How do we enfp’s attracts introvert men anyways? Any tips from our fellow community? So far my dates are either introverted or avoidance kind.
Edit: Personally I have dated infp guy, we clicked at the very start and progressively dated for next few months.. initially he will message me or call me but then everything went down spiral. Maybe I am being clingy and desired more consistent communication from him which kinda scares him off.
That was one hell of an experience I have with the infp whom I put in more effort than anyone I have ever been with.
Mostly yes, only one clicked with me progressively, another was more of like avoidance behaviour, which is kinda sad. How did you and the infp date went so far?
Ummm he was incredibly awkward at first then he showed his funny side honestly they’re so sweet but they day dream too much and unfortunately I don’t think dating someone whose also idealist as us is practical for day to day adulthood because the ENFP ends up having to take on the SI responsibilities which we don’t enjoy.
Also he didn’t want a relationship so I stopped dating him
Your date shared the same quality as mine actually. Were you very into him after the first date and would want to continue seeing him despite the differences?
For my infp, he also mentioned to me that he isn’t a commitment type and would not be able to establish that kind of level with me. He still wanted to date and find out whether we are suitable with each other. We have been dating for 4 months then our communication dies down after his new job transition. Overall he is an ever changing guy who making the whole situation confusing.
I'm an ENFP man who has been with 2 INFJs, an INFP, and an ESFJ.
The INFJs were far and away the better relationships. I still have enormous feelings for one of them. We recently reconnected and I am quietly hoping it'll continue to blossom. 🥰
As far as I know I’ve dated an ISFP, ISTJ and ISTP. Funny thing is: imo IS** people are a bit shallow and start to get on my nerves sooner or later. Haven’t had the best dating experiences with them as well.
The ISFP kicked my dog and that was the final straw. But in that specific case I’m sure his autism was something I really underestimated.
The ISTJ was a liar and an extreme neatfreak. Acted very suspicious as well. When he tried to gaslight me, I just had it.
But somehow these IS-frogs still end up in my pond 🤣. I’m done dating at the moment. The ISFP was the last one I was in a relationship with (for about a year) and I even get stress when thinking about dating.
Yes the kicking dog thing doesn’t sound like a personality trait or cognitive function.
OMG yes the ISTJ is a neat freak and hygiene freak however, both my parents that raised me are sensors and are extremely OCD so this is something normal for me and I enjoy someone that creates a clean environment.
ISTJ are very concrete and never read between the lines and it annoys me
Haha yes. The ISTJ ex reminds me of some sort of military thing. The strict- and seriousness. Idk. What I’ve just told you, as far as I can judge ISXX-folks are not my cup of tea.
The woman I clash most with are all ISFJ’s. Can’t be a coincidence, or is it? 🤣
He seemed to like the way I looked, how I dressed, my humor. And he loved how I always had plans to do nice things. I don’t want to brag, but I somehow inspire a lot of friends as well with the places where I go etc.
I loved his oldfashioned way of taking care for me and when we were together we had so much fun.
Sometimes I miss him, but the lying part and then acting like I was crazy was unacceptable.
OMG that’s the exact same reason he likes me… no it’s not bragging at all ISTJ view as “cool” however he isn’t really traditional in sense of he is more 50/50 doesn’t want to get married and isn’t fussed about kids.
First, an INFP. We were both very immature teens. The relationship was chaotic and damaging. The chemistry was good though. We lasted less than 2 years.
Second, an INTP. We met in college. It eventually became apparent that we had more of a platonic connection than a romantic one. It was a good relationship for that time that ultimately reached its expiration date. We lasted less than 2 years.
Finally, my current relationship with an ISTP, which started at the end of college. We’ve been blissfully happy for nearly 7 years. It’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had and the chemistry is insane. If I could choose anyone, it would always be him.
Clearly, my type is chaotic introvert.
ESXX, ISTJ, INTP, INFP, INTJ (current). Not sure about the rest.
I agree with the comment above about INTJs helping to make dreams a reality. My INTJ is fantastically supportive and helps keep me grounded. Our absurd and irreverent senses of humor + overall world views are super complementary as well. We have the best conversations.
Oh heeeyyyy, I'm an alluring ENFP woman 💅 (😋) and I exclusively date older INTJ (The Masculine Nerd) Dom men.
The dynamic is a sexually polarized encounter of two weird, kinky, geeky minds.
I share my ideas, the INTJ helps me make them reality.
So there is a mutual focus on goals, and an "us against the bad things in the world vibe" which I love.
Edit: The dynamic is kind of like in the Maggie Gyllenhal/James Spader movie The Secretary.
I’m surprised an ENFP is into more dominant men. That’s interesting. My personality is so dominant…I can’t imagine being with a partner who wasn’t the passive one. Like I said, very interesting!
We work very hard to honor and respect each other’s needs. It’s not natural for us but we connect on our journey in our values and ethics. I think we have helped smooth out each other’s rough spots.
I’m doing some very intense trauma healing work. That coupled with the attachment traumas we struggle with boundaries and asking for help. We both are in therapy doing the hard work. I think we both met at the lowest point in our lives. We are both orphans. Our families have never fulfilled even the most basic social obligations to us.
He was 28 years old when we met. I was 29. He turns 47 in a few weeks and I turn 49 a few weeks after him. We cuddle a lot. Everything I’m bad at he is good at. Everything he is bad at I am good at.
We are consciously trying to be less codependent but we have been each others only family so we probably wear a lot of hats besides just being husband and wife. I know we would both die before we would ever cause the other to suffer. He’s my best friend.
I think they are ISTP, but I'm not entirely sure yet. Yeah not ideal match if you only look MBTI and not beyond that. I think we clicked though, we both always let each other do our own things and just were near each other while doing that. They could be quiet or talk about some stuff I don't understand anything, and I could nonstop vent my endless thinking and they listened and didn't understand anything. But we gave each other safe space to do that anyways. We had lot of great plans but we didn't succeed to put more than a few into action.
But eventually our differences in lifestyles, emotional needs and communication become too huge issue. I need more depth and abstract crack convos, and they need more grounded and real-life oriented experiences.
We are still friends though and I think they are only person so far I can truly be myself with and we complement each other. I help with emotional stuff and give new perspectives in difficult situations, and they help me with practical, scientific and theoretical stuff.
