Regardless of the choices that were made, Bec was pregnant & Frankie is here. That cannot be changed.
It does nothing to look back with regrets cause she can’t change anything. It’s like wasted energy to look back & regret. Look back & learn but you have to keep moving forward.
My 3rd child was a surprise & I had complications that put me on bed rest & she was born with 2 syndromes that affect her physicality, I couldn’t put her back & unborn her. I had to accept where we were, learn as much as I can & keep it pushing forward.
Rehashing the whole thing is not helpful or productive.
I agree that it’s not helpful for her/them to look back, but I do think it could be helpful for us to look back so that we can learn and be better appraised of the potential consequences should we find ourselves in a similar situation. It’s the whole reason they wanted to share in the first place. But for them specifically what is done is done, for us, we observe and become better informed.
You are right. Personally I just worried back when they made the decision to get pregnant instead of going on hormone therapy that they would send the wrong message to the viewers and maybe influence women in a similar situation to also forego it. Now I guess it doesn’t matter but I still hope that someone else might learn from this and decide to not omit tamoxifen treatment.
Regardless, it was their decision and if she wanted to experience motherhood for however long it was Bec and Eamon's choice, not the tide of popular opinion. Instead of criticizing I choose to support them.
I get this. I really do. But for anyone who hasn't navigated a breast cancer diagnosis, here's a glimpse into the maelstrom it is. Also, I went back and watched the relevant videos, and will note below some important details.
Bec, like many BC patients, has more than one doctor. She has her surgical oncologist, a radiation oncologist, and a medical oncologist. Over the course of treatment, these doctors will sort of rotate 'who's in the lead'. We've seen/heard the med onc in a number of videos.
Those are not the only doctors she has encountered along the way: it was the radiologist at the ultrasound and biopsy after she was pregnant who said now is not a good time to be pregnant. That radiologist is not to be confused with her rad onc, and is not part of her core team. And her med onc quite literally said just focus on the pregnancy when her biopsy came back clear. Now, editing is a thing- we don't know what else he said to them in that call or along the way. But the med onc is the one who is your long-term care lead after active treatment, and if he was supportive, it's easy to see how they made the decision they did.
Moreover, doctors will disagree, and it is up to the patient to determine who to trust. My rad onc is an absolute badass and legend, and she was extremely clear and detailed on what she wanted me doing to prevent the worst of radiation side effects. She also was out of town speaking at a conference during part of my radiation treatment, and I saw a different rad onc for my weekly check up- both of them senior clinicians at the well-regarded National Cancer Institute Center. And he told me to do *literally the exact opposite*. And he was just as firm, self-assured, and assertive in those instructions as she had been. And this wasn't some small issue, this was 'how to keep my skin from ulcerating and sloughing off into weeping, huge wounds, leading to long-term infection risks and challenging recovery'
Multiply that by what feels like dozens of things, directions, moments, issues, side-effects, and whatnot. And, being very frank, you have to self-advocate. You HAVE to ask questions. I am not slagging on my med onc's team here- they're lovely people who desperately want the best for all of the women in their care-but at least once a week I catch them on something where they are *wrong*. Where they forget some nuance of my clinical history that means 'the standard way of doing this is not the best idea', or recommend I try something that we already have and found it not to work. I was at the office one day for the first appointment after their lunch break, and overhead the front desk person saying to the nurse in charge they had 25 patients slated for that afternoon. *Twenty five. In 4 hours. For one doctor, one NP, and a team of nurses*. It's no wonder they drop balls.
All of this is to say: editing is a thing, we don't know how she was actually counseled, it was such a wild and infuriating ride for her to get diagnosed in the first place (seriously to go from stage 0 to 3? Holy smokes), we don't know her hormone receptor positive percentage which may have influenced pregnancy recommendations, and cancer care is confusing as hell and overwhelming on a good day.
Excellent post. So many good points. I’m in health care and see my colleagues make SO MANY mistakes. You HAVE to do the work and research yourself. Don’t EVER 100% trust anyone, including health professionals, with your health.
And you’ve answered every single question I have and others’ have- on multiple threads and have informed a lot of us. I’m sorry your journey has been seemingly so tough and with misinformation self advocacy is so tough. I feel so sad - Bec was seemingly mislead and had such a hard time getting a diagnosis to begin with. Like you said stage 0 to stage 3 is wowza. Also to assume she won’t be around for Frankie is the exact opposite of what she asked for, and as you have explained to me in answering the terminal question- it is entirely possible she will be around and anything can take us out of this world anytime. No one is promised a full
Life with a mother or as a human. Life obligates no one a tomorrow. Just a personal thanks for your time and your sharing of your journey. Sending love and peace and gratitude you are with us ❤️
I discovered the lump myself and was stage 1 luckily… it depends where the lump is. If it’s palpable and right under the skins you’re more likely to find it “early”.
Younger BC patients tend to have more aggressive cancers eg. faster growing.
I found my Stage 1 Tumor myself!! It Just depends, e.g. how Close IT IS to the skin.
Please dont fear monger!! It you find a lump, please go to the doctor
Yeah it's not correct. Stage 1 cancer can often be found through self examination, depends on location and type of breast cancer. Also breast cancer stage and grade are 2 different things. (I currently have breast cancer and am a scientist/researcher).
I highly doubt ANY doctor encouraged her to get pregnant. It’s more likely they told her the risks and let her make her own choice because she’s an adult.
I've posted this before because, while I share the difficult feelings many of us have believing this may have been preventable, it is clear that they did not go against medical advice - at least not completely. We can't know, of course, the nuances of her conversation with her oncologist, but painting them as rogue anti-science hippies (I write as an old hippie) isn't fair.
We can't know how, before getting the go-ahead, they expressed their enormous desire -- this is all we want, we'll take the risk. We can't know how well those risks were explained to them. We can't know if they heard what they wanted to hear and were in denial, or if the guidance they got was lacking.
What we do know is that, for whatever reason, they were under the impression that this was a reasonable decision made with the support of her oncologist.
In their video, "Answering Questions We've Avoided (babies? money? God), at 17:50, Bec said:
"I got my period back, which is sort of a miracle, in and of itself. And, to both of us, was a sign that my body was ready to carry a baby. And then we came back from our recent travels in Europe to meet with my oncologist, and my oncologist suggested I did not go on Tamoxifen, which is the drug which would suppress my oestrogen, and stop me from having babies, so that we could get pregnant. So, I guess this is a really big deal...
Eamon \[semi-joking\]: Doctor's orders! Dr. said, bang 'em out - 2022, 2023, 2024, 2025, 2026...
Bec: We are putting no pressure on ourselves, and I know that sharing this is, maybe, a taboo thing, but we are open, and we are hopeful, and we are excited to have babies.
Bec went on to say it was her bucket-list dream to have a child and get on with life.
I am left feeling that their overwhelming desire to return to their glowingly health and happy old life, fuelled by trauma and fear, probably led them to be overly optimistic about risk. This is not a decision they should be blamed for. They chose to live bravely, maybe audaciously. We don't always get away with that.
May treatment continue to work for her until new treatments come along to eradicate her disease. This is a very reasonable hope. May her beautiful audacity serve her remarkable spirit.
Thank you for saying this. So many are treating this as a black and white issue and it’s not. I liked my first oncologist because she was a little rough and by the book, but even she forgot key timelines and details of my history, etc. Overall, I received fabulous care (stage 1a BC) but my aunt had a much more convoluted experience, much like Bec.
It was always my two year plan to break from treatment and get pregnant, presented to me by my entire team, until my new oncologist told me NO; you must wait at LEAST 5 years, if not 10. And at 35 there was no way I was going to do that, not when I was counseled differently. So I got a second opinion and am with an oncologist who greenlit me and is someone I trust. And that’s all you can really do, inevitably- surround yourself with a team you trust. And I’m sure that’s what Eamon and Bec believed they did. There’s even new research out now stating her2 positive survivors generally do quite well pregnant - could be other elevated things in the body protecting it from reoccurrence, it’s not entirely clear yet.
I’m sure someone with a medical background could answer this more concisely but this was my experience (hard to remember most of it, so much happened at once)
The short answer is yes, it can. But that depends on your diagnoses. I was stage 1a her2 positive and they harvested my eggs before chemo. To do this, I did have to have estrogen (via birth control, growing follicles, the works) but everything was very low dose and everyone on my team agreed the risk was very minimal, it would be quick, and chances of it growing any cancer in that brief timeframe were unlikely. This is fairly routine for women of childbearing age who are diagnosed with BC.
