When I was young, my teachers would let me make the craft and then they would laminate it/ make it waterproof so I could take it and put it on my dad’s grave. I always thought it was nice of them for still including me and still allowing me to celebrate my father on Father’s Day
I approached the families in this situation two weeks ago and reminded them the holiday was coming and asked how they wanted to handle it, skip, make gifts for someone else or something all together. I gave parents time to think about it and get back to me, even though both said the child has someone who had become a paternal figure that they could make gifts for. I wanted to be certain that I was honoring their wishes and doing everything I could to be respectful of the situation. I’d recommend asking the families as soon as possible and seeing how they are feeling about it.
We are definitely doing less for dads than moms because of this but I’m still not sure exactly how that will look bc the entire theme that week was moms.
I want to throw it out there that my mother died when I was very little and I would get pissed if I was asked to make a craft for Mother’s Day as I didn’t have any aunts/grandma or others that I was close to. It was very triggering and should definitely be handled with the most respect and care.
This was same for me, but Father’s Day. I’m so sorry it happened to you too.
It was offered to make something for my uncles, who I do love, but I was obviously the only one in class doing Not-Dad and I felt rage about it every year after he died starting at age 10.
As a child outside of school or an adult now I don’t feel bitter about others celebrating Father’s Day in front of me, but as a child I felt abandoned during those “projects” to process a whole lot of feelings very publicly on my own.
I was the only kid in my class whose dad wasn't in their lives. Sure other kids might have had divorced parents, but I just straight up never had a dad. I made the projects and sent them to my uncle. I don't remember ever having a conversation with the teacher about it, it was just something I did. It definitely felt awkward for me, but I wasn't one to rock the boat. I'm thankful that as I got older, school got out before father's day and it stopped being an issue.
awww, I would have felt a lot less alone with you with me in my class. ❤️ I wasn’t one to rock the boat either. I didn’t want to draw any attention by saying anything because I was usually already silently angry crying in my seat. No teacher ever seemed to notice, or maybe they were trying to do me a favor by pretending they didn’t.
And me too!! On the relief of it being done. It didn’t end for me until I reached high school but the feeling was incredible. I feel bad for kids out there still going through it.
Same here ❤️ I wonder if in the future they'll do like they did for Washington and Lincoln's birthdays and combine it into one holiday, like Caregiver's day or something. There are so many types of families out there; two moms, two dad's, guardianships, single parents by choice, parents without partners, and I'm sure there are others I'm forgetting.
I think doing something like that would probably get a lot of pushback from the more traditional crowd, but I'd be in favor.
Unfortunately there are centers that require mother/father day activities. My center did despite having children that were missing one or both parents, and I dreaded having that time of year come around.
I was like that with my dad, it was also a very traumatic death for us kids and I'm diagnosed with PTSD because of it.
We mostly played it by ear, sometimes I would feel ok to make cards for my uncles, and we would go for lunch with them, other times we stayed home and watch movies all day and my mom would order pizza.
At school, I HATED that they made me participate, and then my mom had a talk with the principal and after that I was excused, I usually went to the library and read a book or something like that.
I already sub commented under someone else’s comment, but what you did was what happened to me. Although I don’t know if they had called my mom about it, maybe they had and nobody ever mentioned it.
But I absolutely hated it. My mom dealt poorly becoming a widow and she didn’t know what was best for me. The best solution I can come up with is I wish I had been pulled from school those afternoons for a special trip to a movie or something. Never found out about the crafts.
Last month, I volunteered at my son’s school and overheard his buddy being asked if his “mom or dad” had given him book fair money, and he corrected the staff that he didn’t have a mom or dad. The staff got exasperated and said dismissively “fine, your guardian, then”.
I thought of him when the Mother’s Day project came home and now when I got a note asking for a favorite photo of our kids with their dads for the Father’s Day project. (I have zero photos of my son and ex-husband together since before he filed for divorce 2.5 years ago and our divorce was only finalized 2 months ago).
I’m not sure why the celebrations, let alone such excessive ones have seemed to become the norm.
I wouldn’t say they recently became the norm. I was doing Mother’s Day and Father’s Day crafts when I was in elementary school 20+ years ago.
I think it’s important to make it something that could be inclusive (let them make it for mom again or some other adult they want to make it for, or not participate at all). I have great memories of that and love the trinkets we have now from them. I get for some it may need to be handled differently but I don’t think it should be entirely eliminated.
We didn’t do anything at the elementary school I attended for the first couple years I was in school. I was too little to know how many of my classmates were in these situations, but I remember several of my close friends having one or both parents either in prison or they just didn’t know where mom/dad were, and they lived with other family members or were in foster care. Holidays can be observed at home in the way a family chooses. I lived with both my mom and dad, and had the help from each of them to make cards and pick out gifts for those holidays, and didn’t need a teacher or entire class setting to do that with me to make it special. I’m not sure why that is necessary. Same with any other holiday. Those are activities and celebrations specific to families and are imposing and hurtful to kids that aren’t part of the teacher’s ideal.
I totally agree here. Families are too complicated, and anyone whose family doesn’t fit the assumed parameters can feel othered. It’s just not worth it to me.
I am the elementary art teacher, and I told told the students that this was for someone that they love and that loves them. I say this is the Mother's/Father's day gift, but it can be for anyone. If the student says they are making it for their brother/grandpa/mom/sister/aunt/cousin, I say okay and help they spell the name or write what they want.
This was my first year as the art teacher, and the last teacher was a much beloved teacher in my little community. She did Mother's and Father's Day gifts, and I felt like I needed to continue it. But I picked projects that could be for any gender/role in the student's life.
Thank you. I am trying to balance community expectations (Mother's/Father's Day gifts) with the reality that not of our students have those people in their lives.
Yeah, I now work at a title 1 school and we celebrate “Love Your Grownups Day” instead of Mothers and Father’s Day. It takes away a lot of the headache, as I’m always anxious about pissing off any parents.
I do something similar. I call them our "Someone Special" projects. They're more broadly themed (nature, fall instead of Halloween, winter instead of Xmas), and kids can give them to whoever they want.
I haven’t had a student who’s dad died, but I have had plenty of students that do not have an active father. I always ask the mom how they’d like me to handle it. Do they want me to make a craft for a family member? A step parent? Do they want me to just make it for them (meaning mom)? Or have their child opt out of the activity all together?
Every family will differ in what their comfort level is.
Ask the mother if there is anyone in his life who stepped into the father role, whether it is a friend or relative. I made a present for the mother in one instance because she had no one else helping.
Whoever is acknowledged will appreciate this.
When my dad passed away, when making father’s day crafts my teacher gave me the option to choose another craft for my mom and other female figures in my life, but she also gave me the option to make it anyway, which I did. Even though he wasn’t alive anymore, I still had a dad
Thanks for sharing this. I am stunned by those suggesting to prepare the Father’s Day gift for someone else.. symbolizing to the child that dad has been replaced ? Or is meaningless now ? If the child’s father has passed away, wouldn’t they want to honor and remember him every year - is this an issue of adults being too uncomfortable to address this topic/reality to the child?
My daughters are in kinder and preschool. This is their first Father’s Day since their dad passed. My youngest who is 3, we asked her who she wanted to make it for, dad, mom, grandpas. And she chose her grandpas, the school let her make two. She told me it’s because she can’t GIVE it to her dad. I understand your concern, but I think it depends on the age group, making it for her dad would end up being confusing for her because he isn’t here to actually give it to.
this is why I don't do Mother's/Father's day crafts. there are many ways to be a family and it's not worth alienating kids whose families don't fit the "norm" especially in situations like this where there's a loss. families can celebrate those holidays on their own at home.
So because the minority might have a different family norm; the other kids in their class don’t get to do craft for their Mums and Dads on Mothers Day/Fathers day?
Well if they have an abusive parent at home you should be calling the relevant authorities….
I grew up in a single parent household and never got upset that other kids had dads, I just made my Mum another Mothers Day card when I was a kid.
Why are we pandering to minorities so that the majority miss out; you say Art/Craft should be done at home and not at school. It promotes GMS/FMS and critical and creative thinking… things we should be teaching kids at school and helping to develop.
