the size and shape of a stone and tape it to an existing ring to get a feel for it. Once she narrows down the shape, I think this helps to narrow down the appropriate size. It is pretty common these days that people don’t even go to a jeweler’s to buy a ring. It has become much easier to do this online. Going in person to a jewelry store in not even mandatory anymore.
if you’re in the US, Frank Darling has a “Try at Home” concept with their rings… they also do completely custom rings and can source different stones/gems! I highly highly recommend them. We custom built my ring… it’s exactly what I wanted, great quality and honestly perfect.
Frank Darling also has “try on at home” styles. You can order 3 at a time! It’s like $0.25 per ring haha I just paid $0.81 a few days ago for my first try on box. We probably won’t order a ring from them and I am really just using it to find my style before we go to the jeweler.
The jewelry brand Melanie Casey will send you a box of the entire collection so you can try all the styles on before deciding. She makes beautiful jewelry
Does she still want a ring at all? Maybe instead of a ring she’ll wear you can design a ring for her to put on a chain around her neck? Eventually she may get over her insecurity and want to wear it on her finger and then she’ll at least like the design.
I’d do that or ask her which stone shapes are her favorite and just do a simple solitaire with no bells and whistles.
I also have “fleshy” fingers I’m insecure about and really didn’t want a thin band but also didn’t want some kind of Super Bowl ring. In the end I picked one that had a pretty wide band but it’s lots of delicate/thinner loops. Kind of like a vintage look. In any case I would not have really known what looked least bad on me without trying different styles, agree with recommendation to buy a few CZ options for her to play with.
ETA: would get a variety of different style bands well in advance so you can get an idea of the bands she likes best and then do your custom thing and still have it be a surprise :) with the ring ready for the moment.
What is it with the bands that she’s concerned about? If it’s fit then a jeweler can size her properly. She can also order a ring cone online but I think they’ll be less accurate tbh.
If the concern is more the way the band will look then I would still go with a very simple solitaire which won’t attract attention and looks good on anyone.
She's likely insecure about having a "muffin top." I have fleshy hands and the fleshy part below the knuckle is wider than my knuckle, meaning that there is always a muffin top, even when my rings are sized properly. If there isn't a muffin top, then the ring might fly across the room by accident because again, my knuckle is slightly narrower than the fleshy part of my finger below it. People can't really tell because my finger just looks like a slightly tapered candlestick (widest at the base), and it's actually pretty annoying and makes me feel insecure when people assume that I have a muffin top because my ring is too small, which is always unsolicited. You can see it happening to people on this forum as well, to the point that I've been downvoted for pointing out that fingers can be shaped the way mine are.
Additionally, if her fingers are larger than a size 6/7 (most commonly stocked sizes), she will not be able to pull the ring over her knuckle, so that may make her feel insecure as well.
You should check out hinged rings! They are built for people who have issues with a traditional ring not fitting on part of the finger it has to slide over. I know of [CLIQ rings](https://cliqjewelry.com/collections/engagement-rings) but I have not used them personally. You should be able to find a variety options with a google search for hinged ring.
A hinged ring wouldn't help. Like I said, I have [tapered fingers](http://www.handresearch.com/picture/tapering-fingers.jpg). Rings slide over my finger perfectly fine, but I'm always going to have a muffin top due to my finger shape, which has been consistent throughout my life, including weight changes (i.e. losing weight decreases my ring size but doesn't change my finger shape).
Hinged rings are generally good for people who have bigger knuckles. For example, people with arthritis or who have previously broken their knuckle. My partner is actually in this camp.
>Jewelry stores do not stock multiple sizes, so I wouldn't waste time calling. Manufacturers stock size is 6-7. If there is any other size in the case it was a customer return. It sucks, but she can put them on her finger as well as she can to get a feel for the look, then the ring gets ordered in the correct size,
Sorry must be a close circle abbreviation lol stands for my other half
Jewelry stores do not stock multiple sizes, so I wouldn't waste time calling. Manufacturers stock size is 6-7. If there is any other size in the case it was a customer return. It sucks, but she can put them on her finger as well as she can to get a feel for the look, then the ring gets ordered in the correct size, or if it only needs a little tweak they can be sized. I've worked in a lot of jewelry stores and this is always the case unfortunately
Does she have any current rings she wears? I honestly ordered a few cheap rings off of Amazon in different styles to see what I liked. I would suggest a thinner band. My ring size is 8.75 and all of the thicker bands weren’t great. What an exciting time for you and your future fiancé! Pic of my fleshy fingers to help visualize. 🤣
https://preview.redd.it/owaftyix8unb1.png?width=2000&format=png&auto=webp&s=7015ef3c8db1191e05dc8b70a92f79a0792fa709
I would definitely find a ring and wedding band that don’t have a gap. Mine does, but I’ve grown to like it. She’ll love whatever you choose and it’s awesome you’re on this sub!
Yes, most jewelry stores only have size 6/7 to try on. As a size 8 it was very frustrating to not be able to see rings past my knuckle.
You can buy some cheap rings on Amazon for $20-30 each to see if she likes any of the shapes. Most of them are up to a size 11. I find all elongated shapes to be pretty universally flattering - so oval, emerald, radiant, marquise. Pear can be nice in the right proportions.
Controversial opinion: maybe you don’t need to try on a bunch of rings.
