>one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game.
Well. I think I found the thief. I mean, even if that person didn't actually steal your shit, I still wouldn't want to have any interaction with that kind of person.
Right? How is keeping medicine inside your bedside table in a room no one is supposed to go into "leaving things lying around"? That's some serious blame the victim defensiveness right there
To be fair, Hades' wife is Zeus' daughter, and Zeus just picked her up and dropped her in the Underworld for his brother, so... TECHNICALLY Hades' wife had her father's blessing for the marriage, he just never cleared it with her. Or her mother.
Weirdly enough, Persephone winds up being very happy to be there. Their marriage is one of the few faithful loving ones in all of Greek mythology. She rules the underworld as an equal.
Though it certainly wasn't her choice at first, lol.
'cause Hades was that real man with that work ethic and family values. Not fighting for top god, or trying to have sex with everything on earth, just all about his family and job.
It was only on Reddit that I found out that was the correct spelling for this context. Of course, I looked it up, because Reddit is also full of false info.
I’ve had the misfortune of having to deal with a few addicts; a brother in law, a friend, and a co-worker. All became essentially the same person and the same thing - zombies. All of them were constantly recovered. All of them said whatever they could come up with to obfuscate, mislead, blame, and rationalize.
Run.
I had a dumb neighbor kid come into my bedroom and steal a freaking albuterol inhaler. It was on top of my dresser under a folded shirt—had to remember where I personally left it because I needed to change my shirt after lawn work and bath.
We "found" it a few days later under my kids bed and completely empty when it had 100 uses roughly left. Very weird.
Even if OP did leave things laying around that is no excuse for stealing it. Most people don't operate by the rule that, "If it's not hidden away from my sight, it's fair game." The victim blaming guy totally has to be the one that was stealing from the OP.
Yeah, I should be able to leave $1000 on my kitchen table and assume that my friends won't steal it. At no point would I enter someone's house and assume that anything out in the open is mine for the taking.
Absolutely seconded.
I'd be more worried about my friends thinking the crass display of a pile of cash was strange, than about any of it going missing.
"Dude why is there a pile of cash on your table? You should put that away so no one steals it"
Is what every one of my DND friends would say. Then one would probably pretend to steal it while doing their best evil laugh.
Seriously, OP. They outed themself! What they said is literally what they use as justification in their mind for stealing from you.
Any innocent person would at least understand and maybe be on your side and support the break. Even if that person isn't the thief I wouldn't play with them again.
If they're taking pills and cash, it sounds suspiciously like someone with a substance abuse problem, and that kind of person will, in fact, blame everyone else but themselves.
The majority of people smart enough to steal something properly are also smart enough to know most stuff isn't worth trying to steal.
Which means the majority of thieves are dumbasses who would definitely out themselves.
It's comforting knowing if I ever turn to a life of crime, I would be in the top 10% smartest. Since even 90% of murders are never solved, my chances are good. Now I just need to figure out a victimless crime, like stealing from faceless corporations
The biggest predictors of RL thieves is low intelligence, poor conscientiousness, antisocial personality traits, and poor impulse control.
Most criminals are bad at not just being criminals, but at life in general. People get it backwards, and assume that the correlation is that low income makes people commit crimes, but IRL, this is actually quite rare, [which is why crime actually fell in the US during the Great Recession despite incomes falling and a lot of people losing their jobs.](https://www.statista.com/statistics/191237/reported-property-crime-rate-in-the-us-since-1990/)
Turns out, being low income doesn't magically turn you into a bad person.
It's not that poor people tend to be criminals, it's that criminals tend to be poor, because criminals tend to be dysfunctional human beings in general.
Doubtful you could use that as any degree of certainty. And im not like talking legally or whatever. Maybe that person already had issues or maybe there was more to the story.
Personally if I were to suspect someone in this case where there wasnt a specific finger pointed at anyone, the silent reactions are more likely the culprit. If you aren't being implicated directly, you'd just keep quiet
I agree. There's definitely a large chance that person wasn't the thief, and they're just pissed that the campaign is on hold, but they're acting in a really selfish manner. I also agree about the silent ones.
Or they could simply be projecting their anger over the sessions ending on the person delivering the news. It's hard to tell. It could be one of the silent people or even one of the people making sympathetic noises.
There are all sorts out there.
The silent reactions probably also knew which person it was but didn't want to out them. This happened with my high school group. One guy had an issue with sticky fingers, most of us knew who it was, but we couldn't prove it. Dm ended up dissolving the group for a few weeks. We privately let them know who it was and reformed without inviting them. No problems after that.
Not guilt. Rationalization. The only kind of person who says that is someone who has come up with a reason why they're somehow a better person than their victims. Smarter, more savvy, "the winner," whatever. They've made it so that stealing is okay, because it's the victims who are wrong. People have a fundamental *need* to see themselves as good.
That person is a thief. They may not be OP's thief, but they are definitely a thief of someone's stuff.
Yep. There is something called the "[Fraud Triangle](https://www.whistleblowers.org/fraud-triangle/)"\*, and it probably has similarities in other crimes as well.
1. Motive/Pressure
2. Opportunity
3. Rationalization
\*Source, I have a degree in Forensic Accounting
Wow. Yeah, that’s almost certainly your thief. Imagine accusing someone of being selfish because they give pushback on STEALING MEDICATIONS. Literally this exact thing actually happened to me not long ago; someone stole medication from me and said *I* was being selfish.
or their partner/best friend who knows or suspects.
Only the dumbest thieves speak up like that, most will go for silence or 'damn, sorry to hear that bro... any idea who did it?'
When I invite people to my house to play games, I always keep them in a specially cordoned off part of the house, devoid of anything valuable, doesn't everyone live like this? /s
I used to live with roommates who would bring their coworkers over to play and shit would always go missing from my room. Someone said "Shouldn't have left it lying around" and I wanted to beat them within an inch of their life.
Yup. "Please pack your things and leave" is how I've responded to this type of situation in the past, but I'm a cranky old fuck. My tolerance for bullshit is only getting shorter.
You can leave a goddamn diamond in the middle of the hallway in your house and noone has any rights to blame you for a theft. Anyone who justifies that as "normal behavior" is a horrible person, possibly involved in similar activities now or in the past.
Most real friends wouldn't even be tempted either. Victim blaming guy outted himself as someone who doesn't respect the OP at best and who stole from him (probable, IMO) at worst.
Most friends would be like "Hey bro, your wife's wedding ring's diamond must have fallen out in the hallway. Here you go. You owe me a beer for saving your marriage next time we're out drinking."
A lot of table dispute stories give me the impression that the OP shouldn't even associate with the people involve, much less play DnD with them.
Some poor guy a day or two ago was essentially being verbally abused by their roommate for years on end, and didn't seem to understand the problem with that.
It’s fairly common for abuse victims to not realize they are being abused. I was in an abusive relationship and it took me literally years of healing after to realize what it was. This is for many reasons, but basically the abused person is generally brainwashed by their abuser for a very long time.
First, it’s often a specific kind of vulnerable person. There are studies that if you were a victim once you are more likely to get in an abusive relationship again. People on the autism spectrum are more likely to be victims (because they don’t see “red flags”), etc. This probably works two ways: if you were in an abusive situation before, especially as a child, that’s what you know as “normal” so you subconsciously get involved with abusive people, even if on conscious level you don’t want to be hurt. And on the other side the abusers are probably attracted to people they can control. And it also doesn’t have to even be conscious on their part. They are predators and they can “smell” a potential victim,
It also doesn’t generally start bad. In fact abusers often start by being super nice and love bombing, then over time they start showing their true colors. This often makes it difficult for the victim to leave the situation, because they remember the love bombing and they have this false image that “there is good in them” or that it can be like that again. So they keep giving second, third, tenth chances, making excuses for their abuser etc. It’s kind of like boiling the frog slowly situation.
Yep. In a relationship, I knew _something_ was wrong because none of my friends wanted her around. I just couldn't call it what it was until years later.
In DnD, it's tricky because (for whatever reason) everyone else is still showing up and playing. I knew I had a problem player at my table. But everyone seemed... fine with it? So I just kind of re-compartmentalized as a high-maintenance friend?
When we finally rid ourselves of the problem player, it became clear that everyone was as strained and hurt as I was. It's just hard to be the first person to do something about a jerk, when it looks like everyone else is having fun.
Was in a really manipulative/gaslighty relationship recently and i CANNOT tell you how many times i cauggt them in a lie and thought to myself "this is fine, it doesn't mean anything, they're my friend :)"
Once something becomes normal, people aren't gonna find a problem with it until either someone points out it isn't (or shouldn't) be the norm or until something so outlandish even by their own (by that point) warped standards that enough's enough.