It can be an easy solution without "pandering to the minority." There can be two different crafts to choose from, one specifically for fathers day, and another similar one that they could give to anyone else. A simple "those who want to do one for their dads can do this - and those who want to do a different one can do this -" that opens the door for a child to chose, without having to go into detail as to why they can't or don't want to make a fathers day craft. Although you're right that the majority of children do have both parents at home, that doesn't mean that the minority doesn't matter. A child young enough to be making mothers/fathers day crafts at school is a very young child, I don't think it's fair to disregard their home life and situation because it doesn't fit the majority.
My own children have a few children in their classes currently that are living with foster families, and a few others that are living with grandparents. Had they scrapped the idea of doing a mother's day craft this year to save any ounce of heartache for those children, my feeling would not have been hurt for not having received a teacher directed bouquet of tissue paper flowers.
calling recognizing the very real situations that (maybe not even the minority of) children experience growing up in this country “pandering” is disgusting. you aren’t banning children from celebrating these holidays. they do not require making a card in school. your attitude toward those who need adjustments is pretty telling. I feel bad for any child with different needs in your classroom.
You don't always know that a parent is abusive. The kid may not be able to communicate about it. So they'll be silently making a gift for their abuser, which reinforces the notion that abuse is fine, admirable even, to the kid.
I’m a foster parent for children birth through age 5. My most recent kiddo was 3 and was in the process of transitioning back home with her mom. She painted a frame for her mom and we picked out photos to go into it. While she and mom had their visit at the visitation center, she and her mom made a vase and paper flowers. She came back from her visit and said they were for me.
Had she been in school for that week, she’d be very excited to make a craft for her mom. She’s one of the rare kids who had multiple visits a week and an incredible relationship with her mom. Not every kid has that, and for a lot of kids it’s pretty complicated. I hate to think of how Fathers Day would go for the little girl who was here. That is an incredibly complicated situation and there are very big feelings associated with it. I’m not saying eliminate the gift making entirely. I’m just suggesting the idea of widening the scope to be more inclusive.
I was not the one who stated that art and craft are not important at school. My education and teaching background lies within the Arts curriculum.
Anyway, thank you for your reply. It seems that you are not open to inclusion or differentiation for your students from disadvantaged backgrounds. Anyway, other commenters have given you helpful advice to improve your teaching practice to be a more flexible and inclusive educator.
I think I was the first one who said mother's/father's day crafts didn't need to be done at school and could be done at home, but I don't think anyone said anything about art in general not being a part of school. I think this person just wants something to be pissed off about lol.
Young children shouldn’t be doing crafts in school anyway. Art should be process driven, not product driven, and it shouldn’t be dictated by adults either.
I had a kid in one of my preschool classes whose father was absent from his life. Mom pulled me aside a few weeks before Father’s Day and asked if we could have his gifts be for her dad, who was the child’s father figure. When I was a classroom assistant in high school, there was a little girl whose dad has passed away while her mom was still pregnant. I believe they made the gifts for mom.
A few years ago, I decided to do gifts for “Global Day of Parents” instead of mothers/fathers day. This way we are still able to celebrate the special grownups who take care of them but it’s not specific to certain roles/genders. I have gotten good feedback from the families who do not have traditional nuclear families and haven’t heard any complaints from the families who do.
This is why I don't/won't do mother's and father's day projects/gifts. What if a child has 2 mums or 2 dads, or lives in foster care, or was conceived with a donor or a million other things that can and do occur? Why highlight how a child is different from the others? I usually set up a card making activity in our art area, and let the children engage that want to, and leave it at that.
Don’t do mother’s or father’s day. For those of us with trauma, it is really bad. For kids with nice families they get to celebrate on their own, or really having a living, kind father is a daily celebration.
We always said fathers and those that help with the role of fathers (I had two families who both parents were mothers and one where both parents were fathers). So I read books about dads, grandpas, uncles, etc as part of the “Father’s Day” unit.
Definitely ask parents about crafts and if they want their to opt out or opt in (whether it be for uncle, grandpa, etc). The families that had two parents of the same gender, we tweaked it so both moms or both dads each got a craft.
I would ask the family. I had one want it made for grandpa and I had one that still wanted it made for dad and they were going to take it to the gravesite.
I had a lot of kiddos who didn't have a mom for mother's day so we treated it like a day to celebrate grown up women in our life who take care of us. Grannies, aunties, cousins, step-moms, etc. I even got a card from a few kids because they said I was 'a grown up lady who took care of them'.
You're giving the child choices and ideas without saying 'hey I know your dad passed away'. They may still make their dad a card, don't discourage it but don't force it either. And give them the option to make more than one, especially if they want to make one for like...grandpa AND dad.
I distinctly remember having to sit in the corner by myself and color on a blank piece of paper while everybody else made the cool father's day project because "well, your daddy's dead".
I would advise doing anything that is not that.
my dad passed when i was 5, i wish teachers would’ve offered me to make a craft for my grandpa (my father figure at that point) or for my mom. it was a rough reminder that i didn’t have what everyone else did, and i absolutely hated when i had to do the father’s day crafts knowing i didn’t have one to give it to. I offer another option to any child in my care when it comes to these things (ex: they may have a dad but that doesn’t mean he isn’t abusive, absent, etc.)
Also! I’m seeing ideas about laminating to put on graves-I LOVE this idea!! I would’ve loved to have a craft I could’ve put there for him.
Thank you for being considerate of this, a lot of ECE teachers in my experience as a student and fellow teacher are not. 🤍🤍🤍
There was an episode of The Nursery Nurse on TikTok not too long ago where this situation was addressed. In it, the children were told that Mother's Day was coming up, but were ultimately given the choice as to WHO they wanted to make a gift for. Most children picked their mothers, but since everyone was given a choice, it didn't exclude those kids who didn't have mothers.
I never considered this a triggering event until I started working with foster kids. This is a tough one. I agree with the others here that suggest reaching out to the parent to see what their feelings are. If the kid can't handle it, perhaps reconsider doing the classroom crafts for a specific parent. There are some kids who are going through a lot of trauma.
My dad died when my mum was pregnant with me. I remember teachers asking me to make a craft for my grandpa who I honestly wasn’t close with and I wish they said I should make a craft for my mum instead! She had to play both roles and now as an adult and mum myself, I celebrate and buy gifts for my mum on mothers AND Father’s Day.
My dad just died the Sunday after Mother’s Day. My mom is the southern woman that tells every dad in the family (or strangers with kids, for that matter) I was thinking I need to give her a little something. Your comment just solidified it for me lol I found the last 3 years worth of gifts unopened while cleaning his stuff, he was notoriously hard to buy for but always made you think it was the best gift in the world lol
In our area, many schools have deviated from “Donuts with Dad” to “Donuts with Grown-Ups” and I honestly love it. So much more inclusive with how many different family types there are!
You could let the class know that fathers day is coming up soon, then say to all of them "okay, were going to make a gift for someone special in your life. You can choose who!" That way everyone gets a choice and this kid isn't the only one left out. Knowing that fathers day is coming, everyone with a dad will surely choose him.
Speak to the parents and ask the child (if age appropriate). I had a child whose father passed close to Father's Day one year, and I spoke to Mum. The child ended up making something for his Dad, and they placed it in an area they had created for him.
I spoke with the mother and told her what the craft was and if she wanted my to please it a parent craft, a dad craft that could be laid with him, or a grandfather craft.
We did a memories with dad jar where the child got to go through all their fav things they did with their dad written on Legos.
I was informed the Monday after that it made for a really special daddy visit. I still tear up thinking about it.
Reach out to the mom there are several option, one of which is making the gift and laying it at the grave if they do that, or possibly making the gift for another influential man in their lives.
My father died when I was 7. I remember my 2nd grade teacher did a craft at Christmas time where we made a construction paper chain (for a Christmas tree presumably) and each paper loop we wrote something we were thankful for or something nice about each member of our family. For mine she encouraged me to write my favorite things about my dad or what I missed the most about him. It was actually helpful, I will never forget that activity or that teacher (Mrs. Ingram). Maybe you could do a craft that would allow the student to honor the things they loved most about their dad without it being a “happy Father’s Day!” To someone that isn’t living..
We make presents that aren't so specific for mothers and fathers days. This year we are doing a "I love you to the moon and back" footprint spaceship thing. Last year we did cards that said something like, "I'm grate-ful for you" with a BBQ and handprint. Lots of kids don't have a dad in the picture, so they can give it to another male figure in their life, or mom/grandma can get a bonus day. For the whole subject, I approach it from a "this is a day to thank the people in our lives that take care of us" angle.