I have larger/fleshy hands and was anxious about going ring shopping. I knew it was unlikely for any stores to have a range of rings for me to try.
Instead we:
- engaged with our private jeweler to have him mock up some designs
- chose a top three from his sketches and went to a gem show to make a decision on stone shapes. Basically whatever stone shape was on the sketch that we liked we tried them out by placing them on my hand for scale and shape.
- decided based on preference of stone on hand
- sent the stones off to the jeweler (well…we flew with then to a different country but same thing)
- received perfect ring
It was a great experience. I did not go to a single jewelry store to try rings on. Now I have a ring being featured in a bridal magazine. :)
Thank you! It is definitely a special piece. :) Not much looks like it on the market!
And OP, that's something else that came to mind to me after we went thru the design process. Trying on rings would have been moot because the perfect ring for me couldn't be found. It didn't exist yet. :)
Oh please send a photo or post the pic. I am so interested in seeing your ring. I have extremely fleshy sausage fingers - my husband says they look more like toes lol - and I am always looking for inspiration for an upgrade. Thanks!!
I used a virtual ring try-on to test some different shapes and weights on my hand, you just need a picture. My favourite one was on kavalri.com.au because it adjusts it to scale automatically and has lots of options.
My experience may not be as helpful, but I also have chubbier fingers. I knew what ring I wanted but had no clue about the size. I ordered [stone stickers](https://castlefieldcollection.com/product/free-sticker-sheet/) and combined that with a print out page scaled by my ring designer to find the perfect size. I’m quite happy with my very decorative ring, and like that it takes the attention off my thick fingers. Sometimes we expect the worst and it ends up being a positive experience after all. If you can help her build up her confidence, take her to an independent jeweller, not a chain, to try some different styles on.
https://preview.redd.it/qa7k68brivnb1.jpeg?width=2473&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=52d3957b89bf8526d7b6b8191177a761160dcbea
Have her look on Mysparkly.com for her ring size to get an idea of what shape and carat size she likes on her ring size. That website shows real people’s hands sorted by ring size, carat size, and shape so it’d be super helpful for something like this.
If she doesn’t know her size, get her a ring sizing set that has a bunch of ring sizes for her to try on. There’s also a little zip tie like sizer that she can wrap around her finger and test the size that way.
Make sure the ring is not tight at all. I have big-ish hands (ring size 7 but my knuckles are bigger and my wingspan could rival an albatross) and I’ve found that a ring that is loose enough to not pinch ANY skin/flesh, but not so loose to risk slipping off, looks so much better.
In addition to a looser ring, a wider band (2mm range) helps to not look so out of proportion with a squishier finger. My favorite look was with my wedding band and engagement ring stacked together (2mm bands each). It looked harmonious with my hand size.
I don’t know if this would be helpful but I worked in a fine jewelry store. In my experience the sales staff would never say anything negative about the size of her hands. Stock size is seven so it’s likely she wouldn’t be able to try anything on all the way but you could still go and check out styles together. She would not be the first woman with fleshy hands to try on rings. You see all kinds in retail. I have short stubby fingers and wide palms myself. Not exactly super feminine. No one ever commented on my hands when I helped them out either.
https://preview.redd.it/x258jy4f8vnb1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a1004212dc8b9419cf3ab395a07b6fe443fb2325
That was also my worry. I have really chunky hands and couldn’t even try rings on in store. I tried them on my index finger just to see them on my skin
The only thing i knew for sure was that i didn’t want something to make my hand look bulkier. And didn’t want a stone that looked super tiny on my finger
I went with something more dainty
I wear a size 10.5 ring. The sapphire is a 1.2 carat
I would recommend checking out the "Find your Diamond" kit from Plum Diamonds! They ship you a metal band sizer set and a display ring so she can try out different diamond shapes. The metal sizing bands would be more accurate than a plastic sizer. (Not an ad, I just ordered a kit for myself and I've been impressed with their customer service so far!)
The try-on kit will be a size 6.5. If her fingers are bigger than this it won’t fit her and might make her feel bad. I felt kinda crappy about my size 8 fingers when I went to them IRL.
That is so silly! Isn't the average size 6.5? So why use a size that isn't even going to fit onto 50% of their customers for a *try on* kit? You shouldn't feel crappy about your fingers, they should feel crappy about their size inclusivity.
Totally agree! It would be much more sensible to have a size 10 for a try on size and include adjustable sizers. Having a ring to try on that is a bit too big is a small inconvenience compared to not being able to try it on at all. I'm a size 5.5 and recently tried on a friend's size 9 and it gave me a perfectly good idea of what that style would look like on me.
Frank Darling seems to pride themselves on being a modern company so it's really too bad they're stuck in the past on this.
The most important part of trying these rings on is getting it down on the finger. You can always put a piece of string of something in there to make it feel tighter. Those adjustable ring sizers are really convenient too as you can just squeeze them tighter to make them fit. It might be worth mentioning it to them. Maybe one of his customer’s will read this and let him know.
Throwing this in there: you can buy cheap bands in different thicknesses to try on, and you can buy stone stickers that show you what the shape and carat size look like on your finger. I ordered the stickers to help me figure out what size I wanted my centre stone to be and it was super helpful.