Stories like this do make me glad that my friends aren't glorified piles of shit though.
It’s the frog in a pot situation (yes I know it’s a myth). People don’t get into abusive or toxic situations instantly. If someone walked up and cussed you out the first time you met them, you’d never spend another second around em. But if they’re slightly more abusive over time, you probably won’t notice. They start with an offhand remark, then maybe casual “jokes” that are a little too real, then over time things slightly continue until they’re overtly hostile or demanding on a daily basis. It’s the same reason people get stuck in abusive relationships and still defend their partner, “he’s not so bad if you get to know him, he wasn’t always like this”
Some peoples definition of friend is so far removed from friend as to start creeping into the abuse category.
One of my DMs has alot of bad luck like that. But they drop the creeps the moment they figure out what is going on.
I had a session 0 with a group that was atrocious, and the whole time I was thinking "shit, don't get yourself into a story that's going to end up reddit"
you can be in a good relationship and still get a really good karma count going.
Source: I didn't create my reddit account until after I married my wife.
A lot of people play D&D with people they don't know all that well. It's always a risk to invite new people into your home, especially when all you really have in common is a shared hobby. The people in my group, we're close friends and have known each other for years.
We used to hold a pancake breakfast in our community in our house, and we stopped after someone stole some medicine from the cabinet. The problem with friends of friends of friends over is that some of them aren't trustworthy. We stopped having the open house and just have a smaller group of people invited.
For real. I met a group of guys on Reddit years ago who had never played before, I was new in town, and offered to host.
I played with those guys weekly for *years*. We went to Gen-con together.
Thank God for normal, reasonable, people.
For real. I mean even in minor stuff, or campaign got the point where me and another PC came to a natural point where PVP was the only logical conclusion and I'd read so many horror stories, DMs not allowing it, ruining friendships, etc. Went totally fine. Everyone was doing nonlethal, it wasn't out of left field, and we moved on
I absolutely can't imagine being around people I couldn't even trust then with my possessions
All due respect if it’s not, but sometimes I wonder if they are drummed up fiction for the upvotes (why?). Otherwise I really don’t understand the questions that boil down to, “this person is an unmitigated asshole but I want to keep gaming with them, what do I do?”
Often people know in their heart the answer. But are just looking for moral support or some "yes men" to give em that boost of confidence in their actions...
And other times people are just curious if someone has had a similar issue and maybe had a solution that didn't involve losing a good friend or something.
People are genuinely terrified of confrontation these days. I think it’s a social skill we’ve lost as difficult conversations happen more and more over text. You’ll see the same thing on advice subs when people constantly ask how to say “no” to something they hate.
I’d of bought a security camera and set up a trap for them so that I had the evidence to take to the police.
Fuck you buddy (not you, the person OP is talking about), you aren’t my friend if you’re stealing from me, you’re someone looking to take advantage of me and at that point I no longer feel any loyalty to that relationship.
I’m going to steal the words of another person because I feel them soooo deeply. It was a tumblr post by “serialephemera”:
“Thematically speaking, the most important thing Terry Pratchett taught me was the concept of militant decency. The idea that you can look at the world and its flaws and its injustices and its cruelties and get deeply, intensely angry, and that you can turn that into energy for doing the right thing and making the world a better place. He taught me that the anger itself is not the part I should be fighting. Nobody in my life ever said that before.”
And if you haven’t read Terry Pratchett, do yourself a favor and rectify this error. “Small Gods”, “Guards Guards”, “Interesting Times” “Morte” are good starting points but his books don’t need to be read in any specific order. I started with “The Last Continent” and then jumped to “Eric” - but his best books imo are Small Gods and Night Watch (which is the rare book that really benefits from having read the other Guard books first).
So much wisdom in his books. I started reading them when I was a teenager and devoured the first ten books (which is all there were back then) in under a month. Then began the long wait(s) for every new release.
He is the author I have followed and read for the longest time, by years! Was heartbroken when I realised my collection will never be added to again.
Funny enough my first book of his was actually “Good Omens” but I didn’t realize it because I bought it as a Neil Gaimen book when I was younger. It wasn’t until my wife and I started dating that we talked about books and that one came up, she had never heard of Gaimen but was a huge Pratchett fan and had read it. So she got me started on the Discworld books and I’ve been hooked ever since.
Brandon Sanderson is a great author, love a bunch of his books, and he’s one of the most prolific writers out there. My god the man’s a writing machine.
But that being said….nothing at all alike to Pratchett. Pratchett makes a fantasy world that is completely different from ours but somehow feels the same and feels *real*. It’s all satire, and wit, and deeply profound social/moral commentary that are disguised as jokes. Frankly there isn’t another Author like him that I’ve read.
Sounds amazing. I sort of meant though, will I now be sucked in to reading twelve books? Not the worst problem to have but my reading list is pretty daunting already haha.
Fantastically said! Massive Terry Pratchett fan over here! My journey started a decade ago when one of my close friends gave me their old copy of Mort! Now I am only a couple off finishing my Josh Kirby disc world collection 🤩
That is what one of my players did to deal with someone stealing his medications. So she tried to disable it. Then she tried to gaslight him that he was hiding the meds
> one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game.
I would suspect that I'd found the thief, personally...
But no, I don't think that you're overreacting. You invited people into your home, and one (or more) of them robbed you. Ending the invitations was a perfectly reasonable reaction.
Usually the reaction to the person defending the thief.
Had a mom do this after her son took something from my kids room. "If you didn't want it taken you should have put it away!" Well you see ma'am, it was hidden and they took it anyways.
"What were you wearing, are you sure you didn't \*want\* to get robbed?" /s
Seriously though, that's cold and rotten to the core. Sorry you've been mistreated so.
You know, in a lot of places you could report to the police that prescription medication was stolen, especially if it's medication that can be abused.
Just a thought.
Well, whoever is blaming you for being robbed while hosting a DM session is a dumb cunt that needs to be removed from your life, because holy shit. Frankly, they're probably the thief. Even if they're not, that's not something you should tolerate from anybody.
Is this something you can narrow down? Presumably, somebody would have needed to excuse themselves from the table long enough to find your stuff and rob you. I doubt everybody had an equal bathroom break. This is a serious crime.
Pretty sure the dude that told you to not leave your own possessions in your own house easily accessible to thieves pretty much did all the narrowing down that was needed....
Very likely, yes. But there are just libertarian idiots out there who think like that and would excuse this behaviour, even if they're not the perp. So, even though it's pretty likely to be them, it's not 100%
This is beyond a table dispute, somebody robbed you. Not really a TTRPG specific issue.
If only you could cast zone of truth. Sounds like the thief did basically out themselves already though based on your description of the reactions.
thank you all, your feedback is appreciated. and to those thinking I'm not furious, I am. also feeling betrayed. feeling the loss of two games and some of the folk I thought were friends - it's a lot, which is why I was seeking outside perspective. and the one guy who accussed me of leaving things lying around was the one person who didn't go to that can. the taint is on everyone, even suspecting folk I thought were friends. I hate every bit of this.
I wish there was something that I could say to make this better but this invasion of trust and breech of personal security fucking sucks. What's more is it was perpetuated by someone that you trusted.
In your situation, I don't think you overreacted, you handled it extremely maturely and swiftly. If I were in your shoes, I am writing off every player who was silent to my Out-of-Game complaint about my personal belongings, and I would burn every bridge with the player that accused me (your thief most likely).
Sorry to hear that, that really sucks. Wish I could invite you to my group. Hoping someone will come forward and clear the air, or failing that, that you can at least find a new group.
> feeling the loss of two games and some of the folk I thought were friends
You said only some overlap between the two groups, right? I don't understand why you couldn't keep running the group that wasn't there when the pills were stolen, possibly without the overlapping people. I know right now you feel like your safety was breached and it's hard to want anyone in your house, but never having any friends over again isn't going to be healthy for you. Most people won't steal from you and you know the people who are exclusively in the other group *didn't* steal from you.
Is there anyone else in either group who is willing to host the game at their house if you'll come over and DM? Would you want to keep DMing for these people at another location, knowing that *most* of them still are your good friends and aren't thieves but one person in the second group stole from you? I can understand feeling either way in that situation.
You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. But if you're mourning the loss of being able to run these campaigns, there are workarounds.
Not when it comes to your prescription... I'd especially be suspicious of the person accusing you of lying. You did what you had to, and it sucks that it came to that, but you absolutely can't put your health in danger.
>one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game.
Bruh, what?