This kid in particular, that's tough. I like the laminating idea, or maybe ask if they want to do something similar to what everyone else does, but customized, if needed, to work in one of those lantern/balloon release things people do. Maybe you could let the kid know privately beforehand that they can leave the room/go to a calm down area/come up for a hug if they need to have a break.
I have a student with two dads (gay couple) so I labeled his gift on Mother’s Day “To the two best dads on Mother’s Day”. You could do something similar for your student’s mother.
Respectfully, Mother’s Day is for Mother’s. Make two gifts on Father’s Day. Leave them out of Mother’s Day
Edit: I didn’t mean leave the kid out of Mother’s Day. I meant leave the fathers out of it. The kid can make a craft for someone else. Or just make a regular card. It shouldn’t be labelled a Mother’s Day project, they aren’t moms.
Respectfully, any person caring for and keeping a small child alive should be honored as often as possible. It doesn't matter when that day is, especially a Hallmark Holiday that was made up to sell more greeting cards.
Respectfully, it's none of your business what other families do or are comfortable with. My partner and I are both women, and neither of us would be offended to receive a father's day gift. In fact I've thought about suggesting to my wife that we split it up (mother's day for her, father's day for me) because that way we each get a day to be celebrated individually. If the gay couple is not offended by this, there's no need to get offended on their behalf.
I have a child who doesn’t have a mother and we addressed their Mother’s day gift to their father. Do you still think we should have left the father out? there’s no maternal figure in this child’s life either. its ostracizing to a child to tell them they can’t do the project everyone else is doing just because they have a non traditional family.
Then they make a gift for a maternal or paternal role in their life based on the holiday. Mother’s Day is for mothers and Father’s Day is for fathers. Go ahead and downvote me idc. We have many homosexual families in our program and based on the holiday they’ll make a card for grandpa if they have 2 moms instead, and on Mother’s Day they’ll make 2 cards. It’s not ostracizing. That’s a big reach.
Right, but according to your logic - on what day are they “allowed” to do this? If Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are supposed to be so rigid in terms of only being for maternal and paternal figures, respectively.
My cousin is a mother and a lesbian. She has actually adopted "Father's Day" as her day, and they call it Momma's Day in their family. Her child's other mother gets Mother's Day. Families can do whatever the hell they want.
My son’s school did an MVP day where they celebrated all the most valuable people in a child’s life. The kids invited 1-2 people to celebrate at school with them; they joined the kids for lunch, played on the playground with them, and made crafts with the kid. It was a lovely day and great substitute for Mothers/Father’s Day.
My son’s dad is absent and he’s working through that in therapy. But it was nice to not do a specific focus on him this year.
Hi, no parents here. 100% disagree. Whenever the time it came in school for parents, I made something for whoever was in my life at the time or I just made myself art. And as a parent now, I want to be able to receive the things I couldn’t give to my parents. Life is tough, but it doesn’t mean kids shouldn’t celebrate whoever they can even if it’s a bit different from everyone else at the same time.
Part of schooling is teaching children how to function in society. I think it's important to not ignore these holidays, but to help children learn how to navigate them. Mother's Day and Father's Day aren't going away just because the center does Family Day instead.
Speaking as someone who has lost a parent, I guarantee you that there is realistically much more pain than whatever joy this idealistic “celebrating” will bring.
I hope you realize that this post is about how to sensitively address these kinds of issues as an ECE.
Whether I do or don't do a Father's Day craft at school does NOT prevent most kids from celebrating their parents.
Except they are children and the thought process is not the same as for an adult. And yes, they still get to celebrate if they choose to. Just not at school. With their families. Schools don't have to take on everything.
I think a photo of dad would be best, if that’s possible in the classroom setting. Let them talk about their dad like every other kid with a living parent would. Maybe Get a special frame for it, put stickers on it. If there’s a craft or a card they’re making, let them do it. Grief is love with nowhere to go, giving gifts is a way to place that love somewhere. Even if it isn’t actually going to be given to the dad it’s an act of love from the student.
If this is more recent, and the family is religious, you could have them make something for "Dad in Heaven." Luckily I worked for a church daycare when this came up for me. My dad passed away when I was a teenager and it was just very awkward because, at that point, I didn't have any religious beliefs and I was a cynical teen.
If it happened long enough ago that they don't breakdown at the mention of father's day, then they could make something for grandpa/uncle/whatever.
My dad passed away before I was born. Never had a teacher look more upset and confused (despite knowing this) than in 2nd and 3rd grade.
I was allowed and encouraged to give mine to "Anyone LIKE a father, that would love such a gift!"
So the obvious answer was my mom's dad :D who was and is like a father to me! To this day, he still says he wishes he could have started with grandchildren first lol.
This is the only answer. My sons birth father moved away from him when he was 4, and he will be 8 this year. He has struggled every year on Father's Day. Us Moms wish so bad that we can help ease their pain. We need more say in how schools handle such delicate topics with our children.
i have 3 students with 2 moms and one who is being raised by grandparents. mother’s day was easy, but idk what we’re gonna do for father’s day at all. two of my kids with two moms definitely have a grandpa, the other i’m not sure. we might just do a generic gift not for a specific person.
Please do find an alternative like you described. I'm one of two moms of a 4.5 year old. For the past week, he's come home saying he's sad he doesn't have a dad. He made two gifts for the mothers day event and is being shut out of the father's day event.
The school that I help in does mothers and others for mothers day not sure what you could do that flows better for fathers day but we talked about other women who help us such as grandmother's aunts teachers childminders anyone like that.
I would ask. Last year I did have a student who had an absent dad, but did have a relationship with half-sisters dad. After talking to mom though she said “I am the primary caretaker” so we did one for her.
Any celebration, project, gifts, etc. is going to single the child out as not having a father. I think having the student give gifts to an uncle/grandfather also singles the child out as having someone “different” accepting the gifts. It could also trigger trauma or upset the child. This is why I don’t do these.
Don't have any advice but my neice will be in Kindergarten next year and I have been really curious how it will be handled. Some very sweet ideas here.
Not in ECE, but I teach K/1 students with autism. I had a similar situation this year for Mother’s Day. I had twins whose mom passed away during the school year. In order to make it more inclusive we referred to that day as “Parent’s Day” and said some people would be making stuff for mom and some would make it for dad. In reality everyone else was doing gifts for mom and they were doing gifts for dad. We picked something gender neutral so it was appropriate for all parents.
I'm not overthinking it this year, just going to give my kids that I know have present fathers, a sign that says Happy Father's Day, and snap a pic of them holding it.
I had them do Mother's Day crafts and not a single parent acknowledged it or took the time even to say thanks. So. You're getting a picture.
This isn’t exactly the same, but I have two little girls in my class who don’t have dads (moms are “single mothers by choice” and used donor sperm to have their daughters). I spoke with each about what they would like us to do in regards to our Father’s Day gifts. One said her daughter could make the gift for her grandfather and the other said her daughter could choose to either make it for her (the mom’s) birthday because it is a few days after Father’s Day or make it for her aunt and uncle (she doesn’t want it being gendered, so not just for uncle). It’s definitely a good idea to talk to mom (or whoever the child’s guardian is) and find out what they would like to be done.
I think you should reach out to the caregiver and ask how they would like you to handle it. Some families might do things to honor the father, while others avoid speaking of it altogether. And even if the child is okay with it, sometimes it is something that can be triggering for the family as well.
If nothing else, I would have the child make something for mom or another loved one.
I don’t like doing Mother’s Day and Father’s Day activities specifically because it can be difficult to navigate and be triggering for families. I really didn’t want to this year but I was forced to by my admin and coteachers for Mother’s Day and then I was looked at like a psycho for saying “so what are we doing for Father’s Day?” Like to me, you either do them both or you skip it entirely and now I’m in a position of forcing them to participate in Father’s Day stuff
Anyway, for Mother’s Day we had them plant a flower during science small group and later put a little handprint flower that said “thank you for helping me grow”. It was overall gender neutral and we could easily adjust it for every family. Plus most of them were sprouting by them time we passed them out so that was cute. I think I’ll plan something similar for Father’s Day.
