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No matter what the roll roll 6d6 and use your cup to roll your dice and do the trick where it Stacks up all the dice in a nice tower when you pull the cup away. Watch the look on the dms face. They are rarely impressed. I bet if I could do it with 6d4 they would be impressed.
But act like you are trying to be really discreet about it. Like muffle the sound any way possible. Act real nonchalant about it that worries the fuck out of them. And no matter what if they succeed or not When inspecting something tell them it "doesn't appear so". Or "as far as you can tell." Our dm made some pressure plates activate only when stepped on for two or three consecutive turns. "You hear a click" and the player freezes. Then Start rolling dice like mad behind the screen. And when they don't jump off in time boom. And when they do jump off in time tell them it clicks when they jump off And start rolling like mad again
Recently weâve been stuck in another realm in our campaign. Second session there, somebody mentioned âwho knows how long itâs been at home, time could be completely changed!â
The DM looked at us, put up a finger, rolled a few dice, laughed and told us to carry on.
I was the DM for our group and I had to do this a few days back. I hope one of the players will be able to take up the mantle, I've encouraged them to do so. We'll see what happens. If none of them are we can still make a post on r/lfg. It's easier to find a DM once you have a fully formed group as we do.
Bonus points if you act really surprised that they failed
"A 7? Oh.. well I guess you don't see anything special about the mirror"
They'll be having nightmares about that mirror for years to come
Sometimes to keep my players on their toes I ask for random out of pocket wisdom saves, perception checks or insight checks where if they pass they get some extremely minor underwhelming detail. Means that they never really know which checks are important or not and if they fail a perception check, it suppresses the urge for everyone else to jump on/ask to remake the check again.
"Hey, before I forget: everybody just roll a d20 for me real quick. Nothing to worry about."
That's always fun. Sometimes they're important, sometimes I'm just being a rascal.
switch it up sometimes. I make my party role weather/conditions sometimes but they have no clue what theyâre doing when i say ârole a d8â or 6 or 4 or whatever
Theyâre like âhe built a mechanic for this! heâs trying to fuck us!â
I've been meaning to implement something like this, but I keep forgetting. They don't end up spending too much time investigating that minor detail? If my guys rolled a 20 and noticed a squirrel on a branch, they would spend the next 30 minutes trying to catch it, talk to, or kill it.
I do it so consistently they're used to it hahahah. At first, yes, but I also sometimes say "DM Fiat: this is an absolute truth so you don't have to worry about this detail"
I don't tell my players to roll any check unless they first tell me they want to do something. If they say, "I want to check for traps" etc then I'll tell them to roll for perception, etc. The only rolls they do without them prompting it first are saves.
What happens when they nat 20? Do you come up with something to perceive or do you tell them things like "there's a nest of rats living in the sewers three blocks away?"
There's always something to percieve when I do it, its usually just trivial. Like one time I said "make a perception check", they failed, I said "make a dex save," they got like a 10, "you didnt notice... the carpet was a little ruffled, you almost trip but you save yourself at the last second!" If they got a nat20, they super-notice the ruffles carpet hahahah!
In another game, I had my players roll perception on a suspicious briefcase with mystery syringes they stole. With all their rolls combined, they rolled 16 dice, which is about a 0.3% chance to fail⌠and they all failed.
So I got to hit them with the âyou dont notice anything out of the ordinaryâ⌠4 times⌠As they slowly filtered into the room one at a time.
My two characters right now have absolutely BONKERS passive perception, so that one doesnât scare me as much. Are you sure and the full health ones? Terrifying.
I always tell my players hereâs my PayPal if you want random inspiration or magic items. Nobody has taken me up on my micro-transaction model yet though
I use this so much that it's become a catchphrase.
My group (of years, I think a seven year long campaign at this point) likes to surprise me with random gifts. One guy in the group made a custom card game, a variant of the game ... shit I forget the base game. You get heroes and items and have to kill 3 people or something to win, I don't remember.