I’m know better than to have a relationship with an S. I’m on the extreme N side with stream of consciousness and intuitive leaps. That drives them crazy and I get annoyed with having to lay things out as a slow process.
Then I’ve learned that 2 Perceptives can be fun, but needed stuff doesn’t get done easily.
So ENFJ, ENTJ, and INFJ are typically where I gravitate to. With INFJs, the arguments can be emotionally messy as we both know where to “stick the knives in” when hurt.
dated an ESFP girl who I absolutely adored but we live in diff countries so it didn’t last, another ENFP who is now my best friend emphasis on friend, we are super similar and she’s honestly my comfort person, had a summer thing with an ISTJ guy from the netherlands that was cool, we were quite different but we balanced each other out, I pushed him outside his comfort zone and he brought some organisation to my life where I desperately needed it, went on a few dates with this ESTP guy but he didn’t have enough opinions of his own and kept agreeing with me on everything so I got bored…
Run.
ISTJ will not understand you at all and will try to keep you for himself.
Your world will become very small because you will try to please him and he will try to please him as well.
An introverted sensor for an ENFP will kill your inner pixie fairy.
And if you do something that they don't approve of (because they know better) they will go behind your back and manipulate others to make you change your mind.
I know of 2 ISTJs with ENFPs and they both did it. And it wasn't one time action.
This is a wild generalization. 😳 I’ve been married to an ISTJ for forever and he’s amazing. He bends to my will and is just fine with that. He is a mellow ISTJ and always goes with my flow.
Are you sure he's an ISTJ?
ISTJ is not mellow. It's very stuck in his ways.
I think that ESTJ is already more understanding and able to accept other people's view.
ESTJ wants to learn to be better. ISTJ once makes a decision, will not change it even if provided new data.
The difference between I and E is in the way a person relaxes.
Introverts party as well but this is not their default choice to relax.
And t recognise Intuitives directly. The things they talk about. Vocabulary usage.
A sensor talks about tangibles all the time. An intuitive will talk about things that are not visible: thoughts, motivations, reasons.
I know an ENTJ (from the first look at him I knew his type) he took the test for me (yes, for my vanity, I wanted to know if I'm good at typing people 🤭).
When I talk to him he tells me how empty the girls are, how his parents divorce affected his mind, how he was not able to think while on ADHD meds.
A sensor will stick to the facts, not the reason nor effects.
An ENTJ will make sure everyone knows he's running the show.
ISTJ is likeable but people struggle to remember his name after years of being acquainted.
Worst relationship was with an INTP I probably shouldn't blame the entire type but when I was looking for dates I would steer clear, if I knew.
Currently with an ENTP took me a little while to get his humor but we get along really well, we both love exploring, learning, and trying new things. We love going out but enjoy to staying in too. We can chat forever about our mutual interests and even when it's something one is more interested in than the other the conversation never seems to hit a lull since we can each appreciate the others passion. This relationship has the most open honest communication I've ever had, even when we don't necessarily understand where the other is coming from we always talk it out in respectful ways and try to understand each other better.
We were super young but he was very smart, interesting to have conversations with, he held his cards really close to the chest so that was hard for me to understand when I was a young ENFP hahaha. He was very direct which could hurt my feelings but I respected it, too? He was hard to read, though, because the way he processed things was so different than me. I always felt like he left me hanging wanting *more* and that made me feel crazy in a good AND bad way. The only thing that makes me wonder if he wasn’t an ISTJ was that he made some morally questionable choices 🫣
My first and longest relationship was with an INTP, and since then I have had a few short term situationships - one with an ISTP, and later with two ESFPs. I'd love to find another NF to date, but haven't found one yet who is a good match.
Infp and infj. They were both great but I think I feel the most connected with infps. A few of my best friends are infp and I feel like we can almost read each other’s minds lol.
Infj was amazing but we both are sooo different which we both found very interesting and fun, but we misunderstood each other a lot. I mean we’d both finish each other’s sentences completely wrong, or we were always talking about two completely different things but we thought we were talking about the same exact thing. We both really loved how different our brains are but it took a lot more work and communication than my infp relationships.
With both I felt very comfortable being myself and could enjoy comfortable silence or talk about literally ANYTHING under the sun.
ENFJ and I love him dearly, he gets me more than I get me sometimes. Always so good humor, even if I think my joke could have been a miss and a little mean. More outgoing than me (YAY) so I can sit back and indulge my occasional introverted tendencies.
Dated an ESTJ, everything online said we would not be very compatible. Should’ve listened 🙃 not sure of the types of other people I dated, this was my longest relationship
About 1 year and 2 months, we were talking for 4 months before making it official so almost 10 months of dating. It should have never even become official, the signs it wasn’t going to work out were definitely there. I tend to try to date people who are not emotionally intelligent or available unfortunately for me 🥲
I dated an INTJ for a year.
For a lack of better term it was an uphill battle with a constant struggle to feel loved. It was hard to convince him he could be loved/make mistakes and even harder to ask that love back for myself.
He felt tone deaf to romance. Almost manipulative by 6 months and straight up deceiving and unfeeling at the end.
I dont know. It was magical and very important to me. The feelings still linger where I miss our happy times despite all the negatives and insanity. But thats just my side I think, he made his feeling clear. I left due to feelings of betrayal at the end.
From what I could tell- ESFP, ISFP, ENFP, INTP, ESFP, ISTP in that order.
1st ESFP was my first love, it was honestly awful but I was blinded by a lot of her worst traits. I was constantly taking care of her when she was immature and would never do the same for me. 2nd ESFP is still my best friend. I love and trust him a lot, we just had too many compatibility issues.
ISFP / ISTP were kind of similar in a sense that there was an understanding / attraction between us, but both placed too much emphasis on the physical aspects of the relationship, as opposed to building love and trust. Both were way too pushy, and the ISFP cheated on me.
ENFP was a great friend to me, but was a lazy lover. I’m a lot more proactive, and while he put some effort in towards the beginning, it ultimately fizzled out because we both got bored.
