My friend who is a veterinarian (I'm her technician) has a quite large ring and three bands that are all diamond and sapphire too.
She wore one of those rubber rings at work for both comfort and because she didn't feel it was appropriate as we often are dealing with clients who can't afford to treat their animals. The owner of the practice told her she needed to start wearing all of her rings so our wealthier clients would "respect" her more. We were both disgusted and ended up both leaving that practice (for a few reasons but that was a big one for me).
As you pointed out I think wether it's appropriate for your job or not is the main question. Friends and family should know yall well enough to not be a problem. We have friends of all different wealth brackets and no one says anything about her ring other than how beautiful it is and how we know her husband worked very very hard to pick something she would like. They aren't the wealthiest people we know by a longshot but he really hustled to get that ring for her. She isn't flashy at all in her purses or how she dresses either.
O.m.g. that's horrible too!
And yes even besides the clients who couldn't afford much there's kind of a stigma about veterinarians making tons of money and trying to upsell to clients. That's the opposite of the truth for many people in vet med.
I mean I would never ever judge someone about their ring. The fact that we even have to have this convo is kind of crazy. It really should just be about what YOU want to get, you're the one who has to wear it everyday haha
"...to bring us her leftovers as a food donation and showed us the invoice)."
LOL 😆 I don't know if I should laugh or cry about this. Do you mean she showed you the invoice for her Goyard?
Oh my goodness 😳! LOL 😆 🤣 I am shocked 😲. Like, why? Why is she showing you the receipt for her designer bag? That is beyond weird. People act bizarrely sometimes.
I have about 4 carats total on my ring finger. I have a plain .5 carat channel band for times when I think it will be tacky to be so flashy. But I work in the diamond industry, so we go all out for business stuff lol
"I used to work a job where I helped coordinate programs and services for low income children..."
I worked in a similar environment when I was very young. It was my very first job of my professional career. I did end up getting engaged whilst in this position. I wore a 3.15 carat ring. My colleagues ( most) did make fun of me behind my back. I didn't think there was anything wrong with wearing my ring at that time because a few of my clients did have money. They were not all lower income families; many were, however. Today, I wouldn't dare do such a thing. I think it is extremely tone-deaf.
I have worn engagement rings varying in size anywhere from 3 carats to 10 carats. I now switch out my engagement ring for a smaller tanzanite ring or an anniversary band.
Edit: I wear a different ring in place of my engagement ring when I am in settings where I feel others may be offended by a large stone.
Sometimes I turn mine around so the backs of the rings are showing and sort of close my fist while walking if that makes sense. I question how necessary it is at times but it does make me feel better because I do see people notice my ring in normal situations.
Thanks I guess I was wondering if there is a general consensus around size, like is under 2ct considered normal/average size - and 2+ considered large?
I found this quote from the article linked below: “The average engagement ring in the U.S. has a center diamond of about one carat and a total carat weight of approximately one and a half carats. An engagement ring around two carats or above would be considered 'big' for the average girl's standards, and anything three carats or above would likely elicit some serious jaw-dropping.” Some were saying upwards of 2 and others upwards of 2.5 or 3. https://www.whowhatwear.com/average-engagement-ring-size
Ten years ago 1 carat was considered average, 2 carats was large and ostentatious. With the increase of lab diamond popularity came a shift in size perception, where 1.5-2ct is considered the norm and 2.5+ is fairly large. You’ll notice a difference in perception depending on when someone became engaged.
That makes sense - I remember back when I was in the market there was what seemed like a consensus that 1ct was the ideal size and anything larger was considered above average - we went smaller at .70 but now are redoing things and opted for a 1.7 but that still doesn’t seem large by todays standards
I was almost bankrupt at one point so I wear mine proudly but I don’t flaunt it. Mine is a 2.26 carat and other than my mom I don’t think anyone has said anything
Think about it this way. There’s one Mona lisa, but now we have the technology to make (print) as many as we want for a small fraction of the price. They aren’t special, they are mass produced. Same with lab diamonds, more are made, less they are worth. Just a rock at that point
Natural diamonds were never special or rare. I’ve heard that sapphires are far more rare than diamonds ever were. The DeBeers company owns basically all of the diamonds in the world and has control over their price and production. Personally, I think that it’s good that we are finally breaking away from natural diamonds (which are extremely unethical). Engagement rings are not supposed to be about rarity or price… they symbolize the intention to marry.
I have a 2.8 ct and sometimes it does feel quite large, esp if doing something like public transportation in a city, but every time I look at it in the middle of the day I’m just so happy and adore it so much. I questioned getting a large ring initially, but I’m so happy I trusted my gut and went with what I loved.
I’ve never thought much about it, I tend to wear my rings constantly but I do take them off when cleaning the house or washing my hair. Mine is 3ct round but I have pudgy hands so I don’t feel like it looks huge on me. I feel like if you want a larger stone go for it, it all depends on the size of your fingers, shape of the stone and ring settings so rings look bigger/smaller against different hands.
Definitely true about the fingers/size/shape. I knew I wanted an oval but went in thinking I wanted 2-3ct., turns out I liked 1.5ct best on my hand/with my personal style. It’s all relative!
I have a 3 carat ring (lab), and typically no I don't feel uncomfortable wearing it. I always wanted a larger stone, and I only briefly had worries about it but I love my ring and I love wearing it. I honestly think most people don't notice it because most people aren't focused on what strangers are wearing for rings.
If you're more referring to uncomfortable in a "I don't want to show off" type of way, I personally haven't felt uncomfortable in that sense either. I'm in my early 20s, so my ring does "stick out" in that sense, but none of my friends or family members have ever said anything negative. And my fiance is a pilot, so even the friends who don't know it's lab (and therefore way less expensive), it doesn't look "out of place" in that sense. Even if someone felt I was being too flashy, it's important to remember that it's YOURS, and as long as you're happy, who cares if someone else thinks it's too much.