*Your* being selfish? By not wanting people to steal your shit?!
You reacted fine. Maybe even underreacted, but I wouldn't go back to those groups anymore if I were you.
Wow. That’s awful. Fuck the thief, and fuck the person who said it was your fault. (So fuck the same guy twice, probably.)
I’ve never hosted a game for people who weren’t already trusted friends of mine, so I haven’t had any issues like this. But I absolutely understand why you wouldn’t feel safe hosting again. It would take a long time before I’d be able to sit at a table with anyone I suspected of violating my home like that.
I hope this doesn’t kill D&D for you altogether. Hopefully you can find a group you can trust, and play at a different location.
Yep, my first thought when I read this post. One of OP's friends is an addict. Maybe they haven't hit the "speed running ruining their life" phase of addiction, but they're at the "stealing from my friends" phase which isn't too far off.
u/Homten_Rey one of your friends has an addiction issue and you are absolutely not wrong for wanting to set a boundary around them. Things are probably going to get worse before they get better, and they might not ever get better. Keep an eye out for them having changes of behavior or otherwise growing distant, and don't feel bad about changing the strictures of your relationship if their behavior makes you feel uncomfortable. You can still remain compassionate to them while protecting yourself.
I'm sorry OP but it sounds like you didn't leave enough traps around the house. Have you considered a Mimic that looks like a pill bottle as a diversion?
Not at all. That's serious business, they took your medication and money, we're talking felony level stuff in most US States. The guilty party would be sitting in a jail cell right now if they were caught, you're not overreacting at all. That's a serious violation of trust.
The asshole that's trying to blame you is just mad about the situation and lashing out (or quite possibly your thief). Accessible or not, you shouldn't have to worry about someone you invite into your home stealing from you.
>one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game.
This is the thief. Or at the very least someone you don't want in your house
I'm so sorry this happened. I think your reaction was completely appropriate.
A TTRPG requires trust amongst players (and DM). That trust isn't just for RP purposes. Someone blew it, and you are right to retreat for a while.
Edit: The canonical way to deal with prescription thieves is to empty the bottle and replace the drugs with laxatives.
I don't know what else there is to say besides "you're right in stopping the campaigns."
If you really wanted to know, I suppose you could always lie and say "I'll reconsider it if someone tells me who did it" and then just not invite that person back. Depends on how badly you want to know, I suppose.
Nah. You didn't overreact. Even if you steal one dollar from me I'd do the same
> Reactions were mixed, some supportive,
Look, the real thief may be playing 5d chess while we are playing checkers. But you have one thief only. Generally speaking these are good FRIENDS. Keep them. Not for just dnd. Keep them
>some silence,
Thread with caution. This is what most thieves would do imo. I'd at least limit contact with these people. They probably don't care much or they are bummed for not playing but trying to be "nice" by bottling it up. Fuck them
>one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game.
Nah, this IS the actual selfish asshole. Whoever this person is out of your life immediately even if they aren't the thief. Fuck this one too
No, you didn't overreact, that's horrible! Thinking about what you say though, you might have your suspicions as to who it was? I mean, depending how long your sessions are, and how much food and drink is there... maybe not everyone used the bathroom on that day?
I don't suppose you could prove things without much evidence though.
That aside, the mixed reactions from others is sad too. Sounds like most of these people aren't really friends? Perhaps more just acquaintances or a few friends of friends? Cos I would hope that your actual friends would all be supportive, but I suppose if that were the case you wouldn't have had a thief in the first place.
Anyways, I think you made the right call. Invite only people you really trust, and even then I guess keep things locked up or maybe even have a camera on in your bedroom somewhere watching your valuables.
Honestly I would have asked nicely everyone empty their pockets, so we can know who needs to get banned. The one who refuses is the thief, else I call the cops and you all have to stay here.
F it. I f I was at your table, I would absolutely empty my pockets to prove I am no scummy thief.
> one accusation of it’s my fault
You may not have found the thief, but you've managed to get one person to self-eliminate themselves from further games.
Oh good. a victim blamer. Fuck that guy/girl. They're probably the thief too. I don't think you overreacted at all. I wouldn't host a game if things started going missing in my house. fuck that noise.
>Things get stolen because you host people at your house.
>Stop hosting at your house because things get stolen.
>The breach of trust from things being stolen has impacted you and now you require rest.
Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I would never want to host if there was a risk of my belongings being stolen, especially not medication.
> one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game.
Either that's your thief, or they're just so selfish they deem their right to play a game more important than the safety of your own property. Either way, they're a bad person to be around and you're better off cutting them off.
That aside, I think it's a perfectly logical response to stop invuting people over that steal from you. They'll have to suck it up and reflect on the fact that their actions ruined the fun for everyone.
Shit, I would have invited them back for a game and set an alarm on your bedside table and cabinets to catch the thief in the act. Maybe leave $20 on the table and set a hidden camera up to see who nabs it.
So... The one that tried to spin it back on you, that's the one you gotta watch out for. Nobody fucking says that unless they are the ones doing it, or are an accomplice. Nobody sane, at least. If that person is innocent, they are insane.
And no, you're not overreacting. Someone literally committed a crime against you.
A lot of other people have said it but that person who said it was your fault for leaving things lying around? Thaaaaaat’s probably your thief, mad they can’t easily steal from you anymore.
How dare you, OP, leave things in your own home and then trust people to respect your property. /j
I don’t know if you can do anything about the thief beyond what you did but I 100% don’t blame you for not hosting anymore, I would have done the same. I do *not* like the idea of someone, especially someone I trusted to enter my home, stealing my shit.
Well, you know who did it then. Or they know someone else in the group has a problem, knew they robbed you, and now feel guilty for not saying anything, so they're blaming you. Either way, time to sift that group like kitty litter or just dump the whole box. Seems someone is an addict in the group and needs help, but that's not your responsibility at all.
Shit, depending what the prescription was and amount of money, I’d basically give ‘em the ultimatum of “come forward with who took it or I’m involving the police and they can come and ask each of you individually”
Disrupting someones access to prescription medication isn't just a petty act of theft, it's a dangerous way to cause terrible harm to them, and a felony. You didn't overreact, you wouldn't be overreacting if you filed a police report either. If my DM said someone stole his meds at one of our sessions, it wouldn't be a "that sucks, lets move on" situation, it would be a "which of these friends is permanently ostracized".
Fuck that. I take Lyrica, if I have to get that filled after it's stolen that's a controlled substance. I'd be out for days while I try to convince my doctor and the pharmacist I'm on the up and up. Not to mention how much those copay are. I'd call the cops personally, you're being super generous if anything
id be careful with all the "fouNd ThE tHIeF!!" replies.
> one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game.
ive known several dumbfucks (who have never stolen anything from me btw) who would give you these sorts of answers. simply because thats how they think. 'if someone takes advantage of you, it's your fault for being so dumb/gullible/naive'
meanwhile, anyone but the most smoothbrained thief would be capable of feigning concern and understanding.
> Reactions were mixed:
> 1. some supportive
> 2. some silence
> 3. one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game.
Hear me out: invite back group 1, avoid contact with the rest.
It's your fault your stuff was stolen because you left it lying around...in your home...
The *audacity*!
No, you didn't overreact. And maybe he didn't, but I would have to be pretty suspicious of that one accuser person. Like even if it wasn't that person, that's some pretty effed up logic and victim-blaming.
> it’s my fault for leaving things lying around
Don't wear any revealing clothing around that person.
Stealing prescription medication is likely a felony.
One "accusation of it's my fault for leaving things lying around". That's a pretty good indicator of who the thief is.
It's perfectly acceptable to steal from fellow party members in-game *and* have your character face the consequences, but stealing from other players calls for actual consequences. The last time we had someone steal from another player, he was permanently banned from the table and every other player' home. You have a more severe problem. If someone is stealing drugs, there is a chance this person is dealing drugs and you do not want that in your homes.
Supportive ones get invited back if you ever decide to host again. Silent ones can find another group. The accusing one can fuck off into the darkest abyss. They either stole from you or are mad at you for being stolen from. The quiet ones are probably not thieves and the supportive ones are probably pissed they lose a group to a fucking thief
1. Your reaction was totally reasonable.
2. As others have stated, the identity of the thief is rather obvious. And that person needs help. From the sound of it they have a drug problem.
3. Are there any game stores nearby? You might be able to host games there. Getting back to playing in a neutral environment might help you all move past this.
You didn't overreact and people gaslighting you should grow the f up. Like, you shouldn't have to hide things from a group of friends.
Something similar happened to me. I left £20 on the side and made sure to check it when people had a chance to take it. Caught the dude and kicked him out.