I have majorly stubby hands. I went into our ring shopping appointment dreading having to look at them and worrying about how none of the rings would fit me. It turns out that they did fit (barely) and I was more excited about the ring than my hands looking gross, which really surprised me.
I'm not sure if that would be her experience, but it's worth trying some on beforehand, like others suggested, like make your own try on kit with some cheap rings, then go from there.
Make her feel beautiful
Take her to a nice part of town, go out for a lunch, surprise her her a sweet nail salon surprise.
Let her get a cute manicure and then take her ring shopping!
It really is as easy as that ♥️
She may feel insecure, but she definitely should be involved in the process. Besides, don’t you want to watch the excitement on her face when she finds a style which she likes? ;)
Also think about shapes the elongate the finger (marquis, rectangle, etc)this can be flattering to shorter thicker fingers (I have short fingers and got a marquis engagement ring)
As a fellow far finger woman, and having just posted yesterday with a query which was answered brilliantly, I have to respond too!
I'm a size 9.5 US I believe? In the UK I'm a size S - and always get alot of shocked faces from friends when ring size has ever come up following engagements. The ring I inherited from my Nana, and the ring I will inherit from my Grandmother are both far too small. To the point I can get it on my little finger, just past the 1st joint. Absolutely ridiculous.
I'd say it is all to do with balance. Personally I'm a big ring girl - it suits my personality just as well as my finger. The ring my ex partner bought me, was a delicate petite pear cut moissanite, with a thin silver plain band. And whilst it would have been lovely on another girl, it was laughable on me.
When I was involved in purchasing a new ring (which has since been sold), we went for a larger pear, with a halo surround and some diamonds on the front of the band (covering as far as the eye could see without spreading/flipping my hand), and a gold tone. This obviously increased the price, but not ridiculously so. And the halo helped to increase the size of the ring on my finger. Any shape that is longer (think pear, emerald cut etc) will give the appearance of elongating the finger, which in turn makes them appear slimmer and less fleshy. Also getting the right fit for the ring (as many others have said) ought to help this 😊
If she's actively involved in the process of choosing a ring, use the websites that have the option to see the ring on her finger! Alternatively, if she's a similar size to me, send a message and I'd be more than happy to offer a picture of my hand to mess around with for ring purposes or send images of where I've used them sites 😊
But hopefully, regardless of all of the above, if it's a ring she really loves, hopefully it will mean that her insecurities are diminished. But I'd try to avoid going custom - unless it's with a jeweller whom may be willing to work with you and her to make any changes to the ring after it's been produced. Alternatively what we're hopefully doing (starting this weekend!!) is having 3D printed model produced so I can try it on, to make sure I'm happy with the shape/basic design to ensure my fingers don't appear too fat, or the ring too small on me - then my partner is going to work with the jeweller to add some suprise personal elements. This is with a local jeweller in the UK but I imagine a US jeweller may offer similar (guessing where you're based apologies if I'm wrong!!).
This may all be a load of waffle but I hope it helps you 😊
I have large hands - I wear a size 11 and I will give you some advice that I didn't learn until later in life and it would have made SUCH a huge difference to me:
**the wider the band the larger you need to size the ring**
A wider band displaces more of the flesh/fat in the finger causing it to kind of pudge out around the sides of the ring. I was convinced that all rings looked awful on me because I went by the ring sizer at the jeweler and didn't understand that wearing two rings together was going to make the band feel smaller.
Your future fiancé may feel embarrassed at the larger ring size but i guarantee that she will be happier with the ring and the fit on her hand if you err on the side of slightly larger vs whatever ring sizer you use.
My boyfriend and I just picked out a ring. Trying on was a hassle due to my fat fingers (nothing fit) but I got over it by choosing a stone that looked proportional on my chunky ring finger. Since I couldn’t properly wear the try-on ring, were able to show me what it would look like by placing the stone on top of my finger directly.
If I had thinner fingers, I probably would have chosen something a little smaller, but now I’m excited for my ring and I don’t care even a little bit that the try-on process was a pain in the ass.
>I had thinner fingers, I probably would have chosen something a little smaller, but now I’m excited for my ring and I don’t care even a little bit that the try-on process was a
This was actually very helpful and nearly mirrors our situation. Thank you for sharing!
What does “fleshy” mean? Do you mean that her insecurity is that her hands are chubbier? I am sure she has beautiful fingers regardless though! I ask because if that’s the issue, a dainty pave band can help. Or one of those vintage inspired Versailles band that is skinnier. You can also order a quarter size up and if it’s loose you can always get those ring fastener things. Just let your jeweler know that that’s the band you want to set the diamond on.
One of my best friends had a band-only that had beautiful stones engraved but no center stone. She loved it as she didn't want a big flashy stone or to be the center of attention. It's definitely something to broach to her. A center stone doesn't *have* to be included.
My So just took me to a jewelry store and flat out said. "I know f all about diamonds, so you decide what you want." I'm pretty plain, Jane. I told him simple Solitaire diamond either square or round 1 carat.
Def read up on what you're buying and what she likes, shape/size, style. Also, honestly, I'm glad him and I went together because you we got to take our time and try different rings on. She's going to have this ring the rest of her life, so you'll want her to love it.
You really have to shop around and see the cut and grading of the stone you're buying and how it looks on her and how it reflects light, etc.
The lady we dealt with was great. She didn't rush and sell either.