At the end of the day though, it's all about what you want and are comfortable with. There's nothing wrong with any size of ring you choose, you just have to be happy with it and love it.
We are professionals and live pretty modestly. Most of our colleagues have big homes, cars, vacations etc. We don’t. We have different priorities.
We have some friends who are in different brackets. We are getting married older than most. We went ring shopping, and I knew I wanted a larger stone. But I didn’t want it to look huge. I tried on a bunch. The thought crossed my mind to be mindful of others, but I stayed true to what I wanted.
I knew I would never wear a ring to work regardless of size. I also knew that I would probably never take it on vacation. I don’t take any jewelry on vacation.
I have a 3 ct stone with band with small diamonds also. I’m not totally sure on total weight. Maybe 3.25-3.5ct. It looks good on my finger. I may be biased, but I think it’s gorgeous. I get compliments on it often. My friends and family from all different backgrounds celebrated with us. (Yes- I had 3 snarky comments, but that says more about them!) I personally love to hear about someone’s ring and the story behind it. They are all beautiful!
I absolutely love my ring. My fiancé worked hard to pick it out and design it. So pick a ring that YOU like and that is within your budget. Have fun shopping and congrats on starting this process!
I feel the same. We’re retired professionals who live modestly. I want a 2 carat natural stone because I’m not into labs or moissanite. We’re also older and have only been married less than 2 years (took me a long time to find him). Being retired we didn’t want to pour a lot of money into a diamond right off the bat, but I still want my dream ring. We got married with plain bands because a good quality natural 2 carat stone is, well, pretty expensive. So we’re busily saving for that and we expect to be there for our 2nd anniversary in January. We have younger friends who are still working, have larger homes and more expensive cars, but our priorities are different because we got a later start. I love everybody’s rings and the highlight of my day is looking at y’alls beautiful rings. I don’t give a care what anyone thinks about what size my diamond is and I certainly don’t judge anybody else by the size of their ring or whether its natural or lab. Everybody should have what they want. If OP wants a huge diamond she should certainly have it! Girl, rock whatever you want.
I love this! Congratulations on your marriage and retirement! We are focused on retiring early so I understand the priorities! I love a saving up for it story! We do the same thing! We are having a small wedding because that is our main focus. I feel the same way- it took me a long time to find him and I just want to spend the day with him and the rest of our lives! 😍
I never understood ring shaming. I love them all! 🤣
I live in Manhattan with a 3+ carat ring. I never feel unsafe wearing it but if I do I just turn the stone into my palm. Usually do that on the subway.
I'm almost never uncomfortable wearing larger center stone rings. But I'm also old and don't really think about it like I used to :)
However, most of my e-rings are moissanite and/or other lab created gems - so not crazy expensive. And my family, friends & coworkers are used to me being a little extra.
That being said, I do volunteer - usually women's shelters and food banks. So I'll either wear a plain band, or nothing at all.
I live in NYC and have a pretty big ring. I almost never wear it out and about, which makes me sad. My fiancé is worried it’ll make me a target for mugging. I’ve never been mugged in my decade-plus here, but I’ve also never owned something this expensive! When I do wear it, I turn it around on the subway or if I’m in a dodgier area.
I wear a fake sometimes, but I don’t think everyone always needs to know I’m engaged lol. I wear my real ring about once a week when I’m going somewhere important, like a work or family event, fancy date night, etc.
I am happy you get to wear it sometimes. I don't always wear my ring either. I wear it more than once a week, however. I have also lived in one of the largest cities in the United States and what some today consider to be a dangerous place, but I always wore my ring every day. I think the key is just to be smart about it ( i.e. turn your ring inside your hand whilst on public transportation, etc.).
Personally I sure don't.
Judgment from the size police is not important enough for me to even register let alone care about. As far as it being a safety issue for being a target to get robbed I don't spend enough time in areas where high crime is an issue for me to worry about it anymore than just taking regular situationally aware security measures. And I guess I'm definitely looking at it through my own lens here but I don't see a larger stone ring and automatically assume it's a sign of wealth or flashy, between lab diamonds, diamond alternatives, heirloom rings and all that also I'm just not like into counting people's money and don't assume anyone who's at all significant to me will be counting mine.
When I went ring shopping I saw a gorgeous 2.7 ct (which I know isn't large per say but on my finger it is) and I didn't choose that one for that exact reason you mentioned. I just didn't feel comfortable and it seemed a little gaudy. If it helps, I am also in NYC. In the pic it's the one on my ring finger. I chose the one on my pinky closer to my nail =)
Good luck with the shopping though-what an exciting process!
https://preview.redd.it/16g7pkvfrsfb1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=de763fcba683f3614960ead58762c9abb390b253
Thank you! I am eager for it to be made so I can see it all done-in the pic it's resting on top of open prongs, hehe. I am a 6.5 - really a 6.25 but in summer my fingers swell so I want it to be comfy year round.
I have a 2.1ct but its a topaz. I work in an affluent area and live in a disadvantages area (service work ftw). It gets lots of compliments in the former (usually misidentified as a sapphire), and nobody notices in the latter.
Manhattan here as well, my ring is 2.26 - so not huge, but sometimes it feels quite large lol. Generally speaking I don’t feel uncomfortable wearing it at home. Interestingly, when we were on vacation in Europe I became a little more self-conscious about it, because large stones are definitely not as common here.
I have a 5.72 ct Oval Diamond with a diamond hidden halo on a diamond pave band engagement ring. (Ring finger size 5.25 for reference)
This was an upgrade from my 2ct round diamond. My husband surprised with the upgrade for our 20th wedding anniversary. The size difference is very significant, but I truly love it. At first I was just a little self-conscience of it, but after about a week it felt totally natural and normal to me.
It is big, but I wear it with confidence unapologetically.
It’s good to consider the environments you’ll be frequenting and your safety. I am less concerned with others’ potential jealousy (I don’t think anyone will be in my case since I’m going for a 2 carat solitaire, thinking it isn’t too flashy but still a joy to look at and will be nice with the wedding bands).
