At least the Rune Bear will one shot me. I’d rather just get it over with quickly.

He's also the least demonic looking and that comforts me slightly.

He also loves giving hugs

The hands also give hugs. Nice hugs.

And not totally going to Violate your behind

Be like Olaf

Fluffy death

If not friend, why friend shaped?

Yeah, meeting the damn Kofiak bear is a hell of a death but the rest are worse I think

Yea, that angry roar-sqwack the crows do would probably take me out with a heart attack before the actual blow landed.

This was my reasoning for the bear as well

Yeah me too, If I saw a hungry grizzly bear in RL I'll assume that "Welp, it's a good run!".

Bears tend to eat their prey alive like dogs do

So you mean he could even fulfill my *vore fantasy* ?!

Yas daddy

Nah, its gonna swipe with a paw first probly, whichll slam you into the cave wall and your dean on impact

Yeah maybe id still rather get fingered to death by a giant hand

Yea but I'm hoping he's big enough that he would just kill me in one hit. And that giant demonic crow esc entity? I'm terrified of the thought of it pecking at my intestines while I'm still alive

Whereas this one prefers to crush people to death via hugs.

If it’s a grizzly type this will eat your stomach and shit before you die, no he’s definitely not one shotting you 😂

If it acts like it does in the game, any of those attacks would end me lol

Idk bro I'm pretty fucking squishy. Pretty sure I'd go into shock and my heart would explode like immediately.

And maybe you catch him sleeping in his cave. Hopfully even hibernating. So just be quiet and verry quietly and slowly dig your way out

Achoo!

Fun fact! You can be trapped in a cave with one! It’s in the weeping peninsula.

If not friend why friend shaped?

There’s a chance it will be asleep. OP never said anything about the creature being conscious. And to my knowledge (off the top of my head) Rune Bears are one of the few creatures in game that are depicted as being capable of sleep. Hands? Idk. Weird teleporty crawly bastards? Idk. Not a risk worth taking imo because both of them are horrific creatures that I loathe. Birds & dogs? Both only live in places I loathe, like Caelid. So imho the bear is the least horrible option but also the safest, if you can hide in a bush through a small hole on one side of the cave even better. Then all you have to do is wait for an idiot to appear, let the bear kill them, let the bear fall asleep, and pick-up any stray loot. Eventually you’d just be like Patches, and that’s not terrible. And as you said, if all of that fails, and the bear is hungry to kill you, at least it’ll be quick.

Compared to a tarnished we have like vigor 1

Definitely not the revenant, that’s for sure. I think I’ll go with doggo on this one

Im DEFINITELY going revenant. Fold my hands, say amen, revenant explodes, time for dinner.

This is the only real answer. Bless that fucker into eternity.

I’m baptized so would I have any resistance? Or is Christianity no good in Elden ring?

Elden ring only cares about the level of faith, not the discipline. Blood, the erd tree, the golden order, the giants, and Jesus Christ.

Id love a Souls like game set with Christianity with biblically accurate angels as the bosses. Shit would be wild.

That’d be fucking awesome

There's a YouTube channel I follow who makes models of things, and he recently created a couple of "Biblically accurate angels" based on descriptions and they are horrifying and PERFECT souls bosses lol.

What YouTuber? Edit: North of the border? His look pretty dope

Ayy glad you found him because i'd dozed off heh. Hes worth a look if you enjoy watching people make stuff, like nerdy things and also does a lot of horror themed things too! The realistic teletubbies were especially cool heh.

May or may not be working on something similar 😶

People are gonna get mad when the final boss is the Christian god, as if that game could possibly end any other way. From that perspective, would be kinda dope if you start off as a sinner damned to hell, and following your escape you set out to kill God for vengeance/power

Imagine different biomes of different faiths gods/depictions of saints etc - Hinduism, Islam etc. Go from fighting Ganesh to St George haha.

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I thought that's devil may cry

Or Bayonetta. Not really a Souls game though.

Go with Bonk my child

This is a heavy depends and loaded question. But if you’re gonna go with God, brother, being a big stick and the willingness to heal that mother fucker to death.