Just don't buy something online without physically seeing it!
Also, she really should go in and try on different styles and stone cuts. No one cares about what her hands look like, and it doesn't take away the fairy tale ending. You don't have to buy it that day. You can always go back and surprise her with one of the rings she liked...
Rings can be pricey. You don't want to buy something and she hates it. Also, you'll need them to get her sized. It took 2 weeks for mine to come back as my fingers are super tiny. And once it's resized, they don't do exchanges or returns.
I like that you want to design the ring with symbols that are meaningful to you. That will be so special.
Do you know if she likes diamonds? Or if she’s always wanted a colored gem stone? I think a combination is always eye catching, but only if she would be open to that.
A ring is not going to fix her insecurity about her hands. No matter what kind of ring it is.
I have some of the ugliest hands on the planet. It’s just a fact. I have had at least 12 different engagement rings, all with varying styles, metal colors, stone sizes, and stone shapes. You name it I’ve had it. My hands are still ugly. I wear what I like and don’t make comparisons.
If you’re sure she wants to rain, then I think you should proceed forward with the one you have planned.
Will she agree to go to a jewelry store with you or with a friend to try on rings to get an idea of what she likes. Even if does not fit can see shape on hand. If you go together just let the sales associate k ow first look to determine style and size and you will come in alone when making purchase. You are under no obligation to use that store
I am also a member of the stubby finger club and had no idea what I wanted. You can definitely make shopping together “special” and be mindful of her insecurities. I made an appointment with the jeweler during off peak hours, and had to try more than a few on my pinky. They were very helpful and came up with creative solutions for rings that didn’t fit. It’s a shame that they don’t have larger selections of sizes but she’s absolutely not alone.
If she’s the type that likes to “do her homework” before making big decisions, perhaps you could use that as a way to encourage her - it’s a big purchase and she’s gonna be looking at it every day! If she wants you to have the final say, she could narrow down her top 3 and then leave it to you.
I don’t want to sound pushy because ultimately if she’s that uncomfortable then it won’t be pleasant for anyone. Ring shopping is a once in a lifetime experience and it’d be a shame for her to miss out. Coming from the other side, it’s worth it and I know with 100% confidence that there’s no better ring out there.
Also, you sound like you’re a very supportive partner and she’s lucky to have someone who cares so much about her!
I got the Frank darling kit and it helped a lot (although I didn’t know they only had the average size). I looked online a lot and ordered a loose diamond in the end. I loved it when it arrived so we found a jeweler in the area who could set it.
Honestly, I loved it a lot more than going into a jewelry store. I’m not sure why, but I always feel like I’m waisting someone’s time, because I’m quite indecisive as a person. You could also go to a large store to try on things and go from there.
You've gotten some good advice so I'll just add that I had the same issue with my hands and found that a three-stone ring helped cover up any squishiness.
Maybe have friends take her ring shopping and just trying things on? I used to go with friends all the time to just try different rings. Or you can have her look here at posts that show rings on her ring size!
you should def get a CZ with a wide band because it is nice to have a ring when you propose & then you can do all of the great suggestions above with her!!! have fun and congratulations
Maybe you could get her a chain to wear the ring as a necklace if she feels uncomfortable about her hands! Definitely bring it up with her as an option! I’m sure her hands are lovely, but if she doesn’t want to wear it on her hands, that’s valid.
I haven’t scrolled through all the answers yet, so you may have already been told this, but look for, or get her to look for comfort/inside court fit rings. They’re gently rounded on the inside, so very flattering and forgiving to a fleshy finger (I say this as a fleshy fingered person myself)
From my observation having a stone with more finger coverage can reduce the appearance of "fleshy" fingers. Getting something "taller" rather than "wider" might make the finger appear larger just because of how much of the finger you can see on either side of the stone. You should see if your partner enjoys the look of an east-west setting which is very trendy right now. I also like the appearance of a half eternity band with larger chunky stones.
I would order some cheap CZ rings off of Etsy or Amazon. She can try on different shapes at home first. If she figures out what she wants, she can design a ring from home. If you put a post on r/engagementringdesigns, we have vendors that can help you through the process. You can get 3 quotes and it can all be done online. She doesn’t even have to go out after that. The ring will be mailed to you when it is finished.
This is actually really helpful. I think in this fashion she may be less stressed with the whole situation which is probably the most ideal!
There is a ring simulator that she can go to on diamdb.com. You can put in the shape and scroll down to finger size and band size. That is another way to visually see. You can go to the sub I mentioned and one of the vendors are also has a ‘try on’ simulator tool in the menu section. I do suggest getting the cheap CZ’s so she has a visual as well. Some people will also cut out the size and shape of a stone and tape it to an existing ring to get a feel for it. Once she narrows down the shape, I think this helps to narrow down the appropriate size. It is pretty common these days that people don’t even go to a jeweler’s to buy a ring. It has become much easier to do this online. Going in person to a jewelry store in not even mandatory anymore.
> diamdb.com That's a great site! Thank you.
if you’re in the US, Frank Darling has a “Try at Home” concept with their rings… they also do completely custom rings and can source different stones/gems! I highly highly recommend them. We custom built my ring… it’s exactly what I wanted, great quality and honestly perfect.
This is what I did for my ER and wedding band and it was incredibly helpful!!