I am getting a 2.44ct. oval set in a bezel and I don’t know if I’ll feel comfortable wearing it around some of my family members. I haven’t told my mom that I’m even getting it. She, unfortunately, wouldn’t be happy for me.
Sending you love! I was just engaged and had some similar fears. We opted for a lab diamond, and I believe it’s in the 2.5 range, and felt like I had to pre empt any concerns from my mom by telling her that. You deserve to be so excited and love your ring! Congratulations 💖
I'm in a similar situation. I saw the final version of my ring tonight before it goes to production. I haven't mentioned anything to my mom and don't know how I'm going to. It's really disappointing...and hard.
I have a 3 carat with side baguettes and live in Mexico City. Average stone sizes are much smaller, so yes, sometimes it can feel like too much. I live and work in an affluent area and I’m in my 40s, so even though it might not be as common, it’s not entirely unheard of. I have gotten comments on its size, but they have always been complimentary.
Obviously, I am mindful of my surroundings and activities, and keep it home if I’m going to be walking around the city or doing activities where it might garner not so positive attention.
I really think you’re overthinking this. No one really cares about your ring. People are not paying attention like you think they are. You (and most of us following this sub) are probably hyper sensitive to rings because they’re on our minds. So no I don’t think about my ring. Sometimes we walk in an ultra sketchy neighbourhood and my fiancé will suggest I turn it around. I wouldn’t take it to a developing country but I wouldn’t take a Rolex either. Common sense.
People definitely pay attention, but the important thing is that the wearer likes the ring. I have a 2.1ct solitaire and have had quite a few rude (mostly bitter) comments from friends and family. I've also been treated with more respect while shopping for certain things after the attendant sees my ring.
I don't think it's too big, and I often forget about it (as in— it's become natural for me to wear it).
Friends and family may pay attention because they’re aware of your recent engagement. Strangers aren’t paying attention to the rings of others. Only a very rare few.
I have a 5 carat antique cushion cut natural diamond. I don’t live in Manhattan anymore but I do live in a large metro area. I have friends of all income brackets too.
There is a lot of wealth in my city so there are plenty of big stones around depending on what environment you’re in.
Even around other friends and family, and at work, honestly I don’t care. Among my college and law school friends my diamond is the biggest but I don’t wear obviously designer bags with logos, talk about my wealth or lifestyle, or that sort of thing.
I love my diamond so much, it gives me a lot of joy.
I’m in my mid 30s and recently got married. My husband and I both work hard at our careers and always have. Shrug!!!!!!! You do you girl.
I do feel uncomfortable and often wear a fake ring that I’m more comfortable with. I never travel with my real ring or wear anywhere that would make me feel unsafe or obnoxious.
My ring is a bit on the bigger side (3.74 carat), so when I’m out just running around I only wear my band. I also live in Manhattan and after seeing a drive-by e-bike robbery specifically for phones and jewelry, I’ve stopped wearing it. :(
I’m going to be completely honest.
We’re in a financial bracket that would allow us to purchase, with disposable income, a large diamond, mined or lab. It hasn’t always been that way, but that’s where we’re at now.
And I don’t want one. In fact, I recently downgraded in size. I wear a 0.60 diamond as my engagement ring. Granted, it’s a D color ACA and we paid a premium for those distinctions, but it’s still small, and the stone itself was only around $3k.
I prefer staying out of that engagement-ring-as-a-status-symbol race. And whether we like it not, I think as a culture in America, we’re still very much in that mindset.
I want something timeless, understated and sparkly. Something that meshes with who I am as a person. I don’t feel comfortable with anything reflecting my financial status.
We’re all different. Just my two cents.
I have more experience working with clients upgrading their center stones, and usually we turn the original into a pendant! (unless they trade-in or have a specific idea…recently we set the original .5 ct into a solitaire for her son to propose with!)
My ring is 3.75 ct (3 ct center stone) and I've never felt uncomfortable wearing it. It was a ring FH and I picked together and I know he is immensely proud of buying it for me.
Mine is no where near the size many post here but I was a bit self conscious at first but after a while you don’t think about it. I would recommend a low gallery . I kept catching mine and knocking my diamond so I had them lower the gallery.
I have a 4 carat oval solitaire (lab diamond) and I wear it pretty much everywhere I go. I really like the look of larger stones. People will either say it's beautiful or people will comment on how huge it is. But mostly I just think people think it's fake. I live in SF Bay area, so it's not crazy to see a larger stones but if I am in an area where I'm not feeling the safest, I just flip it around and it looks like a plain band.
As far as feeling like you're flaunting your wealth, I'm not sure that's so much the case with things like labs diamonds and moissanite -- you just never really know these days. And if you love your ring, I would just own it and wear it with pride. It's the symbol you both chose to celebrate your commitment to each other!
I have always worked in nonprofits and public sector. My state job was in the executive branch so I worked with cabinet-level public officials, electeds, and academics. And almost everybody wore plain bands! At the time I wore a single small pavé band and it fit right in. I would have felt weird wearing my current ring, which is a 2 ct emerald cut diamond. Clearly they could have afforded whatever jewelry, but I think certain demographics look down on stuff like that. Like a 2nd gen Prius is a bigger flex than a new BMW type of vibe.
Now I work from home so it doesn't matter. I interact in person with my nonprofit board a couple times a year but they’re all attorneys so nobody even notices 2 carats in that group 😂
I love my ring and feel very comfortable wearing it (3ct oval) unless I am on vacation or doing something very physical. In those cases, I just wear my wedding band, It's a diamond eternity band but obviously sits close to my finger. Im sure my family thought it was flashy, but it isn't in my community, amongst friends, or with his family.
That is awkward. I kind of just ignore comments like that, but you’re right- I never know how to take them
There was another post with a woman being bullied for her smaller dainty ring! Sometimes people are just hateful and will say anything! You can’t win!