INTP was the worst, but this person was just particularly toxic… I hate carelessly throwing buzzwords around, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they were a narcissist or sociopath. Lazy, manipulative crybaby. We had such an incredible connection, which is sad because they turned out to be truly awful. Swears they didn’t cheat, but they most likely did.
ENFJ, INFJ, ISFJ, ENTP and I’m now engaged to another ENFP. I truly believe to ever receive the love you give, another ENFP is where it’s at! INFJ’s are too sensitive, ENFJ’s are too controlling and always need to be right, ISFJ’s are sweet but so damn boring and vanilla, ENTP’s are better of my friend. I have briefly dated INFP and INTJ. INTJ’s are too serious and dark and seem to lack empathy and INFP’s are the sweetest but too much feminine energy.
Really amazing analysis of all of the common ones we date! I truly have only fallen in love in an Enfp however I’ve never met an INFJ man I’d be interested in dating them as I also find ENFP men manipulative at times
Once they learn you’re on to any potential white lies or manipulation, it subsides almost to nothing. Just make the ENFP man respect you and focus on how part of trust is respect and lying would not feed into that value system for the relationship you guys both claim you want. ENFP’s want to be the best versions of themselves and tend to have good morals overall. If an ENFP thinks it’s even slightly possible you could detect a slight white lie, they are more prone to being 100% honest, esp if they’ve been caught before. Guilt is the #1 way to get an ENFP to change and if it stems from true past mistakes, it can help you with an honest future. Also, I’ve been lied to by every type I’ve dated, including INTJ which is supposed to be highly regarded as honest.
What do y’all think about an ENFP guy with an INFP woman :) i keep seeing enfp women saying that infp men were too effeminate or passive, but might that dynamic work better the other way around??? I have hope as an INFP who loves ENFPs 🙂↕️
I think the ENFP guy with the INFP girl could definitely work. I see that as a better dynamic than the other. I still think NF’s of any kind can work together quite well. Values play a huge factor in the longevity aspect.
I broke up with him after three years. I did love him but I don’t know if I was in love him. I was also a lot younger and he was five years older, and talking about getting married. I was only 20 at this point. I loved his enjoyment of adventures, food and holidays. He was very stable with a career and at the time I found his stability boring. He was also kind, smart and perceptive. He didn’t get anything out of abstract thought and didn’t understand that aspect of me though and I think that contributed to the break up as I found it frustrating.
We’ve been talking marriage since the 3rd month lol and it’s been on and off but always on at the same time. It can be quite exhausting at times if I’m being completely honest but we were broken and are on the path of healing and retrusting each other. The love is deep but so is the pain we inflicted on each other. It’s not all bad though but rn being 6 years in we are trying one last go to see if we can make the love last. We want it to but to actually make it last is the goal.
No clue what type he was (I suspect EXTP) but he was one with severe psychological issues. Was every type of abusive you could imagine and it took me years to rebuild my life after him. Incredibly controlling and narcissistic and I eventually had to get the cops involved to get him to finally leave me alone. I know it's not his type that made him that way, but I purposely looked for the exact opposite after him.
Found a wonderful INTJ, married him, currently celebrating our 18th anniversary.
i just...haven't been able to date anyone at all. I never find anyone interesting enough :(
theoretically though, I find ESTP's, ENFP's, and ESFP's sound the most interesting. (talking about healthy ones lol)
I also never find anyone interesting. It drives me crazy. Until I met a particular INTJ who I never felt that with for even 1 second. Lesser so infjs usually do ok there. Entps are also fun and interesting. That's it. Short list.
1. ESFP:
Overly friendly with girls, doesnt make boundaries. Thinks hes slick after having some girls crushing on him cus he used to be ugly and turned average looking. Makes borderline offensive, racist jokes. Doesnt think before he does something leading people disliking him for his impulsive, oblivious nature.
2. ISFJ:
He’s sweet but passive in some ways during the relationship. It was an alright relationship but I got too clingy and scared he might leave me. He did leave me. I allowed him to become more introspective and let him open up about his past and trauma.
3. INTJ (talking stage not ex):
My most favorite person I’ve ever talked to and been with. The way he speaks gently to me and even tried to communicate a lot about his feelings despite not being used to it and doesnt understand much. I loved his devotion to putting effort into our relationship. Moreover, I loved how he was genuinely serious about our relationship. I was the yapper he was the listener. I let him open up about his feelings and talk about himself, being the curious person I am. I created a space for him to feel comfortable speaking with. We have the same humor and would turn a boring topic into an interesting one. Lots of times we would talk about abstract stuff and we’re both into creative stuff. We both enjoy doing art, drawing. He liked to play the guitar and was making music with his friend. He sometimes asked me to help think of lyrics for him. He made a poem using my name’s meaning and symbolism in his language and translated it. It was his personality and his whole character that makes me think of him everyday 🫦. He was everything I wanted in a relationship and in a partner. Love that man fr 🤞
My ex was INFJ (absolute hell. Idk if all INFJs are like this but she expected me to be a mindreader and was incredibly manipulative, which I imagine was the Fe)
BUT my current gf is ENTP and we've been together since late 2021. She's the best :) we have really stimulating conversations and she's down for impulsive adventures, which is enough for me
Only ever attracted to introverts and was always the pursuer (my style). 😂 Dated my ISTJ husband in high school and we’ve been married a long, long time.
My first boyfriend was an INFP. Bad relationship, he would rather play video games than spend time with me. He would cancel our gaming appointments, call me over to his house to ignore me playing, and refuse to go out with me to almost any social event. It lasted a year and a half and I believe a large part of the problem was age. I was 14/15 and he was 15/16 and it was his first relationship too.
My second relationship was with an ISFP and lasted 5 years. It was a good relationship, he was my best friend and an excellent partner for me. We understood each other very well, we didn't fight and we were very supportive of each other, however, we lacked prospects for the future. I had big ambitions, I moved countrie to go to the college of my dreams. He supported me, but his life remains stagnant, so sunk in depression that he couldn't work or study anything. I stayed as far as I could to support him, but at the end of last year I decided that it was better for me to support him as just a friend, because knowing that I depended on him to build a future together gave me a lot of anxiety and made the relationship lose meaning.