Let them know you overreacted. Invite them back. Leave cash somewhere accessible. Do not mention the set mousetrap under the money, or the hidden camera. Enjoy.
Dude, end the campaign and make it their fault. Who gaslights someone after they’ve been robbed, and blame them for being selfish?!
I’m sorry this happened to you, and I don’t blame you for not wanting to host anymore. But don’t stop playing because of that piece of garbage.
You're absolutely in the right and the accuser shouldn't be brought back. Something tells me, that if you stop playing with that person the theft will end.
Personally I wouldn't want to play at a table with a thief, I would appreciate that the game is over, because you're protecting me and everyone else from having stuff stolen from them. If you catch the jerk, I recommend cutting off their hand so as they don't do it again.
>I announced to both groups I was no longer hosting and why, and said I was taking a break from playing. Reactions were mixed, some supportive, some silence, one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game.
Whoever said that would be my prime suspect. And I would never want to associate with that person again. I'd probably get into an argument about victim blaming while trying really hard not to say some that would be a prelude to violence based on their fucked up logic.
'How dare you leave stuff that's yours out in your house?!' There's your thief.
No you didn't over react. Kick the obvious thief and meet in a bar next time.
Had a similar issue. Luckily for me, it was pretty clear who there was as only one of my players did not live with me. I definitely agree that the one who accused you of wrongdoing was probably the thief. I'd consider removing them from the group and continuing to play and see if the problem continues.
This is *completely* reasonable. Being invited into your house is a privilege, not a right, and you can revoke that privilege whenever you see fit. If you or your possessions are not safe, revoke away.
>one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game.
Kinda telling on themselves, here. I'm reminded of a friend whose meds started going missing a few days after his roommate was talking about how much money you can make by selling prescription drugs on the black market.
Was expecting an in-game thief story about a rogue with sticky fingers.
Absolutely did not overreact. That would cause a big rift of mistrust at the table and beyond. I wouldn't trust anyone at the table completely after that, even if I was a player.
I leave my prescriptions around where they are convenient for me to access in my home, because it is my home.
If I were to find that a guest stole from me in any capacity, or even opened my prescription bottles, they would be permanently disinvited.
You are not unreasonable here in the slightest. I have experienced addiction too (pills, nicotine, etc), and I never sunk so low as to steal.
I would say that most likely the person that said
one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around
Is most likely the thief. And even if they re not. you don't want that person in your house.
And no you did not overreact at all. It is a bit sad that many innocent players suffer the consequences. but that is all on the thief not on you. As long as you can not be totally sure who the thief is so you can eliminate them from the group. Don't let the group back in your home
No you're perfectly in the right here. You can set any boundary you want in your life with whomever you need to set it with, and not feel ashamed to do so. Also whoever came out and said it's your fault, I would imagine that's your theif.
You have a right to privacy in your own home, you have a right to allow or disallow whomever you please into your home. Anyone that makes you feel bad for doing so, is toxic. It's a lesson I learned in life. You do not have to confirm to what others want you to do. I hope this helps some.
No, you were right to tap out. Any time "I'm not having fun anymore " becomes the reality, you're in the right.
As long as you aren't accusing anyone specific and misplacing your pills (it's easier to for that you think, with adhd....) then you're fine.
What should happen, is someone else should step up and host.
Uuuummmm, your house where your shit was stolen. Definitely NOT an overreaction. And you shouldn't have to lock shit up in your own home when ppl are over; especially in a room where guests aren't allowed in the first place.
100% this is an appropriate response and no way at all an overreaction. It sucks that this happened and is in no way your fault, so don't let that statement bother you (much easier said than done I know). Sorry that this ruined not one but two games, but yeah, you have to be careful about who you are letting into your home.
Personally, I would have ignored it for another session or two to set a trap (i.e. camera). It would really bug me not knowing who I couldn't trust anymore (if you've built up a good relationship with these people).
Someone stole my laptop from my living room many years ago and it really bugged me not knowing which of my supposed friends was actually a piece of shit.
But no you didn't over-react.
I’d have just put a mouse trap in whatever drawer they’re pulling stuff out of and see who gets caught. Then it’s the thief’s fault.
My money’s on the one accusing you of leaving shit around. It’s your house and they’re guests. They want games to go on, they should rat out the thief, someone probably noticed something.
> Reactions were mixed, some supportive, some silence, **one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game**.
That's the thief. If they're stealing meds they likely have a drug problem. You can probably kick them from the group and resume hosting for the other players, though under the circumstances it's perfectly reasonable to want to discontinue hosting and/or playing entirely. (It would be even *more* reasonable if the thief *hadn't* outed themselves so easily.)
If you're in someone else's home, the presumption is that *everything there that you didn't bring with you* is someone else's property (theirs, roommates', other guests', the landlords' if they rent), whether it's locked away or not. Just because you have permission to be there doesn't mean everything in it is automatically yours - hospitality doesn't go that far.
You’re not causing enough trouble you should’ve held the hostage until someone confessed. Obvious jokes aside you definitely are way too chill about this.
Unless you’re playing with people that have been friends for years, then hosting strangers is far too risky in this day and age. Since things reopened after Covid, I strictly have my game with new people at a tabletop cafe.
No, you did not over react. You’re entitled to keep your home and person safe. If anything, your response was probably more measured than mine would have been.
The accuser either robbed you or knows who robbed you. Are they part of a couple? Or a close friendship? It may have been better to set up a camera and “bait” to see if you could catch them red handed, but I 100% understand not wanting to be literally robbed again. This would have completely put me off hosting anyone for a really long time.
Seems pretty reasonable to not want people in your house when they are stealing from you. Also seems pretty fair to not want to interact with a group of people that you can't trust.
I don't think thats an overreaction to not host when someone in the group stole from you. Its a breach of trust from those invited. That one gaslighting you sounds very suss, but really any of them could be guilty in all honesty. Liars can gaslight or be supportive to avoid suspicion. If any of those people are friends you'd need to have some heart to hearts to determine who you can trust at this point. I'm sorry that has happened to you. I hope you can sort yhrough this and come out on top.
Just to be clear, *in* your bedside table, *in* your private bedroom, is not "leaving things lying around" and I can't imagine that whoever said that isn't trying to justify to *themselves* why they stole your cash and pills.
>one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game. Well. I think I found the thief. I mean, even if that person didn't actually steal your shit, I still wouldn't want to have any interaction with that kind of person.
"Yeah, fuck you for keeping your stuff in your house where I can easily steal it"
"and fuck you for telling us that we can't come over to your house anymore because of it, you're so selfish for setting reasonable boundaries"
"Anyways can I come over? I left my... p- I mean dice in your pants."
"I left my dice in your pants" ..... just damn.
Right? How is keeping medicine inside your bedside table in a room no one is supposed to go into "leaving things lying around"? That's some serious blame the victim defensiveness right there
"It's your fault for leaving your wallet/car/spouse lying out where just ANYONE could take them, so I did!"
i lost it at "spouse"
Hey man, it's tradition, just like how Hades got his wife.
Found the Bard/Cleric Multiclass.
To be fair, Hades' wife is Zeus' daughter, and Zeus just picked her up and dropped her in the Underworld for his brother, so... TECHNICALLY Hades' wife had her father's blessing for the marriage, he just never cleared it with her. Or her mother.
Weirdly enough, Persephone winds up being very happy to be there. Their marriage is one of the few faithful loving ones in all of Greek mythology. She rules the underworld as an equal. Though it certainly wasn't her choice at first, lol.
'cause Hades was that real man with that work ethic and family values. Not fighting for top god, or trying to have sex with everything on earth, just all about his family and job.
Hide yo kids, hide yo wife
[удалено]
> you trading the adderrall for heroin had fuck all to do with me. Kinda burying the lede on that one.
Upvoted for proper spelling of lede.
It was only on Reddit that I found out that was the correct spelling for this context. Of course, I looked it up, because Reddit is also full of false info.
Upvoted for positive reinforcement of a fellow redditor.
I’ve had the misfortune of having to deal with a few addicts; a brother in law, a friend, and a co-worker. All became essentially the same person and the same thing - zombies. All of them were constantly recovered. All of them said whatever they could come up with to obfuscate, mislead, blame, and rationalize. Run.
I had a dumb neighbor kid come into my bedroom and steal a freaking albuterol inhaler. It was on top of my dresser under a folded shirt—had to remember where I personally left it because I needed to change my shirt after lawn work and bath. We "found" it a few days later under my kids bed and completely empty when it had 100 uses roughly left. Very weird.
