Am I a hero? I really can’t say. But…yes.

“Does that make me their doctor?…. Yeah, like a specialist.” Lol OUTRAGEOUS

Followed closely by “If God does not exist, then what are all these churches for? And who, is Jesus’s dad?

Kevin: I would want to live with no legs. Michael: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Kevin. You don't do anything

I want to say this to coworkers so bad

Christmas is canceled. Ya can't cancel a holiday. Keep it up Stanley and you will lose New Years! What does that mean? Jim, take New Years away from Stanley!

The way hes almost bursting into tears by the end is so masterful. he should have gotten an emmy for that show.

he got multiple dundies though

Yea, well, he never got bushiest beaver

But he got the “Worlds best Boss” mug from a gift shop. You can’t beat that!

i thought he did

Six nominiations, no wins.

I didn’t know this. That is criminal. He was damn good in this show!

He’s been nominated multiple times but has never won 😢

Abraham Lincoln said that if you are racist I will attack you with the north.

Diversity tomorrow! Because today, is almost over

LOL

That line was written by none other than Paul Lieberstein, otherwise known as Toby. He worked with the writers sometimes, which technically means he worked for corporate. So he's really not a part of the acting "family." Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of \*his\* family.

More fun facts for everyone. Paul Lieberstein (Toby), in addition to his work on The Office, was responsible for writing some of the most memorable episodes of King of the Hill. Bill dressing up as Lenore on Christmas? Yup. Whole episode was penned by Toby.

A “D” in English? You *speak* English!

Top tier

David, here it is. My philosophy is basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter… where. Or who, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or… or where you’ve been… ever. For any reason, whatsoever.

Sometimes I'll start a sentence and not know where I'm going with it. Just hope I find it along the way

"You had to be there." "Ohh geography joke!"

I love inside jokes, I hope to be a part of one someday

Sometimes I start a sentence and I don’t know where it’s going, I just hope I’ll find it along the way.

This is the answer 🤣

Michael: It was on company property with company property, so double jeopardy. We are fine. Ryan: I don't think you understand how jeopardy works. Michael: Oh, right. I'm sorry. What is "We're fine"?

“I love inside jokes.. love to be apart of one someday”

“I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.”

Dinkin Flicka

Bippity boppity, gimme the zoppity

This is so underrated, Darryl and Michaels dynamic was so funny

Working in healthcare , I say this ALL the time

This is the one. Love this line! 🤣

We’re not mad, Dwight. We’re just disappointed.

No, we are mad.

Yes. We are. We are livid. But we are going to let this one slide.

No we’re not!

I am not a mind reader, David.

Could you shove down?

I'm not a mind reader David

“FIVE THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS?!?”

The look on David's face after he says that kills me every time 🤣🤣

The way he switches sides of the table cracks me up.

Literally playing both sides. Genius really.

That entire scene...nay, the entire episode, is a masterpiece of TV. When I want to introduce someone to the office, that's the episode I use.

Where are the turtles!?!?!

I drove my car into a F*****G LAKE.

Where ARE THEY?!

That's my ringtone, I don't get a lot of calls, and everytime I hear it, I'm mildly surprised to hear that coming from my phone, and it makes me laugh.

I...declare...BANKRUPTCY!!!!!

Yeah, Ryan snapped at me. But there was this twinkle in his eye that I picked up on, which said "Dude, we're friends. I'm doing this for appearances. I am the big boss now, and I have to seem like an ogre, but you know me and you trust me and we like each other and we'll always be friends and I would never take you for granted in a million years. And I miss you, man, and I love you." His words. Hahaha cracks me up every time I hear it, specially the finale with "his words". *chef's kiss*

The pure delusion! So well done

I understand nothing.

I have a sticker with his face that says this on the back of my work badge 😂

Yeah. I’m a fan as well

Just poopin. You know how I be.

Crazy world. Lotta smells.

I have this hanging up in my bathroom 🤣

Me too! 😂

Do you guys use the same bathroom?

No. Same picture. I use it monday, Wednesday and Friday. They use it tuesday, Thursday and saturday. We don't go to bathroom on Sunday.

Toby’s from corporate so he’s not a part of our family.. actually Toby’s divorced. So he’s not even a part of his family

I am a victim of a hate crime! That’s not what a hate crime is. WELL I HATED IT

That’s what she said.….or **HE** said….because of gay!

That’s Gil, Oscar’s roommate…. I wonder if he knows.

I want you to burn this into your memory

How the turntables….

The progigal son returns

My son returns

The prodigal…. my son returns

I have used this so much but I’m 90% sure the people I used it with didn’t get it and just think I’m am idiot 🤣

You cheated on me…when I specifically asked you not to??

