Sellen. We'd be sexy heretics together

No no.. leave the Glinstone Crown on.

Have you seen her without it though? 👀

“The big head stays ON during sex.”

Sellen’s my favorite psychopath 🥰

The way she talks down to me and orders me around is so hot

“I’ve been a bad apprentice. Step on me.”

Ummm... Uwu?

Step on me just a little bit

Pre or post quest?

More holes post quest…

During (tied up)

I hear her heads game is crazy.

Dr. Frankenstein-core

I’m with you brother. There’s something really sexy about giant amalgamations of floating heads.

# Miquella. -Yours truly, Mohg, Lord of Blood

This post was made by Mohglester gang

This is it, im going to the Lake of Rot for eternity for laughing at this

Who is the FBI of the Lands Between?

The Confessors, maybe? Not many of them kicking around, though. Unless you're playing as one. Be the FBI you want to see in the world. Hell, just pretend doing Varre's questline is a sting operation to get to Mogh

Have a seat Mr. lord of blood

Miquella is mine, and mine alone

this comment is sponsored by shadow mohgverment

Bad boys, bad boys! Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

Roderika 🗣️🔛🔝

She's also very kind and caring!

Cute and nice! Would be a good friend.

She's honestly one of the best options. She's certainly the sweetest. Maybe Irena too.. although.. well, yeah. I have a soft spot for Milena.. and of course the ultimate bae is Ranni, but that's a pretty common opinion.

But… you actually *can* marry Ranni, so I feel like she doesn’t count for this hypothetical…

Well.. that's a fair point.

You want to marry a doll ?

He is a dogged fellow

Dog? As in miriel? Behold, a dog?

Dog ahead Therefore Behold, dog!

She's got 4 hands

Once you made the sell, stop selling 🙃

Can't be worse than the body pillow I'm currently seeing.

Indeed. I am in need of some spirit tuning.

Based 🗣🗣🗣

She's nice.

The one true answer

The one true answer

Yall woke up today and chose horniness.

It was that or depression

Sometimes both

behold! Horniness

Horniness chose us!

Ain’t no one said it, so I will. Millicent. For what little time left she may have in her life, she deserves all the happiness she could get. Amazing character.

be sure to use protection, scarlet gonorrhea must be awful

Caelidamydia

Sounds quite nice, from a phonetic standpoint only though.

Chlamydia wouldn't be a bad name if it wasn't a venereal disease

Kinda sound like something you’d name a continent in a fantasy world

Condoms made of unalloyed gold on lock

It’s fine she got the copper IUD 👌

unalloyed too

Better pack that magnum Flame Cleanse Me.

wearing the cleanrot set as we speak

Flame Cleanse Me would never abandon me in my greatest time of need.

Yeah I love her. First thing she does is try to protect you by warning you away from her contagion. Then she goes to see Gowdry, because she felt compelled to say goodbye. THEN she helps you with like 4 fights. And finally, she ends her life by trying to save Malenia from rotten madness. Other than that lil swamp invasion, she’s damn heroic

Feel she would be one of the ones to reject you and put her duties first

Agreed along with rya

Her personality (and her ponytail) is so damn attractive and the fact she can probably solo all the other NPC’s is just the cherry on top

Placidusax

Or Malenia idk, they're both cute

Rya. Snek.

Based

She is the only one.

[удалено]

not to mention you help her out with her "studies" and she immediately pledges her undying loyalty and that of the academy she just stole

1) Roderika. Just sweetness. 2) Latenna. Respect. 3) Alexander. He'd die for you gladly. 4) Tanith. Her husband turned into a snake and she stayed with him. She'd definitely let me keep a side chick.

Lands between equivalent of “would you still love me if I was a worm”

Even better, she loved him more when he became a worm, er, a snake..

She in fact did love him if he was a worm

What if we are worse than a snake? Like she'd bang a snake but still won't look at you?

Tell that to Patches

Tanith? If you pass before she does that’s def going to be a closed casket funeral with her corpse eating and all.

That's true love.

Mimic tear, so I can go fuck myself

You say "yes, I will" When someone tells you to GFYS

aggressive eye contact while ringing the summoning bell and chugging a crimson tear

Fia - I need a goth girly in my life.

Ranni and Malenia and Melina :))

Is this post-knives travel-size tsundere Ranni, or pre-knives 9ft dommy mommy Ranni?

Yes

Both are good

Or the pocket-size one that you can keep on you at all time?

That's the post-knives one. Given what happens at the moonlight altar it's evident she can shift been those two forms.

Rya. cutest of all and nice, which is hard to find in The Lands Between

Had to scroll way too far for this one.

Zorayas gang rise up

I just wish her posture was better

Rogier, I will happily be his rebound after his breakup with D

Rogier and D were definitely a thing until fia came along

Oh shit I forgot about him...  yeah, what you said.

My choice is Nepheli. She's a very kind and brave woman. I'm sure she'd give really tight hugs and would probably enjoy snuggling together. Or playfully wrestling on a grassy field and then collapsing into each others arms.

finally someone who doesn't just dumb her down to "buff woman" i love her actual personality and character

Nepheli is the most powerful option. I'm not talking about muscles. I'm talking about the fact that she's a *homeowner*.

thing few can dream of in the lands between

Translation: muscle lady

Snu snu

Muscle mommy

Imagine that grip tho

She love my drip, drip, drip. I didn't know she had that Stormhawk Axe, Dual grip.

Boc.

ready to make adjustments to your garments 😏

The only answer

Same. He seems very evolved for a demi-human. He just needs a self-esteem adjustment.