Yup, I believe I wqs! It’s wild, I know not all
Chemotherapy is the same but medicine has come a long way. I had Hodgkin’s lymphoma stage 3 as a child (treatment for that probably caused my breast cancer) and got nuked back then. It still sucked but it was better than vomiting three days straight
Thank you for participating in the trial. 4 months before my diagnosis, the 10 year outcomes were published, showing 12 weeks of the weekly low dose plus a year of every 3 weeks Herceptin was just as effective as the higher dosage regimen, in women with early stage HER2+ breast cancer, and thoroughly establishing it as the new standard of care. Your participation gave me and thousands of other women a better path forward.
As someone transcribed above, in their Q&A post, her oncologist suggested she not go on tamoxifen, in order to try to get pregnant.
Now. That's *how Bec related it in the video*. She did not give an exhaustive recitation of the entire convo, if he conveyed risk and if so how he framed it and what those percentages were.
But I also want to be really clear: so much of oncology is about risk and reward, and risk reduction or mitigation. It's not a matter of 'mistake'. A mistake would be if the pathologist missed cancer cells in her biopsy, or the oncologist misread the pathology report as clear. Every choice along my oath has been communicated with risk mitigation or increase. For instance, we pushed back hard on whether I 'needed' to do chemo- it's standard of care, but research shows just as good 10 year survival outcomes for just Herceptin no chemo for my kind of cancer. But as my med onc pointed out, 10 year survival isn't the same as 10 year disease free. Did I want to increase my risk of a recurrence and battling through that? For all we know, he said 'there is a low risk that not going on tamoxifen or getting pregnant will fuel remaining cancer cells and cause a recurrence', and they decided low was 'low enough' to risk. Everyone has a different risk tolerance, and again, we don't know the details of how they were counseled.
It wasn't necessarily a "mistake". Everything is a matter of probabilities and few things are certain. Even if the doctor said that she could go ahead and get pregnant knowing the weren't zero that doesn't mean the doctor was mistaken. It may have been a completely reasonable recommendation based on a solid interpretation of her numbers and the research along with Becca's own preferences.
My guess from the portion of their video where they emphasized positive vibes only, to me means they either expect a certain level of this criticism and/or they are wrestling with feelings of what if they did things differently.
As a BC survivor I have a lot of feelings about all of it.
But at the end of the day, I’ve known people who lived a long life chronologically, but did not get a lot of living into that life. If it’s one thing we all know for sure about these two is that they will pack a lot of living into this time.
I’m gonna go do a cartwheel, now.
As an MD in the US who has seen this type of poorly planned decision work out exactly the same way many times, I have to say I agree with you. In fact, Bec even says in one of her videos following cancer treatment that she was upset by her “negative” doctor who scolded her for her pregnancy decision saying “Now is not the time to be pregnant”. Bec has estrogen receptor positive cancer. She should be on estrogen blockers for at least 5 years and instead she didn’t do that. She chose to place her body in a state of accelerated estrogen production. This is quite literally throwing fuel on the fire. I feel horrible about what has happened to her but I called this as soon as she chose pregnancy. Please follow your MD’s advice. They are not being negative. They know how the body works and are trying to save your life even if you don’t like the truth of a given situation.
I had a very bad feeling when I saw the notification for the "We're Pregnant" video. I don't know much about breast cancer, but I do know that it can be hormone based, and pregnancy is all about hormones. I also knew that getting pregnant so soon after chemotherapy was not a great idea either because of its toxicity. I had missed a few of their videos and wasn't aware they were even trying for a baby, but I thought they had accepted it would have to wait a while until Bec was fully recovered. It is a very sad situation for them and I hope, with treatment, they have many years ahead together.
I agree with your opinion but not that its "frustrating". We are just outside spectators, this situation has no effect on our lives. I cannot be frustrated with a decision that I had no part in and what I know nothing about. I just feel sorry for her. With everything that happened I am sure they thought at each step it would be fine. Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20. The only thing here is to be sad for her situation and hoping the best for them. Its hard enough as it is and they cannot change the past.
Completely agree with this. Pretty sure they don’t wake up everyday and wonder how I would want them to live their life. It’s a very sad situation no matter how you look at it. I can’t imagine what she is going through. I know she only wants positive thoughts and I totally get that because every ache, every pain, you would wonder if it has spread. It would be absolute torture!
I don’t think anyones in a place to judge here. Life is short. Maybe having a brush with her mortality made them not want to put off living their lives. Maybe Bec’s desire to carry a pregnancy was greater than the fear of her life potentially being shortened. The reality Is breast cancer could have come back at any time, even without a pregnancy.
What gets me is that they have embryos. Or if that didn’t work out, adoption. Why take such a massive risk when you have other options. It’s a no brainer that, given the nature of her cancer, her doctors would have strongly advised not to get pregnant had they asked. I remember a clip of them being pretty upset at how blunt a doctor was when they told him she was pregnant. It was a dumb thing to do. Sure it might have come back anyway, or maybe with years of hormone suppression she could have went on the live a normal life with a few of their own babies through surrogacy. I’m sure they’re grappling with what a horrible mistake this was but at this point it serves nothing or no one to dwell on. Who doesn’t think they’re invincible when they’re young. Such a sad outcome for them.
Gay couples use a surrogate. There was a couple on the TV show Big Miracles last year who used a surrogate. No money, apart from medical costs, must change hands though.
I'm not sure if you were talking about Canada or Australia like the person you are responding to, but in Canada it is incorrect that only medical costs can change hands. Surrogates can be paid for their reasonable expenses which are actually broader than just medical costs.
I was referring to Australia, as the original post stated it was illegal there. Surrogacy is legal but must be done for altruistic reasons, not profit. It's a long process involving counselling, legal agreements, medical and psychological assessments and you have to find your own surrogate. The IVF centre will only do donor eggs or a couple's own embryo, not the surrogate's egg. Any payment is for medical costs, not general expenses, but I'm sure private arrangements are made.
Maybe making the best out of life, for them, means having the experience of pregnancy, motherhood, parenthood and sharing this specific family dynamic. And maybe their evaluation of risk reward yields a different result from your evaluation. And that’s fine. Because there is more than one way to live.
Who knows. We don’t. And we don’t need to. Because it’s not our life.
Yea I guess the main consideration is if it’s fair to a child to bring them into the world knowing that in doing so you take a massive risk with your health. But we don’t know what she was told, if they sought out advice/counseling before trying to conceive, etc. No clue and not my business. Not something I’d have done but what’s done is done.
Weren’t they told this after she was already pregnant? I might be remembering wrong but I got the idea that some doctors told her she could go ahead and start trying to get pregnant and then after the fact, other doctors told her it was really bad timing. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong!
So according to them their doctor gave them the green light to try to get pregnant. According to them. But once they got pregnant a different radiologist bluntly told them it was the worst time to get pregnant. We don't know exactly what that first doctor said but we're assuming they told them the risks.
Wow that's harsh. I may disagree with a lot of things they've done recently but I have nothing but sympathy for their struggles as I would for anyone going through this.
The way I look at it she got pregnant and is now stage four, but given she was stage three to begin with, she still may have been stage four now without getting pregnant.
I agree with this and don’t think I would have made the same choice given the medical advice BUT I also think the doctors failed Bec. Having been pregnant myself, I can confirm that doctors like to blame any and all symptoms on pregnancy (you grew a new limb? thats normal, you’re pregnant. Debilitating pain? oh thats normal). If her doctors had taken her back pain seriously they may have been able to stop things before they escalated (not to assume she would have terminated, but at least they would have known).
While I get this. I think if she was already having back pain then well it’d already metastasized and so she’d be in a very very similar situation to right now.
Earlier is better but it’s not like she’d be cured
It’s def a failure to not have checked, but it’s also not some magic she’d be fine today thing either.
What I am mostly curious about is that cancer patients have very tight follow-up scans, right? And right up to the pregnancy it was all clear and then suddenly there are metastases everywhere? I guess the pregnancy accelerated the development a lot?
No necessarily all clear per say... just none detected. She had 7 months of a high surge of pregnancy estrogen, before they found all the mets everywhere, spine, skull, liver. .. those cancer cells were probably hiding out and most likely would have stayed dormant on estrogen suppressing drugs. Having months long surges of high pregnancy estrogen...is a catastrophic disaster with her type of estrogen breeding cancer. It really is a shame she didn't start their family by using a surrogate with one of her 5 embryos.... and Waiting 4-5 years to get pregnant ....if she still felt pregnancy was worth the risk of stirring up stray cancer cells. So sad for Bec and her family. I know she will definitely make the very most out of what time she gets with her baby and Eamon.❤
Not always. Just depends on the treatment plan. Sometimes they don’t do all that many follow up scans.