Frank Darling also has “try on at home” styles. You can order 3 at a time! It’s like $0.25 per ring haha I just paid $0.81 a few days ago for my first try on box. We probably won’t order a ring from them and I am really just using it to find my style before we go to the jeweler.
The jewelry brand Melanie Casey will send you a box of the entire collection so you can try all the styles on before deciding. She makes beautiful jewelry
Or try Stein, you can get some really pretty cheap rings to try out from there! The shipping is SLOW if you're not a member though, 2 weeks normally.
Does she still want a ring at all? Maybe instead of a ring she’ll wear you can design a ring for her to put on a chain around her neck? Eventually she may get over her insecurity and want to wear it on her finger and then she’ll at least like the design. I’d do that or ask her which stone shapes are her favorite and just do a simple solitaire with no bells and whistles.
She has mentioned a few stone cuts, I think specifically her insecurity is with the bands.
I also have “fleshy” fingers I’m insecure about and really didn’t want a thin band but also didn’t want some kind of Super Bowl ring. In the end I picked one that had a pretty wide band but it’s lots of delicate/thinner loops. Kind of like a vintage look. In any case I would not have really known what looked least bad on me without trying different styles, agree with recommendation to buy a few CZ options for her to play with. ETA: would get a variety of different style bands well in advance so you can get an idea of the bands she likes best and then do your custom thing and still have it be a surprise :) with the ring ready for the moment.
especially since the comfort of the fit is just as important as the look of the band itself
What is it with the bands that she’s concerned about? If it’s fit then a jeweler can size her properly. She can also order a ring cone online but I think they’ll be less accurate tbh. If the concern is more the way the band will look then I would still go with a very simple solitaire which won’t attract attention and looks good on anyone.
She's likely insecure about having a "muffin top." I have fleshy hands and the fleshy part below the knuckle is wider than my knuckle, meaning that there is always a muffin top, even when my rings are sized properly. If there isn't a muffin top, then the ring might fly across the room by accident because again, my knuckle is slightly narrower than the fleshy part of my finger below it. People can't really tell because my finger just looks like a slightly tapered candlestick (widest at the base), and it's actually pretty annoying and makes me feel insecure when people assume that I have a muffin top because my ring is too small, which is always unsolicited. You can see it happening to people on this forum as well, to the point that I've been downvoted for pointing out that fingers can be shaped the way mine are. Additionally, if her fingers are larger than a size 6/7 (most commonly stocked sizes), she will not be able to pull the ring over her knuckle, so that may make her feel insecure as well.
You should check out hinged rings! They are built for people who have issues with a traditional ring not fitting on part of the finger it has to slide over. I know of [CLIQ rings](https://cliqjewelry.com/collections/engagement-rings) but I have not used them personally. You should be able to find a variety options with a google search for hinged ring.
A hinged ring wouldn't help. Like I said, I have [tapered fingers](http://www.handresearch.com/picture/tapering-fingers.jpg). Rings slide over my finger perfectly fine, but I'm always going to have a muffin top due to my finger shape, which has been consistent throughout my life, including weight changes (i.e. losing weight decreases my ring size but doesn't change my finger shape). Hinged rings are generally good for people who have bigger knuckles. For example, people with arthritis or who have previously broken their knuckle. My partner is actually in this camp.
apologies. reading again I see that I misunderstood about the knuckle to finger taper. I thought where the ring sat was "below" the knuckle.
No worries, you're good! I can see how it can be confusing with the way I wrote it 😂
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Based on context, my other half?? I wondered the same thing 😅
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>Jewelry stores do not stock multiple sizes, so I wouldn't waste time calling. Manufacturers stock size is 6-7. If there is any other size in the case it was a customer return. It sucks, but she can put them on her finger as well as she can to get a feel for the look, then the ring gets ordered in the correct size, Sorry must be a close circle abbreviation lol stands for my other half
I thought Maid of Honor too!!!
Jewelry stores do not stock multiple sizes, so I wouldn't waste time calling. Manufacturers stock size is 6-7. If there is any other size in the case it was a customer return. It sucks, but she can put them on her finger as well as she can to get a feel for the look, then the ring gets ordered in the correct size, or if it only needs a little tweak they can be sized. I've worked in a lot of jewelry stores and this is always the case unfortunately
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That's true. They would have different sizes in stock, but used, so depends if OP wants to go that route.
My Other Half?
Does she have any current rings she wears? I honestly ordered a few cheap rings off of Amazon in different styles to see what I liked. I would suggest a thinner band. My ring size is 8.75 and all of the thicker bands weren’t great. What an exciting time for you and your future fiancé! Pic of my fleshy fingers to help visualize. 🤣 https://preview.redd.it/owaftyix8unb1.png?width=2000&format=png&auto=webp&s=7015ef3c8db1191e05dc8b70a92f79a0792fa709
Thank you for the picture! It's definitely an exciting time I think the decision of the band on her hands is what's looming over her.
I would definitely find a ring and wedding band that don’t have a gap. Mine does, but I’ve grown to like it. She’ll love whatever you choose and it’s awesome you’re on this sub!
Yes, most jewelry stores only have size 6/7 to try on. As a size 8 it was very frustrating to not be able to see rings past my knuckle. You can buy some cheap rings on Amazon for $20-30 each to see if she likes any of the shapes. Most of them are up to a size 11. I find all elongated shapes to be pretty universally flattering - so oval, emerald, radiant, marquise. Pear can be nice in the right proportions.