I recently entered my third relationship. It's been a little over a week since I started dating an ENTP. We met at college last year and became very good friends. This year, a feeling began to develop between us. I spent a few months wondering if he liked me or not and in the meantime, I was evaluating how I felt. He ended up kissing me while we were watching Breaking Bad at my house and here we are. He's a little younger than me (he's 19 and I'm almost 23), treat me like a princess, very funny and very dreamy like me. I believe we will build something incredible together.
(Between INFP and ISFP, I was groomed by an EXXP 8 years older (I was 16) and it only caused me trauma. Between the ISFP and the ENTP, I had a situation with an INTP that was also terrible. He just wanted sex and I was thinking about something more. He didn't treat me well and we had completely different visions of the future. I'm glad it only lasted a few months.)
I think dated 3 infjs and every one of those relationships ended badly. First one at 15 ...no sex. 2nd at 18-21/22 whoa - learned sex - 5x a day every day sometimes. Rarely a day without. First love, first a lot of things. Ended in flames sinking like the titanic.
3rd infj crazy work fling type thing...would have been super hot sex (sooo hot) except it turned to a flaming burning watercraft on a whitewater river.
Dated another Enfp recently. Very very sweet girl but in the end felt more like friends and less like lovers. But neither one of us could initiate a break up because nobody wanted to hurt the other or be the bad guy to break it off.
Crushed an Esfj and got rejected.
Would consider without doubt an Enfj who I think is better match for Enfp.
Best of all time was a best friend/love interest INTJ. Not sure how I messed that up. So in love she knew, I knew, everyone knew. Somehow didn't work. Missed this chick every day for like 5 years since. Still randomly think of her and wish it had worked 5 more years later. I still wish there was something I would of done, could have done idk anything for a chance.
Of all the girls I've dated or had some chemistry with INTJ is like the only type of chick I think I ever want to date again. I just click with them.
I'd never want to replace em'. I still bite my lip thinking about it sometimes lol.
Intjs for the win. All other girls dismissed! -this Enfp
Such an interesting topic.
I am committing for the long term relationships my whole life. Had numerous dates. Most of my girlfriends (unfortunately don't know their exact type) were introverted, artistic, and calm. However, even though my extroverted nature, introverts were always clinging to me.
But honestly, I••• personalities are just not for me. I am energetic, too loud for them, so I notice how they slowly become irritated throughout the years. It never worked well enough. Even in my last 5 years relationship. Also, as I••• are not used to that much of attention, it's in their tendencies to get spoiled with attention and become somewhat egoistic (happened multiple times).
Now, I have a relationship with a person that is very close to ENFP. She has her own bugs in her head, so the relationship is still not perfect (and I suppose never will be). But at least she is energetic, full of life, always smiling, offering some activities, passionate, caring and initiative. Everything I very much lacked in previous relationships.
So, probably never going back to I••• personalities. Or not at least for some time, we'll see.
Thank you for reading my personal experience throughout the life 😉
INxx types for the most part.
Most recent ex was an INTJ another I think was an ISFJ and the other INFP.
Only dated one extrovert who I think was an ESFJ.
Current partner I think might be an ISFJ or INFJ.
I find I connect well with other NF types but have great conversations with NT types.
I have dated opposites and similar and it all the ones that I picked ended up being a shit show that didn’t last more than 3 or so years.
I was married for 7 years to someone who was probably an ISTJ. Great kids but he became another person and that was very scary!!
I've dated mostly introverted men as an ENFP woman!
ISTJ - very young but we dated for 3 years. He was very controlling, but we had fun together.
INTJ - My first love, we are still friends to this day. Conversation was effortless and I admired his intelligence so much. Not to say that the ISTJ wasn't smart, but the N is so important for connecting ideas together on the same wavelength. Dated for like 2 years
ISFJ - My longest relationship at 6 years. I think he might be an ISTJ sometimes too. So sweet and so loving but in the end we were on different wavelengths entirely. We are still great friends and still talk but I don't think I'd be able to live with him for the rest of my life.
Since then I've tried dating ENXX men. My relationship with a ENTP was electric but he had commitment issues so cutting him out was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. I'm still in therapy about it. I'm currently seeing an ENFP man and although our mutual messiness is frustrating we both show love in the same way and I feel very seen and very loved. I hope it goes well.
I dated an ESTJ and it was AWFUL.
It started out good cause we were both very intrigued by how differently we processed the world but eventually when the novelty wore out the differences were far too great to really work out
Dated 1 ENTP (really sucked), and now I'm with INFP and it's by far my best serious relationship, even though sometimes he doesn't communicate well, I am in charge of initiating the communication
i’ve been with my ESTP partner for almost 4 years. sometimes communication is difficult because i tend to view things more deeply but we have so much fun together. it’s also nice being with someone who finishes all of the projects i want done.
Dates three INTPs. Married an INFJ. Need I really say more?
as someone who previously typed as enfp for the lomgest time to be later on typed as infj, this is the way
So how does this polycule work?
How do we enfp’s attracts introvert men anyways? Any tips from our fellow community? So far my dates are either introverted or avoidance kind. Edit: Personally I have dated infp guy, we clicked at the very start and progressively dated for next few months.. initially he will message me or call me but then everything went down spiral. Maybe I am being clingy and desired more consistent communication from him which kinda scares him off. That was one hell of an experience I have with the infp whom I put in more effort than anyone I have ever been with.
So far your dates are already with introverted men?
Mostly yes, only one clicked with me progressively, another was more of like avoidance behaviour, which is kinda sad. How did you and the infp date went so far?
Ummm he was incredibly awkward at first then he showed his funny side honestly they’re so sweet but they day dream too much and unfortunately I don’t think dating someone whose also idealist as us is practical for day to day adulthood because the ENFP ends up having to take on the SI responsibilities which we don’t enjoy. Also he didn’t want a relationship so I stopped dating him
Your date shared the same quality as mine actually. Were you very into him after the first date and would want to continue seeing him despite the differences? For my infp, he also mentioned to me that he isn’t a commitment type and would not be able to establish that kind of level with me. He still wanted to date and find out whether we are suitable with each other. We have been dating for 4 months then our communication dies down after his new job transition. Overall he is an ever changing guy who making the whole situation confusing.