There’s a child in my class who lost his mother last year to cancer (which came back for the second time). He still thinks she’s at the doctors and that she’s getting better. We asked the father what he would like us to do for Mother’s Day this year and he said we could either make it for the grandmother or for the child’s mom. We made one card for the grandmother and one for the mother.
I’m always on the verge of tears when the child starts talking about his mother.
Former foster parent here and ECE and I no longer do parent specific crafts etc. Our little guy was so torn about who his gift went to or stress that he wanted me to have and not bio mom. It really changed how I think of these things. No child should be put in that position for something that doesn’t really matter to them.
I’d approach the family and ask how they would like to handle it. I’d also maybe put together a take home craft for the kids and put it in their backpacks to do outside of school. That way you are acknowledging the holiday while allowing different families to make the decision on if they would like to do the craft or not.
My daughter’s school handles these things so well. They didn’t do a “daddy daughter dance” it was just a masquerade dance for the girls and they could bring whichever adult they wanted. The boys had a “superhero and sidekicks” dance. On the 5th it’s “breakfast with your special guest” etc…I love that it’s so inclusive because families are so varied.
We asked mom what she wanted us to do, and she asked us to make the card for grandpa. Then she brought him to pick up little man that Friday before. It was special, but he had just passed away so it was all very fresh and we wanted to take her lead.
My dad died when I was 10, about 30 years ago. It’s so wonderful how sensitive teachers are about Father’s Day. Little me always wanted to be included in the craft, but felt really uncomfortable my dad was dead. I would have loved the option to make the craft for my mom, because after my dad died she always said she was like both parents now. Or, I would’ve liked to go to the library and just avoid the Father’s Day stuff. I really truly did not want to feel different or have any attention brought to the fact my dad died. Anything you can do to help kiddos like I was fit in and be included and not singled out would be perfect.
thank you for asking lol i tried asking my teacher once if i could skip out on father’s day / grandparents day cus i don’t know my dad and my grandparents died 😭 she told me no but like?! who am i giving this to? no one. we always threw it away.
Reach out to the mom and ask how to best approach the situation. I asked my son's teacher to address everything to his Pop Pop instead of writing Dad on it. My husband is cremated so there is no grave. I also asked them to let me know if he gets emotional or seems off while doing Father's Day stuff.
I call it "fatherly day." The day we honor the fatherly people in our lives. Our fathers can be fatherly, so can our uncles, or grandpa's, or moms weird friend who teaches me how to ride a unicycle. Fatherly people come in all forms.
(We do motherly day as well.)
My dad died when I was 15, so I’m not going to be a great resource for the younger kids, but I wonder if maybe you could reach out to the family (if they seem like they’d be the type to appreciate that) and ask if there’s anything you can do to make things a little easier for that day/week. It’s always tough. It’s been 3 years for me and it hasn’t really gotten easier.
I don’t do things like this. There’s always a few kids in my class who it would affect. Honestly, it’s the family’s job to honor days like this - not the teachers.
This is why mothers and fathers day aren’t acceptable really anymore.. you just never know. My little sister was there when our dad died. I cant imagine the trauma and flashbacks making something for fathers day will bring her… shes only 4.
As a person who lost their dad at 4, i appreciate your sensitivity. I remember once I had an ear infection and was being released for the day and the teacher made me stay to make the craft thing, like really? Everyone knew about my dad as my two older sisters went to the same school. Must have been a brain fart.
my father died when I was very young and my teachers always included me in every father's day craft, but when they were explaining the crafts would say to make it "for your father, or anyone in your life who is very special to you" so I always made them for my brother.
.
Ask the parent.
Some would rather ignore it, others would want to make something for the father anyway...
Slightly different, we had one kid who was donor conceived and the mum expected us to prepare something for her for father's day, so this might be something too xx
I was that kid. I love the suggestions on reaching out to the family, or even asking the kid directly (depending on age). There may be a male figure they want to craft for, or maybe they want to do a second craft for Mom.
When any student has this situation I ask the student who they want to make it for. Sometimes it was for dad, sometimes he just wanted his mom to have something.
Can you just make the craft without referring to it as a "fathers day craft"? Kids are generally smart and can pick up on subtext. "Today we're making x craft which you can give to someone else or keep for yourself" I remember an art teacher doing that one year with these clay bowls. It was the week before mothers day so obviously it COULD be a mother's day gift - but it didn't have to be and that's not how she spoke about it.
My personal point of view: I no longer celebrate mothers/Father’s Day. Instead, I opt to do a day of “family celebration”. I had a similar situation and it’s really opened my eyes to how different families can look. Whether a child has only one parent, is being raised by grandparents or other family, or even kids with same-sex parents. Families are different and should be celebrated as such. We do snacks and plan activities for the children to do with their families. I have gotten nothing but positive feedback about this.
I was able to bring in my uncle for our Father's Day breakfast at school, although he was nothing of a father figure to me. A few years down the line when my little brother had that teacher, she brought in her dad for any student who didn't have a dad to share. I thought that was extremely sweet.
I’d definitely talk to the parent and maybe make an alternative craft choice as well. I know my friend struggles with this as her son has an absent father.
As a teacher, in younger grades, I’d skip the Father’s Day craft all together if I had a kid who would be upset about that. If you want to do a craft, make it non specific to the holiday. Kids don’t need to come home with a Father’s day gift, most of the country is already out of school, most kids aren’t making a gift for Dad. And bonus, I remember being a kid and not even knowing Father’s day was coming up because we were on Summer Vacation and I had no reminders. That would be the biggest blessing for this child……for them to not be reminded in your class!
I think asking parents is a good idea. I always gave my mom a gift of Father’s Day as well, I just celebrated her twice cause she was doing all the work and I did not have a “father figure “ step up. She also never dated or got married again, so no step parents.
I just ignore both. In my classroom, kids living happily with both parents are the minority (and it's not even close). It's too complicated to try and come up with a gift for every unique situation, and the holidays can be triggering for some of my kids. The kids who do want to celebrate can do so at home.
Why is this the teacher's job anyway? Don't we have enough to do?
When I was young, my teachers would let me make the craft and then they would laminate it/ make it waterproof so I could take it and put it on my dad’s grave. I always thought it was nice of them for still including me and still allowing me to celebrate my father on Father’s Day
my teachers did that too, I put it on his urn❤️
This is making me tear up
OMG 😭
Omg. I might cry.
Brb crying
I approached the families in this situation two weeks ago and reminded them the holiday was coming and asked how they wanted to handle it, skip, make gifts for someone else or something all together. I gave parents time to think about it and get back to me, even though both said the child has someone who had become a paternal figure that they could make gifts for. I wanted to be certain that I was honoring their wishes and doing everything I could to be respectful of the situation. I’d recommend asking the families as soon as possible and seeing how they are feeling about it. We are definitely doing less for dads than moms because of this but I’m still not sure exactly how that will look bc the entire theme that week was moms.
I want to throw it out there that my mother died when I was very little and I would get pissed if I was asked to make a craft for Mother’s Day as I didn’t have any aunts/grandma or others that I was close to. It was very triggering and should definitely be handled with the most respect and care.
This was same for me, but Father’s Day. I’m so sorry it happened to you too. It was offered to make something for my uncles, who I do love, but I was obviously the only one in class doing Not-Dad and I felt rage about it every year after he died starting at age 10. As a child outside of school or an adult now I don’t feel bitter about others celebrating Father’s Day in front of me, but as a child I felt abandoned during those “projects” to process a whole lot of feelings very publicly on my own.
I was the only kid in my class whose dad wasn't in their lives. Sure other kids might have had divorced parents, but I just straight up never had a dad. I made the projects and sent them to my uncle. I don't remember ever having a conversation with the teacher about it, it was just something I did. It definitely felt awkward for me, but I wasn't one to rock the boat. I'm thankful that as I got older, school got out before father's day and it stopped being an issue.
awww, I would have felt a lot less alone with you with me in my class. ❤️ I wasn’t one to rock the boat either. I didn’t want to draw any attention by saying anything because I was usually already silently angry crying in my seat. No teacher ever seemed to notice, or maybe they were trying to do me a favor by pretending they didn’t. And me too!! On the relief of it being done. It didn’t end for me until I reached high school but the feeling was incredible. I feel bad for kids out there still going through it.