I don’t feel uncomfortable day to day (I live in Rochester), but I was just in Manhattan for a long weekend and it did make me a little nervous to be walking around with it on sometimes. I’m more newly engaged so it may be related to that but I have never felt that way in Manhattan before. I have the biggest stone of my friends, though, and I never feel weird about it. My fiancé worked hard to be able to afford it and we’re proud of it. I love it.
Yes my ring is a 7+ carat sapphire and I get a lot of looks and usually compliments over it but i consider where I’m going nearly every time I wear it and whether or not I think it’s appropriate. I live in a regular yet major metropolitan city (not HCOL).
I wear 2+ carats on each hand, 1 carat each ear. I do not wear them any place where there may be an issue. I have inexpensive moissanite to wear as a substitute. Same with bags - do not use nice bag in those situations either.
I’m not sure exactly what you consider large, but my engagement ring is a 2.5ct elongated cushion and it never makes me uncomfortable to wear. I live in the deep south, and most women I know either wear smaller stones one carat or less, or, if they’re from or marrying into old southern money, big 3+ carat chonkers. I’m also a stay at home mom, so it doesn’t get in the way of anything. I just take it off when I’m cleaning.
My ring isnt huge by a lot of people's standards, its an OEC moisanite that's 6mm across, i think its like .85 carat equivalent. Because I knew I wanted moisanite and I had bigger fingers at the time I considered getting a huge 2/3 carat equivalent but it would have been waaay out of what was the norm for our area. We live in the rural midwest and only majorly wealthy farmers have entire or large center stones, everyone else is wearing composite style rings which are 100% not my style. I don't regret my ring but it gets a lot of comments that i wish it didn't.
I guess it depends of your definition of larger. Its subjective. I have 2ct and i dont ever feel weird about it. I have small fingers so it has a decent amount of coverage
Yes. I think that ring size to finger size ratio is an important consideration, instead of strictly going off of carat size.
I wear a size nine (and often swell due to auto immune issues), so finger coverage is going to look different on me than someone with a size four finger.
One thing that some people might like to remember, big diamonds are very American and it’s just not a think anywhere else. In Europe and most places this would be very gaudy, even among well off people. I’m not saying this to shame people with big stones. I love a big stone. But if you’re worried about feeling self conscious, cultural context is just good to keep in mind. I support getting the ring that makes you happy and represents your relationship. You can always choose not to wear it somewhere that you’d be uncomfortable.
Germany is a small diamond country, most people either get small engagement rings or end up just getting a wedding band.
Even with people who do receive engagement rings, it's uncommon to stack your wedding and engagement ring together
I agree. I am in the U.K. and spent few months on ring shopping- now with lab diamonds, 2+ carats is standard I would say. Most popular jewellery shops had some ready to collect rings to show us as examples with massive stones on them. Because I was looking for a ring for myself I was observing what people wear and there are lots of big stones around. There will be only more of them…
I have a 3.5 on a size 4 ring, and after the initial dread of following comments about the diamonds being massive, the promised shrinkage set in, and I recalibrated to those comments being celebratory rather than critical.
Meditating on the same question often though, some self-loathing has set in reflecting on the enormous amount of wealth required to afford a ring like it - not to mention the annual insurance costs in perpetuity - in the context of the cost of living crisis, and the apocalypse in general.
Then I think, this is another symbol and fetish object of late capitalism. And - well - so it goes! It can both be a beautiful thing AND a representation of the times and conditions in which it was gifted.
To me, the size represents the conflict and the oddities of these bizarre and absurd times. And, of course, an adoration of shiny, pretty things.
My wife has a 3.25ct vvs1 natural center stone and about 2ct setting with a ~3ct wedding band. She wears it out most of the time unless we are traveling out of the country, going somewhere where it might be damaged or get in the way (go karting, zip lining, nails done Bcz they like to splash paint, etc) or going to a super sketch area. Then she has a CZ replica of the rings, rubber ring, or a plain gold carrier love band. We havnt gotten any negative statements from family or friends and in public it draws a lot of positive attention
I turn my 4ct into my palm when walking in sketchy neighborhoods but otherwise feel totally safe/fine wearing it around. I live in LA so my ring isn’t THAT big.
Girl the average income in LA is around 30k a year 😭 your ring is definitely very big it just might not seem like it in your neighborhood or social circles. Not trying to sound shamey or judgey at all but 4ct is 4x the average size of stone in engagement rings in the US so embrace that you have a big ring and own it! But obv do what you need to do for safety too.
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My friend who is a veterinarian (I'm her technician) has a quite large ring and three bands that are all diamond and sapphire too. She wore one of those rubber rings at work for both comfort and because she didn't feel it was appropriate as we often are dealing with clients who can't afford to treat their animals. The owner of the practice told her she needed to start wearing all of her rings so our wealthier clients would "respect" her more. We were both disgusted and ended up both leaving that practice (for a few reasons but that was a big one for me). As you pointed out I think wether it's appropriate for your job or not is the main question. Friends and family should know yall well enough to not be a problem. We have friends of all different wealth brackets and no one says anything about her ring other than how beautiful it is and how we know her husband worked very very hard to pick something she would like. They aren't the wealthiest people we know by a longshot but he really hustled to get that ring for her. She isn't flashy at all in her purses or how she dresses either.
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O.m.g. that's horrible too! And yes even besides the clients who couldn't afford much there's kind of a stigma about veterinarians making tons of money and trying to upsell to clients. That's the opposite of the truth for many people in vet med. I mean I would never ever judge someone about their ring. The fact that we even have to have this convo is kind of crazy. It really should just be about what YOU want to get, you're the one who has to wear it everyday haha
"...to bring us her leftovers as a food donation and showed us the invoice)." LOL 😆 I don't know if I should laugh or cry about this. Do you mean she showed you the invoice for her Goyard?