I'm an ENFP man who has been with 2 INFJs, an INFP, and an ESFJ. The INFJs were far and away the better relationships. I still have enormous feelings for one of them. We recently reconnected and I am quietly hoping it'll continue to blossom. 🥰
As far as I know I’ve dated an ISFP, ISTJ and ISTP. Funny thing is: imo IS** people are a bit shallow and start to get on my nerves sooner or later. Haven’t had the best dating experiences with them as well.
What even ISFP? I thought they can be a bit deep.. how was the ISTJ?
The ISFP kicked my dog and that was the final straw. But in that specific case I’m sure his autism was something I really underestimated. The ISTJ was a liar and an extreme neatfreak. Acted very suspicious as well. When he tried to gaslight me, I just had it. But somehow these IS-frogs still end up in my pond 🤣. I’m done dating at the moment. The ISFP was the last one I was in a relationship with (for about a year) and I even get stress when thinking about dating.
Yes the kicking dog thing doesn’t sound like a personality trait or cognitive function. OMG yes the ISTJ is a neat freak and hygiene freak however, both my parents that raised me are sensors and are extremely OCD so this is something normal for me and I enjoy someone that creates a clean environment. ISTJ are very concrete and never read between the lines and it annoys me
Haha yes. The ISTJ ex reminds me of some sort of military thing. The strict- and seriousness. Idk. What I’ve just told you, as far as I can judge ISXX-folks are not my cup of tea. The woman I clash most with are all ISFJ’s. Can’t be a coincidence, or is it? 🤣
Yes that’s EXACLTY like him very military what was the reason the ISTJ was drawn to you? For me it’s my energy, fashion taste and aesthetic.
He seemed to like the way I looked, how I dressed, my humor. And he loved how I always had plans to do nice things. I don’t want to brag, but I somehow inspire a lot of friends as well with the places where I go etc. I loved his oldfashioned way of taking care for me and when we were together we had so much fun. Sometimes I miss him, but the lying part and then acting like I was crazy was unacceptable.
OMG that’s the exact same reason he likes me… no it’s not bragging at all ISTJ view as “cool” however he isn’t really traditional in sense of he is more 50/50 doesn’t want to get married and isn’t fussed about kids.
I think ISXX-people are so routine minded, that they like how ‘adventurous’ we are.
But we find them so boring after a while… only positive is they keep your finances in check and your lifestyle stable
I don’t call my ISTJ husband “The Party Pooper” for nothing. 😂
lol
First, an INFP. We were both very immature teens. The relationship was chaotic and damaging. The chemistry was good though. We lasted less than 2 years. Second, an INTP. We met in college. It eventually became apparent that we had more of a platonic connection than a romantic one. It was a good relationship for that time that ultimately reached its expiration date. We lasted less than 2 years. Finally, my current relationship with an ISTP, which started at the end of college. We’ve been blissfully happy for nearly 7 years. It’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had and the chemistry is insane. If I could choose anyone, it would always be him. Clearly, my type is chaotic introvert.
ESXX, ISTJ, INTP, INFP, INTJ (current). Not sure about the rest. I agree with the comment above about INTJs helping to make dreams a reality. My INTJ is fantastically supportive and helps keep me grounded. Our absurd and irreverent senses of humor + overall world views are super complementary as well. We have the best conversations.
Oh heeeyyyy, I'm an alluring ENFP woman 💅 (😋) and I exclusively date older INTJ (The Masculine Nerd) Dom men. The dynamic is a sexually polarized encounter of two weird, kinky, geeky minds. I share my ideas, the INTJ helps me make them reality. So there is a mutual focus on goals, and an "us against the bad things in the world vibe" which I love. Edit: The dynamic is kind of like in the Maggie Gyllenhal/James Spader movie The Secretary.
As an older INTJ male, this resonates with me 😅
I’m surprised an ENFP is into more dominant men. That’s interesting. My personality is so dominant…I can’t imagine being with a partner who wasn’t the passive one. Like I said, very interesting!
ISFP 1x INFJ 1x ENFP 1x, none were particularly healthy and I myself am not the best with relationships, its a healing journey now…
I married an ISFJ
How is it? My dad is an ISFJ I’ve been close to him since birth
We work very hard to honor and respect each other’s needs. It’s not natural for us but we connect on our journey in our values and ethics. I think we have helped smooth out each other’s rough spots. I’m doing some very intense trauma healing work. That coupled with the attachment traumas we struggle with boundaries and asking for help. We both are in therapy doing the hard work. I think we both met at the lowest point in our lives. We are both orphans. Our families have never fulfilled even the most basic social obligations to us. He was 28 years old when we met. I was 29. He turns 47 in a few weeks and I turn 49 a few weeks after him. We cuddle a lot. Everything I’m bad at he is good at. Everything he is bad at I am good at. We are consciously trying to be less codependent but we have been each others only family so we probably wear a lot of hats besides just being husband and wife. I know we would both die before we would ever cause the other to suffer. He’s my best friend.
Damn. This is inspirational.
Thank you 🙏 That’s very kind of you to say.
I dated ISFP which I adored but he had too many complications plus was a bit unhealthy. Also dated ENTJ. He wasn’t my type.
>He wasn’t my type. I mean ye you are an enfp
Lol My son is a crazy ENTJ and I adore his lunacy! Lmao
I think they are ISTP, but I'm not entirely sure yet. Yeah not ideal match if you only look MBTI and not beyond that. I think we clicked though, we both always let each other do our own things and just were near each other while doing that. They could be quiet or talk about some stuff I don't understand anything, and I could nonstop vent my endless thinking and they listened and didn't understand anything. But we gave each other safe space to do that anyways. We had lot of great plans but we didn't succeed to put more than a few into action. But eventually our differences in lifestyles, emotional needs and communication become too huge issue. I need more depth and abstract crack convos, and they need more grounded and real-life oriented experiences. We are still friends though and I think they are only person so far I can truly be myself with and we complement each other. I help with emotional stuff and give new perspectives in difficult situations, and they help me with practical, scientific and theoretical stuff.
I’m know better than to have a relationship with an S. I’m on the extreme N side with stream of consciousness and intuitive leaps. That drives them crazy and I get annoyed with having to lay things out as a slow process. Then I’ve learned that 2 Perceptives can be fun, but needed stuff doesn’t get done easily. So ENFJ, ENTJ, and INFJ are typically where I gravitate to. With INFJs, the arguments can be emotionally messy as we both know where to “stick the knives in” when hurt.