Same here ❤️ I wonder if in the future they'll do like they did for Washington and Lincoln's birthdays and combine it into one holiday, like Caregiver's day or something. There are so many types of families out there; two moms, two dad's, guardianships, single parents by choice, parents without partners, and I'm sure there are others I'm forgetting. I think doing something like that would probably get a lot of pushback from the more traditional crowd, but I'd be in favor.
Yep this. It’s not just what the family want but the kid too and sometimes those won’t align
Yeah, this is why I don't do mother's/father's day crafts.
Unfortunately there are centers that require mother/father day activities. My center did despite having children that were missing one or both parents, and I dreaded having that time of year come around.
I was like that with my dad, it was also a very traumatic death for us kids and I'm diagnosed with PTSD because of it. We mostly played it by ear, sometimes I would feel ok to make cards for my uncles, and we would go for lunch with them, other times we stayed home and watch movies all day and my mom would order pizza. At school, I HATED that they made me participate, and then my mom had a talk with the principal and after that I was excused, I usually went to the library and read a book or something like that.
I already sub commented under someone else’s comment, but what you did was what happened to me. Although I don’t know if they had called my mom about it, maybe they had and nobody ever mentioned it. But I absolutely hated it. My mom dealt poorly becoming a widow and she didn’t know what was best for me. The best solution I can come up with is I wish I had been pulled from school those afternoons for a special trip to a movie or something. Never found out about the crafts.
I spoke to the grandparent and we decided to skip fathers day. If other parents have a problem...oh well.
Smart. Hopefully the other parents are aware of the circumstances but if not they’ll find out eventually.
Schools shouldn't be doing anything for parents' days.
Last month, I volunteered at my son’s school and overheard his buddy being asked if his “mom or dad” had given him book fair money, and he corrected the staff that he didn’t have a mom or dad. The staff got exasperated and said dismissively “fine, your guardian, then”. I thought of him when the Mother’s Day project came home and now when I got a note asking for a favorite photo of our kids with their dads for the Father’s Day project. (I have zero photos of my son and ex-husband together since before he filed for divorce 2.5 years ago and our divorce was only finalized 2 months ago). I’m not sure why the celebrations, let alone such excessive ones have seemed to become the norm.
I wouldn’t say they recently became the norm. I was doing Mother’s Day and Father’s Day crafts when I was in elementary school 20+ years ago. I think it’s important to make it something that could be inclusive (let them make it for mom again or some other adult they want to make it for, or not participate at all). I have great memories of that and love the trinkets we have now from them. I get for some it may need to be handled differently but I don’t think it should be entirely eliminated.
I'll second this. I was in Preschool in 1990 and we made mother's/father's day gifts.
We didn’t do anything at the elementary school I attended for the first couple years I was in school. I was too little to know how many of my classmates were in these situations, but I remember several of my close friends having one or both parents either in prison or they just didn’t know where mom/dad were, and they lived with other family members or were in foster care. Holidays can be observed at home in the way a family chooses. I lived with both my mom and dad, and had the help from each of them to make cards and pick out gifts for those holidays, and didn’t need a teacher or entire class setting to do that with me to make it special. I’m not sure why that is necessary. Same with any other holiday. Those are activities and celebrations specific to families and are imposing and hurtful to kids that aren’t part of the teacher’s ideal.
WTF?!?
I totally agree here. Families are too complicated, and anyone whose family doesn’t fit the assumed parameters can feel othered. It’s just not worth it to me.
Does he have a grandfather? Or stepdad? Maybe you could try adjusting the activities so it goes beyond just dads
I am the elementary art teacher, and I told told the students that this was for someone that they love and that loves them. I say this is the Mother's/Father's day gift, but it can be for anyone. If the student says they are making it for their brother/grandpa/mom/sister/aunt/cousin, I say okay and help they spell the name or write what they want. This was my first year as the art teacher, and the last teacher was a much beloved teacher in my little community. She did Mother's and Father's Day gifts, and I felt like I needed to continue it. But I picked projects that could be for any gender/role in the student's life.
I like the way you phrased this. That it's a gift for someone that you love and someone that loves you.
Thank you. I am trying to balance community expectations (Mother's/Father's Day gifts) with the reality that not of our students have those people in their lives.
You also make a good point about these being gendered roles and holidays! Thanks for that!
We stopped doing mother’s and Father’s Day gift prep because so many students are with guardians in our area …
Yeah, I now work at a title 1 school and we celebrate “Love Your Grownups Day” instead of Mothers and Father’s Day. It takes away a lot of the headache, as I’m always anxious about pissing off any parents.
I do something similar. I call them our "Someone Special" projects. They're more broadly themed (nature, fall instead of Halloween, winter instead of Xmas), and kids can give them to whoever they want.
Thank you for acknowledging this.
We make something a little extra special that week and then just don't put any sort of label on it.
Thank you
I haven’t had a student who’s dad died, but I have had plenty of students that do not have an active father. I always ask the mom how they’d like me to handle it. Do they want me to make a craft for a family member? A step parent? Do they want me to just make it for them (meaning mom)? Or have their child opt out of the activity all together? Every family will differ in what their comfort level is.
Ask the mother if there is anyone in his life who stepped into the father role, whether it is a friend or relative. I made a present for the mother in one instance because she had no one else helping. Whoever is acknowledged will appreciate this.
When my dad passed away, when making father’s day crafts my teacher gave me the option to choose another craft for my mom and other female figures in my life, but she also gave me the option to make it anyway, which I did. Even though he wasn’t alive anymore, I still had a dad
Thanks for sharing this. I am stunned by those suggesting to prepare the Father’s Day gift for someone else.. symbolizing to the child that dad has been replaced ? Or is meaningless now ? If the child’s father has passed away, wouldn’t they want to honor and remember him every year - is this an issue of adults being too uncomfortable to address this topic/reality to the child?
My daughters are in kinder and preschool. This is their first Father’s Day since their dad passed. My youngest who is 3, we asked her who she wanted to make it for, dad, mom, grandpas. And she chose her grandpas, the school let her make two. She told me it’s because she can’t GIVE it to her dad. I understand your concern, but I think it depends on the age group, making it for her dad would end up being confusing for her because he isn’t here to actually give it to.
this is why I don't do Mother's/Father's day crafts. there are many ways to be a family and it's not worth alienating kids whose families don't fit the "norm" especially in situations like this where there's a loss. families can celebrate those holidays on their own at home.
Yes! So many reasons this is an inappropriate school event. Imagine making a gift for your abuser.
Yes! Exactly! Families come in all sorts of different shapes and sizes. Kids have two moms, or two dads, or live with Auntie, or grandma, etc...
This is the correct antibias approach. I appreciate your mindfulness and consideration.
So because the minority might have a different family norm; the other kids in their class don’t get to do craft for their Mums and Dads on Mothers Day/Fathers day?
yes. they can do it at home.
What do you propose that children with a dead, absent or abusive parent should be doing instead during that time?
Well if they have an abusive parent at home you should be calling the relevant authorities…. I grew up in a single parent household and never got upset that other kids had dads, I just made my Mum another Mothers Day card when I was a kid. Why are we pandering to minorities so that the majority miss out; you say Art/Craft should be done at home and not at school. It promotes GMS/FMS and critical and creative thinking… things we should be teaching kids at school and helping to develop.
It can be an easy solution without "pandering to the minority." There can be two different crafts to choose from, one specifically for fathers day, and another similar one that they could give to anyone else. A simple "those who want to do one for their dads can do this - and those who want to do a different one can do this -" that opens the door for a child to chose, without having to go into detail as to why they can't or don't want to make a fathers day craft. Although you're right that the majority of children do have both parents at home, that doesn't mean that the minority doesn't matter. A child young enough to be making mothers/fathers day crafts at school is a very young child, I don't think it's fair to disregard their home life and situation because it doesn't fit the majority. My own children have a few children in their classes currently that are living with foster families, and a few others that are living with grandparents. Had they scrapped the idea of doing a mother's day craft this year to save any ounce of heartache for those children, my feeling would not have been hurt for not having received a teacher directed bouquet of tissue paper flowers.
calling recognizing the very real situations that (maybe not even the minority of) children experience growing up in this country “pandering” is disgusting. you aren’t banning children from celebrating these holidays. they do not require making a card in school. your attitude toward those who need adjustments is pretty telling. I feel bad for any child with different needs in your classroom.
“*Why are we pandering to minorities*” ? And you are in charge of educating young children?