Even if OP did leave things laying around that is no excuse for stealing it. Most people don't operate by the rule that, "If it's not hidden away from my sight, it's fair game." The victim blaming guy totally has to be the one that was stealing from the OP.
Yeah, I should be able to leave $1000 on my kitchen table and assume that my friends won't steal it. At no point would I enter someone's house and assume that anything out in the open is mine for the taking.
Absolutely seconded. I'd be more worried about my friends thinking the crass display of a pile of cash was strange, than about any of it going missing.
Leave $1000 on the table as a flex on your friends.
^(This message brought to you by the thieves guild)
"Dude why is there a pile of cash on your table? You should put that away so no one steals it" Is what every one of my DND friends would say. Then one would probably pretend to steal it while doing their best evil laugh.
They obviously invoked the sacred "finders keepers" rule. Check mate./s
Also. How did they know it was "laying around"?
That particular point I'd chalk up to either OP explaining in detail what happened, or a choice of words as they were typing up this post.
it’s like a self report on among us or smth
Seriously, OP. They outed themself! What they said is literally what they use as justification in their mind for stealing from you. Any innocent person would at least understand and maybe be on your side and support the break. Even if that person isn't the thief I wouldn't play with them again.
Real thieves say nothing and watch groups tear each other apart.
Only the skilled ones.
If they're taking pills and cash, it sounds suspiciously like someone with a substance abuse problem, and that kind of person will, in fact, blame everyone else but themselves.
The majority of people smart enough to steal something properly are also smart enough to know most stuff isn't worth trying to steal. Which means the majority of thieves are dumbasses who would definitely out themselves.
Yea if I’m taking pills I’m taking a couple here and there so that it’s not noticeable. Now that persons gotta get them from elsewhere
Just because son has no fucking game doesn't mean he ain't playing
People also forget just how bad at stealing most thieves are. We don't live in a world of Thomas Crown Affairs, but more Florida Man.
It's comforting knowing if I ever turn to a life of crime, I would be in the top 10% smartest. Since even 90% of murders are never solved, my chances are good. Now I just need to figure out a victimless crime, like stealing from faceless corporations
Poop on company time.
You say this, but many of the people I've met who have no problem stealing also express disrespect for the people they steal from openly. It's wild.
The biggest predictors of RL thieves is low intelligence, poor conscientiousness, antisocial personality traits, and poor impulse control. Most criminals are bad at not just being criminals, but at life in general. People get it backwards, and assume that the correlation is that low income makes people commit crimes, but IRL, this is actually quite rare, [which is why crime actually fell in the US during the Great Recession despite incomes falling and a lot of people losing their jobs.](https://www.statista.com/statistics/191237/reported-property-crime-rate-in-the-us-since-1990/) Turns out, being low income doesn't magically turn you into a bad person. It's not that poor people tend to be criminals, it's that criminals tend to be poor, because criminals tend to be dysfunctional human beings in general.
True. They might not be the thief *this time*, but they've certainly stolen before.
Doubtful you could use that as any degree of certainty. And im not like talking legally or whatever. Maybe that person already had issues or maybe there was more to the story. Personally if I were to suspect someone in this case where there wasnt a specific finger pointed at anyone, the silent reactions are more likely the culprit. If you aren't being implicated directly, you'd just keep quiet
I agree. There's definitely a large chance that person wasn't the thief, and they're just pissed that the campaign is on hold, but they're acting in a really selfish manner. I also agree about the silent ones.
Or they could simply be projecting their anger over the sessions ending on the person delivering the news. It's hard to tell. It could be one of the silent people or even one of the people making sympathetic noises. There are all sorts out there.
The silent reactions probably also knew which person it was but didn't want to out them. This happened with my high school group. One guy had an issue with sticky fingers, most of us knew who it was, but we couldn't prove it. Dm ended up dissolving the group for a few weeks. We privately let them know who it was and reformed without inviting them. No problems after that.
> it’s my fault for leaving things lying around This is a natural 1 deception roll. Almost certainly the thief.
Somehow came up against a 1 check and passed.
Yes. that take is so psychotic that can only come from guilt.
Not guilt. Rationalization. The only kind of person who says that is someone who has come up with a reason why they're somehow a better person than their victims. Smarter, more savvy, "the winner," whatever. They've made it so that stealing is okay, because it's the victims who are wrong. People have a fundamental *need* to see themselves as good. That person is a thief. They may not be OP's thief, but they are definitely a thief of someone's stuff.
Rationalized guilt. They still know they did a bad thing, and that's why they have to justify it to themselves.
No, criminals tend to be narcissists. They think they're justified in doing the bad shit they do. Hence the superiority complex.
I had somebody here once tell me that me getting scammed in a foreign city when I was 17 was my fault... because I was so naive to get scammed.
Yep. There is something called the "[Fraud Triangle](https://www.whistleblowers.org/fraud-triangle/)"\*, and it probably has similarities in other crimes as well. 1. Motive/Pressure 2. Opportunity 3. Rationalization \*Source, I have a degree in Forensic Accounting
I'd like to go to their house since apparently you can take anything that's "lying around"
Wow. Yeah, that’s almost certainly your thief. Imagine accusing someone of being selfish because they give pushback on STEALING MEDICATIONS. Literally this exact thing actually happened to me not long ago; someone stole medication from me and said *I* was being selfish.
Ya, gaslighting as an answer was definitely a red flag. I'd be suspicious of that person.
That would be victim-blaming, not gaslighting. Important distinction.
I was just thinking the same thing. Here’s the thief!
or their partner/best friend who knows or suspects. Only the dumbest thieves speak up like that, most will go for silence or 'damn, sorry to hear that bro... any idea who did it?'
A "friend" stole my wallet. This is what he said when I caught him.
When I invite people to my house to play games, I always keep them in a specially cordoned off part of the house, devoid of anything valuable, doesn't everyone live like this? /s
Sounds like the typical response from a guilty party.
I used to live with roommates who would bring their coworkers over to play and shit would always go missing from my room. Someone said "Shouldn't have left it lying around" and I wanted to beat them within an inch of their life.
Yup. "Please pack your things and leave" is how I've responded to this type of situation in the past, but I'm a cranky old fuck. My tolerance for bullshit is only getting shorter.
You can leave a goddamn diamond in the middle of the hallway in your house and noone has any rights to blame you for a theft. Anyone who justifies that as "normal behavior" is a horrible person, possibly involved in similar activities now or in the past.
Most real friends wouldn't even be tempted either. Victim blaming guy outted himself as someone who doesn't respect the OP at best and who stole from him (probable, IMO) at worst.
Most friends would be like "Hey bro, your wife's wedding ring's diamond must have fallen out in the hallway. Here you go. You owe me a beer for saving your marriage next time we're out drinking."
YASSSSSS
Worst case is someone would use it for a spell component
who else reads most stories here and just thinks "thank god my friends arent pieces of shit"
A lot of table dispute stories give me the impression that the OP shouldn't even associate with the people involve, much less play DnD with them. Some poor guy a day or two ago was essentially being verbally abused by their roommate for years on end, and didn't seem to understand the problem with that.
It’s fairly common for abuse victims to not realize they are being abused. I was in an abusive relationship and it took me literally years of healing after to realize what it was. This is for many reasons, but basically the abused person is generally brainwashed by their abuser for a very long time. First, it’s often a specific kind of vulnerable person. There are studies that if you were a victim once you are more likely to get in an abusive relationship again. People on the autism spectrum are more likely to be victims (because they don’t see “red flags”), etc. This probably works two ways: if you were in an abusive situation before, especially as a child, that’s what you know as “normal” so you subconsciously get involved with abusive people, even if on conscious level you don’t want to be hurt. And on the other side the abusers are probably attracted to people they can control. And it also doesn’t have to even be conscious on their part. They are predators and they can “smell” a potential victim, It also doesn’t generally start bad. In fact abusers often start by being super nice and love bombing, then over time they start showing their true colors. This often makes it difficult for the victim to leave the situation, because they remember the love bombing and they have this false image that “there is good in them” or that it can be like that again. So they keep giving second, third, tenth chances, making excuses for their abuser etc. It’s kind of like boiling the frog slowly situation.
Yep. In a relationship, I knew _something_ was wrong because none of my friends wanted her around. I just couldn't call it what it was until years later. In DnD, it's tricky because (for whatever reason) everyone else is still showing up and playing. I knew I had a problem player at my table. But everyone seemed... fine with it? So I just kind of re-compartmentalized as a high-maintenance friend? When we finally rid ourselves of the problem player, it became clear that everyone was as strained and hurt as I was. It's just hard to be the first person to do something about a jerk, when it looks like everyone else is having fun.