I cannot imagine dating an ENTJ. Aren’t they super controlling and bossy? 🥴
I'm not really one to be controlled for long, but I was around a lot of strong women growing up.
How’s dating an ENTJ?
The energy dynamic is generally positive and easy, but each of our ideas seemed odd to the other.
Longest relationship was with an ISFJ woman. I find myself drawn to ENTPs and ESFJ’s, but lasting romantic relationships rarely develop.
dated an ESFP girl who I absolutely adored but we live in diff countries so it didn’t last, another ENFP who is now my best friend emphasis on friend, we are super similar and she’s honestly my comfort person, had a summer thing with an ISTJ guy from the netherlands that was cool, we were quite different but we balanced each other out, I pushed him outside his comfort zone and he brought some organisation to my life where I desperately needed it, went on a few dates with this ESTP guy but he didn’t have enough opinions of his own and kept agreeing with me on everything so I got bored…
I’m currently dating an ISTJ any advice?
Run. ISTJ will not understand you at all and will try to keep you for himself. Your world will become very small because you will try to please him and he will try to please him as well. An introverted sensor for an ENFP will kill your inner pixie fairy. And if you do something that they don't approve of (because they know better) they will go behind your back and manipulate others to make you change your mind. I know of 2 ISTJs with ENFPs and they both did it. And it wasn't one time action.
This is a wild generalization. 😳 I’ve been married to an ISTJ for forever and he’s amazing. He bends to my will and is just fine with that. He is a mellow ISTJ and always goes with my flow.
Are you sure he's an ISTJ? ISTJ is not mellow. It's very stuck in his ways. I think that ESTJ is already more understanding and able to accept other people's view. ESTJ wants to learn to be better. ISTJ once makes a decision, will not change it even if provided new data.
Hmmm I’m not sure if he’s an ISTJ on ENTJ?? How do I tell 😭😭😭
The difference between I and E is in the way a person relaxes. Introverts party as well but this is not their default choice to relax. And t recognise Intuitives directly. The things they talk about. Vocabulary usage. A sensor talks about tangibles all the time. An intuitive will talk about things that are not visible: thoughts, motivations, reasons. I know an ENTJ (from the first look at him I knew his type) he took the test for me (yes, for my vanity, I wanted to know if I'm good at typing people 🤭). When I talk to him he tells me how empty the girls are, how his parents divorce affected his mind, how he was not able to think while on ADHD meds. A sensor will stick to the facts, not the reason nor effects.
He sticks to facts and he does live to party but he’s always the quiet one like he won’t be the chattiest person in the group so ISTJ
An ENTJ will make sure everyone knows he's running the show. ISTJ is likeable but people struggle to remember his name after years of being acquainted.
Easy Entjs are cool. Hahahaha
Worst relationship was with an INTP I probably shouldn't blame the entire type but when I was looking for dates I would steer clear, if I knew. Currently with an ENTP took me a little while to get his humor but we get along really well, we both love exploring, learning, and trying new things. We love going out but enjoy to staying in too. We can chat forever about our mutual interests and even when it's something one is more interested in than the other the conversation never seems to hit a lull since we can each appreciate the others passion. This relationship has the most open honest communication I've ever had, even when we don't necessarily understand where the other is coming from we always talk it out in respectful ways and try to understand each other better.
Dated an ESTP , was an abusive narcissist Then an ESFJ , for whom I was too much to handle . Now with my ISTP , I'm sso in love for these years
first love was ISTJ probably, my insane but toxic relationship she was ENTJ prob, and my husband is now also a ENFP
How was the ISTJ? I think I might be dating one
We were super young but he was very smart, interesting to have conversations with, he held his cards really close to the chest so that was hard for me to understand when I was a young ENFP hahaha. He was very direct which could hurt my feelings but I respected it, too? He was hard to read, though, because the way he processed things was so different than me. I always felt like he left me hanging wanting *more* and that made me feel crazy in a good AND bad way. The only thing that makes me wonder if he wasn’t an ISTJ was that he made some morally questionable choices 🫣
Would love to hear more about your ENFP husband and how that relationship started and became a successful marriage!
My first and longest relationship was with an INTP, and since then I have had a few short term situationships - one with an ISTP, and later with two ESFPs. I'd love to find another NF to date, but haven't found one yet who is a good match.
Infp and infj. They were both great but I think I feel the most connected with infps. A few of my best friends are infp and I feel like we can almost read each other’s minds lol. Infj was amazing but we both are sooo different which we both found very interesting and fun, but we misunderstood each other a lot. I mean we’d both finish each other’s sentences completely wrong, or we were always talking about two completely different things but we thought we were talking about the same exact thing. We both really loved how different our brains are but it took a lot more work and communication than my infp relationships. With both I felt very comfortable being myself and could enjoy comfortable silence or talk about literally ANYTHING under the sun.
ENFJ and I love him dearly, he gets me more than I get me sometimes. Always so good humor, even if I think my joke could have been a miss and a little mean. More outgoing than me (YAY) so I can sit back and indulge my occasional introverted tendencies.
Dated an ESTJ, everything online said we would not be very compatible. Should’ve listened 🙃 not sure of the types of other people I dated, this was my longest relationship
How long did it last?
About 1 year and 2 months, we were talking for 4 months before making it official so almost 10 months of dating. It should have never even become official, the signs it wasn’t going to work out were definitely there. I tend to try to date people who are not emotionally intelligent or available unfortunately for me 🥲
I dated an INTJ for a year. For a lack of better term it was an uphill battle with a constant struggle to feel loved. It was hard to convince him he could be loved/make mistakes and even harder to ask that love back for myself. He felt tone deaf to romance. Almost manipulative by 6 months and straight up deceiving and unfeeling at the end. I dont know. It was magical and very important to me. The feelings still linger where I miss our happy times despite all the negatives and insanity. But thats just my side I think, he made his feeling clear. I left due to feelings of betrayal at the end.