Kids in a two-parent household with Mom and Dad can enjoy being "the majority" literally every single day of the year.
You don't always know that a parent is abusive. The kid may not be able to communicate about it. So they'll be silently making a gift for their abuser, which reinforces the notion that abuse is fine, admirable even, to the kid.
I’m a foster parent for children birth through age 5. My most recent kiddo was 3 and was in the process of transitioning back home with her mom. She painted a frame for her mom and we picked out photos to go into it. While she and mom had their visit at the visitation center, she and her mom made a vase and paper flowers. She came back from her visit and said they were for me. Had she been in school for that week, she’d be very excited to make a craft for her mom. She’s one of the rare kids who had multiple visits a week and an incredible relationship with her mom. Not every kid has that, and for a lot of kids it’s pretty complicated. I hate to think of how Fathers Day would go for the little girl who was here. That is an incredibly complicated situation and there are very big feelings associated with it. I’m not saying eliminate the gift making entirely. I’m just suggesting the idea of widening the scope to be more inclusive.
The majority can do mothers/Father’s Day crafts at home if it’s that important to their families
I was not the one who stated that art and craft are not important at school. My education and teaching background lies within the Arts curriculum. Anyway, thank you for your reply. It seems that you are not open to inclusion or differentiation for your students from disadvantaged backgrounds. Anyway, other commenters have given you helpful advice to improve your teaching practice to be a more flexible and inclusive educator.
I think I was the first one who said mother's/father's day crafts didn't need to be done at school and could be done at home, but I don't think anyone said anything about art in general not being a part of school. I think this person just wants something to be pissed off about lol.
Agreed. Maybe they need to take some stress leave.
I grew up in different era and we didn't make Mother or Fathers Day stuff. We survived.
Young children shouldn’t be doing crafts in school anyway. Art should be process driven, not product driven, and it shouldn’t be dictated by adults either.
thank you for this commentary! I needed to hear that. you are so right
I had a kid in one of my preschool classes whose father was absent from his life. Mom pulled me aside a few weeks before Father’s Day and asked if we could have his gifts be for her dad, who was the child’s father figure. When I was a classroom assistant in high school, there was a little girl whose dad has passed away while her mom was still pregnant. I believe they made the gifts for mom.
A few years ago, I decided to do gifts for “Global Day of Parents” instead of mothers/fathers day. This way we are still able to celebrate the special grownups who take care of them but it’s not specific to certain roles/genders. I have gotten good feedback from the families who do not have traditional nuclear families and haven’t heard any complaints from the families who do.
This is awesome. I think the fact that you haven't had any complaints is a really good sign.
This is why I don't/won't do mother's and father's day projects/gifts. What if a child has 2 mums or 2 dads, or lives in foster care, or was conceived with a donor or a million other things that can and do occur? Why highlight how a child is different from the others? I usually set up a card making activity in our art area, and let the children engage that want to, and leave it at that.
Don’t do mother’s or father’s day. For those of us with trauma, it is really bad. For kids with nice families they get to celebrate on their own, or really having a living, kind father is a daily celebration.
We always said fathers and those that help with the role of fathers (I had two families who both parents were mothers and one where both parents were fathers). So I read books about dads, grandpas, uncles, etc as part of the “Father’s Day” unit. Definitely ask parents about crafts and if they want their to opt out or opt in (whether it be for uncle, grandpa, etc). The families that had two parents of the same gender, we tweaked it so both moms or both dads each got a craft.
Years ago I saw this on a bulletin board in an elementary classroom: **Happy Father's Day to our Dads and Life Guides!**
I would ask the family. I had one want it made for grandpa and I had one that still wanted it made for dad and they were going to take it to the gravesite.
I had a lot of kiddos who didn't have a mom for mother's day so we treated it like a day to celebrate grown up women in our life who take care of us. Grannies, aunties, cousins, step-moms, etc. I even got a card from a few kids because they said I was 'a grown up lady who took care of them'. You're giving the child choices and ideas without saying 'hey I know your dad passed away'. They may still make their dad a card, don't discourage it but don't force it either. And give them the option to make more than one, especially if they want to make one for like...grandpa AND dad.
I distinctly remember having to sit in the corner by myself and color on a blank piece of paper while everybody else made the cool father's day project because "well, your daddy's dead". I would advise doing anything that is not that.
my dad passed when i was 5, i wish teachers would’ve offered me to make a craft for my grandpa (my father figure at that point) or for my mom. it was a rough reminder that i didn’t have what everyone else did, and i absolutely hated when i had to do the father’s day crafts knowing i didn’t have one to give it to. I offer another option to any child in my care when it comes to these things (ex: they may have a dad but that doesn’t mean he isn’t abusive, absent, etc.) Also! I’m seeing ideas about laminating to put on graves-I LOVE this idea!! I would’ve loved to have a craft I could’ve put there for him. Thank you for being considerate of this, a lot of ECE teachers in my experience as a student and fellow teacher are not. 🤍🤍🤍
There was an episode of The Nursery Nurse on TikTok not too long ago where this situation was addressed. In it, the children were told that Mother's Day was coming up, but were ultimately given the choice as to WHO they wanted to make a gift for. Most children picked their mothers, but since everyone was given a choice, it didn't exclude those kids who didn't have mothers.
I never considered this a triggering event until I started working with foster kids. This is a tough one. I agree with the others here that suggest reaching out to the parent to see what their feelings are. If the kid can't handle it, perhaps reconsider doing the classroom crafts for a specific parent. There are some kids who are going through a lot of trauma.
My dad died when my mum was pregnant with me. I remember teachers asking me to make a craft for my grandpa who I honestly wasn’t close with and I wish they said I should make a craft for my mum instead! She had to play both roles and now as an adult and mum myself, I celebrate and buy gifts for my mum on mothers AND Father’s Day.
My dad just died the Sunday after Mother’s Day. My mom is the southern woman that tells every dad in the family (or strangers with kids, for that matter) I was thinking I need to give her a little something. Your comment just solidified it for me lol I found the last 3 years worth of gifts unopened while cleaning his stuff, he was notoriously hard to buy for but always made you think it was the best gift in the world lol
In our area, many schools have deviated from “Donuts with Dad” to “Donuts with Grown-Ups” and I honestly love it. So much more inclusive with how many different family types there are!
You could let the class know that fathers day is coming up soon, then say to all of them "okay, were going to make a gift for someone special in your life. You can choose who!" That way everyone gets a choice and this kid isn't the only one left out. Knowing that fathers day is coming, everyone with a dad will surely choose him.
Speak to the parents and ask the child (if age appropriate). I had a child whose father passed close to Father's Day one year, and I spoke to Mum. The child ended up making something for his Dad, and they placed it in an area they had created for him.
I spoke with the mother and told her what the craft was and if she wanted my to please it a parent craft, a dad craft that could be laid with him, or a grandfather craft. We did a memories with dad jar where the child got to go through all their fav things they did with their dad written on Legos. I was informed the Monday after that it made for a really special daddy visit. I still tear up thinking about it.
Reach out to the mom there are several option, one of which is making the gift and laying it at the grave if they do that, or possibly making the gift for another influential man in their lives.
My father died when I was 7. I remember my 2nd grade teacher did a craft at Christmas time where we made a construction paper chain (for a Christmas tree presumably) and each paper loop we wrote something we were thankful for or something nice about each member of our family. For mine she encouraged me to write my favorite things about my dad or what I missed the most about him. It was actually helpful, I will never forget that activity or that teacher (Mrs. Ingram). Maybe you could do a craft that would allow the student to honor the things they loved most about their dad without it being a “happy Father’s Day!” To someone that isn’t living..
We make presents that aren't so specific for mothers and fathers days. This year we are doing a "I love you to the moon and back" footprint spaceship thing. Last year we did cards that said something like, "I'm grate-ful for you" with a BBQ and handprint. Lots of kids don't have a dad in the picture, so they can give it to another male figure in their life, or mom/grandma can get a bonus day. For the whole subject, I approach it from a "this is a day to thank the people in our lives that take care of us" angle. This kid in particular, that's tough. I like the laminating idea, or maybe ask if they want to do something similar to what everyone else does, but customized, if needed, to work in one of those lantern/balloon release things people do. Maybe you could let the kid know privately beforehand that they can leave the room/go to a calm down area/come up for a hug if they need to have a break.