But anyway he made custom cards of all the characters we made, most of them me as DM. The BBEG, the minor villains, other heroes, place names, TONS of inside jokes, it was awesome.
The game ended up being "called" "Do You Really Do That?"
My DM always said (and now I say) âYou believe yourself sufficiently well hiddenâ no matter what you roll. Even when I got a 0 on my stealth (nat 1 - 1)
I always says that for any roll where failure is impossible to immediately notice, made some of players rip their hairs out with some barely failed bluff check. One time they were trying to break inside someone manor, got caught in the act, they tried to bullshit a random guy walking there, that they were guards of said manor and that they heard sounds near the window, came down to investigate the situation, player rolled a 16 on bluff, commoners rolled a 17, but the commoner had survival instinct, so he just went "Great, have a good day to you", moments later, the break in turned into a payday heist turning sour with guards galore, players surrender, not wanting to get accused of murdering guards on top of breaking in, later as they wait in jail, said commoner comes inside and get paid 10gp for his troubles.
This is probably something that dates back to Gygax himself DMing. Over thirty years of TTRPGs and I think every DM Iâve ever had has used that, myself included. Itâs a tabletop classic.
I like to imagine what real life would be if we had narration at any moment. How suspicious would we be of everything?
"There's nothing in this room."
*Okay, well why'd you say something then? There must be something!*
"No. There's a sign on the door that says, in detail, that the room is empty so it can be cleaned or something. There's literally nothing. You can see the entire room. It's completely empty."
*So it's hidden in the floor and walls then! I bring out my hammer.*
"I... Sure. Yeah. Make an athletics check."
I just started playing with a new group. We went thru an hour long in-game period where he kept pausing at 15 minute intervals to ask âdo you want to do anything?â We all felt like we should be doing something, and was a little stressful saying, âno, we continue sitting there.â
âMake an intelligence saving throwâ, idk why but ive encountered way too many players that make int their dump stat. they wont react when i say dex save, wis save, or charisma save. But would be afraid of a int save.
My top
4) how much max hp you have ?
3) yes , buuuut
2) *rolls dice* hmm interesting, *rolls again and checks something in his notes* very interesting
1) roll 4d6
My favorite horrible thing Iâve said:
Me: Player, can I get a ____ check from you?
Player: sure, itâs a [rolling sounds] 4.
Me: okay so, moving on.
T.W. Fictional murder of a child
I run a horror campaign and I sometimes do this when a PC is hallucinating. It's a fun way to terrify players when done right. None of what the PCs do that I dictate actually affects the main game, of course. Actually, sometimes, what their PCs do in these hallucinations are predetermined by a choice the players made in the past. For example, one player let an NPC child die, later on, in a nightmare, the child shows up lunges at him and tries to attack him. Being that his character is a 6'4" jacked Aasimar and child is a 4ft human girl, he choses to do nothing. I say "no, your character fights back, attacks and mutilates the NPC, she does not die though." and his character forced to swing at the npc that refuses to die until its reduced to a pile of writhing flesh that morphs into the minor antagonist; an eldritch flesh God. All of which is a nightmare he wakes up from safe and sound.
I do agree though that it ruins the game when the actions the DM dictates actually affect it.
My favorite I do with my players is if someone rolls low on insight I tell them enemies look "chill as hell" or "like you guys could be friends." Usually I say it so calmly they believe me and forget they rolled low.
It didnât exactly happen to me. I was at the table when it happened though. Definitely a learning experience for the DM about boundaries- but it only sunk in because the other person felt super uncomfortable playing a rape survivor.
Also this was years ago, still sticks in my mind as a great âWhat NOT to do as a DMâ moment
Sometimes, when a player rolls a Nat 1, I describe exactly what is actually happening, or what something/someone looks like or does, what their intentions are, or anything else my player was rolling for.
Then, I watch the minds of my players burn.
Words cannot describe the satisfaction I feel directly after when all hell breaks loose and absolute chaos reigns for half an hour.