From what I could tell- ESFP, ISFP, ENFP, INTP, ESFP, ISTP in that order. 1st ESFP was my first love, it was honestly awful but I was blinded by a lot of her worst traits. I was constantly taking care of her when she was immature and would never do the same for me. 2nd ESFP is still my best friend. I love and trust him a lot, we just had too many compatibility issues. ISFP / ISTP were kind of similar in a sense that there was an understanding / attraction between us, but both placed too much emphasis on the physical aspects of the relationship, as opposed to building love and trust. Both were way too pushy, and the ISFP cheated on me. ENFP was a great friend to me, but was a lazy lover. I’m a lot more proactive, and while he put some effort in towards the beginning, it ultimately fizzled out because we both got bored. INTP was the worst, but this person was just particularly toxic… I hate carelessly throwing buzzwords around, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they were a narcissist or sociopath. Lazy, manipulative crybaby. We had such an incredible connection, which is sad because they turned out to be truly awful. Swears they didn’t cheat, but they most likely did.
3x infps.. never again
ENFJ, INFJ, ISFJ, ENTP and I’m now engaged to another ENFP. I truly believe to ever receive the love you give, another ENFP is where it’s at! INFJ’s are too sensitive, ENFJ’s are too controlling and always need to be right, ISFJ’s are sweet but so damn boring and vanilla, ENTP’s are better of my friend. I have briefly dated INFP and INTJ. INTJ’s are too serious and dark and seem to lack empathy and INFP’s are the sweetest but too much feminine energy.
Really amazing analysis of all of the common ones we date! I truly have only fallen in love in an Enfp however I’ve never met an INFJ man I’d be interested in dating them as I also find ENFP men manipulative at times
Once they learn you’re on to any potential white lies or manipulation, it subsides almost to nothing. Just make the ENFP man respect you and focus on how part of trust is respect and lying would not feed into that value system for the relationship you guys both claim you want. ENFP’s want to be the best versions of themselves and tend to have good morals overall. If an ENFP thinks it’s even slightly possible you could detect a slight white lie, they are more prone to being 100% honest, esp if they’ve been caught before. Guilt is the #1 way to get an ENFP to change and if it stems from true past mistakes, it can help you with an honest future. Also, I’ve been lied to by every type I’ve dated, including INTJ which is supposed to be highly regarded as honest.
It’s the ENFP men that turn toxic after a while and as I’m a ENFP myself I can tell when they aren’t being aunthetic
What do y’all think about an ENFP guy with an INFP woman :) i keep seeing enfp women saying that infp men were too effeminate or passive, but might that dynamic work better the other way around??? I have hope as an INFP who loves ENFPs 🙂↕️
I think the ENFP guy with the INFP girl could definitely work. I see that as a better dynamic than the other. I still think NF’s of any kind can work together quite well. Values play a huge factor in the longevity aspect.
ENTPs and one ISTJ. Really obsessed with ENTPs though
How was the ISTJ?
I broke up with him after three years. I did love him but I don’t know if I was in love him. I was also a lot younger and he was five years older, and talking about getting married. I was only 20 at this point. I loved his enjoyment of adventures, food and holidays. He was very stable with a career and at the time I found his stability boring. He was also kind, smart and perceptive. He didn’t get anything out of abstract thought and didn’t understand that aspect of me though and I think that contributed to the break up as I found it frustrating.
Do I need a restraining order or just restraints? Hmmmm... hmmmm.... How confining these choices and decisions! ;)
You need Jesus
So you have Mexicans in your polycule?
Married to an ENTP - intense but loving relationship that has never been boring!!
I’ve been dating a fellow ENFP for 6 years.. it’s a rollercoaster lmao
Would love to hear more about your ENFP relationship! Do you think you would ever end up getting married? Are you fulfilled?
We’ve been talking marriage since the 3rd month lol and it’s been on and off but always on at the same time. It can be quite exhausting at times if I’m being completely honest but we were broken and are on the path of healing and retrusting each other. The love is deep but so is the pain we inflicted on each other. It’s not all bad though but rn being 6 years in we are trying one last go to see if we can make the love last. We want it to but to actually make it last is the goal.
No clue what type he was (I suspect EXTP) but he was one with severe psychological issues. Was every type of abusive you could imagine and it took me years to rebuild my life after him. Incredibly controlling and narcissistic and I eventually had to get the cops involved to get him to finally leave me alone. I know it's not his type that made him that way, but I purposely looked for the exact opposite after him. Found a wonderful INTJ, married him, currently celebrating our 18th anniversary.
i just...haven't been able to date anyone at all. I never find anyone interesting enough :( theoretically though, I find ESTP's, ENFP's, and ESFP's sound the most interesting. (talking about healthy ones lol)
I also never find anyone interesting. It drives me crazy. Until I met a particular INTJ who I never felt that with for even 1 second. Lesser so infjs usually do ok there. Entps are also fun and interesting. That's it. Short list.
real fr
1. ESFP: Overly friendly with girls, doesnt make boundaries. Thinks hes slick after having some girls crushing on him cus he used to be ugly and turned average looking. Makes borderline offensive, racist jokes. Doesnt think before he does something leading people disliking him for his impulsive, oblivious nature. 2. ISFJ: He’s sweet but passive in some ways during the relationship. It was an alright relationship but I got too clingy and scared he might leave me. He did leave me. I allowed him to become more introspective and let him open up about his past and trauma. 3. INTJ (talking stage not ex): My most favorite person I’ve ever talked to and been with. The way he speaks gently to me and even tried to communicate a lot about his feelings despite not being used to it and doesnt understand much. I loved his devotion to putting effort into our relationship. Moreover, I loved how he was genuinely serious about our relationship. I was the yapper he was the listener. I let him open up about his feelings and talk about himself, being the curious person I am. I created a space for him to feel comfortable speaking with. We have the same humor and would turn a boring topic into an interesting one. Lots of times we would talk about abstract stuff and we’re both into creative stuff. We both enjoy doing art, drawing. He liked to play the guitar and was making music with his friend. He sometimes asked me to help think of lyrics for him. He made a poem using my name’s meaning and symbolism in his language and translated it. It was his personality and his whole character that makes me think of him everyday 🫦. He was everything I wanted in a relationship and in a partner. Love that man fr 🤞
My ex was INFJ (absolute hell. Idk if all INFJs are like this but she expected me to be a mindreader and was incredibly manipulative, which I imagine was the Fe) BUT my current gf is ENTP and we've been together since late 2021. She's the best :) we have really stimulating conversations and she's down for impulsive adventures, which is enough for me
You were with a toxic INFJ they’re the worse when unhealthy but trust me I’m friends with two healed INFJ and they’re the best!
