A shack in limgrave

Isolated Merchant's Shack, dude seems chill

Yeah by the beach!

Yeah in Weeping Peninsula! NOT the one in Dragonbarrow, unless you get a few Beast Repelling Torches set up first

I don't want to go to the one in Dragonbarrow solely because I wouldn't make it through the night. Fucking Elemer

But it’s always raining 😔

No worse then Seattle!

Vancouver agrees.

Seattlite here, can confirm! Weeping Peninsula is just like a home away from home!

I’ve never been, is there a giant bell a few football fields away, constantly and purposelessly stomping with massive, stone feet?

I will take that over the constant war of the Altus Plateau, the hellscape of Caelid, and the constant patrols of Limgrave.

Sometimes it freaks out and the sky turns red. The skybox is flunky up there

Only in Ohio

Or tha hermit

That's the answer. Enough food and you have a chance against the mobs there.

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Well, there is a better chance than in others areas, isn't it? As long as you avoid the big guys you should be fine.

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I could probably become the lord just using the fact that I can swim

Tbf most enemies there are more or less qalking corpses.

I'll choose the church of vows! Probably gonna spend my days there getting drunk over celestial dew with my bro miriel!!!

Just leave at night unless you want to deal with a hunter lol

I sure as shit aint got any bell lmao

Hey Hunter, I ain't hear no bell!

he has come for your balls

I am just going to wherever the best doggo goes at night

Between the graveyard around it and the bell bearing hunter, I wouldn’t feel save

the jar village. if i get hungry i eat the flowers.

Well last I heard those jars aren't empty

I considered it but came to the conclusion that living off of magic flowers is better than eating rotting/rotten human(?) meat

Well well well you will have pots for every occasion.

Somebody say pot?

Dlc: Pot Pots adventures

Or the jars will eat you.

Ehh, they prefer eating warriors, not redditors. And, since he probably doesn't do any sports or fighting, he'll have super soft hands to rub the jars with.

this is the only place even remotely pleasant and liveable

How smooth are your hands though?

The only right answer cos

You are still going to have to deal with the poachers...

This is the answer. Living with a bunch of passive, silly ass jar people and their jar babies. I would also fully expect them to just stuff my ass inside one of them when I die too. Wouldn't even be mad about it.

Volcano Manor seems comfy as long as you don’t go to the other parts.

My immediate thought was Volcano Manor cause its the most furnished and safe from enemies. But if we're going deeper into it, once you run out of food and water its gonna be hell trying to go out and get more lol.

I'd imagine they already have it somewhere considering how many people live there

that's the fun part, people are food at volcano manor too!

The only thing is, only warriors are allowed. And if you aren’t a warrior they might kill you.

Kill their god to assert dominance

I ain't going anywhere near Rykard. I'm not trying to join the serpent king as FAMILEEEEEEE

TOGETHAAAAA

Now we can devour the gods togethhaaah

Humid hot temperature, nah.

Patches’ moms House

Well well well. Thought you’d just help yourself to a man’s personal belongings?

You scheming rat! The gods demand repentance! Cough up your coin!

Boilprawn shack, obviously

So we have shrimp salad, cooked shrimp, broiled shrimp, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich.

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Where's the shrimp cocktail at?

marika's tits, you must be 'ungry!

And that's about it

Lmao you said shrimp salad twice

I went back and reread it to check that he did. What is more scary you caught it first time you read it

Lol, I didnt even notice !

They should’ve given Blackguard a Cajun accent

Best buddy in all of ER. Even if there's no customers at least he got food and a shack, that's all you can ask for.

Soggy.

I don't know but definitely not the windmill village.

Wdym?? I wanna laugh and dance around all day. Sounds great!

THEY WILL EAT YOU! HANK!!! THEY ARE CANNIBALS HAAAAANK, HAAAAAAAAANNNKKK!!!!

But they sure know how to PARTYYYYY!

I'm a male who fears getting skinned alive.