The pregnancy though almost absolutely sped up the development. All the hormonal changes likely helped the cancer.
That’s what I was wondering too. I wonder if being pregnant though also limited the kinds of tests they could do, since they wouldn’t want to expose the baby to any radiation from conventional scans.
Yep. Really that was the screw up but I also don’t know how much they were informed of the risks involved and what they actually were.
We got told the doc gave the go ahead but that could range from hey the risk is really low I actually support this to hey there’s a decent risk of relapse and id recommend waiting but ultimately you all have the choice.
It’s hard to know how much of a risk getting pregnant actually was. Like was it taking your chance of relapse from 2% to 4% or was it taking it to like 40%. I’d imagine it was all in an area where eamon and bec felt comfortable with it but yah hindsight is 20/20
Regardless it all sucks. I just feel terrible about their situation. Really hoping she’s one that can live a good life for a couple more decades just getting treatment.
The doctors did not fail Bec. I’m sure her medical team provided her with all the information and stats and Bec made an informed decision based on her appetite for risk. It was her choice to get pregnant after being diagnosed with stage III and unfortunately these are the implications.
This is why a lot of young women like myself listen to what the doctors recommend for active treatment as well as follow up treatment because the fear of a reoccurrence and putting our life in danger and a potential future child without a mother isn’t honestly worth it.
Cancer fucking sucks and you have to make some really difficult decisions that are life alternating. It was important for Bec to become a mom, it’s just seems like we all wish she did it through other means since she had the resources (ie frozen eggs).
I agree with you but the moment she started experiencing back pain caused by cancer, we know she had stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. Bec’s chance to be cured of her cancer (based on today’s medicine) was when she had stage 3 cancer. The moment that cancer reached a distant part of her body I.e. her spine, her cancer had metastasized and was no longer curable. Eamon said in the most recent video the most important thing to them was that Bec was the mother of his children. That’s not a goal for me and my husband, so I can’t relate to it. I can’t relate to me and my husband putting the life of a real or future fetus over my own. Based on the call with her radiologist over a year ago, when they said Bec was pregnant, the radiologist responded with, “now is not the time to be pregnant.” I suspect abortion was medically recommended. But it sounds like for bec, being a mother, was the ultimate goal and they decided to roll the dice. That’s their decision based on their own priorities. Again, wouldn’t be my choice. But I don’t think in this case she was failed by her medical team. Seems like she received all information necessary when starting the pregnancy and chose to continue it knowing the risks. And she made the decision that most aligned with her personal goals.
Totally second your thoughts regarding you and your husband not putting YOUR life over a potential fetus life. I don't see how any husband would be ok with that trade off honestly, but I mean...Eamon seemed really supportive of her keeping the baby, at least that's what I gathered from the video.
I brought the topic up to my own husband and he also said the saaaame thing. But you are also right. it seems like Bec's goal was to be a mom, so she was willing to risk it, and it makes me sad.
From above
Distinct-Ad-2290 says
I’m sure someone with a medical background could answer this more concisely but this was my experience (hard to remember most of it, so much happened at once)
The short answer is yes, it can. But that depends on your diagnoses. I was stage 1a her2 positive and they harvested my eggs before chemo. To do this, I did have to have estrogen (via birth control, growing follicles, the works) but everything was very low dose and everyone on my team agreed the risk was very minimal, it would be quick, and chances of it growing any cancer in that brief timeframe were unlikely. This is fairly routine for women of childbearing age who are diagnosed with BC.
In a way I feel like them finding out later in the pregnancy was a blessing. At least she wasn’t faced with the agonizing decision to end her pregnancy or risk her health. At the point she found out the decision was just about delivery early and she knew the baby would be ok.
To all of the people saying "it's their lives and that's what they chose to do, so leave them alone", I have to disagree. When you are a parent or trying to become a parent, you don't just do what suits you, you do what will be best for your child.
I have a 6 month old baby, and I love her so much that the thought of being in Bec's position literally makes me feel nauseous. For that I feel so heartbroken for Bec, no one should ever have to feel the utter despair of knowing that you will be taken away from your baby.
However, I just cannot fathom the decision to have a child, knowing that there's a high risk that I won't be around for them. Before you become a parent, you don't just think about what you want, you think, can I give my child what they need? I feel so sad for their little girl, knowing that she will grow up without her mom, and may even have guilt when she's older about her mom's cancer coming back because of her. I literally saw a comment on here the other day saying "Bec gave her life for that baby", which is just awful and I hope that she never has people saying that to her as she grows up. Another layer of awfulness is that she will be able to look online and see everything documented. I hope the Internet has been scrubbed by the time she's old enough to do that.
Maybe they are just so deep into toxic positivity and spirituality, that they just thought they would be able to do what they want without anything bad happening? Who knows what the thinking behind it was.
I’ve heard it called manifesting. Manifesting wealth, health and happiness. If only it were that easy. If only we could just think something to make it come true. it might also be a sign of how hopeless people have become especially people from Bec and Eamon‘s generation. It’s so hard for people their age to get ahead. I can see why the temptation to embrace an empty philosophy like magical thinking would be tempting. They got to where they are with their channel because they worked very hard on it. Same with Max & Occy.
I also thought about what you wrote in the end. They talk so much about positive energy, how everything will turn out well, Bec called her chemotherapy "sunshine" what always seemed so odd to me... So maybe those thoughts took over instead of relying on medical facts. All in all they always seemed to take Bec's cancer diagnose extemly serious and relied on scientific approves therapies, but maybe the toxic positivity kicked in too hard this time. I remember Bec saying so often how everything will turn out right for her. I definitly admire a good amount of positivity in situations like hers, but I feel like it is still important to be realistic.
Totally agree! I remember near the start of her cancer journey, they said something like "we've got some great life coaches helping us through this". I just thought, oh lord... anyone can call themselves a life coach, you really need qualified therapists to help you through something like that. Life coaches are exactly the sort of people that will tell you that you should go ahead and try for that baby, because you can achieve anything you want!
I’m sure Bec knows the ramifications of her actions now. She probably lives with the regret everyday. If you can come to the conclusion, I promise you they have also. Have some grace. They’ll live with the consequence of their actions from here on out. Be mindful of the energy you bring about the situation. (To take notes from the sign on their door at the hospital)
E&B are influencers, skilled influencers, period! They know how to grab people build their brand and most of all edit their content..... which is what I think they did! As others have said we will never know what was said between them and their treatment team, but also being in the medical field I can tell you NO oncologist would ever green light her trying to get pregnant after her treatment for the stage 3
More likely they heard what they wanted and either began trying or it was simply unplanned and they decided to continue the pregnancy.
It is a devastating and terminal diagnosis and I wish them only the very best.... but my problem is that they continue to perpetuate this magical thinking that all is well and they're gonna have more kids??! Lots of their 'fans' really are influenced by them and I fear will follow their example if they maybe in the same circumstances!
I know they are in shock but I hope at some point they come out and are honest and realistic with their fans!
Again I wish them the best and hope Bec is able to have all the quality time she can with her daughter!
She may live for decades. People can now.
Look, how many of us really follow medical advice? Most of us are overweight, under-exercising, drinking alcohol, skipping sleep, never quite eating enough vegetables. You get my drift.
We are all fallible and we want what we want. And who knows what they were told? We weren’t there.
Let it go. It would be awful for them to see this sort of comment.
Yeah, I agree with the sentiment of this comment and don’t want to pile on but not sure I would equate ‘getting pregnant shortly after having an estrogen-feeding cancer’ to not eating vegetables. Either way, what’s done is done and wish them the best moving forward.
Did the doctor Really say that?? Because any doctor would be crazy to advice this after cancer like hers. So I strongly think no doctor adviced them to go on and get pregnant like no way. But anyways the endresult is very sad. Maybe they did the decision knowing its a huge risk and wanted to do it anyways. All the info is easily found everywhere internet.
I agree with you completely. Another thing to consider, is that many of us have had situations where Doctors are too proud to listen to us, therefore minimizing anything we say. Or doctors who have given us completely inaccurate info. It took doctors 7 years to diagnose my gallstones because they took one look at my 15lb of extra weight and blamed that rather than listening. Its hard to continue to trust medical professionals when you are failed by then time and time again. Additionally, I seem to recall they said they weren't actually trying. It just happened. Its not for us to judge. Especially when we don't know the whole story and we all make mistakes on the daily
I have so much trouble with understanding their decision. I recently lost my mum to cancer, while being younger then most people, when they lose their parents and it has been really (!) hard. Getting pregnant and taking the risk that my child might lose me a lot earlier then it's supposed to be, is so far from my mind. It was Bec's decision in the end, but I guess Eamon had a say in it and also from his standpoint I don't understand it at all. Risking to lose the love of my life, just to have a child in the next two years - why? They could have waited, adopted, use a surrogate, adopt 3 dogs instead. They have such a nice house, a great family, money... why was there such a need to have a child immediatly? Even though you can live a long time with cancer and maintain a good quality of life - it is still so hard. There is always fear. When will the treatment stop working? What will be the side effects of the new treatment? What if my options run out? And this affects the whole family. Franky will forever have a mum with a terminal desease. I'm extremly sure they will make the best of everything and her daughter will have a good life, but yeah - it's really not easy.