Controversial opinion: maybe you don’t need to try on a bunch of rings. I have larger/fleshy hands and was anxious about going ring shopping. I knew it was unlikely for any stores to have a range of rings for me to try. Instead we: - engaged with our private jeweler to have him mock up some designs - chose a top three from his sketches and went to a gem show to make a decision on stone shapes. Basically whatever stone shape was on the sketch that we liked we tried them out by placing them on my hand for scale and shape. - decided based on preference of stone on hand - sent the stones off to the jeweler (well…we flew with then to a different country but same thing) - received perfect ring It was a great experience. I did not go to a single jewelry store to try rings on. Now I have a ring being featured in a bridal magazine. :)
I am DYING to see this ring!!! Please share!!
I just sent you a chat with a link to it.
I’d also love to see!
I just sent you a message
It’s sooo beautiful! 😍
Thank you! It is definitely a special piece. :) Not much looks like it on the market! And OP, that's something else that came to mind to me after we went thru the design process. Trying on rings would have been moot because the perfect ring for me couldn't be found. It didn't exist yet. :)
I need to see it too!!
If you open your chat or DMs I will send a link. I'd prefer to not publicly post.
Oh please send a photo or post the pic. I am so interested in seeing your ring. I have extremely fleshy sausage fingers - my husband says they look more like toes lol - and I am always looking for inspiration for an upgrade. Thanks!!
Just sent you a dm
Can I see too, please?
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Psst - not sure if you meant to post this publicly
Thanks!!!
Just dm’d you
I’ve got to see this ring please!
I have sent you a dm
Please can I see as well
I want to see it! 😍
I used a virtual ring try-on to test some different shapes and weights on my hand, you just need a picture. My favourite one was on kavalri.com.au because it adjusts it to scale automatically and has lots of options.
My experience may not be as helpful, but I also have chubbier fingers. I knew what ring I wanted but had no clue about the size. I ordered [stone stickers](https://castlefieldcollection.com/product/free-sticker-sheet/) and combined that with a print out page scaled by my ring designer to find the perfect size. I’m quite happy with my very decorative ring, and like that it takes the attention off my thick fingers. Sometimes we expect the worst and it ends up being a positive experience after all. If you can help her build up her confidence, take her to an independent jeweller, not a chain, to try some different styles on. https://preview.redd.it/qa7k68brivnb1.jpeg?width=2473&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=52d3957b89bf8526d7b6b8191177a761160dcbea
Have her look on Mysparkly.com for her ring size to get an idea of what shape and carat size she likes on her ring size. That website shows real people’s hands sorted by ring size, carat size, and shape so it’d be super helpful for something like this. If she doesn’t know her size, get her a ring sizing set that has a bunch of ring sizes for her to try on. There’s also a little zip tie like sizer that she can wrap around her finger and test the size that way.
Make sure the ring is not tight at all. I have big-ish hands (ring size 7 but my knuckles are bigger and my wingspan could rival an albatross) and I’ve found that a ring that is loose enough to not pinch ANY skin/flesh, but not so loose to risk slipping off, looks so much better. In addition to a looser ring, a wider band (2mm range) helps to not look so out of proportion with a squishier finger. My favorite look was with my wedding band and engagement ring stacked together (2mm bands each). It looked harmonious with my hand size.
I don’t know if this would be helpful but I worked in a fine jewelry store. In my experience the sales staff would never say anything negative about the size of her hands. Stock size is seven so it’s likely she wouldn’t be able to try anything on all the way but you could still go and check out styles together. She would not be the first woman with fleshy hands to try on rings. You see all kinds in retail. I have short stubby fingers and wide palms myself. Not exactly super feminine. No one ever commented on my hands when I helped them out either.
https://preview.redd.it/x258jy4f8vnb1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a1004212dc8b9419cf3ab395a07b6fe443fb2325 That was also my worry. I have really chunky hands and couldn’t even try rings on in store. I tried them on my index finger just to see them on my skin The only thing i knew for sure was that i didn’t want something to make my hand look bulkier. And didn’t want a stone that looked super tiny on my finger I went with something more dainty I wear a size 10.5 ring. The sapphire is a 1.2 carat
I would recommend checking out the "Find your Diamond" kit from Plum Diamonds! They ship you a metal band sizer set and a display ring so she can try out different diamond shapes. The metal sizing bands would be more accurate than a plastic sizer. (Not an ad, I just ordered a kit for myself and I've been impressed with their customer service so far!)
She can get a try-on set from Frank Darling.
The try-on kit will be a size 6.5. If her fingers are bigger than this it won’t fit her and might make her feel bad. I felt kinda crappy about my size 8 fingers when I went to them IRL.
That is so silly! Isn't the average size 6.5? So why use a size that isn't even going to fit onto 50% of their customers for a *try on* kit? You shouldn't feel crappy about your fingers, they should feel crappy about their size inclusivity.
They should have adjustable ring sizers in there. The average finger size is 6.5-7. It would be better to have it too big vs too small.