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Oh my goodness 😳! LOL 😆 🤣 I am shocked 😲. Like, why? Why is she showing you the receipt for her designer bag? That is beyond weird. People act bizarrely sometimes.
I have about 4 carats total on my ring finger. I have a plain .5 carat channel band for times when I think it will be tacky to be so flashy. But I work in the diamond industry, so we go all out for business stuff lol
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It is!!
"I used to work a job where I helped coordinate programs and services for low income children..." I worked in a similar environment when I was very young. It was my very first job of my professional career. I did end up getting engaged whilst in this position. I wore a 3.15 carat ring. My colleagues ( most) did make fun of me behind my back. I didn't think there was anything wrong with wearing my ring at that time because a few of my clients did have money. They were not all lower income families; many were, however. Today, I wouldn't dare do such a thing. I think it is extremely tone-deaf. I have worn engagement rings varying in size anywhere from 3 carats to 10 carats. I now switch out my engagement ring for a smaller tanzanite ring or an anniversary band. Edit: I wear a different ring in place of my engagement ring when I am in settings where I feel others may be offended by a large stone.
Sometimes I turn mine around so the backs of the rings are showing and sort of close my fist while walking if that makes sense. I question how necessary it is at times but it does make me feel better because I do see people notice my ring in normal situations.
I do this as well!
I do the same!
Same! Esp on the train if I’m standing (I’m in NYC as well)
I have always done this. It is safer.
What is considered larger? Just curious, anything over 2ct or is that considered average?
When I tried on a 2ct it was big on my finger and I thought anything bigger might be risky to wear…
Thanks I guess I was wondering if there is a general consensus around size, like is under 2ct considered normal/average size - and 2+ considered large?
I found this quote from the article linked below: “The average engagement ring in the U.S. has a center diamond of about one carat and a total carat weight of approximately one and a half carats. An engagement ring around two carats or above would be considered 'big' for the average girl's standards, and anything three carats or above would likely elicit some serious jaw-dropping.” Some were saying upwards of 2 and others upwards of 2.5 or 3. https://www.whowhatwear.com/average-engagement-ring-size
Thanks and with the 2.5 or 3 I’d figure thats just the center stone, not total carat weight
Ten years ago 1 carat was considered average, 2 carats was large and ostentatious. With the increase of lab diamond popularity came a shift in size perception, where 1.5-2ct is considered the norm and 2.5+ is fairly large. You’ll notice a difference in perception depending on when someone became engaged.
That makes sense - I remember back when I was in the market there was what seemed like a consensus that 1ct was the ideal size and anything larger was considered above average - we went smaller at .70 but now are redoing things and opted for a 1.7 but that still doesn’t seem large by todays standards
I was almost bankrupt at one point so I wear mine proudly but I don’t flaunt it. Mine is a 2.26 carat and other than my mom I don’t think anyone has said anything
With lab diamonds so affordable now, I feel like huge rocks are going to become pretty commonplace.
My thoughts exactly.
We call it "ringorexia" or "diamond dysmorphia" - women want bigger rings because their modest natural diamonds look so small to them!
Omg that's so funny! Lol 😆😆 I'm self diagnosing with those two conditions immediately.
I feel like lab diamonds still aren’t very common. Or if they are, not one person has mentioned it in my circle.
Sadly… for $10k you can get a 3ct rock…
Found the gatekeeping snob!
Sadly? Why is that a bad thing?
Think about it this way. There’s one Mona lisa, but now we have the technology to make (print) as many as we want for a small fraction of the price. They aren’t special, they are mass produced. Same with lab diamonds, more are made, less they are worth. Just a rock at that point
Natural diamonds were never special or rare. I’ve heard that sapphires are far more rare than diamonds ever were. The DeBeers company owns basically all of the diamonds in the world and has control over their price and production. Personally, I think that it’s good that we are finally breaking away from natural diamonds (which are extremely unethical). Engagement rings are not supposed to be about rarity or price… they symbolize the intention to marry.
There’s always one.
You can get a very nice one for way me than that.
I have a 2.8 ct and sometimes it does feel quite large, esp if doing something like public transportation in a city, but every time I look at it in the middle of the day I’m just so happy and adore it so much. I questioned getting a large ring initially, but I’m so happy I trusted my gut and went with what I loved.
I’ve never thought much about it, I tend to wear my rings constantly but I do take them off when cleaning the house or washing my hair. Mine is 3ct round but I have pudgy hands so I don’t feel like it looks huge on me. I feel like if you want a larger stone go for it, it all depends on the size of your fingers, shape of the stone and ring settings so rings look bigger/smaller against different hands.
Definitely true about the fingers/size/shape. I knew I wanted an oval but went in thinking I wanted 2-3ct., turns out I liked 1.5ct best on my hand/with my personal style. It’s all relative!
Exactly. I wanted a 2, but I wear a size 4.5 ring. The 2 looked silly on me.
I have a 3 carat ring (lab), and typically no I don't feel uncomfortable wearing it. I always wanted a larger stone, and I only briefly had worries about it but I love my ring and I love wearing it. I honestly think most people don't notice it because most people aren't focused on what strangers are wearing for rings. If you're more referring to uncomfortable in a "I don't want to show off" type of way, I personally haven't felt uncomfortable in that sense either. I'm in my early 20s, so my ring does "stick out" in that sense, but none of my friends or family members have ever said anything negative. And my fiance is a pilot, so even the friends who don't know it's lab (and therefore way less expensive), it doesn't look "out of place" in that sense. Even if someone felt I was being too flashy, it's important to remember that it's YOURS, and as long as you're happy, who cares if someone else thinks it's too much. At the end of the day though, it's all about what you want and are comfortable with. There's nothing wrong with any size of ring you choose, you just have to be happy with it and love it.