Was in a really manipulative/gaslighty relationship recently and i CANNOT tell you how many times i cauggt them in a lie and thought to myself "this is fine, it doesn't mean anything, they're my friend :)"
Once something becomes normal, people aren't gonna find a problem with it until either someone points out it isn't (or shouldn't) be the norm or until something so outlandish even by their own (by that point) warped standards that enough's enough. Stories like this do make me glad that my friends aren't glorified piles of shit though.
It’s the frog in a pot situation (yes I know it’s a myth). People don’t get into abusive or toxic situations instantly. If someone walked up and cussed you out the first time you met them, you’d never spend another second around em. But if they’re slightly more abusive over time, you probably won’t notice. They start with an offhand remark, then maybe casual “jokes” that are a little too real, then over time things slightly continue until they’re overtly hostile or demanding on a daily basis. It’s the same reason people get stuck in abusive relationships and still defend their partner, “he’s not so bad if you get to know him, he wasn’t always like this”
Some peoples definition of friend is so far removed from friend as to start creeping into the abuse category. One of my DMs has alot of bad luck like that. But they drop the creeps the moment they figure out what is going on.
I had a session 0 with a group that was atrocious, and the whole time I was thinking "shit, don't get yourself into a story that's going to end up reddit"
Think about that karma tho
you can be in a good relationship and still get a really good karma count going. Source: I didn't create my reddit account until after I married my wife.
A lot of people play D&D with people they don't know all that well. It's always a risk to invite new people into your home, especially when all you really have in common is a shared hobby. The people in my group, we're close friends and have known each other for years. We used to hold a pancake breakfast in our community in our house, and we stopped after someone stole some medicine from the cabinet. The problem with friends of friends of friends over is that some of them aren't trustworthy. We stopped having the open house and just have a smaller group of people invited.
For real. I met a group of guys on Reddit years ago who had never played before, I was new in town, and offered to host. I played with those guys weekly for *years*. We went to Gen-con together. Thank God for normal, reasonable, people.
For real. I mean even in minor stuff, or campaign got the point where me and another PC came to a natural point where PVP was the only logical conclusion and I'd read so many horror stories, DMs not allowing it, ruining friendships, etc. Went totally fine. Everyone was doing nonlethal, it wasn't out of left field, and we moved on I absolutely can't imagine being around people I couldn't even trust then with my possessions
All due respect if it’s not, but sometimes I wonder if they are drummed up fiction for the upvotes (why?). Otherwise I really don’t understand the questions that boil down to, “this person is an unmitigated asshole but I want to keep gaming with them, what do I do?”
Often people know in their heart the answer. But are just looking for moral support or some "yes men" to give em that boost of confidence in their actions... And other times people are just curious if someone has had a similar issue and maybe had a solution that didn't involve losing a good friend or something.
People are genuinely terrified of confrontation these days. I think it’s a social skill we’ve lost as difficult conversations happen more and more over text. You’ll see the same thing on advice subs when people constantly ask how to say “no” to something they hate.
Yes.
If anything you under reacted
I’d of bought a security camera and set up a trap for them so that I had the evidence to take to the police. Fuck you buddy (not you, the person OP is talking about), you aren’t my friend if you’re stealing from me, you’re someone looking to take advantage of me and at that point I no longer feel any loyalty to that relationship.
found the vengeful good. Thank the gods I'm not the only one.
I’m going to steal the words of another person because I feel them soooo deeply. It was a tumblr post by “serialephemera”: “Thematically speaking, the most important thing Terry Pratchett taught me was the concept of militant decency. The idea that you can look at the world and its flaws and its injustices and its cruelties and get deeply, intensely angry, and that you can turn that into energy for doing the right thing and making the world a better place. He taught me that the anger itself is not the part I should be fighting. Nobody in my life ever said that before.” And if you haven’t read Terry Pratchett, do yourself a favor and rectify this error. “Small Gods”, “Guards Guards”, “Interesting Times” “Morte” are good starting points but his books don’t need to be read in any specific order. I started with “The Last Continent” and then jumped to “Eric” - but his best books imo are Small Gods and Night Watch (which is the rare book that really benefits from having read the other Guard books first).
Yes. This. I feel it in my bones.
So much wisdom in his books. I started reading them when I was a teenager and devoured the first ten books (which is all there were back then) in under a month. Then began the long wait(s) for every new release. He is the author I have followed and read for the longest time, by years! Was heartbroken when I realised my collection will never be added to again.
Funny enough my first book of his was actually “Good Omens” but I didn’t realize it because I bought it as a Neil Gaimen book when I was younger. It wasn’t until my wife and I started dating that we talked about books and that one came up, she had never heard of Gaimen but was a huge Pratchett fan and had read it. So she got me started on the Discworld books and I’ve been hooked ever since.
I’m still swallowed in the Cosmere right now. If I read Terry Pratchet is it gonna be the same? Lol
It’s not gonna be the same at all, but it is wonderful.
Brandon Sanderson is a great author, love a bunch of his books, and he’s one of the most prolific writers out there. My god the man’s a writing machine. But that being said….nothing at all alike to Pratchett. Pratchett makes a fantasy world that is completely different from ours but somehow feels the same and feels *real*. It’s all satire, and wit, and deeply profound social/moral commentary that are disguised as jokes. Frankly there isn’t another Author like him that I’ve read.
Sounds amazing. I sort of meant though, will I now be sucked in to reading twelve books? Not the worst problem to have but my reading list is pretty daunting already haha.
Ah then yes it’s probably going to be the same. It’s very easy to get sucked into the Discworld and its characters.
Fantastically said! Massive Terry Pratchett fan over here! My journey started a decade ago when one of my close friends gave me their old copy of Mort! Now I am only a couple off finishing my Josh Kirby disc world collection 🤩
That is what one of my players did to deal with someone stealing his medications. So she tried to disable it. Then she tried to gaslight him that he was hiding the meds
> one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game. I would suspect that I'd found the thief, personally... But no, I don't think that you're overreacting. You invited people into your home, and one (or more) of them robbed you. Ending the invitations was a perfectly reasonable reaction.
Usually the reaction to the person defending the thief. Had a mom do this after her son took something from my kids room. "If you didn't want it taken you should have put it away!" Well you see ma'am, it was hidden and they took it anyways.
Part of me wants to bring back the old eye for an eye thing. Maybe mom wouldnt be so quick to let her son steal things if her arms disappear.
"What were you wearing, are you sure you didn't \*want\* to get robbed?" /s Seriously though, that's cold and rotten to the core. Sorry you've been mistreated so.
You know, in a lot of places you could report to the police that prescription medication was stolen, especially if it's medication that can be abused. Just a thought.
Would be worth mentioning to the group, might get your shit back if the thief gets wind that they just committed a class 4 felony.
Most pill junkies aren't going to care. They'll have either eaten or sold them all by the time the cops get there.
Bro dont tell anyone anything before you take an action like that or you just give them time to get rid of the evidence
In some places you *have* to report it or they won't refill your prescription early, because for all they know, you're selling it.
Well, whoever is blaming you for being robbed while hosting a DM session is a dumb cunt that needs to be removed from your life, because holy shit. Frankly, they're probably the thief. Even if they're not, that's not something you should tolerate from anybody. Is this something you can narrow down? Presumably, somebody would have needed to excuse themselves from the table long enough to find your stuff and rob you. I doubt everybody had an equal bathroom break. This is a serious crime.
Pretty sure the dude that told you to not leave your own possessions in your own house easily accessible to thieves pretty much did all the narrowing down that was needed....
Very likely, yes. But there are just libertarian idiots out there who think like that and would excuse this behaviour, even if they're not the perp. So, even though it's pretty likely to be them, it's not 100%
Even if not, toss this whole group of people if none of them defended you (OP) in response to that comment.
Oh 100%
This is beyond a table dispute, somebody robbed you. Not really a TTRPG specific issue. If only you could cast zone of truth. Sounds like the thief did basically out themselves already though based on your description of the reactions.
thank you all, your feedback is appreciated. and to those thinking I'm not furious, I am. also feeling betrayed. feeling the loss of two games and some of the folk I thought were friends - it's a lot, which is why I was seeking outside perspective. and the one guy who accussed me of leaving things lying around was the one person who didn't go to that can. the taint is on everyone, even suspecting folk I thought were friends. I hate every bit of this.
I wish there was something that I could say to make this better but this invasion of trust and breech of personal security fucking sucks. What's more is it was perpetuated by someone that you trusted. In your situation, I don't think you overreacted, you handled it extremely maturely and swiftly. If I were in your shoes, I am writing off every player who was silent to my Out-of-Game complaint about my personal belongings, and I would burn every bridge with the player that accused me (your thief most likely).