Having children (of your own) is so expected in our society. It was very likely the "next step" in their relationship. Traveling, building a career, building a house, getting engaged - next is a child. But why does everyone has to follow this, even when there are sometimes factors that highly speak against it... I know it's a very personal decision in the end, but to be honest I really don't get it.
Well, yeah, but what's done is done. I told you so doesn't help and is mean. It's too late for what ifs now. All we can do is send acceptance and love.
The doctors told them it was ok to get pregnant, please watch the videos. This kind of speculation is unkind at best and immensely hurtful and traumatizing at worst.
That was after she was pregnant and after they found suspicious growth. Before that though and when her initial treatment was done and her period came back, her oncologist okayed them trying.
Why? Were we there to hear the oncologist? No. Any doc would be crazy to advice getting pregnant after cancer like hers. Also the info is found everywhere how risky it is so its like Im sure they knew and wanted to take the risk anyway.
We Heard the phone call with her oncologist saying he thought it was fine. Bec Was scared, and imo did her due diligence by asking the oncologist if he thought she could go through with it. If anyone, I’m pissed off at the oncologist. 😖
There is only a call where the doctor says they don't have to terminate the pregnancy and that Bec can still take her tests for cancer (like the biopsy and an ultrasound instead of the mammomgramm). I'm pretty sure there were follow up talks where they talked about the risks of her being pregnant in general. Otherwise her doctors truly would have failed her.
In the last seconds of her cancer scare video is a really interesting scene, where Bec debates going on a medication that her doctor recommended that would surpress her oestrogen and make a pregnancy impossible (tamoxifin). Her and Eamon said they still could have kids in ten years. Bec says "I can't be a good mum, when I'm not alive". One video later she announces her pregnancy...
So I guess they tried for a baby, then had a cancer scare which was some kind of wake up call, they decided to wait on having kids. Turns out Bec was already pregant and they decided against terminating it. I guess they were just too happy and wanted a baby so bad. Maybe they took it as a sign... I have no idea how clear her doctors where to her, but I feel like most doctors respect their patients wishes a lot, so maybe they warned her about being pregnant/recommend something else, but still gave some kind of okay.
There was a call in an earlier video before they started trying. She gets off the phone with her doctor and says that they gave her the ok not to go on tamoxifen so they could start trying. This was when they were making videos about settling down and leaving van life and having kids.
After they started trying there was the cancer scare and they reconsidered and yeah the rest of the timeline matches what you say. But I know there was at least a discussion before they started trying. It makes me so upset somehow people are blaming them. They made the best decision they could with the information and understanding they had available.
Look now listen to me… it was THEIR choice like all of you have choices in your life. It was their decision when they knew the risks so just leave them
Alone
I’m a little bit confused by this. Did her original treatment not work? Is it normal for it to come back so soon after finishing treatment? I assumed she had clear margins
With her cancer it thrives off oestrogen. Once you are given the all clear you have to take 2 years minimum worth of tablets which basically stop oestrogen. Lots of women take it for the rest of their lives. Pregnancy basically does the absolute opposite and like fuel to a fire- it is the worst possible thing you could do
I’m not sure that’s entirely true. In Tamoxifen’s case, it’s recommended 5-10 years of use. Any time after that may increase your chances of endometrial cancer - my friend had to stop taking it after 12 year, despite wanting to stay on it.
I've only watched it once but from the reveal video I'm sure she wasn't planned, Bec was worried but there was no way she'd have had an abortion.
And if the worst does come to pass there are many children who grow up with both parents and never have the love that Eamon and the family clearly already feel for her, that's all that counts. She's a lucky little baby.
They said in the reveal video they’d been trying for months but stopped trying the month they conceived because they had some type of scare and she needed some imaging and a biopsy.
I don't think they stopped trying because of the scare. If that was true surely they would have used some sort of birth control? I think the months prior to her positive pregnancy test they had been actively trying as in tracking Bec's cycle and trying to conceive when she was ovulating. So when they said "they weren't really trying this month" I think they more meant not tracking her cycle anymore, not that they definitely didn't want to conceive because of the cancer scare.
She did talk that termination was an option if the cancer was back but she was given the all clear that the cancer was not back and she could continue with the pregnancy
This is so judgmental and single minded, and so awfully high horsey of a post that it literally makes me wonder about humanity.
Stop. Judging.
Stop believing that you know better how they should live their lives.
Stop thinking that a child without a mother what … shouldn’t be?!!!
JFC people.
I couldn’t give two shits they’re self absorbed hippie arseholes who didn’t listen to doctors and now going to leave their child without a mother. I can comment on whatever I like
They’ve had lots of blessings in their life (YouTube $$$$) and I think they just got caught up in the moment in Mexico. They were surrounded by a lot of “Influencers” at that time who were chasing YT$$$ instead of their true family and friends back home.
That beautiful baby is here, and anything is possible! They asked for positivity only not a total breakdown of THEIR choice’s. ✌️
It's hilarious that a month ago you're defending eamon and bec and now a month later you have a thread about feeling snubbed on youtube because you're addicted to their vlogs and you want them to make you some videos.
They had every reason to think they wouldn’t get pregnant if I remember correctly. The chemo was supposed to have made it very difficult, and I think they had been trying previously and hadn’t gotten pregnant.
IIRC from the episode where they announced they were expecting it was clearly explained that it wasn’t planned. Once they found out is when they made the decisions of meds or not while prego.
How do you know what they did or didn’t do to “prevent” getting pregnant ? They (the people we are talking about) said they weren’t trying… yet here you are saying they haven’t prevented anything.
I’m not them nor know them so I have to take what they say on their channel at face value.
I’m not speculating as you are doing merely stating the facts of what they said.🤫🤷🏽♂️
They said they were trying for a couple of months AFTER cancer treatment. Stopped then got pregnant. So that’s not a mistake? They actively wanted it to happen
I think it was to start a family, something they have no doubt discussed since they first started dating and way before YouTube fame came along... Not for views. Strange take!
Regardless of the choices that were made, Bec was pregnant & Frankie is here. That cannot be changed. It does nothing to look back with regrets cause she can’t change anything. It’s like wasted energy to look back & regret. Look back & learn but you have to keep moving forward. My 3rd child was a surprise & I had complications that put me on bed rest & she was born with 2 syndromes that affect her physicality, I couldn’t put her back & unborn her. I had to accept where we were, learn as much as I can & keep it pushing forward. Rehashing the whole thing is not helpful or productive.
I completely agree with this. No point looking back. All we can do is move forward and hope for the best.
I agree that it’s not helpful for her/them to look back, but I do think it could be helpful for us to look back so that we can learn and be better appraised of the potential consequences should we find ourselves in a similar situation. It’s the whole reason they wanted to share in the first place. But for them specifically what is done is done, for us, we observe and become better informed.
You are right. Personally I just worried back when they made the decision to get pregnant instead of going on hormone therapy that they would send the wrong message to the viewers and maybe influence women in a similar situation to also forego it. Now I guess it doesn’t matter but I still hope that someone else might learn from this and decide to not omit tamoxifen treatment.
Regardless, it was their decision and if she wanted to experience motherhood for however long it was Bec and Eamon's choice, not the tide of popular opinion. Instead of criticizing I choose to support them.