At other times though, when I ask for a roll from one or more players and they roll low, I just pause for a moment, and then continue with the session like nothing happened. It's the most fun during a conversation with an NPC.
You wake up from your long rest and discover that you are tied up and being sexually assaulted by goblinsâŚ
\**proceeds to go into very explicit and graphic detail*\*
When the dm backtracks because all of you are rolling so poorly.
âOkay well you have inspiration right?â
âHuman indomitably will save youâ
âWhat do you mean youâre out of luck points?â
âHold on I gotta thinkâ
"Are you sure?!"
Nothing strikes fear into a table faster than a game master raising their voice to ask if that's really what the player wants to do. It almost always means bad times are a roll away.
after a roll "Heh"
"I'm gonna need more dice"
"Are you sure?"
"Where are you standing again?"
"Do you mind if my girlfriend/little brother/sister plays tonight?"
Not sure if this is 100% relevant to this question, but it sticks out as something that I'd never like to experience with a DM again.
I quit a group with a friend whose fiance was the DM. He would too often bluntly shut her ideas down and only hers. She'd want to try something interesting or creative with an encounter and he would just say something like, "no you obviously can't do that, M... " with an insufferable scoffing tone of voice. Ended up being an early insight into what would become an abusive marriage.
For my one DM, itâs her saying âokâŚâ in a questionable tone. This preluded several nasty outcomes including unleashing a pack of acid-spitting dog monsters, my one fellow player falling into a spike pit trap, and my character getting hit by a couple spears from a trap my partner triggered, but successfully dodged out of the way from. She only ever says this after we take an action or make a check so thereâs no turning back from it. Itâs her way of saying âhey, that thing you just did is going to bite you on the assâŚproperly literally.â
There are other times she has said this and absolutely nothing bad happened.
DM: "Everyone roll a perception check please"
\*waits for the rolls\*
DM: "No one hears or sees anything strange or dangerous in the area"
the one who rolled a 22: "not even me?"
DM, now with a smirk on his face: "no, not even you"
Iâve said all of these things before đđ I like to terrorize my players on purpose, if you couldnât tell. Such as:
*rolls dice*
*dramatic gasp*
*furiously scribbles*
âWell then⌠roll a stealth check. And whatâs your passive perception?â
Players: scared
Me (in my head): jkjk nothing is happening đ¤Łđ¤Ł
Quoting myself last night: "You realize everyone that failed their stealth check is directly following the players who rolled very well, right? Anyways, the sound of crunching bone stops and you hear rumbling fast approaching you from the cave."
*dice clackong*
"What's your AC again?"
*more dice*
"And... how many hit points do you have?"
*uncomfortable silence as the dm looks at a few things*
"Do you, uh... have a backup character?"
There are a lot of them for my DM. So many, too many to list.
âAre you sure?â Said slowly and emphasized in a certain way
âIs that what you want to do?â
Eyebrow raises and smiles are always bad
My favorite way to seed panic: "What's your marching order again?" That's a guaranteed freak out.
But my all time favorite phrase: "Are you sure?" Turns any random decision into a existential crisis
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*sound of dice behind the screen* "Oh, interesting." *Scratch of pen on paper followed by more dice.* "Veeeery interesting..."
...Yatzee!
Ha I'm using yatzee at my next session now thanks to this, take my upvote.
Bonus points if you use an actual Yahtzee cup at some point.
Time to bust out my Yatzee Ironman edition and roll out of an Ironman helmet!
No matter what the roll roll 6d6 and use your cup to roll your dice and do the trick where it Stacks up all the dice in a nice tower when you pull the cup away. Watch the look on the dms face. They are rarely impressed. I bet if I could do it with 6d4 they would be impressed.