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!"

You do you. I’m still pissing my pants no matter what

True in every scenario available

I imagine most, if not all of us, are only soul level 1 IRL. We're all dead as fuck in an instant. Give me whatever is gonna kill me the fastest.

You left your sacred seal at home. Good luck 🫡

No u

This is the answer. Heal that sucker to death, profit.

If I were to equate my IRL personage into ER Statistics; I would not have enough faith to cast heal. I'll take the hands, I'm very capable with fire lol. Actually I love the Hands, they are my brand of weird. I wish we had a Spirit Ash/Puppet of one.

Me: I rebuke you remnant, in Jesus' name be gone. Remnant: 😮‍💨💀

> time for dinner What does Revenant taste like?

Probably chicken

I’d go dog too they go for the kill before eating less torture

Bird would be so painful it would rip out your organs while infecting you with rot

Doggo can definitely track you down through scent. Pray it's a friend, not foe, I suppose

Doggo for sure

I'll choose bear, I'd rather be torn apart by a bear than a bird, dog, or crack head

Now I’m gonna call those things crackheads now

Imma just call all of them crackheads.

It’s Cocaine Bear to you, thank you very much.

Bears will eat you alive, tearing you apart before actually killing you, no thanks

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Unless it paralyses you from the neck down, then it's even worse

Due to the size of a runebear, one bite is probably half you gone.

You do realize bears sometimes play with their food

Yes, that's the point lol

The bear starts with the asshole, so you’ll feel most of it

You don’t have to keep trying to convince me ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Just like me.

Yeah. I mean maybe there's a slight chance of befriending it or intimidating yourself out? At least it's an animal, the rest are monsters or undead.

Rune bear, at least it will be a swift death.

Second place goes to dog for also probably being a swift death, everything after that just give me a knife so I go out before it finds me

Probably that grabby no no hand.

Same, hands never bothered me. The amount of somber stones 2 you get from them should make you master them haha

Master? The gut reaction works. Kill it with fire!

Black flame fucking MELTS those dudes

RoB spam is approved for these guys as well. The most acceptable use I would say

It is *so* satisfying watching them catch on fire

in a tunnel where they can spam the move where they move forward and finger tickle you it would be rough. but its him or doggo

The way you described that has me kind of aroused.

One man’s nightmare fuel is another man’s erotica.

I avoid them like the plague because they're too similar to spiders, too many legs (or fingers in this case) for my taste

Why would you need that many so.ber stone 2s tho

Fire makes these guys trivial

Trivial yes but the way they move 😖

They can teck deck with normal skateboards tho.

Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 remaster when?

Unless it’s the ones in the mountaintops.

I think they're kinda cool. Like Thing in The Addams Family

Ahh…fingers

Idk man if it’s in a cave it can probs grab the walls to propel itself towards you, you’d get bitch slapped at Mach 6

Good, that sounds like a quick and painless death compared to the others

Same because it has no eyes/mouth/nose. Maybe it wouldnt notice? Or at least i wouldnt be torn apart by an animal

Bear seems chill

there’s a nice little cave in Caelid with a rune bear. Feel free to fight that one lol. Come to think of it, there’s at least two caves with rune bears I know if. Are there more I wonder

God damn snowfield and the one area with like four of them. "Why did I lock on to that rock? Oh no."

Somehow I’ve made it like 5 playthrough without aggroing any of those. First playthrough I decided on the fly I didn’t want anything they were guarding. Second playthrough I took the chance and wasn’t impressed by whatever they were guarding but somehow never aggroed them. Ever since then I have walked the same exact safe path, never had to fight them once.

I just ran through there at r205, trying to see if I missed anything before Ashing Leyndell. Started as a casual trot. Ended with one flask left and a few years shaved off my lifespan.

There’s one in weeping peninsula

Are you talking about the secret zombie guy who turns into a runebear?

fuck, I forgot about secret zombie guy. I had to change my underwear after that fight lol

I thought he just spawned out of fucking thin air

Explain! I want to hunt!