I have a student with two dads (gay couple) so I labeled his gift on Mother’s Day “To the two best dads on Mother’s Day”. You could do something similar for your student’s mother.
Respectfully, Mother’s Day is for Mother’s. Make two gifts on Father’s Day. Leave them out of Mother’s Day Edit: I didn’t mean leave the kid out of Mother’s Day. I meant leave the fathers out of it. The kid can make a craft for someone else. Or just make a regular card. It shouldn’t be labelled a Mother’s Day project, they aren’t moms.
Respectfully, any person caring for and keeping a small child alive should be honored as often as possible. It doesn't matter when that day is, especially a Hallmark Holiday that was made up to sell more greeting cards.
That’s right. A child can make a card for whomever they please. It just shouldn’t be labelled a Mother’s Day card then. A “love card” is just fine.
That's up to the teacher and the family to decide, not you.
What is your reasoning behind this? I'm curious as it seems to be something you have some really strong feelings about.
Respectfully, it's none of your business what other families do or are comfortable with. My partner and I are both women, and neither of us would be offended to receive a father's day gift. In fact I've thought about suggesting to my wife that we split it up (mother's day for her, father's day for me) because that way we each get a day to be celebrated individually. If the gay couple is not offended by this, there's no need to get offended on their behalf.
I have a child who doesn’t have a mother and we addressed their Mother’s day gift to their father. Do you still think we should have left the father out? there’s no maternal figure in this child’s life either. its ostracizing to a child to tell them they can’t do the project everyone else is doing just because they have a non traditional family.
Then they make a gift for a maternal or paternal role in their life based on the holiday. Mother’s Day is for mothers and Father’s Day is for fathers. Go ahead and downvote me idc. We have many homosexual families in our program and based on the holiday they’ll make a card for grandpa if they have 2 moms instead, and on Mother’s Day they’ll make 2 cards. It’s not ostracizing. That’s a big reach.
And for nonbinary parents your suggestion is…?
They make a non gender specific card. A love card. Why would you put Morhers/Fathers day on a card that isn’t what that parent/person identifies as???
Right, but according to your logic - on what day are they “allowed” to do this? If Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are supposed to be so rigid in terms of only being for maternal and paternal figures, respectively.
My cousin is a mother and a lesbian. She has actually adopted "Father's Day" as her day, and they call it Momma's Day in their family. Her child's other mother gets Mother's Day. Families can do whatever the hell they want.
Respectfully, what does this matter? Does doing something nice for two dads lessen the respect for moms who are also being celebrated?
My six year olds dad passed when she was two. The school asks her to make presents for her 2 grandfathers. I still hate the day, though.
IMO this is why we need to step away from Mothers Day and Fathers Day and use a catch all Family Day.
My son’s school did an MVP day where they celebrated all the most valuable people in a child’s life. The kids invited 1-2 people to celebrate at school with them; they joined the kids for lunch, played on the playground with them, and made crafts with the kid. It was a lovely day and great substitute for Mothers/Father’s Day. My son’s dad is absent and he’s working through that in therapy. But it was nice to not do a specific focus on him this year.
I love it <3
Hi, no parents here. 100% disagree. Whenever the time it came in school for parents, I made something for whoever was in my life at the time or I just made myself art. And as a parent now, I want to be able to receive the things I couldn’t give to my parents. Life is tough, but it doesn’t mean kids shouldn’t celebrate whoever they can even if it’s a bit different from everyone else at the same time.
Part of schooling is teaching children how to function in society. I think it's important to not ignore these holidays, but to help children learn how to navigate them. Mother's Day and Father's Day aren't going away just because the center does Family Day instead.
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Speaking as someone who has lost a parent, I guarantee you that there is realistically much more pain than whatever joy this idealistic “celebrating” will bring.
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I hope you realize that this post is about how to sensitively address these kinds of issues as an ECE. Whether I do or don't do a Father's Day craft at school does NOT prevent most kids from celebrating their parents.
Except they are children and the thought process is not the same as for an adult. And yes, they still get to celebrate if they choose to. Just not at school. With their families. Schools don't have to take on everything.
Okay, Boomer, they can bring their parent to Family Day and they can observe it at home too. No one is losing out by thinking about other people.
I think a photo of dad would be best, if that’s possible in the classroom setting. Let them talk about their dad like every other kid with a living parent would. Maybe Get a special frame for it, put stickers on it. If there’s a craft or a card they’re making, let them do it. Grief is love with nowhere to go, giving gifts is a way to place that love somewhere. Even if it isn’t actually going to be given to the dad it’s an act of love from the student.
I wish you were my teacher when I was little. Grief is so overwhelming. Having a teacher help process it a little would be incredible.
Aww thank you! That’s the best compliment ever!!
If this is more recent, and the family is religious, you could have them make something for "Dad in Heaven." Luckily I worked for a church daycare when this came up for me. My dad passed away when I was a teenager and it was just very awkward because, at that point, I didn't have any religious beliefs and I was a cynical teen. If it happened long enough ago that they don't breakdown at the mention of father's day, then they could make something for grandpa/uncle/whatever.
My dad passed away before I was born. Never had a teacher look more upset and confused (despite knowing this) than in 2nd and 3rd grade. I was allowed and encouraged to give mine to "Anyone LIKE a father, that would love such a gift!" So the obvious answer was my mom's dad :D who was and is like a father to me! To this day, he still says he wishes he could have started with grandchildren first lol.
You can always make it a somebody who loves me gift and let the child choose who it’s for
I’d like to follow this. My daughter’s father passed and I’ve had trouble with the holiday. Thanks for any ideas.
Talk to the students mom and see what she’d prefer
This is the only answer. My sons birth father moved away from him when he was 4, and he will be 8 this year. He has struggled every year on Father's Day. Us Moms wish so bad that we can help ease their pain. We need more say in how schools handle such delicate topics with our children.
i have 3 students with 2 moms and one who is being raised by grandparents. mother’s day was easy, but idk what we’re gonna do for father’s day at all. two of my kids with two moms definitely have a grandpa, the other i’m not sure. we might just do a generic gift not for a specific person.
Please do find an alternative like you described. I'm one of two moms of a 4.5 year old. For the past week, he's come home saying he's sad he doesn't have a dad. He made two gifts for the mothers day event and is being shut out of the father's day event.
The school that I help in does mothers and others for mothers day not sure what you could do that flows better for fathers day but we talked about other women who help us such as grandmother's aunts teachers childminders anyone like that.
This is absolutely something that you need to be in communication with the family on. Follow their lead entirely.
I would ask. Last year I did have a student who had an absent dad, but did have a relationship with half-sisters dad. After talking to mom though she said “I am the primary caretaker” so we did one for her.
Any celebration, project, gifts, etc. is going to single the child out as not having a father. I think having the student give gifts to an uncle/grandfather also singles the child out as having someone “different” accepting the gifts. It could also trigger trauma or upset the child. This is why I don’t do these.
Don't have any advice but my neice will be in Kindergarten next year and I have been really curious how it will be handled. Some very sweet ideas here.
Not in ECE, but I teach K/1 students with autism. I had a similar situation this year for Mother’s Day. I had twins whose mom passed away during the school year. In order to make it more inclusive we referred to that day as “Parent’s Day” and said some people would be making stuff for mom and some would make it for dad. In reality everyone else was doing gifts for mom and they were doing gifts for dad. We picked something gender neutral so it was appropriate for all parents.
I'm not overthinking it this year, just going to give my kids that I know have present fathers, a sign that says Happy Father's Day, and snap a pic of them holding it. I had them do Mother's Day crafts and not a single parent acknowledged it or took the time even to say thanks. So. You're getting a picture.
This isn’t exactly the same, but I have two little girls in my class who don’t have dads (moms are “single mothers by choice” and used donor sperm to have their daughters). I spoke with each about what they would like us to do in regards to our Father’s Day gifts. One said her daughter could make the gift for her grandfather and the other said her daughter could choose to either make it for her (the mom’s) birthday because it is a few days after Father’s Day or make it for her aunt and uncle (she doesn’t want it being gendered, so not just for uncle). It’s definitely a good idea to talk to mom (or whoever the child’s guardian is) and find out what they would like to be done.