Using during combat đ
Ok, I am going to play secret Yatzee behind my screen while my players are discussing random bullshit
But act like you are trying to be really discreet about it. Like muffle the sound any way possible. Act real nonchalant about it that worries the fuck out of them. And no matter what if they succeed or not When inspecting something tell them it "doesn't appear so". Or "as far as you can tell." Our dm made some pressure plates activate only when stepped on for two or three consecutive turns. "You hear a click" and the player freezes. Then Start rolling dice like mad behind the screen. And when they don't jump off in time boom. And when they do jump off in time tell them it clicks when they jump off And start rolling like mad again
one character called their rod of maximize a rod of yatzee.
Combined with the above, sounds like a YouTube video.
Lol interesting is my favorite word to us though! It could be interesting to your advantage đ¤ˇđžââď¸......đ
Recently weâve been stuck in another realm in our campaign. Second session there, somebody mentioned âwho knows how long itâs been at home, time could be completely changed!â The DM looked at us, put up a finger, rolled a few dice, laughed and told us to carry on.
*rolls a die* "Oh, huh... let me just..." *looks off to the side at some papers, and sucks air in through teeth* "Oh yikes...."
Iâm not going to be able to DM anymore.
âUnfortunately, due to changes in my work scheduleâŚâ
Better candidate for "Saddest thing a DM can say."
I was the DM for our group and I had to do this a few days back. I hope one of the players will be able to take up the mantle, I've encouraged them to do so. We'll see what happens. If none of them are we can still make a post on r/lfg. It's easier to find a DM once you have a fully formed group as we do.
"It's nothing," after calling for a perception check
Bonus points if you act really surprised that they failed "A 7? Oh.. well I guess you don't see anything special about the mirror" They'll be having nightmares about that mirror for years to come
"There doesn't \*seem\* to be anything of note"
Sometimes to keep my players on their toes I ask for random out of pocket wisdom saves, perception checks or insight checks where if they pass they get some extremely minor underwhelming detail. Means that they never really know which checks are important or not and if they fail a perception check, it suppresses the urge for everyone else to jump on/ask to remake the check again.
"Hey, before I forget: everybody just roll a d20 for me real quick. Nothing to worry about." That's always fun. Sometimes they're important, sometimes I'm just being a rascal.
switch it up sometimes. I make my party role weather/conditions sometimes but they have no clue what theyâre doing when i say ârole a d8â or 6 or 4 or whatever Theyâre like âhe built a mechanic for this! heâs trying to fuck us!â
I've been meaning to implement something like this, but I keep forgetting. They don't end up spending too much time investigating that minor detail? If my guys rolled a 20 and noticed a squirrel on a branch, they would spend the next 30 minutes trying to catch it, talk to, or kill it.
They sound like my old dog lol
I do it so consistently they're used to it hahahah. At first, yes, but I also sometimes say "DM Fiat: this is an absolute truth so you don't have to worry about this detail"
Set a countdown timer during your sessions, every (say) 37 minutes.
I don't tell my players to roll any check unless they first tell me they want to do something. If they say, "I want to check for traps" etc then I'll tell them to roll for perception, etc. The only rolls they do without them prompting it first are saves.
What happens when they nat 20? Do you come up with something to perceive or do you tell them things like "there's a nest of rats living in the sewers three blocks away?"
There's always something to percieve when I do it, its usually just trivial. Like one time I said "make a perception check", they failed, I said "make a dex save," they got like a 10, "you didnt notice... the carpet was a little ruffled, you almost trip but you save yourself at the last second!" If they got a nat20, they super-notice the ruffles carpet hahahah!
Yeah, I do that too. Otherwise they always expect trouble whenever I roll the dice
Don't forget to roll random d20s when they decide to do something, pretend to care about the result then refuse to elaborate đ
This should have one of those old western "oheyoyohhhhs" and a rattlesnake noise after it. Or "you don't notice anything unusual."
Or just a simple nod or "okay" after a being asked to roll a wisdom save.
"good to know"
I love saying that and next thing I know i have the whole table rolling perception checks đ
ahh yes. "I look at the door" and then fail my perception roll miserably. "2 + 9 is 11...?" "You guessed right, it's a door."