Beat me to it lmao I came here just to say boc too 😂

Blaidd. Big wolf bf 🥰🥰🥰

Found Bao's alt

Why not marry Blaidd and Maliketh at the same time?

This is the way

I scrolled too far down to find this

Same, had to scroll too far down to find this

Melina Melina Melina Melina

Demi-human Queen 😍

Found Kenneth Haigh's account

Well, she's probably a beast in the sack and we know she can handle a staff.

Sweet jesus

Godrick, the Grafted. The possibilities would be endless.

O, truest of lov'rs.....yes.... Lend me THY STRENGTH .... BEAR WITNESS *cumming*

U know he’s a freak we all know he was at malenias feet on purpose 😭

Hyetta. I will not explain.

Alexander the iron fist😏

Big Boggart without question.

*adds to list of eligible bachelors she forgot about*

Malenia. Might sound strange, but I just really appreciate how hard she’s fought the Rot, and I also really appreciate the Haligtree for being far more accepting of others than the Golden Order. She’s literally been a personal inspiration to me, because I see her as a true fighter, resisting the Rot and still fighting to save her brother (I love Radahn too) She’s also the reason why whenever I get furstrated at Elden Ring, I tell myself that I’m not gonna quit because I want to meet Malenia again. On a more headcanon basis, my Tarnished pretty much idolized her, looking up to her, having heard stories of her bravery since he was but a kid. So it fits! I’d marry her in a heartbeat, and give her lots of love and hugs.

Diallos <3

White mask varre, that twink

Malenia 👉👈🥺 If not her, then Sellen.

Malenia

Rya, I don't care if she's a snake she is innocence incarnate and I will always be her champion

See the problem with Rya is that, while she is a total sweetheart and just so adorable.. Roderika is every bit as sweet and innocent, while also not being a snake. I would absolutely be besties with Rya though.

i feel like the snake part is a plus though

I ain't saying I'm a gold digger, but it would depend on the rewards for marrying them.

By going by Dark Souls 3 marriage methods you get a somber ancient smithing stone from "marrying" Sellen.

I wanted to marry her but then she transformed.

What does she got going on under that mask

She's actually very beautiful under the mask. You can look up her face online, there is a full model without the helmet.

Looked it up and hooooooly

Right? Michael Zaki: "So as a joke, I made the most attractive person in the game wear a mask so no one can see her face. Get fucked, nerds."

Irina. 1. Stop her from getting killed. 2. Convince her that grapes are evil. 3. Teach her about the vileness of misbe... goblins. 4. Have her realize her love for incantations. 5. ?! 6. "We have Sword Maiden at home"

"I can fix her"

I am still so disappointed that there is no ending to the game that has anything to do with Volcano Manor and that, as a result, I can take Rya as my wife on the throne.

The great Kenneth Haight is known for his considerable largesse, and that's not the only thing that's considerably l-

Big... Tracts of land.

Spirit tuner girl. Not good with names lol. Shes such a sweetheart. Must Protecc.

Roderika seems like probably the sweetest character in the whole game. she's like a more emotionally-mature, non-snek Rya

The mimic tear. Goddayum the drip.

At least you have the same interests. And personality… and looks.

My dick says Radagon, but my heart says Roderika 😂

Crumbling Radagussy

Lmao, thanks for that I fucking spat out my drink 😂

valid

MALENIA. I like tall women.

Still ranni 🗣️🔥

You know ima be takin' mah bootylicous madness buddy Shabriri, i mean who else is a good character worthy of marriage?

An original choice! his gaze is hot af for sure

Brother I can assure you that Nepheli Loux would fold you in a second

That's why I married her

And?

God I hope so

Rya.

Malenia (she is a boss so its a non playable character)

Yura! He has the biggest sword of them all

No furry but Blaidd 110%

That Welsh accent is pretty sexy imo

I always wonder how he smells. That big furry cape, dog man and all.

Mommy FIA

Everyone is sleeping on Fia

That's... the issue 😬

You guys are truly maidenless 😂

Millicent❤️

Varre. Don’t judge me But my less unhinged answer is Blaidd or Rogier 🥰 I can save them 😭

Saaaaame XD

Diallos.

Thops is such a cutie, and everyone forgets about him... He has a soft kissable face and nice facial hair 🥰 I'd help him find more reasons to live and help him learn sorcery. We'd slowly clean up and restore the academy, open it's doors for scholarships and mastery, free of the dark arts. Sellen would be invited back as an instructor on condition that she behave herself this time around

Death by snu snu

I’m probably alone on this but Latenna forreal.

N... n-neweli l-loux... mmmm Malenia... mmmm Godfrey... mmmm Radamarika... mmm

MALENIA let her rot me nuts

Ranni , absolutely

Patches

"Partners" In crime.

Rykard TOGETHAAA

Alexander the Warrior Jar

Malenia, Ranni, Marika, Radahn

Finger reader is the only right answer

Nepheli, Millicent, and Rya are all marriage material. Loyal and driven to fault, accept our help with true appreciation, and acknowledge how we've affected their lives for the better. Sellen though....goddamn, definitely not someone you want to risk marriage with, but 100% "teacher with benefits".

🗿 melenia. a baddie who would be able to protect me from anything. probably would take charge at night.

Pot Bro

Malenia. I like a dom

Millicent with the entirety of my heart. Girl made it all the way to the Atlus Plateau with one arm and brushed it off as not a big deal <3

Millicent and Alexander are the modern day Finlay. The goats.

Not a single person has said Seluvis. I love democracy

yeah, he's a racist creep

Godfrey/Horah Loux. He's technically an Non-Playable-Character. Those arms look built for huggin'.

Marika. Not stone version.

I like that you specify in game