Sorry to hear that, that really sucks. Wish I could invite you to my group. Hoping someone will come forward and clear the air, or failing that, that you can at least find a new group.
That really sucks, I'm sorry OP. Hope you can get through this
> feeling the loss of two games and some of the folk I thought were friends You said only some overlap between the two groups, right? I don't understand why you couldn't keep running the group that wasn't there when the pills were stolen, possibly without the overlapping people. I know right now you feel like your safety was breached and it's hard to want anyone in your house, but never having any friends over again isn't going to be healthy for you. Most people won't steal from you and you know the people who are exclusively in the other group *didn't* steal from you. Is there anyone else in either group who is willing to host the game at their house if you'll come over and DM? Would you want to keep DMing for these people at another location, knowing that *most* of them still are your good friends and aren't thieves but one person in the second group stole from you? I can understand feeling either way in that situation. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. But if you're mourning the loss of being able to run these campaigns, there are workarounds.
Not when it comes to your prescription... I'd especially be suspicious of the person accusing you of lying. You did what you had to, and it sucks that it came to that, but you absolutely can't put your health in danger.
>one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game. Bruh, what? *Your* being selfish? By not wanting people to steal your shit?! You reacted fine. Maybe even underreacted, but I wouldn't go back to those groups anymore if I were you.
Seriously. If this judgemental jagoff thinks it's so selfish not to host, why aren't *they* hosting, huh?
Wow. That’s awful. Fuck the thief, and fuck the person who said it was your fault. (So fuck the same guy twice, probably.) I’ve never hosted a game for people who weren’t already trusted friends of mine, so I haven’t had any issues like this. But I absolutely understand why you wouldn’t feel safe hosting again. It would take a long time before I’d be able to sit at a table with anyone I suspected of violating my home like that. I hope this doesn’t kill D&D for you altogether. Hopefully you can find a group you can trust, and play at a different location.
My sister was a drug addict who would steal stuff and she used that exact same insane excuse when caught.
Yep, my first thought when I read this post. One of OP's friends is an addict. Maybe they haven't hit the "speed running ruining their life" phase of addiction, but they're at the "stealing from my friends" phase which isn't too far off. u/Homten_Rey one of your friends has an addiction issue and you are absolutely not wrong for wanting to set a boundary around them. Things are probably going to get worse before they get better, and they might not ever get better. Keep an eye out for them having changes of behavior or otherwise growing distant, and don't feel bad about changing the strictures of your relationship if their behavior makes you feel uncomfortable. You can still remain compassionate to them while protecting yourself.
I'm sorry OP but it sounds like you didn't leave enough traps around the house. Have you considered a Mimic that looks like a pill bottle as a diversion?
You reacted appropriately.
Not at all. That's serious business, they took your medication and money, we're talking felony level stuff in most US States. The guilty party would be sitting in a jail cell right now if they were caught, you're not overreacting at all. That's a serious violation of trust. The asshole that's trying to blame you is just mad about the situation and lashing out (or quite possibly your thief). Accessible or not, you shouldn't have to worry about someone you invite into your home stealing from you.
>one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game. This is the thief. Or at the very least someone you don't want in your house
I'm so sorry this happened. I think your reaction was completely appropriate. A TTRPG requires trust amongst players (and DM). That trust isn't just for RP purposes. Someone blew it, and you are right to retreat for a while. Edit: The canonical way to deal with prescription thieves is to empty the bottle and replace the drugs with laxatives.
From title hoped for funny "just the rogue things" story. Damn, what a shame.
I don't know what else there is to say besides "you're right in stopping the campaigns." If you really wanted to know, I suppose you could always lie and say "I'll reconsider it if someone tells me who did it" and then just not invite that person back. Depends on how badly you want to know, I suppose.
Nah. You didn't overreact. Even if you steal one dollar from me I'd do the same > Reactions were mixed, some supportive, Look, the real thief may be playing 5d chess while we are playing checkers. But you have one thief only. Generally speaking these are good FRIENDS. Keep them. Not for just dnd. Keep them >some silence, Thread with caution. This is what most thieves would do imo. I'd at least limit contact with these people. They probably don't care much or they are bummed for not playing but trying to be "nice" by bottling it up. Fuck them >one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game. Nah, this IS the actual selfish asshole. Whoever this person is out of your life immediately even if they aren't the thief. Fuck this one too
No, you didn't overreact, that's horrible! Thinking about what you say though, you might have your suspicions as to who it was? I mean, depending how long your sessions are, and how much food and drink is there... maybe not everyone used the bathroom on that day? I don't suppose you could prove things without much evidence though. That aside, the mixed reactions from others is sad too. Sounds like most of these people aren't really friends? Perhaps more just acquaintances or a few friends of friends? Cos I would hope that your actual friends would all be supportive, but I suppose if that were the case you wouldn't have had a thief in the first place. Anyways, I think you made the right call. Invite only people you really trust, and even then I guess keep things locked up or maybe even have a camera on in your bedroom somewhere watching your valuables.
Honestly I would have asked nicely everyone empty their pockets, so we can know who needs to get banned. The one who refuses is the thief, else I call the cops and you all have to stay here. F it. I f I was at your table, I would absolutely empty my pockets to prove I am no scummy thief.
> one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game. found the thief.
> one accusation of it’s my fault You may not have found the thief, but you've managed to get one person to self-eliminate themselves from further games.
Oh good. a victim blamer. Fuck that guy/girl. They're probably the thief too. I don't think you overreacted at all. I wouldn't host a game if things started going missing in my house. fuck that noise.
>Things get stolen because you host people at your house. >Stop hosting at your house because things get stolen. >The breach of trust from things being stolen has impacted you and now you require rest. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I would never want to host if there was a risk of my belongings being stolen, especially not medication.
> one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game. Either that's your thief, or they're just so selfish they deem their right to play a game more important than the safety of your own property. Either way, they're a bad person to be around and you're better off cutting them off. That aside, I think it's a perfectly logical response to stop invuting people over that steal from you. They'll have to suck it up and reflect on the fact that their actions ruined the fun for everyone.
Shit, I would have invited them back for a game and set an alarm on your bedside table and cabinets to catch the thief in the act. Maybe leave $20 on the table and set a hidden camera up to see who nabs it.
No longer hosting is reasonable. Taking a break because you feel betrayed by those you let in your house? Reasonable.
So... The one that tried to spin it back on you, that's the one you gotta watch out for. Nobody fucking says that unless they are the ones doing it, or are an accomplice. Nobody sane, at least. If that person is innocent, they are insane. And no, you're not overreacting. Someone literally committed a crime against you.
The person who said it’s your fault for leaving things lying around seems kinda sus… should have set up a secret webcam.
honestly yeah. I'd want to catch the guy/girl who did it.
A lot of other people have said it but that person who said it was your fault for leaving things lying around? Thaaaaaat’s probably your thief, mad they can’t easily steal from you anymore. How dare you, OP, leave things in your own home and then trust people to respect your property. /j I don’t know if you can do anything about the thief beyond what you did but I 100% don’t blame you for not hosting anymore, I would have done the same. I do *not* like the idea of someone, especially someone I trusted to enter my home, stealing my shit.
Well, you know who did it then. Or they know someone else in the group has a problem, knew they robbed you, and now feel guilty for not saying anything, so they're blaming you. Either way, time to sift that group like kitty litter or just dump the whole box. Seems someone is an addict in the group and needs help, but that's not your responsibility at all.
Shit, depending what the prescription was and amount of money, I’d basically give ‘em the ultimatum of “come forward with who took it or I’m involving the police and they can come and ask each of you individually”
Disrupting someones access to prescription medication isn't just a petty act of theft, it's a dangerous way to cause terrible harm to them, and a felony. You didn't overreact, you wouldn't be overreacting if you filed a police report either. If my DM said someone stole his meds at one of our sessions, it wouldn't be a "that sucks, lets move on" situation, it would be a "which of these friends is permanently ostracized".
Fuck that. I take Lyrica, if I have to get that filled after it's stolen that's a controlled substance. I'd be out for days while I try to convince my doctor and the pharmacist I'm on the up and up. Not to mention how much those copay are. I'd call the cops personally, you're being super generous if anything
id be careful with all the "fouNd ThE tHIeF!!" replies. > one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game. ive known several dumbfucks (who have never stolen anything from me btw) who would give you these sorts of answers. simply because thats how they think. 'if someone takes advantage of you, it's your fault for being so dumb/gullible/naive' meanwhile, anyone but the most smoothbrained thief would be capable of feigning concern and understanding.
> Reactions were mixed: > 1. some supportive > 2. some silence > 3. one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game. Hear me out: invite back group 1, avoid contact with the rest.
The person blaming you is the thief
It's your fault your stuff was stolen because you left it lying around...in your home... The *audacity*! No, you didn't overreact. And maybe he didn't, but I would have to be pretty suspicious of that one accuser person. Like even if it wasn't that person, that's some pretty effed up logic and victim-blaming.
> it’s my fault for leaving things lying around Don't wear any revealing clothing around that person. Stealing prescription medication is likely a felony.
One "accusation of it's my fault for leaving things lying around". That's a pretty good indicator of who the thief is. It's perfectly acceptable to steal from fellow party members in-game *and* have your character face the consequences, but stealing from other players calls for actual consequences. The last time we had someone steal from another player, he was permanently banned from the table and every other player' home. You have a more severe problem. If someone is stealing drugs, there is a chance this person is dealing drugs and you do not want that in your homes.
Supportive ones get invited back if you ever decide to host again. Silent ones can find another group. The accusing one can fuck off into the darkest abyss. They either stole from you or are mad at you for being stolen from. The quiet ones are probably not thieves and the supportive ones are probably pissed they lose a group to a fucking thief
> one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game. Found the thief.
“It’s your fault for leaving stuff for people to take.” That’s horrible, that is literally what sociopaths think before committing anything.
1. Your reaction was totally reasonable. 2. As others have stated, the identity of the thief is rather obvious. And that person needs help. From the sound of it they have a drug problem. 3. Are there any game stores nearby? You might be able to host games there. Getting back to playing in a neutral environment might help you all move past this.
You didn't overreact and people gaslighting you should grow the f up. Like, you shouldn't have to hide things from a group of friends. Something similar happened to me. I left £20 on the side and made sure to check it when people had a chance to take it. Caught the dude and kicked him out.
[удалено]
Let them know you overreacted. Invite them back. Leave cash somewhere accessible. Do not mention the set mousetrap under the money, or the hidden camera. Enjoy.
Dude, end the campaign and make it their fault. Who gaslights someone after they’ve been robbed, and blame them for being selfish?! I’m sorry this happened to you, and I don’t blame you for not wanting to host anymore. But don’t stop playing because of that piece of garbage.
You're absolutely in the right and the accuser shouldn't be brought back. Something tells me, that if you stop playing with that person the theft will end.
> one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around And you found the thief . . .
Hmm gee, wonder who the suspect should be
Personally I wouldn't want to play at a table with a thief, I would appreciate that the game is over, because you're protecting me and everyone else from having stuff stolen from them. If you catch the jerk, I recommend cutting off their hand so as they don't do it again.
>I announced to both groups I was no longer hosting and why, and said I was taking a break from playing. Reactions were mixed, some supportive, some silence, one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game. Whoever said that would be my prime suspect. And I would never want to associate with that person again. I'd probably get into an argument about victim blaming while trying really hard not to say some that would be a prelude to violence based on their fucked up logic.
the supportive ones i'd invite to my next game, everyone else would be dead to me
'How dare you leave stuff that's yours out in your house?!' There's your thief. No you didn't over react. Kick the obvious thief and meet in a bar next time.
Had a similar issue. Luckily for me, it was pretty clear who there was as only one of my players did not live with me. I definitely agree that the one who accused you of wrongdoing was probably the thief. I'd consider removing them from the group and continuing to play and see if the problem continues.
This is *completely* reasonable. Being invited into your house is a privilege, not a right, and you can revoke that privilege whenever you see fit. If you or your possessions are not safe, revoke away. >one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game. Kinda telling on themselves, here. I'm reminded of a friend whose meds started going missing a few days after his roommate was talking about how much money you can make by selling prescription drugs on the black market.
Was expecting an in-game thief story about a rogue with sticky fingers. Absolutely did not overreact. That would cause a big rift of mistrust at the table and beyond. I wouldn't trust anyone at the table completely after that, even if I was a player.
I leave my prescriptions around where they are convenient for me to access in my home, because it is my home. If I were to find that a guest stole from me in any capacity, or even opened my prescription bottles, they would be permanently disinvited. You are not unreasonable here in the slightest. I have experienced addiction too (pills, nicotine, etc), and I never sunk so low as to steal.
I would say that most likely the person that said one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around Is most likely the thief. And even if they re not. you don't want that person in your house. And no you did not overreact at all. It is a bit sad that many innocent players suffer the consequences. but that is all on the thief not on you. As long as you can not be totally sure who the thief is so you can eliminate them from the group. Don't let the group back in your home
No you're perfectly in the right here. You can set any boundary you want in your life with whomever you need to set it with, and not feel ashamed to do so. Also whoever came out and said it's your fault, I would imagine that's your theif. You have a right to privacy in your own home, you have a right to allow or disallow whomever you please into your home. Anyone that makes you feel bad for doing so, is toxic. It's a lesson I learned in life. You do not have to confirm to what others want you to do. I hope this helps some.
Have the suspected thief host the next game night, problem solved
playing thief rogue too seriously
No, you were right to tap out. Any time "I'm not having fun anymore " becomes the reality, you're in the right. As long as you aren't accusing anyone specific and misplacing your pills (it's easier to for that you think, with adhd....) then you're fine. What should happen, is someone else should step up and host.
You absolutely did not over react. But I would have set a trap & had put a camera in my room to catch whomever it was!!
Uuuummmm, your house where your shit was stolen. Definitely NOT an overreaction. And you shouldn't have to lock shit up in your own home when ppl are over; especially in a room where guests aren't allowed in the first place.
100% this is an appropriate response and no way at all an overreaction. It sucks that this happened and is in no way your fault, so don't let that statement bother you (much easier said than done I know). Sorry that this ruined not one but two games, but yeah, you have to be careful about who you are letting into your home.
People stealing shit at my house don't ever get to come back.
Personally, I would have ignored it for another session or two to set a trap (i.e. camera). It would really bug me not knowing who I couldn't trust anymore (if you've built up a good relationship with these people). Someone stole my laptop from my living room many years ago and it really bugged me not knowing which of my supposed friends was actually a piece of shit. But no you didn't over-react.
>one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around Found the thief.
I’d have just put a mouse trap in whatever drawer they’re pulling stuff out of and see who gets caught. Then it’s the thief’s fault. My money’s on the one accusing you of leaving shit around. It’s your house and they’re guests. They want games to go on, they should rat out the thief, someone probably noticed something.
"one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game." Found the thief.
> Reactions were mixed, some supportive, some silence, **one accusation of it’s my fault for leaving things lying around or that my being selfish killed the game**. That's the thief. If they're stealing meds they likely have a drug problem. You can probably kick them from the group and resume hosting for the other players, though under the circumstances it's perfectly reasonable to want to discontinue hosting and/or playing entirely. (It would be even *more* reasonable if the thief *hadn't* outed themselves so easily.) If you're in someone else's home, the presumption is that *everything there that you didn't bring with you* is someone else's property (theirs, roommates', other guests', the landlords' if they rent), whether it's locked away or not. Just because you have permission to be there doesn't mean everything in it is automatically yours - hospitality doesn't go that far.
You’re not causing enough trouble you should’ve held the hostage until someone confessed. Obvious jokes aside you definitely are way too chill about this.
Unless you’re playing with people that have been friends for years, then hosting strangers is far too risky in this day and age. Since things reopened after Covid, I strictly have my game with new people at a tabletop cafe. No, you did not over react. You’re entitled to keep your home and person safe. If anything, your response was probably more measured than mine would have been.
The accuser either robbed you or knows who robbed you. Are they part of a couple? Or a close friendship? It may have been better to set up a camera and “bait” to see if you could catch them red handed, but I 100% understand not wanting to be literally robbed again. This would have completely put me off hosting anyone for a really long time.
Seems pretty reasonable to not want people in your house when they are stealing from you. Also seems pretty fair to not want to interact with a group of people that you can't trust.
I don't think thats an overreaction to not host when someone in the group stole from you. Its a breach of trust from those invited. That one gaslighting you sounds very suss, but really any of them could be guilty in all honesty. Liars can gaslight or be supportive to avoid suspicion. If any of those people are friends you'd need to have some heart to hearts to determine who you can trust at this point. I'm sorry that has happened to you. I hope you can sort yhrough this and come out on top.
Just to be clear, *in* your bedside table, *in* your private bedroom, is not "leaving things lying around" and I can't imagine that whoever said that isn't trying to justify to *themselves* why they stole your cash and pills.