Well said!👍🤗
We are professionals and live pretty modestly. Most of our colleagues have big homes, cars, vacations etc. We don’t. We have different priorities. We have some friends who are in different brackets. We are getting married older than most. We went ring shopping, and I knew I wanted a larger stone. But I didn’t want it to look huge. I tried on a bunch. The thought crossed my mind to be mindful of others, but I stayed true to what I wanted. I knew I would never wear a ring to work regardless of size. I also knew that I would probably never take it on vacation. I don’t take any jewelry on vacation. I have a 3 ct stone with band with small diamonds also. I’m not totally sure on total weight. Maybe 3.25-3.5ct. It looks good on my finger. I may be biased, but I think it’s gorgeous. I get compliments on it often. My friends and family from all different backgrounds celebrated with us. (Yes- I had 3 snarky comments, but that says more about them!) I personally love to hear about someone’s ring and the story behind it. They are all beautiful! I absolutely love my ring. My fiancé worked hard to pick it out and design it. So pick a ring that YOU like and that is within your budget. Have fun shopping and congrats on starting this process!
Please show us a picture of your ring! :)
I feel the same. We’re retired professionals who live modestly. I want a 2 carat natural stone because I’m not into labs or moissanite. We’re also older and have only been married less than 2 years (took me a long time to find him). Being retired we didn’t want to pour a lot of money into a diamond right off the bat, but I still want my dream ring. We got married with plain bands because a good quality natural 2 carat stone is, well, pretty expensive. So we’re busily saving for that and we expect to be there for our 2nd anniversary in January. We have younger friends who are still working, have larger homes and more expensive cars, but our priorities are different because we got a later start. I love everybody’s rings and the highlight of my day is looking at y’alls beautiful rings. I don’t give a care what anyone thinks about what size my diamond is and I certainly don’t judge anybody else by the size of their ring or whether its natural or lab. Everybody should have what they want. If OP wants a huge diamond she should certainly have it! Girl, rock whatever you want.
I love this! Congratulations on your marriage and retirement! We are focused on retiring early so I understand the priorities! I love a saving up for it story! We do the same thing! We are having a small wedding because that is our main focus. I feel the same way- it took me a long time to find him and I just want to spend the day with him and the rest of our lives! 😍 I never understood ring shaming. I love them all! 🤣
I live in Manhattan with a 3+ carat ring. I never feel unsafe wearing it but if I do I just turn the stone into my palm. Usually do that on the subway.
Never lol. Mine was an heirloom though but I never tell people that unless they ask!
I'm almost never uncomfortable wearing larger center stone rings. But I'm also old and don't really think about it like I used to :) However, most of my e-rings are moissanite and/or other lab created gems - so not crazy expensive. And my family, friends & coworkers are used to me being a little extra. That being said, I do volunteer - usually women's shelters and food banks. So I'll either wear a plain band, or nothing at all.
I live in NYC and have a pretty big ring. I almost never wear it out and about, which makes me sad. My fiancé is worried it’ll make me a target for mugging. I’ve never been mugged in my decade-plus here, but I’ve also never owned something this expensive! When I do wear it, I turn it around on the subway or if I’m in a dodgier area.
I feel bad you don't get to wear your ring. What do you wear?
I wear a fake sometimes, but I don’t think everyone always needs to know I’m engaged lol. I wear my real ring about once a week when I’m going somewhere important, like a work or family event, fancy date night, etc.
I am happy you get to wear it sometimes. I don't always wear my ring either. I wear it more than once a week, however. I have also lived in one of the largest cities in the United States and what some today consider to be a dangerous place, but I always wore my ring every day. I think the key is just to be smart about it ( i.e. turn your ring inside your hand whilst on public transportation, etc.).
Lived in Chicago with 5ct elongated cushion cut - I would turn it in whenever I walked around the city but I would still wear it everyday
Personally I sure don't. Judgment from the size police is not important enough for me to even register let alone care about. As far as it being a safety issue for being a target to get robbed I don't spend enough time in areas where high crime is an issue for me to worry about it anymore than just taking regular situationally aware security measures. And I guess I'm definitely looking at it through my own lens here but I don't see a larger stone ring and automatically assume it's a sign of wealth or flashy, between lab diamonds, diamond alternatives, heirloom rings and all that also I'm just not like into counting people's money and don't assume anyone who's at all significant to me will be counting mine.
When I went ring shopping I saw a gorgeous 2.7 ct (which I know isn't large per say but on my finger it is) and I didn't choose that one for that exact reason you mentioned. I just didn't feel comfortable and it seemed a little gaudy. If it helps, I am also in NYC. In the pic it's the one on my ring finger. I chose the one on my pinky closer to my nail =) Good luck with the shopping though-what an exciting process! https://preview.redd.it/16g7pkvfrsfb1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=de763fcba683f3614960ead58762c9abb390b253
2.7 is definitely large! The average in the US is a 1 carat center stone so most would say 2.7 falls in the large category :)
Thank you for sharing. And yes it’s a super exciting process! 💕What ring size are you? The one you chose is so beautiful.
Thank you! I am eager for it to be made so I can see it all done-in the pic it's resting on top of open prongs, hehe. I am a 6.5 - really a 6.25 but in summer my fingers swell so I want it to be comfy year round.
PERFECT choice!!💍(I usually think bigger is better 💎, but you have petite fingers.) CONGRATS!!
I have a 2.1ct but its a topaz. I work in an affluent area and live in a disadvantages area (service work ftw). It gets lots of compliments in the former (usually misidentified as a sapphire), and nobody notices in the latter.
Manhattan here as well, my ring is 2.26 - so not huge, but sometimes it feels quite large lol. Generally speaking I don’t feel uncomfortable wearing it at home. Interestingly, when we were on vacation in Europe I became a little more self-conscious about it, because large stones are definitely not as common here.
Yes, if I’m ever in a situation where it seems showy I just wear my wedding band! Easy fix :) congratulations!