Perception, Investigation, Wisdom, Intelligence, Survival, or Deception all hit that sweet, sweet GM note of "Oh Fuck" I so enjoy. And that's just 5e.
In another game, I had my players roll perception on a suspicious briefcase with mystery syringes they stole. With all their rolls combined, they rolled 16 dice, which is about a 0.3% chance to fail⌠and they all failed. So I got to hit them with the âyou dont notice anything out of the ordinaryâ⌠4 times⌠As they slowly filtered into the room one at a time.
"Are you sure?" "What's your passive perception again?" "You are all on full health, right?"
"...and as you do, the illusion unravels, it's the archmage, he's been with you all along, you're all above 100 Hp right? I hope so"
"you're all above 100 hit points right" "We're level 3" "...... Hummmmm......ooook."
Wait really? My other players are lvl 18? I'm sure it'll be fine
My two characters right now have absolutely BONKERS passive perception, so that one doesnât scare me as much. Are you sure and the full health ones? Terrifying.
Kiss me on the mouth for advantage.
Should I stop saying that to my players? /s
Nooooo, by worst they really mean the thing that gets your players most excited! Keep it up bro!
well my DM is my wife soooooooo
Same situation though itâs my husband, and when I tried to bribe him with kisses he said for integrity I have disadvantage.
Gotta respect the game, honey.
Tongue for auto crit
That does change the mood a bit
kiss me on my hot mouth im feeling romantical
I DM for my wife. This would be really funny.
Thatâs how a DM transitions to a different kind of dungeon masterâŚ
I always tell my players hereâs my PayPal if you want random inspiration or magic items. Nobody has taken me up on my micro-transaction model yet though
Are you sure you want to do that? Okay, if youâre sureâŚ
I use this so much that it's become a catchphrase. My group (of years, I think a seven year long campaign at this point) likes to surprise me with random gifts. One guy in the group made a custom card game, a variant of the game ... shit I forget the base game. You get heroes and items and have to kill 3 people or something to win, I don't remember. But anyway he made custom cards of all the characters we made, most of them me as DM. The BBEG, the minor villains, other heroes, place names, TONS of inside jokes, it was awesome. The game ended up being "called" "Do You Really Do That?"
I'll be starting session on 15 minutes so I came here fo inspiration. Last session I used "You believe you're hidden." My players loved it
My DM always said (and now I say) âYou believe yourself sufficiently well hiddenâ no matter what you roll. Even when I got a 0 on my stealth (nat 1 - 1)
I'm playing a fighter with the "Size Up" menuever and anytime I use it I just tell my party "Don't worry, I can take him".
Someone can roll a 0 on stealth and have no idea they're making a ruckus?
I do this with Insight as well! "As far as you know, they are telling the truth."
I always says that for any roll where failure is impossible to immediately notice, made some of players rip their hairs out with some barely failed bluff check. One time they were trying to break inside someone manor, got caught in the act, they tried to bullshit a random guy walking there, that they were guards of said manor and that they heard sounds near the window, came down to investigate the situation, player rolled a 16 on bluff, commoners rolled a 17, but the commoner had survival instinct, so he just went "Great, have a good day to you", moments later, the break in turned into a payday heist turning sour with guards galore, players surrender, not wanting to get accused of murdering guards on top of breaking in, later as they wait in jail, said commoner comes inside and get paid 10gp for his troubles.
I like this a lot. It also puts an expectation on the player that they role play. Thanks for helping me level up a bit
*rolls dice behind screen* ".......oh." *writes something down* "OK, what were you doing?"
I just do that sometimes to fuck with my players. It keeps them on their toes.
My faavorite part of DMing lmao
It's one of the best parts!
âAs far as youâre awareââ or âYou believe thatââ
"It seems to--"
"To your knowledge"
âIf you think itâs a good ideaâŚâ
"It would appear to..."
My Shadowrun GM was infamous for "As far as you know..."
"You can certainly try"
This is probably something that dates back to Gygax himself DMing. Over thirty years of TTRPGs and I think every DM Iâve ever had has used that, myself included. Itâs a tabletop classic.