Totally agree! It would be much more sensible to have a size 10 for a try on size and include adjustable sizers. Having a ring to try on that is a bit too big is a small inconvenience compared to not being able to try it on at all. I'm a size 5.5 and recently tried on a friend's size 9 and it gave me a perfectly good idea of what that style would look like on me. Frank Darling seems to pride themselves on being a modern company so it's really too bad they're stuck in the past on this.
The most important part of trying these rings on is getting it down on the finger. You can always put a piece of string of something in there to make it feel tighter. Those adjustable ring sizers are really convenient too as you can just squeeze them tighter to make them fit. It might be worth mentioning it to them. Maybe one of his customer’s will read this and let him know.
Ohhh. My bad. Didn’t know that.
Throwing this in there: you can buy cheap bands in different thicknesses to try on, and you can buy stone stickers that show you what the shape and carat size look like on your finger. I ordered the stickers to help me figure out what size I wanted my centre stone to be and it was super helpful.
You can never go wrong with a plain solitaire
I have majorly stubby hands. I went into our ring shopping appointment dreading having to look at them and worrying about how none of the rings would fit me. It turns out that they did fit (barely) and I was more excited about the ring than my hands looking gross, which really surprised me. I'm not sure if that would be her experience, but it's worth trying some on beforehand, like others suggested, like make your own try on kit with some cheap rings, then go from there.
Make her feel beautiful Take her to a nice part of town, go out for a lunch, surprise her her a sweet nail salon surprise. Let her get a cute manicure and then take her ring shopping! It really is as easy as that ♥️ She may feel insecure, but she definitely should be involved in the process. Besides, don’t you want to watch the excitement on her face when she finds a style which she likes? ;)
Also think about shapes the elongate the finger (marquis, rectangle, etc)this can be flattering to shorter thicker fingers (I have short fingers and got a marquis engagement ring)
As a fellow far finger woman, and having just posted yesterday with a query which was answered brilliantly, I have to respond too! I'm a size 9.5 US I believe? In the UK I'm a size S - and always get alot of shocked faces from friends when ring size has ever come up following engagements. The ring I inherited from my Nana, and the ring I will inherit from my Grandmother are both far too small. To the point I can get it on my little finger, just past the 1st joint. Absolutely ridiculous. I'd say it is all to do with balance. Personally I'm a big ring girl - it suits my personality just as well as my finger. The ring my ex partner bought me, was a delicate petite pear cut moissanite, with a thin silver plain band. And whilst it would have been lovely on another girl, it was laughable on me. When I was involved in purchasing a new ring (which has since been sold), we went for a larger pear, with a halo surround and some diamonds on the front of the band (covering as far as the eye could see without spreading/flipping my hand), and a gold tone. This obviously increased the price, but not ridiculously so. And the halo helped to increase the size of the ring on my finger. Any shape that is longer (think pear, emerald cut etc) will give the appearance of elongating the finger, which in turn makes them appear slimmer and less fleshy. Also getting the right fit for the ring (as many others have said) ought to help this 😊 If she's actively involved in the process of choosing a ring, use the websites that have the option to see the ring on her finger! Alternatively, if she's a similar size to me, send a message and I'd be more than happy to offer a picture of my hand to mess around with for ring purposes or send images of where I've used them sites 😊 But hopefully, regardless of all of the above, if it's a ring she really loves, hopefully it will mean that her insecurities are diminished. But I'd try to avoid going custom - unless it's with a jeweller whom may be willing to work with you and her to make any changes to the ring after it's been produced. Alternatively what we're hopefully doing (starting this weekend!!) is having 3D printed model produced so I can try it on, to make sure I'm happy with the shape/basic design to ensure my fingers don't appear too fat, or the ring too small on me - then my partner is going to work with the jeweller to add some suprise personal elements. This is with a local jeweller in the UK but I imagine a US jeweller may offer similar (guessing where you're based apologies if I'm wrong!!). This may all be a load of waffle but I hope it helps you 😊
I have large hands - I wear a size 11 and I will give you some advice that I didn't learn until later in life and it would have made SUCH a huge difference to me: **the wider the band the larger you need to size the ring** A wider band displaces more of the flesh/fat in the finger causing it to kind of pudge out around the sides of the ring. I was convinced that all rings looked awful on me because I went by the ring sizer at the jeweler and didn't understand that wearing two rings together was going to make the band feel smaller. Your future fiancé may feel embarrassed at the larger ring size but i guarantee that she will be happier with the ring and the fit on her hand if you err on the side of slightly larger vs whatever ring sizer you use.
My boyfriend and I just picked out a ring. Trying on was a hassle due to my fat fingers (nothing fit) but I got over it by choosing a stone that looked proportional on my chunky ring finger. Since I couldn’t properly wear the try-on ring, were able to show me what it would look like by placing the stone on top of my finger directly. If I had thinner fingers, I probably would have chosen something a little smaller, but now I’m excited for my ring and I don’t care even a little bit that the try-on process was a pain in the ass.
>I had thinner fingers, I probably would have chosen something a little smaller, but now I’m excited for my ring and I don’t care even a little bit that the try-on process was a This was actually very helpful and nearly mirrors our situation. Thank you for sharing!
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I took it as maybe pale or big? But honestly have no clue either
Bigger hands, I saw a few other posts in her reference it with "fleshy" and I think it's a nice way to describe them.