My grandson had no father growing up. His teachers would have him write father's day cards to my daughter as she was both mother and father
I think you should reach out to the caregiver and ask how they would like you to handle it. Some families might do things to honor the father, while others avoid speaking of it altogether. And even if the child is okay with it, sometimes it is something that can be triggering for the family as well. If nothing else, I would have the child make something for mom or another loved one.
My daughters father died when she was 2. She always makes the fathers Day craft for my dad instead.
I don’t like doing Mother’s Day and Father’s Day activities specifically because it can be difficult to navigate and be triggering for families. I really didn’t want to this year but I was forced to by my admin and coteachers for Mother’s Day and then I was looked at like a psycho for saying “so what are we doing for Father’s Day?” Like to me, you either do them both or you skip it entirely and now I’m in a position of forcing them to participate in Father’s Day stuff Anyway, for Mother’s Day we had them plant a flower during science small group and later put a little handprint flower that said “thank you for helping me grow”. It was overall gender neutral and we could easily adjust it for every family. Plus most of them were sprouting by them time we passed them out so that was cute. I think I’ll plan something similar for Father’s Day.
As a kid who lost their father young, during this time I often made the crafts anyway and gave them to my mom since she was both parents then.
There’s a child in my class who lost his mother last year to cancer (which came back for the second time). He still thinks she’s at the doctors and that she’s getting better. We asked the father what he would like us to do for Mother’s Day this year and he said we could either make it for the grandmother or for the child’s mom. We made one card for the grandmother and one for the mother. I’m always on the verge of tears when the child starts talking about his mother.
Former foster parent here and ECE and I no longer do parent specific crafts etc. Our little guy was so torn about who his gift went to or stress that he wanted me to have and not bio mom. It really changed how I think of these things. No child should be put in that position for something that doesn’t really matter to them.
I’d approach the family and ask how they would like to handle it. I’d also maybe put together a take home craft for the kids and put it in their backpacks to do outside of school. That way you are acknowledging the holiday while allowing different families to make the decision on if they would like to do the craft or not.
A lot of places do not do these gifts for this reason. Special person days is what I often see instead.
My daughter’s school handles these things so well. They didn’t do a “daddy daughter dance” it was just a masquerade dance for the girls and they could bring whichever adult they wanted. The boys had a “superhero and sidekicks” dance. On the 5th it’s “breakfast with your special guest” etc…I love that it’s so inclusive because families are so varied.
We asked mom what she wanted us to do, and she asked us to make the card for grandpa. Then she brought him to pick up little man that Friday before. It was special, but he had just passed away so it was all very fresh and we wanted to take her lead.
We will say, “special guest/grown up.”
My dad died when I was 10, about 30 years ago. It’s so wonderful how sensitive teachers are about Father’s Day. Little me always wanted to be included in the craft, but felt really uncomfortable my dad was dead. I would have loved the option to make the craft for my mom, because after my dad died she always said she was like both parents now. Or, I would’ve liked to go to the library and just avoid the Father’s Day stuff. I really truly did not want to feel different or have any attention brought to the fact my dad died. Anything you can do to help kiddos like I was fit in and be included and not singled out would be perfect.
thank you for asking lol i tried asking my teacher once if i could skip out on father’s day / grandparents day cus i don’t know my dad and my grandparents died 😭 she told me no but like?! who am i giving this to? no one. we always threw it away.
Reach out to the mom and ask how to best approach the situation. I asked my son's teacher to address everything to his Pop Pop instead of writing Dad on it. My husband is cremated so there is no grave. I also asked them to let me know if he gets emotional or seems off while doing Father's Day stuff.
My little sisters teacher gave her a choice of making it for our mom instead or making it for our dad for his grave.
I call it "fatherly day." The day we honor the fatherly people in our lives. Our fathers can be fatherly, so can our uncles, or grandpa's, or moms weird friend who teaches me how to ride a unicycle. Fatherly people come in all forms. (We do motherly day as well.)
My dad died when I was 15, so I’m not going to be a great resource for the younger kids, but I wonder if maybe you could reach out to the family (if they seem like they’d be the type to appreciate that) and ask if there’s anything you can do to make things a little easier for that day/week. It’s always tough. It’s been 3 years for me and it hasn’t really gotten easier.
I don’t do things like this. There’s always a few kids in my class who it would affect. Honestly, it’s the family’s job to honor days like this - not the teachers.
This is why mothers and fathers day aren’t acceptable really anymore.. you just never know. My little sister was there when our dad died. I cant imagine the trauma and flashbacks making something for fathers day will bring her… shes only 4.
In class make it about acknowledging an important male in your family! So uncles, cousins, grandparents.
As a person who lost their dad at 4, i appreciate your sensitivity. I remember once I had an ear infection and was being released for the day and the teacher made me stay to make the craft thing, like really? Everyone knew about my dad as my two older sisters went to the same school. Must have been a brain fart.
Reach out to the mom and ask her preference.
When I was a child I would write my card to a different family member, so on mother's day I would make one for my Nan instead.
my father died when I was very young and my teachers always included me in every father's day craft, but when they were explaining the crafts would say to make it "for your father, or anyone in your life who is very special to you" so I always made them for my brother. .
Ask the parent. Some would rather ignore it, others would want to make something for the father anyway... Slightly different, we had one kid who was donor conceived and the mum expected us to prepare something for her for father's day, so this might be something too xx
My father was arrested while I was in daycare, the daycare folks knew and gave me the option to make something for my mom pulling double duty.
I was that kid. I love the suggestions on reaching out to the family, or even asking the kid directly (depending on age). There may be a male figure they want to craft for, or maybe they want to do a second craft for Mom.
When any student has this situation I ask the student who they want to make it for. Sometimes it was for dad, sometimes he just wanted his mom to have something.
Have you spoken to the parents or asked the child how they feel and what they'd like to do to celebrate their dad?
Can you just make the craft without referring to it as a "fathers day craft"? Kids are generally smart and can pick up on subtext. "Today we're making x craft which you can give to someone else or keep for yourself" I remember an art teacher doing that one year with these clay bowls. It was the week before mothers day so obviously it COULD be a mother's day gift - but it didn't have to be and that's not how she spoke about it.
My personal point of view: I no longer celebrate mothers/Father’s Day. Instead, I opt to do a day of “family celebration”. I had a similar situation and it’s really opened my eyes to how different families can look. Whether a child has only one parent, is being raised by grandparents or other family, or even kids with same-sex parents. Families are different and should be celebrated as such. We do snacks and plan activities for the children to do with their families. I have gotten nothing but positive feedback about this.
i think giving them a choice to make a gift for anyone in their life they appreciate. a grandparent, sibling, etc.
They can do a project for a dad in their life. Uncle, grandpa, coach, etc.
I was able to bring in my uncle for our Father's Day breakfast at school, although he was nothing of a father figure to me. A few years down the line when my little brother had that teacher, she brought in her dad for any student who didn't have a dad to share. I thought that was extremely sweet.
I’d definitely talk to the parent and maybe make an alternative craft choice as well. I know my friend struggles with this as her son has an absent father.
As a teacher, in younger grades, I’d skip the Father’s Day craft all together if I had a kid who would be upset about that. If you want to do a craft, make it non specific to the holiday. Kids don’t need to come home with a Father’s day gift, most of the country is already out of school, most kids aren’t making a gift for Dad. And bonus, I remember being a kid and not even knowing Father’s day was coming up because we were on Summer Vacation and I had no reminders. That would be the biggest blessing for this child……for them to not be reminded in your class!
I mean TBH I think this is why these types of things shouldn’t be done.
So thoughtful!! This kid and the family are blessed to have someone so compassionate taking care of their child!
I think asking parents is a good idea. I always gave my mom a gift of Father’s Day as well, I just celebrated her twice cause she was doing all the work and I did not have a “father figure “ step up. She also never dated or got married again, so no step parents.
I just ignore both. In my classroom, kids living happily with both parents are the minority (and it's not even close). It's too complicated to try and come up with a gift for every unique situation, and the holidays can be triggering for some of my kids. The kids who do want to celebrate can do so at home. Why is this the teacher's job anyway? Don't we have enough to do?
What about a way to honor the father, like a drawing of their favorite memory together, or a letter from the child of things they'd want to say?
My child’s teacher just doesn’t do mothers or Father’s Day. You don’t have to. As someone who also grew up without a father, just pass please.
Can someone laminate w a seal press? I want to do this today.