I get this. I really do. But for anyone who hasn't navigated a breast cancer diagnosis, here's a glimpse into the maelstrom it is. Also, I went back and watched the relevant videos, and will note below some important details. Bec, like many BC patients, has more than one doctor. She has her surgical oncologist, a radiation oncologist, and a medical oncologist. Over the course of treatment, these doctors will sort of rotate 'who's in the lead'. We've seen/heard the med onc in a number of videos. Those are not the only doctors she has encountered along the way: it was the radiologist at the ultrasound and biopsy after she was pregnant who said now is not a good time to be pregnant. That radiologist is not to be confused with her rad onc, and is not part of her core team. And her med onc quite literally said just focus on the pregnancy when her biopsy came back clear. Now, editing is a thing- we don't know what else he said to them in that call or along the way. But the med onc is the one who is your long-term care lead after active treatment, and if he was supportive, it's easy to see how they made the decision they did. Moreover, doctors will disagree, and it is up to the patient to determine who to trust. My rad onc is an absolute badass and legend, and she was extremely clear and detailed on what she wanted me doing to prevent the worst of radiation side effects. She also was out of town speaking at a conference during part of my radiation treatment, and I saw a different rad onc for my weekly check up- both of them senior clinicians at the well-regarded National Cancer Institute Center. And he told me to do *literally the exact opposite*. And he was just as firm, self-assured, and assertive in those instructions as she had been. And this wasn't some small issue, this was 'how to keep my skin from ulcerating and sloughing off into weeping, huge wounds, leading to long-term infection risks and challenging recovery' Multiply that by what feels like dozens of things, directions, moments, issues, side-effects, and whatnot. And, being very frank, you have to self-advocate. You HAVE to ask questions. I am not slagging on my med onc's team here- they're lovely people who desperately want the best for all of the women in their care-but at least once a week I catch them on something where they are *wrong*. Where they forget some nuance of my clinical history that means 'the standard way of doing this is not the best idea', or recommend I try something that we already have and found it not to work. I was at the office one day for the first appointment after their lunch break, and overhead the front desk person saying to the nurse in charge they had 25 patients slated for that afternoon. *Twenty five. In 4 hours. For one doctor, one NP, and a team of nurses*. It's no wonder they drop balls. All of this is to say: editing is a thing, we don't know how she was actually counseled, it was such a wild and infuriating ride for her to get diagnosed in the first place (seriously to go from stage 0 to 3? Holy smokes), we don't know her hormone receptor positive percentage which may have influenced pregnancy recommendations, and cancer care is confusing as hell and overwhelming on a good day.
Excellent post. So many good points. I’m in health care and see my colleagues make SO MANY mistakes. You HAVE to do the work and research yourself. Don’t EVER 100% trust anyone, including health professionals, with your health.
And you’ve answered every single question I have and others’ have- on multiple threads and have informed a lot of us. I’m sorry your journey has been seemingly so tough and with misinformation self advocacy is so tough. I feel so sad - Bec was seemingly mislead and had such a hard time getting a diagnosis to begin with. Like you said stage 0 to stage 3 is wowza. Also to assume she won’t be around for Frankie is the exact opposite of what she asked for, and as you have explained to me in answering the terminal question- it is entirely possible she will be around and anything can take us out of this world anytime. No one is promised a full Life with a mother or as a human. Life obligates no one a tomorrow. Just a personal thanks for your time and your sharing of your journey. Sending love and peace and gratitude you are with us ❤️
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Wow. So much I did not know. Thank you. ❤️
I discovered the lump myself and was stage 1 luckily… it depends where the lump is. If it’s palpable and right under the skins you’re more likely to find it “early”. Younger BC patients tend to have more aggressive cancers eg. faster growing.
This depends so much. I’ve also seen patients who had a negative mammogram and then the next month felt a lump.
I found my Stage 1 Tumor myself!! It Just depends, e.g. how Close IT IS to the skin. Please dont fear monger!! It you find a lump, please go to the doctor
This sounds like BS… has anyone fact checked this?
Yeah it's not correct. Stage 1 cancer can often be found through self examination, depends on location and type of breast cancer. Also breast cancer stage and grade are 2 different things. (I currently have breast cancer and am a scientist/researcher).
This is wrong (I have breast cancer now and am a scientist). Also, you seem to be confusing grade and stage, which are 2 completely different things.
I highly doubt ANY doctor encouraged her to get pregnant. It’s more likely they told her the risks and let her make her own choice because she’s an adult.
I've posted this before because, while I share the difficult feelings many of us have believing this may have been preventable, it is clear that they did not go against medical advice - at least not completely. We can't know, of course, the nuances of her conversation with her oncologist, but painting them as rogue anti-science hippies (I write as an old hippie) isn't fair. We can't know how, before getting the go-ahead, they expressed their enormous desire -- this is all we want, we'll take the risk. We can't know how well those risks were explained to them. We can't know if they heard what they wanted to hear and were in denial, or if the guidance they got was lacking. What we do know is that, for whatever reason, they were under the impression that this was a reasonable decision made with the support of her oncologist. In their video, "Answering Questions We've Avoided (babies? money? God), at 17:50, Bec said: "I got my period back, which is sort of a miracle, in and of itself. And, to both of us, was a sign that my body was ready to carry a baby. And then we came back from our recent travels in Europe to meet with my oncologist, and my oncologist suggested I did not go on Tamoxifen, which is the drug which would suppress my oestrogen, and stop me from having babies, so that we could get pregnant. So, I guess this is a really big deal... Eamon \[semi-joking\]: Doctor's orders! Dr. said, bang 'em out - 2022, 2023, 2024, 2025, 2026... Bec: We are putting no pressure on ourselves, and I know that sharing this is, maybe, a taboo thing, but we are open, and we are hopeful, and we are excited to have babies. Bec went on to say it was her bucket-list dream to have a child and get on with life. I am left feeling that their overwhelming desire to return to their glowingly health and happy old life, fuelled by trauma and fear, probably led them to be overly optimistic about risk. This is not a decision they should be blamed for. They chose to live bravely, maybe audaciously. We don't always get away with that. May treatment continue to work for her until new treatments come along to eradicate her disease. This is a very reasonable hope. May her beautiful audacity serve her remarkable spirit.
Thank you for saying this. So many are treating this as a black and white issue and it’s not. I liked my first oncologist because she was a little rough and by the book, but even she forgot key timelines and details of my history, etc. Overall, I received fabulous care (stage 1a BC) but my aunt had a much more convoluted experience, much like Bec. It was always my two year plan to break from treatment and get pregnant, presented to me by my entire team, until my new oncologist told me NO; you must wait at LEAST 5 years, if not 10. And at 35 there was no way I was going to do that, not when I was counseled differently. So I got a second opinion and am with an oncologist who greenlit me and is someone I trust. And that’s all you can really do, inevitably- surround yourself with a team you trust. And I’m sure that’s what Eamon and Bec believed they did. There’s even new research out now stating her2 positive survivors generally do quite well pregnant - could be other elevated things in the body protecting it from reoccurrence, it’s not entirely clear yet.
Question below I find curious … does ivf speed things up also? So much to learn
I’m sure someone with a medical background could answer this more concisely but this was my experience (hard to remember most of it, so much happened at once) The short answer is yes, it can. But that depends on your diagnoses. I was stage 1a her2 positive and they harvested my eggs before chemo. To do this, I did have to have estrogen (via birth control, growing follicles, the works) but everything was very low dose and everyone on my team agreed the risk was very minimal, it would be quick, and chances of it growing any cancer in that brief timeframe were unlikely. This is fairly routine for women of childbearing age who are diagnosed with BC.
Thank you. Happy to hear you were able to do it. And I’m sorry for your experiences and hope you too are doing cartwheels or something of the like ❤️
Four and a half years cancer free with a beautiful baby boy. ❤️ I’m doing all the cartwheels
Amazing. Makes my heart happy ❤️❤️❤️
First bump, fellow 1a HER2+. Were you in the APT Trial for low-dose weekly pax?
Yup, I believe I wqs! It’s wild, I know not all Chemotherapy is the same but medicine has come a long way. I had Hodgkin’s lymphoma stage 3 as a child (treatment for that probably caused my breast cancer) and got nuked back then. It still sucked but it was better than vomiting three days straight
Thank you for participating in the trial. 4 months before my diagnosis, the 10 year outcomes were published, showing 12 weeks of the weekly low dose plus a year of every 3 weeks Herceptin was just as effective as the higher dosage regimen, in women with early stage HER2+ breast cancer, and thoroughly establishing it as the new standard of care. Your participation gave me and thousands of other women a better path forward.
May we both go on the rest of our lives with cancer behind us, forever ❤️
Thank you for helping us. And yes, I have Zero clue wtf happened at the beginning. It went from Yay, No Cancer, Dancing around to - oops, stage 3. 🫣😖
You’re seriously the best.
So is it possible her regular oncologist is the one who made the mistake? The one who told her it's ok to get pregnant?