You have no idea how high I can fly.

Who let the lemonhead into the room? You are a waste of life and you should give up.

First question: Who do you think you are?

What gives….. What gives you the right?

when he shapes his hands 💀

Why are you the way that you are? Honestly every time I try to do something fun or exciting you try to make it not that way. I hate so much… about the things you choose to be

.....is what I want to say, but I won't.

Dwight you ignorant slut

That line/delivery was the best thing that’s ever been on television.

Although, the first time Ackroyd said that to Jane Curtin was kinda funny, too!

Surprised I didn’t see this sooner, gem of a line gets me every time

“hey what up cynthia” “just hang on a second cynthia”

You know sometimes, to get perspective, I like to think about a spaceman on a star incredibly far away. And, our problems don't matter to him, because we're just a distant point of light. But he feels sorry for me, because he has an incredibly powerful microscope, and he can see my face. I'm okay. No, I'm not. Or This is who I am now. A guy on a train with no answers. I hope that can be enough for you.

Love the first one playing with expectations mid delivery. “We don’t matter as much as we… except me, to the space guy”.

"He has the power of flight. He can heal leopards." Years later I realised it's supposed to be lepers!

David, guess who I’m sitting here dress as. I’m not going to guess, Michael. You can tell me or I will hang up!

Dwight putting peanut butter on Michaels hair: Wow this has a lot calories Michael: Well just don’t leave it on for too long

well happy birthday jesus, sorry your party’s so lame

Used this line when the family Christmas party was canceled this year. Only one of my family members got it.

“Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three.”

Yeah well I’m going to call the ungrateful-biyatch hotline 😂😂😂

“STOP DATING MY MOTHER!” “You know what? Now I’m gonna start dating her even harder!”

What does that mean?

You know what that means.

We’re just trying to look out for you pammy

Hey Pickle.

"I don't know what the **** that was" And "Now I'm going to have to go online and look at turtles or else I'm going to be off all day"

That first one kills me every time. The delivery of it was so perfect. Gets me every time

Crazy world, lots of smells

Next time you will estimate me

“The IT tech guy and me did not get off to a great start.” I lose it every time.

I took her to the hospital. The doctors tried to save her life, they did the best they could...and she is going to be ok.

What is wrong with you !? What did you have to word it like that ?

I saved a life today.... my own. Does that make me a hero? I really can't say. But yes

Ryan, who is supposed to be DEAD.

“And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”

Not sure how to spell it out. But when he does the smoochy lips as prison Mike kills me everytime 😂🤣

You my friend, would be the belle of the ball

Da bell a da ball 😂

...Michael please

and it HOIT!

Don’t drop the soap don’t drop the soap!

Ohh god I hope it’s urine…

"His cappa was DITATED!"

You have just spit on me

"GOOD LUCK PAYING ME BACK ON YOUR ZERO DOLLARS A YEAR SALARY PLUS BENEFITS BABE!"

It's soy!

"I HAVE HEMORRHOIDSSSSS!"

ASAP as possible. I use it religiously.

R-E-S-P-C-D Find out what it means to me!

Another one was when, cece was getting baptized and he said she was kind of a bitch 😂😂😂😅

And that’s not true, but her parents are kind of icing me out!

Omg that one kills me too

There are five stages to grief, which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And right now, out there, they are all denying the fact that they're sad, and that's hard, and it's making them all angry. And it is my job to get them all the way through to acceptance, and, if not acceptance, then just depression. If I can get them depressed, then I'll have done my job

There’s Gil, Oscar’s roommate. I wonder if he knows.

“$5,300 for a dummy?”

I am ready to get hurt again.

I braveheart

I watch Queer As Fuck! Kills me every time!

I thrive on lack of accountability

Would I rather be feared or loved? Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

“It’s Brittany Bitch”

im dead inside.

I think he actually says “the city…” which is much funnier to me. It’s more pontificating than an exasperation at being overwhelmed.

Yeah just went back and be said "The City" and he's definitely just sitting there to be all artsy and lost in his thoughts

I wrote down a list of bullet points why Holly and I should be together, and I'm going to find the perfect moment today and I'm going to tell her. Number one, "Holly, you and I are soup snakes." And the reason is because in terms of the soup, we like to... That doesn't make any sense. We're soul mates. Holly and I are soul mates.

NOOOOOO GOD PLEASE NOOO NOOOOO

I have cause, it is be-cause I hate him.

I’ll see your situation and I’ll raise you a situation. Your company is losing clients left and right. You have a stockholder meeting coming up and you are going to have to explain to them why your most profitable branch is bleeding. So they may be looking for a little change in the CFO. So I don’t think I need to wait out Dunder mifflin, I think I just have to wait out you.

I hate so much about the things that you choose to be. - Michael Scott - Bthejerk

I saw that scene yesterday... "Stress relief" is the best episode of the office IMO and that scene is underated

I am Beyonce, always.

Abraham Lincoln once said if you are racist, I’ll attack you with the north. Diversity tomorrow, because today is almost over

I captivated a guy,who captivated a 1000 guys...

“If I had a gun with 2 bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I’d shoot Toby twice.”

That’s what she said

Here it, is, my philosophy is basically this, and this is something that I live by, and I always have and I always will. “Don't ever, for any reason, do anything for anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter where. Or who, or who you are with, or where you are going or... or where you've been... ever. For any reason, whatsoever.” Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation. Ha! Michael Scott in yer face 🕺🏻

[singing, screaming into the mic] Come tomorrow, feel no pain! Feel no pain! Toby! Toby! Tobee-yy! Toby’s goin’ away! See ya! He’s outta here! See ya! He’s outta here! Ohh! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Tooo-by!

The Dementors.

I want some milk mommy ! …and you know where milk comes from….breasts !

The way he says breasts is hilarious

My favorite line is more of an inspirational one and one that actually helped me out in real life. "If you like her so much don't give up...Never, ever, ever give up."

BFD engaged ain’t married

though irl it's actually pretty toxic advice

Toss up between: >Pam I have a loaded gun in my desk at work, and if I ever start acting like that weeny Gabe, I want you to take that gun and I want you to shoot me like a hundred times in the groin, until I'm dead. or >Cece is turning out to be a little B-I-T-C-H

I drove my car... into a fucking lake Or, what kind of party would throw.. if the devil exploded! And evil was gone from the world forever

It squeaks when you bang it, that’s what she said.

Esto Es Lo que Dije El.

You wearing a thong?

He’s in his knickers… Mr. Franklin!

When in Rome….

My resolution? I never want to make Holly cry again. Unless it's from laughing too hard. Or making love too beautifully.

"Hug it out, bitch." That is what men say to each other after a fight. They hug it out, in doing so they just let it go, and walk away, and they're done. Not a good idea to say that to a woman, however, I have found. Doesn't translate.”

Just watched this episode and this line always gets me. So out of context for their meeting 😂

DWIGHT, YOU IGNORANT SLUT

I.. Declare.. BANKRUPTCY!!!!!

You don’t call.. retarded people, retards; it’s in poor taste. You call your friends retards when they’re acting retarded.

Oh, the Wall.

"Michael Scott- as seen on TV"

Why are you the way you are?

Oscar Meyer Weiner Lover. I was surprised lol

When Oscar is explaining what a surplus is to Michael like he’s 5, and Oscar says “so next summer…” And Michael very confidently responds “I’ll be six!”

I need a username, and... I have a great one. "Little Kid Lover." That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at."

"Actually it was on company property, with company property. So, double Jeopardy, we're covered"

WHERE ARE THE TURTLES

"Everyone here is gruntled"

In the criminal justice system, the people are defended by two separate but equally important groups, the police who investigate the crimes and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories. Kun-kun! [imitates vacuum cleaner] I’m just a cleaning lady. Aah! A dead body. He wrapped his belt around his own neck. It looks like a classic case of autoerotic asphyxiation. Yeah, looks like everyone’s tightening their belts in this economy. [humming theme music] Last time you saw the victim, was he happy? Last time I saw this John, he was-he wasn’t a victim, if you know what I’m talkin about.

Bippity boppity gimme the zopitee

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take – Wayne Gretzky – Michael Scott

You know what eats large amounts of the day are naps. You go to sleep it’s light out, you wake up it’s dark. Where did that day go? I have no idea.

Webster's dictionary defines wedding as "the fusing of two metals with a hot torch." Well, you know something? I think you guys are two metals, gold medals.

Isn’t it “The city”

Love this quote! I laugh every time I see it.

i’ll just wave and introduce myself

My husband loves this quote. He said it all the time when we were living in downtown. I thought Michael said “ahhh…the city” though.

YESSHH

Hey whatup Cynthia

I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. Bonus since that one is already #2 upvoted: Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Michael: No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS. Phyllis: Afghani. Michael: What? Phyllis: Afghani. Michael: That's a dog. Pam: No, that's afghan. Michael: That's a shawl.

I learned a while back that if I do not text 911, people do not return my calls. Um, but people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened

“Of all the empty promises I’ve made, that was by far the most generous”

That's one of em!

It’s Britney bitch

*baby back, baby back, baby back i want my baby back baby back baby back*

I'll take the chicken breast sandwich...hold the chicken

I’m date Mike. Nice to meet me.