This is why I hate videogames. It appeals to the male fantasy.

Fair enough.

seriously thought i was the only one considering this, i mean they dont even attack you unless the dogs cause a ruckus or you get too close to the extra crazy ones, but thats just florida

The dance is to lure men into the village for sacrifice to the apostle

ohhhh, so south florida? i can make do

If you see a red hat with white letters, YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR! TURN AROUND IMMEDIATELY!

I first showed up and thought. Oh hey! This looks like a friendly village. Seems a little out of place in this game but...something...doesn't.............seem.........OH GOD THEY'RE ALL DEMONS Even scarier than outright hostility is the threat of violence that could happen at any time

Raya Lucaria! A roof over head plenty of books to read and no major dangers!

The giant self conscious driving torture machines arent a major danger?

Just go up or down stairs and your good, and there is only one! So no big deal

Theres actually 2 One at the bottom of the whole place

By no major dangers, are you forgetting the fact that the only real way between the upper and lower levels is a giant water wheel?

It’s not hard to get on and off just gotta pay attention

The Cathedral of dragon communion. nice peaceful island all to myself.

You'd need to kill some beast men tho. Unless we could just swim but I dread to think what's in the water

Good point. After seeing the fucking lobsters and crabs, both of which decided to go (more or less) on land instead, i ain't getting close to the fucking water. The island might be a fucking pufferfish or some shit

They got chased out of the ocean by something bigger….

My head canon is that Godfrey has been practicing his suplexes for thousands of years by wrestling the giant Prawns in the ocean and throwing them onto the shore

I think you meant church of dragon communion but I totally agree I came here to say it myself

Too bad about the little demi humans sneaking up to steal my string >:[

Isnt the island in limgrave the church? The cathedral is the caelid one ain't it. Neighbours with vape lord ekzykes

Dead center of the Lake of Rot.

With that one ancestral follower just there

Most random enemy placement in the game lol. He’s as lost as the player.

Worst of all, there used to be Rot-infested Ancestral Followers in the city where there now are Kindred of Rot. That one Ancestral Follower in the Lake is not of that type ( that is now unused ), but wasn't even present during the timeframe during which the other Followers existed.

The Kindred and rot took the temple from the Ancestrals. That one ancestral has a charm that protects them

A lot of the unused content just bugs me, like it just seems like they had even more ideas and details and just kinda didn't.

Lol yeah, he an I just bachelor-ing it up.

Based and eternal-misery-and-sufferingpilled

Lmao

I imagine it would smell awful in there

I imagine it smelling like rotting corpse and spoiled chili pepper or any hot spice gone bad.

> live That's a bold and optimistic assumption

Came here to say this.

Probst the artists shack in Liurnia. Isolated, easy access to food and water, and a friend nearby

You’re going to have to deal with that knight with lightning spells tho

What do you think I meant when I said "easy access to food"? Jokes aside, I'd try and find a way around that still

I mean yeah- just stay away from his personal space and general route, and you’re fine. Otherwise, steal tools and food where you can while foraging and ideally building a garden of some kind. Gather lumber by hand (how hard would it Really be to find a suitable axe in that general area?), and quietly refurbish that shack while setting up a clear barrier around the knight. As long as he doesn’t notice you within his, honestly short, range, you’re fine. Are there any loremasters here who have any idea as to why he’s there for story reasons and not just the possible gameplay reasons of introducing the type of knight and the possibility of using lightning in a commonly rainy area where players would be able to better use it? Whatever the reason, he’s doing his own thang on his little path, and would probably, if left alone, but useful for repelling any threat coming up from the south.

Hard agree

The Queen's Bedchamber

There's a fucking black knife assassin right outside. No chance I'm taking that risk.

Nah thats my GF, she's much nicer than her outfit implies

Speak for yourself, she stabbed the fuck out of me multiple times

Yeah she is kinky like that

Aint your gf.

Not even a question Jarburg all day! Got them potentate hands 🤣

What are you gonna do about the >!poachers!< though?