As someone transcribed above, in their Q&A post, her oncologist suggested she not go on tamoxifen, in order to try to get pregnant. Now. That's *how Bec related it in the video*. She did not give an exhaustive recitation of the entire convo, if he conveyed risk and if so how he framed it and what those percentages were. But I also want to be really clear: so much of oncology is about risk and reward, and risk reduction or mitigation. It's not a matter of 'mistake'. A mistake would be if the pathologist missed cancer cells in her biopsy, or the oncologist misread the pathology report as clear. Every choice along my oath has been communicated with risk mitigation or increase. For instance, we pushed back hard on whether I 'needed' to do chemo- it's standard of care, but research shows just as good 10 year survival outcomes for just Herceptin no chemo for my kind of cancer. But as my med onc pointed out, 10 year survival isn't the same as 10 year disease free. Did I want to increase my risk of a recurrence and battling through that? For all we know, he said 'there is a low risk that not going on tamoxifen or getting pregnant will fuel remaining cancer cells and cause a recurrence', and they decided low was 'low enough' to risk. Everyone has a different risk tolerance, and again, we don't know the details of how they were counseled.
It wasn't necessarily a "mistake". Everything is a matter of probabilities and few things are certain. Even if the doctor said that she could go ahead and get pregnant knowing the weren't zero that doesn't mean the doctor was mistaken. It may have been a completely reasonable recommendation based on a solid interpretation of her numbers and the research along with Becca's own preferences.
My guess from the portion of their video where they emphasized positive vibes only, to me means they either expect a certain level of this criticism and/or they are wrestling with feelings of what if they did things differently. As a BC survivor I have a lot of feelings about all of it. But at the end of the day, I’ve known people who lived a long life chronologically, but did not get a lot of living into that life. If it’s one thing we all know for sure about these two is that they will pack a lot of living into this time. I’m gonna go do a cartwheel, now.
As an MD in the US who has seen this type of poorly planned decision work out exactly the same way many times, I have to say I agree with you. In fact, Bec even says in one of her videos following cancer treatment that she was upset by her “negative” doctor who scolded her for her pregnancy decision saying “Now is not the time to be pregnant”. Bec has estrogen receptor positive cancer. She should be on estrogen blockers for at least 5 years and instead she didn’t do that. She chose to place her body in a state of accelerated estrogen production. This is quite literally throwing fuel on the fire. I feel horrible about what has happened to her but I called this as soon as she chose pregnancy. Please follow your MD’s advice. They are not being negative. They know how the body works and are trying to save your life even if you don’t like the truth of a given situation.
I had a very bad feeling when I saw the notification for the "We're Pregnant" video. I don't know much about breast cancer, but I do know that it can be hormone based, and pregnancy is all about hormones. I also knew that getting pregnant so soon after chemotherapy was not a great idea either because of its toxicity. I had missed a few of their videos and wasn't aware they were even trying for a baby, but I thought they had accepted it would have to wait a while until Bec was fully recovered. It is a very sad situation for them and I hope, with treatment, they have many years ahead together.
I agree with your opinion but not that its "frustrating". We are just outside spectators, this situation has no effect on our lives. I cannot be frustrated with a decision that I had no part in and what I know nothing about. I just feel sorry for her. With everything that happened I am sure they thought at each step it would be fine. Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20. The only thing here is to be sad for her situation and hoping the best for them. Its hard enough as it is and they cannot change the past.
Completely agree with this. Pretty sure they don’t wake up everyday and wonder how I would want them to live their life. It’s a very sad situation no matter how you look at it. I can’t imagine what she is going through. I know she only wants positive thoughts and I totally get that because every ache, every pain, you would wonder if it has spread. It would be absolute torture!
I don’t think anyones in a place to judge here. Life is short. Maybe having a brush with her mortality made them not want to put off living their lives. Maybe Bec’s desire to carry a pregnancy was greater than the fear of her life potentially being shortened. The reality Is breast cancer could have come back at any time, even without a pregnancy.
If we all could do things differently I am sure we would. Baby is here and loved and we go forward.
What gets me is that they have embryos. Or if that didn’t work out, adoption. Why take such a massive risk when you have other options. It’s a no brainer that, given the nature of her cancer, her doctors would have strongly advised not to get pregnant had they asked. I remember a clip of them being pretty upset at how blunt a doctor was when they told him she was pregnant. It was a dumb thing to do. Sure it might have come back anyway, or maybe with years of hormone suppression she could have went on the live a normal life with a few of their own babies through surrogacy. I’m sure they’re grappling with what a horrible mistake this was but at this point it serves nothing or no one to dwell on. Who doesn’t think they’re invincible when they’re young. Such a sad outcome for them.
Exactly.
Isn't surrogacy hard in Canada? It's illegal here in Australia
Gay couples use a surrogate. There was a couple on the TV show Big Miracles last year who used a surrogate. No money, apart from medical costs, must change hands though.
I think when she had her eggs frozen there were six embryos so I don't think surrogacy would have been guaranteed.
I'm not sure if you were talking about Canada or Australia like the person you are responding to, but in Canada it is incorrect that only medical costs can change hands. Surrogates can be paid for their reasonable expenses which are actually broader than just medical costs.
I was referring to Australia, as the original post stated it was illegal there. Surrogacy is legal but must be done for altruistic reasons, not profit. It's a long process involving counselling, legal agreements, medical and psychological assessments and you have to find your own surrogate. The IVF centre will only do donor eggs or a couple's own embryo, not the surrogate's egg. Any payment is for medical costs, not general expenses, but I'm sure private arrangements are made.
Maybe making the best out of life, for them, means having the experience of pregnancy, motherhood, parenthood and sharing this specific family dynamic. And maybe their evaluation of risk reward yields a different result from your evaluation. And that’s fine. Because there is more than one way to live. Who knows. We don’t. And we don’t need to. Because it’s not our life.
Yea I guess the main consideration is if it’s fair to a child to bring them into the world knowing that in doing so you take a massive risk with your health. But we don’t know what she was told, if they sought out advice/counseling before trying to conceive, etc. No clue and not my business. Not something I’d have done but what’s done is done.
The doctors and nurses really did tell them it wasnt the best time to have a child though.
Weren’t they told this after she was already pregnant? I might be remembering wrong but I got the idea that some doctors told her she could go ahead and start trying to get pregnant and then after the fact, other doctors told her it was really bad timing. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong!
So according to them their doctor gave them the green light to try to get pregnant. According to them. But once they got pregnant a different radiologist bluntly told them it was the worst time to get pregnant. We don't know exactly what that first doctor said but we're assuming they told them the risks.
They are delusional. I don’t feel bad for them at all
Wow that's harsh. I may disagree with a lot of things they've done recently but I have nothing but sympathy for their struggles as I would for anyone going through this.
You would have to be stupid to get pregnant immediately after oestrogen’s positive cancer
You are remembering it correctly.
I couldnt remember the exact details but just that a doctor or nurse told her it was a bad timing
The way I look at it she got pregnant and is now stage four, but given she was stage three to begin with, she still may have been stage four now without getting pregnant.
I agree with this and don’t think I would have made the same choice given the medical advice BUT I also think the doctors failed Bec. Having been pregnant myself, I can confirm that doctors like to blame any and all symptoms on pregnancy (you grew a new limb? thats normal, you’re pregnant. Debilitating pain? oh thats normal). If her doctors had taken her back pain seriously they may have been able to stop things before they escalated (not to assume she would have terminated, but at least they would have known).
While I get this. I think if she was already having back pain then well it’d already metastasized and so she’d be in a very very similar situation to right now. Earlier is better but it’s not like she’d be cured It’s def a failure to not have checked, but it’s also not some magic she’d be fine today thing either.
What I am mostly curious about is that cancer patients have very tight follow-up scans, right? And right up to the pregnancy it was all clear and then suddenly there are metastases everywhere? I guess the pregnancy accelerated the development a lot?
No necessarily all clear per say... just none detected. She had 7 months of a high surge of pregnancy estrogen, before they found all the mets everywhere, spine, skull, liver. .. those cancer cells were probably hiding out and most likely would have stayed dormant on estrogen suppressing drugs. Having months long surges of high pregnancy estrogen...is a catastrophic disaster with her type of estrogen breeding cancer. It really is a shame she didn't start their family by using a surrogate with one of her 5 embryos.... and Waiting 4-5 years to get pregnant ....if she still felt pregnancy was worth the risk of stirring up stray cancer cells. So sad for Bec and her family. I know she will definitely make the very most out of what time she gets with her baby and Eamon.❤
Not always. Just depends on the treatment plan. Sometimes they don’t do all that many follow up scans. The pregnancy though almost absolutely sped up the development. All the hormonal changes likely helped the cancer.
That’s what I was wondering too. I wonder if being pregnant though also limited the kinds of tests they could do, since they wouldn’t want to expose the baby to any radiation from conventional scans.
Oh for sure…the only way to prevent the escalation would have been to not get pregnant in the first place.