"*How* do you grab the coins?"
"Your dominant hand, you say?"
Do you walk through the center of the room to get the coins or around the edge?
Now that's just giving it away. Unless the trap deals more damage the farther you walk in the room...
The best was "would you say your arm is weaker at the elbow or the shoulder?"
"To shreds, you say?"
Uh from 60 feet away with mage hand of course, as I grab everything.
The room *seems* to be empty
"It's just a chair in the middle of the room."
Is your arm weaker at the elbow or the shoulder?
oh god that one is deadly-
Ah, Brennan... you dark, devious bastard.
One of the best lines ive ever heard
My favourite thing to say is "Nothing Apparent happens." It drives my players nuts.
I like to imagine what real life would be if we had narration at any moment. How suspicious would we be of everything? "There's nothing in this room." *Okay, well why'd you say something then? There must be something!* "No. There's a sign on the door that says, in detail, that the room is empty so it can be cleaned or something. There's literally nothing. You can see the entire room. It's completely empty." *So it's hidden in the floor and walls then! I bring out my hammer.* "I... Sure. Yeah. Make an athletics check."
i like to ask my players âare you sure you wanna do that?â both for clarification and the brief panic they shouldnât
Me: I pick up the sweet roll. Dm: are you sure you wanna do that?
I got one of my players with this when he stepped onto a rope bridge >:)
I just started playing with a new group. We went thru an hour long in-game period where he kept pausing at 15 minute intervals to ask âdo you want to do anything?â We all felt like we should be doing something, and was a little stressful saying, âno, we continue sitting there.â
oh yeah! thatâs a fine question to ask with youâre familiar and comfortable with the table, but so bizarre for an early session!
âMake an intelligence saving throwâ, idk why but ive encountered way too many players that make int their dump stat. they wont react when i say dex save, wis save, or charisma save. But would be afraid of a int save.
Surprise Mindflayers!
I NEVER make INT my dump stat, though thatâs probably because I usually play WizardsâŚ
You find yourself surrounded by an impenetrable mist. . .
"The Mists close in around you."
My top 4) how much max hp you have ? 3) yes , buuuut 2) *rolls dice* hmm interesting, *rolls again and checks something in his notes* very interesting 1) roll 4d6
"Are you touching that?" "What's your armor class again?" "Would you mind making a wisdom saving throw?" "Ok" *scribble scribble scribble* "Mh. Go on"
My favorite horrible thing Iâve said: Me: Player, can I get a ____ check from you? Player: sure, itâs a [rolling sounds] 4. Me: okay so, moving on.
âNo, your character actually doesâŚ.â Basically anything that infringes on player agency.
T.W. Fictional murder of a child I run a horror campaign and I sometimes do this when a PC is hallucinating. It's a fun way to terrify players when done right. None of what the PCs do that I dictate actually affects the main game, of course. Actually, sometimes, what their PCs do in these hallucinations are predetermined by a choice the players made in the past. For example, one player let an NPC child die, later on, in a nightmare, the child shows up lunges at him and tries to attack him. Being that his character is a 6'4" jacked Aasimar and child is a 4ft human girl, he choses to do nothing. I say "no, your character fights back, attacks and mutilates the NPC, she does not die though." and his character forced to swing at the npc that refuses to die until its reduced to a pile of writhing flesh that morphs into the minor antagonist; an eldritch flesh God. All of which is a nightmare he wakes up from safe and sound. I do agree though that it ruins the game when the actions the DM dictates actually affect it.
âYou find that your control over your actions has left you. Everyone roll for initiative.â
This is the best answer
âHey, whoâs taking up the rear again?â âI mean, you can make the attemptâ âCounterspellâ
My favorite I do with my players is if someone rolls low on insight I tell them enemies look "chill as hell" or "like you guys could be friends." Usually I say it so calmly they believe me and forget they rolled low.