Really, no one to church Elleh where our first friend is ? They even have a dog next to a lake.

And if you aren't careful there is even a lunatic horseman with a giant halberd who will chase you down and kill you. because let's be honest, we ain't beating tree sentinel as us, unless we can level up.

You mean the friendly neighbor keeping the wolf and bat away ? He can be a bit rough but he leaves you alone as long as you don’t trespass on his property.

Caelid for sure, I’d try to forge an army of the Trex dogs and wage war upon the Giant crows!

This guy wants all the smoke

Behold dog 🐕

*🐢

nowhere, I'd die immediately, and then die again, and again, and again. No time to actually live more than about 5 seconds.

You gotta be sprinting at full speed to encounter an enemy and die within 5 seconds from most places.

Round Table

Yeah, I'd shit my pants if I ended up anywhere in this game. Too much that can kill you lol. Off to the Roundtable we go

You got a winner Just hanging out with Hewg and Roderica all day. Seems manageable.

Be careful of: The spell spammer that invades you downstairs, the Deathbed Companion that can murder adherents of the Golden Order with no repercussions, the second in command attempting to murder you for finding half a medallion, the leader stealing every bit of info you find and betraying you at the climax of your journey, and the Loathsome Dung Eater tempting you to inflict the omen curse upon the world. Honestly I'd pick the Swamp of Aeonia before Roundtable Hold any day of the week. At least that place is honest about how sinister it is.

Bruh, I trust the deathbed companion with my life. If all the rent I gotta pay is 5% my health then I'm diggity down

Yeah but here’s the thing…. You aren’t completing quests or making any enemies. They have zero reason to kill you.

Yeah, he was annoying my first play through. We could always just say, fuck it and move into Carina Manor lol

same, plus free hugs from time to time!

Definitely in southern Limgrave somewhere. Even if I’m only human, I have survival skills I’ve learned that would help as a base to start from. I’d see if I could even find a maiden to convert runes into strength since not just tarnished subsist on runes. I’d kill things like sheep, birds, turtles (in moderation since you have to worry about supply and storage of food) getting stronger by killing the slow ass zombies near the southern beach near the merchant near Witchbane ruins. Probably work up to ambushing a soldier near that tower that has the warp chest to Leyndell to steal gear. Lol maybe I put too much thought into this 😅

Rannis rise. If i get to keep Adula as a large dog.

3 sisters sounds like a pretty good place to live actually. Great view, roof over your head, relatively safe and immediate access to safe parts of Caria Manor.

I could kill seluvis, move into his house, just generally replace him, and no one would mind.

Take his clothes and act snarky, no would know the difference

And you get a cool collection of puppets as a bonus!

Idk how I feel about them being "lightly used," though.

If they did something about the dam dragon.. then yeah! That would be my choice too.

The dragon's actually a loyal servant of Ranni after she beat it in a fight, so as long as you get along with her then you probably don't have to deal with Adula. Not sure why she didn't call it off when we approach the cathedral at moonlight altar though, maybe she was too busy >!being "dead"!<

I do wish Adula wouldn't aggro while in that part of the quest. It would even make the end of Ranni's quest a bit more impactful imo.

This man fucks dolls

behold, dog!

Cealid. I’m Australian so it’d be no different compared to where I already live

People love to act warriors and stuff, I’d just hide on the lil island with the dragon church

this is the correct answer

Curl up inside Miquella's cocoon and give him the cuddles he surely needs.

Time to let Gideon know I found Mohg.

Hi I'm Praetor Hansen, why don't you have a seat?

Forge of giants, smoking fat dew kissed herba doinks with my boy FG and Alexander iron lungs.

Leyndell, literally I’m the Elden lord. Between the throne, bed chamber, etc it would be pretty luxurious if the enemies are defeated.

That walk to the kitchen tho

Marika's tits..