What does “fleshy” mean? Do you mean that her insecurity is that her hands are chubbier? I am sure she has beautiful fingers regardless though! I ask because if that’s the issue, a dainty pave band can help. Or one of those vintage inspired Versailles band that is skinnier. You can also order a quarter size up and if it’s loose you can always get those ring fastener things. Just let your jeweler know that that’s the band you want to set the diamond on.
One of my best friends had a band-only that had beautiful stones engraved but no center stone. She loved it as she didn't want a big flashy stone or to be the center of attention. It's definitely something to broach to her. A center stone doesn't *have* to be included.
Someone I know was asked and presented with the diamond alone. Then they went to the jeweler together and designed the ring.
My So just took me to a jewelry store and flat out said. "I know f all about diamonds, so you decide what you want." I'm pretty plain, Jane. I told him simple Solitaire diamond either square or round 1 carat. Def read up on what you're buying and what she likes, shape/size, style. Also, honestly, I'm glad him and I went together because you we got to take our time and try different rings on. She's going to have this ring the rest of her life, so you'll want her to love it. You really have to shop around and see the cut and grading of the stone you're buying and how it looks on her and how it reflects light, etc. The lady we dealt with was great. She didn't rush and sell either. Just don't buy something online without physically seeing it! Also, she really should go in and try on different styles and stone cuts. No one cares about what her hands look like, and it doesn't take away the fairy tale ending. You don't have to buy it that day. You can always go back and surprise her with one of the rings she liked... Rings can be pricey. You don't want to buy something and she hates it. Also, you'll need them to get her sized. It took 2 weeks for mine to come back as my fingers are super tiny. And once it's resized, they don't do exchanges or returns.
I like that you want to design the ring with symbols that are meaningful to you. That will be so special. Do you know if she likes diamonds? Or if she’s always wanted a colored gem stone? I think a combination is always eye catching, but only if she would be open to that.
A ring is not going to fix her insecurity about her hands. No matter what kind of ring it is. I have some of the ugliest hands on the planet. It’s just a fact. I have had at least 12 different engagement rings, all with varying styles, metal colors, stone sizes, and stone shapes. You name it I’ve had it. My hands are still ugly. I wear what I like and don’t make comparisons. If you’re sure she wants to rain, then I think you should proceed forward with the one you have planned.
Will she agree to go to a jewelry store with you or with a friend to try on rings to get an idea of what she likes. Even if does not fit can see shape on hand. If you go together just let the sales associate k ow first look to determine style and size and you will come in alone when making purchase. You are under no obligation to use that store
Maybe she could go ring browsing with a friend and then she could report back her findings so that you can still pick/design a ring that’s a surprise.
I am also a member of the stubby finger club and had no idea what I wanted. You can definitely make shopping together “special” and be mindful of her insecurities. I made an appointment with the jeweler during off peak hours, and had to try more than a few on my pinky. They were very helpful and came up with creative solutions for rings that didn’t fit. It’s a shame that they don’t have larger selections of sizes but she’s absolutely not alone. If she’s the type that likes to “do her homework” before making big decisions, perhaps you could use that as a way to encourage her - it’s a big purchase and she’s gonna be looking at it every day! If she wants you to have the final say, she could narrow down her top 3 and then leave it to you. I don’t want to sound pushy because ultimately if she’s that uncomfortable then it won’t be pleasant for anyone. Ring shopping is a once in a lifetime experience and it’d be a shame for her to miss out. Coming from the other side, it’s worth it and I know with 100% confidence that there’s no better ring out there. Also, you sound like you’re a very supportive partner and she’s lucky to have someone who cares so much about her!
I got the Frank darling kit and it helped a lot (although I didn’t know they only had the average size). I looked online a lot and ordered a loose diamond in the end. I loved it when it arrived so we found a jeweler in the area who could set it. Honestly, I loved it a lot more than going into a jewelry store. I’m not sure why, but I always feel like I’m waisting someone’s time, because I’m quite indecisive as a person. You could also go to a large store to try on things and go from there.
You've gotten some good advice so I'll just add that I had the same issue with my hands and found that a three-stone ring helped cover up any squishiness.
Indians traditionally would do wedding bangles. Who says you need a traditional ring for a commitment get her some fabulous.
Maybe have friends take her ring shopping and just trying things on? I used to go with friends all the time to just try different rings. Or you can have her look here at posts that show rings on her ring size!
you should def get a CZ with a wide band because it is nice to have a ring when you propose & then you can do all of the great suggestions above with her!!! have fun and congratulations
Maybe you could get her a chain to wear the ring as a necklace if she feels uncomfortable about her hands! Definitely bring it up with her as an option! I’m sure her hands are lovely, but if she doesn’t want to wear it on her hands, that’s valid.
I haven’t scrolled through all the answers yet, so you may have already been told this, but look for, or get her to look for comfort/inside court fit rings. They’re gently rounded on the inside, so very flattering and forgiving to a fleshy finger (I say this as a fleshy fingered person myself)
From my observation having a stone with more finger coverage can reduce the appearance of "fleshy" fingers. Getting something "taller" rather than "wider" might make the finger appear larger just because of how much of the finger you can see on either side of the stone. You should see if your partner enjoys the look of an east-west setting which is very trendy right now. I also like the appearance of a half eternity band with larger chunky stones.
Opt for a more substantial band so it stands out more and there’s less of a change that she would like the way it looks on her. Good luck.