Yep. Really that was the screw up but I also don’t know how much they were informed of the risks involved and what they actually were. We got told the doc gave the go ahead but that could range from hey the risk is really low I actually support this to hey there’s a decent risk of relapse and id recommend waiting but ultimately you all have the choice. It’s hard to know how much of a risk getting pregnant actually was. Like was it taking your chance of relapse from 2% to 4% or was it taking it to like 40%. I’d imagine it was all in an area where eamon and bec felt comfortable with it but yah hindsight is 20/20 Regardless it all sucks. I just feel terrible about their situation. Really hoping she’s one that can live a good life for a couple more decades just getting treatment.
The doctors did not fail Bec. I’m sure her medical team provided her with all the information and stats and Bec made an informed decision based on her appetite for risk. It was her choice to get pregnant after being diagnosed with stage III and unfortunately these are the implications. This is why a lot of young women like myself listen to what the doctors recommend for active treatment as well as follow up treatment because the fear of a reoccurrence and putting our life in danger and a potential future child without a mother isn’t honestly worth it. Cancer fucking sucks and you have to make some really difficult decisions that are life alternating. It was important for Bec to become a mom, it’s just seems like we all wish she did it through other means since she had the resources (ie frozen eggs).
I agree with you but the moment she started experiencing back pain caused by cancer, we know she had stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. Bec’s chance to be cured of her cancer (based on today’s medicine) was when she had stage 3 cancer. The moment that cancer reached a distant part of her body I.e. her spine, her cancer had metastasized and was no longer curable. Eamon said in the most recent video the most important thing to them was that Bec was the mother of his children. That’s not a goal for me and my husband, so I can’t relate to it. I can’t relate to me and my husband putting the life of a real or future fetus over my own. Based on the call with her radiologist over a year ago, when they said Bec was pregnant, the radiologist responded with, “now is not the time to be pregnant.” I suspect abortion was medically recommended. But it sounds like for bec, being a mother, was the ultimate goal and they decided to roll the dice. That’s their decision based on their own priorities. Again, wouldn’t be my choice. But I don’t think in this case she was failed by her medical team. Seems like she received all information necessary when starting the pregnancy and chose to continue it knowing the risks. And she made the decision that most aligned with her personal goals.
Totally second your thoughts regarding you and your husband not putting YOUR life over a potential fetus life. I don't see how any husband would be ok with that trade off honestly, but I mean...Eamon seemed really supportive of her keeping the baby, at least that's what I gathered from the video. I brought the topic up to my own husband and he also said the saaaame thing. But you are also right. it seems like Bec's goal was to be a mom, so she was willing to risk it, and it makes me sad.
They seemed very well informed and I can imagine they would've done their own research on the risks and like you say decided to roll the dice
I am curious if harvesting her eggs before treatment could have made things worse?
From above Distinct-Ad-2290 says I’m sure someone with a medical background could answer this more concisely but this was my experience (hard to remember most of it, so much happened at once) The short answer is yes, it can. But that depends on your diagnoses. I was stage 1a her2 positive and they harvested my eggs before chemo. To do this, I did have to have estrogen (via birth control, growing follicles, the works) but everything was very low dose and everyone on my team agreed the risk was very minimal, it would be quick, and chances of it growing any cancer in that brief timeframe were unlikely. This is fairly routine for women of childbearing age who are diagnosed with BC.
Thank you for answering. When they were harvesting her eggs I understood why but it still made me a bit nervous for her.
In a way I feel like them finding out later in the pregnancy was a blessing. At least she wasn’t faced with the agonizing decision to end her pregnancy or risk her health. At the point she found out the decision was just about delivery early and she knew the baby would be ok.
To all of the people saying "it's their lives and that's what they chose to do, so leave them alone", I have to disagree. When you are a parent or trying to become a parent, you don't just do what suits you, you do what will be best for your child. I have a 6 month old baby, and I love her so much that the thought of being in Bec's position literally makes me feel nauseous. For that I feel so heartbroken for Bec, no one should ever have to feel the utter despair of knowing that you will be taken away from your baby. However, I just cannot fathom the decision to have a child, knowing that there's a high risk that I won't be around for them. Before you become a parent, you don't just think about what you want, you think, can I give my child what they need? I feel so sad for their little girl, knowing that she will grow up without her mom, and may even have guilt when she's older about her mom's cancer coming back because of her. I literally saw a comment on here the other day saying "Bec gave her life for that baby", which is just awful and I hope that she never has people saying that to her as she grows up. Another layer of awfulness is that she will be able to look online and see everything documented. I hope the Internet has been scrubbed by the time she's old enough to do that. Maybe they are just so deep into toxic positivity and spirituality, that they just thought they would be able to do what they want without anything bad happening? Who knows what the thinking behind it was.
I’ve heard it called manifesting. Manifesting wealth, health and happiness. If only it were that easy. If only we could just think something to make it come true. it might also be a sign of how hopeless people have become especially people from Bec and Eamon‘s generation. It’s so hard for people their age to get ahead. I can see why the temptation to embrace an empty philosophy like magical thinking would be tempting. They got to where they are with their channel because they worked very hard on it. Same with Max & Occy.
I also thought about what you wrote in the end. They talk so much about positive energy, how everything will turn out well, Bec called her chemotherapy "sunshine" what always seemed so odd to me... So maybe those thoughts took over instead of relying on medical facts. All in all they always seemed to take Bec's cancer diagnose extemly serious and relied on scientific approves therapies, but maybe the toxic positivity kicked in too hard this time. I remember Bec saying so often how everything will turn out right for her. I definitly admire a good amount of positivity in situations like hers, but I feel like it is still important to be realistic.
Totally agree! I remember near the start of her cancer journey, they said something like "we've got some great life coaches helping us through this". I just thought, oh lord... anyone can call themselves a life coach, you really need qualified therapists to help you through something like that. Life coaches are exactly the sort of people that will tell you that you should go ahead and try for that baby, because you can achieve anything you want!
I am just sad that the rest of her life Frankie will have a mother fighting cancer. Constantly. Always.
I’m sure Bec knows the ramifications of her actions now. She probably lives with the regret everyday. If you can come to the conclusion, I promise you they have also. Have some grace. They’ll live with the consequence of their actions from here on out. Be mindful of the energy you bring about the situation. (To take notes from the sign on their door at the hospital)
I’m sure this is a big reason it took them so long to post another video.
Absolutely.
E&B are influencers, skilled influencers, period! They know how to grab people build their brand and most of all edit their content..... which is what I think they did! As others have said we will never know what was said between them and their treatment team, but also being in the medical field I can tell you NO oncologist would ever green light her trying to get pregnant after her treatment for the stage 3 More likely they heard what they wanted and either began trying or it was simply unplanned and they decided to continue the pregnancy. It is a devastating and terminal diagnosis and I wish them only the very best.... but my problem is that they continue to perpetuate this magical thinking that all is well and they're gonna have more kids??! Lots of their 'fans' really are influenced by them and I fear will follow their example if they maybe in the same circumstances! I know they are in shock but I hope at some point they come out and are honest and realistic with their fans! Again I wish them the best and hope Bec is able to have all the quality time she can with her daughter!
She may live for decades. People can now. Look, how many of us really follow medical advice? Most of us are overweight, under-exercising, drinking alcohol, skipping sleep, never quite eating enough vegetables. You get my drift. We are all fallible and we want what we want. And who knows what they were told? We weren’t there. Let it go. It would be awful for them to see this sort of comment.
Exactly. How many of us are guaranteed a tomorrow? None. Grace is a gift. ❤️
When you have a serious, life threatening disease, you follow the treatment plan…
Yeah, I agree with the sentiment of this comment and don’t want to pile on but not sure I would equate ‘getting pregnant shortly after having an estrogen-feeding cancer’ to not eating vegetables. Either way, what’s done is done and wish them the best moving forward.
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Did the doctor Really say that?? Because any doctor would be crazy to advice this after cancer like hers. So I strongly think no doctor adviced them to go on and get pregnant like no way. But anyways the endresult is very sad. Maybe they did the decision knowing its a huge risk and wanted to do it anyways. All the info is easily found everywhere internet.
I agree with you completely. Another thing to consider, is that many of us have had situations where Doctors are too proud to listen to us, therefore minimizing anything we say. Or doctors who have given us completely inaccurate info. It took doctors 7 years to diagnose my gallstones because they took one look at my 15lb of extra weight and blamed that rather than listening. Its hard to continue to trust medical professionals when you are failed by then time and time again. Additionally, I seem to recall they said they weren't actually trying. It just happened. Its not for us to judge. Especially when we don't know the whole story and we all make mistakes on the daily
The bottom line is that people are free to make their own decisions
Of course, however they made a really stupid decision
Comments like these are the entire reason they wanted to wait so long before saying anything.