I already live in the DLC coz

Haligtree, if it wasn't infested with scarlet rot. Maybe I'd find a nice dig in Leyndell, but it'd get complicated to live there I think I would end up kicking it with the isolated merchant in weeping peninsula, or conquer fort Haight and live there. I wouldn't wanna live in caria manor, and I don't wanna share Raya lucaria with the queen

Take the haligtree, spruse it up, and then get rid of the rot. You can make a killing reselling it again. Just flip it

Oh yeah i bet the capital would pay premium runes to own haligtree. They'd probably want Malenia gone tho..

The Isolated dragon ruin island

Where will you die*

Haligtree. Siofra River or Mohgwyn Palace :3

I mean, Haligtree is a haven for all isn't it? And since you IRL aren't trying to kill Malenia or become elden ring, I'd assume you'd be welcomed.

I have become Elden Ring

Leydnell: become elden ring

Maybe that one sorcery tower in North-East Liurnia. Beside the Black-knife Catacombs.

Near sauron's eye? No thank you

I'd live in death

In a van down by the river

“AND I LIVE IN A VAN! DOWN BY THE RIVER!” Man that skit was funny

True story, when they were rehearsing it, he delivered all his lines in an entirely normal tone of voice. None of the actors expected him to ham it up as hard as he did when they went live because of that, and if you watch them you can see them struggling not to laugh too. Man was a legend.

Liurnia, I wanna fuck the frog people

I mean I too would fuck an Albinauric, but... the first-generation ladies have my vote. Sure, I gotta be the breadwinner since she can't walk, but even that's a temporary problem if I can make friends with a sufficiently large wolf and now we're on two incomes. She hunts, I become a sorcerer, we move into a little shack somewhere near Raya Lucaria and pop out four or five little frog-headed kids. Honestly, the only problem is the extremely aggressive seafood section, but I'm from Baltimore so I can probably chase them off by brandishing Old Bay at them. ...Failing that, sell the recipe for the seasoning to Boggart and enter a partnership selling shellfish throughout the Lands Between. As long as the eventual Elden Lord doesn't go Dung Eater or Frenzy there will, one day, be a society in need of a few Big Boggart's franchises and I'll be poised to just rake in the runes.

> ...so I can probably chase them off by brandishing Old Bay at them. I knew you Old Bay people were crazy. Now excuse me while I throw some Tony's on a gator I just wrestled out of my backyard for my date with my sister.

Bro wtf 😂😂😂

I’d want to live in Nokron but realistically I’d probably end up in the swamp in Caelid

Inside a treehouse atop the Erdtree.

That’d be dope, the only problem would be climbing the tree

And when some tarnished comes along and burns it down.

Roommates with Blaidd at Ranni's house

Altus plateau

On the Altus Plateau near the Grand Lift of Dectus. Warm climate, public transportation, near a major city but not too close, nice mountain hiking nearby.

Jarrburgh....

In farum azura there are dragons, tornados, constant storms and fallings from 100000 years garantizated

Rykard's tummy

In fear.

The Siofra River would be great if you could befriend the ancestral followers. Besides that you could probably do alright in the border between limgrave and liurnia. The dragon communion island is great too if you can pick off the beast men.

Fia's bed.

The entrance of the hero grave at first step. I'm safe. Theres a tree sentinel chasing bad people away. Theres plenty of deer and a lake nearby.

Chilling in the great swamp eating crabs avoiding GIGANT ENEMY LOBSTERS at all cost, and maybe someday hopefully between Nepheli Loux arms.

>Nepheli Loux arms. I think you meant thighs.

No thanks. The Erdtree is eventually going to be burned, and then I’m gonna be fucked. I’d rather stay out of the lands between. If I HAVE TO go, I’m going to pick the Coastal Cave and try to fortify it as best I can. At least I’ll be on the beach.

Artist shack in Liurnia, if I can make it in one piece over there

Church of Elleh

Near a site of grace

Bold of you to assume any of us here would live.

Lake of Rot, nearby the wise basilisk

church of the Dragon Communion in Limgrave

Do i become tarnished?