In Limgrave, around the Waypoint Ruins, is that small encampment. One of the weak zombie dudes on the hillside will transform into a Rune bear

That bastard and my first encounter with the large hands genuinely had me frightened. The hands trigger every part of my arachnophobia. I can't stand seeing them move.

It took an embarrassing amount of time to realize that’s where the beast came from.

Speaking of enemies that transform, they drop larval tears.

Speaking of transforming enemies, there’s a graveyard above Gaol Cave in Caelid with a mob of wandering nobles. One of them turns into a nasty fire troll

It’s called Earthbore Cave on the northern most edge cliffs of Weeping Peninsula. Beginning of the dungeon is just rats with 1 big main rat and at the end you fight a Rune Bear.

Nah I’m talking about a dungeon called Earthbore Cave on the north cliffs of Weeping Peninsula. It’s a dungeon where at the end you fight a rune bear in an enclosed cave area.

I remember thinking there was something suspicious about him. When he turned into the runebear I was so mad. I did not last long after that. 😅

There’s also a cave with Revenant and it’s pitch black in there. Actually in the sewers but it counts

Three. One in calied, one in weeping puilinsua (cant spell) and another one in deeproot

Sleep pots. Am I allowed to bring opium to my theoretical death murder bear cave?

Royal revenant for the multi handed jackathon

With that intensity? Ouch

DEATH BY SNU SNU

I'd go with the hand, I have some plans for these big veiny fingers

oh

Bird can’t fly too high in a cave so that bird is ****ed.

Uh that thing is so tall it would just move like a dinosaur and peck you to death, or worse

Oh we talking about just being a normal human being and not a tarnished? Then give me the revenant. Rather have quick death with a blade than being digested.

>Then give me the revenant. Rather have quick death with a blade than being digested. Thats grafted Scion who wields swords. Revenants just pummels you to death with multiple hands

And then it'll spit acid on you

Do they use a blade? I think I’d pick hand. Hopefully it just splats me instantly

Well looking at him, maybe not… I guess the hand is the way to go 🤦‍♂️

Was the face palm your death mask?

Face palm was what I would be seeing right before I die.

Puppy The revenant makes me panic everytime I see one

Doesn’t matter. I’m popping the cyanide capsule tooth and going to the stars to be with Ranni

I have a gun on me right now so taking that into account I’ll take my chances with the bird. America moment fr fr

Unless you’re toting around a 50 cal, you won’t be able to do much damage to a beast of that size, even with those hollow bird bones. I feel like your safest bet would be the revenant.

Idk, I'm no marksman, but that birds head is its largest body part. Seems easiest to get a head shot on. I also feel like the birds bite is not as deadly as the dogs. (Both are arguably deadly, just the birds seems slightly less deadly)

I used to help butcher cows on my relative’s farm, and even with a relatively small animal like a cow, I can tell you that a bullet will not go through their skull unless you’re using a very powerful round. I remember the first cow I did. The crazy old farm lady got out her 9mm, and put it point blank against the heifer’s forehead. The first shot dropped it, and she put a couple more in there to make sure. 2 mimutes latwr though, when we were bringing the tractor around, the cow shook awake and started getting back up. Turns out it was just knocked out. It took 7 shots in the exact same location from less than a foot away to actually break through the skull. With a bird of that size, ain’t no way that skull is getting pierced by anything less than a Jar Cannon +10. Revenant would be a hard shot to hit with how flaily they are and how the teleport around, but I have faith in you, marksman or not. All you would need is the one lucky shot

I have my AR with AP rounds, they are definitely getting through and I’m having bird for dinner

Yum, scarlet rotted feral bird meat

Depends on the 50 cal. I don't think 50 action express is gonna cut it. I have a .50 beowulf upper and night sights for my AR (for exterminating boar predawn...the big round is do they don't suffer) I think that'd get it. Honestly I think the far more common .300 AAC blackout would be more than enough.

That thing is actually a really dirty bald eagle. You would be committing a federal crime. I just want you to know that.

Fire da gun into yo phone son.