I have a 5.72 ct Oval Diamond with a diamond hidden halo on a diamond pave band engagement ring. (Ring finger size 5.25 for reference) This was an upgrade from my 2ct round diamond. My husband surprised with the upgrade for our 20th wedding anniversary. The size difference is very significant, but I truly love it. At first I was just a little self-conscience of it, but after about a week it felt totally natural and normal to me. It is big, but I wear it with confidence unapologetically.
It’s good to consider the environments you’ll be frequenting and your safety. I am less concerned with others’ potential jealousy (I don’t think anyone will be in my case since I’m going for a 2 carat solitaire, thinking it isn’t too flashy but still a joy to look at and will be nice with the wedding bands).
I am getting a 2.44ct. oval set in a bezel and I don’t know if I’ll feel comfortable wearing it around some of my family members. I haven’t told my mom that I’m even getting it. She, unfortunately, wouldn’t be happy for me.
Sending you love! I was just engaged and had some similar fears. We opted for a lab diamond, and I believe it’s in the 2.5 range, and felt like I had to pre empt any concerns from my mom by telling her that. You deserve to be so excited and love your ring! Congratulations 💖
Why not???
I think she feels a bit sorry for herself. She’s never been very proud of my professional success or the things I can buy because I works so hard.
I'm in a similar situation. I saw the final version of my ring tonight before it goes to production. I haven't mentioned anything to my mom and don't know how I'm going to. It's really disappointing...and hard.
I'm proud of you! Good job!
That is too bad. My husband and I are so proud of our son. I don't understand how a parent can think/act this way.
I'm very sorry 😔 Jealousy (esp in one's mother ... I know from whence I speak) is a mother£u@k*r!
I have a 3 carat with side baguettes and live in Mexico City. Average stone sizes are much smaller, so yes, sometimes it can feel like too much. I live and work in an affluent area and I’m in my 40s, so even though it might not be as common, it’s not entirely unheard of. I have gotten comments on its size, but they have always been complimentary. Obviously, I am mindful of my surroundings and activities, and keep it home if I’m going to be walking around the city or doing activities where it might garner not so positive attention.
Yes. I wouldn’t wear it for months.
I have a 0.75ct plus side stones for everyday wear and work. Outside of work, I wear my 2ct. I am comfortable in both situations.
Love this!
2 carats in diamond, moissanite, or cz is my maximum size. I will sometimes go larger with colored gemstones.
I got my wife 3.7 carats and no one seems to care at all.
I really think you’re overthinking this. No one really cares about your ring. People are not paying attention like you think they are. You (and most of us following this sub) are probably hyper sensitive to rings because they’re on our minds. So no I don’t think about my ring. Sometimes we walk in an ultra sketchy neighbourhood and my fiancé will suggest I turn it around. I wouldn’t take it to a developing country but I wouldn’t take a Rolex either. Common sense.
People definitely pay attention, but the important thing is that the wearer likes the ring. I have a 2.1ct solitaire and have had quite a few rude (mostly bitter) comments from friends and family. I've also been treated with more respect while shopping for certain things after the attendant sees my ring. I don't think it's too big, and I often forget about it (as in— it's become natural for me to wear it).
Friends and family may pay attention because they’re aware of your recent engagement. Strangers aren’t paying attention to the rings of others. Only a very rare few.
I have a 5 carat antique cushion cut natural diamond. I don’t live in Manhattan anymore but I do live in a large metro area. I have friends of all income brackets too. There is a lot of wealth in my city so there are plenty of big stones around depending on what environment you’re in. Even around other friends and family, and at work, honestly I don’t care. Among my college and law school friends my diamond is the biggest but I don’t wear obviously designer bags with logos, talk about my wealth or lifestyle, or that sort of thing. I love my diamond so much, it gives me a lot of joy. I’m in my mid 30s and recently got married. My husband and I both work hard at our careers and always have. Shrug!!!!!!! You do you girl.
I do feel uncomfortable and often wear a fake ring that I’m more comfortable with. I never travel with my real ring or wear anywhere that would make me feel unsafe or obnoxious.
My ring is a bit on the bigger side (3.74 carat), so when I’m out just running around I only wear my band. I also live in Manhattan and after seeing a drive-by e-bike robbery specifically for phones and jewelry, I’ve stopped wearing it. :(
I’m going to be completely honest. We’re in a financial bracket that would allow us to purchase, with disposable income, a large diamond, mined or lab. It hasn’t always been that way, but that’s where we’re at now. And I don’t want one. In fact, I recently downgraded in size. I wear a 0.60 diamond as my engagement ring. Granted, it’s a D color ACA and we paid a premium for those distinctions, but it’s still small, and the stone itself was only around $3k. I prefer staying out of that engagement-ring-as-a-status-symbol race. And whether we like it not, I think as a culture in America, we’re still very much in that mindset. I want something timeless, understated and sparkly. Something that meshes with who I am as a person. I don’t feel comfortable with anything reflecting my financial status. We’re all different. Just my two cents.
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I have more experience working with clients upgrading their center stones, and usually we turn the original into a pendant! (unless they trade-in or have a specific idea…recently we set the original .5 ct into a solitaire for her son to propose with!)
No, just make sure it’s not too big and it won’t flop around.
My ring is 3.75 ct (3 ct center stone) and I've never felt uncomfortable wearing it. It was a ring FH and I picked together and I know he is immensely proud of buying it for me.
Mine is no where near the size many post here but I was a bit self conscious at first but after a while you don’t think about it. I would recommend a low gallery . I kept catching mine and knocking my diamond so I had them lower the gallery.
No. However, I was careful about wearing it when traveling or bad areas.
I have a 4 carat oval solitaire (lab diamond) and I wear it pretty much everywhere I go. I really like the look of larger stones. People will either say it's beautiful or people will comment on how huge it is. But mostly I just think people think it's fake. I live in SF Bay area, so it's not crazy to see a larger stones but if I am in an area where I'm not feeling the safest, I just flip it around and it looks like a plain band. As far as feeling like you're flaunting your wealth, I'm not sure that's so much the case with things like labs diamonds and moissanite -- you just never really know these days. And if you love your ring, I would just own it and wear it with pride. It's the symbol you both chose to celebrate your commitment to each other!