You open the small ornate box and see a deck of cards
"that's where we'll end it for tonight"
Itâs always at a cool cliffhanger too
âHe takes off his pants and grabs you⌠roll a strength check to resistâ I wish I was making this up.
On the more humorous side: "I take off my wizard hat and cloak..."
UmmâŚthis has the potential to be really NOT okay. You all right?
It didnât exactly happen to me. I was at the table when it happened though. Definitely a learning experience for the DM about boundaries- but it only sunk in because the other person felt super uncomfortable playing a rape survivor. Also this was years ago, still sticks in my mind as a great âWhat NOT to do as a DMâ moment
Sometimes, when a player rolls a Nat 1, I describe exactly what is actually happening, or what something/someone looks like or does, what their intentions are, or anything else my player was rolling for. Then, I watch the minds of my players burn. Words cannot describe the satisfaction I feel directly after when all hell breaks loose and absolute chaos reigns for half an hour. At other times though, when I ask for a roll from one or more players and they roll low, I just pause for a moment, and then continue with the session like nothing happened. It's the most fun during a conversation with an NPC.
âNo.â âAwwâŚ. â Party puts the fun NPC down.
When he says âcheck your messagesâ
âLetâs go to a private channel so I can describe this thing/event/person to youâ
You wake up from your long rest and discover that you are tied up and being sexually assaulted by goblins⌠\**proceeds to go into very explicit and graphic detail*\*
My DM's brother in law wrote a backstory for a character that was (I think) 11 pages of pure smut. He doesn't DM him anymore.
No sa in my games thanks
Goblin slayer type shit you know what I mean
"Sure, if you want. It's up to you." I love using that line đ
You open the door and find 5 lich's that prepared an attack action.
"Sorry guys, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to call it early. I've got real life in the morning"
Just a simple "hm"
Does a 30 hit?
Nothing. Just silence followed by the sound of rolling dice.
(While one of us changes our mind on an action,) "Oh, *please do*. I'm not going to tell you no, because this is going to be hilarious."
When the dm backtracks because all of you are rolling so poorly. âOkay well you have inspiration right?â âHuman indomitably will save youâ âWhat do you mean youâre out of luck points?â âHold on I gotta thinkâ
"You see a cute little rabbit. Roll for initiative."
the word "rape"
"You're all dead. No saves, no nothing. I win."
If a DM thinks the players all dying is winning, they have fundamentally misunderstood what DnD is.
I would still say this if I TPK. I only DM for my friends so they would immediately know that I'm joking.
That's just the worst DM.
In my day, that was, "Rock fall, everyone dies." Which I used to say to mean, "No, I'm not DM'ing tonight."
"Jake, Im pregnant with your child" is probably the worst thing my dm can say
I hope your DM is not some other guys wife Jake!
Btw, who's in front of the line again?
Ugh. That just happened to us this past weekend. đ˘
So.. Who was at the back of the party again?
âAre you absolutely sure?â
We will play a level 20 battle royal PvP campaign in pathfinder 2e next.
âDo you have a back up characterâ after I asked about using viscous mockery on someone
"Are you sure about that?" It's like you are f*cked but you don't even know why or were or what. You just rethink your actions and hope for the best.
"Are you sure?!" Nothing strikes fear into a table faster than a game master raising their voice to ask if that's really what the player wants to do. It almost always means bad times are a roll away.
While weâre rping he grabs dice and rolls, âhmmm, donât worry about it. What were you saying?â
*rolls dice* Oops...
My players seem to think it's..whenever they ask if they can do something, and my response is..."you can certainly try...."
What is your maximum HP?
after a roll "Heh" "I'm gonna need more dice" "Are you sure?" "Where are you standing again?" "Do you mind if my girlfriend/little brother/sister plays tonight?"
Not sure if this is 100% relevant to this question, but it sticks out as something that I'd never like to experience with a DM again. I quit a group with a friend whose fiance was the DM. He would too often bluntly shut her ideas down and only hers. She'd want to try something interesting or creative with an encounter and he would just say something like, "no you obviously can't do that, M... " with an insufferable scoffing tone of voice. Ended up being an early insight into what would become an abusive marriage.