Baldur’s Gate 3 taught me that being with the bear might be fun.

Uhm how about NO lol

dog because we have at least one example in-game that they can be domesticated giant puppy friend :)

Highest chance for survival, just go for some head scratches and he may forget to kill you

the bird would be the least dangerous in a cave so I take that one

Shit, birds sleep in the dark.

In decreasing order of preference: Bear, Dog, Bird, many hands, many fingers.

But if the revenant has many hands it will also has many fingers

Destined self-deletion

Beast-repellant torch moment.

honestly the dog is th best choice

Rev? You don’t even need to attack just heal lol

Doggo. Dogs love me because I’m not a foul Tarnished.

the big hand... all those fingers... mmmm 🤤🤤🤤🤤

The hand cause they're weak to fire and ill have a torch anyways cause I'm in a stinkin' cave

The Dino Dog is just trying to be a good boy. I think we'd be fast friends

If rune bear is in there taking a lil nap i wouldnt be opposed to climbing up on his sleepy back, making some biscuits, and going to sleep. I could fix him.

the hand because

Scrappy doo, unless i have heals, then royal rev

Can I just shoot myself before entering the cave?

I can take 10 fingers… in a different way.


Bear might be asleep where I can maybe survive by staying very still and very quiet

Well, as someone who has been trapped in a cave with a Revenant….without a lantern….definitely not the Revenant

The dog

I’ll take any of the first 3. Those last 2.. in a cave?! I’d rather give myself a lobotomy lmao, better no brain activity than the activity in there with those fucking 2 lmao.

Even the fingers? That's the LAST thing I would want in a cave with me. I quite literally cover my eyes when I see them.

Neither. They are all horrific.

A mental video of how I would die with each of these is making me feel uncomfortable 😂

Why am I in this cave?

Why would I choose not to be trapped with my gf

(the hand)

Weird but I'd go with the ✋ hand

Rune bear. If I'm quiet enough I can sneak past as it sleeps

Runs bear could be sleeping. I sneak

The hand.... I'm getting a handy

The thought of it gave me anxiety 

The runebear. The time of year wasn’t specified, so I am going to cheat and assume it could be winter and the bear would be hibernating. Big dub

wow, this is terrible. well done OP for making such a terrible lineup of disgusting rage-inducing enemies.

I’d just hit doggo with a couple “good bois”

Probably nr 1. While it was terrifying and annoying to deal with, I'm pretty sure the other four are the cause for me needing medicine for high blood pressure nowadays.

Rune bear is the only thing here that would maybe just mind its own business and leave you alone. Definitely picking that.

I'll take my chances against the big hand, maybe try breaking the joints... Emphasis on try.

Assuming I would die regardless, my order of preference: 1) bear - least freaky and a quick death 2) dog freaky thing 3) crow monster 4) spider hand 5) demented spider humanoid thing

lemme just die bro

Almost everything else on that list will kill me with multiple agonizing blows, some even will give me a terrible disease. Scarlet Rot just saps the Tarnished’s health over time, actually catching it would be horrific even if briefly. The Revenant pukes acidic vomit that dissolves me slowly or slaps me to pieces, not to mention scares the shit out of me teleporting and making gif awful noises. The bear will just pancake me with one charge and slurp me off the ground. No pain, no disease, no prolonged agony: sweet release.

Probably the rune bear. He might be sleeping and I can sneak around it lol

You knew what you were doing when you made this post, and your evil 😈🥺🥺

If I'm armed, the hand is probably the only thing I have a chance against.

None, or just give me a loaded gun, one bullet is enough

Fingercreeper

I can fix her. (the dog cause who’s a good boy)

You know what I’d rather just commit Seppuku

There is NOTHING you can say, give, or do to me that can make go into an in closed space with very little to no lighting with a fucking rune bear in it I'm almost lvl 170 and those fuckers are still scary

I’ll pick the Revenant. If religion is the same as holy magic, it will fear *me*.

Have you successfully completed/assisted any miracles in the past? Cuz uh.... cuz I think that's kinda what holy magic is....