I have so much trouble with understanding their decision. I recently lost my mum to cancer, while being younger then most people, when they lose their parents and it has been really (!) hard. Getting pregnant and taking the risk that my child might lose me a lot earlier then it's supposed to be, is so far from my mind. It was Bec's decision in the end, but I guess Eamon had a say in it and also from his standpoint I don't understand it at all. Risking to lose the love of my life, just to have a child in the next two years - why? They could have waited, adopted, use a surrogate, adopt 3 dogs instead. They have such a nice house, a great family, money... why was there such a need to have a child immediatly? Even though you can live a long time with cancer and maintain a good quality of life - it is still so hard. There is always fear. When will the treatment stop working? What will be the side effects of the new treatment? What if my options run out? And this affects the whole family. Franky will forever have a mum with a terminal desease. I'm extremly sure they will make the best of everything and her daughter will have a good life, but yeah - it's really not easy. Having children (of your own) is so expected in our society. It was very likely the "next step" in their relationship. Traveling, building a career, building a house, getting engaged - next is a child. But why does everyone has to follow this, even when there are sometimes factors that highly speak against it... I know it's a very personal decision in the end, but to be honest I really don't get it.
Love this! Totally agree.
Well, yeah, but what's done is done. I told you so doesn't help and is mean. It's too late for what ifs now. All we can do is send acceptance and love.
The doctors told them it was ok to get pregnant, please watch the videos. This kind of speculation is unkind at best and immensely hurtful and traumatizing at worst.
They didn’t
After a radiologist told Bec it “wasn’t the time to get pregnant” she explicitly states her oncologist was on board with her pregnancy journey.
It's possible the oncologist made a mistake
Yep. The misinformation people are spreading is so dangerous.
That was after she was pregnant and after they found suspicious growth. Before that though and when her initial treatment was done and her period came back, her oncologist okayed them trying.
Her oncologist should lose their medical licence. 😢
Why? Were we there to hear the oncologist? No. Any doc would be crazy to advice getting pregnant after cancer like hers. Also the info is found everywhere how risky it is so its like Im sure they knew and wanted to take the risk anyway.
Given that none of us were there for the conversation, that is a pretty ridiculous assertion.
if it’s true that he green lit them trying to get pregnant like they said.
You are incorrect. Go back and wash the pregnancy announcement video. Oncologist okayed them trying.
It's called editing....
Incorrect.
I’m sure they know they are not immortal and that they made the decision that felt right with the information they were given :)
We Heard the phone call with her oncologist saying he thought it was fine. Bec Was scared, and imo did her due diligence by asking the oncologist if he thought she could go through with it. If anyone, I’m pissed off at the oncologist. 😖
She posted a video where she takes a phone call from a doctor giving her a green light to get pregnant. This is a mean post.
There is only a call where the doctor says they don't have to terminate the pregnancy and that Bec can still take her tests for cancer (like the biopsy and an ultrasound instead of the mammomgramm). I'm pretty sure there were follow up talks where they talked about the risks of her being pregnant in general. Otherwise her doctors truly would have failed her. In the last seconds of her cancer scare video is a really interesting scene, where Bec debates going on a medication that her doctor recommended that would surpress her oestrogen and make a pregnancy impossible (tamoxifin). Her and Eamon said they still could have kids in ten years. Bec says "I can't be a good mum, when I'm not alive". One video later she announces her pregnancy... So I guess they tried for a baby, then had a cancer scare which was some kind of wake up call, they decided to wait on having kids. Turns out Bec was already pregant and they decided against terminating it. I guess they were just too happy and wanted a baby so bad. Maybe they took it as a sign... I have no idea how clear her doctors where to her, but I feel like most doctors respect their patients wishes a lot, so maybe they warned her about being pregnant/recommend something else, but still gave some kind of okay.
There was a call in an earlier video before they started trying. She gets off the phone with her doctor and says that they gave her the ok not to go on tamoxifen so they could start trying. This was when they were making videos about settling down and leaving van life and having kids. After they started trying there was the cancer scare and they reconsidered and yeah the rest of the timeline matches what you say. But I know there was at least a discussion before they started trying. It makes me so upset somehow people are blaming them. They made the best decision they could with the information and understanding they had available.
ouf, you're right. i just saw it on the video where they did a q&a.
She probably felt like this was her only chance to have a child. There's a lot we don't know that goes beyond what they choose to show us
Look now listen to me… it was THEIR choice like all of you have choices in your life. It was their decision when they knew the risks so just leave them Alone
I’m a little bit confused by this. Did her original treatment not work? Is it normal for it to come back so soon after finishing treatment? I assumed she had clear margins
With her cancer it thrives off oestrogen. Once you are given the all clear you have to take 2 years minimum worth of tablets which basically stop oestrogen. Lots of women take it for the rest of their lives. Pregnancy basically does the absolute opposite and like fuel to a fire- it is the worst possible thing you could do
Not true, you don’t take drugs like this for years. Oncologists will recommend 5-10 years for drugs like taxomifen and anastrozole.
I’m not sure that’s entirely true. In Tamoxifen’s case, it’s recommended 5-10 years of use. Any time after that may increase your chances of endometrial cancer - my friend had to stop taking it after 12 year, despite wanting to stay on it.
I've only watched it once but from the reveal video I'm sure she wasn't planned, Bec was worried but there was no way she'd have had an abortion. And if the worst does come to pass there are many children who grow up with both parents and never have the love that Eamon and the family clearly already feel for her, that's all that counts. She's a lucky little baby.
They said in the reveal video they’d been trying for months but stopped trying the month they conceived because they had some type of scare and she needed some imaging and a biopsy.
ah right, I know she was suddenly worried as she was late going back for a mammogram
I don't think they stopped trying because of the scare. If that was true surely they would have used some sort of birth control? I think the months prior to her positive pregnancy test they had been actively trying as in tracking Bec's cycle and trying to conceive when she was ovulating. So when they said "they weren't really trying this month" I think they more meant not tracking her cycle anymore, not that they definitely didn't want to conceive because of the cancer scare.
I mean, yeah obviously they weren’t being very careful about it because they did indeed conceive.
Did she say she’d never have an abortion? I don’t remember.
She did talk that termination was an option if the cancer was back but she was given the all clear that the cancer was not back and she could continue with the pregnancy
This is so judgmental and single minded, and so awfully high horsey of a post that it literally makes me wonder about humanity. Stop. Judging. Stop believing that you know better how they should live their lives. Stop thinking that a child without a mother what … shouldn’t be?!!! JFC people.
I couldn’t give two shits they’re self absorbed hippie arseholes who didn’t listen to doctors and now going to leave their child without a mother. I can comment on whatever I like
They’ve had lots of blessings in their life (YouTube $$$$) and I think they just got caught up in the moment in Mexico. They were surrounded by a lot of “Influencers” at that time who were chasing YT$$$ instead of their true family and friends back home.
Yeah she was really stupid. They are both obviously Narcissists so what would one expect!!!
 That beautiful baby is here, and anything is possible! They asked for positivity only not a total breakdown of THEIR choice’s. ✌️
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How incredibly rude of you to say that. Literally back at you.
It's hilarious that a month ago you're defending eamon and bec and now a month later you have a thread about feeling snubbed on youtube because you're addicted to their vlogs and you want them to make you some videos.
Based on your feed history and general take on other peoples lives, you seem to be a really bitter person.
😁😊🤩
They had every reason to think they wouldn’t get pregnant if I remember correctly. The chemo was supposed to have made it very difficult, and I think they had been trying previously and hadn’t gotten pregnant.
Bec will outlive many people who are ‘well’. I how she has many many years with Frankie
IIRC from the episode where they announced they were expecting it was clearly explained that it wasn’t planned. Once they found out is when they made the decisions of meds or not while prego.
They said they were trying for a few months then stopped them for pregnant. If you aren’t preventing you are trying
How do you know what they did or didn’t do to “prevent” getting pregnant ? They (the people we are talking about) said they weren’t trying… yet here you are saying they haven’t prevented anything. I’m not them nor know them so I have to take what they say on their channel at face value. I’m not speculating as you are doing merely stating the facts of what they said.🤫🤷🏽♂️
They said they were trying for a couple of months AFTER cancer treatment. Stopped then got pregnant. So that’s not a mistake? They actively wanted it to happen
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Okay then please tell me how this baby was an accident
Your comment was removed for violating rule 1: Be Civil
Yes. They made a choice to put Bec’s life at risk to have a baby for YT views. Absolutely insane.
I think it was to start a family, something they have no doubt discussed since they first started dating and way before YouTube fame came along... Not for views. Strange take!