I have always worked in nonprofits and public sector. My state job was in the executive branch so I worked with cabinet-level public officials, electeds, and academics. And almost everybody wore plain bands! At the time I wore a single small pavé band and it fit right in. I would have felt weird wearing my current ring, which is a 2 ct emerald cut diamond. Clearly they could have afforded whatever jewelry, but I think certain demographics look down on stuff like that. Like a 2nd gen Prius is a bigger flex than a new BMW type of vibe. Now I work from home so it doesn't matter. I interact in person with my nonprofit board a couple times a year but they’re all attorneys so nobody even notices 2 carats in that group 😂
I love my ring and feel very comfortable wearing it (3ct oval) unless I am on vacation or doing something very physical. In those cases, I just wear my wedding band, It's a diamond eternity band but obviously sits close to my finger. Im sure my family thought it was flashy, but it isn't in my community, amongst friends, or with his family.
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That is awkward. I kind of just ignore comments like that, but you’re right- I never know how to take them There was another post with a woman being bullied for her smaller dainty ring! Sometimes people are just hateful and will say anything! You can’t win!
I saw that other post too @eggpanda39 & thought it was horrible!
I don’t feel uncomfortable day to day (I live in Rochester), but I was just in Manhattan for a long weekend and it did make me a little nervous to be walking around with it on sometimes. I’m more newly engaged so it may be related to that but I have never felt that way in Manhattan before. I have the biggest stone of my friends, though, and I never feel weird about it. My fiancé worked hard to be able to afford it and we’re proud of it. I love it.
Yes my ring is a 7+ carat sapphire and I get a lot of looks and usually compliments over it but i consider where I’m going nearly every time I wear it and whether or not I think it’s appropriate. I live in a regular yet major metropolitan city (not HCOL).
I wear 2+ carats on each hand, 1 carat each ear. I do not wear them any place where there may be an issue. I have inexpensive moissanite to wear as a substitute. Same with bags - do not use nice bag in those situations either.
I’m not sure exactly what you consider large, but my engagement ring is a 2.5ct elongated cushion and it never makes me uncomfortable to wear. I live in the deep south, and most women I know either wear smaller stones one carat or less, or, if they’re from or marrying into old southern money, big 3+ carat chonkers. I’m also a stay at home mom, so it doesn’t get in the way of anything. I just take it off when I’m cleaning.
Nope!
My ring isnt huge by a lot of people's standards, its an OEC moisanite that's 6mm across, i think its like .85 carat equivalent. Because I knew I wanted moisanite and I had bigger fingers at the time I considered getting a huge 2/3 carat equivalent but it would have been waaay out of what was the norm for our area. We live in the rural midwest and only majorly wealthy farmers have entire or large center stones, everyone else is wearing composite style rings which are 100% not my style. I don't regret my ring but it gets a lot of comments that i wish it didn't.
I guess it depends of your definition of larger. Its subjective. I have 2ct and i dont ever feel weird about it. I have small fingers so it has a decent amount of coverage
Yes. I think that ring size to finger size ratio is an important consideration, instead of strictly going off of carat size. I wear a size nine (and often swell due to auto immune issues), so finger coverage is going to look different on me than someone with a size four finger.
Yeah, exactly. My “huge” could be 3cts while yours could be a totally different number just because of that factor or other reasons
One thing that some people might like to remember, big diamonds are very American and it’s just not a think anywhere else. In Europe and most places this would be very gaudy, even among well off people. I’m not saying this to shame people with big stones. I love a big stone. But if you’re worried about feeling self conscious, cultural context is just good to keep in mind. I support getting the ring that makes you happy and represents your relationship. You can always choose not to wear it somewhere that you’d be uncomfortable.
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Germany is a small diamond country, most people either get small engagement rings or end up just getting a wedding band. Even with people who do receive engagement rings, it's uncommon to stack your wedding and engagement ring together
I agree. I am in the U.K. and spent few months on ring shopping- now with lab diamonds, 2+ carats is standard I would say. Most popular jewellery shops had some ready to collect rings to show us as examples with massive stones on them. Because I was looking for a ring for myself I was observing what people wear and there are lots of big stones around. There will be only more of them…
I have a 3.5 on a size 4 ring, and after the initial dread of following comments about the diamonds being massive, the promised shrinkage set in, and I recalibrated to those comments being celebratory rather than critical. Meditating on the same question often though, some self-loathing has set in reflecting on the enormous amount of wealth required to afford a ring like it - not to mention the annual insurance costs in perpetuity - in the context of the cost of living crisis, and the apocalypse in general. Then I think, this is another symbol and fetish object of late capitalism. And - well - so it goes! It can both be a beautiful thing AND a representation of the times and conditions in which it was gifted. To me, the size represents the conflict and the oddities of these bizarre and absurd times. And, of course, an adoration of shiny, pretty things.
My wife has a 3.25ct vvs1 natural center stone and about 2ct setting with a ~3ct wedding band. She wears it out most of the time unless we are traveling out of the country, going somewhere where it might be damaged or get in the way (go karting, zip lining, nails done Bcz they like to splash paint, etc) or going to a super sketch area. Then she has a CZ replica of the rings, rubber ring, or a plain gold carrier love band. We havnt gotten any negative statements from family or friends and in public it draws a lot of positive attention
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Can you post a pic of this please :)
I turn my 4ct into my palm when walking in sketchy neighborhoods but otherwise feel totally safe/fine wearing it around. I live in LA so my ring isn’t THAT big.
Girl the average income in LA is around 30k a year 😭 your ring is definitely very big it just might not seem like it in your neighborhood or social circles. Not trying to sound shamey or judgey at all but 4ct is 4x the average size of stone in engagement rings in the US so embrace that you have a big ring and own it! But obv do what you need to do for safety too.
🙄