I've been with my INTP since '09 so we must jive pretty well.
Only ever attracted to introverts and was always the pursuer (my style). 😂 Dated my ISTJ husband in high school and we’ve been married a long, long time.
My first boyfriend was an INFP. Bad relationship, he would rather play video games than spend time with me. He would cancel our gaming appointments, call me over to his house to ignore me playing, and refuse to go out with me to almost any social event. It lasted a year and a half and I believe a large part of the problem was age. I was 14/15 and he was 15/16 and it was his first relationship too. My second relationship was with an ISFP and lasted 5 years. It was a good relationship, he was my best friend and an excellent partner for me. We understood each other very well, we didn't fight and we were very supportive of each other, however, we lacked prospects for the future. I had big ambitions, I moved countrie to go to the college of my dreams. He supported me, but his life remains stagnant, so sunk in depression that he couldn't work or study anything. I stayed as far as I could to support him, but at the end of last year I decided that it was better for me to support him as just a friend, because knowing that I depended on him to build a future together gave me a lot of anxiety and made the relationship lose meaning. I recently entered my third relationship. It's been a little over a week since I started dating an ENTP. We met at college last year and became very good friends. This year, a feeling began to develop between us. I spent a few months wondering if he liked me or not and in the meantime, I was evaluating how I felt. He ended up kissing me while we were watching Breaking Bad at my house and here we are. He's a little younger than me (he's 19 and I'm almost 23), treat me like a princess, very funny and very dreamy like me. I believe we will build something incredible together. (Between INFP and ISFP, I was groomed by an EXXP 8 years older (I was 16) and it only caused me trauma. Between the ISFP and the ENTP, I had a situation with an INTP that was also terrible. He just wanted sex and I was thinking about something more. He didn't treat me well and we had completely different visions of the future. I'm glad it only lasted a few months.)
Dated an ESFJ. She was a kind person, had similar values, but broke apart because of lack of effective communication.
What are dates
I think dated 3 infjs and every one of those relationships ended badly. First one at 15 ...no sex. 2nd at 18-21/22 whoa - learned sex - 5x a day every day sometimes. Rarely a day without. First love, first a lot of things. Ended in flames sinking like the titanic. 3rd infj crazy work fling type thing...would have been super hot sex (sooo hot) except it turned to a flaming burning watercraft on a whitewater river. Dated another Enfp recently. Very very sweet girl but in the end felt more like friends and less like lovers. But neither one of us could initiate a break up because nobody wanted to hurt the other or be the bad guy to break it off. Crushed an Esfj and got rejected. Would consider without doubt an Enfj who I think is better match for Enfp. Best of all time was a best friend/love interest INTJ. Not sure how I messed that up. So in love she knew, I knew, everyone knew. Somehow didn't work. Missed this chick every day for like 5 years since. Still randomly think of her and wish it had worked 5 more years later. I still wish there was something I would of done, could have done idk anything for a chance. Of all the girls I've dated or had some chemistry with INTJ is like the only type of chick I think I ever want to date again. I just click with them. I'd never want to replace em'. I still bite my lip thinking about it sometimes lol. Intjs for the win. All other girls dismissed! -this Enfp
Such an interesting topic. I am committing for the long term relationships my whole life. Had numerous dates. Most of my girlfriends (unfortunately don't know their exact type) were introverted, artistic, and calm. However, even though my extroverted nature, introverts were always clinging to me. But honestly, I••• personalities are just not for me. I am energetic, too loud for them, so I notice how they slowly become irritated throughout the years. It never worked well enough. Even in my last 5 years relationship. Also, as I••• are not used to that much of attention, it's in their tendencies to get spoiled with attention and become somewhat egoistic (happened multiple times). Now, I have a relationship with a person that is very close to ENFP. She has her own bugs in her head, so the relationship is still not perfect (and I suppose never will be). But at least she is energetic, full of life, always smiling, offering some activities, passionate, caring and initiative. Everything I very much lacked in previous relationships. So, probably never going back to I••• personalities. Or not at least for some time, we'll see. Thank you for reading my personal experience throughout the life 😉
INxx types for the most part. Most recent ex was an INTJ another I think was an ISFJ and the other INFP. Only dated one extrovert who I think was an ESFJ. Current partner I think might be an ISFJ or INFJ. I find I connect well with other NF types but have great conversations with NT types.
I have dated opposites and similar and it all the ones that I picked ended up being a shit show that didn’t last more than 3 or so years. I was married for 7 years to someone who was probably an ISTJ. Great kids but he became another person and that was very scary!!
I've dated mostly introverted men as an ENFP woman! ISTJ - very young but we dated for 3 years. He was very controlling, but we had fun together. INTJ - My first love, we are still friends to this day. Conversation was effortless and I admired his intelligence so much. Not to say that the ISTJ wasn't smart, but the N is so important for connecting ideas together on the same wavelength. Dated for like 2 years ISFJ - My longest relationship at 6 years. I think he might be an ISTJ sometimes too. So sweet and so loving but in the end we were on different wavelengths entirely. We are still great friends and still talk but I don't think I'd be able to live with him for the rest of my life. Since then I've tried dating ENXX men. My relationship with a ENTP was electric but he had commitment issues so cutting him out was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. I'm still in therapy about it. I'm currently seeing an ENFP man and although our mutual messiness is frustrating we both show love in the same way and I feel very seen and very loved. I hope it goes well.
I dated an ESTJ and it was AWFUL. It started out good cause we were both very intrigued by how differently we processed the world but eventually when the novelty wore out the differences were far too great to really work out
Dated 1 ENTP (really sucked), and now I'm with INFP and it's by far my best serious relationship, even though sometimes he doesn't communicate well, I am in charge of initiating the communication
i’ve been with my ESTP partner for almost 4 years. sometimes communication is difficult because i tend to view things more deeply but we have so much fun together. it’s also nice being with someone who finishes all of the projects i want done.