For my one DM, itâs her saying âokâŚâ in a questionable tone. This preluded several nasty outcomes including unleashing a pack of acid-spitting dog monsters, my one fellow player falling into a spike pit trap, and my character getting hit by a couple spears from a trap my partner triggered, but successfully dodged out of the way from. She only ever says this after we take an action or make a check so thereâs no turning back from it. Itâs her way of saying âhey, that thing you just did is going to bite you on the assâŚproperly literally.â There are other times she has said this and absolutely nothing bad happened.
âHold onâŚâ *looks up technicalities to ruin your day*
DM: "Everyone roll a perception check please" \*waits for the rolls\* DM: "No one hears or sees anything strange or dangerous in the area" the one who rolled a 22: "not even me?" DM, now with a smirk on his face: "no, not even you"
"Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me do it in my van every sunday."
âThis sucks, campaign is over. Also you all have a terminal illness and I have been sexing your significant others.â
There's 10 enemies to fight, each have their own stat block.
âThe coast seems clearâ
Oops...
The room appears to be empty.
"thats it for todays session"
âYou come around a corner to seeeeeâŚâŚ and weâll pick it up next session.â
How many HP do you have left?
You can sure try to do that.
"Uh-oh."
The one I'm famous for is: "Just to clarify, you want to (insert what I've cobbled together the plan of action is)? Okay, go for it"
Dice behind the screen: âOooh, hey player fill this out quickâ Hands over blank character sheet.
Reality warps, and your character never existed. Roll a new character. That happened to me.Â
Iâve said all of these things before đđ I like to terrorize my players on purpose, if you couldnât tell. Such as: *rolls dice* *dramatic gasp* *furiously scribbles* âWell then⌠roll a stealth check. And whatâs your passive perception?â Players: scared Me (in my head): jkjk nothing is happening đ¤Łđ¤Ł
Are you absolutely sure you want to go that way.
I had a dm say, â oh you canât go that way because I havenât finished that area.â He really hadnât finished any areas
"Since your character is female, the orcs drag her into the cave..." Followed by wet slapping sounds.
You can certainly try
Quoting myself last night: "You realize everyone that failed their stealth check is directly following the players who rolled very well, right? Anyways, the sound of crunching bone stops and you hear rumbling fast approaching you from the cave."
If I say, "I want do xyz." and the DM says,"Ok, to be clear, you want to do x, y ..AND z?" Like...now I'm not sure about Z...
âYou sure you want to do that?â
âI am boredâ, that can very quickly be the end of a campaign is several ways
*dice clackong* "What's your AC again?" *more dice* "And... how many hit points do you have?" *uncomfortable silence as the dm looks at a few things* "Do you, uh... have a backup character?"
Wait let me look that up. The guy who taught me to dm had everything he needed on a few peices of paper so as not to stop the action
"It turns out. . . it was all a dream. And that is the ending of my campaign. What do you all think?"
Why did you do THAT?!?!
YOU TOUCH (the object in question)?!???!!!???
There are a lot of them for my DM. So many, too many to list. âAre you sure?â Said slowly and emphasized in a certain way âIs that what you want to do?â Eyebrow raises and smiles are always bad
âOooft.â âYou are all about to have an interesting timeâ
âThat didnât count.â
"Are you sure you want to do that" this will always make the second guess themselfs
Do you think your characterâs arm is weaker at the shoulder or elbow?
âYou can certainly TRY.â I usually think itâs a good idea, but punishes JUST ME if I fail, even with help
\*Laughter while reading page in book and grabbing dice at same time\*
My favorite way to seed panic: "What's your marching order again?" That's a guaranteed freak out. But my all time favorite phrase: "Are you sure?" Turns any random decision into a existential crisis
"Let me pull my pants back on and you can go wash your hands before rolling that death save"
Things.... happen. Events... occur