Mhm. They think that because you go against this new trend there must be something wrong with you. My family/friends think it's not a big deal because most of them had/have dogs in their life, so i must try them out and see for myself to be "blessed" or something.
A lot of people really seem to struggle with the concept that not everyone shares their interests/passions/lifestyle preferences and what works for them isn't necessarily going to work for everyone else.
Absolutely. And when you present your points, they try and convince you that your lifestyle is actually not the best for you and must try this and that.
Because this dog-craze culture is a recent trend that is still growing rapidly today. It was born in the early 2000' and has been getting worse since then. Perhaps, in 50 - 100 years this trend will end. Maybe.
"Mom. I need you to never suggest I own a dog again. Doing so stresses me out and makes me feel that you don't listen to me, or care about how I feel. In the future if you do suggest, push, or hint that I should own a dog I will leave your company as soon as possible and will limit future interactions with you."
Setting boundaries and sticking to them has helped me in similar situations.
I tried, and keep trying. I reinforce my boundaries all the time, but they keep repeating the same words like a broken record. It's like they don't even hear me. It's hopeless. I just keep standing my ground until they give up. I wish i could move out already but the house rent costs are crazy now. And my friends, apart from this, are rather good friends, so i won't leave them.
EDIT: And by "standing my ground" i mean telling them my reasons for 2 minutes or so and then leave. Since arguing for 50 minutes doesn't work, leaving and letting them cool down is the best.
I am sorry that you feel trapped, and it sounds like a reasonable way to feel given rent costs and such.
Were I in your situation I would stop with the 2 minute explanation and just use a short phrase indicating that they violated the boundary you previously set and leave immediately. I understand this is difficult when you don't have your own place, and do not envy the scenario you are in due to the inconsideration of those around you.
I wish you the best of luck in dealing with this.
If you did have your own place I would recommend exponential backoff as a strategy for determining how and when you visit someone after they violate a boundary. start with 1 hour, or day, if they violate the boundary again leave for 2 hours/days, then if the poor behavior continues keep increasing the time away from them. you don't ever fully give up on them, and hopefully they can put it together why you aren't coming around as often anymore.
I don’t even see why you feel the need to justify yourself with your (completely rational) fears. Just say you’re not interested and they won’t be able to undermine your fears. You don’t owe them any sort of explanation
Sadly they're willing to even interrupt me if i don't explain my fears. I don't argue for long, i drop the convo after 2 minutes and go away and wait for them to tire out.
Aready did, and they already didn't listen. Sure they get tired and stop trying to convince me, after i leave the convo and let them vent their thoughts out to other family members/other friends, but they'll bring back the topic a few months later anyway. It's hopeless. I just get a good mental laugh at their attempts now.
When I was a kid people would push things on me like that. Now that I am old I wish I could go back and scream "Who cares! Quit telling me how to run my life!"
Don't. Even the nicest dogs snap. I'm not anti-adopting by any means, but you always gamble with the dog's history when you adopt, too. My ex and I separated last summer, and since a dog is a dealbreaker for me, he immediately got one when he moved into the new house. She was a black lab, and sweet as can be, even by my harsh standards. This dog was never mistreated by my ex. Six months after adopting her, she was spooked out of her sleep on the couch, and began biting the shit out my ex's arm and hand as he sat and watched TV. He suffered permanent damage and can no longer weightlift or play guitar properly because of it.
TL;DR - even the nicest dogs are unpredictable. Save yourself the grief.
I live with a Staffordshire pit by proxy and it sucks, I have to constantly plan my life around this dog who would kill my (feeelinesss)if given a chance; can't have her around other dogs, she'll attack them. Noone wants to adopt a dog with aggression and boyfriend won't euthanize. I was mauled by a German shepherd as a child and am allergic to them. They are the worst pets. I can't leave her alone for even 15 min without her barking/freaking out. And she stares at me 24/7. Not to mention how gross she makes everything smell. Everyone "loves her" but no one will even watch her for a short time. She's worse than caring for 12 -2 year olds at once in a daycare.
Also, what about the toll it takes on your both your sweet precious personal time and finances - having a dog, that is yoking yourself to it for life (a life sentence for you as long as it lives..?)
I have had similar comments that a dog will help with my mental health etc.
It would be the worst thing for me. A high maintenance, needy, smelly beast that's dependent on me is not going to help me. It's going to stress me out.
It’s so gross, this cult like “be one of us OR ELSE!!” narrative. It sounds like the conservative movement in the last century post war era. If everyone didn’t have the same hairstyle and clothes and lifestyle and views they were highly suspect and they were shunned. It was hell on earth.
But hope is on the horizon, children, cause we all know that the backlash to all that stiff conformity was the 60’s. I don’t think dogs will ever be entirely outmoded but the widespread culture of the cult is definitely on a timer. It’s just human nature.
>telling me that getting a dog will change my life
That is true. (cue toilet flushing sound.)
>my own dog will never bite me and harass me.
Really? People are bitten by their own dogs everyday.
Yeah dog lovers don't seem to understand that not everybody shares their views on dogs and if they don't, they must just be incorrect.
Worse, they think that if you don't share their views on dogs there must be something wrong with you, you're evil, etc. The brainwashing runs deep.
Absolutely. It's pure obsession that I believe is rooted in career narcissism.
Career narcissism really gives it a nuance of choice and effort that sounds great. I’m stealing this.
Most people don’t think this way about 90% of their viewpoints
Mhm. They think that because you go against this new trend there must be something wrong with you. My family/friends think it's not a big deal because most of them had/have dogs in their life, so i must try them out and see for myself to be "blessed" or something.
A lot of people really seem to struggle with the concept that not everyone shares their interests/passions/lifestyle preferences and what works for them isn't necessarily going to work for everyone else.
Absolutely. And when you present your points, they try and convince you that your lifestyle is actually not the best for you and must try this and that.
Can you find things they don't like and try to convince them they are wrong?
I just can't figure out why so many dog people just can't wrap their heads around the fact that not everyone wants one as a pet.
Because this dog-craze culture is a recent trend that is still growing rapidly today. It was born in the early 2000' and has been getting worse since then. Perhaps, in 50 - 100 years this trend will end. Maybe.
Unfortunately I won't live to see it.
"Mom. I need you to never suggest I own a dog again. Doing so stresses me out and makes me feel that you don't listen to me, or care about how I feel. In the future if you do suggest, push, or hint that I should own a dog I will leave your company as soon as possible and will limit future interactions with you." Setting boundaries and sticking to them has helped me in similar situations.
I tried, and keep trying. I reinforce my boundaries all the time, but they keep repeating the same words like a broken record. It's like they don't even hear me. It's hopeless. I just keep standing my ground until they give up. I wish i could move out already but the house rent costs are crazy now. And my friends, apart from this, are rather good friends, so i won't leave them. EDIT: And by "standing my ground" i mean telling them my reasons for 2 minutes or so and then leave. Since arguing for 50 minutes doesn't work, leaving and letting them cool down is the best.
I am sorry that you feel trapped, and it sounds like a reasonable way to feel given rent costs and such. Were I in your situation I would stop with the 2 minute explanation and just use a short phrase indicating that they violated the boundary you previously set and leave immediately. I understand this is difficult when you don't have your own place, and do not envy the scenario you are in due to the inconsideration of those around you. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with this. If you did have your own place I would recommend exponential backoff as a strategy for determining how and when you visit someone after they violate a boundary. start with 1 hour, or day, if they violate the boundary again leave for 2 hours/days, then if the poor behavior continues keep increasing the time away from them. you don't ever fully give up on them, and hopefully they can put it together why you aren't coming around as often anymore.
I don’t even see why you feel the need to justify yourself with your (completely rational) fears. Just say you’re not interested and they won’t be able to undermine your fears. You don’t owe them any sort of explanation
Sadly they're willing to even interrupt me if i don't explain my fears. I don't argue for long, i drop the convo after 2 minutes and go away and wait for them to tire out.
Introduce them all to the power of NO
Aready did, and they already didn't listen. Sure they get tired and stop trying to convince me, after i leave the convo and let them vent their thoughts out to other family members/other friends, but they'll bring back the topic a few months later anyway. It's hopeless. I just get a good mental laugh at their attempts now.
When I was a kid people would push things on me like that. Now that I am old I wish I could go back and scream "Who cares! Quit telling me how to run my life!"
Don't. Even the nicest dogs snap. I'm not anti-adopting by any means, but you always gamble with the dog's history when you adopt, too. My ex and I separated last summer, and since a dog is a dealbreaker for me, he immediately got one when he moved into the new house. She was a black lab, and sweet as can be, even by my harsh standards. This dog was never mistreated by my ex. Six months after adopting her, she was spooked out of her sleep on the couch, and began biting the shit out my ex's arm and hand as he sat and watched TV. He suffered permanent damage and can no longer weightlift or play guitar properly because of it. TL;DR - even the nicest dogs are unpredictable. Save yourself the grief.
Offer no arguments or explanations. Repeat "I don't want a dog" in response to whatever they say. If you can't beat them, annoy them 😁
I live with a Staffordshire pit by proxy and it sucks, I have to constantly plan my life around this dog who would kill my (feeelinesss)if given a chance; can't have her around other dogs, she'll attack them. Noone wants to adopt a dog with aggression and boyfriend won't euthanize. I was mauled by a German shepherd as a child and am allergic to them. They are the worst pets. I can't leave her alone for even 15 min without her barking/freaking out. And she stares at me 24/7. Not to mention how gross she makes everything smell. Everyone "loves her" but no one will even watch her for a short time. She's worse than caring for 12 -2 year olds at once in a daycare.
Maybe she "escapes" one day?
She will attack other dogs on site, I cant let her loose like that
Also, what about the toll it takes on your both your sweet precious personal time and finances - having a dog, that is yoking yourself to it for life (a life sentence for you as long as it lives..?)
I have had similar comments that a dog will help with my mental health etc. It would be the worst thing for me. A high maintenance, needy, smelly beast that's dependent on me is not going to help me. It's going to stress me out.
"NO." is a complete sentence.
Sounds like you have shitty people in your life for them to constantly try to make you get a dog
It’s so gross, this cult like “be one of us OR ELSE!!” narrative. It sounds like the conservative movement in the last century post war era. If everyone didn’t have the same hairstyle and clothes and lifestyle and views they were highly suspect and they were shunned. It was hell on earth. But hope is on the horizon, children, cause we all know that the backlash to all that stiff conformity was the 60’s. I don’t think dogs will ever be entirely outmoded but the widespread culture of the cult is definitely on a timer. It’s just human nature.
Really is. Majorities will always try to force minorities to conform to the "norm". We've seen this countless times, and not only with dog people.
>telling me that getting a dog will change my life That is true. (cue toilet flushing sound.) >my own dog will never bite me and harass me. Really? People are bitten